C01 - Ep. 27 - Wight Winter - Something Smells Fishy
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Ryan Reynolds here from Int Mobile. With the price of just about everything going up during inflation, we thought we'd bring our prices

This is a Rooster Teeth production.

Salutations, celestial stallions and pegasuses. Pegasi. Plural of Pegasus, soar on in to the stinky dragon and pop the cork off our latest bubbly bev, Shampers at the Bit. It's a godly mixture of champagne raining from the heavens, a single sugar cube, and garnished with a fabulous feather from a fellow flying foal. Don't sip too much of this lavish elixir, though, or you might fly too close to the sun. Previously, our adventurers found themselves in a foggy fight with Fafnir,

frightening bears. Amongst the frost, there was a mysterious captive encapsulated in ice that they freed along with a mystical amulet. They overcame their polar opponents, escaped the cave with their new friend Archie, and have finally found a map to civilization, the settlement of Bruma Fume. Fold your wings, grab your drink, and let's continue our tale.

So we rejoin the party as they are taking their long rest. We're watching them quietly slumber peacefully with their new friend Archie, who is handcuffed to Gum-Gum. Not by choice, but because Gum-Gum decided to put friendship bracelets on him. And you all found Archie in the caves frozen in ice.

And upon defrosting him, Archie let you know that he does know where the nearest settlement is, Bruma Fume, and he's willing to take you there. But before you set out, the party decided they wanted to rest in case they encountered anything along the way. So everyone's snoozing peacefully, resting. I guess maybe Kyborg's not snoozing necessarily, but he's in a trance.

finding his happy place. Did we take watches during this? I assumed we took watches. I mean, that's up to you guys. Bart was fast asleep. Bart was really tired. He was a knackered little boy. I'll take first watch. Mud taught Gumbo to take micro-naps. And so Gumbo's just kind of like always kind of on the ready.

Gumbo's a big fan of micro-dosing and micro-naps. Archie was the one, he had like a jewel, right? The amulet. A special amulet, got it. Yes, that you all found in the cave. It was frozen along with him. He was there to learn more about that

jewel in the artifacts, right? Heavy quotation marks. He was there to rob tombs and to steal things and to put them in the British Museum. Yeah, he was interested in the people who used to live in this land and wanted to learn more about them and he thought that maybe this...

possibly had some kind of connection to them and he's trying to learn more about it. Yeah, it wasn't because it's worth a lot of money probably. It's because he's a researcher. Got it. Trust Archie, yeah. Now we live in this land. You're an Indiana Jones fan. Yeah, but Indiana Jones wants to put things in museums.

You never asked Archie if he was going to put this in a museum or not. You automatically assumed the worst about NPCs you meet. How do you expect them to react to you when you're outputting so much negative energy? How am I supposed to trust the NPCs when they're voiced by you, someone who I distrust? I trust Archie. We used the ring of truth on him, and he was telling the truth. That's right. Okay.

I just want to say, I don't think throughout any of his movies, Indiana Jones ever put anything in a museum. Well,

I don't think that guy ever showed any grace or concern for anything. Well, no, because the last one that went to Area 51, as you saw in the Crystal Skull, and then the second one, those jewels he gave him back, and then in the third one, it got lost into the crevasse of the Earth. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. He's 0 for, like, 4. We're getting distracted. Yeah.

I should point out that while I do all the temp voices here while we're recording and playing the game, when this episode's being released, Archie is actually voiced by Armando, who I think is someone that you trust, Blaine. No, now I just trust him even more. Now how am I supposed to love Archie at all? Don't Armando and Blaine have a pact that they're going to fight each other at some point or one's going to kill the other one eventually? Probably. I know. I'm just waiting on Armando to

Finally killed Blaine. Well, maybe that'll happen in D&D. How's Archie doing, Gum-Gum? Well, who had the second watch? All we determined was Gum-Gum had first watch, as far as I know. Was there anyone else taking a watch after him? Or was it just Gumbo doing his micro-dosing? His micro-dosing. Hey, he's micro-dosing for anxiety. That's a perfectly normal way to deal with it, okay?

I will take second watch and I spend my time whittling arrows and doing pushups. Simultaneously. Whittling arrows. That's one way to put it. Bart is of no help for the team. He just sleeps through this entire thing. Mutt is dead to the world. So just so you know, Archie's going to do his best to sleep while you're on watch, Gum Gum. Okay. He needs plenty of rest. He's been frozen and he's pretty tired. He's been doing nothing but resting inside that ice.

It took a lot out of him. He was weak. He was very feeble. How is Archie able to rest when Gum-Gum's marching around the campsite? Well, that's what I'm kind of saying. Gum-Gum's going to have to stay in one spot during this watch. Or I can carry him. He can't. No. It's just Gum-Gum cradling Archie just around the camp.

Singing his song. Why couldn't I cradle him? Gum, gum, gum. Here comes the sun, gum. We're really caught up on this short slash long rest. Hey, this is the world building, Blaine, okay? This is the world building of our naps. Okay. We've got to get it all set. We've confirmed it, right? That Gum Gum is a little spoon? Absolutely. That Bart is his jetpack? Every time. Bart finds it more comfortable. He likes having his backside exposed.

To the world. Or to each their own. Okay, so Gum Gum was on first watch and Kyborg on second watch as the party takes a long rest before starting their journey to Broom of Fume. I guess Gum Gum and Kyborg, both of you make me perception checks. Perception checks. 17. I had a 12, but it should be... I'm going to do it with advantage because it's noises and stuff. 14. What? What?

What does that mean? What? He just decides when he has advantage. Danger sense. Advantage on deck saving throws against effects that you can see. Are you making a deck saving throw or are you making a perception check? Oh, oops. Man, the simplest things. Sleep. Sorry. Perception checks. Breathing. So the perception checks were 12 for Gum Gum and 17 for Kyborg. The rest goes uneventfully. You all don't notice anything at all out of the ordinary during your watch.

And everyone wakes up refreshed and ready for a new day. You feel better. You feel recharged. You feel you're ready to make the journey to Bruma Fume, which is only a couple miles away. You think it'll take about an hour, more or less, to get there. Okay. Good morning, everybody. Establish marching order? I mean, do y'all want to do anything before we head out? I mean, just what does the party want to do here? We should probably, like, eat up and pack up all our stuff, get ready to make the trek. I don't know if we should, like...

look around to see if we could find any food or anything we want to bring with us on our journey. I don't know how we are on that kind of stock. What do you mean? Like some kind of foraging or something, Bart? Yeah. Aren't we heading to a village?

Yeah, but it's a long walk. It's an hour. It's a long walk. It's an hour. What's your problem? That's a long walk. You just took an entire night's rest and you're like, we have to walk for an hour? Bart needs a breakfast, complete breakfast, okay? Second breakfast. Bart's got to write his will. Yeah. Bart, can you roll me a perception check? Yes, I can. Coming in hot. Fourteen.

As you're talking to Mud about foraging and about food, you notice something out of the ordinary. It seems like there's something around Mud's neck. Oh, hey, Mud, is that like a new necklace? What is that? What you got there on your neck? Mud is very confused. Has no idea what you're talking about. Bart comes closer to Mud and tries to examine it closer. You take a closer look and you realize that the amulet that Archie previously had in his possession is now hanging around Mud's neck.

And it seems to be glowing very faintly. Thief. Was it glowing before this or is this the first time we've seen it glow? You don't remember it glowing before. Okay. Is Archie still here? Yeah, Archie's still handcuffed to Gum-Gum, but they're off doing who knows what. How did that get around my neck? Did you steal it? Gumbo, did you take the necklace? Ha!

You're not sure. You're pretty confused, obviously, Mud. But you feel strangely drawn to the amulet. You feel like power surging through it when you hold it in your hand. It's my precious. It's my little precious. Hey, keep in mind, you're going to lose all your hair and your skin's going to go gray if you keep this up. You just want my precious. That's what you're saying. No, my God, no. We've lost him. We've got to leave. Why don't you roll an Arcana check for me, Mud?

