C01 - Ep. 25 - Wight Winter - Cave of Blunders
01:22:15 Share

This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Felicitations, my fairly fiendly fae. Flutter on in to the stinky dragon. Sip on our latest sensation, the Magic Keto. It's a mix of spill-binding syrup, madcap mint leaves, redcap rum, cool red club soda, and a squeeze of lime. This refreshment is a force of nature that puts the wild back in fae wild.

Previously, our adventurers found themselves in a wintry wilderness struggling to fend for themselves. They fought off some cold-blooded wolves, crawled across an icy lake, and have now come upon a mysterious mountain echoing spine-chilling screams. What waits inside for our intrepid interns? Pull up a chair and let's continue our tale. ♪

I thought it was a whale. Huh.

Yeah, you did say it was a whale. It seems like it's coming from inside the cave. But Sleek is outside the cave, so it's not Sleek. Correct. And Sleek is still unconscious. It's a different human.

Are we going? Like, are we in D&D now? Yeah. What do you all want to do? Has the scene started? We're just cutting right to it. Well, I have exploding arrows. I kind of want to cause a cave-in. I want to cause an avalanche or a cave-in. You want to cause an avalanche or a cave-in? All right. Stop. Stop. Don't do that. So there's nothing around Sleek. He's just slumped. Sleek is slumped on the slushy. There's that torn wolf's body with his entrails spilling out. It's kind of close to him now. Groovy. Groovy.

Does it look like the big wolf? No, it looks like a regular-sized wolf. Oh. Okay. What's the state of Sleek? It seems like he's taken a little bit of damage from where he was being dragged by the wolf, but he is still unconscious and breathing. You know, I don't know. He's not dead, if that's what you're asking. Give him some berries. Berries and cream, berries and cream. Berries and cream.

Unfortunately, I think I ate all of his dingleberries berries. Yeah, you ate that first round of berries. I could do cure wounds, potentially. I could do another round of good berries. Okay.

This is totally that meme of when you go against a boss person and they're like huge and monstrous. And then when they join your party and then like Sleek is like taking a freaking nap in front of the thing. Sleek was so OP. He had an entire city like under his brain. And then now he's just, he blows. He doesn't have his loot. That's why he's kind of sad. Yeah. Yeah.

I made some berries and has offered some berries hopefully to see if Sleek would take them and eat them. Sleek can't take them. Sleek's unconscious. Then I do the whole thing like in Princess Bride and put them in his mouth and munch with my hands. Okay.

Dude can't even eat. This guy stinks. I say we- Carrie Elwes ate the miracle man's little thing without- with being half dead, so we can make this happen. Oh, bro, no. I mean, hey, make Princess Bride references all day. That's fine. I love that. Carrie Elwes for life. Andre the Giant, rest in peace. But no, no. Sleek sucks. We should just let him die. No. Sleek is an infanite. He's one of the infanites. Sleek is an infanite. Well, then act like it. Act like it, man. I'm slapping him in the face as I'm saying this. Be an infanite. What's wrong with you? Can I- can I-

Could I touch for some cure wounds? I just need to touch him. Yeah, yeah. Berries, cure wounds, do the whole nine yards. Do it. He's like a king, like a Caesar on a throne. We're like feeding him berries and massaging him, and I'm massaging his face with my slaps. He's one of the infinite. I want to turn to talk to Kyberg for a second. Okay. Okay. Kyberg. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I understand that you have some criticism over Sleek's contribution to the team right now. But let's remember one simple thing. Okay. Not too long ago, you decided to do a God

godforsaken backflip in the middle of a battle which left you prone on the ground attacked by a wolf and then I had to come and save you which then led to us being literally frozen solid and having half of our life knocked out of us so let's not you know rocks glass houses all that kind of thing right I saved you from two wolves they were attacking you I used my action surge I killed one of them

Alright. The backflip was the celebratory backflip. Did it go wrong? Yes. Did you see me at the time yelling at you about the backflip? No. While that's going on, I've been cutting open the wolf hide. Trying to skin it.

I was gonna take that wolf. That's why you knew that I'm the wolf hide guy. Yeah. Okay, before we get to the wolf hide, Bart, since you did cast Cure Wounds, go ahead and roll a d8 and add 3 for your healing power on Slick. More like suck, am I right? So that'll be a 6 total. Our entire mission is to save the Infinites. Maybe we get 3 out of 4. Ha ha ha ha!

Gum gum, you get some red wolf meat. Cool. Where is that going? You think you could probably cook them up. So it's better than what? Oh, yeah, this is actually usable. You could cook this and eat this. Okay. Hey, guys, I got some meat. Oh, my God, please help me.

Where'd you go in there? Shut up! We're talking! After Bart touches Sleek, he seems to come to a little bit. His eyes open up and he seems kind of dazed. Okay. Mud creates a bonfire near Sleek using create bonfire. Do you have an ability called create bonfire? Yeah, I do. Uh-huh. Five foot cube of a bonfire. I could use it offensively if I wanted, but I'm not. Okay. So you make a bonfire appear.

Yeah, to give Sleek something. Grab some... Can we grab some, like, sticks and have some torches as we go in? Sure. It's not an angry mob if you don't have torches and pitchforks. Well, we're not angry. Speak for yourself. I'm pretty angry.

Keep messing with my friends. I got dark vision. I'm good. I don't need any torches. My stick, instead of using it for a torch, I put my steaks on it and prop it up near the bonfire to cook. Smells good. Is that so sleek when he awakes, he'll have a steak waiting for him? No, like I said, he's coming too. He's just a little dazed. Oh, okay. I thought he was... Okay, so he can come with us. No. After Bart did his cure wounds, his eyes popped open. He's dazed, but he's awake. He's conscious. MVP of the team. Sleek, what happened?

Okay, bye.

How do you feel? Are you okay? I think so. He's like touching his body. He's like, I feel really sore. Why did it let you go? I'm not certain. Did you all kill the wolf? He sees the carcass of the wolf next to him. Not that one. Is this really sleek? I want to do a perception check. Oh, yeah. Go ahead and roll a perception check.

Or I think you would be insight is actually what you're thinking of. Like to determine if someone's lying. All right. Sorry. Plus zero. Great. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. 13. Yeah. You think he's telling the truth. You don't sense anything false. Mud also rolls in insight. Got an 11. Are you also trying to see if Sleek's trying to see? No, you don't sense any deception. We're just so confused because he was really powerful before. Just as a reminder, I have a ring of truth. Yes. Just so you know.

If anybody wants to figure stuff out, it should be me. Go for it. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's sleek. You guys rolled pretty okay. Okay. Instead of then, if he's coming with us, I was making that bonfire for him. Could I put a bonfire at the, like, into the cave and then also use control flames to make it double brightness to see if it, like, illuminates what's going on inside that cave before we enter it? Ooh. Yeah, you could do that. You die from smoke inhalation. Reroll character.

Carbon monoxide poisoning. Yeah. The cave entrance is an arrangement of two large stalactites and two large stalagmites. It's kind of reminiscent of fangs and a yawning mouth. Does it say only a diamond in the rough can enter? Is that what it's doing? I was thinking more Castle Grayskull, less Aladdin, but, you know, that's cool. No, it's always Aladdin. Yeah, you're outnumbered here. By the power of Grayskull. And there's two passages branching off after the entrance of the cave.

One of them seems to lead east and one of them seems to lead west. I go left. Of course you do. I want to clarify something that Mud said a little while ago. So you made the bonfire. Do you want Sleek to stay at the bonfire or what's your plan with that? I mean, that was my original thought. I must have misheard or not heard what the state of Sleek was, but I thought Sleek wouldn't be travel ready at all. So I was thinking we need to leave Sleek here and keep him safe as much as possible. So I thought a bonfire.

You can tell him to stay at the bonfire if you want. That's up to you guys. That's kind of why I was asking. I mean, is he going to continue to suck or is he going to put on his big boy britches and actually help out for once? I don't know. I can't answer that. Okay. Can you do the control flame thing to make a fire barrier in case people try and come in after us? Ooh.

