The Majesty of Live Theatre with Trixie and Katya
45:32 Share

♪♪♪

Crocs sent me these Jetsons Crocs. Aren't they fun? Those are wild. Crazy, right? I love the Jetsons, but we'll say it took me a whole beat to understand what the theme of these were. I was like, what?

What? And then I saw the spaceship. I was like, oh, it's the Jetsons. Jane, his wife. His boy, Al Roy. Yeah. They really did a good job on that song. That intro is molten. You know Pompeii, how that city was preserved in the lava? That really did kind of engrave itself into my consciousness. Pompeii, people preserved in lava. And then Hiroshima, people preserved in lava.

People's silhouettes burned into walls from where they were standing when the explosion happened. Like ashes in the shape of their body burned into walls. It's a recurring theme in Watchmen. I think about getting vaporized probably more than the average person.

What would you hope? Or like you worry? Or what is this? I just think about it. Like, um, like I think, you know, it was just September 11th. Um, and I think about, um, you know, they say never forget. So I don't. And I, I think about driving or flying into those twin towers or into the Pentagon. Cause obviously, you know, we always forget actually that there was the, the Pentagon and then the one that was supposed to go to the white house. Pentagon is still there. Yeah. But she got struck completely.

Yeah. She got struck. Uh-huh. She wasn't destroyed completely, but there were four planes. Am I right? Forgot. Forgot. Forgot. Control room has already forgotten. Do you think we'll have another event like that in our lifetime? Absolutely. Yeah. It's almost, I feel bad, but yeah. But they're happening there on that scale. They're happening all the time. Yeah. Ukraine, you know, I mean, there's like global catastrophes here and there. Told you. Thank you. I don't want to be like Pollyanna, but like,

Oh yeah. The Jetsons believe that that was the year 2062. Yeah. Right. Girl, I doubt it. Girl, girl, Twitter will be called X like still that like Mary Twitter is X. I'm going to, what are we doing? We talked about this, but it deserves. Yeah.

I went on, I opened my phone today. I don't use social media very much anymore. Me neither. And I went on to tweet something that I thought was particularly tickling to the, would be particularly enticing to my fan base. And I opened the social media folder and what was down there? We had Instagram. We had Grindr. We had Xtreme.

And I thought, oh, shoot, did I misplace a porno app into this folder? No. It's Twitter. It's fucking Twitter. Yeah. Twitter, formerly known as X, formerly known as Twitter. This is like the whole Prince debacle back in the day. The artist formerly known as Prince. Do you think that a lot, maybe it's just you and I, do you think a lot of people are turning the corner on social media? I really care less and less. I mean, the only thing that really hooked me back in was Lauren Boebert getting jerked off at the theater in Beetlejuice. What happened? What happened?

Lauren Boebert, the Congresswoman, getting fondled, felt up, finger blasted, and her jerking off her date during a production. How do people know about this? Because there was security camera footage and she surely was escorted out of the theater.

Boobs touched, finger blasted, pussy eaten, dick sucked, kicked out of the theater. Lauren Boebert, Congresswoman, disgraced. In the theater. Not the movie theater. Booted out of the theater. Live production with children present. Getting jerked off. Titties fondled. Jerking off her date.

Mama, there were babies crying in the aisle. She was booted at the theater. She's a public servant, honey, getting jerked off at the theater. Lauren Boebert reporting for duty. She's very conservative, yes.

You know what's funny? She's nuts. You know what's funny? If she was liberal, I think the gays would be like, honestly, work. No, I think she was only – if she hadn't accused her Muslim colleague of being a suicide bomber, if she hadn't alleged that all drag queens are pedophiles, if she hadn't gone through all this really harmful rhetoric, I think she would be propped up as a presidential whore. Yes, exactly. Yes.

But she surely is a shit disturber and a troll. Jerking off is not a crime. Sex is not a crime. But in a theater where there's children and stuff, inappropriate. And that's coming from a drag queen who's a groomer, apparently. I'm grooming! I'm grooming! She's lead associate at Grooming Dales. She was kicked out of the theater for unruly behavior

And then she, she lied. And then when it, when the security camera footage came up, she said, I was mom eccentric. Oh, they're right. No, well,

No, you're not. Mama, you're not eccentric. You're actually boring. You're a perverted bitch. This is sadly the most exciting thing you've ever done. Thank you. Wrong time, wrong place. Listen, let's say you and your betrothed are leaving the theater. It was just a date. And you're in the parking garage. Yeah. And you get finger blasts. Your panties fall off. The garage is basically closed. You're like, I'm in my car. It's into windows. That should be about as public. Sure, sure, sure. Public servant public.

