Ep 153: Adam’s Got A Beard & We Have To Talk About It 01:16:43

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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... That looks like a filled-to-the-brim jar of hot dog-flavored water. You good? Yeah.

Yeah, Kyle's like a porno lifeguard. I'm into like safe kinks. You have some of the cleanest cats I've ever seen. Here we go. Start your engines. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Wow. The chocolate stop fish in the hot dog flavored water. Nucky Grandma! Oh, God.

Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling. And what are we singing? You don't remember the line that changed our lives? I honestly don't know what that is. Fred Durst? The chocolate starfish and the hot dog flavored water. But what song is that? That's from the album. I keep rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling. That's like at the top of the album, I think. Yeah.

That is an album I've never heard. I know the Rollin' Rollin' song, but yeah. Yeah, it's the album title, and I think it's just at the beginning. And they say it right at the beginning of the album, and it's the album that changed all of our lives, if I remember correctly. Is a chocolate starfish a butthole? I'm assuming so. Yeah, chocolate starfish is a butthole, yeah. And hot dog flavored. Dr. Starfish. What's hot dog flavored water? That's exactly what it is.

pee pee I think he was just like kind of he was or is it like I think it's just what it sounds like or is it like squirt is it squirt squirt is pee squirt do you think it's squirt squirt is pee oh it's squirt squirt is not pee Blake come on buddy squirt is pee well let's agree that let's get right to it the hot dog would be the penis right and then the flavored water oh hot dog flavor holy shit you're

So butthole and penis and jism. Yeah, I think that probably makes the most sense. I never ever thought about this. Hang on a second. I'll be right back. Hot dog flavored water, I'll be right back. You're saying that hot dog flavored water is jism? That's what he's saying. It makes sense. That's what he's saying. I don't know if it's like a euphemism. Do you want me to do the intro again? Because I can, Durs. Yes, yes. Real quick. Chocolate starfish in the hot dog.

Hot dog flavored water. Wow. Dirt should blow my mind. We're getting into it so fast. That is a butthole. I never thought about that, though. Like.

I've been saying that for fucking 20 years. I never thought about that. Every wedding toast you've ever done. Hey, Boston, Chicago, get ready. Get ready. Hot dog flavored water. Get ready to learn. By the way, I think we're going to do like a Q&A for every show. Or if there's just knowledge that you want to bestow upon us, we'll read it out loud. Oh, yeah. We're going to have it.

education hour. A moment of facts. Yeah. And quick, a moment of facts. Yeah.

Can we talk about how Adam looks like one of the Jonas Brothers with that beard? Hello. Which one do you know? Thank you so much. I just watched, I think you know him. The one who was in that show, that movie, Goat. Oh, I saw that flick. Nicholas? Yeah. Who is that, though? Nick. Nick Jonas? Nicholas. Old St. Nicholas. Turst, that movie's fucking nuts. Nicholas. Yeah, it's pretty good. It starts off real strong, and then it's like...

Long bits of hazing that you're kind of like, I get it. These guys are... Yeah, like torture. Yeah, but Ders probably loves that stuff. Well, no, because they weren't women or pregnant. Were you rock hard with all the hazing? They weren't women and they weren't pregnant, so it just really doesn't do anything for me. Yeah! That didn't quite do the trick for our boy Ders over there. There you go. Honestly, I was watching with my phone out, just watching women being pushed down stairs in wheelchairs.

Oh, crazy. Oh, Jersey. That's crazy, dude. But that's just me. That's just wild me. Yeah, that's just Jersey. That and people throwing cats. I was just... How was...

Why did you bring up Nicholas? Oh, because I look just like him? Yeah, because you're braided. Yeah, because your beard looks like what he looks like with a beard. Right. Yeah. It does not come in that well. Can we see it from the sides real quick? Can I catch the side glimpse? Oh, wow. Look at that. Look at it coming on the side right there. Wow, dude. Look at how that thing cuts. Do you shave the shape of it? This is all natural. No. I mean, I shaved the neck. I shaved the neck. Oh, yeah.

Your left side is definitely weaker than your right side. Yeah. Adam, you could do mutton chops. No problem. Yeah. Oh, dude, I had mutton chops in high school. My shit came down to here. I think they came down to here when I first met you guys. Your shit looks fucking thick lamb chops, bro. Yeah.

fucking disaster, my guy. No, he's not a disaster. He's Omaha's finest. This isn't that much. I mean, I don't know. This isn't disaster worthy. Is it disaster or is it coming in proper? It's gorgeous. Adam, you were the kind of kid who like as a senior, like if you, like let's say I'm a freshman and I go to high school week one and I see a kid like you with mutton chops down here. Yeah.

I'm like, I can't keep up. I can't handle this. There's a man in this school. Yeah, it's true. Thank you for saying that. Because that's all I ever had was the mutton chops. I couldn't ever do a stash. I still can't. This stash is not great. It's just wispy. It's wispy. Yeah, whisper to me. It's the same amount of hair. It's just all blonde. It came in completely blonde.

Can you come a little closer? The lighting's not doing it justice. Fucking thing sucks! Oh, wow, it is longer. Oh, God. It is much longer than I would have expected. Oh, wow, it is long. Actually, that's great. You've got a gray stache. No, it's blonde as hell. It's not gray. You've got a gray mustache, dude. No, I do. Mine is white. Is it really? Is it?

What? Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Gray stash. See, but you have the red base, I feel, that sort of offsets it. It does. Because from a distance, it looks red. Yeah, it looks like I have a candy cane pinned under my nose. Mine's at a great length right now. It's not a great length, but it's long. Get close, baby. Let's see it. What are we doing? Come on. Come on now.

Oh, damn. Yeah, you got a real cookie duster. You got a real cookie duster, brother. What the hell's a cookie duster? That's what a mustache is. Why? What do you dust cookies? I don't understand. What is that? Well, think about it, Adam. Think about it. I think cookies are coochie. Yeah. When you're putting a cookie in your mouth, you're dusting it. It's like a little broom on the way in. Yeah, it's a cookie duster. You see what I'm saying? So, yeah, but it could be a lasagna duster. It could be a chicken pot pie duster. A lasagna duster.

Lasagna better not be dusty, brother. What kind of oven do you have? Do you have dusty lasagna? Oh, shit. Oh, there's Isaac. Isaac popped in like a weirdo, bro. I just saw a ghost. I just saw a ghost. Isaac popped in so scary. Oh, my God. My God. What the fuck? I like how off-put TII Nation is by Isaac. They're like, I did not expect him to look like that.

Is he okay? He looks so white. He looks like a Kabuki theater mask. Well, all the screen grabs they have of him are fucking... He's scared because he accidentally clicked into the thing. Yes, punch! And it's all from, like, right here. It's all like...

And is so nervous that he's interrupting because he is. I'm on live. I can't believe he hasn't accidentally shown up butt naked yet. Oh, yeah. When we do the tour, he should just roll on stage once a show and just be like, whoops, sorry. Literally roll? I might be rolling on the tour. I might be rolling on stage. Oh, really? Yeah, it's possible. Whoa. That's fine. I actually like that. Have we told the story about Isaac at Comic-Con where...

We like rolled into the hotel. Duncan! I keep rolling, rolling, rolling. And then we like knocked on his door just to be like fucking whatever. And then we walked back to our rooms down the hall and he pops out butt naked and is like, allegedly. And the door closed. I remember that.

And he couldn't get back in his room. And we all collapsed on the floor, dying, laughing. Where was that? Where were we? It was Comic-Con. It was. It was like. Comic-Con. Yeah. Oh my God. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Because it was straight out of like Ghostbusters. Rick Moran is trying to go back to the room and just like full body into the

Yeah, and then he had to walk down the hallway butt-ass naked and we had to like give him a towel and call down to the front. I had to blow him and then he... Do you guys remember that? Yeah, we all had to take turns fucking Isaac. Yeah, well he needed to go soft. I was like, I bet you can't put your legs behind your head and then he did and I was like, now I know. He was having trouble softening up, you know. It's science. It's science. It's science.

Yeah. It's science. It is. 10.

