C01 - Ep. 20 - Deja Ürbloom - Hugh Better Watch Out
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This is a Rooster Teeth production. Gutenacht, you prehistoric saurians. Stomp on into the stinky dragon and guzzle our latest grog, the Jurassic Julep. It's an ice-cold, blooded cocktail of pigment leaves, petrified peaches, and Bronto's bone-dry bourbon. Oh, and don't worry, this potable is paleo-friendly.

Last time our adventurers found themselves rapidly rushing downriver after Nader and a sleepy baby Tee. After barreling past waterfalls, reeling from rapids, resenting some riddles, and a damn near close drowning, they managed to catch up to Nader and a prowling plesiosaurus. But that's all in the past, surely they can break through this glassless ceiling. Lay your sore bones at this watering hole and let's dig up this dino.

The T-Rex growls and leans down. He was looking around for help, but his forces have scattered. He finally spots you, Mud, since you were running towards him. And he says, Mud, I'll give you anything you want. Just save me from this beast. Okay. Now, Mud needs to turn into a big, sexy T-Rex. And then he needs to lure her away.

Yeah. Yeah, obviously. That's how you know it's a mama tea and not a daddy tea. Yeah, that's the only way. What if mama tea's into other mama teas? Yeah. Who are you to judge, God? Oh, my God. That is my nickname. Yeah, well, Mud needs that glass, so...

That doesn't sound like Bud's accent. Well, I'm not saying this out loud. Bud's not saying... His inner monologue. His internal voice is different than his external voice. His internal voice sounds like a boy that grew up in Southern California for most of his life. Born and raised in a place where you spend most of his days.

That won't be the Kybor song as much as you want it to be. That one's already copyrighted. That's why. I guess Mud can turn around and talk to the T-Rex, but he can't understand the T-Rex because of the way that his speech of Beast and Leaf works. Yes, correct. And so I just scream...

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's slow down. Let's slow down. Let's take a moment and think of our actions, right? Yeah, because if we were to launch into attack, that'd be frigging dumb. It would be. It'd be so dumb. A few moments earlier. So Mutt turns into Velociraptor and launches at the T-Rex.

Oh, snap. Okay, so... You didn't think that was going to happen, did you? No. Mud turns into a turkey-sized velociraptor. Turkey-sized? Yeah, that's how big they are. This isn't Jurassic Park rules. This is D&D rules. Oh, my God. So Mud just launches straight into its mouth. I'm really thinking about it. Now I'm mad that I made that decision. That's not a Mud decision. Am I allowed to retcon that? And now back to our adventure.

The T-Rex seems to, like, stomp a little harder on Hugh and narrow its eyes and look at you, then look around the rest of the camp. Hello. I have animal handling proficiency, so is that going to help? What do you want to do with that? I want to turn back into mud because he's much more... He's much less threatening in his fear bulk form. And...

I want to look around to see if my friends are going to help me at all with this situation. I'm just watching how this all plays out. Where is Bart? Bart's got popcorn. Where did that come from? Bart's turned into that pigeon from Sesame Street that just pulls out the viewing eyeglasses and popcorn. I'm really tempted to use my illusion to make one of you look like a rotisserie chicken. Oh, no.

That's good. Do I still look like a... Do I still have my costume on? You, we had just talked about this. I want to say yes, you did, if I remember right. And where's the baby T-Rex? It was taken away to be prepared for consumption. We do know where it was taken away. You just saw it, like, carried off into some of the nearby tents. It's been lost in the hubbub of the chaos that's going on. Mud turns to the T-Rex and goes, Listen,

If we can just get your baby back and get it back to you, wouldn't it be much less dangerous for everybody involved, including your fragile little dino baby, if you guys just head off back somewhere else with your little family and we'll stay here and we'll deal with these nasty, nasty humans.

Gus, if I may, I'm going to interpret for the T-Rex. I want my baby back, baby back, baby back. Can I take away inspiration, Doc? Do it, coward! Do it. You won't. Go ahead and make either an animal handling or a persuasion roll. I've never seen anyone try to persuade a T-Rex before. I'm going to do animal handling. Twelve. Twelve.

- 12. The T-Rex locks eyes with you, then opens its immense jaws and clamps down on Hugh Manor. - Oh, no! - Killing him instantly. - No! - Yeah! - That escalated a bit much. - He was gonna give us everything we wanted. - I have a question. Is Kyborg screaming like that in character? - Absolutely. - The T-Rex leans back and lets a mighty roar loose into the raining sky.

Wasn't he gonna make us glass? I mean, he was. I'll learn it. It's fine. That was cool.

A bell chimes as an orange blaze of sunlight breaks on the horizon. Gandalf's here. You hear Sleek's voice echo over the air across Steinman. Arise and greet the day, slumbering citizens of Urbloom. Allow me to inaugurate your day with the next movement in my soothing symphony. Rubato. Sleek starts to fervishly pick at his lute, and a sporadic melody sounds across the district.

Oh, so the green wall is extending into this Jurassic world, the glass district? Yes.

I'm betting some time stuff's going to happen and then that jerk is going to come back to life. Are you going to pull an Avengers Endgame?

So how far is it from, is it like approaching as close? Is it far? The wall? It's on the horizon, but seems to be approaching at a steady pace. It's coming from the west. And what seems to be happening in there in the wake of it? Like what's going on? Things are freezing. Yeah. Everything seems to be paralyzed, stuck in time from your perspective. And it's on its way to us. We got, we got a lot of problems to juggle right now.

We have a wall of time approaching us. We have a Tyrannosaur T-Rex. I would say it's a wall of lack of time.

A wall of non-time, of un-time. We have a T-Rex that just killed the dude that we need to make the glass to finish the recapitulator. Good times, good times. Who's got some problem-solving skills? I have literally no idea what we could do here. I am drawing a blank. Can Mud just go ahead and start backing away from the T-Rex? Sure. I'd like to do that. Sure. Bart, why don't you roll me a perception check? Okay. Okay.

Reception coming in hot. Got an 18. 18. The rising sun reveals a stony path leading to tall, blurry edifices in the distance to the east. They look kind of familiar, like something from your past. Oh. Blurry edifices sound way more promising than green wall that will freeze us in time forever. A T-Rex that can... And yeah, chompy, chompy bite bite. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, guys, why don't we turn around and run that direction? You had me at turn around and run. Towards those blurry edifices. Oh, got it. I joined Bart. Sounded like Gum-Gum had some ideas. Well, I was thinking about a way to distract the T-Rex. Nope. But

So that we can escape, but I'll wait until it follows us. All right, so you all are going to start running to the east? Yeah, sometimes a tactical retreat is the best option. The T-Rex spots you all and starts pounding his way toward you with his ravenous red eye. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Goes the dynamite. Could I...

I don't know if this is going to be terrible. Could I do a minor illusion to make it see the baby T-Rex behind it? And so it goes the opposite direction.

That's some smart thinking. Maybe make it run to the glite. It's a horrible, horrible thing to do, but I don't want to get ebid. No, no, no. Gaslight that parent in distress. Do it. It's funny. Yeah, when in doubt, minor illusion. Go for it. Try it. Okay. So Bark conjures a minor illusion of a baby T. What do you want to have it doing, Bark? What do you want it to look like? I want it to look like the baby T-Rex that we found.

