94 - Fat & Angry ft. AngryCops & The Fat Electrician 01:56:39

- Eli, I constantly like to film. - Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. - At least your microphone's in focus. - Did you hear the cord? - No. - Are we good? We going? - Yeah. - That's what we had to wear. - That's what I had in my closet. - God, it looked bad. - Bro, just like, I liked it more looking blues. - Everything screams bad '90s recruiting commercial with that uniform.

That dude, one of my favorites, the guy getting off the bus, he's like, I just got back and my family's proud. He's just walking a desolate road, getting let off from just joining the military. You don't remember that? It's an Army... Old school commercial? Yeah, Army of One or something like that. God, what a great campaign slogan. The Army of One, where you immediately learn to have a battle buddy at

all times and never do anything on your own because you're not an individual anymore. You're part of something bigger. The army of one. Let's introvisualize it though. That commercial, you don't remember that? He gets off the bus. He's like, my fam. And no family picked him up though. He's just like walking to us. Just like a real deployment. Everybody's forgotten about you. You were gone for a year. They wrote letters the first two months and then everybody moved on. You don't exist.

God, that'd be a great tier list. Where's that vodka? I just talked about a real memory. Best recruiting commercials is a tier list. Nico went over some really good army commercials that like didn't hit any views, which is weird because they were super solid and they came out around or just before the same time that Emma and her two moms did.

Shout out to M under two moms. What is M under two moms? The recruiting commercials. I don't watch TV. So like, no, it was, it was always the internet thing too. I did a video on it, but I know you don't watch my show. No, I don't watch yours either. So I guess we're even, I watch your Instagram reels.

You're an alright guy. God, I can't hate you. I try to. You're like the friend that just keeps coming back. I text you guys when I watch your stuff because I don't watch. Eli doesn't watch anything. He's a piece of shit. Well, he also would fall into some sort of weird Asperger's coma where he'd be, Guys, I watched a video about pennies and now I know how to make meth. How did you do that? What's that?

Coming from a bunch of army guys, like, you know how, like, the army values our leadership, you know, the acronym is leadership, loyalty, duty, respect.

Self-assertive honor, integrity, personal courage. Okay, drill, sorry. Chill. We'll be sorry. My unit, we would always say, well, there's an extra value. It's called leaderships. And the S was spite. And if you can't do it for anything else, do it for spite. And let me tell you, that got spite, got a lot of shit done. Spite got a lot of shit done. I remember hearing that. Holy shit. Leadership.

Oh, I don't miss military. There's a CA and silent campaign that we started in 2006 and it spread like wildfire because it just makes sense. When did you start becoming a drill sergeant? 2012 was when I graduated drill sergeant school in October when I graduated high school. I think I knew your mom. I recruited you. I have two dads. I ignored her. Do you really? No. Well, I bought it. Okay.

- That's not a negative or a bad thing. It just looks like you got two dads. - This is how we're starting this episode. - And you still don't know who his real daddy is. - Can we all please pick up a White Claw? - You gotta crack it. - It's tradition. It's like the grog bowl. - Mine was retarded. - Yours was fine.

Oh tropical pomelo smash? Yeah they got a whole bunch of new flavors. What is this? Yeah this isn't like the white claw that I grew up on where it was like a whisper of flavor. This ain't your daddy's white claw brother. Yeah this is your creepy head teacher's white claw. Wait sorry. Patty do the intro. Continue yeah. How fucking dare you. Welcome to unsubscribe.

I'm Eli Doubletap. We are joined by Batty Streams, Angry Cops, and Fat Electrician. Go f*** yourself, Batty. No, we can't buy an intro. We have an intro at home.

Ugh, the Marines. Dude, my first tour, we used to do shit like that, make funny little videos where, or not even videos, just moments. Just moments. And then we're like, hey guys, we showed up here at 6.30, but it turns out that they don't have the keys to open up the gate until 10 in the morning. And we would just go, like five of us that were tight would just start screaming. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

To show how army it was. Dude, the dumb shit you would have to do. I'm sure you did a lot of just dumb shit in the military. Like my mom. Nasty girl. I punched her up. She was thirsty. Respect your father. Jesus Christ. Both of them. Got two dads, but no balls this guy. No, it was the military. I had the dumbest details. I've heard...