That's not my forte. Minus one on it. 14. 14. You like the feel of the amulet in your hand and around your neck. It feels good to you. Hey, I want to approach Mud and say, hey, bud.

As an elf, I have a certain resistance to magic and to being charmed. How about I take that off of your hands until we figure out more about what this thing does? Why do you need it? I don't need it. I just don't want you to get cursed.

Or turn evil because of it? It clearly wants me. It came to me on its own. So why don't we just see what might happen? It might give me like, you know, like it might help the party. How about I give it back to you when we know for sure what this thing is? How about we leave the amulet with the person who knows how to say amulet? What did I say? What did I say? What did I say?

You've been saying omelette like every time. Have I been saying omelette? Am I having a stroke? Oh my god. It's like how you, I always, I thought it was like how you don't say skeleton, you say skellington. I just figured you called amulets omelettes. I mean, I guess I got to now. But then who will take this amulet? Amulet.

It feels good on me. I'm actually kind of liking how it feels. And so I like that. You're going to take a nice thing away from me. It's not. This has nothing to do with taking nice things away from my dear, dear friend Mudd. It's about making sure that my friend Mudd is protected and doesn't get cursed or, you know, whatever by this thing.

By this omelet. Archie, what is it doing? Archie seems a little annoyed that Mud now has the omelet. Archie furrows his brow, looks at Mud, and says, You really don't understand what these artifacts are or anything about the Ishbyorn.

Okay, why don't you give them back to me so that I can further study it? Okay, Archie, tell us the truth. What's going on with this thing? Is it cursed? Because you want it really bad, and I'm getting kind of One True Ring vibes from this thing. I just want to study it. Okay, I've been very clear about that from the beginning. That was my whole purpose in coming down here to visit this site. Well, then why did you put it on his neck?

I didn't put it on his neck. I've been handcuffed to this big oaf over here. Who's that? I want to reason with Gum Gum and Bart and say that I am the elf and I am resistant to the effects of a lot of magic. I could be half elf. We don't know. No, I am full elf. And I think that I should hold on to this for the safety of the group. Okay.

Bar. Bar. What is... Is that your stomach? Archie chimes in and says, Or, counterpoint, as a dwarf, I should be the one to hold on to the artifact. What does a dwarf have to do with it? Do with it! Because I'm resistant to magic! It says it on my player sheet! So are dwarves!

Okay, but you're the stranger in the group and I don't trust you. You're the stranger! We're stranger to him. No, I'm the- they know me! We've been together for a while. We're old interns. No, he's not a stranger. He's my friend. Thank you. Wait, you're my friend now too because we're friendship bracelets. No, no, no.

I don't know who should take it. I can't decide. By the way, are we having this conversation as we're walking or are we still at camp? Just for clarification here. I think personally, I would like to say while we're walking so that we're making progress. Yeah, let's be walking. I like that. I like that idea. But we're walking in a circle, so some people are walking backwards. Because we're having a discussion. We just circled the campground. That would be me. I'm walking backwards. Yeah. So it's just...

It's just glowing a little bit, right, Gus? Yeah, very faint. Archie, why would it be glowing when it wasn't before? And I'm using my Ring of Truth on him. Archie says...

I'm not certain, okay? I haven't had adequate time to study the artifact yet. Oh my god, you nerd. Stop saying study and research. Can I smell it? It hurts Kaibork's head when we say academic terms like that. With that ring, Bart, that allows you to have advantage on insight checks if you want to tell whether or not he's lying. So you can roll insight with advantage on that. Okay, we got a 20. And we got a...

11, so 20. You do not sense that he is trying to deceive you with that answer. Okay. You know, I'm a little concerned of this glowing that's going on here and Mud's obsession suddenly because Mud doesn't seem to have attachment issues in general. So I think it might be doing something to him. So I think we should give it back to Archie here. Archie raises his hand and says, I agree. Well, I think you should give it to Guy Book. But I don't really care. I agree.

As long as it's out of... I'll do what Bart says, okay? Okay, yes. As long as it's away from mud, that's all I care about because I don't want mud to be afflicted by this amulet. Still wrong. All right, I raise my hand. Does it lift Archie's up with you? Yes, it does. Yes, Archie. You have a question, Archie? Archie's also raising his hand. He votes on...

As well. So I'm gonna go in to Mud as if to give him a hug and say... Gumbo. Gumbo starts growling. Gumbo is like... Gumbo is ready to jump on your face. Just let you know. You know me, Gumbo. You know me. We headbutted in the past. We took a vote. I have shot small animals before. I'm not afraid to do that. Oh my god.

Oh, is that the game we're going to play? All right. That's the game we're going to play. No, no, no. I want to protect you, Mud, and your possessions, except for that amulet, which is not yours. Sleek just seems to let out a loud sigh at this point. Just to let us know he's here. Right. That was our reminder.

Can we just get to town? I'm sick of this. I think it's beneficial for us to... If the amulet did certain things on its own and I'm not feeling any sort of negative effects and we're trying to figure out what this thing does, it seems...

better that we leave it as it is and see how it turns out as opposed to negating anything that it's doing. Yeah, it just came to me. So it clearly came to me for a reason. So in order to find more information about it, we should let it do that. This is the least... I'm taking crazy pills. This is the least mud behavior I've ever seen. If a

Weird trophy clung itself on to me kyborg and then I started acting nice for some reason everyone would be like everything's wrong What's going on? Listen, I can think of another time in which J'mon has taken something that someone really really wanted And has not used it once I don't know what you're talking about So this is not that weird

All right. Well, why don't we get have it stay on mud? Because clearly that's what the plot of the storyline wants at the moment. We just monitor him and see if he has any changes. And if so, then we'll figure it out from there. I think that's a good idea. And I should hold on to his immovable rod. I'm going to say that I love all these old arguments coming back up resurfacing. I'm

I'm going to say I disagree with this movement, but because I am outnumbered, I will let democracy rule the day. But I will put one right between your eyes, Mud, if you turn on us. I have a feeling that that conversation took an hour, so we are now where we need to be, right?

Sure. You didn't want to do any foraging or anything along the way after all, Bart? Or I guess you all were probably involved with this discussion the entire time. Probably. Just for clarification, the amulet is staying with mud. Yes. Just so everyone's clear. Okay. Against the betterment of the party, yes. The betterment. Is that not a word? The better judgment? No, hold on. I mean, betterment, you can use that word, but I don't think that's the appropriate word to use in this situation. All right.

For the betterment, for the good, for the good of the party. Edit that out, Micah. Go ahead and edit that. Make me sound smart. Edit that out, Micah. Edit a British voice over my voice. For the betterment of the party. So you all make the hour-long journey to Broom of Hume. The time seems to really pass quickly as you all are in a heated discussion the entire time. After a while, in the middle of your discussion, Archie chimes in. Ah, here we are.

Okay, not far now. Archie points ahead and you make out a dirt path amongst the fog. You all follow the path for a few minutes and notice large blocks of stone haphazardly strewn about the trail. It eventually leads into some misty foothills with one hill that stands out above the rest. The first thing you see are spiked wooden posts, palisades to be exact, surrounding a settlement with a large wooden gate. The second thing you see is a tall stone tower inside the settlement to the right of the gate. Archie asks,

Have you ever met a Valrasian before? They're the large mariner people of the land, you know they got long tusks and bushy whiskers. Well the first thing you should know about Valrasians is... Thud! A large block of stone lands in front of you all barely missing your toes and you hear a voice call from the tower. Stop! Who are you and what are you? Go away! Okay.

Bart pushes Gum-Gum back and goes, no, no, no, no, no. Gum-Gum, stay. Stay. Okay. Don't be scared. I want to ask Archie how he knows these people. Is this like his home village or is this just a settlement that he knows of? No, no, no. It's not my home settlement. No.

