You Must Be This Tall to Ride Bald Mountain with Trixie and Katya
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I gotta go for a run tonight. No, you gotta... You gotta... Start... You have to come... Well, now I've turned... Honestly... You should start meditating. The problem is I've developed a very healthy relationship with nothing, but... Like...

Now that I'm lifting weights as much as I'm running, it almost burns more calories. And so I'm at the point now actually where I'm enough to, if I want to keep lifting weights, I'm going to have to start eating more. You have to start eating a lot. I'm not hungry all the time. I know. Here's the thing that they don't tell you. People who are big have to shovel food into their mouths when they don't want to. And it's disgusting. Yeah. Even for people who are like overeaters or like who struggle with like...

And I want the good. I don't want just to feel full. So I think I'm gonna have to become one of those people who fucking blends up frozen spinach and stuff just for like nice raw green base level like proteins. You need protein starch and vegetables. Because I don't want to put any of my chub back on, but I don't want to keep getting so skinny. Yeah, you just need more mass. Lean, like you just need more like whole foods. I have looked forward to weightlifting now as much as I like running. And I never felt that way before. That's good. Because I think you're running is self-harm.

It sometimes is. It sometimes is. You can tell I'm not doing well when I'm running like two a days. Also, look at people who are running. They're either neutral or in horrible pain. Have you ever seen people who win marathons? Yeah. They look like they're on death's door, Mary. They wrap them like they're scooped up from the Titanic. Well, I just got asked to do the lakefront marathon in Milwaukee and that's a little too much. It's in six weeks. I don't have time to put together 26 miles in six weeks. I can only right now do about six on the weekends.

Like I'm not, right now I can't pull out 10 miles like I used to. 5K is the limit. 5K is only 3.2 miles though. That's really not bad. That's 30 minutes of running. That's my whole point. That sounds good and reasonable. A six mile is such a good number though. A full hour of running like that, 60 minutes, it's nice. How about a 15 minute, a warmup and a 15 minute cool down? Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

in your 30 minute i'm telling you for long running intensity you don't even get warmed up to like mile three you don't i know but like that's my point is that long distance running and is not it's not efficient or helpful in the long run that's just my opinion okay but i i'm a fitness um enthusiast and i'm expert i'm exploring the balance i'm exploring the balance yeah because when you run like i do but you don't do the weight training you turn into a skeleton that's the problem it's crazy then those people they do this yeah oh yeah it's wild well gee

No, I recently watched this. I watched a TikTok of a guy who he takes edibles and then runs long distances. He'll be like six miles in and be like, I'm so high. That doesn't sound pleasant. But it makes something unpleasant a little less unpleasant. I think is what the point is. Without the focus. How do you keep going? I would just be like, and we're done. You know what I mean? Because you would come back to that. It would be like, what are you doing, girl? Hey, girl. Hey, girl. Scott. You know what I was thinking about recently? What? Are you familiar with the comedian Kathy Griffin? Oh, yeah.

Not actually. A little bit. She judged us once on Drag Race. I met her, I think, on like... Episode one, season seven. She has the Guinness Book of World Records record for...

by anyone, not just, not a woman, not like anyone. Oh, what's the number? I think something like 22 specials. Shit. She owns most of them now. I think she spent her career buying them back from Bravo. So now she owns all of her own content. Oh, wow. Smart lady. Long, 16 specials, long career. My life on the D list. My life on the D list. Long career.

Literally her and some cameras that show was amazing and all she had was her and some cameras and just made up all the jokes on the fly She let the cameras in her life. Yeah, the president of the United States Targeted her for years. That's right. And she still came out a star. Yeah unkillable unsinkable She really is gonna be like did she have a cancer? She had a lung cancer. Yeah, and she didn't even smoke I just you know, I I feel like that whole of her I love her and

I mean, you know, I know she's not everyone's taste comedically, but the... Well, nobody's comedian is everybody's taste. But the...

what do you call it? The endurance of a career like that. Decades and decades and decades. Like Joan Rivers. It's amazing. Yeah. A woman on stage depending on herself every night. That's what that is. Yeah. Sisters doing it for themselves. Anyway, I don't know her and she doesn't, she doesn't know me, but just, I think she's just good for her. Good for her. We shouldn't wait for people to die to talk about great. Like Peewee died, of course, which was a bummer. And I love Peewee. And it was fun to see the outpouring of love, but I'm like, yeah, bitch.

