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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.
This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Good morning to my two-headed dettons. Lower your heads and stomp on in of the stinky dragon for our latest eye-opener, Double Vision. It's a double shot of vodka vodka mixed with hairy berries stewed with your enemy's sour juices. Two gulps of this grog is enough to see that two heads are bitter than one. Previously, our adventurers escaped the dungeons of New Valros and stumbled into the centennial celebration of Hundrafest. After
After donning some disguises, they played their way through an array of arcade games to win back their missing items. But it seems a more frightening fate awaits their friendly fauna as Gumbo and Hannibal face off with the infamous Snow Beist. Grab a couple cocktails and let's get ready to rumble.
We're back with another episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. We left off kind of a cliffhanger. Finally, after missing for a couple episodes, Gumbo made his return as he was tossed into an arena. We also noticed a detail at the very end of the last recording when we had already cut. The snake is Hannibal. Yes. We all didn't realize that right away. Brink Tussler's snake that we... Yeah. Roll me a perception check, Blaine, for Kyborg. Okay. Okay.
Guy Borg getting into character. That's a three. Feeling great today. Five. You think that's Brink Tussler's snake? Yes, indeed. You remember it. Well done, Guy Borg. So observant, so astute. I don't know if that's Gus being like bagging on Blaine or like being facetious as though it's a bad role. So that might not be Hannibal.
It's a flying snake that it is Hannibal. Also, I want to point out a cute thing that happened the other day. Someone was talking about Quadrant and then I instinctively said Quadrant. Like in the office. It was so funny because when you said it, I was thinking it. When they said Quadrant, I was like,
And the squadron. All the different terms and names of stuff that we've used in Stinky Dragon are just going to be synonymous with this show forever. I'm happy about that. We're never going to be able to separate them. Yeah, like Amulet. Yeah, and classic character Bart. I mean, what other Bart do we know in existence or in the media? You put the name on the map.
You made it happen. Okay. So when we ended Gum Gum, you had said you jumped into the arena, if I remember right. Am I remembering that correctly? That is correct. Okay.
So you all see Gum-Gum jump into action, jump into the arena. So Gum-Gum was just so overcome with seeing Gumbo that he charged in and jumped in without thinking, totally missing the fact that there's flames on the edge of the arena to keep people out. Just action hero style. Charged on through and jumped into the arena. Respect. You don't realize it because of the flames, though, but it is a little bit of a drop to fall down into the arena. So you go ahead and make me...
a dexterity saving throw just 'cause you are falling a bit. I think you have advantage though 'cause of danger sense. You have danger sense, right? And depending on how this is, would my jump ring a jump help? I think you have to activate that before you're falling. Right. I would say it potentially could have helped you jump further, but you didn't activate. You said you jumped already. You need to activate your fall ring. That's the other one. That's the one that lets you... As you're falling. Yeah, yeah. Okay.
So go ahead and just roll me a Dexterity saving throw with advantage. Okay. They call him Gum Gum because his butt's made out of gum. And so he's just gonna like right onto the ground. Gum bum. Bum gum. Bum gum. That's a 14. 14. All right. So you don't... You just take two points of fall damage. Bad. Yeah.
What does he land on to take two points of fall damage? He land on his feet? Yeah, he lands on his feet, but, you know, just like it's like the impact, all that weight coming down onto his knees and his hips. He's going to feel that one when he's an old gum gum. He's going to remember when the storms are coming and his hips are aching. He's like, oh, I remember where this came from. Graham, Graham. Graham, Graham. Thank you, Michael. That's a great one.
Graham Graham. As soon as Gum Gum jumps in, it seems like chaos erupts outside the arena. People start rushing up to you saying, you can't do that. We already have a player in the arena. That's highly, highly against the rules. And he didn't even pay the entry fee. It's one goal to enter. I toss him a gold coin. Okay. Bart, make me a perception check. You got it.
What do I see with my tiny little bard eyes? 17. Beady, tiny, baby little bard eyes. Baby, baby.
No, Bart's very perceptive. He has giant eyes. He has mostly eyes. Yeah. He has all eyes. You recognize this person that ran up asking for the gold. I do. It's like remembering a dream. Like you're trying to grab onto it, but it's like really slippery. And you're like, you think this is the person who was fighting with Yumi when you were having the vision as Leonard Lank. Oh. You think this is the person who would capture the polar bear cubs. Yes.
The person that's fighting right now or the person that's telling Bart? The person that came up asking for money. Got it. I take back my gold coin. Oh, you don't know that. Stab them. This person, Osman, you remember his name was Osman. Osman. Takes the gold coin. Kyborg, make me another perception check. Oh, man. You're going to get a good one this time. Here we go. That's a one plus two, three.
I'm basing that off of something you said right then. You actually don't notice anybody else in the arena. All you see is Gum-Gum and Gumbo and Hannibal and the fox down in there. Can Mud be looking a certain direction to help, like, into the arena where Gumbo is?
and being very intent on what's happening in there. Yeah, what are you looking for? Where's the anything in there that's going to hurt my baby? All right, go ahead and make a perception check. I'm looking for danger. I got my own danger sense. That's a 13. Watch out, danger. Yeah, so when you look into the arena, all you see is Gum-Gum, Gumbo, Hannibal, and the fox...
It seems like Hannibal has a little weight tied to him, keeping him from flying. And charging at them is the Snowbeist, the creature that was in the arena for this fight. Can I make a move to do something? Because if they're charging, things are moving pretty fast. Before you say that, real fast. Osman, after he gets the gold from Mud and says...
There are rules involved. Make sure you tell your friend who's in the arena that he cannot use any magic, and if he wants any non-magical weapons, you can take some, up to two, from this rack over here. And he points at a rack by the entrance to the arena. It's got a couple of simple weapons on it. And make sure he doesn't kill the snowbeist. He just needs to incapacitate it. Alright. I yell out, "Gum gum! Only hugs! Only strong hugs! No magic!"
And the reason I cut you off there, Blaine, is just in case Kyborg's going to do something magical, just so you know. And magically or kill the Bice. I mean, it's on the outside, but I was going to shoot an arrow. I mean, it was going to be a magically shot arrow in terms of the accuracy. You probably need to, like, pay an entry fee and get in there then. Jon, I'm trying to save you a friggin' badger, bro. Yeah. What is this litigious rules, Jon? I toss another coin to Oz...
Ozzy Osmond and I do a front flip into the drink. Well, I was going to slap your butt too late. Osmond actually catches the goal but tosses it back to you. It says, like I said, normally it's only one contestant at a time in the arena. Your friend in there has already broken the rules by jumping in. You look really familiar.
Barksman's staring. You look like you like to kill babies. Osman looks at you and says, well, of course you would know of Osman the hunter. My deeds are known far and wide. I am the mightiest hunter in all of New Valros. Hunting Valrosians, perhaps? Hunting Valrosians? Never. No, they're the Valrosians. The polar bears.
Polar bears, the baby polar bears. Oh, polar bear pelts. They fetch a high price. They have lots of fat, very soft fur, very good insulation. I smack him. Did you ever think about the soul and the personality and the being that lives inside these cuddly little furs? Personality of simple animals? No.
