115 - SWAGGERSOULS BIGGEST SECRET 01:56:45

Say hi to Eli He's racially ambiguous and batty That guy's fucking ridiculous and we don't know Best not to ask yourself why But my friend you've arrived Welcome to Unsubscribe

Huge news! We have a massive announcement. In three weeks time on August 4th and 5th during GCX Gaming Community Expo in Orlando, Florida, myself and my beautiful, sexy, powerful co-host Eli Doubletap will be doing a live unsubscribe podcast. That's right. You can go to an event, you can get in line, and you can come sit in the crowd and be a part of unsubscribe podcast. Up next.

- Are we might having some guests too? - Oh yeah, there will probably be a couple of guests. Maybe it's Brandon and Pamera, maybe Angry Mops, maybe the Phantom Mimic in. I don't know. - Are you nervous like I am? - Oh my God, this is freaking mind blowing because we just got word today, right now. And the seating capacity of 2000 first come first serve. So that first row, spitting distance.

We can touch you. I can spit on you. You can throw your panties at Batty. I can spit on you. He can spit on you. So yeah, guys, our panel is going to be at 245 on August 5th, so Saturday, in the Panzakula Theater at GCX.

So there'll be a link in the description below. Grab tickets. You can come. You can meet us. We are going to do a big meet and greet after the show as well. Like we can all go hang out. We'll probably drink excessively somewhere like we do. And we can do it all together. Come. Come. Also. Oh my God. Come. Also, we are filming it. And we're going to have a mic and camera pointed at you all too. You guys can be in an episode of Unsubbed.

Oh, and we'll have, we're giving away merch while we're there. We're going to sign some stuff. We're going to throw it into the crowd. Or if you're cute, I'll just give it to you. Wink. Pensacola Theater, 245 August 5th at GCX in Orlando, Florida. Henry, what do you think of this? I'm proud of you. Henry Cavill's proud of you.

Again, we're going to be at GCX Gaming Community Expo, August 5th at 245 in the Pensacola Theater. Grab tickets for GCX down below. There'll be a link. We're going to put a thing on the screen. It's going to be everywhere. You're going to see it for the next couple of weeks. Please, please come. We want to see you guys. This will be absolutely amazing. We are so excited. This is our massive first big live podcast. None of it. This is insane. None of it possible without all y'all. So thank you guys so freaking much. Come! Come!

Admin results! I missed you! I thought you did the whole math. I haven't actually met Admin. Really? Yeah, never met him. I don't even think I've ever spoken to him. Whoa, my God. Yeah. That's what everyone in the comments, when I did that one range day with Cody and Brandon, everyone was saying in the comments, you know, I should meet Admin. You look really close to Admin with that mask and the balaclava. I don't know. I think he's Admin.

"Baddie, what the hell?" How is it? How does it s- Oh dude, be careful when you take it off like that. You got nose rings too? You- You psychopath? You are a psycho. I was just licking the inside of it. You know how many- You know how many studs are in here you're just taking your nose off? Oh my god! Yeah dude, you gotta be careful when you take it off. Cheese grate your nose. Oh, bleh. Yeah. Just catching on that and ripping it off fully. You're like, "Noooooo!" It just happened. It just happened. Yeah, that was dumb. I don't think a lot.

Don't worry about it. Jesus Christ, I'm looking at your ear right now. I didn't even notice you had it. Yeah, there's all sorts of... Holy... Man. Dude, stick this guy in an MRI machine. Stick him in an MRI machine and see what happens to him. Remember that scene? I think it was the OG Punisher. And they caught the guy. He was covered in chain. They just ripped out every single fucking one of his... Oh, dude, I haven't seen that. It was the good Punisher. Dude, MRI machine. In an MRI machine, he looked like Mario 64 stretching his face out. Oh, it all ripped. It looked like a fatality.

Fatality from Mortal Kombat. Off topic, unrelated, kind of related to this. Have you seen, there was a article about a guy in an MRI machine that wore a butt plug.

He said it was a silicone butt plug and so he was wearing it cuz it's just what you do he was just having a good day Tuesday Yeah, diarrhea needed a plug. I don't know maybe I need more work But plug with you know that he thought was just pure it's silicon metal core. Oh

Had a metal core, and so they turn on the MRI machine and it goes just right into his sternum. He's straight up to the... Luckily it was in an MRI that could take the image of the damage. So, you know, it was pretty fun. Look at the x-ray here. Hey, editor, right here, there's the x-rays. Oh, whoa! Oh my God! Oh!

That's a lot of damage. It's pretty horrible. Wait, so, did he die? No. Thankfully he was at a hospital. Thankfully he was at a hospital. Probably wishes he died. My main question- Died of embarrassment. Oh yeah, his family disowned him. Who's like, oh, I have a doctor's appointment today.

Well, it's going to be such a, it's going to be such a boring day today. You know, what's the funniest thing I can do? What's the funniest thing I can do? Process like this is where I'll start my, it's like, this is going to blow up on TikTok. The amount of like stories I've heard like that same, same exact scenarios, except it's at an airport, like going through a metal, like, um,

You got something we got it right? We need a pet pat your pockets down showing up on your like in your posterior It's like here. Yeah, I think right here Are you sure you don't know what this is? Did you take your belt off? Yeah Seems to be backwards. What's going on? I don't know. Hey guys don't wear butt plugs the hospital or airport. Just don't I

I think that you should do whatever you want. Oh, f***. Spoken like a true American. It's the American way. You have the First Amendment, the Second Amendment, the Third, whatever the Third one is. The Fourth Amendment? There's something about freedom of press in there, I bet. Freedom of, freedom to press a butt plug into your ass? The 36th Amendment. A beautiful one. The 69th Amendment. Yes!

That's a good one. Skip all the other ones. What are we at now? 23, 24? I dropped out of high school. We're stupid. We know about the Second Amendment. We live in Texas. Any high school AP government politic people, just write in the comment section, what's the biggest amendment we have? What's the biggest one?

The longest- Surely the biggest one is the most important. Or is it like golf? Where like the- You want the lower numbers. The lower numbers. Freedom. Guns. I don't know. Titties. You know, I am very disappointed the founding fathers wrote nothing about tits in the entire thing. The entire fucking document. They weren't-

What's on your mind? Nothing! Not filling you out. I'm like, okay. Today I was watching one of your videos with, like, a face. Dude, the VR and just the strippers, like, big tits. I was like, wait, this is on, like, this face.

It's VRChat. It's VRChat. Yeah, bro. It's a wild west. It's a wild west out there. It is insane. It's crazy. What do you do? It's like usually young guys are like, who do you strip? Yeah, so this is... So what he's referencing, I did a video where I explored like VR strip clubs with like two friends. And so like I went in just to show them like here's what it is. And...

It's crazy, man. The people in VRChat, they'll make a model, and sometimes they'll just have full body tracking, so they'll be dancing. Yeah, I definitely don't have that. And fully, fully dancing. So they got hips, they got their arms, their legs, their ankles, their neck, whatever. And they're able to do a dance. It's anything you want. Shrek, Hot Anime Girls, your favorite waifu.

Morgan Freeman, anybody, anyone and everything that is possible. And the cool thing is these ladies get like, oh, if you want this, then it's like $5 on PayPal. Sometimes it's an actual paid online prostitution. And here's another kicker. A lot of them don't talk because a lot of them are male dancers. Right.

Makes sense. And they'll never admit it. Girls, there's no girls on the internet. We've been over this. That is the loneliest cutting to like a fly on that wall. Where it's like, you see this? He's dancing. It cuts to that room that hasn't been cleaned. It's as if.

That's like, that's a thing, you know, you can go down a whole rabbit hole of like VR porn, but like on VR channel, like that's just the light stuff. That's like just dancing, strip club dancing. It's fun. It's whatever. Empowering. You know, you're in your room and you're turning on a bunch of horny 17 year olds, 18 year olds that are just there with your fucking Oculus on like, what the fuck is this?

Walking in on that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, honey. You know, honey, dinner's right...

Just getting up. Just getting up. Shoulders gyrating. Now, that isn't too bad. If I walked in, my son was dancing. I'd be like, son, you got moves, but you need to mow the fucking lawn. Son, you have moves. Son, you have moves. Son, you have a great career ahead of you. You could be a backup dancer for Taylor Swift. Dude, you're going to be such a supportive father. I will be, dude. If my son's gay, he needs to be the gayest.

He needs to be the gayest. If he's straight, he needs to be the straightest. There is no in-between. If he's bisexual, he needs to fuck men and women equally all the time. When he brings a boy home, he needs to bring that girl home right afterwards. Dude, you are a man of equality. It is what it is. If my son is going to do anything, he's going to do it right, and he's going to do it the best to his capacity. Dad, I think I'm gay. Come here, son. I'm lining up some pee-pees.

What kind of dick do you want? I don't think I'd go that far. I don't think I'd go that far. Look, look, look. You know, I would support him. You know, he'd bring home anyone, you know, and say, hey, it's nice to meet you. What's your name? You guys are buddies? You guys are pals? You know? It's good to have a pal, son. It's good to have a pal. You guys are studying. Study away. You can close the door and lock it. I don't give a fuck, man.

You guys go play that Counter-Strike. Yeah, dude. And especially if they're young, you know, you don't have to worry about AIDS or anything. Yeah. Or getting pregnant. Oh, pregnancy is a big thing. Oh, yeah. You don't got to worry about that. Pregnancy is a big thing. Fuck yeah. God, they're so lucky. God. I know, man. Just plowing out your buddy and then playing video games together. Oh, yeah, dude.

We're doing it wrong. Bro jobs, man. Dude, bro jobs for a day. Bro jobs. Check your boys' boys. Dude, bro jobs for life. After every episode of Pocket, we just hang out and fucking play games. It probably starts so innocently like, dude, I care about you, bro. Yeah, I know you care about me, bro. Dude, I care about you so much. How much do you care about me? I care about you. Dude, I care...

What if you had testicular cancer, bro? Let me check your testes. Yo, dude, that's so nice of you, bro. All right, dude, just pull down your pants. I've seen this before on House. You got to squat and cough. You seen House MD? Oh, yeah, amazing show. Yeah, I like it when he takes a Vicodin and he walks around in his game. That's the best part, yeah. That's your favorite thing. So the entire show is your favorite part. My favorite part is when House says, you need to do this drug, and then Chase goes, but we've tried the other drug. And then he goes, oh, yeah, but...

You fucking idiot, that drug's gonna kill him. That's lupus. It's lupus. It's lupus. It's not lupus. Until one time at once. Until one time, it's actually like toxoplasmosis they got from a flea from a cat that they pet in an alleyway. And he has this fucking Jimmy Neutron think, think, think. It's just a brain blast. Every episode ends the same where it's like Wilson would be like, too bad I dropped that water. And then House is like,

Yeah, he's like, water? He gimps away. She's dehydrated. The bacteria was in the water. Batty, have you been crushing the gym this summer? You know the summer's almost over and I'm going to take your silence as you haven't even went to the gym. I'm getting jacked abs in.

