101 - Houston, We Have A Problem ft. Houston Jones & Leon Lush 01:54:37

We might have to get, we're both pretty wide men, so we might have to get pretty cozy on this one. Very wide. Good. Yeah, you used to have just real emaciated Granthurum types. Honestly. Yeah. Have you guys ever considered doing an ASMR podcast? All this time. Come on. Everything's good. It's recording. Granthurum is his new name, by the way. Granthurum. Yeah, Granthurum instead of Granthum. Great. Switch the syllabus. All right, I'm going to start off.

Are you okay? Yeah. Is he stroking? Yeah. Is that a stroke? My gosh. Where's the shot? We're doing blood oath. Can you hand me those metal cup right here that I had? Oh, yes. Oh, you got metal sunglasses. Nice. What are the macros on this? Oh.

- What do we look at? - I think it's 0070. - Yeah, good guess. - Whoa! - This is a threat. - Nah, this would break upon hitting me. - I was gonna say, is that something you used already? I feel like that would puncture immediately. - Nah, nah, yeah. - It would break. - This would break upon hitting you? - Yeah, yeah. - What? - 'Cause this is a nod to battle ready.

You see they make you this this chain would not hold up under pressure I mean I've been flailing this motherfucker in my stream room now, but have you hit in if there's a man that? Flail it is

Hit my thigh and see what happens. What? No. No. Only his liver gets hurt right now. Fine. He has to be the one responsible for his injuries, okay? Yeah. You hit your own thigh. Keep that over there. I haven't sued anyone yet. That was a goal? You just sue us? That's all? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's racially ambiguous and baddie That guy's fucking ridiculous and we don't know Best not to ask yourself why But my friend you've arrived Welcome to unsubscribe

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We're still in minute one. I'm taking the over-under on 25 minutes, so this thing gets swung as hard as possible at somebody. I hope it's me, honestly. Hand that to Batty. You'll survive. You'll survive. I've been hit with worse. You've been hit with worse. I will crumple like an aluminum can. There you go there. You're much stronger than aluminum. Yeah, give me that blood oath. Thank you. The blood oath? I already poured you one. Give me the blood oath! Oh, you want the whole bottle. Physically, maybe mentally. Definitely not. There. There. God. Okay, well.

Make my little drink real quick before we pop open the toppy. Well, see you tomorrow, guys. I'll be the toppy. Thankfully, we only have two podcasts to record. Back to back. Drinking. Drink. Might as well start off on the first one. The second one will probably be... A little coast, right? Yeah, you'll be ready by the second. Cheers, boys. Cheers! That's a bitey. That's a bitey. Yeah. Oh, shit, I already cracked it.

I don't have one to crack. Welcome to this great podcast. As always, we have Eli Double Tap, myself, Batty Streams, and our two very, like, strong, wide, powerful-looking guests. One definitely shorter than the other. We have Leon Larson. Whoa. And, of course, Houston.

I'm the tall one, right? Yeah, it is. Obviously from the seating here. I'm actually punching over and you can't tell. I'm standing currently. I just had the shortest little dead point. I walked in, I mean, it was like, that chair, get the fuck rid of it. Don't want it here. I've stayed in the entire box. I've spent the last six years convincing people I'm tall by putting myself in the waist up.

I'm standing for this podcast. 6'3". I'm 6'8". You don't have pants on either. You're just walking stiff-legged everywhere. I'm finally walking right now. So smooth. You look so good. I keep my lungs. Oh, my God. You didn't tell us. I had no idea we were starting, by the way. They were just like, hey, shots. Hey.

That's how it goes. Every time. Catch everyone off guard. Hit you with a shot and then we just go right into it. It's better not to prepare. No, we don't. We don't call it that. That joke was delirious. I like you were like... I was like, wait, where? Okay, alright, yeah. That's how it's gonna be today. He turns down Eli's money. Yeah.

No, no just fuck you we're joined by our beautiful boys Leon lush you just gotta put your hand in front of you're like you just immediately blocked Houston when you did that fine Well if I did this and Houston Jones, you just that's what what?

- Guys, welcome! - Hey, man. - I'm so excited for you guys. Oh my God. - I wanna say thank you so much for having me back. This is my second time on the podcast. I was here for-- - Nobody remembers the first time. - Well, that's 'cause it was before you got the cool studio. So who cares about-- - You know what's the fucked up thing? Your episode was like our worst performing episode. - That's not true. I just checked it out. - No, I just checked it out. And there's a few around it that are like,

When you guys first started and filmed on Potatoes, those did worse. 100%. Well, notice after he came on, the podcast started doing better. It's true. But also, like, okay, you're like in Texas with a bunch of badass gun guys that have 60 billion subscribers and you get this like Northeastern cuck. It could be some like Boston hit on nobody knows and you brought him on the podcast for some reason. What do you expect is going to happen? Little do they know. I'm worth it.

I mean something. You're special, Leon. I just met you today. Yeah. Pretty good guy. Listen, I just met Houston about two hours ago, I would say. We had sushi together. He hit him with a flail? We shared some sake together. And the only thing I know about Houston is that he absolutely beats the piss out of his own body for views. And he...

It's incredible content. It's not that weird. It's for pleasure. Yeah, I say views. It's pleasure that turns into views. Yeah, we're going to take off his gimp suit. A little bit of masochism. Guys. He just shows up in a gimp suit. I'm like, what the fuck are you wearing? He's like, hurt me. But behind the scenes. Hurt me, daddy. Behind the scenes, he's a very level-headed, nice dude and fun to be around. And he's also extremely jacked and handsome, which kind of caught me off guard. I knew that. But like, I feel like he's on another program recently. He's just looking. I know.

I hate when I was pulling up in the airport, I was like, where's he? It's the only dude with the jawline like this. I'm like, well, there he is. You do have a beautiful jawline. Some people have compared me to the Crimson Chin. Yes. Oh my God. Yeah, actually, move out to the side. Just turn towards me. That is outrageous, dude. You look like the American Dad a little bit. You must get that sometimes. I can open a can of beans. You got a can of beans? How about we try it? You just start rubbing.

We have a Mexican coke over there we can just try to pop the bottle on your I told him he could hit me with yeah, we have a Mexican coke we can it just hits it over your head It was glass

- You know, speaking of that, I did test like the, you know, that twisted key, tea video where the guy got smashed in the head. - You got fucking... - Yeah, I was like, I wanna try that. - You got teed? - Yeah, it hurts pretty bad. - Is it a full one? - Yeah, then we made a bat out of it. We taped the one, like six of them together and...

Beat me with it. They're pretty lethal because what else would you do after smashing? Minimum now, I feel like it's unnecessary. You gotta How you started the video taping it onto the back? Gotta make it there When you were

beamed with the can. Did it like burst like it did in the video? We had to do a few smacks because we build up the power, right? You don't want to go full, full power right away. Full force. That's, that's reckless. Okay. And I'm not a reckless kind of guy. Well, he did a video with aerosol 50. He,

He did a video with Air Force 1. You have to ramp up the kilojoules, man. You can't just come in steaming hot. That's smart. Okay. Easy. And view time works fantastic. Drag them along. I will say this. So you've been hit with like a billion paintballs probably at this point. So like it hurts more when it doesn't break, right? 100%. Yeah. So it probably was worse when you're smashing your head with a full can and it wasn't breaking. Yeah, I wanted it to like explode.

Because then it relieves the pressure and distributes the, I'm a bit of a physicist. Instead, you just- Pardon me while I get into this. Dr. Leon Lush, everyone. When it doesn't break, you're just giving yourself concussions. Right, exactly. It's like hitting yourself with a brick almost, with a little bit more gift. Well, I did do a steel chair a couple times as well. Okay, yeah. But not a brick. Not a brick yet.

But that's a good idea. Not yet, man. Come on. First off, okay, this is how... You can do a brick. The drive home, I forgot he used to do this. No, no. Homeboy used to drink...

Until you got demonetized for drinking. So you just remember I got strikes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He drank. OK, I didn't let him finish the story. He's like, oh, did I tell you about the time I drank Everclear? I was like, shut the fuck up. We're driving to sushi. Hold on to that conversation. Park. Go eat. Come back. Go. It was a brilliant idea. OK, I got the strongest Everclear you can. I think it was like 190 proof.

- It's a rubbing alcohol. - Legitimately ethanol. - It is. - Power my truck. - Everclear is 97 or 95% alcohol. - Yeah. - Yeah. - For our viewers. - Delicious. - You know, great idea. I was gonna try to drink as much as I can. You know, I got a little breathalyzer that I can test and everything. - Those things are the worst game to play. - Yeah. - I'm playing that game. - I can't believe YouTube didn't like this idea. - Hey, this one didn't get removed. I removed that one myself, but.

Very ethical of you. So, you know, an hour or so in, two hours in, I blacked out. How much did you drink? I drank half a bottle. I drank half a bottle of it. Okay. And how fast? Over the course of like two hours, two and a half.

I blew a 4.8 or something. Not a point, it's just a 4.8. No, a point is a .4. 48% disintegration. At one point, I convinced my cameraman that I wanted to pogo stick. I don't remember doing it. Yes. And I immediately fell and almost hit my head on cement.

But we had to cut out about 90 minutes of the video because I was just sobbing about something. I was just crying. So we're like, we better cut that out. That happened to my friend when he got blacked out one time in high school. Yeah. What were you crying about?

I don't remember. I would have saved that. If you have the footage. It does exist. I don't want to watch it myself. That's one of those, when you're crying. When we start a reaction. 90 minutes of blacked out Houston Jones crying. Emotional pain. In fact, crying. And his head, he's forming sentence. He's like, you're a jessica in the fist of the cow. What the fuck?

And you're like, wow, he's really crying about a fence and a cow. I'm so confused what's going on right now. But long story short, I blacked out for about five hours and woke up in my kitchen talking to my cameraman. I was like, whoa.

I'm back. We're back. He's good. Was the IV in? Wife just comes here from his eye and he's like, we're good. Never puked. Never puked or anything. What? Yeah. Why weren't your friends calling the ambulance? There were just two people in my house. It was just me and my cameraman. Which is worse. It is not a cameraman's job to ruin content for an ambulance. He filmed. He filmed. Yeah.

I will say he did stop me from drinking more Everclear because I was trying to wrestle the bottle away from him. Ooh, probably smart. That's scary. You're strong. But I was pissed drunk and very falling over a lot. So that said, so take me back because I don't know the story in like kind of your initial soiree into how you started your YouTube channel, which kind of revolves around

- Personal torture, self-induced torture. - It's educational content. - Educational content, of course, Susan. Well, sorry, not Susan anymore. - New guy. - Who the fucking new guy is, fuck off. - Other guy. - Yeah, other guy, Susan 2.0. - Mike. - Mike. - He seems like a Mike. - Mike from YouTube.