And I want it to be crying, going, Mama, Mama, Mama. Can Minor Illusion make noises? The image can't create sound, light, smell, or any other sensory effects. So you can either create sound or image. Okay, here's what I'm going to do to aid Bart. Okay. Mud sees that Bart casts that image of the little baby, but to get the attention of the T-Rex to turn around and see it, because it doesn't have to hear it. It's just got to see it, you know?

Mud casts summon beast and casts a bird that basically does like a little fly around the T-Rex head to really get attention and then flies back towards the back of it towards the T-Rex to get the T-Rex attention. Very video game mechanic there. Yeah. It's like a cartoon whenever someone gets bonked on the head. Yeah. That was that exact little blue bird.

Bart casts a silent baby T that's mouthing, Mama, Mama. And then to get the T-Rex's attention, Mud casts Summon Beast, which summons a bird to fly around the T-Rex. The T-Rex kind of bats its head around and cranes its neck and looks and sees the baby T and begins running back in the direction of

minor illusion. Actually, I'm reading Summoned Beasts to be specific. It takes the form, you pick air, land, or water, and it takes the form of an animal of your choice that is native to the chosen environment, so I think we should make a little pterodactyl. It's already working, John. A little baby pea? Yeah, a little. I don't like that.

Okay, yeah, sure. We'll say it's a little baby, or like it's just a pterodactyl. Yeah. A small pterodactyl that gets the T-Rex attention. It turns around, chasing after it, eventually coming up against the green wall and freezing in time along with everything else.

Sleek Song fades to an end and the emerald wave slowly comes to a halt just behind you all. We did it. Yay. We didn't. I was scared there for a second. We didn't though because we don't have glass.

By did it, I mean that we didn't die. We did the thing that made it so we didn't die. So that's always an accomplishment. You all follow this path and you spot flower beds forming on either side of the path. At the end of the path, you find a T-shaped stone monolith with hieroglyphs etched into the top. Capital T or lowercase t?

It is a capital T. Behind the monolith is a deep chasm. So it's like on the edge of the chasm? Yes. Mud cautiously approaches. The monolith or the chasm or what do you mean? The monolith, the monolith, the monolith. It's like 2001 Space Odyssey where the monkey's like, and the wheels are throwing bones and fighting each other.

Mud walks up to the monolith. It's a giant T-shaped monolith, and there are some hieroglyphs etched into the top. Turn into a monkey. Play into the scene. Hush, hush. Actually, I don't think I've seen a monkey. Does Mud recognize anything about the glyphs? Make me a history check. Ooh.

It's 15? Not terrible. Oh, no, it's a Civil War monument. Man, Blaine, you are on fire today. You think that the hieroglyphs are some form of ancient elvish. Oh. You think that the first word roughly translates to hail.

Is the second word Satan by any chance? They're a very specific cult of elves. Wait, isn't Kyborg Elf?

Yeah, but this is ancient Elvish. So he doesn't speak or be able to read. They would be like us trying to read Middle English or something like that. Yeah, I thought he said Elvis. So it was just a different direction altogether. I guess I should relay this information to the group. One of these words seems to say the word hail in old Elvish. I apparently don't know what the rest of the words are. Is it referring to hail as in hail Satan or hail as in the big balls of ice?

That's a good question. I would assume... They're both spelled the same way. That can't be how it works in Elvish. So, Gus, you want to let me know? You think it's like a hail as in a greeting of some kind. Gotcha. Is it like at the beginning of a sentence or at the end? It's the first word that you recognize. It's the first word. So it must be saying hello to us. I really think you should say hello back, GumGum. The second word is O, so it's hail O.

It's Beyonce's monument. It'll be a halo. Hello. Does that do anything? No. I was really hoping that would do something. That was a very good try. I'm going to appreciate it. I was just saying hi to you guys. Oh, to us. There's no other hieroglyphs that Mudd recognizes? No, that's all you can really make out.

Can I check around, like, around the rest of the monument? Like, look in the chasm, see if I see anything? Or see anybody? You see at the bottom of the chasm, it appears to be boiling magma down there at the bottom. Oh. And on the other side of the chasm, you see a collection of foggy structures that seem to be shrouded in trees.

All right. What do you guys want to do about this? Seeing as how we only have one word translated on this monument. Well, maybe we could look around to see if there's anything that could help decipher what the rest of the words are. Hmm.

Yeah, you know, like when you go to like a park and you see like a little sign that tells you what you're looking at. That'd be nice. Yeah, or like sometimes, you know, it's like in different languages just in case there's visitors from other countries. Yeah, just in case, yeah. Any chance there's one of those? Park, I guess. What would that be? Like an investigation or...

Yeah, investigation. Make an investigation. You sure it's not for something? Plus one modifier versus a plus. Oh, dang it. Four. Four. You lose sight of the T-shaped monolith for a little bit, but then you remember it's behind you. You almost got me there, buddy. Hey, hello. Am I right? You said that when we approached this, there were flower beds along the side of it, so this is like... Yeah, like flanking the path on either side.

Can Mud try saying out loud the Elvish word for hail? Yeah, do you? I mean, I don't- you said I understood it. Uh... Actually, I speak Elvish! This is- again, this is ancient Elvish. Well then, I speak a bad version of it. You also have an elf in your party. It's just ancient Elvish. It's just the language has changed so much over the thousands of years. Kyberg, you wanna take a stab at seeing if you can figure out some of this?

Yeah, yeah. Should I do like a perception check? Do a history check. History, history, my favorite. Just dust this off. 19, 18, 18. Ooh, that's pretty good. You think one of the words might be wood? Yeah, wood. It's the lyrics to Jailhouse Rock. Ancient Elvis song. Wood was one of the elements that we needed, but I don't know if that would have anything to do with this tea.

Uh, ooh, maybe, maybe, uh, I look around to see if there's anything, uh, wooden, a structure. I want to see if there's any other structures. We don't already have wood, do we? Is that one we still need? Yeah. Okay. We have flowers and we have metal. We need wood and glass. Correct. Roll a perception check. Okay.

Stop making the old Mac noises. 16. Oh, that's good. The only buildings you see nearby is like maybe some foggy structures on the other side of the chasm. It's hard to see. Is there a crosswalk or like some way to get over there? Or is it jumping distance? It's about 10 feet wide. I think I can make this. I've done this before. Don't we have a video about this? Yeah, I've made it before in the fictional universe.

Also that test was flawed. Well, that last time, last time, just to be clear, it was you jumping across two buildings. This is a magma pool at the bottom if you don't make it. Yes. So should I- Please don't do this. I don't want to re-roll- I don't want Blaine to have to re-roll a character right now. Okay, alright, here we go. I pull out the rope. I pull out rope and I tie it around my waist so that it's long enough that I can make the jump

and not tug the rope, but it's short enough that if I were to fall, you guys could grab it and pull me back up. Yeah? Are we doing that? Are we doing this? Yeah, we're doing that. And then I look for a tree trunk to tie it to, just so that you guys don't have to do any strength checks. You guys are just there to pull me up, but... What is the heaviest thing I can turn into? Monolith. Just, I'll tie the part of it around the monolith. There you go. Well, I weigh 150 pounds, so you want to tie it around me too? No, so you can... No, because this is how you lose two party members.

