C01 - Ep. 28 - Wight Winter - Brumafume Bedroom Brawl
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Previously, our adventurers ventured into the Valrossian village of Broomafume where they met a tired tavern owner named Elaine Doze. She offered them free room, board, and travel if they found her missing friends. The party followed some clues that led to a cold crime scene with a bear's body, a fearful Finkel, and no hope of finding Hufnir. They headed back to town to rest but dozed off only to find Doze throttling Mud's throat. Park your paws and let's prattle this tattle.

Welcome back. Tales from the Snakey Dragon. When we last left our adventurers, they had bedded down for the night at the Kissing Quipper Tavern and Mud awoke a little groggy, a little sleepy to the powerful hands of Elaine Doze wrapped around his neck as she was speaking in tongues in an unknown language.

I'm gonna guess Mud is not okay with that. How do you feel about that, Mud? Mud does not like this at all. Mud is not happy. Mud is ready to put all of his big boy strength into shoving this unwanted intruder off of him. Hmm.

She's speaking in tongues, but she's like part walrus woman, right? Yes. Is she going like, arr, arr, arr? With Blaine jumping in there, I feel compelled to remind the audience as well as the players that everyone had split up and went to sleep in different rooms. Mud had bunked up with Sleek. Kyborg had hunked up, hunked up. Kyborg, you actually had a room by yourself. And Bart and Gum Gum were sharing a room.

Kyborg needs a whole room for his ego. That's right. A separate closet for it. Yeah. Mud goes full primal instinct and turns into a bear. Oh, my God. Try choking this. Have fun trying to choke a bear. My neck's a tree trunk now. Ha-ha. Yeah. Okay, what else do you do? You just turn into a bear? And use all my little pizzes to push her off. The old bear shove, as they call it in the industry.

Make a strength check just to push. 17. Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. Let me make a post strength here. That's a solid shove, John. Rawr. Rawr. Rawr. That's what you're doing. Uh-oh. She rolled a 17. Let me see what her strength bonus is on here. Zero. Plus three. So 22. 22.

You try to shove Elaine off of you, but she seems to have supernatural strength and managed to stand her ground against the aggression of the brown bear pushing against her. Mud roars. Ooh. Kyborg, make a perception check.

And it is a 11. Okay. You feel like something disturbs your elven trance that you're in, but you think it's nothing. It's probably just a fly buzzing around or something. I guess if you roared, make an intimidation check, Mud. Nat 20 minus two, 18. Okay. Pretty scary. Elaine's blue eyes seem to flicker. Is that a little bit of fear you see? Maybe? So clearly she's being... There's some type of...

Possession. Possession of this amulet. Amulet. Since my elvish friend is no help, could I try a roll? What do you mean? Like...

She's not getting off me. Can we roll off the bed? Oh, oh, I thought you meant like a die roll. I was like, which one? So let's see. You turned into a bear and then shoved. Is turning into a bear like a bonus action? I can do as a bonus action. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, I'll say you can roll. Let's make an athletics check for a roll. Are Bart and Gum Gum too far away to be able to hear this? Yeah, you're not able to hear it yet.

I feel like if they do, they're just like, oh, good for Muddy. He found someone. That's nice. They're role playing. Everyone's still soundly asleep. 10. Okay. Yeah. You tumble off of the bed, still entangled with Elaine. And as you're rolling around on the ground, locked in combat, you get a glimpse of the moonlight coming in the window, shining off of the amulet around your neck. And it seems like maybe it's glowing brighter than it was before. What if you just cover it?

Like, tuck it into your shirt or something. Take it. No. It is now Bart's turn. Bart, maybe, did something wake you? Was there a roar? Were you dreaming? Or the sound of a bear falling off a bed? Or was Gum Gum just snoring? Yeah, you feel a little dazed. Yeah, I think I woke up from Gum Gum snoring.

Because Bart, I think, typically is a pretty heavy sleeper. But Gum Gum was just on a tear tonight. He had a little bit of a blocked nose from all the traveling and the cold we've been in. It's the first time we've been in real beds in weeks. So he's super comfy. And I guess when I woke up, I heard some commotion in the distance. I imagine we're not too far away.

Yeah, make a perception check. That is a 19. Yeah, there's definitely commotion. It's in the room next to you is where Mud was actually. So there's definitely a commotion coming up from there. And you also notice that there's someone you don't recognize standing in your room. Oh, I don't like that. It's another Valrossian with eyes that are also glowing blue.

Is he coming towards us or is he just standing there? He's by the door. Seems like maybe he just entered the room. Could I cast sleep on him? Look at you. Yeah, I'm sure you can. So go ahead and roll 5d8 to determine how many hit points of creatures it affects. And I assume you choose a point by the enemy. Yeah. I rolled a 7, 7, 6, 3, and 1. 24. Oh, 12.

So it targets creatures with the lowest current hit points and then you affect up to 24 hit points worth of creatures at which point the spell is exhausted. Yeah, so you cast it. However, the creature in the room with you does not seem to fall asleep. That's bull. Why? Well, the other creature in the room is already asleep. It has more than 24 hit points.

Jesus. So, um, the Valrath seeing standing before you, uh, does not seem to fall down asleep. Instead, he is still standing there, uh, looking into the room. However, you notice that there were two incorporeal bluish specters in the room as well. They fall to the ground. Oh. What are those? Kind of like foggy blue beings, foggy blue creatures.

Foggy blue beans? Beings. Beans. No, it's beans. B-E-A-N-S. She hadn't even seen those before? No. Lucky shot. Does it seem like the Valrossian is coming to attack us, or he's just looking around? Roll an insight check. Just standing there breathing heavily. Imagine it's like a Terminator, but with blue eyes instead of red. That is a 15.

You do not get a good sense from this Valrossian. You do not think that it has good intentions. Well, I think that's my turn. Something about all the rolling around and shoving and the bear in the room wakes Sleek from his slumber. He pops out of bed as he sees a bear and Elaine Doe is rolling around on the ground. But because he's useless, he goes back to bed.

No, he wants to tell. I wish I had my lute to play a song while these guys are fighting in my room. And he sucks on his thumb like a mama's boy.

