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Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.
I have fully done things around the home that I think look good and then a bang in the night and I wake up to a shelf collapsing, a painting falling off the wall. Like it, I've seen it all go south. I own a home and I can tell you, I know how much work it can take. Whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need.
Whatever your home project, big or small, indoor or outdoor, you can Angie that and connect with skilled professionals to get the project done well. Right now, one of my wish lists is I want a bike for my condo in Milwaukee and I would love to rig it up on a pulley in the ceiling because I have one of those like lofted ceilings.
but I'm so scared to try that on my own. Angie has 20 years of home experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of any home project in just a few taps.
Nice. All right, let's get Evan one more. No, no, I'll be good. No, no. He needs five. Get him two more. Let's just give him the hard alcohol. In like five minutes.
I'm going to get a tummy ache. Hey, Mike, can you go get Evan a five-gallon bucket so if he has to use the bathroom, he can use that? I'm wearing swim trunks. I can just let her fly, right? Oh, you could put it on your pant leg. We know you could let it slide. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. We could play the wet spot game. It's when you and your buddies are sitting in a bar and you all try to pee the smallest amount that you can without actually peeing your pants. And the person who pees the most has to buy a drink. Oh.
This is what you do with your friends at the bar? Yeah. No chance you've actually played that. Yeah, no. I played it at Zorba's last weekend. With who? Yeah, I won. Me, Brad, and John. Sprat brothers. You know, there's not many places where I draw the line, right? I draw the line there. Pee in my pants deliberately in the bar? Yeah, but it's for a free drink.
This is all new to us. We didn't go to college, Ryan. We weren't in a frat. Did you do some like questionable things to get into your frat? Like were you hazed? No, because my frat was really new. And so the people that started it were like really clean frat people. You know, I feel like, yeah, they're very PC as, as something gets older and more people go through it, that's when it starts to become degenerate.
And so we had like the type of people to start a fraternity, not the people to type of, to join it.
They were the people leading it, so there was no tomfoolery. I almost wonder, like, if I would have to go and choose, like, do I want that or do I want one where they really make you fucking have to work hard to get into it? Dude, I've heard some crazy stuff. Like, I feel like it'd be a little more honorable. Like, you're like, yeah, I had to run through campus naked in the middle of the day to get into this frat. Like,
That's like a cool story, kind of. I've heard of radiator case race. They put a whole case on top of like a heater, and then they get really hot, and you have to drink it. If you puke, you have to do it on the one that's really messy. What? Walk on Legos. Walking on Legos. No, but with your knees. Holy fuck. Your way through Legos. I feel like I'd choose the Legos. That seems the most doable. And that's just like a mile of Legos.
Dude, Legos hurt. Have you not stepped on one? Of course. I'm not trying to kneel down on Legos. So you'd rather try to do the case race with the heater? I feel like you'd puke, actually. I mean, I probably would puke, but I'd rather give it a good try than just bash my knees into Legos. You'd rather drink 30 warm beers?
Well, we started with a case. Now it's a Wisconsin case. You got a buddy, too, since only 15. I'd give it a good run. And Legos? Dude. You'd have to be drunk to crawl in the Legos. You might as well do the case race first and then crawl in the Legos. Now you're just doing both things, Ev. I want to get into the frat. It doesn't surprise me, being that you're drinking a Diet Coke.
A diet Mountain Dew caffeine-free. What? I didn't even know that they made these. What happened to you, dude? Well, I was going to get a Sprite, and that seemed like it was awfully close to a Sprite. Ryan is disgusted. Yeah. You asked me about that. You're like, oh, I thought you didn't even say anything about the diet Dew that I put in there. If I see, like, a diet label or a not standard...
Mountain Dew label. I don't even notice it. Unless it's Mountain Dew Overdrive. Sold exclusively at Casey's. Where's that guy going? Oh, he's got chicken strips on the pizzazz. Okay. Sorry. What are you thinking? We'll get there. He knows what's coming? His interrogation? He actually has no idea. He never does. I don't think he's getting interrogated. No, just questioned. Ev, why don't you have another tea?
Only if Ben serves it to me. Okay. I honestly thought you were just going to brush it off on Mike. Ev, aren't you sick right now? He's sitting here slamming teas and drinking a Mountain Dew. Man, it is diet. Diet. I have COVID, my back's thrown out, and I'm getting drunk.
So do you feel like you got sick from Ken? No, Ken definitely got me sick. I don't have COVID, but I feel like crap, and I blame it on Ken. Ken, why don't you get in here? I'm confused on why. Are you sick right now, Ken? No, I'm feeling great. You were sick, though. I wasn't. That's why I stayed home that day. So why do you feel like you got sick from Ken? Well, Ken's kind of the super spreader. What?
What do you mean by that? Out at the bar smoking everybody's vapes. Ken is the town bike of vapes. Village vapes. Okay. So you guys weren't kissing to clear it up. I was home for two days and then I was fine. Where were you, Evan? I was not at home with Ken. That's what you're insinuating here. I didn't know that this is something that we had to put in the employee rule book. What? What?
this relationship there is no relationship ben you're reading into this 10 pages too deep i have not had sexual relations with this man sound like bill clinton
Are you saying I was sneaking away from the shop to go cuddle with Ken when he's home sick? Well, I don't know, dude. You just came in. You came in hot today, and you're like, I feel like shit. Ken got me sick. I'm like, what? How'd he get you sick? Why are you sick, and why are we not? I said absolutely nothing about that. I was insinuating that you were hitting his vape. Okay, okay. You might have just shown your cards. No, I never hit Ken's vape, but he does hit mine all day. Is that a code word for something now? Let me...
Okay, let me go over the timeline of who got sick when. I got sick after Wii Fest. I get better. Wait, why did you get sick at Wii Fest? Because it's Wii Fest. Oh, I thought it was from sharing vapes. No, so I get sick after Wii Fest. CJ then gets sick about four days later, and then now you're sick. So it was CJ.
No, I live in a house with Ken. Timeline doesn't line up for Evan after me. I've been good for like two weeks. You just fucking come in and you start saying Ken got you sick. I just know Ken was sick last week and I'm sick this week. I blamed it on him. How'd you know that Ken was at home sick? Because he wasn't here with me at the shop. I'm just saying CJ's a possibility here. And Evan's burying that so it means he's trying to hide something here. A clean deflect.
This is like the... CJ's like, okay, you know what? Now that I'm getting brought into this, enough is enough. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's get on to talking about something else. It's like the Spider-Man meme of everyone pointing at each other. Let's get into something a little bit more straight. See? Let's not talk about this kind of stuff. This is a little Life Wide Open podcast. I'm not trying to talk about Ken and Evan sucking each other's vapes. CJ, you're still trying to deflect it off of yourself here. Ken, I don't have a vape. I'm saying you got Evan sick.
You were the last one sick here. Let's get on to something a little bit more straight, though. Enough of this vape talk. Yeah, I feel like we got to get back on track. So we're sitting at the pub the other day, and Nikki pulls her phone out and shows Ben and I this picture. Turns out Evan's been hiding a massive secret from us. Massive. Massive secret. Huge. Let's get on to something more. Anyways.
