C01 - Ep. 34 - Wight Winter - The Prestidigitation Party
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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Salutations to all my svarts. Bring your blue balding heads into the stinky dragon. Try our latest bev, the Vermin Hatton. It's a vile variety of Rexivort vermouth, rat whisker whiskey, and topped with a dash of giant bat bitters. This rodential refreshment puts the bat back in bat trail.

Previously, our adventurers battled the infamous Snowbeist in exchange for their bestial buds Gumbo, Hannibal, and their new foxy friend Fred. Then they traipsed over to take part in the Hundra Fest talent show where Bart and Mud performed a musical magic show that won them a seat in the throne room. It seems our intrepid interns are finally on their way to see V. King Gjorn. So plant your blue bottoms, grab a brewski, let's meet this mighty monarch.

You reach the edge of the festival grounds and approach a pair of 20-foot high ironbound doors that are heavily guarded by ten hulking Valrasians. Four of the guards step away from the doors and turn to take hold of its monstrous handles. The doors groan loudly as all four of the massive walrus folk heave the towering doors open with all of their might. The four guards then escort you inside and you enter an arched hall made of mosaics, stone walls, and floors.

Running along the middle of the room are a pair of long oak tables in parallel. In between them is a train of arctic furs stained in crimson red running the full length of the room. At the end of the floor runner in the distance you see a trio of towering thrones at the back of the hall. The center seat looks to be made of iron and draped with more of the same furs and at the top two iron tusks branch out. Two guards break off from the others and head toward the end of the ballroom.

Move. Utterly. One of them shouts,

Now presenting his immense Valrossian eminence, the Lord of his Royal Navy and Supreme Ruler over all of Kalkberg, you hear deep drums pound from somewhere in the room. Boom, boom, boom, boom. The King Gjorn.

Those drums are almost as loud as my heartbeat. I'm so nervous right now. A little nervous part. Hello, everyone. We're back. It's another episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. 2022 edition. 2022 edition. We're back more than ever. Recording. Recording in 2022. One more than ever. One more than ever. I don't know. New year, new us, new characters. We're going to re-roll today. Kyborg's dead. Mud is dead. Gum Gum, Bart, they're all dead. What?

Art never dies. It's just Gumbo and that fox that are left. That's all. Yeah, exactly. And Hannibal. My new character, Mug Mug. Mug Mug. Mug Mug. What's your fox's name again? It's been a while. What? What's your fox's name? I have a fox? Oh my God.

It's apparently been a very long while. Oh, God, I haven't fed my fox. I haven't fed my fox. For the listeners who may not know this, the last episode we recorded was before the holiday break. So now we're recording in early January. So it's been a while since we've sat down to play some D&D. So people have forgotten. This is our first thing back, too, after a holiday break. We're all just like, who? It is January 3rd, 10.50 in the morning. Inspiration die for whoever can remember the fox's name.

It was something... Oh, it was Fred, wasn't it? There it is. I was going to say, it was like a mundane name. Oh, you already got the inspiration die. He gets inspiration dies for remembering the name of his own pet. What are you all to remember it?

I'm sorry, remember, it was in the arena where we saved Hannibal and Gumbo, right? There you go. Okay, okay, it's all coming back. I thought I'd let him go, so I should probably... Blaine is a huge fan of the classic comedy Drop Dead Fred, right? That's why he named it that. What is that? Oh. Never heard of it. It's an old movie. It's a terrible old movie. All right, so should we just go ahead and jump right into this? Yeah, Mud Curtsies.

In the presence of King V. King V. King V. Nailed it. Could Bart twerk to the beat of the drums? Sure. You want to roll a performance check to see how good your twerking is? When he's nervous, he likes to dance. It's going to be like Tina from Bob's Burger. Roll to twerk. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.

That's good. That's a 15. Bart's getting low. The gold emblazoned doors swing open and out steps a grizzled Valrasian with one long tusk and gray whiskers that run down to his chest. He's dressed in snowy Arctic fur pelts, along with thick armor made of hide and wearing a slate helmet with iron horns. Silence falls across the hall and the grizzled Valrasian surveys the room with a wintry gaze.

Then he flourishes his arms, turns and kneels outside the doorway. Behind him, a shrimpy Valrasian boy steps out with stunted tusks, peach fuzz across his chin, and a pimpled complexion. He's dressed in navy blue mantle and pants hemmed with snow leopard fur and wearing a silver locket across his neck.

Horns trumpet from high above and simultaneously everyone in the hall bows low. But except for Bart, I guess, who's twerking. Yeah, I bow. Yes. Bart goes from his twerk into a bow. So, like, his butt is real stuck out there. I did a joke and no one noticed it, but I rolled for initiative. I was hoping Guster would just immediately yell at me. I didn't notice. Kyborg just, like, planks. Just flat on his face. Just...

Okay. He doesn't quite know how you bow. Such a graceful elf. I'll bow. Wow. He said as low as we can, so if this is a competition, Kyborg just won. Gum Gum does a little bow-wow.

The guards who escorted you in point to the table and to the seats.

I go to my seat. Okay. I also get out of prone and go to my seat. Could I ask who is usually in that left seat? The one that remains empty? Who do you want to ask? I'll ask the... Guard? The guard, yeah. Because I don't think I'm allowed to speak to the boy. The guard regards you and continues pointing at the seat and very curtly just replies, Warden Odom.

Might be a little late. I wonder where he could be. We're all pulling our collars. Yeah. You might want to put his food into go bag for tonight. Doggy bag. We don't know anything. What are we talking about?

Let's eat. So everyone, I lost track. Did everyone say they were taking their seats? Yeah. Yeah, I will take my seat as well. Maybe you're supposed to take our seats. Okay. Oh, no. Gum Gum has taken seats before now that I think about it. Did he actually say take a seat? Emotion. No, I think what I said was, yeah, they just pointed at the seats. All the other Valrathians came in and took their seats and they just pointed at the seats. And I'll sit.

Okay. Oh, lucked out. Okay. Caporg also says. As everyone finds their seats, the grizzled Valrossian stands up and the room falls silent once more. On behalf of the V-King and myself, we would like to offer warmest greetings to our nobles that have traveled from across Kaltburg to dine with us on this momentous occasion. We would also like to extend these greetings to our honored guests from the festivities outside. I am V-Head Ward Gjorn, and this is my nephew, V-King Knive Gjorn.

We both look forward to your entertainment this evening. But enough chit-chat. Let the hunder feast begin. Servants come out from the various corners of the room, and they approach each of the guests and ask what kind of meals they want, any food or drink that they want. And eventually they make their way over to you, asking what it is you could possibly want to dine on and drink this evening. Do they have clam chowder?

Chowder. Chowder. Oh, yes, absolutely. We can most definitely accommodate that request. Okay. I'll have a bread bowl of claimed chowder. Yes. Mmm.

