C01 - Ep. 21 - Deja Ürbloom - Run-of-the-Mill Heist
01:19:21 Share

This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

This is a Rooster Teeth production.

Guten Morgen, cacklers and nilbox. Pull someone's leg on into the stinky dragon and take a drink of our latest dram, The Last Laugh. It's a blend of side-split scotch, Jordan's jocular ginger, and some moist secondhand props. Once we get the swill, you'll be in side-split stitches. Previously, our party was between an angry T-Rex and a wall of untime. They made a break for it and nearly fell into a chasm of magma. But they somehow ended up in the Wooden Elf District. There they met a prisoner named Melt, the

the daughter of Hugh Manor. They made a deal to free her in exchange for recapitulator parts. Can they break into the loggin' mill and snag supplies before they run out of time? Enough setup, let's deliver this punchline. You reach out with invisible hands to unhitch Dottie from the wagon, and sprightly lute music plays overhead.

Oh my god.

What have you done? What are you going to do? So Bart touched the harness stuff and the wood all like rotted. Rot and then Dottie grew? Yes. Roll a perception check for me, Bart. Okay. Bart, when you're crawling on the ground, did you eat any mushrooms or anything? 23. 23.

It seems to you almost like the logs are moving of their own volition. Like they seem to like get disfigured and rotted, but they're moving. But only after I touched them, they started doing that? Only after you touch the cart. The cart. What if I take my hand off the cart? What happens? It seems like something happened after you touched the cart and it's still going on. Dottie seems confused. But not angry? No. Okay. Okay.

I'm just waiting to see invisible footprints in the puddles. Guys! I'm scared. I peed myself over there. Someone peed my pants. Someone peed my pants. I don't know what to do here. Could I try to calm Dottie, even though she can't see me? Yeah, you could try like an animal handling of some kind. Play a song.

Yeah, could I play a song? Ooh, could I charm her? That's Bart's go-to. It's charm person, so it's got to be a humanoid.

Okay. Could I try to cast sleep on her then? Sleep. Yes, you could cast sleep. So you pick a point and then you send up to 5d8 worth of hit dice to sleep. Okay. Sleep. All right. So go ahead and roll the 5d8 to see how many hit die of a creature. 21. Oh no. I rolled two ones, but then a seven and eight. Dottie seems to kind of, her eyes seem to get heavy and she kind of, uh,

closes them and seems to drift off. Could I still try to pull this cart over to them and see what happens? Sure. You turn to look back at the cart and it seems like the rotted logs are starting to stand up. They're getting out of the cart. Bart was not anticipating this. This is a lot more complicated than I was thinking. I'm usually much better at handling my wood. Ah!

Is it becoming difficult for him to pull? It seems almost like they're getting out of the cart, and then they seem to also slow down and stop. Okay, well, we just need the cart, right? We don't need the wood inside of it? Yeah, that was the ask. That was previously what you had talked about. I am curious why the wood is alive. I am too, from a Jon perspective. Is it an ent, perhaps? What does that mean? It's like a living wood creature from Lord of the Rings. I don't know if it's in D&D.

I don't know. Twee-beel. I also don't know what to do with it. Well, I'm going to keep moving forward with the cart as planned. I'm just going to ignore everything that's happening here. Bart's like, wow, there's some really weird stuff that happened with this cart. Bart keeps on track. Go ahead and make me another stealth check with advantage. Oh my God. Okay.

Just keep walking. Just keep walking. All right. It's a 14 and then I'll do it again. Oh, dang it. 14 again. 14. All right. Yeah. You said you're going to move slow so it would look like it was just rolling on its own, right? Right. So you start slowly rolling it down the cobblestone. Go ahead. Just to see. Roll me a strength check because it is kind of a big card. Okay. Oh, God. I'm not strong at all.

Yeah, you're really having to exert yourself and the cart seems to be barely moving, but you said you want it to be moving really slowly. So maybe that's to your advantage. Eventually after what seems like an eternity to you because you've seen some weird stuff that I've completely ignored.

You end up back outside of the cabin. Well, I've brought us the cart with no crazy things that happen whatsoever. Why would anyone think that at all? Everything is under control. Nothing magical happens. No weirdness. No, like, you know, I think, you know, Bart is such a performer that even the branches in the cart couldn't help but dance when they realized they were in my presence.

Like literally or just like as your general wonderment of nature was making it so they were dancing in your mind? A little bit of comedy, a little bit of comedy. Great. Yeah, they're moving. They're magical. Oh, did you happen to see any new animals that I should look at in order to add it to my list? An ox, except very big. Oh, should I go have a look at this ox? Yes. Okay.

Just to clarify, technically it's an aurochs. Aurochs. I don't know what that is. Yeah. A-U-R-O-C-H-S. Can I turn into an aurochs if I look at it? Is it on your list?

I gotta pull up my list. What is this magical list? I keep hearing about this list, and I don't know what that means. Well, okay, so there's two lists whenever I'm referencing. There's the list that D&D has of all the animals and monsters, and they have a CR rating that determines what their difficulty of transformation is. Is that like the Kelly Blue Book value of the animal? Yes, it's the Kelly Blue Book value. What's your CR limit? They're a CR 2. They're a CR 2. I can't do that. I'll add it to my personal list of...

of animals that I've seen, but I'll put it under the can't do it yet list. This is like some crazy bird watcher stuff where you just keep a list, not of only just birds, but every animal you've seen. You know, I'm going to feel weird admitting this. Ben just dropped a picture of what this animal looks like in chat. That's a sexy animal. Don't say that about a cow. That's a good looking animal, man. That Oryx can get it. Hell yeah.

It's like the Jason Momoa of animals. Yeah, dude. Jason Momoa of bovine creatures. It looks kind of like, its head looks like the top half of Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Maybe that's why I like it. That's why we're so attracted to it. All right, now we have to post a picture of this thing on our Twitter so people can see. But do it naked. Imagine if Beast was actually a four-legged cow. He's looking for a mental image. I wasn't, just for the record. Okay.

So then we have a cart and do we need any? I think we have everything we need in order to pull off our perfect heist. Perfect heist indeed. Is that a cart pun? You pull it. Oh, yeah. Listen, I'm just recovering from being sick, all right? I got a little bit of the booger brain. Let's start counting how many times Blaine uses that as an excuse. Yeah. Guys, it's the booger brain. It's the booger brain. All those monoclonal antibodies are just messing you up, right? Pfft.

I don't know these science terms. It's kind of like midichlorians. Oh, yeah. Okay, I'll go get in the box. Yes. How are we? I forgot. How are we hiding Gungum in the cart? Sticks. You're just covering him in wood? Do I have to disguise him at all? Is that something we need to do? Yes. So we're going to

What was that, Gum Gum? Did Gum Gum just run by and that was the Doppler thing? I thought you were going to do minor illusion or something, but you can put wood on me. I don't care. Yeah, I thought we were going to use some sort of illusion. You can put wood on me. All right, boys. Time to cover Gum Gum in your wood. Let's do it. No.

Okay, so Gum Gum, get in the cart, and then Bart, you're going to cast your spell. Yes, indeed. All right, I'm getting in the cart, and now I'm wood.

Am I wood? I guess. Is my minor illusion able to, because it could create a sound or image of an object, but I don't know if it could like transform someone into something. I wouldn't say you would necessarily transform him. The way I'm picturing it is Gum-Gum gets in the back of the cart, balls up like real tight, and then you cast a minor illusion that looks like wood on top of him, like over him, obscuring him. It's like in a video game when you clip through an object.

and you're inside the object, but you're still in there. GumGum, I need you to put as much effort into your performance as wood as you did into the T-Rex. He's already in character. He's already... He can't talk. He's just going, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood. I guess I'll turn into a camel because that's just what I do. Make sure you spit a lot.

