C01 - Ep. 07 - Infinight Interns - Pyous Pass Pt. 2
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Well, I declare our adventurers are finally on their first mission in the dusty town of Pious Pass, collecting a secret package for Dr. M. But that's not the only thing cryptic in this town. Seems there's a deadly curse afoot. And wouldn't you know it, our heroes met the local law, Governe, a short-tempered sheriff fixing to fly off the handle while arresting the local priest, Mother Abby. Before they knew it, everything went cattywampus and black as pitch. So put on your sitting britches, because I reckon it's time to tell our tale.

Blackness surrounds you. A high-pitched ringing lingers in your ears. Everyone go ahead and roll a perception check. Seven. Eleven. Twenty. Twenty-three. Some good rolls, some not-so-good rolls there. Kyborg, you try to call out for help, but there's a cough that tickles your throat, and you start coughing instead. Gum-Gum, you think you hear a muffled voice calling out nearby. All you can make out is, "'Pass the roast here?'

Bart and Mud, you start waving your arms around and realize you're surrounded by smoke. You hear a voice nearby shouting, is the coast clear? I think so. It's so smoky. You're waving your arms trying to clear the air. Roll me a dexterity check, Bart. The most dexterous of the group. 21. It seems like as you're waving your arms around, you're able to clear the smoke a little bit in front of your face.

Okay, so do I see if the coast is clear or not? You look down and you spot Chick, the store owner, hiding under a nearby display case. Oh no. She's shaking and looks up at you. Is it safe to come out? I think so, Chick, but don't worry. We'll find the culprit. I mean, we already know the culprit, but we'll find her. It's definitely the sheriff. Chick timidly stands up with a concerned look on her face. She turns to you all and says, Meet me at the Little Picker at Twilight. I'll make it worth your while.

Ew. That's a sentence I don't want to hear. She hands five gold pieces to each of you. Yay! That should pay for room and board at the saloon. There's more where that came from. I'll see you then. Can we do like a rental service? Like you got that pogo stick. Like if we rented that, we'll use it to save the priestess.

I need the pogo stick. Remember when Blockbuster used to loan out like PlayStations and Nintendo 64s and stuff? Dude, that's how I played the Dreamcast for the first time. I rented it from Hollywood Video. Yeah, yeah. Gus, tap into that nostalgia. Give us the pogo stick. It worked out so well for them. Yeah, there's no tines of industry. Just know I can't sell them as new once I do that. I'm so sorry. Okay, I understand. Can Mud look around to see if there's any sign of like the sheriff leaving, like where they went?

Yes, roll me an investigation check, Mud. While you're doing that, Chick excuses herself and she goes to check on the other customers, making sure everyone in her shop is okay. That's a 12. You find a three-sided throwing star on the floor near the front entrance, probably from the sheriff. And you also find two pairs of footprints that lead outside. But the trail seems to go cold once it reaches the sandy main road.

Can I investigate, like, whatever residue or shrapnel is from that grenade just to see what it's kind of, like, made of and stuff? Yeah. What would that be? Roll a ballistics check. Investigation as well. All right, investigation. I rolled a seven. I put on glasses and I say, well, guys, I guess I really blew it. Yeah!

You feel like a grenade may have been thrown here. *laughs* Okay. Right. First, is everybody okay? Seems like it. They got Gum-Gum. They got Gum-Gum? He's dead. Gum-Gum's on the floor. He's dead. We got a dead Gum-Gum. Uh oh. I pick up Gum-Gum and I say, "It's okay, my child. I have you. You're with me now." I'm okay. *laughs*

Seems like everyone's okay. It seems like it was mainly just smoke and no actual damage. It's a smoke grenade. Good thing, because we'd be dead if not.

Is this Sheriff or the Batman? Because he threw a throwing star and then a smoke bomb. No, this is a pie, not a bat. Ah, gotcha. Pie man. Ah, yes, pie man. Pie woman. Pie woman, yes, yes, yes. What should we do in the meantime till twilight? We should probably maybe take a little bit of a rest because Bart's a little ouchy from those stars.

That's right, I forgot you took seven damage. Yeah. I say, all right, that's a good idea. Bart, I hear you, but what about the Bartbershop? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

We could go take a short rest at the pecker and then maybe head over to the barbershop before we meet Chick at the pecker. Sure. Yeah. I just like that we just saw a kidnapping or whatever, and it's very dramatic and it's like we have this whole mystery afoot, but we're like, well, let's go get a little quick show in at the barbershop. I want to point out, it's not a kidnapping. Mother Abby was arrested. Yeah, but that sheriff used a

unnecessary amount of force on us, I would say. Throw a grenade in a shop. Especially to a judge. How dare? I bet the judge would find the sheriff in contempt of court, most likely. Alright, can we go to the little pecker? Lil, L-I-L.

You all step out of the shop here and a sweltering heat bears down on your necks from the scorching sun directly overhead. Seems like the townsfolk are unaffected. If anything, the town seems to be waking up and more shops look to be open now. You said you're going to make your way over to Lil' Pecker Saloon? I assume we should tend to Bart's gaping wound. I wouldn't mind dropping by the water well to like throw a coin in though. That's all right though. Gonna make a wish?

The well's kind of in the center of town. You just gotta make a slight detour up to the well. You could make it on the way to the Lil Pecker Saloon if you wanted to. Yeah, I wouldn't mind. Just drop in line. Just drop a copper piece in. Gum gum follows. You pass by the well on your way over to the Lil Pecker. Like I said earlier, it's a circular well made of stone. It's got that little plaque next to it nearby. There's a rope and a bucket.

You said you were going to toss some money, some coins into the rope? I throw one copper coin in, and to myself I whisper, I hope Gum-Gum meets his dad. And then it goes in. Kerplunk. Wait, can you roll to see if it goes in? Gum-Gum. Yeah, make a roll, Jaren.

