C01 - Ep. 49 - Paralyte's Poison - Raining on Grisleve’s Parade
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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Best wishes to all you black pudding squeeze on into the stinky dragon knock back our latest nightcap secret badmire. It's a mixture of dark chocolate lump liqueur, peanut sputter whiskey, 2% muck topped with corrosive cream. One sip of this amorphous eye opener will clear out any indigestion in no time. Previously, our adventurers completed their competitive climb up the Escalon after

After overpassing their river guard foes, they came upon a monstrous duo-headed grizzly up to grave business. Can the Intern save the last two Infinites while defeating Paralyte and river guards? Or is this the end of an insil- What the hell is that word, Micah? Insalubrious? Leave that in.

Can the intern save the last two Infinites while defeating Paralyte and her Evergards? Or is this the end of an insalubrious internship? Grab a brew and let's continue our tale. Why is it Blaine gets prestidigitation and I get insalubrious? Insalubrious? Insalubrious. I love the way you say brew in that voice, Gus, because it's always so brew.

There's some words you gotta stretch out insalubrious definition not salubrious. Thank you. Thank you unhealthy Salubrious like cell celebratory soul. It's very soul. It's a l u br I o us all if you're going in the back door like saline salubrious salube like saline that Prefix right, but like what does it mean heard that one guess? I don't know what is salubrious?

Healthy. Like, salute. And a salute is healthy? In Spanish. It means be healthy. Salute. I thought you said a salute. No, no, no, no, no. Everybody, doesn't Gus in his, like, chair with his mic and everything, he looks like a radio DJ guy. He does. Welcome to KQD&D. Good, good, good, good Gus in the morning.

We're rolling 20s all morning long, keeping you occupied through your drive. Oh, I miss when that was the only way we could listen to music. Watch out. There's a gold dragon on I-35 backing up traffic through downtown. And he is stinky. Too funny. Boop, boop.

So we're still in person again. Hence why we were able to see each other. I just have my phone out because it's got all my D&D stuff. And then John, while you were talking, just inched it off the table and pushed it off. And I just proceeded to like juggle it. It's like those videos of cats when they like are really testing their owners like patience of like getting the thing as close as possible to the edge. It's the best. And I've missed this whole thing because I'm covered by a screen. Barbara has a special little privacy.

private room. Barbara has a vocal booth around her microphone. Because apparently our boy voices are bleeding into her feminine mic too much. It's her inner contract as Yang. She has to have the best of the best. She made the request. I must have my own booth. Privacy, please. We're only allowed to see like the top of the rim of her glasses. That's about... I'll take a picture. Yeah, you should. She looks more like a DM than Gus does. We need to put

She should be the DM this episode. Oh, yeah. All right, I'm going to send you the PDFs, Barbara. You run this. Bart gets 30 health points. Infinite inspiration dice. Infinite inspiration die. Oh, you took that feat? That's a good one. Kyborg lost his arm. Never to be seen again. With the other one or the... Both, actually. Lost your metal one and your human one. So now you're just a torso. Just a flesh wound. Oh, what fun.

I would like to play. Okay. You got to play when we did our side quest. Honey host. Oh, yeah, I did. That was fun. It was very fun. Is that going to be up on the site by the time this comes out? I think it's already on the site. It's on the site, and we're going to release it as audio soon as well. We already got another Dungeons & Dragons campaign thing going, though. We haven't released it as of yet, but the 60-second dungeon that Neil and I are making. Oh.

Oh, yeah. As always, if you want some more D&D content, we love to make D&D content on our Squad Team 4 socials. So on top of making sure you're following Sneaky Dragon, if you want some D&D content, go find us on TikTok and Instagram and Reels, and we got some good stuff. We dare you. And you too. Do it, coward.

We dungeon dare you. I showed Trevor one of the cuts of the 60 second dungeon videos and he was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. Oh, good. That's the best. I want to kill him with laughter. Well, let's kill Paralite now. Okay. We're not fighting Paralite. We're fighting Grizzly. Let's kill the Paralite part of Grizzly. Which head is it? I don't know. I guess we'll find out. I'll go for the left. You go for the right.

I go left. All right. Well, in that vein, two large stone braziers flicker on either side of you. They're fluorescent flames unaffected by the Viridian rainfall pouring overhead. Micah pulled up the source today. I was going to say a lot of V-word. Alliteration. Before you are several sets of stone stairs climbing up to the various levels of the Escalon Summit.

At the top, Grizzly towers over a stone altar, emitting a sickly green light to the darkened skies above. Two pairs of blue-robed priests step up to Grizzly's flanks, offering two bowls while bowing low. You said two bowls at the top of that. Two pairs. You didn't say two pairs. You said two bowls. Two bowls walk into a room. Two pairs of blue-robed priests...

Two pairs of blue-robed priests. How you did it exactly the same again? I said two pairs. No, you came back and you said two bowls again. That was a joke. He said two bowls walking to a room. I said two pairs. Okay, okay, okay. I said two pairs. Did I not say two pairs? I wiped my own ass. Two pairs of blue-robed priests.

Step up to Grizzly's Flags, offering two bowls while bowing low. Did I do it right that time, Sean? This sounds like a math problem. Like a critical listening... Two bowls are traveling from... Two bowls? Why do they get food? Soup? Tomato soup? Are they empty bowls? The sacred water, your graces. Yes, and here is the ground bracken.

Using their goblet, Grizzly draws from both bowls and then pours the contents onto the altar. Vroom! The sickly green light pulses into the sky and the clouds expand further across the land. Seeing four glyphs appear on the stone tiles surrounding the altar. We are that much closer, my peoples. And as I said, nothing can stop us from converting this region into its purest form. So this is like the space lasers that we've been seeing in like early 2000s movies, right? This is Ghostbusters. Oh.

Oh yeah. It's just a light, a laser that's just shooting into space, right? Where's the top of a building. There's someone doing a crazy ritual and there's a light in the sky. He poured the sacred water onto the ground. Onto the altar. And then it shot up. It got even more intense. From the two bowls, he poured sacred water and ground bracket. Grizzleaf? Grizzleaf. Grizzleaf has not noticed us yet. Uh.

What's up to you guys? I don't think so. So when you first described Grizzly, like back in like the altar forever ago with me and Gum Gum and in the flashbacks, weren't they like a smaller person or the way you described them, they're huge. Are they like all hulked up right now? So I've been saying Grizzly, not Grizzly. This is a two headed giant creature.

It's Aleve. It's Grizzly and Aleve. There you go. Oh, they got merged? Yeah. I didn't know that because I thought he kept saying Grizzly was the name of the original Infinite. Yeah, not Grizzly, not Aleve, Grizzly. I'll just be giving myself an inspiration die right now. Someone was watching Steven Universe. My God. Inspiration die? Inspiration die? No.

Let's let Gus get through this part of the story. Jeez. I just, I uncovered something though. Grizzly with a V looks at the party and looks back at the priests. Ignore these heathens. Prepare the next stage of the ritual. The four priests head off in pairs to separate corners of the summit. Grizzly will rebuke these infidels for their insolence. Everyone go enroll initiative. Oh, okay.

I have advantage on defense from... The Dark Arts? The Dark Arts. And anybody who calls me an infidel. 12. 10. 19. Wait, is that actually part of the thing, or did you make up that last part? You don't know. I don't. 10. Kyborg, were you also 10? Yes. Which one of you has a higher dexterity? It's got to be you. It's got to be me. 15? Plus 5. Yeah. Yeah.

Plus five is not a dexterity. Just FYI. Fifteen. What do you mean? Twenty. There you go. There it is. That's your modifier. Yeah, okay, okay. I follow you. Did we point out that Micah's in studio? Did we say that? Micah's in studio. Micah's in studio. Is this your first time in studio, Micah? He's looking around. Is this your first time in studio, Micah? It is. He's not even been in Austin. How are you going to communicate your, like, witty zingers and stuff? You normally just send them over Discord, and then Gus will select the best ones and say them out loud. Oh, he just...

