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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This Is Important. The broths are delicious. Have you ever tasted your own gum? I'm going to give you a pro tip right now. Try buzz balls up your ass. Can you give me a heads up next time you do something like that? Fucking squirrels.
And here we go. St. Louis! Here we go. Whoa. One, two, three, four. Whoa. That was good. And ladies and gentlemen, that's what we call a wuzz ball. Okay. Wait, wait. I'm not even on the board yet. Let me get that some fucking points, dude, because that was so good. God damn.
That's a was ball. Did you get the points up? I'm already having technical difficulty. Just give me a fucking second. That's all right. All we got to do is say, Saint-Louis. Yes. Saint-Louis in French. Nobody? Saint-Louis. Nobody. I'd like to immediately say sorry to the people that are directly behind these speakers. Whoa. They dig it. We got to get you some t-shirts or something. Is it an issue? Yeah.
You know what? It's just like the podcast. All you have to do is close your eyes and thank God you're not us. And go, God, they don't know where countries are, how to spell things, how to pronounce any word. We're real dumb. Yeah, it's hard. So just take yourself to that place where you're like, thank God I'm not these dumbasses. I get a lot of people that are like, well, what is the live tour all about? I'm sure you plan things.
Oh, yeah. Nope. They're just as dumb. They're just like us. We could. Really dumb. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, we've got the four. Oh, shit. Dude, it's the reggaeton version. Damn. I've never done that before. That was pretty fucking cool. That was cool. Thank you. No, that is Kevin Federline. Yeah.
He released a song called Popo Zao. In like, what, 2004? I mean, they know. They know. I feel like a lot of people have no fucking clue. Nah. And we just play it all the time and they're like, I guess I'm into it. I don't know. I guess it's fine. K-Fed, we are in the motherfucking house that Nelly built. What? This is true? That's fine. Wow.
I can talk about K-FIT, dude. I'm not saying Nelly sucks. We got the footwear. Oh, nice shoes. Yeah, you guys see these? We got that. We did that. You see all these old things? When does the song start? When does it start? I think it's a little build up. It's a lot of build up. I need the music now, though. Oh! Oh! Isn't that a dance? Oh!
Oh! Dude, I'm... All right. I have a question. I miss... And that's enough of that. I truly miss that generation of hip-hop. I know. That was a fun time in our lives. Because you can't... I mean, I know I'm sounding like an old man, but I don't understand these kids anymore. I know. With their mumble raps. And their scissor...
They're sipping too much scissor, to be quite honest. It was easy when it was just about the shoes, man. Dude, you let me know that these are the shoes I have to wear if I'm going to be part of Nelly's Click. Yeah, you need two purrs. Let's get them. Let's do it.
We got four purrs up here. I'm a little worried that after tonight, we're out here, we're like, yeah, and then tomorrow they're just going to fall off a cliff and they're done. Nobody wears those anymore. You didn't hear about the podcast? They're like, you know, we're off that. So right now it's the Air Force One swan song. I feel like you're giving our podcast too much credit, Durst. Well,
Like we're swaying an industry. We're on the right side of history. I'm going to say that. We really moved the hip-hop needle. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Literally, mate. It could already be gone. I mean, I don't know. We don't know. Dude, you saw the raucous applause. Oh, yeah. It was very raucous. That's true. St. Louis still raps. Dude, did Nelly affect? Because I'm from Omaha, Nebraska. Yeah. Okay. That's right. There's 12 of us out here. Okay. What?
O-Town. Okay. So, like, you know, it's in the Midwest, and we're close enough that we took Nelly as our own. Claim him. Okay. We were like, he's also part of our thing. He came here one time. He did. I remember he performed at this all-ages club called Guitars and Cadillacs. Oh, shit. Whoa. Yeah, dude. And that was the first time I saw someone smoking meth. Oh.
Oh, yeah? Fuck it. Yeah, dude. It was in the parking lot. I'm like, what are they smoking with all that foil? Dude, I feel like there was such a specific time. I think it was like 2002 to 2006 where like St. Louis just had fucking hip hop in a vice grip, dude. Well, I looked it up. Do you want to know some other very notable rappers? I would love to know six names. Let's do this. I would like to know six names.
Without the use of your computer. Can I play a song? Or just the one that you know is fine. Just one that you know besides Murphy Lee. Yes, there definitely is. Oh, see, I was... Oh. What you do. This was out of fandom for quite a while. Oh, yeah. Dude, Chingy is from St. Louis?
I didn't know Tim was from St. Louis. That's sick. I did not know that. See, I thought he was from Omaha. Right. He was at the Banjos and Toyotas concert. Dude, you know who else I... Points! Yes, points! Wait, sorry. Hold on. I'm doing a lot of shit up here, guys. Hold on a second. Points! I live for points. And one for earlier, too. Yes, points! I need the approval. Were you aware that also...
Yo, I got a fake ID though. Oh, you know. You know this one. Oh, shit. Really? Really? Yeah. See, I didn't know this. Okay.
One, he comes away to the four to the five. This is back when in a rap song you could just say numbers. Numbers, dude. Back when hip hop was hip hop. Jay Kwan is from St. Louis? I wish Jay Kwan was here. He's like, actually, what's up? Right. Oh, hey. Hey, I just go by Jeff. Right. I'm Jeff Kwan now. Right.
You guys can go. I'll take it from here. What's up? It's actually Jeff Kwanstein. Nice to meet you. I'm Jeff Kwanstein. I'm a dietician now. You need me. I can help you. Okay, I got one more that's just going to knock you off your fucking asses, dude. Knock me off my ass. Okay. That old phrase. You're going to be knocked off your ass. Are you familiar with...
How are you still on your ass? Yo, is that like the wedding song that gets like everybody out there on the floor? Even grandmas are fucking like, hang, hang and load like my titties to and fro. Something's wobbling to and fro. Wait, but you're telling me that
Jibs is from St. Louis? And what is that person's name? I don't know if I ever caught their name. One more time. Jibs. Jibs? Like the cut of your jib? Or like J-I-B, jib? J-I-B-B-S, nice to meet you, jibs. Jibs. I like the cut of your jib. Fucking jibs. Jake, Juan, Chingy, and all of the St. Lunatics.
That's huge. Congratulations. That's fucking pretty good. That's a pretty good track record. I don't know about you guys, but at 6 a.m. when we were in the airport and I was Googling St. Louis and that shit popped up, I was like, oh, and then I was like, I have to go to sleep. That was when we were...
When we were young. We were filled with vigor. Oh my god. That song was playing in the nightclub we couldn't get into because we weren't wearing nice enough shoes. The door would open. You'd just hear Nelly Furtado playing. You're like, I gotta get in there. I'm like a
Not that one. What? Which one? Permissuous Girl. When that shit was going, you're like, Permissuous Girl. Oh, that one kind of still goes, if you ask me. Wait, Nelly Furtado isn't also... All the Nellies are from St. Louis? No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just mixing it up. There was an era of Nellies, to be honest. And name what's another...
Willie Nellison. Yep. Did you say Willie Nellison? Nellison Mandela, dog. It's the Mandela effect. You don't remember that it was actually Nellison and then somehow now it's just Nelson? Yeah. When did that change? Yeah. Oh, cool. I just saw my parents get up and leave. Oh, yeah? We got to go. I got to go take a shit.
Nucky Grandma! Peace out. Peace out, Divines. My parents are here, actually. Yeah, they are. They are in the crowd. Yeah! Hey, is it possible? Hey, don't worry. If my mom's sitting next to you, she'll let you know. Yeah. You think? You think she already has a whole crew?
Was that you? She's right there. Someone just screamed. Where is she? I'm not seeing her. Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Where is she? I'm not seeing her. Do we have a spotlight by any chance? There she is. She stood up. She waved. All right. There you are. There you are, Mom. Stand up. I see her right there. Celebrity Family Fuse, very old. Stand up. Stand up.