Oh my god. Rolled a one. You rolled a net one. You toss a coin into the well and it hits the edge of the circular stone lip and it just stays there. It doesn't actually fall into the water. I'm just too embarrassed. I walk away. That's good enough for me. Gotcha. I go and pick up the coin. God dang it. So Kyborg loses a copper and Gum Gum gains one copper.

Everyone wins. Can I look and see if there's any more money in the well? You can't see. It's pretty far down. I mean, if you want it, you could try to dredge it with the bucket. Sure. Dredge it. Go ahead and make a strength check just because you have to pull up all this water and stuff. All right.

22. Oh, 22. You do this easily. You toss the bucket attached to the rope down into the well. You try to let it sink as far as you can and you pull it up. When you look in the bucket, it seems like it's only water. It seems like you didn't get anything other than water when you drew it up. Okay.

Again, just want to make sure everybody is aware that Bart is bleeding from a ninja star wound. I'm in pain. But my wish is... They're playing with a well. All right. Are you all done with the well? Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Well, well, well. You gonna toss the bucket back in or the water? You just gonna leave it there, Gum-Gum?

I guess. I mean, I already... I'll just set it on the side. Okay. Gum-Gum leaves a bucket of clean, fresh water on the side of the well for the next person passing by to use. That's great. Y'all continue on your way to the Little Pecker Saloon.

Nice. Oh, wow. Sorry, I got a little flustered there.

Bart can't make eye contact because he's too shy. He's not usually taken by such beauty, but he is very flustered. It is like a praying mantis, but human-sized. But voluptuous. That's Bart's type. So what do you all want to do? You walk in, Bart is shy and cannot make eye contact with the pie with hazel eyes. He does a thing where he, like, smiles and laughs, but a little bit of drool comes out.

as he's laughing and then he gets even more embarrassed. Is his nose bleeding a little bit? Mud approaches the bartender. Hello? Hey old friend, what can I do for you? My friend's bleeding out of a giant wound and we need a place to rest. Do you have lodging? Oh, absolutely. You can secure lodging for the night for the cost of two gold pieces. Fantastic. We'd like to have four rooms. Four rooms. And will you be requiring any bed warmers with any of these rooms?

It's hot. It is already hot. It's so hot outside. No, no, no. Me and Bart can share a room. Oh, Bart, do you want to share a room with Gum Gum? Yeah, of course. We're used to bunking up together. Save money. Then we'll take three rooms. Three rooms, absolutely. And I can't convince you to take any bed warmers.

I don't know why we would need a bed warmer, but I'm very curious why you're selling them in a desert town. We're warm-blooded creatures in a town of cold-blooded creatures, I'm assuming. Is there a reason that you think we need bed warmers, again, in the desert? Oh, wait, wait, it gets cold at night, though. Very popular in this town. Just offering as per standard. All right, how much is it?

Just an additional five silver pieces. Oh, okay. That's all. I'll take, if you've picked my curiosity, I'll take a bed warmer. Just one then? Gum, Gum, and Bart, you want to, you're going to warm each other enough or do you need a bed warmer? We're pretty snuggly. Okay. Kyborg? I'm tough. I don't need it.

Alright, that's just one. Three rooms and one bed warmer. You got it. She takes your money. Make sure you deduct that from your character sheets. Oh yeah. Okay, well your rooms are right upstairs. You're free to come and go as you like. When would you like your bed warmer sent up, sir? Before bed. I don't know how time works in this place.

You got it. When you're ready to bed down for the night, just stop by the bar and remind us and we'll send it right up. Lovely. Okay. And I assume you all are going to take a rest right now or is that an improper assumption on my part? Yeah. You're going to do a short rest? Yeah. Would short rest gain little boy some HP? Bart has five current HP.

I mean, anything's better than nothing. So I'm down for a short rest. Let's take a short rest and then we can go to the to get to see a show. Okay. You all make your way through the saloon. There's a bunch of pies milling about. Some are eating. Some are drinking. Some are playing a card game. You make your way up to the second floor since you are boarders. Only boarders are allowed upstairs. So you all are allowed and you head upstairs to your respective rooms to get a short rest. The pies eating pies.

Go ahead and indicate a short rest on your character sheet, and we'll fast forward time a little bit for you. I don't need a short rest, so I go downstairs and I hang out with the pies. Okay. While everyone else is resting, Kyborg remains downstairs with the pies. Yeah. What's your goal here, Kyborg? What do you want to do? Make friends with everybody in this inn. Could I go with Kyborg? Because I don't need a rest either. All right. Gum Gum and Kyborg.

stay downstairs, but Mud and Bart go upstairs to rest. What do you want to do specifically? You just want to start approaching people, or how are you going to go about this, Kyborg? Oh, yeah. I'm buying drinks. I'm working my way around. Just getting to know folks. Just seeing what's up. What's the word on the street? You know? Hey, what's going on with this priestess? What's up with that sheriff? That kind of thing. It seems like

For the most part, from what you gather, everyone has nothing but good things to say about Mother Abby. Mother Abby cured my dog of Crip Curse, and it no longer has fleas. I think she even taught him how to play dad. Mother Abby is so wise and kind. She has given so much to our town, and she never asks for anything in return. What an angel from Dreama. Saint. I go to Mother Abby's chapel every day to make offerings to Dreama, and every day is a blessing. I heard Mother Abby grew up in the canyon outskirts, but you wouldn't know it from her preaching. She has a way with words like you wouldn't believe.

Who was the person who got killed? The sheriff's child passed away. Do we know if that was a disease-related thing? Terrible thing would happen to Pat Burns. Passed away from the crypt curse. That sounds like an unfair arrest, Gum Gum. We have a mystery on our foot here. Not really. We solved it, but yeah. Good thing I don't wear shoes. I don't know what that means. Good thing I don't wear shoes. Okay.