Aren't we all simple animals? Really, buddy? Bart gets really philosophical. You and me, baby, ain't nothing but animals. Yeah, he's actually wearing some polar bear pelts right now. Oh, insult to injury. Okay, I don't want to feel like we're ignoring the fact that Gum-Gum jumped into that arena down there. So Gum-Gum, if you could do me a favor and make an initiative roll.
Okay. Is Gum Gum's axe magical or is it non-magical? No, it's just a regular weapon. Three. Okay. Is the Bow of Triumph magical? Longbow of Triumph?
I don't know. Because I don't think Bart's sword is magical either. It doesn't say anything about it. I just get 10 HP whenever I kill something. That sounds magical. No, it just deploys like a little like tic-tac or something. The bow is not. It's just your abilities. Do I
Gum Gum wrote a three on initiative. It's not a great role, my dude. Well, he's recovering from his drop drop. Excellent point. Nice. Chris is a person who also plays a really like instinctive and impulsive, impulsive, intelligent character. Impulsively incoherent character. I can get behind your actions. I won't make fun of you.
So you land inside the arena, GumGum. You look around and it's set up to recreate a snowy wilderness. There's a couple of ridges with rocks, some trees, one that's fallen over actually, and some kind of difficult terrain as snow drifts all around the arena. And it's huge. It's actually really, really big.
And you know, you jump in kind of close to where the animals are and charging in your general direction is a snowbeist. It looks like a rather large furry creature. It's got horns and some claws.
And right now it's kind of like charging in your direction. It's running on its back legs. Okay. Is my rage count as magic? No, rage is not magic. Okay. Okay. The Snow Bice actually goes first. Snow Bice got a 20 on its initiative roll.
So it charges. It's a little distracted by the fact that it sees you jump in. It hadn't noticed you before when it was charging at these small animals. So it kind of veers off a little bit and starts running a little more in your direction. Gum-Gum, it's going to run up to you and it's going to try to hit you with one of its claws. He was a brave Gum-Gum. 16.
So that's gonna hit. That's a hit. It does seven points of slashing damage. Not the worst. And an additional four points of cold damage. Dang. I was perfectly timed with Kyborg's not the worst. Then it roars in your face and then takes a swipe with its other claw, with its other arm. Okay, you're in trouble.
Rolling an 11. That does not hit. Ah, okay. The animals see you and Gumbo and Hannibal recognize you. So they move to put you between them and the snowbice. So they're kind of hiding behind you right now. Pokemon got depressing really fast. Can I yell up to mud? No weapons? Just don't kill the beast.
Make it go 90s. Okay. And I guess I'll go into a rage and then I'll roll my D8 to see what happens. Oh, right. I rolled a three, which is not good. No, that's to get his magic flavor. Yeah. Flavor. Strawberry. Yeah. What flavor is gum gum today? Cotton candy. Bubble gum. Bubble gum gum.
Do you all know what a flumph looks like?
No. Obviously. No. Obviously. Didn't Baby Killer say no magic allowed? Yeah. Yeah. In fact, when the flump appears, Osman turns to the party and says, what's your friend doing? We said no magic. Listen, sometimes magic comes out of him like an instinctual kind of thing. It's not exactly something he's in control of. Can I say, I'll fix this. I'll just shoot him a message through my arrow. And then I want to take an aim at the...
the bad thing that he's fighting. Can I do that? Wait, but I thought you said rage didn't count as magic. Rage didn't, but then you have a magical ability. Right. So this isn't part of the rage. This is like a wild magic. It's in the name. It's wild magic that pops up. Oh, yeah, yeah. We put a picture of a flump in the Discord chat, by the way, if y'all want to see what it is. A flump looks like the spaghetti god. So the flying spaghetti monster is what it looks like.
Yeah, it's like a big roll of bread with two eye stalks coming out of the top and a bunch of tentacles on the bottom. Yeah, I already said the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Last time this effect procced and I was the one who read it, not Chris, I intentionally said Pixie so we wouldn't have to go through the what is a flump discussion. It's so much more fun to say. Yeah. Sounds like a Muppet. Blaine, Kyborg could try to do that if you make a deception roll.
How good are you deception, my dude? Minus two. We're going to go for it. I got a 20. He's so honest. So it's an 18. Yeah. Oh, damn. See, I'm going to roll an insight check from their side, from Osman's side. That's an ATS roll good. Yeah. Osman says, well, I guess a quick message couldn't hurt. Okay. Let me write that out.
And I like scroll on a piece of paper and then I like, I smile and I tie it to the arrow and then I take game with the longbow triumph. I'm going to shoot the thing that's attacking the animals and the gum gum. The beist. The beist, yes. I'm going to shoot it. Yeah. What do you, what do you write on the piece of paper? No magic. I like that in this fantasy setting, Kyborg has pen and paper where if I was walking down the street and I had to write something down, I'd be like, man, where's the pen?
He gives a pin on you? It's just part of his belongings. Yeah, I guess so. So you write no magic and you take aim and you shoot at the snowbeast. Yes. And for ink, is it like you prick your finger?
Yes, because time is of the essence. I'll take damage if this is where you're getting at. No, no, no. I'm just curious. Just trying to help you paint a picture with your own blood. Well, I mean, I'm imagining it's also like one of those fair things. So there's like signs and like homemade things like all around and posters. So I feel like I could scramble together the materials to do this. Sure, sure. Why not? Yes, and?
Okay. All right. So Gum Gum, from your perspective, you're in the arena and you rage and a flump appears and you choose where the flump goes, right? Yeah. Yeah. Where do you want the flump to appear? Okay. I guess I'll make it appear up in the sky. So it says to be within five feet. So you make it appear like five feet above which creature? Make it appear near me, near me.
So the creature of his choice has to be within 30 feet of him. So yeah, I mean, you could make it near your party because they're still close to where you jumped in. I guess I'll make it go to Mud. Okay. Since he's the one who told me no magic. I got HP. Sorry, Mud. I'm good. Okay. So a flump appears above Mud and first... Mud just yells out, what the hell is that? That's a flump. A fairy? A fairy?
It scares Kyborg so much that he decides he needs to remind Gum-Gum no magic. So he fires an arrow in to remind his good friend Gum-Gum that no magic is allowed. I rolled an 18. That hits. So the arrow, it connects with the snowbeast and it does how much damage, Kyborg?
- 11 on damage. - It connects with the Snow Beist doing 11 points of damage. The Snow Beist looks around a little confused 'cause it can't determine where these attacks are coming from since you're like out of its threat area. So from your perspective, Gum Gum, you rage, you get so mad, a Flumph appears above mud.
Then an arrow comes out of nowhere, hits the snow beist, and a little piece of paper drops from the arrow, falls, and it unfurls right in front of you, and it says no magic. You think it's written in blood? Question. Yes. I don't know what the hell a beist is. Can Mud roll some sort of, like, check to find out what a beist is? I know we're looking at it. I don't know what that is. Beauty and the Beist.
Yeah, that's what I'm like, are you saying beast wrong? Is that what's happening this entire time? I'm imagining a bison. Well, like I said, it charged on two legs. The most analogous thing would be like an abominable snowman kind of thing. Okay, that's what I thought. I thought it was a little bit like a yeti. Okay. Yeah. Which looks like a snowy version of the beast. Yes. It's actually a wampum from Star Wars. It is.
