C01 - Ep. 39 - Paralyte's Poison - Fortune Favors the Boulderay
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Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash save whenever you're ready. For

$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Greetings to all you grills. Hover on into the stinky dragon. Swallow our latest swill. Bird brain freeze. It's

It's a mixture of venomous vodka, electric coffee liqueur, tentacular cola, and topped with a dollop of cruel whip. Once you wet your beak with this creamy cocktail, your tentacles will never let go. Previously, our adventurers set sail aboard Bart's old ship, the Jebediah.

They swapped sailor names with Captain Marge, shopped till they dropped with Suavier, or did they bargain with Besler? Anyway, they sailed through a stormy encounter with the calamitous Calamar, and now it seems land is on the horizon. Drop anchor, stow your seat, and let's resume our nautical narrative. There was like half a second where you had a little bit of a pause after you said, it's, and it was immediately like, it's-a me, Mario, I'm here in the tavern. Ha!

Nope, nope. I like all the puns you have in your opening thing. It always makes me smile. Oh, that's all Micah. That's too many. Curse you, Micah. Curse you for being too clever. It was a tentacola? Was that what it was? Tentacular cola? Tentacular cola? That sounds delicious. I would love to have that with a tentacular cola float. You know, a little ice cream in there. Get some tentacular cola with your sushi. Mm-hmm.

Do you guys remember your pirate names? Well, that was going to be my first question to you all. What is everyone's pirate name and job? Oh. I think Bart remembers. I'm Bucko Bort, rather. Bucko Bort, and I am the wheel person. The helmsman, close enough. The helmsman. My favorite mayo brand. Hmm.

Thank you, John. I'm a flower pirate. That's my name, Flower Pirate. And I'm in charge of surgery and ropes. Nope. He is the Flower Pirate, believe it or not. And he is in charge of ropes. He is the rigger. Yeah, not surgery. And any surgery that might involve the ropes. Rope surgery. Got it. Very important. Surgery. Was that like Metal Arm McGee or...

Shoot. I can't remember, but I'm like the ammunition runner guy. I just wanted to do the ballista, the giant crossbow thing. That's all I remember. You mean Iron Arm Kyborg, the powder monkey? The what monkey? Powder monkey. Oh!

Are you done with the sickness? Is it the 28 Days Later reference or? No, it's fine. Okay. Sorry. Now I just feel awkward. Uh, I don't remember my pirate name. It was something with an M like Mad-Eye Mud or Mud the Masticating. I don't remember what it was. The Masochist? Meaty Mud. Meaty Mud. Mighty Mud. And

I'm the doctor. The surgeon. The sawbones. Look at me. I'm the doctor now. Well, you all, I'm sure, if nothing else, you remember what your jobs were because of the various tasks you had to do in our previous episode and the roles you had to make. Even if you didn't remember the specific...

terminology. We were fighting an octopus. The calamar. Yeah, we were doing the fight scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did we beat it? Yeah, yeah. Okay. The ship got beaten up and then you narrowly avoided the rocks and you all saw some land. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I am compelled to mention there's also the lootless loser sleek

And Walk the Plank Lank, who are both swabbies. Was it Loot the Loser? Lootless Loser. Lootless Loser, that's right. It's sleek. I remember that name. I'm writing these down in case you quiz us later.

That's the final boss is like a taskmaster of sorts. All right, everyone, bring out your number two pencils. We got the D&D SAT. Dude, I just got chills run down my spine when you said bring out your number two pencils. It's just like they gave me a physical reaction. Scantron. Okay.

Do they even still use those anymore? I felt like that was old technology when I was in school. They do, yeah. Fill in those bubbles all the way. I thought Skintron was like future. That's awesome. They put it into a computer? That's cool. Anyway. For once, Chris trying to get us back on track. I don't want to think about school. Storm clouds scatter across the sky, revealing a dusky sun. Two words ring out over the washing of waves. Land ho! Ha!

Buckle boat, bring her about. Flower pirate, drop anchor on starboard side. Iron arm, stow the cannons. Matey mud, tend to the injured crew. And ask for lootless loser and walk the plank plank. You two lower the pair of port side rowboats and prepare for departure. Savvy? Aye, aye.

Arse-dubby! Nose-nose! Oh, I'm a powder monkey. Do they have blunderbusses? Is that a thing that exists in this world? I'm going to say no. You got cannons, you got a big ballista, that's what you wanted. Kyborg wants a gun. Kyborg's got a gun. How are you all going to go about your various tasks?

I obviously... No, I don't have good berries anymore. I do! I cast good berry. Oh! And I hand out good berries. Look at you! To all the good he, she's, and they's. Nice. That's a good use of a spell. I would give you an inspiration die for that, but you've already got one. Dang it. Are you giving it to us as part of that? Oh, we're hurt, aren't we?

I just looked at my health, too. I'm even below half. You all took a little bit of damage from lightning and that combat in that last episode. The calamar. You're bloodied, as Micah would put it. So we look real badass, don't we? Real tough. Real tough. Any multi-armed villain reminds me of...

Oh sorry, I wasn't hushing you. I was about to say something and then I stopped but the thing I was about to say started with "sh" so it sounded like I was hushing you. It's okay, it wasn't important. I was just thinking about... Quadrant.

Should I pass out some healings? Please. I'm going to have to be like a little bit like I can't just cast a million spells or else I'm worried about what might happen on the land run. But I can do some healing words. So I'll cast three healing words. Dibs. Seven. You should call who you're giving them to before you roll them. Okay. I'll just go how it is in our Discord call. Well, do you need it? I may not need it as much as some other people. I need it. I need it.

I'm down 10 health of 73. Oh, okay. Then I'll cast two on Bart and one on Kyborg. And so the first two, I'll give it to Bart. 15 to Bart. And then nine to Kyborg. Very nice. Maximum healing. Thanks, Mud. You're right as rain.

Can I make a request? You say when you cast Healing Word, you don't actually tell us what the words are. I feel like this is a wordle situation where you need to tell us what the Healing Word for the day is when you cast it. Yeah, a five-letter word for healing. Go ahead. Salve. Oh, okay.

I don't know what else. S-T-I-T-C-H-9-6. Damn. Yeah, this is a dumb game for me to sit here and figure out. Just make up words. You could have AIDS with an E-D-E-S. Sling, S-L-I-N-G. That works. That works. Yeah. You're so ready to correct me, Gus. Well, I'm correct. No, you're correct. That's usually my starting word in a wordle is AIDS, A-I-D-E-S. It's three vowels. It's a good one. Yeah.

I do tails, like tails from the Stinky Dragon. That's also a good one. Kissy. Kissy is a healing word. It's got two repeating letters. Kissy the boo-boos. Yeah, kissy the boo-boos. Yeah, that's how it is. Okay, that's all I had. Thank you. Micah threw a few in. Medic, gauze, heals. Those are all better than any of the ones we suggested.

Pills. Pills. Pills here. Pills here. All right. I've healed everybody except for myself and GumGum. I'm still hurt. I should heal myself. Hey, you're the medic. I think you're the most hurt out of everyone. I'm just so selfless, guys. I just think about you guys instead of myself. Do you want me to perform an operation? I don't.

Oh, that cracks me up. I feel like Gum-Gum doing an operation. He would use his flower staff to have a flower grow out of me, like that scene from The Tree of Life. Or what was it? The Fountain? The Fountain. I'll

I'll cast a higher level spell for myself and do another healing word at level two, which will be 13. Ooh, look at you. I can also turn into an animal if I need to. What about everyone else? How's everyone else accomplishing their tasks? Well, I'm steering the ship to the land, correct? Yeah, you got to bring it about. Right.

Would that be maybe like a strength check? Athletics? Would it be perception? Dexterity? You're trying to persuade the ship. Let's just do like a dexterity check on it for moving the helm around. I'm...

Not very good. 11 total. 11. The ship careens under everyone's feet as you're trying to walk around. But, you know, it doesn't knock anyone off their feet per se, but it's definitely a little choppy out there. You're a little rusty. That's fine. Bart's a little rusty from his time away from the ship. You know, just getting back in the swing of things like riding a bicycle.

