Lost In Scott's Eyes with Trixie and Katya
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I'm working on a show right now and we had to take a PowerPoint about... Two hours. Well, we had to take a two-hour PowerPoint about... Sexual harassment. Harassment in general. Okay, harassment in general. Inappropriate conduct. Things I never thought about, actually. I thought it was going to be mostly like...

Touching here is bad. You know what I mean? I thought it was going to be really like. Stay clear of these zones. Yeah, because like when I worked at the mall and stuff and I had to do like Macy's corporate training, it would be like a VHS and then it would be like someone being like. Is that real? I've seen that in the movies. A fake Macy's counter and some fake employees like, hi, Debbie, how's your weekend? And then like, you know, they start talking about. Great, Gwen. But only thing that happened is I got groped at work. Oh, no. Yeah. Or it'd be scenarios like, oh, look, Greg just got here with his earrings.

It would be like, it would freeze and be like, where did he go wrong? Like, you know. Where did he go wrong? Is it the size of the earring or the fact that he's a fag? Is that the wrong? Maybe. But we had to participate in some types of scenarios. You know, part of these trainings is examples, right? So it's like, oh, Robert tells a sex joke in front of a group of men. Is this better or worse than in front of a group of women? Plot twist. It's not. It's inappropriate period. It's inappropriate period because you're at work. Yeah. But it was.

It's designed to see, they show you that the line is so blurry that people have different answers to that. Some people do feel it's bad. Some people do feel it's worse in front of women. It's kind of a trick question, right? Yeah. Well, especially since a lot of this harassment training is gendered and we're a little past that in most entertainment, especially like, you know, like Tracy can't slap my ass when I get her coffee anymore.

Totally. Right? No. But I don't feel bad for people, but it is this impassable embankment where it's like, you're afraid if you're really straight but empathetic, you're afraid to ask someone's gender, but you're afraid of getting it wrong. So I do think even though it's corny, these conversations and these training videos and stuff, they obviously have a purpose. I love it when people say they're afraid. You should be bitch. You

You should be terrified because welcome to our lives. Well, I get, I mean like terrified to leave the house every day because you're gay. Yeah. Mom, I get on that level. Well, I get asked my gender a lot. I get asked my gender a lot in drag on like real corporate, like commercial for a brand. Yes. Or like a pronouns do you prefer? Yes. A lot. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. And I do feel like the presence of me in drag makes everyone like,

Well, because they don't want to get in trouble and they don't know because you, you will answer glibly or flippantly and make a joke out of it, which they don't know how to handle. They can't. They're like, my name is Scott. It's he, him. And what is your gender? What does it look like? Yeah. Well, and then you should, you pull up your skirt and show them your fucking huge gaping gash, which is sexual harassment. Right.

Yeah, what does it look like, Scott? He's like, well, you look like a girl. I'm like, oh, I don't know what a girl looks like, Scott. What is that? Woman? What does a girl feel like? Maybe you should fuck me, Scott. Why don't you stick your dick in my ass? Scott, I can't tell if I'm a woman until you crawl up on top of me and fuck me with that big cock, Scott. Scott, could you put that big cock in my ass and let me know I'm a woman, Scott? I thought you were a clear picture, Scott. You know, Scott, you can make a woman out of me this afternoon over lunch, Scott.

Trixie Mattel LLC would never... With that big, huge, oily dong. Yeah. But anyway, it's just being in these very, let's say, lame... Wait, when do we get accused of sexual harassment? Because that's one thing I've started to think about. It's a hard... Mary, in drag, my instinct is to walk into a room full of camera people and light people and say something like, well, who's here to fuck me? But you can't do that. Even though my instinct is to just try to get everyone to laugh. You know what I mean? I think you can, though, because I think...

Well, they did talk about something they talked about that's interesting. And I'm sharing this not even as a joke because I did find something. Scott. Jane. Jane. Jane, go back. Nobody's going to fuck. Scott, I'm still waiting for you to slide that oily cock down my throat.

Scott, my pronouns are guzzler and cum and cum guzzler Scott. Shut up. Shut your mouth, you whore. Whenever we choose someone's name, I think of that listener. Someone named Scott on the freeway right now. He's going to be cracking up. Let's say your name's Scott and you're listening to this on an edible and you're like...