He's sliding me a note. Nervously slid a piece of paper over. Get to be quick. I think you might still have fire arrows, FYI. Oh, yeah, you would still have fire arrows. I think you have 11 of them. Yeah. Because we only shot one. Oh, man. So can that stack if I do like a fire arrow that's also like a seeking arrow or exploding arrow? Yeah, I mean, it's just an extra D6. So it's just adding a D6 to your... Hell yeah. We're going to mess this thing up. We'll see. What was Grizzly's powers?

They had, like, a hammer that did something. I think it was, like, forging things. And a leaf could heal, right? Yeah, and I think Grizzly was able to, like, make things come to life with their hammer or something. They were able to forge things to life, I think. Is that wrong? You tell me. You're the one who went to the library, you nerd. Okay. We need to make another quick trip to the library. Yeah, and lose the cankoos this time because they were very distracting. Gum, gum, I'll tell you what. Roll me Constitution Save. Me? Yeah. Okay.

I like the energy there. I like this, like, southern bell and distress energy. Me. Little old mate. Constitution save was a 12. Oh, sorry. I did just a roll. I'm going to do a constitution. Oh, crap. It was worse. Eight. Okay. That's just for me. That's just fun for me. Oh, that's horrifying. That's never good. I hate when things are just for Gus. Yeah. Because you know he's going to use that later. Well, it's more like...

It didn't quite go the way I thought it would. Oh, he failed. Good. We like that. I don't see how me rolling an eight should be good for us. All right. So before you at the altar stands a towering, hulking grizzly surrounded by some priests that you saw earlier. In the blue robes. Correct. Oh, the priests are still there? Yes. Are they fighting for them or are they more passive? They

They seem to be currently busy with tasks, but you see that they are armed. They do have weapons on them. They have arms. Grizzly did say ignore them. He was going to deal with them. So maybe they're just continuing the preparation. Don't pull aggro. Yeah. No, for real. Yeah. Grizzly himself is like a huge, hulking, hunchbacked, two-headed monster with scaly skin and barbs all across their body. Not barbs. Like little faces that are just making puns. There is no barbs in this one. You see in one hand. Only barbs.

In one hand, you see a hammer and in the other hand, you see a goblet. That Grizzly is holding? Correct. A goblet and a hammer. So I assume the hammer is Grizzly's and then I guess Aleve has a goblet? Yeah, it was like the Healy thingy. Gotcha. I like the idea that because they're two merged people, they are always holding their appropriate weapons. Yeah. Okay, is it my turn? Yeah, Bart, you are up first.

I have a feeling based on... I have a feeling. That tonight's gonna be, we're gonna die. I have a feeling based on the items I received last game, or sorry, last episode, that there's some type of transmutation magic happening here. But just in case, am I close enough to Grizzly to use my wand of magic detection? What's the range on that wand? Well, you say that Gum-Gum-Gum's like strokes his chin with his spider hands.

So do we just determine is that four or six? How many legs? Yeah, like does a spider stand on four legs or does a spider stand on two legs? I think we thought it was like the arms were one leg each and then the rest. And then six on the bottom or it could be... Oh, okay. So six on the bottom and two on the top. We know what it could be. We're asking what it is. I drew a couple options. Thank you. Got to be on our Twitter account. Are you walking on two, four, or six? Can I still wield my weapon with two each hand? Do I need four arms to wield my weapon?

Oh, that's an interesting point. Oh yeah, we'll say yes. Okay, then it's four and four. Four and four, okay. My wand doesn't have a distance associated, but... You want to go off of a typical detect magic one? Yeah, because it says as an action to cast the detect magic spell. So I imagine it's just the same range as detect magic. I think it's 30 feet. Yeah, okay. 30 feet around you. So you all came up to the top of Escalon and you're like on one landing and there's like some small stairs up to another landing, some small stairs up to another one, then on top of that's the altar.

So you're probably a good 50 feet away from the altar. That being said, obviously you could move up 20 feet or so and still be within range. Like you'd go up to like the next little landing. Yeah, I am going to do that. But before I do that, I'm going to cast invisibility on myself. Okay. Is invisibility like a bonus action or is that a full action to cast? I want to say that's like a spell. If it's an action, you can't do that and use your wand. Okay. Okay.

Invisibility is an action. Could I just move very stealthily 20 feet up? Yeah, make me a stealth check. Just creeping up the steps. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. That's what she's saying. Or he's saying while he's climbing. I'd say 16. Yeah.

That's a pretty good roll. Bart enters spy mode and slowly starts creeping up the stairs. He sings his own theme song. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Copywritten. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. It's a Bart original. And then he takes out his wand and goes, dun-dun-dun. All right, he's going to cast Detect Magic or use his wand to see if there's any magic coming from Grizzly. All right, so that would allow you to see any magic within 30 feet. And of course, you know, we always make the caveat. You see, you know, anything on your party members.

And you're trying to focus on Grizzly primarily? Yeah. Was that your target? It's a 30-foot aura. Yeah, you definitely see magic emanating off of Grizzly's body. It would be transmutation magic. And as you look around the rest of the top of Escalon, you see that the priests are also glowing with a similar magic. So much transmutation up in here. Okay. It's a popular school. Yeah. It's a party school. Okay.

All right. I guess that's the end of my turn because I've used my action. Yep. Spy Bart. All right. It is Grizzly's turn. Grizzly, who rolled a 13 better than the rest of you. What would Grizzly do? WWGD. It's sometimes good for your opponent to go first because then you know what they got. That's true. Let's see if he notices little Bargy boys.

They kill Mudd. I should mention I'm on my stomach on the ground. Oh, you're prone. Oh, well, he's going to keep that in mind. I think Bart on his stomach is not much shorter than Bart standing up. He's got a big old juicy butt. Yeah. He's thick. Okay. He's packing. All right. Like I said, she's about 50 feet away from you. She's going to have to try to close the distance. Was Grizzly a female? Yes. Okay. Okay.

So it's two females merged together. Yes. Okay. All right. She is going to move 30 feet down in your direction. Bart, she seems to pass close to you, but doesn't seem to take note of you. Excellent. All according to plan. Bart, she's going...

Is that your invisibility noise? Invisibility field holding. Grizzly picks up her hammer, raises it above her head, and throws it at the rest of the party. Everyone except for Bart make a dexterity saving throw. Gum-Gum, you would have advantage because of your danger sense. Way to go, Gum-Gum. Danger sense. That's a good thing I did. Eight.

24. Who rolled an 8? 18. Oh, 18. I rolled, my good one was 18. What'd you get, Mike? 13. Grizzly picks up her hammer, holds it high in the sky, and yells, It's hammer time! And throws her hammer at the party.

Uh, it lands amongst all of you, causing the ground to tremor and shake, making it very difficult to maintain your balance. Mud, you rolled a 13. You are going to take a little bit of damage from the shaky ground. Mud, you take 13 points of bludgeoning damage, and you're knocked prone. Don't forget we had those seven temporary HP as well. I actually had 12. Oh. Nice. Got some good berries in your satchel still? No, I gave those away. Yeah. And I ate them. Do figure out if you can sell.

I'm gonna. Eliv holds up her goblet, holds it to her lips, takes a long drink out of it, and then spits the liquid at Kaiborg and Gum-Gum. Each of you make a dexterity saving throw. Gum-Gum, of course, you get advantage. That's not some very healing liquid, I don't think. Oh.

Does a 14 pass? 17. You have to tell me if you're going to roll again before I tell you that. Cheat. I have a feeling we need to really find out about transmutation magic and how to defeat it. I'm going to see how many luckies I've got left, which would be... 14's not terrible. I don't think it's going to pass. 14's in that range that it definitely can be above or below a lot of saves. I like your attempt to fish out if it passed before you declared whether you were using it. Uh,

I'll eat it. It's fine. I only got one lucky left. 14. Well, Gum-Gum manages to dodge out of the way of the liquid, but the liquid, however, does land on Kyborg. As it touches your flesh, it burns, and you take 18 points of acid damage. And I sit there, and I say, she slimed me. Aleve yells out, feel the burn.

