40: I Have Horrible News 53:12

Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Broski Nation, I come to you with a hole in my heart today.

Please strap in, sit down, grab a snack, maybe a beverage, maybe three. Okay, when I go to a restaurant, I like to have a multitude, a myriad of beverages in front of me. Okay, I need a water, I need some form of caffeine, caffeinated beverage, if you will, usually a cafe Bustelo.

And then I need something sweet, usually a Diet Coke. All right, I got all three of those in front of me. Please go ahead and get your snackies. Get seated. It's about to get fucking for real. I have horrifying news to tell you. We are once again back to fucking square one. Take all the chess pieces off the board. Every single frontrunner in the game of love, in the

Game of Thrones, truly. I don't know, fill the vacant seat that is my right hand. Actually, my left hand. Because right hand, Stanley. Okay? Stanley's on one of those little jester stools. He doesn't get a throne. Okay? But he's there. He's right there with me. Okay? I feed him.

Alright, there's a little ankle chain around him. He's strapped to the wall. Doesn't matter, dude. He gets fed twice a day and watered. Sunlight on the weekends, okay? He's fine. Don't worry about Stanley. Mind your fucking business, first of all. He's got his little stool. I gave him a fidget toy. He's fine, okay? All that slime I bought last week I told you about, guess who's got it? Stanley. In his little cell with the rats.

He's on his stool. Okay. He's Stanley. Okay. That's what he's doing. Don't worry about it. To my left, to my left sits a vacant throne. Okay. What is to be done about this predicament?

We've held auditions. We have tried and tribulated to fill the seat. Nothing seems to be working. I don't know what else I can do, Broski Nation. I'm at my fucking wit's end at this point. The Irishman? Done. The Irishman? Fucking forget about it. He pissed me off. We've never even spoken on the phone. He pissed me off. He's done. Okay, dude, I'm just not really in the business of doing all that. You rolling, lad? Yee-hee-yee.

Extra, extra, read all about- Rule implemented in broski nation! You're not gonna wanna miss this! Her majesty addresses the masses at noon today! Don't miss it, she'll have your head! Shut up. Just spit everywhere, fucking monster. Fucking growling, disgusting, gross monster. I'm that fucker from the Goonies.

What's his name? I bet he was real sweet, actually. Goonies. Big monster. Yeah, dude. I'm the Cyclops, dude. I'm the Cyclops, dude. Who's the big guy? The Goonies. That's me, dude. Sloth. That's his name. I am Sloth, dude. In the courtyard, Her Majesty Sloth will be addressing the public. That's me. I come up. I'm in robes. What was I fucking saying?

Oh, here's the rule change. Fuckery is now officially outlawed. If you fuck on me, you fuck on me and mine. Guillotine. New rule change also. So this is a 1A, part 1A, part 1B. 1A, fuckery outlawed. Stop fucking on me. Rule 1B, guillotine. The guillotine is now a formidable,

encouraged, and welcomed form of punishment in Broski Nation. Now, punishment might be a bit of a euphemism, right? There's no coming back from this punishment. We talked about drawing and quartering. Guess what? Guillotine is now being implemented, okay? Last episode, I think I talked about implementing some F-18s. While we're beefing up the military, we're beefing up the sort of

We're beefing up the sort of technological military complex at the same time beefing up the medieval, primal, visceral sort of torture as well, okay? Torture goes hand in hand with military operations. Trust me, I watch Jack Ryan, okay? Trust me, bro. That Reddit picture, source, trust me, bro. Good enough for me. That's literally all of TikTok. Everyone's like, I was reading this article the other day. No, you watched a TikTok of someone who was eloquent.

They could have been lying out of their ass. I do that all the time. I lie on the internet. You bitches don't even know. You bitches never clock me. Anyway, fuckery outlawed, guillotine inlawed. Guillotine inlawed. Guillotine. Okay, now I have two figures in mind who are going to go ahead and give it. Going to be the ceremonial guinea pig, if you will. Okay, and they are both men. Both men.

I think we're going to start by chopping off the sort of like weenus moment. The weenus of the nether. You know, not this weenus, the weenus of the below. Okay? Below the button, if you will. Now, it's going to be a sort of modified guillotine from traditionally what you've seen. It's not the French. We're not doing the French, okay? Bienvenue. Is that how you say welcome in French? Oh, bienvenue.

That clip of me singing the French national anthem went viral on TikTok, don't know why. Maybe because I fucking killed. Maybe because I'm fluent and cultured. Okay? And guess what? You don't even want to hear me sing Celine Dion in French because I will. Because I will. What are the words? Bon...