Was there, was this a thing you did before you started uploading it just for fun and you were like, hey, let's make a video. So like my entire life, like growing up, I would do stupid stunts, painful things. Jackass. Jackass. Yeah. Not unusual, sir. Yeah. Stevo type shit. Yeah. Just to make people laugh and whatnot. When I started my channel, I had won a bodybuilding show in like 2015 and I had done martial arts my entire life. So I started my channel based on fitness and martial arts. Okay. Jesus Christ.

I was hoping they just had to- Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I was hoping we didn't. He didn't link that together. It would have been way better if you just didn't link that. I was like, yeah, I won a bodybuilding competition, did martial arts, so I did YouTube. So back to my story. I was like, so you're just flexing really quick. Actually, my original inspiration for YouTube, I was a big World of Warcraft guy back in high school. Oh, he's a mega nerd. You can get along. Martial arts, bodybuilding, World of Warcraft. That just makes sense. Oh, God. Yeah.

- What? - Me and another dimension. I'm more jacked and a better jaw. - I know. - Listen, your jaw is great too. - Well, it's kind of, I mean-- - You get rid of that beard and he's like all of us. - I'm a living meme of what happens when you get married. - There's a reason we all have shitty beards. Well, Batty has a good beard. - This defines our jawline. Great beard. You just watch your goddamn mouth.

- Dude, we gotta shave Batty's beard for an episode one time. - I have a great jawline, it's all right, I really do. There's photos, Eli's seen them, you can deny it. - I don't know right now 'cause the weight, but Batty, you lost a lot of weight. - I can't lose weight.

I mean, I want to be him. Dude, you go to episode two and Batty is a blimpo. I was posing. I always forgot how much you lost. I'm like 60 pounds lighter. I was casually scrolling thumbnails earlier to research. He took up less percentage as the number gets higher. I was like, yeah, Batty did lose some weight. I lost weight and we shrunk my face on the screen. We just were like, that's Batty. They were early adopters of AI. Yeah.

They actually made his face fit on the fucking camera lens. Make thumbnail. They're like, yeah. Make Batty's face small. Is there anyone to move this camera outside so they can get him on the fucking frame, please? They're like, no. Batty was his own table. Is there a negative six? All right, Leo. Let's pull up your old videos. We'll bring back the tomato man.

I can only dish it because I wasn't fat for most of my life as well. I also had to set up my negative 35 millimeter across the street so I could fit my upper torso in the fucking frame.

- What's your camera lens? - One. - Just one? - I actually turn it inside out. - It's backwards. - It's backwards. - It's backwards. - It's backwards. - It's backwards. - So if you've ever looked through a telescope, that's what I do. - There's one camera nerd watching our podcast right now dying. Everyone's just like, "I don't get why they're laughing." - That's for the camera nerds up there.

- Just laugh. - Wait, no meters? What are you talking about? They're dicks? - Everyone can get that telescope analogy. - Okay, that's why I wanted to bring it back down to earth. 'Cause we've all looked through binoculars backwards or whatever. Yeah, okay. - Yeah, totally. - We're normal people. - Totally normal. - We're just like you guys. - We're just normal idiots. - Yeah. - Eli, do you know this episode was brought to you by Manscaped? Eli? - Looks like the carpet does match the drapes.

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Check your boys and check your boys boys. Check your boys boys. Check your boys boys.

That's the new saying. It's just, check your boys' boys. I love it. It's so much fun. Your episode sucked.

I'm gonna tell you guys right now, the reason he's still better about it is because I shit on him the whole episode. You were so rude! I was so mean to him. We were friends! You were so mean to him! It was not funny! Nobody laughed! You guys seem like you're really, really close. We are, yeah. I can just tell by the, like, you know, the tension between you two. And Mossy. And Mossy. I got you. The word just spoke on my mind. I just like, every time they're like, okay, go, you're like, and then Brad's like, fuck you, Leo! Fuck you!

That was my bad. That was my bad. I apologize. I'm just pumped that if this episode tanks, I can blame it on you. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I was gonna blame it on you! You have a track record. I already have one. Okay. Yeah, well, it's not gonna happen twice. It's impossible. It's never gonna happen twice. It's never happened twice. Fuck you guys. Go up. Just don't put my name in the title. That's all.

We had Demo Ranch back again. Surprise! You just used his body and put Matt's face on him. Yeah, we should do everything else. Just AI him. Yeah, a little splash, sure.

All right. As he's getting a little splash, my, my story, uh, World of Warcraft, big World of Warcraft nerd growing up in through high school, saw people on YouTube making a living doing it. So that was like the first time I had my idea of like, you know, doing YouTube. That was like, you know, 2010 through 2012, uh,

When Eli was in war. When Eli was in war. I was out of war for three years at that point. Hey, you were in war and I was in war in the arena, okay? In battlegrounds. Grinding to get up to gladiator rank, which I didn't. Maybe threes. So, the moral of the story, real, is it's war is the same as the arena. Arena is war sometimes. Houston Jones compares veteran experience of Iron Man

of Iraq, combat, and friends dying to arena. Go. Yeah, there. We'll make your face small, too. Can I respond to that, too? Salute? Is this... This hand. In his defense, now it's the wrong hand. Salute.

In his defense, World of Warcraft gets pretty sweaty. You ever been in a raid? It's kind of like a trump card, though. I feel like if you've been in actual war, if you've not been in war, you can't really say anything. It's stupid. You're right.

All of my collective experiences have not really been that bad. I'm just a worthless city. Now you're just doing push-ups. This was one of you, right? If there was ever the time to play. All right. I disrespected someone.

- Hit me. - Just give it the old fucking self treat. - No. - Actually, I don't. No, there's a chair. - It's a chair. We have extras, you can break it. - Is he about to self flagellate right now? - It seemed like a good idea, but. - God, it's fucking hot.

Sorry, what? Okay, go. World of Warcraft. Man, this is, we really get on tangents. This is the entire podcast. I'm going to make this story super short. World of Warcraft inspired me. One bodybuilding, started a channel, did about 10 months of fitness content, and then I had a video, bodybuilder versus where I was acting like a stereotypical cocky bodybuilder, getting shot with paintballs in my parents' backyard, and that went, got a million views in a month.

And so I was like, screw the bodybuilding stuff. I'm getting hurt. I'm getting hurt. And it took off from there. I think that video going viral, I remember seeing that. That was going to say that. It was the same one way back in the day. I don't even know why either. It was like, I think the algorithm, for whatever reason, just chose it. Yeah. That was back when you were in the mind stuff, right? That was after. The thumbnail was probably pretty good. Yeah. I mean, it's all the typical tropes of like what people click on on YouTube. It's like, oh, this dude's getting the shit beat up. That's great. Yeah.

It's like here's a cool video about his life and his bodybuilding. Don't give a shit. Yeah. Yeah. That's just nerds being like, yeah, fucking jock for pushing me into a locker in high school. But I do think it's funny kind of like YouTube. Like I think everyone starts out doing YouTube, just throwing stuff at the wall. Yes. Right. Until something sticks. It's funny that my thing that stuck was me hurting myself. And it felt like a natural progression to just,

keep going down that road yeah yeah which just you know you always want to one-up yourself right you got to make your content better crazier and then it's just you know next thing you know i'm getting kicked in the liver by ufc fighters now next thing you know you're like only the dead left until i shit myself well that's also a good idea okay wearing a diaper concept yeah i poo i lose okay i did you take laxations before yeah so what i did i bought those sugar-free gummy bears

Oh my god, I've heard of those. Those are bad. Hey, got a couple pounds if you want some? Thought about handing them out on Halloween. Are you really? I mean, I thought about it, but I figured I would get in trouble. Your lawyer has advised you not to admit to doing that. Yeah, my non-existent lawyer told me not to do that. I basically ate those until I puked, and then I was like, I'm ready to shit myself. Oh my god.

Put on the diapers and then I loaded up like 405 on the deadlift and was repping it out and just squirted my diapers. Really?

Were you trying or was it a natural progression? Well, you see, you don't make a video called I poo, I lose, and don't poo. Okay? The end goal is to poo. That's what everyone's waiting for. Was it a surprise poo, though? I knew. Listen, my stomach was so loose, I knew it was coming. Okay? You got a weightlifting belt on, you strap that thing in, right? You tense up. And I'm pulling sumo, which, you know, sumo is a legitimate way to deadlift. Don't tell me it's not. Hey! Hey!

Hey! Yeah, okay. Look at his arms, look at yours. Shut the fuck up. Listen, my head's the ones reaching out of frame, though. You can get as wide as you want, but I'll always be 6'3". But you're standing up. I told you not to talk about it. You and your weird legs.

I have a bit of a snacking problem, so when I can't get caught. No, you're just in a bulk, okay? I'm in a 37-year bulk. And you look great. I only know that abs exist from what I've seen on the internet. Just wait until he cuts, okay?

I'm saying, and I tell, I tell this to my wife all the time. I'm like, honey, just wait until I actually take it seriously. It gets easier with age. I've been doing that for 10 years. It's crazy. The older I get, the more I eat. I'm like, wow, the weight's just falling off. These abs are just every day I wake up with. Yeah, man, my whiskey and IPA habits, like, doesn't even faze me at all. Wake up, fresh chipper. I'm not crying at 11 a.m. wondering why the fuck I'm doing what I'm doing. Like, I had one cup of wine last night. Why am I hurting?

- You're at the age where it, when you go down. - Old. - Yeah, so I will, to give myself credit, I'm very, I think part of what comes along with that though is knowing your limits, right? So like, I'm very in tune with where I'm at sobriety wise and alcohol wise and also like what I've had. So like if I start the night out, a couple of beers and I switch to vodka sodas, I can get real fucked up, stay vodka sodas. And I like go home, have a nice little meal, take an hour off, chug some water. I'm chilling the next day.

But if I get fucked up and it's like, you're at that point, someone's like, oh, let's go to the next place or this thing. And it's like, oh, someone bought a shot of tequila and they're doing this. And the next thing you know, you're snorting Ritalin off. And before you know it, which I've never done, honey, I promise.

She's not gonna watch this. I know, of course not. That's why, like I said, it's like for a joke, but she'll never see this. You could literally put this in her inbox and she would... And she'd delete it. Spam. You'd say, please watch, your husband is fucking stripping. Ugh, spam. Get these all the time. Get these all the time.