We should talk about people when they're alive more. Why do we wait for people to die to talk about how great they are? If you don't go on Twitter, if you're not constantly online, sometimes you miss these things because the news cycle is so aggressive. But the news cycle is celebrity deaths. I used to not... Now, every day on X, if you sign in, you find out which celebrity has died. And I hate that. I hate X. I hate it. I hate it so much. But I got threads and she's boot nasty too. It's all tired. No, at this point, nothing new. We can't introduce a brand new social media platform. Mama, that's...

that's played out in corny. What's your faves? Top to bottom. We're not doing X. We're not doing X. Excuse me. I'm not opening that app. But you also used to tweet. It was a verb. What do you know? I X'd something. I think you told me this. I X'd something. You told me this. It takes...

Brands dream of owning a verb. Like you Google that if you use Yahoo, it's Googling. That is the dream for a brand. Yeah. Kleenex. Exactly. Hand me a Kleenex. It's a chapstick. Exactly. That's like a dream come true for a brand. That means they're in the public sphere in the common man's head forever. You take that and then you make it look like a cheap porn site.

what the fuck is wrong with you you are so nasty and so rude and so trifling and so horrible and i know it's just a corporation we shouldn't feel bad for companies but i don't feel bad for coming i feel bad for myself this is my issue imagine you are somebody who put years of your life into developing twitter and the branding and the social media or or maybe you're on the side of let's say some of the philanthropical endeavors let's say there's still tax dumps for corporations but maybe you were in charge of some of the good these corporations do with their money

And all that years of you helping to build, I mean, some part of your soul went into building this company. And someone comes in and makes an absolute mockery of it. So quickly. This rich fucking douchebag waltzes in with his like greasy gray skin and like his like blood diamond money and is like, actually,

We're going to do this. And he's embarrassing himself all day long. And he's so rich, everyone's like, yes, sure, sure, of course. And just crazy. So crazy. I forgot to tell you something. What? Dave and I, during the monsoon, you know, it's been raining here. We watched both Kill Bills. Just to check in on that. Back to back? Yes, just to check in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still, what? Love. She not only has no notes, she has notes for everyone. That movie killed every movie. I know. It is insane.

Every shot, every musical sting, every outfit, every line, the dialogue, the Kung Fu. Yeah. The Japanese. Yeah. Uma anchors that ride. So even though it is a roller coaster, it has the heart right here the whole time. I think my favorite part is when she comes out and she sits down at the cafe. Can I have a glass of water, please? It's so amazing. The fact that she obviously works so hard. She and Zoe Bell. Okay.

Worked so hard. And it's so clear. Also, she got the thing about the car and everything getting injured. Oh, she did get injured. Yeah, and it was a big thing. And it was terrible. But she worked so hard on that movie. Those movies. So hard. And she should have gotten an Oscar nomination. I'm sorry.

She should have gotten an Oscar nomination. Yeah. Because it's an action movie. David was like, I wonder if they got any Oscars for this. Maybe sound design or stunts or whatever. How did she not get an Oscar for

Because she's not in a British accent wearing a corset talking to Hugh Dancy. Yeah. Fucking Colin Firth. Or she's not getting gang banged by a bunch of Nazi bikers. She's not playing a bedside nurse to Victorian children. She doesn't have brown teeth and she didn't like just, you know. Yeah. It's not it, you know. But then I watched some other Tarantino movies I'd never seen. Which ones? I'd never seen Inglourious Bastards.

