C01 - Ep. 50 - Paralyte's Poison - Mine-Boggling
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Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash save whenever you're ready. For

$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hola to all you oozes. Squeeze your way into the Stinky Dragon and quaff our latest cocktail, the Ooze Cruise. It's a mixture of Grey Goose Vodka, Vanadium Vermouth, and a blast of Bittery Rust Flakes.

with lemon in a tiny umbrella. One slurp of this slippery sludge is enough to get Slosh, so be sure to slip slowly. Previously, our adventurers took on the gargantuan groundbreaking grizzly and her aberrant priests in the midst of an irresistible rain ritual.

The duo-headed Infinite was no match for the intrepid interns and their bizarre battle tactics. But just as the dust was settling, an unprecedented Paralyte portaled her way in to steal the victory. With uncanny speed, the interns managed to strike a blow against Paralyte, which sent her packing. Is this the last we'll see of Paralyte, or is this just the beginning? Grab a gluttonous grog, cause it's go time!

Damn, first take. One take, one take, Sorolla. No, you're not. No, you're not. I'm a professional. Let the record show you are not. I dare you to find an episode where I did not nail it in one take in the intro. 50 episodes strong. Episode 50, Tales from the Stinky Dragon. We're here. You all still haven't finished the quest for some reason. Paralite's still alive. What have you guys been doing? You've been...

We've been giving the audience content. Weeks and weeks of content. True, true. All right. We're like a year in to the show, aren't we? Holy moly. Is this episode 51 or 52? This is 50, but I think calendar-wise we're about a year in because we've done a couple of supplemental episodes and whatnot. Oh.

Well, we've been recording for over a year. That's crazy. Kyborg's one years old. And we've learned nothing. Yeah, you've learned some things. I mean, one day, Blaine's going to find out where the skills section on the character sheet is and figure out how to make an appropriate role. One day, Chris isn't going to confuse a dexterity check with a dexterity save. It's only been a year. We're going to get there. Roast me now, Gus. Roast me now. What do I do?

John has learned how to break the game. We have to learn how to break John in year two. I've seen too many animals. That's our goal. What have I done? What have I done? Barbara, we're going to turn up your microphone even more so that the rest of the party stops talking over you. Oh, I don't know if that'll do the trick. We'll see. We'll drown out the rest of them. You know what we should do? I can say this with my... Shock callers. Every time someone talks over Barbara, we shock them. You just talked over me. Yeah, I know. How does it feel, John? That's what you do to Barbara. Yeah. I got you back, Barb. Yeah.

Never mind. Never mind. What I was going to say is now lost to time. Let's move on. So everyone remember where we're at? You guys had your grizzly encounter, the two headed grizzly in the last episode. And you were on the verge of vanquishing grizzly when Paralite showed up.

to quote unquote save the day. You guys wounded her. She retreated back into a portal. And who was it? One of you, maybe Kyborg? Kyborg shot an arrow in the hand. Yeah, Kyborg shot an arrow. And then one of you noticed that through the portal, it looked like the sheer lake on the other side. I don't remember who it was. Was it Bart? It might've been Bart. I think, yeah, we mentioned something about it being from the little vision quest we went on. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. This is all planned. I didn't hit her in the hand. Something's up. She's planned harder than this. I don't trust. She planned to get hit.

Hit in the hand? She has armor under her glove. It's all part of her fruice. There's no way. Paralyzed men are ten steps ahead every time. So is it Kyborg's opinion that we're being baited? Yes. But would Kyborg take the bait? Yes.

So what's Kyber going to do? Let's chase the Crystal Lakes. What was it called? Give haste. Sheer Lake. There you go. Barbara, always with the notes. Always on the top with names and what happened. And the drawings. Not always. Only when I take notes. Otherwise, my brain goes mush, mush. You're the only one who takes notes. It's because I have to. I take notes of all the animals I see. I have them listed. I take notes of flowers. I don't remember things unless I take notes or they're on my calendar. Same, same.

You Google flowers. I also had notes. Do you keep notes? What notes of flowers do you have? They're in a past doc. I pull it up in a while.

Okay. So we pick up our story three days later after a hard-fought battle with Grizzly and Paralite atop the Escalon. You all set sail aboard the Jebediah and you've arrived back home. It is currently mid-morning in the misty mountains of Boulderae and today marks one year since you agreed to be interns for the Infinites. Look at you guys. We, I believe, were promised gold every week. You all have been getting your stipend. You see Mayor Prattle if you want your latest installment. Where's Mayor Prattle? Hmm.

He's captured. That was tricky of him. He tried to get away from Bane. Obviously, it's been a couple of days, so you all have had time to take a long rest aboard the Jebediah as you travel back to Boulderay. Oh my god, thank goodness. Can we do an employee of the year decision? Like, we find out who...

God Employee of the Year. Also, like, how long is this internship? It's a long internship. I mean, you can have a year-long internship, right? I know, but usually it ends after that. Mine was like three or four months with Rooster Teeth, and I was like, hey, you guys need to hire me. So I'm going to do that to Mayor Prattle. Is it Mayor Prattle or Dr. Ahem that we would go to? You don't even know who you report to? You need an org chart. You need to talk to HR. Dr. Ahem. Dr. Ahem, I want a job. Also, how do we take a long rest on the app? The campfire symbol. Oh.

I thought that was flaming arrows. Man, I needed that. I was at 8 HP. Oh yeah, you got knocked a few times in that battle. I sure did. So

So what do you think you all have been doing the past three days? You know, you all left Pesca, you're aboard the Jebediah traveling to Boulderay. What kind of things do you all think you were getting into during your downtime aboard the Jebediah? Kyborg set up a shooting range and it's all just hands. Those are the targets. There's no actual like circle targets. It's just hands because I know that my mission is to shoot Paralites hands off.

This is your new focus? Yeah, so I've been, a montage of me shooting gloves filled with straw. You would have some downtime in boulder ray as well, if there's anything in boulder ray you wanted to do in your downtime. I think Bart has been reading up and studying transmutation. Transmutation. It seems like it's been a portent

an omen for Bart, if you will. Which means he gains knowledge of transmutation, right? I've also been working out a lot, which means that we all level up. Just because you've been working out? Yes. You've worked out four times as hard. We got so inspired by watching Kyborg work out that all of us leveled up. Yeah. Manifestations. Way to go, team. I've been trying to tap into my inner spider and see if I... Aren't you not a spider anymore? No.

No, my leg came back on. Wait. Your spider legs fell off and your regular appendages came out. Did they finally come out? Yeah, I remember during combat, he lost a round. All his spider legs popped off and he couldn't do anything. He had to, like, try to jump. And then he got all of a sudden. Yeah, the next round, his regular limbs. But I still am convinced I'll be able to make Spiderweb. Uh...

Hey, this is a PG podcast here, bud. I don't know about you, Spiderweb. So I think it's been really, you know, trying to practice being a spider and also really practicing making flowers. What kind of flowers? Well, all of them. All the flowers are true.

It's just a few flowers. There's only, what, millions? Yeah, I just practice, you know, I think of a flower and I make it and I then show it to someone. Gum-Gum summons a Venus fly trapped to Prascus kissing. You turn boulder ray into flower ray? Nice.

No, he makes two lips to practice kissing. Oh, you know what? I just did think, though, if... I feel like that was better than people are getting. I'm nodding. I'm nodding. I think that if... Okay, that's good. If things don't work out with the Infinites, you could always become like a wedding flower guy, you know? Oh. Yeah. You can make batches of flowers for weddings. Those people make buko bucks. Yeah. Buko. Bucks. Bucks.

What about you, Barty boy? I've been studying that transmutation. Oh, the transmutation. That's right. And I guess also looking at the little tile I found in that chest, just studying it. You could, I guess, do like research at the Bouldery High School Library where the Kenku were. Yeah. Dutch.