If you're buying drinks for everyone, we'll say you need to remove some money from your... Sure. I mean, how much do you want to spend on this ale? It's going to be about four copper pieces for a mug. You buy a gallon of ale for like two silver pieces.

Not two silver pieces isn't bad. I'll do two of those. Four silver pieces. Four silver pieces, yeah. Yeah, I want to get everybody loosened up. I want everybody having fun. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They seem to really enjoy it. And actually, while you're at it, go ahead and make a charisma check as well. Okay. All right. Well, I have poo charisma, but we're going to see. The ale helps lubricate charisma. That is a two. Oh, sorry. That is a zero. It's a negative two. Yeah. All right. All right. Yikes.

They're not lifelong friends. They seem to be talking to you because you're greasing their mugs here a little bit. But you don't think you have any lifelong friends made after these encounters. That makes sense. That's all right. Okay. Time passes. Your short rest is done. Your friends Bart and Mud rejoin Gum Gum and Kyborg downstairs. What's the plan? I want to share the news as briefly as possible with Bart and Mud.

And say what's up going on with the mother lady and Sarah's kid. Great. Okay. That's good information. Should we go see a show? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Your love of musical theater is really showing through here, John. Yeah. You're telling me there's some praying mantises that are prepping for a show? I'm interested. So you guys make your way over to the barbershop? Yeah, I'm sure this is pertinent to the investigation.

Yeah. Absolutely. There's a mystery afoot. Someone's been taken by the sheriff. People are dying. There's a curse. Let's go catch a show. The arts are important, Gus. Maybe the sheriff went to go see a show. You never know. Maybe. Maybe. They need to enjoy themselves, too. Have a little. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, so they're doing a show while they're doing haircuts. It's a barred burr shop. I like it. Does anybody need a haircut?

Yeah, you see the price labeled here in the barbershop. It costs 10 silver pieces. Jesus. I could use a touch-up. All right. Anybody else interested? No, my hair is perfect. Bart's perfect the way he is. Gum-Gum cuts his own hair. Somehow that makes a lot of sense. Mm-hmm.

Mud would like a haircut. You're welcomed in to your chair by the Toon Sisters. You have Soap Toon, Rayno Toon, Hal Toon, and Toe Toon. Do I have to pick one? Oh, no, no. They're all going to work together. Oh. The Toon Sisters set you down in a spinning chair and drape you with an apron. They start asking you questions left and right about your name, who you are, you know, just trying to get to know you. Oh, and then, of course, most importantly, what sort of haircut you want.

I'd like a bit of an undercut, and I'd like if on the sides and backs of my head, they would cut in runic symbols around my head. Interesting. That's a look. That's definitely a look. They all agree they can definitely accommodate your hair needs, and then they get to work tuning their instruments, writing down a few lyrics, scissors start floating around your hair, snipping away, and you hear them start a count off. One, two, a one, two, three, four. ♪

Molded from the myra clay with hair as green as grass. This druid towers like a tree and just may smack your ass. He tangles foes with sprawling vines and quakes the earth below. And don't forget to sprinkle dirt into his cup of joe. His name is Mur, his name is Mur. Rock, lect, and stud, his name is Mur, his name is Mur. You're fearless, fearful, but

And with that, they end with a flourish. Spin your chair around for you and your friends to see a new hairdo, which turned out quite fabulous in the end. And then they dramatically bow before you all. Bart cheers. He's really excited. Only Bart cheered? Okay. I guess so. That's a direction.

It seems like Kyborg and Gum-Gum don't appreciate the theater. Under their breath, the Toon sisters say some unkind things about Kyborg and Gum-Gum. Kyborg and Gum-Gum, go ahead and make wisdom saving throws. Oh, no. So didn't clap? Yeah. Be nice to magical mantises. Can I clap now? Too late.

Yeah, 15. Kyborg, you think you make out what they said. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow off that sad excuse for a toupee. It makes you feel really bad, honestly. You feel less sure of yourself after it. Jeez, I already have crippling social anxiety. This isn't helping. Yeah.

Gum Gum, you hear them say to you, your best attack against a mind flayer is starvation. You don't quite understand it though, so it doesn't seem to affect you as much. I get it. Gum Gum laughed, I think. It's pretty good. That seems to take him aback a bit. Can we talk to them? Yeah, you're more than welcome to talk to them. What do you want to say? Thank you. It was a lovely performance and my hair looks quite fetching.

I would love to know if you have any information to share about this crypt curse that seems to be plaguing your town. Totune answers you. Says, oh, it's terrible. We have no idea what's happening. Seems to be making people lock up and paralyzing them and eventually they pass away and perish. That's terrible.

Yeah, luckily Mother Abby's been doing great work trying to heal people and make people comfortable who are afflicted with the Crypt Curse. Crypt Curse. Everyone loves Mother Abby. I love her. Oh yeah, that Sheriff Gov has had it out for Mother Abby from the start. I heard she's looking for any excuse to get rid of her. Why? Oh, I don't know. I think Sheriff Gov blames Mother Abby for her daughter passing away. By any chance, do you remember when Crypt Curse, how long ago it showed up in your town?

Oh, boy. I don't know exactly. It takes a while for it to really take effect, so I couldn't say for certain. Probably been several weeks at this point. And when did Mother Abby join your town? Oh, she was here before that. Mother Abby showed up several months ago. Gotcha, gotcha. Interesting.

Just out of curiosity, you say that the sheriff is blaming Mother Abby, who is a saint to everybody else, for the death of her daughter. Do you know why particularly she's associating that with this saint of a character? I think the sheriff just has it out for anybody who's trying to do good and help other people who are in need. Sheriff just wants to punish people. Huh.

That seems like the opposite of what a sheriff should be doing. It seems you got a little bit of like a Sheriff of Nottingham kind of a situation here. Yeah. Maybe if I got deputies got in on the inside. Gum, gum, gum, gum said a Sheriff of Nottingham. I just want to point that out. Okay. Yeah. I heard two jokes. Oh, is that what he said? Oh, that's good. That's good.

