The Darkest Night of the Soul with Trixie and Katya
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Bro, bro, bro. Your arms look jacked. You should wear women's dresses more often. Very boring. Could you imagine in drag you wearing a dress like this with these arms? The tattoo is obscured, but feel the tricep. I want you to feel the tricep. Oh, I can see it. That's crazy. Oh, there ain't no...

So my health has never been better. I had to do something yesterday that was crazy. Wait, we come to this place for... Not for...

Not for throat health. Yeah, if you guys, welcome to the pod. If you're watching on the video, this person has on a dress by our friend at Fashion Brand Company, Penelope. Penelope, are you cruising towards fashion? I did some collabs with them. They are a great company. Very cool fashion. So I had a little bit of sickness and I'm giving the exorcist voice.

Your mother's in here, Karis. Care to leave her a message? I'll see that she gets it. I still need to watch that shit. You do. Ask me if I would enjoy that. Would you enjoy that? Intensely. It's good, right? Or you didn't watch it? I didn't watch it. Mark, have you seen it? Fucking, fucking useless crowd over here. God damn it. What's thou like to live deliciously? What's thou like to enjoy the music of Brindisperse? Thank you. Yeah. Wouldst thou be able to work at hunt?

We got a lot of drinks in the pod today. We got water options, coffee, tea. But we are not, and funny enough, not sponsored by any of these beverage companies. However, I would like to just take a teeny tiny little moment out of your time to bring your attention to this little can right there.

But this is called Calexo. And it sounds like a cocktail and a drug name. It sounds like a weight loss drug. No, no, no. It sounds like Zyprexa or Lexapro and Calypso. It sounds like a cocktail that is also a prescription drug, doesn't it? Doesn't it? I think it sounds like a weight loss prescription drug. Just agree with me, Trixie. Okay, it does. Okay.

So it's a sparkling hemp beverage actually created by a person that I've known for, I think it's been 20 to since 2006. I know this person, mama. I know her. She's got two first names.

Who is it? Brandon Andrew. Oh, cool.

This is an alcoholic, babe. No, no, I'm sorry. A non-hemp, a non-hemp, like non-THC infused version, a completely virgin, no THC version that I thought had THC in it. And I sure did twirl myself into a placebo little merry-go-round. You were Lady Gaga. I said, does anybody ever get high off the non-we drinks? And Kristen Dunst was in my house and she said,

She left. No, she was stuck on one of those rubber things. She was like, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. And she flew out of your fucking home. We're all going to go home. So what? You are a liar. That song makes me think of every drag queen walking around in a leather jacket with a short pink wig. Not leather. Excuse your mouth. Pink leather jacket. Thank you. And those clear glasses with the pink

Bus driver wig? With the pink and blonde bus driver wig where you can see the black hairs of the nape of their neck poking through. And then this. And they're going like this. Yeah, rock and roll. And I'm in the corner throwing up, puking my guts out in perfect whore drag. I just wouldn't choose that look for my pink look if I had to choose one. No, if I had to choose a pink song, I'd probably just be a paralegal.

But anyways, back to Colexo. I just want to say, try it. I don't know. It's not available now, but I have tried it. And if you know anything about me as a consumer of things that, you know, are, let's say, recreational drugs, you know that moderation is the name of my game. You know that I'm a trusted source when it comes to not going over the limit. And you know that I would never do anything to hurt my or anybody else's health.

I will say when it comes to psychoactive ingredients, you are been there, done that. Yeah. There are clientele on my Nextel shirt. You know like those commercials where it's like Michael Jordan biting into a hot dog and then he spits it out? Yeah. You don't spit out. Mama, I don't spit out. I swallow, honey. And I digest and I talk about it on my blog like Carrie Bradshaw. I couldn't help but wonder. Do you like hot dogs? Do hot dogs taste any good?

It depends on... Do you like hot dogs? Does anyone like hot... You know what? That's a lie. The people that I know, they do. They love hot dogs. They go through hell eating hot dogs. It's the part of a ball. Take me out to the ball game. Put a hot dog up my butt. I would much rather have, I mean, a brat. Like something that's not a hot dog. Brat first? Yeah. I don't know. Hot dog?

I go straight to like buttholes and eyelids. Well, because that's what you're chomping on, Ms. Chomp Chomp. Buttholes and eyelids. It's the, it's the, um, the, the, um, if they're like, okay, so we have this huge pile of shit after we've made all the fun meat. What should we do with it? Oh, I know. Let's take that fucking intestine or something else. Maybe it's rectum. Fill it up with a bunch of shit, put a bunch of chemicals in it and then sell it to a bunch of people.

Buttholes and eyelids. Buttholes and eyelids. It lets bedrooms and broomsticks. I gotta tell you what I did yesterday. This week I got a call from our friends at Jimmy Kimmel and they said, do you want to come down and do this little skit? Our friends? Our friends. Your friends. My friend. Thank you. And they said, do you want to do this little skit? I said, sure, what is it? And they had me come in and read to children. And I said...