It's an instantaneous action, and so I can extend the flames five feet in one direction, and it's already a five-foot bonfire, so I can make it a ten-foot-wide bonfire. Is that enough to stop to cover the exit? How long does it last for? Does it stay forever, or what does it do? The bonfire stays... I guess it's a one-minute concentration, so yeah, it's just a... I can't... One minute goes by, and the bonfire goes away. Yeah, so for one minute, you could protect yourselves. Yep.

So the answer is no. Cannot make a wall of fire that will protect us in perpetuity. Big word. In perpetuity. Here, I have an idea to help us. Can we all go into the entrance of the cave and then we'll all listen very carefully to see if we can hear that help again and we might be able to tell which direction it's coming from. Can I present an alternative? You may do. Okay. I face the cave's entrance and I say, Marco! Marco!

And I wait, I wait. Do they know what that is in this land? Everyone knows it's Marco Polo. He was a very famous wizard. Marco! You're shouting Marco into the caves? Yes. Okay. You get no reply.

I tried my best, guys. I don't know. I don't know what to say. Can we go to the entrance and try it? I think we should probably go in regardless because that's where we heard the voices coming from, right? Yeah. I mean, can we go in and, like, listen before we pick a direction? I would like to do that. I mean, you know where I want to go. Where's all those helps you kept saying over and over again, Gus? Roll a perception check. Can everybody roll a perception check? No.

Uh, you. You asked me. Well, I said I specifically wanted to be in character and tell the group, can we all stand there and listen? Because I wanted the whole group to participate. You go first. Can I get a perception check from you? You can get it. It's 18. What do you want? I also got an 18. Do you feel like the help screams or the cries are coming from the western exit? That's left. We're facing north. Are we facing north?

I guess I should clarify. When you all enter the cave, you're going south into the cave. Oh, God. I should have painted that picture. So is the right turn? To the right, correct. Okay, so let's go right. I don't know if I can follow.

Can you do like a, can you do like a, if you do a full like 360 turn to the point where then the cave entrance that we need to go, the direction we need to go to is a left, can you do that? Like a Zoolander kind of thing? I want to point something out. I just did a real dumb, that only, Mike is the only one who caught it because Mike is the only other person who can see the map. I was looking at the map upside down this whole time. Oh no! Ah!

So you are entering to the north. So yes, west is to the left. Thank you, Micah. I've looked at this so many times. I never...

I was looking at it upside down, a real idiot. Okay, so you want to go to the west where you're hearing the sounds seem like they're coming from? Yes. Go left. Yeah. Mud smacks Kyborg's butt and tells him to take the lead, gives him guidance along the way. Oh, you got it. What's Gum-Gum doing? I haven't heard Gum-Gum in a while. Well, Gum-Gum's waiting for everyone to stop talking so we can go into the cave. Couché.

So the exit to the western side of this room, it's a good size. The passage goes straight for about 20 feet, then it takes like a 90 degree turn to the right. It opens up into a good size square room. Let's call it 30 feet by 30 feet or so. Wait, Kyborg perceives that West End Girls by Pet Shop Boys is playing in this direction.

The ceiling in this cave room, I don't know what to call it, cave room, cave room? The ceiling in here is pretty heavily cracked and there's some fallen rubble on the floor all around the place.

There's a few old circular frayed pillows on the floor near the northern wall. And on that northern wall, it looks like there's some ancient cave paintings as well. Is this whole cave like rock or ice? This particular cave you're in, this room you're in, is all rock. In the room we're in, is there any other signs of an exit anywhere else? Or are we like in a... Oh, thank you. I forgot. I omitted that very key detail. There is another exit on the northeastern side of the room.

I just finished playing Link's Awakening on Switch, and so I'm in total, like... Dungeon crawling mode. Dungeon crawling mode. You know, it's like, does one of the walls have a cracked area that I could lay a bomb at, you know? Might I go inspect the cave paintings, sire?

Oh, of course. Unless you all say otherwise, I'm going to assume everyone else is down near the southern part of the room where you all entered this cave. Yeah. Can I go with them? Yeah. Gum Gum and Kyborg cross to the other side of the cave to inspect the cave paintings on the northern wall. It seems like, you know, they're really old and maybe they've been marred or rubbed. You're not sure. Maybe like fallen rubble has scraped against them over the many years. Hmm.

At the bottom of the paintings, it seems like there's paintings of people bowing to something above them. What does it look like? Thanos. Make me an investigation check. Number one investigator. Make an art history check. Five. Number one investigator with a negative one modifier. Batman looks sick. I got a six on investigation. Gum-Gum has a negative three.

Kyborg and Gum-Gum look very closely at the paintings, and indeed, they are paintings. Good job. There are people at the bottom that seem to be bowing to something above them. This is really good.

This is really good work. This is good stuff. Could Bart come take a look? Sure. If you want to take a closer look, go ahead and roll an investigation check as well. Yeah. Could I get up on Gum-Gum's shoulders so I could get even closer to it? Bart, come look. Come look. Sure. If Gum-Gum allows it, sure. Yeah. Would that give me an advantage? No. Dang it. Okay. But it'll be fun. Worth a shot.

All right, 13. It looks to you, Bart, like it seems like the people are worshiping some kind of white and blue beast, maybe like a bear. And all around the beast, there's symbols like sun and snow and wind and lightning. So I think it's a bear. And he said it's white and blue. Yeah. Or is it gold and black? Do you have an inspiration, Dianne? That's pretty good. Wait.

Wait, I don't get it. I don't either. It's the dress thing. It's a bad reference. The blue and black versus white and gold dress that everyone's debating about. What a callback. Yeah, good times. It's blue and black, by the way. Anyways. Correct. Correct. Okay, so I'll communicate that with the team just because they've had a tough time seeing what it is. I'm cross-eyed in drools hanging from my blip.

You said there are like disheveled pillows around the floor? Yeah, like old frayed pillows along the northern wall, close to where the paintings are. Do they look like, are they kind of like a sleeping pillow or are they like a sitting pillow? Why did Kyborg roll for an unarmed strike? Pillow fight! Why did Kyborg roll for two unarmed strikes? Pillow fight! I get advantage because it was a surprise. 20. Mm-hmm.

Are they like sitting pillows? So like you come up, do you also want to go up, I guess, to take a look, a closer look at the pillows to investigate them? No.

So you're trying to look at the pillows from the far southern portion of the room. You can't tell from where you are. They're pretty far. They seem to have anime girls sewn in. Oh, God. Wait, do you think they sew the anime girls into those pillows? Like some sort of like grandma is sewing an anime girl onto them? Well, no, but I don't think that they have the printing press. Oh, okay. Do you think they reap what they sew? Maybe.

Can I do, like, some sort of, like, a check to just look around for anything out of the norm or, like, holes in the walls where darts are going to fly out or, like, something's going to shut behind us kind of thing? Can I do, like, a trap check? You want to, yeah, like, check for traps? Yeah, Mudd's looking for holes in the walls for traps, right? Mm-hmm.

- Yeah. - PG, PG, PG. - That's actually an investigation check, Mud. - Oh, damn. - So you rolled an 11 and you have a minus one. - I rolled a one and it's a zero.

Zero. No, you are definitely in a cave. That you are certain of, maybe. And you said there's cracks in the ceiling and there's rubble on the floor as though it's fallen from the cracks in the ceiling? Yes. Okay. Since I totally nailed that investigation check, I'm going to confidently join the group on the other end of the room and check out these pillows. Okay. Mud begins to cross the room. And in the distance, you all hear a really loud roar.

John

John's smart. Mud dumb. Mud, go ahead and make a dexterity roll to see if you can dive out of the way of some of the rubble that's falling down from the ceiling now. Can I get advantage of that because I was already cautious and anxious? John was. Mud was not. Mud was in character anxious, just wasn't smart enough to see where the stuff was. No, no. If you had made a good check, I would have given you advantage, but you got a zero. Twelve. Yeah, Mud, we'll say you managed to successfully dodge Mud's

Most of the rubble, like the big pieces that are going to hit your head. But you do take five points of bludgeoning damage from some small rocks that pepper you as you dive out of the way. Okay. Luckily for you, you are on the same side of the cave-in as the rest of your party. So it is a cave-in? It's not like it's impassable. In my mind, any time parts of the cave fall, it's a cave-in. I've forgotten the layout of the room. We came in from the south. The paintings are on the north. And then where was the other exit?