I'm going to jail. I'm going to jail. I'm not making a joke out of it other than in drag by nature. Our job is to show up and cross lines, cross lines and be crazy. Yeah. Yeah. But I do want to be, of course, sensitive, but they did talk about, they said, what about, let's say when they did, well, I don't know. I, I don't want to tell what we talked about. Cause it feels like, well, it was an interesting training and I don't think sharing things I learned as bad. No, but somebody was like, what if it's kind of in your job description to talk about,

- You know, what if you are a script supervisor on Law & SVU? By nature, you guys are talking about a murder or a sex crime. - Sexual assault, yeah. - Then they were like, well, there are certain jobs where, let's say you're a dancer and it's a sexy number. And on camera, on stage, it's implied that you are to touch. But that doesn't mean when you walk off stage,

the person who just talks to you is allowed to touch you intimacy coaching intimacy coaching and i do think lines like that are interesting because for most of us we never really have to think about it we just we just marry never never jocks cabaret yeah you think we had sexual harassment training i know you didn't no we had if any training we we were training ourselves to be harassers yeah you know because we'd go out assault the um the bachelorette's

And have them assault us. They're waiting for it. They're waiting to assault us. Yeah. They're sticking their hands up my skirt. It's crazy. They want you to be like, oh, this guy you're getting married to, does he have a huge cock? That's literally what they're waiting for. Or they're waiting for you to be like, oh, good thing you found someone to marry you, even though you're flat chested, you ugly cunt. You unfuckable whore. Nobody would ever marry you. Anyways. Yeah. Fina spit on someone. I know. But she got fired for that. Yeah. That was crossing a line. Yeah. I don't like the touching.

I don't think we should touch each other at work. No touching at work. Yes. No, we shouldn't. Right. I just, it was interesting to think like if it's in your job description to go on camera and be zany or be sexy, like you still should be careful on camera, but you know, it just made me hyper aware of like,

You know, if a sound guy, if I'm a drag and a sound guy comes to Mike me, he's so scared to touch me because he doesn't know what's real or what's not real. I know. So then I go like, just touch whatever you want. It's all fake. And then I know even that's like, I've, so I've, I, that is a really good, I've learned over the years to just to,

don't do any jokes. Don't do any jokes. Don't do any jokes with the sound guy because A, they probably don't want to fuck you. I know they don't want to fuck me, especially when they put their hand inside my swamp ass. Yeah. And they're like, why did I do this? Why am I here? Who is this creature? But my instinct is to like...

make it less uncomfortable by making a joke. Right. Like, you know, that might make a lot of people more uncomfortable. Right. Because I asked, um, I asked a sound guy if they, who's like every sound guy, I'm like, have you touched Julia Roberts? Have you put a mic on her? And they always say no. But one guy did Oprah and he would, she would only do her own microphone. Oh, interesting. Yeah. She wouldn't let anybody touch her like that.

It's interesting. Well, with something else they talked about the training, which was actually valuable was like, well, what happens if someone does get offended or there is a transgression or there is, let's say, um, microaggression you, you wrongly, um, guesstimate the boundaries with someone. Yeah.

What is, how do you the next day at work resolve it? What do you say? What do you do? Well, stuff like, Hey, I know yesterday was uncomfortable and I want to assure you that was not my intention to the person. And if you would give me the permission to talk about it further, it would help me know exactly what that line is. You give the person the permission. You don't force them to talk to you about it because you're uncomfortable. So you ask them if it's okay. Is it okay if I pull out my big cock so we can talk?

talk about how long it actually is. Scott, yesterday when you called me a cum guzzler, you also forgot to mention that I was a load receptacle from behind Scott.

And Scott, I don't appreciate my back hole being completely overlooked. My mouth is just like my ass, Scott. I would say I clean one more than the other. You can decide, Scott. You know, poor Scott. Poor Scott. Who's naming their kid Scott? A lot of people. White people. There was a lot of people who, there was an interesting, there

there was a interesting, interesting example. Okay. They said, let's say it's at work and you have a, a coworker who is of Mexican descent and they do a Mexican accent sometimes when they're telling a joke. Right. And maybe their defense is, Oh girl, I'm Mexican. I'm just doing my grandma's voice. Like that's Mike. But what they said interesting was,

That person doesn't speak for every other person's feelings about that. Thank you very much. Like if I'm gay and I use the word fag, it doesn't mean everyone in the room is comfortable with that word. And I'm not saying it psyched me out, but it really made me think you and I have such a weird job to know where those lines are sometimes. Well, yes. And we also have two important safety nets. Number one, the editing bay. Of course.

And number two, the love and affection of an audience who will give us the benefit of the doubt. Yes. Because they know we're not ever maliciously or like we don't ever set out to like hate something or somebody. I mean, yes. When I'm DJing and I get on the microphone and go, let me hear if you guys have wet pussies tonight. And that's a metaphor. Right. How many of you have hard dripping cocks tonight?

Like how many of you have a little bit of both? You know, like I'm just full sex change. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just like, you know, it's, it's our job to deliver on that front and be zany and wild and sexy, especially in a world where queer sexuality is hushed and, and, and, and, and, and muffled. Yeah. And I know it's my job as a drag queen to, to give you that moment where you see queer sexuality screamed into a microphone, into a megaphone, into a microphone. Yeah. Yeah.