Groomer. Groom squad. I said, stop. Hammer time. And then they said, well, it's a comedy skit about drag queens reading to children where you're going to read them Ted Cruz's new book. And I said, now I'm interested. Now it's on cruise control, bitch. Yeah. Because his new book is called Unwoke and it's about Marxism in America. It was so... And on the cover, he looks so serious. He looks so serious. And so I go in.

Excuse your mouth. He looks so what? He's obviously... Seriously ugly? He's not my favorite person. Did you know that people think he's the Zodiac Killer, by the way? Yes, it's funny. It's fierce. It's a meme. It's fierce. So in every comment of anything, he's like, so you're the Zodiac Killer, huh? Or like, it's so funny. It's pretty amazing. And so I go in and there's kids, real kids. And I go in and I sit and I really have to read to them. And they're real kids. Ew. And...

Ew. Kids, man. They're disgusting. What do they want? Mama, anything and everything. They're horrible. These kids were horrible. Professional TV kids. Oh, were the worst kind ever. So they all looked like they were all about to do a toothpaste commercial.

No, they all had like perfect kid hair, kid teeth. Evil. The essence of pure evil, Mary. No, it was like if you stock imaged children. No boogers, no braces. Yeah, they all have like bright sparkling eyes, rosy cheeks, good personalities. Children of the corn. But no, no, no. I was like, this is best of the best kids. Because I wasn't like this. Oh. Dirty, uninteresting. A child. Yeah. A child. These kids were like professional children.

Children, children stock is like, um, if you sent away for a child in a magazine, this would be what showed up. This is, we became up from hell.

Yeah. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. But being in drag with children, it did make me think of real, real, real drag queens who desire to go read to children. What's going on there? You are, you know what I think of? I think of two things. I think of you're mentally ill and or you'd have to do damage control. You're, you're like, or, or the probably more realistic one is that you are a good person who wants to do something nice for, for, for humanity and in the least harmful way. Well,

But mama, why then, why are you doing drag? The thing is, why are you doing drag, mama? Why are you doing drag? Cause that's like, what the fuck? Go be a priest or a politician or something. Well, I didn't start doing drag to hang out with straight people, let alone children. Tell me again. I don't think they heard it. I didn't start drag to hang out with straight people, let alone their children. Say it three times. Children?

Children? Children? What are you nuts? What are you nuts? But luckily it was like satirizing reading to children. So I was like, okay, making fun of reading to children, that I will do. And then you took a flame torch and you just lit them all on fire at the end, I hope. But then I had to sit there and read from this book. I had to read them sections about like the little mermaid being woke because she's black. And the kids were like. Ariel must be white. But even the kids were like, I'm like, uh-huh. They're like, that seems racist. Yeah.

You're kidding me are you serious They're like 6-7 years old Get her wig Get Miss Cruz's wig alright 6 year old Get her wig And on the cover of the book he looks like It looks like a flyer for like Are you depressed It's like dark contrast lighting And I'm like kids does he look fun Even the kids were like he doesn't look happy How could you be happy when you're spitting out So much evil stupidity all day Ugly is fine because ugly people can still smile And be good people

Mama. Ugly shouldn't stop you from living a full life. Look at us. Thank you. Troll. I have the troll. Mama troll, troll, two troll trilogy. I'm the fourth troll of the troll trilogy. How's that? I'm the fourth installment of the troll trilogy. Do that math. Troll four. Yeah. The one that, yeah, you, you didn't ask for more, but here we go. Yeah. No, that's another thing I want to talk about with the hot people and I have no time for them.

Like, I've had it. Those ladies. I've had it with hot people who think they're funny. I know we talked about this before. Oh! It's like...

I'm going to get the Miami sound machine fired up to back me up with this. You know what I hate more than airline food? I hate when you walk into a room and everyone loves you. Yeah, like, okay. So this is crazy. This is crazy. So like, okay, I know. Okay, so we both know that I'm super hot. So I asked him out and of course he said yes. I'm like, fuck.

That's so crazy. Cause like, what do I do then? I know you probably don't know cause you're all ugly, but I'm a hot, it's weird. So like that's their standup. And I'm like, but don't worry. I actually got hot overnight and I don't even know what to do with it. We don't know what to do. But when you are hot, what are you doing? Get out of here. Go be a model. Go to anything else. Hostess at a fancy hotel. Get the fuck off that comedy stage. And Mary, pay the troll toll.