"Pour que tu m'aimes encore." Yes, dude. Lyrics. How do you say lyrics in French? Oh, let's get it, dude. "J'ai compris tous les mots." Fuck, where'd it go? "J'ai bien compris, merci." I'm gonna do this whole first verse. Y'all gonna have to sit with me through this. "Raisonable est un nouveau." "C'est une sensée par ici."

I'm eating. I'm eating.

Damn! Fuck. That's it. That's it.

Damn, y'all need to go listen to that song. I kind of just ate that up. What's the bridge? Hold on. Hold on.

Damn, I could go- Period, bitch! What's the translation of this song?

I'll go get your heart if you take it somewhere else. Even if in your dances, others dance your hours. I'll go get your soul in the colds of the flames. I'll cast a spell on you for you to still love me. Damn, bitch, that's actually, okay. So going back to the plot point at hand, introducing the guillotine into the Brodsky Nation sort of military industrial complex as a form of punishment and torture that is accepted by the government, government being me, okay?

We are now going to implement, first of all, "Po que tu me mancaras" by Celine Dion gets played as you're being, your, your peanuts is being jorked and chopped by the guillotine, okay? It's actually gonna be a law change. When your peanuts is getting jorked, do you moan? Okay, question for the fellows. When your peanuts is getting jorked by the ball, do you moan?

Just let me know, okay? I'm kind of, I'm out of the loop on that. I've been out of the game for a while, okay? For a hot second. Are you moaning and whimpering the way that women want you to? When someone's twerking it, okay, let's say someone's yanking on it. Oh, thank God I fired my therapist. She is not gonna be watching all this. Okay, back to the Goonies big monster. Okay, here's the update. Irishman's done, okay?

That is so unfortunate because I was just about to announce that we have entered the month of St. Patrick. What do I mean by that? I mean Ireland. What do I mean by Ireland? I mean hosier.

All roads lead back to Hosier, okay? Every Irishman that I was going to affiliate with, speak to, converse with, is a means to an end. Do you know Andrew Hosier Byrne? No? Moving on. Do you have a cousin or friend? All y'all kind of look alike, okay? Do you know someone who knows someone who actually knows Andrew Hosier Byrne? Okay, that was going to be the sort of course of action one. That's been stricken, struck, striking from the record, okay?

Now, moving forward, I am looking back retrospectively and thinking, and I am thinking, maybe it was kind of stupid to put myself in Dublin on the dating app that I used. Of course, the premium version. Maybe it was kind of not the brightest idea to put myself in a country eight hours away, okay? Eight hours, time difference. That flight's going to be something crazy, okay?

That was not the smartest idea on my behalf. Now, that being said, my Irishman, who I still, if he texted me, I would answer, okay? I knew this was going to happen. I predicted this because I'm a scary fucking witch. Tauruses aren't usually witches, okay? Usually that's, in my experience, Virgos.

Virgo women are witches. Actually, that's a lie. My friend Katie's a Taurus and she's a witch. So I take back, maybe I'm not a witch. Maybe I could be if I went to witch school. That's a different thing. That's actually a book I'm going to write as well. Okay.

This Irishman, I predicted this. I knew this was going to happen because I'm smart and I'm worldly. We matched. It was instant chemistry. It was fire flames. Just, I mean, I think this is what the poets of old used to write about, this sort of love. Pride and Prejudice was based on me and this Irish dude on this dating app, okay? Then things took a turn for the worst when reality kicked in, right? That'll do it. When the nine to five work schedule kicked in. Kill

Kill myself. He slowly started to respond slower and slower as to be expected. He would get back to me within one to two business days. And at this, I was completely understanding. He has a nine to five. I fart online for a job. Now, that being said, how fucking hard is it to pick up WhatsApp and double tap a message? What if we were co-parenting?

What if we were co-parenting and I needed alimony? What is alimony? Financial support that a person is ordered by court to give to their spouse during separation or following divorce. Alimony and child support. Bitch, what about our children? What about young Seamus? What about young Seamus O'Flanagan? You're not thinking about our boy! You're not tinking about our boy! I marry an Irishman and start speaking in an Irish accent. Not how it works. You're not tinking about our boy!

Seamus O'Flanagan. His father used to work the fields. You're not thinking about our little boy, Seamus O'Flanagan. He's going to open his own pub one day. I've just never felt more humiliated in my life. I had my Irishman and I lost him and it was out of my control. And now I'm stuck here.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, okay? I'm throwing an Irishman themed party and I'm gonna sit in the corner and fucking sob and make everyone look at me and we're gonna play traditional Irish folk songs. We're playing Celtic music. We're playing Sean Nose. Okay, let me play some Sean Nose for you bitches. Let me culture you bitches. Y'all don't know jack shit about all this.

