114 - MOVE ASIDE MAGNUS ft. Chess Legend GMCanty 01:36:09

Huge news! We have a massive announcement. In three weeks time, on August 4th and 5th, during GCX Gaming Community Expo in Orlando, Florida, myself and my beautiful, sexy, powerful co-host, Eli Doubletap, will be doing a live unsubscribe podcast. That's right. You can go to an event, you can get in line, and you can come sit in the crowd and be a part of unsubscribe podcast. Up next.

Batty, are we might having some guests too? Oh, yeah, there will probably be a couple guests. Maybe it's Brandon Pamera. Maybe Angry Mops. Maybe the Phantom Mimicin. I don't know. Are you nervous like I am? Oh, my God. This is freaking mind-blowing because we just got word today. Right now. And the seating capacity of 2,000 first come, first serve. So that first row, 1,000.

You're spitting distance. We can touch you. I can spit on you. You can throw your panties at Batty. I can spit on you. He can spit on you. So yeah, guys, we're, our panel is going to be at 245 on August 5th. So Saturday in the Panzer Kula theater at GCX.

So there'll be a link in the description below. Grab tickets. You can come. You can meet us. We are going to do a big meet and greet after the show as well. Like we can all go hang out. We'll probably drink excessively somewhere like we do. And we can do it all together. Come. Come. Come. Also, we are filming it. And we're going to have a mic and camera pointed at you all too. You guys can be in an episode of Unsubbed.

Oh, and we're giving away merch while we're there. We're going to sign some stuff. We're going to throw it into the crowd. Or if you're cute, I'll just give it to you. Wink. Pensacola Theater, 245 August 5th at GCX in Orlando, Florida. Henry, what do you think of this? I'm proud of you. Henry Cavill's proud of you.

Again, we're going to be at GCX Gaming Community Expo, August 5th at 245 in the Pensacola Theater. Grab tickets for GCX down below. There'll be a link. We're going to put a thing on the screen. It's going to be everywhere. You're going to see it for the next couple of weeks. Please, please come. We want to see you guys. This will be absolutely amazing. We are so excited. This is our massive first big live podcast. None of it. This is insane. None of it possible without all y'all. So thank you guys so freaking much. Come! Come!

Want this or not stop judging me What I do bro, this is what I do First form. Oh, yeah, well crack that top do and then we get a mix it with this that Cranberry a little boat full energy. Okay a little splash of crab after we even lift waste today it

- Wait, we lift weights today. I go to the gym. I'm sexy and strong. you both. - All right. - And Bob falls.

I jerk off. There you go. Give me the cranberry juice. It's grape juice. Come on. And you do a splash, and then you put in the... Do a little splashy splash, and then you go like this. Cranberry grape. Oh, cranberry grape juice? Cranberry grape.

And great. I hate it here. That was the first time, though, you texted, what are you doing? I was like, actually at the gym. That was the first. You were the first guest that landed. He's like, hey, can we go to a gym? Wow. 100%, bro. Let's go. That's crazy. Obviously. It was surprising. We were like, he's not here. Yeah.

You're huge into the gym scene now. That's like one of your favorite things. Look, we got that. I got to move the eyes so they can see that. The only time I've ever gone to a gym in my life, ready? Military. I stopped. So I was like, fuck, I'm going to be a fat guy. And then I was like, all right, I'm too fat. I got to go back to the gym, right? Immediately after I started going back to the gym, I had a minor stroke thing. I went blind, couldn't walk or move, right? Terrible. I had to walk with a cane and shit. It was insane. Finally started to get a little bit better, right? About a year later, I'm like, I'm going to go back to the gym. Here we go.

motorcycle wreck the next like two weeks in broke both my hands collarbone ankles all fucked up dude annihilated i'm like all right all right no going back to the gym again ready right covid hits bro if i go to the gym again the meteor is coming down and destroying the earth i cannot go for your sake and safety of of everyone yeah he can't go to no gym no i can't go to a

- But you could work out outside or go to the garage gyms or like, you know. - No, Batty has an excuse for not exercising. He's gonna kill us all. And he holds onto it, he's like, it's science, everyone knows it. - It's literally science. - He's been trying to get Neil deGrasse Tyson just to verify. - So I need you to do something for us. This is a special thing we do on Unsubscribe every time. You don't have to drink it, I don't give a . You got the mixed drink there, but we crack it. You just, you just . - And then you take a sip. - That's how you know it's starting. - Thank you. - There you go.

Welcome to the Unsubscribed Podcast. As always, we have Eli, Double Tap, myself, Batty Streams, and our very f***ing awesome, kind of cool, just kind of f***ing cool guest, we have GM Canty here. And of course, behind... Get in here, Will. Show your little pretty face right here. Oh, you can see me. There he is, Will! Hey, hey, hey! We got Will. A lot of you remember Will from a long time ago, a lot of episodes ago. We got tattooed on the podcast. This episode is called Batty's a Minority.

Are you looking this way? Shit.

Why does that side have a better credit score? We have a GM candy here real quick just yeah tell the people what the fuck you do because this is

I'm not involved in chess other than the crazy chess drama that recently happened that kind of blew up on the internet. Yeah with uh, uh, just gone and but we had a beach. Oh, yeah, he had the thing that was telling him it was vibrating twice for to move to before yeah, all right the beach thing well, i've seen some gotham chess on youtube just yeah, yeah That was like like I said before this the last time i've touched a chessboard was probably like fourth grade chess tournament So right I have a lot of experience here

A seasoned veteran. Seasoned veteran. Yeah, well, I am a...

uh fide master james can see the third i'm two levels away from grandmaster i'm working on every single day literally work all day i'm a professional player since 2018 it happened for me i started streaming became a twitch partner in the first six months and then like you know just really blew up commentary youtube everything i mean money is through chess here now because of uh 2018 and streaming so i'm a pro player i stream i make content and i lift weights a lot that's all i do chess and lifting weights baby

This is a chess guy you don't want bullied. Times have changed. When we were playing chess back when I was a kid, you got punched in the face. Chess punches back. That's right. Chess punches back. That's the question when we've been going and eating or playing. Even in Harris Solano, they're like, what do you think he does? I get rapper. I get a...

What? No way. Right, no way. Rapper. That's crazy. Jeweler. Oh, you got jewelry. You know what I mean? Because I got jewelry. He's like, oh, real estate agent. Yeah, real estate agent. He said that, right? And then something in fitness. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I guess I work out a little bit, right? So, and that's it. That's all we got. No. Weird no one goes, you look like a professional chess player. Huh? It gotta be that. Yeah.

100%. Never get that one. Never get that one. It's this aura you're giving off. Oh, my God. Bro, change player. Never get that one, bro. Never, ever do we get that one. Dude, it's crazy seeing, man, watching you and then how fast you blew up. Oh, yeah. And also, just to be really clear, I actually want to point this out because we get this a lot, an Air Force veteran as well. Oh, yeah. Air Force vet baby on me. That's fucking cool as shit. Salute to him.

I mean, he's smart. We taught him. It makes sense. He ain't no fucking Marines or Army guys going on and becoming chess players. You know what I mean? Pushing the wood there. Didn't Grantham, he played a little bit of chess too. Yeah, he did good. Air Force. He was the best player that I played until you absolutely destroyed me and every one of your just this dude.

If you want the most frustrated, be decent. Think you're decent at something. I'll restate that. And then play somebody that does 30 second games at a world class level. And his tips to you is just don't think. Just move faster. That's it. Just be better. Could you just be like. Just be better, bro.

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It's so difficult. So what we're going to do today, not right this second, but coming in the episode today, is myself, the seasoned pro professional chess player, Batty Streams, will be playing chess against GM Candy here. And there's a bit of a twist, if you will. He is going to be getting tattooed on the throat of...

