120 - Angry Cops Most EMBARRASSING Police Moment & Baldur's Gate 3 Is INSANE ft. Angry Cops & Caleb Francis 01:57:21

Okay. Yeah. I'm like, okay. I forgot to record. We're going to show a trick after this. Yeah.

Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash save whenever you're ready. For

$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details. Dude, this is smart marketing when it's like create cool-ass bottles. Yeah, when they've got a fun toy on top. Yeah. That's what sales me, the toys. Yeah, not the delicious tequila. We are just adult children. It's like cereal. Yeah, I want that. You don't have to mail it in. You just get it instantly. Yeah.

Dude cereal when Kayla you're too young for that. We used to have to at the bottom of a no cereal box Do you remember writing in and mailing in stuff on the box tops? You have a sentiment box? I can say this I don't hit your finger like okay. We'll pull it off a little bit Just a little bit and then use it. Okay. There you go. Oh

I love that. Hey, wait, wait. I want to do it. Let me slap it. Yeah, give it a little slap. Give it a slappy. Slap the silver tin. Can I spit on it first? You can. You should. Yeah. And now sit on it. It's a very phallic shoe. Yeah, it is. Everything phallic is delicious. That is very true. Name one thing that's phallic that isn't delicious. You've got hot dogs. You've got sausages. Bananas. Corn dogs. Popsicles. Penises. Everything.

- So I'm told. - Wait, Batty, you gotta ding it. - You did? - Yeah, but we're doing the shot. - Or do we ding it and then shoot it? - Oh, I don't know. - What's the rules? - Caleb, what are the rules? - I don't know. - You brought this here. - We've dinged too many times, I don't know now. We're gonna summon something, I don't know. We're gonna summon a demon. - I'm here. - Too many dings. - I didn't do the shot. - We have no shot, the world is. - Lie to me. - Who the fuck spilled the-- - I don't know. - Lie.

It's racially ambiguous and batty. That guy's fucking ridiculous and we don't know. Best not to ask yourself why. But my friend, you've arrived. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey, that's actually good tequila. It's not bad, right? The Reposado. I think the Reposado's smooth. That's really good tequila. Oh, shit. Motherfuckers, come on.

Nothing like washing down good to kill the white claw. I don't say that nothing nice One of my favorite things Is multiple hot alcohols back to back? George Strait sing about that on a hot tequila night. Yeah. I just pictured you mowing the yard. You're like Josh, move one of those hot ones into a hot tequila place. You just drink.

I would say there's something comforting about filming an unsub podcast with a warm white claw, but do you have the warm white claw? Well, it's cold, but it's not. They're all warm. They're all like room. Oh, wow. You have the one I think that was left on the table. So you,

So you literally just did a shot. Caleb brings us wonderful good tequila. I was like, yeah, here's the warm one. Here's the hot white claw. Yeah, I'm pulling Caleb's white claw out the oven with gloves on. I'm like, here, it's 425 degrees. Like, you like it. Burning me the whole time. Thank you. You hand it to him with gloves. He just picks it up. He's like. Oh, this is my favorite. Thanks. Mouth is like stuck to it. Like burnt. This is great. Yummy.

Welcome to the F's and C's podcast. As always, you have Eli, DoubleTuck, myself, BattyStreams, and of course our two beautiful, powerful, very bald, strong guests, Caleb, Francis, and Angry Cops. That's us. We're here. Our bald boys. And strong. We are. And strong. In case you didn't know. Can you guys rub your heads together? What happens if they got attached right there? Like Velcro? Somebody screenshot that, flip the image. Balls. Balls.

Or you could put like a low cut shirt over our foreheads and it'd look like two breasts. Just two big honkers. Yeah. And then you zoom out and it's just our heads. It's just our heads. That'd be cool. I like that idea better. Honkers with five o'clock shadows. Subreddit, that was for you. Do some magic with that. Deer cleavage heads. If you could make a poster to keep in here and it's like, it's our heads, right? But there's like an actual shirt hanging off the poster, like a piece of material. And you can lift it up and then it's our faces. Yeah.

Like you're gonna flash somebody. It looks like a pair of tits, but it's really... But it's a hot chick. Like we have it on like a nine piece. Yeah, a babe. And they're like, God. But it's an actual piece of shirt. Yeah, it's an actual piece of shirt so you can really lift it up. They're like, let me... I just burped up hot tequila. Uh-huh. Same. It'll get you. Oh, I love that shirt. I was like, why have I seen that? Never mind. I know what that shirt's from. That's fucking dope as shit. Satan. Satan. I had a new shirt come in yesterday.

It looks good on you. Thanks. Oh, hey, wait a second. I know who coined the phrase for that shirt. Yeah, me too. Boop the tiger, you get the horns. It's like perfect timing. I was like, oh, cool. This is perfect right now. Hey. You know what I just realized? They got the lightning bolts. It's got the little pew, pew, pew, pew, like our new Caffeine Depression shirt did. Oh, yeah.

Was that a thing? I don't, I get, maybe they, maybe they thought they looked at the designs. I'm fine with it. I'm fine with it. Rich had a fantastic flight here. Can you tell us about your flying experience? Last night he was supposed to get in two days ago. You get on, he got in yesterday at like 5 PM. Yeah, it was a six.

Delta is the worst airlines I've ever been on. To quote my Twitter and myself, it's as if a meth head that was fired from Spirit Airlines decided to get a job as an air traffic controller. And Delta was like, that's our guy. Oh, wow. So long story short, I'm supposed to fly here Friday, 6.55. All right.

All right, 6.55 p.m., let's take off. We're going to land here around 1 in the morning, get to sleep, do a podcast, you know, have a full day of shenanigans. Wonderful, great, grand, wonderful, right? No, it gets pushed back to 10.

So I'm like, ah, shit, I don't want to arrive here at four in the morning. That's just miserable. It's not fun. It's bad, actually. Some would say awful. I go on my phone. Let's edit this. Let's figure it out. I get a new flight at six in the morning. I talk to the little... I don't even talk to a human. I talk to the text message for Delta. You can like text message me off. You put me to a robot that I have to listen to for like five minutes at a time. I get...

It was miserable. So I'm texting this dumbass robot who's like, we can morph. I'm dumb. And I don't know numbers. And I've got my beautiful girlfriend next to me who's just stressed out about travel as it is. So she's like, ah. And I'm like, just I can do it. I can fix it. And the robot's like, yeah. Bing.

Dinner's done. Oh, I was in microwave before. I was in microwave. Rich is yelling at the flies. Rich gets out of the capacity. Just watching him slam in the door. Nothing in the microwave. These smart fridges with screens on it. I'm like, it's all your fault. It's like crime. Your fucking cousin. Don't you have a smart fridge screen? Yeah.

What do you put on it? Fuck you. You probably have more... When the robots take over, you're fucked. It's probably got more RAM... It's got a spy in your house. ...than the Delta robot that tried to fix my fucking flight. And so...

I'm sitting there. It's like, oh, we can send you to Atlanta at 6 in the morning. I'm like, how about you send us to Detroit at 630 in the morning? Because it seems as though Atlanta is having an issue. Like all these flights with Delta from wherever. The East Coast was fucked. Yeah. And I don't know why. Storms? Yeah. Storms. I don't think there were, though.

Well, I mean, there was massive wind issues when we left GCX. I heard wind. Yeah, and that was up and down the East Coast. Specifically, the Southeast Coast was wind. The thing that you fly through normally is now too much wind. Yeah. August, though, is hurricane season. That's why the East Coast just sucks dick for flights during that entire fucking time. So I should have August.

Yeah. So is it past it or worst? No, we're in August. It's already August. Oh, my summer's trash. Garbage. Garbage summer. Gone. Oh, no. Yeah, a month of it was in, all of June was in the middle of Wisconsin.

Why are you asking? Army training. Army training. Army for a month? For a month. It was my E6 school. I've been in E6 for 10 years, and I just finished the training for it. Before you go back. Congratulations. Before you go back on your tangent of you do your job because you love it. What's that? You do the military thing because you love it. Oh, yeah. And you make how much a month on your drill?

- I think 450, less than that. I think that's before taxes. - 450 bucks. - I think so, 450 bucks a month. Yeah, for the weekend drill. - It's one of those jobs I'd be like, nah. - You gotta love it. - Dude, that's how I know you love it, 'cause you're like, yeah.

- Yeah, I'm happy with it. - Close that bucket. Close it. - No, hold on! - I'm mad at the army right now. - Nobody's ever mad at the army. - I've been out, okay, so other than all the other-- - This is a hot topic. Go on. - I just found this out. I've been out of the army since 2015. Yeah, December 2015 is when I ETS.

Motherfuck, I just found out when I excited just traded my Raptor got a new vehicle and I had to go through credit checks and all that shit subtle flex I just read you know and I found out I have a thing a mark on my credit military army Was it during the move?

uh to pay you to move anywhere no no which apparently because they they double paid me my last month of drill wrote you and then you didn't respond so then they hit you with it so i have like a 300 fucking debt collection that just showed up sometimes because i it wasn't there in like 2019 2020 when i got my truck

But it just showed up this many years later that they're like, we need that 300 bucks back. That's the most army shit I've ever heard in my entire life. It was drill overpay. Because apparently they just double paid my last month of drill. Yeah. And then they don't. They do the worst job in the world. And I moved. So like. No, they didn't send me shit. I moved. No, they did a smoke signal and you moved. That was everyone. They were like, what? One smoke signal. Yeah. God.

We reached out to him. Why didn't he fucking accept that? He didn't hear it. Hold the fuck up. Wait, what the fuck happened? They vaped him a smoke signal. Yeah.

Dude, get Carl. He does mad vape signals. Get Carl. He pushes it. They're trying to get everybody to use smoke signals. You're just in your house at night. You're like, blueberries. Weird. That's weird. That's Watermelon Smash. I owe the government money. Oh, fuck. Ah, Watermelon Smash is always government money. I had no VA rating. I had a stroke because of the army. Nothing. They sent me that. They were like, hey, adjourn your move.

You owe us $1,800 because something we did. Oh, we lost a piece of paperwork. I was like, no. I was like, I'm going to spend hours, hours figuring out how to find this piece of paper and I fucking hate it. I think that's just anything with the government in general. Oh, yeah. They try to give you some kind of like fine or something that you've done wrong. And then they're like, yeah, just go do this and it'll be easier. But it's so hard. It's so hard and annoying. So here, open up Internet Explorer 9.

Yeah. Four years ago because that's the only way our website will actually load for you properly. Yeah. First, you got to go to Cincinnati, get in line for Son of Beast. Yeah. For four hours. But yeah. What does this have to do with? We'll mail you a code, a six digit number you'll get in three weeks, maybe. But you got to respond in two. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

- What? - You ever dealt with the social security office that's literally like, we're gonna mail you something. We'll see you in three weeks. I'm like, what? - I just got a thing for my taxes. One of them's from 2019. I was not expecting that. And one of them's from 2022, this previous year. They're like, you owe $1,700 from 2019 and $1,400 from this previous year. I'm like, no, no way. Don't, I have a tax guy. I give him all my shit and he's smarter than me. It's not that hard to be smarter than me. - True. - But he is.

He takes care of it. So I sent him like a scan of it back. I'm like, how do I owe money from 2019? How is it randomly from 2019 that they're like, you owe me this money. And the fucked up thing is they did it last year to me too. They're like, Hey, you owe $7,000 or 700. So it was something ridiculous. Yeah. I know there's a big difference. All right. So thanks Dan. We get it. You're rich. You owe 1%. You owe 10%. It's his name. It's his name. Not yet. One day. One day.