And now our son Seamus O'Flanagan Broski will never know the sweet melodic historical tradition of Sean Nose singing because you fucked on me.

What am I supposed to do? He stopped responding, which I knew was going to happen because you cannot have a meaningful connection through a dating app. Now, there have been cases proven to the opposite, which I know. And of course, fucking TikTok! Fucking TikTok has shown me, here's how I met my Irish husband. Isn't that right, babe? And his ginger ass is in the background like, that's fucking right.

Why? When will it be my turn? Okay? That's my simple question. When will it be my turn? I'm not asking for much. I'm asking for... I'm not even asking for a husband. I'm asking for a partner to co-parent my son Seamus with. He's four! He can't read! Somebody help my son! You wanna know something? Actually, I don't wanna say this. Actually, yeah, I will.

You know, I'm still jorking it to the... I'm still jorking my peanuts to the Quinn audio of my Irishman who makes Quinn audios on the Christian app, Quinn. I think he uploads like once a week. I don't fucking know. He...

I have listened to those audios so many times. Stay with me. Stay with me. I have listened to those audios so many times. I have started to sort of internally, by accident, familiarize myself with the Irish accent to the point where I can imitate it. Okay? I never used to be able to do an Irish accent. I would say I'm about 70% there now. Okay? I have listened to so many hours, hard minutes of those audios. I'm rocking with what you guys are putting down. Okay?

Should I take Ireland off the map? Now, if I do that, I can't put it back up. Now, let one more Irishman fuck on me. Nuke. Nukes. Bomb them. Bomb them. Keep bombing them. Bomb them again. My proposal? Airstrikes. Bomb them. I have to play that. Let one more Irishman fuck on me and make me feel stupid? Fool me twice. Fool me once. Shame on me.

Fool me twice. Wait, what is the George Bush quote? There's an old saying in Tennessee. I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee. It says, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me. You can't get fooled again. That's me for real. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'm nuking your fucking country. To them, we are the infidels. My resolution?

Airstrikes. Bomb them. Bomb them. Keep bombing them. Bomb them again and again. Me to Ireland if one more ginger-adjacent man makes me feel stupid and waste my time, okay?

Let the record reflect, this is not an actual security threat to the country of Ireland. And I do mean the Republic of Ireland, not Northern Ireland. Okay. I'm kind of grouping y'all in with the UK because you belong to the UK. Now that is a topic I could get into on a separate. Okay. We want to, we want to unionized Ireland. We want to united Ireland. Okay. For that. Um, but for the sake of this, I am speaking about the Republic of Ireland because that's where he fucking lives. He's in Dublin. Oh, you think he's dorking other girls?

You think he's jerking and can't think about it. Okay, I'll get mad. Never met this man in person. Anyway, dude, alimony, child support, financial support for me and my son, Seamus. You fuck on me, you fuck on me and Seamus, okay? And that's child abuse. And I'm taking you to court.

Because I will not have my man be on the other side of the fucking planet making a fool of me and mine. All of Broski Nation is mine, okay? You guys are my realm, my dominion. He's making a fool of me. He's making a fool of you. Y'all should be personally affected by this. Oh, dude.

Y'all should be livid, if not more angry than me, okay? And that's just how the cookie crumbles. And have you ever seen the bloopers from Bruce Almighty? Separate, I'm going on a tangent. Have you ever seen the bloopers from Bruce Almighty? If not, pause this, go watch them. When I'm having a bad day, like when my Irishman is jorking other girls, I watch that blooper reel because it makes me giggle, okay? Now,

If I'm in Ireland, okay, all that being said, okay, that was sort of act one. This is going to be act two of the Ireland rant. I'm still going to be in Dublin in July, okay? That is not changing. I will be at Hosier's show in Dublin. If I'm in Dublin and I happen to, I don't know, drunkenly fire off a WhatsApp message to the man in question, would you guys sentence me to the guillotine?

Would that be upsetting as a viewer to see me go back to

My Irishman who jerked. I actually didn't even explain what he did. He didn't really do anything. He's just, he's become slow to respond. Okay. I knew this was going to happen. I knew that the idea of us texting for five months, potentially FaceTiming, whatever, was a long shot and most likely not going to happen because men lose interest. They like a shiny new toy and they lose interest. That's why you sort of sometimes get sucked into this spiral of like, well, I have to show him my body. And now what?

after the fucking shininess of your body wears off and now you're just humiliated double because it's like, oh, I guess my body wasn't enough for you too. Now I'm going to kill myself for real. I obviously didn't do that. I don't do that because there's a privacy thing kind of involved there. I also have tattoos that are identifiable. I'm not sending nudies.

