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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Hey, guys. We here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...
How could you go wrong? And yes, you could find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. You know it's not a joke anymore? Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell those burner phones? And the answer is yeah, they do. But now they also have a legit nationwide 5G network. Boost Mobile has coverage across 99% of America.
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Today on This is Important. Why do dogs love farts so much? Stand back at your own risk or it'll like jizz on you or something. I have to take my pants off and sit outside Wetzel's Pretzels. Grab the dick from the inside and then reach underneath and throw your finger up the butthole and now like what's that bobcat actually gonna do? Let's go!
I don't know. Kanye's looking pretty good right about now. Yeah, he's got my vote. Who is Kanye's Prez? Yeah, right. Why is he the VP? Oh, yeah.
Did he pick a VP? He is the VP on the ballot. He is the VP. I think obviously it's going to be Kendall Jenner. There's somebody's name on the ballot. I just don't know who it is. Yeah, I heard he's a car salesman out in Calabasas. That's tight. That's so tight. That's what I heard. I heard that from a guy who rents my house in Studio City. That's what he told me yesterday. You got the plug. What's your address there again?
I'm not telling anybody. Bully. Tucked up in the hills, baby. We'll find it. Can we talk about Kyle's butt cheeks and how sore they are from all that hiking? He's a nature boy all of a sudden. Yeah, man.
I'm all about those hikes. I did a 12 miler the other day. Allegedly. Woof. 12 miles. Allegedly. Yeah. It was going to be seven and I missed the trail to go across the ridge and ended up going down and then had to go all the way back up. And then it was like, wow. And how do you, is this a guesstimate or were you tracking your mileage?
here. How do you know that this is... Yeah, we got Apple Watches. What's up? It's an aggregate. It's basically I'm tracking through the phone but then I also go into this very meticulously laid out map and I click my path. That sounds fun. I actually click every turn and it lays out what it thinks it was. On MapMyRun? Yeah, exactly. Total...
or you... How long did this walk take? Adam, he just said he did it on Matt Maron. Aggregated. Yeah, I don't know what that word means. No, because the phone said that it was like... It's the thing that climbed on Global Guts.
Give me a glowing piece of that aggro. That's the aggro Craig, and I think we all know that. I knew a guy in college named aggro Craig. That dude was wild. Only when he got wasted, he was aggro Craig. There it is. Yeah, the phone said like 14 miles because afterwards we kind of drove around a little bit. It was like, well, that's not it. So I knew it was like...
grabbing too much. Then I went in and clicked on map my run and it was like, okay, it was 12 miles. That feels about right. But you didn't answer my question. How long did this supposed four and a half hours? Okay. So it was five in the morning till nine 30 in the morning, five in the morning. What? That's right. I had my headlamp on and everything, dude. I'm like out there in the dark. Fuck are you doing? Why? I'm walking around in nature. What? Yeah. Are you a tweaker? Well,
Yeah, that's a tweaker time to get out there. Yes, of course I'm a tweaker. Brother, five in the morning. Natural born tweaker, baby. You see any rattlesnakes out there? No rattlesnakes. Actually, not a ton. Oh, we saw a frog. That was about it. Oh, ships. For real? Yeah.
Yeah, frog dog. Dude. Oh, fuck. Stop. Hold up. Frog! We saw a frog. Bury the headline. Come on, man. Tell me more about this frog. The frog tried to jump away and it rolled over. Oh, shit. Damn, son. Blake, you can't even hit us with no fucking sound effects about this? Yeah. Sorry, man. Yeah!
Yeah, there you go. Okay. That was really flagrantly like, I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah, Jesus. Dude is sleeping at the wheel. Dude, I know. God damn. He's over here watching TV and shit. Blake, he's not even invested in the podcast. Dude, you know I'm stressed. It's a big game for me. We got some baseball in the background, but I'm engaged. I know. I'm also hearing, what, there were multiple people hiking with you? Yeah, me and TK. At 5 a.m.? Yeah. People agreed to come over at 5 a.m.? Yeah. Dude, I'm engaged. How many people were you hiking with?
There was three of us. One of us couldn't make it. At 5 a.m.? Oliver Rayon. He backed out after about probably five miles. He was like, I'm out. Oh, really? He was like, bye-bye? Yeah, because then we were about to go up. We were about to do a 2,400 feet climb, and he was like, fuck that. I'm about to walk down on the road.
So wait, you guys were five miles out, so he was going to hike back five miles again. And he was like, I'm going to go do that by myself. Yeah, he did it by himself. And then we climbed up to the top. What if he tripped and died? Well, that's on him. That's on him. Like, is the hike hard? What level is this? Kyle did it. Yeah, okay. Well, let's unpack this a little bit. Why...
At the 5 a.m. hour, just because it's cooler. I'm pissed now. I'm pissed now. Yeah. Yeah, it's cooler. Like, temperature-wise? At 5 a.m. is a fucking absolutely insane time for someone to... For you to leave your house, that's insane. It is. But sure. But for someone to drive over to your house...
And they don't live that close to you. No. To drive the 30, 40 minutes that it takes to get out to your house at 4 a.m. Right. What? It's some cult shit, dude. I was up at 3. I was personally up at 3.30. Just stretching? Yeah, just hanging out, having some coffee. Just working those hammies out, make sure they're all primed. You were up at 3.30 in the morning? Correct. Yeah, what time are you going to bed?
Well, my son goes to bed around 8, and so I'm like about 9, 30, 10, I'm in bed, and then I'm up 3, 34 o'clock. So you're on a very youthful sleep schedule. Well, I mean, yeah. Yeah, very, very youthful. Infantile. Yeah, infantile. Dude. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. It was kind of cool walking at night. You guys ever done a hike in the dark with just flashlights and stuff? Yeah, like through my heels drunk, sure, yeah. Yeah.
night not in the morning yeah yeah not 5 a.m walking home from the bar at 5 a.m yeah i'd never done like a dark hike before this was the first time i'd done it and i realized like this would be super sick to do at night it's just like a whole new way to see the world it's like fuck yes yeah how did kyle newichek die yeah it's uh night hiking yeah he he got real deep into night hiking uh
Yeah. In people's backyards. True. That is very true, Adam. We're coming out of people's backyards. Yeah, for sure you are. Like most parks that you can hike, they close at sundown. You're not supposed to be hiking at night. It's like very dangerous. Well, this is like just a trailhead by my house. Yeah, you're right. Dude, what if the sun didn't come up though?
You know what I'm saying? Like, you got to be careful. Exactly. Thank you. Hey, really good point. We take a lot of shit for granted in America. I don't want to get started, but like, it's just, we're spoiled and we always think the sun's going to come up and someday, guess what? It ain't finna happen. Smoke weed every day. You're high, brother. That can't hurt. Our privilege. That's our privilege. Thinking the sun's coming up every day. Guess what? It might not. Okay.
And I'm ready. I'm ready. And I will be ready for one. Live life like the sun won't come out tomorrow. Okay? There you go. The sun won't come out tomorrow. Allegedly. I just want to say how proud I am of where this podcast is going. I agree. Yeah. Some would say Ders is a proud boy for how proud he is of the podcast. Some might say that. I'm proud of my boys.
Yeah. Come on, Blake. What? I think I got some Fred Perry in the closet. Oh, Jesus. Haven't worn it for a while. Can't really sport it these days. What's Fred Perry? What is that? Yeah, what's the deal? It's a clothing label. I believe it's a British designer. It's got like a little, what do they call that thing? Like the gold leaf? Not gold leaf, but like the thing Caesar wore around his head. I don't fucking know what it is, but the Proud Boys rocket. It's their badge.
