Higher Than Giraffe Genitalia with Dulcé Sloan and Trixie 58:40

Hi, it's Trixie. Today we have a guest. We have the beautiful, the effervescent, and hilarious Dulce Sloan in the program on the pod today. You guys, she's been recognized by Just for Laughs as Upcoming Faces in Comedy. She was recognized in a list on Rolling Stone of like 10 comics you need to know. She is a regular commentator on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. She just literally was on stage accepting an Emmy with him a few days ago. She's been recognized as a guest on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

If you haven't seen her beautiful thumbnails on YouTube, you've seen her online. She is so funny and beautiful. And I've loved her for years. And she reached out saying she wouldn't come on the pod. And I was like, please. We barely have guests, but I was like, please. So let's talk to her. She's so fucking funny and brilliant. And if you're watching on video, she is quite beautiful to look at. Miss Sloan is on the podcast today. Can we get a clap, clap, clap? Hello!

Dulce Sloan. Hello. Hello. Do people actually come at you like, hello, Miss Dulce. I've been called Dulce. And I have to say, what's the most interesting is someone who will come to me and go, well, you know, your name's spelled wrong. I'll go, you know, it's a different language. Oh, stop centering yourself, bitch. It's not your language. You know, I won a Webby award and never got it. Is that what this is? Yes. Yes. We have. I have to. I think I have to buy it.

No way. Did we have to buy it? Tracy helped me get mine. No, me and Josh Johnson got one for our podcast Hold Up. Thank you. And honestly, since the pod is done, it's almost like more pressing. You're not going to get nominated again. It's the only time I can win for Hold Up because Comedy Central started and ended a podcast network in one year.

It was that good, huh? It was that good. They had to shut the city down. Think of it this way. Your pop was so good that they were like, we can't top that. We can't top this. We got to pack it all up. Josh Johnson saying that anything made out of tomatoes is tomato soup. Can't top that. Girl. That man was on wax and said the salsa is tomato soup. He's crazy. Are you, when you're in your comedy duos, are you the wackadoo or are you the straight man? Hmm. Hmm. With me and Josh.

I'm the wackadoo. Josh is definitely the straight man. Because on Hold Up, we would do socially conscious rap versus club bangers. Because I enjoy the song, Nuck If You Buck, and Josh is a nerd. Because he was like, oh, talking about common, all these other rappers. I'm like, when I want to go to school, I go to school.

When I want to twerk, I twerk. I don't want to hear school over twerking music. That's not fair. You know what song always feels like a school song to me? I know I can. I know I can be what I want to be. Remember that song? That gives actual baby shark. Like it gives actual kids music. I'll tell you this. The socially conscious rap. Like, yes, I understand that it's supposed to be helping.

It's not what I'm here for. I listen to NPR. Right. I don't need your services, sir. Right. Like certain people, they need this. It's like this is how they find out like, oh man, the hood is hard. Yeah. But I know about PBS. So I don't need you to tell me about, you know, like what's going on, like socially consciousness. I just need you to say fast words so I can shake my derriere. Yeah. It's really what I'm here for. It's like peak time on a Friday night at the club. You're like, turn on that song about the environment. Yes! Who's...

No, I don't want none of that. But yeah, so we have that very, so we're starting our own podcast together because people just love me and Josh's dynamic because I bother him and America loves it. So it's a, doing podcasts is, man, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. And I, one day just had a really stupid thought and I was like, is a podcast just the radio? It kind of is though. It's the radio.

It's the radio with cameras. It's the radio. A podcast is the radio. Because I was thinking about it the other day and I was like, well, I remember listening to those old school radio shows from the 30s, like before TV. Uh-huh. It's a fucking podcast. Girl, and you and I are trying to sell makeup to people and at the same time they're telling us we belong on the radio. Yeah!

It's like, oh, does this mean this non-visual medium? Hey, buy my makeup. Girl, that's the spirit of drag. It's like you're a star. We just have to change your name, your height, your gender, your eye color, your body shape. Absolutely. But it's you. It's you. You're a star. You're a star. I had one of my agents was trying to get me to audition for something by telling me that I was going to be a big star. And I called my manager and I said, tell him to watch how he speaks to me.

Don't do that. Oh, as in implying you're not a star now. No, as implying like I should do this thing and it'll make me famous. It'll make me huge. I'm just like, I don't need that. I already know I'm going to be successful and he's being weird. So I need you to talk to him about how he talks to me. Because the thing about being in entertainment is people pimp your dreams to you. Oh, explain that. As in, for example.

People go, oh my God, you're in acting. It's like there's so much rejection. I was like, every line of work has rejection. So why? Dating has rejection. Everything has rejection. Family has rejection. Right. So like if I went to fucking accounting school and I get out of school and I start applying to different firms and I'm like, oh, I hope H&R Block calls me the fuck back.

If I don't hear from where I want to work, that's rejection. Thank you. But we're the only ones where people are like, Oh no, they said you weren't as pretty as someone else. Well, you're still a hot girl in a room full of hot girls. I'm over here at the Kroger sticking up a bag of groceries looking like Quasimodo. So what else? So that's what I'm like. It's, it's very interesting to me that this is the one line of work where people were like,

They take what you want to do and try to use it against you. That is so sinister. The way I'm going to drop that on a Zoom like I thought of it. Yeah. The way I'm going to say it to my managers at a moment where they're actually trying to be nice to me. I'm going to be like, excuse me. My friend told me that you're trying to pimp out my dreams to me, bitch. Pimp your dreams to yourself? No. Because the one thing you have to remember is that because, yes, we are artists.

and we are creative. We are. But it's also a fucking business. It is. And you know, I always, girl, I always am the cheerleader for talented people who reject things like social media because I'm always like, it's a free tool. It's free. Yeah. And somebody half as funny as you will get twice as successful just because they did it and you didn't. Yeah. I feel like my talented, beautiful friends, if they're not taking pictures of themselves, sharing their jokes, I'm always like,

Why would you not pick up this resource and use it? The thing is, it's like sometimes I just didn't know that people cared that much about what I was doing. They do. And it's interesting because I was talking to somebody earlier today and I was like, when I was a kid, I didn't know what Mariah Carey was doing all day. Girl, don't even get, but you thought about it.