If any of y'all are seeing Brittany Broski nudies, you're not. I guarantee you, you're not. Just know it's not me. If any of you bitches are on Grindr and you see somebody on there, kombucha girl and it's a nudie, not me, okay? I can confirm.

I can confirm, okay? Because if someone was on Grindr, it's going to be actually me. That account's going to be verified, okay? Need me a gay boyfriend. Need me a bisexual boyfriend. Please hit my fucking DM, dude. If you are, ideally, again, I'm going to give y'all one last chance, Irish. If you are a bisexual, tall Irishman who can make me giggle, go ahead and shoot me a DM. If that does not describe you, if I did not just describe you head to toe, fucking leave me alone, dude. I'm not interested. I'm not playing games.

I'm not playing games anymore. I've never been joking once. I've never joked around on here once. Don't ever get that twisted, okay? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I nuke Ireland, okay? That's the alternate take. That's take two of what George W. had said. W. W. Bush. It was so weird growing up in Texas, which I guess now makes sense now that I think about it for more than six seconds. I used to live in Dallas. There's a George Bush toll road. Uh...

On A&M's campus is the George H.W. Bush Presidential Library. Used to study there sometimes. I'm just now realizing, damn, that's kind of crazy, huh? Yep, it's on George Bush Drive in College Station, America. I do miss A&M, okay? I think about A&M once a week, if not every day.

Every time I walk down my hallway that goes to my bedroom, I've got my little A&M wall. I've got my diploma. I've got my Dean's List thing. I've got my grad cap and I've got my 12th man towel. Now, to anyone who is not from, I

I'm not even going to say the South, who's not from the state of Texas. And even like more specifically, if you are not familiar with A&M lore, that means nothing to you. To me, it means everything. And I want to cry thinking about it. I miss A&M. I miss my Aggie friends. And I miss the culture. I'm going to visit my siblings soon. And I'm so excited because hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah, and thanks and gig them, okay?

Miss A&M. Anyway, H.W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum, crazy. Why is that on our campus? He didn't even go to A&M, dude. I think they both went to Yale. Where did George W. Bush go to college? Yale. Where did George H.W. Bush go to college? Yale. Why do they like A&M so much? Why is the Bush Presidential Library at Texas A&M?

Bush was approached about having his presidential library on the Texas A&M campus shortly after being elected as commander in chief. Michael T. Halbauty, class of 1930. Jesus Christ. Old much? Class of 1930. Yeah. Old much? Stupid. Not funny. Spittle over the mic. A Texas oil businessman and Bush's friend is credited with first approaching Bush with the idea in a private meeting.

Him cornering him, being like, listen, boss man, I know I'm just an old fart, but you should really have your library in College Station. In College Station, see? That's crazy. Anyway.

I do miss A&M. I miss it a lot. I miss, and hey, this is the redneck in me coming out, okay? She's got to make an appearance every once in a while. I can't be perfect all the time. I know I'm perfect all the time. It takes me some time to get like that, okay? I got to peel back the onion layers and see what's within. I love a gross, hot Texas A&M football game. And we lose every year, okay? We lose.

We're losers, okay? And whatever this coach situation is about to be, I don't know. Never in my life did I think I would have a podcast, do all this, dedicate my time to sitting here, and I'd be talking about fucking college football.

Okay, Irishman. Anyway, back to him. He, awesome, I've been talking about this for 30 minutes and haven't even gotten to the fucking plot point. He slowly, he's been very slow to respond. And when he does, he's like, sorry, work's been busy. And I'm like, first of all, that's not the cadence of how we've been talking. Like our conversations are very, we have this whole back and forth about like first date ideas. I tie you to the railroad tracks and leave you there.

And then he was like, that's a good one. First aid idea. I what did he say? I buy a gun and I shoot you. And I said, oh, first aid idea. We get in sensory deprivation tanks and drown each other. And he was like, oh, that's good. That's good. It's been back and forth like that. OK.

It's funny. It's silly. It's not serious. Like, I told him kind of what I do. I don't think he's familiar. Thank fucking Christ. He works a real person job, but he's very familiar with internet lore, which was attractive to me. And so I was like, I don't want to talk about real life because...