It's just a settlement where I purchase supplies at times for my expeditions in this land. It's well known in the area. Okay. I called back to the guy like, "Oh, we're here to get supplies. Don't throw rocks. Didn't your mother teach you better?"

Up on top of the palisade, you see a male Valrasian Viking. He's dressed in leather and furred armor with a bushy mustache and wielding an anchor-looking pickaxe. He seems to be very full of bluster and bravado. And he says, Valrasians only! Well, we come in peace.

And then Bart does some weird hand gestures. Like you're trying to make like peace-like symbols? Yeah. Hoping that it doesn't translate to something offensive to the Valrossians. Make a persuasion check. Persuasion. Hiya.

That's a 19. 19. That's pretty good. Just to be clear, in case it didn't come across on like the physical description, they're walrus looking people. Like bipedal walruses, mustache, snouts and tusks. But instead of like a long tail, they've got their bipedal. They've got two legs. I have a backup plan in case Barts doesn't work.

It seems like the Valrossian lowers his pickaxe a little bit and considers you, Bart. He gives you a long look and says, Hmm, what can you offer me in exchange for entry into Brumafume? Is there normally a fee to get into your town? Yeah, what are you looking for? Normally we don't allow non-Valrossians, but...

Maybe we can make an exception. What you into my dude? Could I offer you possibly a nice neck massage? You look a little tense. Get those traps loosened up. Maybe a washed up infinite that is good for nothing now? Would you want one of those?

Salik, he like shrinks away when you say washed up infinite. And he kind of mutters, well, if I had my loot, it'd be different. The Valrasian considers your offer of a neck and shoulder massage. And persuasion check.

Sure, why not? Nine. As the Germans would say, nine. Nine. No, I'm in no need of those types of services. What do you want? Yeah, what do you want, my dude? Hmm...

He puts down his pickaxe and leans on it as he's stroking his mustache. Seems like he's thinking it over. Do you like fish? I bet he likes fish. I like fish. What kind of fish? I don't know. We could go find you whatever it is you like. Is there a nearby stream perhaps? I could go bow fishing. Oh, so you don't actually have any fish? You're like thinking about going to get fish for him? Yeah, I don't have much to give this dude. I don't really carry a bunch of bartering equipment.

Mud, roll an insight check. Happily. That's a 12. Mud, you notice the Valrosian's leather and furs are quite lavish, and on his fingers you spot several rings. You wonder if he might prefer items of prestige, or perhaps he could be bribed. How about five gold? How about that? He definitely stands up at that. Oh, that should cover the processing fees and the paperwork. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Five gold? Hey, Sleek, how much gold you got?

Sleek looks into his pockets and pulls them out and they're empty. I never have anything. Worthless, worthless. Archie, you got at least some gold to contribute since we're all getting into this stupid little town. Archie says, I normally never have any trouble getting into town, okay? This is a fee for you guys. Oh, so wait, wait. If you don't have trouble getting into town, Archie, why don't you convince them to let us in since you said you would help us?

Come here. Yeah, NPC. Talk to that other NPC. Yeah, NPCs. He says, oh, Lord Baxter, he is a handful.

He is always trying to pull something like this to further his stature in town. Is that Lord Baxter up there on high? Yes. All right. I'll tell you something here, Archie. You have two options right here. You either talk to this lord and get us into this town for free, or you help pay to get us into the town. Otherwise, we're not getting into this town, and we're not going to be progressing in any of this, and you're not going to get your amulet at any point. So that's your two options, my little man.

The amulet is turning mud evil. I'm watching it. I'm staring at him. Archie says, I could try talking to Lord Baxter, but he could be a very difficult person to try and persuade. Really, he does like money, but maybe we could all try to sweet talk him.

Yeah, he's a sucker for compliments. Oh, well. Let Bart take a swing at this. Compliment his whiskers. People like their whiskers being complimented. That's good. The town gates swing open a little bit, just enough for Lord Baxter to walk through with his pickaxe. Sticks out one of his hands and says, Five gold, please.

Baxter, Baxter, my good man, your smile is proof that the best things in life are free. Lord Baxter, I didn't realize how tall you were from up on that tower. Look at your size. You're massive. Yeah, Baxter, even if you were a clone, you'd still be one of a kind and the better looking one. Am I right? Yeah.

Both of you make persuasion checks. Yeah. 14. 18. Nice. Yeah, he is looking back and forth quickly between Bart and Kyborg, and he seems to be overcome. I'm not sure if walruses can blush, but Lord Baxter comes as close to blushing as walrus possible.

And he says, oh, I didn't realize what fine, upstanding folk we had here at the Gate of Brim of Hume. Why don't you come on in? Come on in. Be my guest. Let everyone know you are the personal guests of Lord Baxter. Uh-huh. Wow. Your character is as strong as your cool tusks. I don't know. You know, Baxter, you're not someone I would pretend not to see in public. That's me to that.

Because sometimes Bart just pretends like he doesn't see me in public. Alright, the gates open up further and Lord Baxter steps aside, allowing you all to walk into Broom of Hume. Excellent. It is so good, my little friends. Acting! We got to keep our gold. You did. You're five gold richer for it.

You should try to get some of that. Oh, sweet. I could add five gold. No, no, no. So it's kind of like a double gate system that you all walk through. You know, you walk through one gate. There's like a little holding area. Then there's a second gate that Lord Baxter opens up for you. You enter the small village of Broom of Fume. Do they like decontaminate us as we go into that like middle holding area? A bunch of smoke and stuff just goes ass.

There's no decontamination, but you figure that you can see that the tower is nearby to your right. And if you were trying to attack the settlement and gain access through the gate, you'd be easy prey for archers positioned on top of the tower. As an archer, I can respect that. It's a good strategy. Lord Baxter closes the first gate and opens the second one, revealing a small foggy village settled on a muddy hill. Circled around the center of town are six buildings and, of course,

Well, pardon me.

His voice is changing. Look at what the amulet has done to him. He said it right. Amulet. As personal friends of Lord Baxter, where would we be best advised to find lodging if we were to, say, stay here for at least a night? Oh, you're going to want to go to the Kissing Quipper Tavern. You'll be able to get set up right away there. Let Elaine Doze know that I sent you.

Lord Baxter, really important question. I'm asking it for my friend Mud here. Do they have bed warmers at the Kissing Quipper? He kind of furrows his brow. I'm afraid I'm not familiar, so I'm going to say no.

Okay, alright, thank you. "Elaine Dose," you said, right? Mm-hmm. Okay, add that to the list of names. Yeah, Lord Baxter says, "I must get back to my watch. Very, very important business for me. Only I am capable of protecting Grumafume, so if you'll excuse me, I have very important work to get back to." And he turns around and begins walking back towards the watchtower. "I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you walk away."

I'm also imagining him just like his walk is just like when a... Kind of waddling. Yeah, I say a very good place to start in a village is the inn. So what if we head over there? Let's do it. Yeah, I could go for a...

a little, uh, maybe Bev. I can see, I can see Bart is very tired after walking for an hour. An hour, a whole hour. Bart expelled all his energy by complimenting Baxter. As y'all are walking to the tavern, you hear Sleek say, Oh, finally I can sit down. Oh my God.

I'm so tired of walking. Why is he still here? I'm not paying for his room. I know he's broke. I'm not. No dibs. He's doing his thing. I like how Kyborg's treating him the same way he was Brink. I'm like, he just hates everyone. Kyborg hates all NPCs. I wonder why. Didn't trust Archie either. The only character he's liked is the damn worm he fought. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

Only because it has like loose connections. Smarsh is king. Yeah, well, Smarsh is king, all right? God, I miss Smarsh. I look secretly in a locket that I have. It's got a picture of Smarsh. It's Smarsh and Kyborg and it says BFFs. And I'm riding. Yeah. So y'all head over to the tavern. Did I hear that correctly? Yeah.