The northeast. Oh. So you came in from the southeast corner. Oh, okay. Then all the paintings are on the north side, and then the X that you see is on the northeast corner. What's in the southwest? Nothing that you see. And then I need information about these pillows. I walked treacherously across this room and dodged rocks to see these pillows. This better be worth it, right? Yeah. How good are these pillows? What's their threat count? Go ahead. Just for fun, roll me an investigation check. Egyptian cotton. Not again. Come on. Okay.

Four. Four. The pillows look uncomfortable. There you go. But I'm an idiot. Okay, lay down on them. I like the idea of Mud telling us that and us going, cool, thanks, dude. Hey, guys, those pillows, they look very uncomfortable. Nice. I'm going to see for myself. Mud, actually, in addition, go ahead and make me a history check just for fun.

I'm sorry. I'm rolling a history check on pillows. D&D is fine. Ten. You're not sure why there would be pillows here. It doesn't really make much sense to you. I have a theory, but it would require me to destroy the pillows. May I proceed to team? Why don't you ask us in character? That's what I'm doing.

Oh, I didn't. I wasn't picking up on Kyborg's voice. He has range, you know. He is an archer. We need to make sure these aren't important or something before we destroy him. I just want to see if there's anything inside. So I was going to like take a hand axe to like maybe the corner of one and just see if there's anything hidden inside. Okay, I lay on it first. Yeah, well, how many are there? How many are there, Gus? Two. There's four.

Okay, then... One for each of us. Gum-Gum can totally lay on one, and Kyber can totally slash at one. And could I investigate mine?

Yes. Do it. Do it, please. I'll deal with Kyborg first because he asked first and then we'll deal with Bart's investigation. Kyborg, you want to cut one open like the corner? Yeah, I'll use my hand axe. I'll be really careful about it. I just want to be getting inside. I don't want to destroy the actual thing. You, yeah, I guess like you, I imagine you're just trying to like pop some of the stitches and open it up. Yep, precisely.

A swarm of locusts fly out of the pillows and trap us all. Yeah. Make a constitution saving throw. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Oh, my God. Jesus. You pop open a few of the stitches and take a look inside the pillow. And it seems like it's pretty frayed and worn out. It seems like it's really old and dilapidated. And on the inside, you find some really ratty wolf fur. Okay. How do I feel about... How does the pillow feel for me? Make a dexterity check, Gum Gum. Okay.

I don't know how... Okay. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much time are we wasting on these pillows, Gus? It's great. I love it. That's what D&D is all about, is, like, fixating on something and just really digging into it. Yeah, like doors.

Yo, those doors are hard. It's a 20. 20. These pillows are not comfortable, but you know, you managed to like wriggle your way around to where like they fill in just on the right spots and you're able to get a little comfortable on the floor. Pretty good considering the poor shape the pillows are in. I would say that

Uh, mine is somewhat of not telling the truth. They're not the best fellows. Why does gum gum sound like Donald Trump today? Am I the only one? Oh no! Gum gum's so orange! Can't get a work on that. Uh, and then Bart, you also want to investigate? Bart, you roll me a history check. History, okay.

14. Nice. Oh, look at you, Bart. Knowing stuff, huh? I kind of want the whole group to roll history checks for this just to determine which of the four of us knows most about pillows. Kyborg's rolling one. It's not Kyborg. Kyborg got a six. I raised myself in the woods. I had no pillow. I slept on the ground because of Quadrant and the Quadrant's Quadrant. I got a zero on my history check. All right. Bart.

Tell us everything you know about pillows. Except on a rock. All right, here we go. You're the brains here. You think that these pillows were probably used for either praying or meditating. Not for like sleeping, but for... Oh, like for your knees. Sitting or kneeling on the ground. Right. So someone's been blasting farts into these things. Some kind of religious purpose. Holy farts. Hey, group. Yep.

Okay.

Stop unarm striking me. I just want to throw a pillow at someone. That's all I want to do. I want to take a pillow. You want to take a pillow, GumGum? Yeah. All right. Go ahead and write down frayed meditation pillow. It's probably going to come in handy in some really stupid way. I'm counting on it. Well, GumGum likes to pick lots of things up is what I've noticed. One of these days, I got to do an inventory on GumGum and see how much stuff you're actually carrying. And then we should do a follow-up TikTok where Chris carries the amount that GumGum carries. Yeah.

Gum Gum is currently carrying 137 pounds of stuff.

Damn. Wow. That's two plates on a barbell. He can handle that. Chris is strong. Do you want to proceed to the next room? Possibly? You're here. I guess so, yeah. I think we've determined this is clearly some type of worship room. Some sort of blue and white deity. That's the only thing we need. A bear. Yeah. And he had sun, some snow. What else is... He's one of those charming bears. Wind and lightning. Wind and lightning. Definitely a charming bear. You writing those down, Bart? Yeah, I'm writing them down in my memory. I have a...

It's like under lock and key in here. DDR3. Definitely not writing this with a Sharpie and a little notepad in real life. Just for the listeners, I want to point out, Mud has the second most gear at 91 pounds, then Kyborg at 83.75, and in last place is Bart with 60.5. I was curious. I hadn't looked. For weight? Yeah. Why do I have so much gear? Which is, you know...

because Bart is the strongest on the team. Oh, my great club is pretty heavy. I was wondering if that was going to trigger Blaine or not. Always does, always will. Okay, so you all want to go on and leave this room? Yeah, let's see if we can find the compass in the next room. Wee!

So you all exit out of this cavern through that exit up to the northeast. It's a passage that bends a bit, goes down, bends for about 20 feet and opens up into a pretty big rectangular room about 30 feet by 40 feet in size. This room looks to be pretty clearly man-made like it's been carved out. The floor is pretty smooth stone and there's two long stone tables that run parallel down the middle of the chamber.

and there's a group of stalactites arranged in a circle on the ceiling in the center of the chamber. Boss music plays. Roll for initiative. I think we're in some sort of dining area. Mm-hmm.

Okay, you wanna eat? I'd say, look at the spiky things on the ceiling, Gum-Gum. You see them? Yeah. Right. We're going to avoid standing underneath those, okay? Okay. All right. Is there, so there's, it's just the two tables, there's nothing, and then there's nothing else on the floor? Or on the walls? Make me an investigation check. Stop. We need better intelligence in this group to make these checks.

That's a 13. It's quite dark. That's not bad. Not bad. It seems to be a pretty spartan room. There doesn't really seem to be anything else out of the ordinary, other than, you know, like I said, the floor is pretty smooth and the walls are, you know, kind of smooth. It's not super rough stone. That's what kind of leads you to believe that this cave is manmade and not a natural formation.

What's the light source of this cave? Is it just torches on the walls? It's pretty dark. You all said you were bringing some torches in? Yeah, from my bonfire. Yeah. So it's pretty dark in here. Okay. Tables have anything on them? Make me a history check just for fun. Okay. Just for fun. It's a one. No such thing. Three. Three. Not a one. Three. There's nothing out of the ordinary. The tables do have some plates and cutlery that seem to be really old.

Is there another exit out of the room? The exits for this room, there's two passages. There's one on the northwestern corner leading west and one on the northeastern corner leading east. The exit to the west seems to be like it's blocked off by a wall of ice. Is this like magic ice or could we melt it with a torch or perhaps an exploding arrow?

Why do you say it that way? You don't know? Well, I have something that could help with that. I'd like to approach that ice wall, but I'd like to do it... I don't know why I'm talking in Mud's voice. I'd like to do it by staying along the wall as much as I can. Sure. I want to do the same. Just follow him, because I think we're supposed to. All right, so Mud and Gum-Gum go around, take a look at the ice, and...

You just want to like see what it is? Yeah. Is there anything like can I see through it at all? Can I tell the thickness of it? Is there a light source on the other side? You know, all that kind of stuff. It doesn't seem like there's a light source on the other side. And it does seem to be a fairly thin wall of ice. It's not like super thin, like you couldn't easily punch through it. But it's not like impossible to get through if you were determined. Okay, Borg. Mm.

