C01 - Ep. 16 - Deja Ürbloom - The Clashing of Kings
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Hail and hallo, doppelgangers and mimics. Wrap on in to the stinky dragon for our latest drink, Babadour Sabu Tequila. It's a mocktail mixture of, well, to be honest, we're not really sure what's in it. Babadour wasn't too clear on the details. He just kept playing with his hands and smiling. Hmm.

Anyway, previously our adventurers were making their way through the cavernous underground tunnels of Steinman, hoping to find Hugh Banner, the last glassblower in the district. But all they found so far are dead ants traps and now it seems some swarms of spiders. Take a seat and let's rap. Webs get shot out at both exits, sealing them off. Get me pictures! Trapping you inside the cavern. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

A legion of spindly legs scuttle out from the shadows at the high edge of the cavern. A cacophony of clicking and hissing grows louder and louder until you spot two swarms of spiders slinking out from behind the boulders with a myriad of eerie eyes fixed on you. Oh no. I'm gonna roll the mission for them. Are we in initiative already? Like our current order? Yeah. Okay.

They got a terrible roll. They rolled a two. Gum-Gum, you see swarms of spiders coming out. What do you want to do? And oh, they shot webs blocking off the entrance and the exit. So are there more spiders behind us or in front of us? In front of you, crawling out from behind the boulders. Okay. Gum-Gum smash. How big of spiders are these? They're swarms of spiders. They're just like two different masses of spiders. Okay. I want to go into a rage and run into the spiders and start...

Screaming. He just wants to start screaming. He just wants to yell at the spiders. I want to swing my battle axe in a circle like a tornado. Okay. I hate bugs. So Gum-Gum goes into a rage and charges the spiders, flailing his axe all around. Go ahead and make an attack roll with your axe. Okay. And I have to do my thingy. Oh, right, right. Which I guess is a D8, right? I don't have that in front of me. But yeah, I believe it's a D8.

He has that thing that determines what his rage is. Yeah, when he rages, sometimes weird stuff happens. Remember his Jack-Jack thing? Yeah, I got you.

Chak-chak. Flowers and vines temporarily grow around you until your rage ends. The ground within 15 feet of you is difficult terrain for your enemies, so... And I'm in a... up and around all the spiders. Okay. You've seen how spiders can climb around difficult terrain without too much of a problem. It doesn't seem to be causing them any real trouble. So many legs.

Okay, and I'll attack roll. 17. Oh, yeah. You land a blow on this swarm of spiders with your axe. Roll for damage. Six. That's not a good roll. Do you get any bonuses for your raging? Plus two melee damage or strength. Oh, plus two. So then that's actually an eight.

You know, you kill a whole bunch of them in the swarm and then they start skittering back into hiding. But there is still one other swarm. Good job. Why are there flowers and plants everywhere? Kyborg, there's still the other swarm that's further in the distance. The eiders. Okay, I want to take a shot with my longbow, but I want to make it an arcane shot if I land it. So I guess I should go for that. Take your shot first.

23. 23. That hits for sure. Okay. As I said, I want to do an arcane shot. It's just a bunch of spiders. I want to make it a bursting arrow. I just want them to explode. I just want them to explode everywhere. All right. Damage is 10 plus bursting arrow immediately after the arrow. It's a creature. The target and all other creatures within 10 feet of it take 2d6 force damage each. All right. So roll that force damage. I think you overkill these spiders. Good. 3 and 3. 6.

So 16 points of damage? Yeah. Kyborg launches an arrow that lands in the middle of the spiders and explodes on impact. Seems like it kills most of the spiders and then the remaining ones scramble back into cover. Eh. We'll get you. We're all covered in spider bits because he did the bursting arrow. You're welcome, team. Monster gone.

There's still spider webbing at the entrance and exit. You'd have to cut your way through it, but with your sword, it's really not that big a deal. You all are able to hack your way through the spider webs and continue on your way. Excellent. That was Gum-Gum, I think, right? That was Gum-Gum's turn. Yeah, so Kyborg. All right, let's do scout ahead then. I want to do a dexterity check.

Which is a 22. Nice. Oh, that's good. Yeah. So he reveals the top card of the deck in addition to a card in the river. And you can choose one. Let's look at what that left card is.