You're not going to turn into a sexy Orox? I can't. I can't. I would. I would. That's a strong looking animal. I wouldn't mind being something that's that strong. It's also got lots of HP. Yeah. Like more than I have.

That means you're not even CR2. Right. I can go up to CR1. Again, you're saying these terms. Is this like the horsepower of the animals? It's their challenge rating. It's their challenge rating. I don't know what that means. Yeah. All right. Mud turns into a camel and gets to the front of the cart. I'm going to cling on to the bottom of the cart.

And it is raining, right? Yes. It is still nighttime pre-dawn, and it is raining. Hence why I have a cold. So I'm going to cling on to the bottom, and because it's raining, I cast Mask of the Wild, which is I can attempt to hide even when I'm only lightly obscured. So with, like, the rain and stuff coming down and underneath that, I feel like I'm thoroughly covered. Does it give you a bonus or something? Yeah. You just have, like, advantage on self-checks. Okay. Okay.

Is Bart dressing for the part? Should I stay invisible if there's a camel pulling the cart, or would it be better? No, you're the merchant. Conductor. You're the wood delivery fellow. Yeah. Use your piratey past ways. Yar. We be putting on an accent to pull this cart, are we?

Okay. Going to keep this up for not very long. Okay. Are we ready? Can we proceed? Okay. So you're all on your way? I like that if I don't say we're going, nothing happens. No one speaks up. No one says let's go. I can't. I'm in character. Yeah. Double in character. Just pushing the old cart.

wood here we go okay so y'all uh make your way like it's not too far from the cottage where you were what are you just like driving up to the front door or uh like how are you gonna approach the building because remember it's it's kind of a big building i mean if we're making a delivery for wood it's up to the camel because you know it's falling i guess we go to the front door right yeah let's be bold yep we're going to the front door be bold be brave i'd never expect it

I'm only 15. What? Instead of bald. You're wood, shush. Oh, bald old. So you all arrive up to the front of the mill and you stop. It appears you don't see anybody. The door is closed in front of you. Can I walk around and try to open the door? Sure. So you get off the cart, walk up to the door and try to open it. The door appears to be locked. All right. There's no guards? Make a perception check, Barton.

Roll it. All right, not great. Got a 10. No, you don't see any guards anywhere. Mud the Camel definitely looks around to find guards. Because Mud the Camel is very, very wary of what's going on right now. Mud the Camel make a perception check. Mud the Camel makes a perception. Oh, 14. That's not bad. You think you hear some noises coming from somewhere, but you're not sure exactly where. Mud the Camel is very scared right now.

I picture like a cartoon camel with its knees shaking and like knocking into each other. I do want to paint a quick picture. If Gum-Gum is wood in the cart, he's probably face down. And then I'm holding on to the bottom of the cart looking up. I'm basically face to face with Gum-Gum between like slatted wood. It's the only thing keeping us apart. Y'all making out out there? Yeah, you're strapped in there like Cape Fear style. Oh, I was imagining I was holding on just with my own muscles. And then I feel...

I feel like Gum-Gum's drool is, like, starting to dangle down through the cracks of the wood. I hate this image. And I'm just like, don't do it, don't do it. You're spit brothers now. I guess I can talk to Bart since there's no guards around. Oh, just going to have a conversation with me camel here. You don't have to. The whole point was to have a quiet conversation. Nothing to see here. Ahem.

Should we try another door? Did that camel just taunt?

Oops. Ignore that. That was supposed to be for me. We saw it. Can't ignore it. We saw the roll for the audience. Gus rolled an eight for some reason. That was for me. That was not for you. You weren't supposed to see that. Gus rolled a D8 and rolled an eight, and we don't know what's going on now. Pay no attention to that. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. He said roll a D20 for turret, auto turret. Oh, no.

I don't, I don't, this isn't what the plan was supposed to do. We were supposed to be let into the place. Well, we could try picking the lock. Our lock picker is underneath the cart. I mumble from beneath the cart, knock on the door, knock, knock. We're not good at doors, are we? Well, let's give it a shot. Bart goes up and does a little dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun on the door.

What is it with you guys and doors? We want to get in! I just kept waiting. I was like, man, why aren't they knocking? Doors are just really difficult, okay? Doors are really difficult. You guys are great. Okay, Bart gives a quick rap on the door. Here's some footsteps quickly approaching the door. And from the other side of the door, you hear a gruff voice ask, who's there? It's me, Smith. Smith?

Wow. I got a wood delivery here. You see like a little eye hole slat open up in the door and some eyes focus down on you and say, Smith, you're not our wood person. Ah, the wood person's taking the day off. They asked me to fill in. Family emergency. Make a deception check.

Do I have advantage on that at all? Do you have any abilities that would give you that? I mean, she's got props. That's a pretty big advantage. Mud Camel kicks her a little bit and gives her the buff.

The guidance buff. Your camel seems to be rather unruly. Yeah. Add a D4 to that as well. Okay, so that would be 10 total, yeah. She squints very tightly and says, we'll wait for the regular person and closes the slat. Well, it's been a good adventure, guys. Well, I guess time to...

Okay, can I knock again? Yeah, sure. You give a quick knock on the door. Is it any pattern or just like a regular knock this time? This one goes... The slat opens again and says, Smith, what are you still doing here? You know, me, I traveled a long way. I lost all sense of me accent in the process. Uh...

You know, I really just want to deliver this wood and do my job and maybe accidentally charm person in a spell. Ooh. Did you just say he's going to charm person? Accidentally charm person spell? Could I cast charm person on her? You cast charm person? Yeah. A pirate's accent's very hard to remember. Ah.

You're a very international pirate. That went all around the world. It went from pirate to prospector to leprechaun real fast. Charm person. So the save, it's a wisdom saving throw of 13.

2D20. Yeah, I rolled the save. I let you guys see it. It doesn't seem to have any effect on the person behind the door. Just for the audience listeners, that was a 15 and an 11 on the D20. The eyes narrow to angry slits and look at you and say, I know what you're up to. Get out of here.

Oh, what do you think I'm up to? Then you hear a whistle and another guard comes from around the corner, looking very similar to the one you're talking to behind the door. The one outside draws a weapon and says, "You better get a move on." Antwans?

Uh, what if I... Just talk to him. Listen, buddy, we don't want to cause... I don't want to cause any trouble here. I'm just really trying to deliver this wood. I mean, no harm. I'll be in and out faster than you could say. Cheese whiz. Cheese whiz. The guard behind the door says, we're going to wait for the regular elf to deliver our wood. Mud's going to try something.

Mud, as the camel, starts rearing and causing a bunch of ruckus and making annoyed animal sounds in an attempt to cause some confusion. Okay, I guess I'll say that focus is put to the camel for now. Meanwhile, under the cart, I'm staring up at Gum-Gum, and I just say, I don't think it's going very well. Do you want to do anything to help? Should we do something to help Gum-Gum?

You don't have to be wood right now. You can just talk to me. Just whisper. Okay, but wood can't whisper. What do you want to do to help them? Because they're failing critically. Are you an elf? I am an elf. Do I act? Should I go up there and act like I'm a guy? No.

I don't know. Are you the guy? I'm not the guy, but I guess I'll act like the guy. What are the context clues? Did they even say the guy's name? I don't think so. You might have to be the other other guy. Okay, okay. The other other guy. Mutt starts kicking the door as a camel. Okay. When you're kicking it, is it just to, like, distract, or are you trying to, like, break it, like, subtly? Uh.

