142: What if it happened in broad daylight? 48:18

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I didn't really, like, realize that it was a thing that was happening to me. I don't really know how to describe that feeling, but it was just so hard to understand because I understood nothing of it. I don't understand, you know, why me, none of it at all. Welcome to the Permatemp Corporation, a presentation of the audio podcast, This Is Actually Happening. Episode 142, What If It Happened in Broad Daylight?

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And the next, something goes wrong. But with ADT's 24/7 professional monitoring, you still feel safe. Because when every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com today. I grew up in a really small town. It was like a farming town. My graduating class was only like 100 people. So it was just kind of a small town and everybody knew each other, that kind of thing.

My mom had me when she was 21. I have a brother also. My brother is two years older than me. She and my dad got married when she was 18. My dad was 24. They're still together today. They've been together for a long time. And I've always thought that they had like a great relationship and my family life growing up was really great.

We didn't, you know, obviously have a ton of money or anything and we did move around a lot, but I never remember ever even really thinking about that, I guess. I've always just been like really quiet and introverted and to myself. I was, you know, really good in school and

You know, I had like a pretty normal life. I guess the one thing that like kind of influenced me in the way that I deal with things happening to me or people being mean or whatever, I was in a relationship with an older boy at the time. I was 14. I think he was 16.

And it was the first relationship I had ever been in and I really liked him. And it was fine at first and then a couple of years later he was pretty abusive, like mentally and physically. He would punish me in like sexual ways.

He told me if I ever broke up with him, he would tell my parents all these terrible things that I had done and he basically ruined my life. He printed out every single conversation that we ever had like via text.

And I'll email that kind of thing. I am printed it and he would like walk by my classroom in high school and I would look over like out the door and he'd be standing there like with a printout of basically all of this stuff he was threatening to like send to my parents. So that terrified me. So obviously, you know, I just kept putting up with it. It just kept getting worse.

He wouldn't let me leave. Like, I was trying to go home or do something, and he wouldn't let me. And I started crying and getting really upset. And I just remember him going, nobody cares about you crying. He was blackmailing me, pretty much. So it was like this kind of terrible circle. I got accepted into a college that was about five hours away. And I accepted. As soon as I got out there and started college, I thought,

you know, like, I'm just tired of this. I'm not doing this anymore. So I broke up with him and ended it. I was like, I don't care what you do, you know, anymore. I'm 18.

I remember right after it happened he told me he was gonna kill me. He was just crazy. I mean he is crazy. I realize that now that like something is mentally wrong with him but he still continued and still continues to this day to try to contact me. I've blocked him and I've done everything I can. He creates new accounts. I've told all my friends like don't tell him anything about me or what I'm doing.

It was the first guy that I had ever dated and I was 14. I didn't really know anything about relationships or love. And I thought that I loved him and he loved me. I like, I knew it. We were so in love when we first got together. And then it turned into the, you know, him saying these things to me. And like, that definitely has had an impact as far as me, like being forthright with my feelings or telling people how I feel and, um,

Instead of just keeping it in and like dealing with it on my own because I don't want to burden other people I guess with my like feelings. I got my degree. You know, I came out of college with a couple of close friends and

I immediately started looking for any job I could, period. So I ended up getting hired at two different places. And then I got full time at one of them and just kind of moved up the ranks, became the manager there. And then I got a different job where I was another general manager.

The job I was at there, I wasn't enjoying it at all anymore, so I started looking for a new job. And actually, I talked to one of my friends who worked for that credit union, and he would always talk about how great it was, like they had great benefits. He made good money, he was higher up in the company, but he would just tell me about all of the things that they do. And so I ended up applying.

And I did get the job, which I was super excited about. They hired me on as a part-time, they call it like a member service representative. I was working part-time for like, I think only like three months before I went full-time. And, you know, then I was working full-time. I was there five days a week, all that good stuff.

By this time, I had moved from my small town to a coastal. It's about 45 minutes away, but it's a city. It's a bigger city. And I met my boyfriend out here, and I was living with him.

