Ep 158: Road Dawgs: Tour Recap Episode!!! 01:21:13

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This is what happens when you're on tour, by the way. It's like women's period syncing. Like our poops get on the same cycle.

It was a real brownout. You know, like, I don't, like, I was definitely drunk. I definitely took those shots. Fuck it, I'm going to drink a bunch of beers to feel better because that's the only way I know how to cure myself. Denver was just like a walk down porno memory lane. Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go. Yes, sir. I mean, first of all, it feels bad. Like, it feels weird. I wouldn't say bad. It feels different. It feels bad and terrible. I'm imagining a thousand people cheering right now. Dude, a thousand. More like 3,000, dog. Come on now, dude. Don't undersell it. We're doing numbers, baby. We're doing numbers, baby. Don't get used to it. Bro, it's getting louder. The imagination is getting louder.

If you've gone to a live show, you know that we basically just scream at each other and the crowd. We just sort of stand at the edge of the stage and scream at the crowd.

For three to five minutes. At the beginning of almost every show, which I love. It's an opening bit. Okay. That's what they call it. It's a bit. It's an opening bit. It's an opening lifestyle for us. It's a lifestyle choice. We're road dogs, baby. Life's a bit, dude. Life's a bit. That is true. Life's a bit. And then you die. Yep. Yep. Yep. Jersey, how you feeling over there, buddy?

I don't understand how you guys have any sort of energy for this. Oh. All right. Wow. Coming in with that attitude. I like it.

All right, dude. Not built for the road, evidently. Keeping it true. Definitely not built for the road. No, I kind of feel the same way, dude. I'm not going to lie. The road's out there, and that's cool that it's out there. The lifestyle of a road dog is a rocking-ass lifestyle. I'm feeling pretty good, though. Yeah, Blake and I were talking about how it's just like it's a young man's game for shizzle. Mm-hmm. And... Oldest guy I know. It's like... Adam's 14. Yeah.

As a 14 year old, I love it. You totally understand that people are just getting milked. They're like, yeah, go out there for an entire year and play your album over and over and over again. And like these 20 year old kids in bands are like, yeah, sick. Like we'll become millionaires and like,

see the world in a lot but you like you for sure lose years off your life well what's crazy is it yeah we've done also it's awesome we've done eight tour dates and we're already all doing cocaine all the time i wish dude just to wake up i wish one of us knew a guy knew a shady guy the back half of the tour is just us fucking yeah dude this is important actually yeah

Dude, we're just going to start chugging Liddy, okay? That's where we're going to go. Wait, what's Liddy? I've got to get my hands on Liddy. What's Liddy? Yeah, wait. Tell me what Liddy is. What's Liddy? You guys said what Liddy was. Isn't Liddy AF the pre-workout called Liddy? We're just going to start chugging now. No, it's just Lid. It's just Lid. It's just Lid. Come on, dude. It's my man. Liddy. Oh, boy. The Liddy Titty Committee.

Someone gave me a hat that said Mayor of Titty Town, which I really enjoyed that hat. Thank you. Is that official? I don't know if he was in what capacity he was giving me the hat. If he was the person that...

is able to give away such honors. I didn't talk to him. He just came up at the end of the show. Did they give you the key to Litty Titty Miss City? Mayor of Titty City. What is it? Titty City? It's Titty City. And evidently I'm the mayor now because I do own that hat. It's Litty Titty City. That's sick. That was on the last show. Should we go through each individual show and

I don't remember. Good luck. Yes. We started in beautiful Method. Oh, Method. Method. Yes. Method. A lot of people would say Mefford. But not us because we have been there. Not us. We're locals. We're Boston, Massachusetts. What do you think people would say, Adam? Method. That's what they were saying. Medford. They'd call it Medford. We say Method. We say Method.

we say because we're locals right as locals we say methods right but if you're not a local you would you would definitely without a doubt say medford because that's what we were saying is exactly what it looks like that's what we were saying did you get the key to the city i

Yeah, we were saying that before we went. No, I didn't get the key to the Titty City there. But that one was sick because that was the first show. It's exciting for us. We didn't know what to expect. And that show sold out immediately. People were way stoked in Boston. And a lot of people dressed up, which is what

I was so rock hard about, dude. Yeah, dude, there were wizards in the front row and they had the costumes down to a fricking science. Oh yeah. Uh, a T. Sorry. So you think they were costumes? You don't think they were actual wizards? Cause that's news to me. Um,

They were costumes. They were costumes. They were not. I talked to them. Okay. Wow. Sorry. Because the wizards came out in that show, and I don't know that those wizards would rip their steez like that. Well, it's multidimensional. I mean, they could be viewing themselves. That's true. There is a multiverse, wizard multiverse. But you know what? We met those wizards in the meet and greet line after the show, and I will say they weren't the same people.

I wasn't getting the same magical vibes as I get from the actual wizards that, that rap. Right. So you think they were just guys in costume? I do think that they were just fans who came to the show. Yeah. Cause it's hard to tell. Well, whenever I see the wizards rapping, I'm like, they look just like guys in costumes, but they look exactly like those other guys like us in costumes. I did. I guess I can actually, I acted as a medium between the two multiverses, wherever they were, but the shit, the Toby had forgot his hat.

And couldn't find it. And actually, like, it was bummed. Well, because Toby's a fucking idiot who's always forgetting things, right? Toby's a fucking moron bitch. He not only looks like a fucking idiot, but he is one. He has a dumb stupid face. Yeah, his intelligence is incredibly stunted. That is true. And he'll be the first to tell you that. But he forgot the hat. Yeah.

He's flawed. He's majorly flawed. Have you ever noticed his knees, too? He's got weird-looking knees. Well, for people that don't know, if you haven't gotten your ass out to a live show yet, which is, they're so fun and off the hook, baby, you should know that the portal to another realm has been opening up damn near every night. It's been opening. Constantly. It's crazy. Damn near every night. It's wild. It's wild.

It's absolutely insane that these guys take... I'm like Walter Matthew. Wood and peach. Math out. Math out? What did I say? Matthew? Walter?

Walter Matthews. He's just one of our grumpiest. It's amazing that they take so much time off between opening up the portals. Before this, it's been years since the portal opened up. I kind of don't like being shown up. I'm like, we just did 90 minutes of hardcore conversation and then they come in, the fog machines start pumping out. All of a sudden, the lights change. Yeah, it's like, I mean,

It's a function. And I thank them for coming because the people do enjoy seeing the wizards perform. Yeah, it's really cool. I don't know. And a whole magical portal has to open up in order for this to happen. So I understand that like... Yeah.

Yeah. In the history of the world, it is a phenomenon. Yeah, it's crazy. I feel like I'm over it now. You know what I mean? It's like, it's just a lifestyle for us. And I'm like, seen it before, not wowed. It is cool to see if you've never seen it before. Right. You know, if you're going to be in Ben Salem. I think the wizards are doing it for them. Yeah. The people that haven't seen it before. But I do understand what you're saying, Ders, about, you know, we've just hardcore conversated. Yeah.

Conversed And then they come in The first time they opened it, it was really exciting Even for me on stage I haven't seen him in a while It's the eighth night

And then all of a sudden we're trying to close up shop and these guys fucking throwing out these rumble noises. Dude, and every time it's right at the end, we're saying this is... And then all of a sudden a motherfucking portal opens up, dude. Yeah, it's getting a little old. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Frustrating. I noticed...

Lamal Lamal spells. Well, he was like, he was like, hey, good to see you. And I was like, what's in your pocket? And he had like four Red Bulls. Really? What? Fucking dick. The cause of diarrhea. I was like, just ask. You can have them. You don't have to take them. And also, you know, we think like that their world is just better because it's magical.

But then they come here and they steal from us. Yeah. Okay. Well, maybe they don't have dope things like sugar-free Red Bulls. Yeah, it must be rough. It must be rough over there for them. They might not have sugar-free. They might just have regular. You're right. Yeah, like regular sugar, yes, or blueberry flavored. What show was that? Because I wanted a Red Bull...

in Medford and fucking I couldn't find one that sucked dude yeah right out the gate did you say Medford because one you forgot how to say it I did and then two you couldn't think of any other cities we performed in I couldn't but it might have been St. Louis it might have been St. Louis oh shit you remembered another one okay

Shout out to what was the barbecue we got in Mefford because that shit was fucking good. We've been to a couple barbecue cities. It was good. And I think Mefford has the title, dude. Let's go. Yeah. You know, Boston known for their barbecue.

Is that right? I thought they were going. So I think the wings were legit. The wings were fire, dude. They had their own. They weren't Buffalo. They were their own recipe. And kudos, guys. It was delicious. They had kudos bars. They were all. Dude, they had old school kudos bars. It was fucking crazy. Little soccer snack. Delicious. And then where did we go? Honestly, none other than. I don't know. Chicago, baby. That's right. We went home. Chicago was out the gate that early.