Arms, huge. Quads, thick. Glue, juicy. Thanks to FitBod, I always have a plan to go to the gym and stick with. No more getting bored or using the exact same exercises over and over. FitBod changes that up. Batty, are you looking forward to take your workout to the next level? I'm going to get jacked with FitBod. Thanks, Gimpy. Those abs are going to come in in no time. It's the perfect

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dot me slash unsub that's f-i-t-b-o-d dot m-e slash unsub u-n-s-u-b good job Eli you can spell water from the sewers of this toilet and house is a good show I love house empty is a fantastic piece of media Hugh Laurie

Very talented man. The best American I've ever seen. Hugh Laurie is actually British. Dude, he's the best American I've ever seen. He plays a fantastic jaded American doctor who's addicted to his own drugs that he prescribes. One of my favorite memes is like, who's Rachel flying next to, who's that British guy flying next to Rachel from France? And then it's like, and then 2020, it's like, who's that lady flying next to House? Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. There we go. That's pretty good. Yeah, dude. He's fucking Shakespearean actor, that motherfucker. Yeah, he's classical. He's classically trained. Him and Rowan Atkinson. Yep. Oh, you...

Mr. Beans, baby. Yeah, dude. Blackadder. Look at him. He's wearing a bow tie. Of course he fucking knows. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I come prepared. You're dressed up for unsub. First person. Finally. It's a dinner with the king later. I'm going through all this effort, man. Dude, King Philip. King Philip. So do you watch a lot of British shows? Not really. Okay. I was like, man, you have like this knowledge and you're like, nah. Okay, well that...

I mean, like, the British office was good. Like, I like dry-ass humor. Dry humor. Do you watch Cat in the Back? Was it Nine Lives? It's the panel show that the British do. It's the one where they had the, it's a carrot, is a carrot in the box. Have you seen that? Bro, that is, oh my God. Okay, we'll show it. I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

You both are going to find a new show that you will love. I like those Japanese game shows where, like, shit gets crazy. There was this one Japanese show. The one where it's, like, chocolate or not or cake or not or some shit? No, no, no. There was one from, like, the 90s, late 90s, where these people would be put in these situations, and if they laughed...

a bunch of people like dressed up as ninjas or something would come out with like these big bamboo sticks and like whack them on the ass or like the back of the knees with this bamboo stick whenever they laughed. So people would try not to laugh and they'd get fucking hit and they'd scream in pain and then other people around would laugh and then they'd get hit and scream in pain. That's as Japanese as it gets. It was the whole gimmick was like that these people were getting whacked in the back with like bamboo sticks. I remember watching it on like, what the fuck was it? Like G4? Oh yeah,

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they had Dream4 with the bad English... When G4 was a thing, when they were, like, advertising that show Code Monkeys on... Holy shit! Bro, I forgot about that! Yeah, you want to...

Flashback, yeah. That was the noughties, baby. That was the early 2Ks. That's when Mark Zuckerberg was still in startup. Yeah, he was a little kid at that point. Eh, not a little kid. There's a Japanese show. I think I talked about it one time on the podcast. It is when they took that individual, they selected a random Japanese dude, they put him in that one apartment, and he had...

Zero. Zero. His name was like eggplant or something in Japanese. Yes, eggplant because he didn't realize this show was the most fucked up. It was cruel. Dude, the most fucked up. And real. Yeah. So absolutely.

Absolutely astounding. Explain the show. Okay, so they had this Japanese dude. They put him in there. You're a contestant. He's trying to break out. He's trying to be an actor, so he's doing this contest. And they said, hey, you're going to be living in this house. I forget how they staged it at first. It was, you are going to live in an apartment that has nothing in it, no food, and just water and, like, heat. Okay.

And what he would do is he would do like mail-in sweepstakes. But they didn't tell them that first. It was sweepstakes. So the idea would be he'd be in there for a month and he had to win like a certain – he was in there until he won a certain amount of money worth of sweepstakes. So he would apply for everything. The first thing he was doing was like food, applying for food. Bag of rice. He got a bag, like a kilo bag of rice, and then he realized he had no way to cook it.

Which is insane. So he's like, he got like a bike. He got like all this shit that he didn't really need, but it was just anything that would increase the values that he'd win. And then when he did go over the value, like months later,

Like 10 months or something. The TV execs would make up some excuse and they'd move the goalposts and they'd say, oh yeah, let's go for a million yen. Oh no. And it was like this huge thing. For over a course of two years, they just exploited this poor fucking guy. He did not know he was being filmed this entire time.

Didn't he? No. He was recording himself, but he was also being filmed. Yeah, he thought he was going to be edited and put on once he gets out. He didn't realize this was the largest show. Oh, it was live streamed. This was live streamed, and this was the largest show in all of fucking Japan at the time. This is 20 million, 30 million live viewers. This was late 90s, early 2000s? Yeah.

So he didn't realize that. And then they stripped him naked. So he had no clothes. Yeah, he literally had no clothes from the get-go. Yeah, the eggplant is the thing they would use to censor his cocky balls, which is hilarious. They call him fucking eggplant. They call him eggplant. So they did all that? Is that the birth of the emoji eggplant meme? Possibly. Possibly. That's literally where they think he came from. We just found out when the scrolls were written. But the first time, they didn't move it. He...

They were like, oh yeah, just do this. He finally raised the money at the 10-month mark. And they're like, oh. And he's like, oh, they blindfolded him. They put him in. They flew him his place. And then they removed it. And they had him dressed up. And they're like, look. And he's like, ah. And then he takes his bandana off.

and he's in another apartment and then they go in, they strip his clothes and he has to start again and like, oh, you're in Korea now if you want to get back home. Yeah, they moved him to a different apartment. In a country. In the same country. No, new country, remember? Because he had to learn the language in Korea. Oh, dude. That's what made it more brutal. Basically, it's a huge fucked up horrible thing that happened that nobody talks about. Do you see how it ended?

Yes. So here's the thing. This guy gets moved around like maybe twice. They exploit him for years. Well, they blindfold him so they would move him around for luck. Yeah. You know, when he wasn't winning at sweepstakes, they'd move him around for luck. And so at the end, when they finally accomplished all of his goals, they couldn't justify him, you know, doing it anymore. They said, okay, we're going to move you again for luck. They blindfold him. They move him. And they built a set, which is like the same exact approach.

And he's been through this many times before. So he...

gets put in this fake room, and you know, he takes his blindfold off, he's good to go, and so he starts stripping because he needs to be naked, you know, to continue this, because he thinks he's still doing it, and then as he's finally naked, the walls fall, and he's on his stage in front of like thousands and thousands of people, and he had no idea, and he was scared, and it was this whole thing, it's crazy!

It's fucking crazy! I know you don't believe me, the viewers watching, you don't believe me. Maybe you do. Maybe you've seen the Critical video.

It's the only way I've seen it, dude. Dude, it is asinine. It is insane. When you read the story, you watch what he went through and you're like, oh my God, they just did this to a human. And it was Japanese. To a human being. They did it to a human being. Poor fucking guy. One of the few shows I was like, that's reality TV. And that is some squid game bullshit, man. Some straight up squid game bullshit. How desperate are you for your, for your tick tock fame? You're going to look in airplane toilet seat.

So, you know, you could be like that fucking Mizzy guy in England and walk into people's houses. Oh, my God. Walk straight into people's homes. Take the dog and just walk out, bro. Yeah, take the dog and walk away with it. The new. It is crazy, man. It is. Oh, that AI shit. That sends me. NPC fetish. Your taint's dirty. Did you see my game? Yeah, I saw something he gave me. Dude, Hunter just went to the fucking moon with that thing.

Those are so weird. He showed it to me like three days ago and I was like, what the fuck is this? He was like, NPC fetish, man. I don't know. Some people grow up, you know, and they're playing video games and there's companions that you can marry. Some people jack off to Lydia from Skyrim. Yeah, some people. Some people, you know, I've known, for the sake of argument,

For the complete sake of argument, Pan Am from Cyberpunk is...

A hot piece of ass for the sake of argument. For the sake of argument. For the sake of argument. Respectfully. I never even saw the tank scene. Respectfully. For the sake of argument, if I were to meld my consciousness with Pan Am in a scientific tank. Future tank. And feel what it would be like to be her as me, myself, and fucking her. I mean, like...

That's pretty, it's pretty groovy. I mean, I'm gonna say for the sake of argument. Respectfully. Respectfully for the sake of argument. You know, there's nothing wrong with that. Just living the dream. It's just living the dream, man. You know, soon enough, we're gonna get to the point where we just download our consciousness, upload it into a simulation where we can fuck Pan Am every day. Ah, I can't wait. FIRST FORM GAVE US 15 SECONDS TO DO THAT! FIRST FORM! OPTI-GREEN 50!

Michael Factor! Firstborn.com slash unsubscribe! Firstborn!

suit. Or it's a torso. It's like a shirt you wear. Oh, yeah. My finger isn't as on the pulse with the haptic stuff as it is just like the hardware. Yeah. But, yeah, dude, VR is a future, man. It really is. Trust me, I 100% believe that. I just want it to happen before I die. You know, I've only shot guns, maybe, like, I could probably count it on my hands. But you knew how to. But, you know, going from VR, like...

There's this game called Hot Dogs, Horseshoes, and Hand Grenades. It's referred to as H3. And it is a legitimate simulator. It has hundreds, if not thousands, of guns and also a mod community of people that will just put shit in the game. And it's a perfect... I know the manual of arms for like...

Pretty much any platform of weapon, a lot of exotic weapons. And when I went to see Brandon in January, you know, I'm taking shit off of his wall and, you know, making sure it's clear and like folding the socks. He's like, how the fuck do you know how to do any of this?

VR. That's actually crazy when you think about it. Because it is, the mechanics are the exact same. It's 100% a simulation. You got folding stocks. All the buttons are there. Charging handles. It's perfect. You can expend all of your ammo in an AR platform and smack the bolt release. Or you can...

I just nerd out about it. It's fun. It's crazy. It's a lot of fun. If no one's, if you haven't done VR at this point, it is a really good VR is a, it's a mind blowing experience. It's like, as I equated to when it first came out was a religious experience. Yeah. Cause it is so changing. I still remember the first time I ever put on a fucking VR headset. I went back to my old high school tech program to talk to kids like about, you know, streaming and gaming. And they had just got like the newest VR set. This was in like,

2012. So what was it like? Was it a wireless or? Oh, no, it was still corded. Oh, yeah. So it was like a Vive? It was something like that. They had the cord go up to the ceiling so you could walk around with it. Yeah, yeah, cool. It was a whole school thing. And I put it on and I got to play with like the paintbrush and like paint around myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 3D painting?

this is the future. You know, there was even shit like, there's this one, I don't even know if it's still around, it's called Virtual Desktop, where you would just, it'd be a desktop streamed onto environments that people had. You could just be like on a beach or you could be like in a fucking fractal fucking universe of just like never-ending geometry. You could be in like a Star Citizen fucking like spaceship cockpit or whatever and you're just watching...