I was really excited about working there because it was a fast-paced job. So it was good pay, but it's also good benefits, which it was the first time I'd had health insurance since like I was a kid. And the people I worked with were so great. Like I remember coming in and meeting them. And of course I'm a quiet person, but they really warmed me up and like opened up to me and made me feel, you know, important, I guess, to them in a short period of time. So I just liked going to work every day. I mean, it was,

It wasn't like before where I was dreading it almost every morning and it was fun to me. Everything was different every day and it was, I enjoyed it a lot. I was living with my boyfriend. We were renting a house and he was looking to buy a house soon. So we were actually in the process of, you know, checking out houses and trying to figure out what our budget was going to be.

Right around about the same time, we finally found a house, which is actually really close to where I was working. And it was in a good neighborhood. I was at a good price. We were in the process of, you know, packing and moving and just kind of like dreaming about, you know, what we were going to do with the house and how we were going to paint all of this. So we were both really excited about that and to be in a better neighborhood. And then we were able to move in.

I was at work, and I was working on the personal banking side, so the side where you sit down at a desk and you're talking to people one-on-one and whatever their issue is, you're helping figure that out. So this woman had walked in. She was about mid-30s, she looks like.

And she was signed in to have some of her statements printed out for her, which is like a pretty normal, quick thing to do on the personal banking side. So I had called her up and she came over and she was a little bit odd, I would say, but nothing like alarming. She was just, you could tell something was maybe a little off with her. Like she was talking really fast and she was just kind of seemed all over the place.

She had asked me like, how did I get my job? And I was like, you know, I had applied through the website and she was like, oh, I'm trying to find a job right now. And I was just kind of going back and forth with her, telling her like, you should check out these websites. Or if you go to, you know, the actual company page, you can go and apply for the job. Just kind of like basic banter that you would have with a customer for a few minutes.

So I ended up printing off her statements. I printed them out and I handed them to her. And she was like reading through. She had wanted a couple months worth printed out and she was like, "Oh, I can't find this one transaction from some month." So she had the paper on the table and I saw the transaction so I pointed at the paper while she was holding it and I was like, "It's right here. This is the transaction you're looking for." And she just changed completely.

She acted like I had just insulted her family or, you know, done some crazy thing to her. And she looked at me and she goes, are you always this touchy feely? And I was thinking like, what are you talking about? I was like, I don't understand. I didn't, you know, touch you or anything. And she was like, oh, well, you should just know some people don't like that. And I was like, what? I just remember thinking it was the weirdest thing. So I kind of blew it off, but she was still acting like,

I had done something terrible to her, and I was just confused at that point. And then she starts putting her stuff away into her purse, and she's not saying anything. So I'm just sitting there, waiting for her to finish up so I can tell her bye.

And she's, you know, just kind of stops mid packing up her stuff. She goes, I'm just going to take a second to get my stuff together. And like, she was kind of insinuating that I was like staring at her to leave, I guess. So I was like, that's fine. You know, take your time. Let me know if you need anything else, any questions. So she ended up packing up her stuff and she left like no, you know, no other words after that.

My coworker came over and I was like, she just said the weirdest stuff to me. And I told her what had happened and she goes, oh yeah, she comes in here all the time. She's really weird about you handing her things. And I was like, what do you mean?

And she said that she had come in before and asked her if we were hiring. And then they had told her, you know, go to the website, do the application. And then she asked if we had to hand people things in this job, which like it's a bank. You hand people things all day. That's basically the job.

She didn't want to do it. She doesn't like that. Now they know when she comes in, they don't like if she's withdrawing money to not hand it directly to her, like to put it on the counter and let her pick it up, basically. So I didn't ever really think about her ever again, honestly, until pretty much exactly a month later.

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I was working on the personal banking side again. So it was, you know, at the side with the desks and one-on-one with people. At this time, I did have a customer at my desk and we were, you know, figuring out her issues. And then I remember the same woman, she walks into the building and walks, you know, right up to my desk, which first of all, that's just kind of odd. Like I said, when people come in, they have to get signed in and then they go, they wait until they're called on.

But she came up right at my desk, interrupted the conversation I was having with my customer. And she said, she just said, is your name Caitlin? And I said, yeah. And then she didn't say anything else. She just kind of walked away. But she just it was almost like she ran up to the desk almost. She started walking over to where the teller stations were. That's where you do just like the basic deposit withdrawal transactions.