No, it's none of my business. That's her life. Unless she on the radio, unless she doing a concert, that's not supposed to be my business. But it's different now. I know. Cause like, that's why the paparazzi always bothered me because it's just like, teach the Campbell, go to the Ralphs. Yeah. Why can't teach the Campbell go to Ralphs? Why can't the Sheena Arna go to a sweet green? Why are you in this woman's face when she's trying to enjoy her lunch with her children? Yeah. And it was just like, oh, we have to know because it's,

Because someone is famous, we feel like they owe us. A hundred percent. It's like, well, the other thing is now back in the day, it was like, you're a performer. And like Dolly Parton was always like, my job is to perform and shut up about world issues. My personal life, my job is to give people escapism. But now in comedy or music or anything, you have a responsibility to have open book accounting with your code of ethics. You need to get online and talk about the news that day. You know why?

Because so many people were racist. T. And we were like, oh, I didn't. Did you know? I bought a racist album. Yes. You bought a lot of racist albums. You bought a lot of sexist people. Racist albums.

Whatever that is that's wrong, you bought their stuff. Everybody thinks everybody that walks in nature is a nice – no. Well, that's the problem too is even if you buy – in the makeup world, it's always like who's canceled or who isn't. And it's like, well, you also can't speak for everyone who works at that company who you don't know. It's like – Well, the canceling in the – You make makeup. It's going to happen at some point. Well, here's my thing about cancel culture.

is that because people are like as a comic do you worry about cancer culture i'm like no because i'll talk about myself yeah nobody's gonna police me from shitting on myself on stage no one's gonna be like my titties are huge what happened no one's gonna go she shouldn't be saying that stop it you're not single oh my god like the whole thing where it's like i uh i used this joke about um

I like I was saying about, you know, just as a person and how I look, you know, how hard it is to be dating as, you know, plus size woman, a fat woman, whatever. And there's always some woman that will come up to me after showing me go, you're not fat. You're beautiful. And I was like, no, I said, OK, one does not cancel out the other because we've all seen ugly, skinny people. So don't do that. Thank you. I can be both.

Now listen, I haven't looked down and seen my feet since the Clinton administration. Because I've always had titties. But the idea that like,

That's an, cause it's been used as an insult. So it's just like, you're not fat. You're beautiful. No bitch. I'm both. I didn't say I didn't. One isn't the other. Right. I didn't say I wasn't pretty. Your eyes work. There's reflective surfaces everywhere. We didn't do that. And so that same concept of like, well, I can't get canceled. So it's like, well, what is your responsibility as a plus size woman? I don't know. It runs two ways too. Cause it's like, if you think that losing weight is going to make you attractive, you better check with your face first.

You better check with the rest of you first. Let me tell you something. Some of y'all need that little plumpness that you get underneath here. Some of y'all need these calories and you need these pounds. Because we've seen a couple people lose their weight and be like, damn, that's who was driving that truck. You know? She's in there. Because this is the thing. It comes up, because that's the problem. Because I've lost some weight just because I've been out and about and walking nature and shit. Do you fluctuate?

Yeah, just as a human, I could like, let's talk to my stylist about it, but every person, especially a woman, you can fluctuate by like five to ten pounds in a week. Oh, yeah. Just hormones, salt levels, just anything. Traveling, all of that. And so it was like if you lose the weight, you always want someone to lose weight very quickly because the skin is so loose. You're talking about Katya?

I'm just kidding. Listen, I don't comment on other people's bodies. Yeah, thank you. You won't get me. It's because when you lose weight too fast, it doesn't give your skin time to... To grab. To snatch. It doesn't give these kids... So when you see somebody lose weight very quickly, like a lot of times people get like the bypasses and stuff like that, depending on how their process was, then you can have... Now, you could take...

a long time to lose a bunch of weight but if you lose like 200 pounds even if it takes you two years to lose it that's a big difference right I've never lost that much weight because if I lose that much weight I won't I won't exist but because it's interesting also it's like you don't know weight is so different body type is different I got my eggs frozen and

And it redistributed all of the weight in my midsection. The numbers are just numbers. Numbers are numbers. People wear weight so differently. One person's 200 is so different than another person's 200. My mother is an inch shorter than me. But our body types are completely different. Yeah. So she was at a weight and she wore a size 26.

I was at that same weight and wore size 18. Yeah. She's only an inch shorter than me. Fierce. So that's how much different a body can hold.

Because she holds everything in her middle. Right. I have butt, thighs, all this. So mine distributes through my whole body. Hers just sits in the middle. More evenly. Right. So when I lose weight, I lose weight everywhere. When I gain weight, I gain weight everywhere. Right. When I lose weight, sometimes I'm like, or when I, it's like, also, I think I have body dysmorphia. Sure. Because I always look the same to me.

Oh, I have reverse body dysmorphia where I'm like, this is going to fit me perfect. And I go in the dressing room and I'm like, it's a baby size. Like, I think, I think because I had a salad last week. I'm like, oh yeah, give me the small. And then I go in the dressing room like something's wrong. Is this Italian sizing? They're like, this is the gap, bitch. I'm like, oh, never mind. You haven't been just small since what? Well, I was in, I'm always between a medium and a large because my weight fluctuates about 30 pounds. I

every other year. My stylist loves that.

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I have been on set and I've had wardrobe people. I give them my sizing and then I get to set and the clothes are always too big.

Which at first you're like, woo, healthy me. And the other hand, you're like, well, it doesn't fit today. No, no, no, no, no. The clothes are too big because they think that I lied about my sizing. Oh my gosh. Because so many actresses lie about their sizing that they always buy the clothes too big. They'll buy the size you gave and they buy the clothes too big. So I think that's a good thing.

So I guess especially for people that are my size, I guess we lie. I think drag queens lie too. Everybody lies. Everyone lies. I met a girl who was working on, who was doing wardrobe for the Papa John's commercials. Oh, fierce. Say no more. And apparently, from what I heard...

He has them. He thinks he still wears a medium or he's been doing this commercial for 25 years. Right. And so they take his shirts, cut the labels out and then put a medium in. Okay. So he thinks he still wears a medium, but he doesn't. To piggyback on that, you know, there's a costumer, there's a, there's a couture costumer, Marco Marco. And he told me once that for drag Queens, no matter who they are, what size they are, the tag he puts in says Marco Marco extra small.

