C01 - Ep. 26 - Wight Winter - Bearly Mist Opportunity
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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hola, my vocatic oxen and alluring aurochs. Trout on in to the Stinky Dragon for our latest liquor, the Cattle Call. It's two shots of tequila, squeeze of lime, served over chilled clove and soda. One slurp of this will will send you over the moon. Just be careful you don't go crossing horns with the next hoofed hunk you see. Previously, our adventurers ventured into a peculiar cave where they discovered...

consecrated cave art, broke the ice with some methods, and witnessed the chilling power of Gum-Gum the Ice Wizard. They melted a frozen door with chilling voices and now find themselves in a bit of a misty mystery. Settle your bovine bones on the nearest seat and let's rustle up a sequel to this story.

So you all are in this octagonal room. You see a column of ice in the center with a humanoid figure frozen in it, as well as what looks like an amulet, maybe, also frozen in the ice. There are several figures slinking through the low fog in the room, seemingly coming straight towards you. What do you guys do? When you say slinking, are they like slow zombie walking or like how are they moving?

They're slinky. Or slinky. Slinking. You can see, you're not really sure. You can just see like shadowy figures. Okay. They're coming down a staircase, like a spring, very loose. You said that when we came in, there was a language. There was like a, right? Yeah. What was it? What was it? What were those words? Oh, you want me to repeat them? I closed that tab, dude. That was days ago. Hold on. Five minutes later.

So it sounded like talk to Undone. Yeah. Is it the Avatar in the ice or is it the Winter Soldier?

Without warning, a polar bear rises up out of the fog and takes an attack at Gum Gum. Wow, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I gave you guys plenty of time to react. I said there were things sticking right at you. Y'all are sitting around talking, asking for flashbacks. Okay, hey, hey. Let's just slow down for a second. One.

Blaine's the one who burned up a bunch of that time. We didn't get a chance to do anything except waiting on you reading off those things. Two, I don't think... I'm not arguing against the polar bear. You can attack all you want. I guess I just didn't understand that the fog was that big. The fog is about two feet off the ground. They're slinking. They're low to the ground. That's not... No. Okay, then it's a small polar bear. How many fogs? What? How many fogs? Well, like, how many shapes of fog? What? They're in the fog. What?

It's not shapes of fog. It's creatures within the fog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many is... You're not sure yet. You saw several. At least one polar bear just popped up and tried to claw at Gum-Gum. But he quickly dodges. But what if I say the words backwards? Nom-ra-na-si-mok-ee-l.

Does it do anything? No. Okay. Sorry, guys. That's all you got. You're very lucky, Gum-Gum. The first one tries to claw at you and it misses. Another one comes up out of the mist and tries to take a bite at Kyborg. No. Get his arm. Get his other arm. Oh, that one does hit. Symmetry. Symmetry. Symmetry.

And it clamps down, biting on Kyborg, doing nine points of damage. Everyone go ahead and roll initiative. Here we go. 22. Is Sleek still with us? Yeah. Y'all talked about potentially leaving him, but you ended up deciding to take him with you. Okay. And he better pull his weight.

I'm a 17. I rolled a 6 for initiative, by the way. I did too. Roll off. It goes based on dexterity. So what's your dexterity, Bart? 18. Yeah, I'm only 15. Okay, so yeah, Bart goes first. Those polar bears that rose out of the ground got a surprise attack there because you guys had your thumbs up your butts, apparently. Kyborg. Gus is in a mood this morning. Yeah, he sure is. I'm salty DM. He's salty. Okay.

Kyborg, from what you've seen, a polar bear rose up out of the fog, mouth first into you and chomped down, biting you. What do you want to do? I'm sorry. When you said mouth first, my mind went, what's the opposite of that? And that's if it just came up ass first out of the... He's clamped on my arm, so I can't shoot the longbow triumph because one of my arms is unable. No, he like bit and like tried to rend. So he's not clamped onto you. His mouth is free.

Okay. Flick his nose and say no. In that case, I want to pop him right in the face with a longbow triumph. If you are standing next to an enemy, what is the penalty you take when you shoot a longbow? Okay, it's a disadvantage. How about I back up as far away as I can from this polar bear? It could be an attack of opportunity? Yeah, then it would take an attack of opportunity. Okay, I want to take a shot with a longbow triumph. I recognize that it will be a disadvantage because he's a point blank, but I am such an astute archer, I don't care.

So I rolled a 16 and a 20. So you're at disadvantage, so you take the worst one, 16. Yes. Which does hit, like you said, Kyborg is quite the astute archer, and even at point-blank range, he's unfazed by this polar bear, which has surprised him. So go ahead and roll your damage, Kyborg. Cool. A one, six. Six points of damage.

The polar bear that you shot was not happy about that, Kyborg. Shocking. Yeah, it's going to go ahead and take a swipe at you with its claws. It's clear to me that Gus wants to kill me today. What is your armor class? 18. It hits. So it brings its claw down. It uses its right front paw and brings it down in a huge swipe at you doing 19 points of damage. All right, Kyborg's dead. Bye, guys.

- 19? - Yeah. - Cool. Been fun. Love you guys. Have fun. - What are you at, Kyborg? - I went down. I had 18 and you hit me with 19, so I'm down. - Oh, okay. The polar bear seems very pleased with that. - Okay, so that extra detail, yes, I appreciate that. - The polar bear all of a sudden gained HP. - Weird.

The other one decides to try to take a bite at Gum-Gum. I don't like this. I don't like bears. But it fails to connect. Yeah. Gum-Gum rolled underneath the polar bear's legs is now behind him. Can I do that? Face to butt. No, but it's your turn now. So if you want to make a move or attack, you can make those moves now. It's your turn. Mark, when he's done, you are up after him. Got it. Okay. There's a frozen amulet.

And then a lady in ice. What is in ice? You see a humanoid figure and an amulet encased in an icy column in the center of the room. So they're together? The amulet appears to be next to the humanoid. Okay. Is the humanoid, does it look like that one mural painting thing that we saw earlier? No. From what you can see, the person trapped in there does not look familiar. Okay.

And what does the person look like? What pose are they doing? Do they look happy about being frozen or are they unhappy or what? You can't tell. Okay. Well, I guess I better deal with this polar bear. I'm going to... I guess I'll rage on this polar bear and roll my rage randomizer.

- Roll the two. - You teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space you can see. Until your rage ends, you can use this effect again on each of your turns as a bonus action. So if you wanted to get behind them, you could. You don't have to roll. You can just teleport. - How far away is the ice lady? - From where you are? Just a humanoid. - Is it a lady? - No, it's just a humanoid. - Okay, okay.