Oh, really? Yeah. It's just like a polo shirt. Exactly. I think I know what you're talking about. Yeah. Well, why the fuck do they claim just some regular ass kind of whack ass shit? Sorry, no offense to your whole style, Zers, but... Yeah, it's a little fashion backwards, but I understand you're super fashion forward. I get it. You're just running around in Yeezy flip flops. Yeah. Sombreros with like fur hanging off of them. That's me, all right.
It's probably better that those goofballs take up some lame-ass fashions, because it would really suck if these stupid hate groups would take away something cool. Oh my god. I mean, well, they did that frog. Not that that frog was the coolest shit, but I know that you were talking about that cartoon. This is just bummed.
Yeah, ripping Pepe. Yeah, that's a bummer. Well, I mean, fuck, I think we covered this. They basically do the white power, but it's like the tight butthole sign. Now I can't do that like I constantly used to. Ugh, whites, they did it again. They did it again. They took it.
Oh, my God. What can you do? Let's go back to teasing Kyle. Kyle. Yeah, pivoting. Yeah, do you guys want to know more about the night hike? Wait, what kind of footwear are you rocking? Like running shoes? Do you have hiking boots? Do you have a camelback?
I have some, yeah, I definitely have a camelback. And in that camelback, I have water and I have some protein bars and I have some dried figs. And I also have a taser gun and a knife. Wow. What's the taser for? If one of your friends turns on you, cause it's like, I'm out of snacks. Yeah.
I'm starving out here. Yeah, it's like, I don't know what it's for. I put it at the bottom of it. It's like in case a bobcat shows up or something like that. You know what I mean? Oh, you want to get close enough to... Yeah, you're going to get close enough to tase it. Well, I don't know. I don't know. Like you said, it's dangerous. I do have that in my gut. So it's like, you know... You go, listen, cat, you get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Do you think, in all honesty, if it's just you, you don't have a taser, you don't have a knife, could you fight off a bobcat?
No. Life or death? Yeah, life or death. It's like a... It's a bobcat. It's not a mountain lion. Mountain lion would fuck you up. Actually, how big are bobcats? I honestly don't know. Bobcats are little, dude. They're little. Bobcats are like the size of a pit bull. Yeah, they're like the size of a pit bull, dude. But the claws and the teeth are like... Those are knives. The claws are no joke. I think it's a toss-up. Like...
If it gets you on the fucking throat, you're gone. Yeah. Hell yeah. Jugular, you're done, bro. That's a big cat. The jugs. That's a big cat. I don't know if it's a big cat, to be honest, to be technical, which you guys know I'm always. Yeah. He won't shut up with his technical ability. Technicalities. Technicalities. Feline technicalities. Yeah.
Is the technical... Technically, yeah. Which is the technical word. I did hear that the actual true defense to fighting a mountain lion or a cat like that is you are supposed to... Fuck it. Well, you can try that. That's what they want. That's why they're out there. But you're supposed to stick your fist down...
Down their mouth. Really? No, no. You're supposed to stick your fist into their mouth and then grab inside their tummy and mess it all up. See, now, that's crazy cool. I would love to do that. That sounds amazing. I am so serious. You're saying it with this... I know you're saying it with a straight face and this doesn't seem like your style of comedy, but... This is the thing, because when you get your fist...
Into their open mouth, they can't close it anymore. And you're supposed to just keep pushing as far down into the belly of the beast as you can. And then start to... What? Let me just defend Blake here because he's our dumbest friend. No, that is real. That is real. That is the true defense if you're being attacked by a mountain lion. It can break your arm. No, you just gotta push. Wait, we were filming Workaholics, right? And I got attacked by that Malinois.
And for people at home who don't know what a Malinois is, they're smarter German Shepherds. Right. That was a big dog. Right. They're like super intelligent dogs. And they're the size of a German Shepherd. And he was biting on my arm, but I had like a pad thing under my shirt.
And I was like, wow, like if you really grabbed on, that hurts. And the guy goes, oh yeah, he could snap through your arm like fucking cottage cheese or whatever he uses as a metaphor. If you shove your fist down a mountain lion's throat... You're winning the fight. Yeah.
You're losing your hand. You're winning the no hand contest. They can't bite up to that point. Okay, well, I just Googled. I did a quick Google and a hunter shows his arm down grizzly bear's throat to stave off attack. I'm telling you, dude, when it gets to the point where there's a beast on top of you biting, your best bet is to shove your arm down their throat. Okay.
Because what? Are you gagging it so it's like when you barf and your jaw just goes like unhinged? Yeah, and the point when you have something too large in your mouth, like in your jaw is too extended, you lose the ability to bite down at that point. Sure, but I mean, it'll back away from you. No, man. They're on you. Oh, it won't? It can't. There's a... Nah. It can't go backwards in this scenario? No. No. Because it's all... You fucked with its inner ear. Yeah.
Yeah, dude. Well, did you hear what Blake said, though? Blake, I'm on your team right now. Thanks, buddy. You grab the inside. So how's it going to back away when you're grabbing its throat? Oh, you have the uvula in your grasp? No, you're past the uvula player. You're like grabbing the stomach and shit. That's how deep you have to go. You're grabbing its dick from the inside. So you are trying to fuck it. Okay. After it's all said and done, yeah. Right. Yes. This is...
This is important. Hey, speaking of fucking animals, I did hear at the dog park once when I went there that if like a pit bull does attack you or if like how to get the pit bull off of your dog, if they're attacking, you can't reach in and grab the jaw and just like separate them. That's not going to happen. Got to fuck it. What you do have to do, you do, you have to put your finger in its asshole. Oh my God. Like that's the way to get it to stop.
You do. Dude, when it gets down to those situations. Think about it. What else are you going to do? I was going to say, like, do that with the bobcat too. So reach in with one hand, grab the dick from the inside, and then reach underneath and throw your finger up the butthole. And now, like, what's that bobcat actually going to do? It's not backing up. It ain't backing up. I started it. It ain't backing up now.
Are you doing like, what do they call it? A Chinese finger trap or whatever to a wild animal? Yeah, one finger in the mouth and one finger in the butt. Dude, yeah. How did Kyle die? Well, it was 5 a.m. He was doing some night hiking. Yeah. It was dark. He was frog hunting. Yeah, he found a frog. We got the call at 3.30. And he fingered a bobcat's asshole. But for real. This is making me want to start up a website with just...
the wrong answers to general questions. I feel like that's what our podcast is evolving into, is guys who could easily Google answers, but instead... Well, I did Google, and you are... This has worked before. I don't think it's the best...
It's worst case scenario. Which one? The butthole? Not the butthole. There's no... I haven't found anything about buttholes. I think that's just you want to finger animals' buttholes. The butthole is weird. No, that's a pit bull specific thing, I guess. Yeah, I guess. Maybe. What about grabbing its nuts? Right? Well, what if it's not a boy? You say, no. Then you know what you do. You do the two in the pink. Is that... How's it go? Yes, the...
I feel like I would choke it out, right? Wouldn't you choke it out? Here's the thing about that. If it's a pit bull, it ain't happening because their fucking necks are all muscle. And if it's a Chinese Shar-Pei, the skin is so loose and slippery, you just can't get a handle on it. I could choke out a pit bull. Oh.
I also recall another way to disengage. You try to stab them in the eyes as well. Oh, take out their eyesight. Yeah. But they have great smells. Yeah. I don't know. And beautiful eyes. It'd be such a crime. That's why you have to shit yourself and then quickly discard your pants. Either way, it's not pretty. That's smart. Actually, taking a shit or farting on them probably will get them to go away. Oh, they're so grossed out. They just run away. Oh.
No, they love that. Yeah, they're like, that's a weird-ass smell. Why do dogs love farts so much? Like, you fart, a dog will just bury his face into your asshole. They get it, man. Hell yeah, they do. They get it. They get it. They love the stink. They're like, ooh, I know what you had for lunch. Dogs rock. I want that. I'm sick of just eating dog food. They're like, oh, is that barbecue sauce?
