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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.
This is a Rooster Teeth production. Guten Abend, my dearest undead. Drag your corpses into the stinky dragon. Try our latest cocktail, the Bloody Mummy. We mix rotten tomatoes, embalming fluid, a shot of vodka, and garnish it with your own ashes. Now that's what I call a stiff drink.
Last time our adventurers arrived in the city of Urbloom, we were given an important mission from a dying Brink Tussler. Go back in time, find past Brink, and rebuild some device called the Recapitulator. They arrived in Urbloom again. They took a tour of the city with their old friend Oof while riding about the Spurline Sailroad. Afterward, they headed to a local pub for a drink where they ran into Brink Tussler again. Will Brink join the ranks or remain the prankster? Rest your weary souls and let's bury this bone.
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. How are we expected not to laugh at your intro every time?
I love it. Just mute yourself, I guess. You're laughing because it's so bad? It's so bad, right? No, it's just like, I never know what to expect and what the first thing you're going to say is. This time it's Guten Tag! Guten Abend! Also, what's that character that you're playing? Is that a character that we've encountered or is this just the narrator? That's actually a good question. So when we were coming up with names for this show, we settled on Tales from the Stinky Dragon and we envisioned...
the Stinky Dragon as a tavern, as kind of like a hub for all of the different stories that can be told in this universe. So the voice you hear is the bartender in the Stinky Dragon, the Stinky Dragon being an actual, like, tavern. So that's the bartender who's telling the story to someone who's sitting at the bar. And so your story, the campaign you're playing, is a story being told in the Stinky Dragon. It's the stuff of legends. Yes. So, yeah, from a metagaming perspective, it's been abstracted. I see. Yeah.
Yeah. I also, I want to point out, I like whenever Gus says, that's a good question. Cause I feel like I did good. And it's kind of like a Pavlovian response. I go salivating. I start salivating. I can't stop.
It's just one of those things I wasn't sure if we'd ever discussed before. And if you want to get super meta, we did a live stream series on RoosterSeat.com that the ending ended up with us starting a bar called the Stinky Dragon. Oh, that's right. Yeah. The previous campaign. Yeah. But you all are still creating the legend. You're still weaving the tale that's being told at the Stinky Dragon even to this day. Well, lucky for them, we don't know how to sew or weave.
But you know who does know how to sew is the Rooster Teeth store. There's brand new Stinky Dragon merchandise available now. We got hats and shirts. They're all embroidered with a Stinky Dragon. One of my favorite things was when we were looking at the logo for the show to be embroidered onto the shirts, we had to determine how stinky the dragon should look and what direction the stink line should go out of the dragon.
I love it. I think it's perfect. I think it's just the right amount of stink or stank, whatever you want to call it. But yeah, check it out. Store.Resteeth.com. It's available now. It's time to get down to business. To defeat the Huns. I was thinking the exact same thing, John. So Brink Tussler and the Evergards are standing in front of you all, and you all need to roll initiative. Go ahead and roll that initiative.
- Oh, thank heaven. - 22. - 22 for me as well. - 20. Nope, 18. I was looking at gum gums. - I see an 18 from your mother. - Why is gum gum rolling again? - What are you doing gum gum? - 'Cause we, me and, we had the same. - No, we didn't. - You had 20. - He had 18.
For those listeners at home, it is early morning by our standards. It's not. It's 945. That's not early morning. It's really not. John's been up since, I don't know, 5 a.m.? Six. This is halfway through his day. John's eating lunch right now. I'm actually really hungry. I could go for some lunch. I did my workout, but I went too long, and so I didn't get to have any of my post-workout stuff, so I'm just kind of hungry right now. Hmm.
Angry. Bart, Brink Tussler is standing up in front of Qyborg, who pulled the door open, and the Everguards are with him. What do you want to do? I want to... Punch him in the face. No, give him the... We need to charm this guy. I was going to say, could I cast charm person? Well, I didn't mean literally with magic. Well, I mean, you can try it. Why not?
Uh, doesn't charm have, like, negative after effects? Maybe. Okay, maybe I'll just use my natural charms. My, uh... Ah. My God-given charisma. Just to be clear, they are all pulling weapons. Just so you know. Okay. Could I try to talk them down? Hey, guys, there's no need to start a fight here. Let's just talk it out. Yeah, I mean, you could try, um...
Not intimidation. Persuasion? Yeah, do a persuasion check. Rolling. I got a plus 12. Yeah, Brink and the Evergards seem unmoved by your pleas to try to settle things in a peaceful manner. That's unfortunate. I think Bart's our most charismatic character in our group. I am. Let me at him. Let me at him. What if I... Hey, why don't we all just calm down and I can play you guys a song?
Oh, what you gonna play? I'm gonna play a tune from my old days with my pirate family. Wait, what? You grew up on a pirate ship. Yeah, we went over this, right? I knew you went to college. I didn't know that also along with the college backstory, there was pirates. Sorry, catching up on Bart. Maybe if we all listened to each other's stories when we went over the catch-up episode. Oh, I totally listened to that, but everything just leave in my brain lately. Nothing is retaining. Didn't study for the test.