It must be like a riptide or something, right, Bart? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who ripped one in the ocean? Whoever smelt it dealt it, am I right? Gum-Gum, make a constitution save. Okay. Uh-oh, he's got the tummy problems. Go to the poop deck. Waka-waka. That's a nine. Gum-Gum, you feel really queasy again. You think you might have to make a run for the side railing. There's something about the ship movement. It's just like not having solid ground under your feet. It's making you feel really ill. Okay.

Gum-Gum looks a little more green than normal. Dude, seasickness is no joke. I wouldn't know. I've never been on a cruise before. It's a feeling of nausea that will not go away until you are off the boat. That sounds fun. What about our remainder? We got Gum-Gum and Kyborg. I was supposed to... Was it tying down the weapons? Is that what it was? Oh, you got to tell me. The captain already told you. Dude, you said it so fast, and that was like 20 minutes ago, man. Listen, the captain's job... It's not the captain's job...

to coddle you, it's the captain's job to just give orders. This is the military! If the captain has to repeat herself, then that just- that's inefficient. Marge is the captain, is that right? Mm-hmm. Okay, I approach Marge and say, "Captain- oh, captain, my captain, I'm sorry, don't make me walk the plank. I totally missed your order, I was... busy. Can you- can you repeat the order, please?" My dog ate your orders, can you- can you give them to me again? "To the brig with ye!"

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I had it right! It was tying down the armaments or whatever it was. Okay. You came back and asked. I was just double checking, Marge. I'm sorry. He's saying this all to Marge. He's getting here. Forty lashes of us! Okay, fine. Just hit this arm when you hit me. It's very sensitive. Ow.

I'm more pirate than anybody else is. I have a missing limb. That's the most pirate thing you can do. Normally it's a leg with pirates, though. No, there's hooks. They have hooks for hands. Oh, that's true. That's true. Yeah, thank you, John. Once you back me up. So I go store the cannons. Do I have to, like, tie them knots? Slide a hand? I don't know. What do I do? Yeah, do it like a slider hand. You got to pull them in, tie them down, close the little porthole. Okay.

- That's a 10. - 10. You think you do an okay job with the knots. It's not necessarily your strong suit per se. Something about the ship just rocking under you is making it more difficult than normal to tie the knots. - Sorry. - Hey, who's driving this thing, huh? - Uh, uh, uh, uh, I don't think.

But it seems to be good enough to hold him in place. While Gum-Gum is throwing up over the side, he uses his retching stomach and his desire to make it stop to anchor the ship. Mm.

What side of the ship do you drop the anchor on? The right side. Oh, look at you. Boats don't have a right side. Well, I meant it as in the correct side. Oh, I took it as the correct answer. The right side. I meant both. I was like, it's my backup. If it was the left, I meant, no, no, the right side.

Always skirting the rules. Star to the right. Starboard. Starboard. Starboard. Starlord. Yeah, that's it. I wrote them all down in case we ever need them. So the way I remember Starboard is it's the one with more R's in it than Port. And then Port has the same number of letters as Left. That's good. Smart. This is what I had to do during that one pirate game that everyone was playing for a while.

I just always alphabetize them in my head. Port and starboard. Port is on the left side. Starboard is on the right side. That works too. Both work. What about front and back? Howard Stern is a butt. Stern is in the back. Do you need me to roll for that? Yeah, go ahead and make a... Let's just say a strength check for you, Gum Gum. Save or check? Check. No, if you fail, you'll die. Check, check, check, check.

Checks are for like an active activity and saves are like something passive, like if something's happening to you. 12? 12, yeah. You're able to free the chains and drop the anchor on the starboard side of the ship. Well done. All right. Yeah, you all get all of your tasks done adequately. And then Captain Marge pipes up

If ye are done with your duties, the six of ye can take the pair of rowboats ashore. That dreaded Calabar and Storm threw us a bit off course, but we should be close to Voss Highlands. Boulder ain't copied too far. We'll dock here for the time being while we make repairs for the Jebediah. Looks like it's getting dark, so make haste, sailors. Oh, and may Daya be with you.

I raise my hand. How far away is the shore from the boat? Do you raise your hand because you're asking Captain Marge? Yeah, I raise my hand to you, Gus. This is out of the world of role play. It's not very far at all. You are really close to the shore. Can I swing from a rope on the top mast and see if I can make it? Because I really want to try. Ooh, at its closest, from the very bow of the ship,

You're looking at 25 feet, but it's rocks. It's not like a beach. I think I can make that, guys. I really feel strongly. I'm not healing you. I do have a question for the captain, though. Arrgh, buckle boat, here I be, lad. Ah, Captain Marge. Avast, ye, I have a question. That's a lot of lead up. Aye, what can I do for ye? What be ye terrain on Voss Highlands?

What kind of atmosphere and weather and stuff could we expect? Arrgh! Voss Highlands be full of mountainous and rocky terrain. It be the alpine region where the town of Bouldery is found. I'm just glad she didn't say Voss Deference, which is a completely different... Totally different. Isn't that Vass Deference? I don't know. It's...

It's a weird joke. Tomato, tomato. All right, Mud gets into a boat. Okay, yeah, who's in what boat? Each boat can only fit about three people, so you need to split up. So Mud's in one boat. I'll ride with Mud. Oh, I was going to say I ride with Bart. Okay, so that means Kyborg goes with his best friend, Sleek. Okay, now I'm definitely going to swing from the rope. If I have to go with Sleek, please, please, please.

I don't want to go. It's up to you. You don't need permission. You tell me you want to do it, and we'll make some rolls. All right, let's do it. I'm down. Let's do it. I want to swing on the rope onto the shore. Okay. First of all, you need to climb up the mast, the one that's the furthest forward on the bow. Okay. So let's go ahead and make a climbing dexterity check. How much time of recording did we allot for Blaine's stunt onto this island? Was it a saving throw or a check? Check. This is active, not passive. Okay.

It doesn't make it if I access. 14, 14. 14, yeah. You're able to climb up pretty readily. Like we mentioned in the previous episode, it's kind of like that grid of rope. It's designed for riggers to climb up pretty easily. So you get to the top pretty fast. Okay, yeah, sure. All right. I guess there's no rope already up there that you're going to be able to do it with, so you'd have to have your own rope. But you have rope, right? Yeah, I got plenty of rope. So go ahead. You're going to need to do, let's say, slide a hand to tie a knot. Okay.

Okay. For the rope up here. All right. 21. That's a good rope. 21. This is a great knot. You learned a lot from tying down the cannons. Mm-hmm. Yep. Okay. Now you're going to have to jump down with the rope. So how do you picture this? Like you're going to jump away from the rocks and create a swing out, or are you going to jump towards the rocks holding onto the rope? I want to like do a thing where I can do a swing, you know? So it's not like I jump and then it just suddenly all the slack just catches me, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And then if I need to, I can kind of like...

Let my prosthetic hands slide down the rope without giving me a rope burn, you know? Yeah. So I think in order to do this, it's going to be like what I said. We jump in the opposite direction, like away from the rocks. That way the rope catches and then, you know, it swings you back. You gain that momentum to swing you back over to the rocks itself. Okay. Make your favorite. Make an athletics check.

Okay, great. Or is it acrobatics? Acrobatics. Even better. Here we go. I'm lucky. I'm lucky. We're taking that again. Acrobatics. For our audio listeners, he rolled a three, which ended up being an 11. 14. How many times, if you're lucky, how many times are you allowed to re-roll things again? I just rolled my last lucky. I have three a day. He gets three a day. Gotcha. Okay.

I see you, Barbara. Trying to catch me in the lucky. I got it. Just making sure. Just because I'm lucky, too, in a different way where if I roll a one on something, I could reroll. I'm Elvin lucky. Yeah. Yeah. It's just interesting because it's like limited quantity of those. Yeah. Just for clarification, it's three per long rest, not necessarily just three per day. I think that's what it is anyway.