Watching TV or watching a movie. And your screens are there on the shit and you're watching it. They have like a movie environment. You can watch a movie on like an IMAX 100-bunking-foot movie screen. And they had this program called Milk Drop, which is like a 3D audio visualizer. So you...

what i used to do back in the day is take drugs and and this was decades ago this is i'm talking at least days when i only took them in seattle after after everything was decriminalized he lived in that zone i lived in i was there in seattle when i did this legally 100% legal

Full disclosure. But yeah, I take a fuck ton of drugs. I take a fuck ton of drugs, I get so fucked up, and I would just listen to an album, and it'd just be these insane fucking visuals. I took Acid and booted up Skyrim VR. Swagger, you are becoming like one of my favorite peoples because you're just like, ah, doing drugs, video games, titties. I'm like, oh man, this dude is fucking dope as shit right now. Thank you, man. Thank you. I appreciate it. I like shooting guns, too.

You know, I like tits. I like guns. I like drugs. The American dream. I like rock and roll. I like the Constitution. I like the Bill of Rights specifically. It's the best part, I think. It's the best part of the Bill of Rights. God, you are just an American hero. You know, I may have lived in Australia for like four or five years, but, you know, it just makes me miss my homeland a little bit.

little bit more. Makes me appreciate it a little bit more. Especially, you know, I'm from the East Coast. No shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't say exactly where, but, you know, Seattle. The West Coast. The West Coast? Yes, exactly. Seattle? Going from a place like that to a place like Texas is almost like a culture shock in and of itself. Because I'll be walking around, I get to my hotel and I go in an elevator.

And normally you go into an elevator where I'm from and you walk into an elevator, there's a bunch of people, you don't see anything, and then you get out of your floor and it's what it is.

In Texas, you get in your elevator and a bunch of people come in and they're like an old friend that you haven't seen. A conversation will start. Yeah, it's like, oh, hey there. How are you? Yeah, where are you from? Where are you from? Oh, really? Oh, that's so sweet. Yeah. What's your name, darling? And it's just like, Jesus Christ. And my first instinct is, what are you trying to sell me? What do you want? Why are you so nice to me?

What's your ulterior motive? Like, what are you trying to get out of me? You've been to Seattle or L.A. That's how you get used to that. It's like, what do you want? Why'd you open the door for me? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I open the door for someone where I'm from and they say, what the fuck is this?

You don't think I'm capable to open the door for me? And then you say, fuck you. And then they say, no, fuck you. And you go, okay, man, have a nice day. That's like how it is. It's like, it's weird. Like, there's a... You've described one area. There's like a weird East Coast... I heard this before. Like, on the East Coast and the West Coast, like...

On the East Coast, people are really like, people are like assholes, but they'll help you. So like if you, if your car, you get like a flat tire on the road in the East Coast. Yeah, yeah. You know, someone will drive by you and go, you know, Northeast specifically, they'll drive by and go, what you fucking asshole? You fucking blew out your tire, you don't know how to change a tire? You fucking idiot. Okay, fine. I'll get out. I'll change your fucking tire. They'll literally do it. They're going to bitch the whole time. They're going to bitch the whole time and call you a moron and make sure that you know that you're an idiot because you don't know how to change a tire. Yep.

And but they'll change your tire. You know, they'll say, fuck you. But, you know, have a good day and whatever you go. You know, so they're not nice, but they're helpful. And you go to the West. You're in L.A. and you blow a tire in the road. You'll be like, yo, dude, I'm so sorry that happened to you, man. Fuck, dude. That's like the worst thing ever, bro.

"Yo, I hope you get some help, bro." And then they drive away. - No, they hand you a script first. And then they drive you away. - By the way, bro, what do you think of this crazy script I'm working on? - Yeah. - I work at, I'm a server. That's why I always, when living in LA, it's like, oh.

I'm an actress. What restaurant do you serve at? Applebee's. That's what I think. Everyone's a director or writer. When someone says they're an actress now, I say, only this? Not Madhouse. You know, it's one of them things. You know, that's a beautiful hustle, man. We live in a day and age where women can become their own pimps.

Which is fucking sick. Talk about empowerment for the women, dude. It's a crazy year when you think about that. It's a crazy thing. For decades, that never existed. And then one guy was like, hey, let's start a website and we'll just call it Ulf. And then everyone else was like,

Yo. Well, OnlyFans wasn't even meant to be... No, it wasn't even... Wasn't that like weightlifting or like fitness? It was supposed to be for some shit that wasn't... It's not what it turned into. Yeah. Well, definitely not now. And they even... Remember when they considered banning it? And then everyone was like...

No, and then they're like they're like they're like okay They almost shot their golden goose like who I don't I want to know that business meeting where they're like walking with the golden goose and like They threw it on the table. It's like I don't like this thing. We should do the other thing. We just I haven't seen a single person drink Bud Light while I've been back in America. It's just like a similar thing

I'm going to say this. I don't think I've drank Bud Light in like 13 years anyways. I don't know. Last time I drank Bud Light, I was probably 19, 21. It's went.

Oh man, when was the last time? I just don't give a fuck about... It was the weirdest drama ever. Dude, that's America, though. How is it... No, that's a good question. How is it watching, like, American drama from over the... It is weird. It is weird. It is weird, because I don't give a shit about Bud Light. I've never drank Bud Light. Yeah. It's piss. It's fucking garbage. I don't know. There was just... It's just weird, man. There's so much in, like, American culture on, like, the news circle that...

Like, all you see from halfway across the world is, like, all the worst shit. And all, like, the asinine shit that doesn't matter. That isn't, like, an issue. It's like a distraction. But they, like, they build it up because when people come here, even, like, Hendo or, like, our UK, whoever, they're like, man, this place is dangerous.

Like Texas, they think it's like the wild west. They think people are quick drawn in the street. Like, you know, 20 minutes after 11. Well, I mean, to be fair, every day at noon, I go out into the street and just wait. You wait, you have your duster coat on. You got the big iron on your hip. I'm surprised you made it from the driveway to this house without getting shot. Yeah, it's so dangerous. I had to mow down a crowd of 100 people.

You drove through them all, right? In self-defense. Yeah, as they were riding in the streets, protesting. I felt threatened. They were saying, stop, stop. There's a car accident. I'm...

I'm not an idiot, dude. I know that's a trap. I've seen videos. I've seen those four flip cars. I know a fake scene when I've seen one. They said, stop, stop. It's a car fire. It's literally a car fire. I said, no, I don't care. I even took a video of the car fire. As you drove through. I 100%, I literally took a photo, a video of the car fire. Slamming through people. Zoom in on that. It's literally the car fire.

Down the road. You're not fucking lying. I'm not lying. There was a car fire right there. You have a look. It's a car fire. It's smoke billowing. Fake news. See? It's smoke billowing. Fire melting steel beams. It's...

It is dangerous here. Can we get the community notes on that video? I think that's for 2014. It's dangerous here in Texas. It's very dangerous here in Texas. So you're just watching chaos unfold via over the pond. Do people know where you guys are based? Like the town? I don't know.

I mean, we all know what is San Antonio, yeah. Bernie, San Antonio, everyone knows Bernie's name, man. It was so funny, dude, in Texas they have a similar thing to like Australia where they'll name something, like they'll name a suburb, they'll name a town, and it is not how it is spelt. Oh yeah. At all. Like, there's Bernie, which is not spelt Bernie. And you're like, oh, Bernie is in Sanders, that guy who should have been the president. Yeah.

I'm from Vermont, bro. I'm from Vermont. I literally sat down at a restaurant with Bernie Sanders. This audience, they just threw their towel at me. What did he say about Bernie? The comments are just lighting up right now. I'm just kidding. Bernie shouldn't have been Bernie. He should have been Kanye. He should have been Kanye. Again.

That's what I'm saying. Swagger just keeps climbing in this fucking ladder. You know, this video is sponsored by Adidas Yeezys. Kanye is a, just loves this, loves this podcast. He loves me. And I love him. I voted for him twice. This thumbnail is going to be dope, by the way. And I'm very, very proud to announce that I am running as his running mate. Kanye West, Swagger Souls.

When's it go? It's like 2032 or something. It's like 12 years in the future. But it's announced bright and early. It might not happen. Whatever we can do to support this, we will. We'll help. Very good. We're here for you and Mr. West. I already got this in my hands. I might as well do Sam a little shooey. He's Australian. My man. God, you are a man of just...

Honor and greatness. Thank you. Man, I can't like... The amount of shoeies I've done, I just watched the motherfucker do a shoeie. I feel so good. I love meeting a new guest. It's like you meet these people and then they just blow... Like, you have an image, but then you interact with them and it just blows you out. It blows you away. You're like, oh, this is a good dude. This is hilarious. By the way, a message to the viewers. Yeah, I just talk a lot of shit. Half the shit I say, I don't even mean. Or even stand behind. I'm just...

I don't even know what I'm saying at this point. You're full of shit is what you're saying. I didn't even sip that one. I opened that one for you. Beautiful, thank you. Cheers. Oh yeah, let's all cheers.

- It's all chews together. - Ding, ding, ding. - Yeah. - White Claw, like real men. - Dude, Batty was so stoked for this. Like, it was the most random text I told Batty today. - I was sleeping two hours ago. - Yeah, Cody texts. - Yeah. - And he's like, "Hey, do you guys want a Swagger Soul?" I was like, "What?" - Yeah, I've, what? - I truly appreciate that. But he's like, "Yeah." And then we started talking about Brandon's fight. I'm trying to blow up Batty. And I know, Batty is like the biggest man. - Bro, I woke up to four missed calls. I was, I was asleep and I was like,

"Let me go piss first, I'll call you right back!" So we were like, "Ahh!" I just realized, we never finished off on that Bernie tangent. Bernie is spelt... You'd think it's spelt B-E-R-N-I-E, but it's actually spelt fuckin' B-O-E-R-N-E? Born? It's Borne? And then there's... Then there's, oh, let's go to Manor, Texas. M-A-N-O-R. Manor, right? No!

It's "may-nor" Like, what the fuck?! What do you mean it's "may-nor"? Where's the "y"? There's no "y"!

Don't worry, there's a German spelling. And then you go to like... There's Buda, Texas, which is actually Buda. Buda? It's Buda. Nope, it's Buda. It's Buda. Buda. Buda, baby. We got, we got, nope, it's Texas, Buda. It's like there's a suburb in Melbourne. It's spelled P-R-A-H-R-A-N. How do you think that's... Wait, say it again? P-R-A-H-R-A-N.

- Prahn? - P-R-A-H-R-A-N. - You're talking to two idiots. I need to let you know. - How did you get it? I would think Pra-Han.

I'm Prehan, but you're like, you're like Prenn. Prenn is how it's spelled. Hey! Yay! Dyslexia. See, I didn't even know. Dyslexia helps in that case. Australia's just like me and Eli. Kind of fucking dumb. Prenn. You know, just Prenn. It's Prenn. Prenn. Prenn. Prenn. I'm just going to get word. They've got like Wagga Wagga.

They've got all these crazy names. It's like... I like that you have terrifying creatures over there. You know, not as many as you'd think. I mean, I don't go out in the bush. Is that just propaganda? Is that American propaganda? When you're in Melbourne, you're so far down south. You're so, like, in the colder climate. And when you're in a metropolitan area, none of the fucking creepy crawlies, really, are going to be going into your house. They're not really interested. But you go out into the bush, like, yeah, dude, there's snakes, there's spiders.