It was so good, but so much reading, so much reading, so much reading, many languages, but really good. I need to talk to you about Diane Kruger. Diane Kruger. Who's that? The blonde actress in the film. Who plays the actress? Yes. Amazing. When she died, I was devastated. French, English, and German. And she eats. She eats. She is so good in that movie. I couldn't believe she died. Strangled to death. Yeah. I couldn't believe it. Um,

The gentleman who plays the Nazi, the Jew hunter. It's so scary to watch. He is so incredible. So evil. What did you think about Brad Pitt though? Because it took me a while to get along. Where?

we're hanging, we're killing Nazis. I love when he's playing in a towel and he's like, that was funny. Yeah. Buongiorno. Grazie. That I thought was funny. When I saw it in the theater, I was, it took me a little while. I don't even think I fully latched on to his characters. I thought it was too cartoonish because everybody else is just sweeping the rug. All of it. They're acting. I loved it so much. I mean, a fairy tale that is very anti-Nazi, like love it. A revisionist revenge tale is so satisfying. When, when Hitler is getting like, uh,

pulverized by machine gun fire in a theater that's burning down filled with Nazis, you literally almost get hard. Yeah. Because you're like, like it's like so, that revenge juice is like so powerful. It's so potent. So potent. And if you don't know about those events, they paint it so well that you just, you are ready for that. You are ready for that Jew hunter to get it the whole movie. Mama, the whole time. And it happens, you're like.

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What I didn't like about his other revenge movie, Django Unchained, is that... I watched that after that. Oh, so that left me wanting more. Okay. I don't think... I wasn't satisfied by the end of it. I could watch Jamie Foxx do just about anything. My God, he is gorgeous. My God. My God. Wait, wait, wait. Let's go back to the... In Glorious, though. The scene where...

The first thing, the opening scene. Yes. So scary. It is so fucking scary. And it unfolds so slowly. And it's so scary. It's so fucking crazy. It's like, that's one of my, I loved that movie so much. The woman who owns, and then, you know, the woman, she ultimately owns the theater. And when she kisses her boyfriend. Oh, it was so good. Oh, I was crying. Yeah, it was crazy. Anyway, I just, but really Kill Bill is...

My God, she eats. She gobbles. The opening scene being killing Vernita Green, the opening, before you even know what's going on, you're like, yeah.

I have a gripe though. Two gripes. Why did they show Sophie Fatale, Oren Ishii's assistant at the church in the flashback on a cell phone? They do? Yeah, they do for some reason. Right before she chops off her arm. They do? They do. And I'm like, why was she there? Her assistant? She wasn't even working for the Yakuza then. Maybe she worked for Bill at the time. Who knows? Maybe. It's just a strange thing.

It was a strange thing. She's so beautiful too. And she was great. Yes. She was the, the, the French and the translating with all of it. She was so beautiful walking with the dog, the whole movie. Cunty. Again, I just, you know, a little long. It was hard for me to, you know, it's hard for me to sit through those long movies and you know, the story is rich. You have to be ready to glue yourself in. If you step away to go to the fridge once, you miss something. That's the, those are the types of movies that I want to watch when I have like, they want to have, uh,

claw clamps on my eyeballs from start to finish. And just like the fantasy of like white supremacists being the enemy. It also, of course, brought me back to HBO Watchmen. Yeah. It's like, I mean, but I loved it. And just watching Kill Bill again, I mean, I've seen that movie no less than

20 times in my life and every time I'm like it takes me back to I was like 13 years old when that came out no 14 15 yeah because I was no I was like 19 okay so I missed the second one came out I must have been actually 13 or 14 yeah yeah you probably were and I remember I was uh up late watching it never seen it before rented the dvd and I'm watching it and it finished and the finish is the ending is like does she know her daughter's still alive yeah and I remember being like oh

I've told you what I went and did. I saw it and then I went to the theater that night and watched the second one because that's the timing. It was out on DVD when the second one was in the theater. Lucky you. I was like, oh, I'm going right to that motherfucking theater. And I was like, that's never happened. That's so cool. You came to that place for magic. I sure did. That's the definition of like- I will not be left on this cliffhanger. Yes. I would have probably killed myself. Mm-hmm.