What sugary cereals do you have? Before we get to your sugary cereal, Micah says that Kyborg still has his old clam chowder. Ew. I need to swap it out. Sugary cereal. Perhaps we could make some frosted crabby cakes for Mr. I'm down for something different. Frosted crabby cakes it is. Do you have any magic food? Magic food? Do you have any magic food? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to say no. No, just have clam chowder. Clam chowder is the magic food. Clam chowder it is. Two clam chowders and frosted crabby cakes. You guys got any club sandwiches or anything like that? We could perhaps put together a sandwich with spiced mammoth tail, some roast stag, and maybe some peppered ice method.

You know what? When in Rome. But I ask them, I say, please cut off the crust. He's very particular. No crust. I also need the largest mug you have of coffee. Okay.

Ooh, one large coffee. I cannot emphasize enough. I need you to find the largest mug you have in this entire kingdom and bring it to me of coffee. It's been a while. You don't think it's going to be a problem because the Velrosians are rather large to begin with. Looking forward to it.

I'll take mine iced, please. Oh, another coffee. Extra large as well? Oh, yeah. What the heck? Why not? Two extra large coffees, one iced. I just realized we're all having masks on. How are we going to eat without... We got holes in the mouth hole, maybe? Four straws. Four straws. It's going to take some checks to help you get through that. Oh, God. Roll for a bite of clam chowder.

The servants scurry off, you know, with your orders in hand back to presumably to the kitchen to prepare your food. You look around the table. Actually, everyone make a perception check.

check. I'm also, it's been a while since I looked at my sheet. I forgot that we've basically, as far as like magic goes, we've burned almost every slot because we have not slept since the festival. So this is going to be a lot of just our personalities pulling the weight in this scenario. 16, 17, 15, 16, 17. Look at that. Where's that? Where's our Bart? Did you do it? Sorry, I'm looking for where my perception is. For some reason, I just could not find it. Okay.

Okay. It's been a little while. 20. There you go. Dang. Good rolls. It was actually a pretty good roll for our group for perception. Very good rolls, yeah. Yeah, everyone killed it there. So you all are looking around at the different nobles seated at the table, these really long tables with you guys, and it's a bunch of Alrassians, one of whom you recognize. You see Lord Baxter seated down the table as one of the guests here at this meal as well. He was the guy that was at the watchtower. Correct. Oh.

That liked compliments through rocks. Correct. Should we compliment him? But yeah, you can hear all the Valrossians murmuring, you know, gossip and chit-chat amongst each other. I'm so sorry.

Everyone seems very happy to be here at the V-King's 100 Feast. I think that we need to talk as a group. I want to remind everybody that we actually have a task we have to get done tonight somehow. How the hell are we going to convince this little boy?

To, what was it again? It was something like to turn over, to leave. They have to all leave. To leave this land or make some sort of reparations with the polar bear people that we're called. Maybe what we do, because he is a little boy, find out what he's scared of and try to convince him that this whole place is just covered in whatever that fear is.

And that he and his people is too dangerous to be here for him. And we're doing them a favor by warning them about this. But what if we just need to find peace between little walrus boy and big polar bear? What were the polar bears called? They were called... They had a name of their race. They were called the... Yumi was one of them. Yeah, yeah. Why can't I remember what these were called? They're like the spirit people. Oh.

It's like the tip of the tongue. I think we nailed it with polar bear. You want to just give it to us, Gus? Ishbjorn. Ishbjorn. Ishbjorn. Ishbjorn. Bless you, Gum Gum. I was giving y'all a chance to see if y'all remembered. I think I didn't write it down because I didn't know how to spell it. I-S-H-B-J-O-R-N. Ishbjorn. Got it.

So we can scare the child. I'm going to be honest. I did not think we'd even get this far. No. So I hadn't planned what we were going to do when we talked to the king. I didn't think V King Yorn was going to be a baby boy. A little baby walrus. I thought he was going to be a big walrus. Listen, sometimes big things come in small packages, guys. You're absolutely right, Bart. You're absolutely right. What can make the snow bear be born?

Ishbjorn. Ishbjorn. Ishbjorn. Happy. Because we have to make them happy so they don't become ghosts and kill everyone. Well, what's his face with the Ishbjorns? He wanted them to all leave. Right. But we know there's no way we're going to get this entire kingdom...

To leave. Or at least I don't think there's a way to do that. Literally, it's their independence day or whatever. It's like the 100th fest. They've been here 100 years. They're not leaving after 100 years. What are they going to say? Oh, it's 100 years because we're going to get up and move somewhere else. That ain't happening. While you all are chatting, you hear two, like the loud claps from the end of the hall.

Attention, it is time for the award-winning performance from our honored guests, Bart and Mud. Son of a...

We have to perform? I thought we performed to get into here. No, no, you guys, that was part of the deal. You have to perform your show for the V-King. And now V-Head Ward is staring at you, at your group. He doesn't know which of you necessarily are Barton Mudd, but he's looking at you guys. I don't have the spell slots to do what we did before. Did you practice? Did you practice? I got pressed to the dissertation. I guess.

Some of us are very limited on the spell slots. I disappeared last time because I had a spell to do that. I can't disappear again. Barton Mudd, take a quick nap, a really fast nap. You know, we would really love to perform, but we really gave it our all in that talent show. And I think we maybe before we perform again, just need to rest our weary bodies and minds. I think we all need just a nice little nap.

Here, you know, when I eat a big meal, that's what I want to do after I eat food is I want to go down for a little sleep. Do you have any magic foods that they can fill their spell slots with? What the hell is magic food? I've never heard of magic food, but now this is the second time I've heard it like in the last 15 minutes. You know, magic food. V-Head Ward is just staring at the group.

and says, perform now. Baby, play music, bird. Okay. Observe, observe. I stand up. I will make this arm come off. And I take off my prosthetic arm and I go, ah! He's gonna want it. He's gonna want it. Make a performance check, Kyborg. He's not even supposed to be part of the performance. It's 12.

Not bad. Not great, but not bad. You have a minus two to your performance. I do.

Wait, I have a way for us to improvise a new version of our act. Okay, because I could also charm him if I need to. You do your music, and then we'll do the disappearing trick again, okay? Okay. Is that what we did last time? I know we ended with a disappearing trick. I don't remember what we did before at the beginning of it. You know, this sandwich is just making me so woozy in the head.

I also have prestidigitation. I don't know what that is, and you have not said it correctly. You could only use it if you could say it. I can create an instantaneous harmless sensory effect that's just sour of sparks, so I'll just, I'll just, I'll Doctor Strange ring you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Bart. All right.

I think Bart did music and I danced a little bit or something with it. Something like that. Gus, do you remember what we did? Come on. It was like a year ago. Yeah. Yeah. You guys went up and you performed. And remember, Sleek also helped you out a little bit by getting the symphony to play along some music with you guys. Okay. All right. Well, hello and good evening, fellows and everyone else here in the room. Fellow Valrasians, because we're totally Valrasians. Fellow Valrasians.

Man, these toss, they're crazy, right? How about that airline food, am I right? Let's play a quick game, who came from the farthest? So let's just start off with that. Everyone's staring at you. Go ahead, both of you, Bart and Mud, make a performance check. I smack both our asses.