Alright, so Gus, I'm gonna be very clear about this. Tie a rope around my waist. Wait, doesn't Gum Gum have jump as a power?

I was wondering if that was going to come up. I was like, man, Chris is always trying to use that ring. If someone's going to jump across the chasm, it's going to be our magical friend here who has literally the magical ability to jump three times. But now it's a principle thing. I need to prove that I can do this to you guys. I'm magical. Here, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, Kyborg, just so you can prove something. Boys are so silly. How about you both jump, and since I have rope, I'll make sure to tie gum gum

and then you tie yourself to the tee and whoever makes it across makes it across. Okay, wait, just so I'm clear. Okay. Highboard's gonna long jump, but he's tying a rope to the tee. Gum Gum is also gonna jump, but he's tying the rope to mud? No, no, no. They're both tied to the tee. Is the tee like, is the tee size big enough that that would be something that'd be a good anchor? Yeah, you think it would. Okay.

I think it would. Well, okay. Then what's going to happen? The certainty in your voice. Yes. Bart, we have a job. Yes. You're going to also hold on to one of the ropes that's also tied to the T, and then I'll hold on to the other rope. So it's double anchored by a person and the monolith. And all we are there to do is that if it were to, like, move with the monolith or anything, we are then bracing it. Okay? I don't know. Bart has really very sensitive hands. I don't know. I don't know.

This popcorn's not gonna eat itself, so... How does your jump spell work again? I jump high. I need the Chris answer. That was the Chris answer. Yeah. We're one in the same. They have become one.

The singularity. You know what? That's actually accurate. I should not know what the jump does. So, Mud slaps Gum Gum's butt with some guidance. What?

I stick out my butt. You are doing this based on your own abilities. I'm making sure that Gum Gum gets across so we actually make this happen. I do the sexy Flanders like nothing at all dance right in front of you. Hell yeah. All right. Well, with all that being said,

Okay, who wants to go first? Me. I'll go. We go at the same time. Blaine did jump in just a second, like a split second before you answered, Chris. We'll deal with Kyborg first. Okay, here we go. All right, you're gonna make that jump. You need to make a... Go ahead and make an athletics check. All right. Get a running start. I got it. Speed is great. I know I have it. I make the jump. Good job.

Damn it. 14. Okay, before I tell you what happens, GumGum, are you running as soon as you see Kyborg running, or are you waiting to see what happens to him and how that resolves before you run? What did we decide as a group? This is a GumGum choice. Yeah, this is a GumGum choice. GumGum would run at the same time. Okay, that's why I'm asking. Go ahead and make your athletics check as well.

I have a nine. And then I also get a D4. He gets a D4 on top with guidance. Okay. So go ahead and roll that D4. I want to point out for the listening audience, GumGum has a plus seven on athletic. So he rolled a two and still ended up with a nine there. Wow. Now it's a four. Four. Thirteen. I love how GumGum is super athletic. It's just really funny to me. So Kybor got a 14. GumGum got a 13. Mm-hmm.

Kyborg and Gum-Gum, you know, they take about a 10 feet running start, get up to speed. Well, first, I guess Kyborg starts running, and then Gum-Gum catches sight of him and starts chasing after him as well. They both seem to have good jumps. It seems like Gum-Gum maybe stumbles a little bit, but then, you know, recovers at the last second and actually does get a good jump off. They both jump across the chasm. It seems like they're gonna make it, and they both blink out of sight. That's not what I expected. We jumped so far, we jumped into the future.

Wait, what's the state of the rope? The rope seems to be hanging limp down into the chasm. Oh, God. So it severed the rope? Yeah, is it severed or is there like a break point where it's clearly still? Do you want to lean over the chasm and look or do you want to pull up the rope? How are you going to approach this? I'm going to pull up the rope. Okay, Mud pulls up one of the ropes and looks at it and seems to be cut off. It seems to be singed green at the end. Ooh.

Green. Green. It's a lightsaber. Did the wall hit it? You're saying that what we're looking at across the chasm is we're seeing the other side of the chasm, but it's blurry? The buildings and the trees in the distance on the other side of the chasm seem to be, like, shrouded in fog. All right. So, Bart. Hello. We seem to be at a...

a point of making a choice. The choice whether or not we save our dumb friends or... Well, it's more so do we just join our dumb friends? I do like being dumb. Okay. Do you want to just run and jump together?

What could go wrong? Sure. You're going to Thelma and Louise it? Yeah, we're going to Thelma and Louise it. We're going to... What is ours? Bum Bum? What's our name? Team Bud. Wasn't it the original teams, wasn't it? Yeah. Team Bud forever.

All right. So you're both going to take a jump across the chasm? Yeah, I'm going to reach to hold Bart's hand, though. Okay. Both of you roll athletics checks. You notice how soft his hand is. Immediately. You've been moisturizing. Yes, moisturizing. Dang it. Six. Seven. Could I inspiration die that one? Sure. Because I don't want to...

Well, mud will drag you down. As long as you're holding hands. Yeah. Okay, let's use my first one. I'm three.

Shoot. See, initially rolled a four plus two for a six, then used Inspiration Die and rolled a one plus two, which is three. And wasted my Inspiration Die on that. Yep. This team needs to stop jumping. Jumping's not what you guys are... The other guys are normally the jumpers. No, but no matter what, whenever we do something with jumping, it just nothing good happens from it. I think the only time it's ever worked out was that Gum Gum made you get that sword out of the air elemental.

Even when Kyborg made the jump, he fell through the building. I also jumped. I jumped up when we were escaping the king. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah, that was a good jump. You and Mud join hands and start making a run for the chasm. As the cliff's edge draws near, your feet begin to slide on some rocks, and you jump a little too early, flailing into the air. At the arc of the jump, you both look at each other, realizing you're not going to make it, and you start falling into the pit of boiling magma.

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With the wind whistling past you and the heat of the lava increasing, you hear music and it sounds like a lute erratically playing over the air and your feet land onto flooded cobblestone. Thunder cracks overhead and a sheet of rain soaks you all to the bone.

This is for everyone, by the way. All four of you. Okay. I thought I was dead. Yeah. You notice that your clothes and equipment have transformed back to normal, albeit drenched. The misty ruins and forest before you inexplicably transform into a courtyard of six wooden buildings, three on each side. Wow. Everyone go ahead and make a perception check. Goodness gracious. What is going on? Finally a good roll. 24. I did an 11. No.

Not great. 13. 9. We'll start with Kyborg. See, you rolled the lowest at 9. Your eyes are blurry from all the rain pouring down, but the courtyard seems to be vacant, save for something hunched over in the middle of the district. Bart and Gum-Gum, there's a person hunched over in the center of the courtyard. Their hands and neck are bound in wooden stalks, but their back is facing you, so it's hard to tell what they look like.