Every character in Kill Bill. I mean, every, um, Hattori Hanzo, Pai Mei, um, uh, Goku Yubari, all of it, girl. All of it. Michael Park, who's the, he's also the sheriff. He is. He is. He's, yes. Are you sure? Yes. He plays both characters. People are good actors. He is incredible. Speaking of the gentleman who, uh, plays, uh, the Nazi general in, um,

And glorious bastards. Uh-huh. Who's also in Jago Unchained. Yes. He was also in downsizing that movie. I told you to watch with Hong Chao. Yeah. He's been in a lot. He's where are you going to watch? If you don't watch downsizing, I'm taking you out at the. Okay. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it for Hong. Yeah. Matt Damon. Yeah. Are you obsessed with the fact that his daughter had to tell him to start using the word faggot? Start using it. Stop. Stop. Oh, I didn't know that to press. He said that in an interview, like casually.

I think that's good. I mean, people need to hear that men like him get corrected and pay attention to the correction. Yeah. But I mean, it's also like, he didn't know that he's so, he didn't know that that would be inappropriate. Yeah. Well, I think, I mean, who's going to correct him? That's a good point. He's in the makeup room and some gay makeup artist is there and he says, faggot, are you really going to say something? You're going to lose your job before Matt Damon. I think that's when we go back to our little sexual harassment training and we figure out what to do. We hope to. But so speaking of sexual harassment in the workplace, um,

If you were, what's your favorite kill scene in the kill bill? What's your favorite set piece? It is. It's the trailer. It's the trailer. It's I told David, I just watch a longer version of this. I want to know more about D tricks and L's relationship. Cause they hate each other. And you kind of accept that. I mean, you get that L's probably jealous cause that's Bill's favorite. Yeah. And she's blonde and she's younger. She's a little bit prettier, you know? And once, once she gets out of the picture, he's, she's romantic with him. Right.

The scene where Bud is dying from the bite and she's just reading from those pages. And she says her biggest regret is that the best warrior in the world had to die from your scumbag ass. That moment where she gives her respect, gives her props, I thought that was so women supporting women. Yeah. She hated her so much because she was the best. Yeah.

And then remember in the beginning, she tries to euthanize her while she's sleeping as like a compliment to her being a great warrior. This is a luxury that people of our kind are never, rarely afforded. Yeah. Exactly. And you, I mean, I like the honor of that, even though these are murderers and crime doers, there's an honor. There's a code. And that's interesting to play with on screen. Totally. I love the moment where I love Lucy Liu's big moment because it also like actually correct kind of a,

She's not Chinese. You know what I mean? Her heritage is like, she doesn't speak Mandarin, I don't think. She doesn't speak Japanese, certainly. So her character had to be, to make sense, has to be mixed race. Yeah. And so they kind of deal with that, well, a half white woman would never be ahead of the Yakuza. And so she's like, you know that monologue where she says, if anybody else is...

If the subject of my Chinese, Japanese or American heritage comes up, if any, you know, she goes in, I love that line so much. I collect your fucking head. It's amazing. If anybody should do that in a mix. Yeah. Well, I different time. There was a lot of kill bills back in the day. There was, um, I used to do a go, go, you barry number.

And you know, I had like a blonde wig with like the same haircut and stuff. And I have one of those swinging balls. Probably wouldn't do it today. But at the time I had a chain with a stupid little, like a dodge ball that I taped to the end of the chain that I sprayed silver. And I was in the club. I forget what I was doing. It was like, you spin me right around. And then one night the ball fell off the chain and flew across the club. And I retired that number. Not safe. I was feeling myself after a number at a state nightclub and on a Thursday night in Boston, I

my shoe fell off and hit somebody in the eye the heel hit somebody in the eye you know drag is about doing things that you wouldn't looking back and doing things you wouldn't do now