22. Bart, you're a natural performer. I rolled a 10, and I'm going to give myself guidance because I need it. 11. I rolled 11. An additional one. You ask who came from the furthest, and it's just like crickets. Everyone's just staring at you, and then they turn and look at each other. It's a tough crowd, tough crowd. Everyone's from New Valros. Yeah.

Well, you know Lord Baxter's not from New Val Ross. You ran into him before. Oh, right, right, right. Point out Baxter. Compliment him. What's that going to do? I don't know. They like the compliments, right? They love the compliments. He does. Make a joke to enter the flower. Make a what? Ha ha!

Make a what? Make a joke that ends with a flower. Because he's going to make flowers appear because that's all we have. All right. Now for our performance, my very talented friend Bart will be playing a beautiful piece of music for you to all listen to. Take it away, Bart. That's right. And my friend over here, he ain't dandelion. And then it's dandelion.

and shoots out of Mud's, out of his pants, like, because he always keeps dandelions in his pockets. Wow. Yeah, Bart, make a performance check with advantage. Oh, man, what incarnation was that? There it is. Oh.

Another flower. You said performance, right? Yeah. Another 22. Thank you. With advantage. So roll it again. Go higher. Even bigger. Even higher. 30. Nine. Nine. Okay. 22. 22. Everyone, you hear like, ooh, ah, an applause. Everyone seems, ah, wow. Everyone seems to really like that. Yeah. It's simply iris-istable. Another flower. Another flower. Oh.

Wow. How many charges of that flower stamp do you have? I'm checking right now. Infinite. Yeah. I got three more. So were you going to play a song? Oh, yeah. This is our special free bard. A 1 and...

And a two and a one, two, three. - Can I use prestidigitation to make a light show? I'll be there roadie, I don't know, doing, what's the fire stuff? - How did you learn prestidigitation? - It's an arcane archer thing. I don't know, man. I'm not gonna question it. We need it. - And how did you figure out how to pronounce it?

Press to digitation. Press to digitation. Press to digitation. Like I said, press to digitation. When he does the sparks, I do druidcraft and dim all the lights in the room. So it's very dramatic. I'm reading up on all of these. And yeah, shower sparks is one of the things that's possible. Apparently it can work for an hour. So we're just going to have a real sparkly dinner. Nice. And now mud lowers the lights to make it a little more romantic. Ooh.

That's the word for it. And Bart, I guess make another performance check because you are playing a song now. Of course. That is a 26. 26.

Whoa. Oh, yeah. I mean, you're absolutely killing it. Everyone's enthralled. The hall is entirely silent. All eyes are on Bart as he plays Free Bard. As they should be. And yeah, everyone's really, really into it. Some people pick up candles off the table and, you know, hold them up above their heads.

Where do you all picture in the room that you're doing this, that you're making this performance? Like at your seats at the table? No. I would think like in the center of the room. Is there like an open area in the middle of the room? Yeah. Like I said, there's two parallel tables and there's like that runner of furs along the middle. So you could be between the tables kind of in the center of the room. Let's do that. That way it's like you're in between or you're amongst the guests and like directly in front of the three thrones at the end of the hall.

But once the solo kicks in in Free Bard, then I feel like Bart needs to be just chewing up the scenery and going on tables and kicking things over. Using the space. Using the space. Yeah, yeah. Really theater-kitting it, you know? Really projecting both his voice and presence. Well, Bart's got a plus seven on his performance. That's why he's absolutely... This is Bart's time to shine. Oh, Bart is eating this up. Oh, I hit...

Sleek? No. Yeah, there you go, Sleek. Sleek in the ribs to kind of egg him on to help out. Sleek's looking around. He says, I'm waiting for my food. I'm really hungry, aren't you? Oh, my God. He's back to worthless. Fine, fine, fine. Forget the fact that I've broken fingers at the moment, but sure, I can help.

I have a missing arm. Yeah, but that's your normal state of being. Yeah, he's going to go ahead and he starts singing a little melody to accompany, like backup vocals to Bart, obviously deferring to Bart's lead, but just kind of harmonizing and creating a more rich sound. Great. It's an honor to be playing with you. Oh, he just gives you a little flourish of the hand.

And it's very impressive that Bart managed to say that to him while he's singing and playing so beautifully. Yeah, just because Bart's the consummate expert. All right.

Then I guess you end up wrapping up your song. Are there any finales or anything to end it off with, or are you just going to end it with that? I have an exploding arrow if we want a real big, bangy ending. But did we put a blanket over me or something like that? You just disappeared. Barbara? Didn't you cast something to disappear? Yeah. I thought, did we do some type of smoke bomb thing? Yeah.

And you also did waterbending. Oh, yeah. I cast Shape of Water and do a little water dance. With what liquid? Clam chowder. Clam chowder. Clam chowder. The food's not out yet. With whatever. Like, there's got to be drinks already out. You know, like, there's a water and that kind of thing. So I grabbed some of that. Everyone's drinks are just mixing and melting in the air. Yeah. And I do that.

All right. Right as you start doing that, you see the servants enter with the giant vats of coffee. Oh, good. You're going to use that too? Yeah. Yeah. I do a coffee dance and make the coffee almost like a ribbon dance, you know, like from gymnastics, but just with like things of coffee. Coffee dance is what I do whenever it kicks in. I need to go to the bathroom. Yeah.

Go ahead and do a make a performance check, Mud. Oh, we shouldn't. Let's not. That's a zero. Oh, my God. Wow. How did you roll a zero? Flash zone. He's got a minus two, and he rolled a two, so that ends up zero. Yep. Yeah, you begin your water dance, ribbon dancing with everyone's drinks and the giant vats of coffee. But as you're doing a twirl, you, like, lose your grip on it, and the coffee flies everywhere, landing on...

all over everybody and soaking them, seated at the tables. Luckily the V King and V Head are a little bit more of a distance away, so they don't get it, but definitely everyone, all the nobles seated at the tables are in the splash zone. - Hot, hot, hot coffee. - Seems about right. - One of them was hot, but one of them was iced. - Oh my God. - Everyone's just like shocked, stunned, looking at themselves and looking at you mouth agape.

Isn't that impressive? I cast a, I cast Dwarven Stone of Bread and cast Darkness to cover myself. Along with the smell of freshly baked bread. So you do cast Darkness? You're hiding yourself? Yes, I do that.

And then can I like end the spell when I want to? Or does it just last however long it's supposed to last? Great smoke. So I guess, I mean, if there's smoke in the area, it might take a little while to dissipate. I don't know that you could actively get rid of it unless you had like some way to blow wind. Hey, Kyber, give me some sparks. Oh, give him some sparks. With what spell? What's the spell? Oh, oh, Precious...

Press the digitation. There you go. Hey, pretty good. Pretty good. The faster you say it, the easier it is. And I use bottle breath. Why? Why not? It's been sitting in my inventory for forever and blow all the smoke away and transform into a tiger and do a giant roar. Ooh. Uh,

Okay, yeah. All the smoke. You hide yourself, change into a tiger, then dissipate the air. Or dissipate the smoke. Then when the smoke clears, everyone sees a giant tiger where Mud was standing before. Suddenly, everyone seems slightly less upset about being covered in liquid. Good. Recovered.