By our boy will I will here doing a the logo which is Coe calculation over everything we got thousands of orders across the globe shop can't emerge calm Whenever people come on our podcast we always tell them like we have shield something right please for the love of God shield something that's the point yeah, yeah, and

Kudos on you. Thank you, bro. COE, calculation over everything to see could be whatever you want it to be. Cake, cookies, Christ, cash, whatever you want it to be. I love cookies. Exactly, right? We even said cake over eggs on stream. Whatever you want it to be, bro. Whatever you want it to be. Calculation over everything knows the chess brand as we calculate not only in chess but in life, right? So, of course, there's thousands of orders across the globe. Shout out to everybody rocking COE merch as you watch this right now. Shopcantymerch.com. Did you bring your hat? I actually got one in the bag.

So yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna play him in chess while he is getting tattooed on the throat while Not looking at the board. Hmm. So I have to he's I'm gonna be like I'm moving my pawn to a

A3. Oh, A4 because I can do that. So he was like, well, I can play blindfold. I'm like, oh, mother of God. Get tattooed blindfolded. I was like, no point in putting a blindfold right now. Just sit back, relax, close your eyes. He's going to raise his hand and point out the moves. And again, he's used to 30-second games, which are bullet.

Thirty second bullet games right a minute actually whole game last a minute is 30 seconds per side So hold a whole game left wait wait oh my god when you guys were saying cuz they were talking about this earlier you when you guys were saying 30 I thought you meant 30 seconds like per turn and I was like that's quick no The whole chest given a minute well you cannot like play play just show we're gonna do this just so bad He can see this really quick bad. He make your moves as fast as you can according to hit like go just

Whoa! Magnet. I'm faster than GM Canty. Dude, all they're gonna hear is this clicking. This is so fucking hard. He just castled. Our boy's coming in hard with that boy. He's pushing. He checked Batty with a pawn already. Batty coming out. Checked again. Batty's already on the doobie. Check. What's he gonna do now? Can't do that. Yeah, Ken?

Fast chess we can take the king. Okay. Yeah. No, yeah. Oh in the past yes You can take the key especially if it's like anything under five minutes. Holy shit, bro. That's tough. Look you set you up to do that Fuck And that was all deliberate on his moat like movements that's how he Killed back. He's king in 15 seconds my brain look how fast he's I got the party

It's insane the calculations like that everything but baddies baddies face right now I just like you were like thinking it was 30 seconds per move

My experience with chess is Gotham explaining chess about some guy who might be cheating, who's not cheating. Magnus thinks he... I don't know what's going on. I've heard of Magnus Carlson. Carlton? Carlton? He's doing the Carlton? Fresh Prince? Magnus Carlton, boy? That's your new nickname. There you go. Merry Christmas.

Magnus Carlton was good on the world champ Will Smith

Fresh I have plenty of booze to dull the pain for when I'm embarrassed. No, it's crazy watching this level Oh first it's also his birthday. Oh fucking I forgot for the second It's the bird. Are you gonna do a birthday shop with us? But you you are you like water? Bam water is very good. I am but you cheer you cheers on with us dude. Happy birthday to our boy. Oh

How old are you? 25? 24? Exactly, 25, 24. No, I'm 31. Oh, fuck. It's vodka. That's water, see? I love chasing my vodka with vodka. See their faces? They were calling me stupid for not wanting to shoot vodka. I'm still gonna do it. They made those stupid-ass faces. They're like, Eli, you dumb, man. Yeah, but okay, hear me out. This is, okay. I know this is a tangent. Fuck you. That's what this podcast is about. It's about tangents. Fuck chess for a minute. I'm not gonna be embarrassed.

I drink Tito's. Yes, it tastes awful. Yes, it's not fun. That's right. But. But. But. I can drink a fuck ton of it and not want to. Not want to Ryan Reynolds myself. We can't say. I said it again. G-Van. We win.

I don't know. It tastes awful, but I'm not going to immediately hate myself. If I start drinking shots of tequila, I'm going to wake up without pants in somebody else's house. It's not where I need to be. That's how it happens. Dude, this is one of those rare times with... You were one of the first guests where I was actually coming up with questions. I was like, oh, that's a good question. Oh, here we go again. Eli's coming up. I'm going to throw him off constantly. I'm 100%... Just the idea of chess. We were talking. I was picking your brain even yesterday just because you...

Like being at your level and now you're traveling to Dubai. Now you're doing all of this. You're announcing shows. Traveling to Dubai? They flew him out for two weeks. Yeah. I was just doing commentary out there for another event for some big dogs playing chess. What? And I was out there hanging with the 15th world champion and like it was crazy, bro. Like I'm hanging with some top level chess players. It was nuts. I was out there doing commentary for two weeks. You can put that there if you want. It was fire. Absolutely. Whatever you need. Yeah. That's fucking, that's super cool, man. Holy shit. I have to see how it blows it out. Oh.

You're good. You're good. We'll get it. We'll get it. But yeah, so you were there. You played with the number 15th in the world. Yeah, I was actually the 15th world champion, Vishwanathan Anand, who was an Indian legend, the first grandmaster ever in India. And he's still around. So he's like 50-something right now, 51, I think. Holy shit. Yeah, bro. He's out there. It's all on my IG, GM Canty on Instagram. You can see all of that. My Instagram going crazy. I actually gained.

10,000 followers since I've been there. I mean, I've been gone. I've been... It was two weeks, and then I just got here, like, two days ago. No shit. Yeah, bro, I gained, like, 5,000 followers. Do you often get to travel a lot for chess? Yeah, absolutely. I traveled... Since I was a kid, I was actually traveling to play tournaments. Now I'm doing more for commentary. Like, I've been to Kazakhstan this year, Oslo, Norway, right? And then I've been to Chicago. I've been...

I go to Charlotte a lot, stateside a lot. But the big ones, I also go to Spain in August. Yeah, August is Spain. - Holy shit. - And I go to the Dominican Republic in October. - It's funny for me 'cause-- - It's an elegant world. Like, it's so elegant. - I feel like the tables have turned a little here. So I play video games for a living and a lot of times people are looking at me like, "How do you play games for a living?" I'm sitting going, "You play chess for a living? "How do you play chess for a living? "What do you mean you get paid to play? "This is bullshit."

I feel like a boomer. He was talking yesterday about Magnus being the greatest at the time. In modern times. Yeah, in all times. Magnus Carlsen is one of the greatest players ever. 100%. And then you have Fisher, would have been one of the top, but he quit. Yeah, he just quit. He just stopped. Literally, he won, and then he broke a record by winning, what, like seven? That was ridiculous. Non-supervised.

Oh, you're talking about the games? How many games in a row? Well, that's Magnus. Magnus broke. At the tournament, Fisher just crushed. Oh, Fisher, he did a lot of things. But he also, he was the youngest GM ever at one point. He also did the U.S. Championship. I think he won as the youngest U.S. champion. He's also crushed everybody, actually, growing up. He actually beat a few strong grandmasters, like six to one.

That was it. That was 6-1. Yeah, Ben Larson and some other people that are dumb strong. They're like, you ain't supposed to be doing that to them. And he was just decimating everything. And then the next year, because they didn't want to follow his rules, he just quit. Oh, yeah, he quit. Yeah, he ended up zipping out. He never picked up chess again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He made Fisher Random, which is called Chess 960, where all the pieces on the back rank are mixed up, everything. So it actually, I know, right? Imagine you play a game like this.

And the Knights over here. And then they say, all right, cool. It's called Fisher Random or Chess 960. We're like, now it takes out. In chess theory, there's theory in chess where like, if you, out of the opening, if you play a certain two or three moves, I can know what we're going to do if you follow the line up to move 30. So I know what we're going to have on move 30. Bro, I don't know what move I'm going to make next. This is where I'm hoping. My stupidity. Oh, it doesn't work. Trust me. Last night showed me.