Who is their favorite? We don't have to talk about Kill Bill the whole podcast, but it really goes hard. So Kill Bill then, who's your favorite character in Glorious Bastards? Who would you fuck out of the- Carol Brad Pitt. No, but besides him. Oh, the bear. The bear Jew. The Jewish bear. That's Eli Roth, I think. Yeah, bitch. He came on screen and David goes, I bet you like him. And I went, yeah, bitch. I do. You see this boner, bitch? He's gorgeous. When he comes out with that bat-

Oh yeah. It's hammer time. And they have him. I know it's hammer time. Gunned out. Juiced up. They put the trend in that. He's so hot. He's so hot. Big eyebrows. I love men with big eyebrows like that. You know, you couldn't even see his asshole. So hairy. Yeah. I believe he was in. Oh, he was in Death Proof.

He directed that. He did? Yeah. I'm so stupid. Sorry. He directed that. And he directed Planet Terror. No, sorry. Tarantino directed Death Proof. Eli Roth directed Planet Terror. Eli Roth, that gentleman. Yes. He is at the bar in Death Proof and he's like, the girls don't want to go home with us, but we give them another drink. They're like plotting. He plays a scumbag. He's in the fucking, he plays a sleazy agent in The Idol. Yeah. The Idol. He is, he looks like a sleazebag. I think. For Live Nation. Have you ever seen the film Bruno? No.

Oh yeah, Sacha Baron Cohen. She eats too. This is a movie podcast. It's okay. Stop apologizing. I'm sorry. Stop apologizing. I'm vibing. I can't tell if people like when we talk about movies or if they're like, girl, who cares? This isn't movie film. This isn't blockbuster. This isn't Rotten Tomatoes. Do you know what I mean? This isn't Schittskel and Hebert. Schittskel and Hebert. Schittskel and Hebert.

This isn't the AMC. Like, do people ever go? I wonder if people work at movie theaters. Do people ever go in not knowing what to see and then ask for a recommendation? I wonder. I'll tell you this. I did once. I went into the movie theater blind with a girlfriend and it was between Broken Hearts Club, which is a lighthearted gay rom-com or Requiem for a Dream.

We chose the door number of that one and walked blindly into Requiem for a Dream. That's heavy. I've never seen that. She sobbed uncontrollably. She was, as the credits were rolling and the lights came up, she was sobbing so uncontrollably. I started to get worried because it was so, the movie was so intense. It was so intense. And it's not a feel good film. We later watched Broken Hearts Club.

It's fucking stupid as hell. Like the stupid light gay rom-com. I've not seen that. Oh, it's not worth watching. Dean Cain is now he's like a thumper. Dean Koontz. Dean Koontz is. I've only wrote books. We don't have to do that ever again. It will never occur. It will never occur. If I had a middle name, I wouldn't, I don't even think I'd be doing signatures anymore. I don't want to do anything close to writing. I think honestly, I'm going to become illiterate.

I'm going to forget. I'm like the Samantha from Sex in the City. Yeah.

And that actress, what's her name? Kim Cattrall. When she says, I don't even for one second want to be doing anything resembling writing. That's my version. Oh, she said that? Yeah. She says, I am uninterested in spending 30 minutes doing something I don't want to do. Which is a totally, I think. It's a psycho thing to say. It's a psycho thing to say, but it's not a psycho thing to feel. Because I certainly feel it. 30 minutes is a. Of course, you don't feel like it. Like no one wants to, I don't know, shave their legs if you have to. It sucks. It takes time. But you don't have to spend 30 minutes of it.

Oh, that's what I did. I went to fucking Six Flags, bitch. Oh, tell me. Mama. So we, at first we get there, of course, Wimberly. It's good to go with Wimberly because he, like, he's like my mom running. Speedwalking. Speedwalking. Basically sprinting from ride to ride. Can I guess the outfit? It's a track suit matching top and bottom. No, actually she was, she looked like Bryce Dallas Howard from Jurassic Park. She was like a button up white. Sorry. Laura Dern from Jurassic Park. Okay. It was like a tank top with khaki shorts. Okay.