Flag. Yeah, right. No, I'm not doing that. But now I lost my train of thought. Riddle in lines and booze and hang out. So I do once or twice a year.

I get a hangover that reminds me how old I am. Yeah. And that's what makes me set my limitations otherwise. Because I can, you know, I think back to college or whatever the fuck. Nope. Wow. I could, you could literally, I could drink until 5 a.m. and wake up at 9.30 and go on a five mile run. Be fine. And now just times change. Yeah. Hangover is kind of...

Suck now. It's not right. No, it's not. Cause you lose a whole day. There's not a little hangover. You lose a whole day. You're either like, I'm all right the next day or you're fucked. There is no like, Oh, I feel shit. No, it's your, your app. No, I agree with you. Yeah. It's like, there's always like, I feel shitty, but I'm functional. I can do whatever I need to do. And then there's the flip side of that, which is, uh,

I can't like this day is completely, I have liver. Yeah. Yeah. And then you've lost that and you have to get another full night's sleep to feel even. It's like 8 PM. You're like, Oh, okay. Now I can eat. It goes into the two day hangovers now. And the crazy part is though, and this is the way I think of it. So like the only difference between those two scenarios to say the night you're out having fun, like 90% of that night, nine, the bread, the bread, the bread,

I wanna know your obsession with bread! - Brady just really likes bread, guys. - We went out to a sushi restaurant earlier and, uh, Baddie doesn't really like fish, so he's ordered a loaf of bread through Uber Eats. - Holy shit, that is actually a loaf of fucking 7-Eleven. - Legitimately. - It's fucking white bread! - From 7-Eleven. - It's not even like salad though!

You order a dude. What the fuck is that? Are you going to make some PB&Js from my time to go to school tomorrow? You wasted somebody's time with this. If I would have been so pissed for that fucking Uber Eats guy that was like, hey. Before you open it, you have to fucking eat that entire lunch. I'm the podcast. You fucking might be. If you don't eat that whole thing. You know, if you dip it in water. I will make you fish that into your throat. I will flail that down your gullet.

Fucking hit him with the bread. I need some bread. Just dip it in water. It'll make it go down easier. I mean, this will help with the hangovers we were talking about. That Uber Eats guy, Batty, was like this. He was like, okay, go to 7-Eleven and get white bread and Red Bull. All right, so the Red Bull. Man, the meal of champions. White bread and Red Bull. There's four of them. Okay. This guy's on a map. It's got to be like an order minimum, right?

- That guy was driving up, he's like, "This is gonna be in a bad neighborhood." What is the fuck is going on right now? - Four Red Bulls and a loaf of white bread. - Mr. K's. Or whatever the local marks are around here.

7-Eleven. Okay, 7-Eleven. It's from 7-Eleven. We have multiple podcasts to film today. I'm not going to stop drinking. Or eating, apparently. But, I mean, couldn't you find a more delicious carb to eat? I can't. You're so destitute right now. This would be like me...

You get drunk in someone's house and I like scavenge the fridge and I eat a piece of bread. I'm going to scramble you up some eggs. I'm going to cook a little sausage. I need to get you fed, bro. I feel obligated to get you fed. Would you get me for McDonald's buns? Y'all happy? Just buns?

You know what? You proved your point.

- That bread's gonna sit there on that floor for the next two weeks. - Oh, I know, it's gonna mold and grow something. - You just wanted one slice the whole time, that's all. - Yeah, literally, I was just trying to prove a point. For a bit, you know? - I'm gonna walk in next month, I'm gonna see a scurry across the ceiling. - The French laugh! - I need an extra piece. - Yeah, I'll make dorky now, but definitely later tonight, I'm gonna be into that bread.

- Oh yeah. - Like 2:00 AM, like looking in the cabinets and white bread. - You know, I'll eat a slice as well. - Fuck all of you. - Okay, we're actually gonna go into a single topic. Wait, first, okay, first topic, easy, superpower. - Cool.

Oh, yeah. We talked about yours actually last week or the week before. Okay. Last week. Yeah, last week. Yours was, yeah, we were like, oh, fucking Leon. Because I was like, we love Leon. You know the superpower routine? Yes, yes. Okay, so you get a superpower. You watched a podcast. A podcast. Or two, maybe three. I don't know. Keeps track. Clip notes. No worries. I ordered some peanut butter. Did you? And then you're going to do another one with jelly?

Just peanut butter. Do you guys not do that? Peanut butter only? It's so dry. Hear me out. Peanut butter, banana, and honey. I've done peanut butter and honey, but banana. That's some real munchy food right there. That's good. Peanut butter and bread. That was my poor people snack. That was forever. That's all we had. Could afford the peanut butter, but not the jelly. Not really making sense here.

I mean, I mean, oh, we have a reverse. Smucker squeeze. I don't know what that is. That's been here for a month. Well, I didn't know until I hit it either. I wish I was like one of those DMs. It was a DMT pin. He was like, ah! Ah!

Now if it was DMT I would have just sunk into this chair. It would have been existing outside of me. Houston, let me know when you eat your bread. Well, I'll just make sure it's not DMT, you know?

It's not. It's nicotine. Not yet. Nicotine. So someone left that? Is that what we don't know? Micah or... It was Micah. I know exactly who left that. Micah. He left two. He's a big nicotine guy. Wow, I think you'd keep better track of that if you're a big nicotine guy. He loses a lot. Nah, those are easy to lose. I won't make you expound on that point. Braddy, guess who's been making knives since 1974?

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Everyone has a superpower. Every individual for the offenders have a superpower. We have Batty with his super strength and super coming abilities. Well, no, no, it's just super strength. The offset is the coming. Yeah, like if I use my super strength, I uncontrollably come. That's right. It's not ideal. Yeah, no, I mean, but it's, you know. It's not ideal. If you want the super strength. I'm not going to pick that school bus. It's like calming.

Leon can read the minds of others. His spouse can always read his mind at any given time. That's rough. That's rough. Pure thoughts only, huh? I'm a Christian boy. Raising a Protestant household.

picture you showing up to any crimes and you're like no no no you have horse blinders leon blinders on yeah focus on the back i mean imagine the gym would be rough sometimes yeah well that's why so she wears a tinfoil hat always i convinced her it was a fashion statement

It was hard to get her to bite on that, but she's into it. I killed Magneto for you. You killed Magneto. I need this, bro.

Your power is traveling at the speed of light. Now I have two. No, you're just fast. Fuck off. Stop ruining this. No, he changes it. He keeps changing. He wants a better one. He's like, I was on the subreddit and they gave me a better idea. No, you are the flag. We did this on the podcast. No, you did this. No, I did not. No,

No, you weren't there. Exactly. That's why you have no say. I get it, boys. He's fast. No, it was fast. He's fast. It was fast. That was it. That was always the power, Batty. It hasn't changed. The offset changed. Come on, Batty. No, offset is not going to change. I like offset two more. No. Guys, I'm going to give you two offsets. I shit everywhere. We'll vote. We'll vote. Okay. I knew that one. We'll vote. Shit. The brown streak. The brown streak. He's next again. Or Captain Cook.

I love that name. I show up and I can't interact with an object for five minutes. So I can save you. So I can show up at a crime scene. I just can't touch my face through everything for five minutes. I like you shitting yourself way more. I like showing up to a crime scene and they're like, help me. I'm like, actually, I would kind of like you to show up, but you can't help and you just shit yourself. I'm like,

I was going to say, why not both? It's like, it's the only thing you can do. You just ran so fast. You're so exerted. You're like, I got to poo. That's real life. That's Eli shows up anywhere. He's got a shit ton. That's not even a joke. Lactose intolerant. And then once you finally are on the scene, you just got like, you know, soggy drawers. No, when I'm on the scene, I release. So you just hold it till you puke.

- So now the five minutes is almost a blessing. You can collect yourself, you can do your Hail Marys. - Walk away from the poop. - And then once the person is inevitably killed, you can then just leave and you can see yourself. - You can alert the police to the crime scene. - We say every crime scene is on. - It's great. - The serial shooter. - I'm here, I can see you, but oh, I shit my pants and I can't touch you. - Seven minutes.

And oh, this is disgusting, but I'll give you time to fucking... Tell me! I can't. You can't. Stop shitting, at least. I can't. The only superhero sponsored by Dude Wipes. Logos everywhere. The giant Dude Wipe is my cape. That would be so cute. You could make a killing on that. Does the Dude Wipe cape have like a brown... Oh, yeah. Every time I use it, I'm like...

This is like a shit emoji. It's like one of the letters. It's like a little right here. There's no S. It's just this. And you're not happy about the whole situation. You're upset. No. You're like, I wish I didn't shit myself. It's devastating, but any superhero has that heavy consciousness. That kryptonite, yeah. Kind of that battle of morale. Oh, yeah. You know, Spider-Man, we've seen that. Like Superman has x-ray vision. Yeah.

If that was me, I'd be a degenerate piece of shit, but Superman was saving people. That's sweet. And then we have Captain Shitty. You know he was a degenerate piece of shit. Yeah. In reality, I think what really the Superman movies were. The boys is much closer. Yeah, yeah. Oh, the boys is spot on. I think that's actually an exact depiction of what Superman would be. Yeah. Which is why that show is so fucking good. What, masturbating on top of a skyscraper? Fucking love me, America. No, just floating. He's like, yeah, that's me.

Y'all worship. Are you coming out with a new season soon? Yep. Thanks. All right. Oh, yeah. Oh, my super power. Pick it.

I think this is obvious. Just immune to all physical damage. Like Colossus, kind of. Yeah. Like you can just turn to steel. No. No pain. But there's always a... The caveat. The caveat. It doesn't matter. It's such a good ability. Nothing can hold me down. Okay. No, I got this. Every time you activate, so you're like, I can't be hurt, right? Literally immune to physical pain, you take on all the emotional trauma of everybody around you.

- Oh, that's really good. - You go into that awful scene, you get there, you see that mother seeing her daughter just ruin. As you're saving everyone. You cannot hang out.

I can't even help you guys right now. This is rough. That is fucked up. I am very well done. Oh my God. You could not hang out with veterans with that secret power. You guys are one veteran. I'm so sorry for the emotional trauma of everyone around you. God, you look so bad. I want you to have the most badass like when you're like You're like flipping the

I can see it already. They call me in. Houston, we got a problem. And, uh...

They're like, you know, this grandmother had a stroke. She, you know, loving family and everything. I just start bawling. You know, I'm like, I can't make it over there. I can't. I can't. Not again. Okay. Just fear has kicked in. I just can't do it. I think you could make some killer YouTube videos because you can know who you're around there and you could be indestructible. If you were able to use that power for good and actually get out in the world, that would become problematic at that point.