If you want, I'll tell you what, roll a perception check. Gum gum. I just like that all of a sudden Chris thought it was a lady out of nowhere. I roll the one.

The lady in the ice. You have no idea and you don't want to make any assumptions. And how far away is this? The ice is probably from where you're standing about 15 feet away. How thick is this ice look between the lady and the amulet and all that? How many seas? It looks, I mean, the ice column itself is about 10 feet by 10 feet in size. And the person appears to be kind of in the middle of it.

I don't know if I have the ability to chop through that much ice. You could definitely try to attack it and get some off. You don't know if you'd be able to get the person out in like one attack, but I mean, you could try. I hate to leave everyone alone though. While I go after ice person. Welcome to my problem here, Chris. You know, it's, it's, it's difficult being the leader. Sometimes it's,

You've been given this mighty burden, you know, it's... Heavy is the head that wears the crown. It is, you know, and my head's on the ground right now. It's very heavy. What were you saying, John? These polar bears seem to be quite strong, so maybe we focus on that. Okay, and my teleport I can do after or before I attack? You teleport at the start of your turn, and then in subsequent turns, you can do it at any time as a bonus action. Okay. Okay.

I'm going to teleport to wherever the polar bear that attacked Kyborg is. And I'm going to teleport 30 feet or whatever, however much above it I can get. So I fall down with my axe onto its head. Okay. The chamber is probably about 20 feet high. So you want to go like 20 feet up above it? Yeah. And fall down onto it with my axe. Okay. Okay.

One day I'll love it when Chris takes normal actions, but let's figure this out. But today is not that day. I mean, I guess you could count it as an attack. Oh, we're definitely counting it as an attack. Thank you for the permission, though, Chris. I was just trying to clarify. I wasn't like, I don't know.

All right. So from everyone else's perspective, Gum-Gum appears to vanish. Then you hear Gum-Gum yelling in rage as he falls down from the ceiling. Axe first onto the polar bear that had just attacked Kyborg. Gum-Gum, go ahead and roll your attack like you normally would.

Okay. Come on, Gum Gum. I've got a one. All right. With a plus seven. That makes it an eight. Nah, it's a critical fail. Yeah, that's a critical fail. I don't know. You could argue that I might have advantage because I'm, like, attacking from above. Arguing is your specialty, Chris. Yeah. Maybe Gum Gum is just so torn up because Kyborg.

boring. I would argue that you don't get advantage because you've never, it's not a type of attack you're familiar with. It's not something you practice or you do regularly. That explains the one. Yeah. So Gum Gum, it appears like he's going to do something really cool and fall down and attack the polar bear, but he instead, he just falls kind of painfully onto his own axe.

He takes 12 points of fall damage. Oh my god. You're raging, so you take half that. So you take six points of damage from the fall. And you're now lying prone under the fog. That's a good idea. Nailed it, guys. That's a good idea.

Bart, it's your turn. And then Mud, you're after Bart. Can't wait. Hey, everybody. There's fall damage in this game. Yeah. Duly noted. I would like to go invisible, like to cast invisibility on myself. Okay. I'm curious, Bart. Is that a, just John's curious. Is that a cantrip or a spell? It's a spell. Okay. You cast it so many times. I was curious. Yeah. No, it's unfortunately a whole action to do that.

And then as a bonus action, who is Bart able to see right now? I know some people moved around and there's some fog and stuff. You're only really able to see Mud, who's standing next to you. Kyborg is unconscious under the fog and Gum-Gum teleported up into the air and then fell down into the fog and is now lying prone. Oh, and you can see the two polar bears as well.

Okay. Is it possible to move to a place that I could see everyone? No, because they're under the fog, which is pretty thick. Okay. I mean, you saw where each of them went down in the fog, so you could go to each of them. But I can't, like, if I was, I couldn't stand in a position to actually have visibility on all three people. No, not really. Just that fog is too thick. Okay. Okay.

Could I go closer towards the amulet and figure in the ice? The way that everything's kind of laid out right now, the polar bears are kind of threatening. They're between you and the ice. Oh, you're invisible. I'm invisible. Yeah. Yeah, you could try to make that move.

Do I need to like roll a stealth or anything like that? You nailed it. Exactly. Go ahead and roll a stealth check because you can take kind of a wide berth around them to where they wouldn't be able to attack you, but you want to make sure that they don't know where you are specifically. So yeah, go ahead and roll that stealth check. And do I have advantage since I'm invisible? I believe that is the way it works. Okay. There's 16 and...

Okay, so 16. Not a bad check. So, Mud, from your perspective, you are now all alone. Bart has blinked out of existence and is making his way over to the ice. What is your movement, Bart? 25? Yeah, it takes you probably 25 movement to get there since you have to go kind of wide around the polar bears. But you are able to reach the ice. Okay, and how far away is the ice from where the polar bears are now? It's about 15 feet or so. Okay, got it.

Bart, when you take that wide path to get to the ice column, you can kind of see on the other end of the room, opposite from where you entered, it was being blocked by the ice before. You can see there's kind of like a platform at the other end of the room. Oh, interesting. What do you mean by platform? Like, I guess, like, is it something you'd like walk upstairs to get to or? Perhaps a nice pair of platform shoes. Yeah. Yeah, there's some stone steps that seem to lead up to like a frosty stone platform.

Gotcha. Like a shelf? No, it's kind of like a raised circular platform, like bigger than a shelf. Like you can see someone standing on it. Okay. Mud. Hi. You're all alone. There are two polar bears in front of you. Beside me.

Just a quick check. Are there any other figures slinking in the fog that haven't come out and bit us yet? You think you see shadowy movements, but nothing else has emerged. That's not good. What effect does...

healing someone who is down due? It'll bring them back alive. Like, at this point, what it's considered is when you take damage that would, you know, quote-unquote kill you, you essentially fall unconscious. So in this state that Kyborg is in, if he gets healed, he basically, you know, heals back up. It's not like he's at negative hit points. He's at zero hit points right now. So he would heal whatever it is that you heal him, and then he would become conscious again.

All right. Mudcast's Healing Word. And I'm going to do this with a second level spell slot to give a little bit extra. Avenge me. Nine points. Yeah, that's not bad. Nine points. That's nine points you didn't have before. Thank you, my friend.