Like, how are you appearing as a tiger? Like, you said you're going to roar at them? Yeah. Big ol' roar. All right. Make an intimidation roll with advantage because you're a tiger. Since when can you change into tigers? And why haven't you used this in battle? They're not... They're good in battle, but, like, other ones are better. Like, they're...

Like, the bear is pretty good. You've been a camel multiple times in combat. Yeah, you could have been. We could have ridden you into battle. You could have been my literal battle cat. Listen, we saw a camel very early on in our adventure. So, therefore, a camel was kind of like on the short list of animals I could turn into. Yeah. We've added. We've added, okay? I don't even remember seeing a tiger. This is all good to me.

It must have been in the shop. I think it was in the shop because it's in that cluster. And you bought a badger when you could own a tiger? Yeah, I wanted a badger. And we all love gumbo. We do. Yeah. Good boy. 15. Not bad. 15. All right. Let's hear that roar, John. Roar!

- He's gonna be a mighty king. - Ooh, everyone seems to like, kinda like shrink down a little bit. - And I do a back flip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, make a athletics check. - Two, six, six.

You'd think you would be a lot better, but now that you've got four legs, it's much more difficult than you picture it being. So you jump up in the air and you bump into the table. You nearly knock it over, but luckily there's no food on it, so it doesn't go flying anywhere. Also, cats always land on all fours. Yeah, I'm a kitty, so I still land on the fours. Yeah, you're okay. But yeah, you do bump into the table. Nobody's willing to say anything. Everyone seems to be kind of holding their breath because there's a ferocious tiger in front of them. Okay.

Uh...

V-head Ward stands up and begins applauding. Oh, very good. Excellent. Then all the nobles kind of, like, look at each other and also, you know, kind of slowly start joining in, not wanting to be left out. All right. V-head Ward then says, Now next for our entertainment, we will hear the champions who bested the Snowbeist, Gum-Gum and Kyborg. They will retell their story of how they bested this ferocious beast.

Oh, hello. There was a great beast. Oh, where are y'all? Are y'all going to go to that middle also? That middle area where the performance was before? Yes. Yep. And then there was a great beast attacking a friendly little snake, battery fox. And I said, no. And I left. And I jump, cast jump.

Okay. Make a... Let's start off with a charisma check. This is going to go great. Oh, my God. I got a one. I got a one. You rolled a critical fail. You got a three. Yeah, but I rolled a one with plus two. Yeah, plus two, three. And then you jumped. So go ahead and make a performance check for that.

Okay, yeah. There you go. You stumble over your words a bit and everyone seems to be kind of looking at each other quizzically, but then you jump up into the air way more than they expected so everyone gets quiet and all eyes are back on you. And then I drove into battle fighting this great beast and then hitting it left and right and left and right and it bit me. Are you narrating what you're doing for all these people? And then I became cold, so cold.

Then I couldn't move. And that's when I arrived to help my dear friend and fellow Valrazian. Because us Valrazians protect each other. And we love each other. And we love nature. And I wanted to protect the fox, the badger, and the flying snake. Because we are good people, are we not? Very good. Very good people. Go ahead and, Kaiborg, make a charisma check, first of all.

A 14. That's not bad. Oh, you got a minus two on that. We still got a 14. That's good. Now make a deception check. Oh, no. Come on. That's the same check, right? The same modifier, probably. Same modifier. Is it the same modifier? Yeah. 13. 13. Okay. People are looking at you maybe a little closely, but yeah, they're still following along. Okay. Fela Vel Rossi. It's right. Yeah. We are a good and kind people, and we love you.

Polar bears! I don't think you're supposed to like them.

Everyone kind of looks around and they look at the polar bear fur on the ground. They're like, okay, yeah, this seems to track. And not only should we watch out for one another as I watch out for my comrade, but we should watch out for nature and all of its wondrous beasts. Like polar bears. So I drew my bow and arrow to defend my friend from- To shoot the beast at.

To disarm the beasts, sir. Your performance is done. This is my time. And we handedly, uh, uh, what's it? Uh, uh, incapacitated our foe. We made him go sleep. Right. But with love because we like polar bears. Recurring theme here. Okay. All right. All right. Who wants to see me shoot this bow and arrow? Huh?

I do. I would love to see you shoot the bow arrow. Okay, what's like a target? Is there anything like small, like a target, like a circle thing? You could find, I mean, there's like little, you know, fruits and stuff on the table. You could find like an apple or something if you wanted to. Okay, okay. Gum, gum, gum, throw that apple up in the air. Okay. And I take the apple, mud some dirt. I give him some dirt from my pocket. And I

And I throw the apple up in the air. And then I shoot it with my longbow of triumph. All right, go ahead and make an attack. Okay, there it goes. That's a 27. Oh, that's good. That's good. Yeah, you hit it.

Do I need to roll damage against Apple? I mean, yeah, you spear it. I don't know what you want to... What the point is, but yeah, I mean, yeah, you spear it. Yeah, the apple splits into two from the force of the arrow. And it's with that level of skill and accuracy that we share as a people, as Valrazians, that we will go into the next 100 years with peace. And you could say he rose to the occasion.

And then a rose, a few sprouts for my hand. All right, both of you make charisma checks. Roll for Kyborg peeing his pants. Does he get advantage because he has a rose? Yeah, we'll say that's a good point. Gum Gum has advantage because of the rose pun. 15. That's good.

That's a 16. Yeah, people are like, you know, applauding Valrathians and like, you know, pounding with their utensils on the table. And I go and I give the rose to the king. Oh.

Oh, yeah, you start approaching the king, but some guards who are on that side of the room kind of step between you and the king. One of them reaches their hand out to receive the rose on the v-king's behalf. All right, the guard takes the flower. I'm sorry. We are... Why are we the ones on this adventure? We are a bunch of morons. Yeah.

Sorry. Hey, speak for yourself. We are. That's what D&D is. We are just four idiots trying to save the world. Let's go. We planted the seeds. You know, it was all the peaceful talks. We're good. We got this. At this point, the servants start emerging from the shadows once again. Now they have large plates filled with food, and they begin bringing it to the tables and setting it down for everyone. Sweet.

And we eat the food, and it gives us all of our spell slots back. It's magic food, whatever that is. It's magic food. It gives us a whole long rest. Everyone who's played D&D ever, no, everyone knows magic food. Magic food. Yeah. Like Lucky Charms. Do you all return to your seats to eat your food? Yes. Yeah. I stay as a tiger, though. Okay.

All right. After Gum-Gum steps away, the guard takes the flower and sets it up on the dais by the V-King. You did it, Gum-Gum. You did what we needed to do. Yeah, the V-King seems to really like it. You know, he immediately picks it up and begins smelling it and admiring it. And you see him, like, turn to the V-Head and, like, show it to him. Oh, good. Oh, good. That's nice. We got through to him. The roses are, like...

They probably don't see them, right? Right. Yeah. Well, they wouldn't see very many flowers in general probably here. So, you know, it's really something. You know, that's why the V-King seems to really be fixated on it. Good job, GumGum. But, yeah, the servants I'll bring out. Everyone's requested food. You know, Bart's sandwich, Mud's sugary cereal, and the clam chowder for Kyborg and GumGum.