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When the government stops taking my money and sending me random bills. When the downfall happens. This new world order is really taking its time. The downfall happens, we get a lot more bills. I gotta start a farm now. I am on the farm now. You gotta start a farm now. Those dudes are getting taxed on your cow farts. Damn it. Too many cows. You made a fart noise with your mouth just now. Oh shit.

- Sir, you got 17 cows. - Give us three of them cows. - This is a flatulence. - Wait, he just take money. - Well now we need cows. - It's like this back to the feudal system. - Oh yeah.

Yeah, that's gonna be great. Sir, are you married? We have to sleep with your wife for the first night. We get to fuck your wife and we need 100 pounds of corn and three cows. What? That's your taxes. That's your taxes. That's how it works. Are you not a patriot? No. It's always been like this. We need three cows. It's always been like this. This is the taxes. This is how it is. This country started in the 1700s. You think that we just gave up cow collection? We just got married. Well, we get to fuck her.

- America. - That's great. We're gonna bug her. There's Bill Clinton just coming, "Hey." - That makes it worse. The president pulls up each time and is like, "Limo, hi." Hillary just pulls up. She's like, rolls down the window, "All right, Bill." - Okay, okay. Is it wor-- Okay.

Bill Clinton or George Bush? Which one? Junior. Son, okay. Not senior. Maybe I have an old guy. Is he dead? Did he die yet? Senior? No. I thought you had a stroke or something. He either just passed away or he's still wheelchair ridden.

One of them. He's either dead or alive. Yeah, barely. He's either... He's at the goal line. He's either at the goal line or he scored. Something's not going on. Yeah. Hola, Eli. Le estando gustado mi podcast? Sorry, Batty. I don't speak Japanese. Well, if you're up to date on Babbel, you know that means...

Are you liking my podcast? Wait, how did you learn how to speak Japanese, Batty? That's Spanish, Eli. Agree to disagree. Best way to learn a language, Eli, is immersion. Living where the language is spoken natively every day. But Batty, that's not possible for everyone. So what's the second best way to learn a language? Babble. Immersion on your phone. Babble. Because with Babble, you can start speaking a new language in just three weeks. In three weeks, I babble.

I barely speak English after 38 years of my life. Hey, Batty, did you know we peak as children? So when people call me a man-child, it's a compliment, right? Exactly. Scientists say when you're a child, that's your peak of learning languages. But since you can't go back to being a six-year-old, we've got the next best thing on your phone. Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations. Hey, Batty, but this summer you can start learning a new language with Babbel. Why Babbel? Because it works.

Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners that you can get started right now. Give 55% off your Babbel subscription. But only for our listeners at babbel.com slash unsub. That's babbel.com slash unsub. Rules and restrictions apply. See, he learned Indonesian in one day. I

I feel bad for Bush. Which one? Junior. It's always junior if I'm talking about HW. We're talking about Bush. I liked the senior back in the day. I don't know why. I was just a kid. I remember my dad was just like,

Clinton's a dumbass. I was like, yeah, that's right. He's like, Ross Perot's just stealing the vote. I'm like, fuck Ross Perot. I've ate, I don't know, shit. At that age, you're like, I know what my dad's talking about and this is what should be. That's it. I just know that SNL made fun of Bob Dole a lot. Bob Dole does not prove. Saturday Night Live really did sculpt.

My political. Yeah. I forgot about all that. Yeah. I don't know, man. Childhood, I knew what I was doing. Did you? No. Batty, I wanted to be a train conductor. Where am I right now? I bet you still could be.

I bet you could be a drink conductor. I'm happy. You should make that a goal. Does anybody in the audience have connections with somebody in the train industry? You could go to school for that. I could learn about trains. Hard cut three years later. I think it's the happiest man in my life. You're like crying. We're going to choose this. I love it. I

I can help you out. I've been a part of a train before. I'll be the caboose. I'm so sorry. You look like a conductor. I wasn't. You want to be a train? You were shoveling the coal. Shoveling the coal. No, no, no, no. Just singing Protestant songs of labor.

I don't want to go faster. I don't want to go faster. Slow it down. More hate. Slow it down. We need more hate up here. I'm just dripping sweat. Crying. You can't even tell the tears because I'm just sweating so much. It's a good train. So with your death story that we completely deer out. Speaking of getting a train. So I call him up. I'm like, hey, let me go. Let me go to Detroit. I feel like Atlanta's effed up.

And they're like, there's only two seats available and they're in first class. I'm like, I can't afford that upgrade. Thank you for the mean money joke earlier. I'm still a working man. I've only flown first class once in my life and it was the greatest thing in the world. I was in upgrade because I was in uniform. They're like, you need some first class, soldier. And I was like, thank you. That's it. I paid for it. It was stupid. I think I've done it once.

Anyway, the free drinks were I got so drunk. It was great. I've only done it once liar. You're a piece of shit Fuck you. You're gonna have to start doing it from now on they're strong man Yeah, come over anytime you want

You guys can sit on the window in the aisle and crush poor grandmothers when you go travel across the United States. I will give you that. I get my sternums broken from your shoulders. I always take a window seat every time and I'm just like leaning. Smart, yeah. I get it. I have to. I'm wide. I'm very broad.

raw. If I didn't have a ritual that I do because when I travel anymore, I get so fucked up. A ritual? Yeah, because I don't drink enough water when I'm traveling. I'm like, no, because I'm going to have to piss and it's going to be fucking annoying. But now I've gotten to where if I do that and I get to my destination, I feel like shit. For

for like the rest of the day. Yeah, because you're dehydrated. My head hurts and I'm dehydrated and I don't want to do shit. It takes me like a day to recover. Do you bring a catheter down? Yeah, literally. So now I'm like, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, how'd you know? How'd you know? But now I literally chug a fucking bunch of water. Like on the way to the airport, I'm like drinking a whole electrolyte drink. At the airport, I'm chugging like a whole drink before I get on my plane. And so I know I'm going to have to, yeah, I'm going to have to,

I'm going to have to piss. I'm building piss in here. I piss hard. There's a shirt. I piss hard. Bunker will love that. He has that shirt already. I have that shirt, yeah. I piss hard, yeah. That's an actual shirt. He wore it. I was like, would you find that at Walmart?

But yeah, if my flight is over two hours, I'm going to have to pee a few times. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I do it all the time now so that I don't feel like shit. I have to piss a bunch. It's annoying, but I feel way better. Do you use the bathroom on the plane? Yeah, it sucks. I would love to see you go up and down the aisle and get in and out of that. Because I'm walking sideways the whole time. And then...

And then I get, I go sideways into the bathroom and there's sometimes, sometimes they're like really fucking small. Sometimes they're pretty normal, but sometimes I'm like, like my neck is completely down and I'm sideways. I'm like, what the hell? And I'm like, sometimes they're like, it takes me a minute to pee. Cause I'm like in a weird position. I'm like, I don't even know if I can pee. It's like, something's wrong. Just pee in the sink. Yeah. Might as well, dude. Like I've thought about just sitting down to pee sometimes. Cause I'm like, this is, this is rough. This is comfy, dude. When I wake up in the morning, watch Lurch get out of the,

bathroom. You can make a television series just on thick boys trying to pee in the airport. It's just them getting up in the aisle. That's a good YouTube channel. That's a good YouTube channel. Let me just do interviews on a plane with big dudes. Thickboyspeeing.com

- Piss hard, don't be pissed. - Okay, okay. - I'd check it out. - That's why I don't like South, Southwest I'm not used to like sit where you. - Oh yeah, no, yeah, I hate that. - But they've got good leg room everywhere. - Yeah, sometimes. - I like the leg room. - I'm seven fucking tall. - Oh, you're tall. - Yeah. - Like I think Southwest has good leg room. My knees don't hit when I sit. - I would never wanna be on a full flight to Southwest 'cause the only seats that are open, 'cause I just experienced this, I'm like walking and like there's seats in the front and there's these two in the back and I look

And all the fucking obese people sat up front. And they sat where there was... You ain't sitting in the fucking middle. Yeah. That was the one time I actually got pissed. I looked. It was like...

Oh, they knew what they were doing. I'm actually angry. I have to sit in the back. See, I'm always in the first five people. If I go Southwest... You have to get that early boarding. I always do. I flew nonstop for a while. I was always Southwest because I was a direct flight. So I'm like, it was preferred. But I always was top five. So I never had issues. Rich. See how it feels. It's Southwest. I didn't say American. I didn't say...

Blue over here. Some people can only afford Frontier. Jet Blue is so good. Have you guys flown Jet Blue? Yeah, Jet Blue is the best. I don't think I have. Have you ever flown Spirit? It's amazing. I've never. I will never fly Spirit. Jet Blue is supposed to buy Spirit, but there's like a big holdup. I know random... Why would they want to do that? I don't know. Maybe to make it better. Maybe because it's just so cheap. It's making money because it's selling out. Spirit is so...

I mean, but they're always full flights. I've heard that they're always on time, though. Like Spirit is like, it's, it's. Yeah, because they don't care. You are making it and they're like, if you ain't making it, it's just a $50 seat. See ya. We will literally leave you hanging. Yeah. Yeah. They don't give a fuck. Spirit doesn't give two fucks. Yeah, we got on. There was probably eight people over 400 pounds on my last flight. Damn.

It's not like you're like, Caleb, when I say, I'm like, that dude works out. Like these people, that was a struggle. That was their day of working out. You're evenly spaced out with weight, right? Because a lot of it's muscle. I like your thighs. Thank you. Yeah, great thighs. Yeah. We're talking about like the people that are like those Russian bell dolls. Yeah. Some upside down.

with like the big body. There's a person inside them. They ate somebody. You ever see somebody with like the massive upper body and then their legs come down in a triangle? Yeah, they're built like a dreidel. Yeah, and they got like the tiny little Hank Hill butt. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Okay, let's not make fun of Hank Hill butts. We're all white. Oh, bro, I got cake. You haven't seen my recent photo. I got...

I'll say it here. I got promoted on the job. And so, yeah, I know I'm not hated anymore. That's a plus. And so they got a photo of me swearing in and they posted it up on the Instagram. And

A lot of ass. People are making some comments about me having cake and just me eating up my pants from the back end. Okay. I see this one. No, no, no. Go to my job. Yeah, let's look at his ass. Buffalo. Let's check it out.

I love it. Hey, can you fucking drop that for me? Look at those cheeks, baby? Look at those cheeks! What? Oh my god! I like it! It's an actual... Yeah, it's like a shelf.

- Oh! - You're like a shawty over here. - Betraying legs for like, yo bitch got booty. - And it's like, put some anime figures on you. - You're not even like trying to show it off. It's covered up. - I tried to. - Yeah, it's covered up, but you still see it. - No, look at the creases. - Yeah. - Look at that heart. - Yeah, and the whole back is like, it's like a girl in a sundress. - Black iron your fucking cheek. - Yeah, this is girl in a sundress ass going on.

I've got brunch booty. She's Just got so fat

It's like, this guy deserves a promotion. Damn, he's been running. This guy works his ass off. Yeah. This guy ain't working his ass off. He has all the ass. He fucking built it, dude. God, look at that cake factory. So are you smuggling a bakery back there? What the fuck is going on back there? What's going on back there? What are you talking about? Your ass, man. I said it in two words. Your girl's giggling in the background. Do you look at his ass too much? Yeah, it's probably just like how...

How like a dude. You slap it. She slaps it. That's how a dude, whenever they have a girlfriend that has a huge ass and you just play with it all the time. So it's like, she's just playing with his ass. I'm just sitting on the bed, playing on my phone. You ask for a back rub and then she starts pulling your ass. How does that feel? How does that feel? She's like squeezing on your ass.

