Ep 175: Live From Houston: The Dudes Get Chopped & Screwed, Dude 01:43:19

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How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This is Important... Chopped and screwed music's not good.

Oh my god, Adam, you hit someone in the face. I think they're blind. You have to get out of there. They're calling the cops. Why is there an entire jump rope hanging out of that bear's ass? Back then, hoes didn't want me. Now I'm hot, they all want me. Back then, hoes didn't want me. Let's go! Popo sound! Woo!

- Alright, let's buzz off baby. - Oh shit. - Time to buzz off. - Oh boy. Sugar land! - Suck the poison. - No sir, I don't like it. Yuck, yuck, yuck. - Look at that dude. - Buzz off!

My favorite part about throwing all the buzz balls out is then watching people apprehensively drink them. That is still spinning. Yeah, they're like, do I have to? They were excited to catch it, and then when you chug it, they're like, oh, fuck. Come on. I do it in every city I go to. You could do it tonight for me. Hey, okay.

That's peer pressure. I see a lot of people that are pretty down on their luck chugging them outside of liquor stores. That's the normal clientele. Thanks for joining the team. The social contract of people going, throw in a B, me pointing at them, and then throwing it, and they just...

No, no, I didn't mean it. If you can't catch it, don't ask for it. I don't need a lawsuit. To be fair, the red ones get really lost in the dark. So if you got hit in the eye, don't say anything, please. Yeah, but if you're going to sue anyone...

It's Anders. It is. It's really cool to be here on the Millennium Falcon. Yeah. Dude, good call. We're going freaking the speed of light right now. Here we go. And I would like to call out the elephant in the room. Okay. And I'm not talking about my recent weight gain. Okay. Okay.

This is one of our least selling shows we've done on the road, which made me go like, do I dislike Houston? Right. No. And I heard how fucking riled you guys got when we came out. This is going to be the best show that we're doing. This is going to be the best show. Oh, God.

What the hell is Kyle doing? Kyle just in a breakdance move that I've never seen him do before. Kyle, I've never seen you do that before and I've known you for 25 years, dude. Kyle, do that again. Do that again. He can't. He can't. Kyle, do it again. You got to give me like 20 fucking minutes, bro. Oh, shit.

I thought you were ready to go right back into it. That was a special treat that I felt the moment. Well, my God, the energy got in you, and it was palpable, dude. Dude, I was wondering. I did it once backstage, and I was like, could I do it back to back? Right. Well, that's when you came in the other room, and you go, Adam, I just did a breakdance move. And I'm like...

Okay. You're thinking like a pocket knife. I have like a bunch of loose meat that I'm eating, dipping it in mustard, and you're like, I did a breakdance move. And I go, all right, man. Can I enjoy my lean cuts of turkey? Yeah, it was cool. Kyle straight up turned into a seven-year-old. He's like, daddy, daddy, I did a breakdance move. So hyped on that. Look at my breakdance moves. It is cool. Thank you guys for showing up. Yes.

Houston, we have a problem. And hearing you guys, it does sound like a fucking fantastic turnout. It is cool, like, because, you know, Houston's a huge fucking city. Give me the news, not the weather, pal. It's the size of Texas. What happened? It's the size of Texas. It's the size of Texas. And I was like, why are we not selling that many tickets? And it leads me to believe, like, you guys asked friends, and they were like...

Nah, we're good. They're like, you guys want to go see the Workaholics guys? They're doing a live podcast. And your friend's like, eh.

No, dude, it's going to be sick. One of them is going to break dance and sweat the entire time. Yeah. No. I was actually, he came out, and where were we? We were in a few cities ago. It was in Dallas. Yeah, we were in Dallas. It's happening again right now. Yeah, I know. I know. I was thinking the same thing. I was thinking the same thing. More like Dallas. I wasn't. More people showed up, but...

True, it was a little bit of a bigger crowd. But that's not your fault. You guys are here, and we love that. It's all your friends' fault. It's your friends' fault. It's your shitty friends' fault. I'm pissed now! But Kyle came out and just like, we did our normal thing. We threw out some buzz balls. We were all excited to be out here. And then he just, I look over, and he's like soaking through his shirt. Well, we played some Pantera, and Kyle thought it would be cool to headbang for a little bit.

And his titties just started to lactate. Yeah. Yeah. Which is my thing. Yeah. I'm so sorry about that. I was like, well, what are we doing here? What is the comedy dynamic? Yeah. My bad. Yeah. You do have the tits of the crew. You've recently lost them, though. I think I might be growing your tits. Yeah.

Anything's possible. When you hang out with dudes together this much, it's like we share our period. We shift weight amongst each other. Your boobs are huge. Do you like them? Are you enjoying your new tits? I don't grow it in my tits or my ass, which is where I would hope if I were to gain weight, it would be in those two places. Titties and ass? You just want to fill out like a Kardashian? It's just my inner thighs, baby. Yeah.

Like Yonce, like all the single ladies, all the single ladies. Remember that? Yeah. That's how she walks. Yeah, dude.

It's looking good. Yeah. Do you have like a lineup of Houston? Because Beyonce is a Houstonite. Oh, she is. Hey. Wait, really? I did not know that. Dude, I have the classic. Houston, we have a problem. That's good. Which we don't have a problem because you guys are here and rocking it. Yeah. Dude. And then just a lot of Mike Jones. A lot of Mike Jones. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Can you say his number?

Oh, absolutely. 281-330-8004. Dude, I literally don't know my own fucking phone number. No, that one, like, we were the right age where that just burned into our heads, dude. For my age, it's 867-5309. There you go, Ricky. Don't lose it. And if you know, you know you need to go see a doctor. And I wonder if, like, because that song, the Mike Jones song was like... Mike Jones! What was it? It's like, now I'm hot...

Back then they were all up off me. Now I'm hot, they're all up on me. I wonder if they're back up off him. You think the hoes left? I think the hoes might have left a little bit. There's no way. Not here, not local. He might not be a Globetrotter. Raise your hand if you have fucked Mike Jones.

Yeah, okay. Three white guys right up front. That was a weird night in Houston. Hey, Mike, come on out. Do you remember them? Mike, you fucked Caleb and Derek. Is that correct? What's up, Mike? Mike. Mike.

Mike Jones! Well, I do have some Houston experience. My dad went to MD Anderson and beat the fuck out of cancer. That shit's important. Yeah, dude. That shit's important. That's actually fucking sick. I like my dad's, when you drop it, drop it again. That shit's important. Yeah. Yeah.

So guttural. That is important. You know, Adam, I'm super stoked your dad beat cancer. You are. Well, first I've heard of it. But so what I'm worried about is if one of our parents doesn't beat cancer. Sure. Yeah.

Are we still going to run around being like, last time I was here, my dad beat cancer? Just rubbing him. Not for everyone. Knowing myself? Yeah. And that's nothing to take away from your parents? No, it's just compelling. I can't wait to go to other cities and be like, dude, last time I was here, daddy died.

My dad lost the battle. Dealing with that still. I haven't hashed it out in my brain yet. Not going to work through it. Having day mares.

My dad did buy a t-shirt that says, uh, Houston, we have a problem. Okay. And he thought it was so funny to get the first day at MD Anderson to be like, Hey Houston, we have a problem. Yeah. Uh, the cancer. And then all the nurses are like, all right, we just have to take your blood. Right. I, I think that's sick. I think that's cool. And the best was when, uh,

He beat it, and he came back to ring the bell and say that he fucking beat the cancer. Hell yeah. Hell fucking yeah. Boom, boom, size!

Instead of, he wrote Houston, we, and then added a don't. Yes, he did. That's fucking cool. Houston, we have a problem. And then to be like really clear, underneath the problem he wrote with that cancer that I had before. It was a run-on. Knowing my father is a run-on sentence. Just want to make sure the message is clear. When he wrote the don't, he didn't add the apostrophe. Yeah. Right. Don't.

Yeah, he forgot the N. Dot. Houston, dot, have a... What the fuck does your shirt say, dude? Houston, we dot have a problem. He's like, I'm high as fuck. That shit's important. It is. That shit's important. Well, that was the one thing that my dad asked. Like, you know, because I don't know if you guys have had parents with kids. This is funny, but...

No, dude. So, like, we had, like, a notebook full of questions that we're asking the doctor, right? And it was just all, like, serious questions. I can't remember any of them now. But we had all these questions, and we're asking one after another. And it was COVID time, so we weren't allowed to be there. So we're Zooming in, and we're just asking all these questions, my sister and my mom and myself. And my dad doesn't ask a single fucking question until the very end. And he's in the office with the doctor. Smoke weed every day. Sorry. Sorry.

And he goes, I got a question. And the doctor was like, what's that? And he goes, can I...

Smoke weed every day. Just getting ready for it. That was all right. I was legit getting ready and my finger touched it and I'm like, fuck. And then we were like, dad, you have fucking lung cancer. You can't smoke weed every day. Obviously, that's a dumb fucking question. We're really mean to our dad when he has cancer. You fucking idiot. I hope the cancer wins. It seems like an insane question to ask. It seemed fucking dumb.

bonkers. Yeah, but you understand where he's coming from. Oh, I do. I get it, dude. Can I do my happy thing, doctor? Dude, I love numbing the pain. And I was like, the doctor's going to say no, and then he goes, I don't see a problem with that. I'm like, right. What kind of dope-ass operation they running here at MD Anderson? Yeah, because marijuana fucking rocks, bro.

Okay. I love it. I truly love it. I get it. You're wearing a hat with the emblem on it. That's right, but it's kind of cool because it's arugula leaves. You know what I mean? Available in our shop. That's what makes it kind of cool and not just cool. Right. Do you think that the doctor was coming from an angle where it was like...

Yeah, man. Because maybe the odds were not great. So he's like, smoke it up, dude. Well, then I feel like he would have been like, fuck it, do heroin. Yeah. But he didn't ask that. That's usually what the doctors do. They immediately go to the hardcore drugs. You like driving without a seatbelt? Go fucking nuts. You just take the Zoom and you're like, I think we're done here. Yeah.