To be clear, my party thinks I'm cheating. This is the third of the three. Oh, no. Your party thinks that you're cheating. Your party thinks that you just used up something that would be really helpful for a battle for a stunt. This is way more important to me than any battle. This is way more important. I think we all know Kyborg well enough to know that that is correct. Yeah.

All right, so you jump to the side opposite the rocks. You know, the rope pulls taut. You start swinging around in the direction of the rocks. So then you're going to need to make a check to see if you let go at the appropriate time. We'll do acrobatics again on that one. Acrobatics. Okay, let's do that. Here we go. A 20. A 20. Nailed it perfectly. And if he gets really mad, it'll be agrobatics.

I do like to imagine I'm backflipping and screaming in rage. Your last check will be to actually stick the landing. Like I said, they're rocks. They're wet. They're slippery. It's going to be difficult, so you're going to have to roll this one at disadvantage. Oh! Yeah, that's what I thought.

It's wet, moss-covered rocks. Okay. If you've ever gone out climbing around the rocks on the beach, it's not good terrain. No, not at all. I tried to dissuade you, but here we are. It's literally where they tell children, don't play. I guess we'll top it off with one more acrobatics check. This one at disadvantage, though. Okay, here we go. To stick the landing. It's an 11 and a 12. Not bad, not bad. Also not good.

You release the rope at just the right time, and you manage to stick the landing for the most... It's not the most graceful landing. Your feet do fall out from under you. You slide a little bit and plop down on your butt, but you are unharmed, and isn't that the goal of it all? It is. Bart sees this all happening from the boat he's in and gives him a little golf clap. Yeah.

Mudd reaches over and puts his hand on Bart's hand and just pushes his hands down. Gum-Gum has not been paying attention at all. He's not aware, did not see it. Because he's vomiting off the side of the robo. Okay, that wasted five minutes is brought to you by Kyborg and his ego. Kyborg's ego, in stores now.

Kaiborg, you get to the shore first. Everyone else is rowing. You all lower yourselves into the rowboats, feeling them rock and real with each passing wave. As they're rowing along, you hear Sleek singing a sea shanty as Spectral rows the boat. You could have been participating. How does it go? The sea shanty, it's very beautiful, very layered, and it goes like this. There once was a dwarf named Sleek who used to be strong and

Then weak, he lost his prized loot and all sense of repute, but then gained a friend the same week. Wow. I don't like sleek, but that was top. That was a wow. That was a top topper. It was beautiful. What a moment. I think that might be the best song.

All right, where was I? Yeah, like I said, Spectral was rowing the second boat with Sleek in it, and Mud, Bart, and Gum-Gum are in the other boat. As you paddle toward the coast, a sheer and tall rock face comes into view just beyond the pebbled beach. You paddle a bit more and finally reach the shore. As you look up, sure enough, a steep cliff towers over you, but through squinted eyes, you can make out the top of the precipice peppered with shrubbery.

Sleek hops out of the rowboat, walks onto the beach, looking up at the rock face. He turns to face you all with a smirk, crinkling his beard. Last one to the top is a stinky dragon. The dwarf darts toward the rock face and immediately begins scrambling up the cliff. This is when they say the movie title in the movie. How high up is the cliff? It's pretty tall. You'd estimate from where you're at vantage point, it appears to be about 60 feet tall. Oh.

I'm not going to let him make a stinky dragon out of me. And Bart gets out of the boat and rolls up his sleeves and prepares to take off. And then remembers he has no sleeves on and it's awkward. He's just kind of reaching for fabrics not there. He just kind of like pushed his skin on his arm. Gave himself like one of those like little skin burns. Yeah. Ow. All right. Bart gets to go first then. Everyone else roll initiative except for Bart. Oh.

20. Oh, look at that. 20. 8. 220. And then I got to see where spectral is. 19. Ooh, close. So yeah, of course you can move. You can move up to half your movement speed up the cliff, like climbing in any direction. You can take an action like dash, attack, cast a spell, make a skill check. There's going to be no bonus actions, no reactions, nothing.

If a spell is labeled as a bonus action, it takes up an action for this because we're going to just kind of keep moving it along. Gotcha. So no action surges? What is action surge per se? It's a bonus action? You can take one additional action on your turn. Yeah, but what's the, what is it? Does it say BA, one BA in its column? It doesn't say, it just says it's special. Because I'm special. We'll say it's a bonus action, so no. That would count as an action to use it. So it's, you could use it, but you don't gain any benefit from it. Okay. Copy that.

Oh, can we shoot other people down or whatever? Oh my god. Yeah, you can attack. You can attack. You can cast. Listen. It's Kyborg. It's not me. It's Kyborg. It's roleplay.

It's nothing personal. It's all for the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's business. All right, Buckle Bort, what do you want to do? You have a very tall 60-foot cliff face in front of you. Buckle Bort, all right. I would like to use my potion of climbing, please. I was hoping she'd forget that. When you drink this potion, you can gain a climbing speed equal to your walking speed for one hour. During this time, you have advantage on strength,

athletics check, you make two climb. The potion is separated into brown, silver, and gray layers resembling bands of stone. Shaking the bottle fails to mix the colors. Just a fun little tidbit of information there. So it does, it basically just makes you climb super fast. You can move at your normal movement speed up the cliff. Yes, sir. Okay, yeah. You're able to quaff the potion. We'll say that was your action. Okay, so

So I haven't moved. No. So yeah, you can still move. Okay. Then I will move up the mountain. Okay. So you take your normal move, which for Bart is 25 feet. He's in the lead. Yeah. He went first. And as you are climbing up the mountain, Bart, or Bort, you do manage to catch up to Sleek and get just a little ahead of him on the cliff face. Eat my shorts. Okay.

Nice. That's what I say to him. Unrelated to anything. Yeah, totally. It's the old bucko-bort call sign. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's an original bucko-bort. It is. Kyborg. Does Kyborg go before me because of dex? Yes. I didn't double check, but I assumed his dexterity was higher. Let's see. Dexterity 20. Yep. So if I were to, like, launch an arrow with a rope at...

patched. Does that give me any sort of advantage or if I use like two hand axes to help, you know, like picks? I'm really trying to cheese this, Gus. Fire an arrow, not launch an arrow. Weird term. No, he's holding it with his hand and throwing. No, it's Lombo Triumph.

It's still climbing, though. It's either this or make an exploding arrow go on Sleek and cause an avalanche so he falls down. You know? One or the other. His hands are tied here, Gus. You would still be climbing. You do have pythons, though, in your inventory. It's a python. It's like climbing equipment. It's like a steel spike with an eye so you can put ropes through. It's like if you're the lead climber and you want to make a rope trail for other people to follow. I'm

I'm actually very impressed that you're... Well, I guess this is all because of D&D that you are aware of this. I am reading the description of the item and paraphrasing it. No, Gus, we're very impressed by you. Take the compliment. It's a bummer because I know that Gum-Gum's going to be the one that wins this, but... Hey, what makes you think that? Just wait, just wait. He'll win. I'm going to...

God, I really just want to shoot Slakedown. I think that would be really funny. Nah, I'll just climb. I've taken up enough of the time by doing my sweet trick. My ego bar is completely full. I'm just going to climb like a normal elf. Okay. Kyborg starts to climb up. Your walking speed is 35. So we'll say you match the climb up 18 feet. Okay. Is he walka, walka, walka? Yeah. Nice.

At 18 feet, you are just behind Sleek, who is just behind Bart. So you're currently in third place, Kyborg. There's butts in my face. Gross. Mud. Mud. I got butts in my face and they won't go.

I'd like to request a special request for one bonus action that will not aid me at all, but I want to do it. Go on. I want to use my cloak of billowing just to be dramatic. It's just my cloak that I can use. I can use a bonus action to make it billow. It will help with, I believe...

or something like that. They didn't make it into the charisma, something like that, but I'm not doing any of that. So I just want to be dramatic. So can I be dramatic for the sake of being dramatic? Absolutely. Okay. Then I use my cloak of billowing and flip my hair back and forth and crack my knuckles. Okay. Yeah. Ooh, the drama has increased by two. Yeah. I'm going full anime boy right now.

and really building up, you know, this is like Deku, My Hero Academia, really thinking about what he's going to do. It's like an anime intro where like someone's standing on a rock facing the ocean, the spray up in front of them, the billowing cape behind them, and like some Japanese pop music's playing and the guitar's like... Yeah.