Last night, I was just banking on dumb carrying me through something. I've made it this far in life banking on dumb. It's working out so far. Chess doesn't, apparently. You got these guys like Magnus Carlsen who...

He didn't even do the $2 million tournament, which he probably would have won. He would have definitely won. Well, I mean, definitely. But he's just a favorite to win. He's a five time champ. You know, he held it for five times. And then he like, bro, you're not changing the format. I don't really care that much no more. I'm not motivated. So he just dipped out and just said, I'm not going to play the world championship anymore. So he's still playing chess. He was like, I still love chess, but I don't want to play the world championship no more.

So the next guy and the guy after him played together to make another world champion. But even some of the past world champions and people in the chess world are like, hey, you're not the real world champ because Magnus is not playing. Because the man stepped down. But also, yeah, but you have to look at it from both sides. Like, I mean, I'm still going to play that. Regardless if Magnus in or not, I'm still going to play it and I'm going to be world champ.

I'm going to hold that title, though. I'm going to brag about it. It's going on all my social medias. That's me. You know what I'm saying? Even though Magnus didn't come in. But if they change the format, he said he might come back. And then we'll see what happens. He's going to have to go through the whole cycle and go through the candidates tournament. He's just going to annihilate a million people. It's very possible. The bodies. To get back to where he wants. He can do that. It's crazy because I'm sure a lot of our audience isn't big in the chest, realistically. But...

I'm sure most of them have heard of Magnus Carlsen. And Gotham Chess, too, actually. Gotham Chess. Yeah, yeah. He blew up. He blew up. Yeah, shout out to Levy, too, as well. Shout out to my guy. Yeah, yeah, Levy. Gotham Chess. Paved the way in the way. M.A. Hikaru paved the way for, like, chess. Yep, G.M. Hikaru, yeah. You know, to see people, you know, as big as it can be. I mean, he's not even chess big no more. He's just YouTube big. Yeah.

Yeah, he's about to touch 4 million on YouTube, which is insane in chess, right? So if he can do it, we can do the same thing. Yeah, absolutely. It's gotten to a point where a person or a name can bring so much more for the rest. It's like in the Twitchscape when you see things like XQC getting a $100 million contract to go to kick. That's crazy.

People who could never give two fucks about video games, about gaming, about streaming, have heard of XQC. It's the same thing with people like Magnus, right? At this point, Gotham Chess, Levy from Gotham Chess. Yeah, it's like, I know those names. I know nothing else about this scene other than what's going on. But even in something niche like chess...

It's touching. It's growing. Social media and the internet has brought all these smaller communities and blown them up to a proportion and given you a stage to be able to stream full-time, play chess full-time as a living. It's cool as hell. It really is. And you get to see chess. You get to see an experience which is really cool is the idea of

Like Gotham, you, yourself. You're world class, but you're not in the top 10 where in the past it was like the only top 10 are making money. These are the only ones making money in chess. And now, Levy makes more than... It's true. You know what I'm saying? Levy out here making... I mean, he up there with Magnus, bro. He making some dumb money. He getting endorsements. He getting everything. He also got books popping off. I mean, Levy really killing it. And it's showing us what's possible. I'm like, bro, 100K, 200K a month? Hey, you don't know. I need that.

I need that check, baby. I know. You're like, man, I'm up next, Levy. Every day he's posting. He's really good at his thumbnail game. And they're like 20-minute videos. And all do a mil. And it's six days. We post once a week. I could not imagine doing six to seven. You post every day. Every day, bro. Every day. Fuck that shit. I'm lazy. I'm lazy, man.

Yeah, right? Like, your masters in crafts are frickin'- you need to start streaming tattooing. That's true, bro. Start streaming. I'm like, "Wow, that's cool." We were talking about that earlier, getting with the times and everything. Yeah, bro. Adapt or die. Dude, you have to! That's really an adapt or die like. The way I used to stream isn't how you grow on Twitch anymore. What I've done in the past will not work. Like, people are always asking me, like, "What can I do to get big on Twitch?" I'm like, "Bro,

Make sure your sound's good. I don't know what else to say because all the stuff I did to grow and become batty, that's not going to fucking work. I see people do the exact same thing and have 100 followers. They're averaging one or two viewers. And I'm like, wow.

You're right. You can stream every day, eight hours a day for a year and a half straight and amount to nothing. Unfortunately, that's just the hellscape that is streaming. But getting in past that initial browser where you're more near the top. So people actually find you because when you're at the bottom, you're

Nobody's scrolling down at the bottom. No! Nobody scrolls, unless the people like, I do, is like, just to give back, is like, I remember being there. I did it the other day. I'll be like, sometimes I'll enter, I'm like, ah, okay, I'm gonna raise it, let's go find somebody with less than five viewers. Right. And you just fucking scroll for a little bit, and then I just, I'll be like, I base it off thumbnails. I'll be like, same. Alright, he's got a good looking frame, camera looks good, hopefully his audio's great, we'll click it, and raise it. Or something. Literally, yeah. And you go in, and follow his only channel, I'm like, well, fuck this dude, that's why you got one viewer, bro. Now move out. Damn!

- I am a little- - No, followers only, okay? - I'll wait 'til I'm offline to- - No. - Hey, Batty! - Yeah? - You probably heard by now. If you connect to the internet, you should be using a VPN. - Yeah, to hide all the disgusting stuff we watch. - But if you're like me, you're just like, "Oh my God, I have to do an extra step when I get on the internet?" - I am so lazy, what do I do?

Well, I have your back there, ExpressVPN. Well, if you knew how easy it was to protect your connection with ExpressVPN, you'd be doing it already. ExpressVPN is the easiest way to browse safely, securely, and just better. Hey, Batty, did you know ExpressVPN gets rid of all those things you hate about VPNs?

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Right now go to ExpressVPN.com/unsub you can get the next three months of ExpressVPN for free free free That's ExpressVPN.com/unsub to get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free. Tip for you Twitch people don't put your shit on followers only when you have

- If you're over like 50,000 followers, okay, you can kind of get away with it 'cause you already have a base audience. People will come in that want to type 'cause they want to know what's going on, so then they'll follow you. And so it can snowball eventually. It does work, sure. Not when you're small. - Right, 100%. - Just another reason people will leave. - Nah, you're trying to be Netflix.

With no content. So Netflix. You're trying to be Netflix. I'm like, bro, this can't work. Hell no. Hell no. Okay, well, are you ready to lay that stencil on our boy? I'm ready to stencil out and everything.

Oh, let's get it, Gala. Let's get it. What's in your hand? Are you holding the chess piece? I am. I have a chess piece. I actually carry them with me. In fact, on my check. Wait, what the hell is this? It's called a pawn check. In fact, what happens is I always got two pawns on me at all times. At all times. The other one's in my bag, so you got three. His bag. Yeah, my bag. My check, which is a COE bag. It's this big, the pawn is. Guess where it's hidden. Ha, ha, ha.

Yeah, that's what we call them. But they always, my chat always pawn checks me and I, you know, it always says, check yourself before you wreck yourself. Right. But I have my pawn. I always got two pawns on me at all times. The other one's in the bag, but yeah, so I got a, I got a pawn. Okay. Okay. I get you. I stay strapped. Yeah. That's very different than don't tell people that in Texas. That's a very different. Completely different in Texas. He's like this.

I'm sweating for a different reason today. Last time we filmed those girls hot in here now. It's cuz I'm gonna embarrass myself. I

In the great format of chess. What do you need to do, Will? What do we got to do for you? Does he just got to lean that neck back? Basically, you know. All right. Let's get it going. I'll try to be out of the way. Nope, buddy. Make it. You let me know where you want that. Will, you fucking shit. Fucking dig in there. Yeah, I need you to make it hurt. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All hail. All

Well, through you, however you want to do it. And Batty and Unsub now. Who wants to win? How many tattoos are you giving away? Your full body pieces, you said? That's crazy. Damn. That's crazy. That's crazy. Will giving it all like that? I was thinking about doing a couple pet portraits. I figured those are always fun. You know, like five by seven. You're going to do Batty's? Pets, man. Little animal realistic stuff. Yeah, and you're just doing little like, bop, bop.