The other militaries are way worse. French 4 Legion has the dumbest details I've ever heard. Do they paint rocks? They do? You painted rocks? You never saw painted rocks in the army? Walkways where they were like... White rocks? Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. I've never had to paint rocks. That's how racist the South is. They painted their rocks. We don't even want no colors. We want white rocks.

At Fort Bryant, North Carolina. Fort Bliss, Mississippi. For Liberty? How dare you? Did it change? As of this year, right? Isn't it Liberty? Is it becoming Liberty? Yeah. Hey, listen, if we can't remember our losses, right, how are we going to ever remember Vietnam or Korea? Right? Or Afghanistan. Cool. White Rocks only. What's Bennington being changed to? Like Freedom?

Freedom and Liberty just sounds like this. It just sounds like bad ideas from general I don't even know who like general Was your military nerd you tell us about all the smart things about Benning and why it's called that way off the top of my head He was like the most successful military tactician from the fucking South Asia

Oh, from the South? Well, everybody. That's why they're doing all the renaming is everything that's associated with the South and all that. So that's why they're renaming it. Which I'm not mad at. I'm not mad at either. My beef is that they just typed in Google, top 10 most patriotic America words. Freedom. Eagle base five. And that's all their name and shit now. Like the V28. What are we going to name it? The Valor. Wasn't Binning the terrible? I hate it.

Fresh. At least next time we leave a bunch behind. If anybody should name a southern base in Georgia or Atlanta or in Georgia, it should be the guy that fucking burnt it to the ground. What was the general's name that went down there in the south and burnt it? Started with like an S, didn't it? Fort Moore is what Benning's being changed to. Moore, after Hal Moore. Oh, that's actually pretty cool. That's a good one. That's a great one. That's pretty cool. I thought, I think it's just... Who's the Civil War general that lit fire to like half the south as he like conquered it?

He was like, screw it. You guys want to, you want to secede? And he lit fire to the South and the South hated him. Like he had like a hit list on his head even after the civil war was done.

- There's a statue in front of the White House of the dude. - Oh, he's on a horse, it's massive. Come on, I gotta Google this shit. - I know, now I'm looking, I'm like, oh God. - Yeah, so Bragg is being changed to Liberty and Benning's being changed to Moore. - The American scrimmage is not my forte as far as history goes. - Scrimmage? - I do-- - You just called it the scrimmage? - The scrimmage where more people died than anyone, I don't know. - However, I do recall that Stonewall Jackson was voted most likely to secede in his high school yearbook. - Hey.

Ladies and gentlemen, the no laugh joke brought to you by the fat electrician. I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm mauling. Even a dad joke gets a chuckle from the guy that said it. Nothing from the order. Sherman was his name. General Sherman that burned down all of the South when he went through it. Like the tank?

- Yeah, so I think the Sherman tank was named after him. - Oh, he just fucked shit up on his way though. He was like, - You guys know all this? - No. - So during the civil war, obviously once the North started winning in campaigns, he went down South and like set fire to like Savannah, Atlanta. And like, there was like a swath that starts like a, how a hurricane begins. It starts off a little small and then it went

Everywhere he went, he just lit fire to the entire town. He's like, this will fucking teach you. So it would be a hell of a nudge from a guy from New York to name a military post in the South after the guy that burned it the fuck down. No shit. That's Fort Sherman. Yes, it is. You fucking carpetbagger. I want Fort Clay. That's what I want. Clay? Cassius Clay. He didn't join. Muhammad Ali. No, no, no. The man that...

Cassius Clay was named after. Oh, unknown. I don't even know that history. The most gangster politician in American history, Cassius Marcellius Clay. Is he the guy that fought a dude in the Senate and bashed a dude's head in with a cane? Probably, but he was born on a plantation. His father was a slave owner in Kentucky. He went to college, decided that he didn't like it, came back, inherited his family's fortune, freed all of his slaves,

Gave us for I think he kept the house, but he get freed all of the slaves and then he ran for public office started a newspaper and Then they did not like what he had for a message in the newspaper So he turned it into a armory like he had metal on all the exterior walls because he was gonna ambush and he was gonna John wick the whole situation had the whole newspaper thing rigged to blow with an escape hatch and

In case it he had to throw down what do you like mounting machine guns this shit for like interest? There was a lot when he like it was like he had a cannon at the top of the stairs like he was ready to Find out guys never happened That's almost a mission cuz you've got all that that pressure inside of a Ryan Reynolds mission. Yes word mission

The AI doesn't differentiate. The forever sleep? Yeah, there we go. So the newspaper never got attacked, but he did fight off like three assassination attempts.