I mean, I think, what if I just get a good therapist, though? Maybe I can offset some of this. Yeah, you could really make the career of a therapist, for sure. You could be the worst Avenger ever. We're all right. What did Shane Dawson say he was when he was trying to defend himself? I'm an empath. Oh, empath. I'm an empath. Me, an empath. I sense. Me, an empath. So kind of the same idea, obviously, with...

maybe less implications of a little bit more murder instantly. He is the worst event. He's the one that shows up and starts crying. It is the worst superpower. Like you're the jets getting closer to the emotional trauma. We see a building fall. We see,

the hospital blown up the jets arriving in our helicopter or whatever and she's like the victims of the situation are comforting me it's okay you're totally fine you're so terrible you look horrible Susie

Actually burning themselves in skin Ball in the corner

I'm the rich! Where's your shower at? Why? I need to take one! We have to go in and save him. And then just, I imagine the end of that scene is just like a slow zoom out of him just amid all the bodies.

- They all die, you're like, "Ha, I feel better." - It's always that kind of thing. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once a crisis is over, I'm like, "Wow, relief." - That was bad. - Did you see those pussies were crying? - Oh my God, we just made the origin to a super villain. - Yeah.

Everyone, so he doesn't have to feel bad. Because there is kind of that element to crying where like you have that euphoria afterwards. Because maybe you... When I jerk off after? Well, I was going to say, like maybe some other people experience it like you cry very infrequently, like four or five, six times a week. Infrequently. Yeah. But afterwards you have that feeling, but his euphoria is heightened to where it makes him feel almost...

Almost invulnerable, which he is. So it's like this sick cycle of feeling invulnerable, wanting to save the world. The second he gets there, he absorbs the trauma, turns into a blubbering mess. And then once everyone's fucking dead and burned and rotten and fucking in the grave, he's like, it makes me feel good. Oh God, you are a true supervillain. Yeah, you're a serial killer. He's going to show up to kill people. That's a fucked up.

You're a supervillain. Can I go to therapy for this? Rehab? Rehab maybe? You're a man. Can I drink this away? What if I show up piss drunk? You're piss drunk and then you take on the emotions of an angry husband? You start hating people. You absorb by proxy all of the therapist stories that she's had. Oh, no. I'm so emotionally in tune. Man.

Oh my God. He's so strong, but man, he's a sensitive man. I just love him showing up. He's like, I'll save you, ma'am. The husband's like, fuck her. And you're like, oh, I'm so sorry. It was him. Even if I do fight a villain, I fight the villain. I feel bad for the pain I caused him. So it's like, it's a cycle that you're crying because you hurt somebody by it.

You know what man, you can hit me back, it's fine. They break their hand on you. And then they start crying. And you feel bad. My god. Just insult me then. Just...

What a turn of events that conversation took. That worked out great. I like that. That is a good... Do you guys... So, obviously, I watch every podcast. Every episode. But for our audience, who misses some? Occasionally. I think I missed episode 42. Everyone missed that one, though. Everyone did. It was weird. It had some new balance. Similar to my episode that got nerfed by the algorithm. Yeah.

- Too funny and too controversial. - I talk about your episode all the time. 'Cause that was, that is still one of my favorite episodes. - Oh yeah, I can tell you're still a bird of, oh no. - No, it really was. - You're being genuine? - Yeah, he's actually, I have texts. We both said it's like, Leon's a fucking killer. - That was probably one of my favorite episodes we ever filmed. - We had so much fun, yeah. - And it tanked. - You were awful for us. - Guess what, dude? Welcome to me being on YouTube. Every time I put effort into something, it shits the fucking back. - Oh, that's your superpower. - Yes, that's my superpower. - You're like, I'm gonna put all my effort

Oh, here's a fucking clip of some dumb fucking idiot doing something fucking dumb. I'll make five jokes and post it in nine minutes. Fucking crushes. I don't get it. I guess people just want to dunk on people. And when they see the real me, they can't handle it, basically, is what I'm trying to say. So they get scared and they run like little patsies.

Like little bitches. And I think this is the episode where we finally come full circle. He's turning red. Be careful. That's what he does. My favorite part. Calling it now. He's getting angry from a super power. He's sitting next to you. He starts turning red. He's like, you guys really invited me on the podcast. I was going to tank. I was promised success from this. What the fuck? You could have put me on with anybody else. I'm the

Eli Eli Eli. Yo, what's up? Hey, sorry. Couldn't hear you over my noise cancelling Raycon headphones. That's right I've actually found that the smallest changes to your routine can make the biggest impact in the same way You don't have to break the bank to make big deal purchases Even the smallest things can be a big thing when you use Raycons every day These are

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very lightweight. That's duct tape holding them on my head. Unlike paper, Raycon earbuds sweat and water resistant. So if you're out for a run or a jog listening to your favorite podcast like unsubscribe, you're not going to get all gross and sticky in there. Or mushy like paper. Go to buyraycon.com subscribe

slash unsub to get your 15% off your Raycon order. That's buyraycon.com slash unsub. Get a pair of sweet Raycons today. Woo! Let me take these bad boys off so I can hear Baddy finally. Raycon. Video games, anime, nerd shit. Oh boy, here we go. Yeah, I get it. I know. I'm like...

This is my favorite part when an audience has to wait 45 minutes to get to the gaming portion of the podcast. It was this is what that pun meant. World of Warcraft. Oh, you did say World of Warcraft. No, we're good. We're still in gaming. Okay. So your audience specifically. I was just saying you don't predicate this on gaming. No, we take the gaming space. We're number one, two, or three in all of gaming podcasts. Always. Yeah. Always. Do you just, side note, do you ever talk to us? No.

Yeah, all the time. We'll get to Destiny. We'll get to Destiny. Houston? Gaming. And then anime. So we're going to go games. We'll game you in Destiny. You do your Destiny, then we'll have our side. What games? You have to have... Oh, top three games. Top three games for both of you. Okay, well, it's a tough one, but...

I think World of Warcraft, just in pure time that I played it, there's too many days logged into that game. Slash played? Yeah, slash played. Never. You never. One of my best friends says over a year. 68 days. I was around there. Okay. Yeah, I was around there. I'm one character. You have a lot of alts probably. Yeah, yeah. So that's definitely one. What is your current status in your World of Warcraft addiction? I've dropped it.

- Like 100%. - No Shadowflame. - Let it go, let it go. - Or Dragonflame. - Dragonflame. - Yeah, I think, I don't know, it's been like-- - You bailed on Mists, Mists of Pandarenia. - I skipped Mists, yeah. - So, what was-- - Cataclysm was like my-- - Cataclysm, yeah. - I started in BC. - Okay. - Burning Crusade. - Oh, you started in BC, okay. - End of BC, played all through Wrath of the Lich King. - Yep, absolutely, of course. - Cataclysm. - Cataclysm was when I finally figured out Keybinds and got a Razor Noggin. - So you were clicking. - So cool.

every single night. Yeah. Oh, the mouse. Oh yeah. The mouse with 18 buttons on the side. I was like, I'm so fucking good now. Look at me. I can run around you and do my spells. Uh,

I'm a warrior main. Really? Yeah. Okay. Are you surprised by him being a warrior main? Yes, I absolutely am. I assumed because he was tough and real. Magic. You play a human or a dwarf? I was a dwarf. Okay. I was like...

i was like no he's going forward let's go floor court i did do a trans server transfer to human alliance for better slamming right now i had to i had to for better uh arena partners yeah so you like research where you could find better yeah yeah better servers so were you trying to climb the ranks of arenas yeah three v threes right three v threes yeah and one of my one of my good friends was one of the top arena players i want to say in like 2011 12.

I don't know. Yeah. That was the Druid thing. That was a Druid boom kid. Oh, that was BC. I did. I did beat Redful once. Okay. Yeah. I beat, I beat Redful once. He, but to be fair, they triple queued as, uh, they queued as triple DPS and it was a mistake. I saw the stream. Yeah.

I think they would have destroyed us otherwise. But you... I did take the double B to hell. A dub's a dub. A win's a win. They had to take that L. Yeah. That's fucking wild. But yeah, I was really big into arena side of things, like Raid Battlegrounds when that came out and whatnot. Did you do much endgame PvE or no? Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, especially in like Wrath of the Lich King. Wrath of the Lich King, I did most of the raids. Yeah.

Through completion. - To your own clan, obviously, with people that you've been with. - Yeah, yeah, guilds. - God, I love it when people just, ugh. - It's a bunch of fucking nerds. I love it. - It's gotta be my favorite game of all time, just 'cause I was so addicted to it. - First MMO, when you, your first-- - Dude, I barely played it in 15 years, it's still my favorite game of all time, by far. - Just captivating. - Really? - It's his first, I guarantee, it's his first MMO. - It was my first MMO, ah, no, okay. - Wasn't my first MMO. - Not my first MMO, but the first MMO that really took over my life for years. - Guild Wars? - Ultima Online.

You were an Ultima? Oh, yeah, you're my age. Yeah, you're 37. So this is literally in the 98, 99. It was EQ or Ultima. Those were your two choices. Yeah, I was Ultima guy. I had friends who played EQ. I wanted to play EQ but never got into it. I was an Ultima guy. What's your guys' thoughts on RuneScape? Because I just always thought it was the discount budget. Wow. Hey, guys.

I don't think it can even budge a while. I was never a fan. I love old... Fuck you if you play RuneScape. I'm going to send that to my friends. I got a lot of friends that play RuneScape. I'll take the hate on that one. That's cool. I've tried playing RuneScape so many fucking times. I hate it. It's so fucking dumb. I never bothered once I tasted it. You got to play old school RuneScape, though, man. It's way more fun still. See, I miss... You play mobile game like a real man. We've talked about it online. I missed old MMOs. Ultima Online was fucking dope because the...

The PVP, the lawlessness. The lawlessness and how savage it is. You missed out. You started in a burning crusade. So back in old MMO day, you would have. Vanilla Warcraft 2 was bad.