Hell yeah. And then the camera sweeps around me dramatically where you could tell they spent a lot of money on this animation sequence to get a lot more frames in and it comes up to it and Mud goes, time for Spider-Man and turns into a spider. Oh.

And goes 30 feet up the cliff. Brilliant. I knew he was going to be an animal. Mud quickly and deftly climbs up the cliff, passing everyone just ahead of Bart in first place now. It's not going to matter. And just to be clear, on his way up, not to cause any problems, but to just be a little sassy since he's got the big old spider butt. He kind of just butts them a little bit with his butt as he goes up. Good.

Not to knock him down any bit, but just a little bit like, eh. A little bumping and grinding. Squirt a little web on Sleek's hand, you know? I don't have another action. Micah says he likes to think Gumbo has a mini cloak as well. He does. He does. I snipped off a little piece and put it on him. It's like that sweeping panning shot around you, then like Gumbo pops out on your shoulder, and he's also got a cloak too. It's Spectral's turn. What's Spectral going to do? It's okay, Gumbo. You're going to win.

I already know what's going to happen. Spectral, he goes ahead, stretches a little bit, stretching out his hammies, you know, gets into like a runner's position and takes off like a bolt running at the wall. And he moves extremely quickly. He's able to pass Kyborg and get caught up to Sleek. So...

Sleek and Spectral are both just ahead of you, Kyborg. And they're both behind Bart, who is behind Kyborg. I'm sorry, who's behind Mud. Okay. So it goes Mud, Bart, Sleek, Kyborg. Sleek, Spectral, and then Kyborg. Sleek, Spectral.

Sleek and Spectral are at the same spot. Gum Gum. It's 60 feet high? Yeah. Okay. Then I would climb it 20 feet, which is my climbing speed, and then I'd use the immovable rod and teleport 40 feet to the top. I knew it. I knew it. So you climb your movement, which is 20 feet. Yep. And then immovable rod for the final 40, and you get right up to the top.

Correct? Damn. Is that to the top? Is that like to get me to the cliff? Yeah. But since you're teleporting up to a cliff face like that and it's at the very edge of your range, you're going to need to make a dexterity check to like grab onto the ledge at the very top and make sure you don't fall off. Okay. I'll do that. Oh, come on. Go, go. That would be really fun.

He flew off. That's 11. Is it a saving throw then? Does it have advantage on those? What is it? I could really see this one going either way. You rolled a save. Let's say it's a save. Why do you have advantage? Because it's my barbarian thing. That's a 22. Do you mean danger sense? Yeah. I probably would not have given it to you at that 11, but your second roll of 22 saves you, and you're able to easily pull yourself up to the top of the cliff. Gum Gum comes in first place. Way to go, Gum Gum. Boom.

Is it cheating to lower my rope down to help people? Oh, you're out of stuff because you moved and you used your rod. Maybe on your next turn, if you wanted to, you could lower a rope. Hey, bird. Bart looks up and goes, What's the view?

I don't know, I'm looking down at you. How do I look? You look good, like you're climbing fast. Awesome. I feel like Gum-Gum would just be like, you look so small from up here. Like an ant. Mud, you look like a spider.

All right, it's Sleek's turn. As we said before, Sleek and Spectral are about the same spot just ahead of Kyborg. Sleek's going to try to climb up, but he seems like he's having some trouble with his footing. He's really trying to dig his feet into the cliff face.

which is causing some dirt and rocks to fall down behind him. Right onto Kyborg. Kyborg, make a dexterity save to see if you can avoid having the rocks and dirt get in your eyes. I thought you were going to say that Sleek was going to slip off the cliff and die, but I'm making a dexterity save. Is that what you said? Yeah, dexterity save. Oh, jeez. That's a seven. Your eyes fill with dirt.

You're having a real hard time seeing what's in front of you. You're going to have... Your movement speed is going to be halved on your next turn because you really can't see and get a good grip on the cliff. Cool. Oh, and I think I heard it scared Sleek so much he kind of farted a little bit too on the tie board.

As he starts moving, Sleek looks back at Kyborg and says, Struggling, Kyborg? Don't forget, last one up is a stinky dragon. And Sleek begins very deftly and nimbly climbing up the rock face. Okay, okay, that's cool. That's fine. That's great. Sleek passes everyone and is now in first place, but he's still climbing up the cliff face. Bart, you're up.

I have nothing cool to do like these guys. You did your cool thing. You took your potion. I did. I took my potion. Potions allowed? I think it's still in effect, right? Because it's for up to an hour. Yeah. So I'm just going to keep climbing up. Absolutely. It's another 25 feet for Bart. Bart, getting really close to the top. Bart is now 50 feet up the cliff face, which means there's only 10 feet more to go for you, Bart. And I can't do anything else, right? What if I snap my suspenders? Ha ha ha!

Have a talk with this cliff. Yeah. It doesn't work to the DM. Try to convince it it's only 50 feet tall. You could cast a spell or attack. Hmm. Hmm. What if I cast, can I cast Thunderwave? You can absolutely cast Thunderwave. That's an evil Bart laugh. I want to cast Thunderwave. Hmm.

I don't know what's happening and I'm scared. So you cast this behind you, I assume? Yes. Or I guess it's a cube originating from you. Yeah. So let's see. If you're at that feet, the people who would be caught in this would be Sleek and Mud. Oh, now I feel bad. Who would not or would be? Who would be? Are you sure it doesn't hit Kyborg? No, Kyborg's too far. He's in the last place. And I guess actually it would also affect Gum Gum because he's up only 10 feet above you. Yeah, let's cast it.

All right. A wave of thunderous force emanates out from Bart. Gum Gum, Sleek, and Mud all need to make a constitution saving throw. Sorry. 19. That is a 13 for Sleek.

The save is 14. - And if you tie it, how's that work? - You make the save if you tie it. - Okay, then I got 14. - So only Sleek failed it with a 13. - Yes. - You're welcome. - Yes. - On a fail save, so Sleek takes 2d8 thunder damage. Go ahead and roll the damage part. - I wanna be very clear, we all take damage. Even at a save, you take half the damage. - Oh yeah, you take half the damage. - Glad I just healed everybody.

- Hey, but also he is also pushed 10 feet. - Yeah, we're gonna take care of the damage first and then we'll take care of the pushing.

13. So you guys, Gum Gum and Mud take six. Sleek takes 13 points of damage. And Sleek, he loses his grip from the thunderous fury and slips a bit and falls back. So now he's only 30 feet up the cliff face. So now he's pretty much even with you, Kyborg. Maybe just a little behind you. Oh my God. Bart, I think you just got struck by lightning. Are you okay? You know, I think I might have eaten something bad on that pirate ship. It's that bean you had. Yeah.

Thunderwave is actually just my monstrous fart. That's another part of my canon, which, Micah, if you want to make note of this, Bart has insanely intense farts. Gas master. Loud and boisterous and stinky. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Stinky. Stinky.

Thanks to everyone who's posted using social media, using hashtag StinkyDragonPod. We always look over your posts all the time. It's so great to see your creative crafts, funny jokes, suggestions, magic items you want to see each week. If you post using the hashtag, you could end up as an NPC in the show. Maybe, you know, this is the week you finally tell a friend or co-worker or a random passerby on the street in a gentle tone, you know, greetings and well met, fair citizen. Doth thou carest for laughter and auditory enjoyment?

then thou shalt checketh out thy podcast.

Maybe you'll do better than that. And like I said, if you use social media, use hashtag StinkyDragonPod, you might end up in the show. Speaking of people in the show, I wanted to let you know that Captain Marge is our own Zoe Terhune here at Rooster Teeth. She's one of the hosts of the podcast No Dumb Answers. And Suavier from the previous episode is, of course, our own Christian Young, who, you know, does the voice of Besler.

