C01 - Ep. 17 - Deja Ürbloom - Knock Knock, Guess Hugh!
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Good knock to my clerics and clergy peeps. Fall prostrate into the stinky dragon and sneak a sip of our latest libation, Sin Amen. It's two shots cinnamon whiskey, three shots coarse coffee, shaking with one ice cube of holy water. It'll sober you up quicker than you can get drunk as a monk.

Last time, our adventurers were subterranean, having an amazing time, looking for the whereabouts of a man named Hugh Manor. They met a couple of colossal kings in a cavern contending for the crown of the underground. But they managed to climb out of that conundrum and finally found Hugh. They even scored an invitation to a late dinner with the manor man himself. Loosen your collar, stow your censors, and let's see what's on the menu for this midnight snack.

Oh, nice pun. Two Cs. I want to pose a challenge to our audience if anybody feels up to it. People have commented about the libations that are concocted at the beginning of these episodes. And while they're based in materials that I don't think everybody can always get access to, I think like one week you referenced the ashes of somebody. So I don't know if you can get that.

I mean, if you're a quitter. I'd love to see people, if you want to, if you want to, like, message us or, like, add us on social, like, your version of these concoctions. I would love to see people's libations. How about when we film in person, we make the drinks that Gus talks about? Yes. Okay, so someone needs to get holy water. Yeah, you're going to have to ask Micah to go easy on us at that time. Yeah, I think this was pretty easy. Just holy water. You can substitute regular ice cube.

I would love to do a race to see how quickly... Like, just tell everybody, like, whoever can get their hands on holy water first wins. Like, how would you go about doing that? I know a guy. Wait, in real life? Yeah, yeah. I bet I could. I feel like that's blasphemous or something. Like, I wouldn't want to. I'd have to do it if it's realist. It means I would just run into the church and then go to that little pond thing at the entrance. The pond. It's just...

Does water fountain in a church count? No. It has to be like blessed. It has to be blessed. But it's in a church. What about the water that people get baptized in? Is that holy water? No. It's not? I thought it was. It's like holy bath water. Okay, I can't speak for Catholicism, but I can speak for Christianity. It's not. It's like people get baptized in pools. That ain't holy water. It's chlorinated. Water.

But does the water... No holy water is required for baptism. Plain water is enough. Holy water is kept in the holy water font, which is typically located at the entrance to the church. Okay. But are you genuinely going to run in and just like, what, take a handful of it or something? What are you going to do? I'm going to put my tongue around it and go, Hail Satan! Oh my God. What are we talking about? All water is...

D&D, this is all D&D. All water is holy. We should be lucky to have it. We are blessed with the gift of hydration. I'm in the Dune universe, I agree. I don't know if Judaism has holy water. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. Who knows? All right. What a fun tangent. Everyone, hey, welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon where we talk about religion every episode. Woo, with a bunch of very religious people. Yeah.

We are, we're back. It's our Dungeons and Dragons podcast. You probably know that if you're listening. If this is your first time listening, welcome. You're starting at a very interesting episode. Please let this not be your first episode. If this is the first episode you're listening to, please go find another one to start with. Maybe number one.

Our brave party. There you go. There's the word. Our brave party is at the hands of Hugh Manor. They just ran into him at the end of last episode. And we're going to see what happens, right? We're going to have fun. I mandate it. Yeah. I don't want to get eaten.

All right, well, we're going to go ahead and start the episode off. Let's get rolling. Everyone go ahead and roll me perception checks. Oh. Are you sure it's not initiative? I mean, Hugh Mander's rolled up on us, and he's got a bunch of cannibals. He knocked you out, remember? Hit you in the back of the head? Oh, I don't remember that part. That's why you don't remember it. It's a little hazy. 16 for mud. I have a 20 for Bart. Ooh, nice, Bart. Nine. I got an eight.

Minus one. I love how you have a minus one on that. They hit me extra hard because they recognized that I was the strongest of the group and they were like, get that man down. Naturally. Probably. Yeah. We'll start with the lowest ones first. Kyborg and Gum Gum. Both of you, your heads are spinning. You try to open your eyes, but you only see spots. You can't seem to move and you hear raindrops hitting a tarp overhead.

Mud? Well, I should say mud and bark. You both have splitting headaches, but you manage to get your bearings. It appears you're both bound by your hands and feet dangling over a pile of wood and bones. Oh my god. Oh no. You also seem to be in the center of an encampment nestled at the base of a small cliff. You're surrounded by ornately designed tents with humans scurrying around nearby tables preparing herbal spices and savory smelling sauces. Are they singing Yub Nub? Are they eating sauce?

So we're getting, we're getting eated, right? Yeah. Bart, you alone hear some voices nearby. Okay. You hear some voices saying, I'm sorry, sir. There's still no word about the nest. The nest. The nest.

Did I leave my nest camera off? Yeah, I was gonna say. There's a thermostat going haywire. Okay, so are we all four like over... Are we all hanging, all four hanging like that? Yes, so you rolled high enough. Yeah, you can see that everyone is hanging like that. Oh, okay. You also notice that Hugh is pacing back and forth nearby, flipping a coin between his knuckles.

