C01 - Ep. 58 - Armageddon - You Shall Not Pyous Pass
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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Salutations to all you invisible stalkers. Slink on in to the stinky dragon. Throw back our latest thirst quencher, Retrievement Hunter. It's a mixture of off-tropical juice, red rum webs, face berry jam topped with annual wheatgrass.

One sip of this see-through sauce is enough to put anyone back in the game. Previously, our adventurers entered the mystifying Source Monolith and were stupefied by their archenemy, Dors.

After much deliberation, the party dared to finally do something and made their way through four puzzling paradoxes that challenged them to their very core. But in the end, the Infinites came out on top and collected their first Diagem. Can the party prolong this spell of success, or are they doomed to second guess? Pour yourself a pint and let's proceed with this pungent plot.

Doors. Doors. It's true. I think that's our greatest enemy in this campaign. More so than Paralite. Do you know how like Jeff with Bleepface has managed to turn nonsensical items into merchandise? Like at RTX, they sold...

Grown tube. Well, no. Yeah. But they also sold a bread bag clip. Yeah. Like one of those tiny little guys? The little plastic square ones? Oh, my God. So counter offer, could we sell Stinky Dragon doorknobs? No, no. Or hinges. I feel like a hinge would be actually pretty useful. Even better, a door knocker. A door knocker. Ooh. I'll ask Merch if they...

There's an opportunity for any of those items to be personalized. How about just a friggin' axe? In case of door. Just a fire axe. We're just selling fire axes. That should be fine, right? There's no legality issue behind that. We're good. Did we beat the doors? You tell me what happened. I don't know. We got the die gem and it's in my arm now. We recorded that 700 weeks ago.

Pre-RTX, so we're all like, yeah, our brains have reset. Thank you to everyone who came out to RTX. Yeah, and if you're at the Seeky Dragon panel, especially a big thank you to you. And thank you to you, Blaine. Thank you for coming. Hey, Barb, thank you. Gus, you could have taken the day off, but, you know. Micah, thank you, though.

Well, speaking of diagems and your arm, Kyborg. Kyborg, you place the ruby gemstone inside the hole in your prosthetic right arm. You feel a heartbeat thump throughout your body like a drum, and in an instant you see your parents and your sister standing before you. Their bodies are misty and reddish like rose-colored ghosts. All three of them are beaming at you, and you think you spot a tear in your mother's eye. We couldn't be prouder of you, little Kai. We always have been.

And we always will be. She turns to look at the rest of you. Thank you for watching over Kaidelius and being there for him through thick and thin. It's clear the four of you have a special bond. And she looks back at you, Kaiborg. We love you, Kai. We never left. We will always be right here. She reaches out and touches your chest, and with that, the three of them melt away into snow. Aww.

Man, that's gonna make me cry. Can I do a backflip for mom? Before she disappears? Sure, go ahead and make an athletics check. Mom, mom, mom, look, look, look, look.

Oh, it's a three plus seven, ten. Oh, no. What's a ten? You're distracted by the tears in your eyes. But you managed to land it. It's not your best work, but maybe the snow was a little deeper than you expected where you landed. But you managed to stick it. She gives an understanding smile. It's kind of like when you put your hand out and you kind of waffle it back and forth. She's like, eh. Eh.

Good job, honey. The kyborg we knew and loved. Yeah. I really want there to be fan art of kyborg in the snow and then his family up in the clouds like Mufasa and the Lion King. Remember. Remember who you are. I was thinking like the force ghosts at the end of Return of the Jedi. Oh, 100%. Except for red, which is, you know, yeah. So they're evil. No.

They're good. They're Sith. I am very swept up in the emotions of this moment, and I decide to hug each and every member of my team. Oh.

What's that roll for? I'm going to roll for a dexterity to dodge. I just had a sentimental moment. I didn't roll. I hugged you harder. Gum Gum wants to hug back and he cries some too. And then he goes, I'm sorry, K-Pork. I know how much it hurts to have a family reappear and then disappear. And I'm

I'm so sorry. I've never forgiven you for that. You totally blew combat that mission. I hated you so much, but it's okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Bart goes in to hug Kyborg, but only gets around his leg because he's very small. All right. Yeah, so you guys go ahead and decide to... It sounds like you need the rest, so...

You all go ahead and you can take a long rest there. Wee. Camping near the knoll there in the everwinter woods. Bart pulls out his little sleep mask and carries around with him. It's canon. Does it look like a raccoon mask? What?

I was gonna say my sleep mask is just gumbo just lying right over my face. It's not the best smelling mask Mine is just an eye mask, but it's with eyes pictures of eyes that are open on the outside of it Just in case any enemies approach gum gums would be a mask with eye holes cut out The cheeks it's just a domino mask

Kaiborg, you feel a little different. It feels almost like your heart is beating to a new rhythm and you find it invigorating. If you had to guess, it feels like your body suddenly has more resiliency, more stamina.

Okay, I thought there were heart palpitations, but I'll take this instead. No, you got unlimited power. Yeah, you got a diadem in your arm. I thought John said, you're going to die. You're going to die. A gem? Can I, like, perceive, like, I'm not asking for stat building or anything, but can I perceive how that's going to impact me or, like, what that might mean down the road? Make a medicine check. See if you can shoot a laser out of your arm.

12. He poops his pants. Your medicine check's better than your athletics check. Maybe it's time for Kyborg to pursue a new career. His family always wanted him to be a doctor. Mud, you too? Yeah, I checked his medicine. Well, your roll's not as good as Kyborg. Kyborg can tell better. Maybe it's because he's the one being affected by it. But

But from a meta game perspective, your constitution ability score increases by two. Wow. Holy crap. You have advantage with constitution ability checks and saving throws, and you are resistant to poison damage. Is this permanent for him? He's got that gem in him. Unknown. Okay. I'm so powerful. So these aren't changes he's making to his character sheet? For now. For now. Okay. Okay.

For now. Yeah. I'm assuming that it's only while I possess the Diagem, but I don't think it'll be long-term. So should I actually add that on? Sorry for mitigating. Should I add? Yeah. Okay. It's okay to ask that. You should have an item in your inventory you can add called Source Diagem. Oh, okay. And then if you do that, it should automatically modify all that stuff. Oh, that's nice. That's handy. Thank you for reminding me, Micah. I forgot. It's like right in front of me in giant text text.

Add item. Have cyborg equipment. It's literally what it says. I'm going to add it to equipment and then I'm going to activate it and ooh, I feel so good. Gum Gum's still hugging him. He's like, wow, you're flexing hard. Wait, no, that came out wrong. I guess Gum

Gum Gum's still hugging him and he's like, "Wow, Kyborg is strong." Is that a die gem in your pocket? Yeah. Kyborg, I gotta say, I like the bling. Thank you, thank you. So where are we again? We're in the Everwinter Woods. Say that 10 times fast. We're in the Everwinter Woods. Everwinter Woods, Everwinter Woods. What do we do now? We've got one of the gems. Is there a chance

that the way the diagems might work is that I've read in these little books before that, uh, gems like this, if you have one, it helps you find the next one. Do you feel, uh, drawn to a certain direction? Uh, I stick my robot arm out and then I try to perceive if that is the case. Uh, make a perception check. Oh, okay. I try to perceive. Make a perception check. Whoa! Eight. Uh,

Uh, no, it doesn't seem to be really guiding you one way or another. Make a wisdom check. It's a 12. You remember there was something you were using to help you find your way, Kyborg. The bow. The bow. Say it in gum gum voice. The bow. The bow. The bow and arrow. The bow and arrow.