That was a monster card. We don't want to go that path. That's a monster card. Or a right path. Oh, let's use the right path. Yeah. I wasn't sure which one you were going to pick, but that is six right path cards for you. Always go left. How many do we know? I mean, do we need? We don't know. I never said. Unspecified.

So you've got six so far. That's classified. Why am I imagining Bart with sunglasses like in an earpiece? Please do not make eye contact with a DM. Thank you. Classified. Mud.

I guess I'll try to boost morale. Mud's not really good at that, so no promises. Well, sometimes you got to push outside your comfort zone. You know, try something new. Or you roll a one. It's a negative one after your modifier is added. Mud tries to boost your morale, but it's so repulsive. It puts everyone in an even worse mood. Listen, Mud has spent a lot of time just playing with rocks and dirt. He really hasn't spent a lot of time learning how to be a people person.

I will go straight. Let's see. It's a trap card. I'm feeling well. When will you learn not to go straight? I know. Straight didn't work out for me earlier in life. Yeah, there it was. There it was.

You take a step forward and your foot sinks slightly further into the ground. Go ahead and make a dexterity save. Oh, the badger is sinking. That was an 18, my dude. That is successful. You hear a faint clinking noise, but then nothing seems to happen. Almost like you stepped on a pressure plate, but whatever it was attached to was no longer connected. A toot noise is made instead. I also rolled for athletics. The badger did a backflip. I rolled a 23. Ooh. Dang.

That's an athletic badger. As it is. We're going to move on to Bart. I'm going to eliminate two of these checks. We're going to get rid of Forge a Path and... It's Elementary. Boost Morale. It's Elementary. Man, I should probably do It's Elementary because...

You guys don't have good intelligence. You've been railroaded into being designated as the smart person of the party. It just sucks because I have a zero. I'll do it. I'll do it. Smartest man in the room. Yeah. I don't think either of them are very good at wisdom either. Oh, my God. Five. Five. No. Thinking's not really your thing, Bart. Not today. Not in the dark. All right. Which direction? Left, straight, or right? We'll go right. Right path. Right path. Woo-hoo.

Congratulations, that is seven right path cards. Yay, right for right. You make your way to the right. In the distance, you hear a faint clicking and dripping reverberating off of the cave walls. The path before you steepens into a muddy slope with flickering light toward the top. Splat, splat, splat. With every step, you notice the slope path becomes wetter and wetter until you are a few feet deep in murky water. Ooh.

It's not foreboding at all. It's a Geodude.

You hear a loud clicking and you look up to see eight beady eyes the size of melons staring back at you. Oh no. Hanging high in the center of the grotto is a hairy eight-legged spider the size of a wagon, clicking its pincers feverishly. It slowly descends on a thick strand of web to the stone dais. A beam of light catches your eye overhead, pouring through a hole in the ceiling.

The spider sits on the candlelight dais and with a silky smooth voice it says: Guten Nacht, travelers. I am King Orbenoff. But you can call me Orby. You look lost. Uh, Mud approaches cautiously. Says, uh, yes, we're trying to find our way through this cave. Could you possibly help us? Oh, yes! I've been looking for new companions.

Everyone I know seems to be tangled up at the moment. Perhaps we can be friends? I don't trust this guy. Now hold on. Could I use insight of some sort to see if he's actually trustworthy?

Insight. Yeah. You could make an insight check. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We should check if the giant spider that's talking about wrapping us in his webs, if he's going to be our bud. He didn't say he wrapped anybody up. He's going to kill us. He's going to kill us, guys. All he said was his friends were tangled up at the moment.

I don't know what you're... At the moment. And Web, I get what he's... I don't know what kind of prejudices you are bringing to the table. Spider prejudices. Why don't you leave your misconceptions at the door there, Kyborg, okay? Yeah, it's a common phrase. It's a spider! Tangled up. Most people say tied up, but you know. Yeah. Choice. Did you want to make that insight check for it? Let's do it. I have advantage though, so... Hi-ya! That's a 16.

16. Yeah, you feel like the spider is looking to help you. See? Really? You're insane. You're crazy. No way. So, friends? Ah, yes. I'm always looking for a new friend, especially of the non-humanoid persuasion. I see there's some openings in the back of this grotto. Is there a certain one that would be advantageous for us to go through? Oh, the giant holes back there.