Cause these six foot five men are like me, a petite young girl. He's like, sure. Delusion. If you believe it. How,

How dare you? You juggernaut of a man. What's that dress? Oh, it's just an extra small. Yeah, right. Check the tag. And they're like, you're seven feet tall, bitch. Because women's, I wear women's clothing, spoiler alert. A lot of it sizes this way. It doesn't resize lengthwise. Women's clothing doesn't get taller usually. It does if you wear plus size clothing. I usually wear plus size and then I'd rather always buy plus and then take it in a little bit.

because man shoulders, big titties, big hips. Right. If you buy it too small, I don't know what you do to fix it. Listen, nothing because most of my clothes are very flammable.

So I just have to get the size that I wear. But I'll get, cause I had to get this skirt taken up because my stylist came to my house in the middle of the night. Cause my mom got me, it's like a two piece outfit. You can't tell cause it's riding up. Oh, I thought it was one. No, it was chilly. So I had to put my ponce all the way. But usually, you know, just out here giving little, it's funny cause like I didn't always wear crop tops. And then I got my eggs frozen and I just wanted my stomach to be out and I have no idea why.

Good for you. It happened very, it was like, I did it, what was it, the fall of 2022. And afterwards, I started buying crop tops. And I don't know why. I think the phobia of crop top has so much more to do with you than anything you're presenting. No, because I had this dress where the back was out. And I was like,

I'm not going to wear this dress. You know, it's like beehive back here. I'm wearing this dress out. And then one of my friends was like, you wear a two-piece bathing suit and you have for years. So I wore bikinis for years, but I would never wear a crop top. Psychological. Yeah. And she was like, this sounds insane. And I was like, first of all, bitch, calm down. Second, she's like, what's the difference? I said, because I'm not near water. She said, what did you just say? She's like, I only feel comfortable if at some point I'm going to be dripping wet in the direct sun. Yes, I'm going to be in

Like I don't have a problem in a two piece if I'm in, you know. In the ocean. If I show up in a two piece, somebody better hose me down or something. Listen, I'm out here living. And it was like,

Because for a long time, they didn't even make like, there was a big push like last summer because for two-piece bathing suits and plus sizes, there was never like string bikinis. It was already like, okay, we have a bottom, but it's going to touch the top. So it was like, you're technically in a two-piece bathing suit. Yeah. But it was almost like a, but it wasn't like a tankini. Because tankinis were wild.

Tankini? Yes. What's a tankini? So the tankini was basically what they did was they took a one-piece bathing suit and then they just cut it through the middle. Stop. And so they called it a tankini because it was like a tank top with a bikini bottom. Oh, okay. So literally when you were standing there, it looked like you had on a one-piece bathing suit. Then what's the point? So you can take a bottom off without getting completely naked. Oh, I kind of get that. So you could pee. It's basically what it was for, so you could pee. Aren't people peeing in the ocean? Yes. Like who...

It's more better if we do it in the toilet. Where do you think that water goes? Tennessee! Space? Go in the ocean, piss on the fish's face, and get out. I don't know if you've ever seen space.

I saw space. You've been on a private plane before. You're doing well. I've never been on a private plane. Listen, I was on a private plane with Trevor. We were going to do a show in Atlanta because I was bullying him. I need a Trevor. I need a Trevor. I guess Vanderpump is my Trevor. Yes. But even she hasn't got me on the PJ yet. Oh, then she's playing games. I've seen her house. She doesn't fly from side to side of it.

So we're on the plane and I look out the window and I'm just like seeing, and like I've been on a million planes. Right. And I've, and so you look out and this is the first time I've looked out and been like, oh, I think we're on the top. The top? Yeah. Like I looked out and I was like, I think we're on the roof.

Oh, like the roof of earth. Yeah. Like the clouds. Cause you know, usually in a plane you look out, you see clouds and you're like, or you see them close enough that you're like, I see where we are. I see where we are. Cause like there's clouds, but like, you know, there's more clouds. Right. Yeah. And then I looked out and I was like, Oh no, we on the roof. We're on the roof of the world. Like there's no more clouds. Like how many more feet could we go up before we start floating away? Well, here's the thing. So I'm looking, I'm like, Oh fuck, we on the roof.

And I look up and I saw dark blue. No. Space. Yes. Space. And I was sitting there and I was like, Josh. Where's the gig? Mars, bitch. I was like, Josh. We just fly from New York to Atlanta. I've done this a million times. And I was like, Josh. A two and a half hour flight. Why are we in space? Why are we up here? What the fuck? What is the point of this? I didn't train for this.

They're like, by the way, you're the flight attendant. You're in charge of safety. Thank you. No food. Right? Just wondering why I'm not Apollo 13 mission. And so I was like, Josh, look. Because he flies with Trevor all the time. He's been with Trevor for like four years. And I was like, Josh, look. He was like, what? And I turned to Trevor. I said, Trevor, excuse me. He said, what? I said, nigga, is that space? What did his face say to you first? He said, what?

what? I said, Negro, are we in space? You're like, I know you heard me. I know you heard me. He was like, well, private plane is far higher. I said, yeah. Cause I saw another private plane when we were up there. This close. Almost a fender bender. I was just thinking, just a quick, just, you know, you know, little dent and scratch, but he's like, what do you mean? And I was like, you see that blue? I said, yeah. I said, that's the sky. I said, look up. Nigga, that's

I'm like, why are we up here? I didn't train for this. Why are you like, well, you know, we fly higher. I was like, for what? Does this get us there faster because there's less air? I didn't train for it. Why are we up here? Maybe it's like commercial flights fly here. And then to make sure we don't crash into people, we put the PJs up here. Here's the thing. The sky is the fucking sky. How are we crashing?

Go anywhere. Go anywhere. That is such a good point. Well. Move left. You were in space. I was in space. And so he was like, ha, ha, ha. I said, he, he, he.

