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Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash save whenever you're ready. For
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Good day to all you gricks. Worm your way into the Stinky Dragon and wet your beak with our latest booze, the Tipsy Tentacle. It's a monstrous mix of roving rubble rum, prickly pineapple petals, and a splash of grenadine on the rocks. This barbed beverage has more snap than a kicked off turtle.
Previously, our adventurers found themselves wining and dining at the Hundra Feast where they performed for V. King Knive Gjorn and his uncle Ward Gjorn. The interns started paving the way to peace, but the party was crashed by an angry Odom. Now V. King Knive has been whisked away and the Ishbjorn invasion is underway. Let's find out if our interns can save the day. ♪
for the sake of my memory eventually i need these characters to start having like more like normal names like i just need king bob like v king knife you or i just i can't remember it all v king means is there an x king and a y king like a viking like a viking
He just blew Blaine's mind. Oh, I thought it was like the letter V. Yeah. It is the V-King. V-King. But it's like they're Vikings. Because this is all very Nordic. Like Ishbjorn is a Nordic term.
Next season, we're going to do Canadian themed Stinky Dragon. It's going to be like, oh, yeah, Jim down the block is coming down to shovel your driveway and he wants you to pay him five gold. He's a real hoot. Micah does comment that V King is Valrathian King. Just FYI.
That makes more sense. It's Valrasian King. Got it. An easy way, John, to remember the names is the V-King is knife, like a knife, and his parents are Sjord and Sheld, like sword and shield. That's cool. It's a very good naming convention. Still hard words to say.
Anyway, yet again, episode 35, Tales from the Stinky Dragon. The tales continue to get stinkier as the party progresses. Are they? Is it because we haven't showered? You all have never showered. You all talk about your short rest and your long rest and what you're doing. No one ever says, hey, you know what? I'm going to make myself a little less stinky. I'm going to take a shower. I'm going to take a bath. That's why it's called Stinky Dragon. We're the stinks. Where's the self-care, Barbara? Where's the dragon? We're stinky.
You don't want the dragon yet. Trust me. You're not there. Someone tried to tell me in social media. I can't remember who it is. I'm sorry for not noting your name. But they said, like, technically you guys met a dragon. It's the guy that makes the coffee. Duncan? Duncan. Because he's a dragon, right? Or is he like a dragon? Yeah, he's a pseudo-dragon. Yeah. But that's not a... I want, like, dragon heart level dragon. You know, to... I want, you know, Smaug or something like
that something big that's gonna eat you in one bite like the entire party sure why not I don't like that I don't want that yeah yo yo would last not even around it would be pretty cool yeah you'll get there maybe eventually it's in D&D there's there's normally lots of dungeons typically not a lot of dragons not until uh much much much much later dungeons and polar bears that's what we're playing what are they doing
Speaking of polar bears, a chilling breeze whistles through the hall, stirring the dancing flames on the table you ignited moments ago. The southern entrance of the hall stands open with brilliant moonlight pouring in around the Valrossian guards still panting. The Ishbjorn, sir! They're here! That's impossible. The Ishbjorn are all dead. My father took care of them a century ago. I know, sir, but I've seen them with my own eyes. Phantom bearfolk led by someone called the Planar Wraith. They're coming for the V-King, sir!
You heard God, I'm weighing the weights with you. They're coming for the V-King, sir. What are your orders? Ward furrows his brow and tugs at his lengthy whiskers. Coming for the V-King, you say? Very well. Odom, you deal with these imposters wherever they are, and make sure the V-King is... Narrows his eyes. Taken care of. Odom's tusked mouth creases into a sly smile. With pleasure, V-Head Ward, but...
What about you? Clearly, I need to finish what my father started. It's time I ended the Isbjorn once and for all. V-Head Ward heads for the southern doors and exits the hall into the night. Odom turns and begins scanning the hall with his eyes.
And just as a reminder, you guys are standing just outside the northern doors in this hallway. And the V-King is just inside on the other side of this door with, you think, maybe a few guards. I'm not one for saying we should have done a murder, but if we'd done a murder on the ward, this would be a lot easier right now. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't have been a bad idea. We're too nice. You just got to do a murder every now and then, get it out of your system. Okay.
Only in D&D. Only in D&D, obviously. Clarify that. Yes, hello, police. So we're at the door. Correct. You're still in the big hall right by the door on the northern side of the Great Hall. And we're still wearing our disguises, right? The ones that we got at the carnival? Correct. They might be starting to melt a little bit. They might be getting a little soft because some of them were made out of wax.
Mutt, are you currently a tiger? I think I did turn into a tiger, didn't I? Yeah, for the entertainment part of the party. Oh yeah, and I never turned back. Yeah. Okay, since last time the fire excuse made so much work really well with the guards, why don't I get on top of the tiger and then, Bart, you light me on fire? Uh, you know what, Gum-Gum? Why not?
Gum Gum watched Princess Bride once and saw Andre the Giant catch on fire at work. Is there a reason why we can't just go through the door? I mean, are we ill-prepared to fight right now? Some of us have one spell slot left.
Well, we're in a room full of archers and the warden. And the fire. And the fire. The door is where the little Knives Out boy went. V King. He has a title. V King Knives Out. So exit stage right, right? Yeah. This seems like an opportunity for a boss battle, but it looks like a skippable cutscene, so let's just...
I don't know about that. This seems pretty pivotal. Okay, well, Bart wants to have a pivotal fight with the warden. Or as I first said, a pivotable. Pivotable. Maybe just pivot away. Can we open the door? Yeah, the door is unlocked. Okay, but were you ready to light me on fire? Yes, always, always. When we say that, we could do...
Prestidigitian. Nope, didn't get it. So close, so close. Worst it's ever been. I like Blaine's attempt of like, if I say it fast enough, they won't hear me mess up. Can we make a shirt that's just like text that has different mispronunciations of prestidigitation all crossed out, then at the bottom it just says magic? That's actually really funny. That's very good. That's really good. Mud goes through the door. And I hop on top of mud.
No, I don't want to carry you. Yeah, that's up to Mud. I'll hop on top of Gum-Gum. Okay, but I want to be on the tiger. I'm not that big of a tiger. What if you pretend to be a tiger, Gum-Gum? Yeah, get him. Fine, Gum-Gum can get on the tiger. Let's go through the door. Just whatever it needs for us to progress and do something.
You open the doors to a wide stone room adorned with arctic animal furs and mounted stuffed heads. To your right are a few portraits hanging on the wall and a side table with nautical instruments and weapons. To your left are a few couches surrounding a blazing fireplace where two guards stand near the shrimpy v-king sitting at the hearth. Somewhere in the distance, a bell tolls the midnight hour and the two guards look at each other for a moment and then give each other a nod. One pulls out a dagger and the other reaches for the boy.