All right, Ryan, you go to your back. No, no, no. No, no, no. Ken, you hate... If we're talking about... Why are you not talking about this, Ken? Ken. Not like talking about Evan's massive secret. I mean, Ken's got a... You get weird whenever we talk about... Ken's got two big secrets. First, you're infatuated with one secret, and now you're infatuated with this secret. I'm sensing a pattern here. Hold on. What's the secret? What's the first secret? You tell the story, then I'll let you guess.
Well, we talked about it on the last podcast about Ken's ginormous balls, which he doesn't like talking about. Turns out Evan's got a ginormous small arm down there. Bro, it's a baby's arm holding an apple. We refer to it as Evan's hog. But Ken, you get all weird whenever we bring it up. Why are you so like in that like...
You just keep thinking about Evan's hog. Ken, listen, dude. Why are you thinking about another man's dick? Ken, I think that what this boils down to is you just don't want to share the limelight. You were getting all this attention for having big balls, and now someone else comes in with something special. I didn't like you talking about my balls. Now you're like, oh, enough about Evan's hog. Why are you talking about Evan's hog?
Why are you talking about Evan Todd? Right, yeah. You want us to go back to your balls, don't you? Why are you so enamored by balls and dicks, CJ? I don't know, man. It's just like everyone at the table was like, wow, that's awesome. And you're just like, that's fucked up. Get that out of my face.
I don't like that. Well, you're screaming about Evan's dick in a restaurant in the middle of the day. Hog. It was hog. Call it his hog. It was like, okay, we got to get another topic going here. I just don't understand why you weren't, like, congratulating him or, like, happy for him. Because you were talking about Evan's hog. Everyone else there was happy. Thank you. Okay, CJ, you were drunk, but you were screaming about it in the restaurant. Like you normally do when you're drunk. And I was like, shut up.
Hey, I was dead sober, and I was just – I was so – well, first of all, let's just talk about how nonchalant Nikki Evans' girlfriend showed me the photo. Like, oh, yeah, look at this. And I'm like, look, and I'm like, whoa. And then I'm like, whoa. Whoa.
And I'm like, why did you show me that? And she's like, oh, it's just so funny. I think she was trying to like show it off. Right. Because Evan's a humble man. And I'm like, I feel like Evan low key set her up to it. Yeah. These guys need to see this. I think so, too. And then I'm like, obviously, CJ, dude, you got to check this out. Right. So I take the phone out of Nikki's hand and she was like, oh, no, don't.
You know, passing it around. Evan's just sitting there across the table like this. Next thing you know, yeah, the whole table gets a look at the hog. Wow, congrats, bro. People are like shaking his hand, trying to buy him dinner. Yeah, and then he gets to Ken. Get that out of my face! Well, you're like passing this thing around, and I'm not paying attention. What the fuck? And then you just hand me basically just a picture of Evan. I'm like, why the fuck did you just hand this to me?
It's just awkward. It's like he was up on top of the world, Ben. Being the only guy with something special in the group. Then we shove Evan up there with him. You need a little context to the photo. It was me passed out naked in Vegas. Yeah. It wasn't just like a random hog pic.
It was literally me passed out off my balls in Vegas drunk, and she took an unflattering picture, which all of a sudden you guys think is so flattering. You'd think she was a photographer. She was working the angles. CJ, you got a dick problem here. You're just enamored by everything. No, just Evan's hog, and you're nuts. You got a problem here. Hey, my dick is nowhere near as big as his balls.
You guys both have something in common. What is this podcast? So after we find out about Evan's big secret, obviously we are all just in shock, right? And Nikki knew where our brains were going. The world needs to know. Yeah, I immediately said, we need to run a podcast. Get a podcast right now. And she goes, no! It was almost like something overcame her. She lost control for a second. She goes, no! And she realized, she was like, kind of recouped herself. I was like...
you don't want me talking about this on the podcast? She's like, no, no, don't talk. And now we're talking about it. Sorry about that, Nikki. Do you think that's because it's, it's like one of those things that probably shouldn't be shared to the world? Or do you think she's just trying to keep you under lock and key? I think she just doesn't want other girls finding out about it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, probably that. I've always wondered why Nikki stayed with Evan through all these years, but
After that picture, it all makes sense. Makes sense. I shook Nicky's hand. I said congratulations to you, too. So, Ken, what do you think about it? You know, I try to, that thought will enter my mind when you bring it up, and I'll immediately think of something else. Because I'm not interested in seven stick. I'm just not interested in it. I'm sure it feels like having a championship belt.
And then just having it stripped from you. Ken, I was an interest. And they say it's a tie. I'm sure it's hard. Both hands held up. Are you living vicariously through Evan with this picture, CJ?
I am. I don't know what you mean by that. If I think that means what I think it means, like I wish I had a hog like that, yeah. Who doesn't? 100%. Who doesn't? That's why I'm surprised that you're like mad about it instead of like, dude. We're going on two weeks now talking about this. Dude, it was last weekend. What are you talking about? It was old the second you found out. Because I didn't care.
Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. And one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. Because with every fix, update, and renovation, it becomes a little more your own. So you need all your jobs done well. For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter. From plumbing to electrical, roof repair to deck upgrades. So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well. Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie.
Hire high quality certified pros at Angie.com. Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.
I have fully done things around the home that I think look good and then a bang in the night and I wake up to a shelf collapsing, a painting falling off the wall. Like it, I've seen it all go south. I own a home and I can tell you, I know how much work it can take. Whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need.
Whatever your home project, big or small, indoor or outdoor, you can Angie that and connect with skilled professionals to get the project done well. Right now, one of my wish lists is I want a bike for my condo in Milwaukee and I would love to rig it up on a pulley in the ceiling because I have one of those like lofted ceilings.
but I'm so scared to try that on my own. Angie has 20 years of home experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of any home project in just a few taps.
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You can make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast in one place. Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. Balls off the boat seat with a spatula? Just leave it be. All I'm saying is if I had either one of your two gifts, I would be walking around butt naked all the time. You'd go to jail. You're right. I would. Yeah, I suppose. But I'd just, I'd be showing it off.
You already do, CJ. I don't need to see any more of you. For the record, I have seen CJ naked in my room more times than any other C-boy. Well, it's because I don't like drying off in the bathroom because there's like dirt and shit on the floor. You just want the carpet on your toes, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah. I don't pick up all this shit. Dude, I think that like you could make something out of this like in the sex industry. Yeah.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but in like 15 years? And you're still packing the way that you are and you want to take a new route in life? I'm going to wait until I'm 50 to start my porn career. You'll be like the dad next door. He's got a good ring to it. We know damn well that Ken won't be the camera guy. Oh, put that away.
We're filming a porno. With nuts like that, he'll be shooting the money shot. We'll sub him in right at the end. Holy shit. Like a gallon of milk. Okay. What would Ken's stage name be? The Watermelon Nightmare. What would Ben's be? Angel Hair. What does that mean?