Oh, I was going to give you an inspiration dive, but you already have it. That's interesting. I appreciate the information. Does anybody else have anything they want to discuss with these lovely individuals? Yes. Bart casts minor illusions to make himself look like a detective. He's got one of those little fedoras on. He whips out a notebook and a little pen.

Do you have a magnifying glass, too? Magnifying glass. He has suspenders on. His version of detective is the same as, like, Detective Pikachu. It's just a little hat. Bart's watched a lot of movies growing up. From America. Yeah. Okay. All right. Go for it, detective. So, ladies.

Pleasure. Pleasure seeing you here today. Thank you for being with us. Just ignore the camera that's recording you off to the side. That's for just investigative purposes. They look around slightly confused. It's their shop. Are you referencing Sordo? Yes. Did you forget Sordo was here? Maybe. I'm a very good detective. Very perceptive. So, this sheriff, what...

Have they ever tried to take anyone else into custody for doing something that they claimed was wrong? Oh yeah, the sheriff will take care of anybody who breaks the law here in Pius Pass. She enforces the law very strictly. All right, where did the sheriff come from? How did she make her way to this town? Oh, sheriff's been here forever. She grew up here. She's been living here for years. Okay. Sheriff's daughter, what did she do when she got sick? What did she... What do you mean, what did she do? What was she doing? Like, how did she get sick?

Yeah. Oh, we don't know. We don't know how people get sick. What's the last thing she did before she got sick? Oh, we don't know. She was leading her life like normal. Then she started falling ill. The sheriff just doesn't trust Mother Abby, so she never took her daughter over to her for any assistance and healing, and she just passed away. And yet Mother Abby's in charge, or was the reason behind her death, even though she didn't even help. Yeah. Okay. Could you be witness? What? In the trial.

Oh no, we didn't see anything. We don't know what's going on. But maybe you can ask around. Maybe you'll find someone else in town who could help you with that. Who? Oh, I don't know. There's plenty of people. I don't know if you've talked to Ludi over at the saloon or Chick over at the store. Ludi. Ludi. I guess you didn't ask her name at the time. She was the voluptuous pie running the saloon. I think we should talk to Ludi. Okay. Okay.

Be careful with that, Ludi. Be careful? Why is that? Oh, yeah. She's been doing dirty dealing. She's turning her mother's ship-shaped saloon into a dirty brothel. I think that's why people have been getting sick. Oh, awful, awful. We should go back and look into that. That sounds terrible. We do need to go back to the pecker anyways to meet Chick.

Yes, we do. Should we just head back to the pecker brothel? Is it twilight yet? Did we waste enough time? Basically, if you want to keep looking around, it's not twilight. If you want to go back to Little Pecker, it's twilight.

That's fun. I say we... I'm ready. We can go back. Let's split the party. Half of them go to the bar. Let's go to the pecker. Let's go to pecker. No, no, no. I want to explore this time loop thing. I hate you. I'm trying to be accommodating over here. So Bart and I are stuck in the twilight time and mud and cyborg. Bart wants to go to the little pecker. Let's go to the pecker. Let's see. Lude? Lude? Ludi. Ludi. Ludi.

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There's a few billion people in this world who aren't listening, and maybe you can help us reach them. Long canyon shadows pour over the town as daylight begins to fade from a setting sun. Most town folk appear to have gone home and shops are starting to close up. Y'all make your way over to Little Pecker Saloon, where sitting at the bar is Chick, the Toon Sisters, and Lootie. Seems like the bar is pretty much otherwise empty.

Chick greets you guys and says, "Oh, thank you so much for coming, my friends. We're all in agreement. Sheriff Gov is obviously lost in her own grief and is looking for someone to blame." Ludi chimes in and says, "Mother Abby is clearly innocent. She's been healing people from the start of the Crypt Curse and has never asked for anything in return." Soaptoon says,

Okay. Yeah, sure, sure.

I'm surprised none of my compadres asked what's in it for us. I assume the death pogo stick. We've put together a fund to save Mother Abby. We'd be able to compensate you 30 gold pieces each. Wow. That's a lot of gold. 15 now and 15 gold once the job is done. Well, I mean, I don't think any of us could deny an offer like that. Right, fellas? No. Gum Gum just went super sane.

I think Gum Gum's thinking of all the things he's going to buy. Well, we are heroes, so. I've already added the 15 gold points and pieces to my bag. Truly like the Infinite. All right. Yep, I guess that's what we're doing. Let's break a complete stranger out of jail.

All you have to do is sneak up to the jailhouse using the cover of night, break in to rescue Mother Abby, and then bring her back here at the saloon and we'll keep her safe. Okay, what is jail?

Is there like guards or? You probably just have to be careful with Deputy Green. Sheriff Gov may still be there, but Deputy Green never leaves the jailhouse. Okay. Does he have any weapons, this Deputy Green? Oh yeah, Deputy Green's the deputy. She'll definitely be armed. And then what if, like for the jail, like how do we get in? Well, that's up to you guys. I assume it'll be locked up.

you can try to break in through a window or break in through a door. That's really up to your discretion. That's more your department than ours. Okay. Got it. Right. So we should make a plan of how we're going to do this. Okay. First, I want to get a go-go stick. We can't get the stick. But the go-go stick, if we can bind our funds and got it, then he could jump onto the ceiling. It was only 20. Yeah.

I can go buy it. Well, Chick is here. I mean, like from a metagame perspective, Chick is here with you guys. Like she's not, there's no one at the store. So then do we ask her?

I'm going to need the go-go stick. Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. I can't get over to the store right now. We've got our own preparations to make here to safeguard Mother Abby. Oh, dang it. Once you bring Mother Abby back, we can definitely take care of that, though. Dang it. I have a very strong feeling Gus is trying to say, you're not getting this pogo stick. Okay. All right.