- Well, the thing is... - And at that point you hear a low rumbling and the ground begins to... Thirsty through the ground comes a monster scarlet worm, twice as long as the spider with a circular mob teeth and a sharp stinger on its tail. - Oh my God. - Smarsh is king. Smarsh hates spiders. Smarsh squish spider and friends. Smarsh is king. - I love Dune. - Smarsh. - See? - Smarsh is king.

See, I like this guy. I feel like we should be following this guy. I want to do a perception check and see if we can trust this giant worm. Insight. Insight. Personally, I feel like we can. Roll that insight. That's a six. What are we feeling? Yeah, you feel really good about the giant worm that wants to squish the spider and his friends. Let's go worm. I'm really afraid of those things.

What are those things? Which things? The squiggly worms. Oh. The squiggly worms. Smarsh is king! Everyone go ahead and roll initiative. Yeah, Smarsh is king. I agree. Oh, Smarsh. Smarsh. Worms was one of the things that Gum Gumlicity was afraid of in the church. Oh. Yeah. I got a 17 initiative. 15. 16. I got a 21. Blackjack! Do not attack the worm. Attack the spider.

So is Giant Spider and Smush, Smash, what was his name? Smarsh. Smarsh. Are they on the same team? Well, Smarsh came in and said that he was going to squish the spider and his friends. Oh, never mind. He also said he's king. Yeah. In case you didn't know, Smarsh is king. So spiders are five and Smarsh is three. They have terrible rolls. All right, Gum Gum, you're up first. There's a scary worm fighting a giant spider. What do you want to do?

Okay, and they're both in front of us? Yes. Gum-Gum does not want to be near that worm. He had worms once as a child. He ate some ice cream.

He thought it was ice cream. It was actually cookie dough. He gave him the worms. Uh, shoots. Which sounds like something Chris probably would have actually done in his childhood. Chris, have you ever had worms? You're in a safe place. I don't know. We'll cut it out. I don't know if I've... Oh, worms? Have I eaten? No, I've never had worms. Roll a perception check. Gum, gum. One. Okay. I rolled a 15 on perception. I'm pretty sure that Chris has had worms. Okay.

Okay, now you see the giant spider and the giant purple worm facing off in front of you. Okay, I'm going to rage. And is there anything in front of the worm? Or like, is there any obstacle things to hide behind? Well, there's the raised stone dais that the spider lowered itself down onto. It's a pretty big cavern. There's plenty of rocks and stalagmites on the ground.

And that dais, is there anything special about it? Like, what's it look like? It's just... It's just carved out of stone. It seems like it's falling apart. It's probably been there a long time. You don't think the spider made it, but it probably just kind of found it. There's also some shallow pools in the center of the cave. Okay. I'm afraid of worms, so I'm going to run to the shallow pools. Mm-hmm. And I want to throw my javelin at the worm and then duck and hide in the water. Okay. And I'm raging. Okay.

Oh, I'm doing this. Okay. Do you have to re-roll your d8? I got to re-roll that thing again. I got a one, which is shadowy tendrils lash around you. Each creature of your choice that you see within 30 feet of you must succeed on a constitution saving throw or take 1d12 necrotic damage. You also gain 1d12 temporary hit points. That's a good one to roll for right now. Yeah. All right. I guess I don't think the spider is bad. He's not. Gum Gum's going angel of death on everything.

So I'm gonna make those things attack the worm and throw my javelin at it. Okay, well let's take care of your javelin first. Okay. So roll that attack roll. 23. Yeah, you hit it. Go ahead and roll some damage. That's eight, but then I'm raging, so that's 10. A raging gum gum sprints across the cavern into the murky shallow pool. He pulls out his javelin and hurls it high,

piercing the slimy hide of the colossal worm which cries out in pain. Because you rolled a necrotic, and now I roll 12. Smarsh needs to make a constitution saving throw. Smarsh.

Smarsh. I'm going to roll that here, let you see it. Smarsh, pal. Worms. Smarsh. That's a 12, which I do not believe is good enough. Let me see here. So the saving throw is DC 8 plus your proficiency bonus plus your constitution modifier. So DC 8, constitution modifier. That should do it alone. Plus 3, that's 11. It's already too high. Yeah, it does not save. So it takes 1d12 necrotic damage. That's 3.