I am groaning in character. And you didn't even get splashed with acid. Nope, just been hearing hammer time and feel the burn. Gum Gum, you're up. I'm going to Rage, classic.

No one spills goop on Gaeborg but me. Five. What was that? Five. Oh, that's your... Whenever a creature hits you with an attack roll before your rage ends, this creature takes 1d6 of force damage as magic lashes out in retribution. Remind me of that if I attack you. All right. He's got the force fields. Wow, wow, wow. Okay. Okay.

You saw Bart disappear. He's hiding. Sneak away. You saw Grizzly step down part of the Escalon and knock mud to the ground and slime Kyborg. Okay, and how far away are those magicians up at the top? The priests? Magicians. Magicians.

Ta-da! That's what Gum-Gum sees. Well, can I ask you something, Gus? Do they use magic? It's divine, though. It's divine what? Divination. Yeah, but what is that called? What is that called? It's called a school of magic! Don't try to make Gum-Gum correct. They're up at the top of, like...

kind of back past where Grizzly was originally. Grizzly was 50 feet away, so I'll say the priests are probably like between 60 and 70 feet away. Okay. I think I'm going to go after those mages. Hey, GumGum, I think let's not pull aggro on the guys that are just doing their job and let's maybe focus. You're on the ground, Mud. I don't know. I can talk. You're rolling around. I can talk. It's just laying. I can sing. Is there anyone around? What's his name? Grizzly's. Her name. Oh.

No, she kind of separated herself from the rest of the magicians, as Gum-Gum would put it. You might also open yourself up to an opportunity. I'm going to run up to Grizzly. How far away is it? She's about 20 feet away from you at this point. I'll run up to Grizzly, 20 feet, and then I'm going to give a crazy swing with my great axe. Before you're able to do that, Gum-Gum, suddenly all of your spider legs just pop off.

You are now just a torso laying on the ground. Even his arms? What, does he not have arms? No, all of his spider appendages just fell off. He has no arms, no legs. Gum-Gum needs some glue. He's just a... I understand how you feel now. He's just a torso and a head. All right. Gum-Gum, you're mine.

We shall now call him Bob Bob Well, hmm. Go ahead and attack there you go gum gum. No, I guess someone throw gum gum at grizzly. Hey, hey, gum gum. Might I recommend unarmed strike? Thanks for listening to Stinky Dragon, guys. Peace out. Um, okay, okay, okay.

Okay. What can you do? Can I do anything without arms? What can I do? Like, what can I use an item? All right. Can you cast spells with your teeth is now my question. Or can I, like, use an item in my bag? I'm looking through your character sheet right now. Micah points out that snakes do things all the time. They do. Yeah, you could slither.

Just, like, bite your immovable rod and then, like, teleport. It's just this torso just bouncing around the place, teleporting. You could still magic awareness. He can roll.

Do your flower wand. Well, can I use, like, my... Your ring of jump you could use. Can I jump, though? Hey, Larry the Pickle was able to jump pretty high. Can I use, like, my acme box or my immovable rod? I'll say you can use your mouth to open the acme box. Okay. And what about the grease one, the sack of clumsy dust? Can I use that? You just have to suck some up with your mouth and just spit it out. Sack of clumsy dust.

Yeah, why not? You can, like Mud said, you could just get a mouthful of it and spit it out. My mouth is yum-num. Okay, I'd like to jump. Can I jump? Sure, why not? Use my jump spell to jump over to Grizzly. This is just a Pickle Rick episode is what this is.

Okay. Can I make it over there? Can I use it? Blaine is on the ground trying to jump without the use of anything. Yeah, we'll say it's magic. It allows you to propel yourself. Like, how far do you want to go? Like, just behind Grizzly? I want to get right next to Grizzly. Okay, yeah, you can do that. I did try to jump with no legs and no arms.

It's very difficult. You don't have a magic ring, though. A couple episodes ago, people were nice enough to send in pictures of them rolling the dice with their feet, so your challenge this week is to send in a video of you trying to jump without your arms and legs. All right, so I jump over to... We're not responsible for any injuries, not liable. Drew's just a total rights reserved. Yeah. I jump over to Grizzly, and then I use my...

Acme box. Okay. He's the Black Knight from Monty Python. He is. So you have to roll a 1d6. Acme box is a mysterious box from a mysterious company. Opening the box causes a series of strange, unexplained events. Rarely backfires. That's not true. It's definitely going to backfire. You're Wile E. Coyote right now.

Six. That's the one that makes it explode. If it does, it'd do damage maybe to Grizzly. And kill Gum Gum. What is six? The box explodes immediately in front of your face. You're covered in soot and you take 4d6 fire damage. Whoa. Blinking comically as you clear your eyes. What did I say? Did it hit Grizzly? No, it's just you. Oh, man. You...

You bought that too! You spent money! That was just the worst of the worst. You take 13 points of fire, Gafferman. Are you lucky? Can you re-roll inspiration? He ain't got it. And it's an inspiration there, not for those kind of rolls. Can I give him my lucky? I don't think it would apply to this kind of roll. I think it only is for skill checks and attack rolls. Bummer. Well...

All right, so I did that. Never mind, your challenge is to draw fan art of how Gum Gum looks as a little nub with an exploded face like from Looney Tunes. And then I'm going to take my sack of clumsy dust, throw it. Wait, you only have like one action though. Don't I have two actions? You have to get two attacks in your one action. Oh, I can't do two items? Correct.

Oh, man. Like it's part of training. You can become more proficient at attacking. That's why you get two attacks in one action. That messed up my whole plan. That messed up your whole plan? Yeah. Not the exploding box. I have a question. Hit me. Feel free not to answer if you can't.

So this is two previous Infinites merged into one. It appears so. We're trying to like find these guys and save them, right? So like we don't want to kill this person, do we? We fought these guys. We fought like Aleve and didn't kill her. And we fought Sleek. Not Sleek. Sleek? Sleek, yeah, Sleek. But like we don't want to kill her, right? Yeah, we won't.

We won't. Because I have stuff in here that could really hurt people. Oh, use it. Please. Okay. I would say we probably don't want to hold back on this boss battle. I think they have plot armor. And if they don't, then I really want to see Gus and Micah and Ben scramble. Play the game how you want. It's up to us. I mean, John just turned into a dinosaur and swam under an entire encounter a few episodes ago. Her HP is probably like 600. I do want to clarify that the Acme box is unharmed and is still... Yay!

It's still there. Now that I've destroyed your plans, GumGum. What can I do? You tell me. You're pretty much out of stuff. You took a move action and used an item. Yeah, like another action. I think you're pretty much out unless you have any bonus actions. Well, I could teleport away, but I don't know the point of it. How would you teleport away? With my bonus action, I can use the movable rod. You can? Yeah.

Is the movable rod a bonus action? I think it's an item. It's an item. What I'm saying is that the move attached to the item, does it say as a bonus action? Oh, I guess it doesn't say it's a bonus action. Yeah, then it's an action. Well, I guess that's about it for Gum Gum. Welcome to episode 49 of our D&D show where we still explain the rules to Chris. Bite her ankles. Well, I haven't used it in combat really much, so that's why I was... Okay, then I'm going to go into a turtle mode because

because I don't know what else I can do. Okay. Gum Gum Turtles up. Is that an official action on your page? That's a bonus action. A bonus action. Turtles. So I like the happenings of what just happened where Grizzly is up there. A nub teleports at her feet. No, jumps. Jumps into. Jumps, jumps, but then still lands at her feet. Okay.

Behind her. Behind her. There's an explosion. And then he like blink. He looks at camera and blinks because he's all black covered in soot. With the xylophone noise. And then goes into turtle mode. I got to believe that got Grizzly's attention and Grizzly just turned around. Grizzly is entertained.