He's muttering. I hate waiting. He looks up at you guys. Oh, good. You're all awake. I do love playing with my food. Hugh pulls out an unlit torch and says, Tussler, I require fire. Tussler? Brink scampers interview and says, Yes, Mr. Manor, right away. Brink waves his hands and the torch ignites into a blue flame.

He has magic. Hugh smiles deviously and grabs the salt shaker off a nearby table. That'll be all, Tussler. Now, who wants to beg for their life first, hmm? I do. Oh, go ahead, my friend. Please don't kill me or eat me. Either. Go ahead and make a persuasion check. Oh, yeah, see if this will fix everything. It will. 17. Oh, okay. And do you, uh...

I have something to offer me in turn, my sumptuous friend. Uh, I have... Sumptuous? I don't like that. Flowers! He's hungry. I know. I am the great flower wizard. Hmm. There are plenty of flowers in this district. I require no flowers. You've not met my flowers. Can I address Hugh? Can I plead for my life? Yeah, go for it. Hugh, Hugh, hey!

Where's my bow and arrow? I just- oh, it's so hazy. Is my bow and arrow around here somewhere? Oh! You mean my bow and arrow? Yeah, sure. So, just- I want you to look into the quiver, you know? That's where the arrows are stored.

And I want you to pick one that you're going to get straight to the forehead. I'm going to shoot you. You can take those words to the bank. You're dead. I'll kill you. Hugh applies his torch to you while you're tied up. Burns you with it. Notice how I say nothing. It doesn't affect me. You take three points of damage, and then he shakes some salt from his salt shaker onto your wound. Dang.

I have a question about our setting. So we're in this, obviously, like a fireplace kind of thing. It's like a big fire pit. Fire pit. You said we're at the base of a cliff. Are we like up against the cliff?

The camp abuts up against the cliff. The fire pit itself... Very good blame. The fire pit itself is in the middle of the camp. Gotcha. Okay. The cliff itself is like on the northern edge of the camp. I have a quick question. Is Hugh the only one who is probably going to eat us or does it seem like it's going to be everyone at this camp?

Well, you're uncertain. It seems like everyone else is running around making preparations. Hugh's the only one addressing you. But if you had to guess, you are too much for Hugh to, you are all too much for Hugh to eat by himself. Oh, Mud knows that already. Farts rule dance. So I have a question about how we're tied up.

So like we honest, are we on a stick tied, like held up or is it like, how, how is, how is this tying hung up thing work? It's like a, like a pig on a spit. Yeah. Johnny Depp in the second pirates movie. Yeah. All right. It's like a post. It's hanging horizontal. That's a, that's a good description there. Uh, John, if anyone's seen that pirates movie, why don't we swing?

He's looking at us right now. Shh, go on, go on. He's waiting for you all to try to plead your cases. I refuse to plead my case because I don't really care to try to persuade cannibals otherwise. But I'm curious, Hugh, why are you a cannibal? It's not exactly a nutritious and wholesome way to eat. Where did this decision come from, my boy?

Well, it's delicious and I can do what I please, as I'm the master of this manor. Have you always been this way, though, or was this a later life choice? Well...

This area is scarce with nourishment of the flesh. The T-Rex has consumed everything in this area, including most of the inhabitants of the district. Oh, so you guys are just hungry, huh? I'm hungry too. Hungry, hungry Huey. Ew. Hugh sighs and says, Well, I wasn't fibbing. I am quite famished. Uh, yes. Uh, could I attempt... I don't know if this is gonna work.

to charm him and make him convinced that we're going to taste absolutely terrible and he doesn't want to eat us. I believe charm, I'm double checking, I believe it requires like movement. Yeah.

Under components, it has the S, which is somatic component, which means you have to be able to move in order to cast the spell. We should mage hand one of us into the air like Skywalker did, you know? Mage hand also has a somatic component. I just checked. Tell them if you don't do as you wish, you'll become angry and use your magic.

Can we swing? What about Dissonant Whisper? Oh, Dissonant Whisper is verbal only. Okay. Can I try that? I want to try that. Yeah, what does Dissonant Whisper do exactly? What's the effect? You could essentially choose a creature of your choice within range, and it will rack them in terrible pain. Cool. They must make a wisdom-saving throw, and then on a field save, take 3d6 psychic damage. It must immediately use its reaction, if available, to move as far as its speed allows it away from you.

Get him, Bart. So it might give us some time. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's a verbal-only spell. I mean, you could do it. Okay, well, since I'm hanging upside down, could I attempt this? But because I'm hanging upside down, all the blood is rushing to my head. And so I sound like this now. I hate it. No! All right, yeah, go for it. I know your monster, but I'm not.

That's me doing my Dissonant Whispers. That's nightmare fuel. You cast it on Hugh. I'm going to be hearing that in my nightmares for sure. He needs to make a wisdom saving throw. What is your save on that, Bart? 13. Okay. I am rolling. Oh, he fails to save. Yeah. Excellent. Okay, so let's see. I mean, excellent. Just stop it.