To offset the rest of the 23 hours a day when you're in straight spaces where it's like, well, it's, you know, don't let them know you're gay. They might burn you at the stake. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. I'm not saying I learned a lot, but it made me think a lot about unique scenarios. I mean, I've, that's what I do. I constantly struggle with that because I find I'm more entertaining off camera than I am on. We all think so. Yeah, I know.

Which is a very convenient opinion to have of yourself. Yesterday I was at your house off camera. Was it yesterday? No. Two days ago. You were there at my house yesterday? We hung out two days, yesterday? No, it was the day before. Monday. Yeah, Monday. No. Tuesday? Saturday. It was Saturday. It was Saturday. Well, who would do it? And you were doing kind of a George Carlin, like sort of, you know.

Radio City, you know, one night only. With the mic stands. Yeah, you were doing Bo Burnham inside, top to bottom. And I was like, God, she is funny. She's killing it. She's killing it. Yeah. Maybe she should bring this energy to the, you know, the crowds that we go to. Did you get some resolution on that subwoofer cord? Subwoofer cord? What's a subwoofer cord? You had that speaker and you hate that black cord. I put it on the other shelf, the black shelf. It blends right in.

And that's definition of gooning. Oh, well it was, what's gooning for the ears? It's body euphoria for the home. Because I was, it's gender euphoria for the home. It's like the surrounds down and I mentioned it to somebody I'm casually talking to and they're like, Ooh, bragging. I was like, not bragging. It's not that expensive. Casually talking to like sexy. Yeah. And it's like, he thought it was like a brag. Are you pursuing a romance? No sex. Yeah. Whatever. So it was like careful. What? Don't get wrapped up. I just swept up.

Don't get swept away. Like, um, Teresa. Oh my God. This face, this face. Don't get swept away. I need to, hold on. You give that heart away. You better be sure that you know, you can take it back on your own terms. I'm pulling the cord and ejecting out of this moment to, to, to present you with your birthday gifts. Oh,

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Oh, can we do something else first? Yes, yeah. We got an award. We got an award? For real? Wait, this is just for me? Oh, never mind. Fuck you. Sorry, I thought this was Bofa. I thought it was Bofa. What is it? Is this Linky? 2023 People's Voice Award winner. Oh, wait. Let me present you with it.

A ShamWow to clean it. Thank God. Okay, so... I thought it was for both of us. I'm sorry. No, it's for... Okay. And now, the 2023 People's Voice Award winner for General Fashion, Beauty, and Lifestyle videos is...

Trixie Mattel transforms into Dr. Manhattan. I won an award for my Dr. Manhattan video. Not for your drag. Not for your drag. For the time I painted myself blue. Not for the drag. So she won an award. I think they're trying to say, hang it up. Hang it up, girl. Yeah, it's like every year when my mom gives me makeup wipes for Christmas, we know what the messaging is. Are you serious? Take it off, faggot. Stop. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Why don't you clean up your face, faggot? Scott. Scott. Why don't you wipe your face off before you come? Fuck me, Scott. Scott, why use a cum rake, Scott? When my hole's right here, I just push it out. Shut up. And you can use my prolapse as a shamwrap, Scott. Okay, that's the line. That's the line. But these people have been- That's the line. I have something for you before my birthday. What is it? What is it? It was an impulse purchase. Is it a wig? It's kind of a wig.

Is it that? Is it that? Oh, it's a baby. Oh my God. It's kind of a wig. I am so, I'm so horny for this. We'll get into it. Hold on one second. I'll brief people. Targeted ads make me laugh and this one was fucking funny to me and I thought you needed it. In the meantime, we have Bald and the Beautiful live coming all over the United States. We did just reschedule two of them. That was my bad. But we have so many coming up. It's so fun live and we've actually...

Been doing them off, like, microphone, like, not recording. So when you come to the live one, you will get stories and stuff that we never talk about to everyone else. So your ticket price is really, like, special to you, your private episode. Because I think at the beginning we were thinking of releasing them all, but sometimes now when we tour, we're like, let's just let this be for the girls. Me, you, that person, you know, what's the prognosis? By the way, I have been...

having some physical developments and I appreciate everybody being so nice about it, but don't say it in a way of how horrible I used to look. We can talk about me building up my gun show or whatever and we don't have to say, I can't believe that it's you and I'm not throwing up. We don't have to say...

I got a Brazilian blow it took forever. Why then they fucked up the banks. I put on a hat. Why is that so much worse than a wig? Your color it's a little brassy I guess but brassy are you kidding me? This is perfect swamp water blonde you think it's 24 a probably for B. It gives um good burger

It gives bad burger. Horrible burger. Oh, the synthetic hair on my sweaty neck feels delightful. Look at my arm in the video. Oh, yeah. So to that point, I want to reinforce that. You don't need to compliment someone by like...

illuminating the fact that you clearly think they look like trash before. Right. Or this person is in the best shape of their life. You don't have to say, why am I attracted? You. Not me being attracted to that fucking goblin over 60. Not this. I must be Scott. You know what I mean? Am I a cum guzzling front and back hole receptacle taker? Maybe we've been beautiful and you guys have been shallow. Or maybe you've been sleep. Maybe so.