Yeah, 5x7, you know, about that. Enough for a forearm or a calf, something nice. Throat. Skull. Giveaway. Face. Right there in the middle. Across the nose. Across the nose and everything. That looks great. That makes everything look better. I had a joke. I'm going to hold it back. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Hee hee hee!

- Fucking hate it. I don't know why I submit myself to this hellscape. - This is the most mixed podcast we've had so far. - Mixed podcast, Eli? - Yeah, well, I mean, sorry. - Racially diverse.

That's a lot of words that I don't like, Patty. There's a lot of syllables in there you don't understand. Wait till he dies. Five syllables. Oh, man, we're back to elementary. We're back to fucking second grade in this bitch. Wait till he dies. I still do that to this day. I know you do. I actually just count on one finger. You still count on one finger? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when... Oh, God.

What are you laughing at? I don't like when Eli starts a sentence and before he gets to the second word, he's literally like, he's got some bullshit to say. Look at him. He's holding him. He's biting out. Oh, yeah. No, this isn't good. This is always what I have on. All right, G-Man, cut me out for this next foreseeable future. Eli's about to say some fucked up shit.

Just cut to a still of Batty sitting there. He doesn't blink yet. It's just an awkward one. I'm going to put fucking Ryan Reynolds in my scene. He can deal with this fallout. He can't be cancelled. I can. I don't know. Can't Ryan get cancelled? No, look at him. That's true. He's like, give me the goddamn... I need more vodka. Ice or vodka? Oh, sir. Doctor. Doctor. I'll take some. Yeah, I'm good.

I'll get you make sure I got you Okay, good. Oh, sorry you like that too heavy Shit rekt shit rekt on this one. I like that uses his hand Hopefully you like your ice cubes with I just washed my hand. I do that smell like fingers. I don't like fingers. I just want those

It's like garlic cake. I like that. We just had Italian food. Now my hands are like pizza. Do I wash my hands so much? I'm like... Oh, now he's wiping it off. Oh, man. You have to watch this episode if you guys want a true experience audio listeners. And then how many podcasts have you been on? Is this your first? I've been on... Actually, I lost count now. I've been on a lot. Ours is the coolest podcast. Both of them have been chasks.

Ew. That's not going to happen. I'm sorry. Garanthums came and he thought this was a gunpoint. Why do you always call him Garanthums? Because it's his name. Garanthums. Mike? We can call him Mike. I hate that name. It's like your name, Kyle. Never in a million years. Yeah. It's not great. That just sounds cooler. Yeah, it really does. Have you been on a non-chess podcast?

Oh my god. Right now ours is technically we're literally playing chess on our podcast. Which our audience is throwing for a loop right now. Because even when the gun guys come on we're like we don't care about we don't want to discuss that stuff. Where's the board at for them? Where can they see the board at? They're not going to see it top down but it's on the wide. It's the one camera that doesn't have a screen on it. Let me move this out of the way. And then we'll be good.

God, man, I have been on a tattoo break for the first time in three years. I do not envy you right now. Actually, when did your tattoo, when did you start getting tattooed? I think I got my first one when my mom was mad, too. But I was like 15, 16. I was in 10th grade. I mean, Detroit days. Then the rest. That's a real tattoo. Yeah, exactly. Then I got like one or two. That's a real or some hand poke shit?

It was more, it was real, but it was more like. It wasn't done by a guy with a license. Did you go into a shop? I did not. Your buddy had a gun in his garage. His buddy had a gun, and it was not the greatest. But, no, I got super chatted. Cheers to him for sending me one, too. Exactly right. I got super chatted when I went to the military, like how most people do. So, like, there was a tattoo shop literally right, I mean, actually, matter of fact, I was at Wichita Falls. Yeah. Which is, you know, what's the name?

Wait, who? No, what is that? Oh, different. You know what? That's probably what it was. It was literally right next door. Wow. That's crazy. Wow. That's nuts, bro. History. Yeah, Wichita Falls. That's the name of it. It was different.

What? You guys just magically got tattooed at the same spot? Yeah, right outside the baseball. It was the smartest thing ever for the tattoo shop because they knew he was going to come over there. Every 1st and 15th. Every 1st and 15th. That's fucking weird. Military fucks. I get it. We all did it the 1st and the 15th, man. We were going to get tatted, bro.

Get infantry real big on your back. Storrs, shout out to you, my guy. I love my buddy Storrs. Just guy Storrs. Just infantry. Follow me. Bro, I think I told the story on the podcast was the dude who got the cross rifles and the death before dishonor on his forearm and then failed basic. Oh my God. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I think technically he did pass the next couple times, I think. If you're listening, I'm sorry. I'm making fun of you, but fuck you.

Bro, you made it through basic cycle. Throat tattoos. Are you talking about your mandatory crazy? No. That guy failed. He got his tattoos and failed basic training. You know, in basic, you get like a 48-hour pass or whatever. He went and got an infantry cross rifle and death before dishonor on his forearm. Before he graduated? Before he graduated and then failed before that. Because you have to take your final PT test after your pass. I think the military had seen the dumbest tattoos.

A boy will is mastercraft. So yeah, we'll do that giveaway. I mean, you get some portraits. Batty's probably now going to get a portrait of his animal. Which animal are you getting? Probably one of my chameleons. One of my chameleons sadly died.

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah my power went out I mean Put it right here. Oh, they can see it. It's so good. Well did that himself wait you did Artists blast out their own thighs and shit that angle just real hard. Oh fuck you. You're crazy I know you do it don't even all right the dumbest one. I did on myself was inside my lip. Oh

That was in Korea before I properly knew how to tattoo. I saw it in a movie and I was like, I wonder if that hurts. Yes. The answer is yes. The answer is always yes. That work? He's the one that did, Will's done all mine. I mean, yeah, Will did the back of my head. He started by covering up before. I don't think I got a back of your head, bro. That's pain. No, easy. I don't know if you can see it right in my head. Oh, I see it. Yeah, I see it. Damn, that's cold. Back of the head was too greasy to be honest. Like,

I don't know. Like I said, I've only had a couple of bad spots with that too. My, my, the knee ditch and my chest were the worst for sure. I did my palms. Wow. That was pretty. Yeah. I had two different artists at the same time, bro. We streamed it.

- Oh, you screamed it. - Yeah, I screamed my entire throat tattoo. The only spot that was bad on my throat was way up here on top of the Adam's apple. The rest of it, all the color, everything. Like I was talking bullshit. I was reading a chat the whole time. - Actually when they had this little king right here, it didn't really hurt. - Yeah, I was saying lower neck into your chest right here before you start hitting the bone was fine. - Perfect, perfect. - Up here. - I feel like the closer you get to your chin, there's the part that I have. - Let me see it, let me see it, bro. - And I felt, you know how proud I am? - Oh, that was, yes. - I like it, I like it.

I like it. I like it. Good. Ready? Let's get it. Well, I mean, it's like when you did the back of my head, most of it was fine. It was the, when you started getting like the very outsides near your ears. Whoa! That's when you start because it runs down your neck. You hit all this bullshit in here and it just runs down. Tattoos, I'm just every time. I hate tattoos. Every bit of it. Yeah, me too. I think it's so funny. Having a rock.

I love the after. I love everything about having tattoos. I fucking hate getting tattoos. Right now it's so because the group we run with everyone's sleeve, tatted,

And then I go to a normal, like I leave our group and our area and go anywhere else. I'm like, why is everyone looking at me? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thank God all my friends are tattoo artists too. I play magic with tattoo artists.