Rich is like, no, not, babe, it always turns, babe, it always turns into this. Why can't I just have a massage? Just rub my back, just rub my back. Just a normal back massage. I thought you were just gonna do a massage. She's dressed up like a cat. It's like, no. Yeah. I need to make my biscuits. I'm making biscuits. What? I gotta make my biscuits. I'm making fucking biscuits, Rich. Oh, yeah. Just pouring flour on your chest. Yeah. It's like, that's weird. I'm making flour.

Yes. Yes. Rich. We need to turn it into an evil cartoon. Yes. Miscuits. Yes. Rich is just laying here pinned down on his bed. She makes me stand in front of a fan with a flowy dress on it. Smart. Just so I can. Like nothing on under it so you can see the silhouette of the deer. The sun behind it? I've seen those pictures. We've seen those. We've seen those on Reddit. It's total recall. When the sun shines through so you can...

I don't remember what the fuck it is. It's like just an acronym for it. It's the outline of it all. Yeah, I know. It's great. We've been there. Oh, there's a subreddit for it. It's literally just like when the sun shines through her dress, but it's all just the first letter. Yeah. It's just like a jumble of letters. It's a subreddit. It's a great subreddit. Check it out. You're welcome. It's really cool. This whole episode's for the subreddit. We've been talking about that a lot. So, Delta. I know. One day we're going to film. By the end of this podcast, we're going to hear the conclusion. We will hear this story.

We've turned a horrible, lame, boring story of flights being delayed into just this trek of interesting shit between... We have reached the peak of Everest and now we are climbing back down. This is one of the two peaks where we just showed them on the camera. Yeah.

And... Hootie says awful food. Can we say that? Is that... It's just trash. It's Hooters. It's always been ass. You just go there to see fat tits. If you're not there for good food, you're there for fat tits. Hooters. See our fat tits. Take a look at the fat tits. The food is just okay. They're the similar food grade, I think. I feel like... See? See? Yeah. Like... Yeah. See for chest. You're like, all right, every now and then there's going to be some good tits here, but the food is going to be awful. Yeah.

I'm going to get diarrhea here. I love going to Hooters for the wings. I'm going to get a couple boners, and then I'm going to get diarrhea. A couple boners? I'm going to ask the waitress to dance on it. I'll take three boners, please. Three boners, please. All right, we'll get our ones with the fat tits to come. Eli!

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It still works. Don't you dare call me honey. It's like raisins on South Park. Oh my god. No. I forgot about raisins. It was such a good juxtaposition for Hooters. South Park knows always how to nail it like that. They did. Butters, that's when he becomes the pimp.

No, no, no, no. He was just chasing after the girl. He becomes a pimp later on and gets one of the girls from Raisins to be one of his kissing hoes. Kissing bitches. His bottom bitch. Yeah. What did he call him? He was like, this is my kissing friends or something like that. Bitch, you got to do... Bitch, you want some money? Bitch, I'll get you some money. Bitch, you want some money? I'll get you some money. Okay. That was good.

Go on with your Delta story. So I can't get a, so I'm like, okay, Atlanta sucks. Give me a flight to Detroit. Like we've got two first class seats. That's it. I'm like, well, can you upgrade me for free? Because you, you screw me over. Like I can't fly out until tomorrow. I'm wasting an overnight. Like I think the least you could do is give me a free upgrade. Right. And it's just for one flight. It's not all the way down here. It's just a Detroit, which if anybody's flying to Detroit, I mean, I guess any seats first class, as long as you're getting out of there. Uh,

They're like, no, we can't. I was like, fine, I'll take the 6 a.m. flight tomorrow morning. So no sooner do I get the 6 a.m. flight for tomorrow morning, and I think within like five to 10 minutes, it's like, bing, notification. It's delayed till 8.30. I'm like, come on. What time am I getting in? One o'clock. All right, cool. That's not the end of the world. We'll land at one in San Antonio. Cool, whatever. We wake up. It's at noon. What? It's at noon. And then it's at one. And we're like, what?

So we're like, screw it. It's at 1. It is what it is. Hopefully it won't get delayed anymore. I can't believe these delays. This is ridiculous. I'm calling up Delta on the phone as we're driving to the airport to make like the 8 o'clock time just to see if there's something –

That can be done. That can be done. Yeah. You're at the airport's fucking mercy. You just got to bend over and kind of take it a little bit. So it's like 630 in the morning. I'm calling him like, hey, the 8 o'clock flight got moved to like noon. Is there another 6 or 8 o'clock flight around? I know there was one to Detroit. Had two tickets yesterday. Oh, shit. I'll pay the first class ticket so I can get here at noon. And the guy is just the worst customer service ever. You ever meet like a snarky person that knows more than you that's just like, well, mm-hmm.

Maybe I can have you go fuck yourself. But they're just like, you can type while you're doing it. Just do your job. But he was just like, Hey, I can offer you no help. So, uh,

Hey, man, just hook me up with Detroit. No, we can't do that. No, it's full now. You should have gotten it yesterday. I'm like, thanks. Thanks, bro. You're a real fucking gem. Thanks, Brad. Right? His name was like Ishmael or some Israel or is an asshole. I don't know. And I go, okay, dude, here's the deal, man. I've lost a day of vacation.

Slash work vacation work vacation, right because we're doing a little bit. Yeah, so I go I lost an entire day Because of your company I go it's not your fault. It's your company's fault because you don't know how to schedule time appropriately Is there a way that you can compensate me? I just say that I don't say hey, give me free money Give me free flights. Just give me a fucking drink voucher. Yeah, well anything just be can you just realize that you've put me in a bind and you've taken a day my vacation way Help me out here

Well, the best we can do is we can change your flight for free. I go, bro, you've been changing my flight for free the entire time. I don't want you to change my flight anymore, let alone for free. I go, is there something else you can give me? Is there an upgrade? Anything? Can you just compensate me for my time? Well, sir, and this is where he's just like the arrogant asshole. Sir, I can just, we can always refund you your money so you can find a flight elsewhere. I'm like, fuck you. That is the worst. Fuck you. Like, oh, oh.

Your money doesn't matter you fucking peon just take it. Oh, we don't need your shit. Yeah, go somewhere else, bitch Maybe you should drive Motherfuckers go ahead and drop bitch What did you say to me

This is Sarah

I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. It was one of those moments where I wish I was clairvoyant so I could have been like, listen, listen, Ishmael Stevenson of 575 Southwestern Boulevard. And he'd be like, excuse me? I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. Did I say something that made your day a little awkward? Weird. Fix it, Ishmael. And just have him go, oh my God, he knows where I live. Ishmael Stevenson is like the whitest name and not the whitest.

This is an almost man. Ishmael Stevenson shitting himself. Oh, shit. Ishmael Stevenson of Southwest or of Delta. Listen, I'm not saying that I was going to do anything violent to Ishmael who lives on Southwestern Boulevard. I'm not saying that anybody was going to go.

to Ishmael's house and leave any package there. I'm just saying the fact that Ishmael knows that I know where he lives is enough to maybe he won't be an asshole and maybe help me out. Right? But that doesn't happen. Man, this episode just went yellow so fast. I mean, we're 30. Maybe we're good. We're in-ish. We're in. It's not too fast. Did I say something inappropriate?

Not me. Ishmael Stevenson. Ishmael Stevenson of Southwestern Boulevard who works for Delta Airlines. Sorry. It's okay. You were getting, you were animated. It happens. I'm like a cartoon. Animated. It's nevermind. So I know you do. Stop it. Delta. Delta. Ishmael. I should get off. I should get off of the phone with Ishmael, but I know like telemarketers, you can't, um,

They can't hang up unless you hang up. So I go, all right, cool. All right, dude, I'll just, I'll just figure it out. I'll figure it out. I'll just keep my, I'll keep my flight since your, your offer is to change it for free, which go fuck myself. You've been doing it all day or to just refund all my money. And I, and that's it. I just stopped talking and he's like, okay. And he stops talking.

And neither one of us hang up for about two minutes. It's just driving. I'm just driving. And I'm looking at my screen. And I'm like, oh, good. He's still on. I'm going to waste your time. You wasted 18 hours of my life. I got to wait for these flipping flights. So yeah, I'll just wait. So like two, three minutes, four minutes goes by. My girlfriend's just like sign languaging to me like, I want to talk to you, but he's listening. And I'm like, what?

And I'm like, just talk. I'm like, just talk. Like, what's he going to do? Is he going to record us for our quality assurance? Fuck him. You know? And so she's like, I just want to, I don't want to talk. I'm like, what? What do you want to talk about? You want to play Taylor Swift on the radio? This can wait. This is, this is, what do you call it? This is a Mexican standoff of me and Ishmael on who's going to hang up first. And unfortunately, she hit the end button. And then you lost your award. I would have gone 10 more minutes to my house. You let Ishmael win. I'm so threatened.

I would've went 10 more minutes all the way to the house just for spite. Just sitting there and be like, wasting your time, wasting your time, wasting your time. Hey, bud, you still there? Wasting your time, wasting your time, wasting your time. Hey, I have a question. And then you just don't ask it when he's like, how can I help you, sir? Because he has to say that. I should have just kept asking more questions about Delta. What are the spaces for leg room between comfort and comfort plus? Make him look shit up he doesn't want to do. Can you tell me what the length of your wings are from tip to tip? So we go back home and...

And we just take a nap because it's all you can do. When you're waiting on a flight, yeah. Yeah, and we've got like four more hours before we can even go to the flight. So it's just enough time to do dick. Yeah. And we get back to the airport. We sign in. Sure as shit, our 8 o'clock flight that moved to noon gets pushed back to 1. And we're like, come on, man. Every time we show up for Delta, it's just another hour or two.

which you're already spending in an airport, which blows. So we go sit down at the bar and the lady behind the bar is like, oh, were you guys a part of that Delta flight that got canceled at 10 o'clock last night? So the previous flight that we're on just completely canceled because they didn't have a pilot. I hear that those are important when you're scheduling flights. And Delta just figured we'll fill a plane. We'll figure it out and take their money. And then we'll just figure out how to man it later on.

So we get there. We're sitting there just waiting. And the guy behind the stewardess or whatever you call it, the agent that's there for Delta. The poor sap at the desk that's got to get shit on. Yeah, he was frustrated. And you could tell that it was Delta and not his fault. He's just like me. He's like, I showed up for work today and I didn't realize I was the guy getting all the – Yeah, all that. Just bukkake. Yeah, all over. It's cum everywhere. Speaking of cum, shirts. You can buy them at –

Bunker branding. Bunker branding dot com. Come shirts. Come. Come shirts. Doom come. Come subscribe. Come subscribe. Come subscribe to this channel. What is happening right now? We're just getting some beverages. Do we still have limes left over from breakfast? Breakfast limes? Ah, poop.

So the guy behind the counter is like, hey, listen, we're sorry. We're going to get you loaded up on the plane at noon instead of like 1230 because. So you can sit there for an extra hour. Dude, I know. Like he was trying his best. We sat on that plane until 115 at 12. It was like 12. And then we sat on the plane for an hour and 15 minutes until it took off. Just playing on our phone and draining the battery. So then you can have like that mop sweat of am I going to have enough battery to make it this entire flight? Yeah. So and he says, yeah, I'll take one of those two.

And he says, "Gracias." Sure, thanks. Is this a twist-off? Thank you, sir. These are not twist-offs. And he goes, "Listen, the reason why we're having a delay is because your pilot hasn't come in yet." So he's supposed to fly-- You're amazing. Oh, that was so close to being cool. Fuck! I got caught on the lip! I know. Cheever! That was so cool. I mean, I wake up in the morning, I piss excellence. That was so cool. Thanks, man. That was pretty cool.