The rare cases, I would say, Amy Sedaris, that bitch is fucking stunning. She's not on the cover of a magazine. But she goes out of her way to not be stunning. Mama, she goes over the rainbow and around the corner. Hi, quick question. Can I get a blacked out front tooth? Also, where are my brown teeth? Why are my teeth brown? Jane, Jane, where are my brown teeth? Yeah, why am I wearing a wig that looks like a witch's broom? Why? And then she'll pivot and then – but she does –

This woman is also like other rare. She's so gorgeous. She really is. But she's also, she's also just, she's one of the funniest women on earth, but also, but she's not, she's probably four, two and she's like, she's a tiny little thing. She is, is a very attractive woman, but she's,

It's a rare blend, but she's not a supermodel. That broke nasty career in shambles. She came on this track mad as hell. Career in shambles. She came on this bitch mad as hell. That nasty broke career in shambles. At an all-time low, Christina came on this track mad as hell.

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The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

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So wait, so last night, Christina, Tina and Amy talked about, Oh, you got to tell them what I went to marry. I drove. Ooh, let's talk about it. Me and Katie Delaney and her friend, Nikki, Katie drove us nearly three hours to the Yamaha casino in Highland, California. Uh,

Better believe come four o'clock when I Googled mapped it, I was like, Katie abort, abort, Katie abort. She was, she was willing to drive. I'm willing to go get a degenerative disease to get out of this. Honey. I was willing to take the leg. I was going to go. Yeah. I was saw. Yeah. Yeah. Do it. Do it. Yeah. And so, but we did go and Mary, I'm so glad that we did that. Those. Oh my. It was inspiring. Like it was truly inspiring. They are the Trixie and Katya of them. Yeah.

And they have a show. Of white ladies. Of white ladies. And they have a joke. They're like, who's in the crowd tonight? And then they go, but most importantly, white women. And the house lights come up and they were like, oh shit. Oh shit. And they were like, licensed realtors. They're like responsible gay dads. And it was like, oh, there's one right in the middle. You got your tickets early. They killed it. They crushed it. And it's,

Amy at the end when they are towards the end of the, uh, I won't give it away. I did snap a few photos, but there was a, uh, a moment where somebody in the front row was filming. Oh, they were had a Fred Armisen come out to do weekend update a guest. It was electrifying and he was filming it like this. And I didn't know until later when we talked to them backstage that Tina was like doing this, like while Fred was talking to the guy and he goes this.

Ooh, the guy filming in the front row, six feet away from Tina. They're at the front downstage, right at the lip of the stage at the desk. Fred's doing his thing. Tina and Amy are watching at the weekend update desk, uh, standing by and she's, she sees him filming and she goes, and he goes, and then she goes, and he goes,

And then what I didn't see that, but what I did see was Amy writes stuff down on a piece of paper and Tina, they were discussing something back and forth. I was like, what are they doing? And I thought they were like in a beef with Fred, making fun of him. I was like, Ooh, they hate Fred. Ooh, they hate Fred. This is juicy tea at the gig girl. When you hate someone, what you do is bring them on stage with you. Well,

Look in the mirror, bitch. No, but like, I don't know. Maybe they were saying this is kind of like, this is kind of dragging or he's, he's not so, he was killing it. Why does he look like that? Yeah. Why is he bald? What's his smell? Yeah. Did he shit himself again? You know, whatever. Or they were just kiki-ing. I don't know. Maybe they're bored. Who knows? But I later learned that there was, that it was like, what the fuck do you want me to, do you want me to cuss this motherfucker out? And do you want me to like, and they were like,

It was fierce. And at the end, at the Q&A, they called him the fuck out. And security swarmed his ass. And there was a little bit of commotion up in there. Well, can I say, I've been at shows where someone in the front is the whole time with a phone like this. With a tripod. They don't even know us. They're going to sell it on fucking YouTube. And they're going like this the whole show. And I've stopped and asked them to stop. And they keep filming while I'm asking them to stop. This is what they said. I talked to Tina. She was like, this is what he was like. He was like this. She said, no. He said, no.

Then I asked, how old was he? She's like, oh, in mid forties. I was like, was he gay? She said, yeah, he was with a guy who told him to stop. I was like, yeah, of course it was a fucking gay guys. Of course it was a fucking entitled gay fag. But you know, who's filming us? The straight girls. I don't care. So I don't know. I don't care. I don't think there's a blueprint. I don't think there's a blueprint to people. I believe in women's rights. I'm a, I believe in women's lib and I'm a feminist.

I think everyone's hand should be chopped off evenly for filming at shows. But also, but when a woman...

A woman in comedy, a woman of that caliber with that career and her comedy partner, who's equally as fierce, gets up and says, you flop, bitch. You better delete that phone because ain't nobody going to watch it. And then she's made a joke. She was like, yeah, yeah, you're going to gather around the family. Be like, let's watch that 19 seconds of blurry footage of Billy Joel at the garden. Like nobody does it. She's like, delete that video now because you're never going to watch it. And it's true. Well, it's like when people have, um,

Their stories is all concerts. Oh, Sean. One clip is fine. Mary. One clip is fine. I had to do Labada because of the yellow suit. That was my pass. I don't know.