There she is. You're ruining the show if you don't stand up. You're ruining the show. Thank you. She will not ruin the show. I know that. That's so special. I know that about her. Yes. Yep. That is the very woman that this crazy fucking weirdo came from. What's cool is they come to a lot of stuff. They're never not proud. I'm waiting for them...
Must be nice. Yeah, it's different. I remember at the Game Over Man premiere when...
Literally, it's the scene where my dick is hanging out. Wait, let me... I'm trying to remember. Oh, I remember it well. Now I have it. I got it here. Frontal lobe right here. Well, it was an autoerotic asphyxiation scene. So I'm hanging in a closet and my dick is in my hands. Classic. And I'm just like... Yeah, classic. Hot, hot, hot, hot. And I'm like... You keep talking about it. My mom is sitting...
Right next to me. Cool placement. And she grabs my knee and whispers into my ear, I'm so proud of you. Very psychedelic. Well, she made that, dude. Dude, and she meant it. Yeah, she made that. I feel like a lot of moms might be like, oh, I'm so proud of you. Not. Right.
You're showing your dick and butthole. You freeze out the right part, which my wife has done. My wife has frozen it and been like, that's your butthole. Of course. Your butthole is for all of Netflix. People in the Philippines have seen your butthole. Just like that. And that's what wives are for. Hey, wait. Just to take this and get into something very serious. Let's get serious. You're circumcised.
Right? It's science. And your parents are the ones who chose to do that. How do we feel about this? I got in a conversation the other day at a barbecue with some pregnant ladies. And I was like joking. Some wieners were like, how do you feel about circumcision? Essentially. But I was real loose and casual. I'm like, yeah, you just fucking whoosh.
And they looked at me like I was from the Stone Age, like I was crazy. See, that's the thing is I feel if they're your children, you can mutilate them as much as you want. I don't know, man. My kids' nose jobs are so good. Oh, yeah.
I believe they're really good. Like one nostril just looks better. I mean, I think we've talked about it on the pod, but when I found out that there were uncircumcised penises out there, I was kind of like, wait, I didn't choose this. It made me sad. I wanted to regrow my foreskin. I did. I'm sorry, but I did. I wanted to regrow it somehow. So,
And I think you can. I think there's a way to regrow it. Can we do a round of applause for people who are, hang on. Wait, you don't know what even the fucking question is. I was going to say, like, Hitler, you were doing it.
If it was anything penis related, that dude was like, right. This is easy. Do it. Way too proud of their circumcised cock. I'm not asking for round of applause of people who are not circumcised or are. I would like to go lights up and I want to look into the eyes. No, we cannot. That's nothing. Everybody's got what they got. But who here is anti-circumcision?
This dude's like, they took off too much, man. It can happen. Dude, it can. It really can. That's what creates the curves. Well, I like that he gave her... If you have a curved dick... Wait, multiple curves? If you have a curved boner, odds are it's because they chopped a little bit too much.
What is this one? I'm lying. I've seen these ones in pornos. You look like you just made a three-pointer and fucking left it hanging. You think that's what they mean? Well, dude, if your dick looks like that, you could call yourself a Splash Brother. Yeah. That's true. And she's like, I'm good.
Hey, wait. Adam? Yes, points! Thank you, Blake. I got you, buddy. Thank you, Blake. But, okay, so no one here is anti-interesting. I just got, like, lit up at this barbecue, and I was kind of like, y'all don't even have a dick. Well, that might not have been the right place to approach the subject.
No, I feel like barbecue is where I let all the dirty laundry hang out. I don't know if either of you... What? It's not, and it's where all the dirty laundry? It's just a queue. It's just a queue. It's just a queue, dude. It's just a queue. I'm just having some queue. Yeah, I feel like I don't have any dirty laundry, so I'm willing to talk about anything anywhere. Right. Look at our fucking podcast. Hey, dude. The broths are delicious. Have you ever tasted your own cum? Just asking. What?
Have you tasted your own cum? We've been over this. What's up, Mom? I have not. What's up, Mom? I have not. Have you tasted your own cum? Not my own. That's a question. Not my own. That's a question. Not my own. I can... Some things in life are unavoidable, but not my own. You can order cum from Japan, from the internet. Yeah. They'll send you... I think that is a joke. Everyone was laughing. I was held down, and everyone seemed like they were having a good time.
Worth it. Well, I can honestly say I don't think I have. Yeah. I like that I said I don't... I can honestly say that I don't think I have. I know. There's some massive quantifiers on that. I feel like I've had this conversation with you before on this podcast. And I was like, I've done it a lot. No, I don't think... I think that's peace. The best part of waking up... None of us put it in their coffee. Tasting my own... But you know, you give it a little...
Well, smell is totally different. I like how this dude went full salamander. Yeah, there's no way. I'm not slurping, dog. There's no way I haven't. There's no way you haven't? Yeah. Hey, man, curious minds, you know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. What the heart wants, the heart gets. This is very cool. This is very cool. I mean, what a beautiful theater. And this is like an all-time low. It is good, I know. The fine people who work at this beautiful establishment are like,
Do we all quit tomorrow? Like, what are we doing now? I know. I feel like they're coming from the highest high because I think yesterday Kevin James was here and then they fucking plummet back to earth with our semen talk. Plummet back to earth. I don't know if you've seen Kevin's new stand-up set.
20 minutes right in the middle of fisting his own ass. Right. Oh, he goes there. Yeah. Allegedly. Allegedly he goes there. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly he probably goes there. Dang. Allegedly. I could see a Paul Blart fucking butthole fist. A what? A Paul Blart porno live on stage. Paul Blart number two. Paul. Paul Blart. We'll workshop that one later tonight. Yeah.
Yeah, Paul Blart butthole fist. Paul Blart four fingers. Don't give yourself points. I saw you fingering. I saw yourself angling to give yourself some points there. Hey, man, I just feel good in these Air Force Ones, bro. Paul Blart wide butthole. Okay. Yeah.
Have it all.
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So we never got how Nelly affected you, because in my... Did you say infected or affected? What are you saying? I think I meant to say affected. I definitely said infected. And I don't want Nelly to infect any of us. Right. It's a bagel. You might have. He's been through the ringer, that guy. Infected. Because at my high school, it was...
We were all real Nelly heads. Yeah. Um, I do specifically remember the very first and only house party I had. That you went to? That you threw? No, dude. That you threw? I went to a lot of house parties. Fuck you. A few. Hey, and I brought some chocolates for your mom.
Yeah, here's your pizza. Thanks, Blake. That's not great. Here's your pizzas. Can I come in? Here's your pizzas. Oh, no tip? Here's a box of black and milds for your father. Yeah, Kyle's like, I brought a bag of apples from my mother's garden. Does this interest you? No? Okay. No, I remember it was the first and only house party I had during high school, and country grammar was pretty on frickin' fire. I heard of it.
Perfect album. And we were, now I remember, dude. I just shook something loose. Holy shit. You're looking at me. That's the beauty of the poem. We were doing as high schoolers do. We were obsessed with beer bonging. We loved beer bonging. Oh, dude. Yes, we were. High schoolers. Yeah. I was doing that until I was 39. Yeah. You're serious? The best part about waking up. That's how old I am. When was the last time you did a beer bong?
For serious. Last time I was in Lake of the Ozarks in August. Damn, bro. Right. This is the way. And that was just to get...
Past the city limits to get into it. Yeah, that's how you enter the Ozarks. There's a police officer there going... They put the mirror under the car, they check it, and they go, you're looking good. Just have this beer bong and be on your way. They're like, hey, welcome to Shady Gators. Here's your beer bong. You're like, oh, fuck. It's a DUI checkpoint. And they're like, no, no, no, no. You have to get drunk enough so you could get a DUI if we pull you over. Right.