Then you wear the helmet. You definitely wear the helmet. Yeah, for sure. Makes sense now. You wear the wetsuit and everything. You're just fucking full coverage. Yeah, yeah. It's the herb I'm watching. I've had, you know, I've seen, you know, huntsman spiders have been in my house the size of my fucking hand. I've seen fucking wolf spiders in Sydney the size of my head, which are just not...

fun things to look at and know that are in your house before you're about to sleep? Dude, we had just literally, it was a week. It was like three in the fucking morning, one in the morning. There was a spider, and that's... I made a story about it, because I laid in bed, and I was like, ah...

And it was a fucking spider just a wolf spider jumps down next to me in the bed. I was like And my girl she's Savannah like she's like what I do a video of it. I'm like man fuck this thing's huge. It was like that and

The only, everyone's like, burn it down, oh my god, burn it down. Australians? Pussy. They're just grambling. They're just like, pussy. What are you talking about, mate? It's just fucking Huntsman Spider. Who fucking gives a shit about the fucking Huntsman Spider? You know, grambling, she'd be like, oh, mate, it's not going to fucking bite you. It's just going to fucking eat the mosquitoes, mate. See?

You got a fucking... I just do an Asian accent and a Mexican accent. That's my call to fame. I'm a lot more... What's the term? Traveled? No, not traveled. I...

integrated into Australian society. Assimilated. Yeah, you assimilated that accent perfectly. Yeah, dude. A lot of practicing in front of a mirror. A lot of hearing other people. You just pick up on it. I remember it clicked for me. I just picture you in the morning naked, put the helmet on, and you're practicing your Australian accent. Just going on to the shower. Going to shampoo me hair.

Then you slap your head and you're like, do it better! Do it better! Reset. Reset. Reset. Mackies! Mackies! Mackies! Mackies! Mackies! Which also, Australia has one of the best TV shows that ever came out. Oh, here we go again. Upper Middle Bogan? I've never heard of that one. Kat and Kim? You guys have been jerking this show off ever since we saw it. Are you talking about, you're talking about, hang on, don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me.

Mr. Inbetween. Ray Shoesmith, pretty fucking good show. Fucking dope ass show. And it's true. Slept on. Slept on.

And it's so well done. The interactions with the individuals are so realistic. It's fantastic delivery. It's like how Australians actually talk to each other. It's so fucking good. And the humor, dark but hilarious. It's really good. And then they asked him to do other seasons. He's like, no, the show ended. You said the show ended, yeah. Because, you know, guy, he was like writing and directing and playing the main character. I remember way back, we tried to get him, we talked about like, hey man, we'll fly from Australia to be on the podcast. Nah. Really? No, I'm good. Really? You're talking to me?

Yeah, yeah. Like, he was responding. What the hell? I'm just like, nah, I'm good. Nah, I'm good, mate. Yeah, I'm staying here. We're like, fuck, bro. I would love. Dude, you're so talented, though. Like, flying him out or you going to him? Flying him out, man. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet he's being like, fuck that.

It's a long way. It's a long way. That dude turned down a TV show with probably lots of money. He does not care about it. Yeah, but you know, that's how you can respect the man's creative process. That's what I love about it. It's not a whole, you know, it's not like Simpsons fucking episode, episode 435 or whatever. Well, that's why I praised him. I was like, this is a dude that had a story and he's like, no, I'm not getting in here. Yeah, he's saying he's six foot eight and that's his character.

He's a great actor though. Dude, phenomenal actor. That entire show was just good. And that's why I always tell people, I'm like, you gotta watch it. You gotta watch Mystery in Between. It's almost like a dry humor too at times because it's just the way- It's like the show Barry. Yes, yes. Or like Australian. Fuck, yes. What a wonderful goddamn show Barry was too. But Australian. I guess though. Well, we shot Demo Ranch like two days ago. He had the pen gun.

And we were trying that, like 25, like 25 cal, you know. And so he's got this little pen thing and it flips out and there's a little thing. And Schlatt goes, isn't this the fucking gun from Barry where the guy's, you know, he's like, that guy's here to kill me, isn't he? And he blows his fucking hand. And he brings it up. We're like, oh, we're about to shoot this fucking first time. Yeah, that's when you look down and you're like,

Yeah, you can, for the record, you can't hit shit with it. You cannot hit shit with a pen gun. That's literally meant to do this with. Yeah, basically. You touch the person. I'd rather use the fucking gun that John Wilkes fucking Booth used. Like, honestly, like, I feel like it,

ergonomically it'd probably be better makes more sense you're not like as bad he's saying where you have to push it against the chest you know it's like hey yeah let me sign the receipt also what's that behind you you

They turn around when you're doing it and you're like, sorry, sorry, my pen broke. You turn back around and you're like, what the fuck? Bro, why is my pen doing this? Honestly, it was strange. Big firearm guy? Medium firearm guy. I am

am a nerd. So I like... A VR firearm guy. VR, Counter-Strike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Counter-Strike. It's like my staple game. I...

our favorite ones and you have one now we I built my first firearms based off of that where it's like P90 TP9 TMP so I have a full TMP set up full P90 set up fucking hell bro I mean we both got them at this point yeah both chopped down suppressed got the cool optics oh yeah man Stiers doing the the skins from Counter-Strike for the fire I was like we each got like anime uwu

I was going to say, you got like Akihabara, except the Temu Kau, you know, all the good anime guys. I had one like custom made. My Vector's got like cyberpunk neon. It's got like a dragon and shit on it. Oh yeah, man. Dude, that's sick. That's really sick. You guys got skins to IRO. Mine looks like the old...

Probably as expensive as some of the skins in the game. Some of those skins, man, are fucking crazy. The Counter-Strike economy is crazy. Especially with Counter-Strike 2 coming out. Did some kid just open a knife? He's got like less than 30 hours. It was like a $100,000 knife or a $140,000 knife. Less than 30 hours. It was like 31 hours or something in CSGO. Karambit case hardened fucking men wear. Yeah. Unreal for a fucking pole. 100k skin.

Yeah, I know some people that really like to open cases. I like to open cases, but I've toned that back. Yeah, I refuse to do that. I already play fucking like Magic the Gathering. I like Pogo. I don't need another fucking addiction like this, and I've seen my friends do this. It's expensive. It's so fucking expensive. You know, cases used to be three cents and three dollars to open with the key, and now the cases themselves are like...

Like a dollar or $5 or $20 or $1,000 for one fucking case? God forbid there's a sticker you could fucking get. An iBuyPower. Hey, dude, you want an iBuyPower or a Titan Hollow? You know, a $50,000 virtual sticker? Baby, let's go. I came from Counter-Strike 1.9.

Oh damn, so you're- you're coming before Source. He's 48. I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm

It's an Asian genetic, you know? No, it's not. Got the skin, maybe. Dude, you look like you're maybe like late 20s at most. Thank you. You look like 10 years younger. Oh, my God. Don't fucking stroke him anymore. Stop it. What fantastic human. Are you Vietnamese? I am part Asian, part Mexican. Yeah, but what does that mean? Part Asian. What flavor? It is the poor one Vietnamese. You're the poor one? You know?

They get poorer than Vietnamese. They're a pinot. The Mexican and the Asian community. That's how it is. You're Mexican and Asian, huh? A lot of Native American we found out. Really? That makes sense because if you're Native Mexican, then that's Native American. Yeah. You have Spaniard

Mexican, Native American, Asian, and then Irish. That's dope. Yeah. That's pretty dope. It's just the white side. Yeah, you like rice and whiskey. Oh, yeah. It's just living the dream. The American dream. Yeah, fire wine. With whiskey.

Right on, dude. I am like Italian. Just Italian. Straight up. Just straight up. My mom and my sister both did fucking 23andMe or whatever, which I'm annoyed about because now I can't commit a murder because it'll be traced back to me. Even though my DNA isn't in a registry, theirs is. Close enough. So they'll be able to track them down and then a relative and, you know,

It's just unfortunate. It's just another option taken from me. Yeah, your career as an assassin has been removed. My prospective career...

As you say, my potential is gone. But, Matthew says... I just picture it's like, have you seen this man? That's you with the helmet. It's like, why you did not make your uniform? They wanted Ned Kelly. That's not me. He's wearing a bow tie. I am wearing a bow tie. Like, fuck, they knew me.

They took their 23 and made, you know, my mom is like 98% fucking South Iberian, which is just, you know, like Italy and Sicily. And my sister took the same exact shit. So I'm not going to take it because... But, you know, I'm pretty sure I'm fucking Italian, man. What if you're not Italian? Oh, then my mom fucked a pool boy. Like, you know...

You don't want to ruin the family dynamic real quick? You don't want to throw the wrench in there? Yeah, you should be like, sorry guys. Mom, why do we have to say mailman every time we moved? Sorry mom, I'm actually half Irish. No, that would not go well.

I always thought about that shit, dude. Like when 23andMe first came out, I'm like, you know, because how many families did it destroy? I was going to say like, you know, I'm like, I grew up my entire life like, oh yeah, like we're Italian. We're Italian. We're really Italian, you know, super Italian. And imagine you take 23andMe and it's like, oh yeah, we're actually 80% Irish. Like,

Imagine. Like, that would be horrible. It happened a lot. Because a lot of people... Yeah, how many affairs were discovered? Oops. You remember my grandma on my... Do I remember your grandma? No, I thought I told... She's a sweetheart. Yeah. You remember, I thought I told that story where we... Oh, yeah, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nanny's a whore. His grandma remembers me. Grammy was a whore. Grammy was a whore. Grammy was a whore. God, what fucking movie was that? Oh my, Beer Fest? Grandma turned out, she was like smacking the strobe on the sausage. It was that or Grandma's Boy where it was like, I should have wore a condom. Oh God.

Yeah. Broken lizard. So we had my grandma on one side. We found out a new... It says, like, you have a new cousin. I was like, oh, on the Cuevas side. Mexicans, we breed. So I was like, it was a breed. What a tagline. Mexicans, we breed. What?

That's Mexico's new statement. It's a slogan. So it was, oh, this side, boom, is going to be another first cousin. We have like 60-something first cousins. I've fucked them. Holy fuck. That's a lot. That rhymes with the Irish. You definitely can't live in that community because then you're worried any girl you meet could technically be a second or third cousin. It's right there. And then it was like,

From the other side of the family, I was like, eh, I only have one first. Because there's only one first cousin on that side. Like, we know. Yeah, and I was like, uh-oh, this isn't adding up. Started looking. I was like, oh, I know what happened. Grandma had a...

the grandma had a kiddo out of wedlock oh yeah she was just real bloated for nine months and suddenly she lost the weight what the fuck and both of my grandparents on all my sides are like they've passed so we can't ask them it was just like they went to the grave with that shit yeah i was like oh 23 and me fucking shit up naturally i emailed the guy i was like hey

Do you know who your mom is? And then he was like, it's this person. I was like, I don't think, I don't know. According to this, you're a first. Some fucking guy emails you out of the blue. Hey, dude, you know who your mommy is? Who the fuck is this guy? Yeah, dude, no, your mom isn't actually your mom. Who the fuck are you? Dude, this literally happened to my family. That's crazy.