I was like, y'all need to know about her suit. Well, you were a correspondent live on the scene. I was at the United Nations, um, um, human rights committee. And I was, I was like, mama, we need, this is general assembly stuff. We need to organize trial at the Hague for this suit. So this was like political stuff. That wasn't like, I'm sharing my little musical moment. No, that was like crimes against nature. Citizens arrest. Thank you. Thank you. Also, you know, I was like, where's your passport? I need to see you in papers, all that stuff. But, but yeah, nobody wants your shitty sound, horrible, blurry mama.

The artist uploads it all. Go to their page. Enjoy them. Pay them. Help them out. Yeah. Are you really going to go refer to this footage later? You're not. You're not. And also, I know it sounds cheesy and boomery, but you're also missing out on the lovely moment with your eyeballs in your ear holes.

You know, grab someone to your right and to your left. Grab their titties. Feel them. Milk them. Suck on them. Yeah, I don't get it. But especially concerts when it's just like, oh my God. And you have horrible seats. Or you have great seats in your like, the most unflattering angle, which is why Ru won't ever perform live. You know? You don't want to see that bitch from underneath. It looks like the grudge part five. By the way, I was going through, speaking of SNL, I was going through a bunch of drag like

Sketches from SNL. And I am so obsessed with the designing women RuPaul won. She goes home to nothing. And nothing. Friends, she has none. She went to Sephora on her lunch break to have lashes put on top of her real eyelashes. It's so funny. It's so funny. It's so funny. And RuPaul has the perfect... RuPaul goes, what is your name? And she goes...

I'm your supervisor. My name's Candace. It's so, she, and because she has that, like she's playing RuPaul, playing RuPaul's playing a designing women. So fiercely. It's so amazing. So perfectly wooden and insane. It's actually strong. Shit. This woman. It's so funny. It's so funny. Have you also seen the John Mulaney drag brunch one? Um, I have not.

there's one that's drag brunch where they're like, it's one of those places where the drag Queens are mean to you. It's so funny. She's going to read us. And John Maloney is like, Ooh, that smoky eye looks like a house fire. And they're like, Ooh. And it's like, girl, that print after Labor Day, blah, blah, blah. Ooh. And then she gets to this guy and she goes, Oh,

When did you first know that when you enter the room, no one was happy? It's like, it's so mean. I love that. She gives everyone at the room like two dimensional stock reads. And then this one guy, she keeps going in on him. So you've failed at everything you've ever tried to do. Why haven't you killed yourself yet? She says something like, has anyone ever been happy when you went to the room? Which is so fucking horrible. I wish I had a job in drug where,

I was ever like a server and I got to be, Oh, I don't know. I hate that. Oh, I would have. Although when I did cranky anchors, I discovered I don't have the spine. But this is what you want to do. You want to be like Tina Fey and write lines for Jane Krakowski that go to the tune of this. That was terrible. I'm going to be constructive here. You should kill yourself. That is so fucking funny. Yeah. Jane Krakowski, gorgeous blonde. Jane is like, I'm going to be constructive here. You should kill yourself.

Is she the funniest person alive? Tina Fannin? Jenna Maroney? Jane Krakowski? Yeah. She's one of the most talented. She is. She's a singer. She breaks the rule of beautiful and funny.

She breaks the rule. Well, she's not doing stand-up, I guess. Not doing stand-up. Stand-up's different. Stand-up's different. Tina crushed her stand-up set. Crushed her. She crushed it. She crushed it. Remember Amy told us, like, Tina was saying, I don't know what I'm going to say, and then pulls out a great stand-up set. Yeah, she's like, I don't know about this. And she's like, oh, this thing that I've just been preparing for like seven weeks. But she did this. I'm not going to, I don't want to do that thing where I give the whole show away. No, we're in the whole show. Did you take any videos? I did. I did.

I didn't post them though. I just did the beginning when they came out because I was just, you know, I had to just, anyways. I think that's fine. A video when they're walking out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm talking filming the whole show. No, no, no, no, no. It's crazy. And also, I don't want to give anything away. I want to go, I want to love them and go see. I had no idea what they were going to do and I was delightfully surprised the whole time. But towards the end, Amy had a joke where she, they, before the last section, she had, they pulled out a rug and two chairs and Amy was smoothing out the rug and she says, well,

You know, it's like the energy was like a little lulling and she's like, oh, I just got to smooth out the wrinkles in this rug or else someone I love is going to die. You know, it's like...

And then Tina Fey was like, um, she's one of her bits was just like, you know, um, you know, I'm, I'm part of a standard generation. I'm, I, I'm simultaneously caring for children, teenagers, and also elderly parents. So, you know, I, I start my morning. Um, I wake up at 4am, start working. It's like, it's just so like, she was so, she was brilliant. She was brilliant. So, so, so brilliant. And there, there were so many moments where I was like,

Fuck. Like the weekend update was cunt. So cunty. I can only imagine. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Those bitches fucking were, fuck, they fucked it up. It was so cunt. And their 30 years of friendship and the whole gag was that Tina's like, we're work friends. And it was like a, it was like a, you know, like we're celebrating this friendship that is just at work.