I don't know what the vibe is. I'm still sussing the vibe. Okay? The vibe has yet to be sussed. To suss oneself. To jerk one's peanuts on the interweb. Siri, how do you jerk a peanuts? It's 11-11. Make a wish. Amen. Okay? Hi.

knew this was going to happen because he starts to pull away. Okay, I knew it. I was like, these men get bored. And it's not as exciting as it is, I guess, for, I'm not even going to say women, for someone like me. I am a lover girl. I'm a lover girl. And I'm tired of hiding it. I'm tired of having to act like I'm cool and act like I'm mysterious. I don't give a fuck. Like, yeah, I think a healthy boundary is keeping these men at arm's length. But like, I'm a lover girl. I want you.

I want you. And that's not a joke. Okay. I DM'd him that. That's the first thing I said. Not DM. I messaged him. Well, yeah, I guess DM on this dating app. And I said, I want you. I need you. You've charmed me, mind, body, and soul. Like that was genuinely the first thing I said. So it's like, I'm not, it's a joke, but it's, you know, it's a joke until I'm not.

So, I don't know, for it to like the conversation dwindles, he'll message me on the weekends, which is like, okay, fine. You know, I'll sit here and I'll text you, I guess. But he goes to sleep. He's eight hours ahead. So it's like 3 p.m. my time. He's fast asleep. Fucking wake up. You're so boring, dude. Wake up. You got a busty baddie messaging you from Los Angeles, America, and you're going to sleep? You're going to sleep?

Bag fumbler. Bag fumbler 101. Dude, look at me. I'm full of Irish pride. I'm full of Irish patriotism. I've never even been. I'm riding for you guys across the sea, okay? Across the seven seas, I am holding it down for Irish broski nation on this side of the pond, okay? I know a few episodes ago I said gingers aren't allowed in broski nation. I was kidding. I revoked that rule. Fine, you guys are allowed back in.

Gay people, I'm still on the fence. Gay people, don't fucking test me, okay? Gay people, stop. Seriously. You guys are about to have your month. It's coming. Me when I have Frankie Grande on the pod. Woo! And then right as June 30th is over and it's July 1st, no more gay people. Gay people, it's done. Okay, here are the songs of the week. I've removed the Irish headgear. It's over. Fuck it. Forget about it.

I have been, honestly, here's what kickstarted it. I had this whole, obviously, situation with the Irishman where I was like, I was slowly realizing like, all right, he's kind of, he's done with me. I don't play with this toy anymore. He threw me in the garbage. Like Andy threw Woody. Woody. And he drops him in the garbage and he's literally, that's me. Oh, I could just, I could scream. Okay.

When I realized that was happening, I was like, you know what? For the first time in my fucking life, I'm going to put up a boundary here and I'm going to like insulate my emotions because it doesn't matter. Like I know what a lot of y'all are going to say. Oh my God, they never even met. They never even like it wasn't a, that does not matter because what matters is I opened myself up to a form of

emotional connection, right? I opened myself up to the potential and I let myself be curious and open to something potentially happening. And of course, the inevitable is to be met with disappointment. That is my MO. That's kind of what's been the path for me up into this point. And that is totally fine. It's not, but it's fine. And so I, I,

Try to maintain that balance of like, I'm going to insulate my heart and my emotions for if this doesn't go the way that I would like it to, I'll be fine because it's not that serious, you know? But like I said, dude, I'm a lover girl. And me and my friend Katie talk about this all the time of like, it's so not normal to force yourself to be like, I'm shutting off my emotions. What? Like, what?

That is so odd that that has become this like... And also just...

Fuck the whole culture of like the Fresh and Fit podcast and all that bullshit. I mean, I don't have to say that. All of y'all know that. But like this hustle grind, like fuck bitches get money sort of culture has infiltrated the way that women think too. Because if those are the shithead dudes out there, you have to protect yourself and you have to kind of adopt their mindset. I also, I mean, I don't know if I've ever talked about her on here, but Sprinkle Sprinkle, what's her name? Shira?

I get her videos all the time and I think she's hilarious and I think that some of the advice is good, but some of it just like really makes my heart hurt. You know, she's like, don't give... She calls them dusties. Don't give dusties time if they're just gonna, you know, waste your time and waste your money and waste your whatever. Like, if he's not paying, don't stay with him. I don't think money is a factor for me personally. Like, I...

