C01 - Ep. 18 - Deja Ürbloom - Hasta La Vista, Baby-T
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Gutenach, kai teens and coldreths, gather your limbs and lurk on in to the stinky dragon for our latest nightcap, the Six Eye Opener. It's a tangled mess of webwalker whiskey shots, a can of monstrosity energy drink, and a pinture of brown sugar. Rain or shine, one sip of this and you'll be able to climb any water spell. Previously, our adventurers found Hugh Manor, the last glassblower of Urbloom. He felt like bonding over a bonfire of bondage, but brink bargained for their lives in exchange for the capture of one baby tea.

Nader led them to Razor Ridge in search of a tiny T-Rex, but now it seems the interns are on their own to find the nest. Loosen your legs, drain the dregs, and let's crack this ad. Gum-Gum lowers down to all fours and ever so slowly creeps toward the flamboyant buff. With every inch he gets closer he hears a "gum" and he feels his body slowly swell and blow. Now his hair and skin begin to bleach up to a blonde hue.

By the time he reaches the rainbow leaves bush, Gum-Gum's entire body has brightened to a vibrant yellow, and in a matter of seconds, he's gained a whopping 50 pounds. Oh, my God. What? Gum-Gum's a lemon. Or yellow. Like, I gained 50 pounds in what part of my body? Like, all around? Like, all over. Like, yeah, evenly distributed. You just, like, boom, you, like, plumped out a bit. Like Tim Allen's Santa Claus. Yeah. Can I crawl back? Sure. Are you still doing it sneakily?

Yeah. Yeah. You can roll back now, my dude. Make a stealth roll if you're doing it sneakily. Okay. Could I do some sort of, like, medicine check on him to see what happened? 18. 18, yeah. He's very, very sneaky. Make a nature check, Bart. Nature check.

I only have plus one. All right, 15. 15, that's a good roll. Do you think that that bush up there is a pigment bush, which is said to have transmutational effects on people? Oh, I get it. That's why I snorted. Yeah, look at you. Pigment bush. Oh, God. We've got a portly little gum gum here. What do we do with this? I'm sorry. I got fat.

Bart, based on your knowledge of pigment bushes, you think this will eventually wear off, but it'll take a little while. Okay. Hey, Gum-Gum, I know you might be feeling and looking a little off, but don't worry, buddy. It'll fade. All right? Just trust your old buddy, Bart. Okay. Your buddy's going to go through some changes. Yeah. I think you'll look cute. All right, Gum-Gum. Time to stretch it out. We're going to get some workouts going. We're going to lose that flap, so you're looking fab. Here we go. Push-ups. Start. One, two, three.

three four the cyborg is a blaine what do we do to get past this bush we're doing burpees now we're doing burpees down can i burp how big is the bush um it's i mean it's fairly decent sized i will say it's you know between five and ten feet around

Okay, so not really like, you can't really jump over it very easily. No, you would not be able to jump over it, but you could, you know, skirt around it and keep it at bay. Moving on to jumping jacks. Here we go. Let's get 25 good ones. Oh, I'll jump over it. Do it. I'll do it. I just want Gum Gum to go at another pass. I have a question. Is there anything, is there like any overhanging things or anything above this bush? No, just rain.

But he did say we could potentially screw around it. So maybe we should just try that. Yeah, you think you can keep it at bay. If you stay as far away from it as possible, you think you'll be okay. Okay. Bart's going to try to get around it. And he's pointing to himself going, all right, guys, just follow me. All right, watch very carefully what Bart does. Where are you going to go? Can I do like a perception check? Yeah, you can make a perception check with disadvantage because it is dark and rainy. Okay. All right. 12. 12.

And 16, so 12. Yeah, you're not really quite sure what your options are here at this point. It's too difficult to see. Okay. Bicycle crunches, come on! Stop. Oh, I will say with the 12, you do see one option, Bart. You do see a path that goes to the west. Okay, that looks clear. Yeah, but when you're looking down that path, you can't seem to shake the feeling like something or someone's watching you. Maybe it's a T-Rex and it's Baby.

Shadowboxing. Someone else about to do something? Mud was going to yell at the bush with his ability to talk to plants. Oh. Hey, sir, if you could possibly not do what you're doing to us as we pass by, we'd be much appreciated if you could just maybe take a little bit of a chill.

I don't know what that means, but I did my best. I'm wondering if I jump in, if it'll make me even more muscular. Now I'm contemplating jumping into the bush. Well, it worked out great for you last time you jumped into a bush. I mean, you should definitely try again. All right. I hand Bart. Wait, is Kyborg still tight the rope to me? I would assume so. Y'all never said you took it off. Okay. But now you're all fat. I know.

Does the rope expand? It's like it's real tight on him. Even tighter now. All right. Hold on to the rope. I'm going to jump over the bush. No, we said it's too big to jump. I have jump ring. I'm not going to hold on to the rope. You do your thing. Well, the rope is still on Kyborg, so it's being held on by somebody. Get as close as you can. Why don't you just hold him? What is it you hope to do with the rope as you travel over a bush?

Gum Gum doesn't quite understand physics, so he doesn't understand what to do with the rope. But he's going to try and jump over the bush. Okay. Go ahead and make an athletics check, Gum Gum. Okay. Kyber, do what you want with the rope. Okay. Are you going to cast that jump thing? Yeah. 23. Let's just say that I get one of my weapons, sharp edge weapons at the ready, just in case slack runs out and I need to cut it before it pulls me in.

The rope is fairly long. You're able to traverse the tar pit with it. Gum-Gum, that's a great athletics check. You run up to the bush and jump over it. And as you get close to the bush... Lights on fire and we hear the voice of the Lord. Remember, with my jump spell, I go three times my normal jump. Yes. That's a pretty high jump. Your skin turns from yellow to purple and you gain another 50 pounds. Good Lord! Ha!