Yes, I'd love a drink. You all make your way through the muddy center of town and head for some of the larger buildings, and sure enough, you spot a stained sign hanging slanted atop one of the hardwood doors that reads, Kissing Quipper Tavern. The door is unlocked, and you enter into a quiet, empty hall that reeks of fish and manure. On the other side of the bar is a Valrossian slumped over the counter, sleeping. One of her hands is holding a stein upside down on the bar, and the other, a blood-stained cleaver. Oh.

Wait, she's troubling. Yeah, she's sleeping or did she get in a fight? Or drunk. Yes. She is not awake. That's all you can tell from when you walk into the tavern. I would imagine with the upside down Stein, she might be intoxicated. Yeah, but that bloody thing, though. Is there anybody else in the tavern other than her? No, it's empty right now. And the time of day that we're here now is what? Mid-morning.

Corpses. How many corpses are we thinking? And what was the tavern called? Kissing what? Kissing Quipper. Quipper. Quipper. I paid attention. You just talk so fast.

Do you know what a quipper is? I don't. Probably a fish. Is that a fish? Yeah, quippers are carnivorous fish with sharp teeth. Okay. Wait, was that a moment where we're like, did you appreciate the joke? Did you appreciate Micah's joke? Just making sure you guys know. You know what you're dealing with. I mean, I gathered from the seal people and then the fact that his cleaver was made out of an anchor that this was like a nautical themed town. So, you know, I get it, guys. His pickaxe. His pickaxe. You know, okay, sure. But, you know, it's cool. It's cute. It's quaint. I love it.

Oh, wait, but Bart, don't you feel at home here with your pirating ways? I sure do. Sure love it here. Here in... What? Bart's voice changed for a second there. Yeah, there's that. Ye olde ships do remind me of the sails with me pirate friends. Broom of fume. There it is. Mud loudly clears his throat.

It's the omulant. Bart gets scared. The barkeep still seems to be snoozing. Good morning. Mud, like, does the thing where when you, like, you open the door again and slam it harder. Swinging door fail.

No, let's make it. I don't know. What kind of check would that be? Strength. Make it blow off the wall. Yeah, make a strength check. Roll like a 22. Come on. 11. You try to slam the door. Very quickly slams it first, but at the last second it catches and seems to slowly close for the last little bit. Bart wants to just do a quick little strum on his loot. See if he can do it.

See if that wakes anyone up. Oh, okay. Yeah. Play the song. Play the wake-up song. Make a performance check, Bart. Performance check 20. Oh, okay. Are you just strumming or are you playing the wake-up song like Gum-Gum said? Gum, gum, gum, gum. Here comes the sun. Gum, gum. But he does like a rock version. Okay. Make it a little louder. Can you make it ska? Can you do ska instead? No. Gum, gum, gum, gum. Gum, gum. Gum, gum.

Where's Bruce Green when you need him? The barkeep wakes up with a start and instinctively just kind of swings her cleaver around in front of her and moves the stein that's in her hand. And out from the stein crawls out a rather large, scary looking spider. Oh, good. Mud? Mud?

What is mutt? What do you want me to do? You have a thing for spiders. You love spiders. You do your spider thing. What's my spider thing? I don't know what you're referring to. You get that spider kink. You turn into spiders. You admire spiders. Spider mud? I know. I turn into a giant spider.

Are you thinking that me turning into a giant spider right now is going to somehow aid to this situation? Listen, I'm afraid of this little spider that just called out. What does it look like? How big is it? It's pretty close to the size of the mouth of the stein.

So it's rather large and ugly. Elaine spots you all. Oh, customers, please come in and have a seat. I'll be right with you. She's a female Valrathian. She's got droopy eyes and full lips. And she's beckoning for you guys to have a seat. Okay. Approach. Mud sits down. I will sit as well. But I do not like this spider. I'm going to backflip into the chair. I rolled a 21.

Oh, man. I wish you would fail those more often. Yeah, you all are taking your seats. Kyborg does his backflip into the chair. Bart, I don't know if you said, are you sitting down as well? Yeah, he'll kind of stand next to one of the stools. He wants to be on his feet still. Okay. Sleek slumps down into a seat.

I hope they have food here. Archie also joins you at the table. Archie says, oh, don't worry. They have great food here. All right. I love this place. Elaine comes over. She doesn't seem very energetic. She seems like she's super tired. She's really dragging. She approaches the table and yawns. What can I get for you fine travelers? What's your special of the day? Fish and chips.

We've got... *sigh* Crisp Wormling and Walnuts

Oh my god. Steamed meffit and mussels and the stir-fried sea haggis. Elaine, why are you so tired? Two of my friends have been out for a few days and I've been watching their stores. It's been leaving me no time to sleep. Where did they go? They went fishing down to the south. I asked Lord Baxter to look for them, but he said he's way too busy. He has no time for that.

Which stores are you manning other than this inn, this tavern? We're womaning. Correct. Very good, Gum Gum. Yes. That's really good. I'm giving you an inspiration die for that, Gum Gum. Nice. I feel like my role in this party is to set you guys up to get your inspiration die.

Hell yeah. I'm also taking care of backwater tackle and fair mares and stables. That's a lot of work. It's a lot of work, but Finkel and Hufner insisted they wanted to go fishing to resupply. They do it all the time, but they've just been gone for too long. How long is too long? They've been missing for two whole days now. Oh, what a shame.

missing. Oh, we should go see if we can find them. Well, if you could do that, that would be great. So I can actually get some sleep. A lady needs her sleep. Don't I know it. Bart gives her a wink. She seems too out of it and too groggy to notice.

If you could find them, I would gladly offer free room and board for the evening and free transport from the stables since I'm watching over the stables now too. Elaine, are you familiar with the old caves that are... I don't remember what direction we came to this place.

It was off further to the west. The caves to the west. Are you familiar with those at all? I've never been. I know that they were there. She points at Archie. He's the one who's obsessed with it. So you know Archie. Oh, yeah. He comes through my store here every so often. What's Archie standing in the town? Does he have a good or bad reputation? Do you ask her that? I whisper it to her away from Archie.

He's fine. He comes through, keeps the town afloat, buying supplies, buying food. Normally, we're only a Velorossian settlement, so it's weird to see dwarves around here. By the way, Archie hears all of that. She's not whispering or anything. Not trying to be discreet about it. No. Is there anybody else in town who's considered any sort of expert of the caves or the history of it inside of it? Not that I know. We mainly keep to the river to the south and the lake to the north.

Do you have clam chowder? Nope. Today we've got crisped wormling and walnuts, steamed method and mussels, and stir-fried sea haggis. Yeah, I got it. Haggis. I just want a bread bowl with some clam chowder in it right now.

That does sound good. It's kind of cool. It does sound so good. Oh, it is. It's nice, isn't it, John? Damn it. Now I want clam chowder. Blaine. Yeah. Let's make our characters have it so that we can live vicariously through them. There's no clam chowder. We all start slamming our hands on the table. Clam chowder. Clam chowder. Clam chowder. Clam chowder. Elaine continues answering one of the earlier questions. I mean, if you're interested in the archaeologists and the fancy things like that, you can go check the capital over in New Val Ross. It's a good place to live.

It's a few days away, though. I think it would be best if we find those two guys, that way we can get free rides out to the capital. I think that's our best course of action. Smart, smart. Wes, you've told us about the tavern and the stables and the tackle place. I see there's other buildings inside of this town. What other places are around here of any interest for us to check out?

Those are just homes. That's where we all live. Gotcha. Those are the only businesses in town. Stables, the tackle shop, and this tavern. How is Archie getting supplies? What does he need supplies? What kind of supplies does he even get here? Food, lodging. Fair. Okay.

And what was the name of your friends that are somewhat missing? Finkel and Hufner. Finkel and Hufner. Hey, Bart, you want to write that down? Oh, I sure did. You did such a good job of that. Bart is the king of notes. And they usually take the river to the south or lake to the north. Am I right? Yeah, they went looking to catch a load of fish for the upcoming centennial celebration of New Valros. The Hundrefest. They went south. They took the main road past the foothills down to the south to the river.