What do you mean, angel hair? That would be a pretty bad name. Angel hair? I don't know if there needs to be much more said, but I'm just so happy for both of you. Moving on. Quit sharing each other's vapes. It's so uncomfortable. All right, guys. Moving on. You ready, Ryan? I've got food downstairs. I really want to eat it, actually.
We're in the middle of the podcast. You're more worried about chicken strips? Yes. Fair. So, Evan, circling back around, you know, I do like the carpet on my toes in your room because I don't pick up a bunch of dirt and sand on the bathroom because everyone walks in there after I shower. But I do have one complaint. I know where this is going. Your room smells terrible. What are you keeping in there?
So I've decided it's a 50-50. It's either my motocross gear or one night I took a whiz in the closet. There's no fucking way that you peeing in the closet could smell for this long and this bad. It's getting worse, dude. Hold up. I think we just brushed over the whole peeing in the closet thing. Why do you think you peed in the closet? I don't think that I peed in the closet, but I don't know what else would smell that bad. So you know it smells bad.
I catch a piss smell occasionally, but not right now because my boots. I don't know why your girlfriend stays in there with you. I think she's just used to it. CJ, we know why she stays in there. You got to make sacrifices for a guy like Evan. Dude, it's got to be the moto gear. The boots, the pants. Why haven't you taken it out in the last four months? Evan, when I walk past your room, I don't even go in it. If I walk past in the hallway, it smells terrible.
Like, I literally have to hold my breath walking past into the other bay. Well, you should buy me some Febreze or something. Bro, what I need to buy you is a fucking mop and a vacuum and some fucking... I'm going to mop the carpet. I think we're going to have to bulldoze the whole room. First thing tomorrow morning, I'm mopping the carpet. I don't know what you mean. Let me see what CJ says about that. Probably wash your bed sheets. Yeah, I've never washed the bed sheets. Well, that's your biggest problem right there. Well, we've been here for like four months. What?
How often are you supposed to do it? I don't know. At least every couple of weeks. Once a week? Yeah, I'd say. Alex washes our sheets once a week. You wouldn't wash your sheets once a week. I'd do it every two weeks if it was me. No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would. Do you do your own laundry? Yeah. I even do Alex's too, unfortunately. Evan, really? Four months? He doesn't do it. I don't know. I usually just...
Sleep there. I don't really put much more thought into it. In Evan's defense for the first month, he actually didn't even have sheets. He just slept on a mattress. Didn't complain. Raw dog lifestyle. I can't appreciate that about you, Ev. You just kind of raw dog life. And that's cool. I think maybe just start by taking the used...
four sets of moto boots out as well as all the empty tea cans yeah for a while there evan was just collecting garbage in there i thought you were a hoarder for the first little bit i wasn't trying to collect garbage i just had a good idea for a few hundred tea cans bro they were all over the place they were littered i was like man this guy just tell what was the idea i'm down
I just wanted to fill the side-by-side full of tea cans and have Micah hit the big jump in it. And then all the tea cans would be... That'd be funny, dude. Yeah. So did you quit collecting them? I think we should have done that. I'm pretty sure you had enough in your room to do that. Well, there were rumors that my room stunk, so I got rid of them. Oh! Why didn't you just, like, put them outside?
They're hidden in a garbage bag somewhere. Oh, so you still have them. In his closet. Yes. Oh, are they? It's probably mold, dude. In that big garbage bag. Take them out! It's not the T's that smell! It probably is! The T's have never done me wrong. They might have!
Bro, have you ever poured a twisted tea out on the ground and let it dry? It's like black. Not since the lights, though. Hey, I really do think that one day after I got done riding, I left my boots outside. I feel like a dog peed on my boots.
And I know this sounds ridiculous. Are you sure it wasn't you? Dude. You're the dog? It could have happened. Why do you think that of all things? Because I have an old pair of boots that smell like every other pair of shoes I've ever owned. And then I have this new pair of boots that I've had for a short period of time and they reek worse than anything my body could emit. That's
Seems super far-fetched, being that we don't even have a dog. Dude, your smell. Waffles comes over and hangs out. There's dogs all over the place. What dog wanders over one time, and you blame your room smelling like piss on that dog? It was a nice room before I ever moved in. Oh, God. Clean, good small space. Now... Good small space. Good small space.
I said good smelling. When I think of your room, I can smell it. It's like living in my head rent-free. Like if I think of it, I smell it. We actually went through this whole thing when you were gone on like Tuesday. Every time CJ and Ben would walk by, I was like down in the main bay and they'd walk by and go, oh. It was bad. You want to know what it smells like? It smells like sour cream chips. What?
Like when we get those little packs of the sour cream lays. That's what it smells like, dude. Well, maybe I left a half a bag open. I don't know about that. No, it's probably the garbage bag full of teas in the closet. I think we leave this as be and we'll make a video bit trying to fix this problem that we're having. Would you consider yourself a hoarder?
I don't think having stinky boots and tea cans for a bit counts as being a hoarder. We call TLC. They come in. Oh, my God. This is terrible. It's just like make a full episode. Evan's just laying on his bed. It's like a 10 by 12 room. Fill four dumpsters.
It's like the bag, the magical bag that you can pull ironing boards out of and stuff. They pull a full-size car out of the room. He's got this used Honda Civic. It doesn't run anymore. Why are you keeping this, Evan? I might fix it up someday. Has Mike been telling you to store some of his shit, too? He's kind of a hoarder. My God's yes. I got Mike's back.
And you too. Good kids. Good kids just need to learn how to, you know, I guess not leave your boots out to get pissed in. Exactly. I'm blaming the dog. Put them in the shipping container. They'll be good to go. Then you guys will be complaining that all your gear that's in the shipping container now smells like my piss boots. Jesus, the shipping container smells like shit. Start seeping up through the floor. CJ's office is right above it. Then he'll have to move out. Dude, I did actually have that thought.
I was thinking to myself, I'm glad my office isn't above Evan's room because what if the smell seeped up through the floor? And like, I'm kind of a, I'm actually a very paranoid person as most people know. And I'd probably like be sitting there. I'd be like,
I think I can smell it. Like, I'm glad I'm far from it. I'll tell you what. I'll go to Walmart. I'll spend about $6. Get some boot spray. It'll be fresher than ever. How about you just put your boots outside across the street? What?
Evan, do you have separation anxiety with your boots? What, do you sleep with those things on? Why do you need them next to your bed? I mean, I guess I don't. I just try to wake him up one day. He's got his fucking Alpine Stars on. Tech Tens. Well, you're telling me to put stuff here and there. I just figured I'd keep all my stuff condensed into one area because in my head it made sense. I agree. Well, we want your boots out of the room. I'll blend my stinking with the rest of your guys' stuff. That's fine.