It was brutal. When you died in EverQuest, you had five bubbles to level up. And then you would lose half a bubble if you died. Half a bubble took 20 hours to grind for half a bubble. And when you died, your stuff stayed on your corpse and you respawned as a naked body

body wherever you're bound out. That can be 10 hours away and you have to walk the entire time. There's no fast travel. Zero fast travel back in the day. Ultima Online also. And the PvP were assholes in Ultima. So there was a guy on the server I played on named Brad Pitt. I already know my people that were assholes on my server. They were called PKs. Super players. And so there was a... When I was playing there was a safe world called

Trammell and there was a portal that took you to the same exact world called Felucia but it was where PvP was like allowed right yeah and I believe like Trammell might have been a later thing like they added because it was so aggressively unfair for people that like were trying to learn the game I'm gonna pause real quick on this when you died in Ultima they took your shit all of your shit so everything on your body

So like, so I was a mage and as a mage, you had to, you had to have eight regions or reagents, whatever you call them. Reagents or regions? Regents. Regents? Yeah. You had to have eight different types, spiders to all these ones. And like, you're like, they cost a lot of money. So you want to go out and like quest or do anything. You have to stock up on all eight. And the fucking inventory management was a nightmare.

It was just drag and drop. - That was a nightmare. - There was like 95 things on top of each other. Like it didn't make any sense. There was no like cute little squares. You could just put things. - It made Diablo look great. - Yes! - When Diablo 2 you're like, "Oh, he's dragging my-- - So you're like trying to get to your next quest and you pop through the portal, boom, Brad Pitt, you're dead in three halberds.

Fucking cling, cling, cling. He's on his horse. He's fucking... And then he just... Steals your shit, rides off. Steals your shit, rides off. Cool, I'm gonna go run to the graveyard. I'm gonna cry for 45 minutes and then go grind dog shit for four hours so I can afford the regents again just to go to Triang Quest. Like, it was the, like...

It's so fucking funny now to like see the landscape of video games and like what like the video media or I'm sorry the video game press like the argument over like what's too hard and what's too easy and like oh it's so stupid that they allow easy mode and stuff. It's just you guys don't know. And that's why I like games like Monster Hunter and like Elden Ring. They're harder. They're way harder. But we're of that age. Right? We're I got my

- You're younger. - No, he's 28. - Okay, so you, but-- - Child! - So you're younger, but still. - How dare you not be born super! - I'll be 29 in August, okay? Moments away from getting an AARP card. - I already lost two months. - I got two, unfortunately.

But, but, it also serves to say that like, based on your affinity for masochism. Whoa, I'm not a masochist, damn it. Actually, this lines up. Video games can be that in their own right. The games got easier, he started taking more hate, he's like, hurt me here. Anybody that's ever tried to beat Battletoads on original Nintendo is a masochist.

There is 93% of original Nintendo games are unbeatable without Game Genie. I say that if you're a normal non-autistic. You're not on the spectrum. I hate I beat a lot of these. You don't know what a Game Genie is.

It is a way is that like that I had a game shark from a PS PS one. It's a code similar. Yeah, it's cheat code. So it's a little attachment you put to the end of the cartridge. You put it in. It was just like the old game sharks or oh my oh, it was the other one. Game Genie was the OG. No, there was another one. There was Genie game. It was the Nintendo 64 one. Fuck. Because you put the cartridge on it. No, there was there was two. There was the game shark and there was another one.

Can see the the the it was red and had like a yellow like the the controller buttons? No, I'm more like the colors fuck That was my answer actually play action replay. I was there to ask if you wanted another one of these you have a keys Well, you drinking you're not drinking the blood oath. I

I didn't- oh no send it over I didn't know what you poured me No, Eli keeps taking the good shit off the table. Bloodhound is on your side you fuckhead. I'm looking at it right now. Off the- back!

P-plug. Punch it on Batty's embarrassed face. He's like, hey, Batty, that pour's a little heavy. Let me just go put this over here. His beard is so strong, I can't ever tell if he's embarrassed. Yeah, listen, you know what? Let me get another piece of bread. He's literally a fucking... Dude, Batty's... He is literally a fucking seagull. Look at this dude. He's over here just catching fucking white bread. Hold on. Hold on. Throw some chunks into his mouth. Rip it into little pieces, little balls. He's gonna go down there.

Yes If you buy a beach Yeah

Yeah. Might scare me. I don't like it. Hey, you're my seagull. Thank you, baby. It's good bread. Do you have Viking genetics? No, not this much. Not a lot. I'm just Irish. I'm an alcoholic. That's all. It comes with the territory. Leprechaun genetics. The beard is so impressive to me. Just in solidarity, I'm going to have a little white bread with you. It's good bread. It's good. It's solidarity.

It's just sugar bread. That's why there's a reason my kids love this shit. It melts the second you put it on your tongue. It's like an acid tablet. Technically, you gotta keep that under your tongue for about ten minutes. Just from what I've heard. I don't know from experience. Never done it. Okay, MMO down. Next game. Second favorite. Second favorite. Second favorite. Honestly, I just beat Monster Hunter World, and I thought that was a great game. Monster Hunter games are...

Amazing and extremely hard to hire difficult. They get oh, yeah Brutal I've started so many different monster games and never finished. Did you play world? I played world and rise Okay, I played world and tried rise. I was like rise fucking sucks rise was bad. Yeah, I did not like it But world was just like cuz I Elden Ring also loved I

It's like that difficulty. I fucking hate Elden Ring. I know you do, which is a problem. He hates any fucking... I don't like FromSoft games. So last time I was here, that was a fresh conversation for us. That's right, because it just dropped. Did you get killed by the tree sentinel? No. I love the difficulty. I really do. I love the difficulty. That's why you hate it so much. The world seems too gothic. Right?

- That's what I said! - I hate design, the art design. - It's just gross. - It's aesthetic. - It's like they don't know what they're trying to do. It's like a little laissez-faire almost. - Look here, Catholic growth. - Ooh, here, dragon. - Not Dragon Age, it's not Skyrim. - And honestly, Kayla doesn't even fit in the aesthetic. Kayla did such a weird looking place. - It's all, I don't like the entire game. Because dragons and wizards. - I will say, I do love fighting the giant monsters, like the titan type shit. - The fire giant rules in that game, by the way.

There's so many cool boss battles. I would gladly admit that. I can't get into the fucking game, so I stopped caring.

If it was a shooter, I would be able to like, I don't need to give a fuck about playing a shooter. I can just. Are you more a shooter fan than RPG? No RPG. That's why I'm so picky about RPGs. If it's not exactly what I want, I don't give a fuck. I'll go back to playing Tarkov. I think that the reason I, like in the last time I was here, like the beginning of the episode, I was like, I'm just going to shit on the whole time. Cause it's funny is because we had that. Oh yeah. We were going to add. It was the Elden Ring disagreement. That's how we started. So,

So let's compound on that. Let's make it worse. I'm just kidding. No, you're entitled to your opinion. I enjoy it. This is wrong. I think... Matt is 3-1 here. I love Elden Ring. No, I know it's a good game. I'm not saying it's a bad game. I just don't personally enjoy it. It's preference. I understand that. I think it takes strength...

and character to be able to stand in the face of dissenters and say, nay, this game is not for me. You will not convince me it's the best game of the year. It is indeed trash. It is indeed trash. As Batty pushes his eyeglasses at him. The dragons are too gothic for me. And it's

That's a shirt, Batty riding a dragon. This is too gothic. This is my whole goth girl problem. It's real weird. It was Melina. She left you after you burned the tree down. And you got mad. I'm convinced he couldn't beat the first tree sign. That's it. That's lore. Batty lore, he couldn't beat the first tree sign. The one night he didn't stream, he's like, I'm going to just get a head start in this game.

45 hours later, he's on his 42nd wipe of the season. And he didn't realize he was supposed to run around. I only played for four hours. He's looking around the room for the game genie. Where did I put this in the computer? Did they just come out with DLC, by the way? Or they're coming out with DLC soon? Oh, actually, there's more coming to it? Yeah, recently I saw the announcement, but I don't know. Can we talk about Diablo 4 briefly? I actually do want to play that one.

Hey, Eli, did you ever have to learn a language when you were in high school before you dropped out because you're kind of an idiot? Yes. What language did you try to learn? Mexican. Spanish, you mean? Yes. How much of Spanish did you learn? Muy poquito. You know what would be great, then, if you would like to learn muy grande espanol? Si.

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There's not a direct translation straight up. Okay Take Russian from Babel So you can explain you're like it's like a like a riddle. That's any language Don't understand is a fucking riddle. I'm This is why I need babble babble can help you learn Russian Indonesian Spanish French all sorts of cool languages

That's my favorite part. I love this part. Babbel's 15-minute sessions make learning a new language easy on the go. I barely know English at this point. I need Babbel, and then I'm going to select English? You need to learn Spanish really bad. You're doing your people a disservice, Eli. I know. Talk about why you chose this new language. Oh, talk about why. Oh, that's why you chose. I'm going to learn Spanish because I do my people a disservice. Ha ha!

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I'm hoping to get- I'm fucking excited I haven't got to play it. I know you two- I missed the fucking- I downloaded it Sunday night not knowing it was over Sunday night. Last the album played it was like two. How was it? It was great. It was good. It was like- You waited until Q&A. It was D2. I had no Q. I had a little Q, but it was very tight. I cut the line. I don't know. I'm a Twitch streamer. It's whatever. Pretty popular. I was like, hey, Blizzard.

It sounded way worse than my head. They're like, make me tweet at you! It's like, I'm a white male! I know, you're like, you have your privilege card as you're walking by everyone in Q Live. Wait, you're not a cute girl? Even worse than

Everybody really liked that game. I didn't get dropped one time. I played nine hours straight. Not a single disconnect. He's been to PAX East 47 times. Baggy streams. He's the white kind of chubby guy. It's that one. Yeah, get him. Actually, one of our developers got drunk with him at the 2017 convention. He had some dirty. Probably.

I think I actually sold them fucking oregano. This was a long time ago, but just let him play. Put him on the streamer servers. They don't disconnect. Yeah. It was great. I'm jealous. It was a fucking, it was Diablo two with Diablo three graphics. Okay. Oh,

good okay like i will say it was a little annoying that a lot of the classes had stuff removed but obviously it was a beta it's not coming out till like what august it's super positive july august super positive reviews they were going uh a lot of people said as how many classes did they start in the beta five uh barbarian sorcerer necro necro

Rogue and that was it. - Four, okay. - And Druid, sorry, and Druid. But the Druid was heavily missing like lots of its elements. - Okay. - Wait, do they, like for Diablo, do they have their classes split into trees as well? Or is it just one skill tree for each class?

