117 - I'M UNCOMFORTABLE ft. FredoOnTV 01:49:53

Oh yeah, and then we start the episode by cracking up popping a toppy. Oh, yeah, you want to just like you don't have to drink it really but you gotta crack it. Those are the rules. Those are the rules. I do the double crack. Chill. So you just right up to the mic and just give it a little right up to that mic and oh yeah, that's all we need. Yeah. Oh, you all you breaking the tab off saving those fucking turtles, bro.

Yeah, we're going to say that. We're going to go with that. That was turtles. It was just kind of in the way, you know? I'm going to say it was turtles. The turtles in the way or the tabs in the way? I think the turtles were the six-pack range. Yeah, have you ever had that? That actually tastes better than 90% of the alcohol I've ever tried.

Yeah, we have some. Yeah. No, like, I don't know. Everyone's like, what do you mean you drink them seltzers like White Claw? Where's your Coors and your Steel Reserve, brother? Like, that shit tastes like ass. A bull. Yeah.

It's racially ambiguous and batty. That guy's fucking ridiculous. We don't know. Best not to ask yourself why. But my friend, you've arrived. Welcome to unsubscribe. It's really shit. Yeah, you're like, oh, man. The first thing when people say, oh, you should try this beer or when you're just now drinking beer, it's like, well, you have to. It's an acquired taste. Guess what's not?

This. He's just like, man, that's better than 90%. They call it the girly drink. So I'm like, well, you know. I'm going to get mine. I'll take the girly drink. Is it got the swirly straw with the strawberries in it? Yeah, give me that. Like, I'm good. I'll get my fruit while I'm at it. Eli, look at what he's drinking. I post in a dress sometimes.

This is fine. I wear a dress on the internet at times. I'm like, oh yeah, judge me for this. People are so fucking scared. Like, oh, I can't touch my strong masculine image. You got soft hands, bro. You know what? I don't masturbate. Rex, I moisturize. I work 48 hours a day. I don't masturbate because that's gay because then I'm touching a dick. And that's when you start the episode. Welcome to Unsubscribe.

Welcome to the Endless Grape Podcast. As always, we have Eli, Double Tap, myself, BattyStreams, and our very cool, powerful, strong...

Wonderful, cute, sexy, awesome guest. Alfred Fredo. Fredo plays on TV. No, Fredo on TV. There it is. Last name, the third. You were the second, the third in a row. I'm actually the fourth. What? Why you got the third on there? There's my granddad, then my dad, and then my dad's half brother, and then me. Nobody goes by Alfred.

The name sucks, they kept passing it on. It's not happening again. You think? Yeah. You're the end of... No more Alfred. They asked me, it's not happening. Like, my dad goes by Al, his dad goes by Crip, and my uncle goes by Junior. I'm afraid of him. We've passed this name down that we've hated generation after generation. I gotta deal with it! You gotta deal with it! Fuck you! The Batman jokes, they just spawn every time. Alfred. Alfred, the Batmobile. How's Master Bruce? I don't know.

I seen it coming a mile away They do it I went to the dentist to get my wisdom to take it out and I remember like slightly because you know I was high And then you showed up to the dentist office, right? Like your name yeah, so I offered I was like yeah, I hope they stab you with the needle instead Crack the Batman joke anyway, I couldn't do anything about it Fuck

At the dentist. They talk to you. They got their full-ass fucking hand down your throat. They're in there working, scrubbing, drilling, whatever. And they're like, so how was your day? Oh, it's good. It's good. And they're like, yeah, okay, cool. What's your favorite color? How you been? What's your mother's maiden name? Last four years social security number? Very strange. That's what me and Sav, when she's S-ing my D, I ask her all the questions. You just say...

I'll put it together quick on that. Oh, yeah. How was your day? That's amazing. You streaming later? She sounds so concerned. So supportive. Essing my D. Styling my do. You are 38. Styling my do. Say sucking my dick. Just say sucking my dick. I'm tricking the YouTube algorithm. The AI. Well, now because you ruined it, Maddie.

Old Alfred over here. Make the Batman jokes. My man coming in. You've been here. We've talked for how many months now? We're like back and forth. Did you guys meet Grindr? Two or three.

Eh, Grindr. It was fun. I was like, what's that? What's up? It's an interesting Tinder profile. My dress. My dresses. I like you in pink. Oh, thank you. It's true. It is a good color on you. Brings out your eyes. So how long have you been doing internet content? My boy, give us the rundown for everyone that you're big on. TikTok, you're big on IG. You're fucking blowing up on YouTube. It's been like 10 years.

But no shit. I went, I went missing in between that. Uh, so originally I did dance content, um, cause I was on a TV show called bring it and I was a professional dancer. And then when I started running track, they were like, you can't, you can't, uh, you know, do this stuff with your image and whatnot. So you can't like make money off of your, your face pretty much. Oh, this is kind of what we're talking about before with college, the NCAA. And so I had to skip out. Like I stopped streaming. I stopped making content all in between that time. And because my coach was like a really goody two shoes and you know how I am. So, uh,

I had to stop making content and then when I graduated in 2019, I started again and then I went full time in 2021, I think.

doing like reaction videos because I had this video where this guy was like, how do you know somebody might be low key racist? And before then I'd never spoken on the internet. I was just, you know, the dancing guy, the video got viral in like three hours, 3 million views. And since then I've been making like reaction videos. Cause my personality is just funny, I guess. But before then I was like, nobody got to care what I got to say. Apparently I'm a comedian. You can't do content like that. And you're like, coach, he's

he's like what was that word i need to dance because we dance i just picture you like this improv dancing real quick coach i need to get my feelings out what do you mean i can't picture dancing dancing videos now i'm like kyle i'm god hold up you want to bring it or brought it what was the show bring it but he lectured me like you know i'm just really good about being a good dude i'm like he's like you're a good dude i'm like yeah but sometimes when you talk

Yeah, I don't really censor myself, but I'm a pretty decent guy. But you might hear a couple of B words, you know, a couple of F words. I don't really like that P word too much, but aside from that, yeah, he was pretty cool. Pussy. Oh, I thought we were going to say penis. No, it was definitely pussy, yeah. Something about that word, like, oh, it's like when somebody calls you that, it just makes me go Neanderthal. Like, maybe I should fight you now.

Because it's like, you should be able to beat me up. We got a fight. You call me a bitch. No, you got to prove it. Come here, you fucking cooter. That's what I call it. I got a nice way to provoke people. I'm like, you know, I'm a nerd. I wear glasses. You should just beat me up. Just beat? Yeah, just beat my ass, brother. Beat my pussy ass up. Beat my bussy up. Beat my bussy up. Eli Double Tap 2023.

- That's a good shirt. It's the worst shirt ever. So wait, go back to-- - We didn't get Bunker Branding to make that shirt. Beat my bussy up. - Bunker, Matt's gonna get that text and be like, "No, no." - No, no, no, no, no, no. We don't tell Matt until it's on the front page of their website. So we made a shirt. - Bunker Branding. - We kind of joked about it earlier. It was, you know, they said, "Come subscribe." Like, "Come subscribe to the channel." But it says, "Come," obviously, in the spell. - It's a U. - Like, "Come." And it's in the Doom font, like big,

Boom! Like the video game? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dupe on, man. But the word come and underneath it says subscribe. And we made a shirt out of that as a joke. And Bunker Branding, who does our merch, are definitely more family friendly. Wholesome. Wholesome.

And they have an algorithm. They used to have an algorithm. They don't anymore. They used to have an algorithm on their website where when a shirt sold a lot, it put it to the front page of the website. And it was like, oh, yeah, buy now. It's hot, whatever. Well, lo and behold, Matt opens up his website and he just sees come subscribe. Big dupe on their family friendly fucking shirt.

It's like, no, no, it's not what it means. It's an acronym. Yeah, that's what it is. Well, and then when like even on the Facebook, God, I love all the audience out there for the simple fact you buy the shit and then it pushes it to the algorithm. Are you going to tell the life one? It just says life, you know, like life. You know the game of life, like the board game with the letters spelled weird, like L-I-F-E and it's in like the different colors. Yeah. Well, we did that, but we put like a little mouse clicking on an unsubscribe button below life. They're like unsubscribe from life.

That's crazy. So on their Facebook page, it was the angry Karens came out. They're like, this is crazy.

He was like, you know, I've been waiting on a sign and they seen it, you know, I think it's time So everybody who buys our merch please continue to buy the come subscribe and the unsubscribe from life shirts cuz It really pisses people off and if there's anything we love around here, it's doing that and Karen off Do we got the new ones coming out too? But first off first dance

Break it? What is it called again? What was the series of fucking movies? Because I know you know. It was like Bring It On Again. I don't know because I can't stand it. I was a street dancer. Then I learned ballet, tap, modern, acrobatics, jazz, choreography. Holy shit. But I was famous before I came to school. So I was a street dancer, professional street dancer. And then

I learned all of those and I performed on stage. That is so fucking cool. Holy shit. This is something like most people that watch me, they don't know this. No, no. These Batman jokes got way better. Alfred, bring me my suit. Tiptoe. Thank you, Alfred. Of course.

Of course. So then when I went to go to school there, though, I met three people that were on the TV show and they asked me that I want to be on TV. And that was like my childhood dream. So, yeah, of course. Yeah. Just let me know when. And so I ended up being on the show like two or three times, maybe three or four or something like that. And then I went off the run track. But it's pretty cool. I don't dance as much now, but I still got it.

Just that passion. Okay. I mean, that's unexpected. I was outside. Oh, bro, my dad. Oh, man. I didn't want to do ballet. Ballet was the worst class, but it was like the most beneficial. Oh, yeah. You're getting like flexibility. It's super painful and like formal. And I'm not formal at all, like in regular life or in dancing. So I was like, this is against me at the core. And you get like forced into these stretching positions for like minutes. And I'm like this shit. And then I go to track practice afterwards. So I'm like, rehearse, track practice, go back to rehearsal.

Schoolwork, wake up, do it again. Go to the track meet and dance. They're like, why is he running with his toes pointed? Army doesn't sound so bad anymore, right? I barely graduated high school, dropout, army. They tried to recruit me to go to the army. They were like, you seem really athletic. I was like, you know what else is athletic? Bullets. I'm good. I'm passionate. I got shot at over here. I'm not going to sign up for it. I'm good. You get paid about the same. Nothing. Nothing.

You got a Camaro and a Hellcat, baby. Yeah, with 30% APR. You good? Yeah, it's terrible. I'm going to pass on that. Dude, how'd your dad, when you're like your parents, or which parent was... So my dad... Was he just hammering? What did your dad do for a living? My dad was... He got out of prison when I was born. So... Oh, he... He was like, mindset-wise, prison dad. Like, the way he carried a lot of stuff. Like, he's grown as a person. If you met him now, you wouldn't... Not the same guy, but like his mindset, he was like, eh, you know, he...

He supports anything that you do as long as it's positive, but at the same time, he's like, eh, that's not realistic. You can't do anything with that. So you might need to learn something else. So I was like, eh, okay, I'm going to do it anyway. You're just calling your twinkle toes. I want to say he never did anything like that, but it was kind of like a, oh, he danced, but they didn't really think much of it until they came and seen me perform. He cried.

- Aw, did he? - They were sitting in front row. I did my first solo performance. I got a standing ovation and they were sitting in the front. He cried, they were laughing at him. - Fuck, were you crying? I just picture this. You're like, you look down, he's like, and you're like, and you wink at him.