Oh, and Sleek opted for the lemon leviathan and lobster sauce. No one cares. I care. I love to know what my friends are eating. Might also sprinkle some dirt on his cereal. On your frosted crabby cakes? Yep. As everyone begins eating, V-Head Ward suddenly spits out a piece of meat onto the floor and knocks the silver platter out of the hand of a nearby servant. You servant.

Do I look like a deity to you? The young servant quivers in place and starts stammering. Uh, well, uh, no, no, I, um... Then why do you bring me this burnt offering? I ordered a rare steak, you imbecile. Juiciest part of this meat is when I bit my tongue. The servant cowers low to the ground and whimpers. My deepest apologies, V-Head. It'll never happen again. I swear my life on it. V-Head Ward reaches to the ground and picks up the silver platter and says, No, no.

It won't. Ward stands and raises the platter and pummels the servant in the head. Wham! The servant crumples to the ground like a ragdoll.

Ward tosses the platter aside, snaps his fingers. Two guards make a beeline for the body and drag it out of the hall. The clinking of silverware and plates continues across the tables. Ward returns to his seat. Someone's got some anger issues. I don't know if these peace talks are going to go very well. Mud buries his face in his cereal and is very anxious right now. So what do we think this kid's afraid of, huh?

burnt meat. Well, that was the ward, but still. I think what we have to do is appeal to the little boy that he is different than the old people who are angry. We first need an audience with him. We couldn't even get close. We should pitch like Nunu Valras or

or Valoross 3.0. Yeah. Like, we should do, like, a tech conference. It's like in anime when they're, like, in Neo-Tokyo. You know, like, Neo-Valoross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What time is it? It's very, very late in the evening. The midnight hour draws close. No. Mud beckons one of the guards. The guard steps up, seemingly somewhat puzzled, and looks at you. Hey, our group would really like to...

arrange a audience with the king. We've traveled far and wide and we're big fans. He's pretty cool little dude. And we'd like to... How would we arrange that, my man? And you're still a tiger, right? Just for clarity. Yes. A talking tiger. He says, I can take your request and run it by V-Head Ward.

Can we bribe him? Do we have to? I mean, we don't want to go through V-Head, right? Because we saw where that happened. What happens with that guy? I mean, as long as we're not making him any steak. As long as you don't burn the steak. There it is. You know what? I do like this idea. And I kind of slip him a gold thing. I don't even know what the... It's just gold. A gold coin. A gold piece. A gold piece. And I go, is there a way that we can maybe circumvent...

the word in this conversation. You know, he looks at the gold piece and says, well, perhaps we can bypass some of the bureaucracy. You know, there's some fees involved with that, though. Maybe five gold. I toss him five gold. Oh, there we go. Okay, so he has six gold total. Sure, why not? I take back one gold. Ha ha ha!

Okay, you know, he regards it and says, I can pull some strings and see what I can do. We can perhaps, you know, take care of this in a discreet manner. I love it. You're my good man. He stands up straight, you know, does a sharp turn on his heels and returns back to the shadows where he was stationed previously.

Do you have any questions about the show? Perhaps a query for the cast or a character in particular? Maybe you're curious what's going on behind the DM screen? We'll go ahead and post it on Twitter using hashtag StinkyDragonPod, and it might end up in the show. And of course, give us a follow at StinkyDragonPod on Twitter and Instagram. Word of mouth is so great for a podcast like this. And that's where we pick, if you interact with us on social media, we pick names for our NPCs in the show, like...

Lord Jordan Baxter, named after Jordan Baxter, 07. Lord Louis Torres, who's named after Luis Torres, 0419. And Master McKenzie, who's named after B McKenzie, 79.

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A new team, a new mission, all in the name of peace. Peacemaker explores the origins of Peacemaker himself, you know, John Cena's character in James Gunn's 2021 film, The Suicide Squad. Peacemaker believes in peace at any cost, no matter how many people he has to kill to get it. The series also stars Danielle Brooks as...

Adebayo, Freddie Stroma as Vigilante, Jennifer Holland as Harcourt, Chuck Iwuji as Myrn, Steve Agee as Economos, and Robert Patrick as Augie Smith. Stream new episodes of Peacemaker on HBO Max now. Listen to Podly, the Peacemaker podcast on HBO Max, the HBO Max and DC YouTube channels, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you want to rock some sweet Peacemaker merch, head on over to shop.dcomics.com for the latest drops.

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So the guard has just stepped back and you all are enjoying your delicious food. It's actually really good food. Very high quality food that you all are getting here, as you would expect from in the V King's presence. God, I want clam chowder IRL right now. I know. On this cold January day. It's like 40 degrees outside. I'm wearing a jacket right now sitting at my computer because I don't want to turn the heater on. Yeah.

As you all are, you know, sitting around, you know, like I said, all the other, the Valrasi and nobles are, you know, kind of whispering and chatting amongst themselves like they know each other. How are you all actually eating the food? You mentioned that earlier. What are our masks? What do they look like? Are they just full face masks?

Yeah, they're like, you know, really cheaply made, you know, easy to reproduce. I believe they were made out of wax masks. That's the benefit of being a tiger is I can now just eat my cereal. If I remember right, I think the episode art from the episode where you all were in the festival showed that there were mouth holes in these masks. Perfect. Gotta be. We gotta be able to talk through the holes. Yeah. Bart just chops his food up really small. Like he cuts his sandwich with a fork and knife into little bite-sized pieces so he can just eat it through the mouth hole.

Like a normal person. Yeah, yeah. Like people who cut their pizza. Monsters. No, I will put it to you that people who cut their sandwiches is even more of a monster than people who cut their pizza. Yeah, probably. I take one of my arrows, and then I trim it down to about eight inches, and then I hollow it out, and I use it as a straw. I invent straws in this land, and I just...

How do you hollow it out? There's utensils on the table, and I have my lockpicking kit. I'm sure I can find some small tools. Seems very specific. God, eating clam chowder through a straw. That sounds disgusting. A wooden straw. You got to hope you avoid the clams. They're just going to gum up the straw. Stop that up, yeah. Gum gum up.

Go and roll a perception check, everyone. This will be fine. Oh, no. 12. 6. 18. Nice. 19. Damn. Gum gum. That might be the best perception roll he's ever made. Probably. Some good clam chowder.

As you're, you know, dealing with your food gum gum and trying to eat, you hear some of the Valrossians next to you talking. And you hear one of them tell the other one, I hear the V-King is able to kill any foreigner with a single glance. Well...

What if we give him some sunglasses? Bart, you hear a different Valrossian on the other side say, soon V-King Knife will be old enough to take over once he reaches 13 years old. Then I wonder what V-Head Ward is going to do. Wait, soon who? The king.

So the kid is not... So V-King Ward is in charge and then V-King Knive is the little boy that's going to take over. Yes. But you said V-King Yorn. Yorn. That's their last name. Gotcha. V-Head Ward...