We in space, sir. I didn't train for this. I was like, I will tell you right. I looked at Josh. I was like, if we lose gravity. Girl, you look down. You said, are we in space? The Diet Coke just starts to float away. You're like, well. Listen. Listen. That little one with strawberries off that cheese plate. The lash lifts off the eye and just floats away. Yes.

This Jurassic Park, I'm sorry. What's your flight outfit? Do you have like a flight kind of look? I have a comfortable stretchy pant. And then I have this cat shirt that my mom got me from Walmart where it's like little gangster cats.

Oh, I love that. So like one that's like a 1930s gangster and then one that has on like a hat that says hug life. And then another one has on a bandana and he has like a gold chain with a pendant. Or I would wear my shirt. Let's see. Atlanta changed my life or Atlanta influences everything or blessed, booked and busy as my mom made me. So I'm like, I'm just like a little regular shirt outfit and then a comfy shoe.

I don't understand the airplane fashion show. I've never understood that. Girl, I mean... I've never understood the airport fashion show. Why are you wearing his hat? Girl, we're on a... What the fuck is his hat for? Why are you wearing boots? The big round, like, farmer hat? I'm always like, where are you going? Are you shucking corn on the plane, bitch? What is this fashion show? Why are you wearing...

You can't wear it in the seat. You can't wear it in the seat. Thank you. Because the other thing is we're going to go sit. You should wear something that you should be able to like borderline sweatpants for comfort. Right. And the airplanes, I find them notoriously cold. So I don't think it's smart. I love a cool time. I don't think it's smart to do shorts on a plane or like flip flops on a plane. Ice cold toes. Yeah. Ice toes. And also it's like, even if it's,

know there's like a little bit of air that gets in where your toes are? Yeah, that's where like the air conditioning is. Yeah, it's like on the toe. Have you been on a plane and you see that little like, like the little

A.C. cloud. Not space. But when you're on it, when they first turn the A.C. on sometimes on a plane. There's an A.C. cloud? It's like I've seen it. Like you haven't seen it where it looks like little icicles start to fall on you? Oh, my God. I think I have seen this little white like almost icicles come out. I have seen that and I thought it was coming from outside. I thought snow was coming in. I was wrong. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. You know.

I forgot to tell everybody who you are. We have an amazing- We said Ms. Sloan. Hi. I'm sorry, Ms. Sloan. Dulce is in the studio today. I mean- She has a makeup line. She has many a special, including the new Netflix program. So I have a half hour, so I have two late night spots, and then I have a half hour from Comedy Central half hours. And then, I guess this is special. It's called Verified Stand Up on the Netflix. Yes. I'm on the first episode. I'm the last comic.

And I do like a, it's like just 10 minutes. But I was like, cause I was talking to some other comics. I was like, this is a special. They're like, yes, it's a special. I was like, okay. I did one of those like group specials. I did the standout Netflix special with like a bunch of comics where you're like a piece. And then I remember like fortune and Nicole did, I think it was the standups a few years ago. I remember seeing them on that. It's a great opportunity. People love Netflix and people love you. I don't want to embarrass you, but when you asked to come on here, yeah.

They were like, do you got, is anybody familiar with her? I said, yes, I am. I love y'all. I was so excited. Cause I was looking at my, cause like my, uh, my publicist was like, Oh, we're just going to get you a couple of things. And I was like, okay. She said everything. And I was like, they're crazy. We are. And I love you so much. And I'll say what caught me when I remember, I watch a lot of standup on like the YouTubes and they'll send little clips out, which is a great way to discover new comics. Cause you get to see somebody's like six minutes or whatever. And I,

The still. A lot of comics sometimes in their still, they look a little funky. Yours, you look like you're doing comedy, but your hair and makeup and styling, you always look so fucking pretty in these specials. Thank you. Do you do your own glam? I did. It depends. Let's see. For the Netflix, I didn't do mine. There was a lovely girl named Monique who did it. And then for my half hour, Enid Seymour, who's our makeup artist from Daily Show, who

She did it. So when I did my... It was very interesting when I did my half hour. That was for Emmys. She did you for Emmys too. No, this time Jen Vergrozo did me. Okay, cool. So you know Jen because she does the makeup over for everybody at RuPaul's Drag Race. And so I met her because when I was a judge on RuPaul's Drag Race. Yes. She did my makeup and I was like, I look amazing. She did a... You did look beautiful on Drag Race and you looked fucking gorgeous at the Emmys. Thank you. She did my makeup for the Emmys. This is the most...

The most demure that my nails have ever been. You like fun nails. I love a fun nail. These look like the base coat for something you're going to do to them. Yes! And I just thought, this is not a life I'm accustomed to. But my friend was like, they're classy. And I was like. They are. They're classy. I get it. But I feel like that we make classy mean plain. You like, I was deep, deep, deep stalking you. You like square tips. This is why I started wearing them because they're the strongest. I like a square tip.

It's the strongest because I travel so much because almonds and stilettos break more than anything. They do. So like a rounded tip is the weakest shape. Yeah. So I was going to go almond for this. I think it's a more delicate, one might say, not more feminine, but it elongates the fingers. It elongates the fingers the most for sure. Yes. But it's with a weaker shape. And for as much as I travel, I'm like, I don't need to be breaking a tip off.

Like, you know how many times I've had to glue the tip of a nail on on a plane? Just like half of it doing a surgery, an open heart surgery on the nail. Open heart surgery. Like on the way to the end, just me and Super Blue being like, all right, I'm on the way back from Scotland. Me. You got to hold the mic right here. Okay. So thank you so much. They're going to be like, have she walked away from that mic to go tell this nail story? I was devastated. So it's me on the way to the Bahamas. Uh-huh.

Doing full on, excuse me, can I get a napkin? And I got to open the napkin up. And then I got to set up my, okay, here's the tip of my nail. People next to you are like, what the fuck is this bitch doing? Pure fucking surgery. And I was like, okay, and let me make sure that I don't get the super glue on my fingers. And then, you know, you got to

mop your brow and then it's just me on a plane just being like mission impossible like to cut the red wire or the blue wire you're like shaking a heart monitor going for some reason i'm like who brought this in here why am i on oxygen the fuck and get off me the oxygen thing drops down you're like thank you all right thank you so much because i gotta glue my nail back on so because these are my nails they you're like these are your nails these are my nails

These are your nails. Now, this is dip powder on top of my nails. You have beautiful nails and hands. Thank you. Only because it's dip powder. Because if I didn't have dip powder on here, I'd have the hands of a longshoreman. It'd be like my hands look like this, so hers can look like this. Yes. You could do like the before and after. Listen, it would just be both of my hands. Yeah. Because my hands look like this, so then my hands could look like other stuff. Because I'm the only...