Dang. I think TK came out of the room. I think TK came to the rescue. Thank goodness, man. Oh, because they were probably sharing a room or something. Wait, that's interesting. Why was... Because TK wasn't going to pay for a room. And that's perfectly logical. But Isaac was naked in the room? Isaac was naked. Isaac was sleeping. He popped out. TK? Where are you going with this? I'm just wondering. Did you guys see my post about how I had... I sent you guys the text about...

We're very grateful to get texts. Thank you. And I'm happy to give them and I'm happy to receive them. I love you guys. Jeremiah Johnson up there. Dude, I saw something in my foot and it's been there for a little while. And I thought it was a splinter or some shit. But it's been in there for... I've noticed it a while. But I'm like, it's way down. My feet are already...

mangled and gross so I've sort of given up on keeping them nice and I finally so you thought it was a splinter that you were just going to be like that'll sort itself out well usually they kind of push themselves out and but I kept noticing it and for sure so it was deep it was really deep you could see it under layers of skin or something it was pretty deep and I was it was there and it was hard I could feel it and I was hard these type of details are not hashed out through text what was hard? laughing

Yeah, I put a little poke coming through on me. And, uh... I...

So I took, I was like, Chloe, can I get some tweezers? She gave me the tweezers and I dug, dug down there, but I was watching TV as I was doing it. And I'm just like kind of plucking around on there and I felt it and I'm like pulling on it and it just keeps coming and keeps coming. And I looked down and it's two, it's two giant strings hanging out of my skin. And it's a stitch from 1995. Wow.

Dude, that's fucking bizarre. That is wild. Like you have a stitch in your body from 95. You haven't had surgery or stitches on there since then. You can really date that back to 95. I did not have surgery on my toe since the accident. And I remember that's the toe that fell off in the bathtub when I was jerking off. Okay. Okay. And so half that toe has fallen off. So there's still a nub.

And they barely attached it. And they're like, it probably will fall off. Half of it did. And the other half survived. And it's now been really hard. And it's doing a great job for me. So this stitch was keeping that toe on. So I had to go to a foot doctor the other day to have them remove it. Podiatrist. I love how Kyle's like, you know how smart I am? I know podiatrist. Podiatrist. I just learned that. I got to go to one.

Well, he was foot and ankle too. He's a foot and ankle specialist. So is that a podiatrist? See, that's what I just said. My ankle is fucked up. Yeah, bro. Yeah. It's like how ear, nose, and throat are all kind of a thing when you are a Kyle. ENT. Brocologist. ENT. Brocologist. Horticulture. Oh, horticology? No, no, no. That is, no, horticology is the study of plants.

Okay. Go off. And ear, nose, and throat is just an ENT, an ear, nose, throat guy. You go to ENT. No, there's got to be a cooler name. A butt doctor is a proctologist. A butt doctor. Proctology. What about the nipples? That's what he knows. The nipples. Mammary. Mammary.

Mammal. Yeah. Mammal. So, you know, this little thread is from 1995. That's kind of vintage, baby. So is it out? Did he take it out? He took it out. Yeah. And what is he saying? What is he doing the whole time? Is he like, we get this all the time or this is an uncommon. He's like having an Indiana Jones moment. No, he was like, this is this is insane. Usually they come out within weeks and weeks.

this must have been super deep. And I was like, well, I almost lost that toe. And he's like, yeah, my guess is this was what, this was their Hail Mary to let you keep this toe. As they just literally tied it on with a stitch. And they're like, hopefully this stays. Oh, so when the toe fell off, that was when the stitch had failed. Well, no, because the stitch kept the base on, attached, right?

But the top part was so giant. It was like charred. So it's just black nub. And they're like, it'll probably fall off. And I told the story. I was jerking off for one of the first times in the bathtub and my toe fell off. Yeah. Of course. Come on fire. As it does. So yeah. Legendary jerk session, bro. How good was that? Oh, that your toe just shot off. You were curling the toes and it was like, yo. Good, good, good, good.

Durs got it. This dude got Eagle Claws. It might have been one of the first blasts, one of the first hot dog flavored waters that I shot. Oh, damn. I can't believe that that's come, dude. That's insane to me. I never thought about that. It might be one of the first hot dog flavored waters that I blasted. That's your first batch? How did I miss it? That was Adam's first batch. I won't say that it is the first. In the water, too, dude. But it was...

It was right around the time that I was learning my body. It was, what, sixth, maybe seventh grade. I was figuring it out. Hang on. Let me paint this real quick. Yeah, paint. Please paint. Wait, are you? Where's my hazel? Yeah. That's cool, man. So that might have been your first batch. Okay. So we think that this was like a inner space.

That they did like inside the flesh before they close it up with like outer stitches maybe. Yeah. Inner stitch. Stitch goal. Yes, points. Blake did bring up a good point. Aren't those supposed to dissolve if they put it in the body? Well, there's permanent stitches and there's dissolving stitches. What are permanent stitches? Ones that they have to eventually pull out them later? That they pull out. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's very normal. I just had stitches for my hip because I had hip surgery a few weeks ago. I just had those stitches removed. And it's super easy. Those are just shoelaces. Have you ever had staples in your arm? Kyle, great question. Oh, dude. Tons of staples. I've done the staple thing. This booty used to be called Staples Center. My back and my legs were completely stapled. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, I probably. Oh, you had like that sexy like goth girl tattoo that goes up the back of the leg. Oh, yeah. I probably had like two dozen staples on the back. Exactly. That's a staple on my back. Back of my leg. The bride of Chucky shit up the back of the leg. Oh, boy. Don't you walk away from me with that. You might feel some coming through on you. Did you guys see Miguel? Miguel did a concert where he's hanging from hooks like S&M style. Oh.

Not for me. Yeah, he came out and he flew out and he has hooks on his back that are through his skin and he's doing it. And I was like, that's a great idea for the live show. Maybe... Dude, let's go. That's when coffee in the morning just doesn't wake you up enough. Yeah, you have to have something that excites you. That's the name of one of his songs. So that's... I've seen that before where they put those giant hooks through the skin and... Are you laying... Was he laying flat or like feet down? No, he was flying through the air, dude.

This dude thought he was like from The Cell. Anna just posted the TMZ article. Take a quick clicker. Remember the movie The Cell? Remember when Miguel fucking leg dropped that girl at his concert? It was epic.

He tried to jump it. Was that him? Yeah. Were you guys with... I got wasted with Miguel at some party for our agency. Yeah. And he was like, come in here. Let's hook up. And you're like, I don't want to. I'm not interested in you. And he's like, that's not what I'm talking about. Check out these hooks. And you're like, I'm really now running from this place. Yeah. Look at this shit. Look at this. Dude, this shit is insane. This looks like...

Remember the dude in fucking Beetlejuice that would, like, when he went to the afterlife and he would, like, get pulled around? He's, like, hanging up because he got ran over by a... Oh, yeah, for sure. That's what this shit looks like. I gotta rewatch Beetlejuice. Oh, Beetlejuice is so good. Yeah. I'm so glad there's not a sequel yet, but there will be. So, how does he do this? I mean, what in the David Blaine is going on here? Dude, this is great.

By the way, I still like that joke form. People saying what in the something. So it's piercings. It's like bar piercings that are in deep enough that then you can attach hooks to it and stretch your skin. And I guess like... Look at this mic cord going up there. And I'm saying...

For the live show, just to spice up maybe Columbus. You know, Columbus, Ohio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not saying that it needs it. Not saying that. I don't know what Columbus is going to do to us. Maybe that's going to be our favorite city on the tour. I'm not sure. Well, if we're hanging from our back skin. Maybe we, just to spice it up, we throw on some...

Hangy danglies. Hangy danglies? Hangy danglies? Hooky wookies? I don't know, man. I don't think that my little back area right up there would actually support the weight of my body. I don't know. Yeah, Miguel is a tinier man. I bet there is a weight limit. I was going to bend those hooks real quick. I feel like something's ripping or like... Dude, imagine it's your first time doing it and it just rips your back off.