I also have a tile too. I don't know if you want to research it too. I guess you would have to give it to me. Yeah, I give it to you. Sweet. I also threw something. I found something and then I threw it at someone. Did I throw it at you, GumGum? It was an opal, magic opal. Yeah. Give Bart the magic opal. Oh, sweet. I'm going to have all the cool little gadgets and gizmos of plenty. Maybe that's what I had.

That's what I had. Who's its and what's its galore. I've been getting a little ahead of myself. I've been getting excited listening to everyone say the things they're going to do. Bart, why don't you do me a favor? Why don't you roll me an intelligence check? Oh, okay. Pop quiz. Two. Not a good one. Okay. My finger slipped. Maybe I can roll that again. Yeah, your research does not yield much information about transmutation. However, the Kenku were very helpful. They said that they would get back to you. They would try to find some books and scrolls. Oh, listen to them.

regarding transmutation to help you out. Kyborg training. I guess you're trying to hone your skills. Tell you what, do me a favor and make me a strength check. Why not? 10. I'm lucky though. Is it worth it? Probably not. 10. Yeah, you feel like you're making good progress. You're really learning how to get hands-on with your skills. Okay.

Mud, what did you say you were doing? I didn't yet. Okay, well, in that case, let me go back to GumGum. And you said you're just making flowers grow, GumGum? Just channeling magic.

channeling magic trying to tap into my inner spider talking to spiders that I see what do you want to talk to spiders about I ask them for advice what do you do advice on how to spider yeah are you abandoning your ice wizard ways like try to become the greatest wizard or whatever well I'm still gonna be the greatest wizard I just the

the ice magic didn't really work out just that one time when I had a magic item. Except the one time it was really cool and it actually did work and was useful. I guess roll me, I don't know, let's call it a wisdom check. Why not? I feel like Gus is searching for something. He wants us to get a good one. A nine. He wants us to know something. Yeah, for some reason, none of the spiders are very talkative. That's okay, they're playing hard to get. And then I blow my whistle too, my magic whistle, which I've had for forever and has never worked.

Anytime you try to use that whistle, if I remember right, you always roll really poorly. Not this time. Right, Gum Gum? Yeah. Quickly, Bart, play EDM music so that it helps him with his whistle. I don't know if that's technically EDM. It is. Yeah, go ahead and roll a charisma check. That's a six.

It's not so much EDM as it is like a discordant tone that hurts your ears whenever you hear it. And nothing seems to happen. Monday. Okay, guys, we're getting our bad rolls out early. Yeah, there you go. Mud, what are you going to do in your downtime? Where was the place that we went to where somebody was going to make gumbo armor, but I never got it.

Was that here in Boulder, Ray? No. That was in Urbloom? Yeah, that was in Urbloom. You're going to have to go back to Urbloom. Could I, in three days, have taken a portal to Urbloom, gotten in, and come back? The last time you were here, I believe the Immerse Gateway was under maintenance. Dr. Ahem was trying to bring it back online.

Maybe they shipped it to him. I'm sure you left him a shipping address, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they shipped it to him. You could probably pay a courier to go get it. They're just training you for more money, Josh. That's fine. I want my armor. No, I'm just trying to come up with it. A better person would have remembered who did it, but someone on Twitter reminded me. So you did commission armor for Gumbo, but if you remember after that, you went back in time and you had to kind of reset the timeline. Yeah.

Because that timeline was the one where Urbloom was being destroyed. Then you went back and stopped it from being destroyed. So depending on the rules of time travel that we're using here, you never actually commissioned it because that is a forked multiverse branch that you are no longer in. Are you ever going to stop this vendetta against my pets in D&D? No.

Like, is this just something like you just don't like that John likes having pets in D&D and likes to do things with his pets? What are you talking about? We're always using your animals. You're always using your animals. You took away my griffin in our last campaign. Speaking of multiverse, that didn't happen here either. I'll tell you what, Mud, I can see how upset you are by this. So I go to Infinite HQ cafeteria and I make a tinfoil thing of armor out of the burrito I just ate. Yeah.

Fantasy burrito. There it is. And I give it to you. There you go. And I cast transmutation on it. No, I'm kidding. Yeah. I haven't learned enough. So then I guess all future fan art of Gumbo, if it ever happens, he has to have a little tin foil. What is it, like a breastplate? I mean, you know what? I would say... I think a helmet would be pretty cool on him. I bet I'm pretty good at like... Foil? No, like metalworking and stuff because I have a metal arm and I'd probably have to have maintained it over the years. Could I attempt to make...

something for him also i'm holding our our thing that makes metal what here we go what the hell stop stop stop stop what is he talking about everyone else tell me what is chris talking about our thing that makes metal well i want to hear barbara explain this first uh literally no idea uh is it something to do with one of the rods we have blaine

I was going to say it's whenever we had that time travel one and we had to find the person that could make metal. And then it was, it was a cannibal guy and his daughter played by Kayla. And then she was like a metal worker. So he probably has some of the leftover tools. Oh, do you have an idea, John? That must, that has to be it. I don't know why he would have, I know we have random stuff in our inventory, but I don't know why. Now I wish Blaine went first so I could have gone. Oh, that's it. Yeah.

Chris, what do you have that makes metal? Whenever we, it was during that section of the story where we did that. It wasn't Kayla's thing. She did glass and something else. But the one where we fought the tornado guy, we took some stuff. And then they gave us Smith's tools. And I said I'd hold it since I have a big carrying capacity. So we could make our own. Let's revisit your carrying capacity.

Well, hold on. Let's not do that. Before you get litigious about that. Okay, I like that. I like a mixture of your smithing tools. I have the spell Heat Metal, so that has to be helpful in this kind of situation. I like the idea even of using more of our magic stuff. And, like, instead of an anvil, we could use, like, the immovable rod and put it in place and smash things on top of it because it won't go anywhere. Hmm.

With all of our skills combined, we can make... Yeah, all our skills combined, can we make one badger set of armor? Yeah, let's figure this out. While you've been talking about this, I've been reading about crafting and how crafting works in D&D. And you're just looking for like a mundane set of badger armor, right? No, it's special. It's special. I mean, like non-magical. Non-magical. Sorry, I forget the terminology we have to use here. I mean, I think love is magical. Yeah.

Nice. So I just learned something from Ben. Barding, it's not involving Bart. Barding is armor designed to protect an animal's head, neck, chest, and body. So you want to make it out of metal, you said, right? And what are you envisioning? A breastplate, like a helmet? Like what kind of armor do you want to try to make for Gumbo? I think a little breastplate and helmet seems pretty good for a little badger. That's so cute. Okay. Light as a feather. Who wants to try to make it?

Is there a skill set we should be favoring? Yeah, what do you all think you need for, uh, in order to make it? Like metal crafting? Yeah, you can make a knowledge check. Let's make a... Well, could we combine, like, when we build the thing, like... Well, too many chefs spoil the broth, Chris. Mm, broth.

Why don't we just make like a wisdom check for everyone? Okay, I can do that. Six. Twelve. Twenty. I am still trying to find my wisdom. There is something funny about I'm trying to find my wisdom.

11. All right. Well, Mud wins with a 20. Yeah. You think that you would need strength in order to make this? Who's the strongest one here? It's me. I'm not even going to pretend. But maybe Kyborg is. He can't do those things, the reflexes in cool shapes. You think that dexterity could also help. Oh.

I'm pretty sure Gum Gum is pretty strong and dexterous because of barbarianism. I'm certainly the strongest. Kyborg is a lot more dexterous. I have a plus four strength plus five dexterity. Kyborg's pretty stacked for this kind of a thing. Who do you trust to make armor for Gumbo? I trust the lucky zombie who's got the good metal arm to make a metal thing for Gumbo. That's fair enough. Let's let him have this. You want to let him have this?

Guide work needs a win. I shot Paralite's hand, all right? You want to let him use your blacksmith tools, Gum-Gum? Okay. Yeah, you all find a forge that you're able to commission and use for a little while. And I set up with some spiders and watch. Yeah, and...