Well, come at me. I dare you. Don't invoke her to the she will. Kyborg, you're up after Kyborg is mud. Okay. Well, I watched that horrific display. That was great. That was awesome. So I whip out the longbow of triumph. Shoot was shot. I got a flaming arrow. Mind you, 20. Okay. Yeah, that's a hit. Okay. And that was 11 points of damage plus 26, five. So that's 16 damage. One second. I forgot to write down her.

He just puts a sideways eight. How much damage did you say? 16. I, uh, 60. What's infinity minus 16? I don't remember. God, seriously. This is what it feels like. All right. I have a second action. Sorry. Second attack. Excuse me. Gonna shoot my longbow triumph once more. Thank you.

26. That hits. Great. Shoot another flaming arrow. That's a 13. Plus... Ooh, yeah. That's a 6. So that's 19. And I'm also going to use the old razzle-dazzle. The old razzle-dazzle. That's right. The old arcane shot, which will be a bursting arrow, which is 2d6 force damage. So that's an additional 6 points of damage.

So much explosions going on around here. 19, that's 25 points on that last roll. Yeah, a bunch of little fireworks. Pew, pew, pew, pew. The first one was behind her. Is that like a total of, what, 41 points of damage there? Yes, I think it was like, what, 25? Plus I can't remember what my other rolls were. That's pretty good. I think we both did equally good. We

We did equal damage just to different things. I think so. We both tried to attack Grizzly and had explosions involved. Now, geographically, where am I? I'm on the same plane of the pyramid, the Esquon with him. With Grizzly? You didn't move. You started attacking, right? Yes. No, I mean, Grizzly is still like elevated slightly. She would be like on the next level up.

Okay. It's like three steps up. Does that change my movement speed if I'm going upstairs or anything? No. Okay. And how distance wise, how far away? You're about 20 feet away. Okay. I want to get farther away. So I'm going to, they're not within melee distance, I'm assuming. So if I were to move, is that an attack of opportunity? Well, she's not within threatening range. Right. So like in order to provoke an attack of opportunity, you would need to be typically within five to 10 feet. Okay.

In that case, I'm going to use my movement, which is 35 feet, and I just want to get away. You have a few options. You can either move west or east on the Escalon. The direction you came from would be further back down and out of line of sight, so I assume you don't want to go that way because you would no longer be able to attack. Yeah. And then if you were to continue forward up the Escalon, you would have to pass by Grizzly. So it's like you really can't go back. Going up, you would get attack of opportunity, so you're pretty much left to your side, either to the left or to the right.

And then the sides, if I move to the sides, that doesn't impact my ability to attack, right? No. Okay. Then I want to move west, which is left. Just so you know, in this case, because you're actually coming up to the Escalon, you're facing south, so to your left would be east. What? You're going up the Escalon, you're facing south. So if you want to go left, that would be east, not west. I go east. I just want to make sure. I know you said left. I just want to make sure. That would actually be east, not west. Yeah. And there's no way I can move up a step. To the...

- East, not without really getting into closer range. However, you see when you go east that continuing up to the south in the southerly direction, there is another set of stairs that kind of loops around to the side of the altar. - Okay, noted. All right, that's my move. - Okay, Mud, you're up, then the priests and then Bart.

Copy. How much does Gum Gum weigh now? How much do you weigh normally, Gum Gum? He's got about 600 pounds of inventory on him. I'm 250 pounds, plus I've got a lot of stuff. 250 pounds. He's got 76 pounds of stuff. Let's say he lost 60 pounds of limbs. So he's about 266 pounds all told right now. So heavy.

Your legs are a lot heavier than that, Gus. You think so? Legs and arms. Big, beefy arms. I counted 50 pounds for legs and arms. I would do probably more. How much would you do? I would say half your body weight is probably in your legs and arms. Really? I think. I don't know. I'm lifting my own leg to see how heavy it is. We'll say 225 pounds then. I'll give you a few extra pounds there, Barbara. Now I'm going to Google it. So how much does Gum Gum weigh? About 225, all told.

Okay. Mud looks at Grizzly. And don't forget, Mud, you are prone as well. You got knocked to the ground by the shaking ground earlier. Thank you very much. And looks at Gum-Gum and tries to stand up. Okay. Standing successful. Yay. You were right, Gus. Really? Usually for a male, a total arm is about 5.7% of your weight. So that would be 10%-ish. And then your total leg is about 16.7%. Come on, roll.

Okay, so you did say Gum Gum was 225. Yes, we'll stick with that. Perfect. So Mud gets all puffed up and casts Conjure Animals to bring some friends to help. I hate you and your spells.

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I have turned into that magic character that is a little bit broken right now. Uh-huh. And I like it. What are you summoning? Well, I was looking up the phrasing of it. That's my favorite thing to hear. Let the rules lawyering commence. Where's my gavel? Yeah.

It doesn't say that I have to pick a single specific beast. Only that, depending on their CR rating, is the number of beasts I can summon. Correct. Okay. Then what I would like to do is first I summon a giant lizard. What's the CR on a giant lizard? One quarter. This is lining up for eight of these different animals. Oh, you're going to... Okay. No, but there's one giant lizard. Wait, do I need to make a list? You probably should. Okay, yeah. Hold on. Give me a second. Gus, write this down. Okay.

I'm getting the giant lizard. A giant lizard, and this is a quarter CR. I'm taking note of this as well. Quarter CR. And you need to name them too, so go ahead. You know what? I will let Gum Gum name them because I'm sending it to pick up Gum Gum. I think. Because a giant lizard has a strength rating of 15. Carrying capacity is considered 15 times your strength rating. 15 times 15 is 225. Ben just laughed behind Gus's head.

D&D is improv and math. If you want to know my favorite part of D&D, it's the math. I will say, in Jon's defense, a giant lizard is classified as a large beast. If it was not a large beast, I was going to throw a fit about this. It's a large beast. A giant lizard can be ridden or used as a draft animal.

So yeah, I mean, you can absolutely do that. Its strength is 15. How fast? Like, what's its movement speed? It's got 30. Okay. It's like a person. Yeah. It also has a climb of 30 feet. So I think it's really good at climbing. Ride your little chariot. Your little lizard chariot. What's his name, my friend? It's a giant lizard. And his name is? Slippery Tongue. All right. Slippery Tongue. I would have gone for Godzilla personally, but okay. Slippery Tongue. All right.

Okay. I'm going to make this very simple for the rest of them. I'm not going to do like eight different kinds of animals. Oh, I'm here for this. No, because I don't think I would break my brain if I had to keep track of all these. You know what? Screw it. Actually, I'm going to summon three giant bats. Yes. Giant bat. I can't remember. Can't remember. Three of that. Summon.

I figure we're going to attack this from three positions. And first position is lizard and gum gum. I got three giant bats. And then the final four are going to be a giant poisonous snake. Cool. Very fitting for where you are, the environment. Yeah. For being quarter CR rating for all these things, there's a lot of stuff called giant. Well, it's like mundane animals, but big. Yeah. Like there's giant owls. That's pretty cool.

And giant centipedes. I also realize on the... Giant badgers. When I see everyone rolling dice and their whole name comes up, it's like Kyborg the Mighty, Mud Bramblecrack, Gum Gum Glindor, and then for me, it's just Bart. Bart. You're like Madonna. It's true. Or Cher. Or Beyonce. Yeah. One word or one name. That's it. Bardonce. Okay. So Mud reaches out to Slippery Tongue. You can call him Slippy for short. Slippery. Slippy for short. Slippy.

I'm putting them in the initiative order as well. Thank you. Could I allow the giant lizard to just go with Gum-Gum at his time? No, it has to go on your time. He can't delay his? Yes, but so it would act. If you want it to move now, it would act now. Then the next time it came around, it would have to pass its turn and then go back to Gum-Gum because Gum-Gum would act before it. Okay. Do you see what I'm saying? Like it would be essentially skipping its next turn to then delay back to move itself forward.

up in the initiative order. Uh, okay. Then it picks up Gum-Gum and that's its, I guess, action and movement? So when you conjure animals, do they appear by you or do they appear where you want? You summon fey spirits that take the form of beasts and appear in unoccupied space that you can see within range. So then I assume you conjure the giant lizard by Gum-Gum, it picks Gum-Gum up, and then where does it take Gum-Gum to? Because it still has movement then. Yeah, would moving away from Grizzly be an attack? Yes, it would provoke.