You're so bummed if your back just rips off. I really think that that's what would happen. What's the payoff here? Is this like a bragging rights kind of thing? At dinner parties, you get to be like, actually, check this out. You want to hook on? Does it feel good? It's not cool. To you,

He's not cool. It is not cool. I think it's cool as hell. No, you don't. No, you don't. I don't think it's cool at all. I really don't think it's cool. No, it's Blake. That is not cool. Nobody really gives a fuck.

I think it's cool. You do? Well, what's cool about it, Blake? I want to hear this. What's so fucking dope? He looks like Batman. Hang on a second. Blake, if I asked you before this whole discussion here, if I asked you to name 10,000 cool things, this would not even be in the top 10,000. Oh, hooks in the back is up there.

But what I'm saying is it's not up there because you would never have thought of it to be cool. Well, that's why I guess maybe. Is that why you think it's cool, Blake? Yeah. Well, it's not cool. What it is is the people that get into this kind of stuff were the kids that had no friends. And they're actively going like, I have to think of something crazy to do so people pay attention. These are the kids who jump off the giant slide at the playground and eat shit.

Just to have everyone watch. But see, but I was that. I was that. Yeah, me and Kyle are hanging. This is not cool to me. Columbus, get ready. Okay. But I think Miguel is a cool dude, so I don't get it. Is he cool or is he sexy?

Both. Oh, okay. Because they're different. Yeah, you might be right. Maybe he's just sexy, dude. Who's the sexiest, not cool person? I mean, we might have found him. David Hype Pierce. That was easy. David Hype Pierce. It's a beautiful man. Very handsome. Well, handsome is different than sexy. Handsome is way different. This is true. This is true. Hey, Jon Hamm.

handsome sexy you don't think he's sexy no no no no you haven't seen his pants no i have no yeah that's why he's handsome oh that's right not sexy huh interesting this is insane i love when we get down to the nitty-gritty of just humanology how do we have that we're doctors we're doctors in humanology i think i would do this with like six to twelve hooks in me

Like, if I could do more than two. Yeah, I'm used to seeing, like, seven hooks in the back. This dude just has, like, two in his shoulders. You're used to seeing seven hooks in the back? Yeah. You're used to that? I was just coming at it from a science perspective. But Blake has seen it. No, I've definitely seen this. And you're used to seeing seven hooks in the back.

Yeah. If I had to do it, I would do it with none. I think I would do that. If I was going to do this, I would be dispersing it throughout my whole body. This is nuts. Yeah, it's people laying horizontal and they have the hooks in their back. This dude's fully vertical. What it is normally is...

People are in a dungeon. Yes. This is where it normally happens. Yeah. People are in dungeons. They're pouring hot wax all over each other. There's one person that's like, that's just in like a saran wrap with like a little tube so they can breathe.

That's not chill. I don't like that. I don't fuck with plastic like that. That's where it's usually happening in weird sex dungeons. I think it's not that. I think that it's not in sex dungeons. It's way too dangerous. The liability alone. I think that this is in front of a lot of people. It's like when you go see people practicing circus shit in the park all together. Yeah. Where really they're just all trying to fuck. But they're like, yeah, get up on my feet and then do that. And then I'll carry you and then he climbs onto me.

It's a communal thing, and then they find the dungeon later. No, they're in the dungeon. Well, Adam's saying a sex, a populated sex dungeon. It's not just a sex dungeon with two people. We're talking like a sex, like a fuck fest. And where is this?

Right.

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Well, you guys heard about that agent that a guy was killed or someone was killed in his basement, in his sex dungeon a few years back. I don't know what you're talking about. No, it happened. It was a WME agent. He's just like an agent, but he has a sex dungeon. Allegedly. He's just like you. He's just like a regular ass agent, but he had a sex dungeon and someone died. It was an accident. They didn't do it on purpose, but he was like in...

You know when they put you in like the... The chick was sitting on his face and he's like... He just died. He's like... Stop. No, it was like they put... From what I understand of it, they put them in like... What do they call the like...

They're vacuum sealed. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're vacuum sealed. And then they have like a little hole for their mouth. See, not interesting. And then somehow that hole got was fucked up. Not interested. Don't care where I am, what kind of dungeon I am. I'm not fucking with plastic. Yeah. No way. Really? Yeah.

That's not what I heard. Death in a Hollywood sex dungeon. How a top agency's executive's mummification ritual ended in tragedy. Oh, mummification? I mean, imagine if that's your agent. If you're like, on Monday, you have to call him about, like,

your silly projects that you're working on. And I know this is weird, but Brendan Fraser wants to do the mummy three. So I know it's, it's a bad, it's bad timing, but I do want to talk about the mummy three. I mean, kind of a weird coink. Is it better? That's the whole thing is I'm like, how much better is it in a fucking suit where you can't breathe?

It's gotta be good. Yeah. No, it's not. Just hold your breath. Just hold your breath. Dude. It's about, it's all about finding that first batch or get one or fucking one of those, you know, those altitude trainers, fucking altitude trainer where you can kind of like turn it down a little bit, but don't put plastic over your shit, bro. Kyle, you're saying that like you. Kyle, what are you doing? Yeah. Kyle really knew exactly what to Kyle's in scuba gear in the bedroom. What's going on, brother?

He gets in that Michael Jackson sleeping chamber. Are you one of those dudes who you like to get it on right before you fall asleep? Like you like to be like,

almost like fully out of it when you're when you like knocked out a little bit like was it a dream or what yeah like i didn't know that was a thing either what is going on oh that's the time i think that that's the tiger woods is like he would like get really like into a zone where he's like well that's like you take ambient and then that was like a thing that people said you take ambient and then you try and fuck before you fall asleep or whatever right yeah dude it's fun yeah that's hilarious that seems insane that seems insane i don't know all

What is that? You get restless leg syndrome, and then you're like, let's go. Let's do it. All these kinks, they seem so dangerous. I'm not into kink shaming. I'm into safe kinks. You know what I mean? Safe kinks. Let's be safe about it. Let's get to the bottom of this. I don't know, man. Sometimes the more dangerous, the better. Yeah. Evidently, this agent, this wasn't a secret. He was out and proud, and he would lead. Yeah, it's cool. It's like, it's mummy night.

It's mommy night. So he was like part of a culture. He led like a 2005 documentary called Pup, which chronicles his involvement in pup play.

a scene in which a handler and a human puppy interact for sexual gratification. That's a little weird. I understand. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. That's kind of cool. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What is that now? You're playing with a puppy while you... I think that is just... No, I think that is like someone is acting like a little dog and they're crawling on the ground and they have a collar and a leash. Oh, someone's acting like a puppy. Yes, there's not an actual dog.

I don't think that's not cool. Yeah. You know, and that, that is pretty awesome. That's cool. That's cool. That's way cool. I mean, like that's just a person on a leash, right? I think so. I think so. Freak on a leash. Wow.

I can't do it. There we go. Freak on a leash. There we go. I mean, yeah. I love how people are like, no kink shaming. It's like, yeah, but someone died. So maybe that one we don't do? Yeah. Well, that's the thing. It's like, we don't want to shame it. We just want to create awareness so that maybe you're safe. But sometimes, see, the thing is, is you can't.

- Shame. - But is the kink like, what is that? Like I'm losing breath, that's my kink? I'm going right to the edge of death? - Yeah, I think that is the kink. - Yes. - Is you're going to the edge of death and coming back, I mean like that was crazy. - Literally coming back. - That's the real edging. - That's the edging and the coming back. - The chocolate starfish. - Wow.

I'm coming back. Wow. What is this podcast about? Flatlining, baby. Well, I think the thing is, is we've gone too far the other direction where you can't kink shame.

Right? You can't shame anything. But sometimes you need to shame because people are doing crazy shit and people are dying. People need to be shamed. Like, you should be able to make fun of shit. No, because some people need to die. That's what they have to do. They have to die. Oh. You're saying this is like, um... Murphy's Law. Darwinism? Yeah, that's it. Murphy's Law. Yeah.

It's like Murphy Brown. Yeah, but dude, the other week when I was saying that we should have a suicide pack, you were like very much not on board. And I got a lot of text messages from friends saying, hey, maybe no suicide pack. I know you're in pain. No, that's not cool.