Horsey sauce? I haven't had Arby's in a minute. Jeez. I don't know if it's getting any better. This would be a perfect time for you to give us a yeah, baby. Okay, you got it. Yeah, baby. Sorry, man. Yeah, you're sleeping on that soundboard. I feel like you're worried about people disliking your soundboard, and it's like, you know, now's not the time, dog. Yeah, I need to, like, go harder. Yeah. Yes. Well, I'm a little sad I didn't get to program new sounds today.
Well, if you are going to be the soundboard king, which I like that you are, you've got to take it. It's a big responsibility, and you need to take it seriously. Okay? I know. Yeah, so we are shaming you into doing this, but you are the only one who has taken the initiative to actually do it. And let's not forget, I brought a little tchotchke of a sound machine, and I'll happily go back to it. I don't think it really worked that well. No.
But what's happening at Adam's house? Adam, why are there red lights flashing on you? Is there an ambulance there? Yeah. No, I have the bicycle light that you put on your back, and I charged it, and I was just seeing if it worked. Turns out it does. Are we setting up a bike story? A classic Adam out on the bike getting ripped shit? So I was out on the trails.
Uh, no, nothing, nothing great happened lately. Adam, would you come out here and hit the highways with me on the bike? Do you have one of those bikes? Fuck yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm out there. I put in like 25 miles a day, son. You guys silly. I'm still going to send it. Yeah, dude. What I need to do is I'm like,
When I first got the bike, I didn't want to be like all spandex, didn't want to wear – have like dumb sunglasses and that whole thing. So I wear bike shorts, but I wear basketball shorts over top of them. But now I'm like – now I'm jealous of the more professional-looking cyclists.
Yeah. That are out there that are just full spandex with the dumb helmets, the really stupid sunglasses. And now I look at them and I'm like, they look like fucking athletes out here. Yeah. They have cool ass fucking shirts with like pockets on them. I'm very envious of these shirts. Adam, as somebody who came of age in this milieu of, I guess you would call it bad sports. Yeah.
And the kind of spandex look. It's so nice to hear these words. Yeah, I'm coming around. So I welcome you. I want to be more like Anders. I'm going to dress like the Proud Boys. Oh, God. You got to start shopping at places where they sell Pearl Azumi and just go crazy. You got it, dude.
Some low alpine. Oh, yeah. Low alpine? What are these brands? I don't know what... Alpine is a speaker, homie. Oh, for real? I had some alpine subwoofers. Yeah, different. Oh, it is? It is different. So you and Vanilla Ice Dog. Durs, do you got some brands we've never heard of before that you want to drop on the people? I've got a brand. It's VPN. And boy, is it classic. VPN Networks.
Uh, what other brands? I mean, you guys have never heard of Pearl Izumi. No, no. And that's, what is that? Is that a, a cycling brand? They make cycling and running stuff. I don't know anything because I'm new to the game. All I know is specialized. That's the brand of my bicycle. I've heard of that. Yeah. Oh yeah. So that's all I know. What are you rocking? Let's get specialized to send you some shit. What's your bike? Yeah. Specialized hook it up. That's carbon fiber. Uh,
I don't remember. Is it a comp? Is it a comp for competition? I don't know if it's a comp. I don't. Adam, please tell me you're one of the fucking sick-ass dudes who rides his bike, then hops off it right quick, and then carries it up some steps real quick. Love that. And then hops back on. Oh, dude. Dope. No. Damn. Not a lot of step run. I remember when I first moved to...
Hollywood! One of the very first celebrities I ever saw was Jeremy Piven at Runyon Canyon, and he was running down the steep part of Runyon Canyon, running down it, shirt off,
glistening in the sun holding a yeah baby holding a bicycle over his head yeah like pressing a bicycle over his head oh dope hiding his hairline hiding his hairline shading his bald head he's like they won't see it they'll see the abs they'll miss the hairline dude though i think the first that's a cool thing just the first celebrity you ever saw when you came to hollywood oh yeah yeah the
The first one, I remember when I went to film school, I was going up to Pavilion. Which is a grocery store chain out here. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Up by UCB. And I saw Heath Ledger. Damn, big one. Oh my God! Come out of the store with a couple of frozen pizzas. Big one. Hop into a fucking car and drive away. Froschetta, DiGiorno, Tombstone. What kind of car?
He goes, what kind of car? I'm asking what kind of pizza. I think it was like a bigger car. I think it was like a Bronco type thing. Nice. And the pizza, I don't know, man. Red Baron? He seems like a Red Baron guy. I was kind of far away. I was nervous. I was kind of far away. I wasn't trying to get close. About both these guys, did they have the glow? Oh, Heath, yes. The glow. Like when you see somebody famous and like,
You don't want to look directly at them, so you're kind of looking around them, but they're glowing. Alrighty then. I don't know if Piven had the glow, although it was like peak Entourage time, so definitely it was like everybody was like, oh, fuck, there's Ari Gold from, you know. Yeah. I tell you who did have the glow. I saw the...
driver from blank check at the farmer's market. Yes. RIP. And I was like, God damn, this is, this is a childhood hero right here. He was fucking blinding. He has the glow. I love that dude. Yeah, man, the guy. And for those at home who don't remember, this is the same man who shut off the power in diehard. Oh,
Oh, yeah, baby. Wow, yeah. So good. If that refreshes your memory. I think everyone remembers. Everybody remembers that. It's strange seeing a celebrity because you're like, I know that person. Where is that person? Where is he from? Well, dude, remember when we first – it was like season one of Workaholics and we were writing at Hollywood Production Center, which is just a place that has a bunch of offices that a lot of people write their shows in. And we were writing Workaholics there season one and –
In the gym, I remember one time Jamie Kennedy came in and was working and both me and Durs were like, we were like talking, goofing around. And then like he came in and both of us- And time stopped.
Yeah, it was like Jamie Kennedy was the biggest goddamn star. Talk about the glow. We had a Jamie Kennedy experience of our own. Yeah, that was our Jamie Kennedy experience. It was like Brad Pitt just walked in. Both of us were like immediately were quiet, lifting heavier weights than we normally would. Yours got on the treadmill and just fucking soared. In my pearl of zoomies. That's cool. Damn. The best part of that is immediately quiet. Just like... Yeah, just like...
Head down, working out extra hard. I think, and by the way, he was pushing like a Bentley GT Continental. Oh, yeah. I had so many questions about that. But, hey, Scream 3, Scream 3. I think Jamie Kennedy might have overextended himself a little bit. Hey, Scream 3. Yeah, Scream 3. Who knew? Malibu's Most Wanted, let's go.
Very funny movie, by the way. Yeah. Didn't he do enough work to get... He didn't... Yeah. What was his... What did he do? Scream. One, two, three. He had the Jamie Kennedy experience. Scooby... Scooby-Doo? I don't know. He had some shit. Okay, well... Yeah, he had a solid run. He had a nice window. Bentleys come to those who work. And also, wasn't he with Jennifer Love Hewitt for a while? He was. I know the answer, and it's yes. Hello. God damn. Do you remember Jennifer Love Hewitt?
He would in that era, in that era, 100% like, God damn, that's a grand slam. Yeah. Yeah, baby. Cause Jamie Kennedy for the few times I met him, it seems like a great guy. Everyone in probably including Jamie Kennedy will agree that he's not like, he's not a stereotypical, super handsome, hot guy. He won her over with, with the ha ha. Oh God gave me hope. I was like, Oh,
I was like, there we go. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Those types of relationships were always like, oh, there is so much hope in this world. They see past the face. They see past the hair. They smell past the stanchion. Women are so nice and good. They're such better people.
They really are. Women rule. The fact that they can look past all of our just gross shit. Yeah. Our egotistical bullshit. Egotesticals. And if you're funny or cool or whatever, you can land a babe. Yeah, man. Yep.