We just gassed you up, bro. It's a GUI. Get under the influence, son. Okay, hold on. I'll get some freaking points. We got a lot of points tonight. So you're beer bonging. We were pretty obsessed with beer bong. We would go to... Well, our hardware store was... That's pretty cool. That's a power move. I'm going to address that later. It looks so comfy, too. So you guys had to end the tour after he broke his back. Yeah, it was fine. He was doing a power move and a spread eagle...
Isaac, bring out his helmet. Bring out his helmet. I'm also the fattest I've ever been, so my belly's drooping down. You look great. You look great. It looks good.
good. Thank you. Yeah. Okay. So beer bongs, house party, made up story. We used to go to Yardbirds, which was the hardware store and really like make like what we thought were pretty nice beer bongs. They were very good. Yeah. It was a tube and a funnel connected with some kind of something. And we even put little like little clamps and a valve. A governor. We all did that. Yeah.
No, but this one had like a tube and a funnel. Yeah. Our whole thing is that we had this thing where it was called hitting the cycle. And it was based off of like baseball when you get a single, a double, a triple. How much baseball did you play growing up? Did you watch this on an episode of 90210? A touchdown. A three baser.
A hat trick. This sounds like a very special episode of City High. You'd start with one beer. Is that how it was? You didn't start with four? You started with one? No, that was the last. Hang on. Let's hear the rules by the way Blake explains them. You start with one beer in the tank. Take it down. Then you get two beers. Take it down. Three, four, so on. Not so on. Four, period. Four is a home run. Four is the end of the cycle.
So then you go again? No, there's no so on. You're right. I guess if it is a cycle. There's not so on. You're right. Way to derse him on that one. If it is a cycle, it should go. But we had. You fucked up. Remember, Allie came over. Yeah. And she's like, I want to hit the beer bong. We're like, all right, you're doing the fucking cycle.
It's called the cycle as opposed to like a baseball word, like the home run or the grand slam. Yeah, do a grand slam. There's something called the cycle. It's called hitting the cycle in baseball. It's when you get a single or double. For all those that played baseball, because I played baseball, never heard the cycle. Who here has heard of the cycle?
Okay, it's a fucking thing. It is a thing. Fuck you! It's like really deep in baseball. You never got there. I quit because I only played for the YMCA. Fuck it!
Well, anyway, so Allie was a pretty small girl from high school. She did one like a fucking champ. It was awesome. And then we're like, okay, let's get to the second part of the cycle. She's down there and we fucking, you know, we're like, go Allie, you got this. She fucking opened it. She's going down, down, down. Then she immediately filled it up with puke. It's just like... But then...
She chugged it. It was the coolest chicken school. And that is the cycle. No, I wish I could say that, but I think she kind of like took it off her mouth and it hit her shoulder. I do remember that. There's a valve on it. She could have just closed it. Yeah. But she just left it open and it went all on her shoulder. So I don't want to say this.
She's a fucking idiot. She tried. She tried. 95 pounds. And she was at our Denver show. Yeah. But I do think like it was one of those panic moments. Like, you know, if you've ever like got on a motorcycle and you hit the throttle and then you're like, oh shit, I'm going. And then instead of hitting the brake, you just throttle.
more? Yeah, I know. See, that's where you would die because the brake isn't down there. Sure, sure. Yeah, that is where he's at. And by the way, he's just an old day motorcycle. I remember you owned a motorcycle and you would... That's so scary to me. We would see him driving to work and he had this Harley and you'd see him, you're going 65 miles an hour on the freeway and he's off at the shoulder going like 25 miles an hour. Shut up, bitch! Well, I mean...
It has to be scary. Kept doing this. I was like, why is he doing this? He's trying to hit the gas. Huh. Huh. Yeah, I probably...
I shouldn't ride a motorcycle. Didn't you just ride that? You rode that thing like four or five times before you got rid of it? Yeah, and then I almost T-boned a van and I'm like, I think I'm done. It became just a sculpture. Because you didn't know where the brakes were. I kind of just let off the throttle. This is how I knew how to brake was just let go of the throttle. I think you probably did better than me though because I had a motorcycle too and I crashed it
60% of the time. That's right. You were always coming into the writer's room with, well, it happened again. With new injuries. I had to sit it down. And it wasn't like ever a big crash. It was mostly just me going just, nope. Right.
Right. And then I give up, and then the bike just rolls off into something. Yeah, it sucked. That thing sucks! That's actually a very cool way to show up at a party, because I feel like as a teen or a tween, you'd roll up somewhere, and you'd hop off your bike and let the bike keep going until it spilled out. Yeah, it goes down. I was 32, so... But to do that with, like, a $20,000 motorcycle, next level. That's fucking cool, dude. Just...
I didn't like it. You've got to say, that was on purpose. What's up? Yeah, that's the first ghost riding. You could ghost ride your... You guys doing beer bongs? I've said this on the podcast before, but one of the last times that I crashed it, I was leaving my neighborhood, and I lived in the Hollywood Hills, so my house was...
Hollywood. Yes. And so I'm like, I'm taking a left down my hill. Thank you. Right underneath the sign, ladies and gentlemen. Adam Devine's house is right up there. I couldn't make the turn, and I just ate shit and fell down. And then there was all these guys working construction on this house on the corner. And I was so embarrassed that I looked into the bush and screamed, fucking squirrels!
That's cool, dude. You were like, I don't want to hit the squirrel. Did they dab you up? Or were they like, yeah, man. No, I think they were very much like, oh, he's slow. There's no squirrel. Did they help you lift your bike up? No, because I got out of there so quick, dude. The clutch was all broken, but it was like this much of the clutch. So I was like, and I lifted. It was a 900 pound motorcycle. I lifted it like this.
Jesus. Right. You got the mom underneath the car energy to lift the entire whip? Absolutely, yes. And the mom was just my embarrassment. Right. That was embarrassing strength? I wonder if that's really what it is with moms with super strength.
It's because they're so embarrassed that they're like... Jesus Christ. Kid is in an accident. Dumbass kid. That they're like, oh shit, no one's going to... I don't want anyone to see this. So they just like rip a car door off. You get in the car. Right now. What if when your mom was at Game Over, man, and she's like, dude, I'm so proud of you. She just ripped the arms off her chair. She's so embarrassed. What?
I swear I really am. She's so embarrassed. Are we going with embarrassment, Blake, or is it the pride? Well, that's the subject. Yes, I'm saying she's hiding her embarrassment. Penny, you tell us. Are you excited for his penis? Blake, I'm...
I'm sure that that's the way you think because it's all in your head. Oh, shit. Over and over again. I can't keep picturing you with him. See, that's not pure Nelly, but I like that. That came around like seven, eight years after the real Nelly. After Nelly took us on a ride with Country Grammar. And then he teamed up with Tim McGraw and he's like, I know what the people want. That was...
A very good team up. Let's call them team ups. A solid team up. Was that around the same time that Jay-Z linked up with Linkin Park and then Nelly just goes, ugh. Yeah, and also... I know what to do. Oh!
Who else was the other one that was super weird? Was Sum 41 and Ludacris. I believe they had a link up, a team up. Give me a hell yeah! I thought it was going to be good, but I actually didn't like it. Well, you just named my two favorite artists. Dude, me too at the time. I thought it was going to be absolute fire, but it wasn't very good. It wasn't?
Huh, that's so crazy. You guys know what song we're talking about? The Tim McGraw Nelly song? Yeah, it played right before we came on, I think. Yeah, again, this is for sure a big wedding song here. Oh, yeah. Hey, Grandma, it's on your head. Dude, I was at a wedding here in St. Louis. It was fucking off the chain. There was like a 20-minute period where all they played was Nelly.