Like, what's the point of the kick, I should ask? The point of the kick is to look like I am an agitated animal, but yes, I'm trying to put some heave-ho into kicking the door, into breaking it. Okay. You know, like, saw something scary that scares a camel, you know? Yeah. Go ahead and make, like, an attack roll, just like you're trying to hit an enemy. Okay. I rolled an eight. Okay.

Yeah, Mud goes a little crazy and kind of kicks up like he's going to kick at the door, but he's not used to attacking as a camel, I guess. His hooves fall a little short. He just ends up stomping on the ground in front of the door there. The guards say, get your animal under control. Turn around and get out of here. Gum Gum, again, do you think I should do it? I could just act like I was, I don't know. You're asking me for advice. Yes. That's the point at which we are at, yes. We are this desperate.

- Okay. Kyborg drops from below the cart and then rolls out and he dusts off his hands and says, "Woo wee! That wheel alignment was all off. That suspension's so crazy. Hey ladies, we were just making a wood delivery. It's cool. This guy's my new trainee." We're gonna die. - Nah. - Are you gonna do like a deception or performance? What do you want to do here, Kyborg? - Oh, I'm gonna do...

It doesn't matter because they're both negative two. I guess that's a performance. We're performing. Okay, make a performance check. That is a 13. Not my worst. The guard behind the door gives a quizzical puzzle look like they kind of recognize you.

The one outside points their weapon at you. Should we just go into fight? Should we just go into fight? No, no, no, no, I can do this. I know this, I know this. Whoa, whoa, what's with the weapons? We're just making a wood delivery. This guy, she knows. Door guard knows. You hear the door unlock. The guard behind the door has opened the door and is looking like she's trying to remember where she knows you from, but the one outside seems to not recognize you at all. Okay, I walk up to the one with the weapon and I say,

Let's cool it, all right? We know each other. I'm the wood guy. It's me. It's the wood guy. Let me just drop off this wood. It's raining. I've got a little runny nose. That's why I might sound a little different right now because you guys need fire. You need wood for your fire. Otherwise, you're going to get cold. You're going to get sick. You don't want to get sick.

Fire? So your cover is that you're delivering firewood? We're at a lumber mill. We're at a lumber mill. I'm delivering lumber because you're a lumber mill. But also, you can use... Hey, you can take a little off the top. You can use it for firewood. It's between you and me.

Is Kaibor acting drunk now? Is that the cover? I'm just, I'm sick and I have the sickness medication and it's just, it's, yeah. Yeah.

Go ahead and make another deception roll here for the one that you're talking to with the weapon. Okay, that is it. Mud kicks him a little bit and also gives him a little bit of a boost. Oh, that camel's sure out of control. Yeah, the camel's just flailing everywhere. That camel. That was a d4? Yeah, add a d4 to that. This is a 14.

Total. 14. All right, so they're going to roll. I want you to transform into a llama at some point so I can go, a llama? A llama. He's supposed to be dead. The guard seems to put her weapon to the side and says, well, I guess that makes sense. Deliveries around back, though. Go and roll your card around back and unload your wood back there. Oh, I'm all messed up from the medication. You're right. I do that every time. I'm so sorry. I'll...

All right, let's go, Campbell. Gammy will unlock the door for you in the back. What a beautiful name. Yes. All right, well, let's go, Smith. The guard inside the building closes the door again. You see her disappear. And the guard who is outside the building continues her patrol down in the opposite direction from where you're going. And scene. Way to go. We did it, guys. I can't believe you did that even with...

a minus two to your checks there. Yeah. So good job. We're that good, okay? Some of us have better rolls today. Yeah. You never know how it goes. Sometimes the rolls work with you. Sometimes they don't. I've always thought of Kyborg and Bart as the Clooney and Pitt of our group. Indeed. All right. Let's move the cart to the back, I guess. Yeah.

So the cobblestone road, you're going to have to go down the same road that Bart used when she left the mill. So it's like on the north side of the mill. It's on the south side of the mill. It's just a bunch of shrubbery. When you roll around back, you still see a giant aurochs and some humanoid looking pieces of lumber that seem to be frozen. Uh-oh. Going to make them dance.

Mudcast detect magic directly, like, as close to those pieces of wood as you can. I thought someone has that. I see an aura around whatever is magical. Yeah, specifically you see some on the ground. Well, it would be behind the aurochs. Like, not on anything in particular, but more like in the area between the aurochs and the branches. And what's the school of magic? Chronomancy. Oh, so like time magic.

Cher wrote a song about this. About chronomancy? Yeah. If I can turn back time. Okay, I think we need to be on our guard here. There's some magic in this area. And have you guys seen those oxes? Oh. That aurochs is huge. Aurochs, oh. I feel...

Bart's feeling things. I say we keep up with the gimmick of just acting like it's not there, like Gavard did earlier, where you see it, and you're just like, oh, that's weird, and then you just keep going. Okay. Listen, it worked once for us. Yeah. Just ignore. Ignore. Yeah. Mud pulls the cart up to the back door. Yeah, you make your way past the weird-looking lumber, past the giant aurochs, down towards, like, the middle of the building, where you see double doors. Can we knock on it?

We give it, yeah, we give a knock. Or try to open it maybe first. Okay. Bart tries to open it and they are unlocked. Woo!

It's like two big barn doors. In the distance, you see who you now know as Gammy give you a wave and continue walking away back towards the front of the building where you had previously been talking to her behind the door. That scene of her up by the front looking through that little thing in the door reminds me of Wizard of Oz like we were talking about before. Very much. I was thinking Star Wars when the little thing comes out of the Hutt Palace and goes, I took her to go down there.

This room that you're opened up into is a pretty long rectangular room. It's got pretty high ceilings. You see a pair of doors on the north and south walls, and you just came through barn doors that are technically in the back of the room. In the middle of the room, you see two long tables with buzz saws and a few workbenches between them. And along this back wall where you've been let in are stacks of crates and lumber. So we're looking for this equipment.

We have a whole list of stuff. As she's leaving the room, you hear Gammy over her shoulder and say, just put it in the normal place and don't forget the normal procedures. You got it. Of course. We are experts in our field. I turn to Bart and say, these guards are really racist because they just thought that I was the other elf and they think we all else look alike. That's really messed up.

I'm actually kind of befriended right now. I just want to clarify something. The front door of this building you're at where you were talking previously is like on the east side of the building. Okay. And then you came in from the back of the building, which is like on the far west side of the building. Okay. Is there any other people in here?

No, it's totally empty. As far as you can see, I should say. I want to go around and like lock the doors or like prop things against the doors. That way we have like extra privacy and kind of an awareness of if someone's trying to walk in on us. So there's two doors to the north, two doors to the south, a door to the east, which leads back out to the direction you were originally talking to them. And then the barn doors you came through.

There are six doors in this room. Yeah, there's a total of six. So do you want to block all of them? I want to block the one where she could come back through, right? Yeah. Gami, is that her name? Yeah. I just want to put like a chair and sticks and things up against the doors. That way it like blocks them for a moment or in the very least alerts us if somebody comes in.

Sure, I'm gonna do that. I assume not for the barn door you all walk through, correct? Nah, just the other ones. So I hurry myself with that. Okay, so Kyborg begins walking around. I would like to do something using one of my items. I use the Wand of Secrets and try to see if there's any secret doors anywhere. What? When did this happen?

Where'd you get that? I know. Where's this object? When we all bought our stuff, when I got the immovable rod, all that thing. Ah, who could forget? So yeah, you used it a little while ago. Didn't you use it in one of the cottages you walked into? Yeah, I used it in like, I think Nate's cottage. Yeah. Ah.

You can detect if there's a secret door or trap within 30 feet of you, and then the wand would pulse and point at the one nearest you. I assume you're still at the door, right? So you're checking from the barn doors? Yeah. Is there anything of note to be looking at? Well, like I said, you see two long tables in the middle of the room with buzz saws, workbenches between them, and along the back wall, west wall, where you all are currently waiting, there are stacks of crates and lumber.