Oh. Should I take a shot? I'll take a shot. Take a run. Go take it. Barb took a drink of her drink at an inopportune time to react. I actually go. It sounds like Kyborg's taking the shot. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and take the shot because I'm not going to wait around to see what happens with that knife and that little boy. Which one are you going to shoot at? The one with the knife. Okay. Well, we got to make sure they are in fact going for the little boy and not pulling out. Too late. I already made the shot. 21. 21.
It hits. I think anyone who holds a knife to a little boy deserves to die. Six points of damage. Arrow hits, and it seems like the guards hadn't noticed you at first, but now they definitely do. Their eyes turn and lock at you. The three of you and a tiger, they turn and kind of look at each other and then look back at you guys and put their hands up. Oh, that was easy. Don't shoot. We don't want to do it. What?
- What were you doing? Why are you touching that little boy with that knife? - We're being forced to do this. - By who? - By who? - Do what? - Please, just spare us. We'll leave. - Forcing you to do what? Who? - V Head Ward. He's forcing us to take out his competition.
That's his son though, right? No, that's his nephew. Nephew. Right. Did you hear that, little king? Knives is just like super wide-eyed standing by the hearth and really staring at the tiger. Don't worry, the tiger is friendly to you, but not to them. Hush or mush. Are you trying to like hit me with your heels or something? No, I just said go. Oh, okay. Well, let you go if you drop the knife and...
and all the money you have. - And your pants. - Yes, and your pants. - But like keep your underwear on. We're not making this a sexual thing. We're making this a funny prank thing. - Make a persuasion check, Mud. - Can I help by screaming intimidatingly? - Sure.
That's 15 for my intimidation. Why does Gum Gum have a higher plus on persuasion than I do? Because he's so lovable. His was intimidation. That was intimidation. Oh, okay. Oh, I was going to say that. But my persuasion isn't bad. It's plus four. Your persuasion is plus four? You have plus four? Okay. Well, Mud, your charisma is seven. It's very bad. That's the source of your problems.
Yeah, you're not sure. You don't think it really was your persuasion that did it, but maybe the fear of staring at a giant tiger and a barbarian who's screaming at them persuades them to remove their pants and drop their knives and their money. Sweet. How much money do they have?
I don't think they have much money. Hundreds. No. No, they got paid off by the V. Yeah. Well, they haven't done the job yet. But they have the down payment, Gus. Half up front, half later. That's right. That's how this works. You've never done a murder? Between the two of them, we'll say they have 40 silver. All right, that'll do. All right, now get, get, get out of here. Yeah, yeah.
They like scramble, like falling down and running out the door back out into the royal hall. Pantsless and weaponless. That's good. Good. They got any good weapons? Somehow your former character from our previous D&D always comes through. They each had a spear and a dagger. So there's two spears and two daggers on the floor. Can I take a dagger? Yeah. Bart's a little weapon-lite.
The whole time, like, Knive has still been looking around, but he seems to really be focused on the tiger still, looking at it. I'll talk to him. Which maybe, oh, is it strategically advantaged for you to stay as a tiger form? He seems to like the tiger, or at least be focused on it. I think he's definitely afraid of the tiger. Hello, my name is Mud. These are my friends. We're technically sort of superheroes. Ha!
We're like a step aside from superheroes. Like if you look at the superheroes, we're the guys next to them. You're superhero adjacent. Yes. And I guess we're here to save your life. You're welcome. As you can see, there's a lot going on and we kind of need you to help negotiate everything.
A truce between your people and the Ishbyorn, who may or may not be technically attacking all your people right now. I just want to point out that you just approached this kid who almost lost his life, and you're like, I need you to sign a 20-year loan, 10% APR interest down payment.
We got to ease into this. Hey, little guy, I got a rose in this locket. You drop this over there. We saw you were in trouble. We wanted to help. We need to help. For the first time, his eyes, his concentration seems to really break from the tiger, and he looks away at the flower and the locket. And he says, Oh, thank you. I can't believe I left those behind. He's still sitting by the hearth, though, or standing by the hearth. You all...
Aren't Velrassian, are you? You're a wise dude. You're a clever guy. We will neither confirm nor deny said statement, depending on what your next reaction will be. It does not matter what we are, except that we are your friends. I'm a kitty. Okay, well...
The kitty's nice. Look. I hug him. You want to give him a friendship bracelet, Gum-Gum? No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
I was like, yeah. An actual friendship bracelet. He looks a little confused at the fact that you all are communicating with the tiger and able to speak to it. Is he confused by the fact the tiger is speaking like common speak? He looks at the tiger and says, everyone can understand you. Oh, yeah. No, it's not just you. You didn't get poisoned. It's all good, little guy.
Yeah, yeah. Only friends can understand it. That's right. Do you trust us? How would I describe it? He begins making like a purring, growling, chuffing noise. He's chuffing? My cats do that sometimes. Only mud is able to understand as being tiger speed. What? He's a man of many cultures. I like that. The prince is doing that? Yeah. And he's in tiger. He's asking you, how did you come to travel with these people?
What is going on right now? I wasn't expecting this! What animal is he? Uh... Make an arcana check, Jon. The child is doing this, right? Yeah. He's going... I think we broke him. I'm sorry, Gus. I rolled a four. Yeah, it's really weird. Well, you see, I'm a druid, and these are my friends. How are you speaking in Tiger? Oh.
We've got a Dr. Dolittle situation here. He's got high animal handling. That's great. Good for you. You start to hear, like, noise, like fighting out in the hall, in the royal hall y'all just came from. And Sleek shuts the doors that y'all walk through and starts barring them and says...
Did you hit your head? Why are you being so useful all of a sudden? What's going on here? Sleek's real useful. Yeah. King, is there anywhere to hide? Do you have like a safe room?
He's like, we're in it. Well, normally my guards make this room safe. We are your guards. We are your guards now. Let's make you safe. Yeah. Look at us, these intimidating guards. Bart stands up and puts his hands on his hips. Make an intimidation check, Bart. Okay. My intimidation's not that bad. It's not that great, though. It's bad.
Ten. Yeah, you do your best, but inside you're not feeling it. You're trying to put forward a very tough exterior, but you're just not feeling it right now. Is there anything I could borrow the door with? Yeah, there's some furniture, some side tables and couches in this room. I have a spear back from when we broke out of the clink, so I'm going to put that across the door, you know, as you do. Can I take my manacles and...
one on each end of the doorknob. Hold on. Hold on. Which way does the door move? I didn't even think about that. It opens coming into the room you're in. Okay. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. I go up to the door. I pull out my immovable rod.
I pushed up against the door. We're using it! We're using it! I turn it on. Has been fulfilled! It's finally happened. And now our boons of things that we've used. We've held on to this entire time. And I turn, I look back at Gum Gum and I give him a wink. And I blink. I blink, but think it's a wink.