On a fail save, he takes 3d6 psychic damage. Go ahead and roll your 3d6 psychic damage, Bart. All right, here we go. Coming in hot. 15. Nice. Wow. Oh my God. That's a great roll. Holy crap.

He was really in the zone. Yes. You rolled three fives. That's so high. I know. I've never rolled like that before. That's awesome. I guess it's a good time to do it. Yeah, but when we're about to be eaten. Yeah. What if you killed him? What if he's dead now? That'd be awesome. Dude.

Hugh cups his hands over his ears, looks at you in horror, and starts to run away, to move away from you guys through the camp as quickly as he could. Wait, I'll tie us first. If you get my bow and arrow, I'll put you out of your misery. As he's retreating through the camp, some other members of the camp step up and toss some torches into the pile of wood beneath you, and the pit bursts into some scalding flames.

Mud quickly turns into a swarm of spiders. Yes. Swarm of spiders. Oh, yes. I can turn into a swarm of spiders. Things are heating up. Just double-checking to make sure there's no somatic component to that. No, I don't think Wild Shape has a somatic component. It doesn't look like it. I really need to save the URL with where all these animals are. I keep finding it. I keep finding it every week, and then I never save the link.

Yeah, you are clear to use your wild shape. Nice. Yeah, I use wild shape. So I turn into a swarm of spiders. And how many gentlemen have approached to put logs on the fire? We'll say three. Are they perhaps close enough that I might be able to swarm and pester them enough to like maybe cause a fearful reaction as a normal human would if a swarm of spiders was around their face? Yeah, we'll say they're going to make like a, we'll call it constitution say.

Okay. Use a good roll. Be a good boy. Be a good spider. We'll say, yeah, you managed to terrorize one of them, but two of them just start swinging their torches at the swarms of spiders to keep them at bay. My constitution's 14. I just want to point that out. But it's their constitution's thing. Oh. Yeah, but would they have to outdo my constitution? It's just like an arbitrary number, right? It's not that they have to do better than your constitution. It's just like how would they react to spiders? I will trust that. Yeah.

Yeah, good, because you don't have a choice to. No, but I'm at least acknowledging that Gus is in charge and that I acknowledge what he's saying. I guess I didn't say what the numbers were for anyone. They rolled a 4, a 16, and a 13. Cool, so one has run away? Yeah, one of them seems to be rolling around on the ground screaming, spiders, spiders! Okay, Bart and I did something, so...

All right, Gaeborg, let's swing. At this point in the distance, you see a man running up to Hugh, who still seems to be cowering at the edge of the camp. See a man wearing a glass nose ring and a mossy jumpsuit with a hood. He's soaking wet and gasping for air. You can overhear what they're saying. They're still close enough for that. Uh-oh. Hugh addresses him and says, Yes, Nader, what is it? You're interrupting our midnight snack. Sorry, Mr. Manor, I found it. Are you quite sure?

Where? Yes, Mr. Manor, quite sure. Near Razor Ridge. Of course. Something to ward off predators. You see Hugh stroking his Van Dyke beard and he paces for a moment, saying something about manpower, trap, bait. He said it was Razor Ridge. Yes, Razor Ridge. The fire below continues to dance higher and higher. You feel the edges of your clothes starting to singe from the heat. Can mud turn back into a human?

And would I have an opportunity to cast Shape Water? Are they, quickly before we get too far, are they referring to where the nest is in Razor Ridge? Or do we not know? You don't know. All you heard was the other person say that they found it. What was it that, didn't Bart hear something at the top of this? Yeah, I heard they said that there's no word about the nest. That's what Bart heard. Anyways, do I have an opportunity to cast Shape Water?

Shape water is a weird spell. It has no verbal component. It's only somatic. I don't know if I've ever noticed that on a spell before. It's just instantaneous. In my mind, it comes out of his butt. He just turns around and... Stream of water. I don't create water. I shape it. It's in my head cannon, dude. All right? Leave me alone. What water do you see? You said it's raining. Oh, yeah. I guess it is raining. I was thinking like a lake or a pond or a pool.

No, I was hoping just to be able to... I think I control about a five-foot cube of water. Yeah. And I can manipulate it as I want. Can I get just a five-foot cube of the water in the air or just a very damp area where maybe a puddle has formed since it's raining that much and douse the flames?

You could try. I would say, like, if you're trying to get rain, it would be like a five-foot cube of rain. Gotta be puddles, though, right? We're like in a... I mean, yeah, there's puddles, but it's nothing, like, deep. They intentionally built their camp away from anything like that so that they wouldn't get flooded out. Gum Gum peed his pants, so there should be a pretty good amount of water up there. Mm-hmm.

Listen, I've watched a lot of Avatar The Last Airbender and even just a five foot cube of even the rain in the sky would be able to like be moved. Since Shape of Water can cause movement, I can just move it and rush it at the fire. I saw that movie too. It was terrible. Don't say that, Gus Serola. You know what you're doing when you do that.