We go to their shop to play, but. I like the aspect of like, you know, I just always, I always know there's going to be a reaction that is unreal. Every single time he asks me, I'm like, what I do? And I'm like, oh, I'm a professional chess player. And I just wait for the response. Yeah, I know. And I'm always, yeah, I know. I get it. I know. I know. Especially because the tats and all that. Right. No, really? What?

- Before this podcast started, I was waiting at home 'cause you guys were getting ready and I was like, we have cameras and alarm systems and all this shit. Also my phone goes, I'm like, oh, oh, it was at the house, I open it and I see fucking Will. I'm like, Eli set me up, dude. I got in my truck and I drove here and I called Eli. I was like, why the fuck was Will here?

Because I didn't know this was happening. And the amount of times me and Eli have talked about setting up or being like, you show up and, oh, we're getting tattooed today. Because, like, no offense, but we did Donut. He didn't know we were getting tattooed. Yeah, exactly. And then I was like, this motherfucker is setting me up. Right?

I wish I wish you could have seen me when I got here open the door my I was go all nobody's here never mind I just missed y'all this is how this podcast will work with this none of this is playing this happened last night I X will he was like man oh man I need a new tattoo I'm like yeah I know a guy I know hey you busy he's like allergy stuff but I can make it what time

And then I forgot to text him back, naturally, until this morning. Oh, wait, you forgot to text somebody back? I can't say shit I'm just as bad. At this point, he just gets lost in that ether of text. I'm like, oh, God. I put my phone down, pick it back up. It's like, you have 12 texts. I'm like, oh, my God, bro. I don't even know where to start. Oh, we getting a storm going, too? Oh, it's a storm out there. Plane.

Or thunder. It's whatever my imagination wants it to be. We live below the airport. Below the airport? Below the flight path into the airport. Who looks stupid now? I'm about to throw a fucking cup at your face. All right. All right. So we're about to start here. Okay, here we go. So I am the white player, so I go first. Privilege. Privilege. Is that a rule? No, that's a rule. White goes first. That's a rule.

That is a chess rule. All right. So I will just be clear. I say a three or whatever. Yeah. If you're going with a pawn, you say pawn to whatever knight, you know. Okay. Bishop, king, whatever. All right. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for five. I ain't making a fucking move until Will is blasting. I need every advantage I can get.

So many jokes I'm holding good you'd be so proud of me daddy. I'm sorry drugs like no you I hold that one in Oh God, bro. I'm already looking at that bad. I forgot I have to like be quiet and like do the hand thing. Yes, okay, never As soon as your finger goes up

God this game is gonna. I'm gonna time this game. Okay, I'm going down, but your time already Neil I let me know when you start and then a baddie just remember you have to make the calls Yeah, it's easy for I'll do everything here. Okay, okay? The game is beginning bad alright. Yo privilege moves on to G4 hey, buddy Oh, not again Remember when you're playing in the summer sun?

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That's 20% off plus free shipping with Conan sub over at manscaped.com. Don't forget to check your boys, boys for smooth sack summer. Touch those boys, boys. Yo, Manscaped, your intros are, they wrote this. Let's go D5, pawn D5. D5. Okay. Knight to F3. Bishop takes G4.

I gotta find G. I'm a little slow. G. Oh, fuck. He's already taken a piece. Batty's already losing pieces. This is funny. Batty, how do you recover? I know what he's doing. The queen's gonna come out and he's gonna like bishop. The queen bishop and the king dies directly in its space. I've seen this shit. That's all his moves. What are you doing? Crying, shitting, pissing. What are you doing?

Three losing pieces. All right. We're going to go. Dude, it's crazy watching this guy play. Last night we were doing. He forced me into 32nd round matches. I could not win. I can't do that. I was tanking because of it. Okay.

He's gonna go there. - Batty's concentrating. - Batty, dude, I'm thinking so-- - I'm taking like eight-- - Shut up, Eli! I'm dumb! - Batty's trying to do eight moves ahead right now. He's gonna literally throw this off in two. So Batty's calculations have zero effect right now. - Okay, I'm gonna go... Let's get a... There, there. - Batty, you got a minute and 40. - Shut up, Eli. This isn't... This is dumb, fuck you.

I'm gonna go... I love this one so much already. Bishop to F3. You can't do that. Why can't I do that? H3. Bishop to H3. Oh, yeah, sorry. The bishop was on F. It's bishop to H3. Sorry. Bishop takes H3. Okay. Okay, that was dumb. I shouldn't have done that. That's fine. It's fine. It's fine. That's your turn. Oh, yeah, it's my turn. Shit.

That was stupid of me. I see the error of my way. You planned out for two minutes. I was trapping him. And committed some poo-poo. I just like you running into the battlefield. You're like, okay, I'll do it this way. Pun 2D4. Knight C6. Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay. I don't know what that meant, but I hate it already. Okay. This gots me going.

I'm so sweaty, bro. Dude, isn't it crazy? He's not even looking at the board. I'm dressed. This dude's just asleep, I think, getting tattooed on the neck. I'm going to go. He hasn't looked at the board. He don't need to. Pawn to A4. I'm going to do this just so we can go. That way you can see his. Knight F6. Where's F? F6. Okay. Okay.

I don't like that he's got two horses out now. Horses are loose. The horses are out. A knight is a horse! Fuck you! I know. You got the castles. The rooks, Eli. Fucking idiot. My horse takes the castle. Alright. Rook to A3. Pawn E6. Oh, fuck off. Yeah, this is where he's setting it up. The queen's getting loose. E... Okay. 6-1-0. Okay, fuck. Okay, um...

My favorite part is baddie is actually trying to think this out. I am. I truly am. When in two minutes you thought for two minutes and you immediately. You know how long it takes for me to think simple fucking thoughts? Two minutes. You're chilling over here getting tattooed. Okay. Okay. Okay. Remembering the pieces in a head where we're dumbasses are talking. I'm so dumb.

Okay. Will's concentrating. Will's just tatting away, being a pro. That is the quietest tattoo. I can't believe I lost my fucking bishop. That stupid, that was such a dumb move. You were down a bishop and a pawn. Shut up, Eli. You were down four points. You're a whore. At least I'm not down four points. I got him. Fucking sick bird. That's a nerd joke. That's a chess joke. Okay, okay, okay. That's one of them chess jokes, bro. I am gonna, I am going to go.

Oh my god, everyone has to be watching. This is so good. Like, Batty's in deep concentration. Bro, this hurts my brain. The wide is just our boy asleep over here taking a siesta. You can do that. That's bad. I don't want to trade. I'm doing it. Knight! Sounds like you're playing Magic the Gatherer. You're doing your cards. I tap my... To E. Oh, fuck! He never got it! He never got the

Okay, you are E...

Yeah, he takes your name. Okay. It's like my son is sitting next to me, but black and 31 years old. All right, that's cool. You know what? I'm getting mine. I know this may not be the best move I've ever made, but I'm getting my name on the board. Okay, what you got? I'm going pawn e5. D5? That's not a move. No, doesn't the pawn...

You mean D takes E5? D takes E5. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yes. Yeah. Okay. I got a piece! I got a piece. Okay. Okay. He said the verbiage wrong. I do that and speech. Bishop takes A3. Three. Oh, fuck! Oh, that lost a lot of points on that one. Oh, shit.

That was not good. That is down a castle right now. A rook. A rook. Oh, trust me. I know what they're called. I'm helping you. Okay. Okay. How do I say my knight is taking your bishop? So my bishop. Yeah. I want to make sure. Knight takes a3? Yeah. Knight takes a3. Okay. Let's go knight to g4 now. G4. Okay. No. G4. Up by there. Yeah. Got it. Cool. Thank you. Shit.