Okay, yeah. It's an object long forgotten by everyone except for Gum Gum. Mud pulls out the immovable rod and uses it to bar the doors. Hell yeah. Door is sorted. Yep.
Forever. I go back over to Knife, and I do feel comfortable enough to reveal my beautiful elven face with perfect complexion and long, flowy hair, and I say, hey, your suspicion's right. You seem like a really wise kid. But yeah, as you can see, we are not Valrazians, but we would like to broker a peace.
During these very troubling times. And you seem like the leader that could bring your people to such a peace. I'm trying to talk fancy. I'm on medications right now because I'm sick. It's all worked out for me. It's pretty good. Make a persuasion check, Kaiborg. Oh, man. I'm going to nail this.
- And Mud, go and give yourself an inspiration die for using the amulet rod in those doors. - Wait, wait, wait. Inspiration die for doing... - You're just jealous that you don't have one. - It was an inspiring move.
Yeah, it was a good, it was really good. Yeah, I got 13 on persuasion. He seems to really be interested in what you're saying, Kyborgen, like nodding along, agreeing with it. Oh, nice. Thank you, Fair Elf, for your kind and generous words. You're right, I do wish to help my people during these troubling times. May I have my locket and the flower? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I gave that to you. Sorry, here you go. Here, to give to the Isbjorn is a sign of peace.
And I make a matching flower. Ooh, so what was it? Was it a rose? Is that what you said before? Yeah, it was a rose. Okay, so now he's got two roses. He grabs that. I would never say no to another flower. Thank you. He takes the locket in his hand and clicks it open. And Kaibor, you can see an opaque white gemstone with pale orange glow inset into a silver half-sun pendant.
It's really, really beautiful looking. When he opens it, Mud, you notice your amulet also starts glowing at the same time. Upon the opening of the locket? Yeah. Like a matching jewel? Yeah. The silver locket starts radiating with an orange flare while Mud's amulet begins gleaming with a brilliant blue light. Both gemstone insets start vibrating and shining brighter and brighter until suddenly everything in the room goes white.
For a moment, you wonder if you've gone blind, but then your eyes slowly start to make out blurry shapes around you. Everyone go ahead and make a perception check. Sorry, guys, I dropped a flashbang. It was a flashbang grenade. Breach and clear. What were you saying, Barb? It's just like it's finally happening. I feel like this is the culmination of the moonstone thingy. Yeah.
-15. -15. -20. -A 2. -Good check there, GumGum. GumGum, your senses seem to be overwhelmed by your surroundings and you're having a hard time making sense of it. But the general vibe is a sense of awe and goodness. -It's like normal. -Yeah, sure. Kyborg and Mud, the first thing you notice is a single majestic mountain with seven plateaus in the distance. The mountain is rising from a shining silver sea and its heights seem to climb for an eternity.
Bart, you notice that your body isn't physically here, wherever here is. If you had to guess, it's more like your inner spirit or soul is here, but you're still able to recognize everyone around you, like your party members.
Oh my god, okay. A soothing voice from behind all of you says, Fear not, mortals. You are not dead. You turn around to see an incandescent being radiating with intense beauty and pure light. Is this Paralite? I swear to god. It's rather blinding to look at. Perhaps you'd prefer something less...
Mm-hmm.
She's blessed you all with divine rest. Oh. Which counts as a long rest. Oh, thank that God. Oh, thank you. Now I'm afraid we don't have much time, but I will do my best to answer any questions you might have. Do you have any mints? Mints? Andi's mints. Oh.
He's been sitting on that since you revealed her name. I got a question for you. She turns and gives you her focus. How you doing? Okay, I could get those digits. He realizes that she is just glaring at him, so he slowly backs away. Typically, Bart Bird is not intimidated by a being like us.
There's just something like, it looks like lightning in her eyes. I mean, it's like you've never seen anything like it. Like when she turns and gives you her attention, it's just like, it's like when you go out on a summer day and feel the sun on your face. It's just like warmth washing over you. You say you're here to help. What are you here to help with? I've seen the turmoil brewing in the land of Kaltberg.
I'm here to offer wisdom and insight to answer any questions to help navigate the challenges that await you. You're like Google. Can the little king see her as well? Yeah. Okay. This magic necklace and muds magic necklace bracelet thing, neck thing. Amulet. What are they and why are they glowing? Those are powerful arcane relics from my time spent dwelling in the land of Keltberg.
They were used by the people of the land to commune with me. Why is the amulet, why was it attracted to me? Why did it come to me? Because you took it. No, I woke up with it. He did wake up with it. These artifacts are drawn to creatures with a deep connection to the druidic arts. Creatures who cherish the natural world and all it has to offer. How are we going to convince the Valrazians to get along with the Ishbjorn after years and years of fighting and hunting and
Oh, there's just a lot of bad blood, so... Yeah. Is that something you could maybe just, like, you know, flash your eyes and kind of fix? Like, world peace for all. Do we need to do, like, hands across Valros? Do you have anything that we could give them to prove that we have your blessing?
Both the Ishbyorn and Balrasians have lived in this region for some time, and there was a time when they co-existed peacefully. I granted them both the ability to steward over the region together. The Balrasians on a nearby island, and the Ishbyorn on the mainland. The Balrasians, however, grew jealous of the Ishbyorn's extensive land and resources, so they chose to invade. This act of violence severed my one strong connection with the lands and people.
That's when a long winter began plaguing this region. But do the Valrasians believe in you? I'm afraid the Valrasians, as you know them today, unfortunately have forgotten much of their past and relationship they once had with the Ishbjorn and myself. However, there is a sacred tree that once blossomed nearby in the Fjordris. The Fjordris. But during this century of winter, it has been neglected and fallen to the ground, nearly void of life.
If both these artifacts are taken to the sacred tree, then perhaps it will be enough to restore my connection with the land and both peoples. And what sort of flower did this blossom look like? In front of you, you see like a giant pulsing purple and blue flower. Like this? It's pretty. So you're saying if we go and find this tree and we figure out how to restore it, that is going to reignite your connection to the world
which then in turn, what, that'll help you, that will, you'll be able to help us broker peace? Yeah. I can remind the Ishbiorn and Balrossians of their lost heritage.
Remind them of the way they used to dwell together in harmony when I walked amongst them. I like this. This is a lot easier than trying to convince one side to completely give up like we were planning. We can handle a tree. This all makes very good sense. This makes a lot of sense. One more question. Paralyze is what? Did it work? Did it work? Did it work? Not being Paralyte, I would not say what. And what do you think of this little king? I mean, big king. Uh.
Are you talking about Knife? Yeah. The king, like, is he on board with this? All I've ever wanted is peace in the land. And now that you've mentioned it, I think I've heard of this tree. The birds told me about it.