I never felt like I was more part of a wedding. Like, I was a very ancillary guest. Like, my wife knew the woman who was getting married. And I was like, I barely... I met her like one other time before. And suddenly, I'm in the inner circle. I'm right there singing Earth Force Ones. Wait, they played Earth Force Ones at the wedding? Yeah, dude. They played fucking a whole slew of hits. That's fucking cool, dude. Wait, so...
The whole thing with the little girl barfing ended up in... That was like... We started talking about that because it was like, when were you infected by Nelly? So you're telling me during that whole episode, Nelly was playing. You can find me at St. Louis. No, no, no.
Oh, yeah. Was that, or were you like, finally I can tell this story? No, I distinctly remember. Yeah, you're like, I can finally shit on this 90-pound girl that puked into the... Yeah. What's your fucking major malfunction? No, I distinctly remember E.I. was playing. Because it was going like, Ana Leona, and she's just like, and we're like, uh-oh.
What's happening now? Yes, points. Okay, okay, I'll do a self-point. Yes, points. Sweet. Yeah, dude. So then are we going around? Yeah, yeah, go around. When did Nelly infect you? That's so good. I don't know if he ever infected me. Too bad. But I just remember my freshman year of college. I was...
I was on the swim team and we would go take a trip to Hawaii every year. And you're there for like three and a half weeks. And it was just Nelly on the radio constantly ride with me. Right. Great song. Yeah. After three weeks of like hearing on the radio every day, you're like, all right, I could do for a little bit more Hawaii.
And then the next year we came back and it was still constant. And that's when I turned the corner. I was like, this might be the greatest song of all time. There you go. It's been on the radio for an entire year nonstop. And I wanted to be sitting in first class sitting next to Vanna White. See, that's exactly right. Because when I first heard that, I was like, wait, Vanna White is in first class? What? Right. Yeah.
You think she's flying private? I don't think Vanna White ever leaves the set of Wheel of Fortune. Right. Back to your cage. Back to your cage. No, no, no, no. I was Hollywood, but I was at like a benefit show or something. And I presented at this benefit show. And Vanna White was there. And there was a bunch of celebrities there. But I was so goddamn starstruck. We have talked about this, but I was so starstruck by Vanna White, dude.
Yeah, and I think when we talked about it, I think she would just be some old, hot, white lady that I wouldn't recognize. I'd be like, she works out. Moving on. She got money. Yeah, but then you're like, she works out.
spinning those things around revealing vowels. Wait, wait, wait. Vanna White does not fucking actually pry the letters. She like pates to them. Now she touches them. You shut up. You shut up. We're not doing this again. Back in the day, she spun them and they did look very heavy. Well,
Well, now it's... Kyle is a historian. Now they're probably iPads or something. I don't know. They're on the fucking... Frickin' Toshiba Touch. The cloud or something. I don't know. Frickin' Mitsubishi Finger Touch. Fuckin'...
Well, I remember specifically when Nelly infected me. Yeah. Wait, hold on. Let me hit this. Yeah, go ahead. Speak your truth. It was one time when I was fucking Nelly.
You can find me. It's a good way. No, no. Mom, no. Mom, no. I'm so proud of you. No, she's like, no, I remember that pretty well. I'm so proud of you for fucking me. That was a weird phase. Right. No.
I remember we had this huge house party going into my senior year of high school. And I told my parents that there's just going to be a few of us and we're going to go camping in the backyard. By the way, not that big of a backyard, not much camping.
But I had three tents set up and one was the weed smoking tent. Oh, shit. The keg was in one tent and then all the canned beer was in the other tent. This was like... Wait, what was the second tent?
The kegs. Oh, the kegs. And the canned beer. And the canned beer was in the other tent. I was trying to not have cans in the backyard. So as she looked out, there would be no cans. So I'm like, if you brought canned beer, put it in there. There's kegs here. There's cups. Pour it in a cup. Right. Right. Nice, dude. Turns out that plan did not work. Because the other tent, it was just billowing out smoke.
And my dad is just in the back going, Jesus Christ. They've got more weed than I do. Totally. That shit's important. And what's up, dad? And I remember the cops. And it was a toss-up. I'm not sure if it was Nelly, but Nelly was for sure playing. If it was Nelly or Blink-182, because those are the only two albums still...
in heavy rotation. Let's go! And... Nice drop. The cops were coming up. Nelly was blasting, probably. Sure. And...
the cops came and they were like, whose house is this? And I'm like, officers, is the music too loud? Can you turn down the Nelly? Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm like, in the back of the squad car, you know, I have like a hemp necklace with like puka shells on it and shit. And I'm like, is the music too loud? And he's like, no, the 16 year olds blackout drunk. Right. They're too loud. And, and,
And then... Oh, they're just camping. Forget about it. Yeah, like, it's just camping. We're just camping. Just all 800 of us in my parents' backyard. We're just camping. And then my parents got arrested. Oh, man, that fucking sucks. Well, they didn't get arrested, but we got 22 or 26 counts of procuring alcohol to minors. Which carries like a $100,000 fine.
Hey, good job, Penny. So I financially buried them. Right. That's why we're on tour now. We're still digging that out. Still digging that out. I like the idea that you guys go to court and you're like, Your Honor, you don't understand. We started playing Nelly. It got out of control. And the judge is just like, Well, fuck. Okay. Dismissed. All right.
No, they actually weirdly... They actually weirdly, like, once we explained that it was just children having a house party and my dad was not pumped on it, the judge was like, I don't give a fuck. Nice. Cool judge. Yeah, it was tight. That's dope. It'd be cool if your dad, like, was in on it and so, like, you had a whole thing where, like, you...
I had to coach him up to be a good actor. Well, you tape him to a chair upstairs and you just turn on the football game and he's like, all right, I'll hang here. I'll just watch the game. So that when the police do come and you bring him upstairs, he's like, God damn it! These fucking kids taped me up! Hang on, what's the score? Yeah, okay. All right, we can go. They won't quit playing that goddamn shit!
That is smart. And we all have kids, so we'll be able to be pulling that one off. I don't have a child yet. Oh, yeah, you don't. It's science. Don't loop me into that. Well, I do. I'll be using that. Take your time. Hey, can we get more beer out here? Yeah, wait. Can I get another Bud Heavy in the camo can? Do they can Budweiser? It tastes so good here. Freshly brewed. Very fresh. Very fresh. Dude, remember when we did the... This is our manager, Isaac, everybody. Oh!
He looks really mad tonight. He looks really sexy tonight. Hey, Isaac, do you want 10% of my beer? You fucking... Still not sure what he does besides bring us beer, but... And not take his shirt off. The Budweiser is extra crispy. Dude, remember when we...
We did the Budweiser Made in America Festival in Philly. Oh, shit. It was awesome. It was maybe the best gig we've ever gotten because they paid us a bunch of money. Oh, yeah, that's right. Sorry about it. But they paid us a bunch of money to just go to the festival and be seen drinking Budweiser. Which is like the coolest gig ever to get. Yeah, that's when I was like, we made it. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. That was incredible. But I remember being like, really sick. Yeah. And so I was like... Right. Well, I mean, what if I just... Right. I drank water and then every once in a while I have a Budweiser, but mostly drink water and they're like, no. Yeah, it was impossible. They're like, in order to get this money, you have to drink Budweiser the entire time. Or you have to go in a porta potty and pour water...
into a Budweiser can.
Does it have to be in a porta potty? It actually does. It does. They said because if you just do it on the open, people could take a photo and then they'll know you're a fucking faker. So then I did. Obviously, I'm not going to do that. So I just chugged Budweiser's. And remember how we all got? Oh, man, I remember I got very fucked up that night. Remember? And like I disappeared during like the Jay-Z concert. Yes. Sober 10 years, guys. Yeah. Over 10 years. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Don't applaud it. Also circumcised. Don't applaud it. We don't like it. I appreciate it, though. We missed the old Kyle when he was kind of dangerous, out of control. This was, yeah, this was like, you guys had no idea where I went, but we were filming all day. Mm.