I could see that. Yeah, yeah. Gum-Gum, what do you want to do? I look confused at the letter I can't read very well. I thought Bart was supposed to teach you. Well, I can... You've heard me read before. Gum-Gum read before. Have you guys been skipping your lessons again? Yeah. What have you been doing this whole time? We've been a little tied up, guys. Trying to, you know, save this. But Kyborg wrote it in cursive. It's the only thing I know. It's the fanciest.
So then he just takes his great axe and swings it at the yeti thing. Beist. Beist. Beist. Snow Beist. Yeah, go ahead and make your attack roll. Okay. 23. 23. So you swing your great axe and it connects really solidly with the Snow Beist. It does... 14. It roars in pain as your axe digs into it.
doing 14 points of damage. I'm worried we're getting close to killing this thing. This thing is probably still very strong. It still looks pretty healthy. You keep using the sharpie points, you're not going to know how far you can chip away at this person's brain. Oh, that's a snowbeist. What did you Google to find a picture of a sad elf in the snow? I just Googled snowbeist. How did you spell beist? The right way. B-I-S-T-E-
Yeah, there you go. Micah put the spelling of Snow Beist as we have it. It's one word. Yeah. With a weird O. It's like our friend Snow Beist Mike. Snow Beist Mike.
Holy crap. Good one. That's a good one. Shout out to Snowbite Mike. Real, real good dude. So I'm curious what our audience is picturing in their mind, what the Snowbite looks like. Why don't you send us a drawing, send us some artwork of what you think the Snowbite looks like. Yes. It's spelled S-N-O, like that O with
the fancy slash through it. B-E-I-S-T. Send it to us on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod. Nice, nice. So your attack is successful, GumGum. Is there anything else you want to do? No. I don't think I really have anything I can do. Okay. In that case, if your turns over, the flump explodes.
I forgot about this stupid thing. Five feet above mud. Oh, of course. I guess everyone in your party, you all would be standing together. So mud, bark, and kyborg, you're all within five feet of each other. You all need to make dexterity saving throws. Oh, no. If it was five feet above mud, would it also be within five feet above the others? I'm going to say yes. 15. We are quite short. This is the one time I'll admit to my heights.
Seven. Thirteen. Yeah. If it's above Mud, who is the tallest, then it's five feet above him. So that thing's 13 feet off the ground. So Bart's the safest is what I'm saying. Mm-hmm.
This is math. Hey Gus, we're doing math right now. I'm saying yes because Chris is trying to break the game by going on the z-axis with this. *laughs* Hey, if D&D isn't about math, I don't know what it's about, okay? Improv and math. D&D is traditionally x and y axis. There is no z axis. What? Then what about flying creatures? Yeah, typically. And what's a fi- what's a flump? It's flying. It's a flying spaghetti monster. Extra damage for mud. *laughs*
You're just upset now. The saving throw is DC eight plus your proficiency bonus plus your constitution modifier. So the save is 12. So only I take damage anyways. Yeah. No one else takes damage. Mud, you're the only one who takes damage. You're going to take one D6 force damage.
I'm imagining when a flump explodes, it sounds like a wet fart. It's just like, have you ever taken like a ball of like gack and just thrown against the wall? That's what this is. But there's like a little baby scream that comes out. Three, three damage. Three points of damage. In your mind, right before it explodes, mud, you hear, every moment I live is agony. And then it explodes. Oh, God. That's really sad. I don't like that.
Gum Gum, roll me a perception check. Okay. Gus is like, we got to start telling him stuff. Well, no, there's actually a lot going on here. Yeah. It'd be a one. One. That Snow Beist has bad breath. Yucky. All right. It's the Snow Beist's turn. It's taken a good amount of damage. The only source of damage you can see is...
Gum-Gum, it doesn't know necessarily where that arrow came from. What arrow? Who's to say? Go ahead and make me a constitution saving throw, Gum-Gum. The snowbite looks at you and seems to, like, concentrate and focus its attention entirely on you. Dang. Seven? Mm. That was really bad. Yeah, you rolled a two, and then even with your plus five, it still ended up being a seven. Man, when are we able to take a long rest, though?
Y'all have been hustling. It's been busy. I've been awake for a really long time. You feel like cold emanating from inside of you and then just kind of spreading from your core to all of your limbs. You take nine points of cold damage. Oh, wow.
and you seem like all your limbs are slowing down and like you're stuck, like frozen in place. That's not good. Okay. Who's the hunter guy again? Osman. Can I ask Osman if I can send a word of encouragement via an arrow quill?
That's a character in Ruby. Osman, can I ask him that? He says, oh, I don't know if your friends will be able to read. The snow beist has used his chilling gaze to stop him in his tracks. The snow beist goes ahead and...
Still, after freezing, Gum-Gum takes a swipe at it. Sometimes I go to nightclubs to hang out with my chilling gays. Netflix and chilling gays? Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice. Big fan. The Snow Bice rolled a 20, so he got a critical hit.
Doing... Not looking good for Gum Gum, huh? 14 points of slashing damage because of the critical hit. Okay. Rage. Help that? Yeah. It'll take that in half. So it'd be seven. And then an additional two points of cold, which is not halved.
If someone was to do this fight, I am glad it's GumGum. He is like, do we have a solo fighter? It's GumGum. The Snow Bice takes another swipe. It's really trying to finish you off, GumGum. 17 plus 23, that's a hit. Does another five points of slashing damage, which is halved. And then an additional five points of cold damage, which is not halved.
So do I round down or round up for the five? You would round down. So seven. Yep. Round down. Round down. Can I...
Can I, if I were to use something like healing word, that's just a verbal spell. Isn't it still magic though? A verbal what? Follow me. Follow me. I'm going to take you on a little walk. Okay. Osmond's listening. No, Osmond ain't listening. John talking to DM. John, did you hear me talking in a broken Scottish accent? No, you didn't. Okay.
- Good point. - John's feisty today. - If I were to use Healing Word, which is literally just an instantaneous verbal spell that is a word of encouragement, would I be, is there, I'm asking actually, is there a visible element of that spell when I do it that would set off, you know, magic radar? - A creature of choice you see within range regains hit points equal to 1d4 plus your spellcasting ability modifier.
Spell has no effect, blah, blah, blah. The only component is verbal and it's instantaneous. It's a bonus action. I'm going to say you could try to sneak it. Okay.
You can try to sneakily just cast it. I would say you would have advantage on that because there's really like no somatic or material component or anything to it. Okay. So you could try to make like a stealth roll with advantage. Try to see if you get it off without any of the judges noticing. Roll stealth first? Yes. Okay. Two stealth rolls coming. Oh, that's not a good one. That's nine. That's a 14. Not bad. Okay. Yeah. So regardless of the outcome, you're going to do it. So I mean, so then you cast it. Yeah. And it
It goes off and it does how much healing? It does seven points. Okay. See if they notice anything. They got an eight. So you try to time it so that no one's looking in your direction and you very quickly mutter a healing word under your breath. And yeah, you managed to get it off without anybody noticing. Not Osman or the judge or anybody else. Mutter. Oh, that's good. That's really good. Yeah.