Kyborg, you're not sure. Maybe you have glaucoma? Everything looks really foggy. Stay down. Stay down. Mud also takes... Mud's about to take a bonus action, but I'm going to take a bonus bonus action. Just write in my little notebook, Polar Bear, which is unfortunately a challenge rating 2 creature, so can't turn into it yet, but, you know, mental note. But as my bonus action, would Mud like to...

Disengage or engage even more? I think for now it would be advantageous if Mud... I think Mud would continue to try to be support. So I'm going to use Hidden Step. Oh, wait, I can't. Did I use it for some reason sometime recently before we took a short rest?

I must have. It's blocked out. It's been a bit since we've rested. That's poopy. You used it when you fought the ice methods. All right. Well, then we are doubling down. You're going to engage? You're getting down on one knee? You're going to do it? I'm trying to figure out. I should have looked up, like, what's a good something to turn into right now? You know what?

A polar bear. Fire with fire. I'm going to turn into a brown bear. Rawr. Oh, is that it for mud? Yeah, I guess I just kind of can mud like I'm actually going to try to pull aggro since everyone is very hurt and just like do a little a nice rawr.

Sure. Make like a... Make like a... What would that be? Like intimidation? Oh, don't worry, guys. I'm negative two on that. I got a three, so that's a one. What if you did a sexy roar? That's what it probably came off as. Yeah. Ooh, the polar bears are somewhat aroused. I tried to roar, but then I got a piece of like phlegm stuck in my mouth, so then I just stood there doing that kind of awkward cough where you're trying to catch your breath and everything, so...

You're like a classic World of Warcraft druid. You turned into a bear and you're drawing aggro. Yeah. That's it for Mutt, then. It is Kyborg's turn. What do you want to do? I'm imagining him in Peron, yeah? Yeah, you are still laying down in the fog. Where's the polar bear? You can't see, because all you see is fog. Is Mask of the Wild, that's a special thing. Is that a bonus or is that an action? It is an action type special. What does that mean? Come on, Gary. What? What?

I think that's like an out of combat thing typically, but yeah, I mean, you could do that if you wanted to. Okay. I'm getting flashbacks of the pet store with John when I laid down and just laid still. Oh, wait. Hold on. You don't get to say you laid down. No, no, no. I did that intentionally. I was very performative with the pullover swipe. I'm talking about in the pet store. Like, do you recall why you were on the floor?

Yeah, I laid down a combat role down to the ground intentionally for strategy reasons. Okay. I'm going to do Mask of the Wild, which is hiding even when I'm lightly obscured. So that's like foliage, heavy rain, falling snow, mist. Yeah. Okay. So there I am laying down on the ground. Make a stealth role because you're trying to hide. Because the bear's on top of me. Is the bear on top of me? Yeah.

Is it 15? Okay, that's pretty good. Okay. And then I have a bursting arrow.

Ooh, you know what? I have a seeking arrow. You can choose one creature you have seen in the past minute and fire an arrow that flies towards that creature. So I want to do that. So I'll have to shoot my longbow of triumph, see if it's a good shot, and then I want to tell it to go to that dumb bear. Hold on. Let me see if you can make an attack while you're prone. I don't know if I've ever heard anyone trying that. We totally did it in the pet shop, in the apothecary.

The creature has disadvantage on attack rolls. It's like Keanu Reeves laying on his side in Point Break. And I shoot my longbow up in the air while screaming. Yeah. I'll assume that in order to skirt the five foot disadvantage of a longbow, you're going to shoot it like in the opposite direction or away and then rely on the seeking arrow to bring it back. Yeah. I'm like Yondu or whatever. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

That's kind of cool. That's very cool. So it's disadvantage, but it's seeking. I would say the seeking arrow still works. The seeking arrow overcomes the disadvantage of being prone. So you are able, but you have to aim away from the polar bear. Okay. All right. Then I just aim in some goofy other direction that isn't a teammate.

Why did you have to say that isn't a teammate? I was hoping you wouldn't say that. Bart, you were about to get arrowed. Okay, I rolled a one. But I have an inspiration die. Yeah, I'd say use it. And things are pretty dire. So I'm going to use that.

20. Much better. Okay. You fire an arrow in the direction away from the polar bear. However, in midair, it turns around and goes back towards, I assume, the one that attacked you. Oh, absolutely. I'm not letting that guy get up. Okay. So it needs to make a dexterity saving throw. What's the dex throw for? To see if it can avoid the arrow.

Oh. Please don't make it. Please don't make it. Please don't make it. I feel like polar bears aren't that dexterous. Yeah. You'd think until we were going to see this awesome roll. I know. 20, not 20. It rolled a 12. The dexterity saving throw, that's a nine. So it still gets hit. It just doesn't take the additional fourth damage and you don't learn its location.

Got it. Okay. Whatever. I'll take it. All right. Rolling for damage. That's a six plus five, 11. You're making the polar bear pay for its aggressions towards you. Yes. That one's now been attacked twice by Kyborg. Correct. It's the only attacks. Okay. But after I shoot that, I like lay back down. I like Woody from Toy Story. Go limp. And then I stick my tongue out and I go...

But you're also stealthy. You're hiding, too. Yeah. So I'm extra. Mask of the wild. They'll see me in the, what's this invisible dead body doing here? Yeah, the arrow just came out of the fog. Just out of nowhere. Bears don't have good senses of smell. Oh, God. Wait, wait, Gus. My guy has keen smell. Bear has advantage on wisdom checks that rely on smell. What are you talking about, Gus? Oh, what? Really? I'm learning all kinds of stuff.

As a bonus action, I cast piss. I peel myself to hide my scent. Yeah, because peeing yourself will hide your scent. Oh, God, you're right. Bonus, bonus action. I cast perfume. I just make myself smell like delicious fish. Wait. Bonus, bonus, bonus action. Wait, aren't you actually supposed to soil yourself if you're in a Baron attack? Yes, that's right, Sean. Yes. Yes.

Should I pee my pants? No, I think you have to soil yourself. I think you have to do the number twosies. But I just went outside of the cave before we went inside. You just, from the mist, you hear...

You got to soil yourself like your life depends on it. Yeah. Okay. Well, it's their turn. The one that you attacked is a little bit damaged. From its perspective, all it sees is bare mud. Bart is invisible. Made a pretty good stealth check. Kyborg is hiding with Mask of the Wild. Knows that Gum-Gum is there beneath the fog. I'm going to roll a perception check for it just to see what it knows.

Okay.