This kid. Alright, well do you think you could maybe lead us to it? Like, do you know very well where it is or do you might need some help? Here, take my mighty steed! Well, the birds told me it's not too far from the Fjortress. The arena was built around it for Hundrafest. Oh, we've been there. You might have even seen it and not realized it. All at once, everything goes white and your surroundings become blurry again. Oh.
As you're gathering your bearings, Mud and Knife notice that the amulet and locket are missing. What? Without warning, you each feel an arrow pierce your body. Oh! You look up and see a handful of archers standing in the doorway with their bows drawn. Out from behind them steps a brawny Valrathian with a pronounced scar across their chin. Odom. He's armed with a gleaming silver shield and an anchor-shaped sword. You notice the amulet and locket are both hanging around his neck. My, my...
A smile comes across his scarred face.
Rest assured, I will be hailed as a hero when the kingdom learns I single-handedly slayed the killers responsible for the death of the V-King. The archers up there just give like a really loud, ahem, ahem. Everyone go ahead and roll initiative. Ah.
Do you have any questions about the show? Perhaps a query for the cast, a character? Maybe you're curious what's going on behind the DM screen? Go ahead and post it on Twitter using hashtag StinkyDragonPod and maybe it'll end up in the show. That's also a good opportunity to follow us on Twitter or Instagram at StinkyDragonPod. Maybe share some of the stuff we post. It's
Because word of mouth, you know, it's the best way for a show like this to grow. And speaking of social media interaction, we've seen you all asking who voices different characters. So we're going to start including them here. In this week's episode as Goddess Andi, we have Lindsay Washburn from Funhaus. V King Knive is Caden Hildreth from Achievement Hunter.
Sleek is our own Ben Ernst, who's one of our producers on Tales from the Stinky Dragon. V-Head Ward is voiced by Patrick Brown from Funhaus. And Warden Odom is Aaron Porter from Achievement Hunter. This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who's been a teacher for over a decade.
who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.
Wait, what happened to the king? He's there with you. Is he pierced? Oh, yeah. Everyone has been hit by an arrow. Oh, everyone. Okay. Yeah. I rolled a 24. 12. 20. Oh, yeah. 22. Okay. Now let me roll damage for each of you. Bart takes two points of damage from the arrow that hit him. Okay.
Gum Gum takes three points of damage. Mud, you take five. Kyborg takes three. And Sleek is dead. 17? I just saw 17 get rolled. That was his initiative. I forgot to roll his initiative. He takes 17 points of damage. Sleek takes one point of damage.
The arrow just hit him straight between the eyes. Hey, you see the rolls. I'm not fudging them here. So they broke through the door around the movable rod. They just break the door or something. Yeah, they broke the door itself and started chipping away at the masonry around it as well. Bart, what do you want to do?
Okay, so how many archers are there with him? There are four archers standing around Odom. Okay, what's the layout of all of them? Like how far apart are they? Are they like all in a straight line? Trying to get a visual. They're all pretty bunched up by the door. Like they came in and saw you guys and immediately fired some arrows. So they're still all grouped up together at that door you all came through where the immovable rod was or still is.
Could I cast Cloud of Daggers centering on Odom, but hoping to get some other archers that are kind of close by him? Yeah. How big is that? How big of a cube is that? Five foot cube. So you could hit Odom and one of the archers, we'd say. Okay. That's cool with me. All right. I got a nine. Nine points of damage. So would it be the archer to Odom's right or Odom's left that took it? You can pick. Which would you prefer?
Let's say to his right. So our left. Oh, your left, his right. Got it. That has lasting effects. Yeah, that is correct. If they start their turn in the cloud, they take damage.
And then could I also move further back? So I'm just kind of like a bit more shielded behind the tanks of the team. Yeah, just reposition yourself. So you're not in the front line. Yeah. Anything else, Bart, or is that it for your turn? When he says that, he goes, I'll make you pay for taking away Andi from my life. I loved her. Oh, that's great. Never wake Bart from a good dream. Mm-hmm.
Bart has like compulsive flirting disorder where he just like has to flirt with everything in his path. CFD. Yeah, I've seen commercials for the medicine for that. Yeah. We all suffer from it. Gum gum. If we were to get
pass them to the tree outside? We just gotta get the king to the battle thing. Is there any other way to the exit? You need the amulet and the locket, which Odom currently has. Oh, he has them. Yeah. Okay. I want to go into a rage and I'll run my rage craziness right now. Oh, right. Get a good power. We need it. Come on. We need something that is helpful. Give me a flarb or whatever it was called. A flarb? The tentacle things. A flomp.
Show me flumph. Don't do the teleport thing. I like the teleport thing. It's awesome. It's not helpful. Six is...
Until your rage ends, you are surrounded by multicolored protective lights. You gain plus one bonus. They see, and while within 10 feet of you, your allies gain the same bonus. Not bad. Is the cloud of daggers in such a way, is it centered on the warden, or is there a way where I could hit him without being in the cloud of daggers? You could hit him from his left side, because since the cloud of daggers was shifted off to his right so that he could get the archer as well. Gotcha. All right. I'm going to run to the warden, Odin, the
The left side. Using my greataxe. I want to scream at them. You're betraying the king. He's the great god lady. She told us that there's peace possible, so stop fighting the king. It's really winding up that swing, that yell that long. Very peacemaker vibes. I'm trying to fight for peace, so I'm going to kill you. Yeah. That's a 14. It's not...
Not quite good enough. You don't get a bonus because you're raging. He rolled low. He rolled a seven. Yeah, I rolled a seven. Yeah, so you only get additional damage. I should have attacked with, I should have done reckless. Dang it. Yeah, you give your really long speech and maybe you wound up a little too long and your weapon comes down, missing Warden Odom. Ha, you're pathetic.
And I growl back at him and all the archers. Okay. Mud. Reminding everybody, mud is still a tiger. Tiger mud. Tiger mud. So, being a tiger, I...
I run at one of the archers to the right of Odom, who is not in the cloud of daggers, and tries to claw him. So that's the same side where Gum-Gum ran up to an attack. Yeah, but he attacked Odom. I'm attacking the archer. Okay. Okay.
That's a 14? Yeah, that hits. Okay, good news. That helps me do a few things. One is I'm going to roll for damage on that. So that's four damage. He needs to do a DC 13 strength saving throw or he is knocked prone.
because I have pounce. Oh. If you move at least 20 feet towards an opponent and 16 on a claw, I do a pounce. Ah, he saved it. Yeah, 16. Save successful. I'm pirate. Here's out of nowhere. But you are up close with an archer, so. Yeah, I'm like, I clawed him. So I'm right on his butt. Right on his face. And his face. Which, you know, you could just say looks the same to insult him and bring down his morale. Yeah.