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Women have to look past so much. So much. It doesn't make sense. What a raw end of the deal. Yeah, they got the raw end. First off, you have to get past how ugly I am, and you're like, he's funny, he's funny. Then you have to see me naked, and then you're like, oh god damn, this is what I gotta work with here. Damn. Okay. The hair's...
Yeah, they're like, why is there weird back hair? Like, does it ever get better? And like, the farts. Can we talk about the leaking? Oh, baby. Do guys fart more than women? Do we know? Fat. I don't know.
I don't know. No, no. I grew up in a household where everybody farted. My mom, my dad. Wait a second. I was just going to say, you grew up in a household with one woman, and that was your mom. So you're telling us that your mom represented, huh? You guys silly? I'm still going to send it.
That's so tight. Yes. My mom totally represented. Like, yeah, she sent it. She was all about it. I mean, she did not try and hide it. There was no shame. I would say your farts sound more like your mom's farts than your dad's. Thank you. Have you heard Kyle's mom fart?
Blake knows their farts so well. Oh, I, I, come on, I go all the way back with the Nua checks. I, come on, there's no... All the way back. Do you remember your first Kyle's mom fart? Because I feel like it'd be like a, whoa. I don't think I remember that. Hello. I feel like I, yeah, no, I definitely, like anything, it was all comfortable. We were with each other all hours of the day. We took 5 a.m. walks sometimes. Oh my God.
Oh, but for real, like she was kind of, you would hear, the house wasn't that big. So even when she was like in her bedroom and farting back there, it's like you could hear her over the TV. It was a womp womp. Jesus. It's like, like, like, you know, that's true. You'd hear that. The Alpine woofer. Yeah. Can I do that? No, we're just like watching Scream 1. We had the Alpine tweeters. Yeah.
Yeah, it's like it was... That mid-range bass. It was just about comfort. It's just what it was. Did your parents not fart? Did your mom's fart? Or your sister's? Yeah, but it was not like... It was never announced. It was always like... Who? Who?
whoo, oops. It was kind of like that happened. I don't think there was acknowledgement. Not to put my mom on the spot, but I feel like she would have to say something because it was about, like if she ever did, it was just rancid. It smelled so bad. So she'd be like, uh-oh, I think I boofed. Ha ha ha.
I boofed. I boofed. That was a big thing when we grew up. Women don't fart. They boof. I remember that. Well, I don't think that's a big thing. I think that's a big thing in your family or two families. Yeah, I think that's just what my mom said. Yeah. Well, we hung out with a family that had a whole bunch of girls, like five girls. And they were all boofing. Oh, boof city.
Well, I will say I think women probably as a whole fart less only because... Don't call them that. Only because their diet's better for the most part. Okay.
You know what, though? I'm going to go ahead and tell you this. If you're farting, it actually is a sign of a healthy diet. You have more of what you need in your body. That is... No. What? Do a quick Google. Go ahead. I'll wait. Look, you should be releasing your gases. Oh, how come whenever I eat shitty more poorly, that's when I'm...
Womp womp. Gassy? Well, I would have to know what each side of the spectrum is for you personally. That is true. Let them see the spectrum. When I eat chicken breast and broccoli and white rice, I'm not farting. Okay. Not when you eat broccoli? No. What's up with that? That's a very fibrous food. His booty is just like... It doesn't fart. It doesn't come out in gas form. I shit it out. But then when you hit Carl's union... Yeah. Oh my God!
But Adam's the kind of guy who doesn't claim his farts anyways. We have to like... I don't. Yeah, I don't think you're in touch with what's coming out of your asshole. Oh, he's the worst. And we all know what they smell like too. He's like, somebody farted. We're like, we all know your fart. You guys silly? I'm still going to send it. That's not true. Yes, it is. That's not true. I'm not a very flatulent person. I'm not. I'm not that farty. That's because you don't take responsibility for what comes out of your asshole. Did I do that? Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. The denials. I know you. I've known you for so long, and you're constantly blaming it on others. I'm not. That's not true. And he's making the face that he makes when he farts right now. The face is so obvious. Where he's like, I'm going to explode out of my face. I grew up in a household where it was cool to fart. We all farted. When you farted in the car, you just yelled airflow, and everybody rolled down the windows. You say, we are new at checks. It was a point of pride. Alright.
Righty. Airflow. Are we trying to say that Dennis Devine didn't let it rip? I don't know. I didn't grow up with him. Dennis D let it fly. Oh, yeah. You know he did. Teachers! The whole Devines are big...
Big tutors. I'm just saying, me personally, I don't fart all that often. Only when I eat more poorly. Again, you got to do both sides of the spectrum on me right now. Like, what's a... Okay, so when you eat bad, what is that food? What makes you fart? That would be like if I ate like a ton of pizza. Mm-hmm.
Or like I ate like... So you're like lactose intolerant. Probably. Or if I eat like Mexican food and it was like really greasy. Mm-hmm.
That's one. The greasy is what you equate to the farts, not the fiber. Yeah. The boofs. I think. The boofs. Yeah, I'm... Right. Yeah, the boofs. Toots. I am much like that family of women that you grew up with. I don't fart. I boof. Boof, toot. I get that vibe when you don't claim it on set. It feels like you don't want... It feels like you are ashamed of your smell. And I'm here to be like, bro, it's all good. Well, guys, well, on set...
I'm not admitting that I didn't claim it because I would claim it if I ever did. No, no. This goes back to when you guys lived together in the crib. You're not supposed to fart on set. You would fart and then walk out of the room and we'd be like, this dude just farted and left the room. That was your move 100%. You'd be like, I'm going to go get some water. Yeah, why did he leave mid-sentence? I know why he did. This dude's assertive. He's a proud boy. Yeah.
Leaving his bombs behind, letting us stew in it. Jesus. Crowd boy. I want to circle back to the first celebrity sighting because I think mine, and I like mine still, mine was Jason Schwartzman.
at the Lacoste store. Really? Well, you love Jason Schwartzman, so this really hits... This is a great one for you. It was right after... I mean, just a few years after Rushmore. Damn. And as he was getting into other things, and I was like, holy shit, he's five... I don't know, five, five-six or something like that. Oh, my God! And he was looking at the watches in Lacoste.
And I just went and stood next to him, pretending like I was looking at watches. That's sick. With no intent to buy. Well, didn't you work at Lacoste? Yeah, I loved that. Yeah, I went to go check it out on Rodeo Drive. And then I worked there later, and it was fucking...
Sick. Isn't it Rodeo Drive? It is. Okay, all right. I'm having fun. Is that allowed, or do we need to bring out the spectrum? Is that allowed, Kyle? Sorry, fun police over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, what's the spectrum of what's fun to you? Is it greasy fun? Is the fiber fun? Mine was a legitimate question. I really was like, have I been... You working at Lacoste is like the most derse thing that I could imagine. The fact that they hired me blew my mind. I was like, you guys are trash now if you let me work here.
You lost respect for the company because they hired you? Oh, yeah. Then I go behind the door. I see all the hangers everywhere. Well, we got to find some old, because everyone is embarrassed by their early 20s high school fashion sense. Oh, sure. Although mine ruled, very baggy pants, corduroys, lots of hemp, gauged earrings.
Really? They weren't. It was gauged. It wasn't. No, this bro did not have gauges. It wasn't gauges. Now your earlobes would still look funny. No, it wasn't that. Well, you could do like 12 or 14. It's not like you're getting up to zeros. Yeah, it was just thicker, a thicker bar than a little stutteroo. Okay. Yeah, that's fucking hard, Devine. I'm into that, bro. Nice. Yeah, dude, I was really hard and I have a nautical star tattoo. You guys silly? I'm still going to send it.
And I did. And I sent it for years. You're feeling this.
