C01 - Ep. 08 - Infinight Interns - Pyous Pass Pt. 3
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Anyway, our adventurers are currently in the town of Pius Pass in the middle of a jailbreak. Everything seems to be going according to plan, sort of. Gum Gum and Mud are certainly in the jailhouse, and I'm sure they have everything under control. Oh, that little pie girl seems a little undeadly, if you know what I mean. Anyway, go ahead and take a... Actually, let's sit outside for our tale today. At least until we find that cube. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Oh god. Why are we in this jail cell with this?!

It reads Pat-er. Oh my goodness. So we'll deal with you guys in a second. Kyborg and Bart, smash cut back to you guys. So then this one time at summer camp. As you all are having like a peaceful evening, just getting to know each other, you know, staring at the stars, talking about your past. Out of nowhere,

A javelin lands point first into the roof of the little pecker behind you guys. Well, that's convenient. Yeah, all right. Well, I guess the plan went perfectly. I think it's probably time that we break those guys out. I go to collect the javelin. Hmm. You think you feel the roof under you shake a little bit. You know, small tremors are echoing through the valley. Go ahead and roll a dexterity check.

That is a 24. As you stand up, feel like a little uneasy. You have to stable yourself a bit, but you manage to stand up just fine. And you walk over and retrieve the jump and jab. All right. Well, it was a pretty uneventful night, I guess. We got this javelin. Yeah, everything must have been going according to plan for those two. Yeah. Definitely not encountering any weird sort of zombie people in a jail cell. Nope. Definitely not. Nice weather.

Blaine, you should not do it in your game board. Good. Nice weather. Nice weather. Just hanging out with my friend. What are you guys going to do now? What do we do from here? Yeah, but you've got your jumping jab. I use my elven eyes. I walk to the other side of the building to see if I can peer into the prison or the gel and see if there's any developments that I can notice.

I also kind of want to scope out like what the general, like what's going on on the ceiling of the jail, if there's any like points of entry or anything. It's a flat ceiling. There's really nothing interesting up there because the buildings are so, you know, the way they're angled and the way they're so close, you really can't see too much. If you try to look into the jail, you're looking pretty much

into a window straight down at the floor. Like you're kind of too high. So you really, as far as you can tell, there's a light on, but you can't see much. Well, is there a window in Gum Gum and Mud's cell? There is, but the jail cell is on the opposite end of the jail from where you are. Got it. I still want to make this jump. I'm going to, what I'm going to do is I'm going to jump and I'm going to land on the roof.

And I'll do a couple barrel rolls once I've landed. All right. You follow me, Bart? All right. Barrel rolls? Bart's taking notes. Okay. And then I'm going to attach a rope onto the roof. And I'm going to go Tom Clancy Rainbow Six Siege style. And I'm going to lower myself down into the window upside down. And so that I can see what's going on in their gel cell.

You're going to have to do like 20 athletics checks for this one. I'm ready. I'm ready. My fingers are ready to click the mouse buttons. Bart is currently drawing a diagram of what this is going to look like, but he puts little X's on Kyborg's eyes. It means I'm focused. Yeah. So you're going to use the jumping jab to try to get across this gap here? What's up with the jumping jab? What does that even do? Is it forward jumping? It's a pogo stick, right?

It's a pogo stick spear, as far as you can tell, based on what Chick said. I feel so not... Can I practice with it for a while before I use it? If you want to. I mean, that's up to you. Bort! Do you think I should use this pogo stick, or do you think I should jump it on my own? I mean, we have the pogo stick. So, I mean... All right.

it, right? Well, I might as well use what you got. Sure, sure. Okay. I want to do a quick practice then. I want to jump from one corner of the little pecker to the other as safely as I can just to see what kind of distance I can get on this puppy.

Okay, so you get to one corner of the little pecker. I assume you put your feet in the little footholds of the jump and jab and try to give it a jump. Go ahead and make a dexterity check. Okay, all right. This thing is cursed. It is a six. I say, let her rip! You give it a hop, jump on the jump and jab, and you immediately fall out, and the jump and jab propels off into the night. Okay.

Once again, it is once again silhouetted by the moon as it travels through the air. It'll still land on the roof because you had enough distance in front of you. It lands, let's say, roughly 30 feet away from you out in the middle of the roof. Okay. I want to attempt again with the jump and jab. I think it's cursed, but we're going to give this a go. Bart gives him a little tap on the tush. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Bart. Appreciate that. Yeah. I feel like we're close enough now to...

Do what the baseball players do. We've done a lot tonight to improve our relationship, but I think it's going to have, you know, effects on the rest of the story because we're not such good pals now. Bart. Everyone likes Bart.

All right, so I gotta do another dex? Yeah, Kaibou refuses to be bucked off by this bull, so he puts his feet back into the little footholes, gives it a little hop, and roll that dexterity check. And... Let it rip! 13. You feel like the Jumpin' Jab's trying to get away from you, but you manage to stay on it, and you propel yourself forward about 30 feet. You land in the middle of the roof of the little pecker. Sweet! It works! Bart! It works!

Yeah! Now time for the big jump, Bart. I'm gonna go. All right. Should Bart get on your shoulders like a backpack? Or is that gonna affect your dexterity? I could throw a rope to you once I'm over, and then you can use that to... Shuffle over? Yeah. Or just a... Hey, you're not there, Mud. I hear voices in my head. Oh, weird. You hear screams. It's like a migraine. It's a migraine. Ow. Ow.

Could I like mind meld with mud from a different location? The classic bard spell mind meld. I'm manifesting. Hold on. All right. So I'm going to use the jumping jav to get over to the roof, the other roof. Once I'm over, throwing a rope to bard who will then use it to get over and then dot, dot, dot, and then dot. Go from there. Dot, dot, dot.

Okay, so how are you going to do this? Are you going to get up to the edge and then jump from there? Or what's your game plan? Yeah, let's get maybe five feet from the edge. Okay. Kyborg's feeling good. He had a successful jump. Using the jump and jab, he's going to give it another go. Puts his feet in the footholds. Rolls that dexterity check. It's a nat one. It's a nat one. It was a five. I rolled a five. The jump and jab flies off.

Lance and skitters across the roof of the jail cell. And Kyborg is still on the roof of the given thing. It's because I didn't touch his butt. Bart, this is all your fault. You didn't touch my butt. And all the character development and friendship was gone. We have to go backwards now. Now we're enemies, mortal enemies. I'm going to just try to make the jump on my own. But Bart gives him a tap on the ass. All right, thank you.