Okay. And mud. At one of the far corners of the courtyard, you spot one building larger than the rest. It looks very industrious, like some sort of workshop, but no lights are on inside. To your right, you spot the Glocken Tower, blocked off by the emerald wall as before, but you also notice that an emerald wall blocking off what can only be Grubdorf on the other end of the district.

And so we're in a courtyard, and in the middle of the courtyard in the distance, we can see that figure that's in the stocks? Yeah, it seems like there's a person hunched over with their back to you in stocks. And it's rainy and dark? Miserable. Well, you might be miserable in the rain. I like the rain. I do want to point out, since you see Grubdorf on one side and the Glockentower on the other, you've pretty much gone full circle around Urbloom. There's nowhere left to go now. Oh, wow.

We didn't get the glass in the wood, though. There's still time. Well, I guess we're in hell. Does someone want to approach that person? I would like to approach him. Okay. Okay. That's okay with Gum-Gum? If that's okay with you, Gum-Gum. Okay. Okay.

Okay, cool. I have his approval. All right. So Bart, are you approaching by yourself? I guess so. Yeah. I don't want to scare him off too quickly or anything or intimidate him. So little gently, gentle, friendly Bart will go up to him. I like gently as a shortened version of gentle, friendly.

All right. Bart approaches the stocks and he finds a young female half-elf bound by her hands and neck in U-shaped stocks made of wood. A sign nailed across the wooden posts reads, No Manners.

Well, well, well, I think it's awfully old fashioned to think that a lady should have manners. You notice that it's manners spelled with like a umlaut over the A. Oh, so is it like Hugh Manor? The woman in the stocks looks up at you. She says, hey, please, can you help me out of these stocks? Why are you in those stocks? Are you dangerous? No, not at all. The people of this district are upset with my family and I'm taking the brunt of it.

What did you do? What did your family do? It's not my doing, but that of my father. His avarice and depravity have unfortunately stained the family name. A name I wish I could be rid of. I have a ring of truth telling that I want to use on her. Fantastic. Sure. While wearing this ring, you have advantage on wisdom insight checks to determine whether someone's lying to you. So you want to use insight to see if you think she's lying? Yes. Yeah, go ahead and make an insight check.

You rolled a one. You rolled a one. Isn't there like something I get where if I roll a one, I can roll again? What is that? Lucky. Aren't you lucky? Lucky. Yeah. Yeah. Attack roll ability check received. Okay. So I'm going to roll that again. All right. 16. 16. Since the ring of truth telling gives you advantage, you actually get to roll again anyway. Okay, cool.

Lucky lets you reroll the one, so you got a 16. And then advantage lets you roll again, so you get a 12. So since you have advantage, you take the better of the two, so you end up with 16. You do not sense any deception in her voice. Can Mud walk up? Sure. Is there any chance that you're the daughter of Hugh Manor? Yes, unfortunately I am.

So then a second question. Is there any chance your father taught you how to work with glass? I've worked with glass extensively. My father taught me everything he knew. Well, I think we found our glassmaker. If you free me from these stocks, I can show you. Your dad thought you were dead.

Clever girl. You said she's an elf?

Half-elf. Oh, so Hugh Manor got within health. I don't blame him. We're ourselves or something. Aw, that Hugh. Well, then, if you managed to get away, who caught you and put you in these stocks? I was hiding out here, keeping my identity secret for a while. I was enjoying learning carpentry and wood carving, but someone recognized me and reported me.

They locked me out here, and I'm going to be sentenced at noon. Can I... First of all, I want to somersault in, because I want to make a big entrance. Athletic check. Okay, here we go. She's going to be very impressed. 17. Ooh, wonderful. Despite the slick cobblestones, Kyborg does some nice somersaults coming in. Maybe a conversation for some reason. I pop up, and I say, Hey, sorry to break it to you. Your dad is dead. Got eaten by T-Rex. What?

I want to perceive if she's telling the truth. You always want to proceed telling someone that their father is dead with a sour salt. I use the ring of truth on her. Yeah. Oh. Well, yeah, I mean, it would be an insight check. You can make an insight check if you want. I just want to double check. I just want to double check. I can never be too sure. 12. Yeah. You think what you've heard so far, you don't sense any deception of what she has said so far. Okay. All right.

I mean, there's a good chance that this is our only way of getting the glass, considering that we did see the last glassblower get consumed by a dinosaur. Oh, you mean her dad being killed. Oh, my God. Bart elbows Kyborg in the hip.

Gum Gum is feeling lonely and then decides to copy exactly what Kyborg just did. All right. Go ahead and make an athletics check. I assume that's what you mean. Somersault coming in? Yeah. 14?

Not bad. Gus is like, should he somersault into a crevice? You fall into the magma. All right, Gum-Gum somersaults in, pops up in front of everyone, and once again tells the young woman that her father is dead. Your father's dead. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. And then you're going to go ahead and make an insight check because you want to determine if she's telling the truth or not.

14. 14. Wow. You sensed no deception. I think she's telling the truth. No one's done better than Bart. All right. Good job, Kyborg. I'm glad that we have really solidified. How do you know this about my father? Who are you?

Hello, we're the Infinite Interns. We're here in Air Bloom and we don't really know what we're supposed to be doing other than the fact that we need to gather materials to create a device called a recapitulator. And one of the very important device pieces, a piece of the device is glass. And we were hoping that your father could help us, but he turned out to be a cannibal. And wood.

We also need... Hey, if you're a carpenter as well or no one, we'd love to just knock two birds right out of the way. Well put. Brink steps up from the back and says, Hey numbskulls, we're here too. Jeez, Sordo, you aren't kidding. It's like these peacocks got tunnel vision or something. He rolls his eyes. Oh, great. Oh, I am so surprised by Brink being there that I...

Take an unarmed strike. Just out of reflexes? Brink and Sordo are both there, so do you hit both of them? Yeah, yeah, I guess so. Not Sordo. You have no animosity towards Sordo. Okay, just Brink. He likes you guys, too. He did save you all. This is 26. You rolled a 20. You rolled a nat 20. Oh, my God. Whack his head right off. I say, ah, you scared me.

Yeah, I guess you punch him in the shoulder and he stumbles back. Ah, what the heck are you doing, Klutzborn? Get your hands off of me. Jeez.

That's it. That was all I was going to do. That's the end. So addressing the group now. I don't really think we have any choice other than to put our trust into this elf. Yeah, elves are trusty. I think so. I trust her. Are there locks? Because I have a lock picking kit. Yeah, she is locked up in the wooden stocks.

It's a trust-based stock. You can just be staying there. I just want to point out that Gus made sure to emphasize wooden stocks. Is this wooden stock potentially usable for the wood element of our recapitulator? Imagine we have to craft the thing, right? I'm even staring at every wood thing. Make a perception check. All right.

Four. Eleven. You know that this is wood, and you know that you need wood, but you're not sure if you can use it. Guys, I see a log cabin over there. I think we should have... Listen, some of us are thinking with portals, Blaine. All right, you're right. I'm sorry. Hey, for effort. I use the thieves' tools. What do I need to roll to pick the log? Roll a dexterity check. Do I have to consent to the group? Are we good with this? Yeah, yeah. Get her out of there. Wow. Someone's asking the group before they run off and do something? Who is this?