You fucking pussy. I'm not crying because I'm happy. I'm disappointed in you. No. After waving your arms and shit. All right. Well, on that note, how did your father react to you doing like going like full time into content? Ah,

- I honestly, I don't know. I don't wanna talk to my, like most people and their parents are like tight. I'm not tight with my parents. So like I'll talk to them from time to time, like check in or whatnot. But aside from that, I've never been close to them like that. So I kinda like, I do my thing and then, you know, I visit them from time to time. But most of the time, like just off by my mama. So my mom now, she's like a big fan of mine now though. So, you know, I talk to her a lot, but- - That's good. Fuck yeah. Okay. - Yeah, she loves it. She just like, she likes to watch, you know, how much I impact people's lives and whatnot. It makes me feel good.

That's pretty cool. It's that excited family. Anything when your kiddo does it and then when they get to that scale, it's fucking... I don't know. I can't imagine that. Having parents? Yeah. A family? Man, yeah. I haven't talked to my mom in a while. Oh, yeah. She's dead. Here we go. Your mom's dead. Going down this road again. Everyone had for no mommy life.

Or Grand Fury. When did the pain start? It all started when I was born. When I was forcibly placed on this earth against my will. God, man. And then I get a text from Ryden today. My son, this is my autistic kiddo. Ryden being Ryden at, he just sends me a picture of Grand Theft Auto. He's like,

This is the mod I want. That's all he says. Oh, what's that mod called, my amazing son? GTA 5 mod. Oh, for the computer? Yes. Like, my kiddo's just straightforward, straight shooter. There's no like, I want this, father. I need this.

Make it happen. That's how his brain works. Daddy, when are we going to play? Meanwhile, my father watches this podcast occasionally and mocks me mercilessly for it. Thanks, Dad, you old fuck. My dad's actually probably cooler than me. He does everything. My dad is not cooler than me. He's a mechanic. He works on buildings. He works on cars. He paints. He draws. Anything that I do other than dance, he probably does better than me. I'm funnier than him, obviously, but...

He's a good athlete, too. He looks like he's almost 50 now. He still looks my age. He's swollen, but he looks like a 20-year-old. Alfred's second. You heard that. He challenged you to a dance-off. He's funnier than you. He's bald, too. I got better hair. Oh, yeah, it's facial hair. Mine is kind of... You got that Asian scruffy like mine. I got Anthony Hamilton's...

starter pack it's not it's not really working out like that so i'm gonna just i'm gonna stick to this this is gonna make up for it that's why i love your videos like when you're doing these reactions do you just kick out a couple in a row or are you just like oh i know what i'm gonna say i'll literally record like 40 videos at a time sometimes but basically what happens i'll scroll i'll see something and then in my mind i'll be like i'll say something and i just literally record it and then i save it

So like none of my videos are scripted at all. But like if you're around me long enough, you start to see like, he's just an idiot. Like, yeah, that's what it is. I just say whatever comes to my mind and then it just comes out. I word things really awkward. I feel like I describe things different than most people. That's why I fucking... I could take something real simple and like describe it in a way that's so odd, it's funny. Because you've never heard it before.

And then afterwards, it's like, okay, that's just a trail. You have a fucking funny personality. The way you think is a little different, which is good. It's a creative mindset. I wouldn't call myself a comedian like people like to say. I'm like, I don't write any jokes down or anything. You're not like a stand-up. You're in a different style. You're still absolutely a comedian. I feel like I'm more of like a TV. I wouldn't even say TV because that's kind of... I feel like if it was like an improv show. I think you... Something like Wild N' Out. Like Wild N' Out is more of like the kind of...

that I'd thrive in. Yeah. That or how a lot of comics do it, right? You know, like Che's a good example or Matt Rife. It's where the first 30 or the last 30 of their show, they're interacting with the audience and based off of the audience answers. So you're just based off of your content, what's going on. You're so quick and witty. You're like, hey,

this is how this is my comedy I think you'd really be successful in that like studio just talk to people ask questions I legit felt like if I had like a podcast where there was a host that had just questions and I just answered them that would work out perfectly because like I would never just think of something to say but if you said like a topic and I just start talking I'm usually gonna say something so you want to be a guest on your own podcast I'll be a professional guest if I had a host on a podcast yeah you host a podcast I'll be the guest the permanent guest ask

You were welcome back in the day. That's called a fucking host. I'm going to be the co-co-host.

- The co-host. - The co-host, oh my mother fuck. - He just stays there. - Like yeah, we're gonna invite somebody, they're gonna be the co-host and then I'll be the co-co-host. Like y'all are the main, I'm gonna be serious. - No, no, no, you are, you're the motherfucker behind the camera. You ever seen like these major podcasts, whether it's Rogan or Two Bears One Cave. There's always the main, they're bullshit, they're talking, and then they say something dumb and then you hear some motherfucker off camera saying some stupid fucking funny shit.

That's me. That's you? That's definitely me. You need that guy, though. You need that guy. I'm a guy looking like sit in a car for an hour. I won't say a word and I just hear something. I start talking. It's the first thing he said all day, but it was funny. That's me. You're like, I trained for this. It wasn't directed to you. See, I'm the opposite. I'll say, fuck, I won't stop fucking talking and most of it's not funny and hopefully I get one. You know what I'm saying? Except if I keep swinging, something's going left. That's what I'm saying. Like,

I know I'm going to miss that first swing. He's the Wayne Gretzky. You miss all shots you don't take, so Batty takes all the shots. Wayne Gretzky. He just caught Batty. Yeah, mag dumping. When a guy says something, it's like, ah, tough crowd, tough crowd. Yeah, tough crowd. He's not going to quit, though. You know, you pull him off stage, he's going to keep going. He's going to pull a Kramer. Oh, God. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Tough crowd. Nope, not pulling a Kramer. Mm-mm. Yeah.

If you did, I would be like batting. I'd be like, what the? I would be caught off guard. I mean, just going over the top when it's those comedians that. But Kramer, really? I mean, he fucking train wrecked. That was the perfect example of a train wreck. Have you seen that Chappelle talking about that? Yeah, I watch Chappelle all the time. Dude, Chappelle talking about that. He's like, had a bad sip. I felt. He's like the black side of me. Oh, I was angry. The comedic side of me, though. Hmm.

He's having a hard set. So you have to play this polar opposite. It's one of Chappelle's like, and then he's coming to Austin. I saw that. I might have to go see that. Oh, we're got, we're working. I think we got tickets next month, isn't it? Yeah. July. Is it? I remember he was talking about, he had a bomb. No, it's July right now. Hey buddy. Oh, not again. Remember when you're playing in the summer sun.

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I forget what month it is all the time. I thought it was just me. No, dude. Yeah. I was like, yo, I don't even know what day it is most of the time now. You a content creator. Yeah. I woke up. That's it. I'm going to do something today. I don't know what. I,

I know the days because I'll walk outside and I look on the street and there's garbage cans out. I'm like, shit, it's Wednesday. And then I run over to mine and I push my back and put it back. I legit didn't even know what day Thanksgiving was until last year. First of all, I just know it's around this time and I normally start seeing turkey. So I'm like, yeah, once it gets close.

You go based off the turkeys? I base every holiday off of like, what? If I go outside and I start seeing pumpkins, I'm like, hmm, Halloween's coming. I don't know what day it is. Oh, it's the last day of October. Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, last day of October. Christmas, I'm like, Christmas is around the 20-something. When I see Santa outside, it's probably around Christmas time. It's getting chilly. I probably wouldn't keep it my own birthday. My knees just popped. I'm probably...

I just turned 30. I think I turned 30 today. Maybe. When is it? Chappelle's playing in San Antonio right now. Wait. Literally tonight. Chappelle's in San Antonio tonight? 12 July 2023. Is there tickets for it tonight? If there's fucking some tickets, see, then you just stay here. We go see Chappelle. I ain't seen anybody stand up in person. Yeah. That'd be cool.

Dude, he's master like story. Austin is the 14th and 15th of August. No, as in like in two days. Is there any tickets even available right now? Absolutely. Wait, tonight? Yes. Wait, there's tickets for tonight? Today, literally today at 730. How many tickets are available? I don't know. A fucking ton. It doesn't say how many are available, Eli. Would you like to buy tickets? Two, three. Wait, we can just go to a fucking Chappelle show tonight? Yeah.

I mean, I don't hate it, Batty, but I don't know your... This is a phone-free event. Your phone will be required to be placed in a lockable pouch throughout the performance. You know, they'll leak it. I do that. I don't even blame them. Yeah, there's actually, like, really good seats available, too. Yeah, we just bring the girls, bring you. If you're down, if you want to go see Chappelle, though. No problem with that. I'll never see him again. I mean, I'm down. Batty, are you down?

I mean, fuck it. We just recorded things, do our ones, and then we... We'll record, then we'll do it after. Yeah. I'm fucking with you. Yeah. What the fuck? I'm glad we talked about Chappelle. We just found that out. We had talked about going to see a Chappelle show because he was coming to Austin like a month or two months ago. And we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're looking at this. I'm like, oh, I wonder when that is. Tomorrow. It was tomorrow. That's usually what it is. Like when there's a comedian coming, I find out the day that they're there or like the day after. I'm like, oh, that was... Okay. Whoops.

We got Wes coming back in. Matt Rive comes in. Wes. Wes Parker? Yeah. Wes, Magician Wes. He's coming down. I love Wes. August. So he might be down here with Chris again. Oh, okay. So we'll have to have them back on. Have you never been to a comedy show? Not once.

but they're fun. It'd definitely be cool. Chappelle would be a different experience, though, because I've seen Che. I've seen a couple of other ones. I've done comedy shows. We used to have a comedy club in Vermont that was on part of the tour circuit, so that was kind of cool. It was a small thing, but it was in Burlington, so people wouldn't buy it, so it was always fun. I love comedy shows. That shit is inspiring to me. That's about all I watch on Netflix. I watch every comedian. Oh, my God, dude. Middle of the divorce I was going through...

I need some new material. Comedy. I went down and it was either anime or comedy shows. That was it. I mean, that's all I was binging for months. Months. Binging that and depression. White Claw, depression, comedy, and anime. Man, I binged depression. Lost 40 pounds. Speed ran depression, yo. Who's your favorite comic?

Bernie Mac is definitely my favorite. Oh, shit. R.I.P. Bernie. Yeah, that was the unfortunate part. I was like, dang, all the people. But I think Bernie Mac, Cat Williams, and Arnett SJ are probably my top three. And then Dave Chappelle became one of my favorites now. I didn't find him as funny back in the day, but now I find him funny. What changed for you? I feel like his...

like his delivery style changed and it was kind of like almost educational and funny at the same time. - Versus just kind of going for like a shock value. - It was like shock value. I've never really been impressed by shock value like that. 'Cause I grew up in a racist town too. So, you know, like most of the stuff he joked about, I'm like, you know, it's like, it wasn't better than nothing I'd heard. You ever heard the word moon cricket before? - Milk cricket. - Moon cricket. - Don't say it. - Well, moon, it's for white people.

It's moon cricket. First of all, this is a racial slur. The first time I heard it, I didn't even know what it was. So I'm laughing. I'm like, I've never heard somebody get called a moon cricket. Isn't that batty?