Yes. Chicago was numero dos. Yes. Numero dos. Which was mind blowing because the Chicago theater is fucking crazy, dude. It's gorgeous. Pretty overwhelming. Super old ornate. Like they don't they don't make them like they used to. I tell you. Yeah. Nineteen twenty one. And I noticed I noticed there was more people at the Chicago show. It's a bigger theater.

And more people by quite a bit because the method show, I think, was like 800 people less or maybe 1,000 people less, something like that. And definitely fewer. I didn't see anyone in Chicago dressing up.

I didn't see or pretending to be wizards or maybe being actual wizards. We're not. No, they were like actually buttoned up. They came to the theater. Yeah, I think I think what it was is I think Ders might have said this is people have so much respect for the Chicago theater. And then they don't want to dress like wizards. Right. But then we come out and I might have literally taken a shit on stage during that show. I'm not. You might have. I think I'm not exactly sure.

Yeah. I think people, like, Mefford is like outside of Boston. People are going out there. Mefford? It's got that local tang. Whereas the Chicago theater, fancy place. People come in from the suburbs, a night in the city, maybe getting a fancy dinner beforehand. Yeah. Maybe getting a little dinner before. Yeah. Yeah. I don't remember that one so well. I kind of blacked out for that one. Oh, yeah. So you had a lot of Malort. I did. I did.

Yeah, that felt like a Blake therapy session, dude. You were hashing. Also, I do think what happened is I think, you know, we're new to doing this podcast live and Blake hasn't, you know, you're not a stand up. You're not used to going on stage for an hour. Right. And I get thirsty. I think what you did is you got a little too thirsty before the show. I am still thirsty. Had like five or six BLs.

Or CL's. I wasn't sure what was happening that night. Well, I felt like I was coming down with a cold, so I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to drink a bunch of beers to feel better because that's the only way I know how to cure myself is through... Right. Send the alcohol in there to kill it. Yeah. Hey. And you're not wrong. You're not wrong. Yeah. I pulled the Osmosis Jones and then that mixed with the Malorts on stage and...

Next thing you know, it was a brownout. Next thing you know, you could find me in St. Louis. I woke up in St. Louis. But that was a very fun show. The crowd was loving it. And afterwards, we partied downstairs in this Chicago theater, like green room area, which is really tight.

very cool bears i had a lot of like friends and family as a local boy in the mix uh so that was cool to be like hey like come backstage and down into the fucking under whatever underbelly of the chicago theater which is just like not something everyone gets to do i think that's fucking cool yeah it's cool and fucking sick i think it's cool too and all the signatures everyone who's ever performed right like the walls are adorned

with the autographs. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. I know. It's just like I try to sign my name next to the fanciest person possible because I think it's funny. Yeah, wasn't it like Andy Dick? I think it's funny. It's like Gilbert Gottfried. It's like Barbara Streisand or someone that you're like, oh, wow, cool. And then just my dumb little name. It's Streisand. It's Streisand. Yeah.

Yeah, she'd hit me. I think I went right under Michelle Obama, but I can't be sure. I was brown out, so I don't know. You wrote over Barack's name and wrote, break. Break. My lord. But what's your problem?

Sorry about it. Another dope part is we got to go to Ders' childhood home, which was sick. Damn, that was sick. Like a cool, weird museum. Dude, it was weird. We all shit in your parents' bathroom. It was crazy. But that's Buff Joe's, baby. We went there and we...

Did we go to Buff Joe's afterwards, right? After. Blake's kind of, what's the new phrase? The truth? I can't remember. What is it? Whatever Hasan Minhaj said about comedy. Honestly, the Malort scrambled my brains. That's what it was. That's what Hasan Minhaj said about lying a ton. He said the Malort scrambled my brains.

He had some phrase. The emotional truth was that we ate wings before we shot my parents. There are no longer real truths over here. Emotional truth. Emotional truth? Just the thought of eating wings gave me diarrhea. That's how fucking pumped I was. That's the cause of diarrhea. That's Pavlov. Well, for me, I shit

Every morning. Diarrhea. Every morning. Fuck. And then also in the afternoons and also in the evenings. Yeah. So for me, it was a natural progression. I don't know what was happening with you and your body, but... Diarrhea. Blake had like Pavlov's response over there, dude. Wait, did you just say natural progression? Yeah. Time. It's a natural...

Natural progression is I eat and then I shit. Yeah. And then I keep doing that. I have Pavlov's diarrhea. Yeah. Blake had Pavlov's diarrhea. Now, what room in Durs' parents' house did you shit in? All the way at the top, baby. Yeah.

Yeah, all you want to do is go from the top rope. You really shat on the third floor? That's my dad's bathroom. Oh, shit. He might be coming for you like that. Well, my brain's broken. Anyway, yeah, it was a good time. What's the horror movie where the thing is just constantly walking towards you? Michael Myers? 2012. No, it's like...

It was like a hipster horror. It was like one of the hipster horror movies that kicked off that whole genre. Anyway, I can't think of it. Is it Follows? Is it It Follows? Kyle, what floor? So wait, that's where Blake took a shit. Adam, where did you poop? I pooped. Basement?

No, I pooped right on the main floor, right by the kitchen, right to the living room, right next to where we were. Good for you. Nice, dude. Well, and the reason I did this is because we didn't see the basement. We did not go into the basement. So I didn't know there was one down there. Oh, no, we didn't get that part of the tour. We went upstairs. That was the talking point. It's all brand new. The whole basement has been reused.

That's what you were saying. You were only talking about the basement and then you forgot to show us the basement. Well, damn. I know. There was never a bathroom down there. And now there is. It's probably a great shitting bathroom. I didn't know what to do. Blake and I walked at the same time and he darted upstairs. I was like, damn. Ah!

I'll race you. This is what happens when you're on tour, by the way. It's like women's period sinking. Like our poops get on the same cycle. Absolutely. Literally. And so I had to drop a bomb. But look, your mom had this spray, which I always really appreciate. Yeah. She's like, hey, you obviously you might need to go to take a shit here, but hose it down afterwards. When you guys walked in, she handed everyone a spray. She quickly put sprays in all the bathrooms.

Here's your spray. Here's your spray. You might need a spray. She does kind of sound like that. If you're on the Pod Important podcast, you might need a spray. It was cool. I mean, it's funny. The house is so quiet. It used to be just insanity when I was a kid and lived there because of three boys and blah, blah, blah. But now it's just like...

Yeah, it's really charming. It's very cute. Very charming. Thank you. Thank you. And it was great to see your folks. I love it. It was awesome. It was cool to see. It's cool to see childhood homes, too, because my parents moved away when we do Omaha. That was my streetball name. I can. What? Childhood home. Childhood home.

Oh my God. Yes. Points. Points. I like that. I like that. Because when we go to Omaha, we'll just drive past my house because my parents don't live there anymore. And you're like, oh yeah. We're going inside. We'll go in. Yeah. We'll go in. Maybe we knock. Maybe we knock. Didn't we go into my old place in Madison when we were all there? We just knocked on the door and the girls were like, um, it's you. What the fuck? Well, that's a college town. It might just be some like old people that moved into this.

I have no idea. I know, but they might be dead. Wait a second. Here's the butthole guys. It's the diarrhea guys. The butthole boys. Sweetheart, the diarrhea butthole guys are here. Here's the one who tried to suck his own microphone in Chicago. Dude, that's how old our fans have gotten. They've grown with us. And now they're geriatric.

That is real. They age fast. And where did you shit, Kyle? When was this? In Chicago? In the front yard. In Durst's parents' house. I didn't shit at Durst's house. Oh, I thought we said we all took a shit. You were a friend. Oh, yeah. You bitch. I didn't feel like correcting you in that moment, but I'll correct you now. I did not take the... Well, what's the emotional truth here? Yeah, but what's your emotional truth? Did you shit in the kitchen? The emotional truth is...

I went down and got a self-tour of that basement. Did you go down there? No, that's the emotional truth. Am I reading that right? Is that how that's supposed to go? I don't know. How does that work? I'm curious about it, but nobody knows. And then we went to Buffalo Joe's, which is the wing spot. Give me your honest opinion about the wings. I really liked them. Great.

Great. I did too. I really loved him. I also had a nibble. I also had a nibble. Way up. That is right. The arugula lord has fallen, and that's okay. Well, I've already ate chicken at the GLAAD Awards. You know what I mean? You did. Yeah, dude. So some fried chicken at Buffalo Joe's. You can find my guy eating chicken at the GLAAD Awards. Yeah, homie. Say.

But like, I kind of am at the point where I'm like, well, if it's Durz's thing and he's fucking taking us here. Okay. And this is like. And I appreciate that. The thing that is happening, then I want to taste it. Because here's the risk. The risk is there's like, okay, everybody probably has like four or five restaurants in their local town that they grew up going to that they're like, this is the shit, right? And so if you're bringing your homies to one, you got to bring them. You got to like pick and choose. And I go, all right, like.