That's sad. I don't like that. What if that's your kink? I like to start suicide packs with people and take it right to the limit. I'm sure that's something. I'm sure that's something. Just saying that. Say it again. Blake, are you sure that that's something?

I'm sure that's just questioning. It is not shaming it. Just wondering if it's safe is not shaming. Yeah, that's a good point, Kyle. I like that. No, I'm just saying it doesn't feel like, yeah, Kyle's like a porno lifeguard. That's that's it. He's blowing the whistle and he's just going, are we good? Yeah. No flotation devices. All right. You guys are good. Plastic.

You good? Exactly. Can you breathe? You good, buddy? Yeah. You chill? All right. Is that person shitting on your chest? You want that? Is that good? And you want that, right? And you want him to piss in your mouth. And you can breathe while he's... And you can breathe. And you can breathe. Carry on. All right. Good. All that diarrhea being poured on your head while you're... You're good with that. Gladiator ready. You cool with that? All right. You said it. The two girls, one cup. You signed up for that. All right.

God, what an era that was. So this guy's house was in Los Feliz, just in the hills right there. Oh, sure, yeah. It says stairs located on the right side of the house go down to the basement doorway. The basement is outfitted as a BDSM-style dungeon. The room is equipped with paddle floor tiles, a St. Andrew's cross, a ladder, black chair. What's a St. Andrew's cross? I think a classic cross so you can... Hot, hot, hot, hot! Right? Yeah.

I mean, someone look that up. A paddle examination table and metal cage, racks on the walls containing numerous floggers, paddles, crops, canes, leather masks, and hoods, and ropes are noted in the room. I've got no fetish accessories are noted in the room.

Numerous eye hooks are observed on the ceiling and ceiling beams for suspension. Uh-huh. Right. Much like Miguel and bondage. Yep, now we come back to suspending. Imagine if you, like, if

If one of us... I just went over to Blake's new house and took a little tour. Cool, love it. When we go over to each other's homes for the first time, you're like, here, check this out. Look at this. If you just go in the basement and that is in the basement, you're like, well... Very shagadetic. Here's my kooky room. You just check in. That's when you have a check-in with your bud. You're like, hey, you being safe? You good? You good? You blow the whistle? All good? This big...

This big vat of diarrhea. You want that? I see there's a big old tub over there, a five-gallon bucket filled with diarrhea. So you are collecting your piss? You're collecting your piss? You're good? And you're good? As long as you're good, homie. But you got to look them in the eyes and make sure that they're good, you know? You got a few buckets of your own urine in here. You good? Yeah.

You good? You good? I'm good. There's a lot of someone else's fingernails in here. I'm good. Damn, I'm good. Stop at the jar, man. Is that hot dog flavored water? Why are you saving that? Why are you saving that? That looks like a filled to the brim jar of hot dog flavored water. You good? You good? You good, huh?

Yeah, I'm just gonna ask one more time. Are you good? Like before you leave? Before you go out and back to the kitchen? You wanna go get a little curly? Yeah, he's asking if you want eggs right now. Yeah, you want some eggs? Of course, but just real quick before we head out. Are you good down here, bro? Are you good? Are you good? Are you good? I see this looks like human shavings of human flesh. Are you good?

Yeah, I could tell this might not be good, bro. I could tell that this is not good. I need to step in here. Now, this is blood. This is a whole mason jar full of human blood. So are you good? You good? You good? It's on the line. We're starting to ride the line a little bit. This isn't that Angelina Jolie shit, buddy. Oh, whoa. Is this one of those St. Andrew's crosses here, huh? St. Andrew's cross. I heard about these. What is this? What is this?

Let me look it up real quick. Hang on a second. That's for strapping people to, right? Yeah, you strap people to that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, are you good? Now this wall...

It looks like, now this is, it looks like, now there's a tattoo on the, this is leather, and there's a tattoo here. It looks like it's human skin. Are you good? Huh. Yeah. Now, so hang on. This wall looks like it's made out of human back skin. You good? Now, if I push this brick, a door opens up down to a padded room.

with a pummel horse. You good? Yeah, and I do hear screaming down there. I hear a lot of screaming. There's literally little scratch marks on the walls. You've been trying to get out. Bro, do you want to hit a hike or something?

We were going to go to Runyon Canyon and walk your pug. Are you still good for Runyon? Are these gymnastics? You had someone come in here and install these, huh? That's expensive. That's a lot of work.

for something like this. Are you good? Yeah, there's some wet marks here and then a lot of human hair. Really slippery. It's either human or animal hair. I can't exactly tell. Are you good?

Is this animal or is this human? That's human. That's human. Okay. Told me to wear my shoes for Cruz. God damn. Yeah. Dang. Now, I wore sandals and you made me take them off when I came in the kitchen. Why did I wear my Crocs? And I'm barefoot now and it's real sticky. Real, real sticky. Very sticky. Now, is that hot dog flavored water? What's up with that bed of nails? Oh.

Now, I'm trying to leave and you're holding me back. And I looked down and I found a leash on my ankle and I'm just asking if you're good. I'm starting to fade out of consciousness. You're chloroforming me. Are you good? You didn't chloroform on me. You're choking me. You're choking me and I'm losing consciousness. I can't breathe. You're good. I'm not good.

I don't know if you're good. I'm not good. You're stuffing my butthole. I'm good. No, that's not... Right now, you're currently...

fisting my asshole you good or i'm good baby you're back now here's my question if this is your agent there's no way he's not constantly talking about this right it's a bagel yeah i mean he's probably being so annoying about like his crazy weekend you're trying to be casual like yeah kids we did the we went to disney you know how that goes well if you think your feet are sore you should see my asshole this weekend was crazy i'm like

I don't want to see it, buddy. Any calls from Universal? I had my asshole propped open with a metal bar, dude. I had a pink sock situation. I had a complete pink sock situation. My asshole was inverted. Did you read the latest draft I sent you? Oh, did that come through? I must have missed it. I was blindfolded all weekend. Couldn't read it. Was getting fisted. I hope that wasn't a piece of plastic in you. Oh, well, it was.

Yeah, well, I had a real stinking rose of a weekend. Oh, you went to the restaurant? Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, because there's that restaurant there on, I think, La Cienega called The Stinking Rose. You went there? No, no, no, no, no. Like, who are his clients? Like, who's on his roster? Dude, he, it was like. Oh, they're hot. He was the head of Imagine Television for a while. He was like. The kids station? No, that's, Imagine is like Brian Grazer and Ron Howard's company. Oh, my gosh. Dude, he was like a huge, he was a huge agent.

Sure. And he was a senior VP of business development at WME is where he was at. Holy smokes. And he might still be. How's he doing that job with all those damn holes in his back? I don't think he did anything illegal. I think everyone was. I'm not saying illegal. It was someone tragically died. Yeah. And by the way, let's just circle back. Sure. Super sad situation. Yeah. Yeah.

yes jeff is a is sad also like maybe don't don't be there um yeah but i just i'm like just be safe yeah just be safe come back come back who are these clients kyle just wants to make sure you're good just come back fucking like 10 before that you know what i mean like come on back just come back but think of think of where he was it was probably about to be the biggest bust ever dude oh

Oh, greed. And what is this bus that they're chasing? Did they have a bus where their toe shot off like Adam? Exactly. And they're just trying to get that bus back? Oh, and then it could never. You're not going to get it. Dude, chasing that high, man, like any addiction. Dude, it must be so good because why else would you do shit like that? It has to be great. You know, it's pretty good. It has to be amazing. I think it has to be with other stuff. It's pretty good just like regular.

Do you guys remember your favorite, most best bust? Do you have one in mind? Oh, God, this is crass. Oh, my God. You just reminded me of something insane. This is crass, Blake. That's crass. The year was 2014. Oh, he's going to answer? This is crass. It was Comic-Con. Oh.

Isaac. What's Comic-Con? TK and Isaac. I was fucking Isaac. Isaac, you're licking my asshole. You good? You good?

I can't wait for him to just come on screen. Come on. Come on screen after this and just be like, you guys are fucking, what are you guys doing? That never happened. That didn't happen. We know. It's for the podcast. Any take backs or apologies or kink shames? No way, dude. I have a gear shift if you guys want a little gear shift. Yeah.