We have like an instant message system like within our work where we can like IM our coworkers. And so I saw her go to, you know, the teller across the building pretty much. So I IM'd her. I was like, do you know if she like needs to sit down with me or like she asking like to work with me? You know, I didn't know if she had questions and she was just, you know, confirming it was me. My coworker was like, no, she didn't say anything about that.

I stopped talking to her like through the IM and I was talking to another one of my coworkers who was there the first time she had come in and I was like, I don't know why she ran up to me. You know, it's kind of crazy. And I was joking around, but I was like, I think I might go hide in the back, you know, like just to, cause she was just being odd. And then I, you know, went back to my own desk. I was just getting ready to work on something when I turned around and I see her walking towards me, like from the bathroom area.

She's once again kind of like walking fast, acting kind of frantic almost. And she walked up to me and she goes, did you hear me earlier? And I was like, yeah, I responded to you. She just was like looking, like staring at me with her eyes wide open, like she was angry. And so at that point I was like, do you need help with anything? Like, you know, did you need more statements printed out? Because that's what she was there for last time. And she goes, yeah.

I was standing behind my desk and she had come up behind me. And I asked her to just go have a seat on the other side of the desk because, you know, we have our computers open and we don't want them to see like possibly other, you know, information on our computers. She goes, no. And I was like, kind of like said a little sternly, ma'am, I need you to have a seat on the other side of the desk so I can help you.

I was literally saying like, "I need you to have a seat on the other side." So I like kind of motioned toward the front of the desk and like turned my head to like kind of point that way, I guess. And at that point she said no again and I felt her hand like move my hair off the side of my neck. And I remember seeing her like pull out this giant kitchen knife and

in like one swift motion, I guess, slit my throat. Like they do in the movies, pretty much. Like run it right across my throat. It happened so fast, like I don't remember like trying to, you know, put my hands up and protect myself, but apparently I did. I put my hand up to protect my neck, my face. She ended up cutting my thumb pretty badly because I had put it, you know, right up next to my neck and she did cut my neck.

But I didn't like really realize that at first. Like I remember, you know, not after remembering that exact movement, I kind of had my desk chair right in front of me to try to like put a barrier between us. I just remember her being so close to me, just standing, holding the knife, looking around at everybody. Because at this point, the credit union was full of people and everybody had stopped and was like frozen pretty much.

Like half of the people started moving towards the door. Everybody else was kind of just like frozen. Some people got down like on the ground, but they were all, you know, keeping kind of a safe distance because she's standing there with this giant knife in her hand. One of my coworkers like kind of started slowly walking up to her and he was like, put down the knife, put down the knife. And she just kept saying, no, I hope I proved my point. I hope I proved my point.

He had a couple of my other coworkers behind him. These guys, I think all three of them were veterans actually. And then he was like, okay, if you're not going to put the knife down, will you just leave? And then she, she did. She just walked out. Like she put the knife right back in her purse and walked out. And I didn't really see her leave because at that point, another of one of my coworkers had run up to me and, um, was trying to like get me to the back of the break room.

I just remember the feeling of her fingers like kind of going across my neck and like pulling my hair back. That's the only thing I can like in detail remember of her trying to actually cut my throat.

That feeling of her hand at my neck to me holding my desk chair in front of me to try to just get some distance so that she doesn't try to come at me again. She was so close. I remember thinking she could just reach over and stab me again if she wanted to. I don't know. I guess I just snapped into maybe basic adrenaline mode and my brain stopped recording. I don't know.

Like, I remember looking down and just seeing, like, blood, like, a lot of blood coming down. And I thought it was my thumb. Like, I was like, dang, she really cut my thumb really bad. And I realized at that point that, you know, my neck had been cut, too, because my coworker, when she ran over, she put her hand, you know, like, on my neck.

We walked back in the break room, which was kind of crazy because my coworkers were eating lunch back there. They had no idea what was going on. And so I walked in and I remember just seeing their faces. At first they were like, oh, hey. And then it turned into like, oh my God. And like, they just kind of scattered and stood up and started freaking out. And they sat me down and they ended up calling the police. I looked down at myself and, you know, I saw blood on my shirt and I was seeing it, you know,

kind of drip down from my neck. My thumb was bleeding pretty bad. But I could see that it was, you know, like not cut off or anything like that. But I also was listening to the guy, the customer actually, who was a nurse, and he was like, Oh, it's not that bad. You know, it's not that deep. You know, you're going to be fine. Basically, he kept telling me that and I believed him, I guess, because, you know, I didn't feel the like I said, I didn't actually feel the pain of it.

really at all. I didn't feel like my neck had been cut. I think I was just like my heart was racing and I was just trying to like focus on breathing and not freaking out. I was actually pretty calm. I wasn't like crying. I wasn't, I was just kind of like sitting there and they gave me something to hold up against my neck. So just sitting there, like kind of just listening to everybody freak out around me.