How are you going to do this? What are you doing here? Like, what skills are you using? How are you going to approach this? I'm going to roll performance. Ooh, okay. 24. Ooh. I'm going to drop a quick theory. I think Barbara just wants to hear what Micah will do with this. She heard that Mud had a song, and now she wants a Barton song. And I can't blame her.
We don't have the budget to start just calling out things for him to start making. It's so strange. Kyborg suddenly breaks into a rap. It was, oh, wow. Whoa, crazy. No, you would have to rap, Lane, for that. Word up. I'm ready. Oh, no, no, no, yuck. 24 from Bart. 24 performance.
Okay, they all kind of exchange glances with each other and look at you, not sure what to make of the spontaneous performance that has manifested in front of them. But they love it. Remember when Bart died playing guitar? You see one of them maybe tapping their foot a little bit. It was the most rock and roll thing ever when he died playing music. The day the music died.
Gum Gum. Okay, so how many guards are there? So it's Brink and four Everguards with him. So for the total of five people. Okay. All right. How many can Gum Gum hug at the same time? I want to go and go to Brink and give him a big hug. Called it. Oh, no. And be like, I don't want to fight you. Give me a hug. There's nothing we can't work out with hugs. Is that a grapple?
Yeah, if you want to hug someone, it would be a grapple. Okay. Does that do damage? No, it just restrains them. Okay. I'll do that, and I guess I'll rage while I do it. It's like an aggressive hug, but not angry hug. Go ahead and make a grapple check with Brink Tussler. I have a new rage thing. I don't think Gum Gum knows this, but I know it. It's where I roll a random thing whenever I rage. Oh.
Oh, right. Yeah, is that a wild surge? Yeah, wild surge. Do you have that table in front of you? Yeah. Okay, go ahead and roll it. It's a four. Four. Not bad, not bad. Magic infuses one weapon of your choice that you're holding. Until your rage ends, the weapon's damage type changes to force and it gains the light and throne properties with a normal range of 20 feet and a long range of 60 feet. If the weapon leaves your hand, the weapon reappears in your hand at the end of the current turn. That's pretty cool. I don't think Gum-Gum knows it even happened.
Yeah, his weapon feels lighter. I think that would be the thing he would realize. Yeah. All right, so go ahead and make a strength, an athletics check, I mean. 19.
19. That's pretty good. Brink gets to make his own. Brink, they're strong. Against you. He fails because he's weak. Oh, 17. He had a really good roll. He rolled a 17, but Gum Gum with a 19 does overpower him. So, yeah, you've got Brink Tussler in your arms, and you're giving him a big old hug. Are you going to whisper anything into his ear while you're doing that? Please don't fight us. That's creepy. God.
Amad. They're holding weapons? Yes, they have drawn their weapons. What are their weapons? Swords? What they draw them with. I believe they're swords. Let me double check. Crayons. Nice, that's a good one. Short swords. Okay. I guess pick one of them and I cast heat metal on the sword to try to get him to drop the sword. That's a very handy spell. Yeah. It causes the object to glow red hot.
And if they are in physical contact with it, they take two D8 fire damage. The creature must succeed on a constitution saving throw or drop the object if it can. So it's like if they want to keep holding on to it, they have to do a constitution saving throw or they have to drop it. Okay, I see. Yeah, so they do drop their weapon. Yeah. And then there's things that happens if they keep holding on to it that give them disadvantage. So he takes damage, drops the sword.
So one of the Evergards, their short sword begins glowing red hot. You hear the hiss of the skin on their hand burning as they drop the short sword out of their hands. It's like the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the guy grabs the amulet. Mm-hmm.
That's a good one, Mud. Brink's gonna try to wiggle out of this grapple that he is in. Okay, so go ahead and make an athletics check, Gum-Gum. - Come on, Gum-Gum. Hold him tight. - Oh. - I got an eight. - Seven. - Yes! - No, I think he has a plus one 'cause he's doing a dexterity base with double checking. Yeah, he has a plus one, so it's an eight. - Is this a tie? - So we roll off. - It's a roll off, folks! - So roll again, Gum-Gum.
Come on. Come on, Gum-Gum. 13? No. Six. Yes. Nice. BrinkTussler's like wriggling in your arms trying to get free, but he can't quite seem to break out. I want a list of everybody in this game so far that Gum-Gum has hugged.
The Everguard who dropped their sword is going to go ahead and pick up their sword and drop back because they really burned their hand bad on the heat metal spell. The heat retains, remains. Oh, so it's still hot. Until the spell ends, you can use a bonus action on each of your subsequent turns to cause this damage again. So if he wants to get hurt again, he can pick up his nasty sword.
He is not picking that sword up. He has no sword now, so he's going to fall back a little bit and let his friends take care of the fight. The other three are going to... Did all five of them roll better than me? Because you haven't gone yet. I haven't gone yet. I'm just standing there. Yeah, they rolled a 14. You rolled an 11. They're all going together.
A barbershop quartet. Yeah. The other three are going to also try to jump into the grapple with Gum-Gum to free Brink. So do one more athletics check here for me, Gum-Gum, and then they're going to roll with advantage against you since it's three of them trying to oppose your roll. Need a high roll, Gum-Gum. Ten. That's not a high roll.