Instead of the Wanda secrets, can I go to one of the doors to the north and like listen to the door, see if I hear anything? Sure. Whatever one's closest to the west. Yeah, there's one to the west. Still is a camel, right? Are you doing this? Yes. So Camel Mud walks into the warehouse and then seemingly without warning, the

saw blades on the long tables jump up into the air and begin flying in the direction of mud. Whoa! Hey everyone, as always, I want to give you a quick reminder to give us a follow on social media at StinkyDragonPod. We post some supplemental stuff there. Plus it's a good way to get little snippets of the show that you can share with your friends. That's a good way to help us grow the podcast is by sharing it and hopefully we make it easy for you. So just take a look for us on social media and share some of that stuff. You can also maybe send us some fan art.

And if you use hashtag StickyDragonPod, you might get your name into the show as an NPC in a future arc. For example, at3gamiiboy was the inspiration for the name of the guards at the login mill. And of course, if you could rate us on a podcast platform of your choosing, that would be awesome. And one last thing, we do have a survey down below in the description. If you could fill that out, let us know a little about you and how you consume our podcast. That would be really great. Thank you so much. Cool. Not cool. Oh, no. You're a camel. You're strong. Resilient.

You know how camels deal with metal blades? Yeah. They got a 20 and a 19, so they both hit. Doing 20 points of damage to Mud. Good lord. I am very happy I stayed as a camel. That only did five damage to Mud because that used Mud's camel HP. The blades just seem to be buzzing around like crazy, spinning very quickly, circling Mud. I want to shoot them. I want to shoot them.

All right. Yeah, go ahead and make an attack roll. Bart, I'm very afraid of saws as wood. Oh, don't worry, Gum-Gum. We got you protected. No one's going to touch you. Nope. Unless I'm not looking. 17. 17. So that hits. So go ahead and roll damage on that. That's 12. Yeah, you seem to do quite a bit of damage. Your arrow hits pretty solidly. It like, you know, clinks off of the blade, but it seems like the blade's much more wobbly than it was previously.

but still like hovering and spinning yeah still spinning around you mud cast ice knife at that same one okay it's 22. yeah so go and roll your 1d10 piercing damage i will do that seven all right and then they have to make a save 18. it saves so it makes the save but it takes a seven points of damage is the other one five feet from it they're both pretty close because they're around you so the other one has to make a save as well

Ooh, the other one fails. So it doesn't matter on the first one because your initial impact with the seven causes it to stop spinning and it falls out of the air. But the ice knife does shatter, causing damage to the other one for five points. So that one is injured as well. So one is now back to just being on the ground? Yeah, it's fallen to the ground, clattered to the ground. The other one's still spinning around. Okay. You son of a...

Can I also, like, as a boat, because, like, I haven't moved. Is there anything for me to, like, duck behind or move to? Like, can I get underneath the workbench? Yeah, you have enough movement that you could try to, like, either get under the workbench, under one of the work tables, or, like, hug up against the crates and lumber. I'm going to hide behind the crates. Okay. So that's, like, a little back more, like, you're retreating a bit back towards the barn door, because it's close to the barn door. Yes, please. And you, like, kind of huddle up against the crate. What's going on?

I'm being attacked by giant blades of steel. I need help, please. No, no. Nothing to concern yourself with, Gum Gum. Just keep on.

Keep it on. Shoot the other blade. Shoot the other blade. The other blade gets to go first before you guys can go again. So the other blade's still spinning around mud. It's going to go ahead and try to swoop in and cut him up again. Ooh, that is a nat 20. Oh. But I am behind crates. Oh.

And using them for shielding. So we'll say it's not as bad. We'll give you a little bit of cover on it. Please do. So you still take 11 points of flashing damage. This is fun. Is it? No, not at all. You wish it was one of those fancy table saw blades that stops as soon as it detects flesh. Cool. Yeah, those are neat. I don't know if this is going to be like a shoe on a shoe kind of situation, but could I cast cloud of daggers? Yeah.

Yeah, go for it. Or hat on a hat. All right. I like shoe on a shoe, though. I never started saying that. Cast. So Bart conjures up spinning magical daggers in a five-foot cube. I assume you're going to center it, like, near mud, but not on him so that you get the blade as it's flying by, but not mud. Yeah. Yeah.

- All right, so the blade, anytime it goes through, will take 4d4 slashing damage. - Do I do that roll? - Yeah, you go ahead and make that roll, please, Bart. - Ooh, okay, 11 total. - 11. The cloud of daggers appears, the saw blade flies through it, and there's some knife on knife violence. - Nice. - And the saw blade clatters to the ground, unmoving.

Nice. Excellent. My dagger is mightier. Yes. What the hell was that? I walked towards that door and those things came to life. There's definitely some magic going on in this place. I think like it's someone's invisible and they're like messing with us. It's me. I'm wood. Do you think Nate drugged our drinks?

He would. Nope. I took real, real damage. Are we tripping on acid right now? Is that canon? First order of business. Bart, would you turn off the minor illusions so that Gum-Gum can actually help us with stuff? I guess that now we're in, things are... Well, now that we're being attacked by stuff, I think... Turns out Gum-Gum was sleeping all along.

I have turned off my minor illusion. But I don't know that. Okay, well, tell him. He's just whispering, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick. Hey, Gum-Gum, you're Gum-Gum again. Oh, okay, good. I started being a wood-wood. Wood-wood. Wood-wood. Wood-wood.

Good Pokemon. So we need to find, like, get the shopping list out of things that we need to do, and then we'll split up and try to find all these things in here. I cast another. I'm going to use another slot, but I'm going to use detect magic again. Okay. So you can detect magic. Are you still standing by the crates near the western wall? I'm going to walk towards that door again and cast detect magic. So this is the westernmost door on the north wall. Yeah. Northwest door.

Yeah, you detect something vague from behind the other door, like the door on the north wall, but on the east. Okay. And the school again is chronomancy. Okay. Hey, Kyberg. Yes. And Party, could we all maybe check out this door in the northeast together as a group? Okay. I think that's a fantastic idea, Camel.

I'm not a camel anymore. The blades knocked the camel out of me. All right. Shall I open the door? I'd love anybody with lots of HP to open the door. I think that's Gum Gum offering. Okay. Gum Gum opens the door and says, Hello, I'm here for the wood delivery. What?

You open the door and there's no one behind it. Instead, this seems to be a latrine room. It's a small putrid room with latrines in the back and washing basins at the front. You think there's something shiny twinkling on the seat of the center latrine. I go and look at it.

I wouldn't touch that, bud. Like you go to pick it up? I go to investigate closer. I go in closer to the toilet. Okay. Gum-Gum enters the room. Like I said, it's kind of stinky. But he feels at home for some reason. It's strange. Got a big wood delivery. When Gum-Gum gets about halfway through the room, it seems like the entire room turns into a sandy swamp and the floor becomes loose beneath your feet, Gum-Gum.

Go ahead and roll a strength check. Okay. What is with this lumber mill?

We should mage hand that thing out of there. That's a 20. You sink a little bit into the sand beneath your feet. Just like two feet into it. Okay. Can I just charge forward towards that silvery thing? At this point, you're restrained. Like you're so stuck in the sand. You can't move out of it. Oh. How far, where am I in relation to like what's around me? I'm just like in a swamp? Yeah. It's just like swampy quicksand all around you. This is a terrible question. The toilet that the shiny thing is on.