I don't believe we're servicing the public in public. Publicly servicing. Yes.

So Congressman Lauren Boebert, you are a mama. She got jerked up at the theater. Do you remember Senator Larry Craig? Remember his toe tapping? Larry Craig? Wasn't it Senator Larry Craig? Oh, and I don't remember this one. I believe it was a Minnesota Republican senator who was toe tapping at the airport. Like, suck my cock. Remember that? I don't. What do you mean breaking news? He's doing Morse code? Morse code? You don't know about toe tapping? Morse code?

You got to use Morris code? No. Toe tapping under a stall is like an old school gay way of like, do you want to hook up? Of course. Of course. It's like, hey. Oh, no. You thought toe tapping. Was he doing a time stamp? I thought he was either doing tap dancing or Morris code. That did happen, right? Yeah.

You better use Morris Code. But I mean, certain celebrities have gotten in trouble for masturbating at theaters for masturbation. Yeah, yeah. And these are people who are not publicly elected officials serving the public on taxpayer dollars who are also...

purporting to live and abide by a code of ethics, morals, and a lifestyle that they are themselves not adhering to. Nothing of the sort. Thank you very much. That old maiden jerk off behavior in the theater. If she was a public figure who was very like pro-sex, pro-queer, pro-everything. If she was Annie Sprinkle saying, let's fuck trees with our pussies out. That's a different thing. Annie Sprinkle? Annie Sprinkle, a performance eco-sex, eco-sex performance artist. Okay. But she has titties. She's...

She's fucking tree. She's not a Congresswoman. Let's just say that. No, no. Um, she, she's fucking tree. She's fucking the ground. She's doing public cervix announcements. Um, she's legendary, but she's not, she's not running for Congress and she's not getting funded by taxpayer dollars. Let's just say that mama. Well, jerked off at the theater again to play devil's advocate.

Working 40 hours a week on the public's dime doesn't mean that when you go to the theater, you're on the clock. No, it certainly doesn't. But this is still inappropriate. It's still inappropriate because, yes, I don't go to the Wiggles and get cornholed in the aisle.

No. Because you don't go to the Wiggles. No, but I don't go to Blue's Clues and fill up some titties and pussies. I don't put my fingers up and decide pussies and then go sucking on titties. I don't do that. I don't do that. Call me crazy. Ah!

Call me old fashioned Lauren Bolberg By the way she's lucky I wasn't there I would have been like I just think it's really funny You know like Bitch got kicked booted out the theater But you know what though Boot scoot out Her support comes from a group of people who

Or Wildin out with Nick Cannon. These are the grabber by the pussy people who are like, so what? Yeah. This is her locker room talk. So she jerked off the date. This is her locker room talk. So she jerked off the date at Beetlejuice. Whatever. So there was six year olds nearby. Whatever. You know? By the way, not flattering. The artists on stage, you know, they went to, uh,

They went to Milliken. They went to all the musical theater schools, the conservatories. Juilliard. The Juilliard. They went to the master classes. They did a private lesson with Sherry Renee Scott. Thank you. They did it all. And all for what? For them to walk on stage in that Lydia wig?

It's not flattering. They're not going, still got it. No. They look out and Lauren Boebert's got her hand up some guy's asshole. Girl, Lauren Boebert is straddling a Sibian in the front row, vibrating her glasses off. She is crouched over a jackhammer. She's taking four and five loads. A traffic cone up her pussy.

There's a line of people ushers are ready to quit. They're all waiting. It's a dump, a cum dump. It's a Lauren Boebert Beetlejuice cum dump. Oh!

I'm not making it again. First of all, it's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. To make a room full of people consent to your sex act, it's not funny. Mama, that's sexual terrorism. It's not funny. On the taxpayer's dime. What makes it funny is that person who's like, I would never do that is now doing that. You know what I mean? And also, drag queens are groomers, but I'm going to get jerked off at the theater in front of a six-year-old. You know who's trying to jerk off drag queens? Nobody. Bo Burt. Nobody. No, Bo Burt is.

Boebert's at the Hamburger Mary's. Yeah, yeah. Who wants... And she's snuck into the back room. She's got a bullet vibrator in each nose. She's got Morgan McDycle's tuck untucked and she's yanking on it. And she's like, Delta, you need them titties sucked, bitch. Fuck! Lauren Boebert goes straight to jail. Lauren Boebert was supposed to guest judge on Drag Race, but she had reached over and was fingering Michelle. Fingering Rapal. Fingering the hilarious Mazat Matthews and style superstar Carson Kressley.