Three points of damage. Yeah, so go ahead and roll the D12 temporary hit points. -Hmm. Okay. That's a good move. Four. -Four. There you go. As Gum-Gum launches the javelin, ghostly tendrils inexplicably emerge around him and lash out at Smarsh, flogging its wounds even more. Smarsh growls at Gum-Gum. -I'm even more terrified by these things that are coming out of me. I think it's the worm, and I duck underneath in the water and hide. -You're hiding. Okay.

Bart, make me a perception check, Bart. Okay. Ooh, not very good. Eight. Okay. You're able to see Gum-Gum hiding in the water. Man, with that low perception. Am I still invisible? You have cast any other concentration spells? Because I think invisibility lasts for an hour. So as long as you're still concentrating, yes, you would still be invisible. Okay. I would like to cast Cloud of Daggers over Smarsh.

Cloud of Daggers. So that is a concentration spell. So once you cast Cloud of Daggers, you will no longer be invisible. That's okay. Okay. So Bart begins casting and spinning daggers appear in a cube five feet on each side. I assume right on Smarsh's head. Yes. All right. Whatever head he's got. So go ahead and roll 4d4 slashing damage. Coming in. Nine total.

Bart takes a quick survey of the cavern and perhaps at the sight of the surrounding stalactites, gets the idea to fling his own blanket of daggers onto Smarsh's skull. The spinning blades pepper the crown of the worm as he flails in frustration, confused by the showering of spikes. That's a total of 22 points of damage on Smarsh. Nice. Is that it for you? Yes. Okay. Kyborg, roll me a perception check.

Eventually, one of us is going to see the thing that Gus needs us to see. That's a six again. No, you see Gum-Gum hiding in the water, and Bart has popped back into the realm of the visible and created a cloud of daggers over Smarsh's head. Gotcha. It's my turn to fight, right? Yeah, what do you want to do? Well, as he said, Smarsh is king, and I respect giant worms, but...

So in honor of Dune, I want to mount the Shai-Hulud and prove to the Fremen that I am the least son Al-Gaib.

What words are you saying? I'm cracking up. Oh, my God. What are these? What? Don't worry, Barb. You just need to read a book that is way too long. There are some fans that are listening that like Dune who are loving this. You made your successful nerd check. Sweet. You made it easily. I want to use my two hand axes, and I want to mount the worm.

You're going to try to mount it, okay? I want to ride the worm. Make, I guess, first of all, we'll start with like a touch attack just to see if you can touch it. What is that? Oh, like an unarmed strike or? Yeah, sure. Just roll like an unarmed strike. 17. Okay, yeah. So you're able to touch the worm to grab onto it. You want to try to get up on top of it. The worm is...

It's pretty big. It's large. Go ahead and make a athletics check. Let me have this. All right. Come on. It's a 14. Come on. It's not a great roll. Yeah, you're starting to climb up on it. It's too high for you to climb all in one go, but you're on the side of the giant worm of Smarsh. Yes. Yes. Sorry. I'm King Smarsh. All right. Kyborg.

Interesting choice. Mud. Make a perception check. Perception check. That's a 20. A beam of light catches your eye overhead, pouring through a hole in the ceiling. Seems like that's where the spider came through. Okay, guys. There's a chance we could avoid smashing Smarsh. I think I see a way out. Where? Where?

It's up where... What was the spider's name? You can call him Obi. King Obi-Noth. It's the hole where Obi came from. Look, there's light. Maybe we could escape there. How do we get up? You want to try throwing me up? I'm a badger. I'm a badger. Exactly. So it's pretty high. It's just like 40 feet up in the air. You see like...

a spider web covering it, but you think you could climb up there. Or I mean, if you have some magic way to get yourself up there, you could do that, but if nothing else, you could climb. I'm looking to see if I have any magic way to get up there. I don't. Just FYI. But you know what? Hold up. I'm going to do something silly. I need to see if I can turn into this yet. Ha!

Hold up. Hold while I scroll through the creatures. Oh, hell yeah. I'm turning into a spider, y'all. Oh, that's cool.