There's some that are a little maybe an acquired taste for like if you grow up, it's amazing. But if you visit, you're like, this isn't great. So I'm like wings. But what happens with wings is that you get wings anywhere. So they're easy to compare to everything else.

So I'm glad you guys dug it. Oh, yeah. I did. I waited until I knew which one. It was a classic. I also loved the vibe of it. It felt like you walked back into 1985. Dude, nothing changed. Nothing has changed. I still got homies with, like, tags on the bricks. Yes. People are still saying, like, the bears. You know, people are, like, actively doing that. No.

The Bears. Poor Da Bears. What did the dude say? The dude behind the counter who looks like Popeye was like, you guys know I'm famous too, right? I go to the Cubs games. People are like, Buffalo Joes, Buffalo Joes. I'm like, fuck off. I'm not taking a picture with you. Yeah, literally he said that to us. Yeah.

That was the best. Yeah, that's cool. He big times people. Yeah, I like that. Popeye big times them. He's got that B. Joe swag. What was it? What was it? I remember it was the Suicide Wings. I waited until I knew which one was the wings. By the way, still Cash? Wasn't a big fan of that.

So you're not a fan of the just cash. Part of me really likes when it's just cash. Cause I'm like, look at you guys beating the system. Yeah. We're coming anyways. We're, it's not, we're not, we're not not going to come. We come right. Right. I'm going to come. We come, we come in. They're beating the system. They they've tricked, they've tricked the system. Yeah. Yeah. Cause they don't have to pay the credit card fees. I like it for people out there who know what the fuck this is. Royal crown cola is served. Oh,

Ooh. RC. Yeah. Not a lot of RC. I would say no places. That might be the only place. I think the bowling alley. Bowling alley. And the cheddar chips. The cheddar chips were legit. Those are hard to get down after a while. Bowling alleys still rock the RC colas? Yeah, you can get RC. Yeah, bowling alleys still rock RC and Barks for sure. Yeah. Barks has bite. Yeah. Okay.

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And then next weekend, we moseyed on over. Where to? To beautiful. Hit us with it, Blake. What do we do? Hit us with it, Blake. Where did we go? Phoenix. Oh, man. Was Phoenix the first one?

It was Phoenix. Hit us with it again. Phoenix. Yeah. Phoenix. Absolutely. Phoenix. Dude, that show was sick. I really enjoyed it. I loved... Raucous. It was wild because it's in the round, right? And so we had to block it off because we're on couches. And what does in the round mean?

It means the stage is in the center and people are all the way around. 360 degrees. There was a couple thousand people and the farthest away from the stage you are in the celebrity theater in Phoenix is only 70 feet. So that's not that far. People were close. They're on top of you. Phoenix! It is a sweaty...

Slippery situation. It's hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Yeah, there's people behind you. Even though we weren't able to do the full 360, we had 270 up or whatever. Hot, hot, hot, hot. And so we just kind of clanch. Oh, shit. Those guys got the... They're looking at the back of my head. All right. Yeah, it was cool. And they came correct. Phoenix came to party, which we knew they would. Yeah.

Yeah, we knew they would. Big, big party crew there in Phoenix. I just want to party. And I think our fans were fully buzzballed. I would like to go back to Phoenix. What do you want to do in Phoenix? I want to do that theater again. I feel like we're starting to hit our stride. It's like we're old grizzled vets on the road. I want to hit Phoenix again and just... You didn't think you brought it?

Well, no, I want to spin the stage. I'm a little mad that the stage is broken. That was kind of fucked up. I was hoping we were going to be able to do that. I do get it, though, because in a podcast setting, it would just take too long. Or we would have to spin too fast, and then that's the entire show. No, I saw videos of it. I saw videos of it. It's fucking dope. I watched it spin online. How fast? It spins ever so slow. It's ever so slow. But then you're behind us.

Half the time. What is so cool about it? You're like, dude, it spins like you've never seen anything spin this way. It spins. Spins clockwise. Yeah, but Kyle would have gone in there like Tim the Tool Man Taylor and freaking revved it up.

If I was given the opportunity, I would have paid it personal attention. Yes. Yeah, we would have had that shit like the Gravitron in there. That would have been sick. I imagine we would have just had it so you turn it on and every 10 minutes you finish a full rotation.

Yeah, but that's... I'd say that's going pretty damn fast, though. I think that's probably about it. I think when I saw the videos online, that's about 10 minutes is it? Yeah. Is that fast? No, it's super slow. No, dude. I'm going to puke. Projectile. I want to go back. I want to go back and I want to break that shit up. I think they said it was broken, but we didn't do that. Yeah, it was. We curtained off directly behind us. Right.

Right. And it was fucking sick, dude. It's a really cool theater. I see why so many comics shoot their specials there. I think Tom Segura shot his last special Sledgehammer there. And I've seen a lot of comics shoot things there. There's also a really cool entrance into that theater. You come to get to the stage. Yeah. Yeah. The Wizards looked very cool coming out of the entrance. Luckily, the portal opened up right where the cool entrance.

entrance was what was that yeah good we were almost done with the fucking show and then they interrupt us with some rumbles yeah it's crazy rumble in the jungle the actual city of phoenix was wild like it was it was hot as fuck and everything is like neon beige it's crazy it's all one color have you have you not been to phoenix that that often

To where? Phoenix! I don't know that I've ever been to Phoenix. I've been to Scottsdale, but never Phoenix. Well, that's, I mean, it's the same shit. Wait, didn't we, Blake, didn't we go to, isn't the Grand Canyon in Arizona? Didn't we go there? Phoenix! No, you guys drove down there one day. It's not in Phoenix, though, is it? No, but I think it's another one. It's right downtown. It's just in the middle of the city. It's like, oh, fuck. Oh, shit. That's just a Diamondbacks play, and that's the Grand Canyon? Phoenix! Watch your step.

So Phoenix fucking absolutely rocked that rock. And also a nice massage chair in the green room. Yeah. Shout out to Baby Baby. That was cool. And a broken golden tea arcade. Shout out for having that. Also, you know what they had in the green room, which I really appreciate? A soda machine. Yeah.

Yeah. Give me the whole machine. Give me the whole machine. Yes. I want to do my little suicide. Yeah. For the show. I should do that before the show with you. That sounds good. Group suicide. And you know what? Anna has been giving me. And because, you know, if not, I just will chug like four Red Bulls. And that's cocaine. I'll say it. Not that healthy.

It's science. She's been giving me this German wellness formula. It's like an emergency, but with a crazy amount of caffeine. You know what I mean? It's cool that she's become your mixologist on tour. I got to see if she'll just hold the damn door for me or something. I don't know. I'll get to it. We'll sort it out. I think she'd be willing, specifically with drinks. I don't know about doors holding. But then from Phoenix, we made our way to...

Long Beach. That's right. What? What is he singing?

I don't know. Snoop Dogg. Yeah. Dog. Long Beach. He went in on the... I like that, dude. Yeah, it started off with that. Wow, wow, wow. Snoop Dogg's definitely in the house. Oh, yeah. He was there. I mean, I didn't see him and I didn't hear he was coming, but I felt his presence for sure. Death Row was definitely in the house. Absolutely. And...

I didn't know. It's nice to know that we played the same theaters as Matt Rife, you know, because he was here a few days later. Yes. And by the way, have you seen his poster? It's him shirtless. And I think... You sent it to us, right? Oh, I saw that. Yes. We have to take this exact same photo. Great ass! Because as we've learned with Bert Kreischer, when we filmed that video of us, I was shirtless. I was talking to Bert. Right. And then we're all working out. What we have to do is...

skate by and sort of grab a hold of other people's fame and then use it for our own. Okay. I'm picking up what you're putting down. It's cloud chase, bro. Yes, we have the cloud chase on tour. Yeah, man. We're fucking chasing cloud. So we're going to take a photo for Matt Reith because we're just exactly like him and we sell as many tickets. Absolutely. That shit's important. I read an article that said he sold 750,000 tickets. Holy Toledo. Dude, I saw that poster. I got it.

You understand why. I understood. Fucking sexy, dude. So maybe if we all take shirtless photos like that,

We'll sell five tickets. We'll at least sell some tickets. Honestly, I'm scared of how many we'll sell. Because then we'll be on the road forever. And then we're never at home. It's a big commitment. Our wives wouldn't like that. It's a young man's game. Yeah, you're right. Maybe we shouldn't do it. Wives are just in the front yard holding babies, looking off at the sunset. Where we are in the sky. As if we're, yes, military. We're flying off on the road.

Is he coming home in a box? I was thinking ashtray. Let's go! Oh, yeah, dude. You guys save your... Actually... What are they? Coasters? Ashtrays? Ashtray? Yeah. Is it an ashtray? It's somewhere. She told me it was an ashtray. Oh, really? The girl Kayla Wendell. Kayla Wendell. Look at that. She made these cute little ashtrays. Thank you for it. It's sitting right next to my desk. And I'll say...