I was like my mind was blown like next it shows on the phone after you it's like you're related this way boom No, this was like not possible. If you look at this little family tree right here, bro I guarantee is like fuck this if I was him I'd be like this is a scam Trying to Nigerian Prince me but then I never responded to him so he's like oh

You left him on the edge. Yeah, I'm like giving the genetic like this is how- You're like, "Hey bro, by the way, you're adopted. Peace out." Like, nice. Yeah, nice. "By the way, we're related. You're adopted." Love you. Love you. Dude, this literally happened with my great-grandmother. Literally a deathbed confession. At the very end, she's going, she's just like, "Also, my sister is actually my daughter." Whoa! Damn.

If I were on my deathbed, I would confess to, like, all sorts of shit. And I never even did. Like, I would just confess to, like, murders and, like, you know... Oh, you'd make some shit up. Atrocities. I'd say that there's bodies buried. You'll never find who they are. No, that's what you say when you're dying. It's like, make sure you find the gold. Yeah. I've got... The gold is under the...

The wooden... Like everything in your house is made of wood? Yeah! No, you gotta be like, make something like... Make something super vague. Just protect the map. What do you mean? The oak tree that falls under the North Star.

Grandpa, what the fuck does that mean? Grandpa, what the fuck? That reminds me of like, have you ever heard this story where this guy threw out a hard drive that had like... Bitcoin? I think it was a couple hundred in Bitcoin. A couple hundred Bitcoin. It was more than that. It was thousands or something. He would pay this guy who owned a dump...

the local dump, and he would pay them every day to go to this dump and sift through waste and rotting garbage to find a hard drive with life-changing money. What a visual. What a better visual to display the hunt for greed. Where we are in the humanity.

You know, how far would you go? How long would you do it before you just, you call it quits? If you know that there's... You know there's $100 million on a hard drive somewhere. If you knew there was $100 million in a hard drive in like a 20-acre dump...

Like, would you look for that shit every day? Or would you just, like, get a job? Or pay the other guy. Or pay someone else to do it. You can't pay someone else to do that. Yeah, it's true. They're going to be like, sorry, boss. Sorry, boss, never found it. They're gone. What do you tell the employee that's looking for it? Family, you tell them. Yeah, I'm looking for a hard drive, and there's a lot of porn I can't lose. This is priceless porn. This is porn that... You're going to give me porn? They're going to search it. No, no, no. You can't give me porn.

You gotta hit him with the family aspect. Family heirloom. I lost his hard drive. It's got all the pictures of my dead kids on it. It's got all the videos of my grandma's porn.

Yeah, my grandma's porn? I need to find my grandma's porn. They're home videos. That 1920s porn is terrible. Trash quality. It's like 1960s grainy, horrible audio. Whatever you do, do not watch my grandma's porn. The bush is huge for some reason. Yeah, the bush is huge. The music just makes your dick soft. The bush being out of fashion is like okay by me.

I'm fine with it. I'm also glad music is no longer a big thing in porn where it's like, Oh, you didn't like the bass? As a bassist, I enjoyed barely. But yes, I can drop a good porn bass line.

I just love Barely. That's pretty good. I can play Blink-182 songs. Can you slap bass? Can you like... No! I can play Blink-182 songs. That is... Where are you? And I'm so sorry! No, that's all I can do.

I can do. That is it. I can hit a couple porn lines. That's it. He's one of the Van Woon brothers over here. If you don't know who that is, he's a really good... Dude, I hated that in porn, though. That's the worst. That's how you kill me in porn. Oh, dude, Ron Jeremy comes into frame. He's got a big fucking mustache and a big hog. I've never seen Ron Jeremy porn. Yeah, but like a sweaty, hot, big... A big, pulsating, sweaty, huge hog. I've literally never seen Ron Jeremy porn. An Italian chorizo. He would suck his own dick. Yeah, I mean, I can't... Wait, that's...

real? Yeah, I can't. He'd be like, watch it. He'd be like, I don't need a fluffer. I'm my own fucking fluffer. And then he'd suck his own cock. I don't need to look this up today. And the women there are waiting to be fucked and they're looking at this guy like, what the fuck are you doing? I can do that. He's like, no, you don't know how I like it. And then he would just keep sucking his own dick. Are you making these

100% not. 100% really? Yeah, the ladies would go, Ron Jeremy, I'm so horny, please fuck me. And he'd be like, sorry, I gotta fluff myself up. And it'd take him an hour because his cock was so huge. I don't need to look this up. As I said, you just keep getting cooler. Yeah, thanks, I know. Most people don't know about the Ron Jeremy dick. It's the thing, when you jelk for years, of course you're going to look up to Ron Jeremy.

Oh, yes. Oh, that just... When you're an ordinary joker, you look up to men like Ron Jeremy. Batty's searching for Ron Jeremy. He's looking up joking. He's like, what the hell is jolking? He's spelling it G-E-L-K like a moron. It's J-E-L-Q. It's weird. It's like Bernie. Nothing from you, sir. It's like Bernie. It's German. Bernie and Pran.

There's the baddie just seen it. You seen it? He sucks his own dick. He does suck his own cock. He literally just walks up. I- He's flexible for looking like a shorter, fatter Mario. Well, that's the thing. How does Mario get in those cramped up green pipes? Oh no! He's gotta contort himself somehow. I just ruined my own day. That's the thing. You know, if I could do that, it wouldn't need a woman. No, exactly. If women could do that, they wouldn't need a man. That's one of my favorite shorts is the Caveman series. Have you ever seen this short? That's why I like cats. I'm jealous of them.

Can you lick your own butthole? Well, if I could, it means I could suck my own dick, right? But I cannot lick my own asshole. And I cannot suck my own dick. Certainly cannot suck my own dick. If you did, would you put your leg up like a cat does, though? I mean, it would probably be the only way to get the angle. I would say whatever works. That would be the easiest way to do it. I would rather walk. I would have to, like, really. It would have to be flaccid pulled taut. It would need to be, like, really stretched out for me to even get, like, a. . .

Sir, control yourself. If I walk in on my buddy sucking his own dick, I hope it's like how Ron Jeremy does it and not a cat. He was just sitting. Eli walks in on his buddy sucking his own dick. Oh, dude, you need some help, bro? Yeah. Oh, shit. Am I earning a billion dollars? We're back to bro jobs. Full circle. We're back to bro jobs, dude. Wouldn't it be so funny, bro, if I pranked you by sucking your dick? Well, we had Logan on and we were talking about

Because they're very wholesome creators, and they wouldn't believe we're vets. Veterinarians? Yeah. We love animals. Like Demolition Ranch. Yeah, we're the exact same thing. For Veteran Day, we always take him to Applebee's. He gets his free meal. It's fucking dope. Just a bunch of vets sitting around tables. Vets sitting around. Thank you both for your service. Thank you for your service. Of course. It's an honor, sir. I love animals. Eating them.

Oh yeah. But, man, what was it? Oh my God, I lost my train of thought. What the fuck? That never happens here. Veterinarians, we're both vets. What were we talking about right before? Ron Jeremy sucking his own dick. I came over, I sucked your dick. Oh, a billion dollars to suck your dick. Billion dollars. Oh yeah, we said that. And they said no. Okay, they're gay. Okay.

They're gay and they haven't told anyone. What is the number for you to suck a dick? And they're like, well, it's very different if it was on camera. I'm like... What is this? It was on camera was the thing. On camera, like this guy's a dick sucker? Yeah. Will everyone know that I'm sucking the dick for money? Yeah. For a billion dollars? Yeah. I'm sucking that dick. Dude...

Dude, do you know how many dicks I would suck for a million dollars? Here's the thing. I pay income tax. I'm paying tax. Oh, no. So you're getting $600 million still. Yeah, I know. I still, yeah. Even paying it, you're like, yeah, I'm good. I'm great. I will suck that dick to completion. I mean, like, what's the catch? What?

What's the cat is it covered in fucking da bomb hot sauce? It's like it's like would you smack this cute little baby for a billion dollars like I will fucking curb stomping It doesn't it does not have teeth, but I will curb stomp the gums Like I will do what it takes to get a billion fucking dollars. It's a billion dollars, bro We we just did like a big match the gathering card opening on here cuz we're trying to find the one ring the black lotus. Oh

No, the One Ring. It's the new thing. The One Ring? Yeah, it's a serialized Lord of the Rings card. Fuck you, you're not an artist. You don't get it. $2 million. It's a $2 million card. And it hasn't been unboxed? Yeah, somebody found it. It's a 101 card that MTG and Lord of the Rings built together. And they're like, we're only making one of these. It got to $2 million before even getting shown on the internet.

So is it in a pack still? No, somebody got it in Toronto. But we did an opening trying to find it. Toronto, Canada or Toronto, Washington? You definitely lived in Washington knowing Toronto, Washington. No, I was so confused when I heard of Toronto, Washington because I was like, wait, Toronto has been in Washington this whole time? I thought it was in Canada. Am I stupid? And I started telling people, I'm like, you know, Toronto isn't in Canada, it's in Washington. They're like, are you fucking retarded?

I'm like, no, I read it. And they're like, no, you're an idiot. And they look it up. You don't get it, man. You're wrong. And they look it up and they'd be like, oh, there is a Toronto election. I'd be like, see? They go, yeah, but...

There's a Toronto in Canada still! And I'm like, but it's that, it's like, why would it be there? Toronto next to Toronto? Like, come on, like, you can't have another Toronto for like at least another 500 miles. They have to stay super far apart. It's like there's a California in like California, but then there's like a California, Maryland. California, Texas too. California, Texas!

I actually- there is a lot- I tried to drive to California, the state, and I went to Maryland and Texas. Like, what the fuck? Where's California? I'm upset. I think Portland's- I think Toronto and Portland are right next to each other, right? Oh, I don't know. I'm not from Washington. Son of a bitch. I've only been that one time in Seattle when I was- It wasn't good. When you were doing all the drugs. When I was taking drugs and VR. Legally. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I like that was your experience in Washington. Yeah, when I was just taking acid and playing Skyrim. What else were you gonna do in Washington?

Live the dream, apparently. Drugs. Cut down a cherry tree. Oh, riot. Riot? I forgot. You can riot in Washington now. We can live the dream out there. Are you a big anime guy? Um.

Just the hentai part? Not super. Hentai I grew out of, if you believe that. I grew out of hentai. Okay. I mean, only every now and then. You'll dabble into the... I'll dabble into the 2D space. But to get aroused on a 2D image takes a lot of mental acuity.

Like, for me to be like, okay, I'm also 2D. Like, I'm going to immerse myself in this 2D universe. Oh, you go really hard when you jack off. I take a lot of answers. Yeah. I take a lot of answers. Yeah. Dude, you...

Bro, I can't J-O to this. This is 2D and they need a beep. I'm a 2D beep. Yeah, exactly. It's like, that's when I, you know. You need the tentacles. They're a part of you. Yes. I need to buy the octopi and be fully immersed. No, I mean, hentai isn't really my speed. Anime is a cool little, you know, when the anime is good, it's good. Attack on Titan is good. Like the old shit, Naruto, fucking One Piece, you know.