He mutters it. At this point, Gum-Gum, you know, you're frozen solid, but you feel a little better about it. You feel like a...
Like a warm touch from the inside. And you've felt this before. You know that mud is casting some healing on you. I have a question. Yeah. In my hat, I have the Wisp of Shadow, which is a one-use item. Is that countless magic? It would, yes. Okay. All right. I'm going to...
Well, hold on. It's not quite your turn yet because much to your surprise, up from behind the snowbust emerges a Valrasian hunter who's been camouflaged this whole time. Oh! What?
Hey, do you have any questions about the show? Maybe a query for a specific cast member or character or maybe just everyone in general? Maybe you're curious what's going on behind the DM screen? Well, go ahead and post it on Twitter using hashtag StinkyDragonPod and maybe we'll answer it. We'll talk about it in the show. And of course, if you could follow us at StinkyDragonPod on Twitter and Instagram, that would be great. And you can see the art and stuff that we post on there.
And if you interact with us, maybe you'll become an NPC in the show. Speaking of which, that's a good segue to talk about our NPCs from this episode, which came from social media. Melhart the Mighty Huntress is named after AtSkit, who is named Mel Hartman. NickNack the Blacksmith is named after AtEchoDarkfire, who's Nick. BeardPorkTheFarmer is named after AtGusMcQueen. Hey, Gus, that's me. Andrew at TheAnimalHandler is named after Matimas252.
Walker the Wizkid, named after Walker TN-15. And lastly, Ace of Jokers, named after Pro Ace Joker. Thank you so much for engaging with us on social media. Hopefully you have fun with your characters. Let me know what you think. Send us a tweet.
This is why I kept making you make these perception checks. You were asking, like, are we not seeing something? There's a Valrasian hunter who's been camouflaged, hiding in the snow. Amazing. Predator. Yeah, there was the original combatant that was supposed to be in there. Correct. The original combatant who was in there that Gum-Gum disturbed. He jumps up. A Valrasian huntress emerges. She was hiding underneath the snow. She screams, you will not steal the glory from Melhart today. Melhart. Melhart.
And she swings her pick at the Snowbeist. These Valrasians really like Minecraft. Oh, she gets a nine, which is a miss. Do we want her to win? I guess hell? I don't know. I know what we're trying to gain is not the death of the pets. I think I have a read on the scene. I think that the Valrasian is obviously the baddie, and then...
Snow Bice is probably being kept against its will. I don't know why the animals are in there. If this is an arena battle, you've got to fight with the hunter versus the Snow Bice. It's Pokemon. They're not Pokemon. I don't know why they're in there. Are they there to help? You remember in Jurassic Park when they put the goat out to bring the T-Rex? Is that what it is? To get the T-Rex to come out?
their bait. Osman did yell about wanting to show off the strength of the snow bice. Okay. So the hunter went, Gum Gum, that's why I interrupted you. The hunter, it was her turn. But it's your turn now. You need to make a saving throw. Go ahead and make me another constitution saving throw. This is for the cold? Oh my god.
- I rolled a one. - Which is a six. - You try, you know, you feel this healing from mud and it encourages you. You feel like you can break free of this cold that's affecting your limbs, but it's just not enough. You are still frozen solid.
Gum Gum's gonna die. So I can't move at all? Or I can't walk? The effect is paralyzed. So you're incapacitated. You can't move. You can't speak. Just like WWE rules, can Gum Gum tap out or something? You can ask Osman. Do it. I'm not talking to that jerk. No, I can't move. Osman, are we able to swap out our players? Is that a possibility?
- Mm, he says this is highly unusual, even to have two contestants in the arena to begin with. Make a persuasion check. - Wouldn't it make for a good show?
Osmond. It would be a good show. Just to picture everybody, Bart is doing that with jazz hands. It's true. He is. Oh, advantage on persuasion check. Yeah, so you get advantage because of Bart's assistance there. Excellent. Because of Bart's jazz hands. Be specific, okay? So I'm rolling the persuasion check with advantage because of Bart's jazz hands. Got it, got it, got it. Correct. Yes, yes, yes. This is a normal D&D. Classic D&D. Exactly, Barbara. I got a four. Four.
Jazz hands. Nine to 10, a 10. Goddamn. Minus two to persuasion? I'm not very persuasive. He says, well, we could perhaps sweeten the deal with a slightly higher entry fee. Perhaps two gold for two contestants for the swap. Just before y'all do this, I do have 20. Shut up, you can't talk.
I'm happy to go in. Do you guys feel... I'm just kidding. That came out mean, Chris. I'm sorry. It's very funny and appropriate. It's very valid. I'm happy going in. Do you guys want me to go in, or does anybody else feel up to the task? I think you're probably the best bet. Bart is a pretty weak little boy, so I don't know if it's best for me to go in there, especially because I can't use my magic. Yeah, Mud would love to jump in there, but...
I'm a very magic-based combatant, and so I think even Mud would be just unsure if he'd be able to help more than Gum-Gum's helping. Oh, before... I just realized, before that happened, at the beginning of his turn, either a Flump or a Pixie would have reappeared. God dang it. Well...
It's not just like a one and done kind of thing? No, it cycles each turn of it. No, no, no, but I believe it's a bonus action, so I get to choose to use it. Correct. You do not have to. Correct. Okay. You are frozen, though, so I don't know. Your choice might be a little
So y'all gonna give Osman his two gold? Yeah. Sure. Are you gonna get in there? Sounds like Kaibark's paying up. Here's the thing. I don't know if you remember, but way back when, when you were buying this badger, someone offered you a lot of money to help purchase said badger. Yeah, it was you. Yeah, so, like, if you wanna, like, help me pay... Oh, yeah, I'll pay. I'll pay. Okay. Thanks, Dad.
I mean, mud. Yeah. I'll pay. I have no problem with that. I got monies. Okay. All right. Two gold? Yeah, two gold. Yeah. Bart now cozies up to mud a little more because he... Bart's a little bit of a gold digger. Ha!
- Papa, money please. - Osman tries to spin it to the crowd. He takes the two gold and says, "In a first for the Arctic Arena, we have a new contestant tagging in for our Frozen contestant down below."
I mean, go Kyborg. Go Kyborg. You are my bard. You should be playing like a horn going like... And you're just booing me. Can I give him a butt slap before he jumps in? Yeah, sure. Okay. I can play the sound effect right now on the recording. You don't actually have to jump in Kyborg. Osman opens up the gate where contestants normally enter.
so that you don't take any fall damage. All right, here we go. I am terrified. So is he replacing Gum-Gum? I think he's an addition. It's like wrestling rules. You got to tag him. You can't attack until you slap his hand. You don't make me touch him because you know I want to get far. No.
And then, you know, you both beat up your opponent for a few rounds, and then one of you has to leave the ring, just like in professional wrestling. I see them stay in the ring all the time, though. Yeah, that's what I say. You both attack for a few rounds, and then the ref shows up and eventually escorts someone out. I mean, you know, Gum-Gum is incapacitated. I don't think that a tag is necessary. I can just, you know, stay there.