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Kyborg, you can't quite see what happened. You think lightning must've hit the cliff somewhere up ahead of you. Uh, you just pray that more dirt doesn't fall into your eyes. Uh,

- I mean, I'm already climbing and I can't shoot my longbow. So I'm just gonna keep climbing. Just keep climbing. Just keep climbing. - All right. Because it's difficult to see right now, your climb speed is gonna be halved. So instead of moving 18, you're gonna move nine feet this time. So you're 27 feet up. - And I thought my rope trick was a waste of time. I'm so sorry, guys.

It was. It was. To be very clear, it was. It still absolutely was. Mud, it's your turn. You're just a little ahead of Sleek, and then a few feet behind you, you see Kyborg kind of just feeling around, trying to slowly make his way up. You make it sound like I'm incapable. I'm perfectly... I'm just... I've done my stunts for the day. I have nothing left to prove. I'm just climbing. He says, while arguing to make sure we all know he has nothing left to prove. I have nothing left to prove.

Well, you're still ahead of Spectral, who looks like he might be the stinky dragon because he's in last place right now. Anyway, Mud, it's your turn. So I have movement and action. Yes, correct. Okay. Well, I can move the rest of the way, correct? Yeah. Your move is 30 or your climb is 30 because you're Spider Mud. So yeah, you can get all the way to the top if you want to. Okay. Question. What is Bart's outfit? What is he wearing? Like on his torso. Is it a shirt? Is it a vest? Is it a jacket? What is it? Uh.

Bart layers. Yeah, technically the description in Bart's equipment is traveler's clothes. So it is up to you to describe it as you see fit, Bart. He's wearing a long white sleeve shirt with a vest over that and then a jacket that has like a longer back, kind of like a cape. Yeah, okay. So like typical Hobbit wear. Yeah. Have we established that in animal form? I can't get to my items. Mm.

I don't remember. I know you can't, you're not supposed to be able to cast. I think we've played with the idea that it's almost like everything goes into like, almost like a pocket dimension. I believe that is correct. They like become part of you or like disappear. So they're inaccessible. Okay. Well, then I won't do what I was going to do, but I am going to shoot a web at Bart as I go up.

That's what I get for trying to play the game. You did, and you hurt Mud. Only a little. This is Mud playing the game. What does the web do?

- The target is restrained by webbing. As an action, the restrained target can make a DC 12 strength check, bursting the web on a success. If not, they are restrained. - So essentially Bart is restrained until he makes a DC 12 strength check to bust out of it. - Correct. - Am I allowed to do that now or do I have to do it on my turn? - It'll be on your turn. - It'll be on your turn, yeah.

Okay, Mud, you get to the top. I'm going to write here you finished in second place. I get up in Gum-Gum's face and I go, boo. As Mud scurries by, he shoots out a cheeky little web at Bart. I also pat Bart's head with one of my legs. And I go, it's okay. It happens to all guys. Bart is now firmly attached to the side of the cliff. You don't have to worry about falling down anymore, Bart. Yeah, you're safe. It's Spectral's turn.

Spectral is in last place. He's going to begin climbing. Again, he's really fast, but he doesn't have enough movement to get all the way to the top. He is going to pass Kyborg and Sleek both. He'll be still behind Bart. As he passes Kyborg, he gives Kyborg's leg a little tug. Tries to make him...

lose his footing a bit. So he's going to make like a, let's say he'll make a dexterity check to see if he can even grab your leg as he's going by. His dex is plus three. I'll beat that roll. Fail, fail. How slippery is Kyborg? Ooh, it's a six. Why don't you make an opposed dexterity check, Kyborg? See if you can keep, get your leg out of the way. You need a better than a six. Okay, better than a six. Isn't your dex like plus like six or something? It's plus five. So in the very least, I'm going to match it. 23. I kick him in the face.

So Spectral tries to grab Kyborg, but Kyborg sees what's coming and manages to shift his weight off of that leg and onto the other leg and dodges out of the way. Spectral clambers up to the top. I can't kick him back because I beat him in his little game. No.

- So maybe on your turn, Gum Gum, you wanna do anything? - Nah, he just wants to chill there. - So how far down is Kyborg? - From you, Kyborg's about halfway up the cliff face. - Just taking my time, you know, having a nice climb, enjoying the views. - I mean, I can tie a rope and drop it down. - You can do lots of things, but what are you gonna do? - Okay, I have 20 movement speed, I'm gonna climb down 10,

Try and pry Bart out and then climb back up with him. Dropping the rope. I'm climbing down to help Bart. - And then climbing back up? - And then climbing back up for a total of, he's 10 feet below me. So that's my total movement speed. And then my action is cutting him free. - Yeah, okay. You climb down 10 feet, make a strength check. See if you're able to pull Bart out. - I was just gonna cut it. - Oh, you're gonna cut it with like a- - Yeah, like a- - A blade? - Like hand ax or something. - Their web actually has HP. - Does it?

That was going to be my follow-up question. How does that work? And an armor class. All right. So go ahead and come down and make an attack roll against the webbing, Gum-Gum. Okay. I assume I can't use my great axe because that would be two hands. Yeah, you need a one-handed thing. All while this is going on, Bart just has his little body pressed up against the cliff with web covering going...

- He's like pulling with the other hand, just like, "Ew!" - All right, well, I'm gonna, I guess, attack with my hand ax. - Okay. - It's 20. - That's a 20, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage. - Six. - Six points of damage, which I believe is enough to destroy the web, am I right, Mud? - Yep. - Yep, okay, the mud, so the, the mud. The web falls away, you're able to cut Bart out of it, and then you scramble back up to the top, Gum-Gum? - Yeah. - Mission accomplished. You did it, Gum-Gum. - Yeah.

Yay. Sorry, Kyborg, you're too far down. It's all right. It's Sleek's turn. He finds himself again just a couple feet ahead of Kyborg. He's got to really dig in. Is he going to do the same thing again or is he going to do something different? Sleek's not known for his creativity.

Yeah, you're right. He does the same thing again. He grinds his feet into the cliff face, loosening up more dirt and rocks to give himself a better foothold. Go ahead and make a dexterity save, Kyborg. All right, here we go. Ooh, that's an 11. Yep. Get him more dirt in the eyes. I can't just imagine just two anthill piles in my eyes. Ha ha!

Maybe if you rolled it lower, there'd be ants. But no, it's just dirt. And Sleek takes off like a shot. He's close to the top, but not quite there. He's pretty even with Bart, about 10 feet away from the top of the cliff. Bart, it's your turn. Am I still on the web? Oh, no, you're cut out. Gum Gum was able to cut you out. So you're most of the way up there. All right. Well, I just want to climb to the top now. Bart finished third place. I'm not a stinky dragon. He does the floss dance. No.

I wish everyone could see you were actually doing it in your chair. Your weird kneeling chair flossing. Kyborg. How far am I from the top? You're just under halfway there. You're about a little over 30 feet, maybe close to 35 feet away from the top. That's my walking speed. Like when I'm just unencumbered. Oh God, is there

Is there anything I can do? I mean, I got nothing I could do. Even if I whipped out my hand axes, that wouldn't give me any sort of advantage? Like act as pythons or anything like that? You have pythons. Would using the pythons actually help me? No. Why do you keep bringing it up? All right, I just keep climbing.

Because you said you would use the handaxe as pythons, and I said, why would you do that? You literally have pythons. But then when I say you're pythons, you can just say no. Nothing will help you. Nothing will save you. Can I go my full distance, catch up to Sleek, and then rip his pants off and

Push him down the cliff and hope he dies. You, unfortunately, because you rolled low on your dexterity save, you got more dirt in your eyes, so you're restricted to half your climbing speed right now. Can I clean my eyes out and then keep climbing? It's really in there. The save already happened. Oh, my God. I keep climbing. I keep climbing. Keep climbing. Kyborg, another nine feet of progress. You're doing great, buddy.

buddy. Over halfway there. Just behind Spectral. This whole game was designed to make me lose. No, this whole game has been designed to teach you a lesson in personal relations with everybody. Okay.