We're good. Dad, exit the office. No, because I think it was like a beatable cancer, so I think they were just giving good doctor advice. Smoke weed. Turns out weed is dope and doesn't give you cancer. Smoke weed every day. I like it when the thing that you want to be true is actually true. I know. Hey, cue the confetti. Whoa, what was that? We had more plans. We had the budget for one piece, and I go...

I go, 11 minutes into the show, if you could just drop it. It was actually from when you were talking about beating cancer. It just took that long for that thing to float down. I was like, as soon as I bring up my dad beating cancer, hose that confetti down. And then the guy up in the Raptors goes...

Damn. I wish we had the Forrest Gump soundtrack music to display as it was coming down. Yeah. And actually, we do need that back. We need that piece of confetti back. So yeah, if we can just... Yeah, because we have to bring this to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Yeah, we gotta...

That's going to actually travel with us to Ben Salem, Pennsylvania in a week. They're going to go wild for that. Will you just play the Forrest Gump music? No, let's see if we can remember it. Is it...

No, that's Rudy, dude. I know. I did Rudy, too. It goes down first, though. But I think it's the same composer, just... No, probably not. Goldsmith? Jerry Goldsmith. That was the shit when I write. I put on some Jerry Goldsmith, Rudy soundtrack. Yeah, I get it. Takes me away, dude. I get it. Right. Ders, what should I even... I should look for the score, correct? Yeah. Okay. I believe it's called Sweet. Sweet? Like, I'll let you figure out how to spell it. Like, S-U-I... Can you do it?

Guys, I think we need to... Can you spell sweet? We need to try to remember what it sounds like. Well, we know it. We just did it. Do you know? Oh, that's... You got this. Oh, my God. This is really beautiful. My name is Forrest Gump.

Dude, that's the alternative trailer when the guy cutting the trailer was like, I actually did something kind of fun with it. I think you're going to like this. Right when his braces pop off his legs, it's like,

The editor sits back like this and just like... Enjoy. But also, every fucking trailer has a flip on a song nowadays, right? Do you guys notice that? Every fucking trailer has a flip on a song. We're so high right now. What the fuck are you saying? People are lazy.

And they're all doing flips on songs. Well, it's like a slow, scary song. If you don't agree with him, he'll attack you. No, no, it's okay. What happened to your shoes, buddy? I forgot them. Wait, what? You don't have shoes on? No, I didn't feel like fucking wearing them, bro.

I just didn't. I was feeling the vibe. Honestly, it's because I wanted to do the flare, do the breakdancing move, and I thought I'd get clipped. So I thought the rubber would clip and I'd break something. So it's been about 20 minutes. You want to see it again? I would love to see it again. Houston, we have a problem. To the Forrest Gump? Yes. To the Forrest Gump.

Tune up to Forrest Gump. Yeah, you got it. Because it'll be inspiring as fuck. Which side? I need to do one side. I'll go over here. Maybe go on this side. You went on that side earlier. Okay, here we go. No, don't just get into it. Make sure... Hit us with an interpretive preamble, yeah. Wait a second. We've got to get to the meat of the song. Okay, here we go. There's not much meat to the song. What's going on here, Merrick? God damn it.

There's no meat in the fucking song. It's sweet. Well, there's some meat, dude. There has to be some meat. I wouldn't touch the keypad. Whatever. Wait, you do the scroll thing backwards? What are you fucking talking about? He scrolls down to go up.

Okay, you got it. No, I don't you were upside down Wait, don't come on. Wait. Wait. This is your moment. I'm just trying to hear it dude Houston deserves better than this. Hey Houston. We have a problem here. You know what? What do you want me to just do it? No Here we go. Here we go, dude. You know what? There it is. He's gonna go right off the stage

Go, go, go, go, go, go. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Yes, dude. Yes, Kyle. I mean, body by pickleball. Dude. My time. Yo. Honestly, Kyle, a lot of it is really good, but then when you hit this part where you're kind of like, bruh, what is that? That's the hardest part, Playboy. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm not going to critique it at all. Yeah, I won't knock it because my body is crumbling. So...

Yeah, dude. I'm just going to pace. You guys are good? If you don't start leaving every Hollywood meeting doing that, like just that's how you back out of the room. Did you guys ever break dance at all? Do you remember the warm up where you're just like, all right, here we go. That's my favorite part. That's the only part I can ever do. Oh, no. You got it? Right. My favorite part is like in high school. In our high school, it was like 98% white kids and then 2% Asian kids. And all the Asian kids. Yeah.

breakdanced. Sure. Yeah. Those 2% were phenomenal breakdancers. Right. And who the fuck is this guy? Oh. Hey, look at that. Hello. You brought him a towel. Thank you. I thought we fired that guy. Show us your nipple. Oh!

I don't like you guys telling me so much. So that was your breakdancing exposure. Yeah, and my favorite thing was they would put on little fucking breakdance shows in the hallways during passing periods. Oh, yeah, dude. And then you would go in, and I would always do the bit where it's this, and you're like, okey-dokey. Yeah, yeah. And then you time it to where the bell is about to ring. Right. And you're like, oh, shit. Oh, man.

Fuck, I gotta get out of here, dude. Wow, dude. And then Ice Cube says, run along. Deep cut reference. Check it out. What is it? Still prescient. What are you saying? Oh, yeah. Ice Cube's in that movie? Houston, we have a problem. Jesus. My job!

Did you guys have any breakdancing exposure? I feel like just Kyle. I was going to say, dude, you watched me do that a lot. I don't remember you ever having that move. I don't remember you having that move. Have you had that in your back pocket? I've had it since about 7th or 8th grade. When's the last time you did that? The last time I did that was probably like fucking 9th grade or something. You know what it was? So you had it since 7th grade, but the last time was 9th

I think what happened was I went to high school and I tried it at the first homecoming dance. Everyone was like, you're a bitch. I was not good enough to be a part of the people that were doing that. I was horrible at it. I flopped around. I liked it, but...

I have bad taste, also. I thought I had a memory of you doing it for a talent show, but you never busted that out in front of a crowd of people, right? Well, that was a talent show. Did you do it? We used to have a rap crew called Sugar in the Raw. It was a Czechoslovakian rap crew. Yes, that's true. Sounds pretty exclusionary. It was. It's a whites-only rap group. Yeah, looking back on it, it's not a good idea.

Adam was breaking down the percentages of the races at his school also.

We were just really standing up for our Czechoslovakian heritage, dude. White pride, for sure. White pride, white pride. But you didn't have a little breakdancing moment during our talent show? Maybe I did. That would have been like ninth grade-ish, so maybe it was then. I don't remember doing that, though. I just remember not being good at dances. I just remember being like, oh, shit, I got to stop. Like school dances? School dances. Yeah, like homecoming dance is where I think I was like, oh, I'm back. Dude, I like that you guys had to...

be good at the dances. I was only exclusively trying to finger bang and buy weed. That's exactly... I wanted the principal to get on the microphone and say no hands on buns because of me. And he never had to, but that was the goal every year. Did they walk around with a little ruler and be like, you gotta be far apart if you were trying to freak dance with a chick?

A ruler? Yeah. For me, they'd be like, you got to be a foot apart. And I was like, I know exactly what that is. Donkey! Okay. Hey. It's like three or four of what I'm familiar with. It's like four times the size of my dirt.

Don't worry. I know exactly what that means. When you guys go pee now and you look down, do you just kind of go like, this is better than the show The Curse, right?

I didn't see the show The Curse. Spoiler. There's a small dick that's shown. Oh, really? Part of it is about a micro penis. Yeah. Well, that's our whole show. That's Blake's whole personality. That's my... Hello, that's my thing. Guys, I'm not saying we weren't highly influential. I'm just saying now when I go pee, I'm like, well, just get a little bigger.

Get a little bigger than the curse. Why? Because you saw the micro penis and you're like, that's not that micro. Yeah. If you can see it, it's not that small. Yeah. Right. Like if that's the joke. I mean, we just talked about this, but I have a cold plunge at my house and I just got out of it and then I was trying to get in the shower and my wife walked in like right as I'm butt naked getting in the shower and she looked at my dick and she goes, oh my God. Yeah.

Never a good thing to hear. No, she was like, oh my God. I'm like, what? They're going to have something on me. Is there a fire? She was like, your dick is so small right now. Okay. Yeah.

Well, you're pregnant and your tits are huge. So there. She was like, yeah, okay. Epic slam with your awesome huge tits. For richer or for poorer in sickness and in health, for bigger or for smaller. There you go. Dude, they need to amend the Bible. Or where do they read from when they say that? The Bible? Like, what is that? That's like your vows, bro. You kind of do that. The Bible, dude. I think it was Dr. Seuss.

What you think on, like, Kyle's vows. Yes. This atheist motherfucker. Well, hey. He's coming around. I'm coming around. He read Bible verses? I believe that Kyle, yeah, for sure. You had to say something from the Bible, right? You read scripture. At my wedding? No.

No, I didn't read any scripture. You weren't there, dude. You stood by me. You stood in my wedding. Were you not paying attention? We were all standing in our fucking line. All of you were there. He quoted Everlast in his vows. Yes, that's right. He said, and then you really might know what it's like. Yeah. Right, right. We actually all quoted Everlast in our vows, dude. It was like, it's so weird. I stayed up all night quoting Everlast, and you did the same thing? No, I quoted Bubba Sparks. I said...

He found you, Miss New Booty. And that's when I knew you were the one. So you were speaking in the fourth person? Is that what that is? If you say he, are you talking about yourself? Is he at his wedding or is he speaking at my wedding? I'm at Kyle's wedding. So you're at Kyle's wedding and you decide to talk. And then in the middle of the ceremony, you say, he found you, Miss New Booty. Yes. Yes.

Am I remembering your wedding wrong? Yeah, I guess I forgot that part of the ceremony. That would be the coolest part of the wedding video if I had to watch it ten years from now. Just Blake fucking so hungover, almost asleep. In the words of the episode. He found you. Miss New Booty? I want them to burn my wedding video. Them?