All right. You're a ranged attack anyway. So yeah, normally if you're going to do like a melee attack, I'd say you'd have to like wait around because you need to close and get in closer, but you've
You've got range attack, so what do you want to do? -I'm assuming the snow beast's beist is going to close the distance pretty soon. I'm going to take a shot with the longbow of triumph at the snow beist. Oh, actually, it's snowing in this arena and there's a lot of foliage and stuff. I also mask of the wild. I want to do that, which I don't think is magic. -Yes, it's just an ability. It's just something you can use to help you if you're making stealth roles or you're trying to hide.
I mean, I was imagining I would come in here and I would just kind of go stealth mode like the lady on the other end and just kind of be obscured behind trees and just take pot shots from a distance. Yeah. I mean, it's like something you've learned over time. It's like a instinct. It's almost like second nature to you. Oh, Micah says it's like instincts. Ah, Sneaky Dragon. That's the name of our podcast. Subscribe now if you're not already. I don't know. Uh,
Okay, so then can I do Mask of the Wild and then start taking potshots from far away? Yeah, it's not something you necessarily have to declare. It's just like you can just choose to hide even when conditions aren't favorable necessarily. I feel silly. I've been casting this this entire time thinking I'm a magic boy. So in that spirit, go ahead and make a stealth roll. 13 plus 5, 18. 18, okay, yeah. So you think you do a pretty good job hiding yourself and obscuring yourself much like the huntress.
Alright. And then I just want to sneak a little Longbow of Triumph shot right at that Snow Bice. Alright. It's a 16 plus 9, 25. That is a solid hit. Doing damage. 7. 7 points of damage? Mm-hmm. The Snow Bice roars, but now it can see you. It knows that you were the one who hit it earlier. Mm-hmm.
And it looks at you with rage in its eyes. Okay. Okay. You can do it, Kyborg. My turn to Barton's like, since we're not doing anything, he's just like, how are you doing with like spell slots? I'm low. We're kind of screwed at the end of this whole thing. I am tapped out. I have a... I got nothing. I got only first level two slots left. First level. That's me too. I have two slots left in my first level and that's it. I mean, I got,
You just hear Kyborg scream in the background. Kyborg, I'm already a supporter. Everyone's talking about spell slots and just chilling. Kyborg's running around yelling. Mud and Bart have to think about the long game of we still got to meet the king. It's just like, we're only here for magic, and we ain't got our magic. And we only have an hour left. I can't even turn into an animal. Bart and Mud, roll a perception check. Okay.
We can look. That's what we can do. That's a good one. I did a good one. I didn't. I got 24. I got a seven. Should I use my inspiration die right now? No, no, no. I got it. I got this. I'll see. Mud, you smell popcorn. Wait, that was it?
Is it nose perception? Hold on. It's really strong. I smell popcorn. Is this a clue? Are you having a stroke? Yeah, it's burnt toast. Oh. I look around where the popcorn is. Sleek is standing next to you eating popcorn. Oh, this is really exciting. I can't wait to see what my best friend Kyborg does in there. Hold on. Has Sleek been here this entire time? Yeah. He's eating ice cream. Popcorn.
Hey, Sleek, how you doing on spell slots? Then what are you doing here? What are you doing? Okay. Okay.
I think what you meant is, I don't care for moral support. When Ben does the voice of Sleek, we gotta have you eat popcorn, Ben. I need you to put marbles in your mouth while you talk. It's gonna be necessary. I mean, I may not have my root, but
Perhaps a little bardic inspiration might be in order. Chris, it is 1045 in the morning and you are eating a bag of Reese's Pieces. You're interrupting the game. It'd be nice if I had bardic inspiration, but I'm all out. Is that like a first level spell? It's a bonus action, but my three per long rest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know we need a nap. I know, but we can't get one.
Yeah! Is something on fire in Blaine's house? What's going on? There's a lot of smoke in your webcam.
Blaine's just blazing up. It's 10 in the morning. Chris is eating Reese's. Blaine is smoking out. Okay, it's the Snowbeist. The Snowbeist is looking at you. Well, you don't know if it's looking necessarily directly at you, but it's looking in your direction. It's cross-eyed. Got it. Kyborg.
But it does have other threats that are more at hand. So it turns and roars the Valrasian Huntress and takes a couple swipes at it. Oh! Or I should say the Valrasian Huntress hits with one of them, doing seven points of slashing damage and three points of cold. All right. She has taken some pretty good damage there. It's 10 points. Gummi.
Gum Gum, go ahead and make your constitution saving throw again. Thank you. 20. 20. Oh yeah. You feel like the blood is rushing back to your limbs and you're starting to be able to move again. Oh, do you want to summon another Pixie or Flumph? Do it. I'll wait.
And then, how's this creature looking? This one I'm fighting? The Snow Bice? It's looking, it's not like teetering on death, but it's looking pretty bloodied. You think it would have trouble hiding in the snow now because it is pretty covered in blood. I don't want to kill it. I guess I'll just, I'll take another swing at it. Okay. Can't he use like the blunt end of weapons? Isn't that a D&D thing? It used to be. Does that still exist in 5th edition? I mean, I have a blunt weapon. It just doesn't do as much damage. You
You could declare a non-lethal attack. Oh, I'll do that then. Can Kyborg do that with his arrows? Non-lethal. I declare a non-lethal attack. I declare bankruptcy. I do declare. Okay, so what happens, it looks like if you have an attack that would reduce a creature to zero hit points, you can choose to knock them out instead of kill them.
All right. Well, then I'm going to attack. Okay. That's a 21. Nice. Ooh, that hits. Excellent. All right. And here's my damage. That's 15 with my rage. The snow bice looks like it's teetering on the verge of being incapacitated, but it is still up. Could Bart take a handful of Sleek's popcorn? Yeah. Roll a perception check, Bart. Roll initiative. Okay.
Roll for survival. There's two battles going on at the same time. I'd say 16. This is some really delicious popcorn, Bart. The worst. Yeah, you don't know if you've had better popcorn ever. Oh, this is really good. Is there butter on this? Oh, you think there might be? Yeah. Say what you will about those Velrassians. They can make some popcorn. They pop a good corn. Yeah. Once you pop, you can't stop.
All right, Kyborg, what do you want to do? So let me get this straight, and I might have to do some rolls to ascertain this information. The animals, including the snowbeast, are just there as flair for the battlers who were supposed to be Gum-Gum and the Huntress? Huntress is supposed to originally fight the snowbeast. Gum-Gum interceded.
Oh, okay. So me attacking the huntress wouldn't really do us any good. That's not the point of this whole thing. Correct. Okay. Well, we are not supposed to kill this thing, right? That was stated earlier? Yes. Okay. So I guess I'm going to have to put the old longbow at triumph away. And...
- Jesus. I have a spear and a hand ax. I wanna use- - Is he allowed to do that thing where you said declare an incapacitating attack with a longbow? - I was making a joke 'cause I'm assuming a flying arrowhead is not gonna be the- - Yeah, well, you could blunt the arrow. Like you could, some people say like they'll carry special arrows that have like sandbags attached to the end or something.
You could also instead, if you wanted to like take the arrowhead off or something like that, like, or if you had like a dull arrowhead, you could say you could do that. I mean, I'm down to give that a go. Yeah. Sure. Yes. And?