I'm going to give you one opportunity to try and punch through this wall before I use magic to solve the problem. That's all I'll need, brother. What am I doing? Athletics? Strength? So Kyborg is going to go up there. I assume you're going to hug the western wall and go up there and join Mud and Gum-Gum? Yeah. And Bart, are you still standing out by the entrance by yourself where we all walked into that room? Well, I know I'm scared of being alone, so I should probably go with them. Come give the wall a hug. I'll give the wall a hug. Just for you, Gum-Gum.

Thank you. It's a good wall. I give it a little pat and I go, good wall. Okay, so you all decide to all go collectively investigate the wall together. Kyborg is going to try to punch through the wall. Roll an athletics check. My favorite part of this is that two of us

have abilities that could help him and we're not using them. 23. I don't need him. 23. Yeah. Kyborg winds up, lets out a mighty punch. And even though it looked like it was too thick for it, he does match successfully. Punch clear through the wall of ice and shatter it in a single punch. And when I do it, I go, oh yeah. I grab Kyborg. But it was a good wall. Why'd you punch it?

As Kyborg punches through the wall, everyone needs to go ahead and roll a dexterity saving throw.

Oh, no. Something's probably going to be shaking. Oh, saving throw. Okay. All right. I have advantage on dexterity saving throw, so I'm rolling two. 18. I rolled a 19. 15. 15. Okay. Y'all did pretty good. It's almost like you have like spidey sense as you all are staring, admiring, cyborgs, fine work. Admiring is a strong word. That's pretty impressive. You get like...

A bad feeling. And you turn around just in time and dodge out of the way as an ice Muppet dives down from the ceiling and breathes frost breath all over the area where you were just standing a second ago. A what? Ice Muppet. It's like a little ice devil. Ice Muppet. Yeah, Ice Muppet. It's Waka Waka.

I want to say thank you to everyone who's been engaging with us on social media at StinkyDragonPod. Love seeing all the feedback in the comments. If you feel free, please send us fan art, home-brewed magic items, you know, nothing crazy, no plus 100 sword or whatever. Maybe send us some tavern brews. Remember, use hashtag StinkyDragonPod. We'd really appreciate it. Speaking of, the tavern drink for this episode was inspired by Twitter user at...

Steven74414028, or as most people know them, Steven Brown. They tweeted us their drink idea, the Magic Heeto, which is kind of like mojito. Maybe you have an idea for the next Tavern drink in the intro? Send us your beverage using #StinkyDragonPod and it might be in a future episode. And I'm not sure if we've addressed this in the campaign, but when it comes to critical hits or Nat 20s, as a DM, I personally like to give the player

full damage die plus whatever they roll plus their bonuses. I know some people like to roll double damage die or double the results of their damage die roll. I'm just always afraid that the player ends up with doubling a one or two ones. So that's why I give them a full damage die. That way it always feels like it's special or it's doing more damage. But I don't know if we've ever called that out explicitly. Just wanted to explain it. How do you approach it? What are your favorite ways to approach Nat 20s with your players in D&D campaigns?

Shin Megami Tensei V is the newest installment to the acclaimed JRPG series developed by Atlus. You play as a high school student who is suddenly transported from modern-day Tokyo to a post-apocalyptic world. Granted accursed powers to save his life, the protagonist becomes a new being, neither human nor demon, an Ahubino. Explore the demon-infested wasteland of an enigmatic realm known as Dot, filled with mythical deities and demonic tyrants in constant conflict for survival. Search for answers...

and forge your own path in a battle between light and dark, your choices will dictate the fate of the world. Turn formidable foes into worthy allies by recruiting them, then fuse them to create demons customized to your play style. Shin Megami Tensei V has been fully rendered in 3D, a first for the mainline Shin Megami Tensei series. So, Shin Megami Tensei V is out now. Check out the digital deluxe and standard editions in the Nintendo eShop or by clicking the link in the description.

Sometimes you just got to bite the bullet and crack open Google to search for, I don't know, like hemorrhoid medicine or what is that spot that I've got down there? Whatever. You might be wondering why don't you just use incognito mode, but let me break the news to you. Incognito mode doesn't actually hide your activity. Your ISP can still see every single website you've ever visited and then sell your information to ad companies. That's why I use ExpressVPN. ExpressVPN is an app that reroutes your internet connection through their secure servers so your ISP cannot see the sites you visit.

ExpressVPN keeps all your info secure by encrypting it 100%. You won't even notice you have ExpressVPN on. It's fast, runs seamlessly in the background, works with just the tap of a button on all your devices. I can't say enough about how easy it is. I forget it's even there. It's just a single button in my browser. Click it on, click it off.

It's great. There's no reason to not have it, not use it. So protect your online activity today with the VPN rated number one by CNET. Visit our exclusive link at expressvpn.com slash dragon. You can get an extra three months free on a one-year package. That's e-x-p-r-e-s-s-v-p-n.com slash dragon. Expressvpn.com slash dragon to learn more.

So you do manage to avoid the brunt of its breath, but you still do take a little bit of damage. Everyone takes three points of cold damage. Oh, you got it. And everyone needs to go ahead and roll initiative. Oh, no. 14. Initiative. Five. 21. 24 for Bart. Big numbers. Yeah. I don't like how I'm rolling big right now because it means I will not roll big later when it matters. Right. It's how the world works.

74? Jesus. He rolls a bunch of dice all at once. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't get scared. I have to roll initiative for a bunch of monsters all at the same time. How many monsters are we facing? You don't know yet. Well, if it's 80, and they all ran... I'm sorry, 80. That'd be... No, four D20s would be 80. What are you talking about? What are you doing? I don't even know what map...

Is Kyborg okay? Is Blaine okay? I bet he rolled five d20s and we have five enemies in face. Possibly. I'd stake Chris's life on it.

After deftly diving out of the way and avoiding the brunt of the frost breath from the ice mephit, Bart rolls, pops to his feet, and is the first to act. You turn around and you see that the stalactites that were in the ceiling of the room were actually disguised ice mephits, and there are now five of them flying around in front of you.

Oh, jeez. Called it. How big are these things? And are they close together? Are they all spread out? They're pretty small. They're not super big. They're technically size small in D&D, so they're smaller than you guys. Okay. They're flying in the air. You know, they're all wings, so they're like...

like lying around and they're all fairly close to each other like five feet apart from each other sounds like target practice can i try to cast cloud of daggers over two of them i know it's like a five foot radius but if it's like if they're both on the edge of the five foot radius maybe um sure why not we'll say that it's possible just because they're small okay i cast i rolled 44 got a four three one one

All right. We'll say there's two of them. I assume you would just pick like the two closest to you, right? Yeah. Okay. That includes the one that did swoop down and try to frostbite you guys. You son of a bee. You conjure a cloud of daggers spinning in the air where the ice methods are and does cut two of them up. Pretty good.

Nice. Mud, you're up. I'd like to cast Summon Beast. I call forth a bestial spirit, and I get to choose air, land, or water, and it takes the form of a creature of that nature that is native to where we are. So I'm going to cast an air beast. So what's...

What's native here? Zoo bat. Like an owl or a blood hawk, maybe. Okay. That's fine. One of those. It doesn't really matter exactly. Let's do an owl. I think owls are cool. I like owls. And so now I have a friend, and he gets to have an attack after me in the order. What do you want to call your owl? Maurice. Who? Maurice. There it is. Crazy old Maurice.

We're all gathered around this kind of broken wall, and we're in the northwest part of the room. Correct. And the Miffits are kind of all scattered around the middle of the room? They drop down from the middle of the room, and they're all just kind of behind you, just east of your position. Copy that. Then I'd like to, as a bonus action, use Hidden Step and use my moving action to...

I guess, get to the other east corner of the room just to kind of get away from where they're like, they're probably all their attentions on this area where we all are. So you want to go to like the opposite exit of the room, like the northeast corner? Yeah. And I'm hidden with hidden step until the start of my next turn. Or if I attack or ideal damage, my beast doesn't count. And then I'm going to have my owl. I'm going to have Maurice. Which ones took damage from Bart?

The two that are closest to you, one of them was the one that breathed that Frost Breath onto you guys. Okay. So then there's two that took damage. One did Frost Breath. Let's attack the other one with Maurice. The one that took damage but not the one that used Frost Breath. Correct. Okay. She has a Maul attack. Maurice is a girl. Okay. And...