It knows a lot. Dang it. I rolled a 19. Good Lord. These rolls, man. And then with its perception. It's got a plus three. It's got a plus five on its perception. Oh, plus five? Polar bears are a better perception than brown bears. So 24. It knows a lot. Help them find Coca-Cola. Sugary Coca-Cola. Immediately by it is Kyborg and Gum-Gum. Both are prone. 50-50 here. Who's going to attack? Oh, I'm so hiding. Bart's not in the room. Bart's invisible.

Even Kyborg, odd. Gum, gum. Gum, gum. I was like, I don't think Kyborg could take any more. He could take one. This polar bear is unsure where the attack came from, so it just lashes out and goes after Gum, Gum, taking a biting attack. Bites into the fog. Ooh, but I think that is a miss. That's a 12. Yeah, that would miss. It hurts itself by chomping the ground. Yeah, bites its own lip. Yeah.

Ow. Ow. The other one also decides to bite down, trying to find Gum-Gum in the fog. That's a nine. That also misses. Y'all lucked out with some bad rolls there. Way to go, Gum-Gum. What did Gum-Gum do for that? Dumb luck. That's his secret. Yeah.

Gum, gum, it's your turn. Then Bart, you're after that. Can I just bring something up real quick for the team? I think we all... I don't know if I was the only one who forgot, but when we were in that praying room, we saw an image of a blue and white bear surrounded by snow, lightning, sun, and wind. And there was like, in the Temple of Dia, there was a mural of like a blue gem being offered by a bear. So I don't know if like...

we got to get this amulet and give it to the bear or something. I mean, I'm not opposed to problem solving here. I mean, if Bart feels like that's his play, I mean, yeah. Barbara, I hear you, but this battle's just going so slow. Yeah.

Just as a reminder, that mural you saw was in the caves. Yeah. In the caves. Oh, okay. Not the church. Yeah, Barbara said that the mural was in the Temple of Daya. I just want to reaffirm, that mural that you saw was in the caves here. It was in that room with the... Was it in the first room he went into? Yeah. So what did we see in the Temple of Daya? With like the prayer pillows.

Yeah, you saw a mural. So you saw two different paintings here. The one with the prayer pillows saw people offering something up to a polar bear. Then in the mural of Dia, also in a later cave, you saw the polar bear offering a gem up to what you believe to be Dia. Gotcha. Gotcha. Is it my turn? Gum gum? Yes, gum gum. What can I see? Fog. Fog.

Just follow the fog. Yeah, you're in the fog. You cannot see anything other than the fog that's enveloping you. Okay. You can stand up. Yeah, if you stand up, that takes half of your movement. Can I teleport up?

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. It has to be an occupied space you can see. Since you can't see it right now, you can't teleport. You have to stand up first. Nightcrawler rules. All right, so I guess I'll stand up. That's half my movement. Do I see anything now? Yeah, you see the scene as you left it.

You see three bears. Which one do I shoot? Right in front of you is the bear that you tried to land on when you did your previous teleport. And then next to it is the other bear that you were by previously.

And then you see a brown bear as well. Glorious, beautiful, shining fur. Who's still coughing on his own spit. And where's the brown bear in relation to the two white bears? The brown bear's back by the entrance that you all walked into this room. Gum gum attacks brown bear. Gum gum is now going to teleport once again into the air.

Oh, God. Christ, fall damage. It's going to only end well. But he's done it once, so he can't fail it again. You know what makes a failed joke better? Trying again. He's recklessly going. Last time it wasn't reckless. This time it is. Are you trying to attack the same polar bear you did last time? Whichever one has taken the most hits. Yeah, that's the one that you tried to attack before.

Okay. So once again, GumGum blinks out of existence. And then you hear him screaming as he's falling from the ceiling of the room. Go ahead and make your attack rolls on this polar bear. -Oh, I'm so glad I rolled. I rolled another one. -You did. -My head is in my hands. I wish you could see me right now. -And then my second one, I got an 18. -Your second one? Oh, wait. Reckless attack gives you advantage? -Yeah.

Thank God. Otherwise, I would have... Yeah. Do you know what Gum Gum is this battle? He's Kirby in Smash Brothers, just constantly trying to float above and then do the down B attack.

Okay, I forgot that reckless attack gives you advantage. So it's not quite as bad. You are actually able to execute the move as you intended. You fall down, axe first, and it wedges itself into the polar bear's back, doing how much damage, Gum-Gum? A fatal amount, right? Yes. Definitely. Nine plus I'm raging, so that's a plus two. Great hit.

So 11. Does it get any fall damage? Don't worry. Your axe cleaves from between the shoulder blades up to the head of the polar bear, and it falls down motionless under the weight of your axe. That sounds messy. So it worked, GumGum. You did it. Yes. Yay. Battle over, guys. Yeah, we did. Best our hands off.

Hey everyone, hope you're enjoying this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I want to remind you, if you could do us a favor, give us a follow on social media at StinkyDragonPod and send us some tweets using hashtag StinkyDragonPod. Your name might be included in an upcoming episode as, you know, an NPC or someone in the world. And like we always say, the best thing you can do for a podcast is help spread the word on social media to people you know. So thank you so much.

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And then do I have any movement left? I guess I have half my movement left. Correct. Where's the other one? The other one's pretty close. Your movement is 30. Yeah, within 15. I'm going to run to it and growl. Okay. Make an intimidation check. Well, that's a seven. You all need to practice your growling. I think growling is really lacking in this party. This is what happens when you don't do vocal warm-ups beforehand. Yep. Is that it for you, GumGum? That's it.

Okay, Bart, you're up, and then Mud is after that. Okay, so I'm by the ice. Yes. Bart licks the ice. Yeah. Do it. Double dog dare you. Could I perceive how thick this ice is? Is it something that you could potentially crack through, or you got to melt it?

You think you could crack through it if you, I mean, obviously you could melt it. You know you can melt ice, so you think you'd be able to melt it. And you think if you attacked it enough, you'd be able to chip it away. Okay, I'm going to try to attack the ice then to try to crack it open. Okay, what are you going to attack it with? Swords? Yeah, I guess I'll just use my long sword for it. Okay, yeah, just go ahead and make an attack roll on it.

Are you attacking specifically where like the amulet is? Yeah, but like not so that if I break it, I would crack the amulet. Okay. I got 20. Ooh, pretty good. Yeah, go ahead and roll some damage. And so you said if it was two-handed, it would be 1d10? Yeah, that's it. Okay, coming in hot. Okay. Oh, wait. Oh, dang it. I only did a one.