But, dude, I only got like maybe 100 episodes in One Piece. Bro, same. Like, I didn't... Casual One Piece. I understand. Very, very casual. We're all the same way. Too much. I'm trying to think. Maybe...

I grew up on, like, really retro-ass anime, actually. Ninja Scroll. No, no. Dragon Ball Z. I'm talking, like, 80s anime, man. Oh, Akira or Ultra Boy and all that shit. No, like, Astro Boy, Gigantor. Yep, yep. If you've ever heard of Battle of the Planets, also known as Gatchaman, with the five, like, bird people, like the bird ninjas that are scientists and engineers. Yeah.

That was the shit. Shout out to my dad. Shout out to my dad for making me grow up on Gacha Man. Old ass anime. Eli aged anime. Pretty fucking cool. Pretty cool. That's my

my age of anime. God, you're so fucking old, Eli. Battle of the Planets, dude, was pretty dope. My dad, you know, Kimba the White Lion. Oh, I don't know that one. You don't know that one? It's a really good one. Kimba the White Lion is a really good one. This is the first time Eli's been stumped on anime. I need you to understand how important that is. You just did a thing that

Nobody before you has done. Older anime especially, I'm usually the one to be like, what's that? Kimba the White, you've never heard of Kimba the White Lion? No. Kimba the White Lion is his name. I'm sure that was the Japanese translation. It probably wasn't. I didn't watch it. I didn't watch it, saw it, but couldn't read. Yeah, exactly.

I literally can't read. But it was a good thing. There was a little white lion in the safari and his adventures with his friends. It was a great anime to watch. You're lying. I'm not even lying. I put the shit card down. Do you not believe? About what? That Kimba the White Lion is a thing? I'm going to look up Kimba the White Lion.

I just want to know Japanese people that are like, we will make an anime about the African furries. Kimba the White Lion, known in Japan as Jungle Emperor.

It was a Japanese shounen manga series written and illustrated by Osamu Tezuka, which was serialized in the manga shounen in 1950, 1954. And then it became a television, it was broadcast on television, the first color animated television series created in Japan. Aired in North America in 1966. Wow.

Yeah, it's an old motherfucking anime, dude. That's the oldest anime. That's older than like Astro... What the... Yeah, of course. It's Kimba the White Lion, dude. It's Kimba the White Lion. Kimba the White Lion, everybody. That's what I grew up on. That's gonna be trending later. The style is so fucking... Very old. Yeah, very Astro Boy. It's super Astro Boy. It's like before that Japanese culture hit. Yeah, I was watching fucking Gigantor.

When it was in black and white. Yeah, dude. You're like, oh. Did you watch Godzilla and shit going on? Disney knocked these guys off. I guess so. Because that's very Astro Boy. Holy shit. But it was a good, it was a motherfucking good motherfucking show. Swagger Souls knows OG anime. I do. That's the O-est of Gs. That is a fucking ancient anime. Like, yeah.

All the other new shit, like 2000s animes, I don't think I really got into. Bleach, I think I may have mentioned was cool. Yo-Yo Hakusho. Oh, yeah, great one. Very, very, very good one. That'd be Hunter x Hunter is another. I haven't seen Hunter x Hunter. Same artist as you do.

There were like short ones, like one season animes that I've watched that aren't really notable. One Punch Man. I haven't seen it. That one's a Bond type. Bobobo. Bobobo. Bobobo. Holy shit. I forgot about Bobobo. Bobobo. Bobobo. I read the manga, man. I read the manga in the toilet every day when I was taking a shit.

At what age? Fuck, man. Bobobo? I would have been early teens. No shit. Yeah, reading Bobobo. All the manga. Wait, how the fuck old are you? I'm trying to place these things. Is that a secret? How old do you think I am?

30. Okay. I'll say around, yeah, 30. I'm 30, I'm 35. You old fuck. I'm 35, 35 years old. No shit, my boy. Okay, so you, oh man, you have that good age of gaming. You grew up in the, your first system was either Super Nintendo or Nintendo. Yeah, it was about, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. And then you went to PlayStation or Nintendo 64. It was Atari first. No,

Atari but you probably only had a couple games for it. Yeah, it was like the tank There was a lot of variety Nobody fucking played them no one there was there wasn't really much Okay, but yeah the Atari - I think it was I didn't game for a while then Super Nintendo and

Yeah, it probably just like, yeah, it went to like GameCube. The GameCube was big. GameCube was fucking... What was your biggest one? The biggest ones that I really fucking... It really started getting into the game. You were like, hey, this is my fucking passion on a game. Yeah, it probably started like GameCube,

Wii was cool, Xbox... You know, I didn't really get into PlayStation until I fucking PS4. I didn't like the... Well, I just didn't like holding my fucking hands like a claw. I don't have very dexterous hands. You've got like fucking gorilla hands. So the Xbox controllers and GameCube controllers worked good. Even on...

The fucking, uh, what was the Nintendo one with the fucking three, was that 64? 64, yeah. Three arms. That one was shit. Whoa, okay, okay. It was pretty shit. Let's not say things we can't take back. It was pretty fucking bad. It was pretty garbage. It was pretty bad. You guys are being rude. It was bad, dude. It was bad. It was fucking really hard. It was really fucking awkward to use. No.

Now, when they went to the GameCube controller, the ergonomics fucking went bad. I'm not, I'm not, Batty, I'm not saying that innovation is bad. I'm not saying that, you know. Don't meet your heroes, guys. Don't meet them. All I'm saying is that, you know, they have to innovate. Look, look at me, look at me, look at me, viewers. Viewers, viewers.

You know, Nintendo had to innovate and they had to come out with something crazy. It was the 90s. People didn't know what the fuck to expect. They were like three fucking... What do I hold? Which one do I hold? Do I hold the middle one? Do I hold the left one? Do I hold the right one? And, you know, they figured it out. To this day, I still don't know which one you're supposed to hold. Yeah, dude. Yeah. You know, so Nintendo, thank you. You know, you have to innovate.

But GameCube, GameCube controllers, when she got pretty good for them. The GameCube controller was one of the greatest controllers of all time. They had the Wii. They had the virtual boy. The first VR unit. Yeah, the virtual boy. Fucking. Headaches. Yeah. Just a headache. Let's not even. You're trying to get the perfect angle for your head to slide.

I didn't even fuck around with it. It was just red. It was red and black. Just terrible on your eyes red. Not like a soft red. It was just like cutting into your little child eyes. It was literally, yeah. It wasn't, you know, you have to innovate. You have to experiment. You have to try your best. Sometimes you swing and you miss. Sometimes you swing and you miss or you swing it as a commercial success for whatever fucking reason.

Dude, first-person shooters are so bad on that controller. When you go back and try to play Goldeneye... Yeah, you're playing Goldeneye. Trying to D-pad and joystick at the same time. You hold R to aim and you're going like this. You're pushing your friend off of his beanbag chair because you keep selecting shortstop.

Is it worse than Crystal Skull

What? Yeah. I heard it was bad, but I just assumed it would be just as bad. So here's the thing. Crystal Skull was so bad. Go on. Look, Crystal Skull, I get it. People are like, this is kind of ridiculous. I kind of liked it because of the whole ancient aliens. Okay. I was like, I could suspend my disbelief. It was cool. Shia LaBeouf is Shia LaBeouf.

I like Even Stevens. I grew up with Even Stevens. I think Even Stevens is a great show. Probably one of the best works he's ever done. And I respect Shia LaBeouf for that. This new movie, which...

Dude, I didn't even know about until my dad was like, hey, there's a new Indiana Jones. You know, you want to see him? I'm like, there's a new Indiana Jones? He's like, yeah. I'm like, I haven't heard about it. I'm like, it's in theaters now? Did it just come out? He's like, no, it's been out for a couple of weeks. I go, that's not a good sign. And...

I said, well, fuck it. I like Harrison Ford. He's old. And then we went and saw it. And yeah, dude, the first 15 minutes is like a deep faked Harrison Ford, which was convincing until they did like some close up dramatic shots, which did not look all that good. You could really tell. I mean, you know, you can you can really tell like it wasn't, you know, they used all the archive footage.

Harrison Ford at that age, Lucasfilm, they trained the AI off of, like, you couldn't have trained it a little more? You couldn't have trained it maybe for

Maybe for like just one more day of iterations. Just one more day of iterations. It wasn't, it wasn't, you know, it would have fooled the fucking 50 year olds. It would have been like, wow, how'd they do this? But you know, when you're 20, 23, you know, you're, you're, you're, you're savvy with tech. You look at that and you go, that's pretty, you know, come on. That's not good. You're kind of, you're kind of cutting corners here. And also they had like a really annoying female lead and the pacing was weird and they were trying to set it up like that.

She was like his goddaughter that... What happened to Shia LaBeouf? Shia LaBeouf was nowhere to be seen. No mention of his son? Oh, yeah, Shia LaBeouf was his son. It was his fucking son! Shia LaBeouf was his son, and they did not mention it. It's like Passion of the Christ 2, and it's about, like...

moses it has been a minute but like i don't know man the pacing was weird they did another thing with nazis again like i thought it's like nazis you're dude okay wait what jokes are made about the nazis go on i know there was i don't think there were any jokes more more than it was just like haha you nazi scumbag haha gonna gonna gonna beat the nazis again and it's like

That's cool, but you're going to do that for four movies? There's going to be Nazis in every movie? Like, that being said, it's been a while since we've seen Temple of Doom. Were there Nazis in Temple of Doom? I'm just going to assume they're all Nazis. Because there has been, like, Nazis in, like, almost every single Indiana Jones movie. There has, because the last three, definitely three, because the first one, the Ark. The second one is the Temple of Doom. Yeah, Ark has Nazis. Ark has Nazis. Temple of Doom, I can't remember. That's the one I can't remember if there was, like, a lot of Nazis.

If it was Nazis or some other thing. Because there's this Indian tribe. Maybe it was like the South American tribe. Yeah, like death whistle Aztec motherfuckers. Cannibals. Monkey brain eating pieces of shit. Oh yeah, hopefully. No Nazis. I confirm.

Okay, no, not- alright. I don't know dude, I just think the whole like Nazi angle is kind of like, come on man, like we're almost- World War II was a while ago. There's almost a hundred years since World War II, man. Are you ready for Oppenheimer? But here's- Oppenheimer should be cool, but here's the thing with the Indiana Jones movie. Look, I'm- this is a spoiler.

This is a spoiler. So, look, if you're a viewer... I love your passionate, right? If you're a viewer and you're going to watch the new Indiana Jones movie, Dial of Destiny, just be warned, okay? Skip ahead this... However the editor will figure it out. Spoilers! Spoilers. I'm going to...

Indiana Jones dies. No, he doesn't. He doesn't. No, he lives happily ever after with his old bitch wife or whatever who comes back out of fucking... You mean old people romance? Yeah, here's the thing. It's like he's old as fuck and that's the thing. The whole movie has this stupid goddaughter who apparently thinks that he abandoned her when the pacing was weird, dude. They go back in time.

Wait, oh, okay, wait, what the fuck? They go back in time. Not like, this isn't like- It's not a flashback. They travel through a interdimensional time rift and go back to- and they meet Archimedes. I'm not kidding! What?! They meet Archimedes.