So you've got that? Yeah. Well, I'm looking at Obi. Oh, right. Well, he's a giant spider. Well, and then I also saw the swarm of spiders early on and all that kind of thing. And he literally has a move called spider climb. That's cool. Amazing. I don't have to make ability checks.

on climbing. Yeah, that's why earlier when Gum Gum raged and made that difficult terrain, it didn't matter because spiders have spider climb. Yeah. So I turn into a spider and head on up. Yeah, I mean, if you're normally there would be checks involved with this, but since you're a spider and you've got spider climb, yeah, you're able to move like a full 30 feet up the wall. So like I said, it was 40 feet high, so you don't make it all the way, but you're most of the

I do like that I just start climbing up while Kyborg is like literally attached to the worm via his weapons. You feel extra lucky that you're a spider because there's so much spider web in the way. You think that if you were in another form, it might cause you some difficulty getting through. Yeah. I have web walker, which is another thing that allows me to move.

Move without restriction caused by webbing. Good call, John. It's my favorite ability. The mud is just turning it. I have so many animals on my list now. It's fantastic. That pet store really helped. So yeah, that's me heading up there. I'm a spider, y'all.

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Well, it's Obi's turn, and he is not happy with King Smarsh. Listen up, you enormous oaf! There can only be one true king of these caves, and we both know you need acumen and discernment to make fair judgments as a ruler. No, I squish jump spider, Smarsh!

The giant spider shrugs its front legs and says, Well, fine, you vile vermin. You want to throw down? Then let's go, you witless worm. He's going to go ahead and try to bite King Smarsh. Smarsh, no. Smarsh is king. Why are you stabbing him then?

I'm riding him. I'm sandworm riding. Oh, that is a 20 critical hit. Nat 20. The maker. No. Obi shoots a line of web at Smarsh's eyes and bounds into the air, landing high up on the worm's neck. As it thrashes about, Obi sinks its fangs into the worm's scarlet skinned neck.

17 points of damage on Smarsh. And Smarsh has to make a constitution saving throw or take poison damage. That is a failure. Obi's fangs inject venom into Smarsh's neck and Smarsh becomes a bit disoriented from the toxins entering his bloodstream. Smarsh!

This is the fun part where the DM plays with himself. And publicly, whoa. Thought we were trying to keep this PG-13. Yeah. And then I attack me. And then I ate the bowl. Takes another nine points of poison damage. So that's what Obi does. Spider bites Smarsh? No, Smarsh bites Spider.

Smarsh manages to rub the webs off his eyes using the cavern walls and he opens his mouth wide and lunges his circular mob teeth onto Obi's furry flesh dealing 10 points of piercing damage. Then the mighty worm flings his tail with its sharp stinger straight into the back of Obi dealing another 7 points of piercing damage. And that's just poison on that. So Obi needs to make a poison saving throw.

There he fails. Smarsh drives his Stinger further into Obi's back and shoots his own stream of poison into the spider's veins, dealing six points of poison damage. That's a lot of poison damage. Smarsh no more than Pewdie Spider, no. Know why? 'Cause Smarsh is king. Kyborg, Smarsh is thrashing around as he's being attacked and also as he's making attacks. So make a dexterity saving throw to see if you manage to stay attached.

Okay, Smarsh is king. All right, here we go. 18. 18, yeah. You're able to hold on successfully. Gum gum. Okay, so are my friendly spider mud in relation to that thing that he's climbing up towards? 30 feet up. He's 30 feet up the wall, yeah. Okay, I would like to try and jump up and join him. Jump up. 30 feet jump? Oh, you have jump. Yeah. He's got that ring, right? Yeah. Yeah.

So I'll run and jump. Yeah. Towards the hole, I guess. Is there a roll for jump? Your jump distance is tripled until the spell ends. So I guess that's not quite 40 feet. What's jump distance for gum gum? It says that when you high jump, you leap into the air and feet equal to three plus your strength modifier. What is your strength? My strength modifier is... Plus five?

So yeah, you could jump eight feet off the ground. So you triple that to 24 feet. So you could grab about 30, 35 feet. Okay. Do it. I'll do that.

Okay, so yeah, you take a little bit of a running start and you jump up and you are pretty much at the same spot where Spider-Mud is. Spider-Mud, Spider-Mud. That's all I'm thinking about right now. And then, can I still take an action? Well, that's like kind of your movement. What were you thinking? Yeah, I mean, yeah. Oh, couldn't I go double my distance if I didn't take an action? Was doing your transformation, did that take up anything? No, that's a bonus.