Them, the people that have the wedding. The government. The government that you have to send. Aren't you – are we back to – are you them?

Are you speaking to the fifth person? It's the guy, the videographer that made the fucking video. He has a copy. And then my wife. Yeah, fuck that guy. Yeah, for sure. Fuck him, dude. Because he captured all these intimate moments that I'm like, yuck. I'm being very genuine in front of my family and friends. You watched it? Destroy this. I haven't watched mine yet. No, I walked in and Chloe was watching it one day being like, we got our video. And I watched it and I was like, I just love you. Right. What?

well, why did you cry about it? You mean the world to me? And I'm like, what a pussy. I know. I remember doing it. Like, look at all these emotions that I'm spewing. You can tell people like the sand kicked up in your eyes. I kept saying that. It's the sand. Yeah. Yeah.

I love you. It's just a ton of sand in my eyes. And then I threw a tarp down and asked someone to break dance. Yeah. It's not tarp. It's linoleum. Oh, is it? Well, yeah. Because you can't just break. There's cardboard, right? You can throw some cardboard. Oh, I thought you said a tarp. I did say tarp. Okay. So now what's happening? Tarp's not going to work. I'll tell you from somebody who just did it. Tarp's going to get wrapped all up in your body. It's going to be fucked up. Yeah. I just covered that. Just physics. All right. I'm here for you, too, bro.

Yeah. Yeah. If it was like a tarp, it would be like falling into a pool that has like a cover and you would immediately drown and all that. Yeah, it'd be like that, except on land. And I don't know if what you're talking about would happen. He would wrap up and he would die. He would drown in air. Oh, you're saying I would end up being suffocated in the tarp. That's the word I was trying to get to. Okay. Suffocated. Yeah, but I say drown on air. Houston, we have a problem.

Have fun.

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Who would die sober on accident doing something on land? On land. Why is it me? Okay, so I guess let's have an audience participation for this. Okay, we're going to do each person. You're going to clap or cheer. So let's start over here. Who thinks I would die? Sober. Okay. It's really cool to see people quiet, like to be like, I'm not, I'm not, I'm waiting. I actually don't think I have mine. And by the way, if you didn't think Blake...

You are wrong. He's already drunk. Well, he was drunk. Yes, and I did say sober. Blake would for sure be the one to die if he was drunk. It's a miracle you're alive. You're a fucking disaster, my guy. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Anders Holm. He's a pretty safe kid. I agree with that. No, you cannot drown. I said land, you fucking idiot.

Shut up, bitch! I'm just kidding. You seem like a cool dude. Alright. Everyone shut up. Everyone shut up. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, Kyle Nwachek. Alright. That checks out. Okay, now, last but not least, me, Adam. Whoa. So far and away.

I think they're basing that on how many trips you've taken to the doctor recently. They're like, we're just listening to the podcast. It sounds like you're slowly dying. Well, I am dying. Absolutely. My body is falling apart. My body's weary. But...

I thought it was like by an accident that you cause on land. I thought that's what it was. Well, would like someone shouted like you could choke on a whole chicken. You don't chew your food. Yeah, but I've proven that I can eat an entire rotisserie chicken and shit out the string and live to tell the tale. And he's eating those in the bathtub. But if you were so lucky, that string could have got caught in your...

See, it's not luck, dude. It isn't luck. My body's built for speed. His intestines have little biceps that just fucking flex that shit out. Well, have you ever seen the weird... My Instagram feed is fucking bizarre. It's science. I saw one the other day of this bear that was rummaging around a garbage can, and he just had a...

What do they call those? A tapeworm? Yeah. I was going to call it an earthworm gym. It's an earthworm gym. You get an earthworm gym. Toe jamming. Yeah. Hanging out of his ass that's like a mile long. Yeah. You can just have strings within you. Yeah.

And you shall pass them. Apparently it's very common that bears have those hanging out of their asses. Really? And they've been hiding it in like the National Geographic shit for just years. It's like how dinosaurs actually had feathers. Why are they hiding that? What is this? Because it's gross. But it's nature. I know, but like...

Trust me, if you're in production and you're like, we're going to make these videos, we're going to try and sell them to Disney, and then you show it to Disney and they're like, well, what's all those stuff coming out of their assholes? Why is there an entire jump rope hanging out of that bear's ass? Can we cut around that? There's just two little kids like... Yeah. Fucking Walt Disney himself's like... Yes, punch! Let's cut around that.

That's cool. So they just like, why don't they just airbrush all animals and just make them like super cute and sexy and shit? Airbrush? They just didn't show them with them out. Oh, I thought maybe they CGI'd it out. I'm talking... There's other bears, Blake. There's other bears that don't have shit hanging out of their asses. Durs framed it like they were actively trying to hide it. I think that they were trying to do is just not show those bears. Yeah, but then they would show those like dope...

Amazonian women that have their titties hanging down. What percentage were your high school with Amazonian women? Weirdly, 6%. In Omaha, Nebraska, there was a bunch of low-hanging, tittied. Remember how dope that was in elementary school? I guarantee all four of us did this, where you'd go and just be like, I'm really into National Geographic. Then you'd stare at these very...

very long droopy titties. Yeah, but that was just like the older ladies. Right. Hey, well, that's all they put in the magazine. I guess the young women were the bears with tapeworms. That was the... I bet you you're not far off. They're like, let's not show how beautiful the society is. Let's show the old, longest titties. Yeah. Yeah.

That was the hack to see titties at school, but now there's an even way better hack to look at titties at school. Everyone has Pornhub on their phones at like seven years old? And you've been hacked. You can do it at the library. You can literally see titties anywhere on a computer. It's called looking up

nursing videos. Oh, dude. You can see so many fucking titties, bro. Dude, I didn't even know that this was a thing that's real. My manager, he was like, yeah, dude, you guys have to get on fucking TikTok so we can sell tickets. Didn't work tonight. Where are your friends?

Where are your friends? So I get on TikTok, and I made a dumb TikTok. By the way, I posted, like, two videos and then gave up. But then I looked at TikTok for the first time, like, a month ago maybe. And one of the first videos, they must have just known who I am as a person, was just a woman with her titty out being like, and this is how you do it, ladies. And this is a proper latch. I was going to say, you're probably looking at, like, baby stuff since you're expecting. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And so it wasn't to show you titties. I like how Adam hasn't figured out that that's how the algorithm found him. He's like, this guy's got one piece of milk and jugs. Yeah. What a cool thing to expose to all the women here where it's like diabolical. Like, when you guys whip your tits out, we get a free peek.

And they're all like, Jesus Christ. Well, if they put it on the internet. If they put it on the internet. Yeah, but people also do this in public and they don't want to be like, oh, fuck. Now I have to inflate this tube around me so no one sees me. Yeah, what are those things at the airport? Oh, yeah, those little trailers. The little nursing cabins? Yeah, nursing cabins. You hide in those? Yeah, I was going to say, I sit and wait in them. Yeah. So.

It's like, huh, I got an hour to kill before my flight. I'll just sit in here for a bit. That's your United Lounge. Blake's recreating the scene from Me, Myself, and Irene where the woman's nursing, and then she looks down, and fucking Jim Carrey's like, I'm just a movie buff. Come back here. I like that. The few people that are here, I've completely lost, and I'm sorry about that.

Get him back right now. Get him back right now. I think that... Break dance. Here we go. Here we go. Let's see it. Here we go. Let's see it.

Oh, boy. Oh. Yeah. Not as good. And somehow less sexy. How do you do that? How do you spin the... You have to kick it. You have to kick it. No. It has to be a fluid moment. Very bad. Do you want to know or do you not? I actually want to know. Well, you fucking just basically like you have to do this part. He's going to throw the microphone. But then take it. Yeah. Yeah. You know how to do it. Oh, my God. Yeah. And then you flip around. Holy moly.

Oh my God. It was hard to do slow, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Yes. Yes.

Dude, you almost fucking landed in a pose. I also almost broke my neck, so I'm not going to do that again. Remember how we were like, who's going to die sober? I'm not sober, but I would have just died there. You almost landed in like a fucking pose. Yeah, and I think that is kind of a breakdancing move too, like stopping on your head and shit. Yeah, and actually the more I think about it, the more I take offense that everyone thought that I would die because Blake for sure would die.

But he's drunk right now. It was a sober thing. But he's always drunk. Yeah, that's the hack. I know, so he excluded himself from that one. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that is true. That's my life hack. You guys keep talking. I'm going to do a wardrobe change. Are you really? Go ahead and keep talking. Let's see it. What are you going to do? Don't worry about me. You guys keep talking. What are you going to do, baby? Mike Giles! Oh, my God. There we go. Giles.

Oh, yeah. I just want to party. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. There we go. Hot, hot, hot, hot. You got to take that to the apron, baby. And it's tucked. Your boobs are huge. And it's tucked. Hot, hot, hot, hot. God damn, that is a sick fit. And the backwards hat. And the hat's backwards, so you know I'm about to drop a flow. Did you do a talent show?

I don't take requests. Durs, what about that? Y'all ain't going to be able to do it? What's that from? Oh, yeah. So it wasn't a talent show, but we did a school song contest where like,

You had to take the first line of our school song from 1912 or whatever, and then you could turn the rest of it into whatever. So we basically ripped off or lifted Biz Markie's You Got What I Need. Okay. And so it was like an ode to the high school. And me and my homie, we rapped it. We had our friends who played in a band do the music in the back and play piano and all that shit. And it was tight. And we won. Yeah.

And then we came back my senior year and won again. It's not a big deal. I'm pretty sure no one's ever gotten it back to back. It isn't, buddy. Well done. By any chance, do you... But the best part of the story was the girl in the crowd screaming, Y'all ain't gonna be able to do it! Right before they started. He's got video of this. Yeah. But...