The dynamic was so... When people are like, I want a friendship like yours, I'm like, you have one. You're a manager at Starbucks. That's... They did a manager improv bit that was...

It was so far. It was, it was so good. So it was worth the drive. And then some, and then I got to meet Tina Fey afterwards. I got to meet her and say, but this was the gag. They did a joke called, um, they did a joke about, um, oh, oh, who's here. Who's not here. Cause we're in California. Uh, the did, it does not here because whatever the weekend's not here because it's Wednesday. Um,

I did. That's so funny. How about this though? On the way drive there to Katie Delaney's house, I text her, you know what? You know what? You know what's embarrassing for me? She's like, what? I think often about the fact that The Weeknd did not guest star as the villain on the show Wednesday because it's,

The Weeknd, and it's a Wednesday. But he was the villain on... And I said he played a rapist on The Idol. Yeah. But that's wordplay. That's funny. Did you watch The Idol? I sure as the fuck did. Every goddamn episode. Every five fucking episodes. Do you want to get in The Idol right now, bitch? Do you want to take your gloves off and get in The Idol? I only watched one episode. Oh, then we can discuss it. I watched it with David Silver. No, we can't discuss it then. And I looked at him like I just realized for the first time that my partner of seven years...

Could be, could be a Vic, could be perpetrated upon by your rage. Should be jailed by what he's watching on TV. And I wake up to like, spoiler alert, our new house has a 85 inch television. And I wake up to David Silver watching, you know, Bethany Frankel screaming at the top of her lungs at 7am drinking his iced coffee. That's normal to me. The idol. I was like, sweetie, darling, talk about it.

Sweetie, don't even give me that look because I suffered through every fucking episode of that five episode. I'm not going to call it a piece of shit.

I'm not going to call it a piece of shit. It was a huge, splashy production. I've been watching, well, I watched the new Love is Blind season five. Okay. Because you know, love is blind is kind. What is she going to see? Love is blind is kind. When is she going to open her eyes and realize she could see the whole time? Love is bland. Thank you. I love that. And I'm watching, I watched a little bit of the new The Ultimatum, but that show really depresses me. You know. That show really depresses me. One of my favorite, oh, my favorite, favorite, favorite, favorite film critic of all time

I think that she lambasted that show so fiercely. I had secondhand shame and embarrassment from gushing over it when we were working for Netflix.

Because she's the only, the ultimatum. Oh. I think she might've watched the whole thing and she's a queer woman. The new season is not queer, but the queer season was insane. It was insane. How do we make it more dramatic? Add lesbians, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she tweeted something to the effect of, I'm not going to say what it is just in case I'm wrong, but someone tweeted something to the effect of, this was evil. Oh, lesbian.

The ultimatum queer edition and it's all lesbians? Evil. Evil. Well, they could do gay guys because the gay guys would be like, I'll just fuck – I'll just go with whoever. Yeah. I'll just fuck the cameraman. Actually, I'm blowing him right now. The lesbians are like, well, we've been dating six weeks, so she is my soulmate. Oh, no, no. We are – But I met you five minutes ago, so you're my wife. Yeah, yeah. And it has been etched in stone by Moses. Yeah. So, you know, like, okay. What? But do you like Bo Rat? Bo – I –

I like to say, my wife. So as a person who started a Russian character with a funky accent, I don't care for that type of thing. I don't care. But I do care for, oh, Mary Dugan, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Master Antonio Thompson, Dugan III, Natasha Dimitriou from What We Do in the Shadows. I was not previously aware of her comedy career before this show. Internet Nails? Mama Nails.

Home of passion, tropical beauty. We are here to make all of your beauty dreams come true.

Hello, would you, we offer also wax your pussy, take 10 minutes, clean your pussy up. Take 10 minutes, clean your pussy up. And it's like on VHS. Oh, it surely is. That was good. But the, and then the Love Island audition. Yeah. Which by the way is not even too unreal. My name is blah, blah, blah, but I would like to, I would like you to know me by the name I want you to know, which is Fantastic Holiday. Okay.

- Fantastic holiday. This woman is, and we met her at the Kristen Schaal show.

Not again. When that's, no, that's three. So we're not making a case for, yeah, I got to be ugly to be funny, but she also is gorgeous. She's sickeningly attractive. By the way, out of drag, out of her vampire drag, you would never know it's her. You never know. She looks nothing like Nadja. And I hate to be like, she's so beautiful, whatever. But like women, it doesn't make, it's not a woman is not worth something unless she's beautiful. I know that's the thesis of what you hear from gay people all the time. I hate that.

But like, anyway, so sorry to diatribe, but like Natasha is so funny. It's like insane. And Ellie and Natasha, they have a Ellie white, I think is her name. They have a two girl sketch show. I pre-gamed Amy and polar, Amy and polar, Amy and Tina with them.