So I'm going to roll twice here. I'm going to take the highest one. 16 plus 2, 18. So yeah, three scouts jump on you, Gum Gum, and they manage to pry your arms open and free Brink Tussler, who pops out from your arms and scowls at you the way only Brink Tussler can.
So that's their turn. Kyborg. Classic. Just smell the fart. Bring tussler. Look, tell me, give me a paint, paint a picture for me here. Gus, are they like in a flying V formation? Like what's, what's this all kind of looking like?
I'd say Brink Tussler was probably dropped, so he's probably down on one knee in front of Gum-Gum looking up at him sneering. The one that took damage from Heat Metal is kind of retreated back towards the door that you were trying to pull open in the previous episode. Okay. The other Evergards are... They're still like...
tangled up with gum gum wrapped around his arms, you know, having opened his arms up to free bring tussler out. Okay, I want to back up 15 feet by doing a backflip. Do I need to roll athletics for that? Oh my god, yes. Acrobatics. This isn't, this is like, this is a bonus action, all right? This is a movement. Yeah, but if you fail this miserably. Here we go. Shoot, it's an eight. It was my best. It turns into a backwards somersault. Give me that at least.
I'm hearing typing. I'm hearing silence. I'm worried. They're thinking. Normally, you always roll above 10, so I don't care. But you rolled below 10 this time, so I got to look up to see what the actual backflip check is. Five minutes later.
- Yeah, you don't make it. - Inspiration die. I do a better back flip. - Okay. The general rule of thumb is 10 for that kind of check. - Okay. Ignore that ever happened. I did, I'm taking away my inspiration die. It's a 23. It's the sickest back flip you've ever seen, Gus. - You do a magnificent back flip. It was worth all the reading and double checking. - Yeah. First try. All right. This is, I'm about 15 feet away from all those guys now. And I draw my long bow.
and I have an arcane shot that I want to make. I'm going to shoot right in the middle of that group. Ideally, 10 feet. Right on Gum-Gum? No, I want to do it in a way that I shoot the ground.
about 10 feet or 11 feet away from Gum Gum, but in a way that they're still in the radius of the shot. Does that make sense? - Didn't they just all grab him? - Yeah. - Yeah, but like there's like a foot or so of space. This is more of like a shooting- - They're literally hanging onto him. - Just do it. I'm okay. What is it? What are you doing exactly? - Okay, fine. Then I shoot Gum Gum's feet. I shoot at Gum Gum's feet. I take the shot. Bursting arrow. Here we go. I guess I should roll for arrow. Boom.
18. 18. Okay. Yeah, that's a really excellent roll. Thank you. Yeah. As I said, that was a bursting arrow. So immediately after the arrow hits a creature, the target and all other creatures within 10 feet of it take 2d6 force damage. So 2d6 on the Evergards and on Gum Gum. And I'm pretty sure Brink Tussler's there. And I'm pretty sure that that other guy is not 10 feet away. I'm pretty sure he takes them too. All right. All right. 2d6. Here's one.
Here's two. Bada bing, bada boom. Five. Five points of force damage. Anything else from you, Tyborg? I say, I can sink another one right between your eyes, Brink. I don't want to have to do this. We mean you no harm. He says after doing harm. Yeah, yeah. But that being said, I do want to take an action surge, which is you can take one additional action on your turn. And I want to do the exact same thing again. I want to shoot an arrow right at their feet.
And you know that it's an arcane shot and it's a bursting arrow. Oh, you're doing the exact same thing again? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. I mean you no harm. Harm. Yeah, harm. We mean you no harm. I'm just trying to intimidate the heck out of him. It's just a harm sandwich with a lie in the middle. All right, so I guess I should just go. You just kept saying you know what and then didn't finish it.
16. Yes. 6. Ooh, that's a 9. 9. That's a total of 14 points of damage on everyone. Mm-hmm. Damn. You gotta be...
Close to halfsies at this point. Yeah. I just thought about something. If I had only had a stick that could have squished Brink to the ground, that would have kept him. Some kind of rod that's immovable. That could have made him not able to move. Yeah, that would have been really helpful, wouldn't it? It would have. John, both hands on his head, shaking, very sad. I can imagine now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You hear a bell chime from one of the nearby towers. Everyone stops in their tracks and turns toward the glockensquare with looks of confusion. Nearby townsfolk begin to murmur. Did you hear that? Which bell was it? Who in the world could be ringing the bells? Everyone go ahead and roll me a perception check.
That's an 11. 26. I got a 18. And a 10 from Gum-Gum. Based on the direction of the sound, it seems like the bell that's tolling seems to be coming from the noon bell tower. Brink turns to the side and looks in the direction of the noon bell tower, turns back to you guys and says, Looks like we have bigger krakens to crush than you. You see Brink moving his hands rhythmically, whispering some arcane words. Everyone except Gum-Gum make a wisdom saving throw.