Is that a white? We call, okay, so Mexicans, like, so I have milk cricket. Milk? Yeah, it's a milk cricket. Hey, milk cricket. So a moon cricket, like, this is complex, bro. It's like, you respect it. So it's basically, basically what it is. Back in the day, like when there were slave towns, like slavery days, right? Yeah. Slaves would be outside, you know, singing Negro spirituals. And so, like,

Like wading the world and all that. You know, the slave master trying to sleep. And so they was tired of all that. And so they called a moon creek. So there was like, you know, the slaves out there howling at the moonlight crickets. When I found out the definition, I was like,

You could have just called me the N-word. That's crazy. You got to respect that, though. You put some thought into that. You really rotating them slurs. I respect that. I respect that. Now when I get around people, you can't just crack a normal racist joke and impress me. You got to put some effort into it because I'm going to hurt the best of them. I'm way too white for this shit. Somebody call a shit heel. G-Van, cut me laughing out of all this. Right here. Just put this in.

So a moon cricket, like, this complex. I was like, yo, what is that? I'm thinking about a shithill. I'm thinking, like, I was playing Mafia III and heard that. I was like, dang, you know, I was in Mississippi a long time. I ain't never heard a shithill. That's impressive. You can't get mad when somebody puts that kind of, like, creativity into the insult.

I could guess that one. The N-word is a cop-out. Yeah, it's a cop-out. It's like, you're not even trying for real. Do you really hate me? I'm not feeling it. Our relationship is not how I think it should be. I think we need to go to counseling or something. It's not working out anymore. They put some effort. Damn, see, I've heard of milk cricket for white people. I've never heard of it. Porch monkey, jig boot. Batty, stop laughing. It's racist when you do it. Oh. Oh.

Oh my god, these are my this is this I'm in heaven right now. I think the craziest one I probably says myself somebody was darker than under a boot after a stomp not dark that is

Not laughing. That's not funny. Just mix that with my Asian accent. We just have a good old heyday over here. This is like some of that you laugh, you lose bullshit, but you don't just lose. You get canceled and laughed, and then I'm gone off the internet. This is it. I feel like the key to not getting canceled is to just not care. I always hoped almost that I got canceled so I could go on live and be like, I just want to let all y'all know. I'm going to have tears. You got to have tears.

You gotta make it real. I don't give a fuck. It's so unfortunate, bro. Nah, if I'm wrong, I'm like, I always tell my audience, if I say something wrong or do something wrong, like, hold me accountable because I expect my friends to do that. But if I'm not wrong, if it's like an opinion-based thing and you just got your feelings hurt, I can consider it. I can consider your feelings, but I'm not going to apologize because you got mad. I'm like, if everybody's laughing and you didn't laugh, okay, you laughed at the black jokes. Now it's your turn to get flamed and it's not funny. No.

Hypocrite. And that's the hardest part we've discussed in the past. It's like, this arrow right now, is that what's okay to make fun of? But also where it's like, that's the fucking line. And you're like, whoa, whoa, calm the fuck down. It'd be me. Eli, you have to apologize for doing an Asian accent. You're not Asian enough. I'd be like, what?

Kick on that YouTube. I'm like, I am so sorry for doing Asian accent. I will never do it again. That's the Uncle Roger. Uncle Roger. Very good. Hi-ya. Got the strong black man, strong white man together. Crossing bridges. Something about crickets. Batty was saying, don't know. Batty's like, no, I didn't say any crickets.

No, the funniest thing is people didn't know there's like white jokes. Because I love gaming because you go into a party and like, you know, the black jokes, you expect them, especially in a cod lobby. But nobody ever experienced white jokes before. They're not even jokes on a cod lobby. Yes, they were in the game chat and he was, I guess he was trying to impress his friends. So he's like, he's firing them off and I'm not impressed. So I'm like, dang, let me introduce you to another style of comedy right here. And then next thing you know,

I started cracking white jokes and he got offended. I was like, there's no way they're racist. You just taught me everything in the book and now you didn't know these existed? My, you ain't never heard these in your life. I'm like, the easiest ones, it's like, when it's like, you know, the white kid gets mad

He got angry at one point in the game. I just feel like your whole household is finna die really soon, including Sparky. Because when we get mad, he said something like, black people get mad, they go shoot up the gas station. I'm like, yeah, y'all get mad, y'all shoot the whole household up, the dog, the car, everything. That's crazy.

I think I called somebody his brunkle. He didn't like that word. Brunkle? Brother-uncle? Yeah, that incest. That Jamie, we're only related by blood. There's white stereotypes. You realize that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess he didn't know that people crack white jokes. I'm like, oh, well, you know. Y'all was on top for a minute with the black jokes. We let it go. Y'all stopped slipping, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We started apologizing and stuff.

Batty, bring back the black jokes. That's going to be your campaign for 2020. I respect an honest racist person. I like honest racist people. That's the campaign that's like, I'm honest and I'm racist. I hate you and I'll say it to your face. I can respect that. It's that person that act like they don't. You pop in the corner. It's like, I support this message. Like that person peeking out the window calling the cops. It's a black dude barbecuing outside. I think I smell some reefer. No.

Then you get that stop resisting special. That's what we call it. He's got to yell stop resisting. No boot stomp, bro. Motherfucker's already on the ground, hands cuffed, stop resisting. They're kicking him in the head. The cop's pulling up. I'm already hitting myself in the head. I'm like, I got you, man. Get the handcuffs. Yeah, you yell and stop resisting. Get your black ass on the ground.

You tap dance. I think the funniest thing to do is to get around white people that you know aren't racist and crack black jokes as a black person because they get really uncomfortable. Oh, they do. And it's fucking hilarious. Because all the minorities, we're going to laugh and we're going to look at you just waiting because as long as you laugh, we're going to all change to, what you laughing at? You're just funny, man. This is literally how I treat Patty. You got to tell them, hey, you're one of the good ones. You...

You're one of the good ones, buddy. I made it. Super excited to do this sheath ad read today. I'm actually wearing my spare pair. Super comfortable. Are they? Yeah. Eli? Eli? Oh, they do look comfortable. And they smell good. Oh!

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You seem like you call the cops when you have inconveniences. I can tell you, I'm only 25. I have never called the cops intentionally. Not once. I'll pocket dial them one time and apologize. It's an accident. Don't pull up, please. What do you think would be an inconvenience for him to dial for the police?

For him to call on? Yes. I mean, you can probably call him for just about anything, huh? I mean, just like, you know. I need to point something out real quick, though. You seem like they wouldn't like you. I got a lot of tattoos. Yeah, I was like, they actually might not like you too much. No, they don't. No. You definitely do not look like him. You definitely don't. In fairness, I ain't got a problem with cops because I got 16 warnings. That's not an exaggeration. 16 warnings for speeding.

I'm just likeable. I think that's what it is. When they pull you over, what do you say? The truth. I'd be like, man, you know, I was listening to Lil Boosie. I was banging my back on the seat. You know, I had the windows down. And I forgot my foot was on a gas pedal. Now I'm doing 80 in a 60. And they're like, you know what? Slow it down. And they give me a warning. And I drive off and do 80 in a 60 again. I had my license suspended five times by the age of 19 because of speeding. They gave me the tickets. They threw the book. They took my license.

I think it was only one time I almost got shot by a cop. Yeah. What'd you do? So I was driving. You know, I told you I lived in Mississippi, but I went to college in Oklahoma. So I'm heading back home for Christmas. It's like four in the morning.

a guy got pulled over on the side but it's like into a turn and so I'm coming around the turn there's a truck on my left side and you know you're supposed to move over so the cops you know pulled over couldn't do it because the truck's right beside me so I drive past him the redneck cop hops in the car right up on me and he comes up to the car yelling I'm like I don't finna get shot that's crazy and luckily a fucking Mexican spawned and I was

Spawned at the house? The cop, the Mexican cop. Oh, it was a Mexican cop. I guess he left the other guy to come. Because he came. I'm pretty sure you heard him. I'm like, why? Did you not see the truck that flew past? He's speeding, mind you. I'm doing the speed limit. But I'm like, I couldn't turn unless I got in a rake. So I'm like, what did you expect? And he's going off. I'm like, why you got your gun out, bro? And he's like, stop reaching. I'm like, you just knocked all my shit over, bro. You asking for something? You're not there. No, I'm hot-headed. So I'm like, I'm trying to remember what my dad told me. Just make sure you go home. But part of me is like, what?

Well, I mean, if I'm going to get shot, you better shoot me first. And luckily, the guy walks up, and I'm like, you know, God, he was looking. Because I'm not tempered. You could tell I was sitting there like this. I'm like, yep, I'm just pondering. Like, yeah, it's probably over with. It's probably over with. Is he going to shoot me in the face or the leg? I was like, right now, he got the advantage.

He didn't even ask if I had a gun in the car. Then the second time I got pulled over like that, the guy was like, you got any guns, dead hookers? I was like, I mean, probably a couple of dead hookers in the back, but other than that, no, I'm good. But I had painted my car black and I forgot to put my brake light back up. Yeah. And he pulled me over. Other than that, my experience with cops were pretty cool. I just picture it. Don't shoot. Or if you shoot, just keep it in the top of the body. I need my legs for tap dancing. Go. What?

Interpretive dance to let them know how I feel about the situation. Yeah, interpretive. That's what would be the best. How does this make you feel? First off, start crump dancing. It's just so frustrating. When I get my ID, everything you're doing right now is bothering me. Is that my skin? Am I black? Am I black? Right.

I thought he was reaching. That cam footage right there. I don't think it's anything worse than getting pulled over as a black man at nighttime in an all black car. Cause we got like 80% of the picture. As a white man. I agree. That's probably really bad. You know how like hard we are to see at nighttime. The cops walking up. He's like,

This car seems to have been driving itself. Oh, shit. There's a hoodie in the driver's seat. Nobody in it. How are you doing? I'm just letting you know, I'm going to turn the light on. It's kind of dark in here. It wasn't no street lights. I don't even know if his lights on his car were bright enough. I'm like, yeah, this ain't wrong.

Dude, I do the same. I don't know. Best advice I always give people is I was never a police officer, but my other police officer friends, like, yeah, when you just get pulled over, turn on the fucking overhead light. Just put your steering wheel, hands on the steering wheels, have the window down and just have a smile on your face. Majority of the time.

Way easier. I've been pulled over with like a fucking armory in the back of my car before and after leaving a range day and when we leave range days, it's not like a gun. I do one even better. They don't even make it to the car all the way. I roll the window down. I'm like this. Every time a cop, how you doing? You good? All right. Yep. Anything you want. I ain't reaching for nothing. You got it. Eli.

What did you just do with your fucking hands? This one? Yeah, but what is your fingers doing? Oh, he gang banged.

No, that's his autism showing. He threw it up. Eli put his hands up and he's just like... I was thinking like if you're holding your ID and your insurance. I thought he was doing that great Saiyan man pose. Actually, you're an anime nerd. You animate video games. Did you start growing up? He grew up poor as me. I think I got...

Xbox in high school. We all shared, and we had a Nintendo 64 and a PS1 that my dad had. That's about the only thing we had, though. We had a game system, usually. You had a PS1 when you were five, right? I was probably younger than that, honestly. It was my dad's. But that's crazy. You have to understand, PlayStation came out when I was in middle school.

Y'all said how old y'all were. I was dumbfounded. I was like, there's no... I would have gave you a nice little 20. Okay, I'm only 33. He's almost 40. I would have thought both of y'all were in y'all 20s. I'm not joking. That's just because this bright shirt. We're idiots. Yeah, bro. I got a Nintendo when it was new at five. This is going to sound like an insult, but white people kind of age like milk.