I've done nothing. I've cheered on Gum Gum. I knew he was going to win. I was cheering him on. Everyone's throwing and kicking. If I wanted to, I shot an arrow at Sleek. Mud, it's your turn. You're already finished. You're at the top.

Throw it on a rope. Throw it on some spider web. Anything, bro. Anything. Don't let me lose the sleek. Mudcast, call lightning. Just kidding. Mudcast, conjure animals and sends an avalanche of cows down the hill. Cows and wasps. Cows and wasps. Wasp-sized cows. Cow-sized wasps. Wasps, wasps, wasps, wasps.

I cast Magic Missile. I cast Magic Missile. I attack the darkness. It's an old school video. That is old school and still funny as hell. Yeah, I'll be nice and wasteful. And I will cast Enhance Ability on Kyborg.

And give him cat's grace. Are you still a spider, though? Oh, I am. Never mind. Can I web? Can I web down? Yeah, you can web down. Okay. I would assume I'd be able to shoot a web like Spider-Man if I really want to. Thwip me. Yes. Yeah, sure. I can thwip. And it has a 60-foot range. Yeah. So the whole cliff is your target. Can I actually shoot Kyborg and start pulling him up a little bit? No.

Or like, I shoot him and my- that's an action, and then I move back. That's my move. Interesting. Teamwork makes the dream work. Yeah, sure. Yes. Okay. So you- you thwip him, and then you move back. I'm Gwen Stacing him, okay? Okay.

How does the web work? Like, do you need to make, like, is it like a call shot? You mean you make an attack? It's a ranged weapon attack. So I could, since I assume since I'm shooting at a distance, I would have to do a ranged attack to hit him. Yes. Okay. 11. His AC is 16. Oh, so I have to beat his AC to hit him. Yeah, it's like a touch attack. But I'm at disadvantage because I'm on the side of a cliff in a precarious position. My AC is lowered.

I'm vulnerable. Oh, no. Web me, please. 20. 20. I use Manspiration Dice. Oh, look at you. Chad, you're too good. There you go. It connects. It touches. And I move back 30 feet. You pull Kyborg up the remaining 24 feet in front of him and then an extra six feet away from the cliff edge. I just, I release my arms and I just float up like in the crucifix position. I'm just like, oh.

I'm ascending. And then as he's about at the top, I kind of give a little, and I let him go back a little bit and make him like pee himself a little bit. You know, that kind of thing. It's like when they rescue Neo in the Matrix. Yeah. Grab him with the claw. When he's first getting out of the Matrix and he's just this naked bald thing. Exactly. Yeah. Oh, congratulations, Kyber. You finished in fourth place. Yay! He's not stinky.

I'm not sinking. Can I turn around and interact with the guys that are still on the cliff? Gotta wait for your turn. It's not your turn, though. Okay, okay. It's Spectral's turn. He's in last place, but he has enough movement. He's able to climb up and get to the top of the cliff. So he finishes in fifth place. Yes! And final person is Sleek. Sleek comes in last. He was so close. He could have had it if it wasn't for that spider mud.

Can I meet him at the cliffside and do Scar and Mufasa? Like, long live the king. Let's see. No, his turn is before yours. So once he's up, you wouldn't have had the chance. But, however, he gets up to the top and Sleek says, Well, a promise is a promise. I guess I'm the stinky dragon. And he begins casting something. Rensidus Draco.

Looks like he's targeted on himself. And you smell a foul odor emanating from Sleek. Oh, no. Is something actually happening? I think he just cast a spell to make him stink. Yeah, no one would invite this guy to parties. They'd be like, you didn't invite Sleek, did you? He's a man of his word. Look at me, I'm stinky.

he made himself the stinky dragon. Is he also turning into a dragon? No, he's just stinky. He's just the stinky part. I just like that he started first and finished last. There's just, this is just so sleek. This is classic. Says the guy who got to get pulled up. Hey, but I've still made it. And I am indebted to mud. I am mud is he just leveled up in the friendships.

At long last, the sun dips beneath the horizon seascape. The top of the cliff is covered with thorny thickets now shrouded in darkness. Are we taking a long rest? Yeah, can we make camp? Yeah, if you want. However, you see that Bouldery is not too far away. Oh, we can get home? Yeah, it's actually really close. This is a trap. There's going to be something that meets us there. Pizza going up! I have a feeling. Pizza going up!

I have a feeling we should start heading that way, though. Yeah. But what is something in taxes? I'm out of luck. That's your choice. That sounds like a you problem.

Hmm, almost like someone should have saved something, huh? Nah, nah, that's not what we're implying. Oh, damn. Enhance ability at level three. Since I can do that now, can I actually cast it on two people at once? That's fun. Fun leveling up. I was hoping that we were going to take a long rest so that I could, like, tuck Mud in, make sure he needs anything before he goes to bed.

If you want, you can, like, camp out here or, like, take a rest or whatever. It seems like the party doesn't want to. It seems like they want to just go the extra mile. Mud knows that that direction, there is a dragon man who makes coffee. And so Mud wants to go towards the nice dragon man, uh, uh, Duncan, who makes coffee.

Duncan, good memory. Easy to remember. You all head over in the direction of Boulderay. You remember when you first approached in the cart with Oof Aldo's many days ago, you approached Boulderay from the southern gates and you see the southern gates not too far away from where you are. Everyone make me a perception check just for fun.

Ugh, rolling like poop. Nine. 15. 23. Three. I love that GubGub's perception is minus one. Yeah. So Bart and Mud both rolled decently. You can see that there's guards. It seems like there's two guards patrolling by the gate. You hear them grumbling about having to work late. They'd rather be having a drink at the tavern. Wouldn't we all, fellas? Wouldn't we all?

Yeah, I would say we would like walk up and be like, hello, we're back. Your favorite interns have returned finally home. I know you've been worried about us and you've probably been sending search party after search party looking for us, but we've made our way back and we're here. I could use a hug.

Kyborg has just been launching finger guns behind mud the whole time, just agreeing with every word. Yep, it's us. Just, I guess I didn't say this before, just for clarity. The southern gate, since it is dark, you know, it is closed. Like when you first came up, the gates were closed and Guard Grattle had to let you all into the gates. The gates are once again closed, but you know that there's some guards patrolling in the area.

So I just said that all to these guards that are patrolling. They lower their weapons. It says, who goes there? What's your business in Boulder Ray? Don't you remember us? We do a little dance. Yeah, it's the Infinite Interns at your service.

And we got two Infinites with us. We're back. Let's start the party. Infinites, get them. Oh, God. Everyone roll initiative. Yay. This is not how I imagined this going. Seven. 25. 10. 15. I knew we should have taken a long rest. I could have been lucky. I'm missing out on my luck. I'm rolling for sleek here. 16. 17.

And then spectral, 10. Oh, and the two guards. Oh, they both rolled a 14. Weird. All right, Bart, you're up first. The guards have lowered their weapons and are pointing them at you all, and they've shouted, "Get them!" Could I please cast Suggestion and try to convince them to lower their weapons and that we are peaceful?

- Oh, it's sort of like first like real, like person on person fight. - What do you mean? - Without the Kalamari thing. Well, I mean like we went against the Kalamari thing, but we were like using specific things, but now we get to use our weapons and stuff.

Since we leveled up. Yeah, yeah. I thought you meant everyone else. I know. It's like, we fought lots of dudes. I'm about to take two actions. What suggestion did you say? You wanted to tell them to lower their weapons? Is that what you said? And that we're peaceful. Like, they shouldn't need to fight us. How about that's the suggestion? Because it's supposed to be simple, right? That they don't need to fight us? Right, yeah. Okay, so there's two of them. You can only target one, if I remember correctly. Okay, which one seems like the...

The alpha of the group. Both of them seem about the same. You don't imagine either of them is an alpha because if they were, they probably would be anywhere else but here. Since you heard them complaining about having to work the shift. So there's not a kyborg on their side. There's no leader. If I'm only targeting one, could I say there's no need to fight us and you should tell your friend to lower his weapon? Sure, why not?