What's better is how little time he's thinking on every move. And we have seven minutes, 42 seconds. And seven minutes and 40 of these seconds have been batting moves. It's true. It is painfully true at how slow he has two rooks. That's bad. I know that's bad. Oh, yeah, that's bad. It's the level that these guys think of. We were talking about that. Magnus Carlsen has, what is that, 10 or 20,000 games memorized. Entire games. Every game.

So what's 10 to 20,000? I always forget the number full professional games memorized. And then he goes on those shops and they will set the board up for a random game. And he will name what year who was playing and what move it was on. That's kind of scary to be totally honest. Okay. I am shitting and pissing right now. It's gross. It's everywhere. It's a, it's disgusting. Yeah.

I like you reaching for a date. I was going to do a move and then I decided that was stupid. If I touch the piece, I have to move it. His eyes are closed. He can't tell. I don't like where my king is because he's got a bishop and a knight over there. Oh, you can't castle. I know because I can't move my king because the bishop's fucking it. Hey, you knew about that move? Yeah. And I can't do anything about that bishop right now.

Nope. I'm gonna go... He's gonna go there. And I'm not gonna be able to take that eventually because he's gonna do that. And I'm gonna fucking shit and piss. So, I need to go pawn to... Oh, it's a bad note. That's a checkmate. Never mind. I can't do that. Oh my god! I just saw it. I saw the pain. I need to go there. How do I get... What is this spot? What is this spot, Eli? F4. Bishop to F4. Queen...

Where's H? H4. I knew it was coming. I knew it was fucking coming. Oh, he got the lines out. He's got the lines out. Yep. I'm going to go. It's ass and I watching how people, like the brain and how it functions for chess. Because I do believe you are like more pre-programmed to do this thing than your average person. So the queen's going to move in and then I can't go that way because my own queen. If I go there. Okay. I need to.

unfuck my life immediately. - Do I just like, this is like MJ playing like an elementary child. - I feel like I'm being bullied. - He's just, all right. - Like it's a four year old taking a white belt test and he has to fight Mike Tyson. And Mike Tyson is not holding back. - Bishop to G3. - First form gave us 15 seconds to do that. - First form! - Opti Green 50.

Michael Factor! - Forceform.com/unsubscribe! - Forceform! - Okay. - Queen, G5. - Okay. Okay. - Batty takes a breather. He looks. - Batty's the shit. I have to poop so bad right now, bro. - He's rubbing his fingers, concentrating. - I'm not. I'm not at all. Eli, fuck you. - We're at 11 minutes, 23 seconds. - I'm trying my best. Pawn to F-O-N.

Four. Queen, F5, over one. Yep, okay. F right there? Yeah. Okay. Okay, okay. So now... It's the Queen's Gambit over here. We have Harmon. Beth Harmon, just black and a male. I'm so mad. I'm so mad that I was utterly unprayed. Okay, I'm going to go Queen to D5.

Three. You should give me a baddie. You're strong. Queen to D3. How does Canty retaliate? It's the skill. I understand the crash because when each individual, a lot of you, baddie, everyone has their thing where you're super passionate and you learn it. It's so mind-blowing watching individuals do this, though, where... You can't cast them, but you do have a queen D5. What does that mean? You can't cast them, but you have a queen D5.

I could just take into that. That's going to take a long time. Maybe not. Okay, let's just take the queen. Okay. He's trading. You're trading queens? Yeah. Okay. What you taking with? So he just, for the sake of saying it out loud, he did queen takes D3, correct? Yep. And then I will go with... Which pawn, which pawn, which pawn? This is an important move, man. I know it is. I know it's a very important move. Because he just said it out loud. I'm going to...

I fucking hate that you have two rooks there. Pawn on e2 takes queen on d2. Sorry, yes, d3, sorry. I was trying to make sure I was saying the correct pawn so you knew which one. Bro, you can't do that. Bro, okay. Okay, let me picture this image in my head.

So now he's got to get his rooks out. I haven't even seen the board. If I close my eyes, I have no idea where any of the pieces are. I'm trying so hard to do my print. I got a headache. I bet he's having a stroke. Oh, you done a piece. I forgot about that. Yeah. You've been saying a whole rook. Yeah, I know. He's doing this in his imagination. All right, let me calculate Queen's heart.

Okay, Eli, you're going to have to explain because I don't understand castling. So what that is, grab the king, move it over two to the right, my right. And then put the rook on D. Okay, gotcha. Thank you. That was a good move. But that's the question in chat, in the comments, is what is your tism? I'm going to just call this tism because that's what this is. I have one move that I need to make, but I can't because he will put me in check. I already know it.

I know it. But Batty's the one that looks like the meme where all the numbers are popping in his head. I literally feel like Zach Galifianakis from The Hangover right now when he's going to the poker table. But it's not going to work, unfortunately. Yeah, but it's not working. It's not working at all. It's a broken hieroglyphs that you can't read. Okay. I...

How do I do this? How do I do this? Oh, this is great. It's insanity to see this level of chess play. Just anything, being at that level. It's like being... Where would you rank yourself in the world? Rank yourself in the world? That's a good question. I mean, there's so many players. But I am in a small percentage. I'm in like the top 1% in the world for chess. And then there's a level lower. Oh, yeah. There's like the 0.1%, the 0.5%.

You have to be higher than the top 1% because so many people play now. I guarantee, bro, you're in the top 0.2%. I ain't never checked. I just keep grinding and getting better. I definitely remember I was at like 1%. All right, I'm going to go. You well above 1%. I can tell you that, bro. I can tell you that, knowing statistically speaking. Perfect. Podcasts, this is great. I heard it here first. I'm going to go. Oh, my God. I don't know what to do. Pawn.

2C. That's not what I wanted to do. Can I take that back? Okay, okay. I'm going to go Bishop to H4. We have 17 minutes. I'm so sweaty over here. I'm so sweaty. Your battery is trying. That's what I like best. I can tell you're like... Bro, I'm having fourth grade flashbacks to getting bullied playing chess. Okay, if it goes here. Pawn F6. Okay, okay. 6. Ooh, okay. I don't like that.

I know why, but I don't like it. What are we doing? He was blocking my bishop from taking his rook. Oh, yeah. And then I will... We're going to see what next move he does. Dude is great. How many games have you played blindfolded at once? That's a good question. Only one so far. I mean, like, only one at a time. Okay, okay. I can do more than one. I just want to try. Probably do more than one game of chess at the same time. Blindfolded would be fine.

Okay, I'm gonna go pawn to c4. What are we going with? What's the next one? Bro's getting his neck tattooed. Knight e3. Okay. Knight. Yeah, got it, got it, got it. Oh, snap. What's he setting up, Eddie? Where's it going? Oh.

Protect his bishop so he can move his bishop in and I can't take it because his knight protects it. And if I take it with my bishop, he trades, whatever. And I lose another rook, which is really bad. Yeah, that's not a good thing. Very bad. So what I'm going to do is move my... Just start yelling, stop resisting. He does that, puts me in check. I can't take it because of a rook.

I don't know if any of you out there watch chess or do, or even if you play or watch chess, it is, you have our boy Kanti, awesome content creator. He does a lot. King can do is just any one space in a square, right? Yeah, okay. So he does a bullet chess at 30 seconds is what he practices a lot. And if you want to see craziness, go check him out on that. But even doing standard format, well, even 10-minute quote-unquote fast chess, what's Blitz's five minutes, right?

So Blitz is five minutes. What's 10 minutes considered? Rapid. Rapid. I'm going to do. Rapid seems really fast. We've done it before where you play people. Even I playing a rapid, I'm like, man, this is moving so fast. Go home, get a timer, use your phone if you want, and feel how fast 10 minutes is. It's crazy. To be five. And then you get to see bat. We're 20 minutes into this game.