Oh, we got to get that. I thought that was the soundboard. Ders would rock the popped collar, which I never pulled that look off and never attempted, but I respect Ders for having multiple Lacoste polos that he would pop. We got to dig some. Do you have any photos of those? Did you ever rock the double polo? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I did. Oh, God. That's so sick.
There was a gray and then like this kind of like pink-ish, like a fucking dull magenta. And I'd wear that under the gray and it would look fucking good. I'm not mad at a pop collar still. But the double pop? Yeah, I don't give a fuck. That's kind of ridiculous. How many collars did you wear? Just two? Two, yeah. I mean, two is... So dumb. A lot. A lot.
But two is one more than you need. Yeah, it's more than you need. Is it the same shirt twice, right? That's what it is? Yeah. Or was there one without buttons or something? No, no, no. It was just two Lacoste polos. Okay. I mean, what would be real sick is if you had one that like sewed in two collars. Yeah, that'd be so tight. Who started wearing two collars?
polo shirts at once. Somebody who's fucking smart. Durz and his crew. I'm gonna guess it was like T.I. I'm gonna say it was Grand Hustle. Actually, nobody in my crew would do it. Nobody in my crew would rock like that. You were on some cool shit. Hey, what happened to the sleeves? Did the sleeves show two colors?
too? I didn't. No, I'm sure somebody pulled the sleeves. But you could. I just liked having like a little color pop around my neck. Yeah, no, that's dope. I'm into that, bro. I'm into that for you. Why not wear an ascot? Oh, that's cool, too. I kind of liked. Yeah, you're right. I could have done that. But on the spectrum of greasy to fabric. Yeah, baby. Fabric.
In a weird way. I love the like pageantry of prep style. I was like, this is ridiculous. I'm a person who wears two collars. I'm a person who has like their shirt over their shoulders and tied. Who does that anymore or ever did it? This sounds like your AA speech. Like, yes, I'm a person who pops two collars. My name's Anders. I wear a sweater over my shoulders. Hi, Anders. Hi, Ben.
Known to pop collars? Didn't they also do the embroidery? Did you ever do that? Where it was like you could get like embroidery on those shirts? Like your name? Is that not a thing? Yeah. I thought you would get it. Or no, on the bottom of the collar where you'd pop it up. On the back of the collar, there'd be stuff. So when you pop it, there's something there. Oh, my God.
Yeah. Oh my, that's a bad look. Yeah, bro, I remember that. This is real? Yeah, I don't know if I ever had anything like that. See, I was always jealous of that look because I agree. It's just so absurd that I wanted to do it so bad. What are some of your guys' fashion choices that we have to dig up some photos and post them
I mean, I've got some bad... I remember when cargo shorts were a thing. Oh, yeah. And I held on to... Because I didn't like them. So then I held on. I couldn't find regular shorts, like short shorts that I like for the longest time. And then I was like, I guess I got to fucking find some cargo shorts. And I bought the worst pair of cargo shorts. Super duper long.
Fucking insane. I was all hemp everything. It was just weird. It was like, obviously, I just wanted to let people know I smoke weed. I wanted to talk about weed. I wanted you to walk into a store and have people be like, oh, that guy can fucking hacky sack. What's up with him? Smoke weed every day.
I don't think hemp is a bad look, to be honest. Yeah, but it's a swing. Like, it was more than just one necklace. It was multiple necklaces, bracelets. I had a belt that I made out of hemp. It was...
It was a lot. I think that's forward. That's cool, man. I still think that's cool. I don't mind it. Like, unless you had like white dude dreadlocks to accompany that shit. I don't think you crossed any lines. Thank you. I don't know if it was a line that I crossed, but it was a swing that I,
took it was a swing it was a swing yeah hey and you connected thank you it's a ground double at least that was the time though that was the the green day blink 182 were my life heroes yeah you were in your bag that's the tight shirt big pants phase like yeah tight shirt and like wide ass jankos yeah it was all carpenter pants all day you had jankos oh yeah i did i had jankos but my mom would measure the she's like you can only have like a 12 inch leg
You always wore very big waistline pants for some reason. You weren't a big guy. You were very skinny in high school. I loved my pants falling off me, dude. Like, I like that. Yeah, we from the Bay. We sag, baby. Yeah, I love sagging. Did you ever leave the house wearing something and switch it up at school, you wild boy? Oh, gosh, no.
That's a girl thing. Come on. Yeah, I think I just pushed the limits inside the house and then walked out the door. Yeah. Well, it's only been in the last, I want to say, eight years, five to eight years that Blake started to wear pants that fit him. Oh, I still sag. I still do.
I still have my butt hanging out. Not at the same degree. You used to be full on butthole. It was out of the pants. Yeah. I mean, my... Yeah, well, luckily, like, skinny jeans started to get in, and then I kind of embraced my skinny legs, I guess. But...
Well, there was like rules when we grew up where you couldn't sag at school. So it was like an act of defiance was sagging. You know, like they're like, you're not allowed to do this. And so if you walk around at recess and sag, you were like, fuck you. It was hella punk. Gym class, because the shorts for the uniform are so short, you would just buy the biggest shirt and then tuck it in. And it would just be like your entire booty is out.
Like everybody. And like the shirt was tucked in so they couldn't say anything or like enforce it. My shirt's tucked in. I can see your butt cheeks. My shirt's tucked in. Full booty. I totally remember that look. Yeah. That was like, what was going on? I don't know. But those girls put up with it once again. It's just like, what are they all doing? Oh my God.
I mean, I remember doing the weirdest thing with my socks and my Osiris shoes where I would actually stuff the tongue of the shoe with like two or three pairs of folded socks to make it look like big. And I truly don't know why. That was kind of when like when the skate culture was starting to go like
A little more like hip hop. And I feel like Chad Muska was running the game. Yeah, Muska was huge. And that's when I had to go the opposite direction and start popping two collars. Iconoclast. That was when you could skate in basketball jerseys. It was all good. That was correct. I feel like all I did...
In the Midwest was I just dressed as if I was currently a professional surfer or skateboarder. Yeah. That's because Southern California was just popping at that time. That was the coolest time for Southern California was like the 90s, early 2000s.
Snoop, you had Gwen Stefani. You had all those bands coming out of Orange County and shit. Southern California had it on lockdown. Unplundle. Yeah. I guess my major offense was I was heavily influenced by Allen Iverson. I thought anything that dude did was so cool. So I got looped into fake jewelry from mall kiosks and stuff. I remember I had a- Like costume jewelry? Yeah, like I had an NBA-
like dog tag that I was just like, this is so cool. It looks like I actually have a chain, but it's worth $15. I have some photos of you when you would wear the bandana and have your little fro popping out the top. And then you would, it was, it wasn't affliction. No, but it was close enough to be, it was like affliction adjacent that you're like, like Ed Hardy. I know that it wasn't affliction, but you were like, that,
Let's take it. I understand that you were, it was more of like a metal thing you were going for. Yeah, dude, you know what? I was also, I mean, I was... You were lost. You were lost. You were looking for yourself. I had a very, I was very lost. I had just moved out to like Orange County and like my stepmom was working at Quicksilver. So I had the plug. Right. I had no money to buy clothes. I remember the first time I saw like, I think it was Vice Magazine. Yeah.
my mind was shattered i was just like whoa there is this counter culture of people with a completely different fashion sense right than quicksilver like well yeah there's there's the proud boys for you yeah well unfortunately that's gone completely off the rails but i remember just being like whoa dude oh so that's just a coincidence you're saying
I don't know. I would love to unpack the history of Vice Magazine, but it was counterculture at the time. That's another podcast. Right. Yeah. But I do remember being extremely lost. And then when I first started to, I mean, even when we were living together in Van Nuys, I started to find like thrift shopping. And I'm like...