Okay, then it doesn't go anywhere. But it does... Since you're sticking it there, it's going to do a bite. Oh, wait. No, picking up its action? Picking up would be an action. Yeah, no, it can't. It can't. Okay, cool. Giant lizard done. And then giant bats are going to attack Grizzly from the sky. Yes. And are going to do...

A bite? Do you want me to roll one for all three or you roll for each one? No, roll individually. One is a 10, one is a 6, and one is a nat 20 with a 24. Mmm, mama mia. Beautiful. I assume the 24 is probably the only one that hit. Yeah, you are correct. Okay, this is a critical hit. So roll your damage and then add an additional max damage on top of it.

And what kind of damage is this? It's a bite. It could be piercing. So, it could be piercing. But they're fangs. Oh, it is. Sorry, it's at the very end. Sorry, piercing damage. Piercing, there it is. Okay. That is four plus another max would be another six, so it's ten. Ten bite. Ten bite. Hopefully, we can go get a rabies shot. And then the four poisonous snakes will do a bite as well, and I will roll for them. Okay, so one is a seven, one is a 11, 12.

One is a 12 and then one is a 25. The 25 hits. Okay. It's piercing damage. And then the target must make a DC 11 constitution saving throw to roll for some poison damage. So you want to tell me what that is?

John, you're frustrating Gus. It's working. It's not you. My dock moved from one monitor to another, and now it's like it resized all my windows when it did that. I'm in technical hell over here. That's a two. That's a five. That's a fail. Okay, so you take eight piercing damage, and then you take 13 poison damage, and that is Mud's turn. He bows and kisses to the crowd. My initiative note is so long now.

I'm gonna find a way to take that spell away from you. Oh, Mud also wants to transform into a polar bear. Oh, then that's a bonus action for you, right? Correct. Wise choice. All right, so now it's like a zoo broke open here. There's a lizard, there's bats, there's snakes, there's a polar bear. There's Matt Damon. Ha ha!

Oh, my. But oddly enough, no halflings anywhere to be seen. Yeah. No halflings anywhere to be seen. How rude. So now that Mud and his menagerie are finally done, from the top of the Escalon, you hear chanting, seemingly like otherworldly chanting. Is that Britney Spears? Temporary foley. And you hear like a loud crack of magic from the top of Escalon.

This is coming from somewhere other than those four. Yeah, is it the priests? It's the priests who are 10. Okay. I thought there was only two of them. No, it was two pairs. Two pairs. Yeah. Oh, right. Two bowls. Two bowls of priests. What's not clear about that, Barbara? Everyone make me a perception check. That's a five. Gum Gum's rolling around on the ground. That's a 19 for Bart. 15. 15.

15. So everyone but Gum-Gum notices that when the chanting stops and there's that loud crack of magic, a giant glyph at the top of Escalon illuminated. Does it match one of the glyphs on the altar? So the glyphs aren't on the altar itself. These are glyphs like around the altar. Okay.

And it's one of those glyphs that has illuminated. Okay, time out real quick. Last time we fought Sleek, the mirror was the thing that if we had destroyed it, it would have ended the boss fight. You're wondering what the mechanic is with this infinite. What's the stupid thing that we have to do the stupid thing to kill the stupid thing with? There's got to be something that is causing the transmutation magic. Magic.

What could we roll or perceive? You know, I mean, should I go up there and shoot the glyph and make it explode? Shoot the glyph. Or stop the ceremony. Roll an arcana check, Kyborg. All right. Let's waste a little time here with a bad roll. That's four. Yeah.

Everyone else roll me an arcana. Not gum gums you didn't see. Bart and Mud roll me arcana checks. Hey, don't worry, Kyborg. I'm also minus one. I'm only a plus one. Oh, 18. That's what happens when the group does not take any intelligence points. Mud rolled a two. Just want to make that on the record. Well, luckily, Bart's a smart boy. The man, the druid who just conjured all these animals with his mastery of magic. Well, it's more nature. He's tired also. Yeah. It's like intrinsic to you.

Bart, you think that whatever ritual the priests are performing with their chanting is what's causing the glyphs to illuminate?

So there's one that is currently illuminated and three that are not illuminated. So then we don't want them to get those other three. So we got to get the ads. It's one out of three illuminated or one out of four? One out of four is currently illuminated. And they're chanting that. So then we don't want to destroy the glyph. We want to destroy the dudes that are summoning the glyphs. Probably. All right. So that's probably right all.

And Bart, it is your turn. Okay, so a lot of movement around here. I'm still in the same place I was before. Correct. Where is Grizzly now? Relative to you, Grizzly would have walked just past you, maybe like five to ten feet behind you between you and the party. Okay, I'm going to try something here. I'm going to pop the cap off one of the vials of my acid.

- Whoa. - And I wanna run up to Grizzly and splash acid in her eyes. - Whoa. - Yeah, you can absolutely do that. You wanted like target the eye specifically? - Yes. - Yeah. - Didn't realize Bart was a KGB agent.

Which head? Oh, which head? I have two vials of acid. Oh, one each. Yeah, can I put one in each hand and go splash? You can only do one because it's your action. You'd have to pick one head. And if you want to like get to the eye specifically, we'll have you make like a acrobatic check to like climb up there and target a specific head. Oh, how tall is Grizzly? It's pretty massive and hulking. Plus also Bart's kind of a little boy or a little guy. There we go.

I would go for grizzly because Aleve probably can heal with the goblin. So I should go for Aleve. Take out the healer. Always take out the healer. Because then she can't see. Yeah, I'll go for Aleve's eyes. Make like an unarmed strike. An armed strike. That's what we'll call it. Steal her stupid goblin.

Sweet. 22. Nice. Oh, that connects. Oh, and did you make your acrobatics check as well? Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah. Make an acrobatics check to get up there and target the specific head. And which head was it again that you settled on? Aleve's. Aleve. Okay. Sweet. 24. Oh, beautiful. Oh, yeah. That's really good. All right. Yeah. This will, of course, just so you know, like break your stealth. Like you're not hiding anymore. You're obviously you're climbing up an enemy and putting acid in their eye. Yeah. Bart scrambles up.

Grizzly pops open an acid vial and splashes it onto a leaf's head in the eye region, doing 2d6 acid damage. That is six total. Six total. Did I joke about Harvey Dent, like, two-face in the last episode? I think when the acid came up.

Now there's like literally one face that's acid and the other one's not. So we've made two face. They're now one face. They're fantasy two face. I also don't know if this is why you guys had me find the acid or not, but I hope I don't need it for something else. Well, you got two, so. Yeah. You splash the acid into Aleve's eyes for six points of damage. Aleve howls in pain.

And as she flails around in pain, you hear shouts of pain come from the priests as well. Cool. Is she controlling them? Or vice versa. Yeah, I don't know.

We got to get the priests, I think. I think that's what's going on here. I think they're possessing her. I think they're possessing them in some capacity. They have some sort of bond that we must exploit. And they're also the ones chanting and having the glyphs pop up. So I think definitely double down on the priests. That's what I always say. Is there anything else you want to hop off? Yeah. Could I hop off and move away? Or is that... Attack of Arptitude.

Invisible. No, she's not. Or he's not anymore. But they're blinded by the light. By the side of it, right? You could move away, but that would provoke an attack of opportunity. Okay, I'll just hop off then. Okay. Is that it for your turn, Bart? I think it is, yeah. Great turn, Bart. As Bart hops off of Grizz' leave, the Evergards that you were previously racing up against to the top of the Ziggurat finally reach the top of the Ziggurat. Could you not? Maybe they'll help us.