All right. I have rope and I have arrows. I can shoot rope onto the ceiling. We could break in that way. We also probably should head over. That's what I was going to say. Should we look at the jail first? But they might have like a scout. I got an idea. I got an idea. I could get arrested and then we'll have an inside man. Dude, I have never been so excited about a plan you have put forward. We, okay. Gum gum. That's your most impressive idea yet. What are you going to do to get arrested?

I don't know. I should maybe steal something. You just want that javelin, don't you? You know that they'll take it away from you, right? Not if I don't get caught. But you want to get caught. You got to get caught. That's part of the plan. Oh.

You can't go to the jail cell without getting caught. Well, what if you get caught? What if you get caught, Kyborg? Stop yelling at me. Whatever your name is.

I still think that I need to get on the roof. I have in my possession rope. You sounded like a drunk guy just now. I think I need to get on the roof. It sounds like a drunk guy's idea. Let's get on the roof. I just need to get on the roof. All right. So wait, where is the little pecker in conjunction to...

Right next to it. The little pecker is in the southwest corner of town, and the jail is the building immediately south from it at the very far south end of town. If I get onto the roof of the little pecker, I could clear that. I can make that jump.

Um, it's maybe like a 10 foot, just under 10 foot jump between the two buildings. Listen, I've got great athletics. I'm plus six athletics. I think I can make that. It's got a 10 foot jumping spin. 10 is not that hard. I'm an elf. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. I just want Blaine to try to do 10 feet in real life right now. I can mark it. I'm going to see if...

How tall is Kyborg? You're a wood elf, right? He's 5'10". 5'10", big guy. He's not as tall as I thought he'd be. He's based off of a certain someone. I could give him guidance so he could really get a good check on it. This sounds like our best plan. But wait, do you have a plan of what happens when you get on top of it?

I'm sure there's windows. I will let them know from inside. Right. There's windows that I could probably, I could, again, with the rope, I could, I could tie it onto some piping or something on the roof, lower myself down. There's gotta be some exposed areas, exposed

Is it daytime right now, Gus? No, it is nighttime. Perfect. Perfect time for a jailbreak. Yes, perfect. How about step one? Kyborg, at minimum, gets on top of little pecker and then gives us a reading of all about the jail cell. What's the roof look like? What's all that kind of stuff? Sounds like a good idea.

I'm also the bow... The archer man. So... The bow man? The bow man. Should I get arrested now? Yeah, so... Kyborg's gonna work on getting on the roof. I don't know how that works. And then...

I guess Gum-Gum's going to try to get arrested. We've all got plans and things to do. That being Bart and I are just going to watch. That's exactly what I was going to ask. So Kyborg is headed to the roof of the Little Pecker. Gum-Gum is walking out of the Little Pecker looking for a way to get arrested. And Bart and Mud are staying in the Little Pecker just waiting for everyone to come back. Well, I guess waiting for Kyborg to come back.

Yeah. Is that a correct assessment of the situation? And we're probably also waiting for Gum Gum to come back with some guy on the street being like, hey, we found your friend trying to get up to some weird stuff. Wait, I need someone to come with me to hide the things I steal.

The thing I steal. Wait, so you want to steal something and then give it to someone else, but then get caught for the crime? It actually makes a little bit of sense, is that he wants to get the thing that he's going to steal, and then he needs someone to take the thing he steals and hide it. Get on the roof with it.

You know what? I like this plan. I'm there with you, GumGum. I want to witness what happens here, so I'm going to help GumGum. Bart, do you want to go team Kyborg, or do you want to come with us? Kyborg looks at Bart with big open arms and a big smile. I'm going to help you.

Bart reluctantly goes with Kyborg. Hey! Right. Okay, so Bart's up on the roof as well. Yeah, but Kyborg had to give Bart a little hand because Bart's very small. So a big hand for Bart. A big old hand. Yep. Isn't the thing that we want to steal in the Little Pecker? It's in the Give and Take trade house post. Oh, we're in the Little Pecker. I forgot. Yeah, it's in the Give and Take. You're right. God, GumGum knew the answer. And we're going to take...

We're not going to... I'll give something too. Right. My freedom. Just to clarify before you guys go to break into the give and take, not that I'm trying to dissuade you from doing it. I just want to remind you,

The owner of the shop, Chick, is in the little pecker with you right now. Right. Okay. Which is perfect. Okay, who should we deal with first? I'm going to roll the die. Wait, don't we need to do the... If I'm going to give the bouncy stick, don't we need to do that first? Oh, you guys are intentionally doing that first to give it to Kyborg? Yeah, but I want to... I'm going to get caught with the stolen stuff, and that's going to make me get arrested. You're also trying to break into a jail. You're doing illegal things regardless. All right, YOLO. Ha!

Okay, so is this the plan? Yeah. Okay, so we will deal with the give and take first. We'll say Mud and Gum Gum slip out of the Lil Pecker Saloon and head over to the give and take, which luckily for them is not very far away. It is just right across the way. It's the other building on the southern end of Pious Pass. Are y'all trying to be sneaky about this? Because you cross the main thoroughfare of the town and the jail is at the southern end just right by you guys. Right.

It's a pretty clear night, moonlit. It's kind of cool in the evening, despite how hot it was earlier in the day. A little bit of dust is blowing up, light wind. It seems like it's pretty deserted. Everyone's bunkered down for the night. I cast Disguise Self and try to make myself look as camouflaged as possible to the landscape around. Like what, like...

Sand? Or what do you mean? Yeah, like sand in the night. I look like, because it's dark, right? Yeah, it is moonlit. Okay, then yeah, I'm looking like I'm a little bit sandy. Because I'm like a giant green furball. According to that spell, you can change your clothing, your armor, your weapons, your belongings to look different. You can also make yourself seem one foot shorter or taller. I'm going shorter as well. Trying to get small. Small and sand. What are you doing, Gum-Gum?