You get to work trying to make a little bit of barding for a little gumbo. Kyborg, make me a strength check. That's a 18. Yeah. Just for fun, make me a dexterity check. Can I slap the bum? Yeah, you could have slapped it. 21. Save that slap. 21. It's cantrip. I can do it how many times I want. Okay. 21 plus, what was it? D4. I imagine a 21 is...

I wanted to. I want the best armor possible. Yeah, it doesn't take very long. You know, the armor is pretty small and it's mundane. It's not magical or anything. So, you know, it just takes a day, day and a half worth of work. And even though you've never smithed anything before Kyborg, you're able to bang out what you think is a pretty decent little badger armor for Gumbo. So, yeah, we'll say it's a breastplate that would give... What is Gumbo's...

armor class. I gotta find a badger. Well, the breastplate would give you 14 plus your dex modifier. Plus whose dex modifier? Gumbo's. Gumbo's. 14 plus dex modifier. With a maximum of 2. So it's probably gonna end up being 16. That's good. Wow. I think his armor's as good as mine. Like maybe better than mine. Better than mine. His AC is 10. Oh, his dex is actually plus 0 for a badger. So his AC will be 14. AC's 14. Yeah.

Okay. I will mark that. What was it before? Ten. Wow. And we'll say that it probably also cost you a little bit of materials, just like raw metal and whatnot. We'll say five silver, John. Can do. Melted the silver into armor. She's got silver armor? As you all are finishing up your work on Gumbo's armor, Sordo arrives at the smith. Bing bong, bing bong. Hey, Antwerps. Ah.

I mean, interns. Sorry, old habit, I guess. Anyways, Dr. Ahem needs you up at Infinite HQ pronto. As for me, I gotta get back to working on that friggin' EMERS gateway. As Sordo's floating away, he starts to turn a shade of red and you can hear him grumbling under his breath. Oh, big step up from Cuckoo Clock. Now I'm delivering messages. I used to be someone.

Sardo was like, what, a dwarf? Yeah. He's like a little orb guy, right? I know, but he's a dwarf. His spirit became trapped in this sphere. Gotcha. That sounds nice. Yeah, Merse Gateways. I'm sure he's not going to turn into a villain someday. The Merse Gateways, the portals that you use to travel around. Gotcha. Okay, so we go see Dr. Ahem. Yeah, you all make your way to the front of Infinite HQ and notice that the massive iron portcullis on the left side of the building is open, and you hear the tinkering of tools coming from inside. I'm making it.

Maybe? Maybe they're making like little badger gauntlets and booties. An army of badgers. Maybe this is the sigil ceremony. They're like, has your house have a sigil? The Mudhorn. What is it referencing? Mandalorian. Oh, Mandalorian. Oh, okay. Wait, what would your house sigil be? Really quick. I can put it on.

I don't know what a sigil is. It's like the representation of what your clan is. Like the wolves for the Starks. Oh, yeah. A coffee mug. A coffee mug. Yeah. Final answer? Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, I put a little coffee mug on. And then I make a matching pin for mud. Yeah. Aw.

We go in. Thank you. So you step inside the portcullis and you see you're in the Infinite Headquarters stables. There's six large stone enclosures labeled with the Infinite's names that line the walls. Do you want to peek in them? Yeah. Are there horsies? You can't see from where you're vantage point where you just walk in. You just see that there are like enclosures in the stables. Yeah. I want to. Yeah. It's the Infinite Mounts. I would like to take a look. Can they have our names? No. Infinite. Oh. No, we're the interns. On the first one to your left, you see the name Sleek.

And when you peek into that stable, it looks like it's an open field of rolling hills whistling with a slight breeze. Are they portals? I think they're portals. Maybe this is their bedrooms or something. Is there a clear distinction of like the stable we're in and then where this like field starts? Yeah. What happens if Mud puts his arm in? Yeah, your arm appears to go into the same rolling hills. And in the distance, you see a war horse cantering about.

Kyborg draws his bow. I want to look at the other ones, too. Are the horsies in, like, pocket dimensions? Bart steps up to the next one, and that one has the name Spectral. And when you look into it, you see a swamp covered in vines, willow trees, and moss. And inside, you see a Jakuli walking about. What's a Jakuli? It's like a long snake. Oh. I don't like snakes. You're Smash Mouth playing in the distance. How do you spell Jakuli? J-A-K-U-L-I.

A-C-U-L-I. And there was a horse in the field for Sleek. Yeah, a war horse. War horse. That's cool. Dibs. Can I look in one? Yeah, what you do, I'll look into. There's three on the left, three on the right. You've looked in the first two on the left. Grizzly. Grizzly.

Or you could say a name. Yeah. I'll look at grizzlies. Grizzly and Aleve. Wait, Aleve, grizzly. Grizz, grizz. There you go. Grizz and Aleve. Grizzly and Aleve. I had it. I had it. It's a bear, isn't it? Grizzly's on the right side of the last one up there. And you peek in there and you see a dense forest with a giant nest inside a den. And inside there you see an owlbear.

And then I guess I'll look in Aleves? You look in Aleves and it's a pitch black cave filled with stalactites and stalagmites and perched at the top of the cave is a giant bat. And where is that in the configuration? That's also on the right side in the middle. Who have we not looked in? That's it. There's two others you have not looked in yet. There's one that says Dr. Ahem and there's one that says Loose. It's looking loose. You'd look in the one that says Loose and it's on the right side. It's an underwater reef with many holes and passages.

Interesting. Anything in those holes? Not that you can see. What if I make a little... You make a little kissy noise, but nothing appears. Nothing comes to the... That's magical. Wow.

It's magic. Yeah, you can't resist. What's in Dr. Ahem's, which I imagine is the last one on the left? Correct. You look at Dr. Ahem's, and there's a garage with shelves of tools, scrap metal, wood, and other raw materials. And there's a wagon in there that's being worked on by Dr. Ahem, as well as Atten and Dent. Is this their rooms? Is this like an Encanto kind of thing?

No, they have rooms that you were in before. Remember, you all had to do that puzzle, and one of you had a dream sequence where you remembered... I was spectral. Yeah, what happened to spectral? Places they want to go, like their dream places. But their aminals are in there. Yeah, they're like magic stables. Yeah. Yeah, it's more like a stables type situation. Can I throw a piece of food into the reef once?

Sure. What do you want to throw? Some of my rations, like some meat. Yeah. You tear off a little piece of ration and toss it into the underwater reef, and it floats daintily in the water. I see the meat. I'm like, ooh! Gunkum dives in.

I want to go send out the war horse. I want that one. Like, I want to give it grains or something. Are you saying you like Sleeks? No, so here's the goal. You and Sleek, same page, huh? Best friends? You kind of like those same things? No, I basically, since Sleek is gone, I want his mount to fall in love with me. So then when he comes back, then the horse will have forgotten he ever existed and will be my best friend. Furthering my psychological warfare. Your best friend's best friend is your best friend. That's how the saying goes, right? The best friend of your best friend is your best friend. I'm just trying to steal everything that Sleek loves. Classic.

I guess we should probably go to Dr. Ahem's, uh, I guess Mud walks through and is like, "Hello, what are you? Whatcha doing?" Ah, there you are, interns! I see you are all well rested. Welcome to the HQ stables! I come here sometimes to tinker and think. I find that sometimes working on a problem can bring about a solution to another.

You see, Sorto and I have spent the last week working on the Emus Gateway to no avail. And then you all returned with the news that Perilite might be in Sheer Lake. But it's been frozen solid ever since the Infinites first visited it. So how can Perilite be there? Is it a trap? None of it was adding up. So I came here late last night to tinker with my wagon. And then it came to me.

What is Paralyte up to? I know it sounds ridiculous, but I started thinking about the information we do know about her. The Infinites, her rescue missions in Pious Pass, Air Bloom, etc. All of it. And then I thought back to the day after she abducted the Infinites and left me half paralyzed on the floor of my lab.