It's on the toilet, right? Latrine, yeah. Somebody missed. Is there water in the latrine? Um... Good question. I'm going to say sure, yes. Okay. Then Mud does the worst thing ever and uses shape water. Ugh!

To lift the object up and bring it over to us. That's gray water. Okay. Mud does some dubious waterbending. Yeah. And shapes the water to grab the shiny thing and bring it over Gum-Gum's head straight to Mud. A little bit of the water drops on Gum-Gum's head as it travels over. But also he does the kind of free will-y thing. Yay!

Why does that water look like extra chunky peanut butter? Oh my god, no. Alright, so yeah, it's in your hands. Oh no, it's hovering. No, it is. I'm going to be very clear. It is hovering in front of me is what it is doing. It's hovering in front of you with chunky peanut butter water. What is the object? It looks like a chisel. Well, that's not interesting. Is it glowing? Because my detect magic should still be going. No, it is not. Oh.

Well, that was one of the items we're here for, is it not? Oh, yeah, it is. That is correct. I was waiting to see if someone would remember. Yeah, I was about to look at the list here. All right, someone help Gum-Gum. Got a rope? I'll help you. Do I have rope? Yeah, well, I could throw my rope. Okay. Throw my rope towards y'all. Help me, I'm in a swamp. So does Bart grab the rope? Yes, little Bart will pull Gum-Gum to safety. I'll help.

I helped too. All right, all three of you go ahead and make drinks.

I don't really get to make strength checks very often. That's a 20. That's a 20. Nine. Yeah, you all easily pull Gum-Gum out to safety. You pull him, no problem at all. Bart, you're feeling extra strong. You were able to help out and, you know, pull him out real quick. Is it one of those things where, like, I'm holding the rope, Kyborg hugged around Bart to pull it, and then Mud pulled around Kyborg, so, like, I'm just in the air? Yeah.

It's just a Russian doll of pulling on the rope. Yeah. I want to run out of this room as quickly as possible. Okay. Gum Gum runs back out into the main warehouse room. No more chunky peanut butter. I'm getting major like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory vibes from this place, but like with wood. We're just like, we're going through traps to get the things we need. Do we want to make sure we grab this thing we need? Yeah. Who wants to grab it? Oh.

Gum gum. Yeah. Okay. As he's running out of the room. I grab it and run out. Snatches the chisel out of the air. Okay. So we still need a whittling knife and a tooth saw. Well, let's try another door. There's a bunch of stuff we need. We also need blowpipe, a small marver, blocks, tweezers, pieces of glass, or sand. Oh, wait. There's sand in here. Oh, yeah. We should grab some sand. Does anyone have like a little empty bottle or container? I have a...

Uh, nope. Don't. Could I shove some in my pockets? Yeah, can we just put some in our pockets? Can we all just collectively add sand to our pockets? Pocket sand. I put some in my backpack. Can I look around the room and see if there are any loose...

I don't know, sacks or anything like that? Yeah. I'm going to say no. There are no sacks nearby that you can see. But Bart is grabbing quicksand and shoving it into his pockets as quickly as he can. Mud is too. Mud likes dirty things. I guess I'll put some in my backpack. Okay. Okay, so you'll have pockets and backpacks full of quicksand. Pocketsand. Is quicksand suffice for the sand we need for this?

Guess we'll find out. You'll have to ask Meld. And Meld is not with us anymore? No, she had to stay behind. She's keeping a low profile. I think we could try another door. Yeah, you're back in the warehouse and there's four other doors. One to the north, two to the south, and one to the east. What's the closest one that's not the entrance or exit? That northwest one that I went to, right? Exactly. Okay. Okay, I'm here for the log pickup. Okay.

Drop off. You try to open the door, but this one is locked. I approach with my thieves tools. Ooh. Excellent. And I use, what do I use? What is that? Dexterity. Dexterity. Dexterity.

There's not any keys or anything laying around? Not that you have seen. Ooh, that's a 22. That's a good roll. You're really good with these thieves tools. I'm like lock picking lawyer. Nice. You put your thieves tools into the lock, move it around quickly. You hear it click unlock. We should perceive if there's anything here so that we don't have chunky peanut butter quicksand for mud to run in. That was a latrine. Okay. Well,

Does anybody have detect magic that they want to use? I can detect. I will see if I feel any magic. My detect magic went off and if there had been magic behind this door, it should have glowed, he says to the Dindermaster. Yep, the only magic you detected was from the other door y'all went. Alright.

Gum-Gum, do the honors. I step away. Okay, I'm coming through here with the wood. And I open the door. Gum-Gum tries to open the door and the latch moves like it's unlocked, but the door seems stuck or barred or something. Is it heavy? Is there any noises coming from the other side? Make a perception check.

You do not hear any noises coming from the other side. Okay. I will just push it with my ears that are on my arms. Your arm ears? Yeah. Go ahead and make an athletics check.

It's a 10. Damn, you have a plus seven. I know. I got a bad roll. Your arm ears don't seem to be strong enough. You're pushing with all your might, but it's like you can't get your feet to give you enough leverage, and the door does not seem to be budging. Were you saying that there might be like something stopping it from the other side? Maybe. It's just like not budging. Is it like a very well-sealed door, or is it kind of like a...

crooked, like, you know, barn door, you know, whatever. It's a finely crafted wooden door. Okay. Is there like a space in between that we could slip anything through? Ooh, good question. Or is it like staying fully closed? Yeah, it's pretty flush. It seems to be made of like very high quality workmanship, craftsmanship went into making this door.

So there's not really big gaps between the wood at all. I guess more specifically when we're pushing on it, is it not budging at all or is it kind of moving a little bit? Oh, I see what you're saying. It's pretty tight. I'll say there's a little bit of give, but it's very, very little. Is enough give to slip a mage hand through there? I think mage hand works line of sight. Am I wrong? Let me look. It's at a point you choose within range.

Right. Well, I'm trying to figure out, yeah, if I could cast it behind here and like if there's a latch or something or something barring it, it could lift it up or something. Maybe you could cast it and make a perception roll with disadvantage. Like the hand is kind of like feeling around trying to figure out what it's doing. Yeah. So you could do that if you wanted to. Okay. Give it a shot. All right. So yeah, I mean, you cast Mage Hand. You can't see where you're casting it. You know, you know it's behind the door. So go ahead and make...

Perception roll with disadvantage. There's one that is a 14. Not bad. Second one is a, oh gosh, seven. Yeah, I'm going to say the hand is just kind of, you can hear it like kind of thumping on the door a little bit, like it's feeling around, but it doesn't seem to really be doing anything. Yeah, okay. Worth a shot. I think I got to kick down this door. Okay. You know what? I'm going to let you. I was going to do something, but I'll let you.

You want it? What I was going to do is use up a spell slot. Save that spell slot. Let me do this for you. I kick down the door. Go ahead and make an athletics check. Can I help kick with it? Two big boys with legs? You can make an athletics check, but we're going to do it how we did on the chase, where if you make a bad roll, it actually makes his roll worse.

Okay. 15. I rolled a 16. Did you say you were going to do it as well, GumGum? Yeah. What is it? Strength? Athletics. 19. Those are all good rolls. All three of you line up shoulder to shoulder, coordinate your kicks and land three mighty kicks all at the same time on the door. Like a kick line. Go ahead and roll some damage. Let's see how this plays out. Like unarmed damage? Yeah, because you're using legs, not arms.

Get it? Anybody? I didn't. I was trying to figure out how to do unarmed damage. This guy. Yeah. On a hit, an unarmed strike deals bludgeoning damage equal to one plus your strength modifier. Oh, so just five. So I just do five damage. Six damage. I do five. You do enough damage and you do manage to cause the door to crack open a bit to where you're able to push it and force your way into the room. We did it. We did it, guys. You did it. All right, I'm here for the wood delivery.