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Cook. Go to hellofresh.com/50unsubscribe and use code 50unsubscribe for 50% off plus free shipping. - What, you get 50% off and free shipping? - It's awesome. Hellofresh.com/50unsubscribe. - So the Delta guy goes, oh, thank you. Delta guy goes,

We're sorry for the delay the pilot hasn't landed for your flight yet So he's gonna land in 20 minutes and then rush over here. Definitely Oh, yeah, and then he's gonna run over here super fucking fast cuz it's his time right so then get you guys out Hopefully at 12:30 doesn't I get stuck and then of course Friendship Cheers to friendship to riches cake. Okay. Cheers to cake. Yeah, Eddie's be careful. Oh

So then luckily Delta so consistently gets delayed that when we landed for our connection flight in Atlanta to here, it was delayed by like 15 minutes. So we sat on our ass with our thumbs up our butts for another like 20, 30 minutes before we could even board. Good. Yep. And guess what? Flying back on Delta. You did this. You did this, show. Now you've got me nervous. Look at him.

This poor man. Delta has always been my preferred. It's content. Like, I've never had any issues with Delta. I've always had the most room. It's always been the most enjoyable for me. Really? Yeah, like, because usually they actually have fucking TVs in the back of their seats, and it makes it easy for me. Southwest, not so much. Yeah, so I've always preferred Delta if I can get it. Great, great. I don't think I've ever flown Delta, really. Yeah, I just booked my friend Delta both times.

you know, hear him back later this month. Brent. Oh, I thought you said your girlfriend. Sorry. Yeah. I was like, wait, you have a girlfriend. I was like, wait, hold on. What'd you say? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, my girlfriend. Yeah.

He's also my best friend. Dude, that's awesome. Oh, I hate that. That's pretty great. I don't like that at all. You look Jewish. Slash not Jewish. It did have the good curls, yeah. You look like you should have been in corn.

In a positive manner. Yeah. What was it? Twist. Twist. Twist.

That's the one. Oh, that's a different one. That's the third. That's just a different one. You just walk around with two stripes at the front. It's fucking perfect. I'm good. Jewish or Padawan. It's crazy. I think it's just one. Yeah, yeah. Just the one. It goes behind your ear, right? I don't know, dude. I don't fucking know. Yeah, I feel like it was like a one rat tail. Yeah, it was like right here. Yeah, it was like a little rat tail type thing. Ooh, dude, how did that happen? Batty, what happened to your Jedi train? Yeah.

Oh shit. Can we, are we talking about any games this, this podcast? Harry Potter. Okay. It was a great game. I haven't played it. I want to. No, what we need to talk about right now is Baldur's Gate. I know. I've got it downloaded and I'm not touched it yet.

Yeah, we got what our record through six is about to drop all those going three everyone's fucking super stoked for gonna so horny do there's Everything I keep seeing so many videos and it's just like the main person just being able to you fuck animals you fuck demons You fuck every woman or man you want bears like anything that you have an interaction with in the game fucking fun with the druid turns into a bear while you're fucking

Yeah. And then it comes over and like fucks you. Yeah. It's like I've not played it yet, but I've seen a lot of it. You're the bear, buddy. Yeah. It's crazy. God has left us. There's some fire demon woman. Have you got to that part yet? I haven't, but I know her. I know her. Yeah. She's a babe. She's got a flame engine in her and she's like, if we fuck, I'll kill you. She's like, if we touch, you're going to melt. Glory, glory, glory, glory.

And she's like so horny and she's all into you. Like every scene I see of it, she's like, oh, she's like, I'm just like in love with you and you can tell how you love her. And she's like, oh, I love you too. And she's like, meet me tonight. And then they're like, it shows them like on this little beach talking or something. She's like, oh, I just want to ride you so hard. And she's like, but I know it's going to just melt you if I do. Woo!

So your goal is to find... Nerds wrote women. Oh, yeah. Your goal is to figure out a spell to cool her down so you can fuck her. Because at one point, I saw a video where a guy uses an ice spell on her. And she's like, oh, it hits her. She's like, that may have worked long enough. She's like, let's do a kiss. And then you kiss her, and a little spark flies out. And she's like, oh, I hope it didn't hurt. And he's like, no, no lasting damage. He's like, it was worth it. She's like, oh, I hope you meant it. She's like, we'll figure out a spell to fix this, and then we're going to fuck.

all the time. I'm sure her exact words. But then she's like, you can go fuck whoever for now. She's like, until we figure this out. And he's like, all right. Wait, so this game is just... Fuck, fuck this. Baldur's Gate is one of the highest rated games of a long, long time. Dude, everybody's like...

I saw a lot of stuff from other companies. They're like, why did you do this? They're like, we can never make anything like this. They're like, this is too much. They're like, we could never compete with this because there's so much shit you can do. There's so many things that you can choose. It is so good. Yeah, I'm probably going to play it tonight, man. I've been fucking grinding Remnant 2. Yeah. It's fucking good. I heard that's fucking dope too. It's so good. They landed in Dark Souls.

Dark Souls means Destiny. I almost bought the fucking first one last year. I tried to get my friends to get it and they wouldn't. No one else was interested in it. I was like, okay. I'm not going to get it by myself. But it's literally Gears, Destiny, and Dark Souls mixed together. Gears of War? Yeah. The way it plays. It's like over-the-shoulder shooter, but it looks fantastic. A lot of the bosses are hard as shit. You can beat them so many different ways and you get so many different items from them.

But there's so much secret shit in the game that they put things in the code of the game specifically for people who read code to find. Because there's one subclass you get that is like, you know, you have superpowers. They're called like archons or whatever. Or archetypes. You're an archon. It's called like archetypes, something like that. But there's one you get called the archon.

Where no one would have ever figured it out unless you read the code of the game. Because it was like, you have to get this key from this map, you have to get all of these special items from every fucking map of the game, and you have to put them on in a certain order, and then it will make this key that you have in your inventory glow a certain color. And you have to be in front of this special door whenever it glows that color, and then it'll open that door. And then you can go in there and get this special thing.

There's nothing that tells you anything other than the code. It's like an old school game. When it opens up, it brings you to that game Backrooms. It's a map that looks like that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Backrooms. And you only have like a minute in there. So you and your whole team have to run in different directions to find all the pieces that are in there. And once you get it, it's like a rain. I'll bring a quick breakdown. Backrooms is a horror theme or ideology where it is kind of like those just...

pale yellow rooms and carpet that just go on forever. It's like a maze and there's shit chasing you. It's scary. Like an old mall or something. It's like a place you're not supposed to be. You're in the back of a... The hotel? The hallways in between a hotel? You're not supposed to be there and it feels awkward and you're like, this doesn't feel real. I shouldn't be here. But they just keep

going. There's no end. But it's like an homage to that. But dude, it's so crazy. And once you beat... All that just for this random fucking subclass? It's the strongest class in the game. You get like... You become like a Sith Lord. You like float. You can shoot lightning and shit. And like... Dude, it's crazy. You become like so OP. There's all these builds you can get. When you beat a map, you can go to that map again in adventure mode where you re-roll it. And like...

My experience could be 10 times different from your experience playing the game because you get different versions of the map. Like, you might fight 10 bosses that I never even saw until you go back, re-roll that map, sorry, and then it's like a whole new section of the map that's unlocked. Like, all these different bosses and...

different ways to kill them and a whole different storyline and the same thing like once you kill a certain boss you gotta wear their amulet in front of this statue and a doorway will open up or you have to go to this certain map at a certain time when the blood moon is high and do this special spell and it'll open a door. It's stuff that it doesn't tell you this shit you just have to do it and like go to these worlds multiple times and then it'll be like different. You accidentally fucking unlock shit. Yeah, you accidentally walk up on it and you're like what? This is what I love.

That's like OMG gaming. It's crazy, dude. It looks so good. It plays so good. All the moves you get are so cool. You can do all these crazy builds with your guns and all your rings you can wear and your amulets and all these different arch types that you can stack. You run two classes at a time.

So I've got like this, you know, fucking like Titan-esque class along with like a medic class. So like I can do spells that like heal people, revive them and like, you know, the passive like heals them and shit. And then the other one is like, I'm powerful as shit. Like if I die, my guy like punches the ground and like revives and you get like a second chance. Like you're just like a tank basically. But you can get like a class where you have a dog with you and he like helps you and like heals you. Yeah, you can,

pet him you can feed him shit you can give him different powers like dude it's crazy the game is so fucking good we've been grinding the hell out of it and it's been so fun

Yeah. Can you fuck the dog too? You can fuck the dog. No, you can't fuck the dog. In Baldur's Gate, you can fuck dogs. You can't fuck the dog, but you can pet and play fetch with the dog. Okay, that's cool. You can probably fuck some kind of dog in that game at some point, right? Probably. Just the bears. Just bears and demons. Don't act disappointed. People fuck bears. That's normal. Come on. You can't fuck

Bears and demons but not dogs. What the fuck is this shit bears beats? Yeah, Baldur's Gate is I spent over an hour in the characters building that's what it's what I was like, okay complain about Baldur's Gate

Is it the cock choices? No, the cock choices are fine. You can choose your cock size. You can choose your cock and vagina. Straight up, like, if you want a fat pussy, you can have a fat pussy. You want a big, meaty puss. Like, lips or, like, just the chunky-ish? It's just some fat. Like, some fat. It's a big ol' just- It's just thick puss. It's a big ol' just thick puss. I can choose it. I feel like this is just, like, one big, uh,

conspiracy to teach nerds to find out where the clitoris is. Clitoris? We will find it. Cranking it out. There it is. I can see it. I can see it getting bigger. That's it. Why didn't God make it that big? What is that? This vagina is wearing a hood to cloak itself. What is that thing? Oh, it's a shrouded hood. What is that, Lou? This is an uncircumcised pussy. What?

Somebody's poor kids will never eat seafood the same Looks like a box of cow tongues. No wonder my dad calls it a clam Yeah, oh, yeah Okay, you can choose dick size you got puss eyes you can do all sorts of crazy naked cheese balls hits. Oh

Oh, I don't think, I don't know if you can do tits. I haven't seen much of it. I haven't looked at it yet. I want to see and I'm going to jack off while I'm doing it. That's why it took people an hour. I was live on the internet so I couldn't jerk off then, but be able to find your perfect

- You're like, I don't like them any bigger than this and then you start like, honing in. - There they are. - Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, right there. - There they are, there they are. - I like that size. - All right, Goldilocks, chill. - These tits are too big. - If only it wasn't for that. - These tits are too small. - These tits are just right. - But you can't make a character like different size. Like I know my D&D, I love D&D. One of my favorite characters, like I have a, I'm a DM, I have a thousand characters I never get to play. - Sure. - I have a half orc, which are usually big fucking beefy motherfuckers.

I have one that's really weak. He's a really weak half-orc, so he's got like the lowest strength you can have in the game. Lowest strength orc you can have still looks bigger than Caleb in every way, shape, and form. It's a half-orc. Yeah, but you can have a half-orc with eight strength. Yeah, but they're still jacked. No, you're not jacked. They're big, aren't they? They're still big. I mean, you can still have... It's like saying a human's average, but we can have a human and a human. Yeah.

So it's like, it's annoying that there's no like muscle slider. There's no heights. There is no height differences. Every half or seven fucking feet tall and ripped. What? What are you saying? I see the face. What? I love how you politely just said he's, he's massive and he's a bitch. He's a little bitch. Bitch.

And everyone's just like, you know, yeah, it makes sense. Yeah. Caleb is tall and strong. Eli is small and strong. I can admit Eli's strong, but he's also small. Yeah, he is. I don't compare to Caleb in size. It was just a good friend dig, and I was just like, nobody laughed at that, but I loved how good of a dig it was. We got the, yeah, we got the, what you meant. Public services!