Looking for mud. Mud. Roll a perception check. This is not what we need to be sorting out right now. Not this is what we're doing. We're doubling down. I know. Give him into the bed. Five. He rolled a five. Roll a stealth check. I rolled a 20. Yeah, gum gum. Mud disappeared. You don't know where you went. Oh my God. Okay. I'm going to roll into this. I walk over to...

the give and take. Okay. And I stand in front of it and I just try to use the most ghostly voice possible. Gum gum, steal me. Just to try to lure Gum Gum over. Ghost of crime. Ghost of crime. All right. Ghost of crime, I will do it.

And I just run and dive through a window. Run and dive through a window. I guess you're trying to make as much noise as you can. Uh-huh. Okay. That's right. He's trying to get caught. Yeah, he's trying to get caught. Okay. You run and dive through a window. Make an athletics check to see how this dive looks for me. As he dives through, I slap his butt with guidance. Excellent. Athletics? A good pat on the butt will provide guidance for anybody. Yeah.

Stitch that on a pillow. Oh my god, I have the worst rolls. I have a plus seven on athletics and I still only got 11. Add the d4. Oh no, no. I'm going to say he makes this athletics check because he starts this process before you do your guidance. Your guidance hits him as he's doing his check. Okay. So yeah, GumGum, we'll say you, I mean, you managed to dive through the window, but you belly flop onto the floor of the give and take.

There's nothing graceful about it. You end up face down on the floor of the given take where you were earlier amongst a bunch of broken glass and dust that is settling. Make a perception check. Gum, gum, and mud.

God, four again? Three. Good Lord. That's 21. Gum-Gum, you don't realize this. Maybe only Mud hears it because he's still outside. But you hear a rustling sound coming from the jailhouse to the south. Oh. What are you going to do, Gum-Gum? Get up and run to where the magical pogo stick is. I like how that's what we're calling it. The magical pogo stick. Yeah, it's canon now.

There was a pogo stick and wasn't there another thing that would search for stuff that you wanted? The pogo stick you're referring to, I believe, is the jump and jab. Uh-huh. And the thing that would search for things is the gopher. Okay. He grabs a pogo stick and the gopher. The what? Jump and jab. The jump and jab. The jump and jab. And goes to the gopher. How are you doing this? They were in cases. Are you, like, smashing the cases? Oh, yes. Oh, I smash. Gum gum smash? Yeah.

Oh, oh. Oh, gum gum smash. Duh. Let's say let's make a strength check to smash the case with the jump and jab in it. Oh my God, I've rolled four fours in a row. That's a... I have stepped around the corner so that I am behind the give and take. The line of sight of the jail has broken with me, so I'm just next to the give and take. Just want to make that clear. Okay. Can I...

Do you want to use your guidance on that? I guess I'll use it. So it's 11. Just for reference, Mud, were you, that alley you went behind to break line of sight with the jailhouse? Yeah. You see on that north end of the building, there's a window up there as well. Into the give and take. Correct. The one that Gum-Gum jumped through is facing the west towards the main thoroughfare of the town. Okay, Gum-Gum. Yeah, you managed to smash the glass case and grab the jump and jab.

And the little beaver. Gopher. The gopher. Gopher. That was actually in a different case. The jumping jab was in the combat display case. The gopher is in the exploration display case, so you have to make another strength check to break that. Okay. Smash. Just crash. Easy. Come on. 19. 19. There's a big strong boy. Smash it, and as you're grabbing the gopher, make a perception check for me. Both of you.

Both of us. Yes! 14. Oh, I only rolled a 7. Gum-Gum, you hear a sound that might delight you. You think you hear doggies in the distance. Doggies. Gum-Gum, Gum-Gum, throw me the things! I give the pogo stick to the gopher, and I say, Go find Mud. He's disappeared. Take this to him. And then I give it to him. Is that how that would work? In Gum-Gum's mind, yes.

While this is going on, Kyborg is stretching. He's getting ready for the big jump. Stretching. Stretching is good. Make me one more perception check, Gum Gum. Eight. Not at all related to what's going on right now. I'm going to roll two d20s. Okay. You give the jumping jab to the gopher. Tell it to find mud. Set it down. And it doesn't seem to do anything. And I take him and throw out the window. The window you jumped in or the window to the north side?

West side was the window you jumped in. North side is the window I'm at. Oh, and I think you're the ghost of crime. Then, yes, I throw it out the other window towards the ghost of crime. Are you throwing just the jump and jab or the gopher as well? I guess I'll throw them both. Okay, make an attack roll like you're actually using the javelin to see if you can get it through the window. Okay, 12. 12? Eh, not bad. We'll say that you're able to get it through there. Say make an athletics check like you're tossing the gopher out the window.

I would just like to say how bad my rolls have been. I have like plus seven on athletics and attack. Chris, that's the reason I keep asking you to roll. I got to keep seeing where this is going. I just got a nat one on athletics. All right. Critical fail, you mean? Yeah, the javelin goes out the window just fine. Then you grab the gopher and turn to throw it out the window and you firmly toss it right into the wall right next to the window.

Why did you go find my friend? As you do so, three large mastiffs jump through the window that you initially jumped in through and they surround you. What's it? Mastiffs or what? Like large dogs. Okay, cool. Like guard dogs, right? They look like big and impressive and they're growling at you.

Mud, you hear and see this happening. What do you want to... Do you want to do anything about that? I get the javelin, right? It came through the window? Yeah, the javelin did make it out. I think I got to leave Gum Gum to getting arrested, right? I think I have to do that. Bye. Bye.

So I guess, can I take like a long way around the small town to head back to the give and take? Yeah, you could probably head out like behind the hump house, out back past the chapel, behind the barber shop to come back over to the little pecker if you wanted to. Like take the long way around.