I pay for this. I want to ask you about doing drag race, but before I do, what do you think of that airplane with the door flew off in the air? As a frequent traveler, a professional traveler, what would you think or do if you heard a bang? You look over and that door is fucking wide open in the air. Well, one, I've never anywhere near the emergency exit. Thank you. Because that's asking for it. I looked up who was sitting there. It was a mother and son. And the wind was so fierce, it tore the son's shirt off.

It's not funny, but imagine being a kid thinking about Pokemon, what the fuck kids think about. And the door flies off and your shirt gets stripped off you. So the kid is topless, probably covering his, you know, at that age, whatever he is, you're not the most like everyone look at my body. He's freezing, probably covering both nipples with ice cold hands. Like what the fuck? Alaska Airlines. Could you imagine? Listen, this is if anything, if anything.

This is the video they should show you to wear your seatbelt. T. Because they were saying. If he had to have his seatbelt on, he'd have got a second plane. Well, they were saying in movies, they tend to make it look like a vacuum that like tears chairs out of the floor. Yeah. Tears wigs off. They said in real life, there is a suction, but it's the closest right by the door. So they were saying the mother and son next to the door got the most like wind tunnel.

But they also said the oxygen things drop down because they said when the air is that thin, that high up, if the oxygen things didn't drop down, you can get like so oxygen deprived that you like after a few minutes would lose motor function. So those oxygen things save your life. Yeah. Just like the seatbelt. And then the flight attendant, I listened to the recording, very professional, was so calm, like, all right, we're in the plane. If I was the flight attendant...

We gonna die! Girl! Or I would be trying to lie, but the worst. I'd be like, pretty bird. Everyone's fine. And they'd be like, is she crying? I'd be like, girl. Now listen, I know y'all think that the door flew off this plane. And I understand why you think the door flew off this plane. But this is just a new feature that we have for Alaska Airlines. Thank you. This ventilation. You're welcome. Listen, the plane was a little stuffy.

Somebody was doing their nails. Someone broke a nail. We need to ventilate. The bathrooms got a little backed up. We don't want to deal with this, the odor, because this is a classy airline. So what we decided to do was blow the doors. And actually, just to let you know, we have a couple of stuntmen on the plane. And you have been invited to...

To participate in a stunt. Hollywood. You're on What Would You Do? You're on What Would You Do? What Would You Do? Come on. Come on up. Yeah. It's like this is Alaska Airlines. We thought you'd just let you feel a little bit of Alaska chill here today. Right. Listen. Naked kid. Actually, this is a new feature on all our planes.

It's called the real life experience. I just think it's funny that the plane ripped off the children's clothing. I just think it's funny. How loose was his shirt? Girl, he was probably, I don't know, that old Navy fit wears his cardboard. But here's the thing. It's like usually little boys have a big head and a small body. Maybe it was one of those. Well, so unless he's wearing a tank top, I don't understand how the shirt got over his head. Not our monkeys, not our circus. Truly not my ministry. Not your ministry. Not my ministry.

Can I ask, you got to do RuPaul's Drag Race. Yes! Which I hope if you like Trixie and Katya, it means you love drag. I have been watching RuPaul's Drag Race since it was on Logo.

Cause you're from Atlanta. There's a lot of drag in Atlanta. A lot of drag in Atlanta. I performed with drag queens doing standup, but I started watching it in 2009 when it was on logo. And you don't have logo. You had to have like the Africa channel. You had to have like all 12 Gulf channels. Yes. All 12 Gulf channels. Also, the thing that was upsetting about the Africa channel is that there was never really people on it. It was just animals. Yes. And I'm like,

And I'm like, I know more about the animals of the continent of Africa than I do from the people I'm literally genetically related to. Yeah. I blame white people for this. You're like, I don't know shit about this province that I'm from, but I can tell you about the toucan and their mating habits, bitch. I know so much about monkeys that I don't need to know. Right. Like, how high is giraffe pussy? Why have we been asking this question? You ever heard this phrase? How high is giraffe pussy? No, you never heard

heard people say I'm higher than giraffe pussy? Please don't tell Katya that phrase. I'm going to hear it for six months. You got to hang out with more country ass black people. Maybe that's something when somebody said that they're hip, maybe I should try that on someone. They're going to be like, what the fuck did you just say? You know, higher than pussy. What?

What? No, ma'am. That's not how this works. Does it mean higher like higher? Yeah, they're like higher. So like weed. We call weed being high. You're higher than giraffe pussy because giraffes are up there. I'm learning more about weed words. Most of it I've learned from Missy Elliott songs. I know past that Dutch. Listen, how old are you? I'm 34. But I didn't start weed till 30. I don't like it. Okay. I've never liked it. I've never enjoyed being high. Do you like alcohol?

I, yes, because I can process it easier. Okay. But the only alcohol I would like to drink is this Korean rice liquor called soju. What? That's amazing. I know. I believe that it's amazing, but is it like sake where it tastes kind of planty? It's more fun than sake because it has flavors.

So like there's peach flavor. There's, uh, I might start drinking again. Oh, you have to. That sounds delicious. Don't lose your sobriety for it, but it's like. I'm not in the program. I'm just annoying. Oh, then fine. Drink it. Well, I would recommend this. Uh, it's made to be had with food. Oh, okay. So when you go and get Korean barbecue, do you eat all the animals? Do you eat some of the animals? No, I'm a vegetarian. Okay. So if you want to grill up some carrots or something. Um,

Free range. So you can get like a veggie bibimbap. Yeah. And then, you know, get you a nice kimchi, vegan kimchi. Sure. And there are so many delicious flavors. They sell it everywhere. It's Korean. We did a mukbang. Kim Chi came on my YouTube channel and we did a Korean food mukbang and she did not come hard with the soju. She gave me banana milk. That was good.