M. Night at his best. Listen, audience, he's trying to trigger you. Don't give him that, okay? Don't let him. The truth is that's the only thing Gus has seen of Avatar, though. This is my only experience to Avatar. Oh, my God, really? Awful. Yeah, I mean, you could try it. So you go ahead and you try to conjure up or control a five-foot cube of rain and puddles. You try to find the largest selection of water that you can.

and try to douse out the fire, but it doesn't seem to be quite enough. At this point, Brink steps forward over to where Hugh and the other man are talking, and you hear him say, If I may be so bold, Mr. Manor, these witless wienerschnitzels may be as moronic as they look, but they could be quite useful if, say, spitballing, I don't know...

They were sent to find that baby T for you? Oh, no. These people? That is a bold claim and a tough sell, tussler. I know, I know. They may not look like much, but these heckless fools work for the Infinites. That's right. The Infinites. Hmm. Hugh looks over at the four of you and says, No lying, you four. Is this true? I like that they're having this conversation while we're just, like, causing chaos over here by the fire. They're very...

focused on their conversation of what's going on. That's fine. This is very important for them. Yes, we're technically interns for the internates, if that's what you're asking. Hugh walks back over to the fire where you all are. He comes in close, squinting at all of you, the firelight flickering in his eyes. Very well. But Tussler, you and the ball will stay with me as collateral.

Yes, of course, Mr. Manor. You see other people in the camp come over with large buckets of water, much more than five cubic feet's worth, and they go and douse the fire. That's a lot of water. They cut you guys down, and you all are free.

Hugh addresses you all and says, I'll make this quite simple. My daughter was taken from me by the T-Rex. Therefore, it only seems fair that I should get to eat its spawn as well. Oh. Bring me the baby T alive and I will spare your lives. Understand? Yes, sir. I mean. Yes, sir. Oh, wait. My voice still feels like this.

My scout, Nader, will lead you to the nest, but then you are on your own to find and capture the little monster. You have one hour. If you fail to return here with the creature, then I will just have to eat Tussler here. Do we have a deal? I mean, that sounds pretty fair to me. That's pretty good. And I still intend to shoot you in the head with an arrow, just saying. Okay, so we got to get this T-Rex child.

So he could eat them. The baby T. Yeah, the baby T. So did the T-Rex eat his daughter or just take him? Take her, I mean. You can ask. Hey, Hugh, buddy, old pal, guy who wanted to eat us like a minute ago. Did this T-Rex, did he eat your daughter or just take her? Because maybe we could also find her. The evil T-Rex consumed my daughter. Oh. All right, tough luck. All right. Payback is definitely necessary then. I understand. Yes, yes.

I'm glad you see my point. How many daughters is this guy eating? This guy sucks. All right, so we're going with your nader? Then that's who's our guide? We have a deal then. You have one hour.

The Nose Ring Man puts his hood up and croaks, "You're with me, you troglodytes!" Well, that's not necessary. The Nose Ring Man, Nader, leads you out of the camp and onto a muddy path flooded by the relentless downpour. You follow Nader through thick brush with thorns snagging at your every turn. Occasionally you think you hear footsteps around you, but Nader insists it's best to keep moving. After 15 minutes of traipsing through thickets, you finally reach the edge of a clearing at the base of an ascending hill.

The Nose Ring Man points up through the heavy rainfall to the top of the grassy hill and says, "I know you can't see it, but if you go a few hundred feet north in that direction, you'll see some fallen logs near some mossy stones. That's where the nest is."

You have about 30 minutes to capture the beast. I'll leave a trail for you to follow back to the camp. Oh, and of course, one more thing. Don't get eaten. A crooked smile shows behind his nose ring and he snickers as he vanishes back into the bushes without a trace. Oh, wait, I missed it. What did he say? Don't get what? I forgot to write it down. I love what a smart ass bard is.

Don't get heat. I think he doesn't want us to get too warm. Don't go to the Easton. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Who's to say? He said, watch out for Michael Keaton. I know. Good God. So are we actually going to capture a T-Rex? Is that what we're going to do? A baby T-Rex. Yeah. We got the muscle. We got the wits. We got the...

Gung-ho-ness. I like that the character with the 10 strength says that you got the muscle. Can I pitch something to you guys? Please do so. Okay, Mud. You've only got about 30 minutes. Okay, all right. Oh, it's come back. You, Mud, can turn into whatever animal you see, right? Right. So we see the thing. We leave it alone. You turn into the T-Rex. We go in. We kill Humanner.

I feel like you skipped a few steps there, man. You turn into the T-Rex. We bring you back as a captive. We kill Hugh Banner. I shoot him in the head with an arrow. Not to go too meta, but I'm pretty sure Gus and Micah made it a T-Rex because it's a creature that's not in the list of creatures I can turn into. But it's a baby, so it's within your size range. Okay, man.

Yes and Blaine. I had to respond with the meta because I think that's why they did it. I mean, there are some rules in this game. You just got to see it. You just got to see it, right? That's the thing. I'm telling you I can't. I'm telling you that mud can't turn into everything.