Yeah, I want to do that to avoid anybody seeing me. Okay, go ahead and make a stealth check. That's seven. We'll say you've got advantage because you're trying to disguise yourself and they're distracted. So roll one more. I am. I am disguised. Son of a four. I tried to help you out here, dude. You did. You did. So what happens? Okay, let's deal with, I guess, Gum Gum first. What do you do, Gum Gum, when you see these three Mastiffs jump through the window? What is around me right now?

Well, you're in the middle of the shop. You're by the exploration case where, you know, you smashed it and then tried to toss the stuff out the window. And what else was in the exploration in the attack case? The attack case also had the brew bow, which is a crossbow that launches potions. And in the exploration case, the other item was the whistle of Noma. It's a whistle that summons creatures. Grab them all. Throw them to me. I grabbed the whistle of Noma. It summons creatures? Yes.

Yes. Blow it. Blow it. I grab that and I blow it. He's doing it. What happens? And secretly, I hope that it summons my dad. Roll me a charisma check. I'm depressing really fast. Some kid breaking into a room and just going, Dad. Dad, where are you? Dad.

Is Gum Gum charismatic? I think he's probably about a four charismatic. I don't think he's very charismatic. Oh, he just got a 21. He got an A20. Ooh, nice. Ooh, lucked out. It's because his heart was in it. Well, I need you to make one more charisma check for me, Gum Gum. Oh, he's got disadvantage. It's a four. Come on, give me a four. Give me a four. 12. A 12. Oh.

You blow the whistle. It's got like a little silver chain attached to it. You pick it up, you blow the whistle, and it makes a pretty note, but nothing seems to happen. Oh, actually, what does happen is the mastiffs jump at you. Cool. Oh, it worked! Well, I say two of them jump at you. Do the thing that Schwarzenegger does where he slaps their two heads together and says, Stay. Stay.

One of them manages to bite and latch onto you. Go ahead and make a strength saving throw, Gum Gum. 11. I just want everybody to know that I assumed the dogs would just guard him and hold him there until someone came and got him. I didn't think these Mastiffs were just going to attack. Yeah, it sounds like they're about to maul him.

The Mastiff chumps onto Gum-Gum's arm doing five points of damage. Oh, dang it. Gum-Gum's dead. The sheer weight of the Mastiff pulls Gum-Gum down to the floor and Gum-Gum is now lying prone with two Mastiffs over him. The third Mastiff jumps through the northern window of the shop looking for something out there. Make another stealth check for me, Mud. Okay. I will make a stealth check. That's a 20. Oh, never mind.

I actually have plus two on stealth. And don't you have, you're disguised. Yeah, I'm disguised as dark sand. Cut to the top of the other building that me and Bart are on and our feet are dangling over the edge and we're just kind of hanging out. We're like, I wonder how gum gum and mud are doing. We all of a sudden have popsicles and we're just like looking out into the sunset. Yeah, yeah. This is real Bart connection time. The sky's really pretty right now.

Good. The moon's nice. So, Mud, you had a 20 on your stealth check. That I did. The other Mastiff jumps out that window to the north where the Javelin came out of, and it turns and looks at you immediately. What? He got a 23. Oh, my God. He does the same thing. He lunges at you. Do I get to respond at all? After him. He misses, though. Okay. So he flies off to the side. I cast Entangle. Entangle.

Cactus and succulents sprout out from the ground, surrounding the Mastiff with little thorns all over the place. What kind of save does he need to make? Strength, 14. He's strong. I'm sorry to tell you. Yeah, but the Mastiff seems unaffected by it. Gum Gum, what are you going to want to try to do inside the shop? So one doggie's on top of me. Right, and the other one's growling at you next to you. Is it growling in a I'm going to attack you way or growling as in don't move way? Okay.

Make an animal handling check. 14. You think that it's trying to intimidate you. Okay. I'm sorry. Leave me alone, doggie. And I, like, cower and, like... Doggie. And try and, like, be whatever a dog might interpret as a not moving thing. And maybe I'll also blow that whistle again to try and soothe it. Okay.

Okay. When one of the dogs is chomped down on your arm, I guess you would still have one free arm if you want to try to blow the whistle again. Yeah, sure. Why not? Roll me a charisma check. 14. And one more, please. Four. Four.

Okay, you blow the whistle again. It does not seem to have any soothing effect on the dogs. Oh, then I just put it back in my pocket and whimper. Okay. They do not seem to be attacking you or doing any more damage. Mud. After you cast Entangle, did you try to, like, escape or run away or anything? Oh, yeah. I immediately cast that and ran. I didn't even want to see if that thing worked. Okay. What's your move speed? Is it, like, 30? 30. Okay.

Doggy's faster than you. Mud starts running. Are you still going to follow that same path, trying to take the long way back to the little pecker? Can I cut through past the well and get close to the little pecker? Yeah, I mean, that's a much more direct path. The well is just like a little north, so you can sleep by there.

I want to do that, and I want you to tell me if I can see Kyborg on the top of Little Pecker. Don't pull us into this. We're the breakout group. I'm going to say probably not, because they would be on the other end of the building, and it's a multi-story building. By the time you're at the well, the well is only 10 feet or so away from the Little Pecker. You'd be pretty close to the building. I don't think you'd have a lot of fight on it. Kyborg and Bard are playing patty cakes by now.

Here's what we're going to do while they're playing patty cake. Okay? This is Hail Mary time. We're talking about our crushes. There is a mastiff attacking me, so I am going to throw the javelin up at the top of the little pecker, and I am going to whistle as loud as I can. Make an attack roll with the javelin. Oh, my God, Bart's dead! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

What would be an attack roll to do that? Roll me a d20. An 18. 18, okay. Yes. So yeah, you grab that javelin and toss it, and it goes in a perfect arc. I forget I have hidden step. I could have turned invisible at any point. The javelin's clearly silhouetted as it crosses the moon and lands right on top of the little pecker saloon. Right as you let go, the mastiff lunges at you again. Oh, wait. Hidden step is a bonus action. Oh.