Yes. And there's one arrow that I pull from my quill that has a large comedically sized punching glove. Like a boxing glove? Yeah, a boxing glove. Yes. It's your quiver, by the way. Did I say quill? I'm an idiot. Okay. Well, yeah, I do want to pull out an arrow that is like dull and potentially made for this exact instance. You were ready. Yeah, I sure was. Okay.
Uh, and I'm gonna shoot the Snow Bice with the Longbow of Triumph, and that is a 20. Oh, it connects! That is 9, plus… no, 6 plus 5, 11 points of damage. Your arrow flies through straight at the Snow Bice and hits it right between the eyes and bounces off comically. The Snow Bice's eyes cross, and it falls to the ground, incapacitated.
Melhart lets out a scream. No, that was supposed to be mine. Who are you? Congratulations. You have bested the Snowbush. I go to free the animals. I go to free the animals. The reason behind this whole thing. You hear everyone in the audience cheering and clapping. Judge J, who you remember earlier, was the one who gave the introduction to the 100 Fest. Congratulations. Looks like we have two champions for
Uh...
What? Mudd's standing next to Osman, right? Yes. And Osman is a Valrathian. Donnie or Marie? Yeah, Osman is a Valrathian, yes. Okay. So Mudd's a bit bigger than him, right? Yeah. Valrathians are big, but Mudd is a pretty big boy. You're taller, but they're, like, wider. Mudd grabs Osman by whatever...
passes for a collar of his shirt and either lifts him up or pushed him against the wall for there. And it's just like, why the hell was my badger in that arena? I'll make an intimidation roll. Just nail this one. Give me, give me something. I hate it when you make me do intimidation rolls. Intimidating. Did you slap your own butt? Did you slap your own butt? It's a six. Oh. You voice cracked. Oh.
I'm on. Osman says, put me down this instant. I use any animals that are available for the snowbeist. No, no, you don't. That's my badger. It's a simple wild creature. Who cares what happens to it? Kabard come up and go, that's his badger.
You wag your finger up at his face. Bart, roll for intimidation. Yeah, roll for intimidation, Bart. He puffs his chest. Come on, Bart. Come on. Come on. Be the Batman that we need to be. I'm lucky. I'm lucky. That was a one for the audience. 17. Yeah! 17. A husband says, okay, call your little friend off. Get him out of here. No, no. There needs to be...
or compensation for you taking an animal that was not yours, that was mine, and you put it in an arena where he could die to a beist. I am supplied animals every day to feed to the beist. Are you here to call justice for all of these animals? Nope. Just my badger.
What is what? What's the difference of one? You did not. You did not go. I did. Did I take your badger? Well, who put the badger in the arena? I was given the badger.
By who? Listen, if you care that much about it, you can have it. Take it. The snowbite doesn't have to eat it. Damn right it's mine. And the fox. What does this fox say? And the gum gum. What? And the snake. Fine. Take the fox. Take the badger. Take the snake. But don't interfere with any of my future feedings. Oh, I'm...
You're really... I want to hit this guy. I want to hit him so bad, but I understand that there's more at stake right now, so I'm going to show restraint and set him down. Everyone's kind of watching you guys, and Judge J is still standing at the stage and says, Anyway, we have our champions to congratulate! Gum Gum walks up, confused, looking around to see if there's someone else. Ha ha ha!
Yes, you, dear boy. And where is your archer friend? I have a friend. I'm collecting all the animals and I have all three of them like in my jacket, you know, to keep them warm because it's snowy. Especially old Hannibal because he's a cold-blooded creature. He shouldn't be out in the snow like that. No. I assume you walk up, once you have the animals, you walk up as well with Gum-Gum? Yes. You walk up and Judge J says...
Welcome and congratulations, Snow Bice champions! Go on and tell us your names! Gum Gum.
Kyborg. Gumm and Kyborg. What unusual and exotic Valrossian names you have. That's right. We're disguised as Valrossians. I completely forgot. Well, you do win the pot of 15 gold pieces. And of course, the immense honor of dining with none other than Viki Gjorn at his Hundra feast in the throne room.
Ooh, everyone starts clapping. Yay! In the background, Melhart kicks a rock. It should have been me. Loser. Can we bring plus ones? I'm afraid not. Only the champions have the pleasure of meeting the venerable V-King. Oh, no.
Okay. Which reminds me, there are still two slots open for our tremendous talent show located at the Center Stage Beer Garden. The show will be starting shortly, so make sure you find a seat soon. Damn it. This is not going to go well for Mudd. Those tap shoes on. Yeah.
I don't know what to do. The crowd begins slowly dissipating. People are making their way over towards the center stage beer garden, which you all walked by earlier. Beer garden. Can I reunite the badger with mud? Yeah. So you guys are all back together. Okay. Here is your son. Thank you very much. Do I get the fox too? No, I keep the fox. The fox is now mine. Okay. Okay.
Can I keep the fox? Sure. I don't think we intended for that, but yeah, why not? It's a wild fox, though, so it's kind of bitey. That's okay. I have a metal arm. What should I name it? Yeah, what is the fox named?
Fred. Fred. Yeah, it's Fred the Fox. Rest in peace, Judge Fred. Judge Fred. In memory. Oh, and like I said, Gum Gum and Kyborg, you all were handed a bag with 15 gold pieces in it. Okay, that should be... Total, not each. Eight for each of us. Because you can't split these gold evenly, I think I should take the extra piece. No, it's eight each, but okay. You can have an extra...
You can have one of mine. Yay! Adding one gold piece into mine. I'm glad we're handing gold out when I funded the whole thing. Yeah, I was waiting to see if anyone was going to give Mud some gold because he chipped in on that. GumGum has no idea that there was money exchanged. You just got to ask. Got to shoot your shot. Yeah, GumGum will happily give away money, but he doesn't know. I like that when Bart was asking for it, Barbara had her hand out like, money, please. Money, please.
Hey, GumGum. Yeah? Mind passing me three gold for... Thank you. Here we go. Alright, so that means I give one to Bart. Three to Mud. And then I get four. Yeah. And that kyborg would have seven. Do I need to divvy these up? Is this what you're implying here, Mud? No, I just wanted to get paid back. I've
Yeah, he wasn't implying anything. He was directly asking. I was asking that I funded both of you to fight this thing and had at least repayment for that. Okay. Well, we had an agreement. That's fine. I got my three gold. Do you hear me complaining? No, no, no, no. I'm just saying. Yeah, I gave him money. You paid him and then you got your butt kicked. I know some people who like that.
I didn't actually get my butt kicked. I have 21 health. I mean, you took some damage. Yeah, I told you I was fine. I'm sorry for intervening in that case. I just thought he was going to die and I didn't want to lose our deer gum gum. No, no, you helped and expedited. So to move things along...
We need to go to the talent show. Yeah. Everyone's favorite middle school activity. Bart cracks his knuckles and he goes, this is my time to shine. Bart's been training for this. I competed in my high school talent show. I'll have you know. Cool. But did mud? No. Okay. Irrelevant.