They were asking me like, do you want us to call anybody, you know, to come and get you? And I just was reciting my mom's phone number, my boyfriend's phone number. I was like, you know, you can try to call them. It is, I don't know. I think I was just so focused on watching everybody else freak out. Like everybody's eyes were like wide open and people were like crying. And like, I think it's, you know, because of what, what I looked like, but then also that that had just happened.

You work at a bank and you do so much training on like being robbed. It's always kind of like in the back of your head, but you don't ever really expect it to happen, I guess. And this wasn't even, you know, a robbery. She didn't try to take any money. She didn't do anything like that. She's a woman, you know, like she's in her mid-30s or so wearing a dress. You know, it's just, it was just odd. I remember thinking like,

Did this really just happen? Like, it was just so insane to me. Like, I just remember thinking, like, how do I even begin to understand what just happened? Like, it...

And I think I was focused on that so much that I didn't really feel any emotion. I didn't actually feel pain of it at all. Like it was just bleeding and I'm sitting there just kind of like trying to process like what just happened to me and what's going to happen now. I mean, I didn't feel that I was injured like really, really badly in any way. So I wasn't really even concerned about that. I think I was just like, what is going to happen to me now? Like, what is my life going to be like now? What does this all mean for me?

It felt like the cops got there like so fast. So they came in and they immediately, you know, were asking me questions, what she looks like, what happened. And I was like trying to answer all these questions and go through, you know, like what she looked like and what had just happened. And I also, they didn't really ask me that many questions for that long. They had gotten me on a stretcher.

By that time, my boyfriend had showed up and he was like just kind of standing in the lobby of the bank where everybody had like left, like everybody was gone. And, you know, kind of waved at me and they put me in the ambulance. And then that's when he could come and talk to me. And he was just asking me like what he wanted me to do, like who he wanted me to call if, you know, if I was like, OK, which is such a weird question, you know, ask. But like I was like, yeah, I'm fine. I was like, you know, maybe call my parents.

They take me out and roll me into the emergency room, which this is the first time I've ever been to the emergency room in my life. And there's like 25 people in this room and they're all standing in a circle around this like hospital bed pretty much. And I was at that point, I was like, what the fuck? Like,

Why are there so many people here? And then this one lady, she was like, oh, we're all here for you. And they put me onto this hospital bed. They immediately cut my clothes off completely, which I was like, I'm only cut on my neck. Why are you guys doing this? So now I'm butt naked in a room full of 25 people I don't know. And they're having me flip over and make sure that I can wiggle my toes or whatever.

And they immediately like put a sheet on me and then rolled me back into like an MRI room or a CAT scan room. Like everything was just so foreign to me. I was like, I am being like moved around this hospital and these things are being done to me that I don't understand. The nurses were like, you know, they acted like it was shocking and like they were asking me what happened. Did I know her? And I was like, no, this is just a crazy thing. Like I don't understand it.

At that point, my boyfriend was allowed to come in and he comes in and they're like, "They shot her." And I was like, "What?" And he goes, "They shot her. It's on video." And I was like, "What? Is she dead?" And he's like, "I think so. They don't know." After she left the credit union, she was driving down the road and my coworkers had gotten her license plate number. So they told the police and the police like caught her like maybe a mile down the road.

pulled her over, but she wasn't complying. She wasn't getting out of the vehicle. She wasn't doing anything like she was supposed to. And this is in the middle of like a residential street. So there's houses on each side. So apparently somebody was filming on their cell phone. There was like maybe three or four police cars. One police officer had gone up to her door to try to get her to come out. Well, she pulled the same knife on him. I was threatening him with it.