But you were able to successfully jump over the bush with no problem. And now you're on the other side of the bush. I cannot believe that worked. It works in air quotes. Yeah. He's a grape. Baruca salt? Nope, that's a blueberry. We got a grape here. People like grapes. There we go.

That's the content we're all looking for. Yeah, look for our official Stinky Dragon merch in the store. People like grapes. That's official Stinky Dragon merch. We came up with it brand new. Yeah, right now. Don't be surprised if there's like a ton of people like grapes merch. If you already have it, it means you're a time traveler. Wow, incredible. Okay, I guess we have to get around this bush.

What could we do with the rope? Well, we saw there's a path going west, so I don't know if we want to try to go that way. Can I look around now that I'm on the other side of the bush and see if there's anything? Yeah, make a perception check at disadvantage. Eleven and one. Good lord. So one. No, you can't see. You're distracted by the newfound fat deposits under your eyes.

And his purpleness. Oh my god. Maybe your eyes are like swelling shut. I'm used to my body changing a lot for different reasons, so I'm just going to go ahead and try a little bit of a turn around the bush. And what happens, happens. You're going to go up to the bush? No, around it. I'm going to try to go around it. Oh, okay. Gotcha, gotcha. All right. Like, let's say to the left. Offers himself to the bush. Yeah, I mean, you're able to skirt it.

Bart also did skirt around the bush as well, right? You did say that, right, Bart? I didn't end up going. Okay, yeah. But I could attempt to now. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you both are able to skirt around it just fine. Okay. Did they change? No. Oh.

I sucked in my belly. Well, Kyborg is really nervous because he thinks he looks perfect and beautiful. He doesn't want to change, even if temporary. But he nervously skirts the side of the bush, just like the others did. Okay, y'all reconvene with Gum Gum Gum on the other side of the book. Gum Gum looking a little worse for wear, but no fear. We're going to turn that gut into a cut. Let's do push-ups. Okay.

Can I like muzzle Kyborg? Here we go. Squat in place. Here we go. Looking through my spells if I have anything. A roundhouse kick into Kyborg's mouth. Crunches. So there was a path that you said that like maybe to the north, I think, was it that you said that you... Bart pointed out a path to the west.

But he thought there might be somebody watching us. Yeah. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It could just be... A pervert. Maybe someone...

Keep us safe. You know what? Actually, yeah. I'd be curious who's watching us. Do you want to just take the path? Yeah. All right. Let's go down to the west. Okay. Yeah. You all head over to the west. I hear a smirk in Gus's voice, and now I'm nervous. Yeah. It's just the way you all approach every intersection has been different every time. It's making me laugh. There's no consistency with how you all are approaching it. Right. Do you think there's anything about us that's consistent? Yeah.

The only consistent thing about us is that we're inconsistent, okay? Okay. So you all head off down that path to the west. You enter a four-way intersection hedged in by two large mossy stones and bushes. Another four-way intersection. You feel the hairs on your neck stand up as you walk along the narrow path.

Uh oh. Uh, he's friends! If you ask me, they should all be destroyed.

22. Are they protecting its mother? 4. 21. And 10 for Bert. Meta, real quick, are these like, they're velociraptors, right? Or are they baby T-Rex? Make a nature check. Yeah. 16. 17, I mean. Yeah, you believe that these are velociraptors. Cool. Just going to write those down. Yes.

She's like, Muldoon. All right. We're going to have them act last on a three. Are they clever girls or? There it is. All right. Mud, what do you want to do? You got three raptors surrounding you. Mud is giddy because Mud can now turn into velociraptors. So no matter what happens, we've added that.

So Mud's looking at three raptors facing us. Mm-hmm. And the terrain is wet and muddy and everything like that? Mm-hmm. Okay. I wasn't ready for combat. We haven't done combat in a while. I know. You know what Mud wants to do? Mud's going to get everybody on the even footing, and Mud's going to use the Dwarven Stone of Bread, and I cast Darkness that is also paired with the smell of freshly baked bread, and we're all casting Darkness now.

Okay, so you create like a smoky darkness and the smell of freshly baked bread. It was already difficult to see before, but now it's dark. It's near impossible to see at this point. Yeah, and it's 15 feet in radius.

All right. Do you center it on the party? Do you center it on... How are you going to do this? Could I... I don't know how the Dwarven Stone of Bread works. I think it emanates from the Dwarven Stone of Bread, right? Yeah, I think you're right. So it emanates around you and envelops your party in darkness. Could I throw it in the middle of this band of raptors and envelop them instead? I would say if you use it, it already emanates. Like, it doesn't continue emanating. Like, it...

comes out from where you used it. Okay. Well, then I'm going to go a little gutsy. Can I dash forward to these raptors and cast it? Yeah.

I mean, they're surrounding you, though. Like I said, they're not all on one side. They're clever girls. So you all walk into their trap. So they're from three different sides. They're around you. Then, okay. Since now I understand how this item works a little bit better, can I paint a picture of what happened? Yes, please do. All right. Mutt just yells quickly to his teammates, get an eye on one of them.

And then dashes forward in the middle of them all and then envelops them all in darkness, hoping that his team... Like I said, they're all around you, though. You can't envelop all of them. Oh, I thought... Oh, so they came out from different directions? Right. Oh, okay. Well, I've just wasted everybody's time because I thought they were all, like, together. Jurassic Park? No, they surround you from all sides. Oh. Oh, God. Just cut everything I just said. Hello. Hello.

No, leave it in. It's good to learn. Okay. Well, then I'm just going to go on a completely offensive angle and I'm going to cast Ice Knife at... Let's just have the dealer pick one of them. All right. We'll say the one that would have popped out in front of you guys. Casting it now.

24. 24 to hit. That hits the little turkey-sized feathered dinosaur in front of you guys. So these are accurate Velociraptors, not Jurassic Park ones. Yes, these are not Jurassic Park Velociraptors. This is DMD. Yeah. The little turkey takes 8 damage. Also, I forgot. Hit or miss, the shard then explodes that I throw, and the target, each creature within 5 feet of it, must succeed on Dexter's saving throw or take 2d6 cold damage as well.