There is hope for our friendship yet. This never happened in Ocean's Eleven. That you know of. Except this was part of the plan in Ocean's Eleven. Yes. Oh. Kyborg, I guess you take a little running start. What, like 10 feet of running start or something? I give it 15. I want to get a good running start. Kyborg, you see him limbering up, loosening his legs. He gets back about 15 feet from the edge of the little pecker. Starts running. Makes an athletics check.

It's a 15. You did it. He easily clears the gap between the little pecker and the jailhouse. He lands on the jailhouse triumphantly and then crashes through the thin, flimsy roof of the jailhouse. He did it. From Mud and Gum-Gum's perspective...

Right as the other prisoner turns and looks at you guys, there's a huge crash. Dust flies everywhere and Kyborg comes crashing in through the room. Leaving little Bart all stranded by his lonesome. I'm so lonely. I have nobody for my own.

Glass shatters everywhere. I mean, this is your chance, Bart. If you wanted to just like leave town and start over, get a new party to travel with. I mean, don't write these guys off. Don't tempt me. Gosh, I don't think Bart could make the jump. How tall are you, Bart? I'm like four foot two, I would say. I'm a tall breed.

A tall breed. I'm a tall version of a halfling, let's say. I think that's a two-thirtingling. We've said this before. Bart is the shack of the halflings. Yeah, four foot two, very tall.

Bart, you take a look at that jump and at the gaping hole that Kyborg has created in the roof of the jailhouse. And you think even with a running start, it would be close. You might make it. You might not. It's at the very, very end of your possible comfort level. Yeah. Yeah.

What if is there is does Kyborg have a rope still from where he is? He is, but he's inside the jailhouse now. He fell through the roof. So he didn't happen to leave the tail of rope behind. He didn't say that. I think his plan was to turn around and throw it. I still I could still do that. I still have my bow and arrow that I can shoot out at the other ceiling. I'm just saying I have I have mage hand. So I was thinking of like getting my mage hand to go collect the rope and maybe tie a little knot for me on the other end.

Oh, I think you need to see. I think you need to have line of sight for that. Yeah. How strong is the hand? It can hold about 10 pounds. Could I say Bart's 10 pounds? No, Bart is not 10 pounds. Damn it. Okay. Bart has the bones of actually a bird. We haven't said this before. Yeah, I actually have hollow bones. That's going to affect Bart's constitution in a bad way. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Well, I guess I probably need to climb down then and try to find my way in via the ground floor because I don't think I can make that jump without hurting myself unless I could try. You could try. I mean, you could do whatever you want. You could give it a shot. Let's give it a shot. Just go knock on the front door of the jail. What bad could happen? I'm a lost child. Let me in.

Do you believe you can fly? I believe I could fly. Inspiration dice for Gus. Bart was so inspired by seeing Kyborg so flawlessly jump across that he thinks he could do it too. Flawlessly in that he broke through the ceiling. Exactly. He flawlessly broke into the jail. Yeah, exactly. I assume you're going to take a running start like Kyborg did, like 15 feet or so. Kyborg created an escape hole for us and everything. You're welcome.

And then is it Dexterity? It was Athletics Check. Athletics Check. Is Dexterity something Bart is better at? Yes. Bart does some calisthenics, warms up a little bit, gets those little legs pumping. And he goes...

Oh, and very easily. That's the same check Kyborg did. He saw Kyborg do it. Very easily clears the gap and lands lightly on the roof of the jailhouse. However, Bart weighs significantly less than Kyborg, and the roof creaks and groans, but it seems to hold. You don't feel like it's very stable, Bart, but you are still on the roof. Excellent. Made it. At this point now, let's say everyone go ahead and roll Initiatives.

Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Come on, guys. It's all about our attitudes. Come on, guys. Fatty six for mud. I did an 11 for Bart. 12 for cardboard. 13 for gum gum. Ooh. Curious, does the party in the gel cell, mud and gum gum, do they have their weapons or were they taken off of them when they were arrested?

They were disarmed. But I am armed. Yes, you are still armed. Okay. To set the scene, Mud and Gum-Gum are in the jail cell with the other prisoner. Kyborg has just crashed through the roof of the jailhouse and is sitting on his butt in the middle of the jailhouse, not in the cell. And Bart is on the ceiling of the jailhouse, peering down. Okay.

In addition, inside the jail cell with Gum Gum and Mud is that other prisoner who you all took the bag off their head and they have broken free from their restraints and they are now lunging at Gum Gum and Mud. Gum Gum, what do you want to do? Like, is there anything around the jail cell besides the bag that we took off our head? There's a kyborg.

Here's a guy. What do you want to use the guy for? The ultimate weapon. Not in the cell that you can tell. It's pretty barren. And does she look alive? She looks dead. The pupils of her eye appear milky white and her skin is blotchy and pale and she is drooling from her mouth. So it's subjective. We'll say. It was a Zombo. I'm going to kill it. Okay. I would like to take off my shirt.

Okay. Run and swoop the shirt down over this lady's head, like squish her down so her arms get pinned.

and then pull her around tight, like in front of me, and grapple her. Okay, so we're going to be grappling, huh? All right. With the shirt, so like to try and keep the arms, you know, at bay and pinned. Right, to try to kind of use it to your advantage. And show off Gum Gum's physique, which I think would be a little concerning to Kyborg, who really prides himself as the most athletic. You look like Hagrid. Everybody knows it. All right, so go ahead and make a grapple check. Seventeen.

My favorite magazine. What is the strength of a zombie small girl? 18. Oh my goodness. So you fail on your grapple check. You get the shirt and you try to put it over Pat Ernst to try to restrain her, but she's just too wily. You can't seem to quite pin her down. She's like frantically flailing about. Kyborg, what do you want to do? If I were to bar the door, would that be a bonus action or would that be my action?

No, Bart's on the roof. No, no, no, no, no. There we go. Comedy. Comedy. I would say it would be your action because you need to find something to Bart with as well. Well, I know someone's about to run in at some point and I don't want that. Can I ask the guys in the jail cell, like, do you guys got that under control or do I need to, like, snipe it in the head? We don't know if we have anything under control. There's a small girl who is, like, zombified and attacking us. Do I take the shot? Do I take the shot?

I don't think this is a kill this thing immediately moment. There's got to be a way to maybe restrain her and see if we could, like...

learn more if there's like a cure or something like that. Set phasers to stun. Okay. All right. Well, in that case, Kyborg looks around and he wants to see if he can find a way to bar the door and a way to get the gentleman out of the jail cell. Okay. You're only going to have time for one of those. So I assume... Bar the door. So Kyborg starts looking around the room. You find some scrap pieces of lumber and you start leaning them up against doors along with a desk chair to try to like bar the door to keep it clean.