And it's a, at the end of Amy and Tina show, they said, you know, our friendship works because of one, really because of one thing I'm blonde and she's brunette. And that's the only way that you can palette. It's like so funny. Like that's the only way that two women can succeed together.

Should we have had brown? One of us should have brown hair. Well, I thought about it and I was like, well, I think you have stable feet on earth and I'm a little planet Tammy. Yeah. We're different enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But there is a laser beam. Yeah. Mama, I am. You know Tina. You're close friends with Tina. You're closer friends with Tina than Amy. Thank you.

if you seek Amy. But they made a joke that, Amy made a joke that was like, it was this close from Karen being Amy that there are more actual Karens named Amy than Karen. Like how fucking awful is it to be Karen when the whole world decided that you're just a cunt? Well, that's like Karen Carpenter. But Karen Carpenter, Karen Finley, Karen from Will and Grace, those are not Karens. Amy Coney Barrett,

You know, like there's a lot of different, so Karen really got fucked over, but I was like, I wanted so hard to be like, Tina, your name, your name means crystal meth. I didn't tell you about prom swings pride. You don't need to honey. Okay. So we're setting up our little booth for Tracy motel. I had the distinct pleasure of being the grand Marshall, which they wish, which by the way, they said it's customary that the grand Marshall goes to a breakfast party.

That goes to a breakfast. I said, what time is it at? They said, no, at first they said brunch. They said it's customary that the drag, the, um, it's customary that the grand Marshall goes to a brunch. And I said, great. I'm gay. I love brunch at 11 a.m. I said, what time is it? I said eight. I said, so 8 a.m. That's a senior breakfast. That's a senior breakfast.

Is breakfast at four? Mama. What are we doing here? That's a senior citizen's early bird breakfast. That's a senior citizen IHOP first egg free. Yeah. We kick you out at nine because the real breakfast starts then. Bring your own oxygen tank. Thank you. So I go there and everybody's nice, really lovely. Then I meet a bunch of... Tweakers? No. No, no, no, no. So that was fun and I got to get my little honor, my little thing and they gave me a little sash. Congratulations, by the way. Thank you. It was really fun and cool. And...

But the day before that, I'm helping set up for the Trixie Motel Pride booth, and we have all our merch, and people are asking us questions, and I'm taking pictures of people. And...

These people come over and they go, and I noticed a few booths from us. The booth is crystal meth anonymous, which is probably a great presence to have at pride, not to be bleak, but it's probably good to have that at pride, right? Plant the seed for some people. It's a buzzkill. Um, it also, it's, I think it violates a tradition of that program, but that's my opinion. They're just handing out pamphlets, whatever. Okay. But they come over and they come over and,

What'd you say? No, they did not. Well, I make it, I make it, I'm keeping it light, right? They come over and they come over. I go, Oh, hold my wig. Well, I don't know who they were. Three of them come over to say hi. And I don't know who they were. And I go, Oh, you boys must be from crystal meth anonymous. And they go, we are.

Wait, what? You didn't know? I didn't recognize them. They didn't have Crystal Moth Anonymous shirts on. You just made an assumption and you were correct? Did they have pookies in the pocket? No, I just, they walked right over from that direction. And I went, oh, you boys must be Crystal Moth. And they went, we are. And they were so nice and cool.

And I said, you know, you guys, I said, I hate to be bleak, but I'm sure you guys being present here is actually really helpful for some people. And it's really cool. And they were nice and chatty. And I just accidentally identified them. Well, so, you know, it's funny because there's, I don't know about crystal method on this, but I know that other AA, um, uh, 12 step traditions that one of their traditions is, uh, they, uh, it's attraction rather than promotion. They must maintain anonymity, anonymity at the level of press radio and films. They supposed to put bags in their heads.

No, no, no. Mama, no. They don't. Could you imagine? The Christmas with Anonymous, they have ski masks on. Can we help you? Like some kind of voice changer. From the Vice documentaries. Yes, yes. I do drugs in the Sinaloa cartel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I'm sure it doesn't violate traditions. I'm just being weird. But that is so funny. That's so funny. Yeah. That's so funny. I was waiting for you to be like, I'm waiting for you to be like, I'm waiting for you to be like,

Well, I kind of, they came over as a trio and they, I went, Oh, they must be from a booth. So where's your friend? Um,

Well, they weren't from the underwear booth across me. They weren't from like, they were right around my area. And I was like, I did think they must be crystal weapon. I pictured them coming with a big butterfly net coming for me. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, those big, big butterfly nets that are like trying to hide it behind them. It's like, so is Katya not here? Well, I did say this. I did say this and they did laugh. I did say, it's really cool what you guys do. I don't have any experience being around anyone. There we go. There we go. That's what I was waiting for. And they laughed. Of course. And they say hi. Because...