Oh, okay. We'll say you're up at the... The mouth of it? The hole then. Okay. What are you doing, Gum-Gum? I want to drop a rope down. Okay. Yeah. You're able to do that? Helping your friends out?

Yeah. Okay. Do you like attach it to anything or is it just like tied around you? Is there anything around which I could attach it to? Do you have like any climbing equipment you could use like a, like a, what do you call it? How do you say it? A python? A pitton? Python? Python. So what I do have is I have a hunting trap that I could like tie it to and then snap it onto the spider web. Could that work?

A hunting trap? Yeah, like a claw thing. Okay, tie it to the one end and then clamp it onto like... You could try to maybe like... How strong is it? Could you activate it and have it like bite into the wall? Like a grappling hook? Yeah. I don't know. Sure, why not? Yeah, absolutely. All right, I'll do that. I mean, if I'm riding a worm and then mud is a giant spider, I feel like it's only fair. I'm not a giant spider. I'm a normal spider. That's lame. I thought you were a giant spider.

So Gum Gum is trying to make a rope for people. Bart, what do you want to do? Can I try to make this thing sleep? You could try. Remember, right? You have a certain number of hit dice you can put to sleep. Nope. Sorry. Never mind. I'm a giant spider. I can turn into a giant spider. Way cooler. Way cooler. 5d8 worth of hit points. So at most, you could put to sleep a 40 hit point creature if you roll 5d8s.

So, okay. He's a little more powerful than that. Let's do some dissonant whispers. As long as he's in range of me. Yeah, you got 60 foot range. Yeah, they're within range. Who are you targeting? Smarsh? Smarsh. So Smarsh must make a wisdom saving throw. Is Smarsh wise? Smarsh is not wise. I didn't think so. Based on the way he came in, he's like, Smarsh. Smarsh is king, guys. He rolled an 18, though. That's a really good roll.

Oh no, really? Yeah, so he does succeed on the save. But does he still take anything? On a successful save, the target takes half damage and does not have to move away. So roll 3d6 and Smarsh will take half that damage. Okay, we got nine. So would that be four or five? Four. Run down. Okay, four. Spark quietly utters a grating melody that only Smarsh can hear jarring him with half a headache. Smarsh no like music.

Anything else you want to do, Bart? Could I... I can't climb or anything like that. I don't really have that skill. You should be able to climb the rope that Gum Gum dropped down. Okay. Yeah. Let's try to do that if I'm close enough to grab it. Make an athletics check. We'll give you advantage on this. Okay. Here we go. All right. Going to need that. Well, I would have it anyways because I'm lucky. Oh, yeah. You get to reroll that regardless. Should I... Eight. And now you roll again because you have advantage. Okay.

Sweet. 17. 17. Yeah. Bart starts inching his way up. What is your movement? Your movement's pretty much... So you go up, let's say, about 15 feet up the rope. I'm scared of heights. Please don't drop this rope. Kyborg, you want to continue trying to climb Smarsh? What's up with you? I'm assuming that we're just trying to escape the cave at this point, right?

Got it. Okay, cool. I mean, that's what three of the four of us are doing. Okay. I think I can still ride the worm and escape the cave, all right? Because I need to prove... I know in my heart of hearts that I am Kyborg Mawdeep, all right? That I can ride this great maker, okay? So I'm going to continue to climb it, and then I want to see if I can control it.

to rear it up to the entrance so that I can just climb out. Let's get this climbing part first. Go ahead and make an athletics check. All right, you got it. Here we go. Remember when Kyborg died in a cave with the worm and we all got out? He was really happy, though. Yeah, he died a happy death. Eighteen. Eighteen.

- Yeah, we'll say you're able to climb, successfully climb to the top of the worm. You could try to make it rear up so you can leave. So go ahead and make a- - I'm doing it, I'm doing it. - Make an animal handling check. - I am Usul. - Another reference I don't get.

Animal handling. Your animal handling can't be fantastic. It's a zero, but it's a 11. 11. No, you are unable to get Smarsh to do what you want. But Smarsh is king. Smarsh is king. Smarsh is king. Smarsh, you're king, please. Was that my action, or can I still do something? Let's say you still have an action. Let me see. I have some rope. We'll do that. I mean, I'm on it. You guys saw it. I rode the worm.

I didn't see it. Just for the record. My head was in the water. Okay. Well, then I can't escape until everyone sees that I rode the worm. I saw it with eight eyes, so I saw it enough for all of us. I saw the sun open up my eyes. Oh.