So from where Kyborg crashed in, could I see down into the cell?

Yeah, you, since you're right on top of it, you know, you have to crane your neck a little bit and look around, but you can see, and you can see what's going on. Got any magic? I do have some magic. I'm trying to figure out what to do, though, because some of my spells just affect anybody within a certain distance of who I'm trying to affect, so I obviously don't want to, like, hurt you guys in the process. A-O-E. Or do you? Or do I? Mmm! Mmm!

Could I do a charm person? Could I cast charm person on this zombie girl? Yeah, you could do that. I cast charm person. Yeah. Magic. Magic.

Oh, Pat earns does not make their saving throw. Yay. So Bart casts some Eldritch magic and it seems like Pat earns is not struggling nearly the same as she was before. All right, boys. She's charmed. She had the old the old Bart effect come into play. She cannot resist my charms.

Did you give it a little wink there, Bart? Yeah, a wink and some finger guns through the hole in the ceiling. Since we have a moment, can I look around the rest of the jail cell and see if I see Mother Abby anywhere?

Before you do that, this would be Pat Earn's turn. And she seems to not be really fighting anymore. She seems very calm and placid and is now sitting down peacefully. Mud, you start looking around the room. Yeah, I want to see if I can see that Madre. You don't see her anywhere. All you can really see is like on one side of the room, there's a cluttered desk and chair. Well, there was a chair there, but Kyborg's taking it. And on the other side where you're in is this iron barred cell. There's no other people besides your party and Pat Earn.

So she's not in here. Why did we do this? What are we doing? Go ahead and roll me a perception check. Mud. That's a nine. Not a good one. Yeah, definitely no people in here.

I think we should skedaddle. I don't see our mark and things have gone so sour, I'd like to just call it a night. Okay. Can I put my shirt on with that disruptor? What do you mean? Like take your shirt back? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's not harming you. It should be fine. Or I guess I could put it on her just as a double backup. Like a straight jacket kind of situation. Yeah, we'll say that that's fine.

We should take her with us, right? No, I don't think that's a good idea. I think we leave the crazy white-eyed murder girl in the jail cell and we get out of here. But what if she needs help? Should we maybe try to find the sheriff to let her know her daughter's actually alive? I think the sheriff knows her daughter's alive. The daughter is in the jail cell that the sheriff works in. Mm-hmm. Then she might need help. I hope you used air quotes when you said alive there, Barton.

Yeah, I sure did. Technically alive. What do you mean? I think the sheriff knows if there is a gagged up and bagged, plagued version of their daughter in their own jailhouse. Safe to assume. Kyborg, make me a perception check. Perception check! Six. Okay.

I'd like to do just real quick. I'd like to detect magic. Mud starts focusing, trying to see if there's any eldritch magic anywhere in his surroundings. I see a faint aura around any visible creature or object that bears magic. Do you see it over Gum-Gum because he's full of magic? No, I don't see any. Yeah, you're getting a hit of magic off of a bucket that's on the desk. That's good stuff. That's a bucket. Okay.

You recognize it as the bucket that Gum-Gum used to dredge the well earlier. All right. Hey, fun fact. That bucket over there is magical.

Don't know why. Would someone like to investigate? I take a long sword and I just give it a very small push. Not like a stab, just a little push. Kyborg, you notice that the bucket is still tied to the rope that it's used to retrieve water from the well out in the center of town. You poke the bucket with your sword and it just...

moves over a little bit. Can I see if there's anything in the bucket? You could, but you're still in the jail cell. You can only see the bucket because it's on the desk. Then I use my sword to tilt the bucket so that it falls over so that he can see what's inside. But it won't be inside anymore if you tip it over. I know.

The kyborg tips the bucket over with his sword. It falls on its side and rolls around so it's facing the jail cell where mud is still trapped in. And it appears to be empty. That's weird. Is it? Oh, all right. We need to get out of here. I think we've got some information we should be sharing with other people. Does it make more sense for Bart to come down and join the rest? No, don't come down. Hold. Or should he just scale the building on the outside?

Hey Bart, do you have a rope? Uh, do I? Backpack, bedroll, candle, cloth. Don't see a rope. Well, do any of us have a rope? I do. Well, there's 50 feet of rope tied to the bucket. I throw my rope that I have.

I have 50 feet of rope up to Bart. It's going to be tough. Kyborg could do it, but from where you are, I don't know if you could. Wait, describe to me why is Kyborg able to do it and I'm not? Because Kyborg's not in the jail. He's just in the jailhouse. You're locked up in the jail cell. Okay. Oh, then get us out of this jail cell. All right. I try to see if I can find a way to get him out. What do you mean? Like, what are you going to do for that? I...

and see if I can find a key. And if not, then I search the gel door for any sort of weaknesses. Kyborg starts going through the desk. On top of the desk is a framed picture of a little pot girl in a plaid dress posing with the sheriff. There's some hammers, some nails...

Some wood that you used in order to, you know, bar the door. Rope, the bucket. Wait a second. There's a couple of drawers in the desk as well. I have a lock picking kit, I believe. Thieves tools. I have thieves tools. Oh, yeah. I use my thieves tools. So you're going to go use the thieves tools on the jail door? Yes. Okay.

All right, go ahead and make a dexterity check. Dexterity check. Ba-da-boom. 15. Big ba-da-boom? Ba-da-ba-boom. So you stick them in there, try to channel your training and recall as much as you can, fumble around, and you do manage to pop the lock open on the jail cell.

And with a satisfying click, the door swings open. I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you. Can Bart see the bucket? I'm going to say, yeah. If Bart strains, he'd be able to see it. Bart. Yes. Be a dear. And would you use your lovely little mage hand to get that bucket and take it out? But don't touch it, please. Is there a handle on this bucket that I could...

Lift. Yes. Okay. Bart will do just that. Great idea, Mud. Thank you. Yeah, definitely was totally planning to do that on my own volition without the suggestion. Bart, make me a perception check. You got it.

Coming in hot. Bart is surrounded by three mastiffs who have scaled the walls of the building and are standing around. 22 perception. Good roll. So you're looking at the desk, looking at the bucket, trying to appropriately gauge where to place your mage hand. And as you cast mage hand, you notice something seems weird about the floor under the desk. What do I notice? It just doesn't seem like the wood lines up the same way it does on the rest of the floor.