You guys are so mean to him. He's been through some serious trauma. He's had a rough life. He's had some rough stuff going on lately. My family died at the hands of Squadron. I don't want to hear it. I'm missing an arm. He's missing a loop. That was a long time ago for you. This stuff just happened to me. During childhood, I have traumas this guy doesn't even know about. I don't want to hear it, Sleek.

Sleek is going to pop out of bed. He picks up an end table and starts trying to bash Elaine Doze over the head with it to try to free Mud from her grip. He picks up an end table and starts rearranging the furniture. He doesn't like the feng shui. No, he's trying to hit Elaine Doze in the head with an end table. Does he? If you say so. Oh, let's roll. Yeah. Let's see. Mud would like to know if he does.

Oh, that's a, that he rolls a 17. Yeah. He hits a lane dose. Yeah. She seems a little, a little woozy now. Like, yeah, she's not resisting you quite as strong as she was before much. She's like really let up. Okay. I'd like to push her again. I'd like to get her off of me. I don't want to like attack her with my teeth thermoclaws, but I'd like to get her off of me. Maybe on your next turn, you'll be able to.

Well, that'd be fun. Unfortunately for you, however, it is Elaine Doze's turn. Oh, good. Oh, here she comes. She needs some time for herself. Well, everyone's got to take a little bit of time, right? First of all, she's going to try to clear the cobwebs in her head. She's got those little birds circling around her head right now. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Oh no, she utterly fails at that. She's still very woozy from getting knocked in the noggin. So she really can't do anything right now. However, at this point you notice in your room, there are also two blue incorporeal spirits. Well, you don't know that Bart saw some, but similar to what was in Bart's room, there are a couple of incorporeal spirits in your room as well. And they're both in unison just saying, hey, listen. Hey. What are incorporeal? Incorporeal, like no body. No body.

Ghosts. Yeah. Spirits. Yeah, kind of like, hey, listen, yeah. That's a good way to put it. What's that thing's name? Navi. Navi, that's right. So yeah, one of them floats through you, Mud. It like passes through your body. It like reaches out towards you and tries to like swipe at you with blue wispy air. It's trying to fight me with allergies. It

That's a hit. Which is a hit. You take two points of damage, and I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. 13. 13. Yeah, you feel like when it touches you, you feel like a chill run up your spine, but nothing further happens. It just feels like the room gets very cold for just a second.

The other one does the same thing. It flies through Sleek and tries to take a swipe at Sleek. It kills him. Rolls an 11. That is a miss. And now we're going to cut to Bart. We're cutting back to your room from your perspective. The Valrasian that was in your room sees that you're out of bed and awake and approaches you and tries to grapple with you. So go ahead and roll me a strength check. What if I turn invisible? Oh.

19. Oh, thank God. Let's see. What does it get? It has a plus three on an 18 roll, so a 21. Four.

What are they feeding these Valrasians? Well, they're big. Remember, they're like walrus creatures. They're like on the rocks diet. They just eat fish, salmon, a lot of omega fatty acids. So yeah, now this other Valrasian is now entangled with you on the floor rolling around barf. I'm so little though. Meanwhile, I'll tell you what. Kyborg, roll me another perception check. Please wake up. Please wake up.

It's just such a good sleep, 8. He's getting those REM cycles in. Yeah, you're just really deep in it right now. In that case, make me a strength check at disadvantage because you're asleep. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

You don't think you don't have a friend in your room. Of course you have a friend in your room. It's a 14. Oh, 13. Kyborg, you are awakened by Finkle, who is in your room, but he has blue eyes and is giving you a giant Valrathian bear hug. But, you know, he's a Valrathian. He's not a bear. And he's squeezing you super tight. What's up, Finkle? How's it going, man? You should have experience with this with Gum-Gum. Yeah.

And as he's squeezing you, you also notice that there are two... Let me guess, let me guess. Blue eyes and then two blue spirits. Yes, there are two blue spirits in the room. They both fly through your body and attempt to attack you. Mike is asking, did you get some blues clues there? Yeah.

We just got attacked. We just got attacked. So one of them does manage to touch you with its icy cold grasp, doing two points of damage. And roll me a wisdom saving throw. Plus zero on wisdom, but I still got a 17. I'm smart as hell. Nice.

You also feel a chill run up your spine, but that's it. It's just a fleeting moment. You just end up taking those two points of damage that I mentioned. My back's been hurting a lot, so that actually helped. I'm strong as hell now. A little icy hot? A little icy hot.

Well, let's see what you do with that because it's your turn, Kyborg. Oh, sweet. You are currently being restrained as Finkle has you in his tight grip. Okay. Geography of this room. What's it looking like? How much space do I have here to play? Well, let's say, you know, a room upstairs from a tavern. So this bedroom has two beds that have blankets and pillows on them. There's two nightstands in the room, a dresser, a chest.

a lantern, there's two windows facing eastward, and of course the door that Fink will walk through. Okay.

Just do the thing that kids do when they don't want to get picked up and they just go full dead weight. Like they're made out of some sort of heavy sand. I'm going to be honest. I really just want to jump out of that window. I think that that would be really cool. He's holding you. So you're going to go with him? That would be cool. And then you both jump out and then you use him to land on. Yeah. Yeah. Can I do that, guys? Can I do that? Yeah. We'll make like a strength check because you are in the bed and the beds are right next to the window.

- All right, I want to bring Finkel with me and crash out of the window and use him to land as my cushion. - So it actually would be an athletics check for this jump out the window. I love how excited Chris got about that 'cause that's totally a gum gum move. - That's like an action movie move. I love it, Chris.

16. Let me see how he poses you, see if he's strong enough to hold you in place. Got it. It's really close. You bounce on the bed a few times and try to work you out to the window, but Finkel has a plus 3 on his strength, so a 14 plus 3 is 17. And you try to make for the window, and you bounce up against it, and the window breaks, but you still land in the room on the bed. Ha ha ha ha!

I have action surge. You can take one additional action on your turn. This can be used one time per short rest. Okay. I want to give it another go. Action surge. Okay, go for it. Do another athletics check. All right, here we go. Come on, come on, come on. Do it, do it, do it. 16 plus 6, 22. Ooh, that's going to be nearly impossible to beat with a plus 3 on the Valrasian strength check. Let's see. 18. You managed to successfully overcome the Valrasian strength.