I wonder what V-Head Ward will do once V-King Nive is old enough to take over. Jorn is the family name, sorry. Gotcha. So it's a situation where it's like the queen's in charge until the kid can be king, after the king dies. Right. Gotcha. So it sounds like someone needs to die. But uncle is in charge until little baby boy is being...

Yeah. And like, is this like a Joffrey kind of situation with this kid? We got to talk with him. We got to find out. What kind of vibes are we getting from him? He seemed to enjoy the flower for whatever that's worth. Yeah. And like, he's inside. Yeah, that seems good. He didn't crush the flower. That's a good sign. Who's sitting next to like a Balrassian? We'll say Bart and Gum Gumar because they are the ones who hurt the runes.

See if you can find out anything from these people more about the V-King situation. Do a little reconnaissance. This king, what are some other stories of him you've heard? Besides that he turns people to death with his look. Tell me more. So you just say that to the person next to you? Yes.

He seemed so mighty and wonderful. You say that to the Valrasian next to you, who's wearing a flashy gold chain necklace around his neck. And he looks at you and says, You were one of the adventurers who bested the Snowbeist, were you not? Gum-Gum? Yes, I was. Pleasure to meet you. What a fine athleticism, fine combat prowess you must have. I am Lord Louis Torres. Hello, Lord Louis Torres.

Lord Louis Taurus. I've heard that the V-King's tusks were so large as a child that they had to be trimmed down for the protection of him and those around him. Mighty, mighty. We would expect nothing less from the V-King. What? Does he have any, like, weaknesses? Like weak ankles or... Bart, Bart, find out what happened to Dad.

Are you asking this, Bart, to the one next to you on the other end? Yeah. Yeah, the Vel Rossian next to you seems to be, you know, kind of fidgeting in place. He seems a little nervous, and he's constantly pulling out a little silver pocket watch to look at. You startle him a little bit when you address him. He says, oh, oh, oh, Bart, right? One of the performers? Excellent, excellent singing. Thank you, thank you. I'll sign your autograph later if you want.

Oh, thank you. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Master Mick Kenzie. Mick Kenzie. Yeah, he's, you know, he seems very, like I said, nervous. He keeps fidgeting with his watch. You know, they say that V-King Knife, you know, is the royal commander over a massive fleet of ships awaiting his word at any moment. Oh, it seems like lately there have been even more ships in the harbor than usual. Oh.

Interesting. That is an impossible mission. On the other side of the person you're talking to, Bart, another Valrosian

leans over and says, "You know, the V-King's father, Sjordgjorn, was childless for many years. It was thought another relative might succeed him, but fortunately he was blessed with a son on the eve of his death, V-King Nive. Unfortunately for him, his mother, Sheld, passed away giving childbirth." - How did his dad die?

Oh, he was, uh, he was very old, uh, old age. The previous V-King, Sjord, had ruled for many years, many, many winters behind him. We're screwed. It's...

We've got like a scatter situation here where like uncles wants to be king and the kid's about to be old enough and we're going to be in the middle of a family squabble. Maybe this uncle needs to die of old age. Air quotes. Whoa, wait. So to recap really quick, V King Ward is V King Mjorn who we've been hearing of or is he acting king? He's V Head Ward.

Uh, Knive is still the V-King, but V-Head Ward is a provisional ruler until V-King Knive is old enough. Until he is of age. Got it. Who's the one that has the beef with the Ishbjorns? I mean, their entire people. Just everyone? Yeah, they're all here. Okay. There's carcasses everywhere. Yeah.

Okay. I don't know what else we can do. The doors to the southern entrance burst open and a huffing Valrasian covered in vines and bite marks stomps towards the long tables.

It's Warden Odom and a vein in his forehead is bulging. One of the nobles sees him come in and says, Oh, there you are, Unfree. Are you okay? Odom doesn't answer, but instead throws a rat to the ground and scans around the tables with an intense gaze muttering, They must be here somewhere. But I can't sleep on him. Ha ha ha ha ha!

- Sleep. - We're in disguise. We're in disguise now. - We're not that hard to figure out though. I'm with Bart on this one. - You could try. - Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. - Maybe this is important to the plot and he should not sleep. - I don't know, it's kind of funny. - Wearing masks, wearing masks. - Let's see what happens. - I have mask of the wild as an elf and I just kind of sink lower into my seat.

So you guys are just kind of sitting there. I guess since you mentioned Mask of the Wild, go ahead and make a stealth check just for fun, Kaiborg. Actually, everyone go ahead and make a stealth check just for fun. Oh, man. 18. 11. 12. 21. So everyone's just trying to kind of like act casual and sit there and be unnoticed. The shrimpy boy gets up from his throne with wide eyes and says, Uncle Ward, what's going on? Ward addresses him and says,

He offers a cross look to Odom. Odom replies, Enough!

Guards, escort the V-King to safety at once and root out these impostors now. Two guards step forward to quickly usher the shrimpy boy back through the golden doors to the north. Ward snaps his fingers and says, Archers at the ready. On either side of the room above you, a line of archers march into the hall's eastern and western balconies, aiming their bows at the long tables. Some of the nobles gasp, and one stands up in protest. V-Head Ward, have you lost your mind? Sit down.

Nobody leaves until we root out and deal with these impostors.

Mud speaks up and goes, surely they can't be here in this room. Those people must be down in the rabble at the festival. Or maybe they're dead. Maybe they're died. Harumph, harumph. Make a deception check, Mud. I should not have talked. Every time. Okay, come on. Come on. He gets advantage because I harumphed him. 12. Oh.

Everyone kind of looks around, you know, quizzically. Maybe you create like a little moment of confusion. Everyone, just so we're, you know, keep everything in order. Everyone go ahead and roll initiative. That way we can get everyone's actions sorted. 22. 10. I'm a 24. 9.

Well, you all are lucky because they have rather poor initiative rolls. Have they taken the king? Yeah, they're starting. The guards are starting to escort the V-King back behind the throne. Bart, what do you want to do? Oh, my God. Could I try to cast Sleep on him? On who? The warden. The warden? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead and give that a shot. He's probably a beefy boy. Hopefully it's a high roll. 5d8.

Total of 15. It's not a very good roll. The total is how many hit points of creatures this spell can affect. Yeah, you can affect 15. So you target your sleep spell at Warden Odom, but he doesn't seem to be affected by it. Actually, go ahead and roll a sleight of hand check just to try to see you were trying to cast sneakily without anyone noticing. 17. Okay, that's pretty good. Excellent.

- Yeah, you're able to like sneakily make a cast sleep. You think the spell went off correctly, but the Warden Odom doesn't seem affected. - Well, darn. - Let's talk to the king. - We have to try to not get caught, I think. - Yeah. How do we do that?

Especially one more out of spells. Can I do a perception check for exits or anything that's not covered? Before you do that, I just want to confirm. Is there anything else you want to do, Bart? Oh, yeah. We're doing Orc. Do you mind if I do that, Blaine? No, no, no. Go ahead. Yeah, could I do a quick perception check to see if there's any exits? Yeah. Or doors we could slip out of. That's a good call. All right. Uh.