That looks exactly like me. You did such a good job. I love mine, yeah. This is such an amazing piece of art because I look exactly like this little figure. I will say, shout out to all of the people bringing us gifts after the show. We've just been showered with, like, yeah, the friendship bracelets. I'm wearing one. We've all got new wardrobes of people just making bootleg merch. That's sick. Got a couple brutes. Dude, do you remember when someone gave me a Michael Jordan rookie card?

Unreal. Yeah, dude. In perfect condition. It's worth $400,000. Adam's already sold it. Dude, I bought a house with it. I bought a house. Yeah, you flipped it. Unbelievable. What a gift. It's here, and it is...

so beautiful and uh i'm so i'm super excited thank you to whoever gave it you can't hold it up though because what city were we in where no it's in my backpack what city were we in where the dude literally brought all our high school yearbooks that was oh that was um that where were we what that was that was st louis that was that was st louis yeah that was a trip yes i was like where did you get this well we're not quite to st louis yeah if i may say

Because for Long Beach, I will say I loved that theater. What was the name of that theater? The Terrace? What was that? Long Beach. We're not quite at things. We're not quite there yet. We're still in Long Beach. Thank you, but we're not quite there yet. Thank you. A lot of local love in Long Beach. Yeah, shout out to all the homies that pulled up to that show. The After...

Ours was fucking cool. We got to see our girls and our guys. It was dope. Everybody showed up. It was sick. We felt the love. My wife, my husband. There's his husband. It's LA. Anything goes. That theater was...

Beautiful. The Terrace Theater. In Long Beach? Yeah, in Long Beach. They did it right. They did it right there. Deep. It's also cool to see all the other comics that come through there, and you're like, motherfucking Fluffy is the biggest touring act of all time. That guy... Because he always has a plaque in every theater that we've gone to. It's like there's... They just...

They go, Fluffy sold this shit out 200 times. Yeah, Fluffy. Yeah. Fluffy's an icon. Do you think he just brings the plaque? He's like, put this up, guys. And they're like, you got it. You got it. No, I think Big Fluffy sold some tickets. Gabriel Iglesias.

We love fluffy fluff master dog the fluff. So for our beach, we go to beautiful Denver, Colorado at the wake up early the next morning flight. Got there super early.

Big ass airport. Beautiful Denver. Satanic. Pretty satanic feeling airport. What are we talking about the airport? They're like, there's a blue horse with red eyes. Yes. And it's fucking scary. And if you look at the airport from the sky, it's a swastika shape. And you're like...

There's a lot of evil shit going on in Denver. So they say, well, dude, have you seen the mural with people wearing gas masks? Like little kids wearing gas masks and shit? It is strange. Yeah, I saw that. Was that on the floor? Was that painted on the floor? No, it's painted on a wall in the main...

We're all... Like in security? Were you waiting in security? No, it's... From what I remember, I didn't see it this time, but it's in the... Like the Sbarro's? Because I think it's spread out like fingers.

Oh, the middle part. Oh, the hand of Satan. Fucking Nazi. Yeah. The hand of Satan. The Nazis sign. Look, gnarled. The gnarled hand of the Nazis. Damn, that shit's fucked up. I didn't realize all this stuff. Yeah. I didn't realize this. Yeah. But yeah, but you know what? You got to fly through there. So sometimes you got to walk through Satan's asshole to get to your destination. Beautiful Denver, which was beautiful. And we did. We got to Denver. You leave the airport and it's beautiful. And it is absolutely stunning. Yeah.

We had a great time in Denver, dude. Oh, yeah. Dersi hit the pool and got a fucking jug of champagne. I did. I was like, so here's how it went. I go and I work out and I'm like, I'm just going to go kick it by the pool. We've got a couple hours.

So I go out there and I set up and I jump in the pool and I'm like, whatever. And then I get out and the dude comes over me. And we're in a very nice hotel where they like really take care of the clientele. And he's like, sir, I'm so sorry. These four shade lounge chairs are reserved for so-and-so. And I was like, okay. And he's like, can I help you move to a different chair? And I was like, sure. Carry me, bitch. Yeah.

I was like, bitch. Sure, you dumb bitch. Toss me over your shoulder, bitch. His name was Paul. What's up, Big P? What up, Paul? Paul's like, I'll set you up over here. I'll give you an umbrella. I'm like, great, let's do that. And then he comes over and he was like, can I offer you a champagne for moving? And I go, great. He comes back with...

a champagne like this like a fucking goblet of champagne and I'm like okay let me trick you off so I'm like drinking this then he like comes back an hour later and is like another one and I was like

Did he give one for you, Blake? Or no, I can't remember. You passed me one. No, I think he did bring me one, to be honest. He was just, I think he was robbing the hotel. He was just like... So I had two, essentially, giant glasses of champagne, and then I was like, we gotta go to the show! Let's do it!

Yeah, man. And then I came down fully kitted out for Denver. Yeah, you came down and your outfit was off the chain. I had some down shorts. Yeah, you're like sleeping bag shorts that you had on. It looked like he made shorts out of a sleeping bag. It was unreal. I've never seen anything like it. I think I worded this correctly on the pod, maybe, but we know Blake is a poser who dresses like a stater. Okay.

I'm also someone who has all the gear to dress like somebody who goes camping and does outdoor stuff a lot. But I don't do that. That's how you pose. It was fun to sport, man. It was fun to sport it. Yeah, sometimes it's just comfortable and it looks cool on you. So that's okay. Denver's the spot. There's a time and a place, you know. And that's okay. And you don't need to be able to do the thing that it looks like you can do. Exactly. Yeah.

I do ski. I do ski, though. He skis. I skateboard all the time now. He skis. I like to dress like a doctor and just...

in hospitals. I like to get in full scrubs, carry a little chart, and just hang out at a hospital. I love it. Just because it's comfy. Do you need brain surgery? No, I'm not a brain surgeon. Actually, I can't give brain surgery. Is that the beginning of Dream Team with Michael Keaton, right? And Christopher Lloyd is walking through the hospital. I've never seen it, but I'm going to say yes 100%. I love that you pulled out Dream Team with...

Well, those are two fantastic actors. Who is it? This movie is good. Would you say Daniel Day-Lewis and Michael Douglas? Michael Keaton. No, Michael Keaton. Heard of him. Michael Keaton. And Daniel Keaton, Lou Dog. Michael Keaton and who? And Christopher Lloyd. And Christopher Lloyd. Daniel Keaton. And there's a bunch of people. Oh, shit. Michael Keaton and Christopher Lloyd? That's a combo I never thought about. Wait, who the fuck is Daniel Lloyd? Are you tripping?

Did you say Daniel Lloyd? Who the fuck said Daniel Lloyd? I was having a laugh. You're having a laugh. I'm going to go. Sometimes on the podcast, sometimes it doesn't make sense and we're just having laughs. Well, fuck it.

Whatever. Go ahead. We have to shout out our guest list in Denver. Freaking Atiba was there. KB Malto. The whole Nike skate team. My freaking boys, dude. Actual skaters. We got to go out with them after the show. It was a freaking throw down. That was a blast. Throw it down, baby. We went to some bar that we were like, it's like a super cool dive bar. And we did have a good time there. But it was like...

We show up and it was just like two packs of girls celebrating their... Engagement. Engagement. Yeah, engagement parties. Yeah. And they all were from Omaha, dude. I loved it. I was with my people there. They're like, Omaha, Omaha. Yeah. Omaha? Not many of us leave Omaha. So when you see another Omaha out in the wild, you're like...

Look at you. Look at you out here mixing it up. Mixing it up. Did you call yourself? It's Omaha. You're an Omaha. Omaha. Yeah. Omaha. It's not high end.

Omaha. I think it's Omaha. I thought it was Omaha. Omaha. Yeah, I think it's either Omaha or Omaha. I'm finding either. So, dude, I can't wait to get to Omaha and call everybody. Oh, my. Hey, we're going to start that. That's going to be fun as hell, dude. Loose. Oh, it could be great. And we. And you know what? What I was so proud of us when we were in.

beautiful Denver. We left at an appropriate time. We didn't close the bar down. It was like 12, maybe 1230. We grabbed an Uber and we got our asses out of there. We were pretty blackout. Uh,

uh you guys were everyone's like man those shots killed me i was like didn't see shots happening oh really we were we might have took yours oh yeah you might have gobbled those up yeah i really cornered sean malto and was like so what is a kickflip in this why don't you play team sports traditionally team sports i don't feel like i think i was doing pretty good uh

It was a real brown out. You know, like I don't like I was definitely drunk. I definitely took those shots. Yeah. Multiple. Yeah. Yeager shots. And I remember everything. And but I don't remember going into my hotel room and getting ready for bed and going to bed. I remember that. That's that's. Wow, dude. You were very pleasant on the drive home. Yeah. You were saying really nice things to us. Well, I love fucking cool. And I want you to know I love you guys. And also it was nicer than that. I know.