You try it again. You think you got it this time. The window's broken. It's working a little better in your favor. You bounce on the bed a couple times and go out the broken window and land out in the courtyard below. Yeah. Yeah, make a dexterity saving throw. Dexterity saving throw. Plus five. This is gonna be a good one. 17. You're gonna take a little bit of fall damage. It's not gonna be too much because you made the save. That's fine.

Five, you take half, so you take two points of fall damage. Okay. Since you had such a good dex check and athletics check, as you're falling, you managed to spin in the air and move the Valrasian under you so that you land on Finkel. And the fall appears to have knocked him unconscious. High five. I just high fived it. Kyborg bringing the fire today. That's so cool.

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When Finkle hits the ground and gets knocked unconscious and gets hit on the head, you see one of those blue incorporeal spirits float out of him and then disappear. Interesting. Did that count towards my movement at all? Do I still have movement? So you did your action and you action searched, which gave you another action. So you still do have a move action if you want to. Okay. I need to head back into the inn. Question for you. I'm...

I'm probably assuming a no on this one. I didn't get my gear right. No. No, you did not sleep in your... Or you did not transcend your gear. So all your gear is in your room. Okay. Kyborg sleeps just hugging his longbow of triumph in his chest. We've had enough, like, nightmarish night attacks that it wouldn't surprise me. It was probably close at hand, but, you know, not in hand. I was also being hugged as soon as I woke up. So it's like...

Okay, so I want to run inside and... Before you run inside, make me a perception check. You've been really great at those, by the way, so far today. Man, why would you say that? Now I got a five. He was being facetious even then. Well, now he cursed me even further. Five. Okay, five. Yeah, you run back into the tavern, and when you enter the downstairs tavern area, where you all had your meal and talked with Elaine Doze earlier, you see that there are three more of those spirits down here.

Oh, wrong address. Gotta go. Bye. New phone, who dis? So you can still keep moving if you want. I'm just letting you know that that's what you see when you walk in. Is Elaine's cleaver in there? You didn't mention it being in her hand when she was attacking. Yeah, it's on the bar counter. That's kind of close to where the spirits are, though. From the door, the bar is about 30 feet away. Okay. Yeah, I head straight for the cleaver. Okay. To arm myself.

You run across the interior of the tavern, and, you know, it's a pretty typical tavern. There's eight tables with various amounts of chairs around them. On the far end of the wall, across from the door where you walked in, is where the bar is, and that's where the cleaver is sitting. And on the other side of the bar, where the bartender normally would stand, is where you see those three spirits crowded about each other. When you're facing the bar and you pick up the cleaver, to your left, you see the stairs that take you upstairs to where the rooms are. I might be out of movement.

Yeah, you are out of movement if you go all the way to the bar and get the cleaver. Should I add cleaver to my inventory because I don't have anything else? Yeah, why not? Make it like a cool cleaver. Is it magic cleaver? You don't know. Cleaver of blood. Just FYI, you're pretty cold because you're in your pajamas. No, I'm naked.

You're naked? Okay, so you have no armor bonus either then. You've made it worse. Why would you do that? Yeah, your armor class is now 10 plus your dexterity. Yeah, but I'm kicking ass while wearing nothing. I'm Borat right now running through that hotel. Oh, oh, Ben says that this actually is a magic cleaver. Ooh, what's it called? It's the cleaver of fish guts. You have advantage on your rolls against fish guts.

Against fish guts? Yeah. So that's Kyborg's turn. Gum-Gum, you're in a very deep sleep. Something, I don't know, you feel like maybe there's a fly buzzing around you or something. You roll over and open your eyes for just a second and you see Bart on the ground with an unknown Valrossian rolling around. Bart, I would have left if you told me you wanted private time. Gum-Gum-Gum, help me. Oh, no.

This isn't playtime. Okay, so now I think he knows Bart's style, and he knows that that's not fun time for Bart, so I think...

grabs his equipment and goes into a rage. So I'll roll the rage modifier. Three. An intangible spirit, which looks like a pixie, appears within five feet of one creature of your choice that you can see within 30 feet of you. At the end of your current turn, the spirit explodes and each creature within five feet of it must succeed on a dexterity saving throw or take 1d6 force damage.

Until your rage ends, you can use this effect again, summoning another spirit on each of your turns as a bonus action. Okay. And so there's the two sleeping blue things. Correct. And then there's Bart being...

like rolling on the ground with an unknown Valrathian. Valrathian. Geographically, how close is everyone to each other? The door is only about, let's say between five and 10 feet from the bed Bart was in. However, since Bart is now on the ground, we'll say it's more like the door is 10 to 15 feet away and the door is where the spirits are. So the spirits are right by the door, about 15 feet away from Bart, which is, and Bart's a little closer to the door than you are. Okay. Is there a way I can like,

Pull the guy off of Bart. What would that be like a string chest check? But before you do that, I think I think you need to determine where the pixie goes since you rage the pixie appears immediately So you need to determine where to put that before you do anything else, but the other ones are sleeping, huh? So I probably don't want to wake them up with exploding pixies, right? Oh

What's the range of the exploding pixie? Five feet. And the pixies are close to each other, right? They're within five feet of each other? The blue spirits are within five feet of each other. Maybe I should kill them. How does sleep work, Gus? If they get damaged, does it pop them out of sleep? Each creature affected by the spell falls unconscious until the spell ends, the sleeper takes damage, or someone uses an action to shake or slap the sleeper awake. So if they take damage, they will regain consciousness. Okay. Well, then I'm going to have my...

exploding spirit thing go to the, not near the sleeping people, but to the other side of the room. Okay, kind of like in an empty area? Yeah. Okay. And then I want to try and grab that unnamed person, Valarci, and pull him off the bard. Valarci. Okay.

Is that his name? This unnamed Valrathian. Valrathian. Valrathian. Yeah, go ahead, I guess, and make a strength check just to see if you can pull him off. Because you're kind of trying to get between them and separate them. That way you don't pull Bart as well. Yeah, 24. That's an impossible check for them to make, but I'm going to go ahead and check anyway just because I like it. 18. Yeah, you're able to successfully pull the Valrathian off of Bart. Nice. Okay.