But I have, um, I have been, oh yeah, yeah. Go ahead. I would love, I thought that was our thing. I'm sorry. That was humiliating. I'm sorry. That was humiliating. And I know I've never won an award. No, I know this almost makes up for it. That's so crazy. Basically. I think they take baseball caps and sew tracks to it. That's what it is, which is really crazy. Oh, you are too much. Oh, you are too much.

My birthday is this week. Thank you. It's on Wednesday. It is. And I think I'm going on a date that night. So I'm not doing anything if you're doing anything. I'm not. Okay, good. Dave and I are going to Chicago for a family thing. Okay, perfect. Yeah. So I'm happy. I'm happy. Oh, I'm filming during the day, but I like working on my birthday. Me too. I'd rather be in drag filming on my birthday. Doing something. Doing something. Keep your hands busy. Oh, I'm going to love this. You will. You will honestly love this. Okay. This is Make Your Body Your Machine. Home 2 System. TRX. Oh, shit. Not sponsored.

I gotta hang this on the wall. Very expensive. You can mount it. You can also take it on the road and use it from a door. Seriously. Oh my God. And it sounds like, oh wow. But it really is fantastic.

Thank you so much. I like resistance bands. No, no, but this is not that. No, I know. But yeah, the stretchy shit is not my favorite. I think I might really like this. You will. Yeah. You can use your whole body and like it's it's fabulous. Yeah. I love personal development. Great. So then I got you another thing. It's very heavy and it's like so it's such a burden, but it's like it's a I guess I could tell the kids at home that was piece of exercise equipment that I just received. I just, you know,

This feels heavy. Yeah, it's just, I don't know why I got it for you. Well, that makes me feel great. Perhaps it was a gesture of friendship and love. It was a while ago, too, and I had it wrapped there. So it's double wrapped. Double bag that condom, Scott. Scott, put two condoms. It's a pretty book. Birds. I'm quite fond of birds. It's birds. Every page of that book. Oh, love that. Every page of that book. Birds. No, no, don't do it.

I just want to look inside. I just want to see what the vibe is. It's like ASMR, except...

It sounds terrible. If you're driving, I'm sorry. That's just the sound. I forget this is a podcast. I forget that most people are not watching us. But there's cameras here, so where am I supposed to feel? I love this. On the front, there's a beautiful red cardinal. Oh my gosh. I'm going to love this. It's pretty. It's pretty. Birds of the tea. I'm sorry. They are just nature's mystery. I have to take this wig off. This is killing me. Hold on one second.

Wow. Toucans. Oh my God. Ostriches, eagles, hawks, goslings, owls, penguins. Love that. It's like a coffee table book. Obviously you're not going to carry that in your pocket book. Yes. It's really amazing and I really appreciate you. And then there's a, this is just a stupid fucking candle. Thank you. But look at the wrapping job. I did it myself this morning. It's the best you could. It's the best you could. But it's probably for the studio.

Yeah. Here, because it's kind of more a gift, like a work gift. Yeah. An appropriate work gift. This is what would have been inappropriate is a flashlight, a flashlight, a dong, a fucking, you know, like a dong, a fucking machine. What if you presented me with a fucking like $500 fucking machine with a big metal fucking cock? Could you date someone who like they had to get fucked by a fucking machine at least once a week?

Oh my God. If I was really into them, yeah. I mean, what does that have to do with me? It's like,

If you want to do that, I can be in the room. I can be doing other things. No, you have to be wearing a cheerleader outfit and cheering them on from the sidelines because it's happening in a football field. Then no. Then no. Okay. I'm very sex toy positive. Okay. I love all types of toys and gadgets. You do? Yeah. Love it. Like what's your favorite one? Without getting too personal, of course. Love anything. Like anything you put your dick in for fun. Okay. Fleshlights. Yeah. Sleeves. Things like that. Love anything that vibrates. Anything like that. I'm always for that. Anything like...

Stick your cock in the Dyson. Do you know what I mean? Like anything. Were you the kind of kid that put your dick in the vacuum cleaner? I didn't put my dick in the vacuum cleaner. No, I didn't put my dick in the vacuum cleaner. But I like stuff. I like objects. I like hardware. Okay. Like items. Although I don't love some of the greats. I don't love poppers. I don't either. I don't love cock rings. Me neither. I don't know. There's something about them because it disrupts the picture of the genitals. Yeah. I like solo porn a lot. And part of why I like solo porn a lot is because I like people...

on their own fucking toys in their free time. I think that's fun. It's a victimless crime. It's a victimless crime. Unless they're chained to a radiator in Romania. Valoo Spa, you love them. I can't get enough of them. This has been in your house for months. And I keep going, I like this. And you go, yeah, it's for you for your birthday. I'm going to give it to you later. I taped it, but I didn't burn it. Could you imagine if I gave you a half-burned candle?