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I don't do it! Throw that heat. Every Dragonborn in the game is ripped and huge. Yeah. Like, I want to play, like, a rogue Dragonborn, a wiry little stabby motherfucker. Yeah. They went with, like, Dragonborn from, like, Honor Among Thieves, the D&D movie. You know how it was, like, they were all really big? Well, there's a Dragonborn in the Dritz series that is weak. He's actually the Broken. I forget his name, but it's, like, his name is the Broken because he's a dragonkin that

His arms all fucked up and shit. Yeah, really strong casting I just like if they could make a dick a dick scale. Why couldn't there be like why can't you play a fat work? Yeah, yeah Like an orc can be from like six feet tall Tiny

Fat pussy. Make the pussy fat. We don't care. We don't care about muscles. We want fat pussy. You can't create body fat, but you have pussy fat? That's what I'm saying. You've been able to make fat wrestlers in WWF wrestling games since 1999. It's literally a slider. That's not in the game. Humans, there's like two body types for males, two body types for females. You can be a big strong human or like a wizard. I'm like,

Why can't I be that for an orc? Like why can't it be like a fat dwarf? No, you'd be a jacked fucking dwarf. That's eight feet wide Crackhead dwarf that goes between the cracks. Yeah, like why are the ones that I wish there was options for that? I wish there was options for that. A thousand. Yeah, it's like a thousand puss types. I'm gonna be building this pussy burnout. Outer limbs. Inner limbs. Labia.

Yeah, yeah you cuz there was pussies and dicks and cyberpunk yeah, did you never play cyberpunk I know it was it was good. I actually Really good especially is that new update out yet? No

No, but it's very soon. I'm going to pick it back up when that comes out. It's so good. I finally went through it like...

I had a great time. Okay, but Baldur's Gate, good. I mean, I've not even played it, and I know it's amazing. I've watched so much shit, I'm like, fuck. It's D&D, dude. I literally convinced all my friends to buy Remnant 2 so we could play it, so we've been playing the fuck out of it. I know if I start in Baldur's Gate, they're not going to get mad, but I'm going to not play Remnant 2 for a while. So I'm going to be like, this is so cool. There's multiple acts. The first act,

We're on average like 11 to like 20 plus hours. That's so cool. That's what they're saying. The game is long. Everyone is so rich. It's a D&D game. Rich. They went to Alpha two years ago, three years ago? Two years ago. So they launched it in Alpha and then they fixed everything along the way and they listened to the community. It's one of the few AAA teams that were like, hey, let's just... It's got like a meta score of like 97. Oh, let's listen to the people that are going to play it instead of knowing that we're smarter than them and tell them what they like? Yeah.

And it's working, and that's why other AAAs are getting pissed at them.

There's actually heat from it. Why would you put this in the game? Our fans asked for it, so we just implemented it. That's what they wanted. They wanted all those pussy choices. Wait, nerds wanted to look at puss. I hate that you're just emails and that's what... Pussy, pussy, pussy. Okay, we're adding that in the game. I guess. There's like 30 pussy comments and then one fan.

I didn't know if I was allowed to show like the dick and pussy options while I'm streaming. Cause it's weird on Twitch. Sometimes you're okay with it if it's part of the game. But you're not making like a focus of the dick. So it was like, okay, I'm scrolling through. It's like dick A, B, C, or D. And I'm like, well, I'm going to pick dick D because it's the D. Turns out the biggest dick

biggest one hell yeah i was like we're gonna flash it real quick i'm gonna i'm like oh shit that was a huge cock damn i hope it was absurd it's like it wasn't absurd i'm gonna buy it's like the guy in the meme with his leg and it's just the thing hanging down that's what i want you like your battle skirt and it just hangs your battle skirt under it yeah the tip is just yeah it's just wobbling you just oh my god there was so there was two bugs in the game

Every time you were a male gnome, it would just be like, you don't have any underwear. So you just dick was out. And there was times the dragonborn's dicks were too big. It would show, it was clipped through all the armor they were wearing. So you'd be running around and just dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. Who got the animation for the cock flops while they're running around? Steve from LA. It's not me. It's not me.

If you're animating cocks, you enjoy animating cocks. It cuts to his BTS. He's like, yeah, I spent hours on this. What I really wanted was a nice rigging system. So I did lots of test systems. It's like, oh, Steve really likes dick. We put a green screen behind a horse and put the little dots on the whole horse's dick. We shook the horse around.

We had to get him hard before we did it though, so we showed him pictures of horse tits. It's just a horse with human tits on it. It's like man, it's like hard as shit and they're shaking. This went full metal off me so fast. The horse is like moving a joystick to make the horse tits bigger. Yeah, you can see. Oh, the horse moves. Horse moves.

It's a horse that's like moving a mouse. Bigger, bigger.

And they're just capturing it the whole time. I shouldn't have brought a ball to the game. I shouldn't have brought this up. Oh, shit. I just see some little nerdy guy. At first, we were just filling socks with sand, but then we figured out, why not use the real thing? So we hooked up this horse, this shower scope, and then he was enjoying it, so we figured out we'd give him a controller. And making horse-proof controllers are very difficult. It took us months, months to get a horse-proof controller. A mouse? A mouse made just for horse-proofs?

This is what they spent their money on! We spent two million dollars making this mouse for horses. We lost several horses. We got really behind. We lost several horses!

Yeah, some of these horses come their self to death. The gyroscopic pressure just messed with their equilibrium. They couldn't handle the genes. Yeah, 37 horses. We put it in remembrance. I like to remember when we talk about fucking bears. You watch the end of the game, in remembrance, 37 horses. It's just, it's 37 horse names. It's got the in remembrance, like in remembrance. Horse one, horse two. They've got like racer names that are all like washed up race horses. Yeah, they're all the jockeys and shit. Yeah.

The worst thing was that the jockeys on the back passed away too. Yeah, they died too. What? We lost three jockeys and 37 horses. Holy shit. The insurance went out the roof. So Boulder State is great. It's an amazing game. One thing that you learn, if you want to make a good video game, you're going to have to lose some horses. You had to kill a few horses. Right? 37 horses.

Did you imagine the horse tacks on that? Yeah. Horse tacks. Yeah, they fit it to the workers, though. I hate my brain just pictures that horse coming down. Moving a mouse and it's just like clicking. It shatters the mouse. I see them trying to put the...

the, whatchamacallit, the eye visors for like the virtual reality visors over a horse head. And like after the second or third time, this horse is like, "No, no, no, put me in there!" - Take me out, you!

It's just Oculus for horses. - They're just like laying there, just like zoned out. - And it's just-- - Like drooling. - It just acts like a comatose guy that's got the headset on. - Dig his heart a tail. - It's just not even moving, it's just moving its horse hips with the mouse as its cock slowly slips out of its sleeve. It gets like bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger. - And we're watching it on a screen like what he's looking at. It's just trying to watch the tits get bigger.

He's just like shaking and coming. What the fuck? Oh, shit. Could you imagine what the centripetal horse is and the splatter pattern of horse cum out of a gyroscope? Oh, dude, it's shaking around, dude. Just a 20-inch horse dong just flopping around in a gyroscope as he gets bigger.

I had to work my way there. All right, fuck you. It's like a hard word I had to sound it out a couple of times

Dear God. That got me right there. Yeah. The fucking horse. There's a horse in fucking VR. Did we ever finish your Delta story? Ah, whatever. Yeah. He got here. He's here. Yeah, he made it. Delta sucks. The end. Our next shirt just says Delta sucks. It's just got the airline and it says...

Flying sucks and just D in Zelda. Flying sucks, D. All right, I guess I'm playing Baldur's Gate tonight. Yeah, I'm going to. Is it multiplayer? Yes, but there's a caveat. The multiplayer with Baldur's Gate is very tricky. You have to play with your friends. There is no in and out. It's like a D&D session. Oh, yeah, you actually only can play with friends.

Meaning if whoever is the host for the game wants to – Yeah, that's their game. Like you've got to be in that game. If you want to play that game, they have to play your characters. I get it. Yeah, I get it. So like make sure – like have a solo character. Also have a like co-op character. Okay. Yeah.

So if he's in charge of, let's say that we all play Baldur's Gate and we go to play your game, like you're in charge of your leading. Pretty much, yeah. It's like my server. So then we would all go to yours and that would be like its own separate game. Whereas, let's say I was in charge of one. It'd be a whole different game. Yeah, we could have two characters. That's kind of cool if you wanted to like play around and do different stuff and be like, hey, I want to try yours. We were on this one mission and I wanted to be fast and cool and we were on yours and my cost, my cost.

One of my favorite things I've read so far about it is it's unbelievably horny every character trying to fuck you unless you're an idiot and you don't talk to any of your characters and you're just playing it like a video game. Yeah, like a big Magic Gathering player was going through playing it but she decided not to talk to any of her party members like the entire time until it got to the scene where like you figure out if your party likes you or not and everyone fucking hated her and she's like

What do you mean? I thought everybody said this game was horrible. I can't fuck anyone. I thought I was going to fuck. Turned down by all the NBC's has a video of it. It's funny as shit. But it's like a game where you have to actually talk to the people in your garden. So it's real nerds interacting in real life. Yeah. How it actually goes. There's got to be an achievement with the amount or all characters that you could possibly fuck being fucked. Oh, there's got to be an achievement for fucking so many people. You can kill your friends in the game. Like, fuck.

Permanently. Like, there are some of the NPCs, because there's, like, seven or six companions that have, like, their own little stories weaved in through the main story of the game. Yeah. And if...

You kill one of them. They're just like all right. They're dead there goes their story there It's not like a normal game where you can't kill the major type stuff like it's like you push him off a cliff And they're dead dude that shit used to happen in did you guys play oblivion? Yeah, I'm believing if I was more wind no dude in a million It would happen there would be there was random missions that I couldn't do in oblivion because NPC would die

on their own. Yeah, they would just get murdered by bandits off in the distance. It was Borwyn. No, it was Oblivion. Oblivion had to patch it. Yeah, they had to fix it because there was a woman who had a whole storyline and she travels from town to town and she gets killed by bandits.

She's fucking dead on the road dude And I'll go find her and then she's just like yeah and more when it would happen Oh, yeah, you would accidentally kill a main story that it was pop up a message being like you have altered the fate of time You can no longer complete the game get fucked

Can I reload and you're like seven hours ago, what did I do? Yeah, you can just straight up kill off scary super important people yeah, or they'll die off screen like if you do the wrong thing Oh, that's one thing on remit to there is friendly fire. I

And it's intense. Once you start getting leveled up up there, you can just one-shot your teammates and it fucking sucks. If you're trying to shoot a boss and they walk by you real quick and you blast them in the back of the head, it fucking kills them. They're down. You're like, oh, whoopsie. I love...

But you can... There's skills you can get that's called, like, man's best friend or some shit like that. And if your dog... If you have the dog out, that, like... Don't fuck the dog. Yeah, it cuts that in half. Like, you do way less damage to your teammates. And there's a skill you can upgrade that makes you do less damage to teammates. But...

Yeah, dude. Like there's so many times that we're like, all right, just watch out for each other because some of the moves and guns you get, like there's a mod you get for a gun where you shoot out a fucking fire tornado. A fire tornado? If anyone, and it sucks stuff into it. So if it's any close to any of your friends at all, they're fucking dead. Like it,

it will down them and then it will melt them while they're like trying to crawl out of it. And then they're completely dead. Like you can't do shit. You got to go back to a fucking like save point and to like bring them back. But we're like, okay, well we're fighting this boss. So we got to stay away from each other and we got to use certain moves or we're going to just fucking kill each other. Don't send the slutty tornado. It's like the best mod you get in the game. It's fucking so strong, but like it's almost pointless to use because you just kill your teammates all the time. The hornado. Yeah. Yeah.