Okay, there's no other creature within five feet of it, but does this cause the target itself to also take damage? Yep, another 2d6. So let me make it Dexterity saving throw. 15 is the save. And what is its dex? It has plus two on this.

16. So it makes it safe. Oh, okay. Boom. It pisses and screams in pain as a knife of ice plunges into it and it takes eight points of damage. So that's the one that's in front of you guys. There's two other on either side of you as well. Okay. Kyborg. So to be clear, they're all scattered. Yes. Like a triangle around us. Farther than 10 feet apart, do you think? Yes. Okay. Well, then I take an aim at the one that Mud just hit. Okay. And I shoot an arrow at it.

Shoot away, my friend. Ooh, that's a 14. Yeah, that does actually hit. Not a great roll, but you still do manage to connect with the raptor in front of you. Doing eight points of damage. Kyborg hits it in the neck and pops open its jugular vein and the raptor falls to the ground. That was much more graphic than usual. That's so cool. Is it warm or cold-blooded?

I don't know. They gotta be cold-blooded, right? Aren't reptiles cold-blooded? But they have feathers. I think people might not know which dinosaurs are dinosaurs. That's what I was trying to figure out. Lukewarm.

Half and half. Half and half. Low fat or? No, it's like an Arnold Palmer, you know, half tea, half lemonade, but this is half warm, half cold. You sound like Dracula. Bart, the raptor that was in front of you guys is now dead, but you are still flanked on either side by two other raptors. Clever girl.

Could I cast Cloud of Daggers over one of them? Yeah, of course. All right, let's do that. Which one do you want to do? Let's do the one on the left. Left, the one on the left. So you got spinning daggers in a cube, five feet on each side, and the creature takes 4d4 slashing damage. Is there no save on that? I don't believe so. Wow, that's OP. All right, go ahead and roll your 4d4 damage. Yeah.

We got 14. 14. Bart conjures up. That's a three, a three, and a four. What great rolls. I know. Bart conjures up spinning daggers that are thicker than the rain that's falling, and they encircle the raptor, killing it with hundreds of tiny cuts, and that raptor falls to the ground. I had so many Muldoon quotes, and I'm so bummed that we're murdering these things. Quite quickly. You're burning right through it. Bart is killing it.

Hey, it's murder or be murdered here, fellas. Great job, Bert. It's the law of the jungle. Gum-Gum, there's one raptor left on the right side. Won't even get a hit in. All right. I guess I'll just charge in with my axe and yell, for Bart! Why? Yay! Just for Bart. He's just doing it for me. I guess so. And swings at the raptor with a great axe.

All right, go ahead and make your attack roll. 25. 25, that definitely hits. Gum Gum connects with his greataxe with the raptor. Four Bart. Doing a four Bart. How many points of damage? Nine. Nine points of damage. Gum Gum solidly connects with the raptor, which hisses at him. It is still alive.

That one's for you Bart. Oh Gum Gum, you're a good friend. And the raptor itself after hissing at Gum Gum, it lashes out and bites at him. That is a plus four, 11. I assume that does not hit.

Nope. So it tries to bite at Gum Gum and misses. While Gum Gum is busy looking at the missed bite, it rears up and claws at him as well. No, Gum Gum! For 12. Is 12 a hit? Nope. So... You're upset. The raptor tries twice to attack at Gum Gum but fails on both attempts.

I turn to the group and I say, they never attacked the same place twice. They were testing the gum gum for weaknesses systematically. They remember. All right, Mug. Just the sound of a very proud DM. There's one remaining raptor. Yeah, it's over there by gum gum. And it's been hit. Shoot her. Shoot her. It has been hit. It has been hit. Is there...

All right. So in character, Mud feels bad at this point because he does like, you know, little creatures. Could Mud try to approach the raptor and talk it down? Um... It's her. It's her.

You could try. Sure, why not? Yeah. Yes, and. Yay. I'm fine with also, like, I'll use my bonus action and I'll turn into the raptor, make it feel a little better. You're in a wild shape into a raptor? Yeah. And I'll just go out to be like, hey, it's okay. Do you want to just join our party maybe instead of attacking us? I know your friends are dead. You know, let's make lemonade here out of lemons, you know?

Shoot her. Nope. I'm trying to talk to her. Talk to her. Shoot her. Communicate with her. Yes. Find common ground with her. It seems pretty freaked out and scared that a random raptor that's not part of its pack just appeared in front of it.

Yeah, but it's a pack creature, and so it wants to find another pack, and so I'm offering another pack. Could this be like one of those situations where you're at a party and someone's like, hey, what's up? And you're like, I don't actually know this person, but they're acting like they know me, so I have to try to be nice to them. Yeah.

Except raptors don't have any sense of like social awkwardness. Hey there. Hey, buddy. It's been a while. Nice to see you. I'm proficient in animal handing as well. Yeah, go ahead and make an animal handling roll. Why not? That's 20. 20. Okay. Yeah, it looks really confused at you, hisses, and then jumps away and runs back into the jungle. Wow.

Oh, okay. They show extraordinary intelligence, even problem-solving intelligence. I was hoping to add a little velociraptor to my party. You gotta be careful. It might eat gumbo at some point. They might have developed a taste for gumbo. Or they'll be best friends, like Milo and Otis' little version, huh? Milo couldn't eat Otis. No, but it's dog and cat. They're not supposed to be friends, but man, were they friends?

Alright, so you all are in the clearing all alone. You have vanquished the raptors, either through sword or through confusion and social awkwardness. Wee! Mud used confusion. It was super effective. The two things we excel at. Sword and confusion. That's our dungeon in Dragon. Alright, so yeah, you are in this clearing all on your own. We did it. It's kind of grotesque, but can I steal a raptor claw?