Speaking of dicks. Christ. Going back onto it. Oh, man. Sorry. I'm going to edit this thing fucking mundane. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay. Imagine this. It's 2030. The world has completely gone to shit. That's in like eight years. Right. That's very possible. Could be. Okay.
The world has completely gone to shit. Dumpster fires everywhere. The whole world smells like Evan's boots. Yeah, the whole world smells like Evan's boots. And aliens have started a war with Earth. Okay. And it's basically just like a countdown timer. Yo, this is like the end of the world. Uh-huh.
It's inevitable. Nobody can avoid it. Nobody can save us. It is what it is, right? Well, then the government or some secret service is just like, fuck it, should we do it? Then they're sitting at a board meeting. Should we do it? Why not? Why not? The end of the world is in seven days. Let's do it. They release that all of the sensors on urinals were actually cameras.
And they've been filming everyone's dicks this entire time. And they come out with who had the biggest dick of them all. And it's a mug shot of Evan. And they just release it as public information for the world to see. Can you imagine? Be a bad day for me and a good day for Evan. That's what it would be. But why? I just envision everyone's driver's license being a dick pic. No.
You'd like that, wouldn't you, Evan? Evan would be showing his ID to everyone. They're like, no, no, you don't need to show your ID to get in unless you want a drink. Yeah, you're mad if you don't get carded. Evan's at the bar. Waitress comes up and goes, what would you like? Oh, I'll take a tea. She goes, okay, cool. Don't you want to card me? She's like, no, you're a regular in here. It's okay. I trust you, Evan. I just took a new picture. Bro, I'd get a fake ID. You have to.
You have to. Siege, I just noticed you're wearing a South Park shirt. Oh, you like it? You know what's kind of funny? What? Is I've always thought of you as a little bit of a less fat version of Cartman. What?
I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or a- *laughing* Oh my god! He's throwing up! Get in the camera! Make sure he's on the camera! What the hell?! Oh my god! What the hell?! Ken, what'd you do to this guy? He's sick! That trash can- Oh my god! That trash can has holes in it! *laughing* This guy's a monster.
What just happened? Maybe it was all those damn teas you brought. You made me shotgun three teas. I tried to get my vape. I laughed at the same time at something funny, and it made me die. I did not make you shotgun three teas. That was voluntarily. Oh, my God. It smells like vape. It smells like vape. No, it actually smells like evidence. I mean, in all reality, I'm fine. Is everyone else...
Dude, I think your vape and Ken's vape... Listen to me here. I think your guys' vapes are like the spawn of sickness. Because everyone's always puffing on them and shit. You go somewhere and be like, hey, can I get a puff? You guys are passing around in your little corner. No wonder you guys are always sick. What just happened? It's like instant sickness. I think I explained it. You made me beer bong three teas. All of a sudden, Kevin can't drink three teas. What? What?
That was quick succession, even for me. It really does smell like your vape. It does. That's all I smell. Why is it so smoky in here? Look how smoky it is in here. It's quite a party trick, Evan. Other guys blow O's and you're over here puking. Hey, can somebody get this guy a wet rag or something? Maybe a water? Puke all over his hand. I can remove myself now. Not after that type of... Not after? Not after?
Should we get him out of here? You can hop off, bro. Take your garbage with you. Why don't you just go back to your smelly room and get some rest.
This is officially the wildest podcast we've ever filmed. Anyways, back to my shirt. Yeah, let's talk about his shirt. It was that joke. That's the one that did it for me. Dude, Evan thought it was so funny. That was so true. I have told funny jokes, but I've never made anyone throw up my joke was so bad. Ryan's a funny guy. Ryan, I think somebody has to tell you that you've told funny jokes. I am curious now. I have.
It was hilarious. I'll vote. Why do I remind you of a Carmen? I actually do love Carmen. I grew up watching South Park. I've watched that show since I was probably in like a third grade. I even still watch it today. Go to bed watching it. Make Alex watch it with me.
I claim pretty much all my humor from South Park. I don't know. It's kind of like an asshole. No, see, I was going to say that. I don't think that you take a lot of the negative aspects of Cartman, him being a dick. Well, Cartman's the funniest guy on the show. I'll take that as a compliment. So where the compliment comes in is Cartman is always the ringleader in some really fucked up idea that he has.
That is so funny that normally like uses one of his friends' talent, lack of talent or characteristic and uses it to his advantage to be funny. And not that you take advantage of us, but you're so good at finding someone's uniqueness and making it hilarious. A joke. A joke out of it. I've thought it for a long time, but I've never wanted to just Snapchat you and be like, Carl.
Carmen reminds me of CJ because I feel like it would come across like a really dick thing for me to say. Carmen gets their guys to go along on a lot of wild adventures. Wasn't it Carmen who when they were doing the World of Warcraft thing and he got all his friends to gang together and play World of Warcraft and then beat out the guy. He'd be like, fuck this guy. We're going to all get together and beat him. That's something that you would...
rope us all into. I'd take that as a compliment. It's a silly idea. I think you should take it as a compliment that is fucking hilarious. And also I want everyone to go home and watch South Park and then think of CJ. Yeah. Like I think the crack baby basketball association was totally like a great idea. I don't know why they're not. Exactly. Like you're fucking like the fat kid, like the fat kid lemonade stand. That's something he would come up with, except for you'd probably do it like with crack babies or CJ. Who do you think Ryan would be?
Kyle. Fuck. I knew that. Kyle can be cool sometimes. Which one's Ken? If anything, Ben's the other Cartman. I'd say you're just as much a Cartman as me. You both have Cartman characteristics. Like when Cartman figured out his mom was making money in real estate and he shut out his mom and made more money. Which one's Ken, you said? Which one is Ken? Don't say it, CJ. I know what you're going to say. Ken, it looks like someone just... I know what you're going to say. Don't say it.
Chef. That's actually not who I thought you were going to say. What would Micah be? I don't know. What do I do next? You sound like him. Who would Micah be? Butters would probably be pretty good. If anything, Evan would be fucking Butters.
Dude, South Park is such a great show, and it's been going for like 23 years. I think it started in like 99 or something like that. And the fact that they haven't been canceled just based off of like the jokes and the humor that they have. They got to be one of the last running kind of like dark humor shows ever.
You know, they've gotten soft, I feel like, in their newest, like, later years. So, like, in recent years, they're not nearly as edgy. Like, if you watch the old ones, they're so funny. I used to be, you used to say that and be like, no, the new ones aren't funny because they've kind of, like, storylined it. And now I go watch the old ones and I watch the new ones and I think the same thing.
Old ones are ruthless. They're ruthless. It's a different time. You could say whatever you wanted, and people thought it was funny. Just think, that was on cable TV. Like, you could just watch it. I know it shaped the youth at the time. It definitely did. This is what we got. What TV shows do you think shaped you guys the most? We're going to chalk South Park up in there. Hey, guys, quick break in today's podcast for a word from our longtime sponsor, Manscaped.