Yeah, man. Shift those gears. Yeah, let's shift gears. Let's go another hour. I got this sick fucking Hi8 camera that I might bring on tour with us. Oh, dude. We can see everything you're doing, by the way, because you have a huge mirror behind you. I know. I'm grabbing it. I'm grabbing it.

I'm grabbing it to show you guys. Did you move rooms, Kyle? What happened? Do you have a new setup? No, I just switched it around and put my desk in a spot. I like that you do that. I feel like I never do that. Once I put my desk or put my shit in one place, it lives there until...

I moved from that place. You're not a rearranger? I'm not a rearranger. I think every six months. Every six months, I kind of fuck with it. I really do. He's a power ranger. That's kind of cool. I remember my parents rearranging the house, and that shit was cool. Look at this thing. It fucking works, dude. Oh, wow. So this is a Handycam. Yeah. So this is vintage. I remember that one. It was $13.99 in...

B&M or B&W or whatever that magazine is. Dude. Oh, yeah. B&H. B&H. Thank you. I remember that fucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, this thing is sick. This is like pre-film school, like high school. It's a Handycam. It's a Hi8. It's like the original digital. Kyle, you should just film...

and let's make a documentary about us on tour. Yeah. And sell it to those damn streamers, Kyle. I'm going to try and get... I'm going to try and put some good audio on top of this so I don't have to use the microphone inside. What's the model number on that? This is a Sony Handycam. Let me see. Where does it say the...

330X? What does that mean? Well, that's 330 digital zoom, dude. You can zoom in 330 times. Oh, my God. So I'm going to be zooming into the balcony with this. And the model number? That I don't know. Oh, here we go. CCD TR716. Oh, okay. TR716. My brother knew it. When I was like, hey, Adam, I got this. He's like, oh, that's the CRD. I'm like, how do you know that shit? Hmm.

Why do you need to know that? What is the purpose? I'm looking it up. Cause I, if I, I'm almost positive, I remember seeing that camera and knowing the price was out of my price range for back in the day. And I got like a, uh, I got digital eight. It looks great. Do you remember when, uh, Kyle, remember when we found that camera on Craigslist and, uh,

I had a little bit of money and we went and bought the, what was that? The DB. That was the Sony DVX. DBX. 100A. Wait, you guys just found money? No, Adam had money. No, I had a little bit of money.

And so I had like $2,500 and that's how much it costs. And I was like, fuck it. Fuck it. Remember? And we bought that and that's what we filmed all of the MOC videos on. And then we all pitched in like you bought that. I had the edit gear. We all pitched in on a good microphone after a couple of sketches. And then we were, we were good to go off to the races. And do you remember that? That's what they filmed David LeChapelle's rise on.

The actual camera. Yeah, the actual camera. Yep, yep, that's right. Or not rise, crunk. It was crunk. Was it crunk? Crunk. It was crunk dancing. What was it? Crunk with a K, right? Crunk. I thought it was crumping. I thought it was a documentary on crumping, and I think it is called rise. It's crump. With a P, yeah. And it is called rise. I was right about that. I think you got it. I think you got it, bud. Look up David LaChapelle's crump. Yes, points! Oh, yeah.

David LaChapelle made a whole documentary on Crumpy. Why are we saying LaChapelle? I believe it's LaChapelle. I think you're right. Is it? It's LaChapelle. I'm just following Adam's lead. I wonder if he was bummed when Dave Chappelle became the biggest star. Yeah, but I think they kind of were simultaneously rising. Because he was doing music videos back in the day. At the same time. Not how high, but what's the movie called with

Oh, half-baked. Brewer, half-baked. Yeah, half-baked. Yeah, yeah.

Did they ever, I wonder if they ever collabed. I wonder if we had a Dave. There's no doubt that they're homies. They have to be. They got to be. Absolutely have to be best friends. There's got to be a picture of him somewhere. Dave Chappelle is notoriously great at crumping. Oh, really? Rise. Yeah. Really good crumper. What was crumping? I do remember when it was like, crumping is next. And it kind of, let's just say there's still break dancers. And that started in the 80s. And I don't know how many crumpers there are.

I don't know if it stood the test of time. So what was crumping? Crumping was just like... Where you're really popping and locking and slamming into it. But maybe they merged. I thought it...

But don't you like that still? Isn't that like what this move was? Or that every... Don't do anything. Adam, do not. Adam, you will hurt yourself. A fucking thread's going to shoot out of your nipples or something. This one where you're kind of like, bop, bop. Dude, this is how we got here. Dude, I'm not. Believe me, I can barely stand and sit at this point. But I can crump, bitch.

That move, right? Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Everybody, you're going to want to watch the live stream for this. Yeah. You got to see Adam Crump.

But I thought Crumpy, because remember they were like Crump Clowns. Do you guys remember that? That shit was kind of cool. Then I was like, okay, this has got to hook. Your definition of cool. Now is that cool? I'm like, what are you talking about? Again, 10,000 cool lists. You're not thinking of that. Blake for being for sure the one that is hanging on to cool the longest or is at least attempting to. Yeah.

Your definition of cool is way, way different than mine. You got to think outside the box, man. Hey, and that is cool. It's all about how he says it. It's cool. It's cool. Right, right, right. Yeah, it's what's underneath the word.

I remember really thinking crump clowns were really awesome, and I still do. And then there's really awesome. I remember thinking. You remember thinking it because you did, and then now you don't. Oh, yeah. Well, it's been a while since I've actually thought about crumping clowns, but for a while there, I was. Dude, and I'm watching this trailer right now. It is insane that this was a whole documentary of people just going like,

Right. Right. Right. Right. Adam, Adam, I know you're having fun. I know you're going to hurt yourself. I know this is your second nature. You're either walking or dancing, but my man, if you can't walk, you can't dance. Please don't. I cannot go to WME and tell him you went out like this. Dude, I just got, I've been going to see specialists every, every other day. I'm going to a new specialist. Just got a new one the other day. They're testing me for all the diseases now. Oh,

Okay, which one do you got? See if I have some sort of... I'm going to have to go to... I just went to a neurologist and he wants me to go to a rheumatologist which they check for diseases and disorders of the muscles, bones, and joints. That's what he thinks is going on. He's like... My man's got some joint disorders. Yes, points! A muscle will just...

lock up and spasm and so like that's what's happening to you right now yeah and my left leg and left arm are now going numb completely what the fuck yeah yeah everybody's pretty worried about me yeah yeah numb numb that's nerves right i mean that's dude you just got to drink more water let's talk about some dates coming up that we're going to be at your city live that is true that is true

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Medford, Massachusetts. We're basically sold out. I want to say there's like 100 tickets left. So get the fuck out there and get some tickets. The Chicago theater is fucking massive. We tried to step up to the plate. I don't know if we're going to sell this one out if the people don't come. There's thousands of people already there. But dude, those back seats, they're hella cheap. Get out there. Get to the theater. It's 3,000 or 3,800 seats in that theater. So it's almost 4,000. Holy moly.

It's a lot of freaks. We still, there's only, you know, a few hundred left. It's not like we're that far off. No, no, no. But help us not look like bitches. Yeah, we don't want to be bitches. Yeah, me too. And we do want to sell out everywhere. And that's September 17th in Chicago. September 22nd, we're coming out to... Where? Phoenix! Phoenix!

Phoenix. Where? Phoenix. Phoenix, Arizona, to be specific. Oh, Phoenix. I thought you meant Phoenix, Massachusetts. That was confusing. No, dude. That would have been a shorter flight. Phoenix. And then we're back in Long Beach on the 23rd of September. And then we're out to Denver, the mile-high city on September 24th. We're going to rip back.

bongs at that one. Bro, all day. Dude, that is the craziest. Phoenix to Long Beach, that makes a lot of sense. And then to Denver, that's going to be a real whoops-a-doozle. Yeah, we're coming in mile high. It's going to be off the hook, though. It's going to be good. Yeah, we're going to come in hot, hot, hot, hot.

to Denver. That's going to be sick. I've never been to Denver. If we don't come out to Denver the last Dinosaur, the theme song... Oh, we're coming out. Oh, we have to. I'm going to dangle from some hooks.