I'm holding out my arm and I say, I think it's gum gum. It's right. It's on your back. Get it, gum gum. It's on your back. Chris is actually turning around in his chair. He was. So while he's doing spinnies, I guess I pull out my old bow. And see if that's...

See how that works. You pull out that little baby bow, and as you're using it to try to find your way, you feel it growing larger in your hand. You look down at it, and the wooden twine starts to frost over and turn a shade of icy blue. And before you know it, the entire weapon transforms into none other than your mother's bow, the longbow crystallina. Oh!

Oh my god. I'm getting all these gifts and they're so cool. Yo, did you steal that? Did your mom give you permission to touch that? Did you ask your mom? This has got to be my inheritance. It's the only thing else I got. You can add that, by the way, as well in your inventory. Ooh, baby. All right.

Damn, I got nothing from Captain Marge. You got a sea shanty. Yeah, that's true. Kyborg, there should be a description on that item you can read as well. Sure. Let me activate that. I could tell whose parents loved it more.

I'm going to tune that. Oh, it looks so sick. Okay. This bow is crass. Take that again. Part two. Part two. This bow is crafted by Kristalina of Everwinter using the frosty conifers of the Everwinter woods. What's a conifer? What's a conifer? I was about to ask you, Blaine. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. What's a conifer? It's a conifer. Like that kid in class who's like. It's, yes. Coniferous. Coniferous trees. It's a tree. Yeah. It's a kind of, like a class of trees. That's what I thought it was. Conifer. Conifer.

Way to go, Tim. When you use this weapon to make a ranged attack, you can, as a comment phrase, say, forever winter. The target of your attack becomes your sworn enemy until it dies or until dawn seven days later. Wow. You can have only one such sworn enemy at a time. When your sworn enemy dies, you can choose a new one after the next dawn. When you make a ranged attack roll with this weapon against your sworn enemy, you have advantage on the roll.

In addition, your target gains no benefit from cover other than total cover and you suffer no disadvantage due to long range. If the attack hits, your sworn enemy takes an extra 3d6 cold damage. While your sworn enemy lives, you have disadvantage on attack rolls with all other weapons. Hmm. Okay. This sounds strong. It sounds fun. I kind of

Road Triumph. Why? I'm sorry. Because if I get bonus damage anytime I kill something... I mean, is there maybe a situation where this goes better than the other one? Definitely. Sounds like this one also has some bonus damage. Yeah, I was going to say. 3d6 cold damage if it's my sworn enemy, but if it's not my sworn enemy... Because I like to switch around a lot, so I think I'll...

I'm gonna use the heck out of this thing, but I think I'll probably switch back and forth, depending on the situation. If it's multiple enemies, then for sure I'm gonna be switching around, but if it's like one boss, definitely using... I'm sure that's what your mom would want. Thanks, Mom. My bow's better. I feel like I'm spitting in not only my fictional mom's face, but my Gus's face. Oh yeah, Gus looks like... You can't see him because you're at home. Gus looks like he just drank a cup of lemon juice. He's like...

He's just so upset. Actually, I'm happy to hear that. I think the thought was that we didn't want either Bo to be like, you're exclusive. Like, this is badass. This is the best thing. We thought that it would be good to have a compromise where you're like situationally like,

which one do i need to use and it's not just like one super op weapon but rather you're forced to make a choice depending on the situation you're in is the longbow is that two-handed so can you swap it in and out in battle yeah it would be an action yeah it'd be an action i think swap weapon yeah so i'm gonna i'm gonna activate this one for now like i mean we're gonna test it out okay is there any chance that your mother's ball is pointing you in a direction now we need to find the other gems right

Mark, you're getting a message. Oh, on my sending stone? Yeah. I hold it up to my ear. Please advise. Travel due west to Winder Canyon. Find guide for Flats of T'Bool in Pius Pass. May Dyer be with you. Oh, we got to go back to... We got to go to Wiener Canyon. Winder Canyon. We have to go back to Pius Pass is what we have to do. Sorry, new Raku this. Oh, man, you just burned it.

And that's you, you. I don't press send. I don't press send. Delete. Stupid joke. Stupid joke. Uh,

Um, Mud turns back into a giant bat because he can tell he's going to have to lug you guys around again. What's the plan? I guess, I mean, yeah, are we heading back to, so we're heading to Pius Pass. We got to go to Winder Canyon. Well, we need to find a guide. What was the message? Well, good thing Bart has a great memory. And here's the message again. Let me give it to you in Dr. Ahem's voice. Gus ain't going to give it to you.

Gus, if you'd like the story to progress, you might want to give it to us again. Is there a role for memory? It said West, right? Due West, yes. Please advise, travel due West.

to winder canyon i just wanted someone to say the direction yeah i knew that it was west find guide for flats of tabool in pious path may dia be with you why are we going to winder canyon if we need to go to pious pass maybe it's i'm assuming we need to stop at pious pass first get a guide then go to wiener canyon well from a geography perspective winder canyon is like the larger

area, the larger land area where Pius Pass is located. Pius Pass is a city located in the land of Winder Canyon. I figured. Alright, so everybody needs to load back up. We're going for a trip and we're heading back to Pius Pass. How did we leave relations in Pius Pass last time we left? Let's not worry about that now. I think we might have left Pius Pass not on the best terms. Everyone has a short

Memories. Yeah, they're probably thinking about some new drama in the headline. We go west. Load up. Are you going to go by air? Are you going to go by land? How are you going to do this? You turned into an owl, so I see you going by air again. Are we flying on you? I don't know. What's the team think is the safe route? Yeah, we fly. Okay. Fly. Fly.

Let's fly. We're flying. Is everyone going to get on? Oh, you said an owl, right? Bat. Bat. I get on his neck. No, no. Everyone's getting on Mutt's back. We have the ship. No, we're getting the ship. We have the ship. But I still want to ride Mutt. Before I get back on the ship, I take in the Everwinter Wounds one last time. I really just look around. I think you got to say that again. I... But...

Take two. Okay. Before I get back on, I take a long look at the Everwinter Woods before I go, just to kind of have like a, you know, bring it, take in the sights. A moment. It's a very, yeah, it's a very significant place to me. Yeah. Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.

All right. All right. Try to show that Kyborg isn't just a goof. No, no. I got you. He's got feelings. Oh, that's sweet. I'll paint you a picture when we get to the next stop. Oh, thanks, Bart. A photographic memory. Do you remember how to activate your mode of transport? Cowabunga! Did Bart have to say it? I think it was. That's what it was. Yeah, no. Kyborg. It was cowabunga, right? Yeah. Okay. That's what I thought. Anyone can say it. Okay. Okay.

The hemimobile unfurls itself much like a transformer from a small box that you can carry into a giant flying contraption with a space for mud to pull it. So everyone loads up and heads out. I like whenever we make the thumbnails for the episodes and it's a drawing of mud as the animal of that episode because I just saw the last one that was a big old bat. If you want to see the images, you can go to Stinky Dragon Pod on social media. Thanks, Chris.