Hey, guys, I think there might be a trap door or something of the sort. Oh. And you guys are out of the jail cell now, so you could investigate? Did we shut the jail cell behind us? No one said they did. You should probably do that. You should do it. Do you want to close it? Yeah.

All right. Mud closes the door, but the door doesn't lock. You need to either use the thieves' tools again or find a key to relock it. Okay, there's a murder child in that room. Please lock the door again. We got an hour. I do it. I close it. Wait, wait. What if we use the murder? No. Nope. Nope. Nope. Okay.

Kyborg, are you going to try to use the thieves tools again to lock it? Yeah, sure. I'll use the thieves tools. I failed. I rolled a two, which is a six. Can I give it another go? The door's closed, but you can't seem to get it to lock. You can try again if you want. Oh, it's a nine. It's a little bit better. No, that door's not locking. I'll just take a piece of rope and I'll just start tying it. No, I'm going to try it one more time. Fifteen.

15. Okay, yeah. Finally, after being flustered, Kyborg sees that Gum-Gum's going to come up with a much easier idea, and Kyborg needs to be right, so he very quickly manages to lock the door. First try, boys. Right. I think we should look around to see if anything that Bart was saying they saw makes sense. So can we look to see for trapdoors? I mean, I don't know if it's necessarily a trapdoor, but the floor looks...

Mud, make a perception or investigation check. Oh, I'd love to do a perception instead of investigation one. That's a 22. Yeah, you feel like the floor there is definitely hollow under that desk. But I don't see anything...

Like a slit to pull it up or anything like that? Nothing that you can tell. You just see those things on top of the desk and the two drawers. I don't think anybody has gone through yet. All right, lads, we have a secret door and we must find the way to open it. When they brought us in, where did he put our stuff? Oh, it's in a locker up against the walls there in the jailhouse. Could I go in there and get our stuff? Yeah. While you all are messing around with the desk, Gum-Gum goes over to retrieve y'all's stuff.

Alright, and then I guess I'll look in the drawers. Okay, Gum Gum opens up the first desk drawer, and there are a few throwing stars in there, like the one that the sheriff used against Bart previously. Oh, cool. Neato. I'll take those, and I'll give one to Kaibork. Thank you! There were four throwing stars in there.

I'll give two to Kaibou. Wait, what if we all took one and we used them as sheriff's badges? Now we're officially sheriff's. Oh, yeah! Mutt's good. Mutt sees it, it excites you a lot more and lets you have the stars.

Well, I put one on my shirt. I stabbed myself a little bit with it. Is there a chance that from Bart's vantage point might be able to see anything else that's out of the ordinary that would tell us where a button might be or a handle or something?

Bart's kind of far for that. He'd have to come down closer to help in that investigation. I didn't know if vantage point was going to be an advantage. What if Bart uses his halfling eyes that we all know are very special? I don't think they are.

They're very good at finding food. There is one more drawer that Gum-Gum has gone through. Can I look in the other drawer? Gum-Gum opens up the other drawer and there's iron manacles and a key ring with three keys. Oh. Well, we could take the manacles and manacle the murder lady and then she'd bring her down with us because she might be nice. We're not traveling with Murder Child. Yeah, no thanks. Gum-Gum, make me a perception check.

Perception coming up. 17. And just for the hell of it, make me a dexterity check, Gum-Gum. It's never just for the hell of it. Well, I got three. I got three. As Gum-Gum is rooting through the drawer, his elbow inadvertently knocks over the framed picture of the little pie girl and a trap door opens beneath the desk. What? What?

Way to go. Are we over it? What? Oh, no, no, no. You all do not fall in. No, no. I thought you meant like, are you over it? Like, are you done with this? Like, you're just ready to move on? At this point, Mud just puts being, you know, the, what am I, like eight, nine feet tall? I just put my arms up and just beckon Bart to jump down. Come on, come on, come on. Ruff, ruff, ruff.

And I take the keys and the manacles. Okay. Bart, do you jump down to Mud's arms? I guess I should. We're going to go down this trap door either. You're going to hang out on the roof or we're off. I'm safe up here. All right. Yeah, I'm going to jump down and I want Mud to catch me ever so gently. Yep. I'll make a dexterity check, Bart, and make an athletics check, Mud.

Dexterity, 22. 15. Oh, you guys, yeah, you nail it. The most gentle little jump and catch from Bart and Mutt. They look like they practiced this for years. Bart is like a third of Mutt's size. You don't know why, but the name Patrick Swayze comes from Mutt.

That just means that Bart like belly flopped and I cat Bart. You guys are having the time of your life. We are. Nice. Know it all to you. Thanks for listening, everybody. This concludes our first arc of our story. We've titled it Infinite Interns. This is the first campaign in the Tales from the Stinky Dragon universe, metaverse.

Storyverse? I don't know. We'll come up with a name for it. Next episode's going to be a little different, so in order to give us some time while we prep for the next arc, next week, we're going to meet with the players and we're going to talk about their characters, some of the nitty-gritty, race, class, how they came up with them, maybe recap the story so far, where they think we're going, use hashtag StinkyDragonPod, maybe we'll read some of your theories, ideas, whatever, and get the players' responses in that episode.

Speaking of social, the best thing you can do to help out the show is to tell a friend or tweet about the show, engage in whatever social media you use. Use hashtag StinkyDragonPod to get your name in the show as an NPC in a future arc. Tell us about some simple magic items you'd like to see in the campaign. Rate us on the podcast platform of your choosing. We'd really appreciate it. Right. It seems like we know where we need to go.

Is anybody going to look in? No one has responded. I would like to look in. Yeah, yeah. Bart takes a look in and there's a tunnel inside the trap door. And it seems like the tunnel is about five feet in diameter and pitch black. I have dark vision. Make a survival check for me, Bart, to see whether you survive this or not. Oh, my God. Survive what?

Survival check. What's about to attack him? Oh, crap. Eight. Could I do an inspiration die on that one? If you want to. Because I don't want to die. Sweet. 14. You can tell because of your survival check that the tunnel is heading north. Oh, okay. Sometimes I got to mess with you. Sometimes I got to distract. If it's north, that's the way to the church. Okay. Or the well. Guys, this tunnel goes north.

You're welcome. I light a torch and a head down. It's a really tight fit for you in there, Mud. It's like really, really cramped. Why you got to shame me like that? You're a big boy. You keep talking about how big you are. It's not always an advantage. It's not. The door's barred behind us. Like he jammed it with wood. Correct. And the chair. Okay. I guess I'll follow. Yeah.