South. Oh, you should play the concert, play the gig at New Valros. 100 Fest? That could be your big debut. Yeah, here's what we'll do. We'll find Finkel and Hoefner and come back, celebrate, get some clam chowder, and then I'll perform for all the townsfolk of Brumafune.

You're now a new Valross of the 100 Fest. It's a centennial celebration. How do you write that down so fast? I just remember it. I think he's just memorized it. I like this idea of us getting some good favor in the town. So are we down for a little adventure? Yeah. Yeah.

How about you, Gum Gum? Yeah, well, I'm just worried about your new necklace. Is it still glowing? Give me an update, DM. Yeah, I mean, it's still glowing very faintly. That's a very good question, Gum Gum. Actually, what the amulet is saying is that we should go down and find these Valrasians.

I don't know if we should get those Velroses anymore. How, uh, the shade underneath Mud's eyes. How, how, how severe is it? That's how you can always tell someone's turning evil. Uh, make a perception check. Okay. Here we go. 13. Kyborg gets right up into Mud's face to examine the bags under his eyes. They seem fine. They may be, uh, glowing a little bit. The reflection of the amulet, uh, very faintly glowing off the, his lower eyelids. Mm.

So he's underlit, like a classic evil villain. Got it. Cool. Slightly underlit. We've lost him, guys. Mud blows in Kyborg's face. While I go back. Your exhaling is actually welcomed by Kyborg because the tavern does smell not that great. Mud actually casts Gust and blows Kyborg back. I love that you have that spell. I readied some new spells when we slept. Gust.

You command the air and compel it to create what? A blast of small air? Yeah. Pushes him back five feet. He has to do a strength saving throw. He'll probably get it, but it's still funny. All right. Make a strength saving throw, Kyborg. 25. Get out of here with that gust. There's a strong gust of wind focused entirely on you, Kyborg. Pushes you back, but you lean into it and manage to hold your ground.

But my face is like rippling and I'm just like, I'm trying to act as casual as I can, but it's really hard. Yeah. All right, let's go to the river. I want to also now start calling Gus, Gust. No, no, no. Gust Sorola. Gustavo, Elaine mentions. They went by horse and wagon with a rowboat in tow down to that river south of town.

You follow the main road, I'm sure you'll find it. Do you have a boat we could borrow? There is a rowboat at the tackle shop. Okay, cool, thanks. What do you guys think? Should we take it? This is a gum-gum idea. I'm letting him run with it. I think we should because we have a master pirate who can guide us. And then we have a horse...

Named Mud, who can ride us. When does Mud turn into a horse? Don't you turn into one of those horses with bumps on its back? Does the boat have a cart for us to tow it with?

There's a wagon over at the stables. Maybe you could set it on there. That's what Finkel and Hufner did. I'm fine with that. Yeah. Let's get that set up. Oh, really, really quick, though. Can we get boarding for Sleek so that he doesn't follow us?

Well, before you get to that, Elaine just says, Since I'm like running with my friends' businesses, though, I can let you borrow the horses for free, but I do need to charge the rental fee for the boat and the wagon. Well, we don't need the horses. Oh, well, the horses are free. Well, how about you, since you were going to give us a break?

Give us the break in the other place. Also, we're going out to look for your friends to bring them back to you. I'm looking out for my friends, too, for their businesses. Yeah, well, we're getting stinkle and hoofner. I'm not paying for this if it's going to cost us something. Okay, you can take the horses. How many? All right.

One for each of you. All right, let's get on the horse. Now I've seen a horse. I know. Can we get away from Elaine? I'm tired of hearing yawning. I just keep yawning because of it. To get to Kyborg's point, Archie says, I'm going to stay here. I've had plenty of excitement for one day. And plus, I could use some much needed rest after wearing this

friendship bracelet all night. I mean, Gum-Gum's gotta let him go. Sleek has his arms crossed and is staring at you guys. How much for the boat? Ten gold for the boat. Oh my goodness. I can't afford a boat. What if we leave Sleek here and he can pay off the boat? You know, you're tired. You need a nap.

Sleek, he's an infinite. He's well-equipped. He could do some work around the place while you take a nap. That's a good idea. That's a good fit. It's a fair trade. And then you can get him off his worthless ass off of our hands. Roll a persuasion check. That's a really good idea. 17. She seems to consider it and looks over at Sleek, who's sitting there pouting with his arms crossed. I don't want to do anything. What?

I don't want you to come with us, Sleek. I'll just stay here. And work for a lay. No. I'll just stay here. Think about my loot. This is the worst NPC ever. This is the worst. These are the two worst people I know. Which is saying a lot because you know Kyborg.

Yeah. Maybe we don't need a boat. Maybe we could just walk, use our feet. The listener can't see this, but that really cut deep to Blaine. Turn off this camera. Okay, clearly we're not going to haggle to get this boat, so unless someone wants to cough up the money, I say we just take the horses and we head down south and try to find these people at the river. Okay, let's go. I...

I'm now relinquishing you from my friendship. Oh, you unhook Archie? Yeah. And then I give him a hug. All right. He squirms a bit uncomfortably in your strong hug. So are you all taking the horses or are you going to go on foot? Yeah, take the horses. Take the horses. Do they have a horse big enough for mud? Can you just transform into like a cricket?

Yeah. You guys think I can just turn into everything? Right on the back like in Mulan when the cricket rides with her. Yeah. Cricky. Yeah, you could. There's a horse big enough for you. Good. John didn't want to take a horse because he's a naysayer. Hey. Let's head. Let's head down. Okay.

Hey everyone, it's that time of the episode where I always remind you to please give us a follow on social media at StinkyDragonPod on both Twitter and Instagram. Send us stuff, maybe magic items we might be able to use or in the campaign or maybe even sell to the characters. You know, be as descriptive as you can. Nothing too crazy, no plus 10,000 swords or anything.

You know, stuff that they might actually use. And if you, you know, at us or you mention us on social media, either directly or using hashtag StinkyDragonPod, you might become an NPC in a future episode. For example, Lord Baxter, who is the Valrossian guard from Broom of Hume, is named after Jordan Baxter 007. And Elaine Doze, the Valrossian bartender from the Kissing Quipper Tavern, is named after...

XO and underscore E Rogers. That's an example of people who engage with us on social media, and now they are Val Rossians. They are NPCs in our campaign. That could be you. Go ahead and engage with us if you can. While you're on social media, if you could check out Squad Team Force on TikTok. It's one of our other projects. We've been making some D&D content over there. We've done a few things. We tried to recreate Blaine's character jumping 10 feet while carrying 85 pounds of gear. It doesn't quite go very well for him. Or we tried to visualize what...

Nat 20s or Nat 1s look like for different types of skill checks, how they might relate to real life. Go check it out. That's squadteamforce on TikTok.

Do you love Tales from the Stinky Dragon? Would you like to see it in animated form? Well, I've got a treat for you. We have a little bit of animation from one of our earlier episodes when Kyborg and Gum-Gum encounter the Kenku in the school way back in Boulder Ray. It's hilarious. It's only about two and a half minutes long. You can check it out over at Rooster Teeth or by visiting the Rooster Teeth YouTube channel at youtube.com slash roosterteeth.

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Bye Archie, bye Sleek. Miss you. You make your way back to the main road and through the misty foothills. After 10 minutes, you do indeed find a muddy side route that seems to lead south. You follow the road for about half an hour. The terrain gradually flattens to a wide plain with some mountains in the distance to the west.

You know those mountains. Eventually, you come to a fork in the road. Dose failed to mention this split in the southern route. To the left, you see a log has fallen onto the road, and to the right, the mud dries out and the path becomes rocky.