So he like, I guess, calls for backup and they fired shots at her, but missed because she wouldn't put the knife down. I remember in the video, you just see her standing in the middle of the street, like pretty much surrounded by cop cars with the cops yelling, put the knife down, put the knife down. And you hear a couple of shots and then you just see her fall like flat back onto the road and like,

is like knocked out from hitting her head on the concrete. I'm sitting here trying to process this now of like, okay, so this woman just tried to kill me. And then she went and ran from the police, tried to attack them. And now she's dead. Like, I remember like not knowing how to feel like, am I happy she's dead? Or am I not happy? Because now she doesn't get punished for it. Like,

I just remember not being able to like feel, I guess at that point. And I didn't really know how to feel during all of it. I think I was always just like in a state of wonder of like, what is going on? It didn't feel like real life. You know, everything happened so fast and like it was too much for my brain to like even process. I had like a, about a two inch cut on my neck and my thumb didn't need stitches. They just cleaned that out. And I had a couple of other like tinier scratches there.

on my chest, but they stitched me up. Basically they were like, okay, well, you're good to go. You know, you'd have to come back in about a week to get the stitches removed and you know, you can go home.

I was just so like, what do I do when I get home? Like, you know, it was just like, I'm so out of my element here. I have no idea what to do next, I guess. It just felt so surreal. I was just, I don't know. It was crazy. And then at that point, my parents were calling and they're freaking out because my dad is

super protective over me like he's always been that way and he didn't even really like me moving to the city because he's like oh that's the city there's crazy people out there you always got to watch your back he's just always been that way and you know I think for him to like hear that and my mom to hear that and they you know have no idea what the situation is and they see it on the news like that's got to be terrifying for them and this whole situation I'm always like thinking about like

this is so, this sounds so much worse than it is. It's not really this bad, you know, like it's on the news and you know, yeah, there's this whole like shootout over it kind of, but it's not that bad. And I think right after it happened, I was just so like caught up in not like reacting to it, I guess at first, because I didn't really like realize that it was

thing that was happening to me. I don't really know how to describe that feeling, but it was just so hard to understand because I understood nothing of it. I don't understand why she did it. You know, why me? None of it at all. And now I'm just like, you have to like continue living on. Like, I don't know. It was just such a wild feeling to me because I was so focused on like

Trying to put a sentence together about what just happened to me in my head. Like I was like, okay Well, I just got attacked by a stranger at work and she tried to slit my throat with a knife And just that sentence in itself was like are you fucking kidding? Like I don't even understand that sentence I can't even begin to like put myself into that sentence and

It was just the way people, everybody around me was reacting and the way that everybody was acting like I had just been through this horrible thing, which I knew that it had, like I knew that it was a bad situation, but I guess I just didn't maybe want to believe it was as bad as it was. Or I was so scared of like how everybody else was reacting. I was just like, they're overreacting and this is not that bad because I didn't really want to think about that happening to myself. Yeah.

And if I didn't, you know, pay attention to the facts of the matter or, you know, that sentence I put together, then it didn't actually happen or it really isn't that bad. After everything happened, I had like our regional manager and a couple of the higher ups reach out to me and just be like,

You know, don't worry about coming back to work for a while. Take your time. They were like, don't worry about the hospital. All of that's under workers comp. Then they offered me, of course, therapy afterwards. And so I didn't go to work for a month after that. I started the therapy sessions like a week after. And she was actually great. Like she was very understanding. I felt like she got me very well. Like she understood who I was. But

I was telling her, I'm going to be fine. It's not that big of a deal. I'm not really going to... I don't think I'm going to have any issues. Because everybody was always like, okay, well, you need to go to therapy because now you're going to have trauma and PTSD and all of this stuff. And I was like, no, it wasn't that bad. I'll be okay. The therapist, she was like, well, that's great. It's good that you're thinking that way, but you really need to...

come to terms with what happened. Like, you went through something that does affect people and it might not affect you until months later or a year later or, you know, it could happen at any time. You just need to be aware, like, to look out for it, kind of, I guess, because it most likely will. I understood that part, but I was just so convinced that, like, I was going to be fine. I was going to go back to work and everything was going to be normal.

I remember, like, right after it happened that day, I was just so tired. I was, I guess, because of the adrenaline and everything, obviously, that had happened. I was exhausted. So I went to bed, but I woke up in the middle of the night to my boyfriend, like, basically, like, calming me down and holding me down. And he was like, it's okay, it's all right. Because I had woken up and I was, like, fighting. Like, I had literally, like, sat up in the bed and started, like, yelling and, like, I was fighting somebody off.