Another white button up. I don't know. She was giving Meg Ryan. Okay. Because the hair is, you know, a moment. After each ride, it was like more voluminous. Sure. She's clipping an extension after every ride. From like City of Angels to like You've Got Mail. It was a whole journey. Uh-huh. I saw When Harry Met Sally for the first time. Did you like it? Not really. No.

Not really. Carrie Fisher though. I kept being like, I'm made to believe that these people are soulmates and they meet all these times and they never get together. Also, I'm not, listen, it's none of my business, but I am not, I'm going to say this in a way that's diplomatic. I am fascinated by the fact that there was a time in which that leading man was the desirable one. He is hot younger. I'm not going to be dishonest here. He is due to four younger. Okay, that's...

It's interesting. I have it. I just was like. No, it doesn't do me.

They meet all these times and they never fall in love. I mean, I guess that's supposed to inspire people, right? It's supposed to be like, well, maybe I have met the right one. They just haven't realized it yet. I don't know. I just haven't spilled enough hot coffee on him in a bookstore. And my witty like spinster friend hasn't thrown enough quips at me to like maybe realize the truth. Like what the, or the book, the bookstore that I own hasn't been taken over by a conglomerate yet. Tom Hanks and you've got mail. It's rarely like that. You know, in real life, when you fall in love with someone, it's immediate and it's sort of, and it's forever.

It's not negotiable. You know it right away. You don't like, I love Josh. That never happens. It never happens. You're like, I'm covered in shit. I just hadn't smelled it yet. And the way sex works in the brain, if you really are that attracted to them, it's all you can think about when you're around them. And it doesn't creep up. It's in the front. Not a question. All things being equal, unless you have some very significant kind of psychological, emotional, traumatic, whatever,

it's one of the easier things to know about like you don't need a spidey sense for it or a college education you don't you know um but the six flags so every all my favorite rides were closed and i was like perfect i'm gonna kill myself i saw x2 was closed huh that's when i got the razors out to slip my wrists and then we go to the viper that's closed the viper's a good one that's when i got the rope out to hang on my sorry

That's hard. No, no, no. But then, so what ended up happening is that I went on all the rides that were previously not working were working. All new rides I got to go on. Who gave it to you on the rides? Who was the one? They all gave it to me. Really? In the front and the back. Okay. From the front to the back. What's the best ride there, you think? Tatsu. This is on the mountain? X2 is the best ride. So it depends on what you're looking for.

So we, Tatsu was the first one. It starts with your, starts with your, you're in a seated harness. It tilts you forward. So you're, you're facing down. Yes. Legs and arms dangling. That's how Superman is. Superman tips you up. So you're flying like this. No, Superman, you is a hydraulic one. It's a, it's a shot. It's a speed shot up. Batman, you fly. Batman's, Batman's amazing. I've only been to the one in Gurney Mills, Illinois.

I screamed. I screamed. I wasn't ready for Tatsu. I wasn't ready for it because you're, you could fall out of the thing. You're up so high at the top of the thing dangling. What do you think about people with these scream out rides that aren't that scary? Well,

Well, some people do get really like when people pass out. Well, do you remember when we were in Copenhagen or Denmark or whatever and I went to Tivoli Gardens by myself and I sat on one of those drop rides, you know, the ones that take them to just drop you? Yeah. I hate those. And I don't know what I was thinking because I know I hate those. The second I'm strapped in, I was like, you fuckers. I was looking for blame. We did it too. And the girls, there's three little blonde girls speaking Denmarkian like, you know, and I'm like looking at them like, girl, girl.

Girl, what are we doing? And it was two of them, probably for weight, two of them, me in the middle and then one. So it's three little blonde girls who are maybe nine, nine or 10. And I'm in the middle, full grown and bald. Like it scared me so much. It's so scary. It scares. I don't scream for joy. My actually whole body tightens. And if you could see my face in those rides, it's like this. They, yeah, you can't happy. They take a picture at Tatsu. They took a picture. I saw your picture. What was that face?