We got to come out to some Denver, the last dinosaur. Yeah. Denver's going to be fucking sick. Is it harder to breathe in Denver or what? Yeah. You're really worried about breathing. Yeah. That's sort of your MO. Is your lungs good? Yeah. What's going on? I've noticed like every once in a while you'll be talking. Are you running low on air? It'll just like kind of bottom out a little bit. Are you, is your esophagus closing? He's old as dirt. He's getting up there. I just. Because my body is betraying me. Yeah.

Adam, I'm not as crazy as you. Crazy? My leg's been numb for a year now. You know what I mean? It's fucked up. No, I have. It's nerve. Your leg is numb and Adam's... Wait, two of us can't feel our leg? Mine's not the whole leg. Mine's just the thigh right here. Get you some gabapentin.

That's what my fucking dad takes for neuropathy, bro. That's neuropathy shit. They go take one pill. I went to one doctor and he goes, take one pill at night.

and see how it goes. Beat off. Do the hokey pokey. And I went to another doctor. I went to another doctor and he goes, bump that up. That's way too low. Bump that up to at least the two pills at night. And I'm like, okay, just at night. And I'm like, you woke up on your roof. And then I went to another specialist and he goes, that's not going to do anything. Bump that up to three pills, three times a day. Five. Yeah. Nine.

Nine? Nine white pills? No, dude. Hello. Hold up, hold up. That's... It's science. Hold up. Adam, you have to watch that fucking show. What was the drug show with... Oh, yeah.

Michael Keaton. Keaton? Yeah, it's Opie. What is it called? Is it called? Opie. Is it called? Did you see Opie on the low? No, was it like opioid? Is that what it's called? Yes, but you've got to watch that one just so we don't lose you, pal. Dope Sick. Dope Sick. Dope Sick. Yeah. No, dude, I started to watch the newest one, Painkiller, with Matthew Broderick. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I got so depressed because it's literally exactly my life right now of like...

an injury, you get prescribed pills and then you become an addict. Yeah. Which is why you got to, but gabapentin isn't, that's not an opiate. That's not an, uh, what is gapa? Gap of paint. What is it? Sounds like he's avoiding watching them. No, but we don't, I don't know what gabapentin is. One of those things that's prescribed for a lot of things. I think, uh,

Yeah, it's nerve. It's nerve pain. So essentially they're going like, we think it's nerve, but we can't find where it's pinched and we can't find what's wrong with it. So it is a painkiller? It's a painkiller? No, it's a nerve...

Yes. Nerve number? Yeah. It's a painkiller, but it's to kill the pain of specifically nerve pain. And it's not an opioid. I've been wondering about this because my dad's got an alarm. Now, I do have hydrocodone. That's opioids, man. Yeah, that is opioids. And I don't take that often. Dude, take six real quick just to see what happens. Hydrocodones, those are bad news, man. I mean, they'll help you out, but you shouldn't be on them for longer than that. Well, I only take those if the pain is vaginal.

very bad and then i'll i'll take one only at night so i'm i'm careful with that shit i'm our producer who will not go named so that fucking uh the pet people don't come for i give three pills of to my cat before he gets yo gabba petting yo i don't know how honestly i don't know how i feel about that described by the vet it

it makes sense maybe what is this shit maybe don't take them to get groomed maybe just hose them down in the backyard look up yeah yeah durst knows how to handle cats he's always talking about putting them underwater yeah then you go and watch kids yeah and then you come back shave the cat and you dunk it in the pool and you call it a day yeah washing the cat yeah it's hard it's hard to do that's why they call it washing the cat you know what washing the cat is right

Oh, man. Interesting. Yeah, that happens in the dungeon. Loose butthole. Now, that is, it looks like you washed a cat down here. You good? You good? You good? You good? You tried to bathe one? You good? Looks like you were bathing a cat down here. You good? Yeah.

What is that? I don't even know what it is. Washing the cat? Yeah, what is bathing the cat? What is that whole thing? I noticed your cats are really clean. Your cats look like they've recently been groomed. And I know how hard that is, so I'm just wondering if you're good. You have some of the cleanest cats I've ever seen.

And that's hard to do. My God, those are some clean cats. They smell like herbal essence. My God. These are all your cats? These are all your cats? Damn, you remember that herbal... They're pretty damn clean. You remember that herbal essence commercial where they were like, oh. We talked about this. We just talked about that. That's why I was like... How like for five years, all girls smelled like herbal efference. Good? Efference.

Blake, are you good today, dude? You look like you're about to fall asleep or something. Yeah, are you good? What's happening? Did you take some Ambien? Are you fucking? What's going on, bro? I took some gabapentin and I'm fucking on cloud nine, baby. It doesn't, so far, I don't feel anything from the gabapentin. I've been taking fistfuls of it, so it is not working for me. If it doesn't work, I would just flush it and let the fish eat it.

See what crawls out of the ocean in a couple months. I have so many different pills. I have like a giant gallon Ziploc bag that's filled with different pills that I've been prescribed that I'm like... Just a grab bag? You're officially an old man. That basically aren't working? Mm-mm.

Yeah, that aren't working. And then they prescribe me something else. And then I but I, you know, what do you do with them? You just kind of keep them in forever. Yeah. Well, until the until they expire. What I like to do is I like to put them all in. I like to empty them all in a bag and mix them around and then shake them. Blender. Grab some protein. And then reach my hand in, take like five randoms and see if that works. Little grab bag. Dude, that's a sick kink.

I'm down for that. That's kind of my kink. I'm down for that. Blue, yellow, purple, pills. Take a little bit out and put it back in.

All of my musical knowledge is from the year, like, 2002. It's 2000 to 2004. That's all of my musical knowledge. Adam was a huge D12 fan. Oh, shit. Blue and yellow, purple pills. D12 was sick. You think? I do. Dude, I was big fans of all the other, like, not the famous, like, Murphy Lee and all of...

Yeah. All of Nelly's homies. That's that's what I loved. The show. Yeah. The team name a member of D12.

Lloyd Banks. No. That's G-Unit, bro. Oh, fuck. That was G-Unit. Wow. That's my favorite. I've got one. I've got one. You've got the one that everyone's got. Oh, wait. I know one. You got it, Darius? Obitrice. Obitrice. Real name. Kyle, you just looked down. You looked it up. No, I didn't. I'm not looking. I'll tell you. What did you do when you were looking down? I typed D12, and I stopped, and then I said Obitrice. Real name. Well, you typed D12, Obitrice, popped up. Dude, that's not true.

twice or twice no it's not there dude it's not there don't do that to me my guy Bernie Lomax bought the album and I was like this has two songs don't do that to me okay so I'm sorry but then there's the guy who died the guy who died Bazaar his name was Bazaar he's the big fat guy he was cool man oh yeah who was the dude who was like Em's right hand man who died I think that's

Blue and yellow, purple. Is that not Obi Trice? No, no, no. His guy. It was like the leader of D12 that wasn't. I know it because I finished my Google search now, so I know now. I can tell you. Who we got? Do you want to know? Proof. Name all D12. It was proof. You got it. You got it, Dershowitz. I mean, I just looked it up. They just sent us a link, but yeah. Also, Obi Trice, not a member. I was wondering. What? Okay. Obi Trice was...

But that's what I was thinking. Okay, cool, man. We're on the same wavelength. I got bizarre, so I get the point. Yeah, I did. I got nothing. I mean, Lloyd Banks was the only one that I got. That was a swing in him there. And it wasn't. He wasn't in the group. The blue and yellow purple pills. I mean, G-Unit was better than D12, correct? Is that your statement? This is D12. But one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Hey, guys, we got an issue here. I personally like what?

There's only nine members of D12? Yeah, that's a problem. There's other members. There's supposed to be 12 members of D12, right? There's only nine shown here. I don't know. Okay, so Tony Yeo was in G-Unit. He's a bigger star than anyone in D12. And so is Lloyd Pace. He had a hit song. G-Unit is more successful than D12, for sure. For sure. Okay.