There's, I think, a certain list of animals he can do. Yeah. Can you make your arrows do anything? Can your arrows create a banquet of food by shooting really fast? No, you have limits. If he shoots a turkey, then yeah. Yeah, I can explode a turkey into a fine roast. Thank you, God, finally. Yes, and...

Alright, let's go find the T-Rex. Sorry for my stupid ideas. No, it's a good idea. It's just I just can't turn into a T-Rex right now. It's just not in my forte. I'll work on it. I'll work on it, though, okay? So eventually I'll be able to turn. When I can turn into a T-Rex, my mate, I'll give you a ride, okay? And we'll just be running around. Oh, in front of the others? Come on.

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Alright fellas, ready up. What are we doing? Bart's gonna give you a pep talk here, alright? We're really using this time so efficiently. Eyes forward! Alright, we're gonna go in there. We're gonna find this baby T-Rex. We're gonna bring it back to Hugh. He's gonna be so impressed and he's gonna be like, "Yo, you guys can take whatever you want, alright, but we gotta focus!" Okay.

Where did Bart go? Where did Bart go? This is Bart's alter ego that comes out when he... What's the name of the alter ego? Uh... Homer. Quickest thing. Quickest thing I could come up with. Alright, I'm giving Bart inspiration dice. Wait, shouldn't we all get inspiration dice? That was a great speech from Bart.

Okay, you guys ready to... Are you all going to keep giving each other pep talks or are you all ready to get started? Yeah, I think Gum Gum's due to have one. What do you got, Gum Gum? The stage is yours. Let's go get the thing. All right! Yeah! Yeah!

Tally-ho! What are we looking at, Gus? Like I said, it is nighttime. It's pretty cloudy, and there's precipitation just to kind of set the stage right now. The hill itself does have a bunch of stony bushes as you look up. You enter the clearing and reach a fork in the path that is split up by mossy stones surrounded by serrated leaves. Why doesn't everyone go ahead and roll me a perception check at disadvantage? All right. Disadvantage. Eight. Eight.

That was a bad one. That was a good one. 12. I got a zero. All right. Well, 20 is my lowest one. Bart rolled a 25 and a 20. Well, everyone seems pretty lost, but luckily for you guys, you all have Bart. Yay. That's right. Bart, you see that there's actually two paths out from this clearing. You all can either head to the east or to the west.

The east is technically left if we're facing north. Wait, what? He also said don't get east-en. Wait. I'm just kidding. East is to the right if we're facing north. Correct. I meant south-west. Looking to the west, you see a half dozen rusted bent iron tent spikes. And looking to the east, you see a shallow sparkling pond in the distance.

I think we got to go the more intimidating route because it's a red herring. And Nader didn't give us any. He just said, like, go that general direction, right? Something about logs. He said, go a few hundred feet north in that direction, up to the top of the grassy hill. All right. Well, I guess I wouldn't see anything, so never mind. I guess Kuyberg says we go left. All right. To the west. To the west.

Is there like a perception check or something I could do to see if that would be the correct way? Why don't you go ahead and make me a survival check? Okay. All of us or just Bart? Bart asked. Crap. All right, I got six. Oh, very good. Yeah, you can't really tell. All you were able to tell is that there were two different directions you'd go in. Well...

Let's go left. All right. Scary spikes. Yep. Y'all make your way up the west path, and you come upon a campsite with a handful of bedrolls, packs, and a fire pit, but it appears to be vacant. The campsite is nestled between two large mossy stones in the middle of a four-way intersection.

More intersections. So there's four paths that we could take out of this, including the one we came in. Mud, why don't you make me a perception check at disadvantage? Why can't I be disadvantaged? It's because it's dark and rainy. It's really tough to see. Ten. Yeah, you're really not sure what your options are at this point. It's all kind of difficult to see down. Should we be checking the camp out or something? Do we have a way? Does anyone have a torch or something that we could light? Well...

I can see in the dark. Yes, I'm here. Cool.

Can I look around and see if there's anything cool? Yeah, you want to look around here? Go ahead and make me an investigation check. That's really good for Gum-Gum. That's 16. It is. Gum-Gum has a minus three. He rolled a 19 and ended up with a 16. Oh, wow. Yeah, Gum-Gum, you look around here in this abandoned campsite. And you do actually, you do find a few things. You find a small Dutch oven that's buried in the coals of the campfire. It's filled with chopped potatoes, onions, and spices. It all seems like it's perfectly cooked and it's still hot. What? What?

You also find a ripped blanket made out of rat skins that are sewn together. What? And a hand shovel that's covered in blood. What kind of party happened here? I like the design. Some nice feng shui here. I guess I'll take... Guys, I found potatoes. Mud is reeling at how many rats it would take to sew together a blanket. I put the blanket over me like a cloak, obviously.

And I keep the shovel, I wipe the blood off of it, and I offer potatoes to my friends. I'm good. I don't want any bloody potatoes. You're looking a little disheveled there. Do it for yourself. I appreciate the offer, but I just don't really care for surprise potatoes.