Well, I say hello because hi is triggering. I said hi and I said hi to who? Isn't it anonymous? You better lay low. Okay. I stood up for you and then I said stood up for who? And I said, I'm not going to say.

Anonymous. Although it is all anonymous, but in LA, you know how often somebody goes, I saw this celebrity. I said, where? And they go, not okay. It's not. People say it all the time. This is press. This is press and film. This is press right now. If I, it is a violation of the traditions of most 12 star programs to publicize at the level of press radio and film, because for a very, very, very important reason, because you may not, you are not allowed to be a spokesperson for an organization that is not only, I'm going to tell you this.

It is not only the only hopeful part of the American culture. People don't know this. AA was created in America. Its foundations are very shaky. Its foundations are very religious. It's problematic all running through it. But it is the only organization that is not for profit and exists as literally cleaves to its singleness of purpose, its mission statement purpose.

Relentlessly. And not in a mega church pretend way. No, the 12 traditions of it, they say we exist only for one reason. To help alcoholics get sober and for them to help others get sober. Period. Full stop. Bam. And they do it. They create service boards, but they have their donations only $1.

$1. So if you study it from an outsider perspective, sorry, I'm very passionate about this, obviously. But if you study it from an outside, non-addict, non-alcoholic perspective, this organization is a fantastic, hopeful model for people helping people in America for no money. Right. No money, $1. And by the way, actually really helping people. Yes, but to that point,

They don't release statistics because the statistics of recovery in general, not related to AA or NA or CMA, are so paralyzingly grim and depressingly bleak. The data is not good. So when I say, I love AA. AA got me sober. And then I go off the rails, speaking French, psychotic online. People say, well, AA don't work. Right. You know what I mean? Totally. Because I've said I'm a spokesperson for AA. I'm not.

Nobody is. Nobody's a spokesperson for AA. So it is inappropriate for people, for people to publicly declare that I am a proud member of Alcoholics Anonymous online. That's inappropriate. Inappropriate. It's inappropriate to do it on the level of press, radio and films. It's inappropriate.

inappropriate. It's a violation of their traditions and it harms the organization. I thought of it just as a base level violation of their privacy. Which it is, but it also reflects poorly upon this institution that must be protected. Because what if I was an addict and I went to a meeting and then someone went and talked about me being there? But that would make me feel like I don't want to go now because it doesn't feel safe. Boom. You're looking at me. That's how I feel.

Because I know, I know because I've heard it. Oh, guess who's showing up? Guess who's trying to get sober again? Like literally, chit, chit, chit. Especially when there's gay folk, girl. Gay folk, gossiping, gossip hounds. Some of them not even sober. But people know you're an addict. Are they really surprised if they see you? Of course not. But they, I don't know. I don't know. It's none of their fucking business. You know what I mean? So it has, I'll tell you that is my one regret. My one big regret is going public with that on Drag Race.

Huge mistake. Huge mistake. And I know that people have told me it helps them. That's great. I'd never set out to do that. I'm trying to help me. So it's very, very, very like, oh, I'm going to cry. This is like very like, oof. Well, we've also been places where people, even though they know, they love to offer you drugs. And also there's this, ooh, I don't know if I can say this. That's not, that's fine. But it's, it's when it's a peculiar kind of dissonance when you are high and someone comes up to you and says,

How sober are you? You saved my life and I'm high out of my mind. That is so hard to deal with. And that's, nobody should have to deal with that.

Because I can't, I'm like, whatever the case may be, I could have, it could be on day four of no sleeping at a gig where I have no business being at work because I am twack Tina. This is years ago, obviously, or whenever it doesn't matter. Nobody's business. Right. But like, and people would like hug my sweating fucking twisted up meth addled body and say, you're such an inspiration. You kept me going. You keep me going. I'm so proud of you. And I'm literally fit, like almost dying.

It's crazy. But all this is because I admitted and said out loud that I'm an addict on television. And I wish I'd never done that. Not because, and because for me and only for me, only for me, this, that public, public knowledge does not offer me a layer of accountability that is any way helpful for me, for me. I know it does for other people, but that doesn't help me.

For some people it might, I guess. It does. And I know some for whom it does. And they've stayed sober and they continue to be an inspiration. They want to be a role model and they are, and they're doing it fiercely. And I still like clap for them. I still don't think it's necessarily appropriate to do it on Facebook, but that's my opinion. It also seems like people are more likely to not ask non-drinkers if they want alcohol. But it seems like people are very likely to ask

Sweetie, I was offered cocaine four times in a row in a bar in Dallas after I said, oh, I don't do drugs. I'm sober. I think I really give Pollyanna because nobody ever, ever asked me. But I mean, thanks for being generous, I suppose. But I'm not a known sober person. No one ever offers me drugs ever.