I like GumGum's commitment here. -It's got to. -This is a pretty wide room. It's lined with shelves, chests, and cabinets, various carpentry and wood carving equipment. Honestly, it's a little overwhelming to look at the sheer amount of tools and material that you see in here. -Oh. Do I see a whittling knife or a tooth saw? -Make an investigation check. -I'm in.

So can we just recap quickly what we do have? Chisel. We just have the chisel and some sand, right? Yes. Out of all the things we need here. Okay. Meld already has the blowpipe, a small marver, blocks, and tweezers, correct? Or do we need to find that stuff? I think we need to find all that stuff. Yeah, you got to find the stuff. Because I think it was all confiscated when Meld was arrested. Right. Okay. Yeah, so if you want to investigate those furs items too, the blowpipe, marver, and blocks and tweezers.

14. Okay, so you can't find anything specifically you're looking for, but when you're looking around, you realize that things are kind of organized. There's a method to all the tools that you're looking at, Kaiborg. Everything's organized in a certain manner. In the northeast corner of the room is all the fastening tools. In the southeast corner of the room is all of the measuring tools.

In the southwest corner of the room is the refining tools, and the northwest corner of the room is the cutting tools. Mud looks in the northwest for a tooth saw. Yeah, you look in the northwest corner, you see hacksaws, tooth saws, jab saws, coping saws. Is there also a whittling knife there? No, you see no whittling knife here. Okay, Mud grabs the tooth saw. Does anybody know what a marver is? I have no idea. I was just about to Google it.

It's... Looks like a... How the hell do you describe that, Barbara? It's a tool used in glassblowing. It generally is made of polished steel, brass, or graphite surface attached to a metal or wooden table. For the fine applications such as lamp working or smaller handheld implement may instead be used.

So it looks like a table of some sort. Yeah. Is it the thing they, like, are, like, wrapping the hot glass around? Yeah, it's like the big stick. The big stick that they wrap glass with. It looks like it's the surface that they rub it on. Yeah. Because, like, when they pull out the molten glass. Yeah. Oh, okay, so it is. It is the big just slab. It's like an L. Or, oh, I see. Or it's also, like, they can, like,

A smaller one that they sometimes roll it in. I know what it is now that I'm looking at it. I've seen how things are made. Love that show. I go to the refining tools. Is that an area? That was the last one, right? Yeah, it's in the southwest corner are the refining tools. There's sanders, planes...

files, chisels, and whittling knives. I take a chisel and a whittling knife. Wait, no, we already have a chisel. I take a whittling knife. I would also like to take the same and the little... What do you call the... What was there?

Sander, plane, files, chisels, whittling knives. Yeah. Can I get a file, a chisel, and a whittling knife just for me? Sure. So right now we have whittling knife, chisel, and tooth saw. Yep. We don't have any glass blowing equipment. Yeah. Yeah.

Apparently we have sand. If it's the right sand, that is up for question. We have moist sand. We could also get pieces of glass if we find any of that lying around. Okay. I look around to see if there's any windows. Yeah, we could smash some windows maybe. Yes, there are three windows in this room. I shatter a window. Wait, no! Hold up. Yes? How are you going to transport broken glass? Ah, Gum-Gum has very tough hands.

Are you volunteering gum gum to carry the shards of glass? Okay, now I look around to see if there's like a bag or like a sack. There's got to be like a tool bag, you know, in this big room. What'd you call me? Yeah, I see what it's named, Kyborg. Hey.

Yeah, we'll say there's like various leather sacks in this room. Okay. Awesome. Well, I look through the different, I look at the different windows and I see if there are like anything on the other side, like people on the other side or anything that would like, this would alert someone before I shatter it.

The windows on the north are on the north end of the building, so they're kind of like in the cobblestone path where people would conceivably walk through. The window to the west, however, is back by where Bart originally got the cart, and that's where the weird lumber is kind of standing around frozen.

Here's a suggestion. Before you go around shattering windows to this building, Rin, what if we check the other doors for the glass-blown equipment first? Oh, just so we can get everything before we have to possibly make a big break for it? There you go. That's a good point. All right. Well, I take some leather sacks. Me too. Multiple, just for future reference as well. Okay. Can Bart have a leather sack? Sure. Sure.

Nice. Bart puts it on under his feet and starts doing a sack race. Bart puts it in his sack. Nice. I hold up a sack, the largest sack, and then I want to do that thing where the kangaroo kind of does a little barrel roll into it when it's going to sleep. I want to do that to Bart and see if it works. When they just cuddle up into it? Go and look around and see if anything looks magical or particularly interesting to him. Hmm.

Magical or interesting? I mean, this is all pretty much just like woodworking equipment. I don't think anything would necessarily stand out as appearing to be magical because it's mostly just like mundane tools. Is there anything in the other corners? Because we checked those two corners of this room. Is there anything in the two corners that would look like their glass blowing equipment, like the blowpipe or the marver? Nothing like that to you. This all seems to be very specifically... Wood. Wood.

Like wood related tools. Imagine if they captured meld and she had that equipment on her. I don't know if it would just be lying around this area. I imagine like it'd be hidden somewhere. Someone has it. Secure. Is it any like wood, wood that like wood blocks that we can use? Can we get some of that? Wood.

Wood blocks? Not in here. There might be some out in the warehouse where the saws and the lumber were, but you don't see anything like that here. This is just like tool storage. All right, so Kyborg's going to stay in here. Nice. Let's try the southwest door.

So you all exit from this tool room, cross the big warehouse and go to the southwest door. The door's closed. Which of you wants to try to open it? That's a Gum-Gum thing. Okay, I'm here for the wood delivery. Gum-Gum tries the door, says his line and opens it up.

This is a pretty wide room. It's clearly meant to be an administrative workspace. There's a desk and a chair in the center, a bed cot in the southeast corner, a table with a large map in the northwest corner, and a chest sitting near the desk on the south wall. I should mention that on the cot, there is a brawny male elf sitting in it with his eyes staring at the wall across from him. Just staring at the wall?

Yes. Like he's just sitting up? Yes. Sitting up in the cot, just staring at the wall. I go to him and I put shackles on him. Okay. Gum-Gum has lost all trust of people. Yeah. Gum-Gum taking charge. Yeah, you walk up to him and put shackles on him. He doesn't seem to react. Okay, friend. That means I like you. Friendship bracelets. Friendship bracelets.

So he's just staring at the wall? Yeah. And he's not responding to anything. Kyborg, make a perception check. Oh, that's a four. Is that a good skill check? That's not a good skill check. No, it's not. I was picking my nose. I was picking my nose. I'll tell you what, Gum-Gum, you make a perception check. Oh, 16. There you go. 16's good. Gum-Gum, this looks familiar to you. You think you've seen Kyborg do this before?

He's in a trance. I like how it took Gum Gum to realize that Kyborg's dead before. She's taking a nap. I had to give him a chance. Okay, so if we're quiet, we won't break him from the trance, correct? Is this the guy who usually delivers the wood?

Can I go and look at the map? Yeah, you take a look and it looks like it's an unfinished map of Phasa, which is the realm that you all are in. There's five continents on it. I guess I'll take it. And then could I go to the chest and see if anything's in there? Real quiet like. Yeah, you walk up to the chest and it doesn't seem to want to open. Oh, I have my these tools. So I'll go over and see if I can crack it. Hmm.

Okay, Kaiborg, you go over and pull out your thieves' tools and put your hands on the chest, and it opens up for you. Oh, I wonder if that was like an elf thing or if it was because it's thieves' tools thing. All right, well, I look inside. Inside, you find various things. There's 120 silver pieces, 12 gold pieces, and a backpack. What's in the backpack? You open up the backpack, take a look inside, and it's filled with a bunch of things. It's got glass-blowing tools, masonry tools, and a locket with a picture of a stunning middle-aged elven woman. Ooh, okay. Well, I leave the money...