Well, I'm gonna have them make their wisdom saving throw. Yes. That is a 11, which I believe is a failure. They need a 14. Yeah. Yeah. You see that one lower its short sword and turn to the other guard and say, maybe we should just let him pass. Then we don't have to do anything. Paperwork. Yeah. Comes with real pain in the ass. Anything else you want to do, Bart? Um, no. Okay. Okay.

I'll stick to just that for now to see what happens next. I don't want to rock the boat too much. Again. Exactly. Nice, nice. I don't want to rock the boat again. Okay, it's Sleek's turn. Sleek begins casting Victus Vox. And from the other side of the gate, you hear a voice say, Don't worry about them. Let them through. We all start gagging because Sleek smells terrible.

Sleek does smell bad. Does he still smell bad? Yeah, he's stinky for the rest of the day. The other guard that you did not suggest looks behind him at the gate and seems confused about it, then gives the whole thing a second thought and says, you're right, not our problem, and

And the two guards who were here at the gate walk away. They continue their patrol. Oh, Sleek was like casting his voice, doing some ventriloquism or something. I don't know if that's what's happening. Well, I mean, he might have just done suggestion as well. Might have. Are we not allowed to know what he did? Anyone can make an Arcana check if they want to try to figure it out. I do an Arcana check. So will I. Or you can ask him too, I guess. I...

I don't like to talk. I also have a wand of magic detection as well. 12. Yeah, you think that it was a minor illusion. Oh yeah, auditory. Nailed it. Okay, yeah, so you all are standing at the gate. It is closed. Ah, doors. I know how to do this.

I lockpick tools, thieves tools. Check to see if it's locked. Check to see if it's locked first. God dang it, you're right. These doors! Doors! I check to see if they're locked. Yeah, you give them a tug and it seems like they are indeed locked. Here we go. Since they tried to attack us, and if more people try to attack us, should we try and be sneaky and not go in the front door? Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Is this not the back door? This is the southern gate. I mean, it's like one of the main gates into town. Okay. But what if you turned into like an eyeball that could go up to the roof and look? It's not an option. It's not an option. What?

Or maybe something with an eyeball that could go up. I am. I have a lot of eyeballs right now as a spider. Okay, then why don't you go up to the roof and look and we'll hide. Okay, I can climb. Can I climb? You may. Yeah, you're Spider-Mud. I'm Spider-Mud, Spider-Mud. Goes up the tower, Spider-Mud. Looks around, sees what's up. Tells his team. What is up? Oh, yeah. He's Spider-Mud.

Yeah, you climb up to the top and you look around Boulderay. Actually, make me a perception check. Perception check. Roll it once. That's a nine. Nine. Not great. Yeah, the city looks like you remember it. You see a few lit torches, like...

dimly lighting the outsides of buildings. You see what appear to be guards walking around patrolling the streets. And you see, like, in the center of town, in the town square, it looks like someone is in a wooden stockade. Can we see who it is? Someone's in a wooden stockade? Oh.

Yeah, like, you know, the old-timey wooden contraption where someone's head and hands stick through, and they're, like, locked in there. I swear, if it's the mayor... No, I bet it's Professor Ahem. Could it, like, uh...

Like a path for me to that person. Is there a lot of people around? Shockingly, there are not very many people out. It's just mainly the guards that you see walking around. And there's not a ton of them. As a spider, I'm pretty stealthy. Can I do some little renicons? Yeah, do a little renicons. Do some renicons. Do some renicons? Okay. Reconisance. Reconisance. Reconisance. What was your goal? Was it just to get to... Reconisance.

People are saying it weird and my brain is bleeding. I know, I know. That's why you kind of have to lean into it. Ronicons, Ronicons. That's how they say it. Ronicons. Micah says you're going to retcon that? Yeah. Never. Recton. What's your goal here in your, uh, your Reconicon mission? I want to get closer to see who that is. Oh, okay. So from where you are, there's not much close to the gate, but the square where the, the, the stockade is, is like going to be the first thing you would encounter. It's down like a little path on the Western side.

of Valdore. You remember this, of course, where Kyborg first met Brink Tussler. It's the same location just outside of the mayor's office. Do they have like a plaque commemorating that moment? Where I defeated him? A statue of Brink Tussler and Hannibal wrapped around his forearm. Yeah.

Make a stealth check just to see if you're able to get over there stealthily. And we'll say, since you're a spider, you have advantage. And as a spider, I have, it's one of my skills, I'm plus seven. Cool. Which is why I was okay with doing this. And that's a 22. I mean, I can roll advantage and see even how good. Sure, why not? He just turns invisible. 22 is going to be good. 22 it is.

Yeah, you're able to stealthily avoid the few guards that you do see walking around. And you get up into the town square and you recognize immediately that it's Dr. Ahem. Ah, I called it.

Good call, good call. Limply sitting in his wheelie chair. He appears to be bruised and beaten. There's a bunch of apples all around the stockades in front of him. And there's a sign above him that reads an apple a day. Well, at least they were feeding him. Oh, keep the doctor away. Oh my goodness. We should go find out what happened.

Yeah, can I go back and open the gate? Yeah, you're able to scurry back to the gate. You see that from the inside of the gate that there's like a big wooden beam that's holding the gate closed from the inside. Well, I have eight legs, so I'm just going to spice and curl that thing. Yeah. Hey, Gus, what were the guards wearing? They were wearing leather armor. Is that what you're asking?

Any cloaks or anything? He wants to disguise himself as a... Please let me do it. Sure, yes. They did have cloaks. Make me a perception check, Kyborg. Please let me do it. See how well you saw the cloaks. How well did I see them cloaks? I only saw five out of 20. Yeah. They do have hooded cloaks. Very hooded black cloaks. Very reminiscent of a ninja. Hmm.

I want to use my cloak of many things, fashions to match it. Is that what the guards were wearing before when we were here? Oh, good question. I don't know. Make me a perception check, Bart. I want to use my inspiration die. We are just rolling like butts. That was an eight out of Bart. Fourteen, a little better. Fourteen. No, these are not the same guard uniforms you remember previously.

Interesting. I think something's taken over the land. I think you're right. Why are we talking in demon voices? We will be able to decipher. Hey, guys, I'm trying to open the door. What's up, giant spider? Look at my new cloak. The wooden beam is pretty heavy. Make me a strength check just for fun, just to make sure you can lift it, Mud. I know you do have eight arms, but let's just see. 13. Yeah.

Yeah, you're able to pull it up okay. Beautiful. And remove it, and the gates do open up. Do they got a lot to say? Nice. Nice. That took me a second there. The party is reunited. Do you want to close the gates again, or are you going to leave them open? I think we should close them, right? Well, here's what I'm thinking. One of two ways. We close them to stop anything from coming in and attacking us, or if we have to GTFO...

this mofo is it better to have the gates already open so we can get the fast out of here yeah get the fast out of here i think maybe leave it so that it doesn't look like someone broke in oh interesting can i close the gates without putting that big old beam yeah absolutely i do that okay you close the gates so that they're closed but they're not locked you don't uh re-secure the beam uh back into into place gone but not forgotten

Alright team, I'm gonna do a little good news, bad news. Good news, if anybody likes apples, we've got some apples. Oh, great, great. I like apples. Hungry, we've got apples. Bad news, Dr. Ahem is tied up over there. Tied up with what? Friendship shelves. Serious?

Should we approach him? I'm disguised as a guard so I could go free him with my lockpicking skills. We should probably ask him what happened because what if he did something real bad and we don't want him free? Oh, you're right. Yeah. Maybe he deserves to be there and he's naughty. Yeah. Then we spank him. You want me to spank him? We just have to be sneaky and maybe we'll go talk to him. Okay. So I think the pungent little boy should stay back.

Probably. Okay, I'll stay back. Wrong, pungent little boy. Sleek chimes in and says, If Doctor Ahim is in danger, he needs our help. I cannot in good conscience stay back here. Then why don't you be a distraction? That's a really good strategy. Could I cast my command? Command? Yeah. It's not like a spell slot.