Okay. I hate bringing Tussler so much. 23. I got a 12. Churching. You're very wise, Mud. I am. It's where, like, all of my stats are. Bart and Kyborg just think that the whole situation is really funny, and they fall to the ground laughing. Oh, no, he's Joker. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Everyone's laughing? The two of them are laughing. They are, yeah. Mud felt like something funny was happening, but it didn't make him laugh. Gum-Gum, you don't know why everyone's laughing. It's a mystery to you. Yeah. Brink turns to the Evergards and says, All right, boys, to the clocking tower, in pronto. Brink and the Evergards disengage, and they bolt northward towards the city's central courtyard. Ha-ha, that's right. You better run. Oh, my gut side's hurt. Ha-ha.
You hear the bell tower ring again, but this time it's accompanied by music. It sounds like someone is strumming a lute from high above. Out of the ground, a radiant wall of emerald energy rises and surrounds the entire Glockensquare. The Evergards pause at the courtyard's now emerald threshold. Brink says, Well, what are you waiting for? Get in there, you spineless saps, or I'll send you back to Perilite, and we both know how that's gonna end.
The Evergards charge headlong into the courtyard, passing through the glowing green barrier. They pause on the other side, drop their hoods, and look at each other. See? I told you. Nothing to worry about, you beefcake bozos. Brink takes a step toward the wall, but then hesitates. It's a groaning sound as one of the Evergards falls to the ground, writhing in pain as he clutches his gut. Another one's skin rapidly rots and shrivels across her now sinewy body. Oh. What? Oh, no.
One Evergarde's face withers into a gaunt look of horror and all of their teeth trickle out of their mouth one by one. Within seconds, all the Evergarde's collapse to the ground into a pile of decayed skeletons. Oh my God. Yeah. It's like Raiders of the Lost Ark. At the top of the Glocken Tower out steps a bearded dwarf with auburn hair flowing in the breeze. He's dressed in a jade silk tunic laced with gold.
He's plucking a shimmering lute covered in glowing emerald moss. With one final strum, he offers a winning smile and bows with a flourish. He rises and says, Hail and how do you do, fair citizens of Urbloom? It is I, Sleek the Symphonious.
I have come to your botanical capital to deliver a performance you will never forget. 'Tis a musical work of my own composing, a grand symphony that deserves a dashing debut in front of the grandest of audiences. And you, dear people, are the first to hear the overture. And now, without further ado, I present to you the next movement.
Sleek begins playing his lute again, and a stirring and sprightly melody fills the air. With every string plucked, you notice that nearby plants and flowers begin to sway back and forth to the tempo. The ivy and vines on the surrounding buildings start growing rapidly, and they begin reaching out towards all of you. Uh-oh. Everyone go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw. Easy. Not easy. Six. Nine. Sixteen. I have advantage on dexterity saving throws.
Should I do it again or was that... Well yeah, you rolled twice already. Well the first one was a check, the other one was a saving throw. Yeah, they're both plus one. Chris uses Idiot It Works. Super effective. It fails. Save his part. I'm gonna beef our way out of this, guys. You're gonna fart our way out of this? Gross. Brink seems distracted by the rotting Evergard corpses and Sleek's music and he doesn't notice as two vines coil themselves around his legs. What the...
Brink tries to take a step back, but trips over the vines, and they start covering his entire prone body. Oh, no. Ah!
Help! Get these vines off of me! I guess you guys are still a little further away. The vines are coming out towards you, but they haven't reached you all yet. Okay. Can I throw my axe then? Like, is it still, like, light? It would still be light, yes. I'll throw my axe at the vines at his feet. Roll a one. Chop off his feet. Do I do that as an attack roll? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead and make it as an attack. Oh, my God, it's a one. Chop off his feet!
I rolled a one plus seven, so it's an eight. No, your great axe fails to hit, and then when it's coming back to you, you fail to catch it, so it falls to the ground. I think it just materializes in my hands. Oh, it just materializes? You throw the axe, it misses, and then it startles you when it reappears in your hand, and you're so startled that you drop it. Mud takes a long shot and just screams at the vine and says, release him!
and is using his speech of beast and leaf to talk to them and gets a charisma advantage on checks. Beast and leaf. It seems like they're just growing wild. Like, they almost like they can't release him because they have no other direction to grow in. They're just like expanding and filling out the space everywhere. It's not that they're specifically grabbing him. He's just become entangled by overgrowing vines that are growing rapidly. Okay. That's his fault, yeah. That's a him problem.
Then instead, I'm going to turn it into a camel. And can I run at the vines and start biting at them with my camel big old teeth? Yeah, go ahead and make another dexterity saving throw here. Can't do. That's a 12.
Mud turns into a camel and charges in heroically to begin biting the vines to save Brink Tussler, but the vines begin overpowering Mud as well. No, no. He is now stuck at the edge of the vine. Oh, goodness. Your turn. Someone else want to give it a shot? Are we not still in initiative order? Oh, no. It's just kind of whatever. So right now, Brink is tied up and then...
I am now, yeah. How far away is Sleek? Top of the tower or something? The Glocken Tower. From where you guys are, that's sizable, just a couple hundred feet. Still within range. What is your range? 600. Whoa. Whoa, wait, what? For what? 150 to 600 for longbow.
Well, anything over 150 is like long distance. Yeah, but I'm still within range. And cardboard is a mighty part. Should I take the shot? I mean, maybe. Maybe if you like nick his hand, he could stop playing and it would release the vines from people. Yeah, just shoot the instrument. I'm shooting the instrument. I'm taking the shot. There's a 24.