You got butt for a face. A little vicious mockery. Yeah. Anything else, Mud? I smell him because I have keen smell. What's he smell like? He smells like polar bear because he's draped in furs. Oh, that's not nice. I'm done. Okay. Knife. He's still kind of in the back with you guys. He reaches under his cloak and pulls out a dagger. He's not advanced, but he seems like he's kind of...
preparing to defend himself. That's good. He should not advance. The archers all draw their weapons like they're waiting, and then Odom snaps his finger. All the archers concentrate their fire on one person in the party, and that person is... Don't say Bart. Sleek. Kyborg. Fall!
- Come on! - I think that was coming down. - So just so you know, for transparency, I rolled a D6 and I went down your initiative order. So it's Bart, Gum Gum, Mud, Sleek, Kyborg. I rolled a five, Kyborg, you're number five. So yeah, all four archers release all of their arrows at the same time. Go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw, Kyborg.
I got a 19. It's good dex. Not bad. Yeah, you know, you see what's coming. You can read the writing on the wall. So you take half damage from the archers. I want you to roll. What if they rolled individually and then I do a little dance on dodge? So all told together, it's 13 points of damage. So you'll take half of that. So take six points of damage. Not too bad considering you just got four arrows fired at you.
You guys are the worst archers ever. You're just doing that. Just thrusting my hips side to side. They're somehow missing. Like Elvis or something. Yeah. I was thinking like an old Looney Tunes cartoon where it's like stuff's going all around you. It's like Elvis mixed with Looney Tunes mixed with Neo from the Matrix. But he gets hit. He gets hit. Yeah, not much.
You can only kind of see. And two of those took Cloud of Daggers. You're right. So one of them would have taken damage at the start of their turn from the Cloud of Daggers. So one of the archers that already got damaged by the Cloud of Daggers gets damaged again. Can you reroll some Cloud of Daggers damage for me, Barbara? Please. Absolutely. Cloud of Daggers coming in. Oh, God. Not very good. Seven. Seven.
Oh, that's it. That's enough. That archer actually falls over dead. So you would have not taken one of those die of damage, Kyborg. Nice. So we'll say you didn't take the one. It was a one, five, three, and four. So yeah, you still end up with six points of damage. Okay, I'll heal myself for one. No, he's saying you still took six. No, you still take six. They rolled one, five, three, and four. So I just took the first roll and said it didn't happen, which was the one.
Okay, then I'll... Fine. Cheater. Cheater. So now it's Sleek's turn. Get ready, everybody. Prepare to be whelmed. Sleek begins muttering under his breath an arcane incantation. You hear him whispering. Rackham, rackham, rackham.
The archer that Mud is mauling needs to make a wisdom saving throw. Just imagine him going like, "Shossafras, I'm so gonna get Mud." "I'm gonna shag a thing of braggart." And it fails, so it takes a little bit of damage. A little bit of damage, what I want.
Sleek also steps up, not to the front line, but maybe kind of in the middle of the party. Is that the damage he rolled? Yeah, he rolled a 1d4 for damage, like two points of damage. So again, just to continue this narrative of Sleek being all but useless, he finally did something where he damaged a guy. Gus rolled a d4. That's what this guy's attack did, was a d4. Listen, he got tortured.
He got healed by Andy. What's her name? Magic woman. Yeah. Andy. He doesn't have his loot. There's so many excuses for this loser. His fingers literally went like, like rehealed on his hands. Kyborg, it's your turn. Then Bart, you're going to be up in a little bit. Okay. I want to start with a bonus action where I stare at Sleek and I roll my eyes. Okay. Okay.
Sorry to do like trigonometry right now, but we got people up in faces and I have an area of effect attack that I want to launch. It's after shooting the long-awaited triumph, I want to hit with the bursting arrow, which is 10 feet of damage. So I need to figure out, Gus, in the simplest way, who can I hit that will then hit the other dudes without hitting my team?
At this point, I don't know if you can do that because Mud and Gum-Gum are up close. Like Mud is attacking the archer immediately to the left of Odom. Gum-Gum is attacking Odom. You could hit maybe the other archer and not position it in a way to where it doesn't hit anybody. That's probably your only bet at this point. Okay, well then let's just keep it simple.
Kiss. Keep it simple, stupid. I'm going to aim for Odom right in the noggin. That's not a called shot. I'm just going to shoot at Odom. 18? 18. That connects.
And that's eight points of damage. Nice, nice, nice. Ooh, nice. Yeah. Uh, Odom is preoccupied with his standing off with Gum Gum. He doesn't see the arrow coming in, which hits him for eight points of damage. Is that the best you've got? You thought I was done. Oh, no. Action surge. Action surge. You can take one additional, uh, action on your turn. I'm going to take another shot at Odom. Pew! Oh, that's a ten. Um, does that hit? Uh,
No, that does not hit. It does because I rolled an inspiration die. Whoosh! 18. 18, that does hit. Ha ha! Seven. Seven. Oh, look at you. That's another seven points of damage. Yeah, Warden Odom looks incredibly angry. Wait, but how does he look like health-wise? You know, obviously he's not whistling, walking down the road or anything, but he's not like, you know, about to fall over or anything. And then is there a way that I can kind of...
as with Bart, sort of like get behind cover or move in a position that's not gonna open me up to attack of opportunity, but get some strategic distance between myself and idiots. Maybe a piece of furniture to hide behind? Yeah, there's some couches there that were arranged around the hearth that you could use. Okay, I want to do a cool roll over a couch.
Actually, I don't want to do that because you made me roll for it. Yeah, that's my turn. You walk safely around the couch. Yeah, but then when I'm back there, I take another bonus action and I just stare at Sleek and I'm like, and then I roll my eyes at him again. You only get one bonus action. He's just looking at Sleek. Lots of bonus actions going on. Thanks, Chris. Thanks for keeping me accountable, bud.
He's here to help. Chris is all about rules. And following them, not questioning them, remembering them. It's just like his thing. Okay. It's now Odom's turn. Bart, you'll be up after him. But Bart gets to roll damage. Oh, right. Yeah. Go ahead and roll me some cloud of daggers damage. Bart. Max damage. Max damage. Ten. Good damage. Four, three, two, one.
And that's a lot of damage. Yeah. Odom doesn't like that. He does not want to start his next turn here. What's he going to do? He, you know, he does have like a great sword and a shield in his hands. And he's like, you know, threatening with Gum-Gum who's up in his face. But then he kind of like shifts them both to his sides and just kind of with his body, tries to slam out and hit Gum-Gum with just his massive weight, his heft. Feel the power of Valrathian might! Okay.
Okay. Odom used Body Slam. Which hits an AC 21, which I believe would hit you. Doing 15 points of damage. That was 2d6. We're both six. And the slam actually slides you back a little bit. Oh, you take half of that because of rage. So you'll take seven points of damage.