Can I investigate if that log falling was like some sort of a trap for an ambush or if it was like a natural phenomenon? Yeah, you can go take a look. I guess you make like a perception check over there. 21. 21. That's really good. You know, you go, you investigate the log that is in the path. The path seems like it's obscured with fog and it's difficult to see too far down the road. But when you're poking around the log, you discover that there's wheel ruts in the mud hidden beneath a branch in the logs.

Wheel ruts. It's tracks. It's tracks. Yeah, yeah. So maybe this is where Finkel and Ihorn went. It likely is, yeah. Based on the fact that they took a carriage, right? Yeah. Can I, I want to like pick up the dirt and like sniff it and go...

They've been through here. I just want to impress my friends. We are not impressed. Let's continue on that path then. We see the wheel ruts on. So you climb over the log and head in the direction of the foggy path. You follow the trail for a few minutes and start to hear the sounds of rushing water and a whistling wind. You walk further along the trail and come upon a river with icy shores flowing eastward.

The train is mostly flat with brush and large stones dusted with snow. A few yards away, you spot an abandoned wagon near the shore.

I assume this is their wagon. Mud approaches it and checks to see if there's any signs of anything you can learn from it. Yeah, go ahead and roll a perception check. Will do. That's a 19. 19, that's pretty good. You see that there are two horses there along with the wagon covered in blood and that they appear to be dead.

Whoa. It's two brawny draft horses. They're both covered in lacerations, and they likely bled out. There's scuff marks in the back of the wagon, suggests that maybe equipment was unloaded. And there's several sets of prints along the ground. I cover my horse's ears. I mean, eyes. Wait a minute. Did we ever find out why Elaine had blood on her cleaver? No.

We didn't ask. Yes, we didn't. Do you think that she did this? She wouldn't have sent us out. Well, maybe it's a trap. I guess we should be having this conversation in character. Oh, maybe it was a trap. But then why would she have... I'm confused. I think it's more likely... Like, what's the DM? Can I check, like, the damage on the horses? Like, is it, like, an animal? A weapon? Yeah, go ahead and roll an investigation check. Doing a forensic exam? Yeah.

That's a five. What's a five get me? I'll kneel down next to him and help, and I rolled a one. Okay. Both Mud and Kyborg inspect the horses, and you can tell that the horses were cut from something sharp and thick, but you're not quite sure what would have done it. Guys, sharp and thick. It's a cleaver. Maybe. Uh...

Is there any tracks leading anywhere? Is it out into the water? Yeah, there was several sets of footprints along the ground. If you want to take a look at those, you can roll another investigation check. Oh, I'd love it if my friend Bart would just roll a check for an investigation because I think he's the smarter one of us who'd be able to figure this out. Oh, my investigation is not that great. He also smacks Bart's butt.

All right, here we go. Looking around. Investigating. That's a 16. Plus the roll of the D4. Plus coming in hot. 18 total. 18. So Bart, you take a look at the footprints there in the area and you see several large footprints that are heading down river to the east.

You think that you can discern two sets of large humanoid footprints and two sets of large paw prints from some kind of animal, all heading down a river toward the east. And so that's, we came from the north, right? You went south and then you head at the fork in the road. You went southeast. Both.

Bart, while you're down there looking and figuring that out, can you also see if you can identify what kind of cuts are on those horses? Because we're not able to. Can I take a look at the horse? Yeah, you can make an investigation check. Okay, not animal handling. Nope, these animals are dead. That's a 14. You realize that, you

you know, when you saw the footprints that they're humanoid footprints and animal footprints, and you think that maybe the lacerations on the horses are from large claws, maybe from whatever animal left the prints that you saw in the ground. Okay.

So not a cleaver. Not a cleaver. Seems we should follow. You don't think it's a cleaver. Okay. I feel like paw prints are a good indication of where we need to head. Do the Valrasians have paws? No, they've got like, they've got hands. Okay. But not like claws, not the claws that would do something like this. Okay. Gotcha. Okay.

Good question, though. Should we proceed on foot or continue with our horsies? Bring the horses. Bring the horsies. When you say bring, do you mean lead them or ride them? I will ride them. How's the terrain? It's kind of uneven. You know, it's along a river shore, a riverbank. But, I mean, you could go with a horse over this.

Okay. I say we continue on. Wait, did we check inside of the thing to see if there's any supplies or anything worth value? It was empty? Yeah, initially when you all checked it, that's when you saw that it looked like the equipment was unloaded. You saw the scuff marks on the back of the wagon. Okay. They carried the supplies on foot after someone killed the horsies.

Yes, it seems that someone has walked off with supplies to some extent. Yeah, because we don't see the wheel tracks keep going, right? They stop here? Correct. We're at the wagon. I just mean that they didn't have also some type of wheel transportation. Yeah, which means they're probably nearby if they carried that much equipment. I don't know. These guys have been gone for two days. That's true.

But I also wouldn't want to carry like 100 pounds of equipment. You're walking around with a ton of stuff on you. You're walking around with 84 pounds of equipment right now.

Hunter's where he cuts. He draws a line, though. That's just excessive. Yeah. I wouldn't want to carry, like, a crate on top of all this stuff. Let's head. Let's follow the post. Let's go fast and horsey. Okay. You all follow the footprints along the river shore and come to a narrow bend surrounded by large stones. And as you round the corner, you enter into a small camp with a large tent and a doused campfire. I told you they wouldn't be far. He was right. Is there anybody in the camp?

Not that you can see out and about right here. What's a camp? Is it like some tents? Yeah, there's a large tent and a campfire. Somebody want to go invisible and then I'll provide sniper support. Can I go put my hand on the fire and see if it burns me? There's a thing. Just let him. Go ahead and make a perception check, Gum-Gum. Element of surprise gone. I'm going to go feel the fire. This is Gum-Gum wants to help.

Go for it. Roll the two. Two. You go put your hand on it, and you notice that the campfire is not only doused and cold, but it's actually frozen solid. Wait, what? Yeah, where the campfire was is just frozen. Oh, so there's not an actual fire. No, no, no. It's been doused and frozen over. Ice methods, perhaps. And it's icy everywhere, though, right? Yeah, it's cold everywhere. Yeah. I go back. Guys, the fire is... There's no fire anymore.

It's IT. Ah, it's very good. Thank you, Kumkum. This is going to really help the investigation. I really appreciate your contribution to the team. I mean, they've gone for a while. Yeah, I'm- Hey, this is even more. You got any more that you can deduce from this? I don't know. Let me go touch it again. Yeah, do that. It's very important. Go and touch it again. It's Delight. What happens, Gus? What happens when he touches it again?

Yeah, it's... I guess make a perception check again? Yep. That's a four. Four. Yeah, it's still frozen solid. I come back. Okay, yeah, it's still ice. You know, it's very important to double check your information. That way we know it's really true. Yeah. Like I said, it's icing on the cake.

I suppose we should check out that tent. Who wants to do it? I'll do it. Okay. Gum Gum's going to go.

Alright, Gum Gum. So I want to go and I crawl in it and I stick my entire head in it. But like from behind, not the flap opening, but from somewhere it doesn't flap open. Of course. As you start approaching the tent, you're met with the buzzing of flies and a furry polar bear corpse. But there's no sign of blood. Beyond the beast is a flap that seems to lead inside the tent. Dead polar bear, no blood, flies. Can I see if the bears swarm or are frozen?

Yeah, make an investigation check. Okay, I'll stick my hand on it. I like Detective Gum-Gum. That's a four. That's a four. He has a negative three on investigation checks.

Well, Gum Gum, the polar bear is clearly dead and it seems to you like it's been dead for some time, but it doesn't show signs of being injured, at least not recently that you can tell. He died of old age. Kyborg whispers to himself, oh, bother. So I guess I'll go and stick my head in the tent. Okay, but you're going to go...

From the back stealth, right? From the back. And then I'm being sneaky. Of course. Okay. In that case, roll a stealth check. Yeah, as he sticks his exposed neck into that tin flap. That's a 10. 10, okay. On stealth. I stick my most vulnerable body part into the tent. Wait, I thought he was sticking his head in.