It was like flavored milk, I guess, is popular in Korean cuisine, like strawberry milk, banana milk. Okay. It was good. Listen. Kimchi was wild, though. It made me gag. Kimchi? The food. Oh, kimchi's amazing. It really, it had a strong. There's different types of kimchi. It had an undertone. Was she, okay. The kimchi that kimchi brought you. Yeah. Was it homemade or was it store-bought? It was from a restaurant.

Okay, a French recipe is a little different. We ordered a bunch of Uber Eats. It was a very sophisticated process. Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. What I would recommend, what you might have been reacting to. Dosed with. I was dosed. Is they'll use to make kimchi.

You can use like either anchovies or like shrimp to start like the fermentation process. Yes. So you might want to try vegan kimchi because my mom doesn't really like regular kimchi. Because it has that fish taste? It doesn't have a fish taste, but it has a strong flavor. Some of them. I love kimchi.

But I also like vinegar. Interesting. It was a very strong taste. It's a strong taste, but everyone has their own kind of recipe for it. But I think if you go to... Because they haven't... I've gotten it at H Mart. I've also gotten it at Whole Foods. But I try to get the kimchi that's made by Korean people, not the one made by white people because the one by white people tastes weird. I believe not. Because now the white people are like, hey, we make kimchi now. They should call it the white people version Kimberly Chee.

Thank you so much. You know, I started my hands are so cold. Okay. You're just, uh,

You had, I've seen so many of your pieces, little standups on. Did you blow up first on like YouTube or social media? Because I found you through YouTube because your clips kept getting suggested to me. Probably because. I think it's who you follow. I, um, getting Daily Show was like the big break for me. Which congratulations. Daily Show just won an Emmy. Thank you so much. You were on stage accepting. That's how I know you looked beautiful. Thank you. I was standing behind a man I bothered for five years.

Also known as Trevor Ezekiel Noah. His middle name's not Ezekiel. That's just what I call him. You have an interesting middle name. Mm-hmm. Lazaria. Lazaria. It's the feminine version of Lazarus. Love her. Love her.

Don't say Lazaria Sloan. Bitch. Yeah, my mom did that. That really has like cunty CEO energy. Yes. And I'm a problem. That name has too much power. It's fun because like I was, I wrote a book and I talk about how like if you break my name down, my name is Sweet Lazarus Sloan is my name. You break it to the most basic thing.

My first name is either Sweet or Candy. Sweet Lazarus Sloan. Sweet Lazarus Sloan. Girl, that really gives back page. Listen, really gives back page. That's the mother of the house at Swingin' Richards in Atlanta. Yes. Which I think is closed now. Oh, it's gone. And it was so funny because like my friend Tiffany had a surprise with her and she was the most upset when it closed.

I know she's like in a black veil crying. I mean, she was upset, but the reason it got shut down, because it was there for like 30 years. Yeah. Gentrification. Why don't you tell people what it is? So Swinging Richards was a male strip club. Get it? Swinging Richards. Oh, Swinging Dick. I didn't even get that until now.

Swinging dicks. Yes. Kati and I have gone there. Kati and I went there and I'm always afraid. I want to support sex workers, but I'm afraid of that. Like I'm embarrassed of that transaction. I'm embarrassed of the attention of it. So I give Kati the cash and she tips them and I watch. It's a very weird. He said, she said.

financial situation. But that was a place where, you know, they're fully erect and Katya had a baseball cap on and got on her knees and the guy came up and went like this and the hard dick knocked her hat off and we all clapped. What a blessing. It was a blessing. And I mean, I've only been to, have you ever, you've done JFL a bunch of times. Yeah, I've been to JFL a couple times. There was a male strip club in Montreal that I went to with me and Nicole Byer and all the other gay comics. Sounds right. It's not on the same level. Swingin' Richards had a real

This isn't a bad way. It had a real grit to it. You felt like you could go off in the corner and fall in love. You want that feeling sometimes from a strip club. Sometimes you don't want there to be like that veil between you and the performer. Swing and Richards, they are up there. They're coming up to you and touching. Well, what I've heard about like male strip clubs, the performers are more hands on.

than they are like women's strip clubs. Girl, have you ever been to these strip shows where they bring the women on stage and put them in the chair? Yes! The woman barely makes it out alive. No, no, no, no, no. And this is the thing. If you do that to me, That's what I'm saying. you better fuck me later. I'm gonna be mad as hell. Oh, I thought you were gonna fight back. No, fuck.

No. How dare you come up here and tease me like this? Oh, they're not. No, we go together. Let's go. They take like Francine from accounting because it's always like a group of women. And she gets slapped up, flipped and rubbed down. She gets choked out. No. She leaves in a neck brace. No. Like, and her friends are like filming like, ha ha ha. And the girl had fun, but is now horny and embarrassed. You are not going to fillet me.

In front of a room of people. Yeah. And then go home without me. No. You're going to finish the

job how dare you we're just gonna stop the song in the middle too what the fuck no no no no no because like my friends were like because a bunch of my friends went to go see magic mike because they had their first like asian performer cool imagine mike and i couldn't make it because of my schedule but the other reason i was like i can't make it because of my schedule because i would love to go support but also i'm like i'm gonna see these means doing all these kind of gyrations with no follow-through with no follow-through if i want that i can text the motherfucker on my phone no how long have you been single for

Really? My whole life. I don't normally say this, but look at this beautiful, successful, hilarious fucking woman. And if any of you are interested in her, well, first you should get a ticket to her show. Your new book, Hello Friends. Hello Friends, Stories of Dating, Destiny, and Day Jobs has come out sidebar. This is what I've noticed. I'm usually on a podcast telling people that I'm single, and it's usually a podcast that has a large gay man following. I'm sorry. Do you like girls?

If only, right? They're nice. Well, they're not all nice. I don't, listen, men are not all nice. There's a man I'm not speaking to now. It's Katya. She's in there. Sir. Yeah. How rude. Well, like, just look at a drag queen and go, hello, sir. It has to be offensive. Girl, of course. See?