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What do you mean I'm lying? You never watch TV? He's trying to blend in. He's just trying to fit in right now. What are you talking about? I do remember that when I was first friends with Ben, I walked in their house and there wasn't a fucking TV in sight. There was no TV on the first two... That's a good thing, I will say. The first two floors of the house didn't have a TV. And I like walked in, I was like... Hey, where are we going to watch TV? Where are we going to...
Just be like, Hey, I'm hungry. Can I have some food? And there's like a salad. And so a jug of water and some, I was like, you expect me to eat healthy. Okay. Anyway, but what shows, um, did you guys ever watch fuel TV? Yeah. Like that was good stuff. Yeah. I didn't, I never had satellite TV, so I never watched fuel. What was on fuel?
It was like 80% surfing. No. That was at the end. I would say it was kind of just like motorsports. Dude, it'd be like a hot-ass day, and Ben and I would be sitting there on the couch.
watching fuel tv because they'd have like dirt bikes and shit on and we loved it like i'd imagine for kids growing up now we are probably kind of their outlet to watch a lot of motocross with also like personality and stuff or just motorsports in general but we thought it was so entertaining because realistically that was the only place you could get it so if they had it on we would like drop everything we were doing to watch like like firsthand great ride open and
Great Ride Open was awesome. They'd go to all these different spots, and it was, like, a bunch of really good, more so retired pro riders, and they'd hit these just cool spots. What was that? They'd have, like, different documentaries and stuff on, like, riders. Like, I remember watching Twitches and, like, Brian Deegan's. Yeah, that was sweet. First Hand with, like, Travis Pastrana. And, like, I remember watching Bilko.
He was on it and he had white tires and I thought that was insane. I was like, this guy's got white tires. On a dirt bike? Yeah. He's like a freestyle rider. He had white tires. It was so cool. It is crazy when you think about it though. That's how we wanted to watch and it was hard to find. It was very hard to find. So now it's like you can kind of get that by just searching it. But I still think there's not a whole lot of people maybe making this kind of stuff. Hence why we've been able to kind of
a little bit in our, you know, whatever. Our videos, our channel is pretty much exactly what Fuel TV used to be. They were jumping blazers in a pool? Well, less skill, but like same, it was like a mixed idea. Same idea and same action sports. And so like, and then crazy antics. That's like what shaped me and CJ just to be into what we were doing as like kids. Like we would watch, I don't know, whatever was on Fuel TV and then
Go and ride dirt bikes or go surf or go set up two ramps. I don't know. It's just like what we were doing, so...
You asked, like, what shaped. I would say just that channel in general. Yeah, and then just, like, MTV stuff. Yeah, MTV used to be so lit. I wonder what it's like nowadays. I don't even have any way of watching it. I don't have TV. I think it's just Rob Dyrdek 24-7. It's just ridiculousness. He runs that whole network. Yeah, he actually does. Which is pretty cool. I'm surprised that neither of you brought up Fantasy Factory. Oh, gosh. Yeah, Fantasy Factory and then Nitro Circus.
Obviously. Holy shit, it already aired. I wasn't on Ridiculousness, but I was on Deliciousness. Deliciousness? Yeah, it's a whole new show. Or maybe it was just... Maybe it was on Ridiculousness. I don't even know. But MTV, they go around and they buy clips, obviously, or just get permission to use your clip on Ridiculousness.
I think they said they were starting a new show called Deliciousness, and it was like the same concept except it was about food. But they ended up buying the clip of me breaking the – they tried getting it for free, but I was like, no way. You're buying this shit. How much did they pay for it? Not enough at all. $200. $200, yeah. $200 bucks? I sold the clip for $200. Yeah, I literally – You did? I didn't even pocket the money. I put our company bank info in. Which clip?
The one when I break the window at the drive-thru and Mike Suby grabbed the food with the crowbar. That's which one they bought. They bought it literally like a year and a half ago. And I just kind of forgot about it. And then the guy emailed me at like the end of July. And he goes, hey, CJ, just wanted to let you know your clip is going live August 28th. So now it's two or three days past that. Monday. And I guess it already aired and I missed it.
Because I don't have cable TV. So if anyone saw it, you should send me it. Because who the fuck is watching Deliciousness? Yeah, you're right. I wish it would have been on. I still don't know if it was on Ridiculousness or Deliciousness. But either way, supposedly it's a Rob Dyrdek-inspired show. Interesting. So I finally made it on MTV. That's pretty sweet. Wow. Every single time that we watch that, it's usually when we're traveling and we're in a hotel or something like that. Stuck in a hotel. But every single time that we watch Ridiculousness or one of the 15 spinoffs
isness things that they have. I'm always watching these clips wondering, how have I never seen these before? Being that
Being that the internet now just shares clips everywhere. But it seems like they get these clips that nobody has ever seen before. Same thing with like America's Home... America's Funniest Videos. Dude, that shit was so funny. That was like before the internet, obviously. So nobody could see it. That was like family friendly. But still, I feel like... Like where are they finding these? But you know what's weird is I think they still do those shows and you...
You can watch Ridiculousness, you can watch five episodes of Ridiculousness and never see a clip that you've seen on the internet, which to me is insane. Yeah, but then again, they hit up... The internet is big. But they also hit up a YouTuber to take one of their clips, so they got to be taking them from... That's so insolvent. Realistically, that could never win viral. It's just a very small portion of our video. I'm sure you could literally... If you scan through our whole channel, they could probably find so many different clips. Yeah.
I'm surprised they don't do that. Maybe our clips aren't that good. Never mind.
Never mind. We got hit up by Chive TV like five years ago, back when we were... Was it that long ago? Dude, it was a long time ago. We had like a couple hundred thousand subs. Really? Okay. And Chive TV, if you've ever been at a bar, you've seen Chive TV playing. Well, anyway, they hit us up like five years ago and was just like, hey, can you guys sign off for us to use your content? And at the time, we didn't really think anything of it.
Or like trying to negotiate. We did. We tried negotiating, but they were like, we don't pay for it. And we just decided that the publicity and the coolness factor of being at a bar and having your whatever playing. But we did say you have to give us credit. Yeah, you have to give us credit. Put it at the bottom of the screen. And at the time, they used to like...
Do like pretty decent credit. You know, you could definitely see. It was like at least readable. Yeah, readable. And now like, I don't know if they had some law changed where it's like watermark transparency down to like 20%. Bro, I was watching and I couldn't even barely see it. And then I finally saw it. I was like, way down there? Yeah, it just says Seaboys TV, bottom right corner.
Hardly readable. Yeah, generic font. Yeah, it's still kind of cool to be out and about at the bars and look up and see us doing something. It happens a lot. They play our clips a lot. And it's like we drop a video on Thursday and we'll be out on a Friday or Saturday and it's like the Thursday video. It's like a Catch-22 thing where it's like it is cool, but it's also kind of like...
that one, they don't really give you credit, but two, it kind of takes away the shock factor then of people watching the video, seeing it for the first time. But do you think that happens? Or do you think it's a completely different market? I don't know. I think it's good. Yeah, I think it's a different market. And I also think it gives you a little...