It was really nice what you were saying, dude. What was I saying? It was a little too nice. You gave Blake a massage. Yeah, in the elevator, the quick kind. Yeah, and I was like, here, drink this champagne. You went down on Blake's toes. No, I remembered that. No, that was before I browned out. I also have to give a special shout out to my Uncle Steve, my Aunt Jeannie, my cousin Jonathan, who were at the show and haven't texted me since, so I hope you liked it.

Whoopsies! Not for us! A little too much porno talk for the fam. My bad. Denver was just like a walk-down porno memory. Was it?

Yeah, we were talking about on the computer and stuff and like Jay and Owen. Yeah, I talked about my friend's dad's garage computer. That's just a lot of porno talk. Sorry about that, Denver. Denver also a very cool theater. Huge theater. Yeah, it was like a church. It was fucking cool. Yeah, it did feel like a mega church. It felt like a mega church in a cool way. I felt at home as a righteous gemstone.

Yeah, or like some kind of a tech premiere or something like that. Premiering a new app. Yeah, dude. I'm hosting. I'm like the celebrity guest host of Adobe Max conference. The hell? Adobe? Adobe? Yeah, you've heard of Adobe. Yeah, they've been around forever. Dude, I love fucking. Can y'all say Adobe? Let me get into that. And it's in the Microsoft Theater. I think that's what it's still called. Yeah.

It used to be Kodak. Yeah. But it's like 6,000 people just fucking raring to go for Adobe. Dude, I love Adobe. I would love to... I might need to talk to you a little bit about even what Adobe is before I host this giant conference in front of 6,000 people. Absolutely. Give me a call. Anything you need from the Adobe Creative Cloud, I'm your guy, buddy. Hell yeah. All right.

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So then from Denver, we went home for a little bit. I did my PT. You guys hugged and kissed your children. Who told you that? Where are you getting your news? Cool. You can find me.

which was a long travel day. I just remember the travel days. That was a long one. Because we flew from LA to Atlanta back to St. Louis. Yeah. That was an early call. Adam early morning tricked us. I did an early morning prank. Well, because I've never missed a flight, right? And I keep saying this, so I'm probably going to miss one on this tour, but

Thank you, God! Is that true? I feel like you have missed flights. I've never missed a flight. I've missed a flight coming back.

fucking disaster my guy I've never missed a flight going to a place okay alright I didn't know the emotional truth is that no it's real I've never missed a flight going to do a show or going to do something I miss flights when I'm going home and I don't need to be home I could just stay at the it was specifically the flight I'm talking about is we were coming back from Miami and I was like we partied until like 6am and I was like I'm not gonna get on that flight

I'm going to stay here. Right. I will get another flight later or maybe tomorrow. Right. Right. So you've never missed a show that is corresponding to a flight. I've never missed a show. Yeah. Maybe that's a better way to put it. Yeah.

You constantly miss flights. I'm always missing flights. When I'm flying east, I'm missing flights. No, no, no. I've never missed a western leaf flight. It's the opposite. When I'm flying west, when I'm flying back to California, I might just go, I'm good. I'll stay another day. Yeah, I get that. I get that mentality. So...

Early morning flight. Early. I said, it was a 5 a.m. flight, or 5 a.m. pickup, 6.30 flight, I think. Oh, yeah. I said, hey, I'm not going to make it. I texted our manager. We're on the plane. I'm already 20 minutes away. They're already on the plane. And meanwhile, I'm on the gangway waiting to get on. And these guys were not happy when they saw me. No, no. It was not a funny prank. They were like,

Now your emotional truth is not true either. We didn't give a fuck. Isaac was pissed. Isaac was really frustrated. Blake said you were going to be a bad dad. Well, no. You gave me this look, Durbs, which is what I thought you were disappointed in me. You go... You gave me a thumbs up and a big eye like...

who gives a fuck no that was 7 a.m i was like all right you're here i knew that your parents were gonna be there and i was like dennis is subbing in it's gonna be us and yeah that shit would have been a more fun show it would have been at least for 10 minutes it would be very yes until my dad just doesn't say a word just sits there that shit's important nice

He'd just chime in with, nice. Nice. Yeah, baby. I get that, dude. Then I would just do what Dennis does. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. Nice. There you go. Tell you one thing, and then I'll tell you four things. Or nothing. Yeah. Isaac was fully got, though. He was just like flummoxed, and he was looking at us like, he's not here. He's 20. And he goes, the thing that actually made me go,

I love you, Isaac. He goes, he's 20 minutes from the airport. And I was like, how are we on the plane boarding and he's 20 minutes from the airport? That actually didn't make any sense to me. I just figured he slept in and got in the car late. I always get in the car late because we have a car service that picks us up. I do too. I always make them wait at least a half hour. I don't make them wait. I ask them to come later.

I make them wait because it's not my fault. Do not come. They're on the clock. You know the car is there. Adam's taking money out of their pocket by saying, no, don't you pay them until I'm ready. And I say, pay them, let them get their monies, and then... You should run the union, Durs. Do not come. You don't think I do? You don't think I do. When he said you were 20 minutes from the airport, I was like,

Something's fishy. I was like, did he miss his alarm? You're like, hold up. Wait a minute. But then I showed up and... And you put devil horns. Yeah, and Durst did his thing. Adam put devil horns on his head. He was like... He freaking joshed us. Ultimate 6-game josh. We got way-o'd. Way-o'd. Blake goes, when this dude has a kid, fucking dude. And I was like, well, I don't know what that has to do with this, but yeah.

You gotta pre-plan a lot. I just felt like I was caught. I did not know. And then we do the show in St. Louis, which I mean, super fun show. That was a fun one. We talked a lot about Nelly. And we saw that coming. Dude, I mean. We talked so much about Nelly. People thought Nelly was going to come out. We didn't. They were very disappointed. Yeah.

We all wore Air Force Ones. Wait, people thought Nelly was coming out? Yeah. I mean, goddamn, how sick would that have been? I mean, I didn't even... None of us have a Nelly plug, which... Now, if it was Shaggy, if we're doing a show in Jamaica... I have a Nelly plug. I just don't use it. I'm not going to use it for this. Oh, really? What are you saving it for? I'm just not going to use it for this. Yeah.

Your 60th birthday? Yeah, you're right. Fuck it. My 40th birthday is coming up, Ders. If you want to use the Nelly plug as my 40th birthday gift, I would mind that. That'd be pretty sick. I'll consider that. I'll put that in the pipeline. Okay.

And then we went out. My parents were at that show. That was fun. Then we went to the casino. I lost. We did. I forget how quickly you can lose money. I lost like $200 in like 15 minutes. I was like, no. I didn't realize your folks were coming out. I just bailed. I didn't go out because I thought you guys were just going to go to the casino. And I was like,

I'm not a gambler, really. That's right. Would have been nice to hang with your folks, though. Yes. It was. But luckily, they got to the show two and a half hours before the show started. Yeah. Like, literally, we had just walked through the door. We're going to do like a sound check. My parents are already like, hey, we're here. They beat us. Oh, hi. Hello.

It was nice, though. It was good to see them. They were like, yeah, we had a 4 p.m. dinner and then just wandered over. I'm like, 4 p.m. dinner? Okay. Yeah, first film. They're on Ozark hours. Is that right? Ozark time, yeah. Damn. Ozark. Damn, son. And then we moseyed on to beautiful Cleveland. Cleveland! Oh. It was Cleveland, the show that had the dope background? Yeah, Cleveland was like the old, like...

We were in a Masonic temple. Masonic temple, yes. Oh, that place was a fucking trip. Masonic the Hedgehog. Masonic the Hedgehog, dude. It was a trip. Yes, points! This place had ghosts for sure. Kyle says he thinks he saw one. Oh, dude, you could feel it. It was the most haunted place. Yeah, you could feel shit, like at least just a history of ghosts. I don't know if they were there, but you could feel it. They were there. Did a ghost say, all right, Ben, drink this and let me drink you off?

Dude, somebody was whispering something like that to me that night. I was tempted. That's the demons. But did a ghost say that? Yeah, did a ghost say, let me trick you off? The ghost was like, hey, drink that again. I'll trick you off. Let me trick you off.