And she had to be asked to lead because she was being inappropriate. Darren had to boot her out of the studio. The musical was Rudel Juice. And Lauren said, oh no. Oh no. Oh no. These fingers got a mind of their own. Oh no.

Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.

I have fully done things around the home that I think look good and then a bang in the night and I wake up to a shelf collapsing, a painting falling off the wall. Like it, I've seen it all go south. I own a home and I can tell you, I know how much work it can take. Whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need.

Whatever your home project, big or small, indoor or outdoor, you can Angie that and connect with skilled professionals to get the project done well. Right now, one of my wish lists is I want a bike for my condo in Milwaukee and I would love to rig it up on a pulley in the ceiling because I have one of those like lofted ceilings.

but I'm so scared to try that on my own. Angie has 20 years of home experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of any home project in just a few taps.

Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.

The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

By the way, she was on a date. Was it Tinder? Well, TMZ caught up with her a little bit after the incident and she caught up with her at the airport or something. And she very glibly said, I believe that was the last of that date or whatever, that person, I will not be whatever, whatever.

It was all flippantly, it was all flippant and glib and kind of dismissive. Listen, I'm very sex positive, but in this instance, wrong time, wrong place, lady. Inappropriate behavior from a public elected official. Yeah, you could do a lot of flirting, a lot of hand on the knee, hand arm around, kiss on the cheek. And then you can save that moment for just a little more privacy. Or about how about you just...

shut the fuck up, watch the show, and then go home and shit on his face or whatever you want to fucking do. Or leave in the middle. Well, they did, but they were booted out. Leave in the middle. Also, they were unruly. They were rude. There was other behaviors that were going on. She's like, oh yeah, I'm going to check party affiliations before I go on another date. Well, vaping, don't even get me started. Vaping, Mary, vaping at the theater. Vaping is worse than the jerking off. Thank you. We were on a tour together. I was on the tour bus. I'm here to tell you that people who vape

think that they should vape everywhere and anywhere. And I'm not in that school of thought. Mary, that strawberry mango mojito cloud of smoke. Yeah. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. On the tour bus, I walked in and said, what are you doing? It's like, oh, it's just a vape. And I said, get off the bus. Yeah. You're the smoker bus.

I know. And they're not even vaping on the smoker bus. So why are you- Mom, we're not vaping or smoking on the bus. Honey. Oh, yeah. Actually, we could smoke on the bus. People in their bunks vaping on the bus? No. I'm like, girl. No, we're not doing that. That's the thing about vaping that I really never-

It's smokers with the audacity, like even further audacity. But I don't even think it's that because smokers have a very, especially if you're still smoking now, cigarettes or weed or whatever, you have a very, there are clear cut unambiguous boundaries about where and when you can smoke. Like that's the whole kind of gig about smoking. I have to go outside. It's non-negotiable. If I smoked a cigarette in here right now,

You would slap me in the face and kick me out like I was jerking off Lauren Boebert in the theater. There was a drag queen I worked with in this studio and I had to go to a gig and they were closing up and they were going to lock the door. I got home from the gig, reeked of weed in here. And I was like, I don't even smoke weed in this house. Unacceptable. Because the impact that it has, I mean, now granted the vapor's defense I would assume is that, well, it's not going to seep its way into your curtains, your fabric, your human hair wigs or whatever. Right.

That's not the point. It's not as bad for sure. It's not as bad, but it's still inappropriate. But also the problem with the vaping is because there aren't those boundaries, there aren't those checkpoints in place. Vapers just vape all day.

All the time. In the bed. On the toilet. In the bed? Are you nuts? What are you nuts? I don't, they have a bed with vapors. In the bed. All the time. At the sewing machine. At the, in the theater. In the handicap stall. Everywhere. In the airplane bathroom. Everywhere. It's the ubiquity, it's the accessibility and the ubiquity of the vaping, which is really the problem. And not to be, like, just to be honest, I have my own prejudices probably against vaping. Right? Right.

Why? Well, it's so new. I feel like we don't know what a 20 year old vapors lungs look like. We don't know. And so I worry about that at least with like smoking weed or something. We know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so the research is coming out that it's not great. It's not great. I mean, I think of again, Kathy Griffin, certainly never smoked her in life. You don't lung cancer. I mean, it's not great. Right. I just hope and pray for the vapors that they find that boundary where other people in the room don't go like,

Just pull out a vape in the middle of my living room. You know what I mean? It's tough. I hate being put in that position where I'm like, it's like a no-shoe household if someone walks in with shoes and I'm like,

Can you, well, we just watched Serial Mom. The cop walks in chewing gum and she goes, I'm sorry, officer, this is a no gum household and puts all the tissue and he has to spit it out. And I was like, yeah, it's your house. It's your boundary. Say it, girl. You go, girl. You go, girl. You put that boundary up. I have, I frequently run into that problem in my home because I have a no shoe policy.