Okay, and I slide backwards? Yeah, you slide back a little bit, like five feet away. Then Warden Odom starts stepping out of the cloud of daggers and begins moving in a straight line towards, or he moves around you to try to get closer. It seems like he's trying to close the distance, get closer to Knife. Was I close enough to him to get an attack of opportunity with him moving away? No, it was like one square over. One square over too far, I should say. Okay.
which is why I had him do the slam so he can get away. - Oh, I know that. I know that. - So yeah, he's kind of more at this point now behind where Mud and Gum-Gum were closing the distance to the couches over where Knife is. - So it seems like he's really going for Knife. - Yes, from what you can tell.
Then he's kind of, like I said, he's kind of in the middle of the room. And he kind of like looks like he pulls up his shield to kind of hide himself behind it. But when he does that, the shield starts to vibrate and you see Knives' body start to inch toward Odom, almost like it's pulling him. Knives has to make a strength saving throw. Oh, but he makes it.
So the shield starts to pull Knife in Odom's direction, but Knife quickly grabs onto some nearby furniture and secures his foot. Cool. I'm going to steal that when he dies. Already planning. Uh,
Bart, you're up with Gum-Gum after Bart. Okay. Am I close enough to Knive to touch him? No, I think you had fallen back a little bit. A little bit, yeah. Yeah, to try to be away. He's like kind of on the other side of some couches from you. Could I move towards him so I'm like right next to him? Yes, you absolutely can do that. And then...
may I cast invisibility on him and I? I guess I can only do it on one person, right? You can do it on one, yeah. Okay, I'm going to do it on him. Nice. Interesting. All right, yeah, you're totally able to do that. Nice. Cool. Unfortunately, though, I think that's my only action I could do. Yeah, it is like casting a spell. It's an action, yeah, unless you have like a bonus action. Stupid spells all be one action. Could I actually cast...
Bardic Inspiration on my party? No, yeah. Bardic Inspiration is just a bonus action. Yeah. Nice. And that's a party effect? As in you give it to all of us? No, it goes to one person. Okay, I'll give it to Gum Gum. Nice. Thank you. Bye.
So it's like an inspiration die, but a D6 instead of a D20. Cool. And it's to add on instead of replace. Oh, right, right, yeah. So the same, but totally different. Similar qualities. Is that it for you, Bart? Yes. Okay. Gum Gum, you're up with Mud after Gum Gum.
Um, could I, with the, I don't know if the, without, uh, this taking up all my actions, could I use the jump ring to jump over the warden to put myself in between him and the, uh, and the, where Bart was just standing? Yeah, that would just be your move action to, uh, to do that. Yeah. Yeah.
Cool. So I jump over him and then I... Reckless attack. I reckless attack with my attacks. I was like, what is the attack? I reckless attack. Oh yeah, that's a nat 20 for 27. Nice. Nice. Yeah, so I'm going to assume that would hit.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. That's it. So it doesn't matter that you had advantage because you rolled a nat 20. How do we calculate that? I just rolled damage and it was 15. Normally what I do is you roll damage and then I'll add a maximum die damage to it as well. So since your damage is a d12, you rolled a 15. We'll add another 12 to that. So that's 27. Plus two for raging. So it'd be 29. 29. Don't tell me this guy's alive at that.
He's not looking good at all, but he is still alive. He is still breathing. Bro took 29 damage in a single hit. Yeah, I mean, he could be beefy. He's a beefy boy. He ate his Wheaties. Do they still make Wheaties? Yeah, 100%. This is the person to ask. John's here. Yeah, that's pretty sweet moves you pulled off there, GumGum. Go once.
- Yeah, it actually worked out. You got anything else in your bag of tricks? - No, unless I can blow my magic whistle as a bonus action. - No. Has that worked yet, the whistle? - No. - I don't think it has. Okay. - Not once. - Mud. Mud is up and then a bunch of NPCs and eventually you, Kaiborg. - Okay. Can I, how far away is Odom now? - At this point he would be behind you, say, let's call it 15 feet. - Okay.
I'd like to lunge at him. Just as an FYI, if you lunge away, that would provoke an attack of opportunity from the archer you are engaged with. I'm okay with that. Okay. The archer, you jump out of the way or away from the archer who very quickly and deftly pulls out a short sword and takes a quick swing at you. Attack of opportunity, huh?
Little attack of opportunity. That's a 15. Does that hit? That's my armor class. That hits. So you take five points of damage. Okie dokie. Okay, but yeah, you pounce away over to Odom, who, like I said, not looking that great. Yeah. And I do a claw. Rolled a two. That's not good enough. You know what? I'm going to use my inspiration die.
I want to help. I want to do something. The angels from heaven sing. I rolled a two again. I rolled a two again. I rolled two twos in a row. I will say, I do appreciate you, you know, getting an inspiration die and immediately using it. I like it. I like that attitude. Like the go in, just dive in, use it. Use it or lose it. Sorry, Mud. That's two twos even with an inspiration die. That's a terrible break. Don't worry. I can do nothing else. So...
Enjoy a short turn, everybody. It's Knives' turn. I really can't see him, though. Bart, make a perception check. All right.
What do I see with my little bard eyes? 19. Whoa. 19. Even though he's invisible, since he was right next to you, you can kind of make out what Naive is doing. Like, you can hear where he's going, and you kind of, like, have a sense for what he's doing. And it seems to you like he's taking, he's walking in, like, the opposite direction, like, counterclockwise away from Odom, like, trying to sneak out towards those doors to the south. Copy. Like, behind everyone who's, uh,
who's coming in. Like, the old, like, getting behind him and sneaking away. As he's making his way around the room, Bart, you happen to notice his gauntlet on the wall get jostled and the light flickers for just a moment. Implying that that's where he is. And then an invisible form sets on fire and... LAUGHTER
Okay, that's it for Knive. The archers. Once again, Odom snaps his fingers. They all draw. And who are they all going to fire on? They're all going to fire on... This is just so Gus doesn't have to resolve three different NPCs all at once. It's much easier and quicker this way. That's what I'm saying. Just do it all. I rolled a five again. Do you all remember who five is? Catborg! Gus...
We need to have words. We need to have multiple words. Listen, all it is is that they see the other archer as the most, you know, concerning thing to defeat another archer. Yeah, what scares an archer the most? Another archer. Yeah. I rolled an 18 on dexterity saving throw. All right, so you take half damage. So you take half of...
uh 15 so we'll round that down to seven so you take seven points of damage from three arrows that uh uh all come flying your way you're starting to think that maybe this is something personal kyborg yeah these guys aren't archers they're just dudes with bows and arrows there's a difference they're not even good at it wow wow big words from kyborg there sleek all right sleek don't let us down this time you can do it we really believe in you
He begins muttering arcane words once again under his breath. It's funny you say that. That's kind of how I was picturing it too. Crasho, Frasho, Frasho, Frasho, Frasho.