All right, everybody's loaded up. Just for clarification, you all are flying because you kept saying ship. So I want to make sure. Airship. Airship. Yeah, ships are in the air. Gotcha. I want to make sure, like for our audio listeners, so it's not confusing. I played Mario 3. I know ships can fly. All right. With the mighty flapping of his wings, Mud pulls you all airborne in the Hammobile. Mud, roll me a decent. I'm thinking no. Oh.

If that's an option, then I'll do it. D6. Good old-fashioned normal die. That's a one. Oh. Yeah. You all have a super smooth takeoff, despite Mud's lack of experience with the ship itself and, you know, flying. It seems like he's done this a long time. You all feel very comforted. You're in good wings with Mud. Although, at one point, Mud does the thing where he just goes, and he goes down a little bit to make everybody's lunch just go right up into his throat. He puts his arms up. Whee!

Turbulence. You didn't do your pre-flight conversation talk thing. That's how I sound, apparently. There's no rules that an owl can't pull a glider. I'm a bat. Get my animal right. I could have sworn you said owl the first time. No, I said bat the entire episode. A bat. There's no rules. I like owls. Can you be an owl? Can you be an owl? I can actually.

Have I seen an owl? I've got to have seen an owl at this point, but have I seen a giant owl? There's a giant owl at the apothecary. I think I have seen an owl. Did you know that someone in here is possessed by an owl? Which one of us? I've not seen a giant owl. I've seen a giant bat, though. Oh, okay. So you're a giant bat. You take off into the air. You're cruising smoothly. Do you want to do any in-flight announcements or anything to your passengers?

Thank you for flying Air Mudd. During the fight, Gum-Gum was working on something, and he gives Qyborg a drawing he made of him and his family. Oh! That's the cutest. It looks like a...

Looked maybe like a kindergarten. Like finger painting. He did with berries. You're getting better. Thank you. You were at a preschool level of art previously. Yeah. Make a... What kind of check can we do for that? An art check.

Sleight of hand. Performance. I'm torn between performance and sleight of hand. Let's call it sleight of hand. Ooh, 17. Oh. It's a pretty good drawing. It's not bad. Wow. Hey, this gets an A. This is going in the refrigerator back at home. On the what?

The icebox preserver food. Yeah. Dr. Hem's been working on it. And then I handed you. It's you with your family. That's nice. I roll it up to preserve it. I roll it up and then I put it in my quiver to preserve it. So I don't want any wrinkles on it or any folds. Gotta keep it mint condition. Yeah, we'll hang it as soon as we get back to the castle. I'm picturing the picture as like

Kyborg looking like Kyborg does, but then his parents are just like bigger versions of Kyborg and his dad has a mustache. And his sister's just a smaller version with like a skirt drawn on. That's basically it. Yeah. All right. So yeah, you make your way west. Why?

Winder Canyon isn't super far from Everwinter. After, you know, a brief period of time, you pass over a little bit of water and you see the land below you turn more arid, more like a desert. You see a town in the seemingly vast expanse of wasteland and you recognize it from the air as being Pius Pass. You come in for a landing and Mud, go ahead and roll another decent. Great. Let's see how this landing goes. Four.

As you're coming in to land, maybe it's because of your large size, but you disturb a large flock of birds who take to the air and end up flying straight towards you. Make an athletics check. 21. Oh, yeah. You manage to easily dodge them. I eat one of them. No. And avoid any complications, and you safely land on the ground in Pius X.

A sweltering heat bears down on your necks from the high noon sun. You finally arrive at a long stretch of rusty red canyon walls and snakes as far as the eye can see. As you're walking along the parched soil, you feel your feet sink a few inches as it transitions to balmy sand. Quick sand. Everyone go ahead and roll a perception check.

I was gonna say, I wonder how they're being perceived here, because last time we were here, they hated us. 3, 10, 21, 25. Gum Gum, the stifling heat seems to already be getting to you. You think you see an oasis with palm trees just like 30 feet away.

Let's go over there and take a bath. Mud, from your perspective, it appears you're standing at the northern end of town near the chapel. I mean, I guess what used to be the chapel. There's large stones, pews, and an altar once stood outside. Instead, there's a large wooden building. Cyborg and Bart...

You look past that building and you can see the main thoroughfare and you remember the well in the center of town. To your right you see the barber shop and the little pecker saloon. To your left you know you see the hump house stables, the give-and-take trade out post, and of course on the other end of town is the jailhouse. But to the two of you something's not quite right. It seems almost like a ghost town. The only sound spilling your ears is the whistling of wind and the occasional tumbleweed. We don't see any people? Maybe you see some shadows lurking on the rooftops but that's about it.

Shadows on the rooftops. Could I, since I'm still a bat, could I get a little bit of a bird's eye view of what those shadows might have been? Or a bat's eye view? Yeah. Well, you don't see the shadows. Oh, right. Yeah, you don't see anything. Then I will make no action whatsoever. Hey, uh, mud.

I think we see some shadows walking around. You want to get a bird's eye view of what's going on? Technically, it would be a bat's eye view, but yes, I'd love to go up and do that. How about an owl's eye view? I could. Owls have better vision. I guess you're going to click and get a sonar perspective on anything on top of the... I'm going to click? It's like echolocation. Yeah, you think that bats click? Yeah. Yeah, they make like, eek, eek, click, click, click. I guess I don't think of it as clicking sound. Eek, eek, click, click, eek, eek, eek, eek.

I think of them more like screeching. Do bats fly in the day? They can, yes. They're not like vampires. Assuming they're not rabid. You only see bats in the day when they're like rabid. Yeah, but I'm a giant bat that is a druid, okay? I'm not an actual bat from the land. Giant bats flying in the day. We got to hurry this mission up. He's got to get to a bridge underneath. They totally can. They totally can fly in the day. Why would bats be flying during the day? They can. They're not turtles. They've been separated from their mother. Ha ha ha.

Stop looking. I'm not an actual wild bat. Okay, okay, okay. All right. Because I was flying the ship, right? Yeah, yeah. No, no. I just started thinking about it. I'm sure our listeners are curious. All right. Yeah, go ahead and make an investigation check, Mud. Gus is just upset because you're not an owl.

How much cooler would that be, right? I agree. You know, you get up into the air to try to take a look at the shadows that you were told are on the rooftop. And from your bat's eye perspective or an owl's eye perspective,

You know, you confirm that the town does indeed seem vacant of any local residents. And you spot signs maybe on some of the buildings of like forced entry and burn marks. Like on the roofs? Just in general, all around them. Burn marks. And the only building that seems to be secure from your perspective is the jailhouse.

Even the jailhouse has a giant hole in the top for some reason. Hopefully they've repaired that since then. I think that means we should probably go look at the jailhouse. Let's go look at the jailhouse. You should probably come tell us. I've come down. I'm from on high. Mud, what did you see with your owl eyes? Do you see a pogo stick from up there?

Where did we leave that pogo stick? On the roof. But we told them about it, too. Yeah. Gus didn't want me to have it. So then it shot off into the distance the last time. So, okay. Listeners who might not know, we've been to Pius Pass. We did a whole jail break-in. There's a giant hole in the jailhouse roof where we tried to get in to save. Was it mud? Was it you and me? Or was it Bart?