I'm trying to think of something else. Yeah, it's pretty dumb, dude, because I remember one time when we were at Zorba's and it was on a Sunday and all the locals were there and everyone, for some reason, was watching the Chive TV and then a segment came on where it was a bunch of our clips and people literally turned around and started clapping at us. What? Yeah, it was just our normal crew or whatever, but they were so hyped on it. And I think it was just me, Ken, and maybe Mike there and we were just kind of like,
Like, it was like we finally did something good. Something about the TV. Because we were on the TV. Something about the TV still carries weight. It carries a lot of weight. You know, you see... Especially older people. True. That's pretty funny, though. Imagine watching it...
and knowing nothing about us, but just knowing that we're like local idiots that just like run around with filming our lives or doing something like that. Just for time TV. Yeah, and then you look up and you look, oh my God, they made it. They're on the TV. They're on the TV. You know what is funny? Just how big the internet is. Like what's... I actually don't know the guy's Instagram because he's Russian, but the Chernobyl life guy. We should...
Somehow contact him. He can come over, join the team. The one that does like death defying stunts. You know what? Actually, now I think about he probably wouldn't be suitable for YouTube. Honestly, probably not. He does such dangerous stuff. It's like incredibly dangerous. Pull up the video. Should I pull up some clips? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So he's private actually on Instagram now because his other account got taken down. But look at this.
Like, he's doing things that all these are happening so fast they don't even really make sense. He's insane, dude. And they're actually cutting out the ball of it. But, like, this is actually the most crazy stunts I've ever seen. Yeah. They're also the most pointless stunts. Yeah, I know. The majority of them. And the crazy thing is, is if you go to his Instagram, he does not have that many followers.
His other account got shut down, but his one's got 390. He's doing this for 390,000 people on Instagram, legitimately risking his life every stunt. That's the clip I sold him, dude. What? I just sent it in the group. I got 200 bucks for that one. Fat kid following. Hold that up, Ryan. Oh, whoa. I shouldn't have titled that. I thought it would get more views, but it only got about 1,000. 13 years ago you posted this, Evan. Dude, I was in like 10th grade.
Holy shit, dude. Maybe younger. I love your thumbnail, dude. Evan's been a YouTuber longer than us. I don't even know what a thumbnail was then. Look at this Microsoft Paint intro here. Steve Roginski. Faceplant. Oh, my. Oh, no. Dude, I've seen that before where the bike splits in half.
The best part is the wheel. Everything came apart. Dude, the wheel went almost two blocks. It just rode on the forks and took off. Did he know that was going to happen? I think everyone but him knew it was going to happen. Did you guys loosen all the parts on that bike? No, it was bending more and more every jump he hit. We were like, do one more big one. Well, there's your problem. It was a mongoose. Oh, shit, dude. He really skinned his chin up there.
Steve O'Gansky. Smash right on the mom, dude. A movie by Evan Sheff. That was back before he was Dude Evan, bro. That was kind of legendary, dude. What I think is crazy is I sold that like, that was 13 years ago, 12 years ago for 200 bucks. Yeah, that's all they fucking give you. I thought it was bullshit. Inflation, you should have got more than that. Who did you sell it to? I don't know.
It only hurts when I laugh. Real TV or true TV? Yeah, true TV. True TV? Dude, I was still on MySpace when that video went up. I remember posting like, oh my God, this clip's going to be on TV. Dude, I never had a MySpace. I wasn't allowed to when it was popping. And then by the time I was allowed to, it's not popping. I should make one. I also wasn't allowed to, but I went to my friend's house and-
Just did it there. Isn't it funny how back in the day, people, especially like parents, were so afraid about you being on the internet? It's like, if you make a MySpace account, like, people are going to come and find you and like, kidnap you.
kind of thing like i don't know what they were so worried about but they're like you should not put your name out there like that like it was as if you were like putting your address online and telling them your garage code to come inside like and look at us now dude yeah i know and i anyways i remember i went over to one of my friend's house and he had like older siblings i think i was in like the sixth grade and uh anyway so we go over there he's like come on let's go on the computer like go go in there he's like
You got a Facebook, right? And I'm like, I don't even know what that is. Like, you know, I don't know what a Facebook is. He, like, types it in. He's like, I'll make you an account. Makes me an account. And I realize, like, what it is after he makes it. I'm like, oh, no. I come home. I just, like, go to my parents. I, like, go to my room. I'm like, guys, I made a big, big mistake. I didn't have any control. But my friend made me a Facebook. And they were like...
Well, how do we delete it? Couldn't fucking figure out how to delete it. And I still have that Facebook to this day. But it is funny, though. Everyone was so worried about it. That's how Ken was for me. He was the one who introduced me to Facebook because Ken was a couple years older. So he's my bad influence. What were you doing on Facebook, Ken? We were playing Mafia Boss, dude. You guys remember that game on Facebook? Dude, our mafia's got to be fucking killing it right now. It's been like 15 years.
Ken still keeps up on his daily. Ken's logging into his Facebook right now, hopefully. Did you guys ever play Farm Simulator? Farmville. No, Farmville, yeah. Farmville, yeah, dude. I did. That was my shit, too. Is that like the same thing? You start like a village or like mob? Yeah, but this is you had a mob and then you bought different businesses that made you money for all the time that you were not logged in. Yeah.
So, you know, you had to be logged in and do little tasks and then you got money. And then when you'd be logged off, you'd make more money. Basically what set Ryan up for this life of crime. Yeah. He lives. He's a con artist. Speaking of conning people, I'm selling your jet ski going. See? That's just one of as many he's got going right now. So selling the jet ski, I've gotten mostly like, you can't sell it unless you flip it type of responses, which is kind of annoying, but whatever. Yeah.
No real biters. There's some guy who's selling the exact same jet ski for 15 grand. So he probably also got fucked over because I'm selling mine for 12.5 if anybody wants to buy a jet ski. I'm pretty desperate at this point.
Brian, don't show your cards like that, bro. I don't even really want to get into it because I'm just going to sound whiny. But, dude, I've had a bad time selling my Camaro. What do you mean? Did you just throw it up? Yeah, I put it on Facebook Marketplace. And then I've started joining different groups. And so I'll put it in like 6th Gen Camaro, ZL1 Owners Only, like all this. Yep.
And normally in one fucking group, some guy will be like, yo, this is Seaboy's car. Always fine. They go, you know, couple likes on it. Oh, cool. Whatever. Yeah. Hell fucking today. Some guy comments and goes, let me just, let me just read it. Just beat the hell out of it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. He goes, would recommend anyone that is thinking about buying this car to do your research on it. Comments. Some guy comments right back. Tell us what you know.
I wouldn't buy shit from these guys. Look them up online. The title of the video with this car literally says, I bought a Camaro to do burnouts. I'd look for something that hasn't had the piss beaten out of it personally. So I respond calmly. You sound like the type of guy to not have sex with your girlfriend so she's better for the next guy.