I'll go in as well. I'm not going to leave Bart alone. Okay. You all start making your way through the tunnel and it goes on for a little while and it eventually ends in another door. Is it locked? I can fix that. I checked the door. I've learned this lesson before in the first episode. I checked the door first.

Is there a handle? Yes. There's a latch. You feel like you could give it a shot. Is it a solid door? As opposed to, like, a gaseous door? As in, like, a door with, like, a window or anything viewing? No, it's just, like, planks of wood. Great. Then I'd like to listen into the door. Okay. Make a perception check. That's a 12. Okay. You don't hear anything. Is everybody okay if I try this door? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why not?

Why not? Okay, I have your consent. I'm going to try the door. Where else are we going to go? Back to the jail and deal with Miss Zombie Pants over there? Zombie Pants? No, thank you. I thought she was nice. How about if it makes you feel better, I can pull out both of my hand axes and then get ready to barrel roll as soon as you open that door. I don't think... Why do you keep saying barrel roll? Do you mean somersault? I could somersault into the room.

You keep saying barrel roll and I picture you like corkscrewing. I don't know, Gus. But isn't a barrel roll when you just roll on your side? Somersault is forward on your head. I meant somersault. Oh, okay. Somersault. Can he make that way around me? No, because this tunnel is really narrow and you're so big. You're blocking the entire way. Somersault right into those cheeks. All right, I'm opening the door. Okay.

Okay. You open up the door and you see camel stalls. Five of them are occupied with camels. One of them is empty. And it looks like you have opened up a door that's under a staircase. You hear muffled voices and footsteps coming from upstairs in the loft above. Are we under the hump house? The hump house. Oh.

Yeah, it's the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where we saw the camels. Should we listen in on what the voices are? Wait, we're underground, right? Not anymore. This is gradually sloped back. Gotcha. Okay. I was like, who keeps their camels underground? What's going on here? Someone who's torturing them. Just keeps them calm when they're underground. It's like ostriches putting their head underground. So we hear voices? Yeah, you hear muffled voices and footsteps coming from upstairs. Anyone have good hearing?

I know some people have good vision, but does anyone have good hearing? An elf. Is that a trait? Keen senses. You have proficiency in the perception skill. That's what I got. Okay. How many camels are there? There's six stalls. Only five of them are occupied. One of the stalls is empty. One, two, three, four. Oh, wait. Sorry. I got to make a point. I'm seeing a camel. I can turn a camel if I want to at some point now. Pinch on how a camel does. If it's a strong camel, right? Yeah.

Is it one hump or two humps, Ryan? While Mud explores his furry kink, I want to see if I can listen into what's going on upstairs. Okay, make a perception check. I saw the dogs too. Just got to point that out. I got to make notes. 17 plus 2, 19. You recognize one of the voices as being that of Sheriff Gov. Sheriff Gov. I look at everybody and I tell them to quiet down with my hands and I point to my star, my sheriff star.

Why? And then I point upstairs. And Bark goes, yes, very good, Kyborg. Yes, we all have these guys. And then I do like the cutting across my neck indicator. And I'm like, shh, shh, shh. And then I'm thirsty. And I'm shaking my head, shaking my head. I'm pointing upstairs and I pointed the words sheriff. Then I whisper sheriff. I think he's thirsty. Oh my God.

Do you have any water? Do you have a water skin, Bart? Give him a drink. I take the water skin. I dip my finger in it. And then on the ground, I write sheriff. In what language? Common? Yes. Bart, can you read common? I think so. I can read it. Oh, good. Good Lord. You can. I'm just trying to give you an out if you want to. Okay. His writing, though, is like really messy. So I'm just like, what is sheriff?

Shirt? Shirt? Can I hear what the sheriff is saying? You're a little too far away. You can't quite make it out. You feel like you got a little closer. Like you started heading up the stairs. You might be able to make it out. Can I get on someone's shoulders? You can get on my shoulders. All right. I get on top of Gum-Gum's shoulders and see if I can hear. Okay. So in order for you to get on Gum-Gum's shoulders, Mud has to clear the way. So he's going to have to step out into the hump house first.

and you all will have to come out into the hump house as well all right yeah do whatever we gotta do yeah okay mud moves forward into the hump house where the cattle stables are gum gum does as well and kyborg and kyborg gets up on top of gum gum's shoulders go ahead and guess gum gum and kyborg make stealth checks 16.

Hey. You get up on top of Gum-Gum's shoulders and Gum-Gum seems to be grunting a little bit, making some noise, but you think it's okay. Kyborg, only you can see this. At the top of the stairs, you spot a large iron cage. The cage door is ajar. Inside, Sheriff Gov is standing over a rattled Mother Abby.

Her hands are manacled and she's covered in sand and sweat and laying near a water trough in the corner. The sheriff throws an ivory staff and a wooden goblet onto the floor. Oh my god. Oh no. Kyborg and Gum-Gum make another stealth check each. That's a nine. Ten. You overhear the sheriff saying, What's wrong, Breacher? You look a little parched. Did our trip through the desert wear you out? You must be thirsty.

Go on, take a drink. The sheriff kicks the trough and water sloshes over the side. Mother Abby flinches and says, Please, please, just let me go. I didn't do anything. Okay. I tap Gum-Gum's head to lower me down, and then I communicate to the rest of the group very quietly. I say, Sheriff's upstairs. Mother, whatever her face is up there, too. She's in a cage.

And the sheriff is like, are you thirsty? Stop it. And I think that she's kind of holding her in a cage and she's trying to get her to drink something and the water might be bad. I don't know. We should go and rescue her. The sheriff turns around and says, hey, what are you lot doing here? Sees you, Kyborg. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I'm conducting an investigation and you all are getting in the way. When the sheriff turns to address you, Mother Abby uses this opportunity to retrieve her ivory staff and goblet and she makes a break for the exit, trying to run out the door. Oh, I try to maintain the sheriff's gaze. I say, oh, you found us.

Mud turns into a camel and chases after Mother Abby. Okay, so Mother Abby's breaking for the door. Mud has turned into a camel, which is something that he can do. And you're also running for the door? Bart, you want to get on? Oh, God. What are you hoping to accomplish? To, I don't know, catch up to Mother Abby. Are we rescuing her? Yeah. Okay. So help me if Mother Abby's a bad guy, Gus. Oh, God.

Don't forget to tell the sheriff we know her daughter's wife. All right, I'll hop on John's back. I mean, Mud's back. Okay. Gum Gum, are you still standing there with Kyborg on your shoulders? Are you still on my shoulders? I think I got down. I got down. I tapped him on the head. Yeah, I stand here and I...