Okay. Did I hear surprise potatoes? Yeah, come eat some potatoes. They're really good. They're still hot. Gum Gum makes the best potatoes. I didn't make them. Gum Gum finds the best potatoes. Can I look around to see if there might be any signs of maybe where, since this is hot, that means that someone had to have been here recently. Is it like tracks or something? Why don't you roll a survival check?

I could do that. That's a 23, my dude. Ooh, that's really good. You actually do find some large footprints that seem to head out to the east. There's some footprints of, I assume, who is here going to the east. Should we head basically that direction, you think? Humanoid or T-Rex-o-id?

Nailed it. I'm going to assume humanoid. I don't think I need a roll of 23 to see T-Rex tracks. They just seem to be large and unclear. You're not really sure. You can just see it's all kind of muddy and kind of being worn out. So you're not really entirely certain. Let's follow the tracks. Let's follow them. Okay. How does the potato stay smart? A little hard. A little hard.

Wait, the shovel had blood on it? Yeah. It's an important detail. Yeah, it was a hand shovel covered in blood. Was there any spots that had been dug up recently or dirt mounds or anything? Well, I mean, the small Dutch oven you found was buried in the coals of the campfire. It was a hand shovel, too. It's not exactly a shovel used to bury a body. Okay. John Wood, no.

by the way. He's an expert on that. Mud's an expert on which shovel, how to move dirt around. Mud's an expert. Dirt being your cousin. I wasn't implying you were a murderer. Exactly. You all head down that easterly path? Why not? Before you is a shallow pond glistening in rain. It's blocking the path before you. On the other side of the pond, the path splits off four ways.

How big is this pond? Yeah. It's a decent size. Let's say 30 feet across. What if it's holy water? How do we make it holy water? Dunk me in and see what happens. Yeah. Do we see any, like, tracks or anything like that through the water leading any way? Like into the water? Into the water. I guess, Bart, you can make a survival check. All right.

While Bart's doing that, can I look around for rocks? 16. Nice. Sure. Kyborg, where are you looking for rocks? I'm just curious, like by the edge of the pond or like back in the direction you came from, what is your thought process on these rocks? Just general rocks in the area that I could potentially toss in because I feel like we might want to cross, but I would rather check the water before we do.

Okay, you'll be looking for rocks. I'll deal with Bart first, and then we'll get back to you. Bart, you don't necessarily find any footprints per se, but you think on the other side of the pond, you see some things in the mud on a trail leading to the north. It looks almost like reptilian scales. Whatever could those be? Clever girl. Hey, fellas, listen up.

We go north, for I, Bartholomew, have seen scales. So that means we got to cross the pond, right? We got to cross the pond. Yes.

So back to what I was saying, I'd rolled a 22. Yeah, we'll say you're able to successfully find all kinds of rocks, whatever. I don't want to say whatever kind of rock you're looking for. But yeah, within reason, you're able to find rocks. Guys, I found a bunch of emeralds over here. This is crazy. No, no, no. Kyborg found kryptonite. Whoa. Those are minerals. Whoa, neat. It's actor Dwayne Johnson. Kyborg throws actor Dwayne the Rock Johnson into the pond.

All right. Gum Gum already has an inspiration die, but too bad. Micah says that this is not Jungle Cruise. Not yet. I found skipping stones specifically, and I want to see if I can attract the attention of anything that's under the pond by skipping the rock across to the other side. Sure. You're going to go ahead and try to skip the rocks. What is that? Like a dexterity check, I guess? Yeah, go ahead and make a dexterity check, please, Kyborg. All right.

How good are you going to skip these? 24. Oh, it's the perfect skip. I set a record. Yeah, it's actually our nat 20 is what you rolled. Yeah. You skip the rock across the surface of the pond, and it doesn't skip like a rock normally would. It seems to just kind of stick in the pond and sink down. Well, friends, I don't think we should cross. Don't touch the water. Yeah. Yeah.

Is there something around this for us to make some sort of way of crossing it? Like a raft or something? Several boards displaced before us. It seems like a time pond. Isn't it just a pond? Can we walk around it? Oh, this is a good point. Can we walk around it? You think if you're careful and you're able to circumvent it, on the north side, there's like a little stone dike. And then on the south side, there's like...

So maybe you could, like, hug those and, you know, work your way around it. Okay. I guess I'd go to the north side and see if I can just scurry across without touching the wall or... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, Bert. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to tie a rope to you. Okay. I tie a rope to his chest. Oh. And I tie the other half to me. Chinky, do y'all want to be left alone? I tie the other half to me, and then I hug a tree. Oh, okay.

Oh, is he my anchor? He's an anchor. Thanks, Gum Gum. You're rubbing off on Gum Gum. Thanks, Gum Gum. He's hugging trees. Oh. All right. Well, I would like to be the first to attempt to cross without touching the water, and then once I make it to the other side, if I make it to the other side, I will also hug a tree. And you said you're going by the stone dike to the north, correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This should be a pretty easy dex check, but we'll go ahead and make another dexterity check. 16. Hmm.