You don't look aged at all. Hey, that's a good thing. I haven't turned, I haven't spoiled yet. Poor Jack Mandeville. I feel like minorities like age like this. Like we don't age immediately, but when we do, it's just like, it hits you like a truck. Like you're old today. Bro, sometimes. Like Asian people, they look young. They're almost their entire life. And then, you know, 96, they look like they're 4,000 years old. K-pop star to God.

Shifu. Yeah, an old Japanese lady that has welded her entire life is what happens. You're just like petite, petite. There's a cartoon for that little comic where it's the petite, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful 16. It's like,

What the hell happened? I don't know. Where in one year did this? Suddenly she's going to help me find the Dragon Balls. Like, I get it. She's a wizard at that point. You're like, what the fuck? So how long you been doing video? So PlayStation, what's your favorite game? Like, what was your first system? And then what was like, oh, this is what I love to fucking do. I want to say I've owned every system that came out at some point in time, other than like the newer PlayStations. So like the Atari, Super Nintendo, all that. I played all those Dreamcasts.

My favorite game was Jack 2, Jack 3 on PlayStation 2. Oh, man. So, off of that, that's always going to be my favorite system because that game, I've played that game I don't know how many times and it's still better than anything else I've played, I guess. If they made that game today, I'd buy a PlayStation. First Form game is 15 seconds to do now. First Form! Opti-Green 50. Microfactor! Firstform.com slash unsubscribe! First Form!

They made another one. When was the last Jack? Jack and Dexter? I want to say it was Jack X Racing. It was the racing game. I feel like they're making a new Ratchet and Clank, I think. Yeah, a new Ratchet. But I swear there was another Jack game. They made Daxter on the PSP.

It was like a solo game. God, the PSP. What a fucking weird system that shit was. I love the Dreamcast. Dreamcast was amazing. Anything that's like violent, if it's a violent video game, I'm playing it. I like violence. And now you're going through the Demon's Souls series? Or did you just start with Demon's Souls 3? Dark Souls. Dark Souls. Dark Souls experience is funny. So this was years ago when the game, I think it originally came out. I downloaded it.

Had no idea what I was getting myself into. Nobody told me nothing. I turned the game on. I'm like, it starts off in the tutorial kind of. And it's like, okay, you're going to walk here. I'm learning like the buttons. And you walk in. I see this guy with a sword in his stomach. I'm like, oh, that's a dope sword he got. I'm going to go take it. Pulled it out. He stood up 17 foot 20. And I was like, okay. And I picked the assassin character. So I got this little paper plate shield and like a Peter Pan. And he got a fucking Guan Yu sword. I'm like, this is very...

He got that reach advantage. He's stronger than me. So I fought him 40 times before I got him to half bar. By this time, I'm like, oh, I got the game figured out. This is my experience with Dark Souls 3. I'm going to beat his ass now, bro.

Half bar and a demon spawns out his body. I about broke my Xbox. There's no way y'all thought that this was a good idea. I was already losing. And you're going to make him stronger? 142 fights later, I believe, I actually killed him. And I deleted the game. And that was the tutorial. Fast forward all the way back to like three days ago. I bought the game again. And I beat it, I think, yesterday or the day before that. But I breezed through it, though, because I played Elden Ring twice.

My friend bought Elden Ring and I learned the play style of the game and now the game's easy. So I can play any Dark Souls game. It's easy. You own a Sakura, right?

Sakura? Sekiro. I played that and it's one more. Yeah, I played that and one more. The game is just easy to me now. Oh, dang, bro. Wu-Long is kind of like that too. Sakura or whatever that one says. Sekai. What is that? I think it's Sekiro. I might be saying it wrong myself. I think it's Sekiro though. Yeah. You're right. That's like the feudal Japan style. It's Demon's Souls, but you can't level up, which is...

you have to just get good and beat the boss. That was the biggest switch from it's like, oh, go just fight this way. Level up my shit. Come back and beat this boss when they're easier. So it was like, no, get good. I feel like the tutorial didn't even prepare me for anything. And then mind you, I didn't even realize it was a smaller boss before that fight over in the corner because I didn't walk over there. And I'm like, the pathway would send me this direction. Never sent me to like the, oh, this is going to get you ready for what you have to experience. No, went straight to the guy and got my ass beat. Like,

I think the only game that made me that mad was fighting in Tekken 7, and you get to the end, and you fight Akuma. And they don't tell you that you can't dodge his little super move. No matter what your health bar looks like, you're going to die. Oh, yeah. And I fought him 46 times before I figured out you were supposed to jump. I was like, bro, I will break my Xbox right now. I was like, bro, I was so fucking angry. He had no business on the game anyway because he got powers, but I was like, yeah, that

He was actually a broken character. So Tekken, that was everyone started using Akuma at the World Championships because he was so broken. And then Instant Hell Murderer, score, score, forward, XL1. What? It's a 15-hit combo. You can't block it. You can't block it. You're going to die. He just rehearsed it, though. Yeah. He probably seen it. I played a lot of fighting games going. Tekken is my favorite fighting game. So I'm like, I am not a fighter. You know what my experience with fighting games is? Dead or Alive 4.

That game was good. Had a photo mode. You can bet your ass I had nothing but photos of Titty City. Oh my god. Beach volleyball. Dead or Alive 4 beach volleyball. That was my fighting game experience. Old Steven Spielberg over here. Buys a fighting game to make movies. He's like, okay, yeah, there we go. Yeah.

man these jiggle mechanics are nice it was nothing but goddamn jiggle physics and you know what i'm proud of it fuck it i don't give a shit it was the first fighting game with fans like yes this is nice you know they knew what they were doing when one of the spinoffs was uh dead or alive beach volleyball yeah yeah straight gambling beach volleyball and trying to legitimately bro that might have been one of the first games i ever had to download i didn't buy it

You were like I can't I was under 18 I go to the gate like usually have to be driven to the mall or wherever you're buying a game of your parents with you. Oh, yeah No, mom. I'll just buy this Xbox game card for $100. Thanks plug in that I got $100 credit on the Xbox store. What do you get Kyle? I don't like when you call me Kyle. It sounds derogatory Bolly ball this game has profanity just as dead institution murder

I would have made up a story for my family. They're like, what are you doing? What is this game? Fighting? Volleyball simulator with dudes.

Their dad's like, with dudes. With dudes. Let's go do some push-ups. After I play this game. I wasn't a fighting game guy. Fighting games get toxic once you get to the skill level that I'm at. Because it's pretty much who got their kid off first. Who got the juggle off first. Because you're dead. That's a guarantee. We spent two hours a day just doing the same combo over and over again. And you did the same thing.

who's gonna miss their block first and then at that point I'm like I don't wanna play this shit anymore no it's a counter game and then you play in the new like the Dragon Ball Fighters was really good that was a boot guy no Dragon Ball Fighters like the Xeno oh no the 2D yeah I kid you not I tried to play that game but my friends they I mean I'm the best in all the fighting games but that was the only one I didn't play so I go in they're gonna teach me how to play the game usually what we do is we just beat you to learn how to play it my friend picked I think he picked

I think he picked two versions of Broly and Ultra Instinct Goku. Oh, dude, yeah, Broly's fucking broke, bro. I wasn't a cutscene the entire time. I haven't played the game since. I was like, I'm good. I'm too far behind to try to catch up with everybody. That's what happened. It looked like a Naruto. You know when you play Ninja Storm and you see that cutscene pop up and you know you lost the fight? That's pretty much what happened. The entire time, though, because all of them are... With the cutscenes pop up in a fighting game, you're like... Yep, he's like, my sensei always told me I'd be the strongest. Yep, I'm dead. It's black and white. I'm a filler episode. Fuck.

And that's every, dude, because all the supers on Dragon Ball Super or Dragon Ball FighterZ go into cut scenes. So it's like, Brawley shows up, boom, you get hit and your character's just like, what? A new cut scene starts, you're like, no. Come in, come in. No.

I'm like, bro, I might as well just spectate the match at this point. I don't think I pressed the button. I was like, yeah, I'm good on this game. I'm going to play it one day, though, and sneak in and be good. Yeah. Dude, that game's fucking brutal. Dude, fighting games? You played Elden Rings and then Morrowind and Stunnering. I think I tried...

Morrowind's the Skyrim game, isn't it? Yeah. No, so... Oof. Oof! Don't you dare! A cursed game, because Skyrim was my favorite game on Xbox. Morrowind was Elder Scrolls III before Skyrim. I expected it to be like Skyrim.

You're not getting it, bro. I spent $100 on the deluxe edition. I was like, I'm going to have so much fun. Elder Scrolls Online is different than Morrowind. That shit's so ass. They're different games. It's the worst game I have ever played in my life. I'm so hurt right now. Let me tell you something. You got to understand. I went from Skyrim with the expectation of thinking that this was going to be an online version of Skyrim. It's very different. Mind you, I was an archer and

Of course you were Stealth Archer. Yeah, Stealth Archer. Everybody fucking was. Stealth Archer. Yeah, we all had that. Oh, God, yeah, everybody was. Get into ESO. There's no ragdoll mechanics. So, like, shooting somebody from across the map, not funny anymore. And then on top of that, the arrow, you don't even, like, shoot the arrow anymore. It just kind of just drops off with that weak animation. And then there's, like, that, you know, like me when I was on stage. This is the bear dying.

I'm like, what the fuck is this? I'm like level six. I've never played the game again. Every day I just, I think about playing it because I spent $100 on it, but I just know I'm never going to give that game a shot again. I went in there and hit some little spider, robot spiders. Just wasn't doing it for me. I deleted it again. Dwemer.

I've never played that one. See, I never played Elder Scrolls Online. You saved yourself some time. It wouldn't be bad if you didn't have that expectation that I had. So I'm a big Elder Scrolls fan. I have Aldo and the role leader tattooed on my arm. And so I played the fuck out of Elder Scrolls Online when it first dropped before the Morrowind expansion. So it's just an expansion. The actual Morrowind game was Elder Scrolls 3, which is a separate game series.

So what's the actual name of like the, is it Elder Scrolls? It's just Elder Scrolls Online. So Skyrim is its own. So Elder Scrolls is the main series. And then you have Elder Scrolls, or Elder Scrolls is the main, then you have Morrowind, Skyrim. First you have Daggerfall, you have Arena, you have Morrowind. Elder Scrolls 3, Morrowind. Elder Scrolls 4, Oblivion. Elder Scrolls 5, Skyrim.

And then Elder Scrolls Online ESO is its own separate through ZeniMax Online Studios, its own separate fucking game. And unfortunately, we just found out over the last month through this Xbox trial thing with them trying to buy Activision Blizzard. They announced that Elder Scrolls 6 was probably five years away still after they dropped the trailer in 2017.

Well, I mean, in fairness, you know, GTA V came out when I was in high school. I've gotten two degrees since then. I have like six All-American medals. I won the Kansas Relays. I was on ESPN. Oh, I'm fast as hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've like, my whole life changed. So has he. GTA VI still ain't came out yet. Batting in Sprint. I almost died. You know how messed up it would be to die and GTA VI didn't come out? Wait, why'd you almost die? Think about it.