I've never in drag. No one ever offers me drugs and I have no reason to not be offered because I'm not an addict. So it's weird that knowing you're sober, people ask you more than they asked me. I know it is. No one ever offers me cocaine. I think because they should. Yeah. Were you doing cocaine in my bathroom? I was selling cocaine in your bathroom.

That's different. Yeah. I do not smoke crack. I free base. But I'm just saying it's interesting that people know I'm not an addict and never offer me drugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they know that you might not want to use drugs and they still offer you all the time, which is crazy. At the end of the day, it's better. It's generous. They're not smacking me in the face. They're not saying that you're a cunt, you're a fat cunt, and I hated you on Drag Race. You know what I mean? At the end of the day, I'm able to just... Well, you get that at home. Yeah.

My husband, Roger. My husband, Roger. Brandon, me, anyone. Fina, anyone. Oh, there ain't no way. And that's our holiday episode. Isn't that fun? Can I do a song suggestion? Sure. Please, please, please. It's called, I love crack cocaine, but no, no, no. Hold on one second. Okay, so here's the thing. You'll understand this.

Last night I was crying in bed after the, I know, tears of love and joy. Because this album dropped from this artist called Julia Zivert. She's Russian, who has one of the most soulful, incredible voices ever. But just because she was born in Russia where she's Russian, she has to sing this horrible language. And Russian people know this. Girl, Russian ain't it when it comes to songwriting. Every Russian songwriter will tell you that. Constant clusters up the wazoo. Yeah, constant clusters. Girl, she ill. She sucks. She sucks.

Words that are hard to say, little ones, sing. Like, girl, fuck out of here. How about, ooh, there ain't no other way. Like, that's like rolls off the tongue. Not like, um, uh, well, even English isn't great because English has a lot of diphthongs, which is like, um, you know, you know, I know about it. It's like Italian. It's a lot of bright, clean vowels. Oh yeah. You know, um,

Pure vowels.

Volviendo a sonreír. The O's are O's. The A's are A's. Llorando por tu amor. I mean, Rebecca, what's her face doing? Llorando? Gayheart. Rebecca Gayheart. No, from the twin. In Dune 2. Of Sunnybrook Farms. Estoy muy excited. And anyway, Spanish, Italian, mama, they slap. Arabic even probably. Long story short, Zivert released an album called...

which is like in a happy world, I believe. This one called Take It and Run. This one called Love. It's called Love, and I need you to hear it. I need you to hear how she goes hard. Listen to this bitch's voice. She's getting started. She's getting started. Gotta wait for it.

She's warming up. She's getting her shoes on. Laces them up. Fixing her hair. Takes a look in the mirror. Opens the door. And then she's... She's getting the girls together. Walk, walk.

It's about to get groovy. She needs you. Here we go. Oh, why? Okay. Oh, yeah. So.

You gotta give it a listen. It reminds me of, she gave me Jessie Ware. And she did a whole, it's a whole, every song rolls into another. It's a kind of concept disco album or what do you call the house or disco? That sounds like house to me. It's a house. Okay. I don't know shit about music or genres. Mama, she slapped the house down and she is just, she has a soulful big voice, but these, these continent clusters, these like, um, she does this song called Naga Tochiya and it's like,

Her voice is caged in this horrible Russian language because I heard her sing in English on her Instagram and I was like, breakthrough. Please breakthrough. I want it so bad it'll never happen. Well, Americans are not going to sit down and be like, Russian pop, love it. But she just needs a hit in English. Please. She'll break through. It could happen, but I don't think it will. We like to party. Something like that. No, it's a soul. She could be like almost like Jessie Ware or...

Dula peep. Yeah. It's like a doula peep. Yeah. That part doula peep with a side of Adele with a little bit of Badu. Oh God. I have a recommendation too. It's not long. I promise. This is Shermanology. I love them. This is some real housey shit. Get into it.

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Venmo. Wells Fargo. That's Tell You What It Is by Shermanology and Eats Everything. Yeah. Love Shermanology. Drop the Venmo, sis, where I tip. Drop them. You know, artists like that too, you love them and you sharing them really does help them. You know, I know because she's just, so they did the famously Vicherny Urgant, which sounds crazy. It's like Jimmy Kimmel. They did a whole Italian show. So they did all Russian, Italian versions of the Russian hits and

And all, they slapped, Mary. They slapped better than the originals. They slapped better than the originals. One of the songs made me cry because it was so gorgeous. I went back to the original. Made me fall asleep, honey. Bring a book. Bring a book. But the Italian version, bellissimo.

It's a great song. Yeah, it's beautiful. Great album. So it's called Miri Vistoli, but it's Z-I-V-E-R-T in English. You can find her at Zver. She's a cool voice. I hope she breaks through too. She's a beautiful voice. We're sending you prayers, girl. Julia, she's not sick. No, no, yeah. She's dead. She died. Well, she died. Yeah. No, no. Succeed, ho. Malediets. I think that's it, right? Okay. Peace out, y'all. All right. Bye.

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