I like how you did that without waiting for confirmation. He just rolled. Ask for forgiveness. Don't wait. What that means, Blaine, like with the 150, 600, what that means is you can shoot up to 600, but if it's over 150 feet, that means you're attacking at a disadvantage. So you actually need to roll twice and take the lower. All right. Here we go. Second throw. Oh!
13. 13. Your arrow flies out. It has plenty of distance, and it looks like it's going to hit Sleek, but then when it gets right in front of him, it just stops, and he deflects it off to the side. Oh, boo. Was he Magneto? Hey, don't boo me. Boo your bad roll. Bart, challenge him to a musical duel.
I don't know if he could hear me from here. And I don't know about getting closer. You gotta play louder. He's also playing music as well, so it would be difficult for him to hear your music over the music that he's playing currently. Yeah. Could I... I don't know if this is possible, because I don't know if I've heard of us doing this in any other game, but is it possible to give my mage hand a weapon? It can hold up to 10 pounds. Okay. Could I give my mage hand...
A glock, nine millimeter. A sword of some sort to go try to cut mud out of these vines. What you could do if you wanted to assist mud is have it try to assist a check, a strength check for mud to get out. Okay. If you can't hold a sword. Yeah, I'll do that. Because I think the only sword I have is two handed. Yeah, it cannot wield weapons. Okay.
Your Mage Hand is passive. I want my Mage Hand to go help, try to help Mud. Okay, so if Mud wants to make, like, a strength check, he can try to break down. You would have advantage because the hand is healthy. Oh, well, I got a 23, so it's pretty good. Okay, yeah, the Camel manages to free itself. The Mage Hand helped. I'm free! Yay!
How far am I from Brink? Could I continue my mission of biting? You're pretty close to him. You could try to free him if you want. You could try to take a bite at the vines that are entangling him. Or you could bite him. That's a 14. Yeah, that connects. Go ahead and roll some damage for that. Okay, 1d4 coming right. Roll. That's a 2.
Plus a modifier, so six. Six damage to Planties. You bite clean through the vines that are entangling Brink Tussler. He's able to quickly get to his feet. He dusts off his cloak, looks up at you with a confused look. What are you looking at? You expect us to be friends now or something? Keep dreaming, you Wimpleton. Oh my god, I hate Brink Tussler. I'm really... Mud the Camel is really contemplating just spitting on him as a camel. Do it.
Roll for spit. Roll for spit. All right, he's free. Starts withdrawing from the vines and making his way back to the area where you guys are, clear of the vines. And this guy's still just playing up there. Yes. And he's surrounded by an emerald energy barrier that clearly is not good to go through. Maybe. I don't know. You don't know how those guys feel. They look like they're in pain. They look like they died, but maybe it was a pleasant experience. Do you want me to pass through the barrier, Gus?
That's totally up to you. You do whatever you want. Brink didn't go in. Brink decided not to. Could I do like a perception check or some type of check to see if there's like...
any path towards getting to this guy that doesn't involve going through this barrier or getting eaten by vines. Yeah, go ahead and make a perception check. Go, go, bar the bar. I got an eight. It looks like it's pretty impassable to you between the emerald. Well, the emerald field seems like it's solid in that area, of course, are the vines. Should we try talking to him? He's so far. I don't know if he'll hear us. Do we have any spells that can, like, project our voices gooder?
Gooder? All my spells are, I think the max one is 90 feet on my spells. How about I shoot an arrow, you ride the arrow? Who would ride the arrow? The 140 pound halfling? 50? 150? I'm very strong. What is your arrow? Everything about me is strong.
Everything I possess. Brink Tussler giving you the stink eye kyborg. Oh, my God. I almost want to shoot Brink Tussler. You did a bunch of damage to him. He didn't do anything to you, by the way. I just want to point that out. He got in our way. He drew swords. We tried playing him music. We tried giving him a hug. He didn't back down. I think he was called for. I'd like to turn to Brink. Can I talk to him?
Yeah. Do you have any idea what's going on right now? A talking camel. All I know is that you guys showed up and everything went to hell. What are you guys even doing here? We don't exactly know why we were sent here. But what we do know is that when we got here, we did see our bodies and your body dead already. And then magic happened. And I believe we time traveled and...
So I don't think what's happening right now ends well for us. Oh, you must be swimming. How much ale you had before this? You must have been drinking all day there, buddy. I am a sober person who does not like alcohol. Your friends just withered like...
Rotten pumpkins, all right? So maybe you should shh, be quiet. And Gum-Gum knows what that looks like because he keeps his pumpkins out every Halloween for months on end. Yeah! Huh, sounds like a bunch of hoo-ha! And now I think you guys are behind this whole thing. I don't know who hoo-ha is, but we're not! We came to Erbloom looking for Paralite. I'll tell you what Bart, why don't you make an intelligence check?
Okay. There was none to be found. Eleven. Something seems different about Brink. Something, he doesn't quite seem the same. Like he's missing something that you used to see, that you kind of associate with him, that you've seen every time you've encountered him in the past. Is this like a physical thing or is this like a... Yeah, you're not sure. Something's just off with him. It's not quite the same. He's been neutered, yes. Could I use my ring of truth on him? Ring of truth telling? Yes. Yes.