And it's, um, but sometimes, you know, depending on if we're just running through, it gets a little nebulous, but I, but Hey, listen, so you don't want to put on your shoes. You can't come inside. I know. Take off your shoes. You can't come inside. I know. Well, like this, this is a white carpet. There was a time where it was like, if I don't take my shoes off, it gets gross in here quickly. I know. But your socks are worse than your shoes. So now what? Did you tap dance and dog shit on the way here and then put the shoe on?

Is that what occurred? No, I was fisting Lauren Boebert at the theater last night during the production of Gone with the Wind. That's crazy. She's getting silicone put in her dick at Beetlejuice. Like she's got saline balls at Beetlejuice.

She was teabagging her democratic date with her giant engorged saline clit. She was slapping him in the face. She's doing, she's doing, she was spraying the whole of the row with, with piss. No, the ushers, some, some hourly worker usher in an unfitting uniform came over with a little light and she had a sounding rod of her dates cock. And she said, what? What? It's a ballad.

It's a knitting needle. It's a B-side number. Like no one's watching. I thought this was still intermission. Yeah, crazy. Also singing at a musical is worse than anything.

What do you think is an under... Could you actually go and see Les Mis? Well, why would you go to see Les Mis? I agree. Yeah, thank you. Well, let's say the curtains open and the person next to you is like, at the end of the day, it's another day older. And you're like, this has to stop. If I went to a production of Les Mis, you know what would happen? Loud as I can. The grittiness of life in 19th century France, the conflict between good and evil, and the concept of redemption are all brought to life on screen in an unforgettable musical journey. Okay.

Catherine Zeta-Jones did the 2012 Golden Globes. You better catch it.

She did catch it. She is crazy. Talk about, I mean, she is crazy. She is compelling though. She eats in Chicago. She eats. She's untouchable. Everything. She's an untouchable Welsh superstar. She's amazing. Cannot, cannot, not down, whatever the opposite of down to earth is. Her husband? 80 years old. Yeah. Go off the edge. 78 I believe. I love May, December. I love old and young. Love it. In the adult years.

I don't love 18 and 38. You know what I mean? Or like 12 and 35. But I love like 50 and 70. Love that. Love that. It's appropriate. Love that. You know, it's appropriate. And women die...

Much, much later. You're going to outlive your husband probably anyway. Might as well lean into it. Lean into it. Lean into that Douglas dynasty. We don't see many older women, younger men relationships. Mary Kay Letourneau would love a word. But I guess like Demi and Ashton at the time, that's it. That's the only one I knew of. Oh, come on. There's plenty. We see it in gay world a lot.

- Old young, old young, old young. - Yeah, absolutely. Well, because you know. - It's so fierce when someone's like. - Palm Springs, how about? I'm gonna talk about Palm Springs. - We all have those gay people in our life where you're like, oh, here's your new boyfriend. What is he, actually 19? Like you're like 20. - Yeah, I know. - 20. - I have been myself, I have been a perpetrator of this, let's not call it a crime. Let's just call it a participator in the trend, let's say. - Sure. - In the activity. - The youngest I've ever been with was somebody who was 23.

And at the time I was 30 or whatever. Well, I mean, that's seven years is not that much. But even for me, that was an extreme stretch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like, I like, I'm only really attracted to around my age, so I can't throw stones. Yeah. I mean, my body's not telling me to fuck 19 year olds. Right. Like I don't have the instinct. My body's, my body's telling me to.

It's not, there's definitely not an age group that I fetishize or that I gravitate towards. And none of them fetishize you. Shut up. That's what kind of works out. Shut up. But I was recently, so I've hooked up with a few guys recently. One of them, you know, it's always a little bit humbling and perhaps a bit, it's not,

concerning it's not insulting but it is just a little bit eye opening when they reveal that they are in fact attracted to older men and then I find myself in the harsh reality of that category because I am in fact an older man to them suddenly it's 27 yeah it's time 25 I got bone density issues and I'm crab walking down the you know right in the sand but uh the

you know, I, I'm like, okay, okay, whatever. I'm 41. This person is 27 or 26 or 25 even. And that's older. Yeah.