Can I like knock him or throw him back towards where the fairy is? Yeah. Let's make another strength check because, you know, he's obviously going to try to stand his ground. That's a 23. 23. He can only match this. So strong. 23. 23.

What? Like I said, they have a plus three on their strength and he rolled a 20. So that's a 23. You try to shove, but you're unsuccessful. You're able to separate the Valrausian off of Bart. But when you try to shove him to the other side of the room, he finds his footing and manages to successfully push back against you. But what if I'm pushing at the same time? Let's add my strength onto Gum Gum's strength. Dang. So can I still attack? No, because like these kinds of actions would be like the equivalent of your attack action.

Okay. Well, is he between me and the exploding fairy? Yes. Okay. I should clarify. This is a female Valrasian. I've been saying he. Okay. But that was my bad. This is a female Valrasian in the room with you. I have a thing. I don't know if I can use it.

I have a whistle. Whistle? I have a whistle that I hid from whenever we were in that desert town that I took from the item shop. A whistle that you're supposed to whistle and it's supposed to summon help. Oh, right. You got this at Pious Pass, right? Yeah. Yeah, this would require an action if you wanted to use it. Okay. Okay.

However, if you do want to use it in a subsequent turn, I do have it in front of me right now. Okay. I guess I just pull up my axe and growl at the whatever velocity. Mm-hmm.

And I know you kind of jokingly asked about helping Gum-Gum there, Bart. But if you did want to assist, that's something you could try to do on your next turn, which would let him roll an advantage on his turn. Okay. Or if you have Bardic Inspiration or some other way, I'm sure you could figure out a way to help. I didn't want to act like I'm dismissing that. It's just like there is a way to do it, just you wouldn't be able to do it this turn. You'd have to do it on your next turn, which affects his next turn. It's a bonus action, but I'm guessing I can still only do Bardic Inspiration on my turn, right?

Correct. Unless it's like a reaction. Okay. All right. That's it for Gum-Gum. His pixie explodes, but there is no one in range of it, so no one gets harmed by it.

At the beginning of your next turn, Gum Gum, you get to summon another one. So we are at mud. We're back at you. What is Elaine's state? Is she trying to still strangle me as I'm on the floor? She's got her hands on her head. It seems like she's still really dazed from getting... The sleek really got a good hit on her head. Okay. And the amulet, it's in the moonlight as the moonlight peeks into the window and it's glowing in the moonlight.

Correct. Yeah, the windows for this room face to the east, which is the direction the moon's coming up. Is the amulet causing any sort of effects on me? Roll a perception check. An arcana check, I'm sorry. Three. You do not feel any effects on you from the amulet. Okay. Is Elaine on top of me still? No, Elaine is on the ground now, next to you, because you're still on the ground as well. I'd like to attack the beans. Okay.

Oh, okay. This time I thought you said beans. I did. I'm calling them beans. Yeah, there's two of them. One of them is right by you because it passed through your body. The other one is right by Sleek because it had passed through Sleek's body. I want to bite the one that's by me. Okay. Mud, I assume, growls ferociously and takes a bite at the nearest bean. Go ahead and roll an attack roll there. That's an 18. Yes, that is a hit.

Go ahead and roll your damage. 11. Yeah, you take a bite out of the mystical bean floating in the air, and it seems to dissipate. It, like, fades away from existence. What are you giggling about over there, Blaine? Because there's, like, a pinto refried kidney. Baked. Ah, yes. Mud being a bear also claws at the other bean.

Little claw claw bite action. Yeah, go for it. Roll an attack roll on that. That's only a 12. That actually still does hit. Cool. This one's even nastier. 2d6 plus 4. That's 15. Ouch. Yeah, this one, it's like you swipe it out of existence. It's like, you know how you like, if there's like fog and you like put your hand through it, it like dissipates and flows all over in all kinds of directions.

That happens here and it seems like the spirit breaks apart and is no longer. Cool. So that was Mud's turn. Bart. So Gum-Gum got this Balrossian off of me. Mm-hmm. And those two beans are still sleeping. Snoozing by the door. Well, first I would like to cast Bardic Inspiration. Bardic Inspiration. Okay. Okay.

and that would give essentially an inspiration die to Gum Gum, a 1d6. How does bardic inspiration work? Are you like talking him up, telling him what a good job he's doing?

Yeah, is he close enough for me to like give him a little like noogie head scratch? You're still on the ground, but you can like stand up and he's just like five feet away. You can take like a quick step over there and like jump up and pat him on the head. What I do is I stand up and I put my hand back behind me for a high five and he slaps my hand. So it's like I'm still facing. Yeah, I'm still facing the Valrasi. I don't want to turn my back to him. Love it.

Oh, that's great. And that's my bardic inspiration. Okay. And now how far away am I now that he's been pushed off of me? Since you interacted with Gum-Gum, you're right behind Gum-Gum, and the Valrossian is right on the other side of Gum-Gum. And where are the two beings? It's pronounced beans. They're by the door, so from where you are... Are they within five feet of him, the Valrossian? No, they're a little further away than that. There may be...

10 feet away at that point. Excellent. Cloud of daggers. Ah, look at you. Over, uh, Ross. Over here. Oh, oh. I'm gonna call her Ross. 4d4 slashing damage. What the fuck?

Come on. Oh, 13. That's pretty good. 13, pretty good. Bart conjures a cloud of metallic daggers that spin all around the Valrasian, giving her lots of little nicks and cuts, doing quite a decent amount of damage. But she is still standing. Of course. So, Bart. So, Hameda, I don't know. Are we cool with killing these people? Because they seem to be, you know...

Well, that's not trying to put them to sleep. Yeah. And not necessarily hurt them. Yeah, that's a good call. I just feel like there's something with this amulet that's obviously controlling them.

You don't know. Oh my God, John. All these amulet assumptions. You have no idea. There's beans floating around them. What are they for? You said it's glowing, the amulet? Don't amulet shame him. Yeah. But to be honest, it's also just not pretty. You know, it's like for your style's sake, it's like when your dad experiments the facial hair and you're just like, the mustache just isn't working for you. You know? Let's not take in fashion advice from Kyborg.