Where'd Kyborg go? Bazinga. Nine. Nine. Kyborg steps up, proudly brandishes his thieves tools and begins to work on the lock, but he just can't seem to pop it open. Yeah, no, I was using the wrong. Yeah, there it is. Just re-rolled. 23. He realizes he's not left-handed, right-handed. He's using the wrong hand, uses his other hand, and the locks pop open. First try. And the woman is freed. She stands up. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. I help her up.

She's helped up by Kyborg. She juices herself. She says, Thank you. My name is Meld. Her hair is black and it comes down to her shoulders where it meets a red ascot around her neck. She's wearing a navy cloak and matching double-breasted tunic along with eggplant pants and leather boots. Her clothes seem ornate, but her hands look calloused and rugged. Oh. Hi. I'm Gum-Gum.

So she's a rich person with a hobby. Yep. Bart does a little bow and he goes, Ah, Meld, the pleasure is mine. I am Bartholomew. I do a backflip and I say, And I am Kyborg. 24. A pleasure to meet your party. I'm not sure what to say about the death of my father. I never liked or respected him, not to mention the shameful way he ruled the district. Corruption and greed had clearly blackened his heart and

I only hope that one day he would see that before it consumed him. If it helps with your grief, he also turned into a cannibal. If that just helps. That helps you cope. Yeah, just trying to throw some tinder on this fire of like, ah, screw that guy. He also made really bad puns like, welcome to dinner. I can't remember. Anyway, there is another reason I came to the wooden elf district.

I recently overheard my father drunkenly talking to his henchmen at their weekly game of Three Dragon Ante. He said that he had slept with one of his servants, but hoped he didn't get her pregnant like last time and end up with another nuisance of a daughter. That's why I'm here. I found out that the servant's name was Siddhate Tempur, an elf from this district. I don't know what happened to her, but I needed to leave as soon as possible to find out that she's here. I'm certain she's my mother.

Carpentry? Carpentry.

All of Mud's hairs of his fear-bog body are standing on end out of excitement of getting this figured out. Oh, is it my voice giving you ASMR? Is that why? All of Gum Gum's hairs are also standing on end. That's because he thinks Milt is pretty. Is there a workshop close by? We should probably find a place to get out of sight and lie low.

That way we have somewhere to craft the wood and glass. Unfortunately, all of my tools were confiscated and locked up when they arrested me. Perhaps you could retrieve them for me? Side quest. Sounds like we know what we're about to do, fellas. We keep having to steal stuff. It's not something we're very good at. We're on the case! Alright, where can we hide out, Meld? It's still early.

Perhaps we could hide out in one of these houses and come up with a plan for what to do next. And that sounds very nice. I need a rest. You all are in the middle of a courtyard area and there's five houses around you guys. They all seem pretty much the same from the outside. I don't know if you all have a preference which one you want to go to. Let's go to the one on the left. Yay. That's the one on the westernmost portion of the district. The doors are locked on this cottage.

Thieves' tools. We should go to one where there's no one in it. We don't know if someone's in this one, right? No, you don't know. About to find out. Is there any lights on or anything? The indoors are dim. No, it does not appear that there are any lights on inside this cottage. 23. Kaibor manages to... He's learned how to use the thieves' tools. He's getting better at them. He pops the lock open. The door creaks slowly open.

Hey, can someone who's very stealthy check to make sure no one's in there? I barrel roll in. I have a plus seven stealth. Let's talk to the group, please. I stop short, and then I bow to Bart, and I say, go.

And I slap Bart's butt. Whee! I stealthily, stealthily slap Bart's butt. That's to be very clear. Should I roll stealth, Gus? Yeah, go ahead and roll a stealth check. Highborg holds up his butt just like a little bit. Just to be safe.

Not rolling well today, but I got a 12. 12. You have a little butt slap. Add that D4. Butt slap. Butt slap. So stealthy. Here we go. Another two. So hard on the wind. 14. You step in. The floors are a little creaky and you look around. Go ahead and make me a perception check as well. Okay, cool. 22. Nice. It appears to you that the cottage is empty. You see unlit torches in the corners of the room.

Could we look around and see if there's anything that would be helpful to us? Do you motion us in? Yes. Okay, now I somersault in. Bart tries to whisper, but Bart's really bad at whispering, so he goes, Guys, you could come in. Okay. You sound like a Skeksis.

Like, do we have a feel for what kind of place this was? Or was it just like a house, like an abode? Seems like a pretty standard house. The floors and the walls are made out of planked wood. Pretty dim still inside. Doesn't seem to really be anything outstanding. Mud is excessively exhausted and looks for lodging. Beds, beds. Ooh. Yeah, we're all pretty weak. There is another door on the other end of the cottage. Excellent. Mud opens it. Go ahead and roll a perception check. That's a 10.

You see that there's someone sleeping in the bed in this room. Oh, no. Awkward. Pull out your knife. No, no, that's not our MO. Okay, can I close the door? Yeah, they seem to be sleeping rather soundly. Okay, I close the door. And I think we should find a different house. There's someone in this one. A different house. A different house.

It's a hard accent. I don't think we should stay. Can we try a different house? You don't want to talk to them? It could be nice. No, we literally have broken into their house. I'm not going to sing them a lullaby. Why is everybody bound and determined to interact with this person that we broke into their house? I too would like to sing them a lullaby.

Alright, we can leave. If Mudd's having a bad feeling, we can leave. Yes! Rule number one of breaking into a house is breaking the ones that are empty. Eh.

Y'all walk, I guess, quietly back out of the house. You're back out in the courtyard. I don't know what the rest of the group is doing. Yeah, we all do. Okay. Is there any parchment in a pen in the house? You can leave them a note. Can I leave them a message? Let them know we're here? Sure, yeah, you do. You see a desk with a parchment and inkwell and quill on it. Okay. I write on it Brink Tussler.

Was here. That's it. That's all I... Suck my balls. Butts, butts, butts. I also had suck my butts. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Brink steps up and he writes... Kyborg smells bass. And then I write... Brink Tussler kisses pigs. Brink writes... The only pig I ever kissed gave birth to Kyborg. Well, then I write...

Brink Tussler can't keep a flying snake because he's a bad pet owner, but I do it in a way that it fills up the rest of the page so there's no space left on the page. Everyone else in the group has decided to put it to a vote who was the better smack talker, and unanimously we agree it was Brink. He's the enemy. Yeah. Brink seems to crack a small smile through tears that are welling up in his eyes. Ha ha ha.

He grabs the paper and balls it up. Hey, are we done with that? I just want to get him caught for a crime, but yeah, okay, I'm done. There's four other houses. There's one immediately next to this one on the same side, on the western side of the courtyard, if you want to try that one without crossing the courtyard. Yeah, let's try that. If I could try a different tactic, Bart, if you don't mind, I was going to cast Hidden Step.

and be invisible and try to check this house thoroughly. Why would I mind? Well, we got to check to see, is the door open? No, the door is closed and appears to be locked. Pin step. When does it actually turn invisible? Until the start of your next turn. So essentially that would give you like six seconds of invisibility. Oh, okay. Well then just how about, how about if that's how it works, then just go for it, Bart. Same go of it. I should sneak in? Well, I think you got to open the door first.