The three cloaked Evergard archers appear from an adjacent side of the Escalon. They point at you guys and they take up positions to begin opening fire. Who will they fight? I'm gonna roll 3d4 to see who they all attack. Shocking, huh? This is not a fun battle. So two of them target Bart and one of them targets Gum Gum's body.

Bring it. You ain't got nothing. He's just not a lizard, just crawling around. He's just holding on to the lizard's back with his teeth.

So, uh, we'll deal with the one that attacks Gum-Gum first. They come up on the Escalon and, yeah, pull back their bow and let loose two arrows on Gum-Gum. That is a 19 and an 11. Well, the 19 hits. The 11 does not. Hmm.

Okay. But it does take damage from hitting me because of my rage. Is it only melee attacks against you? Whenever a creature hits you with an attack roll before your rage ends, that creature takes 1d6 force damage as magic lashes out in retribution. Cool. Oh, that's interesting. I pictured it would be like something in melee range or something that was like close by. Just as attack. Yeah, the way that that's worded does make it seem like it's in general. All right, yeah. So they will take damage, but I'm going to roll their damage.

I just rolled it for five. That's okay. So they both get it because they both shot me? Oh, it's only one who shot at you. This one shot two arrows. Oh, simultaneously? No, one like you. Kind of like you. Yeah, exactly the same as you. Well, I don't know if they did it. You were vague about it. They could have shot it twice at the same time. Go ahead and roll me a strength saving throw. Come, come.

Oh, wait. I need to do a saving throw. Is it the same, though, for you? No. One's plus five. One's plus eight. We'll just use this with seven plus eight. Fifteen? That'd be fifteen plus two because of my rage. So, seventeen. Okay. From the arrow, you take...

Three points of piercing damage. Then when the arrow hits you, it like sprouts vines and plants that attempt to entangle you and hold you pinned to the ground. But you're rolling around. It's so strong, you're able to break free of them and they're not able to quite pin you down. Three points of piercing, that's with my rage? Oh, and then so because you're raging, you end up taking one. Yeah.

They got magic arrows? You're not the only magic archer in this realm. Lieutenant Dan, they got magic arrows. They got magic arrows. Two of them are going to take aim at Bart. I'll say one of them uses arrows. That would be a...

I'm sure it's gonna be a miss. It's like an 8 and 11. My armor class is 15. Yeah, those are both misses. Aha! He does one of those like, whoosh, whoosh, moves his body so that... It's like, again, like a cartoon. You're like a rubber band movie left or right. The other one charges at you and pulls a dagger and tries to stab you with the dagger. Let's dance. That is a 16 and a 13. So the 13 misses, but the 16 hits. Go ahead and roll me a constitution saving throw.

Join me as a freak. Ooh, seven. Okay, so you get stabbed by the dagger and take nine points of piercing damage. And the dagger's coated in a poison, and the poison courses through your veins, doing another nine points of damage. Come on. Oh my god, dude. But hobbits are resistant. Are they? To poison? Calflings? You have advantage against poison, so you actually make your saving throw twice. So make that saving throw you did one more time.

Ah, 19. Okay, yeah, so you do not take the second nine points of damage. Awesome. Thank you, Chris. Chris played a halfling in our last campaign. So I get nine points back? Yes. Oh, thank you. Good job. This is a hard battle. You saved me. So, canonically, is that Gum-Gum reminding Bart? You're a halfling. You're a halfling. He's just a little torso on the ground going, Halfling, do you have advantage against poison? You're a halfling, Bart. Slippery, stop licking me. Yes.

Slippy. Slippy. All right. It is Grizzly's turn. Then after Grizzly is Gum Gum. All right. We'll deal with the Grizzly side first. What's Grizzly going to do? Does a leave now have like disadvantage on things? It'll affect her a bit. Yeah. That's why I'm doing Grizzly side first.

It's easier. So around Grizzly in immediate arms range would be Gum-Gum and Bart as well as the giant lizard. Slippy. Slippery tongue. Or Slippy? That's not for sure. Yeah, his nickname is Slippy. Slippy, okay. What's she gonna do? She swings her hammer. Let's roll and see if it's gonna be Gum-Gum or Bart. Bart. Bart.

Can I yell? Gibby. She swings her hammer at Bart. Let's see if she connects. Can we talk about it? That is a 16, which is a hit. Bart takes 23 points of damage. Okay. That's not good. Is Bart still standing up? Barely. And Bart, you feel your knees go weak and your legs don't seem to be working. Your movement speed is now zero. Okay.

Aleve. What's Aleve going to do? Oh, Aleve holds up her goblet and takes a sip from it. That's her whole action. And as she does so, the acid seems to dissipate around her eyes. Of course. I figured that would happen. But that took an action. True. For Aleve, that is a bonus action. Well, it took a bonus action. Thank you, John. She extends a finger and points at mud. Pull it. Right.

it right it's a ray of sickening greenish energy lashes out in mud's direction it hits ac it's gonna it's gonna go ten yo it misses it missed a strong bear uh that's unfortunate

Is it because revision's all messed up still? It was a bad roll? Maybe just a bad roll. She got a little stuff in her eyes or something still. Okay, that's it for Grizzly. Gum-Gum, you're up after Gum-Gum's kiborg. Gum-Gum, you're on the ground rolling around through all of those vines and plants that had extended, and as you're doing so, your arms and legs pop back out. Yay! You're a real boy again. I miss my spider legs. Is that his cry? Yeah.

Grumpy just throwing a temper tantrum, wanting his spider legs back. So you're just laying on the ground, but you have your arms and your legs back.

Okay, uh, I'm going to... Can I hand an item to someone? Does that count as an item? Hand an item? Is handing an item... It can go either way. If they're next to you? Uh-huh. Yeah, sure, why not? Okay, I wanna hand... Let me try and do a potion. I wanna give him... I was trying to get Bart to use a movable rod and teleport him away. Can I do that? You can hand Bart the rod, but Bart needs to activate the rod.

Which would be an action. Correct. So Bart could not do that until his turn. All right. I have some spells I could use on myself. Okay. Potentially, but that would also imply that I'm okay until my next turn. Well, then here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get over to the magicians. Priests. Sorry. I think it's funny. Okay. How far away are the priests? You almost said it again.

The M'Priests. From where you are, they're roughly 20, 25 feet a little further up the Escalon. Okay. I'm going to run to them, whichever one is closest. Attack of opportunity. So, yeah, you will provoke an attack of opportunity. Okay. Before you make your move then, I'm going to resolve that attack of opportunity. Great. Grizzly swings her hammer at you, hitting AC. Ooh.

29. That is a critical hit. Empties. Doing 37 points of damage. Holy moly. Good lord. Oh my god. Is that with... Oh, and then, but you're raging, so you take 18. Nice. And the hit actually knocks you. It moves you 30 feet in the direction up the Escalon. Okay, cool. Idiot. All right, and then I'll stay also. As...

As the hammer hits you, Grizzly says, Can't touch this. Except for then my rage hits back with a D6. Boom, which does four damage. I can't touch this. So now I'm over by the wizards?

Now they're wizards? Priests. They were magicians. Yeah, you're up on top of the Escalon, like near the altar where the various priests are. They're not all like grouped up in one place. They're like around the altar at different positions, but you are in the general area where all of the priests are. And there's two of them? Four of them. Four. Two pairs. Two pairs of four? Okay. Okay.

two pairs of two. I'm going to lose it. How do you have two pairs of four? Got it. How does that? How does that? No. Okay. Okay. I run to whichever pair is closest. Okay. And then I'm going to from there throw my javelin of lightning at the opposite pair. Okay. Am I near the two so that it's within five feet of the first pair? The pairs are more than five feet apart.