I knew that joke would hit you like, countdown. Put a countdown for Richard's joke and him waiting for it. You always know when I've got a little bit of a zinger because my face is just... You get excited for a joke. Yeah. I go excited. I go, I gotta wait my turn. Wait my turn. Talk. When teacher's done, raise your hand and go. Tornado. Tornado. I've only got one word to say. I can't just be like...

Oh, okay. I'm going to have to play that one. That's good. It's a fun one for like what you have your friends to play with. It's a fun one. Like you guys can fucking just grind the hell out of it. It's that. I still have to be FF16. Same, dude. Same. I love it. It's great for games. It's been too much, man. It's like, you know, I don't want to like, you know, I'm not being ungrateful, but like, dude, there was so many games back to back to back that I have not finished. I bought so many. I was like, oh, fuck. Oh my God.

And then we have Armor Core 6 coming out. And that's the game I'm going to be fully invested in. And then iRacing, those fucks got back into it. That Lords of the Fallen new one comes out in October. It's like... Starfield's dropping. Yeah, fuck, dude. Too much. Cyberpunk expansion. So much, so much. We fucked everyone. Rich, there's like, very rarely, for the last two years, three years, it's just been shit games that have been launching. And now that, for whatever reason, the gaming community or the good developers are going to be like, here,

Here's actual good games. Here's every game. Too much. Fighter 6. Final Fantasy 16, the exact same week with Diablo on there. Well, fuck Diablo 4 dropped. That Star Wars game came out at the same time. I know a lot of people weren't really into it or whatever, but that new Dead Island came out and it was fucking fun, dude. It was a fun time. And then it was Dead Island, Star Wars, Diablo, Final Fantasy, and then...

whatever else that has come out since then. Fucking so many other ones. I mean, yeah, it's too much. We had the big Targa Hawaii. We have Baldur's Gate. Starfield coming out next month. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. September. Yeah. Dude, it's a crazy time. And then Armor Core 6. Yeah. I'm, I'm, and new Mario, new Super Mario RPG. I saw that. Yeah. Is Starfield multiplayer? I can't remember. I didn't think so. It's a rich thing. Yeah. Uh, Starfield learning is,

It's Skyrim. Skyrim, yeah. Oblivion in space. No, I know. My buddy played it back in the day when you could, it was like one of the first games where you could like fuck another character, but it didn't like show it. It just like closed it. Or my thing is something else. No, Fallout used to be able to do that. Okay, so it wasn't Fallout. Maybe it wasn't one of the first, but if I think I know what you're talking about.

I played Red Dead Red Dead 2. Mass Effect. It's kind of like Mass Effect. It's just like it's a single player Mass Effect but like first person. Red Dead. Oh see you played Red Dead. Red Dead 2 was fucking awesome. They're remaking it. They're remaking it for new consoles. Yeah. Wait. Oh I heard that Red Dead 2 or Red Dead 1? Red Dead 2. I thought they were making Red Dead 1 1. No.

Maybe so. It's Red Dead Redemption. Is that one? That's one. Okay, yeah, they're remaking that. I haven't played either. Oh, what? I played Red Dead 2. Bro, I played so much. I casted bandits with my lasso and hung them on cliffs for hours. Damn, it's so good. Yeah, you just do the stupidest shit for hours. It's so fun. Feed people to crocodiles. Dude, just like, oh, it's so fun.

I played it and then for some reason my PlayStation took a shit and I had to restart it, just restart it. And I was like two, three days into it. I got through a good portion of it. I wouldn't say like a third, but I got through like where I could go to different towns now. You got to the free roam shit. Yeah, I started getting the free roam shit. Not all the towns, but I was like, oh, I got like a third of the map done. I can start exploring more. Yay, great.

And it restarted. And so I had to do it again. And then unfortunately, you know the incest guy and girl? Yeah, yeah. They try to like kill you. And then you can go back and kill them or they put you in like a graveyard. Yeah. You break out or some shit. Yeah, yeah.

I Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So yeah. So I go in there for the second time. I'm like, OK, cool. I know what to expect this time. I'm not going to get killed, you know, and thrown in the bone graveyard and then go back and have to kill these people. I'm going to let it go to a certain point. And then we got a pop up. Yeah. I get in there and they start like, hey, we're going to fix you up dinner like Baba Blonde. You go upstairs and you see like mom's dead, like

with like the rips in it, you know, and they're like, all right, this family's weird. And so I'm like, okay, cool. I think now's the time when I can kill him. And so I firebombed the house and I started shooting them. And then the game's just like, nope. And the big fat brother just sits there and I'm shooting them and nothing's happening. And then the rest of the game was weird after that. And it never let me kill them. I never got the achievement. I never got, there was like something cool that you kind of get out of it too. And then the rest of the game was like,

slightly off at save points and stuff for me. But I was like, I'm not starting this over again. I'm not doing it. So I beat the game and it was such a disappointment because then your character dies. And I was like,

Oh, I knew he was going to die eventually, but I knew he was going to die now. Yeah, Morrison. And you're like, what? And then it fucked the entire game for me. I hated the game at the end of it because I couldn't play as the character. I didn't do all the exploring I wanted to. And then it stuck me in this little thing of that end character that you play in. Who's got the scruffy voice? Damn. Who's the main character in Red Dead 2? No, right. Yeah, the first one that came out. Can I have to play these? Yeah.

They're really good. I would have liked Red Dead Redemption 2 a lot more had I not had this baffle that was, I don't know what it was in the game. It made me restart. It fucked up the playing of the game for it. I won't say it ruined it because I had a lot of fun, but I know it had a lot more fun for it. And my girlfriend hated it because there was constantly the sound of the horse clop, clop, clop, clop, clop.

And I'm deaf. So she'd be in the bedroom and she just, she would text me like angry text me from 50 feet away and just go, can you please turn down the bass so I can't hear the horse fucking galloping for another hour and a half. I can't hear anything. It's like...

Except it's horse class

Play that game. That was one of the few games when you watch stuff still coming out for secrets or shit people haven't found. Still now. To this day. Even with the graveyards, the pentagrams, the...

Yeah, that crazy girl that was possessed inside that toilet. That video popped up yesterday. In the toilet? Yeah, that was like a season. They locked her in an outhouse. Yeah, like a family's little daughter got possessed or some shit. She killed them or did something to them and they locked her in the outhouse and they just left the whole house. She spouts out these random numbers. She's like, I'm going to kill you, I'm going to kill you, and then says these numbers. Apparently later in the game somebody found out like

Some town, there's like all these outhouses and they're numbered. And like it creates like a pentagram in the town. If you go to the center of the pentagram, there's like a weird building that's got like some scary shit going on inside of it. But you like can't get inside of it. It's like a barn with like ritual shit going on. And then underneath it, there's actually a glowing red pentagram at like midnight. Yeah. But it doesn't do anything. You just figure out all this cool shit. It's just weird stuff. And then you're like, well, what do I get out of it? Do I get a thing? Do I get a notification? They're just like, no, you just...

You just know about it now. And now this little thing makes sense. It's weird. It was a little bit of a kick in the stomach. It's just like life, unrewarding. I don't want that much realism in a game. Thank you, that was very real. They're like, hey, okay. You did it. Continue. Do you feel better? No.

There's the developer that... Welcome to the Wild West. It sucks. A developer wrote that out and was like, yeah, man, that's the end of it. What's the conclusion? Oh, they just know. That's it. You're like...

And one of the abandoned buildings, like a little abandoned homestead where like all these people. Brian Reynolds. And it's for, it's like the Hellbob Comet. They're like, you guys remember the Hellbob Comet? Yep. All the people in like the United States. There was like a 80, 100 person cult. They believed the Hellbob Comet was coming over and there was a spaceship behind it. 28 or 38 people. They all laid into beds. They were found all in this like house that they rented out in LA. Was it the jumpsuits?

Yeah, they wore shoes. They had nice nighties. Yeah, they had goofy jumpsuits on that were nice, and the shoes were all nice. That's where they put their money. Yeah. Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds G-band. Yes, papi. Yeah, we can't say... What?

Yeah, you can't Ryan Reynolds yourself. Yeah, we get flagged every single episode we talk about anybody. You can talk about it. We just have to use a different word. Oh, did I say the full word? Oh, I said it. Mill and shelves. Yeah, mill and shelves. Mill with shelves. Mill and shelves. We call him Ryan Reynolds. Understood. I like the mill and shelves. The pool. The pool. Yeah, the pool. The opposite of living. Yes. I got it.

AI right now is like, "We don't know what they're talking about." There's been some sort of gibberish code. Go on, Green. Humans are so weird. Excuse me while I come back from rearranging Delta flights. I was a microwave. But there's a building where these people, meh, themselves.

And they're all in bed, similar to the hell bop. And there's like photos on the, or like drawings on the wall of the spaceship. And you're like, oh, this is weird. And there's a ton of loot in the, in the building. And then you look up at midnight and there comes a flying saucer and it stops and then, and it flies away. But there's,

But that's it. That's it. You just kind of go, what was that about? Is there something I need to do? That was cool, but like, why was it cool? And then they're like, no, that's just a thing that we put in there. You know what's fucked up? What if life's like that? We have all these great mysteries and shit. It's like, nah, just because some dude was a dick when he made the pyramids and they lined up and he's like, ha, aliens. Maybe Stonehenge was just a basement. Right.

They're just like, the water is so cool. The water is just cool. Yeah. They pulled the boards out like, this thing almost makes a perfect clock. And you're like, I just wanted to see the sunset in the east when I was building my awesome home. And how much of our life is that? It's just a lot. It's spectacular. Do you remember when the...

the metal triangle pillar showed up in the middle of the desert yes yeah like what happened you're like a dude just put it there to get some clout like why is everybody pretend freaking out about because then he put it they did it like in three other places correct i was like mars when we seen half the face and then it revealed the other half was just it's just a natural formation that happened it wasn't an actual face on mars it was like oh it was just a mountain that

We're just really looking for some extra bullshit here. 100%. But thankfully, Rockstar does a great job of that with every little thing. God, I forget how much shit they give them. I can't wait to buy Grand Theft Auto for the 18th time. Well, even Grand Theft Auto 5 or whatever the new one is, they're just finding stuff still to this day where like, hey, if you're on this specific area, there's this rock that has one logo. That is the only logo in the entire game that looks like this. We don't know why.

They move on. It's crazy all the shit that's still being unlocked for those video games. Red Dead has a lot left. Yeah. Well, it's a massive map. Yeah. It's fucking gigantic. We talked about how big some of those maps are. And what was it? Daggerfell. Daggerfell is the biggest. And then Fuel or Refuel, whatever that one was, the second, which was...

Like Morrowind or any of those have like 500 square feet or 1,000 square miles of space where... Daggerfall was like 26,000. More because the Fuel game has 50,000 square miles of like you can explore the territory. And it's all Seattle. You can just drive. People are like, what the fuck? And then Daggerfall was like 200. It was unreal. Yeah, Daggerfall was like one of the biggest games ever made. Like it's just...

They just made the map, and they're like, good luck. It's all fucking empty. And they came out in, what, the 90s? Yeah, a long time ago. That's crazy. The S3 was fuel or whatever that game was. It was just a driving game, but you could literally just fucking drive. It's kind of on topic. For these games that have these massive maps, they obviously take up a lot of space. So I'm a console player. Don't kill me.