From one of those? Yeah, you can. Sweet. Oh, that's cool. All right, I make a new one necklace. Can I get one too? Sure. I make claw necklaces for all of us, so we're going to have it. This is a bonding experience, and I share it. These are our friendship bracelets. Oh, yeah, there would be four, wouldn't there? Mm-hmm. Can I get enough to make raptor claw gloves?

No. I'm making you a claw necklace. Be happy with the claw necklace. So there would be a claw on your necklace. So if you wanted to do something else with that, you're more than welcome to go. Oh, okay. I was thinking Tal when he said claw. I mean, that's what I was... Yeah, it's like... It's the thing that Dr. Grant carries around, you know? Yeah. The thing that taps on the floor. Oh, but they only each have one on each leg? Right. So there's four total. I think there's actually two or three. You know when it goes in the kitchen, it just goes...

Well, I'm looking at what we're playing by the D&D Raptor, not the Jurassic Park Raptor. It looks like they only have one. You can look around and see which direction we're to go or what's around us. Yeah. Why don't you make me a perception check at disadvantage? Gum gum. Do we still feel like we're being watched or was that just these three? You suspect it was probably these animals. The disadvantage is from the darkness? Yes.

Yeah. The rain and the general condition. We're also very scared. Okay. Well, I got a one because I do have seeing in the dark. Gum, Gum, you're not able really to discern any paths other than the one you just came up. Hmm.

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And... I am a raptor. I was trying to see if the raptor has any proficiency with perception, but it doesn't seem like that's their forte.

I guess, yeah. Can we just look around for any signs of a path that seems good? Yeah, make a perception check at disadvantage. Shouldn't we be going north? Isn't that the main direction we should be going? Probably. Although we have gone... We went east one time, and then we went west another time. That's right. You all are all over the place. Didn't Nader say that the nest is north, right?

Did he? Yeah. I think he did. I think he might have. I don't know. It says something about Razor Ridge. I don't know if that's anything to do with where we're going. Let's head north. I thought you were making a perception check. I was until I remembered that we might have already gotten information we should have been using this entire time.

I mean, we could still try to make a perception check. I think the perception check will still help you to figure out what your options are. Go for it. Yes, let's do that. We're definitely under the 30-minute limit, too. 17, 17. At disadvantage. You're at disadvantage.

caught him. Nope, you are. 17. Ha ha! Oh, nice. You see several different directions that you could potentially go in from here. There is a north path and around that bend you hear muted cries and whimpers. There's an east path, which is where you came from and you see that pigment bush down there. There's a south path where you spot a clothesline that seems to have fallen into that path and a west path that gives you a chill in the air.

Are there people here? What the heck? We went through a camp. There's a clothesline. All right. North seems to be the sounds of something that could be a baby. Yeah, we should probably go rescue where that is. A what? A baby. I just don't want to go to the path that we got to chill from. I'm not a big fan of that. Bart likes to be warm. He's a fan of the beach.

It makes sense if he was a pirate. What's the party doing? Are y'all in agreement that y'all are going north or what's going on here? Sure. Follow the raptor. Yeah. North. You approach a narrow bend and hear muffled whimpers and cries. They seem to be coming from around the corner. Hmm.

So the bend, is it like rock covers the view or like woods or what? It's like moss covered stones and bushes. Ooh, could I Kygo invisible and creep around to see what's over there? Yeah. Little scout. Okay, I'm going to cast my invisibility. Bart pops out of existence. It's okay, come, come, I'm still here. Make a stealth check at advantage because you're invisible. Okay, we got a 23 and a...

-20. -23. So Bart's really sneaky, really careful, checking around the bend. Go ahead and also make me a perception check at disadvantage. -At disadvantage. Okay.

Damn it. All right, 8 and 12. So I guess an 8. Bart steps around the corner, being super careful, and one of your steps, you step down on the ground, and the ground opens up and swings open below you, causing you to fall into a pit. Oh no. The one time I did tie a rope. You take two points of falling damage.

Then at the bottom of the pit are wooden spikes. No, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And you take another 18 points. Oh, my God. That was 2d10. I rolled a 10 and an 8. Barret, are you okay there, mate? No. Hold on. Oh, my God.

So it's a total of 20 points of damage. I have now three HP left. We also didn't see this. We just saw a hole appear. Well, it's around the bend. You didn't even see it. Bart went around the bend to look. You didn't actually see Bart fall. I just wanted to peek around the corner. I didn't actually want to walk around the corner. Got to move to peek around. I just said to peek. Yeah, you got to step up to peek around. Oh, so I guess they would see you then at that point.

Well, I was invisible. No, that's what I was saying, it's invisible. They would see the floor open up. That's insane. So we saw a hole. Yeah, you're right. So Bart, you fall into a little pit there. You get impaled on some spikes and you see down at the bottom of the pit with you appears to be a scared and impaled baby Triceratops. Triceratops, but not a baby T-Rex. No. Okay. Well, could I take a potion of healing? Yes, please.

Okay. What is that? That's 2d4 plus 2? I think so. Okay. That's 6 plus 2, so it's 8 I get back. Mm-hmm. Look at you. Good as new. Not quite. Still got a giant spike through my throat, apparently. Ew. There's a baby triceratops.

Is there any way for me to communicate with them up there? Like, could they hear me if I would say something loud? Yeah, you think they'd probably be able to hear you. Okay. Are you assuming that you stayed silent your entire travel down the hole? Guys, I'm not feeling good. I would not recommend coming here. Fell down a hole on a distance bike, but there's a little baby Triceratops.

Gum, gum. The rope. We have the rope. You lower me down. I grab Bart in the baby triceratops, and you carry us back up. Okay. I help. Okay. I lower myself into the hole to go to get Bart. Okay. Yeah, you lower yourself into the hole, and you see at the bottom of the pit a bunch of spikes and a slightly injured Bart and a gravely injured triceratops that seems to be scared of you but seems to be too weak to really do anything about it.