- No, there's multiple options. So it's one path. - 'Cause like, you know, in World of Warcraft, Drude could be like, you know-- - Three different classes. - So it's actually very similar to that. So like, you level up, you get enough skill points, you open up your next skill tree, and you can pick like, oh, I'm gonna be more of a owl

owlbear i'm gonna be more of a tank i'm gonna be more of an elemental yeah yeah cool and each time you level up that next tree that next node gives you like three options skill trees and xp that's yeah it's literally it's just a dungeon grinder you put your face in and you just grind it until you get xp and it's over it's been what uh decade and a half since diablo 3 yeah that was a fucking game because i'm

well I forgot well did you not like Diablo 3 uh no I played the fuck out of it made a bunch of money on it when it first dropped cause oh yeah the the real no this was in 2000 did you sell gold 9 yeah no I was real money auction house

So Diablo launched and it was like, oh, a big deal. Like three months later, they dropped the real money auction house. That's the hustle, which means you could sell gear you farmed for actual money for your Blizzard account. Yeah. And the Chinese found out you could make money and they took that shit from you. Bro, bye-bye. You couldn't manipulate the market.

Oh, you're a fucking fat white dude in your mom's basement? Yes. We got a warehouse of 65 malnourished Chinese people selling the same shit. And we're selling it for half the price, motherfucker. You ain't got shit. Dude, it was literally, you would buy like all of one item. That's the easiest sell though. It's like, hey, 100 kids, we'll pay you...

$10 to just play video games. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Give us the gold though and you can have whatever candy you want. - I didn't mean to cut you off. - No, no, it wasn't the gold though. That was the thing. - It made me think of it, yeah. - It was literally just, you would farm for legendary gear with good rolls. - Other real money. - Or even worse, what you would do is you would just put legendary gear for an absorbent amount of money and people would be like, "Oh, that must be real good," 'cause they were idiots and they didn't know any better. - Or a washing house, yeah.

So it's like, it's honestly like a market within a game. You know the trademark in the ADMO? The shitty non-stop scrolling trademark? But for real money. Yeah. In the game. Love it. And it was allowed. That's awesome. So I would just...

farm like it was tall russia that's the the biggest one i remember it was a it was a sorcerer's gear set and i would just farm this just awful fucking rolls didn't matter just sell it or you could sell that's crazy different sets of socketed gear it was stupid it was how did what did the transfer look like so they bought it on this was a third party auction house no it was in was in game they had the real that was why it was so bad it was inside like they allowed that

- Oh, this was everyone. - Instead of going to a vendor, you'd click like tab, open your auction house. - But I didn't play Diablo 3. - And you could just use real money. - Oh my Lord. - Like your Blizzard wallet, how you would pay for your WoW subscription. - So all you had to do was list it and you didn't even have to interact with that person. - Nope, you did nothing. You would just, but then I think you had to- - I would not know this. - The online community ate, like they flipped.

shit because of it. They're like, this is the dumbest thing. - But it was 2009. - Oh yeah, everyone was happy about it. - There was no online community then. - Everyone was-- - Twitter didn't give a, there was no outrage. People were mad about it, but it was on the Blizzard forums. - Well think about the fucking pitch! - Now you went to the Blizzard forums. - Oh, what about the-- - That's all you did. - Oh, the Blizzards.

*laughs*

If I want to buy fucking Tal Rasha and my parents are fucking loaded, I'm living in the suburbs out in strange fucking Gucci belts, I'm going to buy Tal Rasha from this poor piece of shit that finds assets in the suburbs.

That's capitalism at work, baby. You love it. EverQuest, I mean, even Ultima, eBay, we used to have to go through eBay back in the day. That's why Diablo was so crazy. Diablo 3 when it launched. It was in-game. They were like, yeah, fuck you, eBay sellers. Do we? Everyone's like, this is bad.

- Cut out the middle man. - How's that sound? - We can make money. - 'Cause they took the cut. - Of course they did. - Hold on though. - Or 2% off the top, no problem. - Anyone Halo fans here? - Absolutely. - That was gonna be my third game. - ODST best game ever. - Sam Fisher is one of my favorite characters. - System link, carry my TV over to my friend's house. - Top three for me. - 100%. - I brought my Xbox. - Oh my God, yeah. - Oh with the Duke?

The duke? The controller? The duke, the controller? Yeah. You thought I was holding a system? No. This is the controller. I was at my halo peak on the duke with the fucking black and white buttons on the fucking top right. Yeah, you had to reach up and hit them. Or you had to base down. Arcade box? Or your younger brother would come hit them for you because it was too far. If you didn't have small little Mexican hands with your thumb. Right. What?

If you were a normal sized person. He has racially ambiguous hands. The hands are so small. The white buttons so far away. It's so big.

Cannot reach The eye So blurry Do you have a white and black button please Oh my god Get my cousin to do that Okay now pull the trigger Got to shoot the bad guy Oh my god This is called the fraud You know It's called the fraud Who is John 117 Ask yourself that Oh my god

He has come from the star. The heavenly glory descended upon earth and save it, you know? Halo 1. Listen, I don't...

I would love to listen to you reimagining the Halo story told by Eli. Everyone, close your eyes. Okay, here you go. You open them. In front of you is Marine Soldier. He tell you, look up. You do a joystick. Look down and you do a joystick. Okay.

And welcome to John's life. Oh my lord. You know, I'm actually really happy you can do the Asian accent. One time I punched a Japanese looking cantaloupe with fast knuckles. Okay, I thought this was going in a different direction. And I said, this is for Pearl Harbor. Before I hit it. You suck at it.

And we kind of photo-imposed some planes crashing in the background. Of course you did, yeah. How much shit did you get for that? You know, it was like five years ago, so there was like an argument in the comments, but I think I came out on top. Yeah, very insensitive. Much like us at Pearl Harbor. No, I mean insensitive that people would even care. Yeah. Who would even care? Such assholes. Punch the cantaloupe and fucking superimpose the couple of planes on it. Well, it did have squinty eyes, the cantaloupe. What?

That's when Leo's like... You can see him physically going like this. I'm not comfortable anymore. I was much younger. Let me talk to you about a little something called sensitivity. Give me that fucking flare! I love five years ago, like, this is gonna be hilarious.

Yeah. I did two lines. Hey, guys, check this out. Look at what I did. I'm going to punch you now. Bro. So fucking funny, dude. I was a gym bro. I was a gym bro back then. This will never come back and haunt me. Upload.

No, they loved it I got punched with brass knuckles and you know we just tested on an Asian looking cantaloupe first an Asian looking Cantaloupe we did you put buck? Well we punched a normal cantaloupe with a normal

- You drove circles almost around. - What I'm gonna tell you is right after they dressed up a cantaloupe as a white person eating hummus and carrots and popped the fucking shit out of that. - Gave it a credit score of 780. - Eating all of the races, yeah.

The white cantaloupe had a job and a credit score. It just- It got weird when you punched the watermelon, didn't it? It sued you after you punched it. Yeah, it did a video. You could have cut the cantaloupe, but you had the watermelon. We're on an oversight on the production team, I think.

Are you picking up a watermelon and you're like, nah. You just put it down. God, it's so much juicier. It's got to be so much better.

- Edger content was cooler back then. - It's not great anymore. It's not great, you can't do those jokes anymore, guys. - I drew slanny eyes is all I need. I want a shirt that just has two lines, it's like I drew slanny eyes. It's just a shirt.

And then a subtext in the bottom says it was 2015. Yeah, it was cool. Give me a break. Give me a break. It was 2015. Oh, my God. Life comes at you fast. That is a good question. Oh, my God, Daddy. He actually door-dashed the Jeff Bezos.

I am beside myself. Let's just wrap that in a bow. Halo 1, probably top three games for me. I was in high school when the Xbox original came out. I got it for Christmas. It was a big deal for me. My parents weren't big on video games. That 4 controller port was insane, wasn't it? That was insane. Well, N64 did it, but at that level, PS2. Oh, I know. You only had Xbox and N64.

Right. And GameCube and then everything else. And Dreamcast. And then they were like, okay, everyone else had to do it because it was so popular with how many people you could fit. But that game, throughout high school, I played football. And after every football practice after school, we'd all come to my house. I had like a third floor bedroom. It was like a larger kind of loft bedroom. You have three floors? God, you live nice. Lower middle class. Yeah. No. Well, lower. No.

My first car was a Mercedes. My parents traded a fucking horse and carriage for a house. It was New Hampshire and the boondocks. No, but you had Sicily parties. I know. Honestly, my butler didn't even fucking wash my fucking underwear. It was crazy. I used to prank the shit out of him. I'd waste shit on his face. Tell him to go back. No, I'm sorry.

But all that is to say, we'd all come back to my house and I'd have two separate rooms where we'd have an Xbox up in each one. And we'd play 4v4, Capsule of the Flag, Blood Gulch. Yeah. Two Xboxes. Hang them high with the fucking pistols. Yeah. Prisoner Rockets. Oh my God. Yeah.

Halo 1, I would say, shaped probably my console. Blood Gulch. Shaped my console FPS experience. Did you actually play other maps other than Blood Gulch or was it? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We played Prisoner. Lockdown Halo 2. Chill Out Shotguns was one of my favorite maps. Really? Yeah. You remember Chill Out with the blue one? Yeah. I remember. The funny thing was when I used to play back then and only when we would play on screen if it was only me and a couple of my buddies, it was us four, they

They used to give me shit for watching screens. Like that was my super talent. Screen sharing. Well, you're on screen. You hit him with a chameleon eye. You put more screen split. Leon, you're cheating. No, I'm not. And they're like, how did you know I was coming around the corner? It's because like motherfucker, we're on the same screen. So I'm sorry that you fucking smooth brain can't watch all the four squares at the same time. Everyone has the same advantage. So I'm going to absolutely fucking smash you because I know where you are. I know where you are at all times.

That was the beauty of local multiplayer. Wait, you guys, am I the only one that put the piece of cardboard in between? No. No way. No one's ever done that. Yes, me and my stepbrother used to. Okay, see, he's strange. Me and my stepbrother used to. We would put a piece of cardboard down the middle so you're two on two. How fucking long did that cardboard have to be, dude? Were you this old? I was 15.

That was poor. It was your refrigerator box. It was this big. If I'm looking at that camera screen right there, and there's a piece of armor in the middle, I can still see it. No, fuck you. No way that was your TV. That's ridiculous.

It was here and here. Yeah, you got the, you got the, the refrigerator cardboard stuck between you and your computer. Yeah, but like, that's how close we were gaming. Why were you that close to the television? You kind of hold the talk to each other. Why are you that close to the computer monitor? PC monitor? What are you talking about? We're talking about CCTV tube television Halo 1. It's the same, but,

But why do you sit so close to your computer monitor? You're not sitting at a computer desk. You're on a fucking couch in the family room. No, I sat on the floor of the TV like a real gamer. You could tape a phone. Leon, how many square foot was my house? 200,000. No, it was 600. 600. It was small. How big was my living room?