Wait, what was your bit? What was your segment? I want you to take a wild guess as to what I performed in high school. Some musical theater. No, it's worse. Piano? Guitar? It's worse. Oh, Michael spoiled. Michael told me. Yeah, it's worse, right, Gus? It was a dance? Nope, worse. Tap dance? I juggled.
Chris is laughing. Apparently, I got the even worse note to techno music. Oh, yeah, to techno music. Oh, drood. Was it Sandstorm? Well, I sang Britney Spears is Lucky with a feather boa on, okay?
at my elementary school talent show. Oh, please tell me there's footage of that. Your parents recorded it. I really hope not. Oh, Micah says that there is juggling footage. Is there? Release the juggle cut. Anyways, talent show. Let's go. Talent show. So yeah, it's actually not too far. The beer garden is right next to the arena. So you all exit the arena and then you see a crowd of people starting to gather around the center stage. Okay. And once again, Judge J is here playing MC and says,
Alright folks, we are getting down to the final moments leading up to our highly anticipated talent show!
Feel free to sign up with your act. The fee is one gold piece per contestant. It's quite simple. All you need to do is perform your exceptional abilities, and you could win the grand prize of 20 gold pieces and a chance to perform before the valorous Viking Jorn in his throne room. Right. Uh, Bart. Uh-huh.
If we're going to both win a seat to see the king, we have to compete together. Is that how it works? Well, that's how our two boys got a seat is they fought together. Well, it sounds like it's time for the old bud show. Bart does jazz hands.
As you guys are talking it over, you start to see contestants come out on stage and begin to perform. Judge Jay announces, First up, we have Beard Pork, the fair-voiced farmer singing a song. And a Valrathian comes up. You think he looks incredibly nervous, and he starts trying to sing a song on the stage. But his voice is cracking. Uh.
He doesn't seem to be in the correct key. Bart, it particularly hurts your ears since you're a bard. You know this song. You know how it should go, and he is butchering it. The crowd doesn't seem very enthused at all. Gum-Gum leans over to Bart. This might be tough. He seems pretty good.
Bart realizes that Gum-Gum has a lot of earwax shoved in his ears, but he doesn't do anything about it. He's like, you know what? Eh, it's for the best. Wait, if there's only four seats available to meet the king, then I guess Sleek is just... Five seats available, four seats and a friend!
Next up is Nick Nack, the brawny blacksmith.
He comes up, it's a very burly looking Valrossian, and he starts like lifting a bunch of children on each arm to try to show how strong he is. Oh, but he's actually really struggling. You think that it should be a really easy feat what he's doing, like anyone should be able to do it, but despite the amount of muscles on Knickknack the Brawny Blacksmith, he struggles to pick up even the smallest child. As this is going on, Sleek is still eating his popcorn and says, Oh, don't worry about me, guys. I already got an audience.
High score in the arcade. Whack-a-troll, whack-a-goblin, whack-a-zombie. A lot of the whack-a-games. I hate so bad.
Knock that popcorn right out of his hand. Got any ideas for your talent? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Is it our turn? There's one more contestant in front of you. Of course. Our next contestant is Android, the chipmunk whisperer and his trained chipmunks.
You see a Valrasian come out with a very elaborate little obstacle course for his chipmunks. And he commands them to do acrobatics around the stage and in his course that he's built. That's pretty cool. Alvin, Simon, Theodore. And much to your surprise, it's actually an amazing show. Yeah. Dang it. The audience is clapping and cheering the entire time and really into it. You wouldn't think it, but Andrew is actually very adept with these chipmunks. Bart starts going...
Boo! Just so, like, the crowd will hear people booing and then, you know, be swayed by the bystander effect to try to, like, essentially do what everyone else is doing. How about you roll a persuasion check to see if you can convince them to boo along? Boo!
That is a 20, my dude. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, some of the people around you, they were clapping, but then they look at you, and then they look back at the stage, and they stop clapping. They're like, yeah, you suck, boo. You managed to turn the audience a little bit, uh...
There are still a lot of people cheering, but yeah, there is definitely a booing section. Gum Gum does the same. He's like, oh, okay. Alright, what do you guys want to do? We have our act figured out. Yeah. Okay. Our next act is the ever-beguiling Bart and oh-so-mesmerizing Mud. Thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and...
Whatever else is here as well. While Bart is running out, I'm running out with him and I cast Druidcraft. Creates like a sound like the rumbling of thunder as we come out. And then Bart casts Minor Illusion to cover the stage with sparkles and glitter. Both of you make performance checks.
It's a magic. You hear whispers in the audience. Ooh, magic show. Magic show. Ooh. 16 for Bart. Girl to six. Okay, okay. Yeah, there's some, yay! Some applause going on. Mud trips as he walks out on the stage. And then Bart turns to the crowd and says, and now for a crowd favorite, the song Free Bard! And then he pulls out a book.
You begin playing them a song? Yeah. All right. Yeah. Go ahead and make a... What are you going to do while Bart's playing the song, Mud? Turn into a bird. I can't turn into anything. I don't have anything left. While I'm playing, is it possible to cast Minor Illusion on Mud in any way to make him look cool? Look cool. Bart's really pulling a lot of weight here. I think...
It's my time to shine, baby. I'm a bard. Yeah, you could. Yeah, you could absolutely do that. Okay. How do you want to make him look, Bart? Could I make him glow? Ooh, nice. Yeah, absolutely. Nice.
I have a water skin. So if I were to pull the water out of that with shape water, could I do like a little like water dance kind of thing? That actually sounds really cool. Okay. That's what I'm doing. While Bart is playing the... And I'm glowing. He's a glowing water bending boy. Yeah. So go ahead and make me some performance rolls.
Any point you're going to give me advantage on performance rolls. You might get one here because Bart was covering you with a minor illusion. 15. Do I have advantage on performance? I rolled a 12. Sure, why not? This is what you have trained for your entire life. You went to Bart College. He's a bard. Nine. Okay. Everyone actually seems to be really into it. You know, based on what you've seen, there really haven't been any magic shows yet. Everyone seems to be really septic. Yay, magic. Woo-hoo.
But for some reason, Gum Gum casts a flump. Everyone starts screaming. Unlike with Andrew, there is no booing section in the audience. But wait, we have one more. We have one more thing for our talent. We sure do. Take it away, Bart. Here it comes. Bart casts. No. Bart does a magic trick.
He says, wait for this, everyone. I'm going to make my assistant here disappear. And then he strums a big strum on his lute and goes. And then. Mud casts hidden step and becomes invisible. Ooh.
And then runs offstage. I guess you have to sell it to them, Bart. Let's go ahead and go with performance. All right. My lovely assistant will disappear in three, two, one. Eleven. Bart's nerves start getting the better of him, and he's playing a salute for the crowd, but then he starts to hear other music fade in underneath his playing. It's like a band or an orchestra accompanying him from all around the stage.
The music builds in a crescendo as mud vanishes before the crowd. The audience immediately woos and aahs as they erupt into cheers and applause. Sleek. Bart is really feeling good about himself right now. He hasn't had this much adoration in a very long time. Wow.
Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart. He lifts his lute above his head and just starts fist pumping in the air. Yeah, while you do that, you look down into the crowd and you see Sleek standing with the folk band that was in the audience. Could Bart do that thing where he gets up onto a higher platform and puts his hand up by his ear and goes to like, Bart, Bart, Bart. Absolutely, yeah. Everyone's just going crazy for it. They love it.