But, you know, Detroit Lions won the other night. Let's not rain on the parade. But D12 was probably more fun than G-Unit. Yes. If you had to go to like a discovery zone with a rap group, you're going to want to go with D12. They're so fun. I feel like they were having fun. All nine of them. All nine of them. That's where I totally disagree because I would roll with G-Unit.

Really? To a kid's party? Yeah, to a kid's Discovery Zone? Yes. I will say that the commercials for Discovery Zone went D-D-D-Discovery Zone and they would say J-J-J-J-Unit. So there might be like a nice... Oh, J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-

Welcome to the candy. It was a candy shop. That's 50 Cent. That's his solo. Dude, G-Unit was there. G-12? G-12! A super group. If they went on tour together, that'd be huge. Oh boy, it's the 50th year of hip-hop. You know how they keep doing these like

Like when we were young tour, that is like every band that was popular when we were in our early twenties. Yeah. Uh, they have to do that for rap. Like why not? They've been doing it. I went to the Kings of rap tour like five years ago with like fucking everybody. It was like De La Soul, um, uh, Chuck D, Ice Cube, LL Cool J, uh, by the way, Ice Cube. I was like, yeah, I like Ice Cube enough.

He was un-fucking-believable. It was at the Hollywood Bowl. He had everybody in the palm of his hand. And when he did Today Was a Good Day, I was like, I think this is the most quotable rap song in the history of rap songs. Everyone knows the second half to every line. Every line. Yeah, it's very good.

It's fucking crazy. So, wrap it for us, Jerz. Wrap it for us, please. I only know the second. He has to say the first, and then I go, yeah, I know the second half of those. Yeah, rap about it, dude. Ice Cube rocks. What about the one that he had, the Peace album? Weren't we listening to that recently, Blake, that he had the War and Peace album?

Yeah, he did the little double album. And the Peace album was in my car for fucking years right when I got my license and I used to thump it so hard. You freaking bumped the hell out of that cassette tape, I'll tell you that. What was Today Was a Good Day Off, Predator? I was mostly a Nelly, Tim McGraw fan. That was the one I bumped into. That was when we were friends, dude. Oh yeah, you would listen to that over and over again. Over and over again.

I'm just stoked I knew that song They were like let's make so much money And drop this track Yeah

The fact that now that country is more popular than ever, it seems. It seems coded racism to me. I'm not on board. I don't like it. Here we go. This seems like some white power shit. I'm not on board. Really? What did I miss? I would like to go to Stagecoach, though, just because it does seem like an event. That's a fucking rally. I'm not going.

The stagecoach? Yeah, not for me. Come on, man. I've never been a stagecoach. Give it a shot. What's chill about it? Dude, I just went to a birthday party. I haven't been out to the desert in years, and I just went to a birthday party out in Palm Springs this past weekend. Nice. Palm Springs is great. Great pickleball out there, okay? It was crazy. We were outside, and all of a sudden you were like, why can't we see the sun? Like, what? This weird cloud came over, and all of a sudden it just was a sandstorm.

And you forgot like, oh, we're in the desert. The sandstorm just hit and suddenly like we went inside and came out like 30 minutes after it was over and everything was just covered. Did you find a genie in a lamp or anything like Aladdin style? No, dude, I wish. That'd be fucking sick. So you had a little mini, mini Burning Man.

Yes, and Burning Man was also happening this past weekend. I mean, and I like that they're giving everyone shit for, like, leaving. 100% I would leave. Why?

100% No people couldn't leave Yeah that was the whole thing Diplo had to hike 5 miles or whatever You had to walk 5 miles through the mud And then you hitchhike Well that's what Diplo did Diplo and Chris Rock People were shitting on them I think that's just those people No I know a handful of people that did that exact same thing I think a lot of people just went like Fuck this I'm out? Yeah

Well, what's the big deal? Why didn't everyone do that? Yeah. That's a long hike. Well, because the whole thing about Burning Man is you're supposed to leave no trace of Burning Man. You're supposed to walk in. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, but the nerds who set everything up will clean it up. Yeah, I'm like, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, well, my ass isn't bringing anything. Half the people there are just trying to get on Instagram with some fucking dumbass outfit anyway. Yeah, fuck.

By the way, and they'll leave. I don't know, guys. And then the real Gs, the OGs, they'll get back to the Burning Man basics. I'm sure it was the best one yet. I bet it was. I was kind of thinking that. Everybody was heating on it. I'm like, isn't this fucking dope, though? Isn't this what you want when you go to Burning Man? Some crazy fucking... The Scuzzards had the best time.

Yeah, dude. This seems like I actually was like, I may not go next year. I've never wanted to go. Really? That inspired you all the mud and fucking diseases. I've never wanted to go. Once it failed, it felt fun. It was like, oh, okay, cool. Dude, there was like new diseases that like sprouted up from Burning Man.

Kyle's not going to get me. I'm safe, motherfucker. I'm so safe, bro. I would be so safe. I wanted to go back to just crack heads. You know what I'd ask you if you went to Burning Man next year after seeing what happened this year? I'd have to ask

You good? I'm all right. I'm doing okay. More like boring, man. A couple things, I guess, that I'm running from. A couple things I'm running from. Just came up in therapy the other day. But I'm good. Hey, how numb is that leg? Are you good? Yeah, I'm good. It's just like there's a few things that came up when I was talking to my doctor the other day that just pushed me here. I had to go see the doctor.

No, I'm not good, bro. Yeah, no, I'm not good. I'm not good. Thank you for asking. Hey, no problem. Didn't really want to really answer. You know what can help? Just a few hooks up your ass will dangle you from the ceiling and you'll be all good. Yeah, man. As long as there's seven of them. Hang in there, brother. Yeah, hang in there. Points!

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Well, I will say that I am so excited for the upcoming tour. It's going to be a banger. This is the last episode we're doing in our respective office slash homes. And we're taking it on the road. Yeah, baby. You guys, you might get to come on stage and slam a beer against Adam Devine, our beer slamming champion. Yeah, hell yeah.

Dude, that's all I can do now. You might get to smoke crack with Kyle in the parking lot. Yeah, you get to chug a beer with me, smoke crack with Kyle. We're chilling. I'm down to chill. Yeah, finger your butt with Blake. Wait a minute. And drown a dog with Jervis. Who can drown a dog faster? Get on up here. Okay, say your name and your breed. Get on up.

Bring your cat. We'll wash your cat for you. We'll wash your cat. I'll take care of that cat. That's a clean-ass cat. You're good. It's going to be a cat wash. What does that mean? What does that mean, though? You good? Excited. And we also have a merch drop soon. And we're going to have exclusive merch that you can only get on the tour, which will be exciting. And that shit looks good so far. Yeah. And really excited. Some really cool shit. Yeah.

Hell yeah, dude. I'm so excited. This is going to be crazy. Is this the last pod before we tour it up? Yeah, this is it. This is the dismount. And I'm glad we started it with chocolate starfish and hot dog flavored water. Ladies and gentlemen, start your enjoy! Here we go. Start your enjoy! Enjoy!

Ladies and gentlemen, Stan! Y'all! And John! For some reason, we lost all sound on that. I think it was because it was so loud. It was too much. Oh, damn. Dude, you're so loud. If you guys want to hear something loud, come on out to the TII Nation Tour. Yeah, come on. The Chicago Theater Baby.

Hell yeah, baby. Well, awesome, guys. Adam, I meant to bring this up last time. How are we pronouncing Massachusetts? Massachusetts? Massachusetts. Like chooses or choosets. Chooses. No. No. It's choosets. I'm sorry. No. It's choosets. There's two C's. There's two T's at the end of the word. It's Massachusetts. Yeah. With a T.

I've been saying that one wrong my entire life. I mean, I heard it last week and I was like, whatever. We do this all the time. But now I'm putting my fucking foot down. Okay. Okay. And that one I didn't know. That one I didn't even know because they just say Medford, Mass. Todd just wrote Medford, Mass. Yeah, but this is a state in America that hasn't changed its name since the beginning. Well, I'm not saying it changed its name, dude. I just always said Massachusetts. Mm hmm.