Somebody stabbed him or no somebody shot him at a bridge. He stabbed them with a bowie knife threw him off the bridge He killed like four would-be assassins. Hard to swim when you got a hole in your chest. You're just thinking cuz your lungs don't have blood.

But then, yeah, he actually ran against Abraham Lincoln, and he was the one that pressured Abraham Lincoln into the Emancipation Proclamation because Abe Lincoln wasn't about splitting America. Yeah, he was about keeping the Union together. He was the one that provided the social pressure on the other end. Well, the war was already begun at that point, and he was like, I might as well free the slaves because it's kind of a moot point. Right. Plus, at least it's a good psyop to the...

to the slaves down south to the enslaved that were in the south. Because they're like, wait a second. Did we just kibosh everything and kind of do our own little insurgency down here? We'll be free? Boom. Brilliant.

Cassius Clay. I forgot. That dude was a fucking hard ass. Ended up dying of old age at 94. What? Yeah, in the 1800s. 1800s fought off like four assassination attempts. Dude, he's a fucking hard ass. That's when God's like, this one. I like this guy. We're going to keep him around. And Satan's like, I'm going to kill this son of a bitch. And you're like, he's like, no.

Fine, but when he's 94. I now picture God like that. He's like, there's a guy coming up to him with a gun, Jesus. He's going to stab him. He's got a knife. You've activated my trap card. Listen, man, if there's something you should know about the South, okay, you can have a gun, but you don't show up to a gunfight on a bridge with a knife. You show up with a knife on a bridge fight to a gun.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen from Angry Cops. Always bring a knife to a bridge fight with a gun. It makes perfect sense. Even if I said it wrong. It might make sense, but I prefer you made dollars. Jesus Christ. I'm turning your mic off. I'm unplugging. What do you want from me? Something better. Oh my God.

- What? Oh, nevermind. - On that note, I'm gonna exit this table and grab some vodka. - Breaking news! Mabe now sells beard product! Woo! I had to get rid of my address. - Why did you just scream so-- There, once again revolutionizing men's grooming with brand new Beard Hedger Pro Kit! I used your brush. I just realized this is your kit, not my kit. I used your brush, just so you know. - Thank you. - We'll trade brushes. - There's red pubes in there now.

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Talking points! It's my favorite part of the ad when Eli reads the talking points. It all starts with the beard hedger. This thing is the juggernaut of fixing faces. Batty, fix your face.

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- 'Cause I always trim short. So this is actually real cool. It's one piece, it's cordless, but you have a-- - It's not 18 different clip-ons that change the length. It just raises or lowers the guard. I'm gonna let you guys know, yes, this is for beards. You can use it on your pubes too. - Dude. Okay, Manscaped, that's dope. - So get 20% off and free shipping. Use code UNSUB at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at codemanscaped.com. - Code Manscaped, no, code UNSUB at manscaped.com.

Thank God we got you got so it's already uncapped smells like grandma's kisses what? Kisses, okay, I took me a second to process what does that grandma's titties great wasn't a wet nurse for that long?

- Does anybody know what a wet nurse is? - Yep, we know. - Do ya? - I wish I didn't. - Now I gotta Google grandma wet nurse. - I'll take some vodka. - Don't do that. - Oh man, oh man, oh man. It's nice having you back around, Rich. - Dude, both of you. - We got Nick here too. - We do have me here as well. - I just wanted both of you together to watch the chaos unfold. - Oh God. - And our text group started hard. You calling him poor. - That's also true.

He can't even afford a K on his name. And his phone is not an... You get that green text. We are. When you get that blue or that green text in the group chat, you're like... I get irrationally angry. TikTok can't track me because it's an iPhone. I don't believe that. That's not true. I'll take...