You, uh, wait, you don't, I was gonna say you add your strength to that, but that's zero. Do I get to, I guess like, yeah, I don't know if it includes for, um, yeah, I think it's only like checks and, um, saving throws and stuff like that. But Bart's been a good little boy. Oh, don't worry. I mean, you still, uh, shatter off, uh, a piece of ice, like you chip it off and, uh, it falls free from the rest of the column. So it's not all the way there, but you've made progress. Okay, cool.

When Bart is able to pull that body out of the ice, does he get advantage on charisma because he's already had an icebreaker? Now it feels like a recording session. We've had a cringy pun joke. He was so excited. You were so ready to jump in with that. Did you just think about it? I'm just hovering over the inspiration die right now. No. No.

What we've learned is if you intentionally try to get an inspiration, Gus will never give it to you. Otherwise, he hands them out like candy. Yeah, well, it's that time of year. It's Halloween. Halloween time. Spooky season. Is there anything else you want to do there, Bart? Could I see anybody now from where I am? From your perspective, you would see Gum-Gum standing up and Mud as a bear. You saw that happen. And you can see the other polar bear as well.

Could I do Mantle of Inspiration for them? What was that again? Like an extra... It's a bonus action. Spend one use of Bardic Inspiration to grant five temporary HP to up to three creatures you could see within 60 feet. I'm kind of flush with temporary HP right now. Oh, are you? Well... I just... Yeah. Brag about it. No, like, I'm not... I'm not... This is not a complaint. I'm like, ooh, I feel strong.

I just know that gum gum's a little worse for wear. You'd be able to grant it to gum gum and mud. Okay. Let's do that. Yeah. Cool. So you guys get five temporary HP. Thank you. Gladly. Sorry, cyborg. I don't know where that came from. Also, there is another sentence on Mantle of Inspiration. Each creature can immediately use its reaction to move up to its speed without provoking opportunity attacks.

Yeah, so you guys can move if you wanted to. Oh. So, yeah, if you aren't happy with where you are or you want to move and not provoke attacks of opportunity, this is your chance. Is there any... This is just a D&D question. Is there any advantage to be attacking, like, from the rear of an enemy? Not necessarily, no. Okay. Mud's good where he is. I guess I might run to the ice thing? Should we run and...

I'll run to the ice thing. Okay. Yeah, I mean, it's not that far from where you are. It's only like 15 feet or so away. Here, I'll even help. I'll help Gum Gum. Hey, Gum Gum, go help with the ice. I've got the bear. You are a bear. Too late. We're okay. Gum Gum, all you hear is... No, I can talk. Mud can talk. You think the brown bear is telling you to go to the ice?

Gum Gum listens. Micah says, you can barely understand him. Early. Mud, you are up, and then Kyborg is after that. All right. Mud charges in at that other bear. Brave. Yes. And I will do a bite. I will do a bite. Let's roll for bite.

Giving him a little taste of his own medicine? Yeah, that's a 20. Oh, that connects. You bite the polar bear. A little bear on bear action. Yeah, that sounds different when you think about it. That is 11 points of damage. Mud takes a big chomp out of the polar bear. Polar bear roars in pain. Mud does a claw. That's only a 10.

The pullover is able to dodge out of the way. It knows this trick. Okay. Yeah, that's what Mud does. Mud getting in there. Getting in the mix. Drawing that aggro. Tanking a little. Yeah. Kyborg. Kyborg wants to spend half of his movement rising from the fog, standing in his feet, but only just like a brown dog coming out on a dewy, fresh morning.

To see its shadow. So are you standing or are you, like, crouched with, like, your eyes barely above the fog? Let's do crouched with eyes barely above the fog. That seems like the right call. Okay. But also, like, it prevents me from taking a disadvantage or whatever for shooting arrows and stuff, right? Sure. And it also prevents everyone from seeing your pee-pee pants. That didn't happen. What are you guys talking about? I don't know. All right. So, yeah. And then I...

Assess the situation. What's around me? It's maybe 10 feet away. You see a brown bear fighting a polar bear. Then from where you're standing, about 10, 15 feet to the north of you, you see Gum Gum and Bart around the column of ice. Okay. Who needs more help? You think I should just take a shot at the ice thing? That's totally up to you.

John seems very calm with his cute polar bear dance that he's having. So I'm going to take a shot at the ice thing to help Bart in his efforts to break out that amulet thing. Yes. Just don't shoot Bart. As long as he doesn't roll a one. 20. Oh,

Oh, yeah, that connects. Your arrow flies true and hits the column of ice doing... 11 points of damage. 11 points of damage. Yeah, a rather large chunk of the ice flies free. And it seems like you can almost get to the amulet at this point. It's like, it's so close. And then I crouch back down. Kind of like in... Oh, God, what's that one Vietnam movie?

Is he in apocalypse now? Yeah, apocalypse now. I'm going to just sink back into the mist. So you're back under the mist again. Yeah, but like crouching though. I just don't want to lose my...

You don't want to be prone. I don't want to be prone, but I also don't want to lose my mask of the wild. I want to kind of stay obscured because I am not in great shape. All right. Well, unluckily for you, it's the polar bear's turn. But luckily for you, it is very preoccupied with the brown bear that's in front of it. The polar bear lets out a roar and decides to try to bite back at the brown bear in front of it. I do the thing that when it roars, I put my finger in its mouth to push the back of its throat. Oh, I

It roars and then gets a mouthful of brown bear paw, then tries to chomp down on the paw that's in its mouth. Who could have seen this coming? Ooh, and gets a 26. That misses. I think, I'm pretty sure that hits. No, no, no, I don't think so. It bites mud for 10 points of damage. Gum gum. Only one attack? Oh, yeah, it only attacks once. Okay.

I don't know why I said that. That's like the kid at the end of school being like, no homework? No extra credit? Stop it. You should shut up more often. Miss, the map is still up on the board and we're doing a geography test. You may be surprised to know that was me. I was that kid. Wow. Not surprised at all.

Gum-Gum. So can I hit the amulet and it looks like it's coming through? How far into it is it? There's just a little more ice obscuring it. Can I attack it to try and knock it out? Yeah, you can attack the ice to try to get it out. Yeah. Why not recklessly do it? It's ice. Gum-Gum teleports into the ice. Yeah. It's a 10 and a 21.

Oh yeah, you managed to successfully chip away at the ice. Go ahead and roll your damage on it. That's a 17 plus two, that's 19. Wow. Okay, yeah. The ice shatters the amulet and the person both fall out. Your hit was so strong and intense that it shatters it to the point where both the person and the amulet fall free from the ice. Can we see what they look like more now? Well, they both fall to the ground and they're now in the fog. Oh, okay.