Yo, I'm just reading through these beasts that I can turn into. I can turn into a swarm of spiders as well. We saw a swarm of spiders. I now can literally turn into a swarm. Very cool. Can I throw a rope up to the entrance, maybe attach it to an arrow, take a shot up to the entrance, and then climb out? Yeah, you could try that. You could also try to jump for the existing rope that Gum Gum laid out. Okay, I'll do that. That's a lot of people on one rope, though.

It's very sturdy. Okay. Got that hunting trap holding it on, holding it. Go ahead and everyone's favorite, make an athletics check. We're going to say you're going to be at disadvantage though because of how it's like thrashing around. Smarsh is thrashing around. Yeah, Smarsh is king. He does what he wants. Well, that's a no.

That was a critical fail. I'll roll it again just because it's 22. No, it's a seven. You said I had advantage, right? Because I'm part of the power of King Smarsh. Kyborg makes a leap for the rope that Gum-Gum has laid out. He misjudges it, though, and he slips and falls down onto the ground, onto a stalagmite that is sticking out of the ground. Oh, God. I stabbed myself. Oh, God. You're going to take some damage. You take...

Seven points of piercing damage. Piercing. Smarsh is king. All right, Mud. You can probably finish climbing on this turn if you want to. Like, you're pretty much at the mouth. Hold up. You wait. You just wait up a second, okay? Can I shoot? I want to shoot web at Smarsh. Arranged weapon attack. Target is restrained by webbing.

The restrained target can make a DC 12 strength check. On a success, they burst through the web. But it has to wait on their turn. All right, yeah. So, yeah, you would make a ranged weapon attack. So it's a D20 plus 5. D20 plus 5. D20. 11. That's not going to be good enough, I imagine. No. You shoot some webs at Smarsh, but he's thrashing around and dodges out of the way. Smarsh is king. I...

Somehow, since I only have the little single digits at the end of my legs, I flip him off with as many of those as I can and then skitter up the rest of the way. Mud disappears into the mouth of the opening of the cave.

Bye. Obi. Obi's going to take a few. He's going to take an attack. He likes your webbing ID. He's going to shoot a web at Smarsh as well. Do it, Obi. No, that's an eight. That misses. Obi sees Kyborg on the stalagmite, and he reaches down with his unsettling legs and picks you up, Kyborg. He takes you off of the...

So like my- and he put- he hands you over close to the rope so you can start climbing up. My man. Oh! Oh. Like partway up the rope. So the spider's good. He wants to be your friend! Spider's good! Spider's been good from the start! He's great! But Smarsh is king.

But kings aren't always good. Yeah, kings can be jerks. Oh, my God. You're absolutely right. I didn't even think about that. Pretty sure most kings have been jerks. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. You can... If it makes you feel any better, you can call him King Obi. I mean...

Emperor Shaddam IV was evil. I should have known all along. I climbed the rope. I'm sorry, guys. I climbed the rope. Yeah, Obi did also claim to be a king when you first encountered him. Oh, did he? Yeah. Oh, okay. Sorry. Smarch sees Obi benevolently assist Qyborg to the rope and takes advantage of the situation. The immense worm opens its circular maw and clamps down onto the back of Obi's already battered body, dealing 11 points of piercing damage.

No! No, not him. Gum, gum. Not like this. Okay, so who's where exactly? Mud is through the hole. You're at the top of the rope. Kyborg, let's say, is halfway up the rope, and then right behind him, just a few feet behind, is Bart. Okay, I want to climb up the rest of the way, but can I carry, but then pull them up with the rope? You can start trying to pull them if you want.

Wait, how would you hold on, though? Yeah, you're holding a rope, and then you're holding the web, right? Yeah, you're having to also climb. No, I guess what I would do is I would clamp the trap onto me. So with one hand, you're going to unstick it, one hand holding onto the cave, and the other hand holding onto the rope and try to carry it up.

Wait, or what I do is I put the rope on my shoulder and then climb up the rope with both hands. But so it's like my shoulder is the pulley. Right. As you're climbing, then you're pulling the rope up at the same time. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Just go and make an athletics check. Gum, gum. Big money, no whammies. Where's my athletics? He's just holding his breath while he looks for athletics on his sheet.