And so she's going to maul that guy and your spell attack modifier to hit. Yeah, so roll a d20 and add your spell attack modifier to it. I always forget where that is on my sheet. If you click on spells, it's at the top. Your modifier is plus five. Oh, there it is. Thank you. It's fun to learn things. It's fun to learn things. That's a gnat. So Maurice, she rolled a gnat 20.

Crazy old Maurice. Oh, nice. Maurice gets a critical hit against the remaining ice method. And so that is a D8 plus 4.

Okay, so you get eight automatically since it's a critical. So roll another D8. It's D8 plus four plus the spell's level piercing damage? Yeah, so you said it's a second level spell. So two. So four plus four plus two. Which is actually enough damage. That one method does fall out of the air, unmoving onto the ground. Yeah! Nice little bit of damage there. Maurice did a murder. Yay! Baby's first murder. Yay, Maurice!

I'm really sad no one's getting my Beauty and the Beast reference, though. Oh, I'm totally getting it. Barbara, Barbara, I'm here. Okay? I'm here to get every Disney reference. Okay? And then I'd like Maurice to fly back towards me. Okay. I know owls can disengage. Yep. Fly by. The beast doesn't provoke opportunity attacks when it flies out of an enemy's reach.

Boom. There you go. And I summon Beast as well. Yeah, I know that the Beastial Spirit uses a different stat block than the actual Owl. Yeah, it's kind of a cool little spell. Yeah. All right, cool. It is now the turn of the Mephit that initially attacked you guys with Frost Breath. Oh, but it's still in the Cloud of Daggers. It's starting its turn in the Cloud of Daggers, so it takes even more damage from being in the Cloud of Daggers, and it wants to get away from that. It's obviously very hurt. No, stay a while. Hang out.

Get over here! All of a sudden, you see it moving its little hands and all around you, a really thick cloud of fog appears, obscuring the vision for everyone except for Mud, who's on the other side of the room. So all around where you guys are, the area is heavily obscured, so you can no longer see what the Mephits are up to. Well, that's annoying.

Yeah. Then mud, from your perspective, you see the method take damage. You see it conjure up a cloud of fog. And then that particular method begins seemingly to try to escape. It's making its way over in your direction. Hmm. From my perspective, the Jedi are evil.

Okay, so one of the other Mephits turns. It's also going to try to back its friend up and move to the east in Mudd's direction. So they're all just kind of like retreating? Two of them are, from your perspective. The other two have not moved yet. Well, you don't know if it's retreating necessarily, but they're moving in your direction towards the exit where you're standing by.

Why are they coming at me? Hey, you're the one by the exit. I'm invisible. You're invisible, right? So maybe they're just heading towards that exit. Kyborg, you're up. Do Mifits see through invisibility? Last I saw, were they all grouped together still or were they spreading apart? Last you saw, there was the one in the cloud of daggers and then the other three were kind of grouped together behind the initial two. Okay. And then am I able to move out of that fart cloud that he just cast on us?

Yeah, you have to either move to stay in this room. You'd have to move either south or east, or you could head west through the broken ice and exit this room. I don't want to do that. I don't want to leave my friends. Does that open me up to an attack of opportunity? No, none of them were threatening. None of them were within like a five foot range of you. So no. He called us friends.

I regret everything. I'm going to move out of the fart cloud. In which direction? South or east? I guess wherever Gum Gum is because he was out of it and it would be nice to be near a friend. No, Mud was out of it. Mud. Mud's invisible. You don't know where he is because he's invisible. Oh, oh, got it. Can I go to his last known area or something? I just want to get out of the fart cloud. His last known area was next to you. Yeah, it was right by you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I hate this. I'm sneaky. You don't know where I am. I guess to the point where they are the furthest from, I want to move to that area. So you would probably go south just to be safe. All right. That would be my recommendation. All right. You head south a bit. You say it's about, you have to go about 20 feet south. And then eventually you are out of the area of the spell, which puts you in about the middle of the room, close to one of the tables.

Are there still stalactites up in the air, or were they all the mephits? Good question. No, there are no more stalactites on the roof of the ceiling. On the roof of the ceiling. On the ceiling of the cave. I'm almost done. In that case, I want to take aim at one of the ice mephits that's in that group of three. Okay, and I see them with your longbow. Longbow of triumph. Yeah. Triumph.

Oh, and I'm sorry. There's actually two. I forgot one of them died. So one's dead. Two of them are heading out to the east, and then two of them are still by the fog. So you take aim at one of those. Okay, 21. That hits. Go ahead and roll some damage. Excellent. Damn, you got a plus nine on that. It's great. I love my longbow. I'm really contemplating if I want to do exploding arrow in a cave. So...

But we're in a cave. Okay, let's take context. Gum Gum is saying, do it. What should we do? Well, I rolled damage, which is a seven. Okay. That does a good amount of damage, but the method is still flying. Exploding arrow, bursting arrow. Here we go. That is a 2d6. So that hits him and any creature that's in within 10 feet.

Okay, so he takes damage, and we'll say the other Mephit that was near him also takes some damage as well. It rolled a six. All right. So that's a total of 13 against that one Ice Muppet. Yeah, he's pretty hurt. He's still alive.

I'm a cardboard. You want to do anything else or is that it? I got nothing else. No action surge. Quick question. Bart? Are these creatures that could potentially be affected by like needing to make a wisdom saving throw for something? From what you know, they're elementals. You know that they do have a certain amount of intelligence to them. Like could they be charmed, I guess is the question. Yes, you think they could be charmed. Okay.

All right, sorry. Continue. Yeah, that's fine. So it's one of the Ice Mephits turns, the one that Kyborg hit with the arrow. It's also pretty hurt at this point. It's going to close the distance a little bit, fly over in the direction of Kyborg, and Kyborg, go ahead and roll me a Dexterity saving throw. Wah! Ooh, that's a 22, bud. That's pretty good. He tries to breathe that same frosty breath on you.

but you managed to dive out of the way and avoid the bulk of the damage. But you still do take four points of damage from a little bit of the peripheral hit. Oh, boy. Okay.

Good thing I didn't get hit with a full blast. Ouchie, ouchie. The other mephit flies over and joins his friends. So they're both flying above you now, Kyborg. He also drops another fog cloud here. So you're back, obscured, unable to see. And you can't see what he does at that point. Gum-Gum, you're up. Gum-Gum wants to run out of the cloud. Which direction do you want to run out? Remember, from where you are, you can run east or...

South or west through the broken ice wall. The direction that they attacked us from. They came from the east, from where you were. Okay, then I want to run east. Okay. You have to make your way about 20 feet east, and then the fog begins to dissipate, and you can see around the room again. From where you are, again, you're kind of in the middle of the room, but you're up against the northern wall. There's two Mephits a little south of you, and then two Mephits just to your east as well. Okay, and...

And which of the two look the most hurt of the pair? One of them that's to the east looks like he hasn't been touched at all. The other three all seem like they're in varying states of being injured. Can I go to the two that are grouped together that are already injured? Yeah, those are the two down to the south. Okay, I'm going to run to them and I'm going to recklessly attack them. If I did like two hand axes, could I swing at both of them? Well, unless you have an ability that grants you multiple attacks, you only get one attack roll. Okay.

Well, then I will swing my great axe at one of them. Okay, I'll say you take aim at the one that's the most damaged. Yeah. All right, go ahead and make your attack roll.

So 22. 22. So it hits and you do eight points of damage with your great axe, which actually fills that ice method. You actually hit it so hard with your axe that it explodes into like a burst of jagged ice. Holy moly. And you actually need to make a dexterity saving throw because there's ice shards flying everywhere. Okay. I'm so strong. Strongest one on the team, probably. Let's not get hasty.

And I have advantage on that. So that's a 14. Well, you dodge most of it. A little bit of it still hits you. You take one point of damage. That other method that's flying actually also needs to make a dexterity saving throw. Let's see if it makes it. Yeah, it also takes one point of damage, but it is still alive. Bart. Okay, I'm going to try something here. I don't know if I'll be able to do it or not. How many are left now? You cannot see from inside the cloud. Metagaming perspective, there's three left. Okay.

I'm going to try this. I'm going to try enthralling performance, which one per short rest, you could choose three creatures that watched and listened to perform for one minute. Each target must make a wisdom saving throw and is charmed if it fails for one hour. I will say if you need to perform for one minute, each round is six seconds. That means you need to perform for 10 rounds. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. I probably can't use that then.