I haven't really slept good since that night. I can't like shut my brain off to go to bed. I don't know why. It's just at night everything goes crazy in my head and I can't stop thinking. That I think was the first sign for me like, you know, it wasn't as like fine as it was as I thought it was going to be. You can host the best backyard barbecue when you find a professional on Angie to make your backyard the best around.

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Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash wondery. That's rocketmoney.com slash wondery. rocketmoney.com slash wondery. I stopped going to therapy after a couple of sessions, mostly because they wanted to reassign me to a new therapist because it was some issue with workers' comp or they had to do out of a network or something like that.

And I went to one session with her and I hated it. Like she was just, she was just very cold. I remember she was just like the opposite of the first therapist I had seen. And I was really turned off. And I actually left that meeting like thinking like, I'm not coming back to this.

The people from my work, the company, would always call to check in to see what's going on. And they would always be like, you need to go to therapy, you need to go to therapy. And I'm like, I don't want to. And I think it's because I don't like, you know, once again, talking about my feelings maybe or putting myself out there for somebody to like criticize the way that I feel when I don't even like talking about it in the first place. And now I am and they're going to turn it back on me or, you know, whatever might happen. But...

I couldn't make myself go. Like, I just didn't want to. So I didn't. After I'd gotten home from the hospital, they had actually updated the story on the news. And it turns out they had shot at her but missed. The reason that she actually fell like that is because they ended up tasing her. And that's why she kind of, like, fell like a board down onto the road. She fell, hit her head on the concrete, and it caused a brain bleed. So they sent her to, like...

The hospital in the, you know, she was still under arrest at that time, but in the hospital. And then she went to the actual jail, I think maybe like four days later. So after all of that happened is, you know, when the trial starts and it's basically me repeating the story. I told them everything about, you know, how she had come in the month before, you know,

It's in a bank. It was all on like HD videos recorded, everything that happened. So they didn't really need that much evidence or witness statements because that, you know, speaks for itself.

A couple of days after it happened and talking with like the detectives and the police and they told me, you know, like she's crazy. She's just batshit crazy. Like they they knew of her prior to this event, I guess, because she had not a violent incident, but another incident with the cops.

But she they said that she was probably like schizophrenic or something some kind of like mental disease and that's you know why she did what she did because she was like not on her meds or something and she's just crazy. Which is like the worst thing that you want to hear like I I don't know why that I was so stuck up on that moment but I'm like I need to know why like I I

why me? Like what motive did she have? Did she say anything? And you know, they basically had nothing from her. She didn't want to talk about it. I just couldn't deal with it. I like started looking up like

all of these stories about, like, schizophrenia and, like, sociopaths and, like, why crazy people do crazy things. Like, just trying to get some kind of bearing or, like, understanding of, like, okay, she's just out of her mind. And she did it because, you know, her disease caused her to think this way. But I didn't have any of that. I didn't even, you know, assuming that it was some crazy thought she had, you know, paranoia.

I wanted to know what it was, I guess. Like, what I had done. And for me, it was like, you know, the touching thing or handing her things. I guess that's what set her off. Maybe that's what made her remember me. Like, because I pointed at something on a piece of paper she was holding. That's why she tried to kill me. But then it's also like, okay, well, how...

How often does she get handed things? Why me? You know, like, why am I the one person? I can't be the only person who's accidentally done something like that if she's so paranoid about it. There's just no answers for that. And there's not ever really going to be any answers for that, I guess, at this point. It frustrated me a lot. And I think my initial reactions were just anger. I was so mad. I was mad that she had done it. And I was mad that...

You know, now I'm staying home from work and now I have to deal with this at work. You know, it's just I felt like I had taken on all of this stuff for no reason. I'd done nothing to deserve it. You know, like it was just in it and it manifested itself in like stupid ways. I mean, it like my hand was cut and I had a couple of injuries. So, yeah.

I had my thumb wrapped up, and I remember, like, I would be trying to open, like, a shampoo bottle or do something, and I couldn't because my thumb hurt, and I would get so mad at that. I would just start crying, like, tears of frustration, and just... That's, like, where I reacted emotionally instead of, like, you know, I guess talking to my therapist or something like that. My dad and my mom were so shaken by it all. My dad is so...