Yeah, well, I'm sorry you didn't have fucking bucklers back then. The cardboard was an expense my family worked at. Listen, Leon, not everyone has experienced the life of the lower middle class. That's true. My cardboard was a piece of our wall. I don't think he's giving me shit for that. I still love it. I didn't say it close to your fucking TV.

What even does that mean? I don't know. I made it up on the spot. It's like I was definitely middle class, but I don't want people to think I was raised well. It's cool to be raised poor and then make it later. Yeah. Okay. If it's any consolation, my parents are poor now. They're definitely not watching this. You send it to your dad. Get to this part.

Goddamn mighty and fallen. Which one was your favorite? Three, I think. They're religious. What do you expect? But not like the prosperity religious. They're like the real religious where they actually care about God, not money. Roman Catholic? Conservative Christians. Baptist? I grew up Baptist. Yeah, Baptist. I went to a Baptist church. Fucking hated it. Yeah, terrible.

Mission trips? Ew. Case closed. Boring! Now he hurts himself. That's so fucking weird. My parents actually had a conversation with a pastor that was like, did my youth group or whatever, and he's like, is it my fault? Yeah.

Did I do this? He thinks it was my, he thought it was his fault. Well, it probably was. Yeah. Cause like I had to go to these stupid trips and so I would do stupid stuff and hurt myself. To get out of them. No, I was there at them and I just didn't want to, I wanted to have any amount of fun and not seeing the gospel. Yeah. So I would go hurt myself somehow. I have the thumbnail. There is so much to unpack there. Here's the title of that video. How much pain really was Jesus in? Yeah.

Yeah, that's the thumbnail in your kid. How many views does that get? You already know.

I don't know, I normally don't speak this candidly about things like this. You know what? Put it on Eli. Thank God. No, they can do that. God bless you. God bless. I will say video time. Yeah, we're an hour and 15 minutes in there. There are just some hardcore sons of a bitches left right now. These are the real meat and potatoes. These guys have been accommodating for four hours straight. Like, you're fucked.

You're on their seventh comment. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know when they start getting that third, fourth, fifth comment? Like, we got you. Those are the lifeblood of podcasts, though. People that actually appreciate it for what it is. God, it just made me think of my hand. Not just the... You know, I got some ink, too. I see all you guys got some ink. I got a... What is that, a penis? Oh, is that a... It's a bicep. It's a bicep, yeah. I see that now. And I got one on the top of my head.

Was that part of a video? Sponsored by Dollar Shave Club, yes. Wait, for real? Yeah. Wait, how much did they pay you for that? $7,000. All right. I mean, I would do stupider shit for less. You would do a tattoo for $7,000? You know what I'm saying? But, you know, I'm pretty sure they're a defunct company now, so I got Dollar Shave Club on top of my head. Yeah, they are. So Dollar Shave Club was my first sponsor. How big is Dollar? Is it?

Yeah, I need to, I'm curious here. This is... Did they go under? What happened to them? Uh... He's pooping again. He's pooping. Yeah, he's IBS. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, hide the dick pic. I don't want anything sketchy. Well, maybe a little bit sketchy. I don't mind some of the mildness. Literally, it's just all pictures of you bruised and disgusting. You ever see when I shot an airsoft BB into my tongue? Yeah, no, I...

See how it stuck? Oh, it was in your tongue? Yeah. I was going to shoot myself with that minigun, but until that happened. Oh, airsoft minigun? Yeah. That doesn't sound fun. So then I had to pop it out like a pimple. It sucked. Ooh. This is another. Any of you guys still here right now, this is a different caliber of human being. Nope. I'm soft. Yeah. I've done some stupid tattoo shit, but like. That one. Just a steel chair to the mouth. Yes. Oh. Jesus Christ. Wait, what? Okay. What?

Oh my god. And then it ends. Slow mo. He got you with the metal part too. Yeah. Uh huh. Ken Shamrock gave me that idea. What a lad. What a lad. Nice guy. Nice guy, Ken Shamrock.

He actually is a nice guy. The sound it made was exactly the sound I needed it to make. The clog? Yeah. It wasn't superimposed either. Added in post. This is actually one question I wouldn't have asked. Hold on. He's looking for the... I gotta see the Dollar Shave Club. But, well, he's getting that. It's 100% fine because it deals with what we just watched. Is it? What was the most...

Painful thing you did because I just want to say it is for me. It was the idea of you I don't know why this fucked with me so much when you slid across that Fucking course rug on your knees and burnt them to a crisp then you stood up and had to do it again that only time I cringed and cringed even rubber That's how they make the worst rug burn injury

That was the first time I was like, I can't watch the video. And I kicked it away. When you ran for the second time, not, I didn't even watch the third one. I don't know how many times you did it. Two months. Two months of healing on that one. The scabs are so bad. You know, I, you know, bandage them, cover them, do my, my first aid, terrible first aid. I think Christy went through the worst. But, but,

What would happen, though, you know, they're kind of healing up, and I just go to the gym or whatever, squat, and I have scabs on these knees. I just keep ripping these scabs open, open, and I just, you know, sometimes, especially when they're healing, I would, like, take my pants off or whatever. The scab would have been stuck to my leg, so I just rip my scab off. Rip the scab off. The burns are so bad. You know, I've done, I lasered a penis on my hand.

Oh, yeah, that's there. Also burned my initials on my forearm with a magnifying glass. Oh, yeah, look at that. That would have been a slow one. It was funny because, you know, I broke my arm after that. Then my surgeon underlined my initials. Oh, he did that? Yeah. Yeah, that was so nice of him. That was nice of him to not cut through the fucking... Such a good guy. How long did the burn take? That's like when it was like burning after like...

Oh, it's weird with burns, okay? Is it? Give us some insight. Is it weird? Burns is weird. It definitely stinks so much initially, right? But if you can bear it. Just burning flesh. It almost stops. Well, I had a, we did like these laser lights that were like high powered, could light stuff on fire. We did double of them on my chest and my chest popped. I evaporated the moisture underneath my skin and it exploded. What? Yeah, super funny. Yeah, terrible scar.

Right there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can see that. Just exploded. What the fuck? So you boiled the moisture. Underneath your flesh, you boiled the moisture and it blew your skin off. I never expected it to happen, but it was a great reaction. God, I never thought that would turn me on, but here we are. As hot as hell. Yeah.

But worst thing, I get that question a lot. I think I always go back to bare pepper spray. And this was something I did a long time ago. Out of everything you've done, bare pepper spray? And I have a very good reasoning for it because...

I've been pepper sprayed normally like 10 sometimes. More times than you should have. Okay. Yeah. It's terrible every time. It is awful. I hate, I would rather get tased. I've been tased a few times myself. Yep. Seen that. Tased is definitely better than pepper spray, but a bare pepper spray, it's technically less scoville units, but it's so much more quantity.

So when I have to say that, like the fucking pressure on that thing is massive. It's a hose. Yeah. It's like a hose. So. Cause it's going to fuck a bear up. Yeah. It's a bear. It's a bear. And I remember on the, the stuff we had on the label, it was like grizzly shrink. Yeah.

Grizzly strength. So I remember I went up. Ain't no pussy buying bears or little fuckers. Now we getting the grizzlies. This is me, you know, doing my bodybuilder versus act where I was like this, you know, grizzlies much weaker than me. What can they possibly do? And I come roaring. My cousin misses the first shot, hits me in the shoulder. And then the second shot coats my entire head. And then immediately I'm like, it's killing me. I grabbed the hose. It all washes down to my balls and genitals. Oh no.

One of the shortest videos I've ever posted. Because that was it. My cousin outroed it, and then I immediately go to the shower, and I'm like, this is the closest time I've ever cried from pain. Because it's all on my... Have you ever had your tip of your penis burn? No.

Her name was- - Leon, have you- - I mean, define burn. Like, I would rather my penis get cut off than keep this pain coming. It was so unbearable. I remember I had my cameraman give me like some aspirin and Tylenol to shower curtain. - Did you dip your dick in milk? Were you like, "No, it's burn." - I think I tried everything. Like I was like, "Don't dish soap."

It hurts. There's nothing you can do but time. No, that's time. You gotta let it digest. That was one of the worst...

Uh, outside of that, uh, thousand paintballs was really bad for the 10 seconds. Yeah. Yeah. Weird. Yeah. Uh, it was a disgusting video. Yeah. It was funny. So we had, I have like a local paintball. It's so funny. It's funny about it is, uh, I, I was like, I hit a hundred thousand subs. You knows what? Thousand paintballs. That's a cool. So we did drink. We drink a lot. I did drink a half a pint of fireball before.

You know what, to be honest, you deserve that. That was for you. That's a win. But it was the end of a speedball tournament, so they're all like, yeah, we'll shoot you. And I walked out. So there was multiple people, you were on like a firing line. It was like 12, 15 people, and they had the 30 rounds of second guns.

The Angels and the War Pigs and all that. They had them all. These are real good speedballers, right? And this dude's like, I don't know why that's the one that went viral, but I guess that's the one that went viral, and here we are. And fucking five years later, I'm chopping my dick off in a game. I play soccer with a bowling ball.

Yeah, that was a funny video. That was another big one. Yeah. But a lot of your videos. The gif of that. That one lives everywhere. It's the only person I'm like, why? Why? It cannot be worth the paycheck. It's not. We were driving home today or driving here and I was like, bro, if I had to do your job or war again for six months, I'm choosing war. War! I'm choosing. I'm in bed to war. I'm going to war.

going to war though. They both said it. I, hey, you know what I like? It's like slapstick humor, which is an extreme, an extreme version of it, right? Slap. Slap. Yeah, but a big stick. I,

I actually genuinely have fun doing it. It hurts. Don't get me wrong. I don't get off to pain. Okay? You keep saying that. You should be asking that camera in line. You should be asking about convincing us that that's the case. Listen, guys. It doesn't get me hard. Bros, I don't come to this. Okay, I don't come. You fucking hit me with the flower world quest. I'm just like you guys. I'm just one of the bros. I'm just one of the bros. Pinch me. Stop asking me to hurt you while we hang out. Come on, Leon. Pinch me. Pinch me, Leon. Do it. Get him, Leon. Oh, oh, oh.

I mean, I didn't like that. Put a tie on quick. Do you want me to just deep throats the mic real quick? Like stop it! You've really convinced us. I did a poor job there. I moaned when you pinched me. Why? I thought it would be funny, okay?

it no but uh i think uh i like there's not enough of slapstick humor on youtube sure i think uh you know what slapstick is right like three stooges yeah it's like three stooges but like jackass kind of stuff like youtube is definitely cracked down hard on it somehow i found a way to exist

Which I'm impressed by, by the way, that you can still do what you do now in today's landscape is very impressive. I've had YouTube employees. I have some contacts, but I want to say they keep me online. The Lord is on your side. God bless. God bless. I've actually had a YouTube employee once say, I do not know how you're still on the website.