It was, I think, mud. Yeah, it was me and Gum Gum were in the jail cell. Yeah, so me and Bart were trying to get you guys out, and we had a pogo stick that got lost. That's what I remember about Pius Pass. You and Kyberg were having your little dangle feet off the roof, you know, boy time. Yeah. Yeah.

Our bro time. Yeah. Yeah. Me and, you know, my cool friend, Kyborg. We're just, we're equally as cool. Do y'all remember what you encountered in the jailhouse? I'm just curious. A zombie girl. Zombie. Yeah. Didn't we, wasn't there like a couple of prisoners there that we like took some stuff from their cubbies and stuff like that? Or was that a different? No, that's the other place. That was the Walrus town. Right.

This was the place where it was the sheriff's daughter was a zombie. Zombie and gum gum handcuffed her. So when we last left, that's what was happening. Wasn't it just a bunch of zombies? No, we resolved it and then Paralite took credit for resolving it. Yeah.

The Evergarden showed up. And we got in trouble for our break-in. Yes. All right. So the entire town seems to have some break-ins and some burn marks, so some sort of fight happened here. But the only place that seems to be secure and they successfully repaired the hole in the roof is the prison. Jailhouse. The jailhouse. Should we be sneaky? I don't know. There doesn't seem to be anyone around, so maybe we just walk over. Okay. Okay.

If there's shadows in the tops, though, I mean, there's something. Someone's watching us. Something. All right, let's go. And Gum Gum starts walking. We should just act natural. What's the marching order? Could I maybe hover above everybody? Air support? Yeah. Okay. A little overwatch. I'll walk first. Bart leading the way. Yep. I'll cover Bart's back. High board. Longbow drawn. In the middle. Thank you.

And Gum-Gum in the back with Mud flying over. Mud, UAV online. Airstrike ready. I mean, technically, I have an ability called Blindsight, so I can actually perceive my surroundings without my eyesight. Mm-hmm.

Just like a bat. Like we said, clicking. Yeah. You laughed at us. You laughed at me when I said that. No, I laughed at you calling it clicking. What would you call it? Screeching. Bats don't screech. You're not an owl. See, you see why I'm confused now? Owls screech. All right. Everyone's pretty. We're all good. We're all okay. Yeah. So like I mentioned earlier. What?

There's bats in here. They're clicking. I hate it. I don't think that's clicking. Anyways, let's move on. Like I mentioned, the jailhouse is on the opposite end of town from where you all were. You all were on the northern end of town, and the jailhouse is on the far southern end. And so you begin walking down the main thoroughfare of Pious Pass down towards the jailhouse. I imagine Bart is walking with a bit of a bow leg, a little downer.

Desperado style. And he's making his own little sounds of cling, cling, cling. All of a sudden, I'm talking with a southern accent. Anyone here messes with my party, they're going to get what's coming to them. I like this Bart. And all of a sudden, he has a mustache now. Do you have your suspenders as well? Oh, I sure do. And I've opened my shirt up to reveal them.

Cool. All right. So you arrive at the jailhouse and, you know, there's a door facing north, facing the direction you all came from. Bart spits on the ground. Cock-a-doodle.

Does someone want to try the door? Okay. Gum Gum, you try to open the door, but it appears to be locked. It appears to be locked. Thank you, Gum Gum. I have my thieves tools, so I can give it a go. Wait, wait. We have learned this. I perceive if there's any traps. Check. You check. Check. I check. Check for traps.

What do I roll? We'll call that an investigation check. Investigation. Yes, yes. He has a negative on that. 16. It's all right. Yeah, you don't detect any traps. Okay. Can I walk around and try and peek through any windows? Yeah, when you go around to look through the windows, all the windows are boarded up. Oh. All right. Well, I have my thieves tools, so sleight of hand? Dexterity check. Dexterity. Yes, yes, yes.

Six. I'm going to roll that again. Okay. You're using lucky, I assume, right? I mean, we're not in combat. I could just take a quick breather and then do it again, right? Well, you rolled a one. I'm just pointing that out. So I just want to know if, like, you're trying again or if you're using lucky. Like, what's your approach here? Well, no. He has to resolve this first. Okay.

I don't want to blow a lucky, but yeah, I'll blow a lucky. All right. I'm lucky. Here we go. Gus was raring to break your lock. They were going to break for sure. Nine. Well, that's a save.

Oh, sorry. Let me do that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We'll figure it out. Four plus five is still a nine. No, you try to open up the lock, but it just doesn't seem... It must be like a master locksmith who crafted this lock because you're unable to crack it. What's taking so long? Bart, did you have an idea? Could I try cast heat metal on the door knob? Heat metal on the door knob.

Look in the middle. Yeah, you could do that. I pull my thieves tools out really fast. Okay, I'm going to cast heat metal on the doorknob. Okay, good call. I'm going to change my spell from heat metal as well if you already have it. It's a good one and a half. Yeah. It's a good disarming spell. Yeah, so it begins glowing red hot. Hey, Gum Gum. Yeah. Hit that doorknob really hard. With your axe? Yeah. Okay. And I try and hit it with my axe. Do you want me to roll for it? Yeah, I guess make an attack roll. Door. Door.

It is your mortal enemy. Yeah. He found us somehow. He follows us everywhere. That's a 22. Oh, amazing. Why is that 22? Because it's a plus. It's not rolling in D&D Beyond. I have to add the two manually. You have to add the two, Chris Points. You have to carry the two. All right. Yeah, 22. Yeah, you hit. Go ahead and roll some damage for that. For us.

For audio listeners, it was a 12 plus 8, but indeed, Deviant had the other plus 2. And that's 15. 15, gotta add the plus 2. Chris points. The heat metal must have softened up the lock and the door mechanism, and Gum-Gum brings his random acts of kindness down very swiftly on them, and they break off the knob and the locking mechanism. Break off. Yeah, go Gum-Gum! We picked the lock! With my big lock-picking kit.

Go right in gum gum. Okay, and I open it all. Okay. Yeah, you open the door Your door was locked did we fixed it?

You open the door and there's a young pie inside who says, What did you do? Oh, no. You broke the door. Yeah, it was broken. Quick, get in. Okay. I scurry in. Okay. No, I go in. I was waiting. I guess the party is split. I barrel roll in and then I also try to help close the door back up. How? Actually...

I can help. I look, well, I mean, we should close it, but then also, I guess I look for, like, a chair and something to wedge. Quick. So that it leverages. Give me your immovable rod. Yeah, that actually works. Quick, go gum gum. Yeah, I put the immovable rod in the way of the door.

Okay. Yeah, the pie seems less panicked about it. And she looks around at the four of you and says, I never thought I'd see you four again. Do we recognize who this is? Wait, who are you? It's a pale pie, like a pale white pie with red eyes. Oh, so like a...

Like a cheesecake or? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she seems to be like armed to the teeth with like weapons all over. Like not only on her body, but it's, you know, in the jailhouse laid out as well. Is it the, is it the daughter? Yeah. Is it the zombie daughter? Yes. You recognize her as Pat Earns. Oh, hi. Okay. Glad you look a lot better. Yes. It seems that you've done a little bit of some cheeky fortification in here. What happened to Pais Paz?

Who's kidnapping you?