You did it. It was, we turned the crowd. So, do you remember the rap by any chance? No. Oh. I was about to get freaking hyped, dude. Yeah. Do you guys remember your fucking high school rap? Shut the fuck up. I think I remember our Czechoslovakian rap pretty well. Boom, bam, hot damn. Hickam the Czechoslovakians. We rock so we can make them like a pots of pans. And we just crossed that line that we drew in the sand. Whoa.

Dude, I don't remember. Hold on. Adam wasn't even in it. I didn't even go to their high school. I just knew that song, dude. When I first met them, they wouldn't shut up about their Czechoslovakian rap group. I remember him say, you best step up or take a jump back because Sugar in the Raw is about to attack. Yeah. Sugar in the Raw. He was like, dude.

The fact that fucking Death Row Records didn't swoop you guys up. We thought they would. We thought they would. It's mind-blowing. You lose! Wait, but just real quick about the shirt. Okay. Got it from my man Blazer. Yeah, thanks. I gave him a gift. And tucked it in. It is super long. Yeah, it's a tall tee. Houston knows about tall tees. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys remember that fashion? It used to be... Do you guys still rock tall tees like that?

I used to think it was so fucking cool. I worshipped Houston for a second. You did. You did. Yeah. You did. I was like...

What are some of the people that you worship in Houston? Like all of the Swisha House lineup. Okay. Ask and you shall receive. I gave Chameleon Air a shout out on Workaholics. Oh, right. Oh, we all love Chameleon Air. Did we pronounce it Chameleon Air on the show, though? Chameleon Air. Yeah. I used to ask my dad every Christmas for a grill from Paul Wall. He never got it for me. Wow. You got a Foreman grill. Is he still making grills? Can he? Yeah? Yeah.

That's fucking cool. Yeah. Paul's still grilling it up. Yeah, that's good. His teeth are just fully evaporated underneath his grills, right? You cannot wear a grill for 20 years without your teeth just disintegrating. Or is it protecting them? It's not. The grill is not protecting your teeth? I kind of thought it might. Yeah, like a grill in a car protects the engine. Well, you know how when you wake up in the morning and your breath is just foul? Sure. Sure.

Imagine if you're never able to open your mouth because there's a grill covering your teeth. But I don't know if you sleep with a grill on.

Paul Wall does, for sure. If Paul Wall ever takes his grill out, I'm fucking pissed. Oh, it's like an all-in kind of a thing. Wait, I was going to say, is it not permanent? Because I feel like the guy who did my teeth, my grill, he did Gucci Mane's grill or diamonds or whatever, like two weeks before my teeth. And it's permanent? What? What?

Your fake teeth? My Veneers. The guy who did my Veneers was like, you know, last week or whatever it was, I did Gucci Mane's mouth.

Love it. And I was like, Hollywood! I like that. I like that. My teeth are so tiny, little chiclet, like George W. Bush teeth. Yeah. I feel like I'm going to get to be 70 or maybe 60 and then just go all in on some fucking... Yeah. Yeah.

I'll be 69, dude. And then go all in on some fucking Joe Biden chompers. That'd be cool. Those are WMDs. Yeah, that'd be fucking cool. I thought you were going to say you're going to just get a sick ass grill that says like pay me or some shit.

No, I would rather just chew my teeth down because they're just gums. Yeah, okay. There's no way that's true. That's cool. As soon as he said the pay me thing, Adam went, okay, deny him, but remember to get that grill in 20 years. Well, no, I wouldn't say pay me. I would say, it would be like, shut up, bitch. Oh! You would just smile at an argument? That would actually be super hard. Yeah.

Why don't you just get it to say... Shut up, bitch! Mine would just say, feed me. Okay. Smile and fucking give me food. Why? Because you're so old that you're not able to feed yourself? No, because I eat in my fucking mouth. My mouth is what does the eating. Yeah, but you don't feed yourself? Someone has to feed you? This is when he's really old. He might be like... I chose 60s, and I hope by my 60s I'm not...

fully incapable of not feeding myself. It's not looking good, by the way. Hey, I was not thinking that... I was just thinking of it as a joke. Oh.

Don't try to be funny. If I learn anything from Bill Paston... Oh, yeah. He said stay in character and never try and be funny. That's right. Okay, so just fucking... R.I.P. Heed those words. Yeah, so fucking feed me. So feed me. Give me a Snickers bar. What up? Actually, give me a Snickers bar would be really sick. Give me a Snickers bar. Feed me a Snickers bar. Isaac, is it possible to get another motherfucking beer out here, dog? Let's just make it a round. Sick!

So where did you go today, Blake? I went to Screwed Up Records and Tapes. And is that, I didn't know anything about this. What is that? Surprise, we haven't fired this guy yet. Thank you. Show us your tits. Let's see them.

You're Jaime? Keep him covered. No one wants to see that. I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. Now that he's showing them, hey, do not show your fucking titties. You disgust me. No, sir, I don't like it. He showed his titties in Oakland in...

I know, it was crazy. There was three times the amount of people. But when Isaac showed his titties, they got up and walked out. It's the size of Texas. But screwed up records. Let's go, Cody. It's basically DJ Screw's store where it's still a monument to him. So this man, he's no longer with us. No, R.I.P. DJ Screw has passed. He's gone.

But basically, you know, he's known for doing Chopped and Screwed, like slowing down records. Which, dude... Back then, hoes didn't want me. Now I'm hot, they all want me. Back then, hoes didn't want me. Yes, points! Which, I have always wanted... If you guys don't know, there's a rap crew out there called The Wizards, all right? And they... Yes, yes.

It's crazy. They're from another realm. They're not even from this planet or this dimension even. Yeah, it's wild. And they have an album, I believe it's on iTunes, called Purple Magic. That's right. This year, bigger than Taylor Swift, bigger than Yonce combined. If you really look at the stats. And I've always had a dream to make a chopped and screwed version of the album called Purple Magic.

purple or magic. Yeah, that's true. It's true. So wait, you didn't have a dream to do that. You hoped that the wizards would have done that. I'm throwing it out into... I'm calling all realms. I know that in their realm, they don't have the ability to chop and screw because Toby told me that.

With all their magic and powers, they're not able to chop and screw? It's impossible to chop and screw in their realm. Yeah, they're like, if you guys could hit up DJ Michael Watts, that would be fucking cool. Yes. Yes. You know, so Blake, when you walked in there, did anyone recognize you? Were people like, oh shit. Wait, wait, wait. Blake, or were you very anonymous? Before we go to your story, I just want to just say, about chopped and screweding. Screwed. Chopped and screwed. It's science.

Here's what I'm going to say. Okay. And this is a compliment to DJ Screw. Okay. Because Chopped and Screwed music's not good. That's not true. You're tripping. So... You're tripping. Hot. You paused to say this? So what I'm saying is... It's like ten people going there. He's...

But so what I'm saying is that DJ Screw must have been super fucking cool to convince all of us that it was good for years. Wait, this is kind of trippy, bro, because it is fucking dope. And you're wrong. Mm-hmm.

That's tripping me out because you're totally wrong right now. That's tripping me out. I'm not real familiar with it because I only listen to early Blink-182 records. Honestly, that would be cool to hear that. So I don't really know the Chop and Screw music or the technology? Adam, it's just slowed down. Are you guys doing what you guys do do where we come to a city and you guys pander

to the city. No. A whole lot. The whole time you're like, my favorite place is Philly. No. My favorite place is Salem. I'll tell you right now, no, I'll stand up for Blake on this. Blake has, he turned me on to Why are you standing up for him? I'm saying both of you guys. Well,

He's obviously the bigger advocate of this, but he's played me Chopped and Screwed music for fucking like, whatever, 15, 20 years now. And I've always been like, whoa, this is fucking sick. It's dope. Well, do you have one queued up?

And it's actually, like, complex. It's a complex production thing. Let's not put everyone to sleep. Has anybody here actually, like, drinking lean as we speak? That would be fucking... That would be really guys. I will say... My boy Derek out there. I will say, if you're on a lot of lean, maybe it sounds good. It sounds normal speed. Which, by the way, I think I drink lean.

You drink lean? I think I accidentally drink lean with my night-night juices.

Oh, you make like a little bit of tea. With who? My night-night juices. Oh, I thought you said your night nurses. And I was like, you should hire new night nurses. I have multiple night nurses that put me to bed every night. My wife has two women carry me and put me in my bed. No, my night-night juice, I have a go-go juice, which I drink during the show. It's a Red Bull soda water and vodka. And then my night-night juice is soda water, Z-Quil or NyQuil.

And vodka. Yes. And am I basically drinking lean? Well, I think you're drinking like the more... Bitch ass made version? Yeah, the bitch made version of lean. I think that... Yeah. But also the one that will keep you alive. Lean quill. Because I think lean is really dangerous for all your livers and stuff. Shit!

Shut up, bitch. I think it's actually a little bit nerve-wracking. Shut the fuck up! I have only drank lean one time and I was so drunk I don't really know what the effects were outside of the alcohol. But lean is basically codeine, right? Is it codeine? Yeah. Yeah.

I fucking loved coding in high school, bro. Like, I was all about that shit. I loved coding, too. I was coding on computers. No, I really did. I loved that shit. Yes, points! It was, like, some of my favorite shit. So...

I just wanted to get that out there. So how was your day? What did you see there? Did you get recognized, I think, is what Adam wants to know. No, because the store just had two people in it, and they were really high out of their minds, and it was fucking perfect in that way. Yeah, that's great. I walked into a wall of smoke. It's mostly just T-shirts. And they're kind of angry that you're there. I love walking into a store like that where they're like, great. Boom!

A customer. Dude, I can't even front. They were actually super nice and very interested in where I was from. I'm like, I'm from L.A. And they're like, that's fucking cool. There was a dude from France here a couple of minutes earlier. And I'm like, what the fuck? France? Yeah. That's chopped and screwed French life, bro? Dude. I think the association, he was probably like E-L-L-E-A. They were so high, they were a little confused.