I've almost died a bunch of times. A whole lot of times I've almost died. I just don't die, though. I'm kind of like that guy in The Walking Dead. You know, Morgan? That's me. I just got plot armor. I just got plot armor. I don't know. Plot armor? I used to be in some unfortunate situations. I got plot armor. Or a plot armor shirt's a really good merch. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's good-ass merch. Plot armor is very, you know, it's like Batman. It's just plot armor. Oh, yeah. That dude ain't Batman. I hate Batman. That's why I hate the Batman joke. Why do you hate Batman? He's just a white dude with money.

I mean... What kind of power is that? Logically speaking, it's fake, but logically speaking. What kind of power is that? Elon Musk has something. What power is that when you got somebody like Superman? Logically speaking, there's no logical reason why he'd ever win in that fight. Well, that's why I love the Pete Holmes videos. You watch his version of Batman, Pete Holmes? You've never seen the Pete Holmes version of Batman? I feel like I need to watch it now. Holy shit, that's when it's like Superman comes down and he's like, Hey!

What's up, Superman? It's like, I'm here to ask you to be on my team. You're fucking stupid. Are you dumb? I'm just rich. That's it. You can break people in half. It's like, I need your help, Bruce Wayne. Why? Why?

Bane broke my back and paralyzed me. You could cut him in fucking half with your eyes. You're white bread, you boring ass hero. So it's just this back and forth of like, I'm never going to kill anybody because Batman also doesn't kill anyone which causes more problems. I hate Superman just as much as I hate Batman. So, you know, it's a good balance. But what about One Punch Man? I like Saitama. Because he's like, Saitama is pretty much Superman but it's obvious that he's just busted for no reason.

There's no fun if you can't lose. So it's like Superman, he pulls like Zack Snyder's movie. When they're all getting their ass beat and then he just shows up and I'm like, something tells me this fight is over. No point was he ever struggling. I don't think his suit got a rip in or nothing. His breath didn't get hot. It's just...

He wasn't breathing heavy. Nothing. Bro just came in there and folded everybody. All right. Well, I mean, Aquaman and Aquaman, he gets disrespected every time he gets put like in movie form. Because to be fair, it's just fish, dude. Yeah. Like what is his his power never get showcased. He just got a stick. He got there fighting with a trident. That's it. And he get beat up. Like every scene was him getting knocked off the screen. I'm like, damn, bro. He got paid, though. He got paid. He calls fish.

When you think about it, it's like that Family Guy one that's really bad. When it's that guy's beating up that girl on the beach and she's like, Aquaman, help me. He's like, I can't. It's on the beach. What's the time races? I can come and help you. What was the boys version of Aquaman? What was his fucking name? The Deep. The Deep. And that motherfucker just fucking a dolphin or some shit when they're transporting it. Dude, have you watched The Boys? No. No.

Bro. Oh, my God. You have not seen The Boys? You need to watch The Boys. You are going to love The Boys. Imagine superheroes, but how they'd actually be when you have that social media fame money and you start with that as a kid. How many fucked up superheroes would you have? I don't know. If I was a superhero, it would be a wrap. Well, that's this entire show. I feel like Deadpool is like the best case scenario. Yeah.

The seriousness in that voice. I'm like, there's not... Somebody's going to get thrashed. But I'm like, they were bad, though. You got to remember that. They were bad. They're going to get fucked up terribly. I'm so excited for the new Deadpool. You've been seeing the leaks coming out with it. Oh, my God. Wolverine. If they ever in their life let me talk to him and he make a sidekick in his movie, that movie's going to do. You're the sidekick? If I was his sidekick in a movie, I feel like that should be hilarious. Oh, my God. This is the perfect transition into...

The superhero powers we haven't done. Holy shit, we haven't done the offenders in a while. The offenders, it's our superhero team. We have a group. There's the Avengers, whatever. We have the offenders. And every one of us has a superpower, like Eli has super speed. I have super strength. You'll love Cody's power. Ha ha ha!

The immediate laugh, I just noticed something crazy. We do, so we offset when you have these with very negative things. So like Cody, his was fly. But in order to fly, he has to yell just racial slurs. So to help people. So he just stays away from any bad air. He's outside of San Antonio. He's like, nah.

I can't help you guys. There's a building on fire. He brings a ladder. He puts it up and climbs up. He's like, can't you fly? Close your ears, sweet. So Eli's power, obviously he's super fast. Fastest man on the planet. He has explosive diarrhea the entire time. He's sprinting that speed. Plus I have a five second cool down. So I'd like show up and I can't help immediately. Or maybe it was like five minutes. So I'm like.

Just hold on. Batty just comes when he uses any application of strength. Any application of strength. It's real awkward. He's going to spend a lot of time in prison. I'm just not going to help anybody. I'm not going to help anybody. He saved my life, but I think I got assaulted. I think that's a sexual assault.

So you have to think of your superpower. And then we will find an answer. I already know. Mine is shapeshifting. That's the greatest superpower. I just know the outcome, the opposite, is going to be horrible, though. Oh, man. Actually, okay. I'll be stuck in human form. I can tell. It's going to be terrible. Oh, dang. Okay, okay, okay. You can shapeshift, but you don't always get to choose what you shapeshift into.

That's unfortunate. That's actually pretty hilarious. You're like, "Yeah! Uh, I'm gonna turn into a bird!" Or something, like, you can give like an idea, like, "I'm gonna turn into something that can fly!" And then you're a fucking mosquito, and you're like... I imagine, like, somebody's about to get mauled by a lion in the zoo. They fell in the cage. And you turn into a fucking lion. I'm gonna turn into a lion and match the energy. And I'll turn into a turtle.

Ladies and gentlemen stand back. I will save him you jump into that cage and you turn into a turtle no no Laying eggs

Now he's getting picked up by a seagull. Can't do anything. I'm so sorry. Ten minutes. It's a cool down period. I just stay like this. It's that or I mean that's probably the best one. That's a really good one. You just have no control. Yeah. I like the idea that like it's something in the same like species or genus or something in the same like type. Like you want to turn something that can swim.

There's a lot of shit that can swim. A lot of flippers out there. Turn into a puppy and you're getting chased by a shark. I'm like, yeah, this is going to work out great for me. Doggy paddle. All dogs go to heaven. It's a plus side. You're going to be all right.

We're going to see the other side. Yeah, you can shape shift. Sometimes it probably works out great, you know? I just think about the possibilities with shapeshifts. During sex, the person you're having sex with shapeshifts, and you have no control of what they turn into. Yeah, I'd probably change my power after something like that. That's the reaction we want. It's like, this is a dope-ass power. The second the penis enters it, hippopotamus. Over with. You're like, no!

It's so unfortunate. That would be the worst. That's terrible. The hottest people. You're just like, the love of my life. And the second you put your penis in there. Andre the Giant's there. Yeah. Can you imagine a funeral? How did he die? Well, you see. He said he wanted me to talk good about him. I think we should go to the next part of the funeral service.

I'm going to be on a list somewhere after that. God damn. The worst humans that was ever on the planet. He got caught fucking a hippo. That poor hippo turned into a woman after they were done. You know how bad? He was down bad. Oh my God. The hippo was just crushing you. It's like what Moto Moto say? I like them big. I like them chunky. That's horrible. I don't even know what power I'd pick after that. I'd probably pick something lame.

Like the guy that rides the bike in... Oh, fucking... Kamen Rider? Yeah, the guy... Merman Rider, right? Kamen Rider? Merman. Merman. Merman? Somehow he ain't died yet. Dude, I do one of the best. When he fights Sea King, though, and he just gets his fucking ass beat. Justice Attack! And his leg is just getting fucking slammed. I want to say it's the Merman Rider.

Is this One Punch Man? Yeah. One Punch Man, Merman Rider. So Kamen Rider is a different thing. Yeah. Mumen Rider is a play on Kamen Rider, which is the original shitty superhero. He's a knockoff of Kamen Rider. Wait, there's an actual... Yeah. What's Kamen Rider from? This guy. I recognize that helmet. Yeah. That looks like one of that old... The V-Man. Oh, fuck. It's like Ultraman.

That looked like an Ultraman character. I might be too young. I don't know who Ultraman is. That Ultraman way older than Captain Planet. It was an old school fucking Japanese live action show. And he was the main protagonist. It was Kamen Rider. I feel like if they ever make a Static Shock movie, I should be the main character. 1971 television series. Oh, yeah. I don't think my parents were alive then. Eli was. Dude, Kamen Rider? Yeah.

That is, I'm still surprised. I am fucking amazed you've never watched The Boys. Yeah, The Boys is real good. I only watch TV when I eat. And my girlfriend thinks it's stupid. I'm like, I could be watching the show. The last bite that I take, I'm turning it off wherever it's at. That's really funny you say that because I am the same way. When I am eating, I want to be watching a show or something. And Tay's always like,

why why are you doing that why don't you like i'm like what do you mean that's just like that's how i was that's how i was like raised like when you're when we're all eating together we're usually watching something yeah and now i i still i still do that i'll i sit down and eat pull my phone open up youtube or some shit or i'll flip on anime a movie it's weird to me because i cannot imagine just sitting there and nothing and eating i'd be like

Hi. Just hearing the fucking fork and spoon on your plate. That's the poor people talk. That's what this is. That was our time to just shut up and enjoy something. We gotta do something else, man. I was happy then. Hey, I'm living the dream. But man, what? Wolverine Deadpool. Oh, yeah, but still the boys. He hasn't seen that. Just we'll give a quick synopsis. Imagine just everyone like superheroes are fucking.

Fucked up. They do drugs. They're awful people. And because the power went to their head and they're worshipped like gods. And then you have humans that can't fucking do anything to stop them. So this is kind of like... I don't know the name of the show. It's violent. It's some show I see clips of where...

The guy that's technically Superman is like a bad guy. Yeah. What's the Omni-Man? No, no, no. It's like actual people. Yeah, that's Homelander. Oh, yeah. Homelander. Yeah, that's the boys. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's the boys. I've seen clips of that. I've never actually watched it, but I've seen the clips, and that shit is fucking hilarious. It's very good. What's the cartoon one with Omni-Man? Invincible. Invincible, yeah. I saw him murder his son, and I was like...

This is... So, Invincible is like a cartoon version of The Boys. Yeah. It's just as bloody. That was different. I was like, okay. Yeah, if you like violence, you will love The Boys because it is fucking fine. Like...

Everything. You're a dick. What's wrong with the person that wrote this? You going through something? Dude, the dicks. Oh, man. Yeah, we won't even fucking. Why do you keep talking about the dicks? Yeah, the dicks. That ain't season three. I know, but there's so much more than that one scene in the dicks. But that scene was brutal to watch. That was one of the few scenes I was like, oh, my. Okay. It's like the red wedding. Somebody lost a penis? Loss is an understatement. Yeah. Dang. You feel it. When that happens, you just.

You stop for a minute. You're just like, oh. The CGI was so good during this. The one time you wish the graphics were bad. It's like, I'm traumatized. Oh, that was like one of the few times where I was like. I knew you were peeking though. I didn't know what to do. I was just like, oh my God, what the fuck is going on? I imagine what VR would be like if the graphics were really good.

Because that was this horror game I seen on Twitter. It's not out yet, I don't believe. But when I first started watching it, I thought that it was like actual footage. She was in the woods and a floating chick, the chick came out. And that little girl running on the fucking fence. I broke everything in my house. What's the game called? I have no idea. I didn't even want to find out because I wasn't going to play it. It's the same tech that's using that first person shooter. Uncaptured, uncut. Yeah, that photorealistic one.