Holy shit, I can actually run looks from Salvation Army and look cooler than if I'm breaking my bank. Bro, you just said run looks? Run looks, dawg. Yeah, dude. I can actually run looks? Like, that's the sickest. I mean, who are you? Are you Macklemore? What does that mean? I'm gonna pop some tags. Oh my god, were you popping tags? $20 in my pocket. Did I do that?
I want to start running looks, dude. Copping fits? Were you copping fits? I was copping fits. Copping fits, running looks? Running looks, yeah. Blake is our most fashion-forward friend. The Salvation Army was like, that was the tank top days. That was when we would just get as many tank tops as possible. Oh, yeah.
I like a good thrift store run. Nothing beats it. Nothing beats a thrift shop run. Yeah. In California, there's like professional thrift store shoppers. So it's hard to beat them. Like in the Midwest, I used to cop- Yeah.
Mad looks. Thrift store looks. Run mad looks. Like Budweiser t-shirts and shit. Yeah, Budweiser shirts and like Michael Jordan shirts. Well, those are the best. Oh, race car shit with the neon, like kitted out with Mountain Dew or whatever. Mm-hmm.
I had a shirt that said Nebraska, big cock country, and then it showed a pheasant. Hell yeah. Oh, shit. You know I rocked that to school every day. And the teachers couldn't say shit. They were like, this is inappropriate. I'm like, no, it's not. A pheasant is a cock. Is a pheasant a cock? Is a pheasant a cock? Is it a cock, though? It's not. Is a pheasant a cock, though? Is a pheasant a cock, though? It's a cock, though. Oh, my God.
You guys silly? I'm still going to send it. Yeah, like when we moved out here and started going to Melrose and there was like jet rag and places with like cool thrift stores or thrift clothing, it was like, what is this? It was like already shopped and then they charge way more for vintage shit, but
If you went out to the stores in Van Nuys, you could still find stuff where it was like... I mean, I still have this Santana shirt in my closet that I'm... It's worth $120 at least. I know that shirt. That shirt is so dope. Yeah, and I found that at Salvation Army just on the rack for $5. Right. Yeah, you guys used to go on runs to the Salve for costumes when we were doing...
internet sketches salve oh man oh yeah yeah remember that big woven puffy jacket what was that one that was like it was like knit woven and then like brown fleece on the top oh you got that dude i spent like fucking 40 bucks on that because i wanted it to look good on me so bad and then i wore it and it was like i look like shit in this and then you came over and i was like put this on
And it's still the photo that when you call me... Oh, baby. Looking like a goddamn Viking. You look so goddamn good. And that was when the rule was... I mean, the rule still is this. Like, if you look better in it, you take it home. Right. Yeah, you get to keep it. You have to. Like, it's just... That's the thing. Yeah, well, don't let me in your closets. Okay. No, you're good. You're...
He's been biking 25 miles a day. Yeah, because I'm going to steal your closet, dude. That's the whole rule, though. I think that's a good rule, especially amongst homies and friends. It's like if you put on your friend's clothes and you look better in it, and it's like, you know, objectively better, like you should take that home. That's until like your handsome homie like hops in your Tesla and is like, hey, do I look good in this? No, no, but hold on. Because we can do this. Here's the keys. Well, yeah, but then you got a lot of paperwork. I'm pissed now.
Let's do this. If you guys, whoever the fuck is listening, if you're at home and you have a friend who's got a shirt that you know you look better than him in, take side-by-side pictures and email them to us and we will be the judge and we will tell you who gets to keep that shit. That's real. This is important podcast at gmail.com.
That's right. Send the emails. We'll decide if you got a nice button-out, a jacket. Nothing too flagrant. Come on. No, like, leather. We don't want to really... No. We'll judge it, but really, you know. Like, when you see the person in the clothes, it's like, damn.
You look so good in this. But if you need a tiebreaker, allow us to vote on it. Exactly. Hell yeah. Yeah, and let's make sure the photos are both similar quality. You don't want someone in the dark, shitty photo. Make sure they're both well lit so we can see the pics. You guys know fair is fair. Fair is fair, okay? Fair is fair. Send it our way. Don't roll up with one dude gets a cool hipster...
What's the Polaroid? I don't know, man. What the fuck are you talking about? What are you tossing? Are you talking about Hipstamatic? Yeah, don't hit her with the Hipstamatic filter. Come on. No Hipstamatic filters? Yeah, this is hashtag no filter. No filter. No filter.
Yeah.
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But I remember moving to LA and I didn't wear jeans for the first... Because I never wore jeans growing up. I just didn't. Oh my God! And then after three years living in LA, it was like in the blue jean fucking height of diesels and sevens and... G-stars? G-stars. I was like, I got to get some G-stars. Raw jeans? It was like... God, that was such a... Raw denim. What was raw? I never got... What does that mean? You couldn't wash them. You had to freeze them.
You had to put your jeans in the freezer. That's how you would wash them. Shit was so dumb. It was so stupid. That's like how I used to clean hockey gear. Right. Oh, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, that's gnarly. And I remember I bought them, and then I got some, like, boot cut because that was the shit. I was just trying to look like Dane Cook, you know? But no, that was the thing. Trying to be out here looking like Dane. Oh, my God! Oh!
And now I look back and I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. And I would have just worn regular jeans, like a regular fit. But they didn't exist at that time. There were no regular fits. Man, I never jumped on that raw. It was too rich for my blood, man. I never was able to. Oh, yeah. I smoked a bunch of ciggies at that time. I was buying cigarettes, dude.
Well, you're rough with things, guys at home. I don't know if you know this, but Kyle, if you bought like a hat or a shirt on the exact same day as Kyle, it's instantly filthy for him. And then yours looks brand new still for like a month. Did I do that? Yeah.
Yeah. Do you remember that? Kyle goes hard, yeah. Yeah. You would have like, where he touches his hat on the brim, there's like a dirt mark. Well, he doesn't wash his hands. He doesn't, yeah. Kyle's a filthy man. We've covered this. He has since Corona, but other than that, he never used to. Right. I never did. And I used to like, you know, when you flick a cigarette out, you get ashes all over yourself and you're like, whoa, who gives a fuck?
I mean, it was like... Oh, yeah. That's got to be what it is. Yeah. It was a nasty-ass habit. You know what I mean? And I just lived through it. Like, that was it. When you take your COVID mask off, is it just, like, muddy on the inside? I'm, like, breathing brown. Just some sludge. Smoke weed every day. Dude, I mean, I'm cleaner now than I used to be, but I used to be very rough with things. And I didn't... I always...
I still do this. I find something I like and I wear it. Right. Like I'm not like changing all the time. I'm just wearing it. Like I'll wash it and put it right back on because it's my favorite thing. I don't know what the fuck that is. That's also a fashion ebb and flow. Like...
Think about when clothes ripped jeans or what was all the shit? Was it American Eagle or Abercrombie? Everything was just ripped. Oh, yeah. I was American Eagle, boy. All dungarees all day. Distressed. You couldn't buy anything that was finished. It's like, why does it? I don't know. It's just sometimes crispy and then just distressed. It's a constant battle. I never did Abercrombie. I never did either. I just fucking couldn't do it. No.
No, not a lot of Abercrombie. Neither did I. I'm actually surprised that Anders did not do Abercrombie. I was just going to say, I bet you thought I would, but it was like fucking stinky. If Durs at some point was like the shirtless guy at the mall, I'd be like, that'd be a tight high school gig for him.
I wish. Straight out of college, maybe. But then the titties just exploded. Those titties dropped. They would have a shirtless guy out front every store? That's weird. Yeah, I remember this guy I knew in high school who was such a fucking dork.
But like, I guess he was like, got a good body or something. I guess. He became the... You can admit the guy was fucking jacked. Yeah, dude. What's up, bro? The guy was ripped, but he was just a fucking dork. And he would be at the mall shirtless. And we're all like, look at this fucking dork. He looks like such an idiot. And then immediately, like all the hot chicks were like, oh my God, he's actually kind of cute. And you're like, I've got to take my pants off and sit outside Hot Topic. Yeah.