Does he go back and make sure he doesn't have a son? So that's why we don't talk about Shia LaBeouf anymore? No, no. They literally... So the Nazis kidnap them. They take the Archimedes fucking relic or whatever and they find it and put it together and the Nazis go into it. The Nazis want to take this thing, travel back in time, kill Hitler and win the war. Hell yeah. Which is, you know, I can appreciate. You're killing Hitler. Good plan. Good game plan. You're killing Hitler. But...

They realize that they're going back in time too far, that there's continental drift.

And they go back in the wrong location and they're in Italy. And it's like Greece. And there's a bunch of like fucking Roman ships shooting fire and arrows. And there's like Romans stabbing Greek people. And then Archimedes is like, dragon, dragon. And like there's the two fucking planes in the sky. And don't watch it.

Don't. If you go to watch Indiana Jones, Dial of Destiny, go high as fuck.

It's the only way that the movie is going to make sense pacing-wise. I never thought Crystal Skull would sound good. Crystal Skulls is, like, amazing compared to Tile of Destiny. I don't know why. This has been the official Swagger Souls review of Indiana Jones and Tile of Destiny. If you would have just started, like, guessed this movie and just started there...

I would have had no... You wouldn't have guessed. I would never in a million years be like, obviously. You would have said, what the fuck are you talking about? Are you making this up? I thought my child... Like a child wrote a story or a play. It wasn't good. Yeah, fucking sounds terrible. But if you're a fan of Indiana Jones and you want just to waste money and eat some popcorn and watch a shitty little movie...

Go check out the new Indiana Jones. Check it out. Harrison Ford was paid $25 million to do that movie. Oh, that's why he did it. He was paid $25 million? Yeah. No wonder he was smiling. I was just thinking, like, Harrison Ford's that old. What do you need $25 million at his age? But here's the thing. He's like $25 million. He didn't even have to do any acting for, like, the first 15 minutes of the movie. It was all deepfaked. It was all deepfaked. I guarantee you, he probably got the script. He's like, what's this? He's like, that's a villain? Dope. What's in my line? This?

Yeah, he's like, he literally just recorded the voice lines. I can do that. Yeah, all right, 25 minutes. And it's just weird. You can't take Indy seriously. Like, you know, it's like Indiana Jones is the badass. You know, Harrison Ford is hot and sexy and capable and a man. And now, you know, he's like reduced to this old geriatric, like bumbling fuck who's like just being overshadowed by this just kind of

- Look, the female lead, as a woman, I'm sure she's great. As a person, I'm sure she's fine, but her character was so annoying and overshadowing. They go to the Middle East, like in Morocco, and she's trying to sell this ancient relic.

Indiana Jones would never sell an ancient relic. So they're trying to portray her as this, oh, I'm a treasure hunter, but I sell the relics for money. I'm like an independent woman who's capable. The exact opposite of Indiana Jones where it's like a museum. Yeah, and for some reason she has this little...

A Moroccan boy who's like a sidekick who's got curly hair. Short round. Yeah, basically. Odd job. But not even... Shortstop. But not even like... Shortstop. Almost looks younger than shortstop. And he could fly a plane and shit too. Dude, it's a lot. Bring back Shia LaBeouf! It's a lot. Honestly, if Shia LaBeouf was there as the lead instead of that woman...

It probably would have been a bit more palatable. Because it was... I don't know, man. Look, I'm not like... Look, I'm not a misogynist or anything. I love women. But like her... So much. Her character... Her character was not good. No, the movie was not good. The movie was not good. They go back in time and meet Mark and Meadey. That's all you have to say?

you had to say right there. Give me a break. Give me a fucking break. Like, the ancient aliens I could understand. Sure, dude. Aliens, yes. Remember all the crystal skulls that just started spinning and shit? Like, what the fuck was that? They're gonna declassify so many documents in the next year or two years that we're gonna know that aliens as an... Like, as...

As a thing, real! Yeah, I mean statistically- So that immediately is gonna make the stocks go up on that movie. We're going back to watch- I'm gonna watch Crystal Skulls. We're gonna watch Crystal Skulls. Goddamn, those motherfuckers at Disney had the inside scoop. This is fucking tough. They knew. Hey, buddy. Oh, not again. Remember when you're playing In the Summer Sun.

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Man. Are you a big movie guy? Are you like a fucking... I don't know. I'm going to list off movies that are in my top five. Interstellar. Yep. Okay. It's pretty much my number one. Interstellar is really good. Oh, bro. Trust me. Then horror-wise, I'd say Hereditary and Midsommar are good. My boy.

Fucking hereditary, man. There's a new movie coming out by these two Australian YouTubers, which are really good friends of mine. They're called... It's Danny and Michael Filippo. They're Raka Raka. I don't know if you've heard of them. They're very, very Australian. So Raka Raka... Big shout-out to Raka Raka, one of the most fantastic and...

They changed the game on how YouTubers created fight sequences at that time because they did it very visceral. You actually know, too. And they captured it amazingly. They did shaky cam. I fucking love film, bro. They're the people that are behind the FBI open up and the FBI people, like, fucking busting through the walls and going down the ropes and shit. No shit. McDonald's. They made that thing, yeah. McDonald's. Power Rangers. Power Rangers. They have a ton of these crazy, you know, cinematic... Mm-hmm.

videos over like the last 10, 15 years. So when I was with Rocket Jump, Freddie Wong, that was one team we wanted to collab with was Rocka Rocka. So they started that conversation back in the day. This is like 2000.

Yeah, 12. To 14, like through that time. They're incredibly capable. Dude, they're so hot. And also, like on a personal level, really, really cool people. Like Danny and Michael, they're twins. They're like the same person. They have this crazy energy. And they're just fucking- Talented as fuck. I mean, they don't turn off. They're super talented and really cool. They're coming out with their own movie. They directed a movie called Talk to Me. And I saw an early screening of it last year. It is fucking amazing.

great, dude. It is up there with Hereditary. It's up there with Midsommar. It's like that miserable, like, just fuck with your brain to the end. Yeah, it's really good. It comes out in like a month. Oh, no shit? Okay. I think it comes out in like, maybe it comes out this, I think it comes out this month. It comes out in like 10 days. No shit. It's called Talk To Me. Definitely look into it. If you're a fan of horror movies, talk to me. I'm doing a note to that. It's got a really, it has a really good premise. It's based in Australia. It

It opens with this crazy one take. Like a seven minute one take. Really? Okay. It was so good. Wait, hold the fuck on. They did a fucking one... We were just talking about one takes last night. It was like a seven minute one take and it was fucking so immersive. And it sets the tone for the entire movie. Look...

I like movies, but like seeing... And a horror movie too? Yeah, a horror movie. A straight up horror movie. A one take, like five to seven minutes or something. And it was insane. It sets the tone.

talk to me in theaters in like, I don't know when the hell this is coming out. Probably be in theaters by the time this episode is out. If it's out in like two weeks or two weeks, just for fucking Googling a one take in a horror movie. So you are, you're relying on acting blocking, making sure all the actors hit their marks. And then you're creating that suspense in that,

timeframe is insane to do a single one take. That means there's no cut for seven fucking minutes, which is ridiculous. - And the cool thing is, you know, the whole thing is like, I don't even want to spoil it, man. The premise, the premise is- - Fuck Indiana Jones, we'll spoil that. Don't spoil the good shit. - I'll spoil the shit. I'll spoil the shit that you don't go that much. - You're saving us, thank you. - What about the other? - Let me think. Fuck, man.

I need a genre. Throw some genres in me. Live, die, repeat? Live, die, repeat? Oh, Groundhog Day. It is Groundhog Day. It's Violent Groundhog Day. I haven't seen Live, Die, Repeat. You should. With Tom Cruise? You haven't seen that? No, I haven't. Check it out. Edge of Tomorrow. Edge of Tomorrow.

No. You, okay. I promise you, you'll be like, that dude does know movies? Because right, my favorite movies, fucking horror movie, Hereditary. Hereditary is pretty good. So that director, that's his second fucking movie ever. Ever. Midsummer opening with that like 12 minute sequence could have been a short film all on its own. It goes so fucking hard right out the gate. You're like,

Oh, this. And that director, he captures human emotion and response. Dude, I talked to someone. This is funny. I talked to someone like a day or two days ago, and I forget who exactly it was, but it was, I was talking about favorite movies and horror movies, and I brought up Midsommar. And they were like, I've never heard of that. I'm like, you've never heard of Midsommar? And they're like, no, no. And I go, you need to watch it like really high. Like, you need to.

I said, I said, no, no, no, no, no. High on marijuana for one. I said, I said, you either need to take an edible and watch it or you need to like, or you need to smoke like two joints and then watch it.

And I said, just don't take shrooms. Do not take mushrooms and watch Midsommar. Oh, my God. Because the whole fucking movie's premise is like this cult fucking brainwashing people on mushrooms. Oh, God. And, dude, they nailed that. They nailed what it's like to be on mushrooms. Dude, that is crazy. Oh, my God. Yes, they're like...

you will oh man he's fucking amazing I'll watch it I'll watch it that one is Groundhog Day essentially Groundhog Day other movies would be I don't know like action what are your favorite like Raid 2 or action John Wick

Wick is great. I haven't seen Wick 4. I haven't either yet. I got to see Wick 4. I see. I wasn't a fan of 3, and I know a lot of people... 3 was all right. It's just action fatigue, and it went over the top. Action fatigue's a great word for it, because I remember... 4 is worse with action fatigue. Yeah? It just keeps going from whatever... 4 has a 15-minute sequence. You are tired. You're like, bro, okay, like... I remember they're in the desert in 3, and they have a five-minute gunfight with dogs, and I'm like...

Maybe three minutes in, I'm just like, when is this going to end? Please. How many times are we going to watch him do some crazy jiu-jitsu, tactical reload shit? But that being said, two is fucking dope. Two and one, I...

I love both of them. One is so- I- the original John Wick is just so- John Wick 3 with the horse. It was pretty cool. John Wick. There's some- I'm not even gonna talk any shit. John Wick's fucking great. Look, you know, action, action, as far as action goes, John Wick. Saving Private Ryan. Yeah. He's pretty good too. Oh, Saving Private- Very, very good. There's some old like- I mean, now we're talking about Band of Brothers. Band of Brothers. Fucking Christ. Classic Batman. Any Christopher Nolan movie. Oh! Oh, dude, Memoir? Memoir?

Oh, yep. Memoir is good. All the... Yeah, dude. My man's a movie... You know your movies, too. Well, it's funny, man. I went to college to do computer science and then realized you didn't like computer science and then did radio, television, and film and then realized, oh, why am I even doing this? And then I just wrapped it up. And then you're like, I'm going to do YouTube and do this on my own and learn on YouTube. Yep, and it worked. Hey, Paddy!

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We have like three. It's in a big law. We have like three episodes that are like ready to go. Just haven't been put up. I don't know. There's a lot with that. But yeah, it's been a while since I've like filmed one.