So she's still fresh for the next. Yeah, I know. Fuck whatever. But I just was at look it up. See boys TV on YouTube cars under warranty for the next two and a half years. Did a couple burnouts drifted on a track replace the tires and drove it normal. Great car with no issues. Chevy built a damn good car that can handle a few Bernies. And then I corrected myself. There's five years hundred thousand miles. Pretty good warranty. Yeah, it's great. Then he responds could care less what I sound like to one of the entitled boys.
Common sense is that no one wants to purposely buy something that the previous owner bought to beat on. I also find it interesting how you failed to mention how you treated the car in your initial posting and waited until someone said something about it, and now you here are trying to cover your tracks. Kicks both kinds. Good luck with your sale. Pull this guy up. Pull this guy up. Yeah, let's see. This dude. What a pussy. Let's see him.
Let me see. He's wearing a cowboy hat. Which one is it? I don't know. I think it's him and his boyfriend. Kind of a cute couple. Dude, who makes their Facebook profile picture, you and another guy with a sauce, dude? Literally broke back mountain right there.
God, it'd be fun to just go in on it, but at the same time, don't even waste your time. Yeah, no, that's kind of... I even was a little bit embarrassed that I had responded that much to it. But a few people have liked my comments. Nobody's liked his. Who the fuck doesn't do a burnout with their Camaro? Yeah, and... It is... First off, don't you and Ken have a profile picture together on your Facebook? No.
Shut up. Shut up. It's you two together like this. I thought that was a private account. Whatever. Anyways, so a lot of people, especially our subscribers. What the fuck? He's from Minnesota.
He's followed by one person I know and then another one. Yo, you know what's funny? Does that mean two? He's followed by one person I know and another one? Yes, Evan, it does. Yo, you know what's funny? He had to listen to this entire podcast to see when he got mentioned. And he had to listen through all the dick sand. No, it is funny because our... I don't want to say all of them, but there's a small...
maybe even bigger than small, where they are like, like if you, let's say, are riding a Razor and you have your foot to the floor and you drive it to 90 miles an hour and it's hitting the rev limiter, they're like...
I would never buy that from you. I'm like, what? Why? Just from hitting the rev limiter? And they're like, that's so hard. They think it's so hard on the machine. Like if you were driving it fast or whatever. I'm like, dude, they have a rev limiter for a reason. And they also sell more tires. Like get over it. It's like, it's a fast car. It's a fast machine. They're made to go fast. Like,
If I've learned anything out of how much abuse we have put in so many different vehicles through over the years is things are tough. Yeah. Like to actually damage something that is like a motor. I'm talking like you didn't crash it or something like you just were ripping on a vehicle. Yeah.
And if it's completely stock, it is incredibly hard to like cause damage. Like if it's a maintenance vehicle, it's just, and, and a lot of people for some reason think like, Oh, like he ripped it so hard. And I remember as a kid, I felt that way about like my dirt bikes or whatever. Like if I had someone else ride it and they were riding it hard, I was like thinking, Oh, like they're wearing my bike out. But realistically you're not, you,
You're just not. I'm just going to tell you. Things are tough. Like, a lot tougher than a lot of people think. So, not to play devil's avocado, but on the racing lawnmower that we bought a couple months ago. So, that's a piece of shit that's modified. It's our Frankenstein, bitch. No, no, no. You had a good point with stock. You had a good point, and I'm not disagreeing with you. I agree completely. Most things are much stronger than you would ever imagine.
for daily use, you'd ever put them through. That's what I mean. That Briggs and Stratton is made to like run a fucking lawnmower, not a racing lawnmower. Exactly. Yeah. So anyway, um, we get this racing lawnmower,
The thing was modified, and before Evan could even start it. Believe it or not, they don't sell racing Wambas. No, no, no. Before Evan could even start it, the guy was like, hey, we totally got ripped. We get it. We get it back here. And it ran for probably four minutes since, like, start to finish. And I was pretty pissed about it because, like, I think it was like $2,400. Like, it was not cheap.
Anybody else buying it to actually buy a racing lawnmower and do stuff with versus... Well, even us. But if it was somebody who wanted a very reliable machine because they'd saved up money and they wanted to start racing or do something like that, right? Then it's really fucked up for this guy to know that and sell him...
basically a waiting ticking time bomb like there's no way totally there's no way that this guy didn't know if i'm selling something like i expect them to go like ride it like ride they would ride like ride it hard i mean a dirt bike or racing lawnmower they're made to go fast go drive it fast and if it doesn't do it in your test run obviously i'm not selling a good product yeah so this guy goes be rad be rad just mess you read
No, it's not that B-Rad. His name is Brad. Okay, we'll call him Brad. Okay. It's pronounced Brad. Brad messaged me this morning, and he goes, now that you have blown up that mower, are you going to junk it? I'd be willing to buy it back for parts. Dude, fuck you. Fuck you. I can't even say what I want to tell him. I responded, I'd sell it to you for what I bought it for, being that it lasted about two minutes. And the guy just responded, LOL. What?
What? Put his name out here. The thing is, anyone can say anything they want about us wrecking it. We literally started it and hardly got it around the yard. And it blew up. We did nothing to that lawnmower. I have plenty to say on this. From now on,
I know we were complaining about our Facebook marketplace purchases being so bad. From now on, the new series is we read the description and then we go and film picking it up. These guys are going to be on camera if they try ripping you off. We're not going to just do this blind send Evan, send Ken, give them the money, don't even start it type of thing. We're filming it and I think things will really turn around. No one's going to want to...
And then if they do rip you off, they just got their face put out. Yeah. Like, it's probably too late to go back through and put these guys on blast. So, yeah, that's kind of where I'm debating. How liable are you after you sell it? You're not. You're not. But I'm saying from now on, like, you know, to go after him and just be like, dude, fuck you. So did he know?
He totally did. Just because you're not liable doesn't mean you're not a dick. That's very true. That's true. But in the status of my Camaro, I guarantee you could go out there and literally do burnouts so the tires popped. Nothing will happen. That motor is bulletproof. And then, if something happens, go take it to the fucking dealership. It's on warranty for the next 98,000 miles. I agree. And the paint's perfect. Yeah. I was like...
I think the problem with buying, this is a little, hopefully my family doesn't listen to this. Buying stuff that we own is like dating a porn star. Okay. Every dirt used dirt bike you buy, every used snowmobile, whatever, it's been put through the ringer. The guy bought it. He used it. But ours is,
are filmed and put on the internet so you can watch said Camaro do a burnout and go to a drift track. And then you go, Ooh, I don't really like that. So if you're scared of, of what it's done, you want to go buy the car, let it sit in storage and collect dust. That's on you, man. Yeah, that's a great point. But it just, it is tough knowing, watching what it's been through. Yeah. Yeah. That's honestly an insanely accurate representation of our vehicles, but yeah,
I think what... Watching what it's been through as you compare it to a porn star. I mean, dude, this... Yeah, like, weirdly, yeah. I think what people don't understand, though, is, like, they think we're just out beating the shit out of it 24-7. True. When it's, like, if you actually want to know what it's been through, it's... We're never going to really beat on it outside of the video. So it's, like...
three burnouts. Try and find a Camaro out there, like your Camaro that has not done countless burnouts. But if you were to do just a random burnout, you'd be like, I should probably film this or like make it worth it. If I'm going to post my tires, I have not done a burnout in that car. Not on camera. Exactly. Why would you? Why would I? Because I might as well film it. We might as well make a spectacle. Most Camaro owners probably would. My Camaro has done no behind the bar BJs. So all it's all on camera.