He was from Paris, Texas. Oh, yeah, yeah. There he goes. Hey, but that's points. Give the dude some points on that one. Yes, points! Yeah, that's fucking... He always forgets to give me the points. Yeah, but it was a lovely experience. I bought way too many T-shirts. I bought like seven T-shirts. Really? Yeah, yeah. Is that one of them? This is one of them. I got it today. Yeah!

I mean, I would love to hear some chopped and screwed music. I don't know. I do not know what it is. Did you get any tapes? I did.

That's pretty much the gist of it. You probably have to get kind of close to the bottom. No, sir, I don't like it. See, dude, I wanted to like it. I really did. I was like, the crowd, I know, they're kind of hyped because it's Houston-based and everybody was excited. But I'm not going to pretend that that was good. So the point is, it's just like someone gargling.

They take songs that exist already and then they just slowed them down and you listen to them slow. You guys are

You guys are ruining my life right now. Well, I guess maybe play a better one. I'm just saying that's how cool DJ Screw was. That everyone's like, this guy's so cool. I'm just going to go along with it. No, this shit's cool if you fucking click into it. Yeah, man. It's fucking cool. Yeah. You got to be fucked up. Well, see, the thing is I'm not on enough coding. Enough coding. Some. I'm on some. You are, yeah. A little bit. And I don't disagree. If you're near death...

I'm sure it's soothing or something. I wonder if that is the noise that you hear as you're going to heaven. Yes, everything starts to slow down. Everything slows down. You see your life flash before your eyes, but it's also kind of slow. No, I'm talking about. You're like, yes. The angel screw takes you to heaven. I like that. Please take me. Take me, daddy. So what tape did you get?

So there's this huge binder of fucking tapes that you flip through it. But I had like 20 minutes, so I'm like, dude, just give me your favorite. And he's like, I don't fucking know, dude. Here's number 10. Like that NuNu? No, no, no. It's old school. It's like some South Side shit. It's dope. I'm into it.

That's cool. Okay. All right. Yeah, I'm hyped. I can't wait to put it in my CD-ROM, which I don't have. You have a CD-ROM? That was the thing. I'm like, it's a CD, and I'm like, I literally don't know where the fuck I'm going to play a CD. Right. Oh, because they burn you a CD? Yeah, they got a CD. They burn you a mixtape. Yeah. Yeah.

My car was just destroyed, you know? So I had my car parked on the side of the street and some guy just... Yeah, the Camaro, dude. I was still going to send it. It's a Camaro convertible and someone smashed into it and destroyed it. And I was so excited to keep it forever because it was the only place I could listen to my System of a Down CD. Your compact disc. Yeah. Yeah. Wake up!

It's a fucking bummer. I had my booklet of CDs and I'm like, I'm never going to listen to this music because I'm not going to go on Spotify and type in System of a Town. It pops up pretty quick. Yeah, you come down with a second.

When System of a Down came out, it was like, this is like fucking our classical music, dude. This is fucking epic shit. I remember my dad being like, what the fuck is this shit? And I'm being like, you don't get it, dad. When angels deserve to die. Exactly. You don't get it because sometimes they deserve to die.

That shit's important. He's like, okay, fuck, dude. Just get out of the car and go to school. He's like, Jesus, just don't shoot up the school. What the fuck are you listening to? But sometimes angels deserve to die!

He's like, just find out if there's a girl named Angel at school because this could be a big problem. Houston, we got a problem. We got a big problem. My parents did have to come home one time and my dad got tackled and to the ground and they put cuffs on him because they thought I was a school shooter. What? Yeah.

Surprised I never told you guys this story. How have we never heard this story? Fuck it! This happened. My dad actually just reminded me of it. I kind of forgot about it. My friend over Thanksgiving he told me about this. Do

Dude, me and my buddy Zach, we would go and smoke weed at my parents' house because no one was home during lunch. Yeah. Yeah, you guys smoke weed? Smoke weed every day. So we were smoking weed, and then we had just bought a bunch. There was a period of my life when I was a senior in high school that I called myself the Rocket Man. What?

And not because I was a gay dude. But because I had a ton of rockets on me at all times. At a party, I would take a rocket and walk through the party and then throw it out the window. Is this a bottle rocket? They were more than bottle rockets. They were like the half-pound black cats. So they were a fucking real deal. Wait, but that's not a rocket. Half-pound? Okay, yeah. And so...

Do they shoot? A black cat is very specific. So you light them, and then instead of putting them in something, I was a fucking rocket man, so I would throw them up. Oh, I know what you're talking about.

Yeah. But you had to throw them just right or they would flip around. Adam, remember when everyone cheered thinking you would be the one to die on land? Yeah. Go ahead. Fair enough. So then we did it and all the middle school kids were playing down below and we were like, this would be so funny to blow up these rockets above their heads. Right. And we did it and we're smoking weed and the kids are screaming. Yeah.

And they all run inside, and they make an announcement, because the middle school's, like, right in our backyard, essentially. There's, like, a big hill, and then it's, like, their playground. So, like, a perfect vantage point. Yeah, a perfect vantage point. And then they were, like, you see the principal come out and be, like, everyone inside! And we're all stoned, and we're, like, this is great. Oh, my God! And then my sister calls, like...

And I pick up the phone and my sister's in middle school. I'm in high school. And she goes, oh my God, Adam, you hit someone in the face. I think they're blind. You have to get out of there. They're calling the cops. And I'm like, fucking Zach, let's roll.

And then I got in my convertible and I was like, when angels deserve to die. Let's go. By the way, my sister was lying. We didn't hit anyone. She was just punking me. How'd she know it was you? Because she looked up and saw us at our house. Wow, this is so weird. And then my dad comes home a half hour later. He forgets his keys.

He thinks the back door is probably unlocked. So he walks around the back door. The cops are in the backyard looking for evidence and they fucking tackle my dad. Oh, shit. And take him to the fucking ground. Evidence! Because they think he's a school shooter. He was the one making the pop, pop, pop sounds. Damn. Did they beat the shit out of him?

I don't think so. Okay, that's good. Damn, that's crazy, dude. Isn't it cool that after 20 years we still have stories that we're finding? This guy's breakdancing? You're a murderer? Technically, I didn't murder anyone. Your sister had a cell phone? What grade? No, she went to the office and called. Damn. Your sister had the wherewithal to see you go to the...

That's some real clever shit. Brittany Levine, man. Clever girl. She got school like that. Move her in a shaker. So you guys never had any point in your lives that they thought you were a school shooter? No. I knew you were going to ask that. I had to go to school being like, I'm first. They're coming for me first. Always be ready.

I'm living in a nightmare. I just have rehearsal for plays and shit, so that's... Yeah, we were just in drama. Yeah, we were theater kids. Yeah, doing like Czechoslovakian rap. Well, dude, I was doing that too, but then I also was...

Deep into pyrotechnics. Well, the cool thing about... Well, no. I fucked with pyrotechnics. I did. I just never thought... I never got confused for someone committing mass murder. Yeah. I... What was your... So he was Rocket Man. What was your nickname? I used to take bottle rockets and throw them into the pool because I thought it was the coolest fucking thing because they would still go underwater like... Right. And then we'd go...

Yeah. Like really fucking... I thought that was dope. And then we also had Roman Candles. Dude, you were fucking wild in high school. Yeah, he was. Do you remember Roman Candles? Where it goes... Yeah. Thunk, thunk, thunk. Oh, you think I forgot Roman Candles? What is this? They called me Rocket. Oh, oh, I haven't told that part of the story. We made... We put that...

Yeah, you're just kind of like pointing to your head. Sorry, sorry. You remember Roman candles that would be like... Yeah. No, I remember Teddy, we taped two of them on a helmet. Right. And he put the helmet on and it was like... Pointing up or like forward? Pointing up, pointing up. And he was like, fuck it, I'll do it. And so then we lit it and it was like... But then all of the sparks just fucking were like...

But yeah, it shoots out of the back. Yeah, it fucked him up. He got burned bad. I had a bad scar here for a while. It's not that funny, but it is funny. I'm a dumbass. I had a bad scar here, and I'm convinced that's why my mustache doesn't connect right here. Yeah. Because I held one of those big-ass rockets, and instead of throwing it, I was drunk at a party, and I was going to stand like this and have it shoot out. You guys, the Rocket Man's performing. Guys, hurry. The Rocket Man. The Rocket Man. Just said my one buddy, Kyle. He's like,

the Rocket Man's performing. And everyone's like, he's like, who? Yeah, Zach's just like, yeah!

Adam's really trying to get to catch him. And then these flames shot down and fucking burned the shit out of my face. Yeah, it's fucked up, man. Did you, like, have a costume made or anything? Like, a Rocket Man cape or something? No, dude, I'm not a bitch. I'm a cool-ass dude. I remember my brother would... For sure he did have some, like, sunglasses or something. I hope you had at least some sick Oakleys and were just like, Rocket Man's about to enter the building. No, that would mean I had eye protection and I didn't think that far ahead. That's true. That's bitch shit. And that's bitch shit.

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Warning this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical Should we do some hot topics? Let's do it baby. There you go. Hit me up. Houston Hot Topics! That was another song I listened to a lot in high school. Yeah, that one was fire. Oi! Oi! Disturbed? Yeah. Fucking kicked ass. Did they sing stupefy?

So stupefied, I'm back again. Rock. Rock. Yeah, something like that. Dude, the music, I'll stand by it. I'm sorry, my dad thinks the 60s and 70s had the best music. No. Dude, early 2000s. Early 2000s rap rock, I think we peaked. Yeah, come on.

Puddle of mud? She fucking hates me. Yeah, I can't wait until you're sitting at the, in this house, we listen to Korn, okay? I can't wait to be a grandfather and be like, back in my day, your mom and I met at a puddle of

She was a freak on a leash. Okay. I will say that the... Yes, points! He doesn't need any more. Not a Korn fan, but he did have the best microphone stand in the game. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Jonathan Davis ripped. H.R. Giger. Remember that video? He wore kilts, which was fucking cool. Remember that video where it was like a black dome and the bullet keeps coming through? Yeah. It was like anime style? Yes. Yeah. God, the live song!