I have to take my pants off and sit outside Wetzel's pretzels. Yeah, what is... They've got to have an age, right? You can't be under 18 doing that job. Can you? How old was that kid, Adam? I don't... I can't remember. I don't know. But under 18, you think? That's weird. Maybe it was their senior year and he was 18. I can't remember.
Yeah. Yeah, that's a strange job to have for a 17-year-old child to take your shirt off and strut around the mall. Oh, my God! That was perfect in... Was it Neighbors when Homeboy at the end was just like, I got a job outside Abercrombie Modeling? Yeah. That was great. Oh, yeah. Are they shut down, Abercrombie? Like, people don't fuck with Abercrombie at all anymore. Mm-hmm.
No. Dude, I thought the same thing about Ed Hardy, but Ed Hardy is still standing strong on Melrose. Oh, good. I bet internationally Ed Hardy is still doing fine somewhere, but in America, they're eating shit, and so is true religion. But, like, the preppy shit is dead. There was also, like, kind of this counterculture that I feel like Lil Uzi Vert kind of, like,
where it was like start wearing Von Dutch again. I've seen that and I'm like, what is it? Thrift shop pickups? No, no, it's definitely new drops and it's still definitely as expensive as ever. That's their thing. I don't think
Ed Hardy ever dropped its price. I think it was just like, if you still want to ride with us. Right, they just moved to the next country they didn't know yet. What's up with that? Like Poland was just kicking it in some Von Dutch. Or it's just like the people that party out at bogeys. Oh yeah. They're rocking Ed Hardy, you know what I mean? Oh yeah. No, Von Dutch definitely just seems like the bar out
In Calabasas that you're talking about bogeys. Shout out to bogeys. Is just a swingers paradise. Yeah. Yeah, baby. I just wanted to bring up bogeys. Yeah, it's just all recently divorcees in their late 40s, 50s who are just trying to throw the fuck down. And every time you're there, it's just like...
It's button-up shirts with extra huge collars. Right, with dragons sewn into the back. Yeah, it's bedazzled somehow. Everything is a snap button. It's all snap buttons. Which I can appreciate. Oh, well, there was a few years there, if you guys remember, that I wore a lot of snap buttons. It's fun. But you were comedically opening them all the time. That was a move, and so I respected that. Yeah, well, that was my running bit.
Yeah, don't trip. That Western look will come back. Yeah. Still not mad at that. I'm feeling the cowboy creep up hard out here. Thank you, Post Malone. Like, just with me personally, just with me personally, I'm feeling it. Like, I want to get into it. If I ran into Kyle and you were just rocking spurs, I'd be like, yeah. I would respect that. This is right. Well, dude, I get up at 5 in the morning, go on these hikes, and now I'm like, wait, you mean I could take a horse on these trails? You...
You could take a horse. Nobody's stopping me. Awesome. I don't have to walk it. I want to see you barebacking a Clydesdale, Kay. At 5 a.m.
5 a.m. with the sun just creeping over the hill. I could see Kyle getting into horses. Yeah. Is that a thing? I'm feeling it. I would actually like that. Yeah. It's a thing out here. It's very tempting. Yeah, I could see you having a horse and just shoveling it shit all day long. I would love to see you break a stallion. Thank you. It's so not natural to ride another animal. Have you ever ridden a horse? Yes, of course. I've only done it one time, and I was amazed. How hard, though? Like this. Oh.
I don't like it. It just doesn't feel right. I don't think I should be up there. I know the horse doesn't like it. But are you an animal person? You don't have animals, right? No, my wife's super fucking allergic or else I'd have thousands. I'd have 101 Dalmatians in my house.
I'm pissed now! Yeah, so you can make a coat, dude. Totally would. Yeah, so I can make the jacket. It's so sick. Yeah, so you can make a jacket. I know you. You are Cruella. Cruella DeVille over here. Cruella DeVille. Yeah, see, I welcome that.
the beasts. I like being around them. I think it's cool. You like to tame them and ride them or you like to leave them wild? I just like to have animals around. I want to get chickens out here now and I'm thinking about getting some ducks and then it's like goats and then it's like, oh, a milk cow and then it's like, well, a horse. Let's do that.
So I'm like, I don't know. It just, I dig it. I would like to have a cow. I think that'd be fucking rad. Just a big old fat dumb cow. Like Pee Wee's Playhouse. It just rolls up to the window. Wouldn't it be cool to have a milk cow? Yeah. You're just like, give me my milk. I'm going to go make some cheese. Oh, I was just saying so you could murder it and have tons of steaks, dude. Hello, the Nebraska and you just came out. Yeah, man. Oh boy. All right. Yeah, baby. Yeah.
Yeah, baby. If you want the rabbits I'm catching, I'll give you a call. I'm catching a bunch of them out here. I don't know. Wild rabbit? Is that even edible? Can you even eat that? For sure. I honestly don't know if it's legal, but it's edible. Yeah, it might not be legal. I would not want to do that. Don't you guys think it's cool that Kyle thinks he's catching different rabbits and it's not just the same rabbit coming back?
Oh yeah. Dude, I'm taking them miles away from my house. As an animal lover, are you afraid you're, you're taking these rabbits away from their, their, their home, their habitat? Yes. I don't like doing it, but I do it because they, they, when I open up the cage, they're like, where am I? They eat your,
yentls. They're eating my green beans and they just live under my shed. You can't rock a rabbit fence around your property? No. In the process? I'm working on it, but these little guys are smart, dude. They can get in and dig a little bit. I haven't quite figured them out yet, honestly. I'm like, I don't know. Hey, listeners at home, be sure and tune in next week to find out if Kyle has rabbit-proofed his property.
Yeah, like, I mean, I don't know. What's even the survival rate of a rabbit? Survival rate? Yeah, how long do they live? Yeah, like... I don't know. I don't know if they live... I mean, like, he's letting it out, and we're like, oh, man, it's fucked at this point. But they probably get snatched up by coyotes all the time.
Yeah, how long does a regular rabbit live? Is it like years? Let me Google it real quick. It's saying 76 years. Wow. Holy shit. Where you at, rabbit? I bet they live for, what, eight years? Dude, I have no clue. I would buy that. One to two years. That's what I said. Yeah, one to eight years. There you go. So kill it. So then just, it's fine. Just murder it. Put it in a stew. Just murder it, put it in a stew because it's...
It's only... It's probably close to the end of its life anyways. One to two years is crazy. Can you imagine that? But how long do they live if they don't get murdered by coyotes or mountain lions? Could we imagine if we only lived one to two years? You're saying they die of old age in two years. I know. You're saying they die of old age in two years. It says lifespan, one to two years. Hmm.
Mm-hmm. That is... What? That can't be right. That's got to be on the lowest end of the spectrum for mammals, right? That cannot be right. Yeah, because what? You get a pet rabbit? Oh, is it breaking your heart? One to two years in the wild. There's no way. What do you mean, there's no way? What the fuck are you talking... There's a way. I'm saying if I had a rabbit who was strictly in my home or in my backyard... Well, sure. No, no, no, no. This is in the wild. They're getting murdered by things.
Yeah, by the time they're old. But like, okay, great. So you keep it alive in your house for four years. How long do rabbits live as pets? Eight to 12 years. Ew. As pets. There we go. There we go. That's what I thought. Like a dog. That's about as natural as riding a horse, if you ask me. How long does a horse live? Dude. And also, fuck rabbits.