Yeah. So, but the first thing I always forget is the hat. You have to take your hat off, bitch. You balding bitch. Yeah. Or you'll lose it. You'll lose it. And I take your phone out of your pocket. Don't chance it. No, no, that you always do. But so the last rollercoaster, the hat blew back and I pinned the crown of my head to the back of the seat and held it there.

for like 20 seconds like engage your core i was like yeah i it feels like you burned 1600 calories on all these rides it sucks you're no no no no no it's thrilling it hurts wonder woman sometimes rides hurt the riddler hurts hate her the riddler can suck sometimes the rides hurt it jostles your head it it's like you know something like a gravitron that spins where you're plastered to the wall is that fun it doesn't hurt oh no that's fierce because that's g-force you better lay low

But the ones that jostle you around, like when they shift to the side and you're like, your body hits the metal. It's really horrible. I don't see her. No. I don't like to be hurt. But Wonder Woman.

She is a single coaster, the largest, longest single coaster. So it's just one of you, one in front of the other. Wow. She's fast and she's long. She fucks you for like four fucking minutes. It's like you're out of breath. You're like, stop, stop it. Stop it. You can't really breathe on those rides sometimes. You're like, oh my God. And then it goes again. She's crazy. She's like...

It's like a false ending and then she goes back and then she's like she like fucks you to the front the back and the side and puts her dick in your ear and it's like slaps you with it. It's crazy. And at the end there's like Gaga Donut TV like thank you for riding the ride. She's like Kal-El no. Worst actor in the whole fucking Hollywood I like her. She's so bad. Anyways the Tatsu was amazing. Oh

Twisted Colossus where wood meets steel. Kal-El, that's Superman's name, right? Kal-El, no. Kal-El. Yeah. Oh, she really biffs it hard in that movie. Speaking from a good actress myself. In Watchmen, Regina King's husband, who's the secret Dr. Manhattan, his name is Kal. It was right in front of us the whole time. Think about it. We knew it. Think about it. How do they know? You haven't been to Six Flags Magic Mountain on gay night? No, you never invite me.

I was filming. I wouldn't be able to go anywhere. You're never able to go. It's always the funnest night of the year. I have pushed. It's so, but it was, nobody ever invites me to anything because they think you're busy, but you are. Yeah. But sometimes when I'm busy, I have like a volatile reaction to even being invited. Cause I'm like, Oh, some of us have to work. Do you know what I mean? Like, so I probably push people away. He's like, why did, why do people not want a haircut by me? Because I'm blind. Yeah. Like I, I push, I push the people away by being like,

No, some of us have a job, but have fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have fun doing your little stupid gay thing, but I have to work and make money because I'm a real adult. It's at night, right? Because they can't just gaze in the dark. Well, so out on the mountain, it's the crazy thing about is that there's, it's the most peaceful, like, um, collection of like strangers in the dark in public. Yeah.

It's so like chill and fun and it's dark. Like they don't spring for extra electricity for the nighttime. It's really boo-boo actually. Like it could be, the lighting is horrible. It could be really like they could actually use somebody gay to go out on the mountain and, you know, curate it a little bit. But the whole is they stay open till one in the morning. But they don't do the daytime because they can't trust gay people in the daylight or what? I think just because they don't. The connotation there to me, I'm sorry, is that they are hiding this.

No wrong. That's one way to look at it. The other way is that they're allowing you a space to be queer and free of the burden of harassment or children. People in LA have been driving so crazy today. David and I were driving and someone just ran a red light in front of us today. And we were like, love that. I love it when they, someone was in front of us and you know, you can see someone's silhouette. So it's kind of like puppet theater where you can tell they're on their phone or whatever. This guy had about maybe this length curly hair and zero hands were on the wheel. And we just kept seeing this with the hair.

Fingers through the hair and fanning it out for a good 30 seconds. And I was like, who's steering? The girlfriend who's blowing him. He wasn't looking in the mirror. He was just doing this. It's like, so it's not even a styling issue. It's like a sensation journey. I've seen people, you know, my street, insane, dangerous, blind turns, no sidewalks. People have been going 40 miles an hour texting on their phone around those corners.