Like, you could start it, but, like, it would take you a while to do it. You'd just be playing music. Yeah, warming up and tuning my guitar and stuff like that. Put the lute away. What are you doing? Hold on, guys. This is a performance of a lifetime. Anyways, this is Wonderwall. This is the kind of ability that's good for, like, not necessarily in combat, but, like, if you're in a town and you want to, like, try to, like, persuade people, like, the townspeople to help you or something. It's that kind of thing. Okay.

Yeah. It's more of a non-combat ability. Gotcha. Okay. Well, I'm going to cast Dissonant Whispers then. Okay. First of all, you're still in a fog cloud, so you are going to need to exit in one direction. Same as everyone else, you can either go east, south, or west through the ice wall. And I don't know where they are, right? Correct. Yeah. You're not sure where they are just because you're so obscured. Let's

Let's go south. Okay. So you head south just a little bit. You got to go about 20 feet. When you emerge from the fog cloud, you're standing next to Kyborg. You can see just a little bit to your east, kind of in the middle of the room is Gum Gum with one ice method. Then the northeast exit, there's two methods. Okay. Could I cast the Dissonant Whispers on the one near Gum Gum? Yes. They need to make a wisdom saving throw, which is a wisdom saving throw of 13. 10.

Ten. It fails the save. Most excellent. Okay, so I do 3d6. Oh, damn. Got an 11. You cast Dissonant Whispers and you fill its head with all kinds of whispers so intense that you make the mephits' head blow up and he also explodes into shards of ice. Oh, no, wait. Gum-Gum's near it. Gum-Gum, make a Disterity saving throw. Oh, no. I'm sorry. Gum-Gum, like...

I'm imagining that Laff is in character and it's like firecrackers, so he's like, "Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho." Yeah, GumGum, you managed to avoid the bulk of it. You take a little bit of damage still just from the sheer amount of ice that's blowing by you. You take two points of damage. Okay. What was going on in his head?

Mud, you are up. You're by that northeast exit, and there are two mephits kind of close to you, one of which seems to be severely hurt. Can you give me a definition of kind of close a little bit more? Yeah, I'd say actually they're probably within five feet of you. Okay, so if I was looking at the map, are they directly next to me, or is there like a gap between us? They would be directly next to you. Okay. I am no longer invisible because it says at the start of your next turn. Oh, okay, so you...

pop back into existence. You kind of scare the Mephits a little. And I make that sound. That's more like it.

How far are they from... How high up are they? Because they're flying. Yeah, they're up in the air. Let's say they're close to the ceiling. The ceilings are about 20 feet high, so they're pretty high up there. So they're on a horizontal axis close to me, but in reality, actually, there's a gap between us. Correct. Okay, that's kind of what I wanted to know. Mostly because I wanted to move away from them a little bit because I keep seeing them explode around Gum-Gum's head. Okay.

And I'm like, I'm going to unsubscribe from that option. I've gotten rid of a lot of my range spells. I'm going to go 30 feet of my movement down south away from them. Okay, that puts you pretty close to an exit to the southeast in this room. Okay, the one that we came in. No, you all came in from the southwest. There's another one on the southeast.

How many exits are there? There's a total of four. You came in one. There's one to the northwest where the ice wall was. One to the northeast where you were a second ago. And then there's this other one to the southeast. Did not remember the southeast one. I don't remember if I set the southeast one earlier. I'm going to be really upset if this whole fight happened because I punched the door open into like a broom closet or something. Yeah.

Actually, how far is mud from Kaiborg? About 25 feet. Okay. I was reading up on guidance. It actually doesn't help very much in combat. It's for ability checks and like attack rolls, not ability check, right? I can do the back flip. Correct. Okay.

Then, yeah, I'm just going to move south, and I'm going to cast Healing Word on myself. All right. Because I've got boo-boos. I'm going to do that. It gives me eight healing. Nice. I say nice things about myself, and it makes me feel good, and it gives me eight health. And then I'm going to have my owl attack Maurice. She has the name. Thank you. She's going to go after the damaged one. Okay. That's okay.

She's gonna roll her attack. Oh, that's only a seven. Ooh, no, that is not adequate. Wait, how long does she last? I need to know how much I need to get attached to this creature.

Summon beast. Concentration up to one hour. Yes. Could I cast Healing Word while I'm concentrating on this? You only drop a concentration spell if you cast another spell that requires concentration. Oh, it is. It's one bonus action is the casting time. It's a bonus action. Ooh, axe. So it's actually not like my action? No. Yeah. You still have an action then.

I didn't know that. Hence, bonus. Oh, it says 1BA on time. I never looked at that column. That's fancy as hell. You want to go back and do something else? I can do more stuff. What do I do? Attack, throw. I don't have really anything to throw. I have a great club. Turn into some stupid animal and do something.

Okay. Now that I know what my actions can be, let's say I went to Kyborg, I gave him a nice little slap on the butt, cast Guidance, which is a cantrip, I did Healing Word, and then Maurice did the attack, and that's my whole turn. Okay, so you're over by Kyborg and Bart now. Yeah, and I do a curtsy. Okay, so now it is the Mephits' turn. So they're going to dart down that passageway out of the northeast exit, and they disappear down that passage.

Okay. Scared him off, bud. Good job. I did it good. All right, that's it. You are out of combat. What's the state of everybody's health? Gum-Gum, did you take a lot of damage? Yeah, I'm okay. Okay. Gum-Gum's beefy and so strong. Gum-Gum's voice is back. I like it. Yeah. He sounds a little more liberal now. Billions and billions. We should definitely look what was inside that ice wall, right? I mean, we got to have some perception here. Well,

Punched the heck out of that wall. Yeah, I don't want to step on Kyborg's parade, so if you want to check in there, by all means. Oh, you want me to go in first in case there's like an attack? Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll go first. No, it's because you are the strongest and the bravest of us. I'll go first. You made the hole, therefore you get to see what's in the hole. Okay. I go into the hole.

What's the marching order down this passageway since Kyborg's first? Is it a passageway? They're all passageways, right? Between the different rooms? Yeah. I'll go after Kyborg. Kyborg, then Bart, then who? Then I'll go.

Yeah. Gum gum. Mud's normally in the rear. Okay. So this passage zigzags into another chamber. It's donut shaped. It's about 30 feet in diameter with a natural column of stone in the center. Oh. Scattered about the room on the walls and ground is evidence of leftover trinkets and art pieces that have been damaged. And there's a passage leading out of this room to the northeast. Can I look and see if any of the trinkets and art things I think are cool?

Yeah, why don't you make me an investigation check? Okay. What's a cool check? That's going to be a five? You do find a few things on the ground. A painting, a small canvas bag that looks like it's got something in it, a pretty cool shard of ice, and a little vial with a label that has an Arctic fox winking on it.

Oh, can I take the Arctic Fox winking thing and look in the bag? Yeah, you take the vial, pick up the bag, and inside of it are 10 silver pieces. I found some money. And a winky fox.

Okay, now you're sounding like Caboose. Is the vial filled with liquid? Yeah, there's a liquid inside of it. What color is it? A neutral amber-ish color. Can I hold it up and see if anyone recognizes it? Would that be like a survival check or something? Yeah, I guess just make a... Yeah, medicine. Nat 20, 25. 20. Oh, we got a 20 over here too. I got a 2.

Bart, are you curious too? You want to make a medicine check? I guess. Come on, be in the Nat 20 club. Be in the Nat 20 club. You don't have to. No, I am. 20. Be the big boy 20 club. Nice. I had a plus four modifier. Nice. Kyborg and mud. It doesn't look like any medicine you're familiar with. You think it may be some benign liquid. It doesn't seem like it would have any kind of curative properties to it that you're familiar with. Guess I got to drink it. Can I also hand the silver out?

split amongst everyone. Yeah, there's four of you and ten silver pieces, so divide it how you want. I'll take two. Yeah, do two, two, two, and you keep the four. Yeah. Finder's fee. Good job, GumGum. GumGum does not feel comfortable with that. He wants, he gives. I'll take two. He'll take two. Who do you want to give the silver to? I want two. You get two, and then he gets two, and then he gets two, and then he gets two.