When I woke up, I found a letter next to me from Paralite. I believe Felix showed it to you? I read it. Oh, so you know the one to which I'm referring? Yes. Right. Well, it was then that I regrettably became intoxicated and well...

You know where that went. But before I got drunk, I made a copy and gave that to Felix. I kept the original for myself. Here, take a look. And he holds out a letter. Mud reads it. Right? Here we go. Uh, dearest daddy,

Did the beginning of that say "Dad"? Yeah, "dearest Daddy." Yeah. Any thoughts on all of that? We've done that a couple.

A couple episodes, right? Did we find out that Paralite is the daughter of... Yeah. It was in the flashback. Yeah. When I was spectral. Okay. So...

Clearly, Paralite wrote to Dr. Ahem saying she's not the villain, she's merely the scapegoat, and that she really does think that she's some type of savior, I guess? Dr. Ahem chimes in. She wrote to Mia Prattle, actually. Mia Prattle. Dr. Ahem is reading, or gave us the letter. Correct. Okay, well, you guys all just said Dr. Ahem was the daughter. Is he not? Prattle. Prattle's the daddy. Prattle is the daddle. Okay. Okay.

Where is Mayor Prattle? Oh my goodness. What if he's my dad too?

He's not a spider, Gum-Gum, don't worry. Mayor Prattle is missing at the moment. What about Gar-Graddle? Shockingly, they disappeared at the same time. Have we ever seen them in the same room together? Oh my god. When did Mayor Prattle, remind me if you've already told me, when did he go missing? He went missing after Paralite invaded the town and took it over.

When you all revisited. Oh, when we found Dr. Ahem in the locked up. Did he go missing or did she take him? I'm not sure. Oh, maybe he's hiding. Maybe he's the bad guy all along. I think that could be the case based on her letter. Yeah, skeletons. One of those classic, we think she's the villain, but really she really is saving everybody from the real evil. Yeah, like you were saying, you know, when you remember in the Dreamer experiment, you know that Luz is Felix's daughter.

just to confirm that. But what if there's more there? What if there's something else? First question. Got a couple. Do you know what she might be referencing when she says Skelton's in the closet of Mayor Pretle? Perhaps that's what is at the root of the problem. There may be more to that story about Luce being Felix's daughter.

Maybe there's more to uncover. The elections were rigged. Fantasy Watergate. I need a chart of all these relationships. Also, loose- Or just take notes. I see. Loose is spectral. No. Loose is paralyzed. Sorry, yes. And who's Felix? Felix is near Prattle. Felix Prattle. Okay, can we just like pick a name? My brain doesn't hold-

Because legitimately, the way my brain works is it has to have a face to assign to it. And since I don't have a face, when you keep using different names, it goes, there's four people we're talking about. Take notes. But again, like I need like, yeah, you're right. John also has object permanence. Watch. Where did Blaine go? I legitimately have a problem with names retaining in my brain. Oh, me too. That's why I write this down. You all remember that.

Luz was expelled. Because of stealing. Right, because she stole the relics from the elderlings in the sheer race. But no blame was cast on the Infanites themselves, who went on to use the items that were stolen. Yeah. Should we go to, like, Mayor Prattle's house, office, investigate?

Well, I guess where was the last place people saw him before he went missing? He would have been seen here in Boulder Ray, most likely in his office. But also, did we save Boulder Ray from the Evergards? Yeah, they're gone. Yeah. Remember you vanquished them? There was that battle you all had with the tower. I didn't know if that was just a few of them or if that was like all.

like all of them. Oh, I mean, but then after that, you still encountered them at Escalon on the Ziggurat. I guess I don't know the scale of their forces and if they're still occupied Boulderay or not. Well, you're in Boulderay right now and it seems... We're in the castle next to Boulderay. I said you forged the armor in Boulderay. You all had time to look at... Bart went to Boulderay High School to research transmutation. Yeah, and I learned nothing. Ha ha ha.

Okay, I think we should go to Mayor Prattle's office and try and see if we can find any sign of where he might be. Dr. Ahem chimes in and says: Personally, I'm most interested in a line that says: "If you ever want to see the Infinites again, you'll come to where it all began."

Where was she born? Or what's it? Where did it all begin for the Infinites? Who's Paralite's mom? It began in the office. You could say it began in the boulder-y mines with the mining accident. What if the accident wasn't an accident at all? That's right. There was a... There was like a yell. Someone died. It was me.

You all heard an argument in the dreamery. We did. You overheard an argument. So then we need to go where all that, uh... Sangria night. Sangria night has made. Intent. What if Paralite has been under our very noses this entire time? Quite literally. Like a mustache. You need to get down to the Bold Ray Mines. Perhaps Paralite is still down there.

But beware, the mines haven't been entered since the cave-in, so there's no telling what else could be down there. And we're shaving all your mustaches, just in case. There might be spiders. That's very possible. Since I'm afraid of spiders, Soto and I will remain up here to continue working on the E-Mass gateway to see if we can't figure things out. Hmm.

Oh, and before you go, you might want these. He hands you four lanterns with glowing purple rocks encased inside. I want a green one. It's Sangria Knight. It's gotta be the- it's purple. As you may have realized by now, Sangria Knight affects everyone differently, but these cases make it a safer and much stealthier source of light for you down there instead of torches.

No person or creature will think twice at seeing the purple glow of Sangria Knight amidst the mines. Cool. What's it do when you touch it? Well, it's encased in the... I know, but you said it affects people. Oh, it has an intoxicating effect on people. I don't want it. I got dark vision. Why would I want to hold this potentially poisonous radioactive thing, right? You're giving us something to progress the plot.

Yes, and? Gum-Gum, take my lantern. Thank you for this lantern. Gum-Gum has two lanterns. We also need to solve the question of how Paralite's been getting around so quickly. Uber. We think that maybe she has taken control of the Emas gateway.

So that's why it's so important for us to stay behind and work on this. Interesting. She's hacked the gateway. So she's just portaling from place to place to place. Can I take your cool cart, Dr. Ahem? Well, obviously, we are still working on it. How many horsepower does this baby have? Horsepower?

You can... You can hook up two horses to it. Two horse fairies. Best of luck, fate, and fortune. And may Dyer be with you all. Sure. We'll just go to the mines then. Holy Dyer!

Where are the mines? Well, there's signs all around town that point to where the mines are. You all were at Infinite Headquarters, which is kind of in the northwestern portion of Bouldery. The mines themselves are down towards the south, kind of close to where that Temple of Daya is. Also southwest or just south? The mines themselves are pretty south. The Temple of Daya is kind of the southeast portion of town. Is there?

Anybody in town who's, like, an expert of the mines that we know of or, like, has intel about the mines or something like that? Maybe Brink Tessler or... There's gotta have been people who worked in the mines. Anybody we could, like, get some intel from? A map, maybe? Ooh.

It seems to you that a lot of people want to almost forget the mines. Because there's like even all the signs that point to where the mines are in town. Like the mines is crossed out and like scratched off. What about the library? Yeah, you could go back to the library and talk to your Kenku friends and maybe get some information about the mines. But someone could...

Okay, so it seems like we're not going to be able to get help. So do we... Does anybody else have anything to suggest we do before we head to the mines? I just want to admit how embarrassing I am. I went a year thinking all those signs said MIMES the whole time. Kyborg feels he's got egg all over his face. Lose an inspiration die. A gyme? What's a gyme? Oh, a gyme. I'm so struck for you, guys. I got you. I reference that one all the time. No suggestions, so head on to the mine. I think we are...

We're so experienced already. We're so brave and so strong and insightful and stealthy and intelligent and all that stuff. We could do it. I'm going to need that in Bart's voice. All right, everyone. You all have a year of internship under your belt. Yeah, we're basically full-time employees at this point, just still unpaid. You're paid, just no health care.