Oh, well, it's funny because we actually have to find a guide for the Flats of Taboo. I wonder if there's a correlation here. Why would you go to the Flats of Taboo? I don't know. We hear it's wonderful this time of year. Yeah. You know, I'm on this mission to see all the areas of the world and the Flats of Taboo.

to pull. I mean, they're just on the list. I pull by a side and go, Bart has a terminal illness and we're trying to get his bucket list. Just kidding. I don't do that. You turn around and I just smile and wave. Gum Gum is freaking out. Why didn't you tell me? Oh, God.

No, we're trying to find the Diagem. Diagems? I keep thinking there's another word that goes after that, but the Diagems. And our next place that we need to go look is the Tabulian. Flats of Tabul. Flats of Tabul. But you said the Tabulians are the ones ransacking this place, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

They're a cold-hearted, shameful group of people. Why? Well, they've kidnapped our entire town, for starters. Okay. What do they have against you? Is there like a long-standing feud? Yeah, who started this feud? Well, they did, obviously. As far as I'm aware, we've never done anything to provoke such law-breaking. Obviously, we wouldn't expect otherwise. Why now? I don't know. They lived to the south of us for years.

We've each kept our distance from each other peacefully. But recently, for some reason, they've become emboldened to attack Pius Pass. Why would they kidnap instead of kill? Like, why? What do they want? We've been wondering the same thing. Ah!

That's what we're hoping to find out. Okay. Where's your mom? She's over at the Hump House stables. We're setting up a trap to try to lure out some tabooleans to capture them so we can interrogate them. Can you do us a favor and vouch for us being good people? Because your mom is probably not going to be super stoked to see us. I wouldn't worry too much about that. Sheriff Gov's got more pressing matters on her mind at the moment. And how did you become not, uh, mean? Zombie.

Oh, you mean the Crip Curse? I've been taking an Ishbjorn elixir every day to keep the curse at bay and make me appear closer to a regular pie. Oh, she's doing one of those cleanses. Okay, that's neat. And I give her a hug. Could we have a few doses of that to give to Gum-Gum and see if that might kind of take the edge off on him? Make him a regular pie? No, it's Bart who's sick. We need to get Bart this medicine.

Right, so your mother's over at the Hump House stables, and you're over here. There's a secret tunnel system that leads from the prison. Oh, yeah, that's a good memory, Kyborg. I was wondering if anyone's going to remember that. Ah, I feel like that's worthy of an inspiration. Yeah, I was about to say, give yourself an inspiration for that, Kyborg. I was literally hovering over that. Come on. Almost there. No, that's good. That's a good memory. All right, well, let's go reconnect with your mom, who is definitely a friend of ours.

Wait, you have your immovable rod. Should we try to jam this? I'm leaving it there. No, you can't leave the immovable rod. It's the immovable rod. I'll come back and get it. It's holding the door closed. I want to maintain the door. And we never saw it again. No, I will go get it. I'll send back GumGum to get it.

Okay. So, uh, you all are taking the passageway back to go over to the stables from the jailhouse? Everyone's going? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have any advice for us for, uh, talking to your mom and anything like that? Or even advice for fighting off these Tabulians? Are they resistant to anything or...? Hmm. Well, remember to look up. They can attack from above.

So can I. Can you actually describe what the Tabulians are like? What would they look like and stuff? So we're prepared when we see them. They're called a race called Cake. What? Because they're pies. Pies versus cakes. Oh.

Micah got it right away. Micah was like, oh. It's because it was a bad joke. It's a bad joke. So Micah got it. I posted this online, but I am so appreciative of how many puns Micah writes into this campaign. It's like, I've never met someone who likes puns more than I do. And I finally found them.

So you're welcome, listeners, for this pun-tastic adventure. She says... To you and I, the Tabulians would appear to be a fly and snake-like people. They have serpentine bodies with wings, but...

No legs or arms. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. Does Brink Tussler have a taboolyon as a pet? I mean, it wasn't called a taboolyon. It was called a flying snake. Yeah, but I mean, she just described flying snakes, though. So no arms and no legs, you said? Yes. Was that guy's name Brutus? Is it Bruce? Bruce? No. No, no. His name, it was like...

It was like a, I don't know. Briggs snake? Yeah. No, it wasn't bruised. No, it was like an old, oh, Jesus. I might actually have it. It was like an old general from history. Do they talk? Yeah.

Yes, they can speak. That's why we want to capture one to interrogate them. Okay. All right, let's go through the tunnel. Okay. Uh, yeah, you'll go through the tunnel. Some of you went through this before. I think all of us. We all did. Was it everyone? Yeah, I think all of us did. You all go through the tunnel and, you know, just like before, you come out on the other end at the Hump House Stables. Uh, you know, you peek out from the trap door, which was down at the base of the stairs here in the stables.

and you look around and it's exactly how you remember. You know, there's downstairs, there's six camel stalls, all of which are occupied, floors covered in hay, and there's a stairwell in the corner that leads up to a loft. Do we think that her mom is up there? Oh, no, you see her on the lower level here. You see the sheriff hiding. She seems to be unaware of you. I think, uh... Hannibal! Hannibal! Hannibal the snake. There you go. I think I should be the one to go talk to mom. I'm pretty charming.

And I feel like I'm the least intimidating of the group. Mom's like you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's actually what I have on my business card. Mom's like me.

Bart has a business card. Just one, though. You all know Bart, so he's never had to give it to you. Yeah, exactly. I give it to people and then I take it back. Yeah, I'll take that back now. It's got like a little string attached to it, like a retractable. All right, so I walk out to mom. And I go, hello, ma'am. Be not afraid. I am Bart. She turns around quickly and looks at you and says, Bart?

What are you doing back here? We've come to find something, but in the process we saw that this town has been just demolished and we actually just talked to your daughter, who's looking great by the way. You saw Pat? Yes, and we chatted with her for a bit, caught up. What did she tell you? She says that you guys are spreading out across town to try to catch some Tabulians and interrogate them. Is that true? Yes, unfortunately.

And I hate to say it, but we actually could use your help right about now. Well, good thing you don't just have me. You have all my friends. And he motions to the... Do you do some jazz hands? Yes. I let out a giant screech. I do jazz hands as well. I jump out and go, hi. The sheriff's face drops a little bit. Oh, okay.

It's everyone. Yes. Great. Yeah, more help, yeah. We're infinites now. Oh, could you get a hold of the Evergards? They really seemed to help us out last time. Oh, no, we destroyed them. The Paralite is done. We freed you from her reign. You are safe now.

Okay, okay. I guess y'all will have to do. I'm curious if you might have more insight than your daughter. Why are the Tabulians kidnapping your people now? I wish I knew. We've been trying to round some up and ask them ourselves.

Oh, really?

How do they carry them if they have no hands and arms? Yeah, how do they carry them? You can wrap your tail. It doesn't make sense. They wrap around their victims, constricting them, and then take off into the air. Whoa, that's metal. That's part of the reason we've had trouble tracking them.

They fly off, leaving no trail to follow. Wait a minute, we did see shadows. Do you think those shadows were the snake people? You saw shadows where? Uh, out. The rooftops. From the rooftops out in the streets. Then there's no time to waste. We need to initiate our plan right now.

Oh no. Oh crap, the shadows are above me. Yeah. Wait, they were higher than me? You couldn't get a good view of them. Alright. Um, okay, yeah, I guess that's them. Activate the plan, ma'am. Well, I was gonna go outside and... Hmm. On second thought, I'll send you folks out.