And then we turn around. There's a monster standing there. You can give the other two to Sleek, who's been very quiet so far. Okay. I'll take the extra two. I'll take the extra two. Mud says, I'll take the extra two to give to Sleek later. Okay. Good call. Good call. He doesn't deserve it. I forgot he was there. I was just gummed on that. I did too until I was like, who's the other one? I was like, oh yeah, Sleek's there. Beautiful baby Sleek. It's the...

ruined art can i go look at it is it similar to the cave paintings like what what can i gather what kind of information so it's a gold leaf framed painting that's laying face down on the ground when you like flip it over take a look at it it depicts a white and blue polar bear bowing down offering a blue gem before a crowned goddess with her arms wrapped around the realms so

- Kaiborg, this looks really familiar to you and to Gum-Gum for that matter as well. There's a tear in the painting across the face of the goddess. - Someone hates gods. - Make me a religion check, Kaiborg. - I'm thinking of that guy from our first campaign who hated the gods. - Oh yeah. - That's a 10. - Feral soul. - Very neutral. - Oh, I bet it's from that time we went to that church.

Gum Gum, make me a religion check just for fun. Oh, I got a nat 20, but it's a 17. You have an at 3 religion. He's very atheist. Gum Gum remembers this. It makes you think of the murals you saw at the Temple of Daya. Oh, right, where we sang the songs. He was really uncomfortable. Yeah.

So that's Daya. And it's holding a blue thing up at her? Yeah, it's holding up a blue gem. Like the blue thing on the ground that I saw? Ice? It looks like a gem that the bear is offering. The thing on the ground looks more like a shard of real sparkly ice, not a gem. Is it the same bear as that we saw before? It looks very similar, yeah. Like the white and blue coloring is pretty unique.

So people were praising the bear, and then the bear is, I guess, answering to Daya. And we also heard...

a big old roar earlier, which I'm assuming is the boss battle, which is the bear. Do you guys remember anything about your time at church learning about Thaia? I just remember that the nun had tattoos and I kind of thought she was odd. I had a lot of confessions. You did, you did. Can I pick up the gold, I mean, the ice thingy? Yeah, it's just like a shard of ice. It's about three inches long. It's cold. Yeah, make an arcana check, Gum-Gum.

Seven. Your inner wizard feels like there's some kind of magic pulsing through the shard of ice. Ooh. Can I do my... I want to pull out my boomba wand and try and see if I can sense the actual magic, the source of this magic, which I can actually have... I have a thing called magic awareness. Mm-hmm.

You open up your mind to feel the magic around you, and you sense a strong magic coming from this piece of ice, some kind of evocation magic. Evocation. You think if you focus and use this, you can unleash some kind of powerful cold against your enemies. Then they'll need tissues, and they'll be sneezing a lot. I will become a great ice wizard. Can I make a hat? Ha!

What? Pardon? Can I make a hat? Like out of the rat thing? Yeah, can I attach the ice crystal to my wizard hat? Oh. Don't you have a hat? Yeah, sure. Why not? Cool. He gets frostbite on his forehead. So, better way of phrasing that is, can I put it on the hat that I have? Yeah. Okay. Okay. So, he's got an ice crystal on his hat now. Okay, so...

they're in the room looking around the floor. There's the big old stone column in the center. Yeah. Mud is very suspicious of these rooms now and looks up at the ceiling. Make an investigation check. At some point, Mud is going to get a good investigation check. It's not today. I got a one. Nope. There's a ceiling up there. No.

Could I send my, could I send Maurice up there to look around? Sure. Yeah. Can you communicate with Maurice? Yes. That's my whole thing is that I can tell Maurice what to do. I mean, like, can Maurice answer you is more of what I'm getting at. Like, can Maurice tell you what they see? I don't know. I don't know. So it understands you, but it cannot communicate back to you. Is there a way that as a druid, I'm going to eventually be able to understand back from the animals that I turn into slash talking to? Yeah. That seems like that would be useful at some point.

Well, okay, I tell Maurice to go for a little recon fly around the circle. Sure. Maurice goes up, flies near the ceiling.

UAV online. Changing his height from the ground. Her height from the ground. Thank you. She circles around the column and then flies back and lands with you. Okay. Relatively, the ceiling is safe. Oh, because she was able to go around and come back? She didn't trigger anything. Wow. You used the thing to trip bombs and traps?

Oh, I'm assuming she... I thought she was like an owl. You just made fly into this cage. Fair weather friend, yeah.

Okay. And there's a door in the northeast? Yes, there's an exit leading to the northeast. Should we just go through the door? I have a thought. It feels like this room has a different layout than the other rooms we've been into, and there's something very interesting about the fact there's a giant...

column in the middle. It's also, yeah, circular, so that's not typical. I must suggest, what if we all just take a little look around the column and see if we see anything odd about the column? Like a crack, a button, a drawing, anything like that. We haven't even looked at the other side of the column. Should we just do a lap? Yes. I'll race you. If everyone wants to do that, they can make an investigation check, but not Mud, because Mud already made his. I made mine looking at the ceiling.

Oh, okay. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You can make another one. Three. Oof. Eight. Finally, 17. Y'all are really... I was really close to rolling a 17, and then I just did a little thing where I just went, clink, tipped over. Well, on a meta level, the only person in our party who doesn't have a negative is Bart. On investigation? Yeah. What am I doing with you guys? That's what happens. Everyone has to have different strengths. It's true.

I believe Kyborg, Bart, and Mud all have negative intelligence. I got negative nothing, my friend. Oh. Well, you're much more balanced than the rest of us. Mud, you think that this room was probably like a gallery or a vault of some kind for religious items in the past. Oh.

So like by determining that was I thinking that like the column was where things were hung? It's probably either just like structural to support the room or decorative. Like you don't think that there's anything particularly special about the column necessarily. So this is the only thing we learn on our walk around the room? Yes. Okay. How confused is Gum-Gum that we go back to the beginning but we didn't, you know, like does this scare Gum-Gum?

You have to address him as Gum-Gum the Ice Wizard now. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Is Gum-Gum the Ice Wizard scared that we return to the beginning by walking in a circle? No. He has the power of ice. Yes. He does not know the meaning of fear anymore.

All right, this feels like we've had a good little walk. We've gotten our steps in in this room. Let's try out that door to the northeast. Let's do it. Is it open? It's just a passageway. There's no door necessarily. It's just like a passage to cut through. I will go first. Oh, okay.

The ice wizard. The passage slopes up for about 50 feet to a small square antechamber with an arched ceiling. The far end of the chamber are frosty double doors and a pair of candelabras. Beyond the doors, you hear muffled voices and some kind of racket.

Sounds like someone or something is howling in pain. -Oh no. -However, in the center of the chamber is a small pool of icy water, splitting you off from the door and whatever lay beyond it. It appears a wooden suspension bridge has broken in half and collapsed into the pool with debris floating in the water. -Got to ask, how far is this pool?

From where you're standing? Are you going to do another jump check? Like how far of a length is the pool? You know, like if we're jumping. It's about 15 feet across. 15 feet wide, yeah. I can make that. Do you want to give anything to me to hold on to you so that I can maybe lay it at your grave after you fall into this? Doesn't the ice wizard have a jump thing that makes him jump real far? Yes, I do.

So is it like, is there a drop to the water or is it just... Not really. It's flush. I mean, I would say there's a little drop because otherwise, you know, the water would be pooling out everywhere. But it's pretty even with the ground that you're at. Can I look at the water and see if I can determine anything mischievous about this water? Hmm.

Make an investigation check. You know what? I haven't done this this entire time, and I could have been. I'm giving myself guidance for this investigation check. There you go. So you just spanked yourself. So slapping my bootay. Bootay. Rolling investigation. Getting a 16 plus my D4. 18. The water seems like it's especially cold. Obviously, you know, you're in an icy area, but there doesn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary about it.

Okay. It seems to be just cold water, so if one of the strapping lads would like to take a running leap, maybe the one that has magical jumping powers. Okay. I can do this. I also slap his booty. Okay, I'll run. Could I do something?