That's older. And also I look old now. And, um, I do is I do, you know, I like, I got no hair. I mean, I have hair, but it's like shaved and gray. Do you think you look good? Um, I think you look good. I think my body looks great. Your body looks great. My body looks great naked. Um, and I have a nice dick. Um, but, uh, it's just like, you know, when at certain angles and in certain light and certain situations, um,

It's like, it gives, it gives like Twinkle Fester, Twinkle Fester, you know, like Uncle Fester. Twinkle Fester. Yeah. You know, it gives a little creep, you know, minus the little, the wispies that the creeper had, you know, it gives a little ghoulish. Yes. It gives a little ghoulish. I'm not agreeing. I'm just listening. No, no. But, um, but so then. But I see it. You know, it can give a little ghoulish, but I, so in, this is funny. Like I was thinking about this recently and,

And I, because I've noticed that more and more and more, I've come across people who are really, really comfortable at, and have the instinct to film themselves. Sure. Sexually. Film each other having sex. I've never had that.

I would assume because I don't exactly think of myself as having a porn star body with striking Hollywood looks in the bedroom. But many, many people who I don't think even think of themselves that way either, it is a much more common practice. I have never, ever wanted to see myself have sex. And I'm totally engrossed in the feeling of it.

in the feeling of it. And I don't want to relive it. I'm not going to stop and record. No. When am I going to watch it? In shitty lighting. When am I going to watch it? In iPhone flash lighting of Mary Dugan. I got it. And then we got to set up the shot. And now there's lube on the camera and it's slippery. It's like, I'm not putting a tripod in my bedroom. There's hardly any space. And then what if, what if there's no memory? Not in your house. It's way too small. But some of us could. What?

What's the alternative? Am I going to prop up four different security cameras? First of all, you don't have to use an iPhone. You're going to use a Galaxy because they take better video. Oh, they do. In the dark, they do, for sure. But guess what, Mary? When we have access to a mostly free-of-charge library of every single pornographic clip ever made on this God's green earth for nearly free, hardly any money at all,

Why would I bother to contribute? Why would I throw my little rocks in that stream? Anybody who does sex work, please tune me out and don't pay attention to me right now. Trigger warning. Who's paying for porn when it's so available for free? I'm not looking down on people. I'm saying, why? Why? I am. Tell me. Well, okay, because... Because I actually don't get it. Because I'm a sex addict.

So it has something to do with being, and it's something to do with compulsive sex addiction. In my case, a little bit. You like the pay for play element. Well, so I know that there is, this is my unprofessional opinion. I could very well be wrong, but in my case and in the cases of other people I know, there is an overlap. In the criminal justice system. Yeah!

I don't know why I gave that. Would you still jerk off if every time you jerk off, that song played? Mom, I'd probably jerk off more. But there is an overlap in the Venn diagram of sex addiction and gambling. Okay. So say, for example, it's almost like it gives shades of cash pig. I'm thinking of Kelly Mantle at that casino when we were on tour. Yes. Now imagine if instead of slots...

where it's another kind of slot. It's like a Romanian webcam guy. And that's different than paying for porn. I'm talking about owning a membership to a porn website, which I own Cody or whatever. I don't know. Currently I am the, I, I will release this information, but I'm not ashamed of it. I have plenty of money. I probably, I have four or five active memberships to, to adult websites. And here's why.

Because you get access to extremely...

Well lit, super high definition downloadable files that you can keep forever. Sure. Okay. So, so yeah, so, so you're, um, because remember back, I mean, you don't even remember this because back in the day, a pornographic videotape, I'm talking VHS videotape bought at the local sex shop, the only place to actually get one, no internet, $60. What? Absolutely. Mark, can you corroborate that?

I don't think he would care. The peanut gallery would remain silent. 60 to 70. A full length feature film from like Shishila Ruth, for example. All World's Video. Naked Sword. This is I think before Naked Sword. All World's Video. These now called vintage pornos. These two hour pornos. $60 VHS tapes. Some $60, $70 at the sex shop.

And that was the only way in the nineties, eighties. They had the chokehold on your horniness. They could jack up that price. Of course. Wow. So, and that's when those studios like made money and, and, and that's when the star, the, well, there was porn stars, Johnny hazard. And they make a lot of money. Well, yeah, but they made money. Now I think the industry and I could be just speculating. It seems like there's the few stars in porn, at least gay porn. And then self-made. Well,

The interest is, even though stars, the interest is fucking new, new, new. And it's never been on camera. Never been on camera. Never been a camera. It's all about new, new, new. This is what I was just saying to Anthony. It was like the real, I believe the real currency in LA and perhaps everywhere else in terms of gay male sexuality is novelty. Yeah. It's not who has the biggest muscles, who has the, even the biggest dong. Although that is very big on the currency thing. It's novelty.