From the employee themselves. Yeah, I was like one of the, you know, partner manager type stuff. Like, I feel like so...

My assessment, and I don't know anything outside of your YouTube, I would think that aside from violations of TOS on TikTok, Instagram, whatever, your shit would absolutely fucking crush on short form. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. So like my first TikTok got deleted at 700K. Of course it did. TikTok. Yeah. And then my, I have a second one with like 325. Okay. Yeah.

But it does well, I would imagine. Yeah, yeah. Does Instagram fuck you up too with their TOS? Instagram is actually not too bad. Really? Sometimes if something really pops off, they might take it down. Yeah, it's always the popular ones. Yeah. Like, no, we can't let this get propagated. You know, if I think it's... Now that three million people have seen this... Hey, let's warn everybody that if you slam a fucking broadsword into your dick hole, it's maybe going to hurt you. Yeah.

So guys if you watch this make sure you don't do it yourself because it's dangerous. Because we live in a world where everyone's fucking idiotic and stupid and no one can think for them fucking selves. So you can't do fucking shit online without people telling you it could possibly harm. I'm sorry. No actually because it's like that's why I'm mad too because you know I put a goddamn disclaimer in front of all my damn videos. Wait people read those?

No, but, you know, it's... Instagram should at least give him credit. No, for, like, on YouTube stuff. So I'm, like, always, like, warning people, this is, don't do this, whatever, blah, blah, blah. It just annoys me because, like, I actually have never went to the hospital once for one of my videos. Get the fuck out of here. Wait, get the fuck out of here. Broken arm, and it wasn't, I mean...

I was out there with YouTubers and they started recording me, but it wasn't. That was the. Yeah. I rolled a side by side and stuck my arm out. Tried to catch it. Did you? Nice. Yep. Let me just lessen the impact. Yeah. Lessen the impact. You know what? I'm pretty strong. Yeah. Whoops. That didn't work. But, uh, I've never went to the doctor, uh, for any of my stuff. Uh,

So like I have somewhat of an idea of what I can handle. And I think I've successfully done it for years. But I don't think anyone should recreate what I do. So I don't see why that's a bad thing. This is the thing is I hate the idea. You get into a conversation about like, yeah, there are. Yeah. You know, there's some dumb people out there. I'm going to walk it back because the world, there is a lot of dumb people out there and I don't want to hit on like,

I think that as people in their thirties and someone who's close to 30, he said, like you, you've lived a lot of your life. You understand like your limits and these things, but there are young kids that are just kind of like finding themselves. And they like look up to people that do fuck on that. Do you know your limits?

Yeah, I think I said it. He hasn't been to the hospital yet. From all the shit you've done, to have not had to be hospitalized is very- That's fair, yeah. Not once. The videos definitely show the extremes, but there is some semblance of planning beforehand, right? Of course. So it's like, if there's a medieval weapon- You don't just show up with a flail and be like, here we go. How many times do you want?

Like, this is a funny, uh, comparison, like, uh, example, but, uh, first time I got shot with rubber buckshot, uh, I,

I, we actually tested it on like plywood from different ranges to see the dent comparisons. The hole you mean? Plywood, skin. Skin, yeah. Well, like that comparison to like something like an airsoft. So I could get an idea of how bad it was. And then we took it way far back until where the buckshot was completely missing me. And we walked it a couple feet in. And then we started slowing down. And then, you know, we got to- Started to feel a little bit. Yeah, exactly. Feel a little bit. Then we got to a point where it was like,

Okay, no more. Yeah. So that's kind of how we... I try to structure everything. So you didn't start point blank. Yeah, I try to structure everything as far or low power as possible and then ramp it up until I can't...

physically i think i'm getting unsafe because i gotta film with the video the next week there you go okay on that though what is and what scenario that you've filmed so far or haven't shown what was the most unsafe where you're like never mind it's done this uh what have you bailed on like yeah if you had to bail like just not make a video out of something or have you managed to salvage something on everything i guess yeah

I don't think I've ever bailed on an idea if I haven't. What? Fucking massive dick over here. Like, I remember when I was supposed to have Luke Rockhold kick me in the liver. Like one time I didn't come, but that was weird. She failed. She failed. One of us didn't come. I did. I'm just a high performance male. Dude, liver shots are hands down the worst. Wicked ass buckshot. No, liver shot. Worst. So, Luke Rockhold, former UFC middleweight champ, uh,

We're going to do it as we're in the mountains in Utah, right? And then my management came up, Leviathan, whatever. He said, you know what, Houston? If you get kicked up here...

And something bad happens, we're going to have to call a helicopter. I'm like, you're right. We should probably wait till we get down to the mountain. So we went back to the Airbnb and he kicked me there. So this is for reference. If a lot of people aren't going to know this. Did something stupid happen then too anyways though? Well, this is for reference. Hold up your hand. This is all it takes for a liver to drop you this hard.

Yeah. That will fucking drop you to your goddamn knees if you've never been hit in the liver. Directly in the liver. It is the worst. It makes you want to feel like you want to shit yourself. Now go on about being kicked by a UFC fighter in this liver. So I tell, to be fair, he and I were drinking some whiskey. The sponsor gave us some whiskey. Oh no.

Yeah, I was like, Luke, give me a 20% power. You know, I was walking myself in. I was trying to, like, Luke, give me a 20% power. Luke Rockhold's a very extreme kind of guy, okay? His 20. You're 20, and he gave me a good old 75. Yeah.

and he told me that at the bar he's like man most people couldn't handle that i was like damn i know because i couldn't handle it you saw me fall to the ground right i flatlined yeah damn that fucking hurt uh my my ribs were sore for about a week and a half i was just saying this is like side kind of like yes region right here it's right up it's this up yeah right there right up in there it's right and literally leon it's

Yeah, yeah. You would literally just...

It's fucking weird. What are the rules about that in boxing? That's where you aim for. I aim for... I fucking aim for the liver when I... So when you're doing body balls, you're trying to get them right under the ribs, basically, in the liver? Yeah, that's what hooks are for. It's like, I'm going to wait until I know he throws his power dominant hand. I'm going to slip, and I'm going to hit it. And if you get a good one, like... It doesn't take much. It doesn't take much. They can't get up. But, like, yeah, Luke Rockwell is known for KOing people. Yeah. With kicks. Yeah. Not just...

liver cancer yeah i think i saw a video from that same trip is where you got tased or something oh it was like that was before chuck liddell tased me yeah it was like like the the grass pile to catch your ass they said they were gonna catch you and no one caught you no okay this is the first time i actually met all some of these guys like uh kentucky brandon don't have to be everyone yeah cody olive one

Uh, they were actually up in my hometown, like 10 minutes away from my house. Yeah. Uh, so, you know, I was kind of hanging out with them for a couple of days and then I was like, so Chuck Liddell is going to tase me sponsored by taser. They weren't happy about it by the way. Uh, uh, uh, and I was like, anyone want to catch me? And they're like, no, I'm like, all right, I'll fall in this pile of leaves. Uh,

And I, I, Grand, Grand was there, and I was like, Kentucky, you know, like, military guy, police guy, and they're like, what, what you guys think? People normally fall forward, right? And they're like, yeah, you definitely fall forward, man. You be, everyone falls forward. Everyone knows that. You fall forward when you get tased. I'm like, all right. I got the, the clear from, you know, these two guys. The vet? The vet and the police man? The experienced dudes? The experienced dudes? What's the worst that could happen? I get tased. I, like, fold up like I'm gonna fall into a coffin. Yeah.

- Straight back. - Smash your head. - Luckily I seized up so much my head curled up. - Good. - And I was fine. I actually just showed that to- - They hit you with the prongs? - Yeah, prongs, a taser pulse. Luckily those taser pulse run for 30 seconds. I fell, so I snapped the cord.

That's pretty good. Then I also hammered the prong into my back. Oh, yeah. So I came to and then we did it again. Yeah. That was my first like, oh, it's Houston. You're the guy who did the mime shit. Yeah. Love it.

God damn, man. It's fun. Hey, listen, it's fun time. You and I have a very different definition of fun. Like, I'll be like, yeah, let's do some shots. We'll play some games. And then when you say shots and games, paintball guns. Me and Leon would be down for like 18 weeks. You and me.

I'm like, no! Phone it in. Phone it in. Tell my family I'm gone for a while. I'm taking a vacation. The tough part is still going to the gym with all these injuries. So I wanted to mention this. Like the breadth of the things that you do from World of Warcraft, which is like Nerd Mountain Dew Cheetos. You could just be like a fat, disgusting ass for somebody who was like competitive in arenas. To a man that's competed in bodybuilding, is absolutely fucking ripped and jacked.

Currently great abs. Yeah His arms are making me self-conscious You're taller That's my only thing I can fall back on thank you He took his shirt off when he rode in the car Beat the piss out of yourself and then find a way to weave in all these things It's very impressive. If you don't get enough credit, I want to give you credit Like I know like you said people see it as like slapstick. Yeah, right for sure but

there is an element of work ethic behind it that I think I want to commend because it's like incredible what you've been able to do, not only on the YouTube side, but like then in your personal life and your bodybuilding, gaming, and being able to balance those things and whatever. And that's not even mentioning relationships, family stuff. Do you contribute that to no kids and no relationship? Hey, definitely. Yes. I have no kids. You cannot be. Keith,

And our very Houston Jones, thank you so much for coming out. We'll see you guys on the way

Where do we go? Oh, yep. We're going to be able to have a show on Patreon. And then where do we find you both on your social media places and things? Houston JLNs, you'll find me probably. Maybe. Hopefully. Houston's on YouTube. No, no. That's it. Mine is please subscribe to LeonLush.net.

I created that in 1997. It was a Netscape website and I haven't taken it down. A Netscape website? What is the fire? What's the fire? Good search. Firefox? No, that's still Firescape. What was it? The old website when you built your own websites back in the 90s. Oh, shit. No. Fuck. This is before. Oh, Mediafire.

- Mediafire? - No, it was close. - I think Mediafire was uploading stuff. That was like a mega video and all that shit where you would upload your videos. - There was a website where it was like, build your-- - MediaCube or something fire. - God, we're old. - Doesn't matter. - Good shit. - Doesn't matter. - WordPress. - Beautiful, I love you. - Also, I don't need a girlfriend, I got a dog. ♪ I'm a huge fan ♪

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