Then I'm going to run and pick up the amulet. Yeah, I mean, you don't have to run. It's pretty much at your feet. Amulet, do finish. Very good. Yeah, you just have to feel around near your feet for a bit to find that amulet if you want to.

Okay, I'll do that. Okay, yeah. You reach down and feel around on the ground for a bit. And yeah, you feel the metal of the amulet and you grab it in your hands and bring it up out of the fog. Is he an ice wizard again? And what is it? Yeah, I have an ice wizard. What does it look like? What does it do? So the amulet itself is a translucent white gemstone with a pale blue glow inset into a silver crescent moon pendant. It says, be sure to drink your Ovaltine.

It crumbles to dust. Is this something you, like, wear? Well, it's a pendant. Okay. And then can I then run or walk, whatever, to whoever fell on the ground, the person, and help them up? I'm going to say no. I'm going to say you attacked, and then, like, reaching down and trying to grab the amulet and finding it takes up the rest of your action. Are we in agreement we want to give this person the amulet?

Oh, I don't think we got that far. I was just hoping that touching the amulet would turn the polar bears off. Do we think this might be Dia? I'm just saying. Could be. We got the amulet. Because I could teleport to wherever Dia is, or whoever this figure is. Should I do that? Yeah. Why not? All right. I'm going to use my little teleport. All right. And now I've got the amulet, and I'll, I guess, kneel in the fog. Okay.

to die and feel around or whoever this person is and feel around. Can I do that? No, you can teleport over to them. But like, as far as like feeling or doing, because that's teleporting is a bonus act. As far as like doing anything else or looking for someone, like you've exhausted your actions. Okay. I guess I'll just hold the pendant up on my arm or something. I don't know. You can't, you know, reach down and, you know, look for the person, but you can hear like some mumbling, like, Oh, what's going on? Like in the fog.

Hi, I'm Gum Gum. Oh, I wish I had that soundboard still with the Kenku. All right, Bart, it's your turn. And then Mud, you're up after Bart. How far away am I from the being, the humanoid? Pretty close. They fell pretty close to where you were standing. So they're around your feet within like five or 10 feet. Are they hurt? You can't really tell. They slipped beneath the fog. You just had a really quick look at them as they slipped out of the ice. Okay, could I go up to them?

Like Gum-Gum did, you'll have to reach down and kind of search for a little bit, but you can hear them kind of babbling and murmuring, so it's not too hard. And yeah, you're able to find them. Yeah. Yeah, and what do you want to do once you find where they are? Could I try talking to them? Yeah. You just hear, who are you? What is going on? It's okay. You're out of the ice now. You're nice and warm. Think about good things. You're safe, kind of, maybe. Yeah.

Roaring polar bears in the back ask her what her name is I'm capable of my own decision Just for a month's perspective he's fighting a polar bear you're just like you're safe you're a war You gotta make people comfortable before you go asking them personal questions That's why Bart has the charisma for the party sure exactly

Uh, yeah, so what's your name? Who are you? I'm Archie. Who are you? What are you doing?

Wait, where's Jughead? Did we keep saying her because of Gum Gum, but we never determined if it was a guy or a girl? Right. Gotcha. Yeah, correct, correct. I was wondering why you were saying her. I kept saying bae to keep it vague. Yeah. My name is Archie. Who are you? What are you doing here? My name is Bartholomew Finn. Pleasure to meet you. He tries to shake his hand.

Sure. You're able to find it. You put his hand into yours and start shaking it enthusiastically. And we're not really quite sure why we're here, but we're here and we decided to try to save you. Oh my God, you came to help me. You heard my cries. Thank you. That was you? Wow, what?

I'll take that as a yes. Is this person wounded? I guess you, do you pull him up out of the fog? He's like, you're still, you reached into the fog. Okay, yeah. Yeah. You pull him up out of the fog and he seems to be like a middle-aged male mountain dwarf. Pretty burly. He's bawling a little bit with long red braided beard that has, you know, some flecks of gray in it. His skin looks to be like a bit blotchy.

- Okay. - Blotchy, what do you mean by that? - Blotchy, like a... - Like ice bit bitten, you know, maybe from the cold? - Like, you know, stains or just like, it's not, his skin has like patches on it. He's got blotchy skin, red marks. - Okay, okay. - Archie, my buddy, how did you come to get here? How'd you get all frozen? - He still seems really out of it. - I was in the cave looking for stuff. - What kind of stuff?

- Knowledge? - Like books or you gotta be a little more specific there Archie, boy.

Trying to remember. He still seems very disoriented. Could I cast Cure Wounds on him to see if that helps? Yeah, you could try that. I'm just trying to think if you had action available for that. Yeah, you should be able to do that. Okay, I'm going to cast Cure Wounds. That is a nine heal. Okay, yeah, his eyes seem to have a lot more light in them. And, you know, he locks eyes with you and he seems much more with it. Oh, fuck.

Thank you. He begins rummaging around in his bag. We'll get back to him in a bit. Let's finish up with everyone else. If that's okay with you, Bart. Yeah. Mud, it's your turn. There is still a bear. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I guess we're just having a good old, like, rassle here. So I'm going to go with that good old combo and do a bite, which is a 24. Nice. Yeah, that connects.

And that does nine damage. The polar bear, you know, lets out another roaring thing and looks at you with

murderous intent in its eyes. That's just unnecessary. Or is it love in his eyes? I'll roll a nat 20 for claws, which is a 26. Yeah, go ahead and roll damage. Okay, that is 2d6 plus 4, which is 10. So 6 plus 4 is 10. You hit it so hard you knock

pull over down into the fog and it does not rise again you think you have bested it yeah i did a solo murder k-o murder i did it fatality yeah congratulations you did you did a solo murder yeah our archie finally finds what he was looking for in his bag and he pulls out a potion of healing and downs it then he looks at you bart and says would you like one i've got a spare does anybody need one

Oh, absolutely. We would love anything that you're willing to give us. He hands you a healing potion. One for each of us or just to me? Just the one. Okay. Well, that is good because I only had one left. Kyborg coughs up blood.

Carver's just prone on the ground. What are you folk doing here? Who are you? We're the Infinite Interns, and we've been on quite a long journey. And we found ourselves here and drawn to the cave due to trying to help our friend Sleek. And then heard your cries for help, and here we are. Infinite's...