Nine. Well, you're aware, of course, of the giant doors that you came in from, you know, the very south of the room. And of course, you're aware of the door to the north that the V-King is currently being led towards. Okay.

I also, for y'all to keep in mind, I still have that scroll of silence. If at any point that'll come in handy here. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, that would. Wait, we need to be able to communicate. Is that it for you, Bart? Yeah. Okay. Do you all still have any boons? I have the boon of speed. I think we have all our boons. Okay. Okay. Yeah, that's what I thought. Just like throwing that out there. You do have those as well. Kyborg. I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think 40 chess wise. Like if we could like...

frame the warden. Typically, I wouldn't want to frame anybody and just have them die, but this guy is a real piece of work, so I'm wondering if there's a way that we can... We just don't have any spells or anything. I'm surprised you want to frame the warden and not Sleek.

Why don't you roll me a perception check, uh, kyborg? Alright. Yeah, that was on your mind. Five. We ate some food. We're all sleepy. Yeah. I get the itis. I'm tired. Sleepy. So sleepy. Um, okay.

I'm going to just slowly slink below a table and just ready. It's tough. It's tough. I'm going to hide behind a much larger Valrazian and just fall into the shadows and just kind of be unnoticed and just be at the ready. Okay. Make a stealth check just to see. Okay.

Plus five. This will be great. Hey, 21. Pretty good. Yeah. You like, you know, very stealthily kind of like shimmy over to the side and get behind, get in the shadow of one of the large Valrosians that's near you. Anything else, Kyborg?

I still have the sparkles going from Prestidigit. They're just nonstop. They haven't stopped. It's for an hour for Prestidigit. You don't have to have them for an hour. You can just have it happen. But I want to like... I don't know how to stop it. I want to elevate them so that they're kind of up in the area where the archers are so that it's kind of like as an archer myself.

I would know that, you know, that would be distracting, you know, and stuff like that. So, like, I kind of raise it up to where it kind of obscures the lower crowd in a very subtle way. Okay. So that way they're just, like, they're, like, looking straight into sparkles in there. Their accuracy is a little janky now. He hopes. Okay. I don't know what else to do, guys. Odom...

Who cast that? Well, um... Odum is the warden. The warden, yeah. Yeah. So if I can recall, Prestid...

Prestidigitation is, it wasn't like a spoken thing, and I don't think that I called out or made an elaborate move out of calling it out during their performance, right? Okay. No, no, no. Just so you know, you do that, but they are still curious where those sparks came from. Okay. Because obviously someone's trying to do something. I don't say a word. All right. Is that it for you, Kyborg? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right.

Gum Gum, roll me a perception check. - Okay, all right. Perception. 13, that's pretty solid. - Not bad. - Okay, you wonder if it would be possible to like sneak out of the room and follow the V-King. - We need a distraction. Quick, sneak, make a distraction.

Quick, NPC, solve this for us. I did. I'm glad you did say that. I forgot to roll. I'll do that right now. Oh, yeah. Good old buddy Sleek. So he would have gone before Gum Gum, but we'll say he'll go after Gum Gum. Sleek, could you make a distraction so we can talk to the key? Let's see. What does Sleek have? All of his spell slots. He had magic food for dinner. He says, I could try to do something. I don't know if it would work.

We'll take whatever we can get. We'll take it. Did anybody else have a distraction? I could shoot a bursting arrow at a door across the room to draw everyone's attention. Does anybody have a tinderbox in their inventory? I actually do. Can you start a fire? We didn't start the fire. Da-da-da.

Oh, I have a tinderbox too. Also, can't prestidigitation start a fire? Nobody knows how to say it. No, it can't. No, I'm saying not a single one of you guys knows how to say it. Oh, but can prestidigitation start a fire? No. Oh, wait, you can. Oh, no, you can. You can instantly light a candle, a torch, or a small campfire. How about like a banner that's hanging off of the wall on the other side of the dining hall or something like that?

What's the range on it? The range is only 10 feet. Is it not just Prestidigitation? Yes, it is. Like Prestidigitation. Digitation, yep. You couldn't do one across the hall because the range is only 10 feet, but you could do one like on your side of the hall near you. That's just going to cast more attention on us. Now if it's making it far away, put it onto its head. How far away is the... Oh, what about the floor runner?

- Yeah, do that. - Like we said, there were all those furs down there. - Oh, but that's bear fur. That's precious. - Do it! - Precious bear fur. Really quick, we had the guard from, what was the other Valorazion city? - Brumafume? - Brumafume. - Baxter, Baxter. - Yeah, Lord Baxter. How far away is he? - He was down quite a ways. He was on the opposite table and then down at the end. - All right, I'm lighting up a runner. I'm lighting it up.

The sparks are good for obscuring us from the bad guys, right? A fire will do a very good job of obscuring. But it wasn't your turn right now. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah, yeah, I'm jumping. Yeah. Those gum gums. But keep it in mind. Yeah, sure.

Whose turn is it? It's mine, but I... Oh. Then you do it. Do it to start a fire. We didn't start the fire. I guess I'll take my tinderbox and under the table, I'll try and light up... Like some napkins. Yeah, some napkins or something. All right. First of all, I guess try to make a... We'll go ahead and make a stealth check. Gum, gum. We all know stealthy barbarian. That classic meme. I'm not the worst stealthy. He's got plus two.

Nine. Nine. Okay. Yeah, you get under the table. You're making a lot of racket, so people are looking at you. I wish you guys could see Chris's face because it says it all. He's just wide-eyed. So wait, do I start the fire? You tell me. We didn't start the fire. Yeah, I start the fire. Okay. There you go. Get someone under the table. Make a deception check.

Could go all the way. 15. Okay. Yeah, everyone seems to be focused under the table where you're pointing out. It's a good roll. Mud definitely just screams out with and just fire! Just like, oh, who ordered the fajitas? They were too hot!

- Is that it for you, Gum-Gum? - I guess I get up and run away. I'm like, "Run!" And I try and start to panic. - Yeah, Sneak starts following you and you see him like very, trying to very stealthily cast a cantrip and you see a bunch of containers of alcohol fall over on top of the fire.

On their own, seemingly feeding it, causing the fire to spread even more quickly. We're going to go sleek or slick. Sleek. Everyone's very intent now on the fire and looking under the table where Gum-Gum told them the prisoners were. Mud. I'm looking for an escape. Okay, go ahead and roll a perception check. It's a nat 20 plus 7, 27. Ooh!

-Oh. -Oh, yeah. -Oh, that's good. Yeah, you see that to the east there's very subtle staircases that lead up to the upper level where the archers are. Then up there, you can't really see because it's elevated from your position. You presume that there's probably an exit up on both of those ends.

both west and east. However, on the ground floor, there are no exits to the west or to the east. The only ones that you can see are the exit to the south that you entered from, and then the one to the north where the V-King is being escorted to. So the exits that I'm seeing are above me a floor where the archers are.

You can't see exits up there, but you assume that there are exits up there. The other exits you see, of course, are the ones to the south where you all entered from, and then the one to the north where the V-King's being escorted to. And how high up are those? I would say like 10 feet. I don't know how we get up there stealthily while the archers are up there.