I was for years. It's just easy for me. Hey, I got these little sticks and four buttons on each side along with two triggers. The two triggers fuck me up. First off, I will say the most...

amazing experience is just sitting on a fucking couch and it just works. You don't have to build a PC. You don't have to worry about your virus. Things just work. It's an iPhone. I just get it. And the things that I want, I pay $5 for extra. It's simple. I forgot real quick is L even Elden ring. Beautiful, amazing game for the PC. I forgot I had to do. It was all in my Twitter, 18 steps to get that game to run on one of my computers.

18 steps. It was a process. Thankfully, I never had that issue. Bro. Thankfully, I know when that came out, a lot of people were having shit. And mine, like, literally, thankfully, controller, plugged it in, turned the game on, I'm gone. Mine was a simple 18 steps. So that's why I will always be like, yeah, consoles, like, they're fine. They're fine. I hate people that are like, Elite is PC. Fuck off, man. Just let somebody enjoy a game. But my question is,

would have to download these games that have these large maps and if like one game would take up a quarter of the terabyte that you get oh yeah yeah it's like oh hey 500 gigabytes of fuck oh my gosh so what do you guys do when it comes to pcs you just get like a hard drive and you've got like seven hard drives that have different games on it i have 10 terabytes on

Yeah, you can put so fucking much in the computers. The computer itself has a bunch of memory? Yeah, you can buy pretty much as much as you can fit in the bitch. You can put fucking terabyte after terabyte after terabyte. You said buy as much as you can fit in the bitch. I immediately went into making your own big wang back in that video game. You can fit as much as you want in that bitch. And I just imagined a cock going, what? It's like a Japanese Caleb's insert in that fucking memory. He's like, yeah, take that fucking.

I'm only good for a 30 second timer.

You can do that with your console too, though. What's that? You get extra space? Yeah, I'm not going to. You know what I need to do is I need to stop being cheap. Message any of your friends that know anything about PCs or computers. Hold on. Yes, that. Absolutely. Thank you. But first. Wow, I guess this was a scolding. I didn't know that was happening. Thanks, PC Daddy. Yeah, probably just get one for free if you talk to any of us. I know.

Yeah. It probably just gets you a sponsorship if you just decided that you wanted to do it. You just talked to your friends, Rich, and you just reached out. I'm so shitty like that where I could just reach out and be like, hey guys, could you help me out here? I kind of need some help doing this. I haven't bought a

brand new gaming console I don't think since like 10 years ago when I bought a brand new Xbox 360 I would buy used Playstations and then just deal with the consequences because

I'd be like, I don't want to spend $600 on a new one. I'll spend $150 on a used one and then I'll figure out that it's got like an overheating thing. And I'll be like, no, you know what? That's actually a good thing. I should only play for half an hour at a time. It would overheat every half an hour. And then I'd be like, I need to go do something else. I should clean. I gotta stop.

Yeah. Like, you know what? 30 minutes every couple hours is good. Why don't you reach? You're the only dude that started streaming and all of us knew you started streaming for the sheer DMs we got. It's like, hey, can you help Rich? He can't figure out. And you don't reach out to a single person about, hey, audio. Hey, anything. Everyone's like, he's struggling. Can you just go help him? To be fair, he did reach out once. You did reach out to me one time.

I don't remember if it was about your capture. I have a DM from you. It was about streaming though. A hundred percent. There was one time there was one. So part of why I didn't, why I didn't look for help while I started streaming, when I started streaming was I knew that the journey of a grown ass man trying to accomplish a new task would in and of itself be entertaining task grab. And if it wasn't cringy to watch for entertaining, it would be at least like, uh,

What would you call it where you can see yourself in it? Relatable. Relatable, yeah. It was at least- The relatable struggle? The relatable struggle. People are like, I plugged everything in. Why won't it work? It's like your parents yelling at the VCR. Like, I keep hitting plots. Oh, yeah. There's plenty of times that I'll message one of these guys. Anytime I have a random little thing that I'm going on, I'm like, I don't know. And it's always just the littlest thing. Yeah.

And that's what the issue is. It's always the littlest things are so confusing. It's one button or one chord was just in the... There's another slot right next to that one. You were supposed to be right here. You were right here. I remember audio. This was going so high on the dual PC. It's always audio when you're doing... I just did this last month with you. When you're doing a dual PC thing, there's always some kind of audio thing that just appears. And you're like...

where? Where's the problem? But, yeah, it's a lot. You put it in the D port, not the C port. Yeah, literally, it's shit like that. You're like, oh, you were supposed to use this computer and not that computer for that. And that's literally... That's what happened last time. That's why you hit me up. Yeah, because my... There for the longest time, my Discord, the way it's set up was...

on his streaming piece. Should be on gaming. Yeah, so it was all my fucking gaming audio was coming through to them so they could hear fucking everything perfectly. They're like, oh, so loud. I just didn't know it for like years. Well, for like months. I was like, what? They were like, yeah, we can hear it all. I was like, what? I was like, why didn't you tell me that? I was like, that's so annoying. I was like, I would have lost my mind.

I like your friends didn't say anything. They just want to play with you. They're like, it's fine. And then he was like, yeah, you're supposed to use your gaming computer for Discord, not the streaming computer. I was like, oh, I was like, okay. And then that was it. That was it. Yeah, we had that call because you were like, what? I'm like, wait, what? Wait, what is it on? He's like, oh, this computer. I was like, no, it has to be on this computer. Oh, and then I did it and it like, no sound was coming. I was like, what?

That's it. It's so much goofy stuff all the time. It's like a little thing. You're like, and you got to really rack your brain or just think or message somebody who's done with it a million times. You're just trying to figure out. My steering wheel for the racing sim wouldn't get registered no matter what. I was like, is it broke? Because it moved. Is it broke? Whatever. Is it broke? A Hispanic driving an unregistered vehicle? What?

- How realistic. - I get pulled over in iRacing. - What? - This game's so ridiculous. - I pull him over. - It's fucked up 'cause I drove an unregistered vehicle for three years here in Texas. - Dude, Texas is ridiculous. Everybody is just like, no license. - I had Vermont plates, dude.

That's what I just got that ticket for that I was talking about earlier. It's hard to run out of state plates. You just get like a computer print. It's like code. You just get a massive printout of numbers. It doesn't come in a nice little pre-cut package when you run out of state plates. So you just go. You either learn how to read them or you go. Not worth it today. Slow it down, friend. And then just go. That's what happened. I got pulled over one time. They were like, you've lived in Texas for two years.

These are Vermont plates. You have a Texas license. Just slow it down. I'm like, okay, I'll get this thing. I sold my truck and got a video. My guy was like, Hey, I could totally make you get out of this and impound your, your truck right now.

He's like, just get your sticker done. I was like, okay. That's it. The wool just go. But it was such an issue to like, like he's like, just call here and tell them that you did it. And like I called like, and I went there and it was always like, no one would answer. It would go to a machine and it would just like, it was like so long. And I was like, fuck.

fuck it. And I was like, no, I'm done. I'm done. I tried. I tried. I was like, fuck it. I'll wait for the ticket. And then like a ticket comes and it's like, hey, you have court now or you can just call us and make this payment. And then the payment is so fucking easy. They're like, hello, yes, give us your money. And like you call, like you're like, well, here's the number to make the payment. And like one ring, they're like, yep, money. And,

And they're ready to go. If you're trying to help, you're like, oh, yeah, I need to get out of this because I did the thing. I fixed it. And they're like, no. No, no, no. I'm not answering that. Wait a minute. I'm not answering that shit. I'm a lunch bro. I'm busy, dude. I'm shitting. I can open up two windows on my computer. Yeah. Or one. It's up to you. Money? Question mark? Let me tell you, that second window was real hard.

Money. So we know what? You know what the issue is? The issue is you go up the first one, and it's a horse in a gyroscope with two houses. You've got to figure it out. I don't know how to do this. It's my first day at work. This slider scale. Just making big horse chips. But no, yeah, then I just had to pay it, and it was really easy. I was like...

Whatever. That's always how it is. That's always how it is. Anytime I ever get pulled over, they're like, I'm not going to give you a ticket, but here's how you not get a ticket. And it's such a bitch to do that I'm just like, fuck it. Give me a ticket. I will pay the fine. I will give you money right now to get this done with.

I fucking hate it so much. My, one of my cars is very over. Yeah. Yeah. Mine was like three years. Yeah. Three. Mine is one. Mine was three. Mine was one. That's why I got, I just, when I sold my Raptor, they're like, Jesus. I'm like, no,

I don't know. You're crazy, huh? I've been pulled over. You have a purple heart plate. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, true. I've been pulled over in my purple heart plate. Look at Crispy. Yeah, they can't be like, fuck, I gave the guy with a purple heart a ticket today. I'm going to get... Somebody's going to give me a titty twister when I get back. That's what they're worried about. You gave me a purple heart. Yeah.

You made the face

There was a kid and it wasn't a big deal, right? I think it was like, what is this? There was a kid. Listen, there wasn't a big deal. There was a kid. Right now, it's not a big deal. He's gone now. All right, we can't find, no. We've got a solemn music playing right now. I think he went through a stop sign or he was going a little fast, just a little bit over and he wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

And he had a weird license plate, and I didn't know what it was. And I was like, he's got a weird license plate. Whatever. A weird license plate happens all over the time. So I go, I'm going to cut you a break. I'm going to give you this, like,

violation ticket. I think I forget what it was for is either the speed or it was one instead of like two or three that I could have given him. And he goes to like drive away or he did drive away. And then one of the lieutenants, my supervisors comes up and he goes, and he's like, do you know,

"Do you know who that is?" I go, "No, who is that?" They're like, "That's Bobby Johnson." I go, "I don't know who Bobby Johnson is." They go, "Do you know Bobby Johnson Sr." I was like, "No, he's a police officer "that died in the line of duty. "You just gave a ticket to a kid whose father died "in the line of duty as a police officer." And it was either for our city or for somewhere around.

And like, I felt like the biggest piece of shit. I just gave a kid who's completely nice, completely fine. He's like, I'm sorry, sir. I understand. You know, blah, blah, blah. Not a dick at all. And his license plate says, my daddy died as a cop for you. For you, you piece of shit. And you gave him. You just looked at the license plate. As you walked around the car, you're like, what the fuck that means? I don't know what that shit means. What's this goofy license plate? You little bitch. You know what I mean?

Signature's a dick. I'm going to fuck two more. Here's one ticket. Dude, I was like, oh, no. And so I found out somebody that knew him. And I was like, dude, plead not guilty to it. I think we can let this slide. I'm not showing up to court. I'm not. Please don't ever. I will never look at you again. I'm so sorry. The plaintiff defendant.

If I had that kind of power to be like, oh, a speeding ticket? My father died. For you. I remember when my father used to speed before he died. I remember when my dad was pulled over before he got murdered. Yeah, before he got murdered. My dad used to speed before he died, but it was because he was trying to save people from buildings and being shot because he was a police officer. But I'm sure he'd be fine with this ticket.

But my father would understand that you gave me his son still alive while he no longer. The last to carry his name. Oh, man. You're sitting there like. Dude, I sat in the car. I was like, everybody in my department is going to know about this. And I'm going to be a big piece of shit if I don't immediately fix this. Yeah.

That's pretty funny. I know. Well, I mean, luckily. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal, but you know. So was it when you turned in the tickets and like, yo, dog. I said, if I remember correctly, I think he was still there. And I walked up to his car. I was like.

"Dude, was your dad a police officer?" He's like, "Yeah." I was like, "Was he so and so?" He's like, "Yeah." I go, "Why didn't you say anything?" He's like, "I mean, you're just doing your job. I just wanted to do it. I don't know." - I fucked up? - Yeah, I fucked up and you did it. I go, "Bro, not like this." - Don't be a good kid, dude. Give me a piece of shit at least. - No, don't be a piece of shit. Just let me know. - Dad was dead when he was a cop.