Prattle has. But we haven't been paid because Prattle's been gone. That's motivation to go find him. Yeah, let's track him down and for no other reason than get our money. Yeah, that's canonically why we're going to find this guy. Not to save the village or the town or just the world in general. Gotta get paid.

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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres on Friday,

I remember it.

Yeah, you do remember. I'm afraid of it. That was episode five when I think when you went to go meet the Kenku, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a really rickety footbridge. So you all are staring down this very scary looking ravine. Gum Gum still has nightmares about this ravine every now and then.

How wide across is it? Across from one side of the ravine to the other. So we have the rickety bridge, but what if I were to jump? If I had to guess, I would say about 40 to 50 feet. I can make that jump. No, you can't. Mud, noticing his good friend Gum-Gum is nervous about the bridge, he conjures good berries and takes one of the good berries and says, here, Gum-Gum, I've conjured some bravery berries.

If you take them, they actually give you plus 10 bravery. Oh my goodness. I feel like that's something you would, if it was marketed today, it'd be like Battle Berries. Or like, we would have some kind of like dumb name like that. Dude Berries. So here's one. I think this should help you get across the bridge. It definitely will.

Can I eat it? Yeah, you have to eat it. You have to eat it. It's an oral medicine. And I take it and I sprint across the bridge. All the wood breaks. Gum-Gum falls to his tomb. It's all Mutt's fault. Gum-Gum, make a constitution saving throw. You have the immovable. You can teleport.

His is not the immovable rod. He already darted. His is the, what's yours called? The movable. M-movable. That's an 11. Yeah, you feel really scared, but you close your eyes so tight. Which is what you want to do while you're running across a bridge. And start running, and before you know it, you feel the solid earth of the other side under your feet. You did it, Gum-Gum. Hell yeah. The battery worked. The battery worked? The battery. Some extra syllables in there. The battery. Battery.

Kyborg crosses. Make me a constitution saving throw. Does he need a berry? No. 23. Oh, yeah, excellent. It's no big deal. You've crossed this before. You don't know what the big deal about it is. It's funny. I made fun of Chris earlier for confusing check and save throws, and he did it again on that one. I even went, saving throw. The saves, there's a separate little section. All right, so Kyborg and Gum-Gum are together on the other side of the ravine. Bart and Mud are still on the town side.

I don't think these berries go away. I was trying to see if they go away, but I think I conjure them and they're like there now. Yeah. All right. It seems like they stay, but I think you can have no more than 10. Like you can't save them. I can't cast good berry three times in a row and have 30 berries. I don't see anything that says I can't do it again. I guess you could...

do that. They lose their potency after 24 hours. Yeah, so you have the shelf life of 24 hours. It's like buying berries at Whole Foods. You gotta eat them within 24 hours or they've gone bad. They go bad so fast. Okay, then I pocket the nine berries. Are those nine berries in your pocket? You just have to see. Yeah. Mud. Crosses. Make me a constitution saving throw, please. And he slaps his bum as he crosses. Oh, wait. Did you say saving throw? Yeah. I did check. Constitution is always a saving throw.

Not necessarily always. Not always. Okay, well, I got 15. Okay, yeah. You cross. No big deal. It's a little rickety. Do we know why, like, what's going on that's making us have this constitution thing? Like, am I aware of, like, something's happening? When you get over the middle of the ravine, you, like, look down, and it's just so far down, you can't really see the bottom, and the bridge is so rickety. Okay. Feels like it's moving out from under you. Roll for vertigo is what we're doing. Right. Essentially.

Bart, you wanna go ahead and give it a cross as well? I guess so. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw, please. I am the lightest. Just gonna point that out. Maybe that helps me. Maybe the wind can get under you and blow you off the bridge! Maybe.

Maybe not. Mudcast gust. Not this time. 18. Oh, yeah. You easily crossed that bridge. No big deal. I really thought I was going to be the only one to fall there. It would have been really bad because nobody would have been on the other side to help you out. Wait. Is Sordo coming with us on this journey? No, he took off. He was working on the teleport. On the immerse gate. All right. Immerse gateway.

Right, we got to dig.

How heavy are the rocks here? Like, are they... Can we move them physically, or are they too big? You could move them. It's just going to take a little while to get through it, you know, digging through with your hands. It would take all four of you working together to do it. Some back-breaking labor. I guess we should get at it, unless someone has a clever solution. I have exploding arrows, but...

You know what? That's what they say to use in a mine. When your only tool is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Would any of your rods do any good in this case? I was looking at that. I mean, no. I have a portable ram with me. Like a little baby goat? No, like a... I wish.

No, like a physical door ram. I pictured Bart pulling a little goat out of a... Where'd you get that, Bart? I don't remember. I'll be honest. You looted that from someone if I remember right. I think I did. Was it when we were in the jail? I believe it was during the jail breakout. You got the portable ram. Okay. The immovable rod.

teleports up to 40 feet in any direction but it doesn't specify that i have to see it so you're gonna teleport into a rock that's the danger that's the real danger it's nightcrawler rules yeah that minecraft video we just did where john put mad's house back and blaine suffocated underground it would be like that that'll happen i guess uh mud and gumbo being a badger start digging

All right. Go ahead and make me a, let's call it a strength check. Digging or moving rocks? It's kind of the same thing, right? Digging. Digging horizontally. I guess like, are we going trying to go under the rocks or just through the rocks? It's kind of like there's a cave in at the front of the mine, at the mouth of the mine. It's kind of like you're digging through that, trying to sort through the rocks to get into the mine. Is there any like mining gear anywhere? I mean, it is a mine, right? Make a perception check.

Mud rolled a seven on his strength. He's not doing well. Can I help with the digging while he does the perception? Yeah, make a strength check. Thirteen. You look around, and it seems like anything that was left out here has been picked over, anything of value, and you can't seem to find any tools that would help you with this. Mud rolled a seven on his strength. Kyborg got a ten. The rocks are really heavy. You might need another pair of hands to help you guys out. Can I help? Yeah, make a strength check.

20. Oh, yeah. Once Gum Gum shows up, then you all are able to start moving rocks okay. I feel like me using my portable RAM is not going to help here because it would push them inwards instead of dig them outwards. Maybe you get them at an angle. Or maybe you could, since they're all resting on each other, if you're able to push one from the bottom in, the top will collapse down and it starts to slide down and make things a bit easier. Could I try that? Yeah.

It's your brain. But we use our brawn. I didn't use anything. I'm still using a technically brawn. I like how it's listed on your inventory as RAM, comma, portable. I don't know how to use it. So you would just make a strength check, but you get a plus four bonus on your strength check because you're using the portable RAM. Gotcha.

I rolled a six. Plus four from the ram, ten. Ten. It seems like the rocks you're trying to hit maybe are too big and can't quite get leverage under it. What's the percentage that you would say we've gotten done out of these rocks? You know, you all keep working at it for a while, and after, let's say, an hour or two, you're able to clear enough out of the way. Ow.

that you're able to squeeze in without too much danger. And so we've leveled up now from that? Yes. Leveled up for mining. Yeah. You're now level two miners. I mean, basically standing in one place and doing the same activity over and over again in a video game is grinding for XP. Yeah, but you get those diminishing returns. You know how that goes. All right, so you all make your way into the entrance of the mines. Just for fun, everyone roll me a perception check. 15. I rolled a one, so I'm re-rolling.

Good old lucky. 14. 12. I'm only really bad today. 16. Gum gum and kyborg. Normally, Bart does have really good rolls, especially perception checks. Yeah. Bart, my

and Gum Gum. The three of you, it takes your eyes a little while to adjust to the darkness and this appears to be the same entrance you experienced as the intern nights, but it looks different. The cave walls are no longer lined with glowing purple rocks and the floor is now covered in piles of rubble and debris. It's making it very difficult to walk or even see very far. Kyborg, you notice that instead of like the tinkering of metal and mining that you hear nothing, nothing except for the occasional drip of water and the draft of air whistling through the tunnels.

