Shoes Off In The House 45:01

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Pumpkin spice lattes and things that are naughty and scarves. Okay, sorry, I'll stop. Hey, it's Jan Arden. I'm here with Caitlin Green and Adam Karsh. I really do love fall. We are well into September, week two of September. And, you know, the pumpkin spice lattes are here. Everything pumpkin is.

The chestnut latte mocha chocas are out. It's great. I don't know how you guys feel, but as much as I do love the sun on my face and it's been great with everything that's going on to be outside, I'm really looking forward to winter.

You were looking forward to winter specifically. Well, I'm not winter solid. I'm hoping that we have the next eight or 10 weeks of really true Canadian fall of leaves changing and crispy air and

you know, being able to kind of bundle up and go for some great brisk walks. I mean, when you are a menopausal woman, you know, in your early forties, okay, I'm not in my early forties, but when you are a menopausal woman, you really appreciate being able to step outside for a puff of cool air. I think so too. You've got years to go. But I,

But I really, again, I love summer more this year than I normally would again, because it just afforded everybody the ability to get outside and socialize safely. So I think I had a new appreciation for even the hot muggy crap that we're used to in Toronto some days, but I love fall and I love the feeling of back to school. I don't care what anyone says, but January does not mark the start of the new year for me. I,

It always feels like September. It's just ingrained in my mind because of so many years of being in school. So September I associate with like fresh starts. And yeah, I went for a walk last night after dinner and it was a nice cool breeze in the air. And I thought, I don't mind putting on a little jacket. I don't mind a closed toe shoe. I'm good with it. Yeah. I mean, the sooner the turtlenecks come out, the better for me as far as I'm concerned. I love turtlenecks. I just ordered two and I just ordered a sweater. That's how excited I am.

I bought a sweater yesterday. It was 20% off. My mother would be appalled, as would my father, if they were here on planet Earth, because it was fairly expensive. It was like $100-ish, $100.

and it had holes and it was distressed. So it was frayed around the bottom. The cuffs are screwed up. They're all kind of unraveling. I mean, it's a lovely vegan. There's nothing got her hurt, sheared or cut or anything to make the sweater, but it's it,

It's hilarious because my t-shirt is showing through and I'm just like, oh my God, this would have taken me years to make this myself. Yeah. So it was worth it. The lady's like, oh, they flew off the shelves. Yeah.

Recently, this is very Canadian, and it is very much a fall quandary, because in the summertime, I let people come into my house with their shoes on. Especially the last six months, there hasn't been a lot of people darkening my doorway. I don't know about you guys, but I've had maybe a fistful of people in in the last six and a half months. So the quandary is, I read this on Twitter. This was hilarious. I laughed harder at this, and I read tweets to my friend Leah.

Eric Bandolds, who is, let me just find out who Eric is. I'm a husband, father, entrepreneur, YouTuber, world traveler, game cock, and capitalist. I'm founder of Beardbrand and purveyor of bad jokes. He is from Austin, Texas.

And Eric wrote, it's rude to ask guests. Well, this is his tweet. Sorry. He didn't, he did not write this to us as just as a disclaimer. This is his tweet, which is a public tweet, which I feel very comfortable reading. It's rude to ask guests to take shoes off in your house. When you're a guest, you should feel like you're at home. I'll clean up when you leave. If you want to take your shoes off, that's also okay, but not necessary. Okay.

So I just was like, that wasn't how I was raised. So I wrote back to Eric, no, take off your damn shoes. And what ensued was so frigging funny.

Maybe you guys saw it, maybe you didn't, but man, it made me laugh. I saw it. I saw it. And I commented on his tweet too, because I just thought, I was just imagining all these people comfortable at home, traipsing in whatever was on the floor of a public washroom or a streetcar,

just with their walking through on their carpets. And it's always struck me as odd and like reality television shows, the Kardashians are famous for this, but in like shots of them, they'll be like lying on each other's bed in their house or on their all white, you know, probably $10 million sofa. And they have their shoes on. It not only doesn't look comfortable, but it's gross. It grosses me out. And it's a very us thing. And I don't get it. I'm a shoes off in the house, always person. And if it's a party, I'll bring a pair of indoor shoes.