Sounds familiar. Hello, Archie. My name's Mud, and I was curious, where are we? We don't even know where we are because of a faulty teleportation. What's the name of this place? Oh, you're in Kalberg. Where is that in relation to... Wait, where's the Infinite's headquarters? It's in Phasia? No.

No. Phasia is the name of the whole place we're in? It's like the whole world, yeah. Nope. Herbal is where we just came from. The name where the Infinite Tower is is called... It's called... Pause. Hold on. It's called... You got notes? Sure do. Is it Pius Pass?

Nope, that was our first adventure. Where is our home? Anyways. No, I want to see if you remember. I'm curious now. Son of a... Where is... It's been so long since we've said it. I know. We went to the different places like Ironhoff and... That's in our bloom. Right.

We said it in a video recently that we were doing for Roll Vember. Y'all really did just say it. Like yesterday, I think. Yeah, we said it in a thing, but you set me off when you said phagia the other day, and now I've been thinking of phagia.

Come on, help us out. Chris, Blaine, anybody? I'm Googling. I'm Googling. Do you want me to say it? Yeah, just say it. Just say it. It was boulder-ay. Boulder-ay. It was tip of the tongue, guys. Boulder-ay, boulder-ay. All right. Archie, hello. Right there, Archie just saw Mudd just stare off into the distance for like five minutes trying to remember stuff. Loading.

Where in relation to Boulderay are we where we are here, which is what did you just call this place? Alberg. Colberg. Kind of like cyborg. Oh, Boulderay. That's really far. You're nowhere near there. You might be a little lost, my friend, but don't worry. Archibald Celeste is here to offer a wink and a friendly smile.

Okay. Archibald Celeste, huh? Yes. But my friends call me Archie. Any relation to the celestial imagery in this amulet? Oh.

His eyes become fixated on the amulet. That's what I've been looking for. You know about this thing? Oh, yeah. It's a... It's a... It's a... It's a trinket that I've been on the hunt for. And why is that? I like collecting antiquities. It's a hobby of mine. I like expanding knowledge and trying to learn about the past. You see, there were a people who lived here long ago who disappeared. And I think this can help me learn more about them.

How did you end up frozen in the middle of this room? I was in the caves looking for knowledge, and this amulet specifically. I don't remember clearly...

I think I was ambushed? And I have no memory of being frozen. I know I was attacked, but I don't remember anything beyond that. Are there any nearby towns or anything like that that we could run to? He reaches into his bag and pulls out a map and says, Oh yeah, see here, lucky for you, I'm an excellent navigator. In fact, there's a settlement not too far from here. Sweet. And I'll tell you what, I'll help you get there...

If you all agree to protect me during the journey. You know, because I'm still a little weak from my encounter here. What's the deal now that we can stop and look with that platform behind us? Is there anything more we can figure out why that was something back there? Yeah, do you want to walk over there, I guess? Yeah, I'm kind of curious. Didn't we see other little fiendish creatures chilling out in

going on darting around in the mist. Can Mutt do a little bit of a, a little bit of a smell check at the room? Yeah. What do you mean? Like a perception or? I want to smell if there's any sense that I don't know in this room. Oh, like a, like a literal smell check. Yeah. I got, I got keen smell. I'm using my bear nose. Also props to Archie for holding a conversation with a giant brown bear. He seems very calm. Yeah. This would say what kind of check you make with that? Perception. Perception. Go and make a perception check.

And I get advantage. Ooh, 17. That's 22. Ooh, 22. You smell a lot of things that seem to be unfamiliar to you. You think in the

around the room, you smell corpses, like dead bodies. Wait, and hold on. Is that Kyborg's urine? What is that? You pee your pants while you're on the ground? There were, you said there were other, we noticed other shadows. Like, what's the deal with that? Is that still something we're seeing going on? Did those stop when the polar bears stopped or what? Yeah, you still see them kind of like

in the ghostly apparitions in the fog floating around the room. I don't like that. Can Kyborg request that other healing potion? Because this doesn't sound like we're going to be able to take a rest for a bit. Yeah, we should probably try to heal you up. Could I walk over to Kyborg and give him a potion? Yeah. Thank you. All right. Open wide.

That's the sound I make when I'm drinking too. 2d4 plus 2 on that potion. 2d4 plus 2. It's 5 plus 2, 7 points of healing. Pretty good. Thank you. Archie says, I believe the exit is...

is out there on that side of the room. And he points over where the platform is that you were asking about, Mud. So it's like, should we be concerned about these ghostly forms rolling around the fog around us? Yeah, let's not dawdle here too long. These are potentially, I think, some kind of spirits related to the people who used to live here in the past. Okay. Spirits. Okay, let's GTFO, shall we? Yeah. Yeah.

Get the fog out of here. Hey! Yeah, you go up to that platform on the north end, and the wall near the platform has like a small little cavity carved into the rock. Someone hasn't been brushing.

A small cavity? Describe, like, what's the size of the cavity? It's like 18 inches. 12 to 18 inches by 12 to 18 inches, something like that. You can send Brink Tussler's dumb snake in there to scatter it out for us. Archie, you said the exit might be this way, but there seems to be just a small hole. Do you understand, like, what's the deal here? Hmm. He gets down on one knee and examines it, puts his face up to it. Then he turns back to the party, puts his hand out, goes, Hand me the amulet. Uh, why? Why?

Do we want to hand him the amulet? I mean, we just met this guy. I don't know if we want. Maybe we'll get him to lead us to where we need to go before giving it to him. It's tough to me. I can't take it off. I think it's soul bound. It's the cold. It's the cold, right? Yeah, I could use it for you. Gum Gum has become more and more untrustworthy of people.

We've corrupted this poor 15-year-old boy. Archie kind of like furrows his brow and says, here, I know how to unlock the door. Just give me the amulet and I can get this open for us. Mud looks at Bart to see if Bart's intuition is peaking. Could I ring of truth this guy? Yeah.

I think you just like use it after you ask a question, right? And it gives you like an advantage on insight checks, if I remember right. Something like that. Good call. Couldn't Bart just do an insight check on what he just said? Yeah, that would make sense, I guess. Sure. Okay, there's a 17 on one. Very good. And a 18 on the next. Ooh.

Yeah, you think he's telling the truth. You don't sense any deception in what he said. Okay. All right, guys. I trust this guy. My little ring of truth is giving me the old winky face thumbs up. So, yeah, let's give him the amulet and see what happens. The ring of truth only communicates in emojis. Exactly.