I'm definitely not. I'm so fashionable. My hair is perfect. But anyway, back to Bart. Back to Bart. What's Bart doing? Holy die-ya. I don't know if I have any bonus things. Let me see. Well, Bartic Inspiration was a bonus action, so you used your bonus action. And my action. Yeah. All right. Well, that's it, I guess. All right. That's it. Clown of daggers. Cha-cha. Cha-cha.

So it's Sleek's turn. So Sleek sees that you've taken care of the two blue spirits, and Elaine is still somewhat incapacitated. Hit her again. Hit her with the nightstand. He looks at you, Mud. He says, hold on. I'll be right back. And he runs out the door.

Where are you going? Wait a minute. Useless. I said it all along. I've been saying it this whole time. Unless he's going to go get something that's really useful to us, and then you're going to eat your words, Blaine. When has Sleek done anything good for our team? He just did. He just brained a lane with a nightstand.

But speaking of Elaine, it is her turn. She's pulling herself together a little bit. She's going to re-approach Mud and try to choke him again. So go ahead and make a strength, like an opposed strength check here for me, Mud. Use those muscles.

It's a 23. The mud souls? She can only match this. Let's see. 19. Yeah, she fails to restrain you. Can't be tied down. I'm a big, strong bear. She's going to step back a little bit towards the door at this point. Yeah, step off. Oh, then I'm going to take an attack of opportunity. Oh, you're right. Look at you. All right. Roll it. Yeah. What do I do?

It's an attack. That's up to you. Oh. Oh, I just... I'm shocked by my own... You're on it. You're on top of the ball. Now you just got to do something with it. Mud really thinks he can do something with his amulet, and so he really wants to concentrate on it. Make an arcana roll.

Fifteen. You're looking at it and really focusing on the amulet. And as you're doing that, a silvery beam of pale light shines out and illuminates Elaine Jones. Oh my god. The power of mud compels you. You hear Elaine scream in pain as a blue spirit leaves her body. Don't you dare amulet shame me ever again. I just did an exorcism.

- He did. - The female Valrossian in the room with Bart and Gum-Gum. - She's also exercised, right? Right?

The moonbeam traveled through all the entire building. Unfortunately, no. This one is in... Oh, wait. This one starts its turn in a cloud of daggers, right? So it needs to take damage again. And now it looks like she is significantly hurt. She is not looking very good. What is she going to do? Cry. Cry.

She is going to step forward out of the daggers. And I guess since Gum-Gum's right in front of her, she's going to try to grab and sit on Gum-Gum. Oh. It's a new one. So Gum-Gum, give me a strength check. Sit on my face and tell me that you love me. Okay. Okay.

So 23. Yeah, you all are having such good rolls. You're making this not fun for me. Listen, we've only got one thing in our favor is that like three out of the four of us are pretty strong. That's about it. That's about it. So 18. So she like tries to grapple with you and force you to the ground, but...

is unsuccessful. And that's going to be her turn, which leaves, oh, it takes us to Kyborg. Kyborg, you're downstairs standing at the bar. You have, what do we call it? The cleaver of fish guts in your right hand. And there's three spirits on the other side of the bar from you. Then off to your left are the stairs. There's a ton of spirits on the other side of the bar. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

That's good. That's a real... I saw you smile and laugh when you thought about it on the camera. Man, that's so good. All right, so these aren't Valorazions. They're just straight-up spirits. Yeah, they're those blue spirits. Do the thing from Wanted and curve the blade as you throw it around. Just get them all. Curve the bullet.

Yeah, it's such a cyborg move. He could do that. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, probably not. They're on the other side of the bar, though. So say I were to go up the stairs, there is a thing between me and them. So I'm not opening myself up, right? Like, there is a barrier. They are not within melee range, so they would not get an attack of opportunity. Okay. And I'm assuming that upstairs in, like, my room are within 35 feet, yeah? Yes. Okay. Then I'm going to...

If I make a yell, like an intimidation thing, is that a move? That's not a move, right? No. Well, let's just end that. No. Let's just end that by saying no, it's not a move. Okay. I'm going to scream at those three spirits to scare them, and then I'm going to run upstairs to get my stuff. I'm going to make sure and get all their attention, and then I'm going to try to run past them. I mean, I just grabbed the cleaver, so I'm just going like...

And he's naked. They're like, what the hell is this naked homeless guy coming? Yeah. I'm glad you gave us a little taste of that scream. Yeah, go ahead and roll an intimidation check. Actually, based on how my intimidation check goes, I will then scream appropriately. Here we go. Okay. And it is a zero. Here we go. Ah!

He got a zero on his screen! That was a two with a minus two. Zero.

- Oh, I picture like the old Tom and Jerry cartoons with like the housewives on the chair screaming 'cause there's a mouse in the house. Okay. So you scream a mighty scream and then you run up the stairs back to your room. - Yes. And then I want to collect all of my gear. I'm assuming that's an action to put on my gear. - Yeah, you run back into the room

And when you enter the room, yeah, you can start putting your gear on, but you realize that there are also some spirits that are still in your room. Okay. So I'm entering the room and then I can either put on my gear or face off against these spirits. Would it be an action to pick up the longbow at least? Or is that like kind of part of movement? We'll say, yeah, you could pick it up. Why not? Okay. How far away are the spirits?

They're in the room. The room's not very big. You know, it's just a tavern room. So from where you're standing, they're probably, let's say they're on the other side of the room. They're probably like just under 10 feet away. Joke! You knew I was going for 10 feet because I want to explode that arrow. These are small rooms. At best, they're like maybe 15 by 15 at most. I'm going to get really into this. Arcane shot, bursting arrow. Immediately after the arrow hits a creature, the target and all other creatures within 10... That's me.

I'm a creature within 10 feet. Poop. These are not very big rooms. It's a tavern. Yeah, yeah, I get that. I get it. If you fired your bursting arrow high, like in the corner of the room, it'll be further away. So that would be greater than 10 feet away. Well, then Kyborg wants to... He pulls out the arrow. He's trying to figure out a shot. He triangulates, and then he wants to shoot in the corner. And then, well, I guess you need to make the shot first, which is a 22.

Yep, that's successful. And then a bursting arrow. 2d6 is what would be doing the damage. Five. You think that they're too close to fire your arrow, then you remember you get inspired and you fire your arrow up, not at them, but at the corner of the ceiling and cause a bursting arrow to do force damage to them for five points of damage, which actually causes them both to blink out of existence and they disappear.