Well, now on sets when, you know, everybody's afraid of misgendering. So they'll be like, hi, I'm Mark. I'm he, him. And I go, great. And then they go, what are your pronouns? And I go, what do you think they are? No, don't do that to people. Don't do that to people. I'll tell you what, if you get the right thing, it'll be great. And if you don't, well, I'm going to tell everybody what you called me.

I'm just kidding. No, I'm trying to, I'm helping because normally they're so scared now. Listen, these PAs. I know, I know. You are terrorizing some PAs. He's like, I just wanted to ask Trixie. They're doing response. They're being responsible and doing the work and I'm just driving the truck off the road. Well, listen, this is, I heard, like somebody was talking to just like, I'm so tired of people asking what my programs are and I'm just like,

But you tell people what your pronouns are. So it's just like, but it was somebody where you should go, because the person who said it, because I wasn't ear hustling, but you know, it came into my ear area. And I was like, okay, I know you don't want people asking what your pronouns are.

But you look like a person. You're just somebody to be asking what their pronouns are. So don't get mad at me for not trying to defend you. You can't get offended because I'm trying to make sure I'm not offended because you offended. Yeah. You can't get offended because I'm trying to make sure you're not offended. I'm trying to be a good person and walk in nature and be like, hey, how do you walk in nature? And you're like, I don't want to tell you how I walk in nature. No, bitch, tell me how you walk in nature. Fine. You can't get this Chipotle. I'm trying to understand. I know. And then it's like, I can't believe you just asked that. It's like, well, I find I'm not going to ask. It's like.

What, you're assuming? See, there's nothing either. This is a trap. But that's what I mean. It is a trap. This is a PC trap. It is a PC trap. But in drag, I always have to go, all right, my instinct is to play with this and make this person nervous. Yes. But I have to carry the torch here and go, thank you for asking. Thank you for asking. My pronouns in drag, are she, her?

And in drag, out of drag, he, him. And they're like, okay, freak, we don't actually care that much. I was talking about RuPaul one day and I was just flipping between. And I was like, yeah, she came to the show. She was in boy drag. And my friend was like, wait, what is...

What's boy drag? And I'm like, oh, I'm talking to a civilian. Right. Okay. Um, you're like, you're like, Hmm. So you've, you know that that's not her hair, right? Right. Like, I don't understand. Cause it's like, it's just like, he's like, well, I know there's RuPaul in the girl drag. I said, RuPaul's vibe is,

everything is drag. Yeah. Right. And she's kind of right. She's kind of right. She's kind of right. So the vibe is everything is drag. Then there's boy drag. Then there's girl drag. Yeah. And then there's just RuPaul dresses the elephant flip flops. So just trying to understand what's going on. Cause like when I came to like, when I was a guest, Oh my God, I probably never going to ask you that.

Because afterwards I was in tears thanking RuPaul for having me on the show. I was like, thank you so much. I bet that meant a lot to her. I hope. But I think she got very uncomfortable or she was just ready to go. Because I was like, thank you. Because I didn't think I was going to start crying. Well, you got to think she's plugged into her, like, you know, nipped and tucked. I hear you. She's in her thing. And I was just like, thank you for such for having me. And then I got worked up before I thought I was going to get. And I was just like. She's like, did you have a good time today? You're like. Yeah.

Thank you so much, Remy. That happened. Because it surprises you sometimes. It does. And I'm like, I look like an idiot. Because I feel like at one point when they went to do the lipstick for your life. Which is scary in real life. Listen, first of all, I'm sitting there. It's not a joke. And I was like, well, that's why those girls are always looking slightly to the right.

Because the judges are over there. We're over there. Why are we not dead on? Yeah. And also, I know you've seen this. Yeah. When RuPaul goes, all right, we're just going to check the levels and they check the level of the music. Yes. And then RuPaul goes, all right, this time's for real. It's chilling. And on TV, you're like, ooh, I'm at the bar. I'm having my vodka soda. I'm like, I wonder what's going to happen. In real life,

I've heard from other guest judges, they get concerned when they start crying. It's hard in the real room when a drag queen is crying. It's hard. Well, also, you're like, oh my God, she's so upset. It's her life. It's her life. And also, what's really weird about it as a performer is that, I don't know, I always knew there was no audience. Right. But it finally clicked to me that it makes no sense that there's no audience. Right.

I don't know if you did clock. I'm thinking of the anatomy of a soundstage. You're all the way in the corner probably. Yes. On the other corner behind the cameras, usually every PA, every story person, everyone who works on the set. Is watching. Comes and crouches like to watch the lip sync. Yes. Everyone comes to see it. But I was thinking, I was like, as a performer, this person is trying to, is literally fighting for their future.

In front of four people. Yeah. Whereas drag queens are used to every time a song starts, there's at least a room full of people. Half interested. Someone's handing you money. So you're running around. You're trying to make sure you don't slip on a drink. You're waiting for RuPaul to at least flip you a Susan B. Anthony coin or something. Just something. Just a suck a jewelry, a golden dollar. Just anything. Just, you know, just a silver dollar. Something. And so I was like, fuck, these people are...

These girls are fighting for their very existence. I know. In front of four people. I know. As a performer, I was like, this is a mind fuck. Imagine doing stand up. It's like, this is your last comic standing and every night the audience is going to be four to six silent people. Now I tell you, last week I was at the Greenville Comedy Zone and on Thursday, nine people came. Work. And I would tell you, because some comics would be like, oh. Was it a good nine people? It was a good nine people. Okay, that's good. And so I was like, you know what? I saw

I saw that and I said, I'm going to perform like the room is full. And when the room was full for the next two days, I performed exactly the same. Because some comics were like, oh, only nine people came. We could have done this in my living room. I'm like, why are you shitting on the people that showed up? I will say I almost have more fun on shows where it was 16, 20 people because you get a case of the fuck it's. And then you perform really well. Yeah. Because you're like –

I'm just going to do a good job for them. Cause the VAC, cause sometimes like you don't know what a vibe is in a room. And when there's a lot of people in a room, it's you kind of, you definitely have to work harder to,

to set what the vibe is. And like manipulate that energy. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Did I answer all your questions? You did. I'm sorry. No, it's fine. I just wanted to one more. I didn't get a chance to talk about your makeup. We can take two seconds to talk about the makeup because I want to talk about the makeup. Tell them about it. So Lace Larrabee and I, who's another comic, she's like my sister. We started a company from merch because, you know, selling merch on the road is hard. Yeah. And so my mom gave us the idea and it's called Giggle Gloss.