69, dudes! And you know, lo and behold, a portal opened up there. Dude, it's still open. How crazy. It was so crazy. It's wild that every city we go to, this damn portal opens up and then the wizards come out and outstage us. It was fucking crazy, dude. Also, can we talk about, one second, Masonic Temple, there's a dude there dressed in like

what looks like chain mail armor from like the Renaissance fucking times or whatever. Oh, the stagehand guy. Like Ren fair style. Well, afterwards when we were doing meet and greets, no, like the guy who like worked there or was a member there. And I was like, is this what they wear? Is this the thing that they rock at their like cocktail hours? There was a ton of fucking costumes down in the basement of that theater. Blake and I got the tour. We went around and we saw, and we heard about a certain member of the crew. Did you,

You heard that, but did you hear when you got the tour? Yeah. Yeah. I heard it. It was nice. And I was tempted. Cool. Great. Anna's saying, no, it's just one of the guys who likes to dress up and he works there. He works there. That's what I was going to say. He likes to dress in his chain mail. Kyle, you snooze, you lose. Anna's on the podcast now. That's what I was going to say. But then when I was talking to him, that was when I felt the strongest presence. He was a ghost. I felt.

felt the strongest. Yeah, he was a ghost. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I felt like he was like I was in a tractor. Todd is saying his name is Kevin and he dresses up every night.

So, Kevin, it wasn't a special thing for us. That's how Kevin rolls. That is true. That's kind of a huge letdown. I mean, it makes me go, okay, cool. Kevin is cool. But at the same time, I just wanted, like, Friday nights at the Masonic Temple to be a bunch of dudes in long chainmail t-shirts. That would have been cool. Yeah. Dude, chainmail t-shirts. Just, like, talking about their jobs at, like, whatever. The temple. Let's go. Like, their jobs at fucking, like, Telemericorp. Yeah.

Yeah, because those were just like, I was trying to figure out what they did at Masonic Temples. Like, I just could not. What don't they do? That place is a freak show. Yeah, dude. I don't know. I don't know what it is. They do Standing 69. That's what they do. I'm going to come. Sick production. Sick plays. This theater was wild. There was a shooting range.

There was a shooting range in it. There was a massive fucking pipe organ. There was multiple theaters. Kyle, there was a shooting range? Yeah, but we didn't get to see that part, but they told me about that. Kevin told me about that afterwards. Hey, Kyle, let me see your pipe organ. They were just adding other stuff. They're like, yeah, there's a bowling alley. There's like a laser tag area. Dude.

Dude, there's water slides. Yeah, there's actually a log ride. You know, like when you're at Six Flags, there's a log ride so you can get wet if you want to. There was a scratching post and a Bengal tiger. They did say that that place goes off. It's like basically an EDM concert every weekend. They throw raves in there, right? Yeah, I bet it goes off, dude. That's probably fuego. It's like Blade. It's like the opening sequence of Blade where they're just like letting the

Blood pour out of him. Oh, the blood sprinklers, dude. Yes. Sacrifices.

Yes. So the Masons meet in Lodge for two things. To hold monthly stated meetings where they discuss the business of the Lodge, which operates as a non-profit entity. Tax write-off. And to progress candidates through the degrees of Freemasonry, which I don't know what that is. It seems like they should be laying bricks, but I don't think that that's what it is. Well, the whole place was made of bricks. Yeah, good call. These are private events that are open only to fellow Masons and Freemasons.

Maybe they fuck each other. I don't know. We don't know. We're not there. So we don't know if anyone's fucking each other or what they're fucking. We don't know. We don't know if that's definitely what happens. It sounds like it's a place where you can put your money into... You can hold your money there, like a bank that's a non-profit where you just let your money sit and you can write it off. It's a Freemason. It's a Freemason. It's free, my son. You can just put your money here, my son, and it's free. Okay, here we go. Yeah, points!

We hooked up with our friend Mary, which was good to see her. Her friend was celebrating her 40th birthday. We went out to an arcade bar and just sort of sat at that bar for a little bit and then went home. Yeah. We didn't go too crazy in Cleveland. That's because the Margaritaville across the street was closed. Yeah. We would have hit that one up.

But the next day, baby, we went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. We talked about it on the pods. We don't have to go into it, but it was fucking sick, dudes. Let's just say Sheryl Crow represented. We're all a little crow hard. Crow nuts over here. A little crow hard.

I like that to walk away from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was just Sheryl Crow's red bikini. The thing about Sheryl Crow, if she makes you happy, she can't be that bad.

That is well said. Well said. And then we had to make a drive from Cleveland after the Hall of Fame. We had to make a drive from Cleveland to Columbus in a sprint in like a party bus. Right. We had set and it's like a two and a half hour drive. Adam was just on the pole the whole time. We were we were all I couldn't stop shaking my little thing. And Cleveland.

It was two and a half hours. It was kind of a long drive. We were all starving. And he's like, I know just the place. And admittedly, when we pulled up, we were a little disappointed. We're like, this is the place? It's called Dirt Dutchman. This looks like a retirement home. This looks like my grandmother's like...

Wet dream, dude. But it was sick. Soggy grandma. Just like there was a guy like literally in a rocking chair. Yes. There was lots of rocking chairs. There was like seven of them out there. It looked like what would be set up outside of like a haunted house, a

Just a dude in a rocking chair and coveralls that is frozen until you walk by and he scares the shit out of your son. And he's a real person, yeah. Yeah, we thought he was Halloween decorations. And then we go inside and it's just like nothing, but they say it's going to be a 30-minute wait. We're kind of in a time crunch because we were too busy checking out Sheryl Crow. That's Sheryl Crow exhibit in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And then we're like, oh, man. And then we wander around and we see the most delicious...

Peanut butters and almond butters and jams and preservatives. And pickled beets. Pickled beets.

Just set up the geography for people. You walk into a vaulted 20, 30 foot ceilings and it's like a bakery with a gift shop on the side. And then upstairs, there's a whole store filled with knickknacks and paddy wax. Gave my dog a bone. Quilts and Amish quilts. Expensive Amish quilts. Two grand for an Amish quilt. Didn't think they'd go for that much, but the quality is...

It's science. I think one of us should have got one. So then we finally get sat and we're like, this better be worth it. And a lot of us got, Ders got a cool beige meal, but the rest of us got- Wet, wet, juicy turkey sandwich. Got a wet, wet, juicy turkey sandwich. But the rest of us- And someone has a picture. We should post that when this drops. We do need to post this. This thing was dressed- My meal looked like Adam right now. Yeah.

All one color. Just all kind of funky beige mix. A lot of warm browns. They call me warm brown. That's your street ball name? Yeah. But there was a buffet that was so banging. It was like Thanksgiving had just dropped, but also Thanksgiving where there's fried chicken. And did I have the wet ham and fried chicken and the mashed potatoes?

And the gravy. And the green beans. And the carrots. Kyle stayed vegetarian on that one. I stayed vegetarian on this meal. Nothing made me jump off the fucking train. Dude, and your plate looked unbelievably sad. It looked like it was longing for something. I eat because I'm on Hoppy. Everyone was like, why didn't you bring up how sad Kyle's plate was on the podcast? And I'll be honest...

It was sad, but not memorable enough even for me to just bring up in front of 2,000 people. Dude, you don't remember. Wait, who said that it was sad? Who said? Isaac. Isaac and Kyle were like, I'm surprised you didn't bring up how sad the plate was. And I was like, it's forgettable, Kyle.

No, it was really in the moment. I remember looking at you because we all got to go to the buffet and we were very hungry and I came back with this pretty light plate and you hadn't had. Yeah, you didn't fill the plate even, which is depressing. Which, my God, I treated it like it was Thanksgiving. I had like two full plates. The cause of diarrhea. Ders had not gotten his meal yet and he looked at my plate and he was very disappointed and he said, it's not enough. Yeah.

If you're doing buffet, you got to fill the plate in some comical way. It's not enough. I loved it. Is the Dirt Dutchman. Was it worth it? Because I, for one, think it was a grand slam. Yes. If you're in Ohio, go to Dirt Dutchman. There's a few of them, actually. Yeah, there's like, I want to say four or five of them. And if you're in Ohio and you're driving around Amish country and you're hungry for a full blown meal.

Thanksgiving dinner meal with fried chicken and milkshakes and a salad bar and bread pudding. By the way, watching you guys go to the buffet, people kept saying to me, you're smart, man, just ordering off the menu of this buffet. It's going to kill us. I'm like, I still ordered a giant gargantuan sandwich covered in gravy and a milkshake. That was the healthy choice. There, you were healthy. What? What?

And then, last but certainly not least, and maybe one of the most memorable shows just because a true life hero came out to the show and then hung out with us afterwards for a little while. I appreciate that. Kyle Gass from Tenacious D came to the show, and it was a raucous, banging show. I really like that show because one of the stagehands kept being like,

well, your fans are wild. Yeah, right. Right. That he's like, Hey, seems like they're having fun out there. Dude, that was one of the best parts before the show started. Everybody was chanting. Let's get weird. I was getting fricking hyped backstage, dude. No. Yeah. And the backstage guy who looked like a fireman had retired and just taking this cool job to like, make sure like everything was safe here. Definitely like heard us before, like doing our sound check and was like, well, if the kids are happy, uh,

To see what these guys are doing. That's fun and that's cool. I forget where we were. I think we were. Where were we? But it might have been St. Louis at the Stifle Theater where we were doing our sound check. And, you know, we're being loud and idiots. And the woman put her fingers in her. She was. That was Columbus. Oh, was that Columbus? Yeah. You see her putting her fingers in her ears. Right up. I was like, I don't want to even hear. Well, she didn't want to ruin the show, I think.