19? 19, yeah. You're able to do that. You climb all the way over to the opening and you're able to go into the opening. Everyone else is still just a few feet behind you on the rope at this point. Can I then loop the rope? Is there anything to loop the end of the rope onto? Nothing that you see, but if you just keep it on your shoulder, they should be clear probably on their next turn. Okay. Get my hunting trap!

Bart. I'm still on the rope, right? Yeah, you're just a few feet below the opening. Okay. I would like to climb out of here. That's a good idea. All right. Make me an athletics check. Athletics. That is a 16. 16. All right. Yeah. Yeah. You're able to climb up just fine. Bart enters the opening. That leaves Kyborg dangling all alone. Could I... Is it possible to send out my mage hand to help him? Your mage hand can only really hold up to 10 pounds of stuff, so it really can't...

help too much. Just push him up from the bum. Give him like 10 pounds of pressure. You could get my hunting trap. I'm done. You could try to. I mean, yeah, there's nothing. It doesn't harm. You could get the trap or you could try to help. What do you guys think? Should I get the trap? It's your call. Let's get the trap.

Okay. Mage Hand goes out and it grabs the trap. It'll delay until Kyborg's able to scramble up and finish with the rope. It's doing that thing where it's like waiting impatiently and doing like a finger like... The fingers are tapping. Tapping. Kyborg. Yeah, I climb the rope and then I whisper to myself, Marsha's king.

Athletics check is a 15. That's good enough for me. Alright, you all climb up. The Mage Hand grabs the trap and you all climb up into the shaft as the battle rages below you. You climb and climb up the shaft as rain pelts you from above. You notice that the cave rock walls are gradually being replaced with stonework, like you're inside of a well. You catch sight of a flickering firelight at what looks to be the top of the well.

As you get closer to it, a hand reaches down towards you. Take hold of my hand! I shall pull you to safety! Is it just me? Who is it? It's up to you guys. I'm still a spider. I pull the finger. Can we see who it is? You can't see. All you see is an arm and a hand reaching down into the well. What kind of arm? Human. This could either be like the scene from Lion King where Scar tries to help Mufasa and then ends up just letting go. Guys, it's my missing arm.

It's your missing arm. I think we should go for it. Yeah, grab it and go up. Okay. You all grab onto the arm and it pulls you out of the well to safety. You all take a moment to catch your breath. And as you look around, you see you're surrounded by a band of human men holding torches. They're all smiling at you.

A velvety voice from behind says, Welcome, welcome. Oh, I do love visitors. You turn around to see a middle-aged man wearing a tattered top hat, black suit, and a red ascot. He's sitting atop a nearby boulder, flicking a gold coin between his knuckles in one hand and stroking his well-groomed Van Dyke beard with the other.

He tips his hat and says, Allow me to introduce myself. I am Hugh, Hugh Manor, head of the Steinman Guild, preeminent stonemason, and last glassblower of Urbloom, or what's left of it. And you are? I'm a spider. Infinite interns. Oh, that too. I'm gum gum.

The Infinite Interns. Well, delighted to meet you. Now, it is quite late and I am starving. Would you care to join me for a midnight snack? I could eat. Always. Yeah. As long as it's not humans. Hugh looks you all up and down for a moment. He licks his lips, snaps his fingers and says, Yes, sir.

You will do nicely. With some seasoning, of course. He's a cannibal! I called it! I told you he's a cannibal! Wham! You each feel something blood hammer you in the back of the head, and the last thing you hear as you fall to the ground unconscious is, Dinner is served. I pulled that out of nowhere. I told you. He's a cannibal.

Human. Human. Dun, dun, dun. Find out what happens to our intrepid crew on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. That's a relief. Deep breaths now. I've just about dialed in the settings for our dreamery experiment. And that should do it.

You don't have to worry about Sleek, my pale friend. I will keep a close eye on him. Your job is simple. Stick with those imbecilic interns and win them over somehow. Then, once you've gained their trust, make sure they're preoccupied. Shouldn't take much to get them off track. The important thing is to keep them away from the Glockentower. Think you can handle that?

What's your name again? Huh! The great and powerful, Abrictusla! Nothing to worry about, Paralite! I should hope so. Because we both know what happens if you don't. Oh my dire! I've sent them into a trap! I must warn them right aw-