That's really sad. Can I get them both in one go? Probably not. The Triceratops, even though it is a baby, it is still rather large. All right. I get Bart first. And we take Bart back up. Who's pulling you up? Both of us. I am. Am I pulling them both or just Bart? Well, you tell me. Would Kyborg be able to... Kyborg, are you able to just find somewhere to stand and then tie the rope around Bart? God? God?

Yeah, you can totally do that. All right, I do that. Okay. Please don't leave me down in the hole with this baby stretcher. Gum Gum, make a strength check with advantage since Mud is helping you. Eight, 23, and 16. Yeah, you're able to pull Bart up, no problem. Bart, you are back on the ground with everyone.

Cool, but I'm covered in my own blood. Is Bart still invisible? Yeah, Bart would still be invisible. So do you guys just see blood dripping? Not even. It's like the rope is just suspended in midair. We didn't find holy water, but we found a holy Bart.

That was really heavy air. Drippy, heavy air. Yeah. All right, can we untie the rope and send it back down to get the baby? Sure. Toss it back down there. How are we going to do this, Kyborg? Are you going to tie it around the baby triceratops? Are you going to hold it? What's your plan? Well, with my years of training in the woods...

I've learned to do many things with rope, so I want to fashion kind of like a hammock of sorts. That way it's not just like one thing tugging at its gut. Like a harness. Yeah, kind of a harness of sorts, you know, a little hammock. And then I let it go up first, hoping that they'll remember I'm down here. All right. Yeah, you're able to fashion a little harness for the baby triceratops. You tie it up.

and give a little tug so that Gum-Gum starts pulling. Gum-Gum, go ahead and make another strength check at advantage. He drops the baby Cytarotops. It dies. Cytarotops? Cytarotops. Yeah, it's the D&D version. An 18. 18. Okay, 18. You're fine. Yeah, you managed to pull the baby Cytarotops up to the ground out of the pit with you guys. Can I then...

Go, "Hi, baby. Tried serotops." And then I use my flower rod and make a flower for it. It doesn't want flowers. Give it food and healing. I was thinking you didn't finish. I make it lavender, which helps it relax and manage stress and anxiety. It's late. Give it food. Give it potatoes. And some potatoes.

You make it the big lavender flower you said? I make a lavender flower right in front of it. The triceratops is allergic to lavender. It dies. And it sometimes used to treat wounds, burns, and even acne. Lavender's good for you. It very weakly reaches out with its mouth and grabs at the flower and starts gnawing on it. There you go, little guy. And then I give him some of my potatoes. Oh, man.

Yeah, it starts eating the potatoes. What else? The potatoes and onions. Yeah. Along with the lavender flower. Well, there's one, two, three. This is all really cute. I wish you could see this kyborg. There's four of us up here. I think we've got everybody. We can head off. Perfect timing. I'm gonna name him Bum Bum. He still looks too weak to travel, but he is laying down eating the food. Oh, poor little guy. I lay down with him. Oh, cute. Gosh!

Alright, so shall we continue forth? I feel like we should take a short rest, you know? Maybe a long rest. 30 minutes! My current HP. Wait, where's Kyborg? I don't know, I've kind of forgotten. What happened to Kyborg? I don't hear anything, so he must be okay. Did he die to the velociraptors back there? Is that what happened? He got eaten! In the hole! Oh, did he fall in the tar? I can't remember. I can't remember either. Who's Kyborg?

I'm losing my memory. I shoot an arrow up into the sky. Oh, that must have been from another Triceratops. Yeah, that hole seems dangerous. There's arrows that come out. Let's stay away from that hole.

Okay, how do we rescue him? I guess we put the rope down there. Okay. I'll be honest, Blaine. I thought you were being overly cautious when you were worried that the party was going to leave Kyborg down there, but they did it. Oh, no. I know my party. Let's get him. Let's go. Y'all toss the rope down there for Kyborg? Yes, of course. Gum, Gum, go ahead and make a strength check at advantage. Twelve. Twelve.

-And six. -Oh, gosh. -Oh, my God. -The lowest roll for Kyborg. -It's only fitting. I'm going to say Gum-Gum, you know, his extra scout, he's got an extra 100 pounds on him. So, you know, he's able to pull okay and Kyborg also, you know, could climb up a bit without too much trouble and get out of the pit fine.

Okay, Borg, I want you to meet my second best friend, Bum Bum. I see you fed it lavender. And potatoes. Okay. Should we give it a healing potion? Or we can save those for ourselves. But it's a baby. I give it a healing potion. It starts, like, looking around at you guys. So cute. You give it a healing potion, you said, Gum Gum? Yeah. Go ahead and roll the healing for that. 2d4 plus 2.

Oh, 10. Perfect roll. Oh, look at that. Four plus four plus two. The baby triceratops seems to be a little better. It's not wheezing like it was before. Are you okay, bum bum? It slowly gets up to its feet. And then I cover it with my rat blanket. Does this little guy seem like grateful? Oh.

Yeah, he's just, you know, you really can't tell, but yeah, he's looking around at all of you guys. Doesn't seem to be scared like it was before. And then he runs right back into the hole. LAUGHTER

Can I shoot a bursting arrow? Inspiration die for that. Thank you. Can I shoot a bursting arrow in the hole to cause a possible cave-in just so that other animals don't fall into this trap? You could. I don't think that would burst it in. Just, you know, the ground is so muddy and sturdy. Yeah.

If you leave the trap open, I mean, everyone should see it now. You know, it's not... It's already in its activated state. Okay. Are there any, like, colorful flowers or anything that we can mark the edges of the trap just in case someone comes stumbling through? I could make some fun of it.

The pigment plant had pretty colorful flowers. Yeah, I'm not going to touch that. Yeah, gum gum. If you want to plant some flowers around the ring of the thing, that way people can see this more clearly. Yeah, I can do that. Pretty dope. And then I'll make a big colorful flower at the front of it. Okay. There's a big flower in the middle of the path right next to the trap now. And they all live happily ever after. And then I pet bum bum.