Like that would be very me. I could. Gotta get into this. I watched a TikTok the other day because I have a bunch of candles right now that are all burning down. Give them to me. Well, I love this brand Boy Smells. Oh, yeah. What's up with the name of that company though? I can't vouch for the name, but I can vouch for the quality of the scent. Like what does that mean? Boy Smells. Boy Smells.

I don't know. You think it's like men's groin. It's not those. It's not. It's not male. They're like pine. I think it smells made by a boy. I think the owner's a man. I don't know. What's this gender got to do with. Anyways, I don't know. How do you gender a candle? I don't know. Well, you make it like pink pussy hall. Yeah, I don't know. What do you think that fucking Gwyneth Paltrow pussy candle smells like? Honestly, the crust cut off toast, the crust cut off a peanut butter and jelly. Sour Joe rises. Yeah.

It probably smells like Lake Michigan on a Thursday afternoon. I love gifts. I love the way that looks. That's important. Do you know what I mean? Like the candle jar itself. Why don't we keep it in here? That's what I'm saying. We can burn it in here. We're running out of shelf space. By the way, what do you guys think of the studio? It's really been developing, huh? Oh, look, too. Let me put that up there.

Really been developing. We have a lot of awards. We have a lot going on. A lot of stuff going on. The rain. The rain. My house has my- You had water damage? Yeah. You did. In the guest house and the house. I have to fix all of it. Did all the horses get wet too? But lately I have felt, and I know that we are social media personas and we work on the internet. Yeah. Lately- You don't have to post. I don't have to post. Lately I have been barely caring to open social media or post at all.

I have some news for you. That's a good thing. I don't care to do anything like that. That's okay. That's good. That means you're probably engrossed in having real life. Yeah. Whether good or bad, you're probably like actively dealing with the facts and figures of your actual life. Yeah. I don't want to over promise, but I think, um, you know, those of you who have ever enjoyed that I'm chronically online. Oh yeah. That enjoy it. Yeah. That time is over for me. I think when I got on drag race, I had my phone on my hand. Like I charge it three times a day.

You were good at social media. But I was like always on it. My eyes, my screen time was probably 23 hours. Lately I turn it off and leave it for hours at a time. Yeah. I miss calls all day. Yep. Well, you don't, this whole thing of being perpetually available has really fucked people up.

Right. They're not available. Sometimes you're not available. Yeah. And lately, honestly, you know, I've been vulnerable. Yes. And so I've been seeking real life connection. Yes. I need face to face companionship more than I need fucking the internet at all. Honestly, I need you. I also need to tell the people about what happened when you came over on Saturday because, um,

Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Oh, by the way, I don't I'm not going to overshare, but I have been in a tough spot. She's having a hard day. So your friends having a hard day comes over to gab with you. Yeah. I come over with the predication of, hey, I need to come over and cry. Yeah, probably hang out. Yeah. So she lets me come over.

She cooks me a nice cup of tea. I said, come right away. I got the tea ready. She said, I'll come get you. And then I said, I'll take an Uber. And she said, okay. But I mean, she should have said, I'll come get you again. But she didn't. And I came over. I come up. We have some tea. I cry for, you know, not long. Just a good 90 minutes. And then we...

I just like, I'm collecting my items. I'm like, I should just, where's my keys? I was like, let me get all my stuff in a pile here. I was thinking of migrating to the couch for a little bit. I grabbed my wallet and she immediately stands up and goes, oh yeah, now, like she was waiting for me to twitch a muscle for her to go. I basically, I scooped her up. I had the car running. It was, it was like, I'm not kidding. Like my phone was here. It was like, I went like, this is the phone. I went.

And I like shifted my weight. And she goes, are you going? Oh, you're leaving. Oh no, you're leaving. Bye. It was, but you were like, oh no, I'm not leaving. I was like, I'll let you know when I'm fucking leaving your house. You'll know because I'll be gone. The funny thing is, is like, I do the, that's not the opposite. I'll just leave somewhere. You just leave. Yeah. You know, I don't know. I mean, especially at a party one-on-one is a little weird. Obviously you don't do that.

The Irish goodbye when you went on one. Especially now that I don't drink. Now when everyone's turnt, I'm like, I'm not going to care if I leave. Oh, goodbye. Get the hell out of there. No way. Yeah, I don't know. That's the best thing about hanging out with drunk people. Yeah. You slip out like a candle in the wind. Yeah. I did. I think we talked about this on the last part. Did I tell you that I watched the comeback for the first time? I don't think we talked about it here.