And just as a reminder for everyone, it gives you advantage checks when trying to figure out if someone's lying to you or not. Yeah. Something seems off about you, bud. What? Are you the real Brink Tussler? What? Huh? Of course I'm the real Brink Tussler. The one and only. Often imitated, never duplicated. You sure about that? You can roll an insight check with advantage if you want.
Okay, we got a 15. Roll again. And we got a 17. Nice. As far as you can tell, yes, you think that this is indeed the real Brink Tussler that you're talking to. I think we should try pulling at his neck, like, to see if there's a mask. Mud, why don't you roll me an intelligence check? Why? Why?
13. You start to wonder, didn't Brink used to have a flying snake? Oh, he had that flying snake with him when he came through the portal. Good memory. With Paralite. Where's your little friend? Where's your little snake? You see him tear up a little bit unexpectedly. He...
He went missing, okay? I'm looking for him. Do you want us to help you find him? Kyborg, don't you have something that you picked up when you first came to Urbloom? Gus is trying to help so much. Before you traveled back in time? Oh, yeah, I was given something, right? Yeah. Was it like a piece of jewelry or something? It's a clock or something. Yeah. Yeah, it was like a stopwatch or something.
Boy, I should have written that down. So when you first appeared in Urbloom, you found your own dead bodies and a dying Brink Tussler who gave you a recapitulator as well as a... As well as a... He doesn't have it, Gus. He doesn't know what it is. No, I'm looking through my notes. I did take notes, but I didn't take notes about that. You didn't add it to your inventory? No, I didn't.
It was something that Brink Tussler owned that would prove to Brink, past Brink, that future Brink and I were friends. Yeah, what was it? Jewelry. Some jewelry. Note. Letter.
Snake was a snake. Oh getting warmer was the flying snake is the flying snake. It's not a flying snake. It's a ground cold cold cold a statue of a snake an action snake action figure. No no cold cold snake skin. Snake like a belt.
Shoes. Are you enjoying yourself right now, Gus? Yes, I'm loving this. I'm absolutely loving this. Is it something made of a snake? No, uh, cold. Ooh, icy. Is it bigger than a bread box? No. It's small. Is it a mouse? Something to feed the snake? It involves the snake, right?
Oh, warm, warm. Hot, hot. Okay, guys, guys, come on. Was it like a whistle to call the snake or something? Ooh, very warm. It was a rattle. Snakes love rattles. A snake language thing? It was a little dog tag. Yes, oh, sorry, my pockets are so deep. You know, cargo pants. Dog tag, hey, hey, Brink.
I got a dog tag, alright? This is from your future self. He looks in confusion at the dog tag you have in your hand and he reaches around his neck and pulls out the same dog tag and looks at it and looks confused at the one that you have in your hand. Where did you get that? I... Alright.
Okay?
Go ahead and make a, we'll say make a charisma check with advantage. Nice. 13. Yeah, it's a decent roll. Brink looks at you, still kind of skeptical, but says, All right, all right. I can see my options are limited here. Knocking on the front door of the Glocken Tower clearly doesn't work. He says as he's pointing at the Evergard's corpses.
And I can't exactly go back to Paralite empty-handed, so... Fine. I guess we can help each other out. But just this once, don't get me googly friendship ideas about holding hands, making bracelets, doing sleepovers. There's a limited time offer with a fast-approaching expiration date. Capisce?
I pull him in for one of those, like, gladiator handshakes. Hand to forearm, you know? Oh. Yeah. Okay. And I pull him in close, and I say, I hate you so much, I don't even want to work with you. If we didn't have to work together, I'd kill you where you stood. Oh, what did you eat, Kyborg? Your breath is terrible. Get out of here. Blow on his face.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode. We still got a little more episode ahead of you. I just want to take a quick pause and remind you to give us a follow on social media at StinkyDragonPod or send out a tweet or engage with us on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod. We have a few listeners who've been using the StinkyDragonPod hashtag. Thank you so much. Their names have been used as NPCs in the show, like Willow, who's named after Bennett Willow, Amanda, named after the Starbuck 86X, and
and Little Baby Pip, named after Pip Punk. Thank you so much for listening to the show and engaging on social media. That's really how podcasts live and dies by word of mouth. So thank you so much. Hopefully you give us a good rating on the platform wherever you listen to this podcast. We've got a bunch of great ones we'd like to keep adding to the great positive reviews. And of course, as we mentioned, we do have some merch. We got shirts, hats, bumper stickers, all in the Rooster Teeth store. You can visit them at store.roosterteeth.com and look for Tales from the Sticky Dragon stuff.
Okay, all that being said, it's time to pay the bills. Whenever heading out, it's always nice to have a little bit of music in your pocket, in your ears, no matter what's going on. If you want to hype yourself up or calm down as you're out walking around doing your errands,
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They start at half the price of other premium audio brands, but they sound just as good. They come with a 45-day happiness guarantee, so you really can't lose. Give them a try. You'll see what I mean. Create your own soundtrack with Raycon right now. Test when the Stinky Dragon listeners can get 15% off their Raycon order at buyraycon.com slash stinky. That's buyraycon.com slash stinky to save 15% on Raycons. It's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N.com slash stinky.