Okay. All right. Y'all need to head outside and draw the tabooleans out from hiding toward the center of town. Once they're out in the open and distracted, Deputy Pat will launch an electrified net to catch them. Oh, neato. Hey, I have an idea. Your immovable rod. Can we...

Tie ourselves to it. So they can't take us? Yeah. All right. I think that's actually not a bad idea. All four of us tied to it? I like that this is the relationship now that Gum-Gum has all the good ideas of how to use my immovable rod. It's because he clearly has been thinking about it nonstop. Yeah, I think that's something I'd like to do. Could I run back and get my rod? Yeah. But then her door won't be secure anymore. Can we also board it up? I assume you meant through the tunnel.

Yeah. Yeah. I just don't know. That's what I do. If the door will stay closed. Can we help board it up or something? Put some chairs and stuff. Although she's going to be running out anyways. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I was thinking the tunnel door for some reason. We broke the jailhouse door. I got you. I got you. I was just super... That was my fault. I was just super...

Can I ask the sheriff if I can file a missing vehicle report? I had a pogo stick a long time ago in this town. Well, while Kyber is doing that, can we... So the plan is you're going to go through the tunnel underground back to the jailhouse, get the immovable rod, come out the door, and then... Do I have time to do that and come back? Sure. So you're going to take the immovable rod, then how are you going to re-secure the door? With a chair? Okay. Okay.

I like the confidence in your plan. Well, the shadow snakes, they saw us go in this door. We should go out this door. Oh, wait, yeah? Yeah, because otherwise they'll be like, how'd they get in there? Sure, why not? We might reveal a strategic advantage that they have with the secret passage. Party comes with me.

to jailhouse and we enact our plan outside that door. And the plan is? The plan is that Gum Gum's going to secure a rope to me and then he's going to secure that rope to the movable rod and I'll be bait. Wait, there's a ceiling. There's a big hole in the ceiling from last time, right? You want to fly out of that? Of the jailhouse? Is the hole still there? I assumed it's fixed. It's been fixed. Okay. I don't need to be bait.

-Continue. -You want to be bait? -I think we could all be bait. -That's fine. -Maybe we should all tie-- -All right. We're all tied to the movable rod. -Where is the movable rod secured again? -I want to say it's in the jailhouse still. We are going out the door with ropes. -We put the ropes-- -I bet it got stolen. -We opened the door, put the ropes through the door hole,

and then we go back out and we let her do the immovable rod back on the door that works so the door is secure and the ropes are secure and you're being used as bait tied to the immovable rod okay air tight plan we have to be very performative and and like like make them come to someone say performative starts whipping out his loot if bart had a tail he would be wagging perform perform now

Easy peasy. We got this. Cool. So you all go through the tunnel back over to the jail and you begin enacting your plan.

I want to thank everyone for listening every week. We really appreciate it. If you could tell a friend, tell a loved one, let someone know how much you enjoy this podcast. Tell them to listen. Download it on their phone when they're not looking and be like, oh, how did that get there? I don't know. And how you can also please interact with us on social media, Twitter and Instagram at StinkyDragonPod. Use hashtag StinkyDragonPod. And of course, there's a new subreddit where you can meet other people who enjoy this podcast. Talk about this podcast with them. It's at StinkyDragonPodcast over on Reddit.com.

If you interact with us on social media, you may have an NPC named after you in an episode like Judge Talon, who's named after At-Talon Tardis, or Barkeep Savage, who's named after At-JSAV86.

I don't know if we explicitly named that Barkeep in the episode. No one asked the Barkeep what his name was. It was Barkeep Savage. And of course, we have our own friends, people that we work with who do VO for some voices. Like the Monolith voice is voiced by our own BK. Little Girl Luce, aka Young Paralite, voiced by Ash Schmidt. And Kristalina, you know, Kyborg's mom, is voiced by Cooley Smiley. So thanks.

We're not in combat yet or anything, but let's go ahead and roll initiative preemptively just so I can get you guys in order that y'all are going to act and do this stuff. Nat 20, 25. Ugh, 9. 19. Ooh, Nat 20. That's 22. You rolled a 12. No, I rolled twice.

Why do you roll twice again? Advantage. On initiative? Yeah. My whatever barbarian thing. Gus doesn't believe. I'm looking. No, no, no. It's feral instinct. Checking your homework. You have advantage on initiative rolls. Cool. Also, if you're surprised at the beginning of combat but not incapacitated, you can act normally on your first turn. All right. Okay, so I got Bart with a 25, Gum Gum with a 22, Mud with a 19, and Kyborg with a 9.

Correct. Okay, so we'll say you got the immovable rod put up. You're all tied to it. Bart, you're first to act. What is your move? Oh, you already know it, baby. Bart starts to play a little ditty song on his lute. Okay. Just like to keep everyone entertained? Yeah, to try to draw some attention to them. Okay, so do you do this from inside the jailhouse? Outside. Okay, yeah. So you step out. Step out. Open up the door. Go out there and begin playing a little tune on your musical instruments. Exactly. Okay.

Okay. Yeah, that definitely seems like an attention getter to me. Should I roll for performance? Yeah, go ahead and make a performance check. 23. Do this in honor of the Bartabur shop. Yes. Which is now closed for business, I'm assuming. Maybe after we retire, I'll reopen it. I play my new song, Snakes on a Jailhouse. Bart, you step out and begin singing your new hit song, Snakes on a Jailhouse. Snakes on a Jailhouse. How does it go again? Slithering, sliding, all on the roof. They're coming to get you. They're gonna poof. Stop. Stop.

Oh, that's absolutely great. I love it. That's a bop.

Go ahead and give yourself an inspiration. Yeah! That's great. Could Gum Gum be like, yeah, and start dancing and playing on his drum? It's a heavy metal song. Well, you're next, Gum Gum. What do you do? That's exactly what I do. I dance and play on the drum. So you go out? Yeah. Do you have something you want to bang on? I have a drum. Do you have a drum? You do? I believe so. Yeah. He does? Everyone's saying you do. All right. I forgot. Yeah. You go out. Make a performance check. I should probably redo my song. Yeah.

You say with a poof. With a poof, okay, yeah. Slithering, sliding, all on the roof. The snakes are gonna get dressed, they're gonna poof. Oh, yeah, they disappear. They're kidnapping everyone. They're definitely not boofing.

Gum Gum, you roll a seven. You're playing on the drum. You're very off rhythm. But Bart is such a consummate performer that he's able to keep playing his hit song. I drown out his drum beats. You don't need it to maintain the rhythm. But you're putting good effort in. Mud. I take to the skies. That's not an instrument. But you're tied as well. I'm like a kite.

And I start flying in a circle and screeching and making noise and flapping. Clicking. Nope, I screech. You're not an owl. Who's an owl? They screech. They screech. Okay. Yeah, you're up in the air as a bat making noise, flying around in a circle. He didn't say screeching. Kyborg, what do you want to do? I'm going to do a little bit of a jump.

I have an arrowhead, and I'm hitting my metal arm like it's a steel drum to go along with Bart's song. Oh, okay. You make a performance check, too, then. Negative two, and it is a... Oh, 20 minus two. Oh, not bad. 18.