Who's new? Yeah. Who's new? Who's new on the scene? And what we love is new fucking someone we like. Yes. You have the security of, well, I love him. Yeah. And there's a new guy. Yeah. And we love new, never been on camera, never done this before. New, new, new, new, new. And also like it's the cycle because our, that, that, um, the desire pleasure brain, that's all it seeks. No,

new, new, faster, better, hotter. And it's just, sometimes it's a lateral. It's not like climbing up the ladder of the mountain of hotness. It's, it's going around the mountain, you know? And that's, that's the way that kind of like desire brain works when it's in that, that really like kind of intense addictive cycle. Especially in straight world too, because you know, not in straight world, but as open to sex things as gay people are straight, people are like,

They got that fucking wedding ring by 22 and they are like horse blinders of like, if you're not like...

I would say that porn thrives because people are restricted. It's a way to experience things without, like, I don't know, leaving your house. You can have very full-color HD sexual experiences on your phone. And it's healthy. Honey. Very healthy. 3D virtual reality. You can get jerked off by Jenna Jameson. What do you think of people who think porn is bad? Well, I think that those people... I think that those people...

If it's a moral issue, that's where I take umbrage. I take umbrage with that. But it's anything. Anything in excess can be a problem. Anything in excess is a problem. And when we're dealing with a sexual, that kind of dopamine release of like sex addiction,

Anything can become a problem. Yeah. It's pickle eating. It's popsicle stick housemaking. Is it interfering with your life? Extraction videos. There you go. Anything, really. I mean, it's like people eating their own feces. You know, I think it's healthy, but other people wouldn't agree. Let's take a break.

- I've been a person who has been, who definitely has had bouts and bouts of- - Mean streaks. - Porn addiction. - Sure. - I mean, usually on Crack Tina, but sometimes not. And I will, I mean, one time in Boston, this is listeners, if you have a faint of heart, please close your ears for the next about minute and a half. I masturbated for 18 hours straight.

Didn't go to the bathroom. You couldn't figure it out. Couldn't figure out how to, how to get the pee pee hole. Are you kidding? No, I was, I was in a very, I was clear headed and stone cold sober. You were at the library. You were at Beetlejuice. I was actually at a double feature. Was it Beetlejuice and Les Mis? Les Mis.

I creamed a cream of life gone by. Yeah. It was, no, I was huddled on my desk, my computer desk chair and up above the Jacques apartment shades drawn. You were in the castle on a cloud. Mama. It was puff, puff, puff, the magic tweaker. And it was rubbing the skin off, pulling on the taffy long past the point of actual objective pleasure. Scabs.

Mama scabs. Yeah. Yeah. It was track marks. She was scabbing. She was scabbing. She would, she crossed the picket line into scab territory. Anyways. So, but you know, that's, that's like she, she was sag cut her off. Sag cut her the fuck off for being a scabby dicked bitch. She said, where's the show? We need writers. This is why we need writers.

This is why we need writers. Show us on the doll where the picket line crossed you. Thank you. Yeah, you scabby bitch. But anyway, so porn is a – I don't think that porn – if we're talking about human rights violations and issues notwithstanding, trafficking not an issue, consent is all there. Porn itself is not bad. It's a tool. Well, can I ask –

There's so much free porn. And guess what I'm getting to is if you seeked out free – I don't know. If there was an ex-hamster of pirated movies, that's illegal. That's bad. It's bad to not pay for movies. But if there's porn clips on Pornhub, let's say –

Maybe they've been pirated. Maybe they haven't. And I have no way of knowing. Am I hurting the industry by watching free porn? Yes, you are. I am. You are taking cash out of these independent... No, but we really are, right? No, no, no. If I watch porn clips on Twitter... What if I pirate your fucking music? Who would? That's a fair question. Lauren Boebert. Who wouldn't? Lauren Boebert. Well, they didn't check it out, but Lauren Boebert had AirPods in. And it was a raisin in the sun. Yeah.

she was singing my music. She was like Malibu. Yeah. No, no. But it's, I mean, because what, I don't know. I could list off Julian, Austin, Roman, Logan, Shara. Yeah. Thanks for holding on the four. Yeah. But they, I am literally, I would be not robbing them, but depriving them of their,

The ethical way is to provide me with the service. And I did not pay the admission price. Cause you, and you got at the roundabout way. I got it. I went through the back door. I snuck into the theater and jerked off. You're right. You're right. I snuck into the theater. You're right. And I, I did not have an admission ticket and I, and I got to experience the full, the full fierceness of their performance. You know, this is a call to action here and I'm with you the next time we all want to watch porn. Let's, let's try to find it.