- Spiky guy. - Should we move on? Is this thing good enough to be left alone, do you think? - You think so. Yeah, Bum Bum starts trampling off. - No, no, Bum Bum, wait. My rat blanket. - Can I try and get Bum Bum to stay? - Yeah, you can try animal handling, I guess.

With advantage because I was feeding it. You rolled a one. With advantage because I was so nice to it. No, no. Bum Bum seems to be ignoring you as he continues walking down the path back in the direction you all came from. Bye, Bum Bum. Oh, look at this little Bum Bum walk away. Does it still have my blanket on him? Yeah.

You can probably run and grab it if you want. Your rat blanket that you've owned for the past five minutes. Yeah, go and grab the rat blanket. Oh, okay. Yeah, it doesn't seem to notice. I hug him. Oh, okay. It does notice that.

I hug him a little, but I don't like in a mean, not in a frightening way. Like a soft. Oh, okay. Yeah, it seems to like that, but it keeps walking. Presumably looking for its parents. I want to help you. All right. What do you guys want to do? I guess we continue down the path? Yeah. Why don't you make a perception check at disadvantage? Boom. Boom. That's 20. 20. It seems to you from here that there's three different paths you could take. There's a north path.

That path bends on an incline around a group of mossy stones and a fallen tree log. Hey! There's an east path. We see a natural trellis of ivy hanging over the path. And there's the west path that you came from that bends southward down the hill. Mud faintly remembers something about a log I think we were supposed to go in, so I think Mud's gonna start walking north. How do you remember these things? You wanna communicate that with the team?

No, it's just the Velociraptor just walking north. I think we should be going north. I don't have the best memory, but I'm pretty certain Aether said something about the fallen log, and there's one up ahead. Guys, that Velociraptor just said something. Can I back out? Okay, I want to follow him north as well. All right. Everyone in the party head north? Yay. Okay. Okay.

You pass by the fallen log and mossy stones and enter a small glade hedged in by piles of mossy stones on all sides and a flowing river to its back. In the center of the glade is a large nest hemmed with all kinds of shrubbery embedded with sand. A tiny pair of red eyes pop out from the nest and a slender tail wags back and forth excited. It's a baby. Oh my god. Is this the one we need to kill? No. Quiet, all of you. They're approaching the Tyrannosaurus paddock. What?

Perfect. Perfect. You pass by the fallen log and mossy stones and enter a small glade hedged in by piles of mossy stones on all sides and a flowing river to its back. In the center of the glade is a large nest hemmed with all sorts of shrubbery embedded with sand. A tiny pair of red eyes pops out from the nest and a slender tail wags back and forth excitedly. Right, who's going to go grab the little baby T? Is that a Pokemon? Yeah.

Do you remember to bring your Pokeballs with you? There's actually some Pokemon that look like dinosaurs. What do you fellas think about us taking this little guy as our pet and then just leaving, just abandoning all responsibilities and promises we've made along the way? I think a lot of people would die. We made promises. We do need glass. We need glass made. So I have a hunting trap.

But I don't want to use it because it might hurt him or her. I'm pretty sure that would just cut off the leg of the little baby. Clamp! We got him! He said to bring it alive. Did he say anything about it being injured?

What's your problem? I don't want to do that, no. It's a baby. You're like those orcs in Lord of the Rings that want to eat the legs of Merry and Pippin. What about their legs? They don't need them. So how about this? Mud has the ability to transform into animals. So we transform him into a delicious snack. Okay, this is the second time someone has told me

To turn into something that's a snack and I'm not. But it's a baby. It's just a baby. But if the mom comes around. But it's just a baby. We'll deal with the mom when it comes. How big is this thing? It's a pretty good size. I'd say like the size of a really large dog. Okay, so like it's potentially, we could potentially carry it, right? I have an idea. Yeah, you could carry it. Okay, I mean I could.

just cast sleep on this thing. I very much want to first hear Gum-Gum's plan. Okay, now go for it. I'm just saying as a backup plan. It's a great backup. It's a great backup, but we really need to hear what Gum-Gum's plan is. If you think that's in the lead, go ahead, Gum-Gum. Okay, so I have this hunting trap. What I will do is I can set up the hunting trap, and then I will go and get caught in the hunting trap. And then the little dinosaur will come out because he'll see me hurt.

And he'll either want to be my friend and help me or eat me. Your thought, just to recap, is that you are going to injure yourself in front of a carnivore.

whose instincts are to go after the weak and injured of the pack. You know, I'm kind of okay with this plan. Guys, I think that this might be our strongest plan. We should try this out. Let's kick the tires, light the fires, and get that boy in a trap. But what if he's my friend? Can I also look like a dinosaur? You just got to tuck in your hands.

Okay. Do I have any magic? Like old T-Rex. And that's it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where'd Gum-Gum go? I was going to tell him to tuck something else. I know. I didn't know where that was going. Where'd Gum-Gum go? Where did this tiny T-Rex come from? Wow. I could just act like a dinosaur. I think, doesn't Bart have like a kit? Let me see.

I got a disguise kit. Yeah, can you disguise Skumgum as a dinosaur? I can, but will I be allowed to do it is the question. I think that's going to be a roll. Yeah, you can certainly try. There it is. Okay, what would I roll for that? Let's see. Let me look through here. Disguise kit is deception. Where does arts and crafts lie under the mask? Disguise kit, yeah. If the mom T-Rex comes...

then Gum-Gum can take over for the baby. - Yeah. - Add your proficiency bonus to any tricks you make to make a visual disguise. - There you go. - Utility and deception. - Yeah, let's see, what else could it be? I'm leaning towards deception. - I mean, that's one of the tags there. - Maybe stealth? - Or performance? No, 'cause that's not me performing.

Well, that would be on. Would that not be on me? I think it's deception. Deception. Yeah. But that would be me. My roles. I'm the one doing. But she's or he part is making a disguise using the disguise. It's like having a makeup artist put your makeup on for you. You're the clay. She's molding you. All right. Gum gum. Have a seat in Bart's old little chair right here.