You go out there and it's not the best sounding performance because of Gum Gum's out of beat drum. But y'all are managing. You're making the best out of it. It's experimental. And as you all are doing this, a few tabooleans seemingly slink out of the shadow and start closing the distance onto you guys. Hey guys, y'all want to come dance? Yeah, we all have to congregate in a small, tight area to all together now. Clump together as tight as you can. I'm just going to play a quick sound for Gus.

See that's the sound yeah, that's a big old man bat Like a dinosaur yeah, I think he's played like three from Jurassic apart. Yeah, yeah animated series I think mm-hmm

We should do the math and find out how much of this episode was used to discuss what sound bats make. What do you think? Leave us a message. Tag us using hashtag StinkyDragonPod. You can contact us on Twitter and Instagram at StinkyDragonPod. Ben, just put a poll out right now. No context. What sound do bats make? If you had to describe a bat sound, how would you describe it? Screech or click? Screech, click, results.

Okay, I went ahead and rolled some initiative for them. That being said, you all see there are four taboolyans that have closed into you, and they're drawing close. Bart, what do you want to do? Are they, like, all around us, or are they all in one kind of cluster? It seems like they came two from the west and two from the east. Like, they're kind of flanking, doing, like, a pincer maneuver. So there's, like, two on one side, two on the other? Correct. Okay. Okay.

Oh, if I may, should we disable them and not kill them? Because, like, we still... We want to interrogate them. Pies Pass might have a thing going on with them, but we don't, so I don't know if we want to kill. Well, I mean, if you kill them, they can't tell people that we killed them. Right. Well, the plan is to get them all... Oh, my God.

In like a close spot so that Pat can come out with that electric net and cover them. So, I mean, as long as we get a couple, we can probably kill a few. Yeah, we just need one. We just need one. We don't know what they're like. They could talk. They do talk. They can sing. Okay. So who's, it's Gum-Gum? Bart. Bart. Bart's turn. What's she going to do? Monica just said they cannot do jazz hands. They can't.

Could I try to command one of them to halt? Sure. Okay. So do you want to do one of the ones that are coming in from the left or one of the ones that are coming in from the right? Let's go with the right. Okay. So you speak a one word command to the creature that must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or follow the command on its next turn. So the wisdom saving throw is 14. Their wisdom save is plus two. Okay. I like those odds.

19 plus 2, 21. Okay, never mind. It saves. Okay, so it doesn't work. I don't think that counts as an action. Oh, it's a bonus action. It's a bonus action. So that means I could do something else, yeah? Yes. Okay.

I would like to cast Cloud of Daggers. Are we sure we're in combat with them? 100%? We're an initiative. Sure, but they haven't attacked us. I also still feel strongly that we shouldn't kill. We can damage. We can damage. Sure. Why don't we try and get them just to come? And on your turn, you can. Bart is choosing violence. I just want to, like, hurt them a little bit. Bart woke up, chose violence. I thought we were dancing. Yeah.

I'll cast cloud of daggers over the ones on the right. Okay. So just for clarity's sake, your command is part of your mantle of majesty and command is a concentration spell. Okay. And just to be clear, when it failed on this enemy, you drop the concentration and drop that spell and instead switch to cloud of daggers, which is also a concentration spell. Okay. Just to be like 100% clear on everything. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. So I'm sorry. You cast Cloud of Daggers. I'll go for the right one. The ones coming from the right? Yeah. All right. So yeah, go ahead. Let's start with Daggers. Good old reliable AoE. Little five foot cube. We'll say that you're able to get both of them. So on its turn, it'll take damage. Should I roll for damage now? Yeah, go ahead and roll. All right. That is 12 points of damage total.

Decent role. 2343. Someone who has their code, you know, pin number 2343, they're just freaking out. Okay, cool. Anything else you want to do, Bart? No. Okay. I just wanted to hurt him a little bit.

Yeah, I got you. Rough them up some. Gum Gum, your turn. How far away are they? The ones that are in the cloud of daggers? They're closing. They're not too far away. I'll say they're, let's say 15 feet away. No, we don't know their mean yet. And then can I run over and try and pull the two out of the cloud of daggers? You're going to get damaged if you go there. Okay. Yeah. I think Gum Gum would know this just to just

Just so you know, Gum-Gum would know that if you wanted to try to prevent them from getting damaged, you could either go up and try to move them or try to break Bart's concentration. Because if Bart can't concentrate on the spell, the spell goes away. Yeah, I think I'm going to try and move him because I feel like that's more... Gum-Gum's like a hands-on. I also don't think he would try and, I don't know, mess with Bart. Yeah, I got you. Just making sure you were aware of the options.

Uh, yeah, so you move over there and... I was like, come on. I'm gonna move you. There's lots of daggers. I don't know why. Okay, uh, you're gonna make, like, a... Like, a grapple check, I guess, with them to move them. Uh, you make, like, a... I assume you would do, like, a strength check. Sure. And you would, um... I guess we'll have you do it twice. One for each of them. Let's do one at a time, and I'll do mine. Uh, that's a save. Oh.

So we'll just take that nine. You're straight this plus five. So 14. All right. I'm going to do mine. Mine is plus four. That's an eight. So yeah, you're able to grab one of the snakes. And what do you do? Like shove it? Or do you like grab him and throw it? Yeah, I guess I'll like throw it or shove it out of the way. Whatever I can shove it. Okay. Yeah. You'd like shove one of the snakes. And then I guess I can't. Yeah. I'll say you can do the other one. Okay. Just because I think it's.

That's a 11. 16. I got a 10. So yeah, you're able to shove the other one as well. And this one I'll just grab and can I run with? Yeah. But that being said, you do take damage for entering the cloud of daggers and grabbing them. So you take 12 points of damage. So picture you've got like this snake and a headlock. I'm sorry. Come with me. I want to help. Come, come, come.

It's like groaning and struggling against you, but you know, you're overpowering it. Is there anything else you can do, GumGum? I guess I'll run over to where the other one is and hold on to the... The one you shoved? Yeah. Okay. So you shoved one, grabbed the other, and then ran to the one you shoved. Yeah. Okay. I am GumGum. I'll try and talk to it. Okay. All right. That's it for your turn? Yeah. Okay. It's actually the turn of the one you grabbed. It's going to try to escape again. So go ahead and make a strength check again. That's a 22. 22. Yeah.

And this one rolled a seven. So it's unable to escape your grasp. It's like hissing and trying to escape from you. Actually, even though you have it constricted, it tries to spit at you. Make a dexterity saving throw.

We'll take the first one. 15. That's 22. Oh, right. You rolled five. It's in that 25. Yeah, 22. Yeah, as you're apologizing to the snake you have in a headlock, it opens up its mouth and tries to spit at you, and this glob of goo shoots at your face, but you're able to dodge out of the way. And you wanted to save these guys. Maybe it's friendly goo. Yeah. Please, I'll let you go if you tell me why you're being mean. Okay.

Mud, it's your turn. Then after Mud, it's going to be Kyborg. Okay. I guess Mud would try to... I think I would want to try to dive bomb one of the other ones on the other side in attempts of grounding it. Okay.