Yeah. So whoever wants to pick the lock. Oh, here we go. These tools. Reception check? No. Dex. Dex. I thought Kyborg was getting better with the thieves tools, but he seems to be regressing a little bit. 16. The door pops open with a barely audible click. I smack Bart's butt. Oh, I'm all fours, but in the air. Looking at Bart. I do a stealth. I'm all fours, but in the air. 20 stealth.

That's a good stealth. 20 stealth. You want to roll that? Do you always get that additional d4, or do you have to choose to use it? Yeah, you can choose to use it. I assume I'm okay with a 20. Okay. You sneak into the room, and there seems to be someone tending a fire in one of the corners of the room. Could they see me? No, their back is to you. They're bent over, poking the fire. Okay. Bart turns around and does like...

really weird baseball hand signals that no one actually could decipher to try to tell them that there's somebody in the house. But somehow, oddly, Gum Gum understands. Yeah. There's someone in the house. It's something they've been working on together at night. Our secret language.

Okay, I guess we should check another house. Unless we talk to this person. Well, we have broken into their house, so maybe we should close the door and at least act like we're knocking on the door. Wait, is there a pen? Is there a pen and paper around? Jesus Christ. You're not in the cottage. You're only barters. Sucker. But aren't they... I worry about talking to people because isn't Meld, like, a fugitive of the area? What is that athletics check for, Kyborg?

stealthily somersaulting in. Stealth? What? So you somersault in? Yeah. Okay, so not stealthily. Kyborg bursts through the door. No, it was stealthily. You decided to stealth check. You didn't make a stealth check. He rolled a six. He rolled a six. Kyborg tries to stealthily somersault into the main room of this cottage. They're in a deep sleep, though. They're tending the fire. They're in a deep sleep tending a fire? Oh, oh.

I thought they were sleeping this whole time. So instead of thinking about slamming your mouse button on athletics every five seconds, listen to Gus when he explains within the room.

Kyborg thinks he's being quiet, but busts the door open, steps on every squeaky plank in the floor, does a somersault, and pops up in the middle of the room. I assume past a horrified Bart, scaring the elf, tending the fire. This is all happening in slow motion to Bart. Do you know what Mud does when he sees this happening? What? He reaches in, he grabs Bart, pulls Bart out, and immediately closes the door of the building.

So they notice him there? Yeah, they turn around, startled, staring at you. Hello, fellow elf. Seemed to have come to the wrong house.

Uh, so sorry to bother you. It seems like it's a really old what else? And says, who are you? What are you doing? I am Kyborg the Mighty. Uh, sworn enemy of Quadrin in the Quadrin Squadron. If you listen to that bonus episode, you'll understand the reference. Are you saying that to him? He...

Yeah, no, to the audience. Uh, and I come in peace, fellow elf, fellow wood elf. Are you, uh, are you a bounty hunter? I can be. Sometimes. Do you have a bounty? He looks at you very confused. Uh...

Well. Doing great. Doing great, bud. I'm going to be making my way out unless you have some story beat that I need to hit here. He says, you scared me half to death. You're welcome to sit down if you want to get out of the rain. Just don't sneak up on me like that. Okay, yeah, I sit down. I want to talk to this old wood elf. You knew he'd be nice. Sir, I have a party of friends. They're not all wood elves, but they are very good people. Should I ask them to join me or do you just want to hang out mono-y mono?

Yes, the more the merrier. My name's Nate, by the way.

Oh, hello, Nate. Let me go grab my friends. I come out and be like, guys, I made a new friend. He's really good. His name is Nate. Come on in. Should we disguise Meld because she's supposed to be in trouble? Can I just obscure Meld a little bit behind me as we go in so that it's not as noticeable when Meld walks in? Sure. You think that it won't be that hard. This wood elf looks really ancient. You think that they might not be able to see very well anyway. Very good. Okay.

So... Okay, yeah, we all go inside. Oh, welcome, welcome. So many friends here. Let me get beverages for you all. Oh, thank you, Nate. Nate begins bumbling about his cottage with his arms out in front of him. Nate's already my favorite. You see that he's got four missing fingers. Whoa. Wow. You know, Nate, as a wood elf who's also missing body parts, might I ask how you came to miss, get your, lost your four fingers? Nailed it.

That happened so long ago, I feel like I can barely remember, like it was another life. I've had this so long, it feels natural at this point. - That's a great way to look at it. - You see that he seems to be missing two fingers on each hand. On his left hand, he's missing his middle finger and pinky, and on his right hand, he's missing his index finger and ring finger. - Okay. - Did you acquire these wounds in battle or from work or as like a punishment?

He's like Nightcrawler from the X-Men. Oh, in my younger years, I traveled the world, seeing what I could, getting into adventures, and this was the price I paid. Very vague.

Good price. Nate. Yes. We appreciate your hospitality so much, and by no means was it necessary for you to be so kind to our friend in here who somersaulted into your house unannounced. No one ever visits anymore. Oh. Well, we've been traveling... Oh, my God. We've been traveling...

We're a bit worse for wear, and we could really use a kind of a bit of a rest. Yes, yes. Feel free. I have a room. It seems to be a very similar layout to the other cottage, where it's like one main room and then a bedroom off to the side. And he points to the door and says, yeah, feel free to take a load off. Rest your weary bones. Could I? I trust this guy, but could I still use my ring of truth on him to make sure he's telling the truth? So you don't trust this guy. That's an insight check with advantage.

Here we go. Okay. Gonna need that advantage. That's a seven. And then a nat 20. 25. There we go. She's seasoned to his soul. You seem... I don't know. You seem... You get a weird feeling for me. You think he's...

telling the truth, maybe, you know, hiding a little something. Something seems a little off, but you don't sense any ill intention. So I don't sense that he might murder us in our sleep if we sleep here. You don't know if he could. He's super old. Quick meta. He asked if we were bounty hunters or me, and he's missing fingers. I think he's probably has a criminal past. Interesting. And maybe he's just hiding that from us. Very possible.

Nate, you asked earlier if I was a bounty hunter. Why did you ask that? Does it have anything to do with your missing fingers? Oh, uh, I always get, um, confused identity. There's, uh, bounty hunters in the area who always are harassing me. I'm just a simple old man. Why would they be harassing you? They think I look like someone else that they're looking for. Who are they looking for? I don't know. Not me.

Ooh. Got to wait. You should just... You're amongst a fellow wood elf, bro. You can talk to me, man. Man. Make a persuasion check. Does him saying man at the end there give him a little bit of a bonus? 16. He looks at you and looks around as quickly as he can. He starts making for the door and trying to run away. Whoa. Since he's ancient, I just walk and stop him.

He goes, no, let me go. They're going to find me. Nate, calm down, bud. Again, you're safe. What's going on? He's still trying to get around you. He's making his way for the door. Does anybody have a spell that can calm him down? Okay, I was going to go a little bit different route. I could charm him. Yeah. Bart, with all the utility.