Not good enough. Sorry, you're dead. No, no, no. The thing I'm looking at is what you made was a dex save, not a dex check, but with you it's the same thing. Oh, okay. Sorry. So you have 16. Yeah, you're able to scurry across the stone dike without any trouble, and you get across to the other side. Okay. All right. Now you hug a tree, and then they cross. Okay.

Using the rope. I hug a tree. FYI, just so you know, there really aren't any trees. It's more like mossy stones that are overgrown and leaves and maybe some bushes. So you could try to like maybe grab like a mossy stone or a bush or something, just like for point of clarification. There's a bush. I grab a stone. I feel like a stone is stronger than a bush, personally. Well, what do you play? Paper, rock, scissors. Paper sometimes stronger. Rock beats everything. I don't think.

I don't think I've ever heard anyone say paper, rock, scissors. I know. I was like, I'm thinking of a million things at once. That's how it came out. Rock, paper, scissors. I'm extremely curious as to why the water acted that way. I don't know why it's bothering me so much why the water acted that way. It feels like a time manipulation thing. Why don't you make a nature check? Oh, you'd think that should be something I'm good at.

It may be an optical illusion because of the difficult conditions to see right now. What you suspect is what may be in front of you is actually a tar pit and not a pond, like a water pond. Don't touch. Don't touch. It's not water. Don't do it. Don't get in there. Don't touch it. Right. Who wants to try next? Me. Little Bart. All right, Bart, you're going to make your way across the stone dike next. So it's a dexterity save? It's a dexterity check. Check. Okay. It's a check.

Here it comes. Oh, 11. Not great. 11. That's an 8 plus 3. That's decent enough. It's not super difficult to get across here. Gotcha. So we'll say you're able to scamper across the dike without any issue. Awesome. So now are both ends of the rope on this side of the tar pit?

No, because Gum-Gum's still on this side with me holding on to whatever he's able to hold on to. If I may, I think the intention was that we make a rope pass. Gotcha. And that Bart's using that to stabilize him. To guide so he doesn't fall. I see it now. I thought you were tying. But no, that makes sense. You all are smart. We have a lot of wisdom. All right. So Kyborg and Bart are on the opposite end of the tar pit in the direction you need to go. And Mud and Gum-Gum are still on the backside. Yeah. Okay.

Go mud. Roll initiative. Roll initiative. Mud goes across the thing and almost rolls a one. Got a 21. Thank you. The dice did the thing where it was like it lingered on one for like half a second. Yeah. You think you're going to lose your footing, but no, you absolutely do not. You kill it.

You make it look easy. Yeah. So all that's left is gum gum. Okay. Here I go. So you're going to go across with the rope tied around your waist. Yeah. And I go across real carefully. We'll see what the dice say about that. Six. Six.

Well, it's a good thing Gum-Gum waited to go last. All right, Gum-Gum is slowly making his way across the dike, but he does lose his footing, and he falls into the tar pit. Oh. Uh-oh. Oh, we're just in peace. Can the rope help any at all? Can I help pull him? Yeah, you will. I mean, he falls in first. So Gum-Gum falls into the tar pit, and you sink about three feet into it. So what is that? It's like coming up to your waist now, Gum-Gum. Uh...

and you are restrained and stuck in the tar pit. I found some sticky water. We can see that. Sticky water. It's okay, Gum-Gum. Just stay calm. So do we leave him, or...? No, pull him out. Oh, all right.

Could I try to use my Mage Hand on him? Or... Well, Mage Hand only lifts 10 pounds. I could give him a little boost. Gum Gum's just a bit heavier. Just pat him on the head to keep him calm with the Mage Hand. Yeah, just rub him on the back. Pull the rope. I know, it seems obvious, doesn't it, Gum Gum? No, no, no. We need to really look at all of our options here. Let me look through all my spells, see if there's anything I can use specifically for this situation. I pull the rope.

All right, go ahead, and you have to make a strength check. That's a one plus four, five. Oh, no. All together, game. Yeah, Kyborg tries to pull Gum-Gum out, but is unable to. Gum-Gum is stuck solidly in the tar. Let me try. You just want to do it all together?

Go without me. Gum Gum sinks another three feet. So it's now like... Oh, no. How tall is Gum Gum? Are you like six feet tall, Gum Gum? He's tall. Seven. Just go without me. I'm part of the mud now. You're making it tempting, Gum Gum. Shush. Your nose is barely sticking out above the tar at this point. Your mouth is submerged. I say, Atreus!

Yeah. Except it's not a treyu that is lost in it. It's the horse. Yeah, what's the horse's name? Never Ending Story. Artax?

I think it is Artax. Wow. Yeah, it is Artax. I don't know why those kinds of information is in my head. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. The never-ending story. Probably because PTSD from that scene. Oh, yeah. That scene just mortified me. Mud grabs the rope with Kyborg and lends his big old strong arms to the pole. Okay, Kyborg, go ahead and make another strength check. You have advantage this time now because Mud is helping. That was an all-in. Fifteen.