And then he would just go, boom. Right, right. Do you remember they were like, the fucking... Back when music made sense, okay? But do you remember when they did the fucking nursery rhyme, just like, Mary had a little lamb! Mary had a little lamb! And everybody in the studio's like, we got a hit! Yeah. We got it!

The bridge is falling down, falling down. With the microphone. The engineer's like turning up the knobs. Yeah. Dude, what's he going to say next? Ring around.

Mary had a little lamb. And it's just like, jingle bells, jingle bells. They're like, no, no, no. Turn it down. That one doesn't work. One step too far. Houston. Topics. Get him, baby. Get him, baby. Felicity. Remember Lit, dude? Oh, dude. Remember that video with Pam Anderson and they're all tiny and they're on her naked? Creep through the front door.

Is that the song? Last night. No, I think it was, you make me come. Okay, yeah. You make me complete. Do not come. You make me completely miserable. I'm not trying to say I know what you guys are talking about, but I believe it starts with you make me.

Right? I'm gonna come. And then it's you make me come. Probably. It was fun to sing around the house and mom being like, no! Excuse me? Nuh-uh! I'm gonna come. Yeah, let me finish. It's on MTV, shut up. And then you quietly go, bitch. Right. I think it starts with you make me come. Ah, tap it! Let's go, babies. It doesn't.

Do you guys remember that Felicity Huffman finally speaks out about... Dude, I will say that my Spotify raps just came in, and it's, I mean, for everybody, mine's fucking embarrassing, dude. Sub 41 is number two. Oh, really?

What the fuck? I would not have guessed it. Yeah, that's a joke. But I think I was really standing up this year for Sum 41, and I constantly was going like, no, they're actually good. I'll play it. They've got some cuts. Right.

Obviously, it's pop punky, but there's some metal influence. Yeah, the doctor said my mom should have had an abortion. And your wife is just like, I just want to go to sleep, Adam. My back is killing me. Hot topics! Stupid. We can't. Felicity Huffman. And who was Everclear? Was Everclear one guy or a band? No, Everclear was Art Alexis, dude. It was how many people, though?

Dude, it was four guys. And, dude, I saw them, what, two summers ago in Charleston? And Greg Montoya was their bassist. Okay. So I knew that from just being a big, ever-clear head. What's the song, though, Father of Mine? Yeah, Father of Mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Father of Mine was the song he sang about not having a dad. He's like, my father gave me a name, then he walked away. Mm-hmm.

And I would sing it full blast in my room, and my dad would peek in and be like, you want to talk about something, bud? Yeah. You good? You good? I feel like I gave you more than a name. You good, bud? So Greg Montoya was the bassist, and I saw Everclear at a show in Charleston, and they get off stage, and I'm like, motherfucking Greg Montoya! And the bassist looked at me, and then I looked up quickly, and

He hasn't been the bassist since 2004. No. You knew the bassist's name. And then he goes, he was like, hey, I actually know you, man. Good to meet you. He knew who I was. This other guy who isn't Greg Montoya. Nice to meet you, Adam Levine, fucker. He hit you with that. Dude, epic slam. Those are fighting words. How does it feel? Those are fighting words. You do have the moves like Jagger.

In fact, I wish I was Adam Levine. Have you seen his abs? He fucking kills it in the DMs. Topics! You gave him a name and then walked away.

And my favorite thing about Adam Levine these days is just the lack of... He just has to have sunglasses on now. Does he? Yeah, he's turned into the guy who's always got the sunglasses on. He's trying to be the fucking Rocket Man. He needs to chill. Well, I feel like if I run... Because I ran into Adam Levine before and I was like, dude, my name's Adam Devine. Your name's Adam Levine. It's one letter off. I get...

So many times when you have a show, I get like they mix up the names and they're like, oh, my God, you're such a great singer. Oh, my God, I can't believe it. You're so good on the voice, blah, blah, blah. I'm sure you get that when I have shows and stuff too, right? And he looks at me and goes, literally never. Wait, but he goes like this. Literally never. Yeah, so. Don't case.

Fuck that guy forever. Hot topics! Felicity Huffman. What's happening with her? Go ahead. She's a human woman, apparently. She's an actress, right? Desperate Housewives fame. Finally speaks out about varsity blues. Admission scandal. Oh yeah, she was the lady that bought her daughter's way into college. She's a good mom. Is she married to the shoveler?

The William H. Macy? Yeah, what'd you call him? The Shoveler from Mystery Men? Yeah, Kyle has only seen a couple movies and Mystery Men is one of them. He's the Shoveler, he's the Cooler, he's a lot of things. I don't know if he is actually, but I know he's the Cooler. Did you say the Cooler? Yeah. You just said that. But is he the Shoveler?

All right, well, now we're actually in the hot topic, so we do have to talk about the hot topics. I just want to make sure I fucking do. So she finally speaks out about the Varsity Blues admission scandal after 11-day prison stunt. Oh, damn. Stint, right? Stint. Stint for bribing her daughter's way into college. I had to break the law to give her a future. What a dumb bitch. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah, the bitch. Huffman spent 11 days in jail for paying someone to fudge Sophia's...

SAT score. I had to look at SAT because I never took it. I was like, SAT? SAT score. Her SAT score. She says she felt there was no other option because she wasn't getting it. Dude, imagine your kid's so dumb that you... But also, also imagine you're like, there's not another option. How does she think there's not another option? You don't have to fucking go to school. Dude, when I didn't get great grades to get into an awesome school...

That was the option. Right. My parents knew the option. Community college. Go to a junior college. Where I met my fucking boy. Bro. Oh, shit. Life changing. Oh, shit. I wish I would have flipped over. Go Pirates. Fuck yeah. Go Pirates. I didn't go there. Obviously, just swim your way into college. Obviously. Yeah, or become a fucking stripper like a badass. What the fuck? But she's also like the daughter of...

Wealthy people. Yeah. Just kick it.

Right. Just ride it out through your 20s and then, you know, meet somebody, marry them, and run around. I guess she paid some guy named Rick Singer $15,000 to fudge her daughter's SAT scores. That's insane. In order to land her a place at college among a group of wealthy, famous parents. 15? Allegedly! 15, 15. Oh, that's worth it. I would actually... Yeah, that's not... Well, I guess because, I mean, I'm about to have my first child. Yeah, you are. And...

Get them. It could go one of two ways, right? Because my wife went to Columbia and I barely made it into a community college. Right. I actually had to take more math. I went to community college and they were like, your math isn't good enough. Right.

So it could go one of two ways. I didn't go to college at all. Yeah, bro. I didn't go. I know. I mean, I met you there, but then I left. You were there, yeah. People are legitimately shocked that we're uneducated. They're like, how did you do it? And we're like, I have no idea. We're actually really crazy. So then she was like...

They came into my home. They woke up my daughters at gunpoint. Again, nothing new to the black and brown community. What? I think you're reading... Is that a different story? A different story. No, no, no. This is the... Oh, oh, when they raided the house. This is what she said. They came in and they were like... And then she tried to like... No. Be woke in the moment. What did she say? Again, nothing wrong to the black and brown community. Which makes me...

like her even less. Yeah, but by the way, they break in and shoot. Go have it. Yeah, you dumb bitch. I can't wait until I work with her in the future. She plays my mom in something and I'm like, I am so sorry. And weirdly, she's like, I've listened to every episode of this. It's actually my favorite podcast. Yeah, it's crazy. And then she goes, you are so dumb. Yeah, and

And she goes, it just felt like I had to give my daughter a chance at a future. And so it was sort of like my daughter's future. She said that twice. She is so dumb. Which meant I had to break the law. What does she know? One word? Yeah, I guess... Dude, this is so fucked up. If my kid is really dumb...

You know, maybe I'm going to be an illegal badass. Yeah. And try to buy their way into things. But I hope I'm not. I hope I'm just a cool dude who's like, yeah, I got one dumb kid and hopefully one smart one. Yeah, let them be dumb. They can get smart when they feel like getting smart. But they can be dumb for as long as they want. I'm such a dork that when I was looking at the article and I saw the picture of the daughter like posing, her feet weren't even strapped into the rowing machine. Oh, damn. And I was like, clearly she's not even fucking rowing.

So you think it never would have got over on you. You would have been like, I see it. She wasn't even strapped in, but she was supposedly in the middle of rowing. Everyone here knows you've got to strap in to your freaking concept too. You absolutely do. Right.

Well, here's the weird thing is she goes, I want to really row. I want to go out on the water and row. There's one at the hotel. Let's do it drunk when we get back. On the water? Oh, no. No, I want to get in a boat and do fucking crew. Come down to my house, dude. They do it every day. I feel like that would be really fun. Chopped and crewed. So Huffman said she regretted the scheme. Yes, points! She regretted the scheme.

But felt she had no choice at the time because Sophia, who she previously said has a learning disability. Same. So, okay. And? Durs has one. Who doesn't? Would not have been otherwise accepted. Now Sophia is studying drama at Carnegie Mellon. Mellon? Mellon?

Carnegie Mellon? She's inside of a fruit? You've triggered him. He's thinking about breastfeeding. That is the name of the college, right? I have no clue. Did she shrink down and she's in a cantaloupe? I don't give a fuck! Do we have a negative point? You are a fucking idiot. Carnegie Mellon. Is it named after two iron or steel tycoons? Or Carnegie. That's probably not how it's pronounced. It is it.

Can I see the word? It's Carnegie. No, it's not. It is. No, it isn't. It is. There's only one way to find out. No, it's not Carnegie. It is. Because it's like the Appalachian Mountains. You think it's Appalachian Mountains, but it's Appalachian. Is it? It is. Oh, boy. Let me... Isaac, do you know how to say Carnegie? Carnegie? Like Carnegie Hall? Here, I'll do... What the fuck is happening here? Guys, I'll do the pronunciation right. Here we go. Ready? Ready?