He's such a stern person and he's very loving, but he does not show it. You know, he's just, he's a dad. He's a tough guy. And like for him to like cry over it or like just to say like, you know, you could have died and I could have lost you because no reason. Like, you know, she could have killed you. And that's like the worst feeling for me. I don't want, I love my parents. I don't want them to feel like,

scared or upset or anything and for her to like that's her fault she did that she made my parents upset

I don't know why the open-endedness of it really affects me that much. I just, like, if I had known her thinking or if she told me, even in her crazy, like, paranoid mind, I reacted because I thought, you know, you were a demon or, you know, something crazy, it would, like, put a cap on it for me. It would just, you know, I think maybe my brain wouldn't wander so much about it and think of all of these different alternatives.

After it happened, and still now, I guess I'm so aware of the fact that anybody could just try to kill you at any time for no reason. The person standing behind me in line or, you know, a random stranger that's on the street, they could just try to murder me for no reason.

I don't trust people, you know, obviously anymore. And I'm scared to like really go in big crowded places. And it's almost like she's still coming at me, even though she's in jail. She's still affecting me and she's still like kind of messing with my head, I guess, if it feels like. And that's crazy because I know that's probably not the case, but that's how I feel about it.

To be honest, and I hate this part of it too, but if I see any woman or somebody that looks like her, it almost, it does. It kind of ramps up. I have like a physical reaction to it. My adrenaline like pumps up. But I think it's because, you know, she looked like a normal person. And I don't know, I apply that to everybody now. But it's also because...

She didn't ever give a reason. And at this point, she's telling, I think, the attorneys and everybody that she doesn't remember doing it, which is just, to me, feels like a slap in the face. Like, okay, well, now I have to deal with this for the rest of my life. These problems I'm having of, like, anxiety or hypervigilance, and I'm... But you don't remember it. It's not fair. It's just... And I don't believe her. I think that's the point, too. Like, I just... I do think that she remembers it.

I just think that she's lying. And it's, to me, I guess maybe it's part of me thinking that she's trying to do anything that she can, no matter how minor, to kind of taunt me almost. I just talked to them yesterday to find out that her sanity review hearing was pushed back yet another month. And this is the fourth time it's happened since.

All of the things that she's supposed to go to court for keep getting pushed back and they keep getting continued because she's not cooperating and she's doing all of these things to come off as, you know, not being physically able to go into court. It's just kind of like frustrating to be stuck in a place that you can't like get out of.

I wanted to go back to work, actually, because I was at home all day and I wasn't working. And I kind of just felt like I was sitting at home obsessing over it to some extent. And I felt like going back to work is probably going to, you know, that'll at least get my mind off of it, which is, you know, I'm going back to the same exact place where it happened, which they did offer me, you know, to change locations. Like if I wanted to go to a different branch, you know,

I told them no and I think it's honestly because I didn't want her to have that like I wanted to have that victory at least to be able to say well I went back to work and she didn't keep me from doing my job that I love and that felt like a victory to me I guess.

When I did go back into work, it was definitely hard for the first few weeks, especially because it had been on the news and it was happening. It happened there and, you know, our regular customers would come in and they would ask questions about it.

you know, immediately I would just have this physical reaction I assume would be like an anxiety attack or a panic attack. My heart would be racing. I couldn't even focus on finishing what I was doing. I would have to walk away from the customers, like go into the back and like sit back there for a while and calm back down to the point where I could go back, you know, out and help people.

It was almost threatening that, you know, to have these people who come into work and they're, you know, basically on the same level she was as far as people that I know. And they're asking questions and they're wanting to know details and like who it was and like, you know, why it happened. And it just feels like they're intruding on, you know, what happened to me. Like they feel privileged almost to that information.

It eventually did start to get better. And I think my mindset at work at least got a lot better because I was trying to turn it around and I was, you know, thinking to myself like, okay, well, you were like basically attacked at work and somebody tried to slit your throat. What worse could happen at this point? You know, like...

I'm trying to think of it as, you know, I survived being like cut with a knife in here. I can get through this. Like that's a mindset I tried to take on it, which definitely helped. And it, it helped me to like feel like I was starting to get over everything.