It's the sunglass emoji with a thumbs up emoji. Oh, sunglass one. That's a little extra. Mm-hmm. It means you're cool. Okay. I hand it to Archie, but I'm looking at Bart the whole time. Okay. Archie takes the amulet from you and he puts it into the cavity. And you see he's like twisting and seems to be doing some kind of action with his hand. And then you hear like a click and the rock wall melts like snow to reveal a long passage with a scent of fresh air. Yeah.

And out comes Dwayne the Rock Johnson looking like a scorpion. Archie stands up and puts the amulet around his neck. All right, come on. Let's get out of here. All right, we'll follow you. You follow the dark passage, which seems to slalom this way and that. If it weren't for the distinct scent of fresh air in Pinewood, you would think this path was going in circles.

Finally, you come around a bend and spot a glimmer of daylight and the rustling of leaves. You reach the end of the path and it opens up to a white hillside shrouded in evergreens and a blanket of snow falling from overcast skies. A harsh wind picks up behind you saying, The ground begins to quake and the cave ceiling starts to cave in. Everyone needs to make a dexterity saving throw. Hey Archie, what's going on here?

I've seen Aladdin. I know what's going on. Seven. Ooh. Aye, aye, aye. Nine. Fourteen. I have advantage. Fifteen and a eleven. So it's fifteen. Archie gets a three. And Sleek gets a... I'm going to start nicknaming Sleek. Sleek the useless. You didn't do anything. Boom. Sixteen. So let's see. Kyborg, Bart, and Archie all take damage from falling rubble. Mmm.

But not much. And you all take seven points of damage. Oh, my God.

Thank God for that temp HP. Way to go, Bart. And you just took the potion. Sleek may not, you know, have done much. He just seems like a moody teenager. Great. From under the rubble, I'm just lying down. Can I just say, can we take a short rest? Mud would love a long rest of some kind. Archie pipes up and says, Oh, most ominous, wouldn't you say? We seem to have upset the spirits of the cave.

Yeah, if you guys want to take a short rest, you're more than welcome to. We can do a long rest. Can we get further from the cave? I don't like it. That's a very good request there, GumGum. Archie, how far are we from that village that you found on your map?

It'll take several hours to get there. Maybe a long day's worth of travel. Okay, so we should probably rest. Yeah, non-ease. Just a little further from the cave, though. So I crawl about 15 feet, and then I lay down. I cast... No, I guess I want to stay as a bear. I was going to cast Bonfire, but I'm just going to stay as a bear. Going to Hibernation? Do you plug your butt with twigs and leaves? Yes.

Canonically, that's what bears do. Yeah? Yep. Every time they fall asleep, that's what they do. It's not like they grab stuff and put it up there. I think they just eat a bunch, right? And it's like, it's part of the digestion. Who's to say bears are a mysterious creature? Scientists have yet to discover. Yeah. Archie says, so we have a deal then. After our rest, I'll show you guys to the nearest settlement and you'll protect me on the journey. Yeah. Can we get that thingy back though? Amulet. But we trust him. Oh, definitely.

No, don't worry. Look, just let me study it a bit while we rest. I've spent so long searching for it. I promise I'll give it back. You're not gonna up and leave us in the middle of the night, are you? No, never. Archibald Celeste is a man of his word. He holds out his husky, albeit blotchy-skinned hand to shake your hand. Don't worry. My condition...

It's not contagious. So we've got a deal then. My navigating, your protection. I get to study the amulet and then I'll hand it back to you. Kyborg tells Bart to check his hand to see if the ring of truth got slipped off because this guy seems kind of sneaky. Could I use the ring of truth on what he just said? Yeah, you get to roll insight check with advantage. Okay, coming up. We got 22 and then we got a 13, so 22.

You lying? He seems to be on the up and up. You think he's very intent on studying the amulet. He seems very focused on that right now. But he seems to be, as far as you can tell, he seems to be on the up and up. But there is something a little weird about his seeming obsession with the amulet. Do we think this is like the one ring thing? Yeah.

Hey Bart. Yeah. Hey Bart, should I make him wear a friendship bracelet with me? I thought that friendship bracelet was just for me and you, Gum Gum. Well, not this kind. Oh, are you going to... He wants to handcuff him. He wants to handcuff him. Archie still does have his hand out. He's waiting for someone to shake his hand. All right. Gum Gum will handcuff him.

Wally's got his hand up. I like this. This is a friendship bracelet. Bart will reach out to shake his hand and I guess gum gum if you want to handcuff him at the same time. I feel like that's like just showing our distrust of him, which is not going to end well, though, which is what I'm worried about. Dude, we just met this dude and he wants to take this like very important looking artifact and hold it away from us while we all sleep. I don't trust that. To be honest,

To be fair, we didn't have... You all aren't sleepy. Yeah, you're just resting. And he clearly said he's been looking for it. I don't have to trust him. So just a point of clarification. So Bart, do you shake his hand and then Gum-Gum, you handcuff him? Yeah. It's a friendship bracelet. That means we're friends.

I think it's like, it's not even that Gum-Gum doesn't trust him. He actually uses it as a friendship bracelet. It's like forcing someone new to be friends with him when they first meet him. This is how I got to be friends with Bart. Yeah. It's immersion therapy. Yeah. So I guess he shares a firm handshake with Bart and then, you know, Gum-Gum...

runs in and slaps the handcuffs on him. He's startled. He kind of like jumps back as a reflex and says, what? What is this? This is my friendship bracelet. I put it on all my new friends. I'm wearing it too. So now we're friends. Congratulations. What?

No. I see. I know. I know. I know what's going on. This is fine. You guys don't think you can trust me. Okay? Don't worry. Like I said, Archibald Celeste is a man of his word. I won't abscond in the night like a thief in the dark. Okay? You don't have to worry about that.

Yeah, because we're good friends now. And he looks annoyed and he looks down at the handcuff. Anyway, let's see. With his one free hand, he rummages through his pack, pulls out a pipe, lights it, and

Then he reaches back into his bag, unfurls a folded map, crimped with creases and frayed on the edges. With his free hand, he thumbs his way across the page, while mumbling behind his beard and wildly puffing some smoke. Aha! Okay, if my projections are precise, which I know they are, it seems the closest settlement is but a few miles to the east. Get ready, interns! We're heading to Brumafume! Brumafume!

Thanks for listening, everybody. Hopefully you enjoyed this thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Is Archie going to be okay with being best friends with Gum-Gum? You're going to have to find out next week. Friendship bracelets. That should be a shirt. Can we sell handcuffs and call them friendship bracelets in the store? Totally.