That's a lot. You honestly expect me to believe that Steve Jobs has your back from the grave? He's too f***ing dumb to not eat not fruit. So you're saying that a ghost with superpowers can't save me? That would be the most pretentious ghost of all time. Have you seen any footage of him ever?

- You didn't think you should turn off your locations, huh? - I'd be like, yeah. - Thank you for saving me, Steve Jobs. - Just the ghost wearing a black turtleneck. - And he was Buddhist. - Just the worst floating turtleneck. - Yeah, just the guy in that little ghost trail. You know, it's like Catherine was just floating around judging you like, hey, Steve Jobs. - Simon Cowell? - No, you idiot. - It's me, Steve Jobs. - Steve Jobs. - Are you British too? I was in California. I thought I saw you in Dancing with the Stars. I was dead before then.

Oh no. Treatable cancer. Did he really have treatable cancer? I mean, so here's the conspiracy theory with this. He was a fruititarian. He literally only ate fruit. That's a thing? Did you just make that word? Fruititarian. I swear to God. I'm dead ass serious. I eat you every day of the week, you delicious little fruit. You ever had a hand job? I'm right here.

A ham job? Hand. Oh, no, I want a ham job. I want to put those two big pieces of meat together. I'll give you a ham career. You're going to be happy cops by the time I'm done with you. I'm going to braise you with butter and barbecue sauce. That's what I'm going to do. Go subscribe to our Patreon. I'm about to put some southern meat between two fine pieces of bread.

Anyways, he's a fruititarian and then he ended up dying of pancreatic cancer. Pancreas produces insulin for your body. They assume that that's why it was all messed up because he only ate fruit, which is basically just fibrous sugar. And...

Whatever and then when Aston Kutcher did the movie jobs, and he did the fruit atarian diet being a method actor He got hospitalized with pancreatic problems. Yeah when I think of the action Kutcher I think I think Aston Kutcher and Which one he's actually stone I did not enjoy that 70s show I didn't watch it

It's got canned laughter in it. I can't stand it really I can't stand it yeah, you have to respect that That's one of the classics that like play in here then it is it's it's a classic for what everyone everyone No, that's 70 show really. I don't think it's a classic loved absolutely Yeah, I see all of its reruns on oh, I don't friends friends you like a universal friends. Oh my gosh I'm too old

Some comedians. Okay, Ashton Kutcher, Daniel Day-Lewis. Same. Who is Daniel Day-Lewis? There will be blood. I was like, Maddie, so help me God. If you compare Ashton Kutcher's acting. You don't know Daniel Day-Lewis, motherfucker?

I am a blinking the nemesis of Daniel Knight. Listen here kids. This is what happens when you go on internet all day You don't have a personality all you know You know is video game haiku anime titties and now you don't know anything about actual real people doing things and Probably being real-life assholes. What is there will be blood?

I haven't seen it, but it's based on the Rockefellers or it's one of the one of the oil. I know enough about oil. It's based on. Yeah, it's based on an oil tycoon. And it's fucking movies. It's no, I'm sorry. Classic movie. What's the one with Leonardo DiCaprio? The Gangs of New York. He's the hatter butcher guy with a glass eye glass. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Who's the guy? Oh, man. Last Mohicans.

Yeah. I haven't even seen that one. I know all the clips about it, but I haven't seen it. Daniel. Two left feet. Two left feet. No, that's not making real things. Okay. Daniel Day Lewis is a method actor to the degree of, um,

When he did Abe Lincoln or the other one. Or he did Lincoln. Yeah, Lincoln. That's the only reason one. Who was he when he was wheelchair bound? I forget. He wasn't two left feet. That was the most recent. He would not get out of his wheelchair. Yeah, he made people carry him. Yeah. But that's like, that's shitty stuff. I saw a quote about method acting from another actor. It's like method acting is what you do to cover up that you're an asshole. Yeah.

I've heard that too. Because like everybody that does it is an asshole and you become a burden on everyone. And you're like, no, no, I have to live the life the person I'm portraying is. Or you could just act it. Do you know what he did on Last of the Mohicans? He lived out in the area. So he didn't have to have the crew with him. He built his own fucking log cabin and lived off the land where they were filming Last of the Mohicans. So he understood he wouldn't bathe or anything. But they're like, yeah, Daniel, you do you, bro. Like,

You're fucking gold. The man has every award from acting. He is one of the greatest actors ever. And as we all know by the ratings, awards about acting really matter. Yeah, it's not predetermined by the award ceremony.