Okay, that's a rock. Exactly, yes. Okay. The T-Rex watching you all and the little baby T. He's coming out. He's like sniffing the air. Should we hide? He's fine. He wants to watch. Bart pulls out one of those little like cloth robe things that you get at the hairdresser that goes around you. Yeah. All right, here we go. A little bit of dash of that, a little bit of powder there.

And an 18. Yeah, not bad. Pretty good. Bart, in a flurry of hand motions, whips together a little disguise and transforms Gum-Gum into some kind of hybrid humanoid dinosaur-looking creature. The role he was meant to play. It's up to Gum-Gum to perform the part. I've been watching the whole time to learn its movements. Okay, someone go set my trap. So you're going to also pretend to be another baby teen.

- Yes. - Yeah, I'm the baby. Someone go set my trap. - All right, guys, I'll go do it. - Yeah, Kaibor, go do it. - Okay, all right. I set it up and I make it real, real strong, real tight. That way Gum-Gum can really method act, you know? - Let me look this trap up. Where is it? It's in your inventory, right? - It's in my inventory. - Punching trap, there it is. So it's a sawtooth steel ring that snaps shut when a creature steps on a pressure plate in the center. It's like the kind you see in cartoons, right? Like a bear trap.

It's affixed by a heavy chain to an immobile object. I guess you guys don't have to do that because you're not actually trying to trap anyone. A creature that steps on the plate must succeed on a... Okay, you're going to get caught on purpose. You're going to take 1d4 piercing damage and stop moving. That's not bad. What if I had, like, cloth, you know, clothes or, like, a bedroll? Can I, like, wrap the teeth in that to reduce the damage? That's...

That's a strangely kind of kyborg. Well, I don't want my frickin' teammate to lose his leg. Or we could wrap my leg.

As a man who has lost an arm myself, I know the importance of keeping your limbs. So I want to, like, you know, maybe wrap it up in rope and just pad the teeth a lot. Yeah. You could actually, you could totally do that. Okay. Micah just made a joke. He said nub nub. Nub nub. Perfect. Yeah.

Yeah, you could. What would you pad it with? Like maybe your bedroll or just like various stuff that you have your cave around with you? Yeah, but bedroll, sure. Okay, so Kyborg pads the trap and then sets it, I assume, so that way it doesn't spring on him. So there is now a padded hunter's trap. Where do you put it? Like on the edge of the little clearing or the small glade?

Right where it's an eye line of the dinosaur, but like I kind of do a poor job of concealing it I guess you know like I'm like oh really setting it and you put some food there, right? Yes, I put some rations there. Yes Good lord. I have 20 pounds of rations so much food the baby tea Smells that and like inching a little closer now. I assume I'm not wearing any clothes. Oh god Why would you not be wearing any clothes?

Well, so that my skin color was closer to the, like, dinosaurs don't wear clothes. Right? You are correct. Dinosaurs do not wear clothes. You are right. Yeah, but the baby T-Rex, who knows what it's wearing? Maybe he's wearing a little diapy. I'm just trying to get, you know... Okay.

And so I jump back. Method acting, guys. Method acting. This is the Daniel Day-Lewis of the, uh, another realm or whatever. Gum-Gum is the Daniel Day-Lewis of Dungeons & Dragons. Yes. So, Gum-Gum, you are in the clearing now? Where'd Gum-Gum go? Arr! Arr! Micah's calling you Dino Day-Lewis. Nice.

And so I go and I'm like, and I go and I kind of like friendly kind of bounce up towards the thing. Oh, once Gum-Gum enters the clearing, the baby tea scrambles back into cover. You can still see its eyes peering out, but it's now in a little hiding spot. I shepherd Bart in mud to like some bushes where it's like, let him perform. Okay. Okay. What are you doing, Gum-Gum? Exactly. Make me proud, little boy.

Well, I kind of, I look, you know, kind of like peer down and I'm like looking sadly at where it ran away and being like, because I've been my friend, you know, I'm trying to like, I'm trying to make say, you know, connect with it. And then I kind of hop around kind of a little closer. And then I look and I look back and I see the hunting trap and I'm like, and then I go, and then I run and I sniff, I sniff.

And I perk up and I look over at the rock where it was. I'm like, this school play is running on very long. I like the narration too. Go ahead and make a performance check to see how your performance is so far up to this point. It's a three. That's a three. So not very good. But then I step on the trap.

So what are we actually seeing then if his performance is a three? We're seeing a grown man act like a dinosaur. No, no, 15-year-old boy. 15-year-old boy. And he looks like a dinosaur, let's just say, in disguise kit. And I'm naked. And he's naked. That's right, we're watching a 15-year-old boy naked in his dress as a dinosaur. The costume is fantastic, but the performance is lacking.

Everyone's a critic. It's about to get a lot better once that trap goes off. And then I step on the trap. Okay. What do you do once it clamps on your leg? Well, it hurts, right? Do I need to roll the damage? Yeah, let's say I'll roll it. You take two points of damage as the trap clamps down on you, but it's padded, so that's why you don't take as much damage. Oh, wow. I thought that was someone's dog for a second. Okay.

Make one more performance check for your scream of pain as the trap closes on you. I think he gets advantage, right? Because, I mean, that's really pain. But he has to act like a dinosaur that's hurt, not like a gum gum that's hurt. So that's where the performance comes in.

That was a nine. It really did hurt, though. That's pretty good. That's how I scream anyway. I'm just saying. It's true. Okay, yeah, the T-Rex, like, it's snout and its head popped out a little bit from its hiding hole. And it's looking at you and you can see it sniffing the air. I'm just waiting for Gus to be like, hearing its baby in pain, the mother T-Rex arrives with the father T-Rex. Oh, God. And I'm like...

And I'm making like, and I try and move, but my leg is all caught. And I'm looking at the T-Rex, trying to ask for help with my eyes. Bart, go ahead and make me a perception check. All right. I could perceive that Gum-Gum is being an idiot. 18. 18.