And get it the most responsible way. How about this, though? So I was talking to a creator who makes his entire living off of OnlyFans and JustForFans and all those kind of independent sites. He's a content creator of the porn variety. And he admitted that he don't fucking pay for porn either.

I get it. I mean, I feel very strongly about stealing music. I think that's really wrong. I have never illegally downloaded music since I was like 18. Do you know that I fucking haven't either, but because of, it's not because of a morality, it's because of stupidity. Yeah. Like how am I going to go find a backdoor site? Like I've, I've never, I'm wired naps. I don't ever know how to use it. But, um, I consider stealing movies wrong as to, I consider stealing, um, music wrong. We need to consider stealing.

sucking off, like sapping off porn wrong. Unless you're getting it from where someone's selling it. Maybe we do need to think of it as wrong. And also here's, here's the thing. The reason, one of the reasons why I do go to the source is because of the quality. I'm not trying to watch 480. Right. Honey, 480. Right. I want 1080. Right. You know what I mean? I want, I want the pixels. Yeah. I want the depth. Yeah. I want the full length.

I don't want some watermarked little highlight clip in shitty resolution. Where it cuts off right before they come. Yeah, Mary. And then you're going to skip that part. You know that's my favorite part. Why'd you skip over her? Why'd you skip over her? Because they want you to – they're trying to get you to be ethical. And also, you are supporting a third-party little goon who –

Who created their own little thing by stealing other stuff. Do you know what I mean? And running money off the ads. And running money off the ads. Move out a watch. Move out a watch. It's that kind of energy. Yeah. This fell off a truck and I'm out in the square selling it. And I have my watch. Also, like all those porn videos start with a voiceover that's like,

The new porn game where you get to fuck your mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always that. Or jerk mate. Yeah. So you should use or like, if you don't watch this video, you have to fuck your granny. Like, did you hear that one? It's crazy. The online, it's like the online,

online sex multiplayer where you fuck your fucking parents it's always that if you don't finish this video do you like busty blonde I know it's like do you want to drink your grandma's piss today son well you're gonna have to do you want to jerk it with Lauren at Beetlejuice yeah yeah yeah you got a hard on for Bobert State too yeah

It's crazy. So, but, but in my, so my porn cleanse, which I've had a couple and I got to tell you, I'm not a, I'm not a Puritan. I don't, I'm not, I'm one of those people. I, you know, sex is lovely. I love pleasure, all that crap. But to do those resets where you really kind of, where you just, you kind of clean the slate a little bit because we do get oversensitized. You close the door to the spiritual realm. Yes. And I'm telling you, you're, I, this is for me personally, at least I'm,

when you over saturation with the pornography and, and, and having grooving those tunnels to, to orgasm become, becomes detrimental to actual real life, sexual pleasure in terms of like, can I get off with another person without switching on the TV, without going in my head, thinking about something else. Like, you know what I mean? Like those, um, and I've noticed this with the younger crowd of 24 and over, let's say, um, you know, where they can't,

can't get off naturally. They have problems with their boners because they've been watching every kind of porn since they were 12. I could use a boner problem. Mama. I could use a boner problem. Your heart is a rock. It's the Redwood Forest down there. No, but ever since I started drinking, now when I'm horny, it's a pressing incident. It's an impediment to my day. It needs to be dealt with. It's really hard for me to not handle it.

All these puns, like all these puns. And you know, now that I live with David, are you saying that you're, you become an uncontrollable sex monster? Like now that I live with David, I'm like, well, you're in the house. Yeah. I'm going to go jerk off secretly in the bedroom. This is your problem. Now, you know, you, you, you walk into the TV naked and go, yeah, I'm erect. Yeah. I mean, not that, but like, yeah, I don't know. I guess, uh,

Without the ebb and the flow of being hungover or drunk or whatever...

My body is just like healthy. What about being horny? Yeah. Well, it's probably it's, it's also the circulation. Yes. And the exercise, the exercise. And also by my ever noticed on leg day, you get super horny. If you do a workout, the lower body workout, those intense leg workouts, horny as fuck. After long runs. Yeah. Big time. Yeah. If you do heavy, heavy weight on the legs, quad, quad hamstring workouts, mama, you will, that border, somebody could hang from it. One armed off a cliff. Yeah.