So I'm thinking we either run for the south exit and use the fire as cover or try to make a beeline to the north where the king just went. I mean, I'm just going to say the warden is the only one who would recognize us, right? Correct. Okay.

and know that we are the bad people. So, like, we just... Because we still need to talk to the king. We do. But the king is being ushered away, like, you know, right this way, Mr. President style. Yeah. And so I don't think our little five gold bribe is going to cover that. I think we're down five gold, just FYI. I think we're just that way around. Hey, those are the breaks. You never know if it's going to work. Dang it.

So we could try and head north and follow them as they exit and using the fire as kind of cover. It's, you know, Sleek just made it big with alcohol. Might be not a bad idea. Yeah, I think we just try and get the crowd to run that way. Yeah.

I think on our way, we just bump into tables and knock down more alcohol as more fuel for the fire. We don't want to burn the whole place down. We're so clumsy. I want to burn the whole place down. Yeah. If we destroy New Valrast, then they'll have to move. If we destroy an entire city, they have to move. Yeah. Got them. Can we start making our way... Downtown? Downtown. Walking fast? And...

Try to go through that north entrance? I think we gotta do something. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You just wanna, like, uh, start running in that direction? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right, yeah, you can absolutely do that. Um... We did it. Yeah, there are guards up there in the northern area, just FYI, so you're running towards them. There are guards on our level at that north entrance. Correct. These are, like, the same guards who took the flower that, uh, Gum-Gum was presenting earlier. Oh, okay. Uh...

I rush up to them and be like, "There's a fighter, do something!" They're over that way, go get 'em!

Make a... God, what is that? Make a... Wouldn't be deception because there's an actual fire. Yeah, yeah. That's why I was like, it normally would be deception because you're trying to lie, but make a persuasion roll. 14. 14. They look at each other and look at the fire and then, you know, begin scrambling around. Yay! If only the fire marshal was here from two episodes ago, three episodes ago. I told you he was a fire marshal.

Good callback. Anything else, Mud? No. Okay. It's Odom's turn. He seemingly doesn't care about the fire. He walks over to the tables and begins flipping them over, looking for whoever Gum-Gum said was there. Like I said, there were archers up on the balconies overlooking everything. They're still waiting to let loose until they have a target.

And the guards, we said the ones to the north are dealing with the fire. The ones to the south are still standing at their station down there. So everyone's still kind of in a holding position. Bart. - Y'all, my turn. - Yeah, you're up, sorry. - What you wanna do? - I forget sometimes that y'all can't see the initiative list I've written down over here. - No, it's okay. Gosh, I'm just like...

It's chaos. It's pandemonium. There's so much going on. And I got one spell slot left. Well, they're heading towards the fire. So are we clear to kind of like try to get to north entrance? Exit? Can we try to be sneaky and go with them being ushered out? Yeah, I mean, that's totally up to you. You can, I mean, that's totally your call. Could Bart signal to the rest of the party using like those like baseball hand signals that we should go out this way? Sure, make a,

It doesn't quite make sense, but let's do a sleight of hand check. Okay.

And we're using like the battle speak from Dune, the Atreides battle talk. 12. 12. Yeah. I guess the rest of the party, Gum Gum, Kyborg, and Mud make perception checks. Okay. Perceive my signals. Six. 16. That's an eight. No, five. Third time's a charm. Hey, Mud, do you think you could just tell them? Yeah.

Kyborg and Gum-Gum, you notice Bart's doing a super cool dance. You've never seen anything like it before. Now is not the time, Bart. Mud, you think Bart is telling you all to follow him. Yeah. Can I just beckon for those two dummies to follow? Not using complicated hand motions? Sure. You're just pointing. Yeah. Just the waving gesture. Yeah. Yeah.

Anything else you want to do Bart? I guess, do you want to try to like close the distance and head up in that direction or anything? - Yeah. - Kyborg. - Mm-hmm. - You're up. - I mean, I follow and I grab, I nudge along gum gum and I guess, sleek.

Because I don't know where he is in this whole thing. Yeah, he was running behind Gum Gum. Okay. Make sure you grab a bowl of clam chowder. Oh, God. Of course. Actually, I really do want to check since we're like, it seems like we're running past where the throne area was. Was in all the chaos and stuff like that. Did the

- Oh God, what's the little boy's name? The little walrus man. - Knife. - Did Knife drop anything or leave anything behind? - You see the flower that Gum-Gum had made for him is still up there on the throne. - I mean, we gotta get back to him, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I grab the flower and then I also just kind of perceive up ahead to see

You know, we passed those guards. Are there any additional obstacles in our way as we were going down this tunnel or exit? Make a perception check. Oh, jeez. Nine. You can't really tell that. However, you do notice that on the throne, in addition to the flower, there's a small silver locket as well. I grab the silver locket. Okay. Yeah, the hall itself or like where you're heading towards is still too obscured from your perspective.

Okay. I want to see what's inside the logit. I bet it's like a picture and we're going to get some good exposition. So I open it up. All this chaos going on. And I find an audio log in a video game where I'm like, okay, you try to open it, but it doesn't want to seem to budge. It doesn't seem to open. Okay. But can I tell if this is knives or is this? He was wearing it. It's in his seat at least. No, he was wearing it. Correct. Okay.

Oh, that was in his description? Yeah, when I described him when he first entered, I said he was wearing a silver locket across his head. Okay, all right. Then I grabbed the walrusman's locket and his flower. Nice. So thoughtful. Gum-Gum, what do you want to do? I want to...

Break free. I guess, I mean, I just want to continue following up that way. And I don't know what I could do sneakily. So I'm just going to... Just want to join us. Yeah, join them. Yeah, everyone's kind of rejoining, getting back together. Yeah. Yeah, and Sleek's following you. You know, Sleek was right behind you at that point. And he's, you know, still following, chasing after you. Mud. Yeah, heading as...

as I can straight through the exit. Can I get to the door? Yeah. You all are pretty much convenient. Everyone's pretty much convenient together at the door at this point. Okay. Is the door locked?

Oh no. The door is unlocked, but as you reach for the handle, a chilling breeze whispers through the hall and your amulet begins to pulse and glow intensely. Oh my gosh. Through the windows, a pale but brilliant moonlight casts icy shadows across the room as everything shifts to hazy shades of blue and purple. The southern entrance creaks open and a billow of fog rolls in along the floor of the room, followed by a Valrasian guard struggling to catch his breath and bleeding from his side. We're being attacked!

Uh, Ward shouts. You fool, of course we're being attacked. Look around you. No, out there, sir. They're back. They're here. Loosen your tongue, you fool. Who is here? The Ishbjorn.

So are we just going to like watch them fight? Well, we're going to have to find out on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Oh, no. All right, guys, place your bets. We're more of like a war starting group than a war stopping group. I thought it was a fun episode. Thanks for listening, everybody. Like I said, we'll be back with another new episode next week. We'll find out what's going to happen with the Valrosian and the Ishbjorn.

What's going to happen when Kyborg gives that flower and block it back to its rightful owner? All right. Thanks for listening, everybody.