18. You think you see the hedge and some of the shrubbery just off to the side of the T-Rex moving. And out from the bushes jumps Nader, and he jumps on top of the baby team. Uh-oh. Oh, wow. This is the person who was guiding us, right? Yes, correct. Okay. Ralph Nader?

It seems like he pokes the baby tea with something and the baby tea falls to the ground. I like how we weren't getting anything done in capturing this T-Rex that you made the person who was with us do it. No, I mean, technically Gum-Gum got the baby tea to come back out, right? Yeah. All right. Nader addresses you all and says, if you think I'm going to let you waltz on in and take all the credit for my years of hunting down this scaly devil, then you're gravely mistaken.

- All right, well, I mean, we're all helping each other here, buddy. Don't worry about it. You know, we'll give you partial credit. - Yeah, insecure much? - Nader only looks out for Nader. You guys are on your own. Good luck getting back to the camp. - What? So he just like sedated the T-Rex and then took off? - He's still there standing in the clearing with the limp baby T. - No, that's not how this is gonna work out. I cast Entangle on Nader. - Cool.

-I growl. -You still in character, GumGum? -Yes. -Yes. Mutt starts chanting some spells under his breath and you all see the weeds and vines growing at a crazy rate at a 20-foot square around Nader. It's really growing wild, wrapping themselves around everything in the area. Nader must make a strength saving throw or be restrained. -Can you go punch Nader, just knock him out and take the D-Rack back? -Hit him in the Naders? -Yes. -What is the DC on it, did I say? -15.

The vines and everything kind of overgrow, grabbing him by the legs. He's really struggling to move in it. Okay. I walk over to Nader. I want to unarm strike and then take the T-Rex. You move at half speed in difficult terrain. Okay. I still got pretty decent speed. 35. In a single turn, you'd be able to move 15, unless you double move. How far away is he? He's on the other side of the glade. I mean, it's probably, you know, 40, 50 feet. Okay.

Math, am I right? You know, I just want to go take the T-Rex and punch this guy in his face. So even if you double move, you'll be able to get most of the way to him. But, you know, you're having to cut through vines and overgrowth to be able to navigate to get to him as well. So you can start moving in that direction for sure. Sure. Let's do that. Oh, unless is there a tree over him? Because then I could throw a rope on it, swing in.

you know, real brave and then nab the wreck out of his hands and he can't move. No, it was cleared out. It's like, it's obviously like a, like a little nesting area. Yes. And I would like to just, fine. I'll just, I'll just go for the T-Rex and just beat this guy. Yeah. Anybody else want to do anything? I guess Gum Gum's still in character. Bart? I want to and be like, look back at Bart to help me. Hmm.

I don't speak dinosaur, so I don't really know what to... He's still in character. He is also naked. I just see Gum-Gum growling at me, and I just nod, and I go, you're doing great, bud.

Keep it up. We all need a friend like Bart, who's just like constantly reassuring, telling us we're doing a good job. How far is Gum Gum from Mud? I don't know. We were never clear. I guess you, you know, he was in, what did you say? You were like on the edge of the clearing and then the rest of the party moved away a little bit into some shrubs. So I don't know, probably not that far, 20 feet or so maybe. Okay. Mud will go over and help with the trap. Oh. Oh,

I yell out to Gum-Gum. If you need help, just clap your hands. Grrrr.

I can't, my hands are too small. - He can't get out of character. - I guess he's good. - No help required. So at this point, Mud is heading over to Gum-Gum to help him. Bart is waiting for Gum-Gum to clap. Gum-Gum is still acting like a dinosaur and Kyborg is making his way over to Nader and the baby T. He's making his way through the difficult terrain. - Yep.

Out from the shrubs, you see a dagger get tossed over to Nader, who then slashes at the vines, picks up the baby tea, and makes a break for it back into the shrubs. As he's disengaging, running away, he shouts at you all, "Don't worry. I'm sure the mama T-Rex will be back any minute to keep you company."

This is bad. You're not going to let me do it, but I want to make a called shot. I want to shoot his Achilles tendon. A called shot? Uh-huh. Did you look up the rules for called shots? It's a disadvantage, right? I don't know what that is. A called shot is a mechanic from D&D Edition 3.5. It's an attack that a player makes that aims for a specific part of the target's body. Since it's aiming for a specific body part and not just attacking the enemy in general, it makes the attack a little more difficult. He's a baller, shot caller.

- Thank you. - Nice. Okay. So you have disadvantage on hitting him and he has plus two AC for the called shot. - Okay. Well, that was an 11 and... - Oh no. - 21.

So it's an 11. Just, yeah, just to be clear, call shots are not officially in fifth edition. I just looked up like a variant of mechanic that a lot of people use. Kyborg attempts to take a call shot, but unfortunately it misses the target entirely and flies off into the night. What's going to happen? What exactly is Nader doing with the baby tea? I think people are going to have to find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Of course, I want to remind you all once again, we're conducting this survey to get information about your listening habits for the show. You know how much you enjoy the content. Hopefully you do. It just takes a couple of minutes. It'll help us out a lot. Please, please, please. You can find a link in the description. So thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you guys real soon. Or we'll talk to you guys real soon. And music comes in here. You'll hear us real soon. Unless, unless, unless you follow Stinky Dragon Pod.

on social media, in which case we can talk to you real soon. Oh, very true. Cut, or should we keep rolling? But I want to do a post-credits scene. I want to do a post-credits scene. You don't get to make a post-credits scene. No, no, no, no, no, no. I get to do a post-credits scene right now. Everybody keep rolling. Go. The floor is yours, Blaine. I'm trying to think. You didn't have anything planned. No, no, no, no. It's something. Oh, in a distant cave.

Quadrant senses a disturbance in the force. Quadrant's the guy that took away my arm and killed my hand. Nope, this ain't going in. Kyborg's alive. So what's going to happen with Quadrant? Tune in next episode.