And the picture and all that stuff, I just take the glass blowing tools. The picture's in a locket that's in the backpack. Okay, well, I leave the locket as well. I don't want to steal anything. I just want to take what we need. Does it look familiar, the woman in the thing? Yes, it does. Oh, does it resemble our friend? What's her name? It looks vaguely like Meld. Like it could be her mom? Yeah. You remember Meld mentioning that she was looking for someone.

Okay. I'm going to take this stuff because I think it's Melts. I think the whole backpack is Melts. Oh. I thought I just didn't want to steal from a fellow elf, so I was trying to be a nice guy. Should we? What? Now I'm really curious who this elf is who's in here who has all of Melts' stuff. Well, he's in a trance. I don't know. I don't like him. I was very in trance. Is there any sort of identification around him? Like a wallet? No.

He's like a pretty big, like a brawny elf. He's wearing a sleeveless plaid tunic. Nice. But there's really nothing. He doesn't have like a name tag on or anything, you know? No dog tags. There's nothing really identifying on him. My name is Gwarf. So he's shackled right now, right? Mm-hmm. I'm curious. Let's get out.

Well, first of all, let's make sure we have everything. All right. You also haven't checked the desk. You don't know if maybe there's something that I would identify him on there. Oh, is there like a thing on the desk? Placard. Placard? Placard.

There's no placard. On top of the desk, you just see two pieces of parchment and there's a drawer in the center of the desk. What does the parchment say? The first has a checklist of orders scrawled on it and projects that need completing. Seems like there's a lot. They're backed up on their work. And the second one has a list of names, three of which are crossed off, two are not.

Oh, creepy. What are the names? Yeah, can we see what the names that are crossed off are as well? Yeah, you're able to read them. They just have like a single line through them. The ones that are crossed off are Holtz Grove, Walden Greens, Bombline Bush, and the two that are not crossed off are Embry Oak Woods and Elder Pine Forest. Is this reflective of the map? No, the map just has the continents labeled with their names. Like these are not the names of the continents. The continent names are Clotch, Nune, Pharaohs, Titora, and Inuffabor.

I feel bad and put the mat back. Okay, you put the mat back. Check the drawer. Check the drawer. Open the drawer. Gum Gum opens up the drawer and inside the drawer is a set of labeled keys on a ring. They seem to open different rooms. Okay. Also in the drawer is a wooden flute. It's like hand whittled wooden flute. And it's got a word etched into the side. It reads Dottie. Dottie. That name sounds familiar. Dottie was the name of the ox. Oh.

Bart being the bard, would you like this musical instrument? I mean, if it's free for the taking. I think it's taken, but not free. I mean, I do have quite a few magical instruments. I don't want to steal from him. I'm chaotic neutral. We can calm Dottie, though. I'm just so curious about why this lumber mill has got magical traps in it and why that oryx and that wood was the way it was. I'm not.

I'm also still very curious about that. Do we have everything we need before we wake up that elf? I know we want to wake up the elf. With the glass blowing equipment, did we get everything? Yeah, I believe you have everything at this point. I'll tell you what, Mud, go ahead and make me an arcana check. Not my strength, and I got a two. Just curious. You know what? Mud makes a choice. Mud smacks the elf. Oh! Not you. Oh.

Okay, yeah. You see, like, give him a slap in the face or something? Yeah. You give the elf a slap in the face and with a start, seemingly wakes up. He says, harder. Looks at you and says, who are you? What are you doing in here? We're... Hadn't thought this through. Um...

Recruiting! Now, we're on the mission of a greater cause. But as we've come into this lumber mill, I've noticed that there's a lot of magic in a silly little lumber mill that should just be here making wood products. But you've got traps set up around this place, and there's something going on with your ox outside. What's going on here? Yeah, that sexy, sexy ox. That sexy ox. Yeah, why is that ox so sexy?

What is going on here? What's your name and what's going on here? I have no reason to answer you, Furball. Get out of here. You're going to do good cop act? Smack him again.

Make an intimidation check. That's not awesome, Mastrain. You're playing bad cop here. That's a seven. Yeah, I know. This is not in Mud's character, and so he's failing at doing this. Seven. How dare you touch me, you scruffy trespasser? All right. The elf raises his hand to strike back, but realizes his hands are shackled. He turns to Kyborg and says, What's the meaning of this? I demand you free me at once. I step over and I say, I am so sorry about my furball friend. He's very excitable.

Hey, fellow elf. Hey.

Let's calm down. Let's take a breather. You were in your trance. We woke you up. Very rude. So sorry about that. But we do have important things to do because I don't know if you've noticed, but things are going crazy around the lands, you know? So you help us and then we'll get you out of the shackles and there'll be something good for you in it. How about that? I'm not blind. I can see it more ways than one that Urbloom is in disarray, but I'm taking care of it. But

Besides, I've got this lumber shortage to deal with and unless you've got a hidden forest in your pocket, then I have no business with you.

Well, what's going on with the lumber shortage? Why? Were there fires? What's going on? I don't have time for this. Unshackle me at once. Wait, you just said that you understand that there's some weird things going on and you're dealing with it. What do you mean by that? Yeah. How are you dealing with it? What are you doing? Let's just say that some humans need to mind their manners. Surely you've noticed we've captured the manner delinquent outside, but don't worry. She will answer for her crimes.

Sounds like someone's staying in his cuffs. Yeah, sounds like it. Did she do the crimes? Well, there's going to be a trial at noon. You can hear all about their heinous acts then. Wait, you have a wood shortage, but you have some wood outside that was in your cart that looked a bit questionable. What are you doing to solve your wood shortage? Questionable? I don't know anything about that. We shouldn't keep any wood deliveries outside. You had like human looking wood outside. Are you...

Are you turning humans into wood and that's how you're solving the wood shortage? Bart's looking back and forth between Tyborg and this fella. This is absurd. This city would be nothing without the wooden elf district. If there's anything nefarious going on, it's because of Steinman. Okay, bye-bye. Do you want to go? I've got more questions. Why was your bathroom trapped? Why did your bathroom turn into a sandy swamp? Make a persuasion check.

And I smack my butt and give myself plus four. Fourteen. The elf shakes his head, then looks at Kyborg and says, what is wrong with these people? This is all utter nonsense. How long have you been in this trance? Kyborg's just chewing on some gum. Listen to me. I'm...

I am the leader of this district, and I can assure you that we are not turning people into wood. We've locked down our border since the bell started chiming, so I don't know how you got in here, but please leave me in peace at once. I can't believe it either. I'm not ready to do this.

All right, well, we're just going to go now. Okay, Gump Gump, you can leave if you want. We're trying to get answers here as to what's happening here. There's more to this than just getting this wood carving stuff. There's something weird going on in this lumber mill. This poor guy was just taking a nap. It's just a lumber mill. I don't think he knows.

I think he's in on something here. I don't know. Wait, don't you have, use your truth thingy. Oh yeah. Could I, could I use my ring of truth on him? Sure. So you can just roll like an insight check to see if you think he's lying at advantage. Okay. There's one at 22. Nice. And another one at 20. I'll tee you up for this one. Are you telling us the truth? Are you telling us the truth? Tell me now.

Of course I'm telling the truth. I have nothing to hide. You were the ones that somehow broke in here and started giving me the third degree.