And one of the archers needs to make a saving throw. Ooh, that's a fail. We'll say this is one of the other archers. It takes three points of damage. You happy, John? That's better, right? It's still lame. I mean, I know I just missed. It's still lame. Three is more than zero. It's throwing that out there. It is. It is. But if he's the infinite, this is like Iron Man doing three dance.
He doesn't have his loot. I can't wait for the day for him to get his stupid loot back. Stop making excuses. Kyborg, you're up. Okay. All right. Let's get a lay of the land again. I know that mud is all up in Odom's grill. And then wasn't gum gum as well? That's just gum gum. Okay. And then so then those other dudes with bows and arrows are not archers.
They're kind of concentrated still, but far enough away from the others that area of effect attack wouldn't hit anybody, right? Correct. Yeah, they're all still kind of up against that southern wall about 15 feet away from where the rest of your party's engaged with Odom. And there's three of them left? Correct. Okay. Mud growls and does the whole, like, eye-pointing action at Odom. Ha ha!
These guys have shot me twice in a row. Like specifically pointing at the severe amount of wounds on Odin. Sometimes when you're fighting a boss, like an MMO, you take out the adds before you engage the boss. You know, there's benefits to each strategy. Plus you guys are all grouped up on, I have literally arrows that explode. I could take these guys out right now. They'd be done. And then they'd stop hitting me. It's also, it's a thing. It's a pride thing, John. It's a pride thing.
There we go. We really hit it. All right. I shoot the one that looks the weakest. Oh, you're being dumb. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Just as long as we're alive. I shoot the one that's the weakest. Okay, that would have been the one. Initially, when they walked in, that would have been the one immediately to Odom's left. Okay, so then is he still within 10 feet of the other two guys, but not 10 feet of the other guys? Yeah, I would say he'd be able to hit all three at this point. Here we go. Longboat triumph. Abadush.
That's 19. 19. That hits. All right. Excellent. Excellent. Okay. So then I'll do damage to him first. That's 11 points of damage. All right. Well, he already falls over, falls down dead. Okay. And now I'm imagining his two little buddies stare down at his body at a sizzling arrow, because what do you know? That's a bursting arrow. So it's a 2d6 damage. So I'm going to roll that real quick. And skipper black.
Five points of damage. All right. They both take five points of damage. They're still alive, but yeah, they're now... The two remaining guys with bows and arrows are hurt. Jack Black does all the foley work for Kyborg. Skibidabot!
And then I say, that's how you shoot an arrow. - Cockadile Dundee over here. - That's not a nine. - Second wind, once per short rest, you can use a bonus action to regain 1D10 plus four HP. I'm gonna go ahead and do that. - All right. - So I'm gonna roll a 1D10 real quick. These idiots have been lobbing arrows inaccurately at me. Scooby-Doo-Boop, nine plus four. - 13 points. - I feel like a hundred bucks.
Nice. Did that move upgrade? I don't know. Maybe from 1d6 to 1d10. Yeah, I don't remember being that high before. I'm kind of a big deal, John.
And then with that, I again stare at Sleek and I just kind of... You know the guy on TikTok that he does things easier than everybody else does and he kind of gives this like really, you know... Yeah, I know who you're talking about. I do that to Sleek. So second wind, the way it works normally is you're getting D10 plus your fighter level in hit points. So the only upgrade it would get is whenever Kyborg levels, he gets another plus one added on every time. Hmm. Hmm.
Which is why he gets, see, level four fighter, so that's why he gets D10 plus four. Just for our listeners or anybody who might be wondering how it works specifically. Cool. For our Johns out there. Is that it for you, Kyborg? Yep. All right. It's Odom's turn. Then after Odom is going to be Bart. What's he going to do? He's surrounded. He's got clowns to the left of him, jokers to the right. Here he is.
Oh, man. He really wants to get to Knife. Knife is invisible, but kind of fumbling around right now. Oh, I know what he'll do. He'll go after Sleek. Yes. I mean, no, don't do that. Anything but that.
He winds up with his great sword. Who's he going to attack? His sjord. Evens, mud, odds, gum gum. Mud. I thought he had a big old pickaxe thing. Lots of them do have pickaxes. The warden right now, however, has like a big anchor looking great sword. Copy. So yeah, he winds up, takes a swing at you with it. He hits AC 14. I have AC 16 because I'm next to gum gum.
And, uh, but even then it wouldn't match because I'm 15. So, so it misses, but then the swing, uh, he keeps like following through with the swing and he attempts to hit gum gum with it. That would hit an AC 21. Yeah, that would hit. I learned this move in Tuscany.
So I duck, it misses me, and it just connects on Gum-Gum. Yeah, pretty much. He's doing a three stooges act right now. I like how you roll to see who you're going to hit, and you're like, never mind, I'll hit them both anyway. Well, it's to create the suspense. Who's he going to attack first? Yeah, going through the process. And how much damage did it do?
That is 12 points of damage. So six. Yeah, you take half because of the fact that you're raging. And yeah, just FYI, I know people might remember, since you reckless attacked, he would have had advantage on that attack, but it doesn't matter because it hit anyone. He rolled with the confidence of somebody with advantage. He knew he didn't need it.
Okay, then I know this is not good for him, but he's gonna go ahead and step back. Y'all are both gonna get attacked. Attack of opportunity! What is this idiot doing? He's trying to withdraw to get back to the door. I do a bite! Mine's only 14. I know I miss. I'm gonna swing my great axe. Do I get to recklessly attack with that? Not for attack of opportunity, Ryan.
10. No, they both missed. This is it. The best you've got. This is it. Okay.
So it actually works. He is able to step back. He's exiting the room, leaving, going back out into the great hall. Don't let him get away. But he's at the door. No, at this point, he has enough movement. He would have stepped through. He is on the other side. Bart, you're up. Gum Gum, you're after. So he's out the door? Yeah. There are also still two archers in this room. Okay. Clean them up. Could I? How close are they together? They are right next to each other.
I'm going to cast Dissonant Whispers on one of them. The one further to the right. Okay. So the one furthest away from the door. Yeah. Okay. Bart begins whispering. So they need to make a wisdom saving throw. 14. Your save is 13. So the archer or the guy with the bow and arrow manages to save. That's always fun when your spell doesn't work.
Tell me about it. So Dissonant Whispers, you start whispering, but nobody seems to be listening. Maybe they've got too much wax in their ear. Yeah, dang it. Okay. Well, I'm going to move further away from the archers now. Okay, so retreating back further into the room? Yeah. Okay, putting another couch between yourself and them. Is that it for you? Bart just starts making forts with the cushions. Gum-Gum, you're up, and then Mud is after Gum-Gum.