I have a basket of slippers by my door. Yeah. My entire house is hardwood. I have some rugs under tables and in my bedroom, but I have sort of refurbished old wood, plank wood floor that I got when I built my house. That's what I wanted.

I'm kind of lax in the summer a little bit. Like I always throw, I have a pair of shoes at the back door, at the patio door that I kick on to go water my plants, walk through the garden. And then I put on my indoor shoes to come in and they're just slip-ons. Like my slippers look like they've been in World War II. They really, they look like they've been just all over the world, but I love them. And I also wash them all the time. I throw them in the wash like once every 10 days.

But in, and I mop constantly, I'm a huge cleaner. But my friends always take their shoes off. I don't have one friend that just waltzes into my house with their shoes on. I just, I don't. And even in the winter here, I have seen people in Nashville

at a friend's place when it was snowing, come in from the snow with their really ridiculous, like summer shoes on that are not made for winter. Cause it doesn't snow in Nashville very often, but there was a couple of weeks there when I was there where it was like snowing. Anyhow, they come in and there's literally a puddle with mud and traipse to the kitchen. And I had the old, you know, mop out trying to mop up where I was staying, but I'm just like,

I don't care how you were brought up. And, and my friend, her parents' house had carpeting. It was like a, it looked like hotel carpeting. But when you walked in there, there was a trail of dark carpet that people had over the years walked in with their shoes. And it was repulsive to me. I'm sorry. It is. I find this gross and I don't understand it. Adam is nodding his head. Yeah. Like, and I'll make allowances for a party. Like if it's a,

If it's a Christmas party and everyone picks an outfit, then I expect you to bring a pair of like indoor shoes. So it's not people in suits with sock feet. Like I appreciate that. And if it's a big party, like I'll roll up a rug, whatever, but bring your indoor shoes. Then I don't want salt stains everywhere. Adam. No, you don't wear your shoes in the house. It's not a thing. It's I wouldn't do it in someone else's house. And is it Canadian? Adam? I don't know. Is it a Canadian thing? I think it is.

Yeah. But why would you want to wear your outside? God knows where your shoes have been chewed in your, on your carpets and traipsing through God knows what all over your floors. Also, if you have kids, you know, that little kids, they put stuff in their mouth. They, they leave their toys on the floor. Then it's bacteria on the floor, right in your kid's mouth. I'm not cool with it. It's just like my house is cleaner than that. I, I, I demand better.

Mona writes, "I had hundreds of comments that people wrote me back and like I said, I spent so much time drinking Earl Grey tea and laughed my ass off." Mona writes, "It's polite to take off your shoes. I also tend to tuck one foot up underneath me when I sit. I couldn't do that with shoes on." That was Mona. Oh, hi, Mona. Hi, Mona. Thank you.

And then Farron Kermali writes, I would love to take off my shoes at Jan Arden's house. Yay for Canadians and clean floors indoors. Maybe in lieu of everything that's going on too. I mean, you do walk on sidewalks, you walk over gum, you walk over trash.

S-H-I-T. You walk, I mean, who knows what is on the bottom of your shoes? I just wouldn't, and carpeting, I'm sorry, a vacuum ain't going to get no thing out of your carpeting. It is there forever and a day. I would rip all the carpeting out. Anyway, I'm glad that I talked to you guys about that because I felt like, um,

I just felt like it was the proper thing to do to school this man on his complete disregard for what Canadians deem as an absolute passage of Canadianism life. I know that wasn't really... I knew what you were getting at.

And it's also not just, it's not just Canadians. I have friends who are Korean and they are like, we would never do this. I have friends who are Japanese that are like, no, this is not like, this is not done. And I know that there are of course also us friends,

And it is very done. And in places not like Austin, where perhaps the weather is a little bit more favorable, so they're not dealing with soiled boots. But I have, you know, friends who live in northern states, states where it's, you know, places where it's colder than Toronto sometimes. And they keep their darn boots on all the time.