Right, so now we're all working together, we still have a little dwarf who is pulling a poison ivy on us and covering the entire city in vines. Alright, so maybe Paralite kinda sorta lost control of Sleek a little bit, and maybe she sent me and those Evergards to infiltrate the Glockentower and apprehend him and sort of get him back. Oh, so that's your friend? No, no no no, no no no. We're acquaintances. Gotcha.
Unless you trollkissers got any better ideas, I might know a guy in town that could help us. His name is Howie. He's supposed to be staying at the beer garden. You hear the sound of, uh, Luke playing music. Uh-oh. Yeah! Oh, the dealer no-deal theme song. Suddenly, you're all sitting around a table holding up half-drunk steins in the air. Pub? What?
Did we just get teleported?
I think so. I think so. To a pub? Madam. She's not listening to you. She's dashing for the front door, but she's snatched by a green and purple vine that yanks her to the floor. She flails as she's dragged across the floor screaming, help me, please help me.
Can I jump and... Am I still raging? I don't know. That sounds like a therapy question. Yeah. Let's talk about your rage. And which machine is it against? Everyone go ahead and roll an initiative roll so we can see who would have first opportunity to try to do anything. Okay. You feel like your rage has subsided, by the way, just to answer that question. I got a 20. 15.
- 17. - 21. - Kyborg, you are the first who's able to act. You see Willow being dragged away by those vines.
I pull out the longbow of triumph and I take a shot at the vine to free her. Okay, go ahead and take a shot. Alley-oop. That is a 20 plus 8, 21. Whoa. Yeah, I mean, your arrow cleanly slices through the vine, allowing Willow to scamper up to her feet. She says, oh, thank you. Now run! And she continues running out the door.
You hear a loud boom and a slimy green mob bursts through the floorboards, shattering the bar in half. Thrashing vines and wooden shrapnel fly about the room. Everyone go ahead and roll a dexterity saving throw. Oh no. This sounds so epic. It sure does. 22. I'm good. I'm a god today. I am not. I have an advantage on dexterity. 13. I got a 16. I'm still a camel, by the way. So was that camel holding up a beer stein? Hell yeah. I'm just gonna knuckle.
You had like a feed bag, a camel feed bag. Nope, nope. Camel was holding a beer stein. That's canon. As that mob bursts through the floorboards, it peppers everyone with shrapnel. Everyone manages, for the most part, to avoid getting injured by it, except for Mud, who does take a little bit of damage from some of the shrapnel flying about. And Mud receives one point of damage from that. Once again, Willow is grabbed by yet another vine.
Oh no. Whose turn is it to save her this time? There's a monstrous pod looking plant that lifts Willow above its thorny teeth drooling with sap. A shrill voice screeches in your head. Hello, my dear Willow, is it? My name is Amanda and you will be my dinner this evening. The dwarf is dropped into the Amanda's miry maw and slithers down its husky pod gullet. Willow's muted screams slowly fade.
What? No!
Oh no. This is all happening so fast.
This is like a bar where we die via plant. We've had a lot of people getting eaten in this campaign. I know. It's the big new trend is a plant-based pub. It's plant-based pub. That's literally a beer garden. So you see a seating area with four tables next to a bar that kind of wraps around. And often the other open area is another three or four tables. Then back there, you believe there's like a storeroom over in that direction. Yeah.
Between the two seating areas to the north is where the exit is. And currently, Amanda and the Podlings are between you and the exit. Highborn. Weird pod people are trying to introduce you to Amanda, which you don't think would be a good thing. Okay.
I take a shot. I take a shot with the Longbow Triumph. The one that's closest to me. At the willow that's closest to you? Yeah. That being said, I do want to move backwards as far as I can get from them without like backing myself into a corner, but I do want to get a safe distance from them. We're like in a pub, right? Yes. Okay. Well, I still want to like, I want to jump on a table and I want to get a far away and then when I pull out Longbow Triumph...
Take a shot. 27. That's a good shot. Yeah. You do manage to hit. Damage? Seven. Ain't that longbow just awesome? I love this longbow so much, Barbara. It's so fun. Your bow strikes true yet again, Kyborg. You're really on top of your bow game today. We'll say it hits that willow in the shoulder, but she still seems almost unfazed by it, almost like it didn't happen.
Bart. - Could I cast Cloud of Daggers over Amanda and the dwarves? - Yes. - A-O-E, A-O-E. - I guessed. - You fill the air with spinning daggers and you cube five feet on each side. So it's not necessarily big enough to encompass all of them 'cause five feet is like a five foot by five foot square is typically what one creature would stand in in D&D. - Okay, well, I'm gonna focus it over Amanda.
Over Amanda. Okay. So Amanda will be taking 4d4 slashing damage when it enters the spells area for the first time on a turn or when it starts its turn there. So go ahead and roll 4d4 damage for Amanda right now. That's a good call. I don't think Amanda's going to be moving around a lot. We got a 10. Would you say she's pretty planted in that spot? Yeah, she's taking root. We got 10 on that roll total. Yeah, there's daggers flying all around Amanda. Amanda's kind of swatting at them a little bit.