I can't believe it. I never see it. Did you gag? I laughed so hard. I loved it. My, it blew my mind. It blew my, the first season blew my mind. The second season tore me up. Oh yeah. Cause it's actually quite poignant. Tore me up. Tore me up. You know, I've been vulnerable and some of that content was similar to what I was going through. And so it just, it's true.

I was exercising watching it sobbing. I mean her performance she gives him that is so fucking beautiful. Yeah, my god. It's so funny Yeah, and layered and crazy layered like lasagna the scene where she wants to go patch things up with her husband and she gets convinced to put on a body mic and he realizes she has a body mic on when she's trying to save the marriage. Oh Yeah, crazy Laura Silverman

Jane? Jane? Jane? Yes. Jane. So pitch perfect as that like... Chilly. But doesn't want to like wants to do something of substance but it's like stuck in this like weird... Because this is like early in reality TV. And she wants to do something of substance but you can tell she starts to believe she has to exploit Valerie to get it a little bit. She has to push the boundaries. Yeah. And she becomes... It's like she crosses the line frequently. Yeah. Spoiler alert. The scenes are like... Valerie's like, this is my real life. I can't do this right now. And you know, she's like...

this is your love story. People are going to want to know. That is how producers talk to you. Yes. They try to make you feel like you have the wheel and you don't. You don't. So like that was so chilling. I mean like you, when you're, maybe think of like Drag Race when you're like mad or whatever and they'd be like, well, the other option is for you to let everyone else here tell their side of what happened.

Don't you want your voice to be present in that? Like they say things to get you to participate. When your boundaries come up, they can see it and they go under it or over it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I, that stuff doesn't work on me anymore. I just wouldn't put myself in those situations. Yeah. You know, like, but also in reality to perform reality. Well, you have to anchor it in reality. Yes. And so, yes, you have to, unfortunately there's casualties because you have to at least dig your hooks in.

to play a fake scene that is still somehow real. Yeah. That's why Housewives can cry and shit is because, yeah, they might have yelled action, but they're playing out a real emotion with a real situation, you know? Yeah, that diabolical, huh? Yeah. Well, because I think because did you have that thing when you were young where like you had the self-consciousness of a gay person? Everywhere at all times. That's where my posture came from. Have you ever seen me like this? It's because in life, I got tall early and I was like...

Hypervigilant. You know, protection mode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's the reality TV thing. Like there are cameras around, but you're there long enough so you kind of forget them, but they're always there. There's always an awareness of you being watched and surveilled. And the cameras become your friends. Camera people are often your friends. They're in the room for significant moments in your life.

Yeah. And so you feel very vulnerable. It doesn't feel like you're being surveilled anymore. It feels like you have the support of friends. You're being witnessed rather than surveilled. Yeah. You're being supported by them. Their presence supports you instead of makes you feel vulnerable. Oh, right. That's like a movie. I mean, they're supporting you. They're making you a star. They're not like, yeah, they're not filming you in a spider hole, but their job is also like, um,

The job is to get the truth and they make you feel like you're in on that. But the truth is it's not the truth. Watching Valerie cherish. They're, they're filming her knowing she's lying, covering for herself, making excuses. That's just flop. What I loved about the comeback is she's unraveling. Yeah. And she never plays it. She plays it the way,

An actress would, which is to fight it the whole time. It's crazy. She never unravels. You can see in her eyes, she is struggling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she never gives up the ghost. Yeah. It's like chilling. It's chilling. And it's so much more effective than if she had just broke and cried or whatever. But like her fighting for her dignity basically the whole time when she was

Kind of a flop. I mean, they play Valerie Cherish kind of like, not even a husband. But she never made it. Right. And she's always like, well, I'm it. That was her big thing. But like, yeah. Yeah. And then the second season where she's, the opening, I'm sorry. In the opening of the second season, she has to go audition for a role based on her that is written to make her look horrible. That's right. For HBO, right? And the cold read is like, just go in there and write jokes about my old pussy. Oh,

And she's reading it and it's funny, but you can tell in the moment when she does the cold read, you can see her eyes welling and her feelings are hurt. Yeah. Like, Oh, it's so fucking good. Yeah. Turned it. I've never seen anything. It beats Watchmen. That's how much it impacted me. I was like,

Isn't it startling to realize like because if you know her from friends you're like whatever and you realize like what an incredible dramatic and comedic actress she is. It's like insane. Amazing. I turned to David and I said I would love a show like this where cameras just follow me around I get to act like an idiot and David goes I go yeah but they get to talk to the camera and stuff and David goes what do you think you did? David goes you know how much footage we have of you looking right into the camera and talking from last season? I was like oh yeah.

What else have I been watching? David's been watching The Real Housewives of New York. There's all new girls. Oh, Jenna. Who? Jenna Lyons. I watched her like, did you know that if you spray salt water on a copper, it'll give it a patina in 24 hours? I didn't know that.