I started to look for a different job, not like outside of that company, but in a back office, you know, documentation specialist job, which is basically where you write up policies and procedures, you know, for the company. So I started to apply for that job and I ended up getting it.

The video of, you know, her attacking me, I didn't watch it for like probably six months. And the only reason I ended up having to watch it is because we were about to do the preliminary trial and I wasn't really ready. Like they kind of just popped it on me like, hey, we're going to be playing this at the trial. Do you want to watch it now or do you want to watch it for the first time in court? And I was like, well, you know, get it over with.

And I, you know, as soon as it started, I was like, I just started sobbing. It was just, it seemed like it was a long time where in my head it was like two seconds. And the video, I just saw her like the motions that she was doing and taking the knife to my neck. And then she actually did end up, you know, striking at me again with the knife.

And I didn't know any of that until I watched the video. And I think that like it forced me to like take a step back and tell myself that I really don't understand my emotions and my feelings that well at all. And this kind of forced me to have to deal with them, I guess. One of the gut feelings I had was that I felt bad for myself in the video. Like the video version of me, I felt sad for because...

It looked so violent to me on the video when I didn't think it was. Like, it looked way worse than I had imagined it in my head. She doesn't even have any idea what just happened to her. Like, I felt so sad for, like, myself in that time period. I don't know. It just almost felt like mourning a little bit. I felt really bad for the girl I was watching on the screen. It was almost like, yeah, she was a different person and I felt bad for her.

A big takeaway I've had from this and from talking with the victim witness advocates is that a lot of people feel like they're...

to the actual person who committed the crime. Everybody's basically waiting on them and all eyes are on them while the victim can feel like, you know, I'm still here, you know. And I think a lot of people forget that. They focus so much on the person who did the crime and finding out about that person that they forget that somebody's life is changed forever and they don't know how to deal with it.

I think before because I had been so hesitant about being forthright with my feelings and my emotions, I never really looked at them and why they were there.

And now just trying to kind of overcome like all of the things that I've been feeling, I try to almost say to myself like, okay, you're feeling this way right now. Why are you feeling the way that you are? You know, understand myself a little bit better. I think before I would just shut it down and say like, that's not something that you need to do. You don't need to think about your feelings and your emotions. They're not that important. And now because...

They have such a big effect on me, you know, in my day-to-day life resulting from this. I have no choice but to kind of like look at them and understand and analyze why I'm feeling the way that I am. Before everything happened that like my ability to not react emotionally or my ability to hide the way that I feel and just keep going with everything was like something...

to be proud of almost. Like, this is the way everybody should be. And, you know, your emotions shouldn't play a role in anything you really do. Maybe, you know, your relationships. But afterwards, I couldn't do that anymore to some extent. Like, I couldn't hide the way that I was feeling. I couldn't stop myself from crying or...

or reacting a certain way. My body just did it for me almost. It's like my body reacted before my brain could even understand that I was reacting. Talking about it with people and being candid with people about my emotions, the way that I'm feeling is very hard for me, but it's also very healing for me too, because I never really did that before. And now I kind of have to be

open with you know telling people about how I feel just to protect myself a little bit more and in to be order to feel comfortable with where I am or what I'm doing and I don't think I would have ever like given myself that before

I don't necessarily want to be one of those people who goes through a crazy situation and they come out and they're all positive and they have all of these stories about how it built them as a person. I want to be able to live my life and not have her be a thought in my head anymore, to not invade into my life anymore. And I think I am getting closer to that spot. This Is Actually Happening is brought to you by me, Witt Misseldein.

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Scammers are best known for living the high life until they're forced to trade it all in for handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit once they're finally caught. I'm Sachi Cole. And I'm Sarah Hagee. And we're the host of Scamfluencers, a weekly podcast from Wondery that takes you along the twists and turns of some of the most infamous scams of all time, the impact on victims, and what's left once the facade falls away.

We've covered stories like a Shark Tank certified entrepreneur who left the show with an investment but soon faced mounting bills, an active lawsuit filed by Larry King, and no real product to push. He then began to prey on vulnerable women instead, selling the idea of a future together while stealing from them behind their backs.

To the infamous scams of Real Housewives stars like Teresa Giudice, what should have proven to be a major downfall only seemed to solidify her place in the Real Housewives Hall of Fame. Follow Scamfluencers on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Scamfluencers early and ad-free right now on Wondery+.