She's a huge fan. She said no spoilers, please. She mouthed tight butthole to me. No spoilers for our fully rehearsed podcast.

Yeah.

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Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Well, it's cool that the wizards come for soundcheck, you know? Yeah. That is wild that they show up early through a quick portal, do a quick soundcheck. Uh, and then, and then they did. We know their lyrics too. So if the portal doesn't open, we can kind of run through it for them. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy, dude. And then that was the tour, man. And,

And then now we got a little time off. That's the first leg. That's the first leg. And we got a row of true bangers, dude. There's some cities that are going to come up that we're going to, you know, another portal might open. They can sing different songs. Other musical elements could come in the mix. You never know what's going to happen on the TII live tour. And I know people at home are like, you guys keep saying like a portal is going to open up. We know it's you.

Shut up, bitch. It's not us. You're being annoying now. Quit being a dumb bitch. And what we have to say to that is, nuh-uh. Shut up, nuh-uh. Also, why would we do that? Shut up! Thinking that we're the wizards and not

magical portals opened up it's so cringe it bothers me yeah it's so cringe like why would we split our audience why would we why we willfully split our audience that's bonkers yeah it doesn't make any sense how about you take a business class you bitch it's you're so cringe yeah i wish this is like market value and decrease yeah you're so cringy bitch cringing they're cringing and i wish they would say less uh so on october 12th and the 13th thursday and friday we'll be in indianapolis

And then Louisville, baby. Oh, yeah. And then we go to Atlanta, Georgia. We're just doing one show that weekend. So Atlanta, you better show up because we're going to be on Fuego. Wait, so will you say these dates? So these people who think we're the Wizards, you can see you can come and see a fucking portal opens up. Yeah, you be the judge. October 12th.

Indianapolis. October 13th, Louisville, Kentucky. Heard of it. Hell yeah. October 20th, we go to Atlanta, Georgia. Heard of it. That's going to be a blast. Then the 26th, we're in Salt Lake City, which those tickets are selling fast. You better scoop them up. Oh my God. Seattle, we're just about sold out. So truly get those very, very fast. Yes. Very excited for Seattle. That's going to be our Halloween show. Should we come dressed up? You never know. Whoa.

We got to come dressed up. Maybe the Wizards just do that entire podcast. Who knows? Oh, well, I don't know. I have to talk to them. And then November 9th, a couple days after my 40th birthday. So maybe I drink 40 shots in 40 minutes during the podcast. Give me a hell.

40 shots of beer. Malort. No, Malort. You got to have a gorilla ass fart, bro. We're going to make you a gorilla ass fart now. Please do. Classic. November 9th, San Jose. November 10th, Grand Prairie, Texas. Texas Trust CU Theater. Never been to Grand Prairie. Is that outside of Dallas or something? Is that right?

Can we just tell San Jose to show up? Come on, San Jose. Which, by the way, SJ Sharky has been in our DMs. The rumor's having it that he's going to be there. Oh, shit. There's rumors that the Sharky's going to show up and the Wizards might show up? This is fucking wild, dog. Do you think he'll come out of a portal? SJ is in the DMs, dude. So we shall see. So it's SJ the Shark.

SJ Sharky, baby. So pull up San Jose. Come on, San Jose. That's Bay Area. This is on Blake and Kyle. I know. That's why I want to just take a moment and be like, come on, everybody. Let's go to San Jose. My mom will be there and SJ Sharky will be there. Hey, Kyle. What? You guys don't beg these people. Hold them accountable. I'm convinced. This is your community. They should show up for you. Hey, come on. Okay, sorry. How should I phrase it?

You're putting the onus on you. The onus. First of all, do you even know about onuses? I don't. The way he looked at me was like I just pulled a 6am prank at him, bro. Take the onus. The onus is on your community, man.

are they going to show up or not? Come on. That's what I'm saying. Come on, San Jose, show up. Let's do it. Fuck your onus, Kyle. Your onus is being a bitch right now. The onus isn't on you. Wait, so you think me saying come on is begging? That's like a kid. You shouldn't even have to ask. You're trying to say let's go. This is such a privilege for you to come home to your town and give back to them. That's right. That's right. And November 10th, we will

be in Grand Prairie, Texas, and I believe that's in Dallas. No one is letting me know whether it is or not, so I'm assuming it is. I think it's on the outskirts. Or Houston? I think it's the outskirts of Dali. Is that Grand Prairie? Yeah, I think it's the outskirts of Dali, yes. So we're going to wear skirts to the show. It's going to be fun. Do we have producers? No, we're not.

No, they left. They left. They were in the restroom. You can find them. Yes, Dallas. We got yes, Dallas. Also, you know what's really close to Dallas? The Buzz Balls HQ. So we might have extra Buzz Balls on deck. We might be getting

buzzed up. By the way, those buzz balls are flying. Bring your baseball gloves because you'll need them. A few people have caught buzzies to the head. Allegedly, maybe have hit someone in the face. Allegedly, some people have been hit in the head by buzz balls. And they signed NDAs. And I've been told, yes, Dallas, I fucking

Nailed it. November 10th. Nice. We will be in Grand Prairie, Texas. That would be epic if people brought their baseball gloves to catch buzz balls at the beginning of the show. It would be safe. It would be safe. Because the onus isn't on us. It's for you to catch it. And the onus is on you to bring the safety equipment.

Austin, Texas, November 12th. That one is going to be awesome. We know that that's a banger. That's a Sunday show, so we're going to need people to let's go. Yeah, let's talk to people about Sunday shows. Just because it's Sunday and you've got work the next day, like, come on. We're still throwing down. Oh, wow.

Yeah, try and not pay attention to your Sunday Scaries, okay? Let's just put the Sunday Scaries down. Come out and pretend it was fucking Saturday. Remember when I said Sunday Scaries on the podcast and you guys lit into me? I still don't love it. I'll say it.

I'll say it. I don't remember litting into you. I don't remember litting into you. Yeah, you guys were all like, I've never heard that in my fucking life, dude. Bro, you lit into him. Did you make that up? And I'm like, no. I've never heard it. But then once you did explain it, it made a lot of sense to me, and I get it. And now I'm fully adopting it and trying to...

I still don't get it. I don't understand what's scary. What is scary? It's anxiety about the week. It's like you're thinking about what you're supposed to do. Yeah, we didn't mean to lit it so far into you. As the mayor of Titty City, I take that apology and I put it between my big, beautiful breasts. I put up my ass. Okay, so is that how we're kicking off Take Backs and Apologies? No, we still got a little run here.

November 16th, Portland, Oregon. November 17th, Oakland, California. There we go. Let's go. Then we go to San Diego, California. All those people that are like, why aren't you doing more California dates, you dumb bitch? We're there November 8th. So show up, baby. Because the onus is on us. The onus is on us. And so we booked it. The onus is on us. We answered your onuses and we have...

I showed up. And then we... Okay. What Kyle said. Thank you. Then we go back to Texas. San Antonio, Texas, November 30th. Popovich. December 1st. Friday, December 1st. Sugar Land, Texas. Hello. Ooh. Sugar Land Express, baby. That's H-Town. Which is right outside of Houston. Hello. Beyonce. We should all do our best Beyonce impressions.

Then we're going to go on a New York run. November 5th, Huntington, New York. November 6th, Newark, New Jersey. Very shagadillic. November 7th, we're doing the Beacon Theater, which is a fucking huge deal, guys. Is this November? Are you saying this right? Is this still November? Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Do you actually mean December? December 6th to December 7th, December 8th. We do a New York run of Huntington, New York, the 5th, Newark, New Jersey, the 6th.

New York. New York. New York, the 7th. And then we go to Ben Salem, Pennsylvania at the Parks Casino, December 8th. If you make it Newark...

You can make it anywhere. Is it Newark? Newark. What did I say? Did I say New York? Yeah, but I'm just saying if you can make it in Newark, you can make it anywhere. Well said. Absolutely. Our last few dates of the tour. This is sad, guys. This is our last weekend right here. Tulsa, Oklahoma, December 14th, December 15th, which is a Friday. We go to Kansas City, Missouri at Midland Theater. Yes. And then we end it.

In my home city of Omaha, the Omahaniacs. That shit's important. Omaha, Nebraska. They're going to run wild on you, brother. December 16th, Saturday, baby, at the beautiful Orpheum Theater where I did my special there. Oh, that's cool. I love it. And then group suicide pack. We could do the group suicide pack. Talking about Buff Joe's suicide wings, bro. Let's get it. Death by runs us. I feel like in Omaha, we're going to have to try...