Love my job. I do well for myself. I have made my own life. I am completely independent, self-sufficient, and I'm doing better than I ever thought I would be in this life. I'll be honest with you. And I'm no longer seeking. I've graduated out of this mindset of I need a man to provide as much as that return to, you know, a traditional. And I say this in quotes, if you're not watching the YouTube video.

a return to a traditional feminine state of having a provider, right? Like there's this innate, and this is just, take this with a grain of salt. I'm not saying I believe this. I'm saying that this is the narrative that swirls around, okay? That women need a provider and a protector, this like 1950s housewife sort of version of what a woman is. That mentality is kind of coming back because of the fuckery, right?

that is dating right now. People are like, I don't want to play these games. I don't want to do this shit. I don't want to... Don't contact him. He'll chase you. You can't be too masculine. You have to pull back. Be in your feminine era. Let him be the man. Do the... Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. But there's a validity to it, right? Of like, it is so exhausting to exist in this mindset of

Let him be the man. I have to be the woman. What the fuck are you even talking about? What does that even fucking mean? These ideals are based on what? The patriarchy, which I abhorrently, abhorrently reject. So it's like I'm in the back of my mind. That's always there. I am so tired of forcing myself to fall into this sprinkle, sprinkle mindset of like,

scam these men. They're going to scam you. Trust and believe that. So might as well do it before they do it. That's such a miserable way to view life. And I've just wasted too much of my time wondering, oh, does this man think I'm attractive? Am I skinny enough? Do I look good? Is my makeup nice? I'm just like, oh, shut the fuck up. So much wasted time of my life. So removing myself from that, but still wanting to feel like

obviously desired and feminine and beautiful and valued. I can be all that by myself. This isn't, you know, this is, I feel like I'm, it's an echo chamber. Like I just say the shit and it's, it's an echo chamber. It's a feedback loop. All of you understand this. I'm not giving you any new information. It is just indefinitely frustrating.

It is an evergreen issue. It never goes away. I think about it every day. I am constantly like collar around my neck being yanked around by like, what do men think of me? What will this man think of me? Am I being the right thing? Am I being too much? Am I being the, oh my God. Make the voices stop. Make the voices stop. Make the voices stop. Room reveal. Room reveal. It's padded. So all that to say,

I'm tired of the fucking games and I'm over it. And what's that thing they always say of like, if it's meant for you, you cannot lose it. If it's meant for you, you cannot lose it. And fuck all that shit that's like, you may have got him, but I'm the one he'll never forget. Girl, he doesn't want you. And you didn't end up together because that's not your person. And you're torturing him and he's torturing you and you've never gotten over him. And it's sad. So it's like, I'm in between this state of...

I'm so tired of it. But to a certain extent, you have to play the game and you have to be flirty and you have to, you know, let him message first, because if you show too much interest, then it's doomed to fail. I genuinely I do believe that that if if a woman is more interested in the man, it's doomed to fail because men blow men blow peanuts. They blow peanuts. So that's kind of that's going to be my situation.

That's going to be my mindset, my mentality for the time being. I'm just so, okay. Anyway, all that to say my song of the week, practicing this mindset of I am a lover girl, but keep, keep it this far from me, you know, like keep it at an arm's length or arm's distance. Like I don't, I can't, even if it's these men that I'm just like, oh, I'm just meeting or it's exciting and it's new. And so we're on and we're talking on an app. It's like, I don't,

I get involved way too fast because I want to think the best of this person. I want to think, oh my God, finally. And it's just never, you know, and that's fine because every rejection is redirection. And I know that's right. Can I get an amen? Y'all, come on. Can I get an amen? Let me hear it. Amen. Thank you. The song of the week is Heartless by The Weeknd.

Cause I'm heartless and I'm back on my means and I'm heartless. I love that song. Another one, Party Monster. I was going like, I was like, damn, I need to listen to that song. Like that's actually, it popped into my head. I was like, that's actually for real how I'm feeling. Listen to it. And I was like, damn, I fucking love The Weeknd. I went through a major weekend phase in high school. Who didn't? 2015, like peak Abel. That was when I graduated high school. So I was like, damn, I'm so grown.

I'm so grown listening to Do You Like the Way I Flick My Tongue? You're a pervert. Oh, I'm not that grown. Right, right. I'm not that grown, actually. I'm actually a teenage woman. And I was. I was 18. I was a teenager. Anyway, love that album. Party Monster by The Weeknd. It's going to be number two. Montreal. I love the song Montreal. I love that song. He speaks French in it. As we all know, I also speak French. Not really, but kind of.

Coming Down. Great song. And the last one is The Hills. Of course it's The Hills. The Hills might be one of the sexiest songs ever. What's the one from the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack? What is that song? You want to know something? I've never seen that movie. Maybe it's time I watch it. Earned It. Earned It. Okay, I take it back. Earned It might be the sexiest song of all time. And Rocket by Beyonce. Yeah.