A woman named I-A-M, I-A-M-M-E. I'm sorry if I'm mispronouncing. Shoes are taken off in South America and the Caribbean too. An inside shoe or slipper is usually provided if needed. Yeah, and I'm more comfortable too, so. It's not even necessarily an etiquette thing. It's a cleanliness thing. It's like clean. Like you have no idea what you're traipsing around your house, especially as you said, if you have carpet, oh God, it's disgusting.

I'm glad we all agree. Of course. I'm not sitting on the floor a lot at my house, although sometimes I am on my hands and knees, you know, picking things up or playing with the dog. But I feel very good about the state of my floors.

And going, and I have no kids, but I know we've spent a whole section talking about this, but I mean, you have kids, Adam, Caitlin and I don't, but kids play on floors. They're on the floor, zooming cars around, putting train tracks together, doing hot wheels, having their dolls walk around.

Like, and kids are on the front line of spreading everything in the world. I mean, they're down there. Right. And they're dragging like the pillows from the couch. They're dragging those on the floor. They take the blankets off the couch. They're dragging those on the floor. So I don't like downstairs. It's wood. So yes, you can mop it, I guess. But I don't want.

dirt and germs and sticky and gross like i hate that stuff so i would wipe my dog's feet when i had a dog i would wipe my dog's feet when she came back in because i'd see her in the park going for a little pee and i think i don't know if i want that all over my floor and just in closing for our well no he's he's doing that you know what i'm gonna save it i'm gonna save it you're listening to the jan arden podcast don't go away these boots are made it's just what they

Oh, Nancy Sinatra. Did you know things way back then that we didn't know? Yes, these boots are going to walk all over your house in the dead of winter. Welcome back to the Jan Arden Podcast. I'm with Caitlin and Adam. What else do you think are some Canadian stuff that is like Canadian? The shoe thing touched off something that I did not anticipate.

how passionate people were about that issue. But I think we definitely have some Canadian things. And I know saying sorry or sorry, sorry is, how do you guys say sorry? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. You don't say sorry. I don't say sorry. Sorry. Sorry. No, I say sorry. You ever bump into something and say, sorry, you ever bump into an inanimate object and apologize to it. I've done that. Yeah.

Well, thankfully, I haven't gone there yet, Adam. No. I think I bumped into a shopping cart when I was getting the shopping and I bumped into, oh, sorry, I apologized to the grocery cart. Oh, that's so Canadian. But we do apologize a lot. We're getting tougher, though, all the time. But we do have a few quirks and quarks for sure. I know we say people always go on about the out and about.

That is an Eastern thing that is not in the West. We don't say out and about here. Out and about. Oh, yeah. We say out and about. That's what I say. About. I don't say about. Not out and about. I think the regional dialects of Canada get lost to the U.S. mostly because they don't understand anything that happens north of themselves. So...

I feel like it's like, you know, there's very little known or understood about us and we're kind of like their hat. So I don't think that they get that, you know, the Maritimes sound like this. Quebec sounds like this. Ontario sounds like this. Western provinces sound like this. Like that it's very, very different. I am, I'm, I'm happy that we have such a diverse, strange thing. Like when I was in Newfoundland, I really did.

was gobsmacked at how people spoke their use of language just their the vocabulary was different how they expressed them like where are you at by where it where it where he at boy like how are you ask Alan Doyle hi Alan Doyle if you're out there from from great big C like even reading Alan Doyle's Twitter feed the

The way he thanks people or expresses excitement about seeing something is in his, it's how he grew up speaking. Yeah. And how his parents spoke, but it is so charming and quite sexy if I may be so bold to say. Hello. But yeah, I just, I just love being Canadian. Obviously I was born here, but yeah,

wherever I've traveled over the last 25, 30 years, people always are so earnest when they ask me, Oh, Canada, what's it like? Do you see wolves? Well, on TV, not usually running through my backyard, but I think the general and the genuine enthusiasm for all things Canada is, is certainly global. I think,

I think our teams always get a bit of a bigger cheer at Olympic opening ceremonies when they come through with their Mountie looking uniforms and stuff like that. Anyway, moving on two thirds of single people have officially lowered their standards.

And this is according to them. This isn't like no one's looking at them and casting judgment on whoever they're with. This is a survey data of single people who are dating during the pandemic. And perhaps they're looking around and finding themselves saying yes to dates with people that they might have said no to before.