To your left seems to be a mining railway, and to your right is an alcove with stacks of boxes and barrels. Considering the terrain and darkness, Mud's going to preemptively turn into a spider. Gum-Gum, did you see that? Oh, my friend. But we still have those glowy lanterns, right? Yeah, the Sangria Knight lanterns.

The alcove had boxes in it? Yeah, it's a stack of boxes and barrels. Can I see if there's any, like, footprints or anything that looks like fresh movement in the cave? Yeah, make another perception check. 18. You don't really notice anything, but that also could be because you've just finished moving so many rocks and so much debris here has been sliding around. So it's hard to say. Nothing stands out to you, but it's also very difficult to see. Can we check?

Can I check the boxes and stuff? Uh, yeah. Gum Gum peels off and goes to the little alcove to check out the boxes and barrels. Make an investigation check.

Juan. That humming wasn't gum gum character. Yeah, it seems like there's some barrels and boxes intact while others have been rifled through and damaged. I mean, there's like pieces of lumber and like scrap pieces of wood. I want to check in the boxes as well. You rolled a one. I want to see if I can find some dynamite to make some cool arrows. Yeah, make an investigation check. All right, you got it. Here we go. How do you look to stepping over here? Please don't undermine my work. Twelve.

Yeah, I mean, the barrels seem to all be intact, containing some kind of jelly that smells familiar. Jelly? The boxes have been nearly all opened and rifled through. They contain wooden handles and leather straps to mining tools and equipment, but it seems like all the metal pieces are missing. Can I try something? Yeah. Can I dip an arrow very carefully into the jelly and then fire it? While he's doing that, can I also just look to see if Mud knows what the jelly is? Yeah.

Yes to both. We'll deal with Mud first. Mud, make a... Let's call it a wisdom check. 18. Yeah, you recognize this jelly right as Kyborg knocks an arrow and fires it off into the distance. You turn to tell Kyborg that it's exploding jelly from Elderling Village, but you're too late as his arrow strikes the cave wall and lets out a small pop. Ooh!

Small pop or like plus three damage? Small pop. I feel like exploding jelly is going to come in handy if we ever are trapped somewhere. Where do you come from, though? We need to get out. He said the way we could, anybody got anything to transport it? What's in a barrel? The last time that you all encountered this was at the Elderling Village. It's like that movie Sorcerer that none of you have seen. Elderling Village? Who's that? Where they... Stop it. Oh, those guys. Why was it there? Slow.

Why was it there? Let's make another wisdom check. Mud the wise, rolls a 23. It was set up almost like a trap. It exploded when you entered the room. Okay. Could I like bag up some of it and attach it to the ends of arrows so I can have exploding arrows? You already have exploding arrows, don't you? Yeah, but they're like magic and I have the low inventory. I only get like two. Do I still have the vial I used for the acid? Yeah, you splashed it. Yeah, you still have it. Yeah. Could I put some in a vial and keep it? Sure, why not?

Sweet. A little bit of splurting jelly for Bart. We got some containers and stuff whenever we went to the, uh, the...

Yeah, the lumber yard. What containers did you get there? I don't remember. Several small leather bags. Yeah, bags and containers. Oh, you're going to put jelly in a leather bag? It would probably, like, soak it. I don't think that works. Well, I mean, how wet is this jelly? I guess it's in a barrel. I think leather would hold jelly. I think so, too. Let us know on Twitter if you think leather could hold jelly. At StinkyDragonPod, or what is it? Yeah, it's at StinkyDragonPod. Okay. Got it.

We've also used a lot of potions and stuff. Some of those got to be bottles. Micah just sent me a message. Questions you never expect in D&D. How wet is the jelly? How wet is the jelly? Sure, why not? Leather bags. Yeah, you load up the explosive jelly into leather bags. Woohoo!

Copious amounts of leather jelly that you'll be sloshing around. Next time you fall, remind me. Just FYI. I'm not telling you why. Just remind me next time you fall or you fail a dex check. I want to tie them to my arrows. Like three. Three exploding arrows, please. You want to what? I want to tie some leather bags of exploding jelly to some arrows. I don't think that's how that works. No, it's not. Yeah. You can't fire an arrow with like additional weight at the end. Yeah, I could.

I mean, a disadvantage, maybe. We'll test that on our TikTok. Can you shoot an arrow with a leather bag of jelly at the end of it? Yes. How accurate is it? I'm the best archer there is. Okay, so there was that, and then there was a track. Correct. There was, like, a mining railway to your left. Is there a cart? Maybe an investigation check. Is there toast to put the jelly on? Is there...

mud uh turns to the group and says i think we should all look for a cart a cart a cart we're finding if you make fun of how i talk i'm just trying to actually hear what you're saying and we're trying to find the cart of the golf like a shopping cart or a golf mario that was your last berry i'm not giving you another one

I wanna find your character one with you I rolled a zero! Oh a seven, I thought it was a one so I rolled a six Oh like a minecart A minecart Uh you see large chunks of the railway and minecarts aren't just damaged but missing Woah Wait chunks of the railway? Yeah and the minecarts themselves Oh it's missing chunks Can we still follow the tracks at least?

Like, is it walkable or is it, like, cavernous? Or is it like a level in Donkey Kong Country and it's just, like, tracks hovering over nothing? This was one of two paths. The other one was just a dark... Yeah, you can continue down and follow them. It seems like it opens up in that direction. Okay.

So do you guys just want to follow where the carts would have taken us? You stop it. Am I crazy or were there two caves? Yeah. Was there two caves or is Kyborg dumb? One side was the alcove with the boxes that you investigated and the other side was where the cart was. Could both answers be true?

Yeah, so do you all want to follow it down? Is that the consensus here? Yeah, if it's triple simple. Yeah. You follow it down, and the tunnel opens up to a large cavern with mine shafts and branching off in three directions, north, northeast, and southeast. Because we're coming in from what direction? You came in from the west, and you went east, and now you're kind of like a little nexus. Well, left is north. North. Okay.

Do we notice anything like noises or lights coming from any of the paths? Make me a perception check. What would love to take? It's only a 13. You think you hear maybe like the dripping of water very faintly coming from the southeast.

Wasn't there, like, she was near water or something? Maybe we should go southeast. Uh-oh. Is K-Break saying we should go right? Yeah, against my better judgment. Is he going to do a Zoolander and just do a full circle and then go? I say we go that direction because when we saw...

Paralite. Paralite going through the portal. There was water. All right. I like that. That's enough information to make a decision. Gus is looking. Everyone make a wisdom check. Oh, man. This is what happens when we trust Kyborg. Gus, I'm going to need you to make a wisdom check for me. Wisdom saving throw or just a wisdom check? You can tell the difference if I say saving throw or check. That's a good key. Eleven. Vont du. Vont du.

Man, 12. I'm really so bad today. I don't think I've rolled double digits once, like, without my modifier. Yeah. It's a rough day. Do you need a berry?

No. A berry of confidence. A battleberry. A battleberry. Oh, I'll get in there. Battleberry is coming to you in our store this summer. 19. I am Kyborg the Wise. Mud and Kyborg, you both remember that the water you saw behind Paralite you believed to be at the Sheer Lake. Okay, different thing. Did we not already know that? We did, but why didn't we go to Sheer Lake? You do. I felt like it was kind of being forgotten there. Where, where, where, where?

Where's Sheer Lake? It was one of the kingdoms you went to in the Dreamery. Went underwater. Right, that borders, uh, Boulderay. And that was with the big, like, puzzle where we had to press the buttons and the dome came up. Exactly, exactly. That's why I'm confused why we're in the caves. Which direction is Sheer Lake? Sheer Lake from Boulderay, it's to the southwest. Wait, and that's where the drippy water is? Yeah, let's just, let's, let's, let's follow the water. I like following the water. We're gonna follow the water? Follow the water. Just around the river bend. Yeah, just around the mine bend.