And I'm going to ride, I'm going to ride, I'm going to ride on you, baby, all night. Damn, SOMO, I'm going to take care of this. Damn, SOMO. Where is SOMO? Is he in jail? Where is SOMO now? He's got 220,000 followers on Instagram. Hell yeah, SOMO.

He's from Denton, Texas? Type shit. Yes. Yes, SOMO, Texan king. He's a white guy! SOMO. Joseph Anthony Somers Morales is an American singer and songwriter. He is from Austin, Texas. He's 36 years old. That is wild. Where did he go? He's live in concert. Let's go see him, y'all. Upcoming dates. SOMO does not have any upcoming dates. Okay. It's worth a shot. Damn, that's crazy.

Yeah, that song went nutso. Ride by SOMO. Hell yeah. Some of the sexiest songs of all time. I love The Hills by The Weeknd. I love that song. I listened to that song on repeat when I went to... When I graduated high school, me and my mom went to London, Paris, Rome.

On this like two week all history and art tour, like we roughed it, but it was so fun. And on the whole plane right there, I listened to Yoga by Janelle Monae. Is that her name? Yeah, Janelle Monae. I love this song. Party at the beach, down in Galveston.

Damn, I love that song. I listened to that song, The Hills, and Montreal by The Weeknd, and the song Quatro Babies by Maluma, which is so fucking controversial and problematic. But I heard it when we were in... No, no, no, I'm lying. That was a different trip.

This was, I had downloaded a playlist from SoundCloud onto my Android at the time. I had an Android and I downloaded a playlist from SoundCloud that had those songs from the weekend. It had like, baby, won't you come my way? That song. And then I had the Just Rain version of that song. Holy shit. Y'all, I have never talked about Just Rain on this podcast. I've talked about it on my TikTok.

Just Rain. Uh, fuck, no, it's on SoundCloud. Why can't I search? Here we go. Uh, Just Rain. My Way remix, Just Rain featuring Fateh Doe. Fateh D-O-E. He did, um, That's crazy! I used to love his song! I had an intense Just Rain phase in high school. I don't know if I've ever talked to y'all about this. Holy shit.

This is lore. This is deep, broski lore. I discovered Just Rain. Okay, if you don't know who that is, he is a Canadian YouTuber. Used to be. I don't know what he does anymore. He, like, kind of fell off the face of the earth. I'm so sad. I know, um...

Waleed still talks to him because during the protests in, I think, Toronto, I saw, his name is Just Meat. His real name is Just Meat. I saw Just Meat and Waleed together at the protest. Almost died. Love them together. Love them down. During that whole era, it was like 2014, I was so gutturally obsessed with Just Rain and all of his friends. Bapu, Fote, they had, Zoo Babies was this rap group that

They used to bump that shit so hard. They had a song called Supreme Duffel Bag. Holy shit, I wonder if it's still on YouTube. Supreme Duffel Bag. Zoo Babies.

Dude, I've seen this video so many fucking times. I used to be in love with Bapu, dude! In love with him! In the front, that's Bapu. That's Fante over to the right with the chain on. And oh my god, this dude in the front too. This guy. He was so hot. I don't remember his name. Holy shit! This is a blast from the past.

I used to drive a car from 2005, a Ford Freestyle from 2005, and I burned a CD of the Zoo Babies. The Zoo Babies came out with like an EP or something like that. And I downloaded it and burned it onto a CD. And this was the first song. So every time I would start my car, it was a six disc rotator too. So it was this CD that had all this like Punjabi trap music. Ha ha ha!

It was dead ass was Punjabi trap music. And Fonte would rap in Punjabi, in Punjab.

Punjabi is the language, yes. He would rap in Punjabi and I would memorize it. That shit went so crazy. And then I would rotate it and it would be, if you're reading this, it's too late, Drake's album. And then I would rotate it again and it was the 1975 self-titled. And then I would rotate it again and I think I had, what was Ariana Grande's album that came out? I think it was the one with Dangerous Woman on it. I think it was. And then I would rotate it again and I had a Celine Dion CD in there. Funny enough.

It always circles back to Hosier and Celine Dion. Holy shit, that's so funny. Okay, zoo babies. And oh my God, I remember one time

I was working at Baskin Robbins, okay? I was still in high school. I was working at Baskin Robbins. And Bopu was on Twitter and I like tweeted him something and he responded to me and I just about fell out. I literally acted like Taylor Swift had DM'd me back. Like it was groundbreaking, monumental. I loved Bopu and Just Rain. I thought they were, and they would, oh my God, just we would post bloopers. Pull that shit up.