GiggleGloss.com. Hello. Hello. So there are six shades. Would you like me to name them? Because they're all based off jokes. Yes, absolutely. So we've got Purse Vodka, Lafayette Majora, I'll Show You Crazy, No More Broke Dick, My Ministry. Okay.

I saw my ministry future wife and Amos lady. And so what we did was these are her three shades and these are my three shades and she's a white lady. And we made sure all six colors look good on both of us. So right now I'm wearing Lafayette Majora and no more broke dick with a brown liner gorge. So you can mix them together. There's like two sparkly colors, two of the, um,

Two non-sparkly colors. I gotta say, I always wondered why, I always thought more comics should be in beauty because I'm like, these are people who have to often do their own makeup their whole careers. Let me tell you something. No one can do their makeup better in a car than Lace Larrabee. I've seen this bitch in between lights. Because at one point I was like, we were going to do Whitney Cummings' podcast. And I was like, I can drive. She's like, I'm good. I'm like, look down, please.

Please look down. She wants to be a beautiful corpse. And she could go by her damn self. I promise my mom I'm going to open casket. So if I go first. Damn. No, no, no, no, no. But yes. So I brought you that because one, I'm very proud of what we made. And two, it's when you do stand up, do you sell your own?

Cosmetics is merch? Is someone doing a table for you? We normally just do on the road. We'll do one or two pieces. Like a candlelight supper? We'll bring like one lip gloss shade. Something really universal. But normally we're bringing like shirts, totes. Because I can tell you when I was... Because makeup travels different than t-shirts and shit. It does. Because I don't need different sizes. Your mouth is your mouth. Right. But I can say when I was like looking at like...

Trying to come up with like it's a packaging because I designed the logo for it. Because it's a mouth with like a microphone in it. Oh, yes, it is. And so I found it on Etsy and bought the rights to it and then changed the logo around to where it looked like cute. But I was looking at your line especially because I love the colors of your line and the aesthetic of your line. Thank you. And I was like, how do we...

incorporate. And then when I was looking at like, you're doing your videos for your makeup. Cause like we started, I did a big shoot at my house. And so I invited my friends over. And so we did like a different, like asking just different questions and stuff to the girlies while they have the makeup on. And I was like looking at your videos and I was like, well, what are the other ways? What are other ways that we can like focus? Cause it's a four comics. And so we're Catherine Blanford's another comic. And so we,

The other thing we wanted to do is partner with comics. Totally. So they can have as much to sell on the road. So we're partnering with Catherine Blanford and we're going to be releasing that in the next couple of weeks. But it was like, well, how do we... Because people always want to talk to comedy and it's about comedy, but it's like comics doing stuff, basically. Comics also have to get themselves ready. They have to look good and throw themselves to the wolves every night. I would trust a comic with makeup, honestly, before I would trust a model. Well, that's why I started at shows...

I started doing lives backstage where I'm doing my makeup. You do great makeup. You always look beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. What am I wearing? Anastasia, the Norvina palette? Oh, yes, yes, yes. That copper. Yes, yes. And then just like a double, like a double wispy and then...

No more broke dick and laughing Majora and then just concealer. So I don't have like a full, I never have a full face. This is your real skin? Oh my God. Look at this fucking bitch in here today. You look so pretty. Cause like that's what Jen did. Jen, when she was doing my makeup, she's like, I'm not putting a lot of, um, she didn't put a lot of stuff on me. I don't, first I don't let people put a lot of stuff on me. It's also the secret to looking like you have no makeup on is just doing like a paint by number. You basically just do concealer.

I just do concealer. And then your real face shows. And then I do a banana powder. Uh-huh. And then I do like a little translucent on my, you know like the old school translucent powder? Like the jar of setting powder? Yeah. Where it's just like the, it just comes in like translucent or tan. Yeah. Um, cause I think like, I think it's like Delta work. I think she buys them by the case. Are you talking about Cody Airspun powder? Might be the Airspun powder. The orange with the flowers? Yes, the Airspun powder. Girl, you better get into that old school drag shit bitch. And so that's what I have.

have on my chin and on my nose and on my forehead is the... It's very absorbent. Katya and I have talked about it. It's something in it. It's very absorbent. It's talc. Probably gonna kill us. Well, there you go. It's talc. It's probably gonna kill us.

kill us all. Listen, for some reason, something that goes in your face can affect your ovaries and I'm not quite sure how because I do never put powder on my pussy. Your kids are going to come out without a shiny face and I think that's okay. I mean, listen, as long as somebody can get them in there. Yeah. You know, when you're not following her backstage doing lives, when you're not seeing her on stage accepting major awards, when you're not seeing her selling product and writing books, where can the children find you on the internet? I'm on Al Gore's internet on Instagram at Dulce Sloan and on X. What is that? It's X?

I'll never be on there because that website is confusing from day one. But because when Instagram and Twitter came out, I was like, oh, they broke Facebook in half. Oh, yeah. Because Facebook was pictures and words. Instagram's pictures. Twitter was words. T. Everyone was like, what do you mean? I was like, think, baby, think. Threads. I don't know who the fuck's on that, but I'm on that. It's all at Dulce Sloan. And then I have a website, DulceSloan.com.

Um, and I have a link tree, but yeah, all my dates that are coming up, I'm going to be in, um,

Kansas City, and then I'm going to be in Arlington, Virginia, and then I'm going to be in Jacksonville. And there's dates for those things if you go to my website. Yeah, go check out the website. And I can't recommend it enough. Go on the little YouTubes and just search your name. There's so many reels and TikToks of her. And even in 60 seconds, bitch, you crack me up. You're so gifted. Thank you. And I'm so happy you asked to come on the pod. I fucking love you. I'm so excited to be here. I love watching y'all. Y'all are insane. I love every time y'all pop up on my –

One of my favorite things is when y'all pop up on my Instagram. First of all, your show has been called, uh, it's very dumb. It really is. I love it. We were going to go with the Today Show, but...

Oh, you should have called it the yesterday show. Maybe there's still time. Bye.