All right, so Gum-Gum is on all fours trying to stealthily crawl around to the backside of the tent. You pull up a little portion of the tent, and you feel a chill in the air running shivers down your spine. You stick your head in the tent, and you see there's two bedrolls covered in frost. One is empty with claw marks ripped through it, and the other one is shivering and whimpering. Oh, my God.

Group hug. Can I crawl the west of the way in? The west of the way in? Can I get in the tent, please? The west of the way in? You start crawling in and you pull up a couple of the stakes that are holding the tent in place, but you're able to crawl under the flap and make your way in. You're inside the tent. And I'll crawl over to the one that's shaking and I guess...

Hi, I'm Gumb Gumb. I'm here to rescue you. And I give him a hug. Yeah, you see the bedroll creep down a little bit and like the top of a head and eyes peer out and look and says, oh, oh, you're here to rescue. Oh, thank goodness. Yeah. Are you Einhorn or Finkel? Einhorn. Where did you get Einhorn? Finkel and Hufner.

I'm Finkle. How did you know that? I'm here to rescue you. What happened to you? What happened to you? And I give him a hug to warm him up. This is why I'm hugging him. I warm you up with love. Come, come, piece of pants for more warm. Oh, great. Hurry, let's get back to town. But wait, we need to find Hufner. Wait, what happened to Hufner? Hey, guys, come here.

You call for everyone? I approach the tent. Yes. I stand guard outside. I'll come approach the tent. Okay. These are my friends. They're gonna help. I don't know where there's another one that's missing. I guess there's two missing now. We have to find...

Your friend and our friend came over. You forgot the name already. Hofner. I have a tinderbox. I start up a fire, assuming that there's someone that survived and might need warmth. So you start up a fire where the previous campfire was, or do you find like a new spot for it? A new spot that's not covered in ice. Well, it's all pretty frosty and snowy, but I mean, you can clear out a little bit of space. Just take a few minutes.

What happened down here? You've got, I don't know if you know this, but you have a dead polar bear outside your tent. Oh, I know, I know. We were attacked. That's not a load of information. But what, well, you must have been also kidnapped, right? No, not kidnapped. We came down here. Hofner and I just parked the horses in the wagon upriver. We unloaded the boat and floated downriver until we got to here.

We found a bunch of quippers in the river and we beached the boat and set out the nets, you know, and waited for the fish, but it was starting to get dark.

I'm sorry. But what happened to your horses then? They got attacked. Our horses were attacked? Uh... They're fine. Bart is one of those, like, loose and collar, like, kind of moves, because he's embarrassed to tell them that. Why is... You can't just avoid this. Why is there a dead polar bear outside your tent, my man? Well, we headed back up here to make camp, but by the time we finished unpacking, we set up the camp, and it

It was really late. We must have dozed off around the campfire. When we woke up, there was this strange-looking polar bear and the wolves started attacking us. They chased us all around the camp, blasting us with frosty breath. We tried to fight them off, but it was looking pretty bad.

Frosty Brass. And the polar bear died who? Well, see, the wolf chased Huffner into the river, and I had to fight the polar bear near the fire. Next thing I knew, Huffner was coming out of the river with no sign of the wolf, but she had an odd look in her eyes. I could have sworn they were glowing blue, and then she said something in a funny language. Then she cornered me by the tent while the bear nearly ripped my leg off. I thought I was done for.

I closed my eyes from the excruciating pain, but when I opened them, Hofner was gone, and the bear was lying on the ground motionless. By that time it was morning, and the sun was peeking through the clouds, and that's when I crawled in here to hide.

And I tried to bandage this. Finkle opens the bedroll and unwraps the cloth from his right leg to reveal a mangled shank covered in blood with four deep gashes streaking across his shin. Ooh. Ooh. We can just rub some dirt on that. It'll be fine, man. He's probably going to lose that. He's going to lose that. So it sounds like Hufner was possessed in some way. You said she had glowing eyes? Glowing blue eyes. Blue eyes. So maybe she killed the horses, too.

Don't know. Tell me, what did that amulet on her look like? Was it the same as Mudd's? It's getting worse. It's getting worse. Amulet? I don't know that word. Okay. Please, I need healing. And if you could get me home to broom a few. We have to find your friend first. I can only provide flowers.

Does that help you? I'm curious. I can give you some flowers that heal. Are they healing? Can they help my leg? Just one second. I'm googling flowers that heal. I can give you some jasmine. It helps you relax. Mudcast healing word. Mulnees in first level slot on this. And heals seven.

Oh. And I'll grow some jasmine for natural relaxation. Eat this quick. Do you eat the jasmine? Is that how it works? Gum gum don't know. Micah says you can microdose with it.

Thank you I'm just so scared Can you please take me back to Brubafube No We need to go Sorry but we've got to go find Hufner Well maybe we bring I guess Finkel is too hurt to come with us Yeah Finkel's leg is still pretty mangled What if you took a horse Yeah You in good enough state to do that? Yeah You just got healed a little bit by my special words

Yeah, Finkle, we could take Finkle with us on the horse and then, you know, Finkle could keep watch if we need him to and stuff. Oh, maybe if someone was holding me. Oh, I think I know the person for that job. Bart looks over to Gum-Gum. I can hug you. We're not going to let Gum-Gum go all the way back to...

broom a few with him. We need gum gum. Why don't you let your gum bow? I don't think a badger's going to hold this Valrathian on a horse. I don't have much. I could offer you some silver and maybe the fish from my net down river if you can help me get back to town.

It's not a matter of payment. It's that we've got... We don't want to split our party up. We do need our very, very special barbarian with us. Who's that? This is my friend named Gum Gum. You may him. I'm not a barbarian. You're a barbarian.

Okay. Yes, not a barbarian. Wizard? Is that the proper? Yes. Okay, our wizard. We need our ice wizard. I'm not ice wizard. Our former ice wizard. I'm a flower wizard. We need gum gum. We're not letting someone go back to Broomafume. You either ride the horse or you hang here. Yeah. Oh, my leg. I

Maybe if I could get some healing and you could rest and recover and then you could go look for Hofner. I healed you. We're all healed up. Well, I mean, you did like a healing word. He still has severe damage on his leg. What does healing word do? I mean, like it heals his hit points, but he still like needs, you know, bandaging and, you know, the wounds tended to. Okay. I'll tend to this.

stinking little wounds. You can make a medicine check. Yeah, let me do a medicine check. Oh yeah, we could just heal him. I'm doing a medicine check. I rolled a nat 20 with a plus 5. Oh my god. He has another leg. He runs the marathon.

Yeah, you muster up some medicinal herbs in your packs to clean out the lacerations on his leg and manage to find some scraps of cloth and wood for a makeshift splint. His wound and condition are stabilized, but he clearly looks like he's in no state to be mobile, both physically and psychologically. Kyborg comes in from building the fire and says, well, what's the plan? What's the state of Finkle? Is Finkle going to be able to go on his own? He seems really timid and scared. He still seems like he's using his sleeping roll for comfort.

I really could use some help. What about this? What if we tie him up in the sleeping roll and slap the horse's buddy, and then it'll run home? Nothing bad could happen from that. Yeah, he dies instantly. He runs into a tree. Tree branch kills him. That's all I got. All right, we'll take you back, and we'll come back and look for... Huffner.

It's a short little distance, so let's bring you back to old Elaine there. Oh, thank you. I'm so scared that that monster's going to come back again. You know what? You would get along with our friend Sleek, who is equally as afraid as you are. Moss is going to come and he's going to kick my ass. So the trek back to Broom of Fume is quite serene as the sun sets over the far-off mountains, but otherwise it's rather uneventful.