However, since you're at such close range, the force, it doesn't damage you, but it does knock you on your butt, and you're sitting down now in the room. Okay, now that I did eliminate them, Longbow of Triumph, one of its perks is when landing a killing blow on an enemy, gain 10 temp HP points. Oh, look at you. All right, yeah. You get 10 temp HP. That doesn't stack, does it? It's not 20? I don't know. You tell me, DM. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I don't think that stacks. I gotta look that up. I would just be juiced. I'd be like, ooh. He'd just be going outside and just be shooting, like, every small creature there is. If I did that, I would take the cleaver of fish guts and drag it across my chest like Billy did from Predator just to, like, intimidate even more. Okay, no. It does not stack. It replaces itself. Okay. Well, I just added 10 points. Okay.

Yeah. So then you're sitting down in your room. Gum, gum. The female Valrathian just tried to shove you and sit on you. What are you going to do about that? So she's still all in the head. Not right. Yeah. She's got blue eyes and she's very cut up and bloodied from the daggers from the cloud of daggers that Bart summoned. I want to blow my whistle. Do it. All right. Are you going to blow it? I'm going to blow my whistle for help.

It's supposed to be a magic whistle that brings help, and I've been carrying it for forever. Gum Gum, roll me a charisma check. I want to use my inspiration dice. Okay. You need to tell our audio listeners why. He rolled a six for our audio listeners. Just felt like it. He also has my bardic inspiration, doesn't he?

Yeah. It's a six. Four plus two. That's a six. Do you want to use that bardic inspiration like Barbara was saying? What does that do? What is the... It adds... You could use 1d6 in addition to whatever. I don't know if that's going to be enough. It probably won't be enough. Even if you got a six, it would still only be 12. Okay, never mind. What does your whistle sound like? Shh. Shh. Oh, woo-ga. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

He's never blown a whistle before. So I blow a whistle. I guess nothing happens, I assume. No, yeah. Unfortunately, nothing happens. You blow the whistle, but maybe you're just not used to using it. I don't know. It just seems like nothing out of the ordinary happened. Is there anything else I can do? Is that my action? That's your action. You knew what you were doing by choosing that. Well, I do two bad rules. Yeah, that sucks. That's unfortunate.

So then I guess I'm going to... Bert, Bert, are we going to attack the blue thingies? Bert, what do we do? Well, they're still asleep, right? Yeah. Oh, wait, that's right. At the start of your turn, you needed to dictate where you wanted your pixie. Yeah, I guess I'll put it next to the foul Rossi. That is in a way that's going to hit her. The way it's going to hit her, but not hit me or Bart.

I got you. Yeah, you can totally do that. I guess we're up, we're like next to each other, just trying to sit on me. Yeah. I say, you're gross. Uh, is that it? Gum, gum, gum, gum goes, my body's nobody's body but mine. You can take your own body, let me touch mine. What?

Nobody knows that song? No. My body's nobody's body, but mine. That's a Canadian thing. It's a good lesson. I don't know what else I could do. So I guess that's it. Okay. The pixie explodes and the Valrathian must make a dexterity saving throw. That is an 11. The saving throw is DC 8 plus your proficiency bonus plus your constitution modifier.

Yeah, it's a failure. So it fails and it takes 1d6 damage from an exploding pixie. What? Is there any modifier to that or is that it? I guess that's it. Yep, so it takes one point of force damage. You're welcome, Bert. Just the minimum result of so much work. That's a typical gum gum turn for you. Yep. Mud. Okay, Elaine...

She's felt the Holy Spirit and she's good, right? Yes, she's incapacitated. If I burst out of my door, can I hear scuffling? I would imagine to know who to go and help. Yeah, all the rooms are right next to each other. Yeah, yeah, you can hear all the activity going on. You know what? I think I hear a faint whistle. What does it sound like, Chris? What does the whistle sound like that he hears? Shh! Shh!

Oh, I think we left the window open a little bit. Yeah, there seems to be a cracked window. And so I rush over to Bart in Gum-Gum's room. Gum-Gum, your whistle summoned a bear. Bart, my whistle works. It works. Bart puts a thumb up. Great job, Gum-Gum, yeah.

I try to concentrate on the amulet again. You see a bear burst into your room, holding up an amulet like the one that Mud had around his neck previously. It glows a very strong light, which then becomes focused and intense on the female Valrossian in your room. She lets out a scream and collapses to the ground as a blue spirit escapes from her body. Nice. Excellent. You're welcome.

Excellent. Bark, what do you want to do? You just saw this happen. Bark is kind of in disbelief. He looks up at the bear wearing this amulet who just exercised the spirit of this Valrossian and back at Gum-Gum and goes, did you just see what I saw? No. Gum-Gum was distracted. Gum-Gum has never taken an improv class. No, but...

I guess also those spirits are technically still alive, just asleep in our room, right? Yeah, they're still asleep, so they're really kind of sidelined at the moment. Should me and Gum-Gum just go around the room slashing our swords around just in case? Just stepping on them. You're just stepping on them. I'm just going to move my hand like this, and if you happen to get in the way, it's your own fault.

Is that your action? You're going to go around with your sword? Squish him. Squish him. Kill him? I'm little, though. Kill the beans. Kill the beans. But do I not? I thought I don't know where they are, though, because they're like... You can see them. They're the two by the door that are asleep. Okay. Could I go try to slash one of them with my longsword? Yeah, sure. Go ahead and make an attack roll. So 15? Oh, yeah. You hit it.

Roll some damage. Bart. Bart did a hit. Two. Bart did a small hit. He just poked it. The spirit seems to stir awake. Uh-oh. Oopsie. Bart on his turn decided to go wake up one of the enemies. As a bonus, could I run to the opposite corner of the room? It would have an attack of opportunity on you. You came in attacked and then like you're leaving. Hmm.

You'll be okay if you stay next to it. We got it. Okay, I'll stay next to it. You're squishy. And turn. Okay, and turn. Over. All right, that one that you woke is in front of you and sees you, Bart. And it flies through your body and takes a swipe at you as well.

But I'm so little. What's your armor class part? 15. 15. It's a 13 plus two. So 15, it hits. So you take two points of damage and you need to roll me a wisdom saving throw.