Oh, so you toss it and then you want to use hidden step? Yeah. Okay. So you use hidden step and what do you do with that? You just disappear? I turn invisible. I turn invisible and I start running still. Okay. So when you turn invisible, the master still gets a chance to detect you at disadvantage. So it's going to see if it can find you. Bad dog. I hate to tell you this. It rolled a 20. No.

Disadvantage. So it rolled a 15. What's your armor class, Mud? 15. Yeah, it hits. Even though you are invisible, something about the keen nose of a dog still is able to zero in on you and chomps down on your arm. Go ahead and make the strength saving throw. That's a 22. Oh, okay. You are not pulled down like Gum Gum was. However, the dog bite does hurt you quite a bit.

It's a little ouchy and it does six points of damage. Gum Gum, are you still trying to keep the dogs calm that you're with? Yeah, yeah. Okay. How's that going for you? The only thing I'd be doing, I guess, is blowing that whistle. Okay. Mud, what do you want to do? The dog seems to be growling at you at this point, even though you used Hidden Step and, you know, obviously it bit you.

I cast Earth Tremor. You're gonna cause an earthquake? I love that the stealth part of this mission is gone. Oh, it's gone as soon as those dogs are able to see through invisibility, okay? Smell through. Three barking dogs and two screaming men. *Mark screams*

I just, I'd love to hear just how this sounds from Kyborg and Bart's position. Like what the heck is happening? We hear just like muffled sounds. It starts off with a man jumping through a window and it's just gone wrong since then. We're busy bonding though. So we don't really notice it very much. Yeah. There's probably an alarm system too. She's like, yeah,

Yeah, the sandy terrain starts rumbling and shaking. The dog seems to become a little unsteady on its feet. Dogs are pretty dexterous. It has to make a dexterity saving throw. What are they feeding these dogs? It's almost like these dogs are bred for this purpose, huh? Able to see through invisibility and break through cactus and deal with earthquakes. The dog got a 17 on its dexterity saving throw. Doggone it.

At this point, Mud has also just gone onto the ground and just fallen into a fetal position because he's giving up. You're still, you're still, why don't you hide? You're still disguised. I'm casting things and I'm just running and this thing is following me. At this point, you could get into the little pecker if you wanted to at this point. I so want to. I so, so, so want to. And I yell, I yell, base, base. All right. You run into the little pecker.

and the Mastiff charges in, chasing you, and everyone who was in the little pecker turns in astonishment. They're shocked. They had no idea any of this was going on. Chick, Ludi, the Toon Sisters, and they all turn to look at you as the Mastiff comes in, growling at you. Okay, we'll deal with you in just a second. Gum-Gum, as you're laying there, surrounded by the dogs, Deputy Green comes in and says, What's the meaning of this? The dogs are biting me.

All right, let's go, partner. She pulls out some handcuffs and puts them on you and starts leading you away. Okay, where am I going, partner? Okay.

I'm putting you under arrest. I'm taking you into holding. We'll deal with you in the morning. Okay. Okay. Sorry. I just want to point out, all of this was done just so Kyborg could make a 10-foot jump. I know. I love how off the rails it is. No, no. I'm also an inside man. Oh, yeah. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. It's a great movie, by the way.

It is actually. Mud, Chick, Ludi, and the Toon Sisters all turn to you and say, what's happening? There's dogs that are attacking. Help, help. Anybody have some meat or anything? Those are Deputy Green's dogs. Those are the Nightwatch dogs. Why are they chasing you? I don't know. Right around then, Deputy Green comes in at that moment and sees her dog growling at Mud and says, all right, come with me. Good news, everybody. We have two inside men.

Deputy Green puts the shackles on you, Mud, and leads you out of the little pecker. We're supposed to get Gum-Gum arrested. I was framed. All right, all right, keep it down. Let's go.

You're led. Wait, so I'm there. Am I with him? I did a little time shifting there. Deputy Green would have gone and taken care of you first and then taken you to jail and then come after that and grab Mud. As Deputy Green is bringing Mud back in, you know, Deputy Green tosses the two of you into a jail cell with another prisoner. Y'all are like in one of those big communal jail cells. I'm sorry, Mud. I know you told me not to break into the place, but I did it. I'm sorry. Why are you here?

Are you here to save me? Yes, I'm here to save you. Right? The plan's coming perfectly together. I'm sorry I broke into the place...

No, you said not to. I say it real loud. Deputy Green says, save it for the judge and locks the door and says, don't disturb the other prisoner. And you look at the other prisoner with a bag over their head. Deputy Green locks the jail cell up and says, all right, you all keep it down and we'll see what the sheriff says about all this in the morning. Right. Thank you. Deputy Green walks back out. On one side of the room sits a cluttered desk and chair and on the other side stands an iron bar jail cell, which you're in.

Inside the cell on the floor is a small person with their head bagged and their hands and feet manacled. They look to be wearing a tattered plaid dress. Do you think it's Mother Mary? What's her name? It's got to be, right? Abby. Not Mary. That's a different mother. That's the Beatles. Hello. What you in for? Sounds like the prisoners gagged under the bag. All you can hear is mumbling. Interesting accent. We take the bag off and the gag off.

Oh, God. Why are we in this jail cell with this? Oh, no. What?

From the mire of clay, where the hair is green as grass His druid tower's like a tree and just may smack your ass He tangles foes with sprawling vines and quakes the earth below Don't forget to sprinkle dirt into his copper joe His name is... His name is... Your rock-collecting stud His name is... Fearless fear His roots remain a mystery, they've yet to be unearthed

His family name is Bramblecrack, whatever that is worth. He doesn't care to break the ice, except for frosty knives. Don't expect for him to chat, unless you have nine lives. His name is, but his name is Rocklect and Stud. His name is, but his name is Fearless Fear. Oh, what's with the rock? So if they talk, what would they say? They'd probably say, but.