As far as you can tell, Bart, you believe he is being forthcoming. All right, fair enough. This is just embarrassing. We should not have woken this guy up from his trance. Is that your Orox outside? Dottie? Yes. Is Dottie normally a normal-sized Orox, or does Dottie sometimes turn into a giant Orox? Dottie is merely a calf. Maybe one day she'll grow up to be big, but we're talking years. He offers Kyborg a look of confusion and says, What is wrong with your friends? Okay, listen.

The orcs grew up real big. Like, magic spells blew up. And then it was carrying wood that may have been cursed because now it's all moving around like it's people. This isn't a dream. I know it sounds like it has very dreamlike qualities, but you're awake from your trance. Just hear me out on that. I've had enough of this. Guards! Intruders! Gammy, where are you? Good job, guys.

Y'all hear like running footsteps approaching from the distance. Very cool. Very cool. All right, I uncuff him and run. Why you uncuff him? I don't wanna leave him cuffed up. Y'all are the one who woke him up. I didn't want to wake him up. I just had to try to intervene to make this thing less of a nightmare. I'm sorry. We thought this was snacks. And I uncuff him and run out.

Anybody else doing anything? I'm gonna follow GumGum because, yeah, I also did not want to wake this guy up. He doesn't know what's going on, so I was just trying to get answers, so I'm fine with my actions. I guess I walk out, but I give him, like, a little bit of a sneer as I leave. Ooh, taunting. Yeah.

Yeah, I'll just... I'm not wearing a hat. Can I tip my hat to him and walk out? Tip your imaginary hat? Yeah, I go, Melf. Melf. I just want to remind everybody, this guy isn't like an innocent. He has imprisoned a daughter of a bad man. Yeah, and we don't want to be next.

Oh, I know. Everybody's like, oh, sorry for disturbing you. This guy's a bad guy. Well, we could have, you know, before you slapped him awake, we could have like muzzled him or whatever. You know, there's ways we could have done. We could have been in decorations, little costumes. Everyone go ahead and make stealth checks. Oh, God. That is a solid eight.

I have a 24. That's a 6. God. 21. Me and Gum Gum. Well, I am caught with my pants down. You all start heading out of the office door you came in, and as you turn for the back of the warehouse to make your escape, you hear some muffled banging on the door near the front entrance of the building. It appears the chair that Kyborg braced against the door is keeping someone out. You're welcome. There's a crash from the office on what sounds like shattered glass from a window inside the office, which

but you might just scamper out the back barn doors where you see an overgrown dottie and the lumber still standing up, unmoving. Are there any glass windows along the way or bottles that I see while we're running? Yeah, there's those windows, the window that you saw previously from the tool room. Okay, without slowing down, I hit one of those with my metal arm and I collect the glass shards in one of the leather sacks and just continue to run. Okay. How big is the wood?

Like a piece of it. Is it the size of a human? It's pretty small. It's like the size of a large shrub. Okay. Mud grabs one. Make a nature check.

love to and that I would love not to. Nine. You recognize it with your knowledge as a druid that it's a twig blight. It's almost like an evil awakened woody shrub that's almost humanoid. Okay, I grab the twig blight. You would know that it's like a monster. You can take it if you want to, just it's not something you would necessarily normally want to mess with. As in something I'm not going to carve out of wood. Yeah, I'm looking at it. I'm looking at it's a monster card right now. It's

It's disturbing. So why was that cart filled with twig blight? And why was, why was Dottie big? I want answers. We're playing Dungeons and Dragons. It's magic. I want to know why the ox got big. Okay. So let me explain it. There's a guy who's playing music and he's making the whole town go crazy. I don't think he was causing the ox to get big. We,

We can leave. I'm running. Please, it's an Oryx and it's sexy. You need to be more clear. We can run. We can run. All right, y'all run. I assume you run back to your hideout. Yeah, back to Nate's. Y'all open up the cottage door. A blanket of warmth comforts you from the nearby fireplace crackling ablaze. Melda's sitting at the table examining the schematic you've previously given her. As you walk in, she stands up and says, How did it go?

Did anyone spot you? No. Nope. How are you, Mel? Okay. Well, did you at least find the tools and supplies? Yeah. Yep. We got it all. We've got... Let's start unloading it. We got some glass. We got some pocket sand. We got whittling knife, chisel, tooth saw, and we got all of your glass blowing equipment, and I'm pretty sure that this is your backpack with the locket of a pretty elf.

Oh, that's such a relief. Thank you. I'll get started right away. She pulls out her glass blowing tools. Using the marver and blowpipe, Meld melts down the sand and glass that you found. Then she shapes and refines it into a glass funnel hourglass. As it's cooling, Meld retrieves a log by the fireplace and proceeds to carve and

and whittle a small frame to house the funnel. Finally, she pulls out the metal crank from Ironhoff and fastens it and the glass funnel onto the wooden frame. She inspects every corner and sands it down smooth. She eyes the finished product for a moment, looks at the schematic, then back at the device. Well, I think that should do it. Uh, what does this thing do again? We don't know. Shouldn't you know that, Mel? No, we do know what it does. It turns back time. Back in time? Really? Yeah.

Okay. Well, it looks like all that's left are the Deja Violets. I've never gotten close enough to see one properly. How did you manage to catch them? That's a great question. Magic. We dug that up, right? Maychan. Yeah. You used a Maychan from a distance. We cupped it out of the ground via its roots, and it is in my pocket. Fascinating. You folks sure are...

Intriguing, to say the least. I do hope we meet again and under more agreeable circumstances. I'm gonna get out of town while I still can, but I plan to return to Airbloom in the future. At least, I hope I will. Okay. Well, thank you for building this for us, m'lady. Sorry your dad is dead. Right. Uh, thanks, Kyborg.

I guess. Anyway, may Dia be with you, my friends. Farewell. Same to you. She slings her pack over her shoulders, pulls her hood up, offers you a smiley nod as she heads out the door. What a nice lady. Yeah, that's good.

A bell chimes. Not this again. Could it be the noon bell already? Sleek's voice reverberates across Urbloom. What a delightful day of majestic music this has been, Urbloom. I am simply agog that we are at the concluding cadences of my stunning symphony. And I know what you're thinking. Oh, how I wish this would never end.

Well fear not, my adoring audience, because I'm here to answer that blight. That, after all, is why I've come to Urbroom. So that you can all hear my sweet symphony for eternity. A song without end. But why stop there, when we can take this show on the road? Believe me, I won't rest until the entire realm of Faiza hears my symphony. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Now, for the final movement.

- Finesse! - Sleek wails on his loot with fervor and a pounding melody thumps throughout the city, shaking the very ground beneath. A monstrous emerald wall materializes to the north and begins sweeping across the district without prejudice. Elves freeze along the cobblestone streets with perpetually perplexed expressions. In the glockensquare to the east, you spot the four of you step out of a portal in utter confusion. - Oh, is this like alternate versions of ourselves? Like dark versions of us that we'll have to fight? Wait.

This is the part where we die though. Oh God. So you all are here, but you're watching yourselves arrive at the same time. Right. Oh. I'm so hot. Look how hot I am. Are we about to die?

I guess I put some Deja Violets in it and I crank it. Wait, I think Brink might have cranked it like five times. Okay, sure. But what if we cranked it six times to be safe? Nope, five times. Okay, yeah, you're right.

The hourglass begins ticking in your arms and the ground up petals inside begin to illuminate and swirl like a vortex. With every tick, the emerald wall inches nearer and nearer to you, paralyzing everything in its path. The music and bells blare even louder and louder and louder. But what happened? What happened? What happened? You have to find out next week. Oh my God.

Hey, everyone. Hope you enjoyed this episode. One last thing before we go. Don't forget, we got a survey down in the description. Just takes a minute or two to fill out. You're done with this episode. Just go click it right now. Please, please, please. It would do us a lot of good if you could fill it out. Let us know about you.