So, like, two of them would be five feet close to each other, and the other two would be within five feet of each other. But they're more than five feet apart from... Yeah, so if I get in between the one pair, where I'm in between two of them, and then I throw my javelin at the other pair, it would hit all four of them, forming a line five feet...

that extends out from you. So it extends out from me. So if I get between those other two and it extends five feet. Oh, so you're like, yeah, so, okay. I didn't understand that. So you're trying to get behind one pair and then throw it, have it go out and connect them both. He's lining up his shot. He's getting the adds all lined up for us. I didn't realize that it worked like that. It's a very narrow, like, area of effect, but it's working now. Yeah. It says you have to speak the javelin's command word. What's its command word?

Boom, boom. And I'll attack it recklessly. Wait, so it says each creature in the line excluding you and the target. So does the target not... If I hit the target, then it does lightning. Okay, so on a hit, the target takes damage from the javelin plus 46 damage. So if you hit,

The target takes the damage regardless. Everyone else on the way saves to see if they don't take the damage. Okay. That's a wordy item. Okay. So let's deal with the attack first. So roll your attack roll on one of the priests. Where'd you get this thing? I'm attacking recklessly too. Okay. Did you buy it? Is this from Embezzler? No, I think it was a gift. That last gift. Cool. So that's 26. And yeah, I'll take the 26. Okay. That's not critical, is it? No.

So yeah, that definitely hits. And so you're going to roll your 1d6 plus 5 damage plus 4d6 lightning damage. Okay. So, and that's 11 on the hit because of my rage plus 2. You don't add rage damages because it's not a melee attack. So that's 9 points of damage. And then 4d6. 4d6 lightning damage.

that's 12. okay so now everyone else on the way needs to make a dc 13 dexterity saving throws that's going to be three dc 13 dexterity saving throws i need to make before i roll it i'll tell you what their modifier to that is it is plus two so i need elevens or better on these to avoid damage 17 11 and 12. so they all make their save yeah wait wait they take half damage there you go oh yeah so they all say they just didn't take full damage they take half damage

So roll 4d6 lightning damage, and they'll take half of it. Six. They each take six. Okay. And then the other, the one that I hit, takes all 12. It already took lightning damage. No, that was the hit. Oh, that was just the hit? Okay. That was an 11 plus 12 to the other one. Sweet. 23. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. Die, priest. So he caught the spear, and then it electrocuted him, and then it electrocuted his plates. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Wow. Okay. That's a good amount of damage. They're all smoking. They're all a little fried at this point. So this isn't a case where if one priest is hurt, all of them feel it. It's only when Grizzly is hurt, all of them feel it. Yeah. What's Grizzly going to do right now? You're not quite certain yet. Okay. But did Grizzly do anything? Make a perception check. Okay. That was also Bart's idea. So maybe Bart should do a perception check as well with me. Yeah, Bart, you can do a perception check. I'll do a perception check. Yeah, yeah. We're all looking. Yeah.

What's going on with Grizzly? 20. Well, I rolled a 1, so I'm re-rolling. I rolled a 20, which is a 19. 11. All right, so no one really notices any change in Grizzly when the lightning hits the priest. It's a one-way street. Or at least that's what we see. All right, well, then, I'll also then hit the closest one to me with my greataxe. Okay. Once again, recklessly. You have the deck stacked against you, Gum-Gum, but you're really pulling through there, bud. All right, so that's a 27. That hits. And that's 15 damage.

What do you say as your greataxe strikes the magician in front of you? Your magician days are over. And he's very confused by that. All right. Is that it for you, GumGum? Yeah. All right. Kyborg, you're up after Kyborg is mud and your menagerie. Okay.

Um, you said earlier that I could see a staircase that leads up that would potentially take me away from Grizzly. Correct. It would take you away from Grizzly and it seems like it leads back up to the altar on top of Escalon. Okay. Where the priests are. Correct. So how far away is all that business? I would say in that way, it's probably about 30 feet to get all the way up to the top of the stairs and the top of Escalon if you wanted to go up there.

And then how far does that put me from the cultists? Oh, that would be up by them. Like those stairs lead up to the top of Escalon where the priests are. How far am I from them? Oh, you'd be right up on them. You'd be like within melee range of two of them and kind of range distance from the other two. Disadvantage on longbow is five feet, right? Like if you're closer to them, you get disadvantage. Yeah. Yeah. I guess because it doesn't fire as hard. Yeah. Or it's like you're fumbling with it in close range. Yeah. They're all close. It doesn't gain the speed.

Yeah, you only have disadvantage within five feet of a hostile creature. And am I within five feet of any of these? If you were to get up there, you could stop short. I'm going to stop short. I'm going to make the journey partway up there. I mumble, I have the high ground, Anakin, to Grizzly, but they don't hear it because I don't want to invoke Grizzly. Um...

And I get, like, partway up the staircase. Just enough distance that I can shoot my longbow fine, but close enough that I can see them, right? Okay, yeah. And you see that Gum-Gum is attacking one pair, you know, melee attack, and then the other pair are off further in the distance. Okay, I'll aim for the idiots off in the distance. Okay. I'm gonna go for the first one first. Okay, the first one first. That makes sense. Okay, listen.

And then I'm going to use my Longbow of Triumph with the Flaming Arrow. Yeah. Shoop-de-woop. 17. That connects. Because they're flaming arrows as they zoom by it. You just hear this, gay. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.

Oh, man. They're not flamboyant arrows. They're flaming. They're flaming. Seven points of damage plus 1d6 of flaming arrow. God dang it. That's one on the 1d6, so seven plus one, eight damage. Okay. Eight points of damage. You see a small fire ignite on the priest's robes, and they quickly douse it and put it out. Okay. And then I aim for the other guy. Once again, longbow triumph, shooting a flaming arrow. So not the same one, but a different one? Yeah.

Okay, just clarifying because you said the other guys just want to make sure I just want to make sure between gum gum and I that none of these dudes are chanting like we're We're distracting them and making them really scramble around gotcha. All right. Yeah, go ahead and make your attack roll Okay, that's a 21 that hits I'm gonna reroll that there's only a one so plus five six. All right, I want to do more damage So I'm gonna do lucky as far as just on the ground going Uh better

That's a nine plus 1d6 plus three. So that's 12 points of damage on that idiot. All right. Your arrow flies true from your longbow, striking this priest and he falls to the ground dead. Nice. Unbeknownst to you, this is the one that got hit by the javelin earlier. Okay. So he was already weak and he is now super weak.

As his body collapses to the ground, his horrible visage melts away and he transforms back to a fish-like humanoid like what you saw in the town earlier. Oh, they're like... Transmutation. They're like innocents that were killed. He's fine. I mean, is he? No. He's dead. He's dead. Well, you know, he's dead. Oh, he's fine. Yeah, he looks very similar to Voltex we saw earlier, like a shark-like humanoid. That's a bummer. So then can I perceive if that was like a good person that was just manipulated by a... How would you...

have any clue of that? I don't know. Do they die with like a smile on their face and look kind? Look in their pocket to see if there's a wallet with photos of their kids. Yeah, yeah. Roll insight. There's a will, there's a way. We've got... Oh, it's a plus zero. Two. He looked like he had many grandchildren and enjoyed sitting by the fire reading to them. Not anymore. Anything else, Kyborg? Uh,

Uh, uh, uh, I, no, I think that that's the move. I mean, actually, no, I don't have any movement speed left. I mean, can I take whatever movement speed I have and just move to the other side of the pyramid that's away from Grizzly? I will say you're already really far. Like the way that this route brought you, it kind of brought you like a circular route around the Escalon. Okay. So you pretty much have maximum distance between you and Grizzly. That's possible at this point.

Okay. I think our most common question for Gus as a DM is how far are we away from X? I like that. I like that because it also makes me keep track mentally of where everyone is and where all the pieces are. And we're all be asking you those questions coming up. Except for all the bats and snakes and lizards. I don't know.

The slippiest by grizzly, that's all I remember. Slippy grizzly. Yeah, that's it. I'm good. That's it for you? Yeah. All right. After kyborg is mud, a whole bunch of stuff, and then eventually it's going to come back to you, Bart. Yeah, mud, it's on you right now. Okay. Do you want me to go first or resolve my animals? It's up to you. Either way. I'll resolve the aminals. Aminals.