Oh, God. I have friends who do this, though. I have friends who are dating people they never thought they would date, and they're still together, and they lasted through lockdown, and I think it's kind of cute. Well, I don't know. So they're lowering, I should say they, we, as a single person, but I am not actively looking for anyone. I just had a very long, drawn-out conversation with a couple of my girlfriends last night,

Three of us are single. Three of us are from very different walks of life. Two of us are of similar age. And Leah, one of my work colleagues on our show, The Jan Show, one of the writers and co-creator, she is just turned 40. So her experiences are way different. She was on an app for about five hot minutes and came off just because she just was too paranoid.

of where these guys might have been. She did one physical day where they sat in an outdoor cafe at a table, very social distance, and she said that they were both so worried about just the simple physicality of being out together and not knowing each other that she said it was just, we didn't, they didn't go again. But I mean lowering your standards, holy crap, I

Do I need to lower my standards? Never in a million years. I would rather be alone for the rest of time. And I mean that. I'm not even kidding around. I'm not lowering my standards. My list is very long and detailed.

I think lowering the standards was like a bit of a like click baby, like headline kind of on the survey. But I do, I will say that for my friends who have found themselves maybe at the start of lockdown, dating someone who they might not have previously, you know, considered or that they are very different from. And so they thought we're not going to be compatible. It's very different from the person I would normally date. And now months later, like six months later, they're still dating this person and they're kind of going, well,

Is it because it's just convenient? We don't want to go out into the dating world right now because of pandemic. I think that's got part to do with it. I think so for sure. Did you ever have a friend like when you were in high school or college or in your early 20s, a male friend, female friend that you said, listen, if we're not married,

By the time we're 30, because you think 30 is so frigging old when you're 17. 30, you might as well be 90. Have you ever had one of those friends that you said, let's get married if you and I are both single? Adam? No, no, actually, no. I mean, I had female friends growing up in high school and university, but I never made a pact with anyone.

Okay. Caitlin? I had one friend and we would joke about it because we spent so much time together and we weren't in consistent, happy relationships with other people. And this was in university. And I think it was like more than it was serious that we were like, oh, we'll really wind up together. We would just joke about it as an option for us. But we said it was if we were much older. So we didn't say 30. We were like, if we're ever, you know, like 50 or 60, retired, whatever.

You know, and we were like, you know, when you want to spend someone, we want to spend retirement with someone. And also we were like, you know, hopefully we'll have some money at that point. So we'll pool our resources. You've got someone you like to go on vacations with. We had fun when we would go out drinking and partying together. And we thought, you know, life could be worse than doing that. But we wanted to wait until we were like older. And then since then, I assume that person is in a relationship. I am so not a plank. I had to walk. Thank God. But

No, I think it's a very romantic idea. I don't know. My little brother, his second marriage was someone that he dated in high school. Oh, no way. Yeah. And I think they found each other again through Facebook. Anyway, lots to talk about today. You're listening to the Jan Arden Podcast. We will be right back.

We are so excited to welcome another new sponsor, our friends at Cove Soda. Have I pestered Cove enough to come and join us here at the Jan Arden Podcast? I love them so much. They are Canadian, first of all. They are a natural, certified organic, zero sugar soda, which includes, get this, one big

Probiotics. I kind of sounded like Dr. Evil there, didn't I? But seriously, you can get 80% of your daily vitamin C in just one can. Cove Soda is on a mission to promote gut health for all, and you still get to have a delicious treat while

while putting a gut-friendly, guilt-free drink in your body. Cove Soda is available in 12 delicious flavors all over North America. So for our American friends, you can find it. They've got this fruity lineup that's fantastic. I drink those all the time. They've got the classic lineup if you like

A cola or a cream soda, root beer, yes indeedy. And they've got their limited edition summer flavor, which will take you right back to the second grade. You gotta try the ice pop one. Head to janardenpod.com to find out where the closest place to you is where you can go and buy Cove. Go right now. Hey there, ho there, hi there everybody. What are you doing? Are you walking? Are you driving? Are you sitting in your van in the parking lot because you're riveted?

to this conversation about rekindling a romance with someone that you went to high school with. Yes. As we were speaking about my little brother, Pat rekindled, I have to ask him for the specific details, but I know that they dated in high school. She was divorced, had two grown kids. So they, they were both in marriages where they had their kids got out. I think this happened when they were, I'm going to say,

both in their late 40s, maybe on the edge of 50. No, they were definitely in their late 40s because my little brother's five years younger than I am. Yeah, and so I think they hooked up, not hooked up, found each other on Facebook. So someone, maybe it was a friend's suggestion.