Yeah. So what are you trying to do? Like a grapple check and then like take it to the ground? Yeah, I guess like just kind of putting my full giant bat weight against it. You could either make a strength or dexterity check to try to grapple it. I would assume you would do strength because of what you're describing, but I mean, you have the option. I can do a strength check. Only a seven. Okay. It has a plus four. I'll say it's going to use dexterity actually because it's trying to dodge out of the way. That's actually a negative one. Oops. Oops.

It's a 19. Yeah, it manages to dodge out of the way successfully. Okay. Yeah, I guess. I don't really know if there's anything else for mud to be doing up in the sky other than acting like bait. So I guess I just keep circling them. Okay. Kyborg, you're up. We've talked about this in the past, but like using doled arrows or arrows that are not made for killing. Can I use those? Yeah, sure.

- Okay, well then the ones, the T'bulians that are not currently engaged, I guess there's like one, right? It's two of them, one's in the cloud of daggers, one's being hugged by Gum-Gum, the other one's being attacked by- - So Gum-Gum took out, well, Gum-Gum's occupied two of them. He shoved one out of the cloud of daggers and he's headlocked with the other one. Mud went to the other two and tried to dive bomb one of them. And there's another one on that same side where Mud is that has not been engaged yet. - Okay, I'm gonna engage the one that has not been engaged yet. - Okay. - Will you marry me?

And then I'm going to shoot them with the longbow of crystallina. Is this your sworn enemy? No. I've been looking that over. I've been rereading it a bunch of times because I want to make sure I don't mess that up. And also, since I don't intend to kill this person, it would not be smart for me to do that. Just making sure. So that's a 21. Oh, yeah, that hit. Nice. And I don't want to kill it. I do six damage. Like your subdual damage.

Yeah, you hit it with an arrow, like a blunted, dulled arrow, and it seems to... It doesn't like that. Okay. Come peacefully! And then I shoot it again. Come peacefully or I'll be forced to shoot again. 18. That hits. Okay. That does...

Nine points of damage. Against the dual damage. Okay. Yeah, it pitches in your direction. Okay. And then I guess it would be an action for me to assist Gum Gum wrangling that one. Yeah. Yeah. You could move there, but you couldn't actually act since you took an attack action. I'm good. I'm good. Actually, I'll hang out near Bart to make sure that they're okay and don't get lifted off. Hello. You tiny little munchkin. You're going to get lifted off the ground. Yeah.

All right. It's their turn. Then after there's a couple of them, then after them, it's going to be part. So it's the turn of the one over by you, Gum Gum, that you do not have headlocked. It's the one that you shove. It like lashes out and tries to hit you. It hits AC nine. Yeah. What? I said, yeah, it doesn't work. So no, it doesn't hit. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry.

AC 9. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that doesn't hit. Okay, yeah. So it misses. It misses and it hisses. Nice. We love the rhymes. Yeah, and it lashes out and tries to bite you. AC 11. Yeah, it's not going to hit. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Alright, so it misses. Swing and a miss. The one that Mud tried to dive bomb at, it's gonna lash out at Mud, hitting AC. Ooh, that's a critical. 27. Bring it, chump.

80 points of damage. 80 points of damage. I'm negative 10 dead. 21 points of damage. Whoa. Ouch. This is crit damage. And it's turned the tables on you and it now has you grappled. That's right where I wanted you.

Oh, so I'm actually no longer a bat. Oh, okay. Do you fall? I mean, it's grappled me. Well, it's grappled you, but it can fly. That's what I mean. So you don't fall. So technically, I'm still flying. Well, what's the carrying capacity of these little flying Williams? Yeah. I'm a big boy. So now that it has you grappled, it tries to bite you. Take a little taste of mud. Earthy. It hits a C.

26. Yeah, that's going to hit. So it bites you doing seven points of damage. And you must make a constitution saving throw. Justice is a saving throw. Constitution saving throw.

You still want to save these guys, GumGum? 19. 19. You feel a little queasy, a little nauseous, but it quickly passes. Darn tootin'. Okay, that was that one. Then now it's the one that Kyborg fired at. So it sees its friend has mud. Kyborg and Bart are by each other. Hello. Hello.

Gum Gum's over there with the other two. Just waving at it together. Okay, yeah, it's going to fly over to Gum Gum since that's where I think it sees value in doubling up and tag teaming on Gum Gum.

So wait, tripling up. No, no, actually what it's, I got, I got an even better, a better idea. It turns and looks at Kyborg and Bart and spits out some liquid at both of you. Both of you need to make a dexterity saving throw. Dexterity saving throw. 22. 22. 22. We high five. If I was mean, I'd be making you guys do this at disadvantage. Okay. Yeah. You both dodge out of the way. Some thick glob of liquid lands between you two where you all were standing before.

Then yeah, it flies over to where gum gum is and it tries to attack gum gum So does gum gum got three of these things on him now? Yeah, but he's got one in a headlock. It hits AC 25. Yeah, that'll hit. No, that will hit. Okay, it hits you. It does four points of bludgeoning damage. Okay.

and it grapples you. I'm trying to think if you're raging, right? No, I hadn't. Oh, you're not. He's not. He's not been fighting. Okay. No. So then it grapples you, but I'll say you're still grappling the other one. Okay. So he has two on him right now. Well, there's one grappling him, one attacking him, and he has one in a headlock. So someone needs to grapple the one that's grappling Gum Gum. We'll just be grapples all the way down. His attack, does that include a grapple? Yes. Okay. Okay.

It's like an automatic, if the attack hits, then it automatically grapples. So at this point, the door for the jailhouse splinters open and Pat jumps out with her net and fires it at Gum-Gum. Yeah, you got three of them over there. The collection of individuals we're just referring to as Gum-Gum. Yeah, the Gum-Gum and the three snakes, or the three tabooleans. Gum-Gum and the tabooleans, it sounds like you're opening Ackbar. Yeah, slither and slide. LAUGHTER

So you've got one. The other two are going to make... Well, I'm going to roll the one that's not grappling you. It's going to make a dexterity save or attempt to. That's a two. The other one is going to make one at disadvantage because it has you grapple. So it's not as dexterous as normal. That's a 12, but it has a minus one. That's an 11.

Then the other one, I'll say it doesn't get a save because you're grappling it. Gum Gum, you make a dexterity save, a regular one. Normally you would have advantage because of danger sense, but normally you would have disadvantage because you're being grappled. So just a regular dexterity save.

13? 13. Okay, yeah. So all of you, Gum-Gum and the Tabulians are all wrapped up in a net. Does he get any damage because it's an electric net? No. I'm going to say no, not yet. Just stun. Yeah. So right now, all of you are captured in the net, which leaves the one with mud will try to fly away at this point. But you're attached to a rope. It cannot grab you because of the immovable rod. So it lets you go and you fall to the ground below.

Find out what happened to blood and to all of the enemies in the next episode of Tales from the Sneaky Drive. Oh, that's funny. We need to have a cartoon whistle, though. Yeah.

He's going to click all the way to the ground. Oh, no, wait. He's not a bat anymore. Will our heroes make it? Will Mud face the fear of falling? Find out next time on Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I love it. What you can find out right now is that Screech is beating Click by 59% to 32% right now in the poll. So it's neck and neck. It's neck and neck. Yeah, yeah. I have double the votes as yours. Neck and neck. No, you don't. 64%. Okay, okay. I know how to count. Yeah, you don't know what the sounds a bat makes, though. Listen.

All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.