Yes, please. Yeah, what do you want to do? Could I cast Suggestion on Gum-Gum to, like, really put it in his head that he could do this? Like, you are the most athletic, talented, skilled individual of all time, and you will jump across that water and you will succeed. Yeah, make a wisdom saving throw, Gum-Gum. You're going to fail that one. Fifteen?

Oh my god. 15. Yeah, the spell doesn't necessarily work on you, but Bart saying all of these really encouraging things does really make you feel good. Like, yeah!

Just because you have a history with Bart. So you're like, yeah, absolutely. All right. Then I'm going to run and jump. I guess I'll leave a rope or something. Oh, yeah. That'd be smart. Take two ropes. That's what I'll do. I'll take my rope and then your rope and I'll grab the end and run and jump with both of them. So I leave the two behind me.

Yeah. And I assume you're using your ring as well? Yeah. That ring of jumping allows you to triple your jump distance. Mm-hmm. Gum-Gum activates the ring and easily jumps across the frigid water that's pushed the room into. He makes the noises while he jumps.

So you land on the other side and you've got two ropes. Is there anything I can like tie him to? Like I mentioned, there's those candelabras by the door, but it doesn't look like they're secured to the ground. Like they're just standing there. Oh. I mean, there is that broken suspension bridge. Oh. So let's say like, yeah, that maybe it has like,

tie downs where the bridge was attached on your side of the water. So you could maybe like attach the ropes to that. But like I said, it is a broken bridge, so it's not necessarily the most secure thing in the world. Could I do like one at the bottom and one at the top so it's like a little rope bridge? Oh, like one of those like team building exercise things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not really like super high. It's not that high. I mean, I'll admit that's pretty clever, but the staff's probably only like two or three feet tall.

How are we going to get across this? I mean, I could try and use my ice powers and freeze the water. Oh, damn. Can I try to jump across? You want to jump? You want to see about this ice? I have the boon of speed, so I'm thinking that might help me get across. Well, you only get to use it once. Does that burn it? Does that burn the one to use? Oh, does it? Yeah, I believe the boons are a one-time use. Oh, okay. Never mind. Sorry. Continue with your ice. How feasible is it that I could wall run across this?

probably not very i like that i like a challenge don't you have like freeze water or something john uh no water shape water or whatever i don't because um i swapped it out for uh i have some control over flames we'll take a long rest and fix your error hold on guys i need to go to sleep so i learned how to control water again i mean

I mean, I have a bow and arrow. We could attach a rope. I could shoot it at the roof and we could swing across and then Gum-Gum could be on the other side to kind of catch us. I also have a mage hand that could like take the rope across if we need to, if one of us gets caught. Well, we have a lot of rope already across. Yeah. I could throw my hunting trap over and then you could set it up. What? Huh? Like a grappling hook? I'm confused. Okay. You know what? Gum-Gum's an ice wizard. Do it. Go ice wizard. Hey, look up on...

My ancient ice powers.

And freeze the river. Mud hugs the wall to the side so that whatever happens doesn't hit him. Also, Ancient, he learned this like five minutes ago. So I guess Gum-Gum chants and closes his eyes and concentrates on the water in front of him. The crystal he attached to his hat begins glowing and emits a cone of energy in front of it, freezing the ice, a path across the water. You're kidding me. Wow.

Wow. You did it. I cross the ice and hold on to the rope while I do so. I should also mention, as the water turns into ice and solidifies, the shard glowing in Gum-Gum's hat dissipates. What? Oh, no. Oh, no. That's a one shot. Now I'm just wet. Oh.

Kyborg, you said you're going to walk across? Yes, with the support of the ropes. Yeah, you're able to gingerly make your way across the ice. Gum-Gum grunts and falls to his knees. My ice powers, they're leaving me.

It's so sad. It's so sad. That's really, yeah. I thought this was Gum-Gum's new identity and everything. It could still be his identity. Now it's like, remember what he did? He is the ice wizard. He controlled the water and turned it to ice. Yeah, that one time. It's more than zero. Bart, you want to have some fun? Always. All right. Bart starts to undo his zipper. No, no, no, no, no. Mud picks up Bart and then takes a run and slides across the ice with Bart on his lap.

Roll a d20 for fun. Yeah. How much fun are we having on a scale from 1 to 20? I'm rolling right now. That's a 9. I rolled a 13. Bart's having more fun. Okay, that's good. Probably because you got picked up.

Man, Mud must be the strongest one on the team. Oh, yeah, I'm pretty strong. I don't know about that. I mean, I punched an ice wall, you know. Yeah, but Mud just lifted Bart with like ease and Bart, as we know, is very dense. I pulled out my arms and do like the grasping motion to indicate you can I can pick you up, but I only with your consent.

Bart hops into Kyborg's arms. Is that just essentially like someone going like up, up, up, up? But Bart does the thing where he goes completely limp to try to make himself as heavy as possible. I'm going to roll a strength check to see if I can lift. Okay. I think that's with disadvantage if Bart's going limp and trying to make this hard on him. Let's see the strength check. Ten. Ten.

The veins in your neck are bulging, but you managed to overcome Bart's dead weight and successfully. Easy peasy.

Roll for pulling a hernia. You've got a bump right below your belly button now. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Sorry, that's... Mud now remembers there's like someone in distress sounding on the other side of this door. Yeah, like I said, it's a frosty double door and flanking it on either side are a pair of candelabras. Should we just shoot the candelabras like right from the get-go? I don't know. They're going to come alive. You know that they are.

I say we lasso them and then we whip them into the water. Yeah, I mean, you can. I'd say this looks more like a fancy entrance is what this looks like. Can we go up to it and listen, see if we hear anything? The door? Yeah. Okay. Gum-Gum approaches the door, presumably to listen. Make a constitution saving throw, Gum-Gum. Oh, God. 18?

So Gum-Gum approaches the door to try to get a listen, and very briefly, you hear a howl in pain that seems to just suddenly stop and get cut off. And as that happens, you fall down, prone on the ground, weakened. Oh. That ice shard really just took a lot out of Gum-Gum. Can I back away from it? Yeah, and then you slide yourself away from the door. So is it the noise that affects me? No, no, you don't think so. You think there's some kind of magic. Okay. Okay.

Hey, Gum-Gum, what happened? I don't know. There's just a great magic power. I will see if I can figure it out with thinking.

And then I'll use my magic awareness again to see if I can understand what's going on. Once again, Gum-Gum opens up his mind's eye to feel magic. And you feel different magics coming from around the door. Like maybe divination and maybe some necromancy. There's magic that way. Yeah.

Is the door made of ice or covered in ice? I described it as frosty, so I'd say it's like covered in ice and frost. Mud uses control flames and tries to use the flame from his torch to shoot towards the door and melt the ice.

What flames are you controlling? Like your torch, you said? I actually could control either my torch or I could even control those candelabras. The candelabras, actually, they're just the candelabras. They don't actually have any candles in them. They're not lit. Oh. Well, then my torch. Flame on. Yeah. The flame shoots out. You're able to control it. It's pretty cool, honestly. And very quickly melts the frost and ice on the door. They begin sizzling and the doors creak open. Hmm.

We finally made it through a door. A door! We did it! Congratulations! Everyone levels up! Yeah!

Always kidding. So what do we see? The once frosty doors groan as they open and a bitter wind whispers past you sending shivers down your spine. Cool. You step inside a large octagonal chamber with mist covering the floor. All around the room are alcoves carved into the cave walls housing snow-covered shrines. In the center of the room is a thick column of ice with a humanoid frozen inside and unconscious. Someone you don't seem to recognize.

The biting wind picks up again, but this time the whispers sound like unfamiliar words. The doors behind you shut with a slam and the misty floor begins to ripple. Several shadowy figures slink beneath the fog heading straight towards you. Oh no! Just before we found out. Gotta leave people wanting more. Gotta have a little cliffhanger. That's scary. That's scary. Oh, is this where we meet Sebastian Stan? Ha ha ha!

Oh, I was thinking it'd be Mr. Freeze's wife. Oh, Nora? Yeah. Nora! Man, I wish you all heard me this morning practicing saying those words before you all got here. Well, you nailed it. I kept thinking of Star Wars. It sounded a little like Cookie Monster.

All right. Thanks, everyone, for listening to this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. We'll be back again next week with another episode, and you'll find out what the party encounters in this room.