He said that don't matter. So we're going to go knight g2 check, and then wherever you move, it doesn't matter. I'm going to take the bishop on h4. G? You're going to take the bishop on h4. Okay. Wherever you move the king, knight takes h4. You just got checked. Yeah, yeah, I know. I see it. Yeah. So he's taking your bishop, miss Saffron.

So he is taking... I see. He just split our boy Batty with the bishop, putting him in check, forcing him to get rid of that bishop. Your bishop's dead, bro. It's okay. That's fine. Dude, he's just picking apart right now. I'm going to go king to D2. We did king to D2 by our strategic champion, Batty Streams.

He's playing closed eyes while getting tattooed. Savannah's like, of course. She watched it. Yep. Okay. All right. He took my bishop. That's not good. That's very bad. Are you down one or two pieces? Yes. Yes, I am. That's going to be down to one piece. Shut the fuck up, Eli. All right. I'm going to go rook to bishop.

I love the deep thoughts with that. To C1. It is. It's a closed file. That doesn't matter. We'll go C6. C. Yeah. Pawn pick. Oh, I got to find it. Wait. Pawn to C6? Correct. No, pawn here. Right there. Right there, buddy. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha.

I was confused. Baddie's king is going to start looking like that one meme. The white girl on the couch. I do not want to do this, but I'm going to do it. I'm going to fucking do it. You're never going to see this coming, bro. No, he knows exactly what I'm going to do, but I'm going to do it. Just to say I did it. Knight to A7. Check. That's cute. That's a cute move. I don't care. I did it. I got it. I mean, you got the check in, but I'm just going to take the knight after I go king B8, though. King B8.

B. Right. Okay. I did. Worth it. Worth it. Okay. Batty, where are you going next? Shut the fuck up. Eli? Mm-hmm? You're a whore. You gotta be quiet. Fucking hot whore. I am going to...

I don't know what you are. I haven't played chess since the fourth grade. The fuck, what the fuck you laughing at, Eli? I just like the strategic planning behind each move like it fucking matters. That's what I'm cracking up about. Like it fucking matters. Fucking Julius Caesar over here.

All right, I'm going to go... Fuck me. Knight, which I know I'm going to lose no matter what I do here. But if I'm going to go, I might as well go swinging. Knight to C6. Check. Yes, sorry, check. Okay, just take it. Yep, pawn. Okay. Oh, boy. This is bad.

I will go. So you confused him when you moved your rook to C3 or C1 because that's why he said it's a closed file. Why are you moving on? Right? Am I right? I'm dumb. I'm trying to hit him with my sneak. I mean, you are throwing him off. He's like, I would never make that move. That's all I got, dude. I have surprise. That is the only thing keeping me alive right now.

Okay, I am going to go. Fuck. I need to not let that happen. He rubs his sweaty head. I am so sweaty. I sweat so much. He's thinking hard on this move. Well, what's going to happen is I'm going to get two rooks holding me down at the end until he can kill my rook. And I'm not going to be able to walk because I'm going to be in check with one of them. So he's going to be able to take my rook and not have anything happen. I already know both the rooks are going to move down. Are both canty? Taking a nap, it seems. Getting tattooed.

He's throwing the peace sign while holding his pawn. Do pawns out. You split him. Pawn to a5. Hit him before you split him. Pawn to a5. Ooh, ooh, the pawn move. That's all. I only got pawns on the rook. I have to remember where your pieces are. I got pawns on the rook.

Maddie, close your eyes and remember where one of your pieces is. I can't. I don't know the... Dude, the only reason I know where the numbers on the board, numbers and letters, is because they're all written on it. We wrote them on it. I mean, I can't even do that. I put some hours into this. I can't even do that. That's a good thing. That means we're equal. We are not. I'm better than you. Oh, okay, racist.

- Okay, F takes E5, so take the pawn on E5 with the F pawn. - Okay, F. - Takes E5. - E5, got it. - Boom, okay, that's a good move, buddy. - And then I am going to trade and do the same thing. I'm gonna take my F pawn to take E5. - You seen that coming though? - Knight F3 check. - Knight three, okay, okay.

Okay, we in check. Batty is forced to move. This game is going. Everyone's surprised. This is the surprise upset of 2023 chess. No one's seen this game going the way it did. Batty was the favorite going into this championship match. I'm so fucking mad right now. King to C2.

I can't go up because I'll move the pawn down. Put me in check and I can't take it. It's the knight. Yep, gotcha. Okay. Fuck. You hit him before you split him. Shut the fuck up, Eli. I hate everything. Every time you whisper, I want to slap you. Pawn to d4. Hit him before you split him.

Is it? I don't think so. I don't think so. Don't call it a blunder. He calling it a blunder. Well, I have that too, don't I, though? Okay, let's start with that. Maybe just play there first. Bishop F5, check. Wherever you move, knight takes C4. Bishop 2, sorry, where's the bishop going to? F5, check. Check it. Okay, yep. I whispered that in your mind. You whispered that in your mind? Knight to D9.

Night to D-Nuts? That's a shirt right there, bro. Oh my god, that's gonna be a... That's unsub merch. Night to D's nuts. That's a shirt! Holy shit! Oh, that's... My guy, that's the shirt right there. That's as unsub as it gets. Okay. King to...

D1. Let's do D takes C4 now. D takes C4. Okay. Fuck. Sorry. Pawn takes. Oh. Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Didn't need that anyways. Okay. Patty not only fucking up the board, but the carpet. This carpet's so worse.

- He's getting tattooed at the same time we're playing. Closing in on, I'm playing chess. - We're 30 minutes into this game. - No, I can't do that 'cause the knight protects it then I'll lose my fucking rook, bro! Okay, he can take that. - Get that, I'm going. - Oh my God, what do I do here? Fuck, I'm getting trapped. If I go here, I am so fucked. I'm getting trapped so bad. King to D, or sorry, E two.

Rook takes pawn. Yep, I figured. Okay. Now we got a rook out and a bishop to fucking pinch me. Shit, fuck shit. This is not good. This is very bad. I'm trying so hard. He's going down. He's swinging. He's swinging now. He's fighting. As long as I stay there for a minute, I'm okay. Rook to one.

These are the slowest words ever. Shut the fuck up, Eli. You take eight seconds just to announce a move. Motherfucker's like, okay, you've never played soccer in your life and we're going to put you on the pitch and now learn the positions. Go. Fuck you, Eli. Two. Goddamn. A.

I have played, I have not touched a goddamn chessboard in 20 plus years! Bro, his eyes are closed. And he's getting tipped. Rook e4? Yeah, just move whatever you want. To check, right? Are you about to hit him? Before we flip him? You know it, dawg! Here we go! I'm gonna just be your hype man. Or, Batty, you need a hype man. Batty, you want me to be your hype man? Shut the fuck up. Batty, you fucking got this, dawg! I've never seen chess at this level. At this caliber. King to d2.

Rookie D8. D what? D8. Oh, my bad. Oh, his other rook. Shit, bro. Oh, I'm fucked. Well, it's not looking good. Nope, it's not. We're going to be truthful about this. King to C3? Can I do that? Yeah, okay, I can do that. It's just like sex. When you sound like you can question, it's way better. Can I put it here? Yeah, I can put it here. Okay. And then your look is...

You're like, how's he gonna fuck me right now? C5, pawn C5. Pawn C... Okay. He's the one that says that. Just like you are, Zach. I'll pick an acus right now. At the table, just equations flying in your head. But it's a blank screen. Can't go there. There. I'm stopping myself. Even worse. Guys, right now, Batty is in a corner. He has three pawns and a rook.

A boy has two rooks, a bishop, a knight, and five pawns. He's looking good. He traded queens because Batty was down already. He's like, I'm good. I can trade this. This is fun. Eli, I hope you choke on that white claw. How does the defeat taste? I mean, I haven't played chess in 20 years. Pawn. He's going to down. I can't go up.