Can Gum-Gum run to the front of the stage and have a crowd walk on to Gum-Gum's hands? Bart does a crowd surfing dive. Sure. Yeah, the crowd is going crazy. They love it. Excellent. Judge J comes back out. Folks, let's give it up for the beguiling Bart and mesmerizing Mug. And then I reappear. Oh, yeah. Woo.
I just have to point out on a meta level, I've never had so many things on my character sheet marked off as unusable. I have never had so many of the boxes filled on my character sheet. Yeah, I don't.
Judge J escorts you all off the stage and he says, Just two more contestants before our talent show comes to an end. Next up, we have Walker the Wizkid. He'll be retelling the harrowing history of his hometown. Immediately start booing. I just start booing. Oh, he's not expecting that. You made a kid cry. Yeah. He goes up and he seems really confident.
the immediate booing seems to rattle him a little bit. - Oh no! - He keeps looking around as he's trying to tell the history of the town, and he's using like little minor illusions to help add flourish, but he just seems unsure of himself. And even the audience seems to be unsure of whether or not they should be cheering because someone started booing immediately.
I know our end goal is to win this thing, but I don't feel good about it now. I feel great about it. Judge Jay escorts him off the stage and says, Our fine black of the night is none other than Ace of Jokers and his captivating card tricks. And someone dressed up like a street magician walks on stage with a deck of cards and begins doing tricks, making them disappear, tossing them, cutting fruit. I cast Druidcraft and a gust of wind goes across the stage on all his cards. Oh no!
Okay, some of the cards begin flying around, but he's very quick to try to recover them and try to act like it's all part of the show. But he's obviously rattled. Then Judge J comes out. All right, folks, let's hear it for all our contestants in the Hundra Fest talent show. Everyone starts cheering. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. Make a persuasion roll, Bart.
Encore. Oh, sweet. 23. Oh, my God. Yeah, as Judge J is talking, the crowd again begins chanting, Bart, Bart, Bart. Judge J says, Well, it appears we have a clear winner and a crowd favorite of the night. The first place winners of the 100 Fest Talent Show are the beguiling Bart and the mesmerizing Mug. Woo!
From the back, I just say again, Whiz Kidzai! A single tear comes out of the corner of Whiz Kidzai. Oh, no. That's so sad to think about. You see him run over to a bigger Val Rossi and just give her a big hug. Oh, no.
Gum Gum goes over to Wizkid and says, "I thought it was really cool that you did magic. I could do magic too. Here, have a flower." You make a flower for him? Yeah. He says, "Thank you, sir." This is the villain's origin story is what this is. I've seen plenty of movies.
In the next arc, your big bad evil guy will be Walker the Wiz-Man. Fly home, buddy. I know. Judge Jay hands over to Bart and Mud a sack with 20 gold pieces. Here are your well-earned winnings. And more importantly, you now have the honor of performing your amazing act for the valiant Viking Gjorn at his Hundra feast in the throw room tonight.
I definitely have the spell slots to perform that again. Ah, yes, yes. It will be an honor. Absolutely. It's a highly coveted honor and privilege to be in the presence of his V-Kingliness. Judge Jay escorts you all off the stage. Congratulations. Enjoy your winnings. Thank you. What are y'all going to do? Oh, should we just head off to the V-King? Are we going to go? How long do we have until the dinner to freshen up?
Yeah. Do we have... Don't have long. Well, we're still like racing the clock of the... Correct. Of the polar eclipse. Yeah, we have only until midnight. Yeah, you are very short on time. All right. Just hoping we can get a short rest in so the magic boys can have the magic. Yeah, you can. Sure. We'll say they do offer you the chance to take a short rest.
All right, so short rest. Oh, Wild Shake comes back with short rests. See? It was all worth it. Okay, and like Hidden Step that I just used. Oh, so you can do your magic again. Just those. None of my spell slots come back. Eh, that's all you need. Yeah, I'm good. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Don't worry, you got Bart. Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart.
Okay, what's the plan, guys? I suppose we need to, after we take our short rest, post haste head to the king. Okay. Yeah, I mean, based on all the walking around, you know, you see where the palace is. You know, it's very clearly at one end of the courtyard. You reach the edge of the festival grounds and approach a pair of 20-foot-high iron-bound doors that are heavily guarded by ten hulking Valrasians. Four of the guards step away from the doors and turn to take hold of its monstrous handles.
The doors groan loudly as all four of the massive walrus folk heave the towering doors open with all of their might. The four guards then escort you inside and you enter an arched hall made of mosaics, stone walls, and floors. Running along the middle of the room are a pair of long oak tables in parallel. In between them is a train of arctic furs stained in crimson red running the full length of the room.
At the end of the floor runner in the distance you see a trio of towering thrones at the back of the hall. The center seat looks to be made of iron and draped with more of the same furs, and at the top two iron tusks branch out. Two guards break off from the others and head toward the end of the ballroom. The other two near you about face and hold up their palms to halt you from entering further.
Stand here, don't move. Stay utterly silent. When the V-King enters, do not make eye contact and bow as low as you can. Move. Utterly. The two guards at the end of the room, appearing like ants to you from this distance, reach for another pair of large oaken doors emblazoned with gold inlaid shaped like an anchor. One of them shouts, Now presenting his immense Valrossian eminence, the Lord of his Royal Navy and Supreme Ruler over all of Colossus,
Kalkberg, you hear deep drums pound from somewhere in the room. Boom, boom, boom, boom. The King Gjorn. What does he look like? You're going to have to tune in next week to find out on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Every time. Gosh dang it.
Thanks, everyone, for listening. This was a fun episode, guys. I really like it. Had a little bit of combat, a little bit of showing off her skills, making little Valrossians cry. A little bit of Sleek doing nothing but still getting by, you know. Hey, Sleek helped out with Bart's performance there at the end, playing some instruments, getting that little extra push. I don't know how he played the instruments with his broken fingers, but... It's true. I was thinking about that. I was like, I'm not going to say anything. Shh.
He's that talented. It's all an illusion. All right, but we'll be back again next week. If you want to find out what Viking Bjorn is, you're going to have to listen then. Who's going to do his voice? That's what I want to know. We'll have to find out. That's what I'm interested in. In the meantime, you can check out store.roosterteeth.com. Don't forget, we got some Stinky Dragon merch. I knew we were recording today, so I'm wearing my character art shirt right now just because I want to get in the Stinky Dragon. Very, very comfy.
I bet you love how the art for that shirt is you hovering over all of us, Gus. Lording over. Almighty and powerful. Yeah, excellent. God King Gus, the DM. For all our gymnast friends, we have Roll for Backflip. That's a good shirt, too. Even for people who don't know
about the show. If people who play D&D, that's a good shirt for them. Or people who like backflips. Yeah. That's right. For them, it probably means something different. They like tuck and roll and then backflip. Blaine promises to learn how to do a backflip by the end of this campaign. Ooh. Challenge accepted. How long does that give me? Like a week. Oh. I'll do my best. All right. We will see you guys next week. Bye. Bye.