Can I have my giant lizard attack grizzly? Yes. Okay, then I will do a bite, and the bite will be 23. That hits. Yay. Believe it or not. And the bite will do damage of only three piercing damage. Okay. Giant bats will go next, three of them rolling for a bite as well, and they will get six, 14, and 17. Two of them hit. I will roll for bite damage, which would be...

Nine piercing damage. Nine piercing damage, okay. I will roll for giant poisonous snakes attacking. When that bite connects with Grizzly, you see the priests kind of like make a face disgusted in pain. It seems like for some reason that one went through and hurt them as well.

Mudd is considering his choices. So they're up at the altar. Yes. And Grizzly is now no longer up at the altar. Correct. Killing the priest kills the priest. Hitting a leaf hurts the priest. Grizzly. Grizzly. But not all the time. But not all the time. Those were both bites. Those were all bites. Was it only whenever we... It was the acid that did it? No, a bite just did it. But I just said three bites and he says that one bite went through. Yeah.

I'm trying to figure out what the puzzle is of like the connection. Like it actually did damage? Well, it seems like they react like in pain as well. Make a perception check. I would like to also make a perception check. Nope, nope, not you. 26. So you think that when you're damaging her, that she's having to like focus and try to maintain some type of concentration and that occasionally the damage is causing her concentration to slip. I can't solve that problem right now. I don't know.

So, unless Bart's on the ground, or Bart's standing still really hurt. Yes, Bart seems to be immobile at the moment. How far away are the priests from a grizzly? Let's say 25 feet, something like that. Okay. I'm also able to heal myself, so if you don't want to expend. No, no, no. I was just figuring out what I want to do. Yeah, I'm going to... I just got off the snake's butt biter. Okay.

I just go with that. I don't, this is breaking my brain trying to figure out this puzzle. Four snakes you have? Yeah. And they rolled 18, 14, 23, 26. Man, they have a really good modifier because one of them was an eight. Yeah, they all go through. Okay. So then I'm going to roll for the piercing, which is going to happen. And then I'll roll for poison. Can you give me a DC 11 check for four of those attacks? Well, what kind of save? Constitution, sorry. Constitution.

Three of them did not make it. So that's three failures. Okay, so 26 piercing damage. And then three failures. I'm going to have to do this three times. 26 piercing damage. Dang. Those three were not saves. So I need to do it a fourth time. So that's going to be a total of 28 poison damage. Nice. Take that. Suck it. Priest's.

As a flurry of attacks is going through, hitting Grizzly, once again, it seems like occasionally some pain or something is getting transferred through to the priests up above. Did any of them, like, keel over or anything? In fact, it was enough damage that one of them does fall over and collapse into a pile of robes and appears to transform back into a fish-like humanoid.

Those of you who are up there can see that this one looks different than the other one. This one looks more like a whale-type humanoid. And is it one of the two close to me, or is it the final one? It would be the one that you attacked with your greataxe, actually. Okay.

So both of the ones by Gum Gum are down now. No, only one. Oh, so there's one down by me. There's one down by you. Correct. Yeah, so there's two left. Correct. I'll tell you what. Everyone make me an Arcana check. Six. 16. I'm a bad Arcanist. Four. 17. I got it, guys. Bart and Kyborg, you feel like occasionally when these hits are connecting with Grizzly, that there's some kind of necrotic thing

feedback that appears to be going up towards the priests on top of Escalon. Wi-Fi. We're all connected in the circle of life. Yeah, it's the same kind of magic that was used long ago to connect your arm to your body, Kyborg. You're just whispering this in my ear. Mud, is that it for your menagerie? That's it for the menagerie. Uh...

And then Mud's gonna do a multi-attack as a bear. And we'll go with the order that they're rolled, that the bite was a nat 20. The claw was only an 11. The claw misses, but the bite will connect. Okay. Obviously. So then that will be... Oh, yeah, it will be crit. So that is 19 piercing damage. Good lord.

Oh my god, what? I think you're Pete. Yeah, I think you're there, my damage dealer, for sure. Only if I can conjure eight animals to fight with me. So we'll kind of come up with a way to automatically kill eight animals. Are they like Patronuses? Like, are they spirit-y? They're fey spirits. It's like fairies.

So they're also gay. Yeah. Gay? After taking this damage, Grizzly falls to one knee, uh, looks up at you, and at the same time, KRAKOOM! The stone altar surges like thunder, and necrotic energy lashes out, striking at Grizzly and the priests, knocking them to the ground.

A portal suddenly opens up nearby and out steps a cloaked woman with deep black eyes and a bewitching pale face. Cut off her hands! Paralite holds out gloved hands and says, Bravo, interns. But I'll take it from here. This world needs a true hero.

She darts towards Grizzly Van the Altar. And we dart with her. A shooter. Isn't she evil? What's she doing? Make an attack roll, Kyborg. Oh, okay. Are we not in initiative? Well, she's kind of like darting through you guys. Attack to opportunity. I said I went in there too. Go for it, Mud. The way that he's like beckoning us to do this, 27. That connects. And then it's six points of damage. Plus 1d6 because it's a flaming arrow. One. Seven points of damage.

How did that go? How does that... Does it, like, bounce back? I'm trying to see what everyone does here. 21. Okay, yeah. Seven points damage. Does it land? Yeah. I'm, like, letting everyone get their rolls in first right now before I start resolving that. Okay. Yeah, it seems like she kind of whizzed by you guys. Like, she thinks so little of you. She was focused on Grizzly that seems like she's let her guard down for just a second. And is this attack of opportunities that you get to only attack or you can use an item? Only an attack. It's not an item of opportunity. Is it an action or is it just a single attack? Yeah, single attack. Okay. Okay.

So my double action. No. Yeah, six damage for mud. Am I close enough to Reikon? No, because you are up on top of the altar. She was down with grizzly. Kybor can only attack because he has a ranged item there. Spear.

Throw a lizard at him. You want to throw a spear? Throw a lizard. Throw a spear. Lizard's not with him anymore. Wow. Throw some beeswax. Lizard is still alive. I'm, like, letting everyone roll, and then I'll get to the description. Because she's going to deflect it back at us. Bart, open your eyes. You can see what's happening. Someone described to me. You can open your eyes. You're dead. You're not dead. I'm almost dead. But you're not. That's a 23 with the spear. Okay, yeah. Roll some damage on that. That's eight. Okay. Six, seven, eight. Yeah. All right.

Nice. And nothing should be... That's exactly how much HP she has.

As Paralite darts forward toward Grizzly and the altar, Mud lunges forward, sinking his polar bear fangs into her leg. Gum-Gum hurls a javelin that drills her shoulder. And finally, Kyborg fires a blazing arrow that pierces her straight through the wrist. Paralite instinctively recoils from the excruciating wounds, but as she does, her hood slips but for a moment. A few drops of sickly green rain splatter across the side of her face, and she shrieks in agony. That's smart.

Suddenly, a portal opens up next to her. Everyone roll a perception check. We made a god bleed. 27. 17. 13. 15. Bart and Kyborg, you can peer past the undulating egress and you realize...

It's not the portal that's rippling, it seems like maybe the portal's leading somewhere underwater. Gum-Gum, you notice on the other side of the portal wet stone floors and spot familiar leaves trampled along the ground, some kind of lake weed. Mud, the dreamery floods back into your mind and there's no doubt at all for you, Paralite must be hiding in the sheer lake. Paralite says, "This isn't over." And she hobbles away through the portal as it closes.

We might have actually saved an infinite in two. We might have done it. We might have done it. Find out if they actually saved an infinite or not. Oh, dang it. Next time. No. On Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Bye-bye. I'm so weak. How weak were you, Bart? I have eight points left. Wow. Out of 52. You took some serious damage. You had bad luck on the rolls before the attacks were getting directed and on the damage that was getting dealt out as a result of those. Yeah. I wrote down what I'm going to do next so I remember.