You know, when they suggest you should be friends with, I mean, I never even look at that stuff. Sometimes I look at it and I'm going, oh my God, I do kind of remember that person from way back when. And how does frigging Facebook know that I might know them? Is it based on the algorithm of people that I'm friends with? It's scary to start delving into who knows what about you and how. But yeah, and you know, they're still married.

And I don't know why they broke up in high school. Obviously, they just weren't ready for each other at that time. But you hear about that a lot. I have run into people over the years. Marilyn Dennis, dare I bring this up? But our friend, Mare, who I've known for a long, long time, Marilyn had many relationships over the years, but she recently got married, probably something she didn't plan on doing.

to the fellow, Jim, that took her to her high school prom in the United States. Yeah. And I don't think there was any sparks flying. You could ask Marilyn this. I mean, he was very handsome. They looked like cake toppers on your grad picture. And they got married. I feel like... It was a story that gave so many people hope, you know? Yes.

And again, Facebook is at the center of this. Now, Facebook is also at the center of a lot of other BS. But if you want to find the one good thing about Facebook, it's that I think it's actually connected people who would not have otherwise found a way to talk to each other again. And what had happened was, it's a funny story. He...

was divorced. She was single and he looked her up. I guess she, you know, came across his mind one day. So he looks her up and had no idea that she had become this like television star, radio star here in Canada. So he sees the Maryland dentist show on Facebook and he goes to the Maryland dentist shows official Facebook page and he reaches out to it and is, and says like,

Like, hello, Marilyn Dennis Facebook page. Like, this is Jim Hellman from North Allegheny High. And I'm here to ask Marilyn or to tell Marilyn how proud I am of her and to see all of her accomplishments. They hadn't talked in years and years and years. And he just sought to send this nice note. Well, her floor director gets the message and says to Marilyn, oh, hey, Jim Hellman, North Allegheny High. And I think Marilyn just would have thrown up all the scripts she was holding and been like, who?

because she still remembered him as being this charming, very kind, classy guy, which is truly what he's like still at his core now. And it's just such a wonderful story of reconnecting. And again, Facebook's at the heart of it. So many people have had this reconnection from somebody in their past, lots of times from high school. And when they meet later in life, they think, yeah, I love the familiarity. I love those shared memories together. I wrote an advice column

for Elle magazine, Elle Canada, years ago. And it's fun. It's like horoscopes. It's for entertainment. I am in no way have any qualifications to be a therapist or someone that can solve problems, although we do try to solve problems on this show. Anyhow, this woman wrote in once and they would give me like 75 letters to read through and I would answer like four of them in the magazine. But this woman said,

I was married for 23 years to this guy. This is our problems. We got divorced in 99 and ended up getting together again in the early 2000s, whatever. And she goes, we're now having... And then they got remarried. So they started dating again years after they divorced. And her quandary to me was, we're now having the same problems again.

that we had from our first marriage. And I think I wrote back a very, very blunt response going, well, you guys clearly deserve each other. And if you were that, you know, determined to like go back in your life. So I'm really adamantly not for that. It's not something I think that I would do. I would never rekindle an old relationship.

Yeah, I can't think of any, certainly none of my serious past relationships would I have ever been able to rekindle when I was single, like later in life, you know? I can't imagine that. But I think I could think of somebody who maybe you went on like a date or two with, or maybe like a friend of a friend that you knew kind of thing. Like somebody who had a role to play, like a nostalgic factor in your life, or maybe

But yeah, I wouldn't want to go back to an ex because I think exactly like that advice column, you would just wind up revisiting the same old issues over and over again. I did that. Oh, okay. Do tell, Adam. Do tell. Every detail. And how did it happen? Oh, this was over 20 years ago. So we dated for two years. I think I was like 18 to 20. And then we broke up.