Bro, that photo realism shit, I know what you're talking about. Just now, the games I have that are horror games, the graphics aren't bad enough to be scary, but the sound effects are really good. You put the sound effects with those graphics, I'd have ran into a wall in real life. Because if it really gets you, you'll really forget that you're in the Oculus for a second. It's like, I got to get out of here. This is terrible. When I seen her start flying in the air, I couldn't imagine that being attached to my face. Well, have you played any horror games in VR? I played Cosmo Dread.

so far. I'm actually making a video and I haven't put it out yet, but it's probably going to be one of the funniest videos that I've put out so far. It is funny because it starts off with me pretty much talking about how this is white people shit. I would never be doing this. I'd never be doing this. So that's what makes it funny. But I...

As I'm playing it, I'm realizing the graphics ain't that good, but the sound effects kind of make you paranoid. You start getting sucked into it. Crawling above you, but you turn and nothing's there. And then when you don't think anything's there, I've noticed one part where the room's black, the whole shit's dark. All you have is a flashlight on your wrist. And I'm pointing the flashlight, and the guy is at the end of the hallway. It flickers, comes back on, he's right in front of me. I was like, bro...

My heart just... And these graphics are horrible. So I'm like, bro, this was realistic. I might have shit myself just then. Like that was fucking terrible. A lot of these horror games are doing now is that they've found ambient sounds like tones that will just constantly hum like... Because there's some frequencies that fuck with you more than... Yes. So they'll have these tones running throughout a scene. They'll slowly build up to a point where you don't really notice it's there.

But it's still giving you that emotional, that visceral reaction. And then they'll drop in some horror. Like there's a guy at the end of the hall, light flickers, he's in your face. But the entire time you've been put on edge, you've been made to be in like almost a distressed state. Shit's fucked up, man. I love it. You're in hyper-visual mode. And that's very stressful on the human body. So when you're in there, there's one game. VR, if you've played, did you ever play P.T.?

Hideo Kojima's, it was like the Silent Hill. Ain't nobody played PT. It was like eight people that played PT, Eli. It was fucking terrifying. One of the scariest games for the PS4. Came out in 1984. Yeah, 1984 on the PS4. No, we're joking. He was like, what? So it came out like 2014 to 16, and Hideo Kojima, the guy that made Metal Gear, created it.

It was Silent Hill. Respawn of Silent Hill. Terrifying. Then they made a VR version of said game. And it, even if you played the regular game, the second you put that VR, because it uses the photo realism like the Woods game. So you're just walking through this never-ending thing.

but you start looking, you hear all the sound, you're like, oh, fuck. I'm like, I'm finna turn this off. I've been reminding myself, like, when I'm playing my game sometimes, like, I pay for this. I pay for this. I gotta experience it, but I'm like, this might have been a bad idea. Like, I feel like once I take it off and I'm sitting in a room, because the room's usually empty, I just start hearing shit, and I'm like,

Somebody downstairs? I think somebody's in here right now. You start clearing the house, you're like... That's been a lot of things a lot of streamers have been having with alerts. There's new sound alerts, basically, that sound like they're directional. Yeah. So it sounds like knock, knock, knock. And then people... Dude, the amount of people I've seen rip headsets off to do this shit when it was just an alert on their headset. It's terrible. Dude, that's... Diablo, when you're in the Alchemist, they have those like...

tink tink tink my headphones for whatever reason i was like on there no one was home sav was gone so i'm on the da da da we're playing diablo i've never it's my first time being at the alchemist so i just run in doing that and i'm sitting there talking to chat and it's like that tink tink tink like someone working on it sounds like fucking dishes is and it's my room that goes down my doorway that goes down into my kitchen and it sounded like someone was messing with plates down sarah i was i was like

Chad just seen me do this, grab gun. I start walking downstairs. It was like looking around. I was like, what the fuck? I go back upstairs. I was like, sorry guys. I swore. I just heard fucking someone playing plates and put it on. And it was like, tink, tink, tink. I was like,

I was like, mother fucker. Holy shit. That just gave me this. Oh, because it was perfectly placed with that fucking like that spatial sound really fucks with you. Like, yeah, that happened to me once when I was streaming, but it wasn't the game. It was actually the cops. Oh,

I was playing, I'm streaming and I'm like, you know, I just, I feel like I hear cop, like I feel like I hear cop horns right now. And he's like, nah, nah, I think you tripping. But eventually I'm like, nah, like I definitely hear him. And now I look to my window and I just see the lights flashing on the wall. I'm like, oh shit. So I grabbed my gun because I'm like, I don't know what's going on. And I walked to my backyard. I see three people back. There's three cops in my backyard with flashlights, but they weren't looking for me. They were looking for my neighbor.

And I'm like, yeah, I don't think it was a good idea to like maybe knock on the door or something. Let me know. Cause I could have shot the shot on y'all. Now I'm finna get aired out. So they looked for him for like two hours. It turns out he was hiding in the dumpster beside the house the whole time. They were like just about to leave. I hear him like, all right, you know, I guess he got away. And then, uh, they,

the dog like barks at the trash can and he was like oh wow dude get out of there and I see his head pop out I'm like what y'all didn't check the one spot right that's the only place he could have hid oh but that's crazy they had the whole neighborhood blocked off I'm like that is ridiculous just hiding in

A little crackhead just pops his head out. Pops his head out the trash can. That's ridiculous. Well, I haven't been anywhere. I ain't hiding. I live here. This is my home. What excuse or lie is he going to come up with justifying being in a trash can? I see the lights and I'm like, man, what did I do? I don't think I did anything. I've been at home. Oh, okay. I haven't left the house in a month. I wonder if that one game, I don't know if either of you have seen it. Did you see the game that was, it was a horror game being developed.

It wasn't for VR yet. It was how you choose paths, and then the game learned your fears based off of what hallways you would take. What? You're really fucking genius. No, I ain't never heard of that. I don't want to hear that. You would walk up to a room, and there would be like two hallways to go down, three hallways, and one would have spider webs, one would have dark, one would have that. So then it would be like, oh, homeboy's afraid of the dark because he didn't do this, not afraid of this. So then it would start incorporating that for VR.

later to fuck with you in the game. It was really good. I don't feel like that really would get me that bad. In VR, probably. There's only two things I'm actually scared of to present day. I'm scared of being paralyzed. That's number one. And two is ghost. And in a video game, if it's a ghost, I can't see it. So it's like...

It's the thought of like in real life, it's like it's there and I can't do anything to defend myself. So think, you walk up to a hallway, there's like a hallway that has like flickering lights and then like a spider web hallway and you're like, oh, I'm going to do this one. And you see it flicker, flicker, and then a ghost or an apparition appears and disappears. You're like, well, fuck that hallway. I'm going to do the spider ones. Now it knows it's like,

Oh, Homeboy doesn't like this or this. Yeah, so then what he did, it would place it on how you would turn around. So I remember one, you walked up to this edge. It was a hallway, but there was an edge. So the guy's like, oh. He turns around, and then his fear was right behind him. And then he'd shoot himself. Yeah, he jumped backwards into the hole. He's like, fuck! And his character went backwards, fell in the hole. Dad came over, started killing him. Yeah. It's a really good basis of... Oh, man.

VR is getting wild. I love it so much. I just fucking... I am excited for more like... I don't know, man. I'm still banking that I don't die before we get the first real VR MMO. Yeah. I just want... I like playing the shooter games because you get to see who's never kind of shot a gun in real life. Oh, yeah. Because they have the worst... I'm like, you're the guy that'd be sweating and sliding across the floor on the Xbox. You get in VR and you can't shoot anything. This is fucking horrible. Not that they're that similar, but I'm like, it's...

But you can see the difference in the VR. Yeah, VR, you got to be able to at least know a little bit about guns. You got to drop a mag. Especially like armor. I know guys, they don't even know how to load the gun. I'm like, well, you're going to get fucked up. Like me, I grew up in the country, so I've been shooting guns my whole life. I go in there, I'm a fucking god. I'm doing everybody dirty.

I don't want the last time I played, I'm playing with like these guys are all like former military cops and they're in there like giving out call outs and stuff. I'm not military or a cop. So I don't know anything that they're talking about. So they're like setting up a strategy and the game starts. You got to kill the VIP. I left everybody and went and killed them. And then the game, we go back in the lobby. Who killed him? I said, I ain't gonna lie. I didn't know none of that shit, man. I just shot him.

I just bust out laughing. I was like, yeah. I don't know. This is what I knew how to do. I know how to shoot. He was over there. I got him. I'm like, oh, okay. Okay, team, you ready? Everyone got their position? Stack on me. Stack on me. Stack on me. Where the fuck is Freddo at? Where's our boy? Where's the new guy? Where's our boy? Bang, bang, bang, bang. Mission accomplished. You walking down the door. He's dead. Here's his head. Like that Key and Peele skit. I miss Key and Peele.

That was a great show. Dude, when did they end? They still do some skits together or no? I don't know. I've seen on YouTube they post the old clips over and over. Constantly it's the old clips. That's the thing. Their show came out at the time when TV shows were going to web shows. So a lot of their stuff was on some weird web service the entire time. And then reruns would maybe hit Comedy Central or something like that. And then Peele took off as the director, right?

I still can't tell which one is which. I just know when I see them, like, this is that one. See? Not racist. You say it. Very racist. I say, all black people look alike. I used to hate that. If I got locks, you look like Future. You look like Young Thug. I'm like, now you notice how neither one of those people look alike, but I somehow look like both of them?

Just say I'm black and get it over with. That'll make it easy. I don't know who any of those people are. Somebody told me I look like Bob Marley. Really? You see me right now. I don't know what Bob Marley looks like. You don't know Bob Marley? I know who he is. He had dreadlocks. I don't know. Dude, yeah. Actually, if you asked me to draw a picture of Bob... If you said draw a picture of Bob Marley... It'd probably be the cinnamon twist dude from the Apple Podcast. Holy shit! I know that guy, though.

They said I like him too. I was like, I can kind of see that though. So, you know, I gave him that. But yeah, it was like, they got locks. You look like him. I'm like, okay, I get the blueprint now. It could be a white dude with locks. They'd be like, you look just like him. Okay, I got you. Tarzan. Look, this is going to sound crazy. Just because you have locks, you look like Tarzan. I really believe the only reason Tarzan wasn't black is because he would have got canceled. Oh. I would have played the fuck out that role though. Like,

Black people will be embarrassed to see me on monkey bars. I'm telling you. I'm nice. I'm nice, son. I'm nice, bro. I'll be skipping them shits. Come for me. Don't put me in this segment. This is your reel you send to try out for the role? I can't deny it. I got it down pat. I'm like, I'm built like my narrative thing, bro. Check me out. I don't even need a stuntman. And I was like, you know what? I can hear it now. Racists are going to go watch it, though.

You think about it. We're going to do numbers. I'm like, bro, they finna be in there cracking all the jokes. And I'm going to be getting paid, so I don't care. I'm fine with it. Let's see a black dude act like a monkey. Oh, yeah. I'm going to see that. I just pictured the producers. You trying out for the role and you send that in. And LA is just like, okay, let's see what we have here. Play. Oh, my God. I don't know how this is going to go over.

Not if they don't pick you as a racist. I feel like it would be historically... Well, I mean, based off the story, I guess it does make sense. But, you know, I feel like I play the fuck out of that role. Not too many characters I feel like should have got race swapped. He was going to... Well, I don't feel like you should. I feel like it would work, though. That's one Disney, you know, that conversation came up once or twice. And they're like, Tarzan, but black. And then the... The person with the pink hair? Mm-mm. That was probably a... That's racist. A couple people were like...