Yeah. Cool. I will say it's interesting because. That's what I learned from her video. She's wacky. Wacky. Wacky. Les. Jackie. Oh, yes. At least queer. I don't. She might like guys. Let's not say Les. Let's not say Les. Okay. You homophobic bitch. She. Well, I know she likes girls. I don't know if she likes boys. I don't know.

I'm not talking about her sexual preferences. I'm talking about her design proclivities. Oh, I'm just saying she gets brownie points for being queer for me. Of course, queer housewives. This is my point. She doesn't have a wife. This is the second one. She doesn't have a husband or a wife.

Why is it called Housewives still? Because, well, it used to be all these women. New York was traditionally these older women, very engaged with their sex lives. Most of them divorced, very sexy, very drinking, very glam. Cougars. Yeah, but the reality stars have gotten, I guess, like...

For whatever reason, they took that entire cast, people who've been there since the beginning. And threw them in the dumpster. The wood chipper. And got all new girls. Well, the truth is you can negotiate yourself out of a salary. At a certain point, I think the network was probably like, you know what? It's going to be chunky, but...

But if we let all these girls go, we can get a new audience invested in the new ones. That's the truth. It's going to be chunky. It's going to be clunky and chunky. I like chunky as a corporate strategic watchword. But at least these women, a lot of them are married because the other ones, I don't think there was a single actually wife left. Well, I think they're probably – it's less liability because their husbands are often known to embezzle, steal, murder, and –

Do other crimes. I wouldn't recommend doing anything like that unless your books are really clean. And I'm talking clean books. Like I haven't murdered anybody. Turbo tax. I also haven't robbed the dead. Well. How many deads have you robbed today? Well, what is dead? Exactly. You know. Deceased. If it's bones in a box. Yeah. What am I doing? Stealing from the museum? Bone collector. Yeah. Whatever. What else have you been watching? I watched something that I, I watched something.

I watched something. Okay. And I'm going to tell you what it is. It was... Tomb Raider. No, it was like a... It was something good. And I liked it. You maybe watched Dune the other day, part of it. No, just for the sound. Uh-huh. Just for the sound. Sound you can feel. Oh, that's what I... I came to some conclusions about Dune.

Tell me. Chunky. You don't live? A little clunky. No, I think that Timmy- What were you swept up in? I think I was swept up in the idea of, there was one scene that hooked me and then I just kept watching it over and over like a screensaver. Almost like that ADHD relief music that I put on that would sound like a fucking telephone soundtrack. Yes. Like it just became like a rattle, like a soothing balm, the movie. You know what I mean?

Oh, kind of like a background thing. Yes, exactly. You know, that's, that's how I am with the office, but I've watched it enough times now that it's starting to lose its flavor. I'm getting nose blind from it. Yeah. Yeah. So now I'm like looking at it clearly, very clearly. And I'm like, oh, that was, that scene was overwrought. That could have been cut. This was kind of boring. You know what I mean? Like this is, this story is not that fierce. With the office now I'm so deep in that I'm basically watching background characters. Like, cause I just have, everything else has been downloaded. So I'm like, oh,

Oh, Pam's boobs are huge. Like I'm noticing physical characteristics of characters. The Witches of Eastwick, I watched for the 27th time maybe. And I noticed that when she gets called a slut in the supermarket by three jealous women, they're all blonde, brunette and redhead. Oh, wow. Like mirror images of them. But like the, you know, the stuck up like housewifey types. I was like, I've never noticed that. But that movie is fucking fantastic.

Fierce. It is. It sure is. It needs a reboot. Who's in it? No, I thought about that all weekend. It can't get a reboot. No, you know, they're going to drag out Zendaya, Dua Lipa. And Emma Roberts. Yeah, and Ice Spice. And they're going to drag out the... And Pitbull is going to be Jack Nicholson. Charlie Sheen is going to be Jack Nicholson. No, the thing about Hollywood is that you don't have a...

you don't have a, uh, cast of the, of stardom of, of equal like caliber. The redhead will be Bryce Dallas Howard. No, too old. Yeah.

That's not true. They're not, she's not young in the movie. They're 30. I'm going to say they're 30. Love the scene where she's directing the band and she finally is like, I want you to put the music down and we're going to play the shit out of this thing. When I count to four, we're going to play the shit out of this. And then she's flailing around. I do think that's a hair music class, like choir band. Well, no. Yes, I did. I do think that is a part of music classes that is missing.

How to let go It's so like Posture The notes Yeah The poise Yeah You spend hours every week Playing music And it never feels free Right It never feels It's just like These are musical Outgrows Yeah I think that It is Technique though Does go a long way Well

You have to know what notes to play in order to play them freely. Yes, of course. Of course. I mean, you really have to know it in and out. But who would play her? So 35 to 40, we're going to say that's the age range of the women in that movie. I like Bryce Dallas Howard for the redhead. Okay, fine. Share again. Or maybe it's Les this time and the devil's a woman. And the three are men.