Has anybody failed the wisdom saving throw yet? No, you all have been rolling really good on those. Looks like I did. Oh no. Speak of the devil. Just something about that spirit flying through your body that really creeps you out. You can't believe that that just happened.

It scares you, like, down to your core. I have, hold on. I have some type of advantage against being frightened. Does that help at all? Ooh, it does. Excellent. Oh, you have advantage against being frightened. Yeah. So roll it again. Roll your wisdom save again. What a weird trait. Oh, yes, 18. Yep, 18. Look at you. You think that it's really scary what happened, and you're like, no, wait, it's not as scary. It's not that bad.

Bart goes, pull yourself together, Bartholomew, come on. You all see Bart slapping himself in the face, like at his cheeks. Gum Gum probably would go back and slap him too, helping him out. Patty cake, patty cake. At that point, after attacking you, that spirit that was in the room with you there, Bart, turns invisible. Okay. Okay.

And yeah, you all are out of combat now. Okay. Yeah, but I'm not finished. I got things to do. There's three dudes downstairs that are unaccounted for. Well, you all are out of combat. So if you all want to figure out what you want to do, we'll figure it out. Let's all talk together as a group. Are we able to talk to Elaine now? Or is she passed out? She's in the other room. You can go check on her if you want. We should probably talk to them, figure.

I have a first order of business I'd like to attend to. What's up, Mud? I'll be taking apologies now for all of the negativity and pessimism that I was receiving due to my amulet.

So I'll just take a moment and you guys can phrase that however you feel is necessary and responsible. Kyborg's in the other room. He doesn't hear this. Oh, hey, Kyborg, Kyborg, I need you to come here. We have a group meeting. We've got some things to discuss. If I recall, Bart did not make fun of you or taunt you or ask you to take it off whatsoever. Why were they drawn to us if not for the amulet?

Well, that would seem that they should only be drawn to me then, but they went to everybody's room. They did. Could I tie up the lady who's passed out? Yeah. Yeah, tie her up and carry her to go wake up the others. What others? I would go wake up Kyborg. Oh, okay. Kyborg, wake up. There's a sleeping woman who tried to attack us.

I'm like naked putting my clothes back on in a hurry like ahhh! Knock before you come in! There's still three downstairs! Don't ask how I know what was downstairs! I just made a quick trip. It's also really cold because my window is open. Long story, I'll explain it later. But I want to go take care of these guys downstairs. Okay. Uh yeah, let's go downstairs. I want a wall run downstairs. Okay, does the whole party go downstairs? Yes.

Barco's downstairs. You go, wow, look at all these spirits. Yeah, you all run downstairs. The only spirits you see are the ones behind the bar that Art has pointed out. Okay, but what have I talked to you about lying so much? Stop lying. However, at that point, the door for the tavern gets kicked open and Sleek is standing there. Make haste, interns. I've secured a wagon and some horses for us.

Where are we going? We need to get out of here. The watchtower is firing on us. And you hear a loud thud outside, presumably as a huge stone lands in the courtyard. Whoa. Exercise the watchtower. Do we need to get... What about the people, the lady, the walrus lady? I think they're taking nannies. They're sleeping now.

It seems like this whole town has gone under a curse, if I had to take a guess. Is the watchtower part of the city and it's just firing on us? Yeah. If you remember when you all first approached the city, there were large stones that were hitting on the ground around you. Lord Baxter was up there. You think the sounds you hear outside are a similar sound to that.

So it's probably stones being fired inside. Oh, I bet you Lord Baxter is possessed as well. Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?

Any response? No, you hear no response. Is there anything in this tavern thing that is of use that we could take before we leave? It's pretty empty. Like, the tavern was closed for the night. So, I mean, like I said earlier, there's tables and chairs. I mean, then there is spirits behind the bar. Like alcohol. I go, I'll get the spirits. And I go and grab a bunch of alcohol. I go to the back in the kitchen area really quick to see if there's any leftover clam chowder.

Roll a survival check, Kyborg. All right, here we go. So the plus two is an eight. Yeah, you find some very tepid room temperature clam chowder. It'll do. It's fine. It'll hold. Should we have maybe checked Elaine and the other Valrasian if there had anything like on them? Because I'm wondering why these people all got possessed and we didn't.

Like what if there's something that they have on them or like something about them that would make them possessed? Well, I'm carrying one of them. We can look. Can we can we check them? Oh, you want to? Yeah. You're going to search that one. Yeah. Gum gum. Roll me a perception check. Oh, I thought I was checking. Okay.

Oh, you're checking? Because Gum Gum was carrying it. Are you checking, Bart? If that's okay. Yeah, okay, yeah. You roll a perception check. I'm probably a little more perceptive. Not that it really helped. I rolled a nine. A 14. This one's carrying, you know, obviously she's wearing some clothes. She's got a fishing pole with her and a cloth money pouch. Okay. She's just a simple Valorantian, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

Guess she just got possessed. There's a few coins in the money pouch if you want to take them. I don't want to do that. No, I couldn't possibly. Hurry, they're getting ready to fire again. Okay. What spirits did I grab? You grabbed two bottles of rum and...

And a flagon of ale. You know, you being the stinky dragon tavern keeper, I would expect you to pull out some more creative answers than that, guys. I got to say. We're not at the stinky dragon. We're at the something quipper. Yeah, but I mean, where's the dragon's tears? Come on in. Come on in. We've got.

This is the story, not the storyteller. By the way, we're at the kissing quipper. Kissing quipper. I think we should take our exit. Yeah, me too. Let's get the hell out of here, guys. I turn back into a druid.

into a fur bog and jump on a horse. Okay. Or are we on a wagon? Are we wagoning? There's a wagon and some horses, so it's up to you. I take a horse. I take a horse. Does anyone want to be in the wagon instead of a horse? I do. It's cold out. Bart will bundle up in the wagon. Sleek thoughtfully brought some extra blankets, so you're able to bundle up and stay warm. Gus, he's not going to win me over. I don't care what you're doing with this guy. He's not going to win me over. He's helping you out.