I'll say it. Fuck rabbits. Okay. You don't like rabbits. If it attacks you, you fuck it. For sure. You fuck it. You put a finger in his ass and you stub your whole fist down his throat. That's the only way. You always put your finger in the ass of whatever's attacking you. You stab it in the eyes, shove your fist down his throat. Whatever. Finger its butthole. You stab it in the eyes, shove your fist down his throat, finger its
Butthole. That's how you get it off you. I'm pissed now. Whatever's attacking you in the wild, you got to make sure to unbuckle the belt and pull down the pants and stick your finger up the butthole. Peter Cottontail. Okay. Oh, my. There's Kyle's take back for the day. No, whatever's getting you in the wild. I'm talking about nature. Okay. Or your homie if you're in the wild. Yeah, because why does it have pants in a belt? That's weird. I think you're talking about whoever you hiked with at 5 a.m. Yeah.
No, no. Oh, I was joking about that stuff. Oh, man. All right, let's just hike up here to where anybody could kiss and no one would know. Yeah, it's just us here. Sunrise sure looks pretty. No one would see us. We're in the dark. Honestly, there is a trail called Brokebone Mountain Trail. Yeah, break your bone. Ride it too hard. I might have to come out there with you with some Pearl Azumi, some Arc'teryx, a little low alpine. Let's do it.
Let's do it. I'm ready. Well, can I say fuck rabbits? And here's why. Because my girlfriend in high school had a rabbit. Meanest motherfucker alive. They never took it out of the cage. It was just gigantic. Because when they took it out of the cage, it would just bite you. It would just bite you.
It was pissed. It sucked. Yeah, it was living in a cage. Yeah, it's living in a cage. Having a pet rabbit is absolutely stupid. Do we think zoos will be done in our lifetime? Oh, that's a great question. No. No, because they're also helpful. They breed. They're educational. I know, but guess what else is educational? Everything else. The fucking internet. They'll be able to do VR safaris. Yeah.
I think they'll probably turn into animal hospitals. Yes, and that's what they kind of act as. That's going to be the back door. They definitely breed. I don't know. I fuck with the zoo, so I'll be bummed if they... I like getting a little high, go to the zoo. I always get a weird feeling when I go to the zoo, man. Well, Omaha has the second largest zoo in the country behind San Diego. And me and Zach, my homie...
We used to do mushrooms and go to the zoo during field trips. Go to the world's biggest cage. The thing is, is maybe we need to pick certain areas that are allowed to have zoos. Maybe there shouldn't be a zoo in every city. Oh, and who's in charge of that? The packed courthouses blazer? Joe Biden! Oh, boy.
Wear a mask or pack the court. Pick one. I went to a lion park outside Vegas a few weeks ago and it was fucking amazing. You're like up against the chain link fence with all these lions and they're like, you know, stand back at your own risk or it'll like jizz on you or something. I guess I can spray something. Oh my God. What? But it was fucking dope. And then right afterwards I was like,
That sucks. The lions, they all start going, like together. Save me. Yeah. They all start calling out like, Jack, are you good? Where's Kevin? Kevin?
Where's Marie? Kyle, what was it? Was it the Oakland Zoo or San Francisco? It's the Oakland Zoo, right? Did you ever go where you walk in and then you're just surrounded by lions and it's so scary? Oh, yeah. That's the Oakland Zoo. There's like 10 pens with all the lions and you're just like in the middle, but you're very safe, but it's just like...
Oh, fuck. Everything here can kill me. Yeah. Well, that seems dope to me. It is very cool. I'm pro zoos. I mean, in theory, it is dope. But like, so's... By the way, if that's dope, if we're going to keep anything going, we got to get people back in the water at SeaWorld because that shit was off the chain. That was worth it. Yeah. SeaWorld ruled. If people are getting eaten, I don't give a fuck, okay? No, we saw... What was it? Blackfish? Was that the... Blackfish? Blackfish?
The best. That's a great doc. If people want to get in the water and swim with these animals, I don't give a fuck. Let them get eaten, okay? If we're going to cage up these whales, we might as well see people swim on the nose of them.
That's all I'm saying. Yeah, the showmanship with the SeaWorld attractions or Marine World Africa USA, which we had growing up, it was fucking awesome. They would get on the nose. YouTube those videos. It's crazy. I've never been to SeaWorld. Me neither. Good for you. Good for you.
Good for you. Oh, good for you. Oh, good for you. Damn, I need that bail. I need that bail clip. The beautiful thing of it was like the trainer and the animal's relationship. That is really... It's not a relationship. It's I'm not eating you today.
Right. Yeah. Well, that's like that whole tiger documentary, not the Joe exotic one, the one before it. Cat dancers. Cat dancers was the shit. Cat dancers. I'm a cat dancer, man. That's when I first was like, oh boy. Yeah. Inbreds. We know. Oh yeah. So does anyone have any take backs, callbacks or apologies? Callbacks, compliments, apologies. Mm-hmm.
Compliments. Wait, take backs, compliments, or apologies. Yeah, what did I say? Callbacks? I guess callbacks are good. Callbacks are good. Callbacks are kind of funny. Yeah, I like to call back Kyle fucking his friends on that hike they went on the other day. Yeah. Come on, man. Yeah, 5 a.m.
And now we've had our callbacks. Any take-backs, apologies, or compliments about today's cast? What did we go over? It's all a blur at this point. Yeah, it was just a really fun episode. I would love to compliment Kyle on the transparency about the booths in his household. Yeah. He didn't have to share that, and he did, and I think we're all better for it. I think I'm going to run with that, and I'm going to take this opportunity to compliment my mom because...
She led that charge. And I think she's going to be a little bit upset when she hears how transparent she was. Madame Boof. And then I talked about it on the pod. So, Mama, I love you. Thank you so much for everything. And I love your farts. Thank you for Boofin'. I love your farts. And I love you too. That was very nice. That was really nice. That was very nice. You assume she says she loves you. Jeez. And I know Dad's right there too. I love him too. Yeah.
And I'd just like to compliment all of us for, you know, having fun with this podcast. Wow. Thank you. Because I really am having a great time talking with you guys every week. And since being done with Workaholics, we don't get to see each other as much as...
We used to, and it's nice to tune in and tune out with my three buddies. It's just easy, you know? Talking to you guys is just so easy. Yeah, baby, yeah! Yeah, baby! Ayo! Remix, compliments, take back, I don't know.
I feel really good about today. Maybe just, I hope we figure out a way to make this zoo system really work for children of the future. Maybe it shouldn't be in every city. Yeah. I disagree. I think it should, there should be two. Two zoos. I have one other compliment, if it's good. It's okay. Second compliment. Request for a second compliment. I'd like to compliment Anders on how he looked in that jacket I bought and
from the Salvation Army years ago. It was incredibly impressive. Okay. And I still look at it every time you call, and it always makes me happy. I would like to compliment Ders on... Are you requesting a second compliment? I didn't have a compliment yet. Well, I guess I complimented all of us. Oh, okay. Yes, may I have a second compliment? Yes, of course. Request granted. Thank you.
I'd like to compliment future Ders on posting that a photo with him with two pop collars because I would really like to see that. And I think the world would like to see that. I wonder where it would be. Yeah, you got to find it. You got to dig deep because I know it's out there somewhere. I feel like I've seen it before. Bernie Lomax must have it on one of his like
Circa 2004 Sony digital cameras. Yeah, he's got to go digging. Oh, Bernie's got it. I would like to give a compliment to Kyle for waking up and hitting the hike, but buddy, please be careful at 5 a.m. Come on. It's going to be... As long as you've got your knife and you've got your taser...
I feel good about it, but... You know what? I've got the most important thing. I've got my ears. Absolutely. It's going to be like in something about Mary where you're going to trip over some guy's leg and then the police are going to come out and all these dudes are going to be fucking putting their pants back on. You're going to get arrested and they're going to be like, oh, you were just out there hiking at 5.30 in the morning? Okay. And this is why we do the podcast, guys. This is important. To keep track of each other. And fun.
Fuck the Proud Boys. Okay. If we weren't clear about that. Smoke weed every day. See you next week.
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