We go down southeast. Barb's still going. We're getting a lot of shrugs and strange looks from the crew right now. No, no, no, no, no. We're just trying to figure out... It's always a balance, right? How much information do you give? If we give more information, does it affect your decision-making process? We don't want to railroad it.

Haha. But you want to make sure that you have the appropriate information in front of mind when you're making a decision. Or if we give information, would it taint your view in a way we don't want it to necessarily? It's just, that's all it is. And also sometimes it can't be too much information if there's still a story to be figured out. I'm confident in this decision. This is the right decision. I would bet Bart's life on it. Nice.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Southeast. I'm the most important life here. Y'all decide to head to the southeast, and you follow the passage, and it descends lower into the mines until you come upon a cavern with a wooden footbridge. The bridge seems to lead across a handful of small pools, and then the cavern splits off into three directions. More threes! More what? Another direction of three. Oh, oh. Another direction of three. What directions are they? Are you throwing the map?

I know, but I'm writing them down. Okay. From there, you could go north, east, and then looking to the south, it looks like it's kind of caved in and dead end down there. So we can't go south. Correct. You can, but it collapses very quickly. Okay. So north and east would be the directions you could travel in. Is there anything strange about the water? Make a perception check. 20. Something catches your eye in the pool below you. Something shimmering and shiny. Maybe gold? Don't.

Don't do it. I bet you that this connects back to the castle. Remember? We were looking and there was like porous, watery caves and stuff. But I bet this is like a secret entrance back to Infinite HQ. Yeah, I said it.

Don't look at me like that. What's the gold have to do with it? Could I use my wand of magic detection? Yes. And this would help you find magic within 30 feet, correct? Yes. How far is the pool's way? From where you are? Yeah, it's within. You would detect it. It's within 30 feet. As Bart is detecting magic, I whisper to Bart, Hey, Bart, could you try and grab the gold with your mage hand?

Potentially. First, I'm going to do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You open up, you use the wand and it opens up your senses to detecting magic. And of course you detect the usual caveat, your party members and all the stuff you have. But beyond that, you do not detect any other magic within 30 feet. Could I try to use my mage hand to pick up the gold that's in the water?

Yes. You use your mage hand and reach down, and when your mage hand is fumbling about, you discover that there's precious metal within some corroded and falling apart chests at the bottom of some of these pools. Your mage hand returns with... It's like a little crane game. Right. What you gonna get? 23 silver pieces.

My mage hand brings that back to me and I pocket it. Wait, you should just teleport down there. What if you can't teleport back? Why? I mean, jump if you want. How far down is it? You know what? I shoot a web down for you. Spiders love webs. I can climb this. Cannonball competition. Kyborg and Gum-Gum, cannonball competition. Go!

Can I climb down and then jump in the pool and swim? Yeah, it's roughly, we'll say 20 feet. Okay. Gum-Gum's about to die. Yeah, you climb down and get into the pool and the water's nice and warm. Gum-Gum doesn't know this, but there may be some kind of geothermal activity in the area that's heating up the water. Gum-Gum just thinks he peed. Someone made a lot of pee.

And yeah, you look around and you see... Oh, actually, make me a perception check. Twelve. You see two other chests, or two other dilapidated, falling apart chests, besides the one that the mage had. Can I try and get them? Yeah. You reach into one and you pull out... A haunted skull. Twenty-three gold pieces. Whoa. Whoa. I'll hold on to that for you. He's down in the water. I'll hold on to that for you, Dad! Okay. Okay.

Uh, hey, go on, go on. Try- look in the other chest. Okay. Okay. Uh, you open up the other chest, uh, peer inside, and you find a small gem. Eh, worth about 25 gold pieces. A gem? I just gotta find- Is it any magic? No. When Bart used detect magic earlier, uh, no magic was detected. It's mundane. There you go, look at you, word of the episode.

Has he cleared out the chests? Uh, yeah, that's all the chests that you all saw. There is no more shiny beneath the pools. Gotcha. Gum-Gum, why don't you come back up? We'll proceed through the mine. Okay. Bart, did you want this gold? Oh, no, no. I don't want to take your gold, Gum-Gum. Gum-Gum's so nice. It's our gold. Maybe we could split it on something nice for us later on. Okay. Like some new friendship bracelets. That'd be cool.

Alright, so I mean y'all are back up at that footbridge. North or east? It's a north or east. Thoughts? If we go north, I think we're gonna be making a circle. East. Not quite. Just keep going to that direction. Let's go east, yeah. I like east. I'll stay east. Make bread. Let's go east. Oh. Oh. We got there. Who's leading the way?

I'd say- I- I'll- As Gus asked that, Barb did a very, like, eye-dashing look at everybody. Like, just wondering, like- Well, I don't think it should be me. Yeah, that was what that was saying. I have no problem going in the front. I was gonna say it either needs to be me or Gum-Gum, because we have dark vision. I'm a spider who can see in the dark. I'll have you know you're not special right now. Okay. Then go ahead, bleed. I will. Spider in the front. Alright. Make a dexterity saving throw, John. Spider in the front. Idiot. All eight of your lips get chopped off. Idiot.

Save and throw is right there. I hope you fail. I hope you fail. 19. Shush. Dang it. As soon as you put your first foot, your first spider foot onto the footbridge, it collapses. And you catch yourself before you fall in with the bridge into the pools below. Darn tootin', I'm a spider.

So the whole bridge is buh-bye's? Yeah. It seems like it's collapsed, fallen into the pool. What's the distance? What's the distance between us? And then the landing, the next landing. Oh.

Take a look. And the directions are on the other side of that bridge, the northeast. No, you can go north still. Oh, so the east one collapsed. The distance? About 45 feet. I can make that jump. Do it. I can make that jump. Do it. Mutt's tired of hearing Kyborg say that, so he's going to do it. All right, here we go. Kyborg gets back 10 feet as if he's about to run, and then he goes to the north path. All right.

I could make this jump. You absolutely could. You have jumping and teleporting. Yeah, you have your rod. You're a very traversable barbarian. So you all decide to go north? I... Kyborg did. And Kyborg leading the way? Is everyone following him? Kyborg's in charge now. I guess so. I guess so. I can make...

But only you could. What if we did rope? Do we have... I have an idea. Okay, go ahead. Hey, Gus. Yeah. Chris has an idea. Oh, let's hear it. This never happens. Let's play the theme music that we play every time Chris has an idea. All right. Get some rope. We tie it to something that we find on the side that we're at. Like an immovable rod. Yep. We'll know if there's something else that we can tie it to, like a boulder or something strong. Okay. Selectite, whatever. Or might. Selectite.

and then I take the other end of the rope and I tie like a rock to it or wrap a rock around it, okay? I take it, I run, and I cast jump, and I jump forward, and I throw the rock,

If I don't, I throw the rock forward so that the rope continues to fly forward. And then whenever, because if I can't make the jump, because I can do like 30 feet high, and then I teleport to where I threw the rock and catch it. So kick ass. I love that. If it works. I would say, and what is the point of this rope? What are you going to do with this rope? So that then they can go across it with hands. Okay. With hands. Commando style. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't see why this wouldn't work.

We'll make some checks. I was waiting for the checks. Yeah, there will be checks involved. Do you want to try it? Do it! What does the party want to do? Does the party want to try this or does the party want to go north? I'm not gonna lie, that sounds awesome as hell. I'm already like... This is a party that supports a gum gum. Okay, so like you said, your ring of jumping, I believe, triples your jump distance. So you would not be able to clear the entire 45 just like you expected.