Wait, so Amanda's like a big plant? Yeah. Think like Little Shop of Horrors. Gotcha. Oh. Suddenly, Amanda. Gum, gum. The dwarf that got swallowed by Amanda, I know she got spit up as little doppelgangers. Do I see any movement inside of the big plant thing that she could still be inside? No. And do all three of the doppelgangers look the same? Yeah, all identical. And they're all speaking in unison.
Like to get past the doppelgangers to Amanda. Is there any, like, swinging device like a chandelier? Chandelier. Yeah. I was thinking about jumping, grabbing chandelier, swinging over to get behind the doppelgangers and attack Amanda. Do it. Yeah. That would be like some kind of acrobatic check. Sure.
How's your dex? Or athletics, right? No, this is acrobatics. Okay. *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laughs* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh* * laugh*
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Damn. Gum Gum, you don't think there's any way he could possibly jump up and grab onto the chandelier, but somehow he manages to do it. And the force, the momentum of him jumping up and grabbing the chandelier propels him forward over the willow doppelgangers. And he lands on the ground between the doppelgangers and Amanda.
While he does that, Mud does the whole Free Willy thing and just points up to him as he travels overhead. Kyborg sheds a single tear and says, "So athletic." Acrobatic, acrobatic. So acrobatic. And then, guess I'll rage, take my battle axe and swing it. I guess I would rage first. So I'd roll the wild magic rage, right? Yes.
What kind of rage did we get? What flavor we got? Let's see. Spicy rage. Roll that d8. We teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space. You can see...
You should have raged before you did that. I know! Until your rage ends, you can use this effect again on each of your turns as a bonus action. Okay. No, no, no. This is cool. All right. So then I'm going to, in my rage, I'm going to swipe at that Amanda, trying to cut it off at the stalks. Yeah! Ooh, sound effect. That was not great. That does not hit. So Gum Gum's doing a bunch of really cool things. One of those cool things is not making a successful attack. Ha ha ha ha ha.
So I do that and then I teleport back to in front of my friends. And I'm very confused about what happened. - So just to be clear then, you jumped up, used the chandelier, took an attack on Amanda, then teleported back to where you started from originally? - Yeah. Nothing happened. Nothing happened.
But now I can teleport. And I'm like, why is everything teleporting? Does GumGum think that he has control of time? Does he think he's like jumping forward and backwards in time? No, he just, he doesn't understand because he thought he did that move and then realized he left his friends out in the open. So then he wished he hadn't done it and then teleported back and is really confused how it,
He thinks his wishes come true. I have a great way of figuring out how we view Gum-Gum now. He's Jack-Jack from The Incredibles. Yes. That's a great way to put it. What a good analogy. Just an overpowered baby who does not know what he's doing. And probably has the same vocabulary. And likes the same meals. Just says his own name. Gum-Gum. Gum-Gum. Jack-Jack.
What do you want to do? All right. So we've taken a swing at one of the willows. Oh, I'm a camst. I was about to cast magic. I'm going to bite that willow. The one that Kyborg just did some damage to. All right. Mud, the camel, trots on over to willow number one.
Makes an attack. Takes the bite. There's a one. Ooh, Mud bites his own tongue as a camel. He's not gotten the hang of being a camel yet. Ow. You hear a pained bray from the camel.
Yeah, that's my turn. I'm just embarrassed. I don't want to do anything else. It's their turn. Amanda lashes out with her vines and makes an attack on each one of you. Is Amanda's last name Hug and Kiss? Nice. I need Amanda Hug and Kiss. It's a Simpsons joke for you guys. We're going to get Bart. I got it. I like it. So that's a hit on Bart. The vine lashes out and hits you.
doing 12 points of damage. - Whoa! - Fuck! - Another vine lashes out in GumGum's direction. - I am not doing well. - So yeah, that is a hit on GumGum. GumGum takes 11 points of damage. - Oh my! - What kind of damage is that? Is that bludgeoning? - It is slashing. So I think since you're raging, you take half. - Yes, thank goodness. Do I round up or down? Is that five or six? - Down, so five.
So jealous. Okay, another vine lashes out at Kyborg. Ooh, that is definitely a hit. Kyborg takes... One point of damage. Ten points of damage. No! Mud the camel, you also get an attack. Your armor cost is 15, right? No, as a camel, it's nine. Oh, so it hits. Stop being a camel! I like being a camel. I thought you were saved, but nope.
The camel also gets lashed by vine and takes 11 points of damage as well. Okay. So since you've been all hit by the vine, you all need to make a grapple check. 13. 14. 17. And I have advantage. I'm rolling again. 19. Oh, wait. Dang it. It's 10. Okay. So everyone but Gum Gum is grappled and being held by the vine. Music begins to play, but not from a lute.
I know this reference. This is from episode...
Three. Yeah. Look at you. We helped write that song. You did. A satyr dressed in coat and tail strolls down the stairs holding a raised baton. It's Wilhelm. Wilhelm. Oh, guten tag, interns. You know I love to write songs, but perhaps this situation could use some decomposing. ♪