Just Rain bloopers. Yes, dude, he'd do it by the year. And it would be these long compilations. Long. They were seven minutes. I used to love these videos. I'm going to watch these tonight. I was the biggest Just Rain fan and then he just kind of fell off the face of the earth. I totally understand. I don't know if he's ever talked about it. I totally understand the, like, I just don't want to fucking do this anymore. I totally understand that.

The audience kind of coming at you, the pressure to always create something new and exciting and this and that, you know, it's like there's only so much stamina you have before it's out.

Or before that stamina, you just want to completely pivot, you know, and change it to something else. I completely understand that. It's a very real part of the creative process. But it sucks. You know, it sucks to... Because you as a fan, you're like, I could watch you do this forever. But if the creator's not happy, it shows. So...

I hope he's happy now. I hope he's doing okay. I really don't know. I don't know if we have an update on where he is, but I saw that video of Waleed with him in Toronto and I was like, let's fucking get it, dude. Yeah, I used to listen to Nacho Villo. Nacho, Nacho, Nacho Villo. Caputo Randeshan. Wait, no, no, no, no, no. What's up, girl? What's up, girl?

Chubilea. Yeah, Nacho Villa and then Caputra and the Chantabulia. That song went crazy. I used to love them. I also used to love... Who the fuck did Drake used to make music with? Majid Jordan. But this isn't the Majid Jordan that everyone listens to now. This was when he would post on SoundCloud.

Yes, this. No, not this album. Maybe it was. The Space Between. Gave your love away. Then there was another one. There was an album. This one. This one. Whatever this fucking was. This album. Her. A Place Like This. It's an EP called A Place Like This from nine years ago. Forever, All I Do, Her, You, A Place Like This. Damn, this is like deep Broski Nation lore. Holy shit.

Release date 2014. Hell yeah. And it's so funny because around this time, like, I was just coming out of my Mumford & Sons Florence and the Machine phase, Arctic Monkeys, and I was getting into, like, Drake and Future and Zoo Babies, of course. Majid Jordan. This is crazy. Also, I loved JacksGap at the time, and JacksGap highlighted this dude, J.P. Cooper, who I used to love. Still do. And he had an album called Color Me in Gold.

If y'all remember this, this is a deep cut for the JacksGap girls. Damn, he's been posting music on here. All this love. In the silence. Closer, we were raised in the gray skies. Yes, dude. All these songs are so good. Okay. Anyway, back to the weekend. Yeah, I was listening. I kind of was like entering that era of like all that music was so good. And then when we hit 2016, arguably one of the best years for music ever.

That was like peak weekend. I kind of like I love the weekend and I just forgot about him because guess what? Discovered Post Malone. Okay, then Lemonade came out in 2016. Changed my fucking life. Okay. Did y'all know that The Weeknd is the most streamed artist in the world on Spotify at least?

He is the most globally streamed artist with 115 million monthly users. I discovered that as I was like searching and favoriting all these songs. I was like, that's crazy. And he's only won. I thought he hadn't won a Grammy. He's won four Grammys. But also, you know, what do the Grammys represent an album's or an artist's cultural impact? To be discussed. To be determined. The Grammys...

is voted on by a group of people. Not sure the inner workings of the Academy, the Recording Academy. But I think there have been some scrubs and some flops with the giving of awards, and Jay-Z kind of just shut them down, period. So it's like, I don't know, I think that the Grammys is...

Is that reflective of, you know, an artist's impact on the music industry? I don't know. Leaning towards no. I think it's still an honor, but it's leaning towards no. Because to be the most streamed artist ever right now, overtaking Bad Bunny is crazy. And he's only won four Grammys. He's been making music for fucking 20 years, almost. Feels like. So, yeah. Um...

Those are my songs of the week. I also wanted to let y'all know that the merch is still live. Okay? Broski.shop. Go shop your merch. If you don't have it, you're not allowed into Broski Nation. You cannot operate an F-18. You cannot be in the crowd in the town square when the guillotine executions happen. Okay? No, they're not executions. We're chopping peanuts. Okay? You fuck on me. You wrong me. I'm chopping your peanuts. Okay?

It's like when a dog gets horny and the lipstick comes out. I'm chopping that off because you fucked with me, okay? It's nothing that will really grow up, okay? Get your merch. Royal Court comes back in April. Mark your calendars for that. And it's crazy. The first episode is crazy. And I love y'all. I post new YouTube videos every week. Go watch them now if you want me to live. If you care if I live or die, go watch my YouTube videos. Also, Bro's Key Report.

Post it on YouTube. Go watch it on YouTube if you want. I love y'all bad, and I'm thinking of y'all all the time. Okay? Be good. Bye-bye.