I feel like we're like, we're like doing a wrong thing here. And then we came into this house and now we're forcing this old man to like, let us know his dark past. - No. He's an old man. He's lonely. We're giving him company. - Yeah. Charm doesn't hurt someone. So this should be fine, right? - And there might be catharsis in what we're doing here. - I don't want it. - Yeah. - I think he's just scared. - So you do cast charm on him? - Yeah.

Cast. He just has to make a saving throw, but I'm checking one thing here. Does he vanish because he's old as hell? Well, he has to vanish because he's an elf. We are a robust being creatures, whatever. A robust being. What do they have? Advantage against charm? Yep.

That's cool. And magic can put us to sleep. Little known fact. Elves are awesome. Thanks, Mark. The charm does not seem to have any effect on him, but he says, listen, I just owe some money on taxes. That's all. They're just looking for me for that. Please let me go. I need to run. You don't have to run from us. We're not here to collect those taxes. We're good people. If anything, we could help you out. We just need you to be honest with us. Yeah, buddy. Oh, please. I've said too much already.

You really haven't because I have no idea what you're talking about. We can assure you, you have not said too much. Okay, fine. You can stay here, but please don't turn me in. Just let me be. Okay. All right. Unless I find out you're like a child murderer, I think we're good. This may be nothing, but I use a charge of my wand of secrets to see if there's a secret door or trap door anywhere in this house. Nice.

You can use an action to expend one of its charges. Secret door or trap door is within 30 feet of you. The wand pulses and points at the one nearest to you. All right. You activate your wand of secrets, I guess, like in the middle of the room. That way you get the most coverage from it. Yeah. If you stand in the middle of this room, I mean, it's only 20 feet to each side of this great room. So you'd be able to cover the entire room. Yeah. You use your wand of secrets and you do not detect any secret doors or traps.

Okay. Good call, good call. Okay, Nate. So let's all take a breath.

You're in no danger of us telling your secrets. We appreciate the lodging and we're going to just, you know, use your hospitality to our best benefit. Take our rest and we'll be out of your hair in no time. He says, oh, that's fine. I need to sit down. He goes into the bedroom and sits down on a comfy looking chair in there. Poor Nate.

i feel so bad for him yeah same here in case poor lonely old man can i take another breath yes you just breathe breathe freely it's okay you can just breathe just breathe mel says shall we start making plans for how to get my tools and belongings back is there a chance that we could take a little bit of a nap before we do that of course you're gonna want to be in good shape for retrieving the crafting supplies we agree

Okay, can we take a long rest? Yeah, you guys knock yourselves out. Literally. I'm going to do that whole elf trance thing and just kind of keep a sleepy eye on Nate just to make sure he doesn't kill us. Kyborg's going to rave. I also just realized that now my HP is back to normal, which is fantastic. Oh, yeah, you got hit, didn't you? Yeah, I was ouchy. Bart's a squishy boy. Yeah, he's very soft, even though he's only muscle.

Soft muscle. I feel so much better now. Wait, doesn't Mud have like one of those abilities that gives us temp HP or whatever? That was a former character. Bring that guy back. I like him. Bring that guy back. Mud gets up before everybody and makes coffee. Is it with dirt? Yeah. How many bonus HP do we get? I don't know. Drink it and we'll see. Find out. You pass dirt coffee out to everyone? Yep.

The best part of waking up is mud in your cup. Bart does one of those things where he's drinking it, pretending to drink it, going, mmm, this is great mud, thank you. And then he spills it into a plant that's like right next to him. The plant goes...

Gum Gum honestly can't tell the difference because he thinks coffee's gross. It already tasted like dirt to him. Nate seems to be enjoying it without any protesting. Aw, he's so old. So sweet. Okay, I'm going to need you all to help me get my tools back from the login mill. Okay. Is that the big building that's in this courtyard? Yes, it's the large building in the southwest corner of the courtyard.

It will undoubtedly be locked, and there are typically two guards that patrol the building, one on the outside and one on the inside. All right. So we're leaving Nate's abode? Well, unless you can break into the mill from inside Nate's abode. Magic. Well, the reason I ask is because I want to know if I need to say goodbye to Nate.

Okay, once you find your way inside, I'll need you to find my glass blowing equipment. My blowpipe, blocks, tweezers, and small marver. Also, we'll need some wood carving tools. Specifically, a whittling knife, chisel, and tooth saw. Matt pulls out a little notepad and tries to write down all these things. Oh, and whatever else you need for that recopulator or whatever.

According to the schematic, we need pieces of glass as sand for the recapitulator's glass funnel. Brink pulls out the schematic that Howie gave you earlier and hands it to Mel. Here, you might need this. Thank you. Once again, be careful. There are two guards patrolling the mill, one on the outside and one on the inside. You can approach it however you want. Uh, I've seen you be stealthy and some of you not so stealthy. And she turns and looks at Kyborg.

Sup? What's the time of day? At this point, it's nighttime. Well, can we maybe at least go outside the building and get close enough to the lumber mill that we can kind of see what the situation with the guard, but maybe not be seen? What do you mean? Like watch it from a distance or walk by like casually? Like what are you thinking? Bart and I are going to go for a little stroll. Just a nice little stroll.

Is it still raining? Yeah, well, it's still raining. It's pre-dawn. Dawn will be here relatively soon, but there's no sun yet. So Mud and Bart are going on a stroll. If Bart would go with me. The pleasure would be all mine. All right, let's go for a nice little stroll. Taking my badger for a walk. I turn to Gum-Gum and I'm like, oh, it seems like they're trying to get away from us. Yeah. No, no, no, I don't think so. Oh, okay. Yeah, no. No.

You've heard of yes and, but have you heard of yes, no? Are we leaving Meld with Nate? I think it would be best if I kept a low profile and studied the schematic here while you're away. After all, if someone spotted me, they might sound the alarm and wake the whole town. With Nate. Yeah? Yeah. She'll be fine. Okay.

I don't know. He's like a man that's in debt and people are looking for him. So should we like... And her. Yeah, right. So it's like, but they don't know where she is, but they know where Nate could potentially be. Should we like keep her somewhere else safe? Well, I do want to remind you, he thought he was hiding. He was only scared because you guys showed up. Oh, okay. Well, before I leave, I want to give 10 gold pieces to Nate. Hopefully that can help him with his debts.

Oh, look at you, big spender. - Yeah, I just wanna help out a fellow wood elf. - He says, "Oh, thank you. This is, wow. Thank you so much." - Yeah. Be good. - Okay, yeah, nevermind. - No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, you were saying something, Nate? - I was gonna go ahead and say, "I can't wait to go play cards." - No, no, no, no, no. Classic wood elf behavior. No, you need to use these to charge your debts, grandpa. I mean, Nate.