And so I had my microphone still on. And that was how... And we just said, fuck you, son of a bitch. Yeah, right. Fuck you. And I think Isaac got a hold of the sound guy and listened and heard me snoring somewhere quiet. That's amazing. And assumed I was safe.
fucking disaster, my guy. And I was safe, but I was covered in my own piss. Sure. And I had tried to fight multiple cars on the way to the hotel. Yes. Which I don't know to this day. I really don't know how you have that recall. How did I know where to get to the hotel? I don't know. The human species is amazing. I like...
My favorite part about blacking out is waking up the next morning and being like, in your bed and being like, the best part of blacking out is your bed that's full of piss.
I don't have the piss problem that you had. Oh, man, I pissed my bed every fucking night when I was drinking. Like a fucking G, my guy. Bro, I was like... Oh, shit. Game on. Disaster, my guy. Anything in my pockets was covered in piss. But it is amazing the next day when you wake up in your bed and you're like, look at me go.
Right. I didn't have that. Did it again. Fully dressed. Shoes on. Successful landing. TV hat on. Yeah, you wake up with shoes on. You're literally in your own piss and vomit, and you're like, I did it. Yeah, I remember having that feeling. Somehow, like a giant bowl of fully cooked spaghetti, like...
Yeah. Oh, huh. Yeah, there's like homemade lasagna. And you have to take a bite because you're starving. A folded tombstone like a taco on your chest. Half eaten, you're like, breakfast is served. Look at Niko. Breakfast is swerved. I did it. Dude, I had a weird setup in college. What?
I had the room on the first floor of two floors where the heater came out, so it would just get super fucking hot and dry in my room. But I had a mini fridge for a nightstand. Nice. P.M. shit. Yeah. Yeah. I would just wake up just fully dead, right? And just fumble it open, take a bottle of water and just open it and just pour it all over my body. Right.
Really? Yes, sir. And then, like, go back to sleep. Yeah, but... So, because it was hot. It was hot, and it was dry, and I was super hungover. And you were a swimmer. Maybe... That's how you...
That's right, Blake. That's right. He feels most... It's like when they hose down sharks and whales. Yes, they have to wet the gills. Yes, dude. Yeah, it's like the Free Willy scene where they got them in the truck and they keep... You looking for gills back there? I was like, what's up? Dry land. It's out there.
Nobody's seen that movie. Which one? Free Willy? Waterworld. Yeah, Waterworld, dude. The Gill Man. Dude, they should bring that shit back like everything else. Well, they have it at Universal Studios. If you ever get to Universal Studios, watch the live show. It's one of the best live shows out there. Just plug in that for anybody who's going to the West Coast. It's fantastic. Anyway. During the strike, Kyle started to work at Universal Studios as a tour guide. Yeah.
He's like, and here's, uh-oh, and Jaws is about to bite the tram. Uh-oh. Watch out, here comes Norman Bates. Psycho. The Waterworld show is very fucking good, though. That's how they made their money. I think that that movie was a flop, and then they've made other money. No, the movie was not a flop. Yes, it was. I've never seen Dirt so angry. Wait, what? Hold on, why do you think it wasn't a flop? I think you guys should take off your shirts and fight to the death. All this...
Relax, guys. I take off my shirt and you drown in my titties. That's what happens. That's right. The titties shall engulf you. Your boobs are huge. I will say your tits...
I mean, they're still mad jiggly, but they've shrunk a lot. Thank you. Your boobs are huge. I don't like it. Waterworld, yes. I like you full figured. I appreciate that. I mean, I like the movie. I appreciate that. I like the movie. The whole thing with Waterworld was that it cost X amount of dollars to make because there was a set on water, and then there was a storm that decimated the entire set that they had to rebuild, okay? So the budget made it the most expensive movie in history, but then...
It made its money back. With the live show. Yeah. I'm going to go take a shit. Dude, if you do, leave your microphone on.
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Should we get topical here, guys? Yeah. Oh, what? I haven't heard any of... Hit me with the topical. You guys want to hear something important? Okay. We decided on the live tour to get a little more polycharged. Okay. And a little more topical. Tis the season. Trump. Topical. Another politician. I can't remember names.
McConnell? Who? The guy who just stared for a while, man. I did miss the debate. There was a debate last night. Never heard of him. These Republican debates are off the fucking hook. Really? They're so good. I missed last night's, but that first one was amazing. I haven't tuned in. Because you're just watching these fucking bozos try and gun each other down. See, that's my favorite part about political debates is them being like, some person's done talking, then the other person's like...
You fucking moron. Exactly. So are we done lying now? And then the person goes, wait, actually, no. I want 30 seconds to respond. So you're not done lying? So you were lying. These are adults. These are like grown folks. I know, man.
No way. I think it's fucking cool when political debates turn into roast battles. That's fucking cool. I mean, that Ramaswamy bumper sticker that you have on your luggage is super dope. I like it. Thank you very much. Thank you. I just want Jeff Ross to be the debate host. That would be epic. The roast master general. All right, so let's get topical. Hit me with that music again, Blake. Oh.
Oh, shit. Goddamn. Give him the... Thank you. Thank you. So evidently there's people called the Ice Cold Bandits. Okay. Wanted in St. Louis County for break-ins. And what they do is they break into the place and then they eat ice cream cones. Wait, really? What?
No. Yeah. The ice cold bandits. I mean, I did not do the research. Wait, can we just address that this is clearly a play on the sticky bandits and the wet bandits? And the wet bandits. It is. Yeah. So who's making this up? The police or the people who are doing it? I hope there's just one fat ass policeman who's just like... Or like the journalist. I don't know. You know what would be funny? I was like, what, Larry? God damn it. Larry. And then he's like, ice cold bandits. And they're like...
That is pretty funny. That's good. God damn it. I like to think that they had no leads and they sent that guy in and he's like, wait a minute. There's fucking two cones missing. Right. They're like, oh shit. I was here three minutes before they broke in.
And there was only nine cones left. Now there's seven cones. Larry, shut your fat ass up. Wait. He knows about food. He's the guy for the job. No, listen to him. Listen to Larry. So that has nothing to do with this where like people are just running in like 20 deep and just taking everything out of stores. No, no, no. I think this is more of a premeditated ice cream thievery. Because I kind of was upset that like
So they use a nine iron to break glass to get in. Smart. I love it.
Why? There's no skill into being a thief anymore. Now you're just like, just smash the window and take the ice cream. But how do they know that? Cameras, I guess? Or do they leave? Surveillance video shows suspects. Believed to be a man and a woman. Love it. Tag team back again. Dude, Bonnie and Clyde. Break it into the business. Aloha mini golf and shave ice on Big Bend Road just before 4 a.m. Friday. Heard of it?
Broken glass everywhere. I saw the nine iron they used and the first thing I did was check to make sure that my cameras were on from my ring cameras and they were. Good job, Jake. Kramer, general manager of Aloha. Yeah, hey. Kramer estimates the damage to be around $2,000. That's a whole lot of ice cream. Is this over yet? laughter laughter
This one's kind of... You don't like the ice cream smash and grab? This one's drag. I thought it was going to be a bunch of people, like 20 people coming in and grabbing all the entire ice cream machine and running out with it, and then you can't stop everybody.
I feel like with those giant groups of people, if that's the new Ocean's Eleven movie, that's pretty fucking cool. It used to be an intricate plan, but now it's just people bum-rushing the casino. Right. But there's still one dude doing gymnastics for some reason. Yeah.
The cool part is they didn't steal anything else. They broke in and one of the assailants was heard saying, thank God I worked at a snow cone place before. And then she said, let's find some ice blocks. Oh, what are they doing with the ice blocks? You ride them down a hill. They made ice shavings and they didn't steal anything else.