So this is... this is fun. I love it. I love your energy and the knowledge and then... You're also super cute. He's very cute. So pretty. I don't have any more flakes on my eyebrows, do I? Doesn't matter. You know why? You're the last person I'm gonna see with these eyes. I'm getting eye surgery tomorrow. You're getting eye surgery? Yeah, I forgot. You're getting more battery... I saw his face. Now I gotta get my eyes fixed. I'm men and blacking this motherfucker.

I'm gonna hit him with this. He's seen the sun, you walked in, Batty's like, I'm blind. So why? How bad is your eyesight? Oh, dude, there's nothing. I also wear glasses. Oh, jeez, dude. I can't see. Bro, it's rough. Are my eyes like two times bigger? Am I like bubbles? You

You look good with that glasses too. You look good with that glasses too. I didn't wear glasses most of my life. I just, I got a bad pair of contacts one day and went back to glasses. I'm lazy. Don't fucking lie to him. I'm like, he has to wear glasses no matter what. Fuck you. He was like, I'm getting glasses. Cause I was like, Brady, you have to wear, I'm not calling you Kyle and I'm not seeing you with glasses on. Like, cause,

Those are my rules. Oh, Kyle. You're Kyle? Yeah. That's okay, man. Monster energy, Mountain Dew. I've known many Kyles in my life, and I don't think I've ever known an asshole Kyle. I think that stereotype of Kyles hating their dads and punching holes in their walls and drinking monster energy is completely unfounded. In fact, I would attribute that more of like a, look, I knew one Lamar in my life, and I hate Lamars. Yeah.

He stabbed me in the leg with a pencil because I didn't let him copy my homework. You still have a... Oh, you got the lead still in it? I've got the... Yeah, right there.

Dude, I had a kid stab me. It's under my tattoo. Same thing. Michael. I remember it was Michael. Wow, you really actually know somebody when they stab you. That name actually represents your thing there forever. You know, if there's a viewer watching by the name of Lamar, I know it's a rare name and it's no fault to you, but the only... Fuck you! The only Lamar...

Fuck you, Lamar! The only Lamar I've ever known in my life caused me a permanent scar. You know? And I don't appreciate that. I had a problem with Tylers. Tylers can be... Kind of douchey, right? Tylers can be slippery folk. Tylers can be a little... You know what's worse than Tylers? Polarizing. Peter. I just... I fuck with Pete's.

Pete's cool! But I don't fuck with Peters as much. If you make me call you Peter... Peters. I have a real problem with some fucking... You know, if you go, "Hey dude, my name's Peter." I go, "Eh." Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh

I'm guessing he's not white. He's not white. My Lamar was kind of white.

Kinda. He said kinda. I did say kinda. He said kinda. Look, I'm not saying he was like Irish or a wasp or anything. But I mean, he wasn't like... But like on the chart. On the chart? He's getting arrested. Or his hands on the wheel. Yeah, if he got pulled over, he would have both hands on the wheel. Yeah, you're like, huh? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But...

I don't like him because he stabbed me with a pencil. That's fair, he stabbed you with a pencil! Not because of his color, because he stabbed me with a pen- and he wanted to copy my homework and I said, "Yeah, that's too bad, you should've done your homework." And so he stabbed me in the leg! And I was like, "What the fuck?!" I think I would've been like... I would've been like 12. I would've been like 12 years old. Yeah, that weird age where he's like, "Oh, you don't wanna fuckin' help me? Stab me." You look over and you're like, "Bro, you need to learn how to process your emotions."

I think I looked at him like, what, are you serious? And I scooted over. We were in the gym bleachers, if I remember correctly. It was in gym class. Mine was in math. Wow, you really do. Those are like core memories. Those are like core memories. It was a math class. I got stabbed. I was facing, like, yeah, I remember everything about that core memory. It's called trauma. It's called childhood trauma. I had a math teacher.

Fuck you, Mr. McConnell. I remember you. I don't give a fuck. Wait, can you say? He failed me. Oh, what a. Yeah, you didn't fail yourself? No. To be fair, I got a 69.7. Needed a 70. Oh. Score.

Vermont needed a 65 for passing. That's bullshit. But I went to a fancy school, which I barely graduated from. I've had some real asshole teachers that were just like...

I don't know dude, there's some teachers that are just like out to get you. Like straight up. I agree. Like from the get-go they'll be like who's- Just jaded assholes that have to work with kids still. They'll be like yeah. They'll be like who's the kid in the class that like I'm going to- Ruin? Yes. Like I'm going to fuck them. Like I- I need a target for some impression. I had an 8th grade English teacher. Um, dude and I was like-

I didn't really give a shit about writing back then. I'm a good writer when I want to write about shit that I'm interested in, but they would never give us an opportunity. And I would write an essay, and she would pick my essay out of everybody in the class to read out loud as an example of what not to do.

And she would be like, yes. She'd be like, I'm not shaming anybody, but... She'd look at you? Straight up. For too long? Straight up, like glance over in my direction and then read it. And then at the end of the class, like give it back to me. In front of the class? In front of the class. I don't want to point out who this is. Which is... Swagger souls? Yeah, which was unbelievable. She just looks at you. And let me tell you, man, this one time, I will never forget this. The worst... Like probably...

It was the one experience in school that made me, like, the angriest, like, ever. I was, like, seething mad. Bro, you have that distance.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You literally looked up and I could see the memory going through your eyes. So this was in middle school. This was the year before graduating to high school. And the one thing that those fucking bastard teachers love to stick in your head was when you go to high school, you're not going to be able to get away with this kind of behavior. They're going to be so much more strict. They're going to be so much more hard on you, which, you know, no. So this is funny. My first period was math.

And then my second period was this bitch teacher's class. Right? And so, get this. We had to write like a five-page essay on this book that we were reading. I read the fucking book. I wrote a good essay.

And I wrote an essay that I spent days doing. It wasn't a last minute thing. I spent, you actually put the work. I put a fucking ton of work in so that that shit didn't happen again. So she didn't read my shit in front of everybody again. So I worked on this. I put my folder for that class under my desk as I do all the time. And first period, first period ends. I walk literally, literally the classroom next door.

forgot my folder in the other class. And so I'm sitting there, class hasn't even begun. Like the bell didn't even ring. And I say, hey, miss, I'm not going to say your name because I'll ruin her. Miss bitch head, do it. Yeah, I left my folder in my last class right next door. I'm just going to run and grab it. No, you're not.

And I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, you know, you should know, like, you know, you leave your stuff in another class in high school. The teachers aren't going to let you aren't going to let you grab it. And and then she said, you know what, I'm going to give you a late grade on it because you didn't bring it with you. And you need to go to the library and write another essay apologizing to your parents.

for apologizing to my parents for, for, for, for like forgetting that I, you know, forgetting my notes of being irresponsible. And I, I,

got so red, I got like... And you're like in that part of your life where you're going through puberty and you're like at a moment's notice ready to like fucking... Murder. Punch or fuck. Like you're ready to like turn a guy... Punch or fuck, yes. Basically, you're either about to bust a nut or you're going to turn like your peer's head into hamburger meat in like the lunch line. Like that's basically... 12. 14. I am literally like shitting...

shaking in rage, like shaking, ready to like blow up

I grab the paper and the pen she gives me. I go to the... I go home. Well, I don't go home. I go to the library. And I write out this bullshit essay. And the first letter of every line was like, Miss blank is a big fucking... I made sure it said... If you read the first line all the way down, it was like, Miss, her name is a...

It was like when I wrote. And yeah, dude, I remember, and it was so funny because I give, you know, she's like, make sure you give that to your parents. Your parents have to like put a note on it to like verify that they've read it. And like, I go to my dad, I'm like, dad, this is what happened. And he's like, what?

It's like, what? You know, and he, dude, like, we had to have, like, this whole, like, parent-teacher fucking conference. How did that go? So embarrassing, dude. Oh, my God, dude. Because she was a fucking psycho, man. She was a fucking bitch. She...

I love how passionate you are, right? You remember these things! And it's so... And it upsets me! And it upsets me because I'm a good guy. I don't want to fuck with anyone. I don't want to step on anyone's toes. And she has a very... She has a very recognizable last name. But I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I did that. I'm not going to do that.

And the shitty thing is like her daughter was in my class and she was very cute and she's very no no shit I think I think she I was 12 so I thought everyone wanted to you know it was into me yeah well you're like 12 13 so you know 14 so you know I

I don't think I was 12. Yeah, I was 13. Oh, you definitely. So I was definitely thinking like, oh, yeah, this person's into me or that person is into me or whatever. I thought her daughter was into me. She would talk to me a lot. And I would think, you know, she was like a horse girl and she was like a really, really academic, like a really like a like a fucking big achiever.

And I think her mom was super fucking strict on her, and I think she really hated her mom. So I think she was into me.

As a way to get back at her mom, because her mom fucking hated me. She probably talked to her daughter about how much she hated me. Swagger Souls is so cute, mom. Oh my god. Probably something like that. And you were just in the crossfire. I'm like seething. Like, what the fuck? I wrote the fucking essay, dude. What is the parent-teacher conference?

Oh, dude, that was dumb. I'm sitting there in front of like my classes. We had like we went to such a big school. There was a principal for every grade. Oh, OK. And yeah, I remember being there and the principals there.

And they're, like, mediating between, like, my dad and this teacher. And I'm sitting there, like, so embarrassed that, like, you know, because I don't want to, like. You're ready to expire. I don't want to be to the principle, like, this person is mean to me. Like, they're, like, unfairly treating me like shit because I'm 13. Who the fuck is going to believe me? But my dad's there, like, why are you doing this? Like, my son's coming home and, you know, telling me all this shit. Like, why are you being a little.

And her excuse was like, oh, he's just overly sensitive. And she did this whole straight up, played a different role. Yeah, man. It's like when you have a babysitter that tortures you, and then when your parents get home and go, oh, he was so sweet, like Timmy Turner and Vicky, like straight up. She put on this other personality. Yeah. Anyways, enough about my childhood trauma.

wonderful thank you for watching i guess as always we had don't tell myself bad dreams and the fucking awesome thank you for joining us today of course swag your fucking souls jesus man holy shit bro just thank you so much beautiful fucking man anything else you want to touch on any any questions we have some very important things to ask you but that's going to be on the after show which is for patreon so if anybody wants to watch that you go to patreon you can check that out yeah yeah cough cough it up he's

He's gonna take his mask off, he's gonna show his face. It's true, I'm gonna do that. He's gonna do it. He's gonna fucking do it! I am gonna do that. He's gonna test me for hernias. I am gonna do that. He said cough. I am gonna do that. Oh, he'll do it to me too? Cough it up. I'll just be squatting on the table. Cough up your hernia. Oh shit!

You cough, you cough and a intestine comes out your mouth? Yes, it's fucking fantastic! One thing, real quick, we just got a touch on this, it has nothing to do with you, but thanks for being here. Uh, Eli and I are gonna be at GCX in Florida, Orlando, Florida. GCX in Florida, Orlando, Florida. Our first live podcast. Their first live podcast! 2,000 seats, somehow we have to fill. What?! 2,000 fucking seats?! What?! Your narrator's joining us, so that's cool. Okay, that's kinda crazy.

So maybe you should go to that. August 5th, 245, GCX. We'll see you all there. Okay, there it is. See you there, GCX.