We need some both Godfather's Pizza and Valentino's Pizza. And you guys can tell me what you like better. This is a slice place? This is pizza place, but they're both Omaha based. Are they like, you got to buy a whole pizza or is this like a walk up, get a slice? You have to buy a whole pizza. So we'll just have it there. We'll just get a few pies before the show and then we can do a little taste test. Hang on. You have to buy a whole pizza. Got it. Yeah.

Now I get it. And we'll have a stack of runs. Do we act like it's a football game and we get some t-shirt cannon guns and shoot runs us out into the crowd? Yes. I mean, I would love to just slang them. Like I try to get those hot pockets to the top deck of the fucking whatever theater that was. You're getting close, dude. I feel like you're going to get to the top deck very soon. I've hit the balcony, I think, three times trying to get stuff up there.

Oh, you got something up there. Didn't you get the Hot Pocket up there? Maybe. Maybe the Hot Pocket went. I feel like you got the Hot Pocket box up there. Well, you don't throw buzz balls that far because that's... No, no, no. That would murder. But we've been throwing t-shirts and...

I think Cleveland was home base of Hot Pockets, so they get a ton of Hot Pockets. St. Louis, I threw Air Force Ones. Oh, yeah, that's right. Bolo style, if you know what that means. And just fell short, hit the balcony, fell down, killed the man. So we don't throw hardball.

hard things like buzz balls. We throw really soft things like Air Force Ones, like size 13. Size 12. Like giant Air Force Ones. Sorry. Sorry. And seven pound frozen hot pockets. You're a fucking disaster, my guy. So we're about a third the way through of the podcast. I mean, we're... What?

Not this one. The tour. Two more hours, guys. Buckle up. How long did we sign up for today? I mean, we still have quite a bit of tour left, but I mean, some of these cities we're going to go hog wild. Oh, my God. And it's going quick, man. This tour is flying by, dude. It's a blast. So get out here and party with us. You know what? As much as doing the show in front of the people, that's obviously that's so damn fun. I want to say I love you guys, and it's so much fun.

to just be with my boys. Sorry, Darius. Sorry this is making you uncomfortable. But it's so fun to be with my boys and just hang out like we used to live together and like we used to just hang out on a Tuesday. It was a blast. It is. I'll say that one of my favorite things in life is to look across the airplane aisle to you guys. It's always fun to just like turn back and be like, what are you doing?

He's the thing. It is tight, dude. I'm watching the whale again. I don't know why, but for whatever reason, it's always like... Dude, it's because it always brings a smile to your face. No matter what you're doing, they could be listening to music and you're like, look at Blake go. Just kind of jamming out right now. Yeah. Blake's this close to his laptop fucking doing whatever. He's always...

so close. My hair and face hides the porno. And then Ders is always, you're like, what movie is this guy getting into right now? You know, he dug in the Delta crates and he found some good. I do like to. And you're like, look at Kyle sleeping, just mouth gape. So tired. So tired constantly. Yeah, like just needing lots of sleep. Yeah.

What's Adam doing? I'm usually getting up and stretching next to where the stewardesses are. He's strapping that fucking vibrating belt to his body. Look at him go. Look at him do his therapeutics on the flight. I would love to kick this thing off with a compliment to Adam. Dude, your body is doing great out there on the road, dude.

Well done. Yeah. I will say I'm stretching more than I've ever stretched. And I think it is helping. Like, I'm every night before I go to bed, every morning. Anytime I'm in my hotel room. As long as you're not browned out. I think I stretch maybe too hard. Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. Oh, so you go home drunk and you just lay in bed stretching? No, I lay on the floor. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Not in bed. Nice. Yes. And I have found, like, we're staying at really nice hotels.

Their floors, still pretty disgusting. I found a guy's whole bottom of his foot. He just peeled his skin off of his foot and then just flew it. Like a snake? It was like a chunk of snake skin, but it was obviously a man's foot. A foot shedding? Yeah. A foot shedding. So it's not just me when I'm doing my downward dogs and doing my little hip wiggle stretches and doing my little... Breathing deeply, sucks up under your nose. Yeah.

But thank you, Blake. Yeah, you're doing great, bud. I just went to the rheumatologist the other day and he's like essentially he's the doctor that after you go to every other doctor in the fucking world, he's the one that does like the detective work to find out what's wrong. Ruma has it.

I still have to go back one more time and he might tell me, oh, I have some horrible disease. But as of right now, he's like, I think you just broke your body. He's like, I think you. Hey, until then, cheers. I'm still going to send it. He's like, I think you worked out too hard and you over text your body and you took your body to the limit because of your injury when you're a kid.

Right. You just you went too hard in the paint, essentially. Sorry, Dr. Brosark. He's like, you went too hard in the paint. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like he's saying that you because he's saying you have an injury from when you were a kid and you've pushed that or he's saying because you had an injury like mentally, you push it to the limit. One leg is longer than the other, which causes which can cause a lot of problems with your gait and everything. And he's like, oh, yeah, right. I think you didn't stretch as properly as you should have.

all that bike riding and all that CrossFit exercising I was doing. Because I was doing, I take like maybe one day off a week. And a lot of times I do seven days. And you would never just sit like figure four style to loosen up your hips? I would never. No. Oh, it's so important. I might do some like quick lunges or just pull my leg back. There's your take back. And so essentially he's like, it's going to be a long process of just rehab, just physical therapy. It's science. I don't know how to be in physical therapy probably for...

months and months and months and months and months. I can't wait for you to be so flexible that whenever we're just sitting around doing whatever, sound check, you're just in the splits. I just put my foot behind my head real quick. You're eating your own asshole. Yeah, I'm just eating my own butt real quick before the show. Adam's like, how's my mic? And I'm like, I don't know about your mic, but my mic's on. Is this thing on? Whoever's like, Kate is dropping off the salads before the show. I'm just eating my own salad.

That's pretty good. Point. Toss in his own salad, baby. We did have mint. What city was it where we had the mint jelly with the fucking hush puppies? That was St. Louis. That was the barbecue in St. Louis. And I believe that from the original tossed salad comedy bit.

that it's like the dude would put mint jelly in a butthole and eat it. That's right. Which I don't know if like... That helps. What original bit is that? Chris Rock. Chris Rock essentially was the one who put tossing salads on the map because it was on a show that he was watching about like life in prison. He's like, I like to toss a salad. I put mint jelly in there and fucking...

So they were talking about it in prisons? Oh, shit. I forget that bit. He's talking about eating ass? He popularized the term. He just keeps getting better, dude. Chris Rock. One of our best. Alright. So any takebacks? Any apologies? Any epic giveaways? What are we

I gave my compliments. I'm a little upset I didn't try the green jelly. Mint jelly, dude. I guess I'm sad. You never had it? You had to go back to St. Louis. No, and I didn't even grab it when we were there. Was Green Jello the name of the band that did Three Little Pigs? Green Jelly? Yeah. Oh, Green Jelly or Jello? Jelly. Green Jelly. Yeah, that's a jam. You know what I should probably mention is I'm having a child, dude.

I'm going to be a dad. Yeah, let's save that for Indianapolis. I was letting you bring that up. Well, I've already said it. I've already said it. We'll get into it. Okay, well, fuck it. We'll get into it. We'll get into it. You guys already knew. Epic moment of gratitude, bro. Epic moment of gratitude, yes. Absolutely. Huge news. Very exciting. Unbelievable. Fucking congrats, dude. Who would have believed it?

Not Blake when he saw me get on that flight. When he saw me get on that flight, when he thought I was going to miss that flight. He was like...

He goes, I can't remember the wording. He was like, can you imagine when he's going to be a dad? And I was like, I think your anger is displaced. Harsh. I was saying because you have to prep so much earlier and leave the house so much earlier. I didn't say he's going to be a bad dad. Dude, but then... I didn't say you said that. Adam's going to be an amazing father. I didn't say you said he's going to be bad. No, Blake said...

I didn't say shit, bro. It sounds like you said something. It sounds like you said something. Something was said, and let's save it for beautiful Indianapolis. I think something was said. I'm going to hit you with the nap. Indianapolis and Louisville this coming weekend. Yeah, we'll get into it.

bro. Let's really peel these layers back. It sounds like you're talking shit, Blake, and I did not see that coming from you. You're going to be a bad dad before we even have the camera. He didn't say you're a bad dad. No, he didn't say bad dad. He said something to the effect of, and can you imagine he's about to be a dad? And I said, you know what, buddy? I'm

Those are your words, not mine. Right on. And then you went... Yeah, we all hate each other now. We all fucking hate each other. The podcast is ruining our relationship. I don't. I love you guys. Most of that just went over my head. Alright. What else is new? And that's another episode of...

This is important. See you on the tour, y'all. We're coming to a city for you. Block the fucking portal.

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