Go bigger. 21. There you go. 21. Yeah, you're able to successfully pull Gum-Gum out of the tar pit. You pull him back onto shore, and he's very sticky, covered in ooze. He's a messy boy. I'm so happy. Thank you so much. And I go and give Kaiborg a hug. Oh, God. For bonding. Literally. I want to say, while I was pulling, it was like that scene from Predator where Carl Weathers is flexing his biceps while pulling a rope. I just want to point that out. That's it.

And that's what it looked like. That's why the first role didn't go well because you were more focused on looking good. We really should just rename this character to Blaine Gibson at this point, right? We have nothing in common. Are you flexing right now? No.

All right. We got two messy boys. Let's keep going. Keep going north. All right. Yeah. And Bart, you do see now, though, you get a closer look now that you're on this side of the tar pit. You get a closer look at those reptilian scales that you spotted previously. Okay. Yeah, they are heading in the north. So you all head in that direction? Yes. I want to jump into a bush filled with leaves while I have all this sticky stuff on me so that I have camouflage. Just a reminder, we have 30 minutes.

He wants to be camouflaged. Think of the camouflage, though. Are you jumping to a bush filled with leaves? Mm-hmm. I feel like this is somehow going to disadvantage you later. No.

You enter a serene white space. I see what he does, and I roll on the ground to be covered in mud. Cool. So you're caked in literal mud, and he's caked in leaves. So Kyborg jumps into the nearest bush filled with leaves, and he immediately starts screaming. Oh, come on. As they start slashing and cutting at him with their thorns, and Kyborg takes...

So deserved. Oh, come on. Why'd you roll that? 20 points of damage. Oh my god. I'm dead. Wait, wait, I rolled it wrong. I rolled it wrong. I have 19 health. You rolled 5d10s. You take, Kyborg takes 6 points of damage. Dude, I'm on my last leg. I'm half health. Oh my god. Worse than half health. That's too bad, huh? You realize now that all of these leaves are actually razor vine. God. God.

It's my favorite Pokemon. Hey, eat some potatoes. Wait, do you still have potatoes? They'd be covered in tar at this point, my dude. I'm not putting them in my backpack. Yeah, they're safe. Okay. Nothing gets through. Tar can't get through a backpack. Micah says that they're covered in tartar sauce. Micah gets inspiration dice. I want to use a potion of healing. Wait, I also have that food thing. It's a food thing. Yeah. Potatoes. Oh, okay.

Well, I bought it for Bart, but I have a comf fruit. What fruit pie? Do you want some pie? Did we not eat that already? The comf fruit. I got two. I ate one, and then I always got the other one because I was going to give it to you, Bart, but then we got distracted. Yeah, he did. That is correct. Do you want some pie? It makes you feel better. I need health.

You eat the pie. Okay, I eat the pie. What does it give me? It heals you for five hit points. Ooh. Look at that. It's almost as if it didn't happen. It...

You don't like my pie? The pie is delicious, Gum-Gum. Thank you so much. Are y'all ready to continue now that Kyborg has made his camouflage? No, I'm going to take second win once per short rest. You can use a bonus action to regain 1d10 plus 3 HP. I need to get healed up in case we have a fight coming up, which I sense that we do. We might. I didn't mention this. At the top of the show, you would have had a long rest, by the way, since you all were knocked out. What just...

So you can undo that second wind. Okay, okay. So then you're only down what, one health? I'm only down six health. No, plus the three from the fire because I was talking smack. So nine plus five. I'm down four. Not bad. And I look like mud. Very good. One mud, two muds? Yeah. Mud. Mud cast disguise itself and looks like Gungun.

This is really confusing. Which one do I shoot? How did I do that? You're just looking in a mirror, Gum Gum. Let's continue forward. Bart always knows how to soothe him. Clock's running out. Alright, look alive, fellas. I look alive like two. You approach a four-way intersection with a large curly leaf bush with wildly colorful petals.

Is that coming from inside the bush or from the bush itself? The path looks to split off in several directions. There's a bush that just made a snorting sound? Or like a, was it a snort or a snore? Snort. Okay. Okay. Kind of like a pig? Yeah. Okay. Huh. I'm hanging back. Mud's hanging back. So wait, where is this bush in relation to the paths? It's in the intersection. In the middle.

And it's a four-way intersection, right, you said? Yes. Since I'm covered in dirt, can I sneakily crawl along the ground? And do what? Up to the bush. Oh, okay. I was like, there's a long pause there. Just up to the bush? Yeah, make a stealth check. 16. Gum-Gum lowers down to all fours, and ever so slowly, he creeps toward the flamboyant bush. With every inch he gets closer, he hears a...

and he feels his body slowly swell and bloat. Now his hair and skin begin to bleach to a blonde hue. By the time he reaches the rainbow leaves bush, Gum-Gum's entire body has brightened to a vibrant yellow, and in a matter of seconds, he's gained a whopping 50 pounds. What? What?

Anyways, D&D. Let's do it. Let's D&Do it. There it is. You can't do it to yourself. Yeah, I can.