I just flex. Intimidatingly. And growl. Sheriff Gov looks incredibly frustrated and says, I'm so close to figuring this out. You all just keep stopping me. You need to let me finish this investigation. Is that a camel running out the door? Look at me, Sheriff. Eyes on me. Eyes on me. We know that your daughter is alive, okay? Know you locked her up in the jail cell.

And it looks like she could maybe make, you know, make a turnaround. We can help you, Sheriff. You can't help, Pat. She's been afflicted by the Crypt Curse. I have reason to believe that Mother Abby has been poisoned in the well with a bucket that is the source of the Crypt Curse. That's a wow. Got it. Uh...

Mud screams, Bag's like, "The bucket pans out!" It's magical! Gum Gum, she's- she's got a point. The bucket that was in the gel cell, do you remember it? Yeah. Okay, alright. It's a bad bucket. It's a bad bucket. Oh yeah. We don't like that bucket. That bucket had magic on it from Mother Abby. So the sheriff, I think, is actually right here. Yeah, okay. So, Sheriff, why do you think it's Mother Abby?

How did you discover that it was the bucket? He just explained. The timeline all adds up. I'm a master investigator and one of the greatest detectives, and all this started happening after she arrived. The bucket was cursed by her. Do we bring the bucket with us? No, you didn't. At this point, Sheriff Gov realizes that Mother Abby's gone.

and says, What? Where did she go? You all need to help me track her down and find her. We need to bring her to justice. All right. Mount up, boys. We're getting on camels. Yeah. I want to mount a camel. As cool as possible. Should I...

Do you have one that has two humps? Because I might get on one with you. Okay, you guys are finding camels to... To be clear, I grab onto the rafters by doing a big jump into the air, and then I flip into the air and land perfectly on a camel. Make an athletic jump. It's the coolest thing you've ever seen. And it's a nat 1. It was a 7. Hey, does Kyborg have any children? No.

No. He won't after this. Thus ended the Kyborg line. Hook! Kyborg lands not very gracefully onto the camel, suppresses the scream as he injures himself. Let me do that. Sheriff Gov dives out of the hump house window into the streets outside. She does a very neat quote unquote barrel roll and pops to her feet. Bart and Mud are chasing after Mother Abby, who is heading north towards the chapel.

And then I guess I get on a camel too? Yes. You do it a very mundane way though, right? So we don't have to make a roll for that. You just get on the camel. Gus is like, please God. Okay, thank you. As a camel, I have to be running faster than this nun. Yeah, I mean, the chapel's not far away. You catch up to her right as you reach the chapel. I try to get between her and the chapel door. Wait, you don't know that she's bad though. I know, but I'm stopping anything from happening.

What about the telepathy that we share with our teammates? Oh, the telepathy of meta gaming. Well, unfortunately, Mud, you're not able to stop Mother Abby. You don't have to stop her, actually, because she kneels atop the ivory altar in the center of the monolith circle. Holding her ivory staff and wooden goblet before her, she starts shaking her head.

I never wanted this. She made me do it. I just wanted to see Fred again. Hold him in my arms once more. Her face tenses up and she lets out an agonizing shriek. She goes limp for a moment, then says, No, no, wait. It was you.

You people messed everything up, but perhaps it's not too late. Mother Abby stares at you all dead in the eyes and says, Yes, I can fix this if I just had a few more souls. She jumps to the ground, raises her arms high, and a haunting voice resounds from her. Rise to my aid, all ye departed. Awaken, deceased, and heed my words. She

She kicks off the lid of the altar to the ground. Soft screams and a sickly green glow emit from inside. She points to you all and says,

The sand vibrates and shifts on either side of you at the canyon wall. Then, erupting out of the graves, three sinewy corpses start clawing and limping their way straight for you. Your soul is mine. Everyone roll initiative. 16. 19 for Bart. Just going to look up really quick what a camel's attack moves are. Mudgut 21, it looks like.

Okay, so like I said, there are three zombies that have risen. There's Mother Abby and you guys. Mud, what do you want to do here? I'm going to bite a zombie. Oh, you're a camel. I was very confused for a second. I'm a camel, yo. All right. I guess you walk up to one of the nearest zombies that is freshly out of the grave and you try to take a bite out of it. Nothing can go wrong here. Great idea. Great idea. Yeah. All right. Go ahead and make an attack roll.

No, I got a six. That's not very helpful. No, it's not. The zombie seems to dodge out of the way and is not affected by your bite. Okay, the one that you tried to bite decides to go ahead and take an attack right back at you because you're right there by it. Slams up against you. Thirteen. What's your armor class? Nine. Oh, so it hits you with its zombie fist. That's low. Is it because you're a camel? Yeah. Not a lot of armor. Doing six points of damage.

Okay. I'm going to keep track of my camel hit points. Bart. Oh, gosh. I don't know. I'm such a weak little guy. But you're on a camel. Believe in yourself. I am on a camel. Could I cast Dissonant Whispers? You absolutely can. Careless Whisper. Who do you want to target with it? Mother Abby. Ew, nice. You target Mother Abby. She needs to make a wisdom saving throw.

There's a button in D&D Beyond next to the name of the creature that I'm turned into that had a symbol, like an audio symbol. I was like, what does it happen when I click this? And I click it and just a woman said to me, camel. Mother Abby does make her saving throw. Damn, okay. So she will take half damage and does not need to move away from you. So roll 3d6 damage and she'll take half of that.

Okay. Big damage. Big damage Bart. Big damage. Big damage Bart. Big boy. Big boy Bart. 3d6 coming in hot. Oh, 12. So six points of damage. Okay. Not the best, but. Okay. Kyborg. I feel like this is a real kill the mothership and then the rest of the ones die situation. It's mother Abby. Longbow. I'm taking a shot at the nun. I'm shooting that nun with my longbow.

- Okay, go ahead and make your attack roll. - That's a 20. - 20. Definitely does hit doing how much damage? - 11 damage. - How is she looking right now? - You're fighting an old lady. It looks like her hips could go out at any moment. - Okay. - Nice. Do they lie though? - Real quick, I want to take an action surge. You can take one additional action on your turn and I'm going to shoot her again. - Khyborg's about to kill an old woman.

That's a 23. I hope you feel like a big man, Kyborg. Yeah. All right. How much damage? I'm huge! Oh, it's only a five. Oh. You would shoot a poor old woman with a bow and arrow?