So Bart and Mud, Team Bud, you guys go out walking. How do you want to do this? Just like walk down the courtyard, like in front of the mill? Or how are you going to approach that? Yeah. I put a little leash around Gumbo. We take Gumbo for a walk. Okay. You open the front door and walk back into the raining courtyard with Gumbo on his leash. You pass relatively close to the mill, and it's a really big building. It's got a large wooden sign with carved lettering that reads Login Mill.

and you see an elf walking around outside the building. He's got enormous legs, red hair, and he seems to be moving pretty quickly. Is he like...

stationing himself in a certain spot or is he doing like a full perimeter walk around perimeter walk he's walking around the building okay and could i do a check to see if there's any other windows or entrances into the building yeah you see uh like a front door facing the courtyard you're not close enough to really see too much about it uh you would presume it's locked but there are

There are windows on all sides of the building. It seems to be quite a... It's a big building. I mean, on every side of the building, there's at least four windows, maybe more on some. Okay. I guess we'd go back to the house and relay this. Unless, Bart, do you have anything else you want to check?

I mean, unless we want to try to take out one of the guards right here. Just now? Just right here, right now. Just you and me. I mean, that's an option. You have sleep, don't you? I do. And I'm fully, I have all my spells back since we got a nice little rest there. Do you want to do that?

i'm gonna guess it's probably not a good idea and that was your problem because i don't know how strong they are as much as i would love to see that that would also just mean me and mud are just hanging out in the cottage this old man you and gum gum yeah sorry okay yeah let's head back and relay the info and make sure the group knows about the whole patrol around the building and you got to bring in the big guns is what you're saying

Well, I'm curious if anybody... Yes, Gum Gum is our big guns. If anybody has any ideas for ways to break into the building. Well... Go ahead, Gum Gum. Well, it's a lumber mill, right? Right. So that means they like trees. So what if we set out a bunch of trees to distract them?

I need to understand what that means a little bit more. We cut down trees. Okay. And we put them out front. And then they're like, wow, look at these trees. We like trees. And then they go get them. That's half of a good idea because we could find a cart loaded up with trees and then hide you guys amongst it. And then we could do a whole Trojan horse thing. Wouldn't they want to look inside to see what we're bringing in there? It's raining. It's dark. They're not going to see anything.

You just get a charismatic car driver to distract them. Bart and Mud, while you were walking around the mill, you think you did see a wagon behind the logging mill. See, and all we need to do is just to get a big, dumb horse. And we had a friend that can teleport, turn into big, dumb things, animals. I love it.

Very true, very true. I don't think I've seen a horse yet. We were on a horse in episode one! We were on a break. In episode one, you were in a wagon being pulled by oxen. Okay, we'll turn into an ox. I'm sorry, aurochs. Turn into an aurochs. I don't think this is actually too terrible of an idea. If we got the cart, and then if Bart could do an illusion to look like it's full of lumber...

Covering maybe Gum-Gum and... Wait, really quickly. Really, who is our most charismatic person in this party? Probably me. I believe, if I'm remembering correctly, that there's some performance skills that are hidden inside the bard's mind that we might want to utilize. Okay, on paper, sure. The bard might be the most charismatic, but, you know...

Right, I've got it worked out. So we get the cart. And then all we have to do is put Gum-Gum in the cart and we cover him with an illusion. Bart, you're the delivery man with the wood. Aye-aye. And then Kyborg, you're higher security for the precious wood.

I will say that I also have Mask of the Wild, which I could like be under the cart, just kind of like plodding along. It's raining. I think that that would allow me to sneak in. Okay. That way I don't have to act because it's not one of my strong suits. Not with that attitude.

And I will pull the cart. I'm taking lessons on weekends. I didn't want to tell you guys because I was very embarrassed. Yes, and? So what do we think about that plan? I love it. Big fan. Would you say my acting might be a little wooden? Oh, my God. Inspiration die, inspiration die. He's already got one. He's already got one. Damn it, gum gum. Bart smiles and gives him a knowing nod.

Oh, I can't turn into an Auroch. But you know what I can turn into? A turkey? What is that? A camel. A camel. Oh, a camel. We're bringing back the camel, y'all. Hell yeah. It's okay. Then we sell it as really exotic wood. Egyptian wood. There's something funny to me about any time you bring up the camel, you always use y'all a lot more.

Than you do normally. It cracks me up. The classic Texas animal. The camel. They're just running around everywhere here in Texas. Yeah. Just in people's yards. All right, I'm ready to be one. All right. Put him in, coach. Keep a stiff upper lip. So we have to acquire the cart from behind the lumber mill first? That's where y'all saw the cart. Oh. It's okay. Some of us are very sneaky selfie. Okay. It's true.

Let's go. Who's going to, I guess, how are you going to get the cart? Since that appears to be step one, let's deal with the cart. Could I cast invisibility and go get it? Yeah. Just a runaway cart. A runaway cart, yeah. But I'm going to take it very slowly, so it's almost like if they happen to see it, it's like the wind is pushing it. It's just Bart walking along the cart going, Have you seen it? Have you seen it?

Yeah, and your invisibility lasts for an hour. You could absolutely do that. Okay. All right, cool. All right. Are you going to go out there and do that alone since you're invisible? Yes. I'm going to slap Bart's behind as well.

I bend over to act like I'm tying my shoes, but I look at mud. So is everyone else staying at the cabin? Yeah. Okay, Bart, you're invisible, and you start making your way over to the login mill. Go ahead and make me a stealth check with advantage. So roll it twice, please. All right. Got a 13. And then on my second roll, I got a 20.

Very good. Okay. I mean, yeah, you're keeping an eye on the guard who's patrolling around the exterior of the building, and you time it, you wait till he turns the corner, and you walk up close, and you see that, you know, amongst the flower beds and a glowing emerald wall is a wagon full of lumber, and you see that there's a white-spotted tan ox hitched to the front. Oh. The spotted ox appears young and scrawny, but it's bellowing cheerfully, trying to catch raindrops in its mouth. Aww. Aww.

It's gum gum as an ox. It seems to have a collar with a dog tag. You got to put it down, Bart. I was going to say, could I stealthily untie it from this cart? Like you want to unhitch the ox from the cart? Yeah. Look at the name tag first. Okay. Bart lies on his back and scrapes along the ground so he can get under the ox to look at the name tag without touching it.

You get up close and you see that the name tag reads Dottie. Bard is trampled to death. Bard is trampled by Dottie. Well, we do. We need this cart. And I feel like if I try to move it with this ox attached to it, it's going to make a bunch of ruckus. Excuse you. Dottie attached. Dottie. My bad. So I'm going to try to unhinge the cart from the ox. Dottie. Okay.

Okay. You reach out with invisible hands to unhitch Dottie from the wagon and sprightly lute music plays overhead. The logs in the back of the wagon quickly rot and decay before your eyes. The lifeless lumber now twisting and crackling into eerie silhouettes. As you blink your eyes in disbelief, Dottie the ox enlarges to elephant-time proportions and lets out a horrifying deep bellow. Oh my god.

Hey, everyone. Thanks for listening to this episode of Tales from the Sneaky Dragon. One last reminder before we go. Please, if you could, fill out the survey linked down in the description. It should only take a minute or two. It really would help us out to learn more about you and your listening habits. Thank you so much. ♪♪♪