And then three years later, we got back together. And then two years later, we broke up. Tell me why. You've got to give a little bit more backstory. And how did it happen? What's crazy is we didn't break up.

it was a different relationship the second time around. We were both a little more mature. So it's not like it wasn't the same problems and I'm not saying it was anyone's fault more than the other, but it just, I think it was a very immature relationship the first time around. And then the second time around it was about distance and she went off to the States and it just wasn't going to work out. And we had other issues too, but it,

But we rekindled it and it didn't. It fizzled out. And how long did the second time around last, Adam? I want to say two years. I think it was two years on, three years off, and then two years again. It was another couple of years again. Yeah. Oh, wow. One of my favorite movies of all time is the Alec Baldwin, Meryl Streep romance, funny romp, it's complicated.

And the premise is they have grown kids. They get divorced. Alec, of course, has the 25, 30-year younger wife. All his kids are grown up and in their late 20s. And he has a three-year-old or a four-year-old running around with his new wife that's very demanding, wants sex all the time, wants stuff, wants this house, expects her kid to be in private school. Anyway, he...

one of the kids are getting married and they find themselves, you know, back together to see their child get married, Marilyn and Alec and end up sleeping together after drinking too much. And he starts having an affair with, with Meryl, who's his ex-wife on his young wife. And the premise, if you haven't seen the movie, it's complicated. It really is fun. It's a great stay at home movie, but

I think that that happens a lot. And it opened up a lot of conversations with me and my, with my friends about having affairs with exes, which is something that I have kind of done. It was a one-off and I slept with someone that I wasn't seeing anymore that was in another relationship and

And it's one of the things I feel so shameful about in my life. I just, it was just one time and I don't know why I did it. It was just like, it was almost like to,

prove some kind of weird point or I don't know. I don't know. It might've just been like those, like, like that moment of like unfinished attraction or like unfinished chemistry, because as much as a relationship, I find sometimes like a romantic relationship can come to an end. Sometimes you're not quite done with the attraction part to somebody and it can take that like one last hookup to go, Oh yeah, this probably might not be worth it. That makes sense actually. Yeah.

It does make sense, Caitlin. And thank you for telling me that. Because in order to open a door, you have to shut it first, right? And then you open it again and then you shut it. And then there's a screen door. And then sometimes the sliding door, you walk through the sliding door. You're listening to the Jan Arden podcast. Don't go away. We have one. We have more stuff to talk about. Breaking up is hard to do.

Take your love away from me Don't you leave my heart in misery Yes, we're back. We're back. We're all back. And, you know, we've folded into the topic of relationships and finding each other, you know, rekindling old relationships, breaking up with people, getting back together with them, breaking up with them. I think Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton

married several times. They were always breaking up and getting back together again. They were like a Hollywood golden era couple from the 50s and 60s.

And they sort of set this, they set the bar very high for getting back together with an ex. They think when you break up with people now, and I know you have a story, Adam, and I know Caitlin has a story. When you break up with people, you can't ever really break up with them. It's not like the old days where you could break up with them. You moved away. They could never find you again.

Now they can find you. They can follow you. Even blocking someone on Instagram or Twitter, whatever, they'll still find you. They can have their friends after a couple of wines. And you will come up because he's got me blocked. So go on to Bert Smith and you'll sit there with your friends. So there's always a way around that. And a lot of people find out about affairs on social media.

My work colleague found out that her boyfriend of three years was having a completely other life with another woman. They were on a holiday together and everything. Like it was just, anyhow.

Yeah, people look you up. They're so brazen. Hi, do you remember me? We slept together in 1977. I just thought I'd pop into your life that looks happy with four kids and a husband you've been married to since, you know, 2001. But I just thought I'd pop up and say, we really had a great time in bed that time. And here I am. What is that? Facebook is dangerous for that kind of stuff. Everyone has a window into everyone's life, right? It's dangerous.