That's just afraid to get canceled. They're like, I just don't think it's a good. No, it's because I'm black, ain't it? Let me be offended. You don't worry about it. I'm not offended. I don't care.

They were like, ah, Little Mermaid. We're fine with that. Now, granted, if you play the monkey too good, though, black people are not going to be too happy about that. I can do unnecessary monkey stuff. Tarzan didn't even do that. Unnecessary monkey shit. Come on, bro. You can't. I'm just walking around doing this. He never did that. That was you. You making a mistake, bro. I added it. It was giving my own flair to it. That's the one thing about being black. If you do anything, everybody is responsible for what you did.

Like if a dude I kid you not If a dude go shoot something up today They gonna be like yeah you know that 13% man I can afford to read racist comments That shit is hilarious to me Everybody else like most black people might not think that shit funny But I like to go read them it's funny It's so fucking funny bro I was like seeing a video of these black people They had went and robbed a grocery store There was like three of them The whole comment section 13% of the population this don't seem any different I'm like why is this like Why do y'all always do this

And it'd be funny because I'm like, y'all say the same shit, but I'm like, what's the percentage of black people that actually commit crimes in comparison? You actually know what it is? No idea. It's minuscule. Like, I think above like...

80% of black people never committed any kind of kind of crime at all But if those that that 1% like the small percentage if they do anything wrong black people all y'all criminals y'all hooligans Because like if we see a video of a white kid still

And you read the comment section, it's going to be a bunch of black people talking about, lock the criminal up. This don't seem any different. Yep, there it is. It's just funny, though. I don't think anybody actually cares. It's hilarious. It's weird because like Mexican, I don't, I guess I just don't look into my people's thing. Like it's immigrants or anything like that. I'm like, man, whatever. I don't fucking care. My people are dope. My people are brown. Whatever. They cool. They cool. Like everyone's just fucking cool. That's how I view it.

Period. That's all it is, man. Cool people, cool people. I like your all cool people. I just try not to be a piece of shit. That's how I live. I do most of the time. You know? Just don't be a piece of shit. Sometimes I feel like being a piece of shit is required. So I agree with you there. Sometimes you need to be a piece of shit because somebody else is being a bigger piece of shit. Yeah, I do it to teach people that they're not better at it. Me personally, I feel like my audience sees me as a very positive and uplifting kind of guy. And they're going to watch this and say, hmm, okay, maybe he wasn't joking when he said that he kind of

I tell them all the time, I ain't shit. I'm a great guy, don't get me wrong, but I grew into a great guy. It took some effort, but I'm like, yeah, fucking up. I'm great at doing that. If you think that you're bad, I'm just choosing to be nice. I can beat you. I feel like it's a contest at that point. I'm going to show you what it's like to really be a piece of shit. If we're both going to be pieces of shit, I will be the bigger one. I'm going to be the bigger one. Then you're going to be a good guy after that. I'm going to be a good guy. We're going to both look great. We'll go bowling, right? Yeah, we're going to go bowling after. I want you to be better, and I'm going to

I can't get through to you being nice, so I'm going to be an asshole with the way you speak. And then they used to like, you know what? Maybe I should turn a new leaf. Well,

Well, I like how you do your comedy because I think you, I could be wrong, but you do believe anything can be funny. It's just, absolutely. Everything can be comedy. Don't get offended by it. Like I said, you know, you grew up poor, so you understand when you like grew up, like in that kind of area that I did, you kind of got to have, it's like a skill to look at the bright side of things. Yeah, absolutely. You got to find the, you got to find a positive in any scenario. Every single, I remember my mom, she got diagnosed with cancer and,

And, you know, everybody in the room was crying. Except me. I was, like, traumatized at the time. So, like, I just... I always look like I ain't give a fuck about nothing. That's the terrible... I know, like, I think back on it sometimes. Like, I know it probably seemed terrible. Because everybody in the room was crying. And I'm just sitting there like...

But I'm like, I care, though. But anyway, the doctor comes in, and everybody's all sad and emotional. And she goes, well, you know, at least I got a reason to wear my wigs now. And everybody busts out laughing. I'm like, every time something bad happens, I just joke about it. That's how I cope. So when I see videos, I was like. Humor is one of the best coping mechanisms, 100%. So I'm like, if I can find something to make people laugh at in this situation, then I feel like it'll turn into a positive. Because I feel like a laugh is the only thing that really benefits you.

I can say I'm sorry. I'm sorry to hear that, but it don't really do anything for you. But I can make you laugh, though. Even for a second, you want to escape from whatever it is you're dealing with. Yeah, absolutely. That's why I try to change it. You're changing those negative things, the sayings, whatever it is, like that event or what happened on the video or whatever into a positive thing by making fun of it, making light of a situation instead of,

It's not the person, it's the, you know what I'm saying? I remember when I first started, somebody asked me this for a Q&A. They were like, do you feel like you've changed since you started? I come from a roast culture.

I like to laugh as long as we're laughing together. But if you're not signing up for it, I'm not going to roast you. And so it's like, I could find a video where it was easy to crack this joke. I had the joke, but I'm not trying to laugh at them. I want them to see the video and laugh too. So they're not going to laugh. I've never had to remove a video, but if somebody reached out to me and was like, I didn't like that, I'm taking it down. It's not...

I understand. Like, you know, if you feel some kind of way about it, the person themselves, that is. Now, if somebody on the Internet got mad on their behalf, which that happens sometimes. Sometimes? Oh, people constantly. Granted, I don't look because I don't care. But like if you aren't the person I'm talking about and you say, well, you can't crack that joke. They laugh. They thought it was hilarious. Fuck you. Go tell them about it then. I don't care. I'm like, you know, but I feel like it's pretty rare for me to get like hate other than, you know.

It's like the typical racist person that'll come in from time to time. But aside from that, I've had a racist guy DM me and say, you know, I don't really like you blacks, but you're all right. I was like, you could have left the other part out. That first half, that was really... Let's just try the second half of that, where the comma was. Maybe you don't hate black people. Maybe you're just a little ignorant. Just start at the comma. I like you. I like you.

See, one's a compliment, but then you're dealing with... And then if you don't acknowledge that they said it, then they're like, ah, fuck you, y'all are the same. I'm like, I wasn't going to accept the compliment if you got to talk about everybody else. You know what I mean? Like, okay. Just leave a positive message. Be happy. No offense, but... Oh, God, yeah, that whole thing. It's like, ah. I feel like that's usually followed with the most offensive thing. Absolutely. Every single time, it's like...

No offense is taken. You can't just say that so you can say some horrendous shit after. Me personally, I don't use that phrase. I don't want to sound racist. I got a problem where I just like speak before I think about it. And so when it come out fucked up, I'm just like, you know, after I thought about it, probably shouldn't have said that. My bad.

That's all you're going to get out of me. I ain't going to make an apology video because I have a firm belief that if I said something, it's because I meant it when I said it. Granted, if I change my viewpoint on what I said afterwards...

I'll just change the behavior. I'll carry myself differently. And then you'll see that. But me saying sorry, it ain't going to be genuine because I said it. If I called you a buckethead hoe, shit, you a buckethead hoe. Wait, what is that? Bucket? A buckethead hoe. A buckethead hoe? A bucket, like the one you make sandcastles with. A buckethead hoe. A buckethead hoe. I've never... In Mississippi, you hear stuff like that all the time. We just blame people. You can look at a household object and tell somebody they look like him. We're going to start laughing at them.

Like just random stuff. And you think about it sometimes when you look at a person, you be like, I see exactly what he's talking about. Yo head do look like a bucket without the handle on that bitch. Bucket handle. And now it's like, hey, now that's the new insult. So like if you come up with a joke that nobody's ever heard before, it don't even have to be funny. It's the fact that it's like absurd. They're going to laugh every single time. I feel like that's what I do. I just say stuff that you've never heard. And he's like, how do you even think of that? Uh-uh.

I don't. I just say shit. That's why I love your, like scrolling through, it's just video and then what joke are you going to land with or what commentary are you just going to have in that like 10 second window and how hard it's going to hit. It's like my favorite thing. Sometimes it's like, sometimes it's light hearted, sometimes I'll crack a dark joke and nobody expects it and I'm like, you don't usually take that route. I'll do it. I'm like,

Like today is the day we're going on the dark jokes. Let y'all remind, I don't have any boundaries here. I just kind of, nobody's safe. I got one story that's the reason why I don't like discriminate when it comes to jokes. You've probably seen a video of my friend Josh that had Down syndrome.

oh which way do you do uh the one that he okay i'll tell the story so yeah please the first part you need to know is that josh is the reason why i cracked jokes with everybody because um he was he had down syndrome and you know that class you go into like between the days kind of like a little break they used to let him come in there and hang with us and so um i cracked jokes with everybody in class but i never joke about him he got mad one day and he was like upset because he was like you know you laugh and joke with everybody else why not me and i never looked at it like that like i'm leaving you out so excluding i started joking with him like everybody else

So, fast forward, like, towards the end of my senior year, I go to the bathroom one day in between class, and Josh is in the bathroom beating his meat at the urinal. So, I'm like, shit, I kind of don't even want to use the bathroom no more because, like, it's only three urinals. He in the middle, and there's two more. He's in the middle. What?

And I'm like, he done already broke the code. He's supposed to go all the way to the left side, all the way to the right. It's the only option you got, but he in the middle, he broke the code when he started jerking off. Nah, this one, he really broke the code. He said, Hey Freddo, help me zip my pants up. But the worst part about it is he didn't stop beating his meat. So he, he still going at it, bro. Beating a centimeter Peter right there. Like, so I'm like, shit, I know Josh though. I'm like, Josh, no, like he know how to zip his pants up. Like this, he's not,

So I walk out and I'm like, I ain't never seen nothing like this in my life. I don't even got to pee no more. And then the principal walks by. He's like, Fredo, you lost your dog. What happened? And I was like, Josh was... And as I'm speaking to him, Josh walks out the bathroom still beating his meat. And he was like, Josh, zip your pants. Bro! So if I would have helped you, what was this? I could have got sprayed, bro.

I didn't even know where he was at in the process. I could have been like trying to be a good Samaritan, bro, and then got sprayed. I had to live with that for the rest of my life. Like, dang, that's crazy. That's the one you bring. It's like, what were you thinking, Josh? Josh, why you do that, Josh? I ain't talked to Josh since then, I don't think. I lost that. That's the best part of the story. I don't think about it. Josh might not remember that. I'll remember it.

That's one thing you never forget. Can't forget that right there, bro. Yeah, that's an image. That's how you finish high school. You're like, there we go. This pretty much describes high school. And then you have my girl that never went to high school and is just homeschooling here. Like having that where there's no social because they were not allowed to hang out with other kids or anything. Socially awkward.

She had 10 brothers and sisters. Oh, never mind. That's the whole... Yeah, they probably had a basketball team and everything. They had a clan. Yeah, they was probably hooping. Five on five. You could literally play basketball with them. They was really hooping out there. With soaps. It was crazy. It was crazy. You were like, what the fuck? You have 10 brothers and sisters?