I can't go down. I'll be in check. Okay, so if he moves his rook, literally in a check, I'm basically fucked. No, I am fucked. Yeah, you a lot of fucked right now. Well, I mean, I'm trapped, 100%. We are at that point of the game where I know I'm losing. Yes. Yes, we are. It's more of the gun is to the head. And you're like, maybe if I lead, lead to the left real quick. Rook to E1.

That takes you one. Okay. I knew that was going to happen, but it bought me one more turn. It bought me a turn. That's what all great chess players go for. It bought me one more move. Well, I mean, all you had to do was put me in check there, and it was mate, correct? Yeah. I can see it. And all he's got to do is go up now on him. We're going to go pawn to B6.

Three. Damn, he got out of the checkmate. Look at that. Out of the checkmate. Batty's going to compliment. He got himself out of the checkmate. Boy, you got to be proud of that. I'm not good at chess, but I can see them. I'm looking at the board at least. He's not, which is a little unfair, I think. Rook E3 check. Batty's good at almost not dying. E3 check. The only move is king B2. Yep. Yep, it is. And then I'm going rook takes B3 check. You said rook goes where? B3. Take the pawn on B3. B3.

Okay, yes, and I can't yep check okay? So which one is it? Did you a car dealership you do well? I know what happens if I buy my king to a - he just drops his bishop and his mate, so where do I go? Where do I go?

I go back. He brings his other rook down. It's a check, and I have to go back up, and then it's mate. It's done, right? Two turns. Not really. You got something. I got something. Let's see what you play, though. Okay, okay. This is what me and Savannah watched yesterday. I am. We're trying to pick a green. Aren't you? Watching this dude just destroy when his eyes are open. It's even more crazy. It's ridiculous. It's just stupid crazy. I need to go king to c1. Rook b1, checkmate. GG, bro.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, no, he played nice, but that was hard. I had to, like, really work that game. You had to really memorize your own moves to know where the board was. Right, and he traded Queens. That's a great idea. He traded Queens. It's a good idea when you're down? Well, when I'm blindfolded, hell yeah. Hey, he's coming.

I'm violent. Fuck you. I bet I could beat you in chess. Dude, is it not like demoralizing to realize? Because you think. No. See, that's the thing. I don't think it's demoralizing. I know, but how many moves did you think you were like, oh, if I do this, I'm fine? And immediately. No, I did. I saw my inevitable defeat multiple times. Oh, 100%. But even then, like move two, you were like, bishop to h3. No. And then it was like, and I take it. No, I was not. I fucked up one move that I knew I really fucked up.

After that it was me just trying that game Betty took 38 minutes of 40 second. I like you think that's an insult to me You almost played it with standards 45 minutes. That's a 45. Yeah standard. I mean classical like I got a tournament coming up We've got our 30 minutes per side plus 30 second increment so it could last like six hours Six hours of chess again. This is why physical fitness is important. That's why I work out so much. Oh

You're the only chess player that said that. Did I just lose a chess game because I don't work out? You're the only chess player to ever say that's why physical fitness is important. I mean, it's very rare. We done? All right, we done. That was good timing. That was perfect timing. That was great. Got the tattoo. Let's see it. Wait, wait, let's get that up. Get that up. Here we go. Lift that throat. Lift your head up real good. Lean back a little bit. Oh, wait. Let me get that mic out the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Point to it. Yeah, we'll thumbnail I've never been so stressed Bullying me. How was tattooing during that? Oh

Dude, the amount of respect I have for tattoo artists for standing and sitting and working in the most fucked up angles. I have never seen a tattoo artist that hasn't been like, man, no, my back's perfect. My back's fine. Everyone he was like, no, dude, this is good. You're fine. Eight hours later. Yo, man, send me a picture.

No, I'm not. He's going to go practice. No, I'm definitely not going to go fucking practice. Never mind. He's giving up on chess.

Which one are you doing? You practicing? I'm gonna throw a cup at your face. So you're giving a punch- Eli, you're the motherfucker that when you argue with on the internet, it's either black or white, it's gr- there's no middle, it's like, "No! That's it! Fuck him!" "No!" He's like, "Either you're doing this or you're not! That's it! There's no main piece!" So fucking mad. Goddamn weaponized autism. Fuck!

Dude, it's so awesome! It's so crazy watching a dude play like that. Like, I cannot grasp how many... Dude, okay, wait, when we go out, we're gonna check. I don't think we fucking checkmate. I got, no, we're checkmating. When he's over here, he's got the grid already. I know, I'm like, I'm over here.

Dude, he's smiling right now. He's cheesing so hard. Our chess master. Well, yeah, he's done. He's not even tattooed. You don't have to after I'm done getting tattooed. Bam. If you want a chair, bro. Let me throw a little bandage on him. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, hey, hey. Pawn check. I was looking for that. Pawn check. Where is it? You got it. You probably got it, don't you? Nope. You know what?

You blame the Mexican? You blame the Mexican? I was about to go to the bag. You blame the Mexican? It was all the two of us. The Mexican versus like, you got it. No, because you pawn checked me. So I'm like, oh, you got it then. But I was about to go to my bag. You know, I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to my bag. You are going to ask him for a loan. By default, I win the game now. I was going to pop the bag and then come out with two more pawns. You're going to ask him for a loan? You are cheating. You're cheating.

You accuse me of stealing the pot? The pot, Jake. You got some ointment, too? Oh, he got everything. I'm going to put a little tape on you. You can keep it on for four days at the last. But I just like using regular lotion. I'll give you a list of the stuff that I like. I don't like tattoo products. No, he's Will's big on. Can you say that again?

It stays on. Oh, if it lasts. It will. It's basically a clear sticker. It's like sunken skin type shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, got it. Other parts, you should tell people leave it on for four days to seven days. You can get wet and everything. It heals itself under there. Okay, got it.

It's fantastic stuff. Not Sanaderma. It's what? Dermas. Dermas shield or some shit. Yeah. Burn victims. Is that what used to, it used to be called Tega Derm. Take that. So it's the original by, by three M and that was like six by six was five bucks back in the day. So that was a lot of money, but the patents were out and now the tattooers got it.

By the roll. Yep. So it keeps the wound from, it lets it breathe and also not get infected at the same time. Basically, it's your body healing. Because the plasma stays on it, correct? Yeah. Yeah. It holds plasma. That's what, yeah. That back tattoo I had, like that stuff sloughed off because how much plasma, it looked like a J-O'd all over my bed. J-O'd? Yeah.

Jerked off. Yeah. Jerked off. He can't say jerked off. He can't. He's always going to say J-O. J-O. He's always going to say J-O. Christian Minecraft server. Switch our words. God. Damn. Say O, dog.

Well, I think that is a wonderful place to say thank you for watching the podcast. As always, we have Eli Double Tap, myself, Batty Streams, and our two very special guests today. We have GM Gandy and, of course, fucking Will underscore XX. You guys can... Okay, GM Gandy, where can everybody find you? Give your shout-outs now.

What are you getting here to? West, we, yeah, okay, perfect. So I am twitch.tv slash GMCanty. You also have Instagram, GMCanty. You have my merch store, COE. We just got tatted, right? ShopCantyMerch.com, okay? TikTok is GMCanty, and this is spelled C-A-N-T-Y. Yo, we here, man. It's been amazing. Now, Will, please use the word. Get in there.

I'm easy to find. It's just Will underscore XX on all the socials. Google that. Or Black Salt, B-L-A-Q-U-E, Black Salt Studio. And pretty easy. Just Google it. You'll find me. I absolutely love it. And both of these are absolutely wonderful gentlemen. Will's tattooed all of us here. Now all of us here. And Jim Kennedy actually mopped the floor with me, blindfolded in chest while getting tattooed. This is great. Love it. Love it. Thank you again, guys. And we'll see you over on the Patreon for the after show very shortly. All the cameras, goodbye. Love you.

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