Yeah, well, I have to say I don't use Facebook at all anymore. I'm not a Facebook person, but Instagram for sure. Um,

Yeah, no shortage of random exes that pop up in your DMs on Instagram. And also no shortage of people who create what they're called Finsta fake Instagram accounts. And they create several different like burner accounts just for the explicit purpose of looking up exes. Or they try to befriend the exes from these fake accounts so they can watch them. I have friends who've like admitted to doing this. OMG.

Yeah, it's bizarre. So what do you think the compulsion is? I don't know. I have zero desire to go back in my life. I just don't. There's nothing that I want back there. Yeah, I'd love to have a sunny afternoon with my mom and dad and my gram, but

Both my grandmothers, I'd love that. More than anything, if I could wave a wand, I would love to just have a picnic and a checkered tablecloth and the sun shining and bunnies hopping around and butterflies flitting through the air and just to talk with my parents and stuff. But as far as going back, I mean, I had that one experience doing that stupid thing with an ex, just the one off, but I just, I don't,

I don't aspire to go there. And I'm not a sneaker-upper. I don't stalk on social media either to look. I really don't.

I mostly, I think the only exes where I'm like, oh, like not that I'd want to follow them because I really don't think I care about the day-to-day posts of their life. But, you know, it would be like the exes I had no real communication with or we ended on kind of bad terms or maybe I ended things in a way that I feel like looking back, I'm like, oh, that wasn't the nicest. Those people I mostly just want to be like, oh, sorry about that. Like I just feel bad about those things.

Yeah. So those are the only times it's like more of an amends, but I certainly don't need to see their Instagram stories every day. Like I don't, like I don't need a daily update on people's lives. Once, once you've moved on, I think it's kind of weird to continually get updates. The only ex I still have in my life is a serious ex. And it's just because we're friends because we were kind of more like family than even romantic partners by the end of it. So, so now it's like, that's a nice thing.

And that's nice. That's somebody who I actually care about and would want to know, like, oh, I hope they're doing well. How's your family? How are your friends? Blah, blah, blah. Other exes, yeah. I think, and also, let's be honest, sometimes exes just reach out because maybe they're lonely. They think we hooked up once. I might have a chance of hooking up with you again. I've certainly received those. I've received those DMs and I'm like, uh-uh, no thank you.

People are so brazen. People are so brazen with the direct messages. The first year and a half that I was on Instagram, my makeup artist at the time, Sherry Vanstone, basically said to me, oh, yeah, people can message you on here because I'm looking at pictures. She goes, oh, you look at your DMs. I said, what's a DM?

She goes, Oh my God, a direct message. She goes, see that little thing up there that says 1,406 or whatever. So I'm going everything with everything, with everything, with the red dot is people that have sent you messages. I never did read them all to this day have so many red dots on my Instagram. I don't. So if it's new once in a while, I'll look at them. But I always say to people that I actually know, um,

Please don't direct message me on Instagram because you will be so lost in a sea of red dots that I'll never find it. Oh, I sent you the address for the thing on your Instagram. No, no, no, no, no. I'll never get to it. But I did, you know, when the first hour sitting there getting my hair and makeup done, I'm scrolling through it and I was shocked at the messages that

that I got from people, the asks, the business propositions. Like some people that I knew from a long time ago, but it was never romantically inclined. But yeah, the people will just message you about anything. They'll ask you for stuff. Anyhow. They're so bold and...

Well, I also think, I don't know if you guys have any friends who've talked about this, but I have friends where they have sent me screenshots of a message they'll get from an ex. And we're talking like they're not in close contact. They probably haven't seen each other in person in over a year. And they send them an explicit photo and ask for one in return. What is wrong with people? Oh.

People are too horny to live. I don't know what their issue is, but they like can't control themselves. Like the number of times I have my girlfriend send me like a note saying like an accent than this, or it's just, it's just, it's bleak. It's bleak. It's not for me. Can I just back up one second? There is nothing wrong with, and I wouldn't, I'm not judging at all. If you want to send a picture of your private areas, your,

You're dangerous. It's like an emoji. It's like a sexual emoji. Here's my ding dong. Here's my flip jack. And I'm all for that. But I would like to think it is that there's something very, that you kind of know the person. I wouldn't want to get a random anything. I think in the context of having a sexually...

erotic conversation with somebody that's fun. You know, you're getting stuff at work. I think that's super sexy and fun. So I'm not taking that off the table. I really don't have a problem with that. What I do is, out of the frickin' blue, someone you don't know, here's my wieners and beans. Take it as you like. Or whatever. Like, it's just...