And I want that's at that point. I want to be like, God, it would be nice to be like, have a superpower that could just pluck that car out of my giant hand and bring them into my living room again. I wish I had the power. Like when I see someone driving crazy, I wish I had the power to put them on timeout. You, you use it. Stop hammer time. And then like moving to the side of the road. And then they have to watch like a two hour harassment video or something. Like you stop time, you erase their car, you take off their, like you leave their underwear on, obviously. I don't want to humiliate them, but, but you take their clothes and then you just put them on the side of the road.

Yeah, and be like, you'll get this car back at the end of the day. Kind of like in high school when they take away your phone. Yeah, no, you'll get the car back when you realize and tell me exactly why you did what you did. What you did. Because you know better. You got a license. At one point, you knew better. That's... Oh, I don't know if they know. I mean, I don't... But I don't have a license anymore, so I guess I can't talk. But you...

But I observe. Maybe as a passenger, I do full-time observing. So I see driving. I know unsafe driving when I see it. You know what's going on. Yeah. You know to get scared when you should be scared. I stopped short one time. Things went flying. It was absolutely terrifying. A lot of weaving. No. Hollywood Boulevard. No blinker. Just who needs a blinker? They should know. They should catch your vibe. I can't believe I run through LA almost every day on foot. I can't believe I've never been hit. What?

I can't believe I've never been hit. The streets are very unsafe for... This kills me, though. At least you're running. Well, that's why I stick to the busiest streets because if you run down Hollywood Boulevard, people are used to looking for foot traffic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you run side streets in LA, rolling stops, you're lucky if you get a rolling stop from these people. Also, I love it at a huge intersection where there's one person, you know, you get the green... You're desperately trying to turn right on a green light. Forever. And someone's like...

Slow motion. They're like, or you can turn left. Like your window to turn left. You have two opportunities like during the green light. And then some fucking, some stupid bastard is like. Or the car in front of you takes their time and the light is turning red and you're already mid intersection. You're like, go. Yeah. But that's, see, that's your fault. Cause you shouldn't, you shouldn't do that. T you're right. But, um, the, it's fascinating to observe the little intricacies of like, what exactly would be the best thing to do in this situation? Yeah. I never took driver's ed.

How'd you learn to drive? I didn't really. I just kind of picked it up. They give you a license at 18 if you do that. Isn't that weird? In Massachusetts, you can get your license at 18 if you take the test. I had to take it. The driver said the summer thing. Two weeks. Yeah, I didn't want to do it. I don't know why. It was so boring. And plus, all my friends were older. They already had cars. Driving scares me. It should. It's terrifying. It should scare the shit out of you. It scares me. I think that's a very rational fear. Wait, wait. Let me just give you more of a recap.

All the people at Magic Mountain are so nice. I saw the House of Avalon, Gigi. Looks like a fucking supermodel. Seeing Gigi Goode come off of the rollercoaster looking perfect. I was like, is that Christy Turlington? Do you know what I mean? They, for me, are like the modern day supermodels. Yeah. Like seeing Naomi Smalls or like Simone out in the wild. They're real beauties. Yes. Real fucking models. They look crazy. So good. We have the same job as them. No. That seems wrong. I...

Do you ever feel miscast in your own life? I say, I think I should be behind the camera. I don't think I should be in front of it. You remember the stories like in Back to the Future, how there was one Marty McFly and then they swapped it out? Oh, I never saw Back to the Future. Okay, in Back to the Future, before it was Michael J. Fox, it was another gentleman. And sometimes in life, I'm like, when is somebody going to come tap me and be like, somebody's going to come live in your house and take your job because you're not working out. You know what I mean?

Come on. Come on over. Come on over, baby. Well, on that note, listeners, thank you so much. And listen, we will be back here next week with more Dirty Ted and Stephanie talk. Stay hot. ♪♪♪

Bye.