Here you go, everybody. If you get pulled over, make sure you tell the officers that your dad's died. And he was a cop. Yeah. Make sure to be like, damn, my dad would have really hated to see me get this ticket. Huh? Oh, yeah, he's a dead cop. It's okay.

It's just like a random like It's a police dude with a photoshop face of whoever your dad is. Uh huh. That's him, he's dead. What was the movie called with Keanu Reeves' Neo? What was it called?

It's on the matrix. I just blanked. So the matrix, it's like that scene in the matrix where mouse is about to die. The white haired, like female. And she's just like, no, not like this. Not like this. And that was, that was me in the car. Like my dad's dad. I was like, not like this. No, not like this. Oh, that would have been hard. Oh yeah. It hurt. It was, it was, it was, do you get moments like that? So you're still there. Yeah.

They're like integrity you did the right thing So you walk back to your car and then you walk back you're like I fucked up dude I walked up and I was like

Why? Wouldn't you just hint at the fact that your father used to do what I did until unfortunately one day he didn't. You come back that. Why would I ever bring that up? It looks like a weird conversation point. Yeah, right. Every time he gets pulled over, he has to be like, you're bringing up a hurtful memory.

from memory. Ouch. You come back to the window and he like looks up at you and he's all sad. There's like a halo behind his head. And you're just like, oh. He opens his wallet, pulls out his license next to the picture of his dad. I think he actually had like a card that like said like,

I'm a part of the member of the Blue Shield Society where your parent passes away while on duty. He handed that to you? You're like, wrong ID. He's like, no, I need to realize this is a wreck to the right. What is this stupid shit here? He chucked it back at the kid's face. It's like, what is this? What is this? What is this? What is this?

Flicks it back. Oh, sorry. Sorry, I was just- That was just my- EBT card? Please, Josh. I'm not the corner store, son. What is this? What is this? Your eBT card? I'm not the grocery store, alright? Fucking EBT!

Right? You're not buying deli meat. Take this back. Oh, okay. Then you went and punched him. Yeah, the computer even was just like, please don't do this. I was a microwave and I knew. There's a picture of an angel cop pulls up on your screen. You're like, oh no. Are you sure you want to do that? Weird, the computer never

I've asked that before. Weird. Yes. Are you double assured? Wait, but for real. Yes. Print the ticket. Yeah, give me my goddamn ticket. Print the fucking ticket. His father's like over my shoulder. And he's just going to be like, I'm going to make you feel like shit. Today is your day. Hey, little buddy. I'm going to make you look stupid. You're going to be such an idiot.

guardian angel no fuck you bro i felt so bad did it just pop up somewhere or no because i i forget the entire scenario i just remember that i gave the poor kid a ticket and i looked at his license plate i was like weird i don't know what that means and and then i just remember somebody coming up to like assist me on the traffic stop they're like yo that's so-and-so's kid i'm like who's so-and-so they're like the cop that passed away years ago i'm like from what like i'm like

- Retired? Like no, on the job, dude. - The hero cop. - Like a fucking, yeah. - They called him hero cop. - James hero cop. - James hero cop. - What? - His name was Angel Hero Cop. - What? - He saved a whole orphanage. - What do you think, lethal weapons based off of? - It's baby.

Passion of the Christ, have you seen it? It's based on this guy. He was born with 17 children, born a minority, came from poverty, built his way up. He got a Medal of Honor in Vietnam. He saved 100 orphans. He's adopted 17 children from lower class families. This is his only real son. This is his only biological son. What are you doing, Richie?

They're like, why did, did you print out a ticket? I'm like, yeah, I didn't, I didn't know. They're like, you're, you need to fucking pay attention, man. I'm like, I thought I did. He ran the stop sign. Now he was speeding. I thought I did what you wanted me to do. I thought I did what you wanted me to do. God, when you walked up to that window, I can't just picture him like that and you're just standing there like this. The window's up and you're like, yeah, I just walked up and I said, you waited for him. He's like, yeah.

I tell my partner, "This kid's too nice. I'm gonna yank him out." I'm gonna beat his ass. He's going. He's going. I'm taking his car. I'm taking his keys. I think I smell weed. Imagine. That license plate looks like it's fake. It looks like a fake plate. I'm taking his plate. I'm gonna bite it up in front of him. Are you Greg's rear light? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Tail lights out, bitch. I'm going to make him go play Red Dead Redemption 2 on my PlayStation and watch him have to re-save it every 30 minutes. That's what this wicked deserves for running on the stop sign.

I walked up to his window. I was like, dude, why didn't you tell me? I like you just placed it on him still. You stupid little bitch. Why didn't you? You fucking made me look stupid. Everyone's going to whip me. It's your fault. Why didn't you tell me to do my job? Huh? Why didn't you tell me your dad was a hero? Damn it. If I know you're a hero, blank, whatever his name is. Yeah, hero cop. Yeah, hero cop. The third.

The third of a line of hero cops. They're like the lieutenant gins of dying on duty. I've had three generations. My great-grandfather was a cop, and he died in the land of duty. My grandfather was a cop, and he died in the land of duty. My dad was a cop, and he used to die in the land of duty. I'm going to be a cop in a couple years, and I'm going to die in the land of duty. I am going to die in the land of duty. And I'm going to get buried with that ticket in my chest. So then when I go see Jesus, I can tell him, don't let this guy in. Don't let Rich in. Mm-mm.

Rich gets to him. I've nixed a whole bunch of tickets in my life. People have fixed stuff or come up to me and I've validated their sob story. So it wasn't a big deal. Yeah, but that was one of the most embarrassing moments where I gave a poor kid who lost his father and his father happened to be a police officer near us and a ticket. That'll teach you to run stop signs. That is one when you watch him drive away. You're like...

I mean, I was going to fix it, but I felt like a bag of shit for a couple hours. I was like, man. Then you had to rip it and you were good to go. Yeah. Oh, man. Go? Yeah. So I taught my friends about rip-its when I was a rookie. I used to bang the side of a...

We used to have not El Caminos, the... Rancheros? No, no, no, no, no, no. What's the... Oh my gosh. Crown Vicks. So we used to have the Crown Vicks. Best cop car ever. Interceptors? Amazing. So great. I want one. Two-wheel drive. You can still take it through the snow. You could bang them up, dent them up, straighten out the frame. They were great. And the...

The interesting thing, I guess, about the Crown Vix is that both the passenger and the driver's side, if you had like the shitty police vehicles, the bare bones ones, is that the big plastic shroud that goes on the inside of your car, you know, like your little arm attachments onto and the little door opener and shit. The window crank. Correct.

Some of them. Yeah, most of them. It was just like hollow plastic, but it was very like bendable and but taut. So if you got amped up and you started hitting it, it sounded like a drum. So if we would get in car chases, you'd start going boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It was like a war drum for cops. Oh, that's cool. You would just like, you'd hear the radio click off and be like, he's going northbound daily. And then all of us would just jump in the car with the windows down, scream out the window, get out of the car.

Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. And yeah, if we got, I would say we're going to get high on Rippets. And so you would drink a Rippet at the beginning of a shift and not the half little tins. No. Oh, you got the full fulls? The fulls. Yeah, the tall boys of like, oh, Power and Citrus. Power. Because Power is a flavor. What was the green one? It was like the America one. It was like Patriot. Oh, yeah. But I went with the OG. Power, Citrus. Citrus Axe. Granaberry. Palm. Palm. Palm and Granaberry. It's like pomegranate, palm and berry. Yeah.

Anyway, yeah, I taught my friends about the power of the rip it. And every once in a while we would have a good day. I'd be like,

Let's get a Rippin'. You want to be at the beginning of a shift? They'd be like, it's Rippin' time. You go to the fucking warehouse store that has them in the back that have been there for four years still? Oh, no. Every dollar store or corner store still has them. What? Oh, yeah. Dollar store still has them. Corner stores in the hood still have them. I love corner stores in the hood. I didn't know that. All right. You can get chicken wings. You can get pasalillos. You can get hot dogs. You can get nachos. You can get Rippits. Buck. You can get, oh, yeah. Fucking Rippits, dude.

I had a buddy of mine send me a case of Rippets, and he was like, you know what you must do? I'm like, oh, man. I drank that shit. I was drunk.

I have diabetes now. It's great. They're so bad, Caleb. Oh, yeah. I know. I've had Rippets. Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, like I grew up in the small town. Oh, yeah. Our gas stations had them. We had Rippets. Small town Dollar Generals or Dollar Trees, Dollar Stores are clean. Dude, they're nice. They take care of them. Because it's all you have. Yeah. It's like the closest thing. So it's like it's got to have it all. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you go to the...

the city ones are like the suburb ones, like it next to a city. And you're kind of like, you guys ever hear of a mop? Yeah. Jeez. Just,

The quality control is not there. Both the item and the gear. You need both. I'm like, oh, we're in this neighborhood. It doesn't look good. I don't know what that means. I was always in my very poor neighborhood. Dirt floor? Yeah. We walk in. I'm like, oh, yeah. It smells like a very bad dollar. Everything. The items are stolen, half open. Oh, yeah. You see half open shit and the shelving is all jacked up.

You're like, guys, it's a dollar. It's a dollar. Your car has already been broken into. It's already when you get out of it. Oh, shit. The door is still open. You're like, damn, it's a hell. A suction cup sign like they have in Portland where it's just like, there's nothing valuable in this car. Mm-hmm.

Wow. I know those nerds. Portland and Seattle now have that. You're like, ah. In LA and most of the West Coast. One of my buddies, he just had his camera gear stolen. It was $30,000 worth. He pulled up, stopped, went in for mail, came back out. All his gear was gone. He's like, yeah, I just lost $32,000 worth of camera equipment in five minutes. Yeah.

No idea what to do. Nah. No, I liked when you were making fun of the Hero Cops kid. Rich being an asshole. That was my favorite segment. I don't want to talk about Axel. What was that kid driving a Kia? Not a Sportage.

What are we doing on time? I've got to pee real bad. Thank you for watching this great podcast. As always, we have Eli DoubleTap, myself, Betty Streams, and our two beautiful, powerful, great mustache, great beard, very bald, super awesome guests, Caleb Francis, and of course, Rich Angry Cops. Thank you guys very much. Where can everybody find you two on your things and stuff? Caleb W. Francis, everywhere. Everywhere? Everywhere. And Grizzly Puncher. And...

Horsecomber. Oh, and our new podcast, Time for Pie. There it is. Thank you. There it is. And Rich. Angry Cops everywhere. Except for TikTok because they just banned me. Is your stream? Yeah, it streams on my YouTube channel. So I'm live streaming military content and nonsense and news on the YouTubes. Not Angry Cops.

How often? Usually once a week on Tuesdays or Thursdays. Okay. Usually I put a little thing up on Instagram to be like, what are we going to talk about tomorrow? I've recently been informed that people don't realize we stream a lot. We do.

Eli Double Tap, I'm Just Batty, Angry Cops, Grizzly Puncher. Yep. Your YouTube actually is doing your live streams. You did how many numbers on one of your big ones? 180,000 views on a YouTube. Well, I mean, it's a live stream. So people come in and leave whenever they want. Yeah, but it's still unique. That's pretty intense, yeah. Oh, I'm happy. I'm happy with it. I was impressed. Yeah, that's awesome. It was a little bit of a click-baity title. I was like, Joe Biden starts World War III. It was... Sure. You know... Sure. Yeah, right. Yeah.

After show. We'll see you over on Patreon for the after show. After show. I'm going to take a pee. Yeah, everybody go touch yourself.