Okay, so can I do my jump move again and get between him and the door? He's already out the door. Okay, then can I do it and get on the other side of the door of him? Or between on the other side of him? Between on the other side of him. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure, why not? Yeah, you can, absolutely. You can jump through the door and get on the other side of him into the hall. All right, I'm going to do that.
and recklessly attack and be like, "You thought you got away from me?" Go for it. That's a 20 and a 23. Damn. Incredible. Okay, yeah, you definitely hit. Six damage. But, no, no, plus Rage, so that's eight. I know, but the range of Gum-Gum's damage went all the way down to eight from 29. He's got a lot of range. Yeah.
Odom looks surprised as you reappear from the air in front of him. You swing your greataxe, and he falls down dead in front of you. Yeah! Damn, coach! But you entered the royal hall, and what was once a small flame has now grown into a blazing inferno. Scorched tables and chairs are all knocked to the floor with cutlery, glass, and food scattered about.
Bearclaws are my favorite donuts.
Based on the setting, it seems like this is the point where GumGum becomes evil. Like he's turned to the dark side. He just killed a guy and then there's a fire around him and he's like, I have given in to my evil ways.
Can I grab the necklace and pendant from the body and the shield? Nice. Good. Yes. Sure. In the middle of all this chaos around him, Gum-Gum begins going through Warden Odom's pockets. Saluting him. Of course. That is 100% where Chris is disillusioned.
desire to maintain character ends entirely. No, no. We need him. He took the... I'm aware. I'm aware. The looting in the middle of just fires blazing and going for the shield is a total Chris move. I'm just gonna... That's the hill that I plant my flag on. I'm fine with you doing it, but I have to point it out. That classic song, Nessun Dorma, is like...
And he's just like, he's just going through a dead body. Yeah. Do I find it or anything else? You bend down and you start taking the amulet and lock it. Gotcha. Yeah. And shield. Go ahead and make a strength saving throw. Gum, gum. Okay.
He's gonna say that that shield's way too heavy for you. Wait, I have advantage on strength saving throws. You do? Yeah, I'm still raging. Wow, you're all right. You do have advantage on that, which is lucky for you because, you know, you're not looking around at this crazy battle going on. And as you're going through Odom's stuff, a huge polar bear runs right into you as it's trying to charge into a Valrasian on the other side of the hall. And it would have knocked you prone, but you managed to brace yourself and the polar bear bounces off and continues on its charge.
Wow. Well done. I just bumped bellies with a polar bear. One. Yeah. So you get the amulet, the locket, and yeah, you grab the shield as well. Are you going to look for anything else on him? Yeah. I mean, anything else of value? Money? You could also, if you wanted to, grab his sword, grab his armor, and he's also got a money pouch. Sure. All of the above. Jesus D. The money pouch has 18 silver and 16 gold. Wow. Wow.
Remember when Gum-Gum didn't want to do anything to hurt people and would just hug them in battle? Now he just murdered a man with a great axe and then took all of his belongings. Now he knows that they have goodies. He's turning evil. I think Blaine has it. It is the arc of Gum-Gum going evil. Yep. The
These archers are running away? Yes, they are running away. They are back in the royal hall. They have left the room that you all were in. And we want them dead, right? Or do we want to let them run away?
I feel like they are ancillary at this point since Odin was the big target. Yeah. Yeah, we got what we needed. We just got to get the king to the place. Maybe save your spells and we just kind of disengage? Yeah, I don't think... I feel like we just let them run away if they're not really actively trying to fight us anymore. That is unless Bart has the same bloodlust that Gum-Gum apparently has now. Could I maybe just send my mage hand out to slap him around a little bit?
and like point at them like really menacingly. Like you better not return. You could have it. You'd make it appear 30 feet away from you and like shaking your fist at them. Yeah, let's do that. Make an intimidation check. Because why I ought to. 22. 22. Yeah, they are really intimidated. They were already scared and even more so now as they see this spectral disembodied hand shaking menacingly at them. Little did they know it was just rolling some dice.
Y'all are out of initiative now at this point. Yeah, they're all pretty much run away. We're out of initiative. I still, they're 150 feet away minimum. I want to take another shot with a longbow. I can't let this slide. Please guys, I need this. You've lost them at this point. There's fire and smoke everywhere. They may be within range, but you cannot see them because there is so much going on. Okay.
Okay, it's all right. I got Seeking Arrow. I've got Seeking Arrow. It's fine. Let me do this. Save your spells. Don't you have to see them for Seeking Arrow? No, that's the point of Seeking Arrow. You can choose a creature that you've seen in the past minute and fire an arrow that flies towards the creature, moving around corners and ignoring three quarters cover and half cover.
Absolutely. Okay. So I shoot it. I want one right now so badly. That's a 20. They need to make a dexterity saving throw. 12. So yeah, you fire your arrow and it disappears into the smoke and fire. You're not sure if it hits or not. I'm pretty sure it hits. Guys, I'm pretty sure it did. All right. What are the rest? What's everyone doing at this point? I guess we should get knives. Should I? Yeah. Could I like stop concentrating on my invisibility spell to show himself?
Yeah, you stop concentrating on it and a knife pops
into existence at the northern end of the royal hall, kind of where the thrones were. Bart, what do you start concentrating on to then break concentration of that spell? I start daydreaming about... Andy? Andi. Andi, yeah. I start daydreaming about Andi and just what our life would be like together. You feel almost like you can feel her warm gaze on you, but you realize it's just the flames all around you in the royal hall. Yeah.
So that sorted. And now we need to find a tree. Yeah.
As you all reconvene in the Royal Hall, you hear like- I grab my immovable rod. Just, I'm saying it. I'm saying it. Sorry. I grab my immovable rod. Thank you. Very, very important note. We were wondering about that. No, you were saying things like we were moving out. So I got to make sure to interject. Sorry not to step on you. John's not going to forget that. You feel the sweat dripping from your bodies as the flames dance higher and hotter all around you in the hall. You also hear a low groan getting louder and louder until finally you hear a faint snap.
and the whole roof caves in. - That's what happens when you do a fire. - To find out what happens, tune in next time for the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. - Every time. - Find out if Kyborg made that shot. - The dexterity saving throw they needed was a nine and they rolled a 12. So metagame, I can tell you, it definitely. - No, no, no. I'm pretty sure it hit though. I'm pretty sure it did.
If you hadn't pressed it, he would have left it just be mystery. And you could have just like, you know, thought. Now I will say canonically, they are still alive. They are going to come back. They're going to train for their entire life. The evil villain you encounter. All right. Well, that's it for this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. We'll be back again next week with another episode. Till then. Bye. Tale then. Stay stinky, friends.