It's an at-will enchantment. It's part of your mantle of majesty? Yes. I'm going to say stay. Ooh, I got chills. That's like the preacher. Sorry, that's a reference no one's going to get. So he has to make a wisdom spell.

saving throw. I'll compare that to a reference that Blaine would be like. It's like the voice from Dune. Oh, that's cool. So it comes out like a stay. He rolls a seven. So yeah, he just stays in place. Can I put his pants down? I'm just going to pull his pants down.

He's still conscious. You stay here, Sleek, and if we get in trouble, you help. On second thought, you're right, Bart. I will stay. Okay. Let's go talk to... Yeah? Spectral is going with you guys. That's fine. Spectral has a level head. I like Spectral. And smells pretty good. Yeah. Fragrant.

Okay, as you all get closer back to the square where Mud saw Dr. M, you see that there's four guards patrolling around. Seems like they're walking around between the buildings, checking on doors, making sure that they're locked.

Oh, apparently, since you used the Mantle of Majesty, Ben's reminding me, you also have an Appearance of Unearthly Beauty 2 now. You take on the Appearance of Unearthly Beauty for one minute. So nothing changed. There it is. You can cast Command as a bonus action on each of your turns without expending a spell slot. Just throwing that out there. That's a powerful tool in my toolkit. Yeah.

Yeah. Guard. Wow. Wait, how does command work? Can you command all these guards? It's only a one word, one word that you could say, and they have to do a wisdom saving throw. Do you say like die? I think it's to one creature you could see. So I don't think it's like something I could do to everyone. But you have it. We could run and do it to each of them really quick while you still have it. Stay, stay, stay. Poop, poop.

Poop your pants. Poop your pants. Yeah, I don't think I could. I think it's just a one creature. Yeah, because it's like a concentration thing. Okay. Okay, yeah. So you all are like at the edge of the square and there are guards walking around in this square checking on doors and making sure everything's on the up and up. Are they grouped up? It's two groups of two. They're like on opposite ends of the square. And it would seem that if we were to approach Dr. Ahem closely, we would be like...

in their little cone of vision. Right. The, the, where Dr. Ham in the stockade is, is like out in the middle of this, uh, like courtyard area that they're walking around in. Because I have a disguise. I think one of us has a disguise kit as well. Maybe we can approach Dr. Ham that way, or we could cause like, we could say, Oh, someone's breaching the North wall and then tell him to go away. I,

I can turn back and I can use disguise self, which is just a shape-changing spell. I also have invisibility I could use for myself, but that doesn't really help anyone else. What are you going to do, Gum Gum? Go ahead. Take your time. I could use my magic whistle. To do what? Have you successfully gotten anything from that yet? No. No.

I have to roll a 15 on charisma check, which I feel like I could do that. And then what happens? It's supposed to summon animals. How is that going to help us right now? Distraction. Distraction. That's what I got. You know, it would be helpful. I feel like you need to hold on to that. But that could help Gum Gum because you could summon an animal he hasn't seen yet. Mud, you mean. You could help Mud. Sorry, you could help Mud. You could see an animal he hasn't seen yet. Maybe keep that in your back pocket. It is in my back pocket. That's great.

Here, I will... Does it look like that if we had the covering and the layout, if we had good enough stealth, could we get to Hum? With good enough stealth, you can do just about anything. Okay. Guys, Gus said we could do anything. Let's try being sneaky. What if we try being sneaky? Yeah. Okay. Tales from the Sneaky Dragon. Yeah. I turn back. I'm still going to make myself invisible. That's fine. I was going to turn back into mud, and I'm going to cast Pass Without a Trace.

Oh, nice. That gives us all stealth. Plus 10 bonus on stealth checks. Fantastic. And then... Wow. I can also... I have a thing there I can buff people. I'm going to do that. Who do you think has the worst stealth? Before you make that decision, Gum-Gum, just so we're all on the same page, Pass Without a Trace gives everyone a plus 10 bonus to stealth. And on top of that, Bart is invisible, which means Bart rolls stealth checks at advantage.

And that's everyone's cumulative stealth bonuses right now as far as I know. We should be pretty good, I think, for this. I think covered, yeah. Okay, well then can we stealthily approach a hem? Yeah, everyone make a stealth check. Bart, you roll twice because you have advantage. Good lord, 23 plus mud's 10. 33! 26 for me. 14. Plus 10 for you, Bart, so 36. 36. Good lord, he's so invisible.

I'm basically floating invisibly through the air. But you're still handsome. Oh, so beautiful. 22. I got an at 20. 32 for Gum Gum. Okay, and Spectral has to roll as well. It's in their name. They're super stealthy. 25. Yeah, so everyone's pretty good. Everyone makes pretty decent stealth rolls. You all very quietly and stealthily make your way to the stockades where Dr. Ahem is restrained.

Like I said, he's unconscious. He seems to just be laying there, beaten and bruised. That's so sad. What was the name of that city that we were just at? New Valras? Valras. If we were Valrasians, we would be like SEAL Team 6. Get out. Oh, God. Okay. Can we try and see if we could arouse him? Like, is he like, I push him a little bit. Oh, that kind of hurts. Doctor. Did you say you want to arouse him? Arouse him?

He's really out cold. It's maybe a combination of fatigue and exhaustion from being in the stockade as well as being bruised by these apples. Could we try and knock out one of the guards and disguise him to look like a him? I'm sorry to be this way, but he is in a wheelchair, so they may take notice. We have to leave the wheelchair. Anybody got healing that can use a spell slot? I'm burning through spell slots. I don't know if we can heal his legs at this point. No, I mean to heal him, to wake him up, to talk to him.

Jesus. Could I use Cure Wounds on him to touch? I'm going to conjure like fish in your stomach is what I'm going to do. So you would touch him. He would regain hit points equal to 1d8 plus your spellcasting ability modifier, which is 3.

Uh, yeah, you could do that, and, uh, and give it a shot. So yeah, roll a 1d8, add three. That is a six plus three, so nine. Yeah, you touch Doctor Ahem, and heal some of his wounds, and, you know, he starts rousing a bit, uh, coming to. He looks around at everyone. Interns? Leonard? Oh, that's good. Right, we must be quick. Time is of the essence. The Evergards have taken control of Balderay.

That's not good. Does that mean Paralite's here? Yeah. Paralite? Maybe? My head's still spinning. How did they take over the city? Did they come on themselves, or who let them? Listen, there's no time to explain. We have to get out of here.

While you guys are working on talking to him and keeping him calm, I'm going to get Thieves' Tools to unlock his shackles and get him out of the thing. Yeah, if you want to make a check, you need a... Slide of hand? Yeah, make a slide of hand check. 12. Yeah, you're able to since you have the Thieves' Tools and you're decent with them at this point. It's not a complex lock. You're able to maneuver the Thieves' Tools through and unlock the lock.

Wait, kyborg, no, no! And then right as it clicks open, you hear alarm starts sounding in the towers around Boulder Ray. I'm so sorry, guys. You hear yelling in the distance saying, the trap is sprung, get them! And that's it for this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's my fault.

I'm sorry. I start blowing my whistle. He's just adding to the noise. Yeah. No, it's just my whistle going off, guys. Nothing to see here. All right. Thanks, everybody, for listening. This was a fun episode. I know I say that a lot, but I had a lot of fun with everything we got done this episode.

But thanks for listening. We'll be back again next week with another episode. You'll find out what happens to the interns. Why are they ever guards in Boulder Ray? What happened to Dr. Ahem? Will they survive? Tune in to find out. Will Sleek take a shower? I also want to give a quick shout out. I don't know if we've ever done this version of Cross Promotion, but...

us as squad team force we're on all the social media platforms and we've been doing some fun D&D related videos so if you like Dungeons and Dragons because you're listening to this podcast you'll probably like those so go check us out on the

The TikTok, the Instagram, Twitter, all those things. Squad Team Force. Check out our videos. We had a great video about Dissonant Whispers that we put up here just the other day that I think is really, really funny. It was based off a joke that was made in the podcast. Oh, yeah. Yes. Now everyone feels our pain because that's what we all think of when we're barbecuing Dissonant Whispers. Yep. All right. Yeah, go check out Squad Team Force on all the socials, and we'll see you back again here next week.

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