Carnegie. That sounded like Carnegie. Sorry, Adam. You are so dumb! I think that bitch got it wrong. I thought I had read or I watched something on the History Channel and they kept saying Carnegie and I'm like, these guys are fucking idiots. And then... Oh, well that's just you thinking you're smarter than the TV. No, but then I was like, I guess they know right, so... Carnegie. You just said Carnegie. They were saying Carnegie.

Where do you stand on this? What's the next story? Do you guys remember that Sum 41 video? Where they're in a backyard party and you wish you were there? Hanging out drinking in the back of an El Camino. Hell yeah. So Woman Who Fled Amish Upbringing reveals that it's

Like to date in ultra strict community. What it's like to date in an ultra strict community. And lifts the lid on courting ritual called bundling. What? Yeah, that's like when you get cable and then like also high speed. Couples perform basically because they can't have premarital sex. And essentially what that means is this is something I see Kyle doing. I'm listening. This is something Kyle would do before he was allowed to finger bang. Oh,

They would get really close and then like tell secrets and talk and they're on the bed and they're talking really close. And then the guy would reach in and pull her really close and they would not kiss. Right. And then they would roll.

I'm going to come. That's the ritual? That's bundling? That's bundling. Wow. Yeah, but isn't that what you do do in middle school before you're allowed to finger bang? Yeah, allowed. Who allows you to finger bang? You didn't have a talk where your parents sat you at the table and say, you're officially allowed to finger bang now. No, an alarm went off in my house, and my dad goes, it's finger bang o'clock. Houston, we have a goblin.

Get them, boy. That sounds like normal bundling. I don't know. Isn't that just like on top of clothes making out? But they actually have to roll? Yeah. What's the role specific? These aren't like 15 year olds. These are like 20 year old people. Right. Rolling around. They're not allowed to kiss. Okay. Okay.

They may kiss on the cheek. Do not come. And then if he really likes you, he may kiss you on the lips. Oh, my God. Lucky girl. You can kiss on the lips. Well, actually, it makes me kind of go like, the Amish are sweet. Yeah. Not only do they make dope rocking chairs and cool fireplaces, they're also really just sweet, nice people. Yeah.

This does seem like a scene out of a dream in The 40-Year-Old Virgin where he finally meets the girl and then he gets on her and then they just roll around for two minutes just rolling around. And then give a kiss on the lips and they're like, I just busted a nut. Holy shit. You are so nasty.

Hit me with it, Blake. You got it. Daryl Hall accuses John Oates, this is Hall and Oates, of ultimate partnership betrayal and new legal filings. This sucks. Evidently some shit happened between them, but I don't even care about that. What I care about is... You can't go for that? Is what you guys would consider...

What would be the ultimate partnership betrayal? Yes, points! The ultimate partnership betrayal? Partnership, yes. Not whatever the hell you said. What did I say? Partnership? Oh, yeah, yeah. I also just said Carnegie, which apparently is wrong, but I thought Carnegie was the way we all say it, but that's the wrong way.

Hold up. What's another example of that? I think I said it. Appalachian Appalachian because it's Appalachian and no one says it that way. Is that like an accent thing? Maybe. I would say the ultimate partnership betrayal would be like if you guys filmed me taking a shit and I didn't know.

And if that's what Daryl Hall did... You're in for a surprise. If that's what Daryl Hall did to Jon Oates, I side with Daryl. Wait a second. Why does that matter at all? Because I think I have videos of you saying that. Yeah, I'm like, what? Then I walk.

What was that pantomime work there? That was my mic and my headset. And then my wig. And then my little baby dick. That would honestly be the ultimate partnership betrayal if you revealed to me that you had a wig. I don't think I could come back from that. Honestly, for me... I like it more. I don't think... Well, I would...

I would feel betrayed. For me, it would be like if we had an album on Spotify or Apple Music where one person uploaded it and it was making money because people were listening to it and then maybe they just didn't tell us about how much money it was making. Uh-oh. Me? No, I'm just... Why would you say me? Allegedly. You've received checks.

I'm not saying I haven't. I'm just saying that would be the ultimate betrayal. Oh, yeah, it would be. It would be in a different world. That would be bad to happen. Somebody had to do all the paperwork to get it up there. You know what I mean? Interesting. Somebody had to copyright it and do all that shit. Interesting things. Somebody made the choice to split it four ways exactly. You know what I mean? I don't think that's betrayal at all. You know what I mean? And I'm talking about old Toby.

And I'm talking about old Toby. What would your ultimate betrayal be? I don't know what it would be. I really am not... If you stole my wife? If we stole your wife? Yeah, if you tried to take my wife. I agree. That should be off the table, too. If we steal any of our wives, that's just not okay. No, in fact...

I'd be cool with it. Because we're keeping it in the family and I'd still get to visit her on little trips that we take together. No, but when you say steal your wife, are you saying I kidnapped her? Or that I took your girl? Like you took my girl. Oh yeah, that's fucked up, bro. I feel like that's a pretty universal ultimate betrayal between bros. You were trying to delineate between kidnapping or just like...

Winning her heart? And you're like, you can kidnap her. Do not win her heart away from me. I don't know if you've seen the best movie ever, Saving Silverman. I don't know if I have, actually. Oh, that movie is fantastic. I guess the ultimate betrayal would be if you guys murdered my mom. See? See? Yeah, you're right. That's not even a business. That's pleasure. Well, that, whatever. Just don't film me taking a shit. I don't want you to see that.

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So we got some hot cues. Or you guys have some hot cues. We got some sweet, sweet A's. Nathan Edwards asks, which one of you would make the best naked grandma?

Okay. The best naked grandma. Naked grandma! Blake wants to delineate. Now, is this like make ourselves or do we create one? Yeah, because I do need to know. Am I becoming first off? I think it's the old lady versions of ourselves. Oh, no!

Oh. I was thinking it would be me because I already have kind of droopy skin all over the place, so I already kind of look like a naked grandma when I take off my clothes. Yeah, you do. You do. I don't know. I feel like if you got some of that Halloween spray paint for your hair and just did my shit all gray, I'd be a pretty cool naked grandma. Yeah. I could see you being a great, but you're too bony for me. Okay. I'll say that. Naked grandma! Too bony for me. Too bony for you to what? Fuck. Fuck.

Why didn't you read the print on the question? So to me, I think it is Ders for me. Yeah. Because he's got a little meat on his bones. He's worked out. You know, he was a collegiate athlete, so it's going to droop in the right ways. For me, as I'm a naked grandma, I'm going to be like one of the, you're going to call me a broad. Yeah.

Right. It's science. You're like, look at this broad. You're a little card shark. I'm always going to be like, I have a cast iron pan. I'm like, what's cooking? Right. I'm always sizzling up some bacon. Right. You're like, what is it, Mama's Family? What was that show? Look at this broad. What is it called, Mama's Family with Carol Burnett? Yeah, that was a show. I thought that lady was my grandma.

She looked exactly like my grandma, and I was very young when it was out. So I just would look at the TV and be like, there's me, Ma. Naked grandma! You're a dumb kid. Nate Brown. Blake, does the curtain match the drapes? Oh, shit. Does your hair match your pew? You want to see it? You want to see it? Well, you want to see it? Hey, they keep talking about it. You guys keep fucking talking about it. Yeah, you won't shut up about it. Wake it up. Wake it up.

Yeah. Too bad he's fully waxed. Come on, it's right down there. Wake it up. It's right there. He's looking at it. Nah. Not today. Should we all go get waxed together? Oh, wait. Just to have done it. Not to make it a habit.

I would be down. Can you imagine him breakdancing fully waxed? What did you say? Do you want to get waxed? I feel like the only people that would need to be waxed is me and you because we're the only ones that have hair. With enough testosterone. Still pumping it. Natural style. I'm a dude. Cody Bowen asks, who is your favorite fighter of choice for Mortal Kombat?

That's a very good question. I love the guy with the flat brim hat, the Asian guy. Kung Lao, dude. No, but you're confusing him. You're doing a Liu Kang kick with the Kung Lao hat, Adam. Did he not have the hat? I thought he had that. Well, there's a couple guys. Kung Lao would throw his hat, but Liu Kang would go. Didn't Raiden have a hat? Raiden also had a hat. Adam's just saying thank you.

Things from the video specifically the kick is what I know the choice the one that I picked all the time that I would play Play as was Goro Goro the forums Like you had to beat the game and shit. Yeah, I'm saying tumble brag Okay, yeah Goro was my shit I

What about you guys? So, whoops. If I'm going to guess, you're a sub-zero boy. No, I like Scorpion, Get Over Here. Get over here! Frosty!

But I also like to think it could be Johnny Cage. Because he was just so kind of normal looking and just had sunglasses and biker shorts on. Yeah. I feel like the game developers ran out of ideas. Like there's Striker. He's just a cop and he just shoots you. You're like, what the fuck is this? Oh, yeah. I wasn't a huge... I like Virtua Fighter. I just thought the graphics of Mortal Kombat, albeit super violent, cool, but it was like school shooter kids who liked to play it. Because the graphics were just like... The punches were just like a dude going...

But Virtua Fighter and Tekken, it was like three fucking D. What a hater. Was Tekken where you could do like that old man who did drunk style? Yes. That shit was fucking epic. I'm Baraka with the fucking knife. Baraka. Obviously. You also. Hella combos. But you had to do something to get him too, right? No, no. He's a character. Was Vega? Was Vega? He's not in the OG. Not in the OG. So Camelo Vermittis. Okay. Camelo. Camelo.

After the Oakland show, does Adam realize how much nicer and happier he is without Durs around? Toasty! Shut up. And also, whatever happened to Let's Stop, Let's Go? Yeah, I still don't like it.

I just did a commercial for the NFL and for Amazon, and they constantly kept coming up to me and being like, and at the end, just scream, let's go. And I'm like, nah. And they're like, it'd be really great if you were like, let's go! And I'm like, I'm not going to do that. Let's go! Do you think it was a passionate fan of ours who was testing you, and he went home to the delegation and was like, he didn't do it, you guys? Yes. From the looks of this guy...