They literally smashed the window, grabbed two snow cones, and were like, "Latro." And they didn't take the ice blocks or they took the ice blocks? Did they take the ice blocks? No. Dude, St. Louis knows how to get down. You can find me in St. Louis. This is the way. That's methamphetamines, right?
4 a.m., needed an ice cream, or a shaved ice. That bad? Literally, it could have... Like, that's old Kyle. That's blackout Kyle. Oh, yeah. It's true. Yes. Just like, yo, I need a fucking blizzard right now. I don't care if it's 4 and Dairy Queen is closed. I'm going in. That's true. So Britney Spears...
We just talked about her the other night. Okay. Thank you. We just talked about her the other night because she... You know how she is a fucking psychopath? Mm-mm. Well, now she's got knives. No, obviously... She's misunderstood. Brittany, we love Brittany, but... Yeah, right. Well, she died, so why are you laughing? Yeah. I'm just kidding. She didn't die. No, now she's just like an AI bot who doesn't know how to do anything. Dude, the knives...
The knives are just like... Too real. Too accurate. You sent us the video of her dancing with like a knife. Dude, that's what this is. So I was like, the other night I was like, yeah, she's lost her goddamn mind. And Blake's like, no, she hasn't. Okay, no, wait. This was, we were live in Phoenix and we brought up Brittany.
And I stuck up for her. I'm like, dude, she's fucking, just give her a break. Hey, no, for sure. And bring me, bitch. But also, she's dancing with knives by herself. It's a trip. So she, that performed a wellness check on her because she had two knives and she wrote in the comments, she was like, I'm dancing with knives now. And it's her with like two butcher knives. Right. Right.
Satan? Right. Is that why it was clarified, like, that it was Halloweens around and they're fake knives? Because I feel like when I read it, it said, these are fake knives. No, they were real knives. By the way, so what? Fake knives are pointy. Yeah, that's true. No, no, no. She was playing with kitchen knives. Really? I thought they were fake. No, Kyle. They were real knives. Oh, my God.
So the police went to her house and they go, this is overblown. She was expressing her freedom. Kyle, that was all in your head. That was all in your head. Who said that? The cops said? The police say, she's fine. This is all overblown. She was expressing her freedom as she continues to do. That feels like a written answer. Whoever her PR people are, not great.
She's expressing her freedom. Fucking, that works, Greg. Awesome, yes. Freedom, expression, we did it. That feels like a PR. Charger. I'm into that. Uh-oh. Did you cut my mic? Oh, that would have been fucking cool. See? If Kevin Fetter lines in the back like, no. Popo's out. And I've been meaning to tell you, stop playing my Popo's out drop, you fucking bitch. He fucking backup dances his way up here and kicks our ass.
I mean, she didn't cut anybody. She didn't cut herself. No, no, no. People have been dancing with swords since the dawn of time. Yes. And I get that. I guess... You've seen Shen Yun. Maybe comb your hair if you're going to do it. That's not a bad idea. Okay. Just present yourself. Yeah, I feel like the police wouldn't show up if she had combed her hair. She had her shorts, like, the zipper wide open. Dude. Hey, by the way, in my...
the biggest Britney Spears fan I've ever been right now. I love this show. Britney Spears style, the way that she wears clothes just here and then just right at the top of the pussy. That's fucking cool. I want to do that. Very long torso. Dude, 2002. My mom is dressed like that right now, Penny. What?
Okay, let's go. Adam, they're going out. It's all in my head. What? Actually, after I said that, I'm like, it's not in my head. Yeah, but you're going to be laying in bed tonight. You're going to be laying in bed tonight. You're going to be thinking about it over and over again. It's not in my head. Out of my head. Of course, of course. Next. Next.
So Sean Penn's claims Will Smith's Oscar slap wouldn't have happened if Zelinsky had been at the ceremony. What the fuck? Wow, dude! Yeah, I would, yeah. I mean, now that I think about it, yeah. Well, that's just a weird multiverse statement. What the fuck are you talking about? Sean Penn is a character of himself now. Right, yeah. He's like...
Wouldn't have happened if Zelensky had been at the ceremony. Wait a second, Adam? Whoa! Dude, Sean Penn was just here. Yeah, basically Sean Penn. That's crazy. Dude, it also wouldn't have happened if Britney Spears was there with fucking knives. Anything could have distracted Will Smith from being a lunatic. I hope at the next Oscars, Britney is just at the front of the stage like,
Right. She's working security. Isaac, can we get some Q&As?
Don't even try it. First of all, she's not invited. No, no, no, no. Although I bet at a certain point they're going to make a documentary about her. It'll be up for an Oscar and she'll be the belle of the ball. And everyone will fucking stand up and be like, remember when she was juggling knives? I love Britney. Look at her now. 48 hours later.
Dead. Dude, that's wrong. Well, I certainly hope not. No, no, no, of course not. I hope she makes it to 80 and is just as psychotic. Right. It's so... Who is our... Who's the earlier generation lady who's old...
Madonna? Madonna's a little kooky. That's okay to say. No, but Whitney Houston was the one who lost her mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like... That was sad. Super cool, super hot, great voice. Bodyguard. Can we stop being sad? Kevin Costner. Thank you. All right, so now we're going to do...
with some hot, hot Q&As, guys. We've asked some Qs. Oh, shit. We've asked some Qs, and we're going to give you some A's. We got too charred. Okay. That was almost too charred. Oh, my God. I'm sweating. Yeah, I know. All that holly charred energy. Oh, my God, man. So Karen Parton goes, what is the thing that you worried about your mom seeing the most? Tight butthole.
Okay. I feel like we covered it. Tight butthole. My mom saw my penis and possibly my butthole. What about you guys? I remember my mom also very supportive. But on Workaholics, when Durs and I were having the dom off, who was going to get the other one hornier than the other one? Which is very funny scenes. But when I had to deep throat the butter...
I think that was... Yeah, that was hard to do. Okay, that was... You know what I mean? There's some good act takes from that. So it's a scene in Workaholics where you two were trying to out-dominate each other. Yeah. The dominant male. Yep. And you guys...
if I remember correctly, deep-throated, a stick of butter to prove how dominant of a male you are. To try and get him horny, because the whole thing was if I can get him horny or if he can get me horny, then we win. See, that's why War College was the greatest show on television. Yeah, exactly. Yes.
Yes, points. Is this true? I will. Yeah, that was, I remember my mom was just like, can you give me a heads up next time you do something like that? No, like really, like I will say we, you know, we did a lot of shit. Everything I see, I'm like cool with. But when that like gif pops up of you like deep throating butter, I'm like, oh man, I don't know, dude. Oh, you didn't like it?
You're like looking up. You're like making eye contact. With like wet hair. Oh, yeah. It was like slicked hair. Yeah, dude. I don't know, man. He didn't make you horny? It makes me too horny. Hey, bro. There it is. I appreciate that. The question is what your parents, whatever. I mean, I did a movie called Top Five with Chris Rock and Rosario Dawson. Yeah, baby. Yeah.
I'm like butt naked trying to have her finger my asshole because I'm like secretly a gay guy on the side. And she's like fed up with that so she coats a tampon in hot sauce and shoves it up my ass. Yeah. And I go crazy. And this is just off camera. This is just with Dirk's ass. This is getting ready. Goodbye. Well, this was to get the part. Yeah. This was the audition. Hollywood. Hollywood.
And so, like, you know, my folks are like, hey, your movie's coming out. Like, we're going to go see it. And, like, they went and saw it, and they're like, very funny. And I was like, well, great. I'm glad you could deal with me being butt naked, hot sauce, butthole. And then, like, a week later, they're like, we went back and saw it again. It's very funny. And I was like, what are you doing?