Gum Gum, what do you want to do? How strong is she looking? Is she looking like... It's hard to say because she was already... She already appeared to be old and frail to begin with. You think that the amount of damage she's taken should have killed her, but she's still up for some reason. Okay. I'm going to... I'm still on my camel and it's charging towards her. I'm going to hop off at her and I'm going to rage and grab her old lady arms and pull them behind her and shackle them together with the shackles.

Okay, so you're gonna have to get close. You're gonna have to do that. Yeah, let's just start off with a grapple check. Gum Gum's go-to is just to grab things. He's not innately a violent person. He's just, he grabbed that box so that we could, was it like fold the clothes?

Grab the zombie girl. Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah. Grab grandma. So that's an athletics check? Strength. 14. She's an old lady. Oh, can I rage while I was doing that? I was going to say I was going to rage while I was doing that. You did say rage. I missed it. You raged first. Yeah. Okay. Then don't I have advantage on? Yeah. Go ahead and roll it again then. Yes. 22. Much better. Much better. Yeah. You grapple her. She seems unable to resist. You pull out the manacles, slap them around her wrist, but they don't lock.

- They don't lock again? - They don't lock? Well, I have the keys for them. - Fill it with a few more arrows. Don't worry, guys. - Gaiworg is just knocking another arrow. - I have the keys for them. - It's a key ring with multiple keys on it. - Pick one. - I try one of them. - Which one? - I guess I roll it. - Roll me a D6. - Okay. - So GumGum rolled a six. The key does not fit into the manacle. That is your turn. - No, no, no. Can I turn it so strong that

that it just jams it lock sure go ahead and make me a straight check it's not gonna and no matter what you roll right now chris it's not gonna do it i know that tone and gus's voice and you have advantage right because you're raging to roll it again you can hear the futility in this 16. yep yeah you break the key off into the into the keyhole damn it so you rolled uh you got a 16 on that was she still grappled though by like by me

Well, I mean, not really because you had to like remove one of your arms to get the keys and try to fit it into the manacles. Hold her still so I can take another arrow.

So GumGum had a good idea but I think he became overeager and was too strong for his own good. One of the zombies turns to protect Mother Abby, closes in and takes a swipe at GumGum. 14. Does a 14 hit? I have 14. Oh, so it does hit. I'm raging. Oh, you'll take half damage because you're raging. So GumGum takes one point of damage slammed by the zombie.

The other zombie also is concerned about Mother Abby, turns and comes in to close ranks, helping its friend, makes a slam against Gum Gum, but only gets 12, fails to hit. It is now Mother Abby's turn. I shot the arrows into each of her shoulders, so I don't think she can raise her arms right now. Called shots. There's a whole different set of rules for that. Yep.

- Eight ball back pocket. - Yeah. - Nice. Mother Abby seems distraught. She is still able to use her arms, begins chanting. And as she's chanting, the zombie next to Mud goes ahead and strikes at him again. - What? - 15. - Sorry guys, I got more arrows. - That hits. It does five points of damage. The two that have circled ranks around Gum Gum take another attack each. That's a 12 and a 13.

Those both missed, correct GumGum? Yep. Alright, so GumGum avoids getting attacked by them. I think I'm tanking guys. I think I'm tanking. No, you only speak Camel now. So you gotta go. Thank you. GumGum, she looks you straight in the eyes. Make a wisdom saving throw.

Close your eyes, Miriam. The eyes of the grandma are upon you. 16. Okay. You feel a shiver run up your spine as you picture every one of your darkest fears manifest itself in your mind, but you're able to shake it off. Mud, it's your turn. Okay. So are there two zombies on me? One. Or the one took two hits at me. Okay. Right. I like all this extra HP, so I'm going to stay at the camel. Nice. Nice.

And I'm gonna bite a zombie again. I'm gonna try. Okay. Go ahead and make an attack roll. 12. That does hit. Okay. I do 2d4 of damage, which is 6. Mud bites that zombie that he's been going back and forth with, takes a big chunk out of it. The zombie... But it's still standing. Are you gonna do anything else or is that your turn, Mud? I think that's my turn. All right. That zombie goes ahead and it decides to try to take a bite back out of you.

Just biting each other. Oh, my God. The kissing. 11. That does not hit, correct? No, I'm a nine. So, yeah, that hits. Oh, that does hit. Okay. This is camel. Camel. It does seven points of damage. And then magic happens, and I'm no longer a camel. You're mud again? I'm mud again. So, Bart, roll a dexterity save. Bart, no longer on a camel.

He's on my shoulder! He's on my shoulder! 15. That's a good roll. Bart falls off the camel, but definitely lands on his feet. Very graceful. Next to mud. Yeah, extremely graceful. Bart. I only have one spell slot left, which concerns me. You don't have like cantrips or anything? I do. A minor illusion and mage hand. Gotcha. Which don't really do any damage. Yeah.

How's that Mother Abby looking right now? She's still kicking. She's still cackling and staring at Gum Gum. Do you have any melee attacks you could do with this zombie we're fighting? I do. Yeah, let me try to use my longsword on this zombie that's biting my dear, dear friend. Yeah, go Samwise on this zombie. Gonna sword that zombie. Make an attack. Yeah. 17. Ooh, that's a 17. Yeah, you managed to successfully slice up the zombie with your longsword. Roll me some jam. Cut a corpse. Let's go. Eight.

Yeah. The zombie looks like he's taking quite a bit of damage, but he is still standing in front of you. Goddamn. You lop some of its fingers off, but it's still. Kyborg. Oh, you know what I'm going to do. I'm taking another shot at the nun. Really doesn't like that nun. Ooh, that's a 22. Oh, that hits.

Oh my god! 10 points of damage! - Yeah, Mother Abby takes another 10 points of damage. - Mother Abby is doing a very good Boromir impression right now. - Yeah. She's just getting just pelted with arrows sticking out of everywhere. Yeah, you hit her once again.

She's still standing, though, but she's hurt. Man, she is resilient. She drank her Metamucil today. She's a baddie, yeah. Gum-Gum. All right, Gum-Gum's mad. Real mad. And you're standing by Mother Abby, and there are two zombies there with you. Gum-Gum, in a violent rage, picks up Mother Abby by the feet and swings her at a zombie.

Are you bludgeoning a zombie with the body of Mother Abby? Yes. Tell you what, go ahead and make me, first of all, make me a wisdom saving throw before we even get to that. Wisdom saving throw? You got looked in the eye. Can I use my inspiration die on it? Yes. Worse. Worse.

So Gum Gum rolled a seven and then rolled a six. You're raging and you're absolutely furious. You're going to bend down to pick up Mother Abby, but suddenly you don't feel the desire to do that. You feel like Mother Abby's your friend. Someone got charmed. So then... Why do these people want to hurt Mother Abby? She's never done anything wrong to them.