I thought I had a lot. You have five, right? I have four. You got four brothers and sisters, so you're the fifth, though. I'm the middle kid. Five kids, though? Yeah. Yep. So same. Like five kids. Batty, you just... I only have a sister. Oh, yeah. Small family. Small, educated white family. Well, definitely. I don't know if educated is the word, but we're white. We're white. That's the shirt. We're white. We're white.

Can't make that shirt. Can't make that shirt. Very, very quick. What is wrong with the other color? The shirt just said we're white. That's it? That's it. I feel like that's what society has turned into. Now you can say something and then just add that non-existent paragraph that wasn't there. I'm like, how did y'all reach this conclusion?

Nobody knows. And that's how I came to the conclusion that you should just not give a fuck. It just works out a lot better that way. It's true. It's crazy because you're going to get it. I'm already looking at getting canceled if not in the next five years, at least 10 years when some new thing comes out and whatever we did in the past is very offensive.

Bro, I want to talk about this. So we have some of the friends of mine that play Target with me, Jesse and Veritas. They have a podcast where they talk about gaming and stuff. I think it's called the Pogcast. But they have a viewer who knows AI learning stuff, and he's recently taken their AI to learn their voices. And he's either swapped their voices so that when one's talking, it's the other one's voice.

Or he's taken their voices and dubbed them over music, like singing In the End by Linkin Park. But it's done good and it's in their voices. So it's kind of like the Jay-Z thing. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's scary. It's terrifying. Because this is him being funny and making good stuff. Now imagine when that changes. AI is – I'm terrified of AI. Yeah.

You can make it go real bad real quick. I feel like the only reason I'm not concerned with that happening to me is because the way I think is way too awkward for somebody to replicate and make it sound like it was actually me. But that doesn't matter. Not necessarily the voice. It's the way that I speak. The way I structure a sentence. I don't think there's somebody that can be like,

Oh, you're right. There isn't somebody. Use my phrasing. A computer couldn't use my phrasing. A computer absolutely couldn't. I would be impressed. So now how AI works, it learns the cadence of talking, how you laugh, how you breathe, how your pauses are. I mean, like the way, for instance, the way somebody would say something. You're talking about the verbiage behind it. The verbiage, yeah. Or 100% would learn it if you have enough content online. That would be a... Which you do. I definitely got enough. That's the problem, dude. Yeah, somebody could be like, that's...

That's concerning. - It would take effort, but it could be done. - I feel like I'm one of the hardest people to get back. - That's why podcasting is scary. - That could happen to me. You're screwed. - I'm just watching this guy make funny jokes and change their voices. Instead of having both of them talk on the podcast, it was just one of them saying both sides so it sounded like he was talking to himself. It sounds fluid.

Like not tell that it's not the person. It is. And even worse, it's reading. You could, they don't need to learn your cancer speak because they can just take your voice and put it over somebody else speaking. So it takes the cadence from somebody else. So if somebody's saying a bunch of terrible shit, they can just put your voice over it. And then, and then, and then the worst part is like, you know, people aren't going to really like take the time to like, nobody gives a fuck if it's real. Yeah. They're not going to see if it's really you. We're in America. This is guilty first.

Guilty after proven guilty. Guilty until proven innocent. They say you're innocent and you're still guilty. Like the guy, Jonathan Mayer. Mayer's majors. I think they just said that he like got pretty much the guy. So the guy that's playing Kane in the new Ant-Man movie. Oh, okay. He allegedly had like beat his girlfriend or something. And they recently just said that he didn't do it.

in court but that he's still guilty like they're gonna treat him the exact same way he's already lost like they start cutting him out all this stuff but i'm like the way the society works now a lot of people already wrote him off they're not gonna be like oh they were wrong no he's guilty they're just like oh well he got money he probably paid to cover it up they're just gonna come up with some other conspiracy to be like you know he just couldn't have been a good guy yeah nobody's no no no no but then i love the most is just wait six months and you're fine

It's like you can have this shit storm happen. It's like, man, give it a six months to a year. Internet's going to forget. You're going to be here again. Yeah, it could be Ezra Miller.

Huh? It was familiar. Bro, that dude, like, I did not understand that shit. He got a lot of, bro, he need a movie just about him. I feel like he'd get away with more than I'm like, I hear him. That entire scenario was so insane. How's he free right now? How do you get into a movie? And how do you publish that fucking movie? And make a duplicate of the fucking pedo weird dude that's like,

Oh, he went to rehab. Bro, did you see his red carpet walk? He had to have a person there with him to make sure he didn't run. Like, he had like a chaperone. That is ridiculous. And they just gave him the, like, you guys need to all give him a second chance. Yeah, let him fly. I'm like, that's ridiculous. That's the one thing you look at what he did and you're like...

This is what we lost line though? This is the punishment. Hollywood's fucking weird. I never could have, that's like the main reason why I didn't want to do like TV. I feel like I, I wouldn't mind like being in a movie and then leaving. But like just being in that area and that environment, I feel like it's just too much. Actually, it's funny. Tom Holland, who we were talking about earlier. He talked about that. Yeah, he just put out like a, he was in an interview. He's like, I fucking hate Hollywood.

Everything about it is the antithesis of like what I want to be. It's awful. It's all awful. Like the industry destroys people. It changes how they act, how they think. And he's just like, I am trying to do everything I can to not lose myself in this industry. Yeah, because he even said he's like, I'll do I only do red carpets if it's mandatory. Past that, I want to be at home with Zendaya or whoever's girl. Is he? Are they still together?

I'm not even sure. They've been making jokes about them though, so I feel like they are. Because you know she had that movie and she got a train ran on her. That's actually the reason why I did YouTube though, because I was like, the TV route, I had the connections to start going that route. But I was like, if I got to alter myself to fit these standards, especially my main thing that I never was with was somebody telling me to change the way I talk and stuff. Because I don't talk formally.

But I have two degrees. Obviously, I'm educated. I can code switch. But you're like, I like you because you're you. You're fucking you. That's all I'm like, if you can't accept that, I'm not doing it. That was even like when I was going to get recruited for track and field. I'm like, I carry myself this way. This is how I am. I'm not causing any issues or anything, but it's like, you ain't going to tell me that I got to speak a certain kind of way because these people are present. I'm like, when I went to my job interviews, when I did have regular jobs,

I dress like this. I come in with this. I don't care what it says on the thing. I talk the same way. I shake their hand like that's my friend. I talk to them like that's my friend. I'm like, this is how I carry myself all the time. I don't own a suit. You're not going to see me in one. I'm not wearing it. And I got every single job. And I'm going to take you, like, I would rather have an individual like that where I know it's 100% I'm getting who they are instead of fake.

It's fake. I'm like, oh, man, this is going to suck dick. I might be a terrible person outside of this little acting thing that I'm putting on. But I'm like, if you can't accept it, then I probably wasn't meant to be in that area in the first place. Yeah, absolutely. But LA is that you have to form or you get attacked. I mean, Chris, was it Chris? Not Chris Evans. Hemsworth? No, never mind. Maybe it's not Chris. Who plays? Oh, give me a second.

It just came out. Yeah, that's processing. It's processing very slowly. He was in Parks and Rec. God dang it. Oh, Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt. I don't like that guy. But Chris Pratt, so do you know he got on, like they just tried to cancel him because he said God bless anything. Like,

They're like, nope, you piece of shit. He said God bless? Because he was, he praised God. Oh, he's a church guy. Yeah, he's a church guy. So they were like, fucking, they did not like that at all. There's really only one celebrity I think that I actually like genuinely like that I never met. And it's Denzel Washington. I don't think I've ever heard anything bad about him. And he carries himself the exact same way all the time. And I'm like, I don't feel like that's common for most. Like, I don't keep up with anybody that I don't know personally.

But if I heard Denzel Washington did something, I'm going to go watch it. Denzel, dude, he's such a powerful actor when you watch his caliber and what he can portray. And then you hear his life story. He's just fucking spot on. It's him, Tom Hanks. I think Tom Hanks is a really good actor. But Leo. Leo is nice. Leo. You got some of those actors where I'm just like,

Leo lives his life too. He's having a good old time. Jamie Foxx talking about Leo is one of the best stories. He tells great stories. He's great at telling stories. Jamie Foxx. Oh, he's also a fantastic actor. Like when he tries out for a role and he's like, no, I don't want that because it's not portraying this proper. And he goes into it really methodical. But him talking about Leo and that boat cruise, have I told you that one?

No. When Jamie Foxx was out in the Caribbean or someplace with his boat, he's chilling. He's having a good time with his family. He's like, oh, okay, this is awesome. Having a good time. He's like, then this fucking mega yacht pulls up. Pulls up next to him. It's fucking... And then Leo's like, hey, Jamie, what's up? And Jamie Foxx says, I never get jealous.

Never. I got that awesome lifestyle. I look up at Leo's mega yacht. He's just with models having a good-ass time, almost 50 years old, and I think,

Motherfucker. Look back at his family. He's like, God damn. He's like, one of the few times I got jealous of somebody was that dude cruising around in that fucking mega yacht just with hot ass models doing Leo stuff. I was a big Will Smith fan.

I didn't stop. What happened? I didn't lose respect for him after he slapped Chris Rock because that shit was funny. But as a comedian, though, that shit was kind of corny. I feel like it's the fact that he slapped Chris Rock. If he slapped somebody else, I probably wouldn't even care at all. I just don't feel like he would have slapped anybody else. That's what it was. I feel like he was bullying him.

Yeah, Chris Rock's not a big dude. Because I'm like, Chris Rock is... I think that might be the smallest... Other than Cat Williams, he might be the smallest comedian. Him and Chris Rock? No, Chris Rock and... Kevin Hart's small. Kevin Hart. He's small. He's kind of like... Oh, he's a built dude, though. Yeah, but Chris Rock, he got bullied in his own TV show. He's going to go smack Chris Rock.

Caruso beat him up and then you just, you know, I feel like, you know, that was just, it was corny. But other than that, I'm like, I'm not going to not watch his movies if it's good. But I feel like that was real. I feel like that made people feel like it was going to be okay to go do it. So I feel like after that, it was a lot of people trying to, like, I'm going to go on the stage and make me mad. Okay. I'm glad I don't do stand-up. I got a gun. So I'm like, she was wild. Like,

Just the idea and then all the aftermath. Dude, the aftermath too. The thought process is he made a joke. A comedian made a joke and not even an offensive one. The joke sucked. Yeah.

Yeah, that wasn't even funny. I'm like, I don't even get it. Yeah, it was just G.I. Jane. She played that role. Or G.I. Jane was based off of Demi Moore back in the 90s when she played a Navy SEAL and she buzzed her head. It was so many things you could have implied. Was it that she was bald? Or was it that the movie sucked? Because he was kind of saying she's terrible at acting. But I'm like, what was the joke? Either way, none of the jokes that were possible were funny. Why did you get that mad about it? Why did you get that mad about it? That you had to get up

Walk on stage and slap a man and you know what happened afterwards those black people man at 13% As always you I don't that myself at streams and our awesome fun guests today Fred on TV Please tell everybody where they can find you where to look for your content

You can show yourself. You can find me on any platform at Fredo on TV It's not afraid doing on TV afraid doing TV. It's something like they always think Fredo on TV. Just mash it together. If I should ground yo Tick Tock YouTube twitch That's pretty much it. I am fucking checking out right? We'll see you guys over the patreon after show immediately after this bit of pleasure Appreciate y'all having me and now to the after show we do like a 20 minute clap. Oh

We're supposed to do that every time. We forget. Sorry, G-Van.