Just checking in. Stop. Now it's weird. We created that. You're watching it too much. They should be proud, yeah. What's the question? Most embarrassed? Yeah, what did your mom specifically, what was she like? Or dad. Your dick. You're seeing him get on your cock. You were embarrassed about his dick. Well, because she keeps bringing it up, man. It's fucking weird. Well, yeah.
Is Adam going to be there at your birthday? That was a crazy scene. Is it a pool party? She's like, no, no, no. It's like Thanksgiving. And she's like, come over here. How did they get it so hard at that point? Right. It's not hard. Wait, what movie did you get? Yeah, it was never hard. She's like, how is a man's penis that big? What if Blake really remembers that? A man's penis? Yeah.
Blake remembers it hard. So Jalen... She has a different cut. Jalen Arnold wants to know, who had the coolest wedding? Heart. Who had the coolest wedding? Coolest wedding. The coolest wedding. Well, I feel when Blake got married, it was at a...
restaurant yeah yeah it was pretty rock and roll like low-key just like we did it yeah that was that didn't even really count yeah well it was just at the uh what at the courthouse right yeah yeah you got you have to i remember i was living with blake and he came home and he's like i got married today i fucking crashed my motorcycle and got married oh and i got married too i got married today
And then Kyle and Durs got married under the same tree. That's right. Which is actually kind of cool because I got married first and it was a banger. It was a banger. And then Kyle went to survey the same place
And your wife said... My wife was like, it has to be here. And she didn't know I had gotten there. No, she did not attend your wedding, and at that point I knew that I was going to have some conversation. There was no part of you that were to just throw up the flag and maybe we don't look at the exact same tree? Well, we were at Calamigos Ranch, and it's like, look, my wife, when she sees it, it's going to fucking happen. And that's...
That's what it was. And real quick, before we get to Adam's wedding that was just a little bit ago in Mexico and it was a banger. Yeah.
The thing about where Kyle and I got married, it's this ranch in Malibu that on the weekends is where people get married. It's like a wedding factory. But then during the week, they just film all sorts of shit. Like The Biggest Loser, Workaholics was there like three weeks after my wedding. I was like, I got married here. People were like, fucking really? Because then we shot Man Up there, right? Dude, I shot Mindy Project there. I've shot like three or four different shows there. Fuck it! And every time I'm like...
I got married here. I know people are like, oh, sick. Yeah, I guess there's a ferris wheel.
Which I did not pay to turn on, but... We did. We paid to light it up. We did. But like I said, my wife gets what she wants. They're like, oh, sick. Well, catering's over there. And there's the porta-potties. Right. Well, I went to all of them and Adam's fucking ruled. Yeah, that's the one that I missed. Well, I missed yours in the restaurant too, but... Nobody went to that. I missed Adam as well. Adams did have a member from Green Day drumming for the band. Yes. That's rock and fucking roll.
But mine had an iPod going crazy. Your iPod was off the hook, for sure. I played more Nelly.
Yeah.
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Hey, Nicole Twardarski, she says, "Kyle, how does it feel to betray all of your aruguloids by eating meat again, you bitch?" - Freaking CEO. - Good day! - Ooh, wow, okay. - D-D-Day, you know? Uh-oh. It doesn't feel good to be called a bitch, first of all. I'll just say that. Yeah, and that's underlined. - Yeah. - Shut up, bitch! But I think-- I think it feels like, you know, like there's phases that we can all go through, and we can do chapters of this and chapters of that, right? You know what I mean?
I don't know what he just said. Nope. But he ate a hot wing. In Chicago, he ate a hot wing, too. I did. I tried a hot wing. I did. I tried it. So I guess you're not the aruguloid anymore, are you? Well, I still like fucking arugula. Arugalire. There's nothing wrong with that. Oh, yeah, the bitch. So Luke Winston says, what is your favorite episode of Workaholics, and why is it Fry Guys? Why is it Fry Guys?
That's funny. Hey, that's funny. You chose it for us. That's funny. Which one is Fry Guys? Dude, I don't remember. Oh, Fry Guys is... You guys are trying to have a fish fry. And that's when you have to get Alice laid by Girthquake. Is the guy's name. Wait, is the guy from... Is the Sabretooth Tiger hybrid in that episode? Yes, that's when you're interviewing Sir Girthquake. So...
Brace? Jiggalos. Did anybody out there watch a show called Jiggalos on Showtime? This is the best, saddest television show in the history of TV. Because it just followed these jiggalos who were like, I fuck for a living and this is my motorcycle and my sick house in Vegas.
But then they get down to it and they're just like getting sat on by some like housewife who's bored at home and like ridden and talked about like their sad lives. And they're like, yeah, but like. Sounds kind of cool to me. It's not. And then one guy's got like a rap career he's trying to pop off. He's no Nelly. It's rough. I love it.
One of them eats dessert first, which is pretty sick. Well, that's very cool. We had one in that episode. We do like dessert first. And we had Brace from that show in that episode, and he showed up and just killed. Yeah, he killed someone. That's where I was going with that. Yep. So Hugh Janis. That's a fake name. Very funny. Wake up! Wait, hold on. Actually, hold on. No, dude, no. That's your real name. Hold on. I'm going to give some audience points. Yes, points! Woo!
That's huge. Dude, Janus, he says...
How did you guys film the anal bead scene at the end of season three? And how did Adam deal with his boners? Oh, dude, when we pulled the stuff out of Durza's ass. Was that filmed? We were rolling on that? I actually don't remember this scene. I totally remember this. The cyborg scene where like a thing goes into my body. Yeah. And then we had to pull out the anal beads. But the first one's like this big. And then they just get humongous and spiky. Do you remember how we did that?
We cut a tiny little hole in the nude underwear that you were wearing. It was not easy. Actually pulled that shit through the cloth. Up and through, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I remember, it was kind of like hitting your balls and you were kind of like, damn, this is kind of cool. Yeah, he was kind of digging it. I remember that. Yeah, you liked it. First of the job. Yeah, you cold cut. I don't think I did. You're like, I'll be in my trailer. We're still rolling. We're still rolling.
We're still rolling. George Claxton and Ashley Lopez want to know, how does Adam get all the kids' movie roles when he parties the hardest out of all you guys? Laugh my ass off!
So just for full transparency, Adam's the only person who reads these questions beforehand. So that one seems like it's kind of... We'll keep this one in. No, I haven't really done many kids movies. I did one kids movie. I think that's more than they'll let any of us do. Well, didn't you do like Green Eggs and Ham? Did you do that too? Well, that's an animated... Adam's forgotten more kids movies he's done than I've been offered.
I've done a bunch of animated stuff, but I've only acted in one. The Magic Camp? Magic Camp, yeah. On Disney+. Actually, I think they pulled it because they didn't want to pay me streaming. Do you think Pitch Perfect's not a kid's movie, but it skews young, right? It's like YA. But that's a movie about college kids. I don't know. I think a door just opened and went beep, beep.
Sing the song. Please don't stop the music. Check me out. It's getting late. Okay, okay. Making my way over to my favorite place. I gotta get my body moving, shake the stress away. A simple melody. I don't.
I wish we knew all the parts to that and we could back you up. Like acapella style? Yeah, I wish we could. I'm going to try. We just don't have time. That's a Rihanna song.
Have you ever crossed paths with her and she's been like, good on ya, boy. No, she looked me in the eyes and said, keep my name out your mouth. Right. She said, please stop the music. She's like, please stop singing that song. So Zelinsky wasn't in the audience. Please stop singing. Right. She said, if Zelinsky, yeah. Okay, here's Jennifer Cheek wants to know, if you were a professional wrestler, by the way, it's written in cursive.
The fact that I can read this, I'm so proud of myself. Yeah. Because I'm so dumb. If you were a professional wrestler, what would your gimmick be? What would our gimmick be? Gimmick.