Well, first of all, before we even get there, on the origin side of the jump, you're tying the rope to like a stalagmite or something here. I mean, is that the point of it? Yeah, something that I pull against. Essentially, he's trying to create a tight rope. All right. Yeah, a rope bridge. Okay, so you tie... No, when it's just one rope, it is not a rope bridge. It is a tight rope. Yeah, so you tie that down. Make a sleight of hand check.

but i also want you guys to check it i'll check your work that's an 11. okay yeah you tie uh you tie a good looking knot onto a stalagmite can you check it can i can i come in and reinforce that there tight rope yeah make a slider hand check are you doing my intro again

It's a dungeon master. 17. Yeah, he has no idea what he's doing. You undo all his work. It was a bow tie. And fix it for him. It was just loosely wrapped around. Tie it to a rock, too. Yeah, no, I fixed your thing. Yeah, but the other end he's going to take with him. Tie it to a rock.

So you do the ties. So, yeah, if you could make another sleight of hand check for the other side of the rope. And I'll check your work. Okay, got it. Yeah, and Gum Gum will check your work. I like that. 19. Ooh, yeah. You tie a real nice bow on it and tie it to a rock. Gum Gum, make a sleight of hand check. While they're doing this, I want to pull Bart aside and show him a fun little dance that I taught Gumbo to do. Oh, my God, this is the best day of my life. So Gumbo's doing a little dance in his armor. It's like clinking around. We're having a good time. Ba-da-da-da-da-da.

Gumbo sandstorm. Yeah. Yeah, it's really quality work. All right, so then you set back 10 feet, take off running, and make your jump. I mean, there's really no check on that. You're just going to jump. And with the ring of jumping, that triples your jump. You make it most of the way. Let's say you make it 30 feet. You got another 15 feet or so. You got to throw that rock. So make a strength check.

to see how far you're able to throw that rock. Not a save, a check. Air gum gum. Seven. Yeah, so you toss the rock and it doesn't quite make it all the way to the other side. It's only like 10 feet. 15 feet. You rolled a seven. Do math.

Rock. D&D is math. If you teleport back... Yeah, the rock falls short of the other side, and you teleport to the other side. To the other side or back? If you teleport back, you can take it again. You retry. We have the other end of the rock on the rope, and we just pull it back up and go again. Would I see that the rock didn't make it? Yes. Then I would teleport back. Okay. Welcome back, Gum-Gum. Thank you. With Gum-Gum's lightning reflexes. I'll try again.

I don't have bad reflexes. I actually have really good reflexes. It's just your strength check. It's difficult to do. Gai Borg pulls the rope back to give Gum Gum the end of the rock. I will try again. Since you can try again until you get it right, we'll say that eventually, after a couple of tries, you're able to successfully pull off your plan. Thank you, Gus. Let's not roll this over and over. I was going to say slap him on the butt and then go like this.

You're able to make it to the other side and you secure the rope. Gum-Gum, make a slider hand. You said you were tied to something else, so make a slider hand check for the other side of the rope. And also hold it.

Okay. That's a 14, and then I'll also hold it myself. All right, so there is a tightrope going across the cavern with the pools below. Who's the first to take the gum-gum highway? Me. Bart? I can't be away from gum-gum for that long. Do you want to, like, hand-over-hand commando style, or do you want to tightrope it? Bart is going to wrap his legs around it and then use his hands to pull backwards. Smart. Yeah. Go ahead and make me a strength check with advantage because you have your legs wrapped around it as well. Okay, going to need that advantage.

Yeah! Not 20. Oh, nice. I rolled a 4 and then 20. You have plus 0 on strength. I didn't realize that. Yeah, Bart is able to very quickly scamper across to their side. He's quickly reunited with Gum-Gum. That was pretty cool, Gum-Gum. Thanks. Yeah. Can I teleport and then catch it? Yes. Oh, that's cool. Absolutely. You look so cool right now.

Kyborg? Mud? Just playing catch with himself. I'll go next. All right. Make a... How do you want to do it? Do you want to go hand over hand commander style? Same way, legs wrapped around. Make a strength check with advantage. What are you giggling about? Sorry. I just imagined me jumping, throwing the rock, teleporting, and then the rock hitting me in the face. Yeah.

That's the first one. That was the first go. 24. 24, yeah. You're able to very quickly scamper across as well, leaving Mud all by himself with Gumbo. I pull out my knife and I start inching it closer to the rock. Do it. No, of course I'm not going to do that. Do it. Is there a ceiling? Of course there is. Okay. Okay.

Mud climbs up the wall over the ceiling and goes on the other side. Yeah, you have to make a check. Spider-Mud's able to do that no problem at all. And then shoots a web back to the side to show that we could have just solved this with a web if we really wanted to. Can you shoot a web that far? Yep, 60 feet. But now we have two ropes, so we can just get a bunch of planks and make our own bridge. Now we kind of do have a rope bridge. Way to go, team. The spiders did it together. Ha ha ha!

Just two spiders. Just two spider bros. Check out our spinoff show, Just Two Spiders. Literal spinoff. Yeah.

All right. So, yeah, you all are on the other side. What if this is the wrong way to go? Well, now you have an easy way to go back. We do. All right. Eastbound and down. Let's go. This passage leads to a wooden platform built into the cliff's edge of a vast chasm. The depths seem to be endless, and the gap next to the next cave wall is at least 20 feet.

Atop the wooden platform sits some type of crane mechanism, and apart from that, the passage heads north or south, which is where you came from. Should we get in the crane thing? Check that out? Can I investigate the crane thing? Yeah, investigation check. 17. Yeah, it's built into the side of the chasm. It looks like it's mostly made of wood and rope with a crank pulley system. However, the metal claw at the end of the rope is missing.

Metal claw at the end. I could put like an axe or something. Bear trap. Oh my, oh yeah. My bear trap. Why do you need the claw at the end? I don't know. It just seems like it would fit. Like the puzzle's there, you know? We don't quite understand it until we figure it out. But that would also...

Uh, we can also just go north. We can just avoid this claw machine. Can you describe it one more time? It's like a crane game mechanic, like you would find in an arcade. It's just like that kind of crank and pulley system, but there is no claw at the end of the rope. And what's across or near it? I mean, this is over, like, a big ravine that leads down, or you can continue going north. Can I figure out, like, what this thing, this crane was used for? What did it pick up, typically? Make, like, a perception check.

All the metal's gone. I know. I keep thinking about that. Wait, beyond that, what else has gone metal? All the stuff at the beginning when we found all the equipment at the start of the mine, all the metal was gone. Handles were left and stuff like that, but all the metal was taken. You think that this was probably used for mining? Maybe there was blasting done down in the ravine and the claw might have been used to pick up rubble or ore from the bottom? Could you tie me to it and take me down?

To the crane? Yeah. Are you asking mud to tie you to it? Yeah, make a little spider. I feel like we should use the spider as the claw. Right? Which he's asking, the spider, the other spider of the group. Sure.

Sure, sure. Yeah, I guess let's see what's with the claw. Yeah, definitely. Okay, then I web a gum gum to the thing. A gum gum kind of like, I assume, like wraps the rope around his torso. I would assume like your waist or something. And then mud fires somewhere up to the end of it to make sure you're extra sticky to it. Yeah. Gross. Who's going to operate the... Shotgun.

You're going to operate the crane itself? Yeah. Bart? It's just like we practiced back in the arcade. Gum Gum and Bart, big Gachapon fans. And you're going to lower him into the ravine, right? Yes.

Yes. Okay. Bart, it takes you just a couple seconds to figure it out. It's a very simple pulling mechanism system. You swing him out over the ravine and start lowering him. Gum-Gum, you think that this would be really scary, but you have faith in the spider webs that are holding you. So you know they're not going to let you down. And it's actually kind of fun. That's that bravery berry. That's that bravery berry coming into play. As you are getting lowered, the crane itself snaps. Uh-oh. Bart!

Bart, what'd you do? Uh, nothing. Gum-Gum falls into the darkness. After a moment of free fall, Gum-Gum, you land on something breathing deeply. Oh, no. Find out what it is. You're going to have to tune in to next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Is it Smarsh? Is it Smarsh? God, I hope not. I hope so. All right, well, thanks for listening, everybody. We will be back next week with another episode. What did Gum-Gum land on? The plan worked perfectly.

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