You arrive at the Brumafume gates and you hear a familiar voice call out, "Oh, uh, halt! Come any closer and you'll be stoned! I mean, you'll- you'll get stoned! Uh, uh, go- get stoned or go away!" "I swear to God, Baxter." "Lord Baxter, is that you, you old son of a gun? You- you're looking handsome as usual. Look at you."

Baxter peeks over the palisades and sees you all and sees Finkel. Once he sees Finkel, he rushes to let you all back inside. Damn right. Excellent. As you pass through the gates, Barkeep Doze comes out from the tavern to meet you. At the sight of Finkel, she lets out a sigh of relief. Oh, thank Daya. Is Finkel okay? Where is Hufner? Thank Daya. There's good news and bad news. Break it to her, Dr. Mudd.

that, uh, good news is I wrapped this guy's leg like it was my job. And...

And everybody was really impressed at how good I was at my medicinal practice. So thinking about going into the medical field after this adventure. So that's the difference. Can you shapeshift into a doctor? I can shapeshift into a doctor. Like from Grey's Anatomy? As Micah says, you have excellent mud-side manner. Yes, I do. I do. Micah just lost inspiration days. Yeah.

Also, even more good news. Let's just keep, we brought back all the horses you let us take. They're all here.

Ain't that lovely? I wait for Alain to respond. Alain says, Oh yes, of course. Were you not going to bring them back? Hey, there's chances. We went out to go find your friend who was in trouble, you know. By the way, the bad news, Hufner seems to have gone on a little bit of a walkabout and we have to go back out and find Hufner. Oh my. Well, here.

Let's go to the tavern. The least I could do is offer you some free food and a rest as a thank you. Clam chowder? Yes, we'd love a clam chowder. Elaine leads you all back to the Kissing Quipper Tavern. Well, it's funny you say that, because while you all were out, I managed to scrounge up some ingredients in the kitchen and cooked you up a special order of Kissing Quipper Clam Chowder. Yeah!

So she serves up some piping hot bowls of clam chowder for the entire party. Oh, my God. Sleek seems very excited about clam chowder. He's already holding a spoon when you all walk into the Kissing Quipper Tavern. Hey, only closers get clam chowder, Sleek. That's a Glen Gary Glen Rossin. No one will get it. I got it. Bart, what were you going to say? Could I inquire about her cleaver? Yeah, what do you want to ask?

What do you want to ask? Hey, Elaine, but my mouth is full of clam chowder, so I'm talking kind of like this. I just want to know, your cleaver that you had, it was covered in blood. What funny business are you getting into? Funny business? Go ahead and roll an investigation check, Bart. That's 15. As you're eating and asking her this question, you look over back at the bar and you see the cleaver is there, still bloodied, laying next to a bunch of fish that have their heads cut off.

And she says, oh, that's my cooking cleaver. I prepare all of my meals with it. Are you telling me the truth? He holds up his ring and it looks like he's flipping her off. You can roll your insight check if you want. Yes. With advantage. Good thing because I rolled a 12 and then a 18. Nice. Yeah. You think that you don't sense any deception in what she's telling you. She didn't cleave any horses. I love that little ring.

Elaine do you guys have like a wolf problem around here or something particularly like frost breathing wolves? Oh, there's wolves that come by every now and then I wouldn't say we have a problem the Palisades and the guards keep the animals at bay Yeah, there are wolves in the area. Do you have any like local? legends or lore about possessions or people getting maybe involving polar bears spells yeah or or amulets

That doesn't sound familiar. I haven't heard of anything like that before. This clam chowder is great. It is good. Thank you. The bread bowl was a good call as well. It's very good. And then I ate the bowl. Yeah. It's a joke for Canadians. Elaine is still yawning. She's still really tired. She's dozing off. She's micro-dozing. Well, I think we've all had a long day and...

You folks have done our town a great service. As I said before, lodging and transport is on the house. Just head on over to the fair mares and stables in the morning. You can help yourself to your choice of horses, wagons, or whatever you need.

Whenever you're ready, you can rest upstairs. The first three rooms are prepared for you. Each with two beds. Oh, speaking of beds, I'm going to go ahead and head to bed. I'm at the end of the hall if you need anything. Good night. Okay, bye-bye. And then that will...

And then... Okay, bye-bye. Bye-bye. Finko, do you still want to give us fishies? Oh, you could have the fish. They're still in the net down at the river. All right, darn it.

What about that silver? Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. He fumbles around in a pouch and pulls out five silver pieces. Excellent. One for each of us? No, five total. Yeah, one for you, you, you, and then Finko. All right, I will add one whopping silver to my inventory. I abstain. I don't need your payment. I will take...

I don't take Kyborg's. No, I give it back to Finkle. Here's for your medical bills. I take it back from Finkle. No, you are evil. You and your amulet are evil. I give it back because he's got medical bills. Arm wrestle. He's got medical bills to take care of. I'll arm wrestle. Let's do it. I'll arm wrestle. Let's do it. Strength? Opposed strength checks. Can I slap myself? No. No.

Can I give myself guidance? I'll slap you. If it allows you to, yeah. Yeah. You're like one of those guys who slaps himself before an arm wrestling. Yeah. In the face. Like, psych yourself up. Make your roll. I'm rolling. That's a nat 20 with a plus four plus... Yeah, that's your second nat 20. Plus a four. So that's 28. Wow. 17. I'm sorry to say, Kyborg, you...

You don't have a chance. Mud slaps himself in the face and he's just like really psyched up and absolutely crushes in the arm wrestling competition. It's the amulet. It's turning him evil and stronger by the minute. So how are y'all going to bunk up? Who's staying with who? I'm not staying with Sleek. I'll stay with...

I feel like you got to keep an eye on him. Could you do like that elf light sleep thing or like half? Oh, heck yeah. I'm going into a trance. Just so you could kind of keep an eye on him. I'll bunk up with Gum Gum. I guess we'll put our two favorite people together. Or should we split up? I guess Finkle can go back to his house. Yeah, Finkle's got his house. That's where he's going to stay. Maybe one of us should stay with Archie. Archie has...

is not there with you guys. Rest in peace, Archie. Yeah, when you come back to the tavern, Archie is nowhere to be found. Oh. Wait a second. So that means that if Gum-Gum and Bart are together and then I'm with Mud, that means Sleek gets his own? Yeah. No. No.

Mud and sleek room together. I sleep on my own. Oh, that's where you decide? Yes. I don't even need to keep an eye on him. He can handle it. And I slide the two twin size mattresses together to make a king. And there's three different rooms. I guess it doesn't matter to you guys which rooms you're in.

Like with the order of the rooms, or are you just going to pick random rooms and just stay in them? I close my eyes. Sleek and I take the middle one. I'll take the one that's the closest to the stairs or whatever because I'm going to trance. So that means Gum Gum and Bart are the ones furthest down, closest to the room that Doze is in.

Or that Elaine is in. Yeah. Okay. Which now I'm concerned about based on that specific... I'm just asking questions. Bloody believe her. I'm worried about Elaine so much. So you all... Yeah, she was just making you all delicious food. You all bed down for the night, eager to go look for Hufner in the morning. You all go to sleep. And Mud, you wake up first, but the room is still dark. You're feeling sluggish and lightheaded, like you can't seem to catch your breath.

You blink your bleary eyes and see two menacing blue eyes staring into yours. Barkeep Doze is standing over you with her two hulking hands clutched around your throat, squeezing tighter and tighter. Oh, damn. Oh, no. Wow, it's as if the amulet was a bad idea. Yeah.

Not doing anything to me. It's choking you. It's there. No, there she is. She is. Why do you think she went after mud? Well, the Sauron...

You know, it haunted, followed you back. It knows. Yeah. Or she just wants it. It's a good thing the strongest person of our group has it around them then. Yes. No, I'm in the room further down. You lost the arm wrestling competition. I challenge him to five more. All right. Thanks, everyone, for listening to this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. We'll be back again next week with another brand new episode. Find out what's going on with Barkeep Doze and Mud.

I wanna know now! I do too!