Why does anybody want to hurt Shang Tsung? He's such a nice old man. So then can I do anything else? Is that my turn? You could do something. Just you can't harm Mother Abby. She's your friend. I guess I'll pick up a zombie and hit the zombie at the other zombie. That you can try to do. Okay, we'll have to go through a few checks for that. So first of all, roll a grapple. Okay. Oh, my God. Two plus five. Seven. Seven.

Oh, wait, no, I'm raging. So what does that give you? 23. Okay. I rolled a nat 20, so it actually, you do not make your grapple check. But I have a 23. I know, I rolled a nat 20. That's before my modifiers. You're a zombie. You're a zombie, Arian. Keep arguing with the dungeon master. It usually works out. I know, I know. I was just so excited when I remember I had rage. Uh.

So what do I do? So yeah, you try to grapple with it, but like it keeps slapping your hands away. And you try to grab it and it's old, tattered clothes rip away. You just cannot get a solid grip on it. I like to imagine that this turn played out like this. I yell and scream, charging Mother Abby. I go up and give her a hug. Then look around and then go to a zombie and then like swat at it. You guys are doing the slap fight.

It's like you want to see, you want him to show you his feet, but he's not letting you. That zombie, however, will say he tries to return the favor, not by grappling you, but by attacking you.

That's the only roll he gets a 10. The other one also tries to attack you with a slam. Ooh, he does manage to connect. That's a 22. He does four points of damage to you. Okay. Kyborg, Mother Abby turns and looks at you and points at you with her left arm and all of the zombies disengage with who they are currently attacking and they all start shambling over towards you.

What's the current situation where we're fighting? Are there any, like, what's the area in which we're fighting? You're at the chapel. There's a ring of eight large stones in a circle with the ivory altar in the center, and you all are scattered around the altar attacking Mother Abbey. Is this inside? You're outside. Is there any foliage? No, you're in a desert landscape. Are there any cactuses? You're not going to hide behind a cactus. Back over by the give and take. Have any rain, snow, mist, natural phenomena? It's a clear night. Okay.

All right. So they're all closing in on you. They're not gonna get to you yet until their next turn. Okay. However, Mother Abby points at you and a bolt of magic leaps out from her finger in your direction. Oh yeah. 21. That hits you. Make me a constitution saving throw.

Constipation saving throw, here we go. Constipation, constipation. That's a six. You feel really sick and you take 10 points of damage. You feel like you've been poisoned. Well, Gus, I have advantage against being charmed and magic can't put you to sleep. Okay, that's not, okay, shoot. Sorry, I thought I could be poisoned by magic.

He wasn't even listening to you guys. I love how confident he was. That's like America in a nutshell. Overconfidence about something you don't understand. Yeah. All right. Fine. Mud.

Right. Well, Mud's back to being Mud. I can still get to that one zombie, right? You have to move a bit to catch up to it because it started shambling away from you, but you could move up to it and still attack. Yeah, I'm going to hit this guy with my great club. Okay, so Mud closes the distance with the zombies. He's not letting him get away. Nope.

and you go ahead and you take an attack with your club. 17. Ooh, 17. Yeah, you connect. Lord. And I'll do eight damage. Eight points of damage. Not bad. Is he still standing? Pretty sure he died. I'm not asking if he's died. I'm asking if he's still standing. Yeah, very different. No, you knock the zombie's head clear off with that stride. Mud smash. Yeah.

Yeah, it slides across the battlefield and the body of the zombie falls to the floor. Very cool. Park. All right. I want to try Dissonant Whispers again. Okay. Yeah. Can this whisper? On Mother Abby or? Mother Abby, baby. All right. Take out the queen. Making my wisdom saving throw here. Oh.

That succeeds. Damn. So she takes half damage. We're rolling. That is a 10, so five damage. So five points of damage. You feel like it's just starting to add up. She's definitely looking worse for wear. Gotcha. I would hope. Kyborg. All right, these zombies, they're coming after me. I'm going to have to adjust my attack plan. Just kidding. I shoot my bow and arrow at the nun. Ha ha.

I like how you immediately make your roll right as soon as you say that. 16 plus eight, 24. Finger on the button. That hits. Doing? Five points damage. Okay. The arrow does hit Mother Abby doing five points of damage. Second win. Once per short rest, you can use a bonus action to regain 1d10 plus two HP. Oh. So rolling a d10. That's a nine plus two. That's 11 points. Do I get bonus or does it just max out?

No, it just maxes out. Ah, I feel great, better than ever! Convincing. Gum Gum, you're standing next to your friend, Mother Abby.

Okay. It's Mother Abbey, and how far away are the zombies? They started shambling away from you there at this point. 20 feet away. Okay. And then the altar that she's at, does it look important in any way? Is it magical in any way? It's emitting green light and screams. The altar is? Yes. What's it made out of? Ivory. Ivory. Ivory is pretty breakable. If I run and charge it, I'm not attacking her. Yeah, go ahead. If you want to, you can charge the altar. Okay. Okay.

I'm gonna charge the altar with my battleaxe and just slice it at the weakest, thinnest point. Gum Gum charges at the altar which is emanating this green light and screams, pulls out his battleaxe, takes a big swing at it. Suddenly, a portal opens up behind Mother Abby. What? And out steps a hooded woman with a cloak as black as her eyes and a bewitching pale face. With pinpoint precision, she delivers two swift jabs at Mother Abby.

The priest seizes up, drops everything, and falls to the ground, stiff as a board, but still breathing. The remaining zombies all fall dormant to the ground. The black-eyed woman walks over, and with a honeyed yet haunting voice, she softly says, I have a few announcements to deliver to this town. Interrupt me at any point, and with the wave of my hand, I'll end every one of you, and you'll never find the Infinites. Oh my god. She raises her hand. Understand? Huh?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I understand. Please do not move the hand. Everyone make a perception check. 17 for Bart. 14 for Mud. 12. And 14. You all notice that there are actually several archers in black cloaks hidden in the shadows nearby, all with arrows notched aiming at you guys.

Oh, cool, brothers. She lowers her hand, then removes her hood. She turns to the crowd and says, Dear people of Pious Pass, fear not, for I am Paralite. Dun, dun, dun. She's here. Can I shoot one more arrow at Mother Arrow? Ha ha ha!

Make a wisdom saving throw. Oh, here we go. That's an 18. Paralite locks eyes with you, stares deep into your soul, and just says one word. Wait. Wait.