From a stranger, there's no erotic, but for people that find that great, it has got a lot of people into trouble over the last decade of being able to send photographs. And I know we've reminded people on this show before, the internet is permanent.

You can't hire a lawyer and have things taken off. Ask Paris Hilton, ask the Kardashians. Oh my God, the Kardashian show is coming off the air after 20 years. I heard that. Keeping up with the Kardashians is no longer going to be filmed. What's going to be- The nude queen herself, Kim. Yes. How are we going to live? I don't know. Much better, probably. Better, smarter lives, maybe. I've never seen one episode and I don't think I need to. You've never seen one episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians?

Adam, please, next time we need to talk about it, go randomly pick out one episode. You will love it. Like, I hate to admit this, but I have enjoyed it so much. Whenever there was nothing else on for me to watch, I would find E somewhere in a hotel room, and there was always like, keeping up with the Kardashians marathon. But when those kids, when Kylie and Kaylee, Keeley, Carly, Crueley, whatever, when the little ones were little, Kendall, okay, Kylie and Kendall,

When they were little, I thought there was like a lot of hope for them. I thought they're so cute and they're kind of, they look like Bruce a little bit. Well, I mean, Kylie's a billionaire now. She was the number one highest paid celebrity in the world last year. Next to me, Caitlin. Yeah, next to me. She was the only woman who made the top 10 and she was the youngest on the list. So like, I mean, look at, I do think it's kind of ironic. More than Oprah? Oh.

Oh yeah. Made way more money than Oprah. She sold her lip kit empire for, you know, a couple, I think it was like 500 million or something like that. She's worth a fortune. And I do just think it's a little funny that she makes lip kits. That's how she made all of her money. And she didn't originally have those lips and I'm not knocking it. Go get filled up. What is a lip kit for, for those of us that are naive? I just want to know how you made 500 million on a lip kit. Is it a lip gloss that puffs up your lips?

Oh, no, actually, it's a lip liner. And then usually a gloss and they'll be in complementary colors. And then sometimes there'll be a lipstick either like matte or regular. And they claimed that initially Kylie didn't have fillers. All she did simply was overline her lips using the Kylie brand lip pencil. And they thought if you draw your lips over, it'll look bigger.

Well, no, she had fillers done and that's fine. Get all the fillers you want. I just think that the connection to the one part of her body that was most obviously augmented early on being the key to her success. It's just a very LA moment. It's a very LA Kardashian moment. I think they gave in and eventually said, Oh yeah, you're right. These were fillers. It's not lip liner. But in the meantime, sold a lot of liner. Well, to all you young women out there that are looking at pictures of women

The Kardashians or any women in magazines, I want you to know something right now because I am in the entertainment business. It is that the photographs are so manipulated. Just please keep that in mind. And you guys all know from having access to filters now, there's no end to the filters and the fun that you can have on all the social media formats.

Just know that there, I liken it to filters. Even professional photographers, everything is touched up. The skin tone, the pores are made smaller, that literally the shapes of their faces are changed. So if you're sitting there flipping through magazines or looking at TV, you guys don't, please don't despair because it's just not, it's not real. And I'll tell you what, those girls are looking at you and admiring your life and, um,

You know, the grass is always greener. One man's ceiling is another man's floor, as they say. And so don't walk on it with your shoes on is what I want to say about that. This has been an interesting show. It went by really, really quickly. I want to thank Caitlin Green and Adam Karsh once again. Be good to yourselves.

Paul is here. Go have a pumpkin spice latte. And yeah, social distance. Wear your masks. We're getting there. Be safe. Be kind. Don't shame people for traveling or doing stuff. Just be kind. We're all dealing with this in our own ways. We will see you guys next week. Write us at the Jan Arden Podcast on Twitter and let us know how you're doing and let us know if there's things that you want us to talk about. Thanks so much for listening. Take care. Toodaloo.

This podcast is distributed by the Women in Media Podcast Network. Find out more at womeninmedia.network.