No, he wasn't. It'd be really great if you said let's go. Let's go. Let's go! Susanna asked, did Adam actually get his belly button pierced during the episode when you guys switched dealers? And the answer is no, but I did get a Prince Albert. No! No!

Which is the piercing through the dickhead? Yeah. Sick, bro. Blake's pretending he doesn't know from blowing it. I don't know from having five of them. My dick is just metal. When this dude walks, it sounds like Santa's arriving. But I do remember when we filmed that, you wanted to do it. During filming, you were like, let's just do it, let's film it. And people were like, no. No.

Do you remember saying that? I do. Well, yeah, because I always am like, let's just keep it real, Bim. Yeah, Adam is messy as fuck. Adam was drunk almost every day at work. Let's just keep it real. Let's keep it real, Bim. So Chase Thorne asks, does Durs really have a tan dick?

Hashtag no homo, and he wants people to know that. No homo. Hey, and great questions, guys. Great questions. All dick related. Thank you, Houston. You know what's really gotten under my skin? My foreskin specifically. Okay, let's go. Yes, punch! I saw some video the other day of some girl saying that white dude's dick looked like raw chicken. And I was like, no! Yeah, kind of.

Alright. I disagree. I think it looks like fried chicken. Because of all the bumps and the weird abnormalities on it. And the scabs and stuff. Your dick looks like fried chicken? Yeah, because of, like I said, the bumps and the weird scabs and the flaky parts. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Right, guys? Yeah, dude. Absolutely, man. We stand in solidarity. Adam thinks his nickname in high school was Rocket Man. Everyone's calling him the Colonel behind his back.

Hey, what's up, drumstick? Yeah, fuck it. I'll give myself a punch. Yes, punch! What was the worst fight between you all? Like, whose ass was beat the most? What is this? I think you guys just covered this. No, we never really... I mean, me and you have fought a few times, but none of us ever hit each other. No. It was like Kyle would get drunk and then swing, but his swings were like...

It was very Goro-like. My fighting style is Goro. That's true. I feel like we never had any true throw-down drag outs. Yeah, it would be cool if we were just beating each other's asses all the time. Yeah, I think we would fucking wrestle drunk and naked, but that was nothing. You know what I mean? You don't remember that? Maybe it's just me and Blake.

What? No, sir, I do not. Oh, no, we just got really close and then just rolled around. Bro. That's right. I remember. It's called bundling. Fucking grow up. We bundled. Dude, you're telling me to grow up? Yo, guys, roll on out. We got a case of beer. We're probably going to do some bundling. See you in 20. Yeah, well, me and the homies are about to bundle tonight. You might want to pull up. So Jose Pena III asked, can you...

Basically, he's asking, can you unleash the Ders real quick? Okay. I mean, are we just talking about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me a hell yeah. Yeah. That's really good. And now I won't be able to talk tomorrow. Big Tex asks, will y'all be on Dancing with the Stars or Masked Singer first? Well. And then in quotes, Adam.

Wait, so he said y'all, but then Adam? Yeah. Okay. I'm not going to be on Dancing with the Stars because my knees would fucking explode. I know for a fact. But I mean, I guess watch the next season of Masked Singer. Ooh. Ooh. Someone's dressed as a giant burnt marshmallow. Oh, shit. Ooh.

Do they have break dancing with the stars? Damn. They should. I don't want to out myself. I don't want people to be like, he's not that good of a singer. Why is he doing it? Ken Jeong is being like, well, it can't be anyone from Pitch Perfect because they're better singers. It's definitely not a professional singer.

I want to do that Special Forces reality show. What's that one? It's just like celebrities and housewives. I think celebrities is a pretty loose term. Yeah, that's why I threw in housewives, reality people, and then a couple pro athletes. And what, they drop them in Afghanistan? They go through the Special Forces training in one week. Fuck yeah. And they have to swim and run and hold their breath and listen to babies crying. And I'm like...

This is what I do every day. They're like, okay, now you have to waterboard a person. What? Yeah, so peel his fingernails off. What the fuck? Yeah. I'm off the show. I'm out. And Ders is like, I won that shit. Yeah, I took home the gold. I'm spitting out fingernails like... Landry M asks, Blake, be honest, do you really like buzz balls?

The cause of diarrhea. Yeah, I do. I fucking love them, dude. Yeah, nice. The cause of diarrhea. They're not paying you anymore, dude. You can be honest with these people. They fucking suck. Dude, I like them. I think they're fucking delicious. He's a good actor. He's a really good actor. You think they're delicious.

I don't have a problem with them. Don't have a problem is different than I think they're delicious. Very different statements. Hey, they're liquid that goes into me, guys. I mean, I'm also not like... I don't have a problem with black licorice, but I don't think it's delicious. I was like, where is this going?

Honestly, I love buzz balls. I love the way they make me feel. You're lying. Camila Varga, she asks, how fat are y'all? That's a great question. Pretty fat. I did my BMI today because we were talking about it. I'm officially obese, y'all.

Your boobs are huge. This is obesity. He's the size of Texas, sir. Yeah, I don't know how fat I am. Kendall K asks, if Adam could pick one of the other boys to be in Pitch Perfect, who would it be? My job! Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Thank you. It's not for singing. You'd just be some hot eye candy. Okay, hello. We'd call you unicycle. You're always shirtless on a unicycle. I guess I have to re-watch these movies. What the fuck is happening? Dude, it's real sexy. I would kind of like to hear a little bit more of a premise of Pitch Perfect 4. Is Blake the main adversary or is he just a guy who goes by? He's a guy in the D.

Deep, deep background. That's cool. And you don't even notice him on the first and second and third watch. Yeah. But that fourth watch, you're like, who's that half-naked man in the deep background on a unicycle? If you watch it four times. Yeah. That's me. And I got a spinoff. Thanks, Paramount+. Yeah. Now that'd be...

Dude, that'd be Peacock, okay? Peacock. Not Paramount Plus. You know what I read today? Just to go back to dun-dun-dun. I guess Paramount Plus' stock went up 10% today because there's rumblings of Apple Plus bundling with it. And I'm like, is Apple going to start just making Blackberries? No.

What kind of business move is that? They bring back Brick Breaker. That'd be kind of sick. Try it again. Brick Breaker. The whole sentence. I guess Paramount Plus is advertising on our podcast. We have to put a stop to this. Yeah, yeah. People have said there's commercials for Paramount Plus on your guys' show. They're juicing the stocks, people. You lose! I think it fucking sucks, guys. I'm with you. But I mean, I do love Apple Plus. I think it's a pretty cool app that people should get. It does rock. Godzilla...

Any takebacks, any apologies, any epic slams, boys? Takebacks, apologies, epic slams. I'm sorry I ever doubted Kyle's dancing abilities. Unbelievable. That's pretty elite. Thanks. When we came out here and we saw 30 people, I was like, holy shit. And then you broke danced it. I broke danced it. And I was like, we're going to rock it.

And I would like to, I was shitting on the size of the crowd. Even though there's over 1,000 people here, it feels small because it's a huge theater. It's a huge theater. And if you're listening to the podcast, there's 5,000 people here. Up to 10,000 people here. You guys were small but mighty, and we thank you, Houston. Thank you. Thank you, Houston. Yep.

Any take backs? Any apologies? Because I got some epic giveaways right here. Yeah, I'll double. Remember how we did double downs at the last show? I'm going to double down on Chopped and Screwed. Not great. Wow. DJ Screw, he's a hero. And I will triple up DJ Screw. I'll fucking rock with him forever. Screwed up. Click. I'm not shitting on DJ Screw. I'm shitting on Chopped and Screwed. Let's go. But we got some giveaways. Yeah, man. Who wants some giveaways? These are shirts. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I got this side of the car. I'm going. Oh, dude. Right in front. No, right here. This is going deep. I want to go deep. All right, it's going. Damn, nice talk. Thank you, Houston, so much. We had such a great time. Thank you so much. We really appreciate you guys listening to the podcast. Come here, baby. This is another episode of This is Important. Thank you all so much. We love you all. Thank you. Thank you, guys.

I'll be that potion mixing spell, casting dragon, riding lizard. Got a three-foot hat with a six-foot fin, it's only getting bigger. Put a staff up in my hand, and I'll shrink you down to size. All I need is a tail of a newt and some platter plus size. I cast respect.

Them titties get bounced. Oh, don't feel it. Which only wizards get pronounced. Give me my book. Give me my cauldron and something to cook. I'm a crazy ass wizard. I ain't gonna die. Trust me on that. The media tried. Don't break down. Just move on.

Oh

I'm a wizard bitch, you can't defeat me Cause I'm a predator too, like Danny Glover on a GT And when I rap son, I cast spells And when I'm banging your wench, I make it rain like hell

Yes I did, and I'll do it again I'm from the city of wind We keep our winches on bend You can lock me up, but I'll break out Whistle for my dragon with the diamond saddle paved out And then we hit the club, and then we tip the potion Ayo bitch, spray on the lotion And now I'm at the rough

Oh

We all know, nonsense to us, cause we the number one social goals. Four balls of that, made it, bangin', postin', pop the dragon and the three-legged bulls. And now we postin', is it still? We die, we die, we die, we die.

Is that crazy ass made walking out the goblin fortress with my loaded 12p

Flying on a dragon, you be riding in a rainbow While you dance up in the club, I suck a glitter element Bow down, you hit, show this wizard respect I'll need to bust you with the staff, or I'll blast you with the jack Look at that cool Harry Potter, he ain't nothing but a bitch Acting like a little girl, might as well call him witch I'm a wizard, I'm a wizard

You can tell by these nuts, and I'm throwing out spells, cause I know so much. I am the best, always down for a quest, and I never leave the castle without my bulletproof vest. We have a friend as you can see. I'm a W-I-Z-A-R-D-A. Oh no, oh no, wizards can be all known. Listen to us, cause we've been known.

We are always down to fly. We fly, we fly, we fly. We fly, we fly, we fly.

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