Lauren Burbert. She's got my prolapse in her mouth. She's got two fingers in your ass. Yeah. She's got the other full fist on your dick and you are feeling up her fucking titties at the Lion King. Do you think we went too hard on Lauren today? I don't think we went hard enough because she certainly seems to... Listen,

We have a great sense of humor about sex. Congresswoman Boebert, we salute you and your nasty fucking agenda. I have a healthy sense of humor about sex. And I love when, I do love when the conservatives go down. Well, because mama, the name of their game is by and large hypocrisy, right? Hypocrisy. And the name of the game of, just to draw very, very broad, horrible generalizations, I would say the right is hypocrisy. The left is fucking, what do you call that? Hypocrisy.

um, like, uh, uh, uh, like Avenue pussy face, not pussy face, but like, um, blithering, blothering in action, whatever, you know? Um, and, uh, I don't know. It's just crazy. But I, the, the porn thing is, I would just recommend anybody out there. If you're horny, leave the theater and go home and have sex. It's just a better move. Oh, of course. Especially, um, if you're a public servant, you gotta think about your constituents.

I think she's really just a troll, though. All press is good for us with the troll folk. That's tea. Okay, can I also talk about, I've been getting very strong. I've been making significant progress with my little fitness at home. So I'm working on hangs.

I've got one arm hangs going on. Go on. But I mean, getting very strong and I've just noticed it's because of consistent. It really do take consistent. Consistency is the watchword here. Yeah, of course. I mean, it's like you... You're conditioning your body to do something. I know. I know. I know it's self-explanatory and not news to anybody, but it's like...

but the joy of it is really keeping me um tethered to this earthly realm as we as of late isn't that great i enjoy exercise so much that i i get sad at the idea that if i do it in the morning the rest of the day it's over well let me tell you something what i mean let me tell you something you're gonna love this i've recently discovered that

It doesn't have to be a wrap in the morning. You can do another one in the evening. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I'll lift in the morning, the run at night, or if I have a long one in the morning, I'll still do a short run at night. And I do love it. Or a little movement snack after lunch. Yeah. And now that the heat is breaking, I'm running out. Cause I,

I love the treadmill because it keeps me from running in 100 degree heat, but I get bored. Yeah, of course. You're on a hamster wheel. I love feeling like I'm going somewhere. LA traffic. I love fearing for my life. The thrill of Lauren Boebert might be around the corner trying to clip you with a Hummer. Girl, give someone a Hummer. On Santa Monica Boulevard. On Santa Monica Boulevard. But not slowing down. She's in Vaseline Alley. She's taking loads. She is. She is at Flex Spa. Legs up in a dark room. She's at We Spa.

She's sucking cock at Wii Spa. That's horrible. Poor thing. Who? Poor thing. Us dragging this woman. The staff at the Wii Spa? Mama, she dragged herself in and out of that theater jerking that man off. Give me a break. Wasn't the Wii Spa where that woman was? Yes. Penis and testes. Penis and testes. The transphobic woman. Penis and testes. Penis, no, dick ball and testes.

I've never been to one of those spas because I know personally, I don't really want to see people naked personally. I think I told this story briefly, but I'll recap a little bit. I was hoodwinked, bamboozled, and not maliciously, but taken to that place under false pretenses because as soon as we arrived, me and my silicone bald friends and porn star friends, who had no problem disrobing immediately once you're given a face cloth as a towel,

Is it a sex place? No, absolutely not. Absolutely. It is not. We spot. It is not a sex club. It is a spa. Flex is a sex place. Flex is the spa. Or it's implied. Flex is a sex club. Okay. It's a men's spa with sex. People doing shooting up meth there. Okay.

No, no, no. That's real. But people are not doing that at the Wii Spa. It is a Korean spa. It's a Korean spa that has hot tubs and cool tubs and cold plunges and all the things. But it is a nude spa.

So you are in, when you get in the hot tub, there are no clothes allowed. That spooks me. I wouldn't want to be a part of that. It spooks me too because I'm Catholic and I was raised to be ashamed of my naked body that it was a crime. I'm not ashamed of my naked body, but other people's nudity makes me a little uncomfortable and that's my own whatever. But maybe that means I'm supposed to go like exposure therapy. I mean, it couldn't hurt.

And you won't. And let me tell you something. I was concerned that maybe I would become aroused. Mama, that does not happen. No. It doesn't fucking happen. It doesn't fucking happen. Maybe it does to some other person, but I feel like. Let's say if you take Viagra, it doesn't make you horny. No, no, no. You have to be turned on to be horny. Yeah.

And that's that on that. Fun fact, we're going to leave this on a cliffhanger. Guess what I tried? Try Mix. See you next week.

you