You know what it's been through. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not going to lie to you. It's not going to lie to you about his past. It's all out there to see. It's not afraid of what it's done. But it's going to love you like no other Camaro could. Man, you are making some uncomfortable eye contact with me right now, Ryan. Hey, man. You were talking about dicks in the beginning of this. I think that's cool, man. I don't see what's wrong with talking about dicks. No, I honestly – I'm proud of Evan. I'm glad that he –
That's cool. I hate to say it, but I think it's a little bit more sus when someone brings up dicks and you go, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why is he talking about dicks? Like,
Clearly, I don't have any problem about it. I don't know. I just feel like I'm pretty confident in my sexuality where I can talk about how much of a hog my best friend Evan has. Dude, I'm fucking proud of you, dude. Congratulations. I'm just proud about it. I literally texted Alex about it when I found out. I said, you got to hear this. You texted your girlfriend about my penis? Well, she was asking me what was going on. I said, we just found out Evan has a hog.
She was just like, no, he doesn't. LOL. I said, have Nikki show you the picture. She doubted me? Yeah. Evan, I think your frame is a little misleading to your penis size. Yeah, she didn't believe it. I told her, ask Nikki. She'll probably show you the picture. I don't know. It has been making its way around town. Yeah. Do you think she could send me that picture just for the podcast? We're going to pop it up right here for everyone.
The people that made it this far want to know. Yeah, we can throw it up right here. Okay, cool. Yo, somebody on a plane was airdropping nudes to other passengers, and then the pilots were like, if somebody, whoever it is, keeps doing this, we're going to land this plane, and everyone's going to have to get off. They couldn't figure out who it was, right? I have a feeling that whoever was doing it would probably continue to do it just to be even more of a troll. Yeah, because...
Imagine if they actually... That's it. We're turning this plane around. They're just punishing everyone, dude. Could you imagine turning an entire plane around for sending nudes? Dude, if Ken was the pilot, he probably would. I know what I'm doing the next time we're riding in his Tesla. While you're at it, you should hair drop that. You should send that to me. Dude, I don't even have it. Dude.
Nicky probably won't let Evan have it because he knows he'd be showing everyone. Nicky's going to have that thing locked up like the Mona Lisa. Yeah. There's only going to be one true copy of it. Wait a minute. Could this benefit me financially? I can't believe that you just talked about an NFT. Evan, you've really made stride since coming here.
Dude, if I get paid money for wiener pitchers, easy all day. Dude, you know that you could just take one. Like, you don't have to get that specific one. Heaven's into crypto. He's reading books.
He gets on the... For NFTs. Come on. Maybe I'd read the internet. How many books are there on crypto? Probably tons, dude. You read things on the internet, CJ. When's the last time you've picked up a book to read something? Well, I'm dumb. You don't want to ask me, but I'm sure plenty of smart people read books all the time. Nobody reads books. You read your tablet. No. People definitely still read books, Evan. I've never read a book. Evan, when was the last time you read a book? I'd be curious.
Sometime in early high school Really Made it through his Junior senior year Without reading a book Hey Honestly I quit reading books too In high school I would just spark notes it Dude exactly That's what I'm saying Like maybe freshman year When I thought I had to Actually do it And then I learned about Spark notes I never read again Yeah I'd agree with that I don't think I did either
And it shows I'm a terrible reader But I mean like We all read stuff All the time But it is never Out of a book Start to finish Like read a whole book That never happens Anybody here read a book In the last two years From Cover to cover I think I did actually I did too yeah Believe it or not Fucking where's Waldo Yeah
I actually used to be a good reader when I was young. Pop a picture of Ryan. You can tell because he had glasses. Pop it up. Pop it up.
Put another one up. Fuck, fine. I'll find pictures of myself. Well, there's just two of them. You wore them for like the first 16 years of your life. Okay. Well, should we wrap it up? Probably. I'd say this was a great podcast. Good fun. Lots of depth in subjects. Dicks. Balls. Porn stars.
Camaros. Camaros. It's an American dream. Evan threw up at one point. I was hoping you guys forgot about it. Bro. Yeah, things were electric. Anyway, all right. If you guys made it to this point in the podcast, thank you. And we're sorry. Also, actually, no, seriously, though, comment down below questions. But I want, like, good questions, not just, like,
Well, what's your favorite dirt bike brand? Like, like comment some decent questions that actually have a little bit of depth to them. And then we could answer them. And, uh,
I don't know. I just noticed they do that on a lot of other podcasts. It is kind of interesting because I am curious, you know, if you have a question you should ask us now because we'd probably see it and if it's a good one, we'll answer it. So good discussion topics. Correct. More so than just a question. But also like, I don't know, dude, just like situations they're in and how would you suggest dealing with it? If you weren't, like, I don't know, I was listening to Brad Martin's podcast and he was talking like, someone asked like, if you weren't doing this
What would you be doing? They were asking pretty decent questions. I don't know. Don't ask, how big is Evan's dick? Ask, what would you do if you had a dick as big as Evan's? Hog. Sorry. That's a good question. We refer to it as Evan's hog. I can't wait to hear about my mom listening to this one. Does she listen to a lot? That's wild because I was just about to ask you, does your mom listen to our podcast?
I honestly don't know, but... Probably not. I mean, she knows at least how to type C-Boys TV into YouTube, so could this pop up? It could. Especially when we title your face and it says Evan's Giant Secret. I mean, it's fine. She made it. Yeah, you're right. She's totally going no, actually. It's going to be Evan's Massive Secret.
My parents, I think they stopped listening to it. My dad said he's going to catch up on his next long drive, so hey, Dad. I feel like my parents are like, this is just, I don't want to know this stuff. There are some things you just shouldn't know. Yeah, it makes it easier, honestly. Honestly, it does. Not that I really care, but yeah, I question if we should maybe be telling the entire world some of these things. Yeah, if we should make Evan shock on six tees and then talk about his dick for an hour. Yeah.
What a position. It was more so just me and Ben and Ken arguing about it. Can we just talk about Ken's balls for a second before we end this? No. I mean, they're huge. There's not a whole lot less. We do that too. Give him a little love here. Let's talk him up a little bit. Big old tangerines in that orange sack. All right. Everyone subscribe. Like this on whatever you're listening to. Jesus. Holy shit. This guy. Wow, dude.
Did you hit this? No, he hit the entire thing. I just hit my lord back right here. Sorry, dude. I didn't mean to cause as much of a disruption. All right, guys. We'll see you next time.
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