All right, I'm getting the wagon too. Bart and Gum-Gum quickly climb into the back of the wagon as Sleek scrambles up into the driver's seat, grabbing the rein. Mud and Kyborg, as you saddle up on your horses, you glance up to see a horde of possessed Valrossians with menacing blue eyes closing in on your position. Mud, now that you're outside, you also notice that the amulet is glowing as the moonlight catches the pendant's gemstone. What are you going to do?

I guess I would try to like, can I just raise it up high and just try to like, I don't know, get it full exposure to the moon. Nice, nice little glow. I have the power! Yeah. Is there like an AO, can I activate some sort of AOE effect here? Mud thrusts the amulet skyward toward the gleaming moon and he's able to channel its raw radiance. The amulet shines brighter and brighter until it suddenly discharges a blinding wave of incandescent moonbeams across the village.

The Valrasians all shield their eyes and cower in fear, but the shockwave of Radiance sends them all clattering to the ground and the gates of Brumafume burst open.

Kyborg is resistant to the light. He wears his sunglasses at night. He would. Sleek whips the reins and the wagon's steeds spring to life and charge for the gate with Mud and Kyborg following close behind. As you put some distance between you and Bruma Fume, Sleek leans back to Bart and Gum-Gum in the wagon and says, Lucky for us, I found a map. He shows you guys that he's got a map in his hands. A map to where? I think this map will take us all the way to the capital of New Valros. What's at the capital of New Valros?

But why? But why? Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Well, it's on the coast, as was mentioned previously.

Perhaps they have ships available for travel and we can head back to boulder a See see we're going to the sea Sleeka system odd. I don't know how you deal with these people. I mostly just turn into animals and try to ignore them. Oh

What are you talking about? Bart's very pleasant. Hey, remember that giant terrorist attack back at Airbloom? Who started that? Nat 20 charisma. Nat 20 charisma. Bart's super wonderful. He loves his affection and his attention and his company.

Sleek is very quick to remind you, I was under the influence of Paralite. That wasn't me. That was something else. I wouldn't know what that's like because I'm immune to being charmed as an elf, so, uh, you know, that sounds like a you problem, not me.

Hey, but thanks for the blankets, though. So as you guys are arguing, you're making your way away from Broom of Fume towards New Val Ross. And after about an hour of traveling, the tree lines on either side of the highway become more and more dense, and a fog begins to thicken all around you, making the road rather murky. A hush falls over the night as you press on, looking for a sign you're heading in the right direction.

Then you notice the trees start to thin out and you come upon a hazy glade. A chilling breeze brushes past you and the amulet on mud begins to glow a bit brighter, shimmering softly with blue light. The fog fades slightly and the moon's glow reveals a shadowy set of ruins in the clearing. Everyone go ahead and roll a perception check. I rolled an 11. 10. 16. 10.

16. Okay. For Bart and Gum-Gum, it looks to you guys like the ruins have been here for a long time. It's tough to say what they were once, you know, amongst all this rubble and debris, but you notice there's a faint smell of sulfur and smoke in the air as if a terrible fire once ran rampant through this area. Even some of the trees in the surrounding area have been burnt and fallen dormant.

mud and kyborg. After a quick survey of the Glade, you notice signs of a primitive settlement. Ashen campfires, wreckage of thatched roofs, even a blackened hand tool made of maybe stone? You can't quite tell.

At the far edge of the ruins, you all see something large, like stone rippling in the moonlight beneath a barren tree. It's circular shaped like an archway reaching almost as high as the nearby tree. It reminds you of something, but you can't quite seem to put a finger on it. The amulet grows even brighter, now oscillating between a radiant blue and a pure white. Ahmad, go ahead and roll a wisdom saving throw. It's a nat 20 with seven, 27. Oh my god!

You feel drawn to the far edge of the ruins, towards that mysterious stone archway, but you're able to fight it and stand your ground. You don't think there's anything malicious there, just you feel like it's calling to you, trying to beckon you closer. It's a big old archway out of stone? Yeah. Yeah.

Portal? It looks to me like a little bit of a portal. Could be. Does it look familiar in any way? Yeah, like I said, it reminds you of something, but you can't quite seem to put your finger on it. I mean, we had portals back in Boulder Ray. It's not the same. Yeah, it's not the same as the ones we walk through to go to Pius Pass and stuff like that. No, those looked a bit different from this one. Should we get closer? Mutt takes like a few steps towards it.

- Uh-oh, uh-oh. - 23.

Y'all are strong. Eight. I'm not very strong. Oh, but I rolled a 19. Bye, Kyborg. Kyborg immediately loses his footing and is pulled into the vortex, and a dark, viscous ripple seems to envelop him entirely. I did this on purpose.

The rest of you try to keep your footing and dive towards some nearby rubble and hold your ground as the wind's current gets stronger and stronger. It seems like it's slowly pulling you. Can I shove my hunting trap into the ground and then tie a rope to it? Sure. And then hand the rope to everyone to tie to it?

Sure. So you put like a hunting trap in the ground and you all tie yourselves to each other to sturdy yourself against the ever increasing wind. The wind, however, becomes so strong, it picks up the wagon you all were riding in and hurls it towards you guys, knocking the trap loose, entangling the rope around the wagon, pulling you all in towards the vortex. And you all get sucked into the swirling vortex, tossing you around like ragdolls as a dark viscosity consumes everything around you.

The mouth of the vortex closes behind you, and the once raging wind hushes to a low rumbling like a distant thunder. You try to get your bearings, but your feet don't seem to land on anything, just hazy mist rippling through shades of deep blue and purple. Sleek looks around and says, I can't be sure of it, but I think I've heard of this place. Bards much older than I or Bart have fearfully sung of a domain where thick clouds and veils of vapor consume all.

where the borders of our existence blur into ghastly shadow and soul. Interns, I believe we've arrived at the ethereal plane. That's it for this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Damn. Hope everyone enjoyed it. What's going to happen to the interns? Find out next episode. Yay. Kyborg intentionally wanted to scout ahead for the party. That's why he failed at strength connect intentionally. Oh, Kyborg.

Since you're right, you failed that strength check. You probably should have taken some damage. No, no. Thanks for listening to Stinky Dragon, guys. Tune in next week. It's a great show. We're going to take three points of damage for failing that saving throw. Thanks for reminding me. I'd forgotten about that. Check us out on social media. We got cool art. You're going to love it. Get some Stinky Dragon merch. All right. Bye. Bye.