Oh, man. I guess I would, like, make people motorboat my titties and they would drown or something. They'd be like... You'd be like... Like Yokozuna used to sit on people. Right. Wrestlers are crazy. Yeah, wrestlers are crazy. The overreaction game is, like, fucking...
Oh, yeah. It's so much fun. The hair game? Blake can probably do it with his hair. He can sell it. I live my wrestling persona, so this is what I would be. Okay. The ultimate blazer. Right, but what would your gimmick be? Yeah, what would that entail? I'd probably just like... Kind of a sort of...
Excited, nervous guy. Like, you know, like rip a bong in the ring and then hit them with a bong or something. Blow the smoke into their face? Yeah, yeah. You'd be just a stoner? But you don't really smoke weed out of a bong. No, it's been a while. What about like you would break a bong over their face kind of shit? Yeah, that shit would be cool. I feel like that's never been done before, like bong attacks. That would actually be tight, because if you were like a chill stoner... I think we need to bring weed more into...
the sport of wrestling that children love. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you. Thank you. Okay, cool. Adam, what would be your gimmick? I would be the big gaper and I would sit on people and they would go directly in my asshole. Nice. Oh, man. And you would just walk away with them inside of you? That would be my finishing move is I'd jump off the top rope and just go Jesus. And they're like, ready, go! Wow, the big gaper. What's the song that plays as you waddle off in victory? Loose butthole.
What would it be? It would have to be something, Nelly. I think it would be... Wait, I think I know. Wait, fuck! Oh, it's not as good. No, it wouldn't be that. Not that one. It'd be the next one you play. What is it? No, it's still the same one, dude. No, pick a different one. And what's cool is we're going to edit all this out later. It's...
Yeah, that's for sure. I would swallow them whole and then carry them out like this. Boom. Is your butthole big? Can it swallow a whole kid? That's right. Kyle? I don't know. I think I might have fun playing like a CEO or something like that.
You know, like really slicked back and like fucking all about the money. Sure. I can see that for you. Yeah, like nice ass suits. Don't rip my fucking clothes. You ripped my tie. Hey, real quick, before we go on to another question. The wrestling Speedo. I'm a Speedo guy. Yeah, sure. How do we feel about the wrestling Speedo? Like, is it timeless? No? Yeah. Yeah.
It was like the Rock War one. And I'm kind of shocked. Stone Cold War one. Does anyone still wear them now? They do, yeah. This woman's like...
Oh, I see the NWO shirt, so you know. Yeah. Yo, give it up. I think that's fucking cool that there's dudes that are still wearing to rock that super high-waisted Speedo. Yeah. I think somebody should just wear a thong. That'd be fucking cool. Yes. And you could be that guy? Yeah, that's me. That could be you, dude. There's your gimmick. I feel like that's what the big caper wears. And Yokozuna kind of had that going on, right? Yeah, a little bit, but he had shorts underneath, I think. No. Huh? Huh?
Rikishi. Oh yeah, Rikishi had his ass out. He's the dude who put you in the corner of the ring and just put his whole fucking ass on you, dude. Dude, wrestling used to be so cool. Used to be, dude. So Blake, suck it! This one's for you. Nick Paff wants to know. So Blake, since you know from personal experience, does a vodka-soaked tampon absorb quicker through the pooper?
100%. Yeah. I'm going to give you a pro tip right now. Try buzz balls up your ass. Da-da-damn. Woo! You want to start your night off wrong? You want to cram blaster? Woo!
Ders, this one's for you. Weirdly anonymous. How long does it take to drown a cat or a dog? That's weirdly anonymous? Okay, let me just clear this up. Let me just clear this up because we keep getting these serial killer question type stuff. Well, we always say that Ders is a serial killer because he looks and acts like one. I just want to say, specifically like this question is crazy. It takes longer than you think. It's science. It's science.
Just when you think you're going to maybe let it survive. Oh my god. You know that just in a few moments it'll cease to exist and you'll absorb all of its powers. Shut the fuck up! We're losing him. You lose! What is he looking at? So many people, dude. I posted a photo of like there was some like
psychopath, and where was he from? Norway or some shit? Yeah, yeah. That looked identical to Durst. Well, yeah. I guess he locked his daughters in a basement and then would rape them and stuff. It was dark. Take back? I got my take back. But, that being said...
Looks identical to Anders, too. Well, look, I was in Norway a few weeks ago, and it was kind of the perfect way to get away with murder. Yeah.
Everyone looked like me. The police catcher was like, it's this guy. Everyone's like, we all look this way, man. It was... It looks like the old version of Ders, but so many people were like, hey, this is disgusting. He did all this nasty stuff. Don't say your friend looks like that. And I'm like, no, or don't... Like, your friend wouldn't like you saying this. And I go, well...
this is Dirt's. And I responded to maybe 25 people and I would say 85% of them wrote back, yeah, he does look identical to that guy. Okay. And on that note, do we want to do any take backs? Any gnarly giveaways? Oh, I got a giveaway, yeah. Any apologies? Who wants my fucking shoes? Who's a size 13? Whoa.
- Oh! - These honestly are hurting my feet. - You gotta sign 'em, dude. You gotta sign 'em. You can't just throw 'em on your shoes. - Oh, I'll sign 'em. Okay, sure. - Really? - Sure. And then who's got the number 13 feet? I want somebody with 13 feet. - Well, Kyle, hurry up and sign, buddy. - These guys, everyone's gonna say they have size 13 feet. - They're gonna have to try 'em on for us. - Not everyone's shooting free throws, my man. Yeah, play music while we just sit here, autographing shoes. - Wow, Kyle. You're really juicing this up, baby.
Well, anyway, I guess while we're doing this, I want to apologize to everyone who doesn't get the size 13. This dude's got a Nelly tattoo and the shoes are yours. And the shoes are yours, my guy. Thank you.
I love that. Fuck, yes. Those things are very uncomfortable. I'm not going to lie. I really hate it every second I wore them. I would also like to give away my shoes. Okay. And they are size 10. Who's a size 10? Oh, we got the 10, baby. Hey, but guess what? You're not getting both of them. You're getting one of them. Blake's not going to give his away. Here, we got to give it to him. Here, this guy was blocked. This guy was blocked. Oh, you split him up.
And Durz, you have a giveaway. Oh, Durz got... Okay. You have a lot of time to think about this. Okay. Let me get the house lights. Let me get the house lights up top. I hope you fucking chuck these. Wow, look at them up there. Oh, shit. Oh, God. This is... Oh, fuck. Someone's going to eat it. Whoa!
Damn, bro. And the Stifle Theater never has us back. You almost did that. And I guess that brings me to my apology, which... Hey, remember when everyone did this shit for a minute?
Yeah, the Bernie. The Bernie goes. That was fun. Guys, I have to apologize. I wore my Air Force Ones on the airplane. These are the only shoes I have, so... So I guess he's going to have to swap with somebody who wears a... Does anybody have a size 10? Oh, wow. You're going to swap? This is... I would never. Okay, fine. Let's swap then. Look at this dude. This guy's already here, Blakey.
I can't believe I almost got them up there. I thought they were going to hang on the fucking railing. Dangly ones. Are these really tents? Alright, brother. You got them then. Jesus Christ. What kind of foot fungus am I about to have? There you go, bud. There you go. I might need that later. Oh, these are disgusting.
Are you really? You're going to wear those for the... That's right. Dude, I better see you rocking those, dude. And any take backs? That was it. I just apologized and then you made me give my fucking shoes away. Apologies? Fuck, the bus ball hats are sick as fuck, by the way. Holy shit. I stand by everything I said here at St. Louis. Thank you guys for showing up. We love St. Louis. We're so happy that something like this showed up. Thank you guys.
Yeah, that t-shirt's for you, baby. It is. You guys are fucking sick. We appreciate you coming out. Thank you. Back in the house. And this was another episode of This is Important. Yeah, baby.
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