Dude, I have. Have you never seen it? We're going to be up in Vermont. I fully read. I can't wait to get to Illinois. That's true. I don't know. I say Illinois. I honestly don't know. I probably can't spell Massachusetts for sure.

I guarantee. Oh, dude, I've been to so many doctors. You know, they make you fill out just tons of paperwork every time you go to a new doctor. It's embarrassing every time I've had a doctor like laugh at me because he looks at it and you're in like everything's misspelled. I'm like scribbling shit out with the pens and

I'm like riding in the margins. It is super hard and you're trying to do it so fucking fast. You're trying to go as fast as you can. This is the most annoying thing on planet Earth, but I'll do it for you. For you. Guy who's trying to help me. I'll do it for your insurance policy, okay? You got it, bud. You got it, dudes. So any take backs, apologies, any epic slams? Let's never end this.

Okay. I'm scared to hang up because then we're going to have to go straight to the stage. You slam first. Yeah, the second we hang up here, we have to walk directly onto the stage. Dang, you can hear him chanting. Epic slam first. Are you guys nervous? Are you guys excited?

What's going on here? Yeah, I guess I just want to make sure we know how to pronounce every state that we're going to. That's not happening. I'm nervous, dude. I'll say it. I'm nervous, bro. I'm not.

You know, she got the jitters. Well, it's just I don't know why it always does that. That always happens to me. Well, I'll tell you what, Blake will get Blake will be fine until we're about to walk on stage and then he'll be like, this sucks. We're not going to do good. And we'll all be like, what? Right. Blake, you're in a dog costume. Yeah.

You're literally committed. It's just the podcast. He'll be like, nah, no one wants to see it. No one. They're not going to like it. No one will like it. Yeah. Well, thousands of people got babysitters tonight, so get the fuck out there. Yeah. So come on. That's the thing that makes me actually a little bit calm is knowing there's no

no agendas. Knowing that there's no agenda. We just walk out there and do what you do. We don't have to do anything. There's no expectation. I don't have to remember a damn thing. Very clear agenda. Very polychar when I get out there. Oh, you're going to be extra charred? I could see it's getting real charred up.

Well, we're not going to D.C. I'm a little bummed we're not going to D.C. because then we could have been charred the whole time. Did that get pulled? I thought we were going. Are you saying charred or charged? I said charred. Okay, I thought you said polycharged. Because I just don't have time to say. I might have. I don't have time to say. Dude, I'm on a lot of pills right now. It is polycharged. Literally like half dozen. Last time I checked it was pocha. Yeah, we just saw him take a handful of...

My bro just fucking took a handful of Gappa Pentin. Gappa Gold. What's up? What are we doing? I just want to say this last time before we get political. No, no, no, no, no. This is important. Okay? And that's what the podcast is called. Went to the farmer's market last night, saw this sign, and was like, I'm in the wrong place. No animals allowed. It's the law. Service dog fraud is a crime. Okay. Well, I mean...

found my people yeah damn so that's your platform i think like uh you're at a farmer's market there's open food and everything they don't need dogs buttholes everywhere true true that's true all right

I love it. I don't even want to see someone dressed up as a dog with the fucking whatever that guy's name is. I love that you finally found your people, dude. Just haters. Yeah, pet haters. Haters of other dogs. One little callback to... Haters of joy. I don't know if it was last week or the week before that we talked about brute deodorant. Okay. I was at the grocery store. Go off green.

And I took a picture of the deodorant section, and there either is or is not a...

Brute deodorant in this picture I said there probably isn't Maybe there is maybe there's not But I'm going to send you guys this picture And you can tell me if you can find it or not And that's the game This has been another episode of Wait wait wait I don't even understand What is the premise I said you can't find brute deodorant anywhere And I went to the grocery store And I looked in the deodorant section It's everywhere

It's everywhere. The picture will tell you if it is everywhere or if it isn't. Did you send it or what? I'm still going to send it. Was that a cliffhanger? This is the end of the podcast. You're just saying I'm going to send you a photo? No, we're going to post it. I'm going to post it through the socials. We're going to put it out there. This is a cliffhanger.

Wow. Yeah, it's really we haven't done a lot of cliffhangers for the end of the episode. So this is pretty fun. Cool. This is a new this is a new thing. I like it. I bet there is. Dude, there is a picture. Dude, I've been in a lot of CBS's and a lot of Walgreens lately to pick up different pills and assortments. Well, he was at the grocery store. That's the only thing that trips me out. He's at a grocery store. Dude.

Everything is locked up. You go to a... Oh, I can't see that. That's too small. I just sent it to you guys, but look at the assortment that they have. Oh, it's in the text thread. See a lot of red, a lot of green. Look at the assortment that they have. A lot of Axe, a lot of Gillette.

I can't believe all the dove for men. Yeah, that's gross. Speed stick is way at the bottom. There's my Herman Hammer right there. Hey, found brute. Bottom left. Dude, I had to turn it around in the picture. Oh, there it is. Found brute. So it's there. Dude, it's one...

one stick and it's way at the bottom left and there's nothing else. I mean, I guess they're not so much. It's the last brute. Dude, there's... What the fuck is Mitchum? They must all be in the back. That's what Kyle uses. Is that our next movie? No, mine's essential. I use the essential one right there in the center. See that?

Kyle, did you just watch Adam organize a movie with Blake in front of us? Yeah, I did. Is that what we're doing, Blake? What the hell is ban? What the hell is ban?

The fuck? I think it's pronounced Vaughn, bro. Come on. Don't tell me Massachusetts. When we go on tour, I want people to write the question that they want to ask us. Mine's the yellow top. The question that they want to ask us, but then also what deodorant they use.

yeah fair enough fair enough whoa what is and be honest we want to know who is who is crystal organic one that's actual crystals blake who is wearing ban i've tried it crystal doesn't work my brother used to rock the crystal it doesn't work damn he was it doesn't work he was mad it doesn't work how smokes crystal i keep it chill i keep it light yeah

Keep it chill. So any take backs, any apologies, any implic slams? What are we doing? Implications. I'm sorry to drop so much. I'm sorry. I dropped so much heat at the end. Yeah. You fucking railed us. No, here's a little looking forward to the tour. Looking forward moment. A moment of forward looking and very excited to catch you guys. I'm excited too. I'm excited for the tour. I'm excited to hang with my boys on the reg, which we haven't done in so long. Yes.

I'm excited to go to all these cities, a lot of cities that I feel like I haven't spent a ton of time in. So that'll be fun going to their local restaurants and bars and delicatessens and bowling alleys and wherever we find ourselves.

A lot of, I bet we're going to go into a lot of arcade bars. That seems to be a thing that I tend to do quite a bit when I'm on the road. Can't wait to meet all the fans out there. It's going to be a fucking blast. Dude, it's going to be really cool to be in front of

TII Nation live. The nation showing up strong. Really can't wait to see all these guys. Yeah, I guess a big thank you to all the fans that have bought tickets. It was pretty overwhelming when you put together a big tour like this. You're a little worried that people aren't going to show up.

But really, TI Nation has been showing up and showing out, and I can't wait to get in front of them. Yeah, I thought I was an asshole, but when I was like, ooh, that's a lot of seats to fill, I felt like a little bitch. And then people showed up, and we do appreciate that. And then you regained your assholdom, which I appreciate. Don't tell me what I did. Fuck you. Calm it down a little bit. Come on. Let's play it nice. There he is. I'm scared to hang up.

I might be an asshole, but I'm scared to hang up. I got to hang up. I got a pickleball date. I got to go play, guys. He's got to lean up before the show, dude. Dude, I got to get it out of my fucking system. Don't lean up too much, dude. I don't want to be the fattest one of our crew, dude. You can't get too skinny. I'm still way bigger than you, dog. I'm still way bigger. Hey, we'll see.

We'll see. We will. I guess we will. Kyle looks like Adam Devine ate Adam Devine. Dude, gabapentin causes weight gain. It's one of the side effects. So, sure. Good luck. Yeah, you know what else does? Hot dog water. Okay, let's get out of here. Chocolate stock is in the hot dog favorite water. This is another episode of...

Damn

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