Not men because that's the masculine. Men would never get into that. They would never cross three dongs crossing the streams. Is it implied that they're eating each other's pussies and everything? It's implied that they're having sex together. It's not implied. It's demonstrated. Okay, wow. Do you know there's a scene at the end where they're all in lingerie in the bed waiting for him? Yeah. They all fuck. They fuck in. Yeah. So the man is played by who would replace Jack Nicholson? Who is that person today?

is jack nicholson still around ewan mcgregor no no he's too old okay timothy chalamet i would kill myself i know timmy's the willy wonka trailer have you seen it tell me you've seen it yeah i'm making chocolate of course girl that's alyssa edwards girl that's alyssa edwards as timothy chalamet that's willy i'm making chocolate of course yeah that movie looks like

I don't like it when there's an outcry for like, oh, cancel culture. I wish that movie would get canceled before its release because we do not need to see that. Can we just let Gene Wilder live? Willy Wonka. Yeah. Wait, it's not based on the book or the movie. It looks like it's a prequel, huh? It looks like a big, nasty turd on a piece of- Well, he learned to make chocolate somewhere. I'm making chocolate, of course. I'm making chocolate, of course.

I'm making chocolate, of course. And also he went so mid in his like, his, Gene Wilder's a genius in that movie. Like an unhinged genius with a range that's so like expansive. Amazing. And he's like, well, I guess we're going to go for you now. It's like so crazy, goofy, stupid, but only mid. It's like, I'm making chocolate, of course. I hate it so much. It doesn't matter. It's so corny. It's so corny. Everything. Hugh Grant does an Oompa Loompa. Yeah. Well. Get the check.

Where's your dignity? Where's your dignity? Oompa Loompas in the first film were little people, obviously. The second one, I don't remember if that actor was little. And in the third one, we don't need to do any guesswork because there just shouldn't be a third iteration of that. Yeah. Why are they going to make it a franchise? Because they're making chocolate, of course. They're making chocolate, of course. Oh, God. Musical numbers.

All CGI. All from 22-year-old interns chained to desks for 95 hours a week. Yeah, people in those green screen suits with ping pong balls all over them, and then they just put their face on at the end. They have Maggie Smith fly her private jet for four hours, just do a bunch of the lines, and then that's it. It's crazy. Why do you think AI is so obsessed with human expressions of grimace or laughter? Whenever you put humans into AI, it's always like... I don't know. I've never used the AI. Yeah.

David Silver gets a little high and uses the AI and likes to see what comes out. I mean, I'm always interested in what comes out, but it depends on what the engine is. David put in like gay, pink and purple kissing Batman. Gay. And what came out was one of the Batman had big boobs. So... The AI doesn't know. The AI is just, how about that? That seems close enough, right? And you're like, you know what I mean? You're like, hold up. Hold up. Read.

Remix. Okay, bye. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that it? Yeah. Okay, okay. Oh my God. We're so good at ending podcasts. We got to do it better than that. We don't do good intros and we don't do good outros. No, there's no intro. There's no outro. So I'm going to do it. So as we wrap up, listeners, thank you so much. We of course want to thank you so much for listening, but we also want you to know that Trixie is having her 34th birthday in just a couple of days. It will already have happened once this has aired, but she wants you to know and I want you to know that she's still here.

34. 34. 34. Somebody called it dirty whore. That's what that age is. 34 dirty whore? 40 wonderful. Anything one is wonderful. 30 wonderful. Dirty whore. Dirty whore. I love that. I've never heard that before. 34, you dirty whore. Come back next week for more. What is like, oh, what age are you turning in this like dirty whore? You don't even say 34. You wait for them to figure it out. Can you say 44 dirty? No. No, it has to rhyme. That's the thing about rhyming. They have to sound the same. Hominems. Hominems.

That sounds the same, but spelled differently. The color red. I read a book. Homonyms. Homophone. Oh shit. I'm, I'm wrong. Thank you. It is homophone. Thank you very much. What's homonyms? Nothing. Homonym is, no, it looks the same, but it sounds differently. I think you're right. I know I'm right. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not sure. To keep me on the pod just long enough to be right. And now you want to correct. Now you have, now that you seem smart, you're like, I think we're good. I think we're good. I think we're good. I think we can add that. Fuck you, Scott. Fuck you, Scott. Fuck you, Scott.

Bye. Scott. Scott. We're done with the pod now. You can come plug my hole. Scott. Bring the machine in, Scott.

Hook that jelly dildo up to the fax machine and let me have it. The kicker is Scott's a sound guy. You know what I mean? I know. I know. Sorry, Scott. Sorry, Scott. Bye.