Christian Balvin, you know him, Batty. He's a method actor. Who? Christian Balvin? Oh, so... Help me God. Batman. Yeah, Batman. He's a method actor. Yeah, he actually fought crime in Chicago in a black suit. That's how method acting is. I'm surprised he fucking survived. He had to hire a clown off-fire to kill his parents. Yeah, his parents are dead.

One of his friends that was a lawyer, he threw acid on half his face. Holy shit. He's heavy dead. He's heavy dead. Swear to me. Swear to me. I don't wear hockey pants. So you're saying if I lick this little red button, it's going to set off an explosion? You know the Doc Ops guy? That's what I just said. Yeah, yeah. It's fucking good. Dr. Fishy. No. No.

- You're white bread, Superman. - Yeah, he used to have a late night show. His name was Phil something. - Pete Holmes.

I don't know. Pete Holmes is one of the most talented comedians, writers, late night show. Absolutely. You absolutely. He's way out of our league. He's way out of our league. He's amazing. I don't know how he doesn't have a show. He's at Conan level. Oh yeah. He's at Conan level. Conan is the only late night show. The guy that I liked, Stephen Colbert let me down when he got, when he stopped being a

funny funny sarcastic version of you know the Colbert rapport like when he was lampooning both sides now he's just a bleeding heart like chode that isn't funny anymore which crushes me because I loved him he drew a line Jimmy Fallon became white bread it used to be fun and entertaining and then they were just like let's steal his what are your thoughts on the daily show and make Jon Stewart

The new one? No, Jon Stewart. No. Well, Jon Stewart's great, but he's got a new show on Apple TV and he lost. He's like, I don't know. Oh, I didn't know he had a new show. Nobody. Yeah. He lost it. Let me tell you a story. Right. So you get you get Jon Stewart in The Daily Show for years bringing young comedians on. Did you knock this off your fucking chest for the. He's kidding.

No, it's all right. It's a verbal boxing match, and I'm about to Tyson his retardedness.

What does that make me? Buster Douglas? No, you're like that gang member that wore chains and tried to fight Tyson because he thought it was hardcore and then Tyson knocked him out in like 30 seconds. Are you going to keep referring to other men or are you just going to get to it? No, I'm just going to look at your lined up beard like you're a Hispanic kid that's visiting the north for the first time and put fun in your beard. That's what I'm going to do. Why couldn't you just let the mustache go into the sides? You had to come down at a sharp angle. I'm coming in hot right now because you made me.

A horrible joke. You boop me and I'm fucking pissed. You want to boop the tiger, you get the horns. You boop the tiger, you get the horns. Hashtag tiger horns. That is a new shirt. Tiger horns.

I need you to draw a picture of a tiger with fucking horns. I need to see everyone's drawings of tiger horns. Send it in. When everyone's the best, we'll make a fucking shirt. You boop the tiger. I don't care what you said. The knife hand just got defeated by the scalpel finger. Nothing on it. Precision. That.

Touched my microphone. Okay, sorry. Yeah, Jon Stewart. So he started off, started a daily show, brought a whole bunch of people in, amazing, great content, hungry dudes. They went on to create their own shows. And then...

And then he brought in Trevor Noah. Then he was on Half-Baked. Don't forget that part. He was on Half-Baked. Holy shit, he was on Half-Baked. He was on Half-Baked. And he brought in Trevor Noah because he retired. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I knew it was going to happen. I'm like, dude, I know you want to spend time with your family. That's great. You should do that. And I saw Trevor Noah's comedy, and his stand-up comedy is hysterical.

But him getting on and preaching to me every day while he grows his hair out during COVID to be like, see, I don't even have to go get a haircut, even though I'm super wealthy. And I'm going to stay in my room to like project. So how great I am and better than you. He's such a chode. He's such an arrogant chode that it just ruined the daily show. And he's stepping down. I don't know. Stepping down. He's dating. He's dating my boo. Do a leap. I don't know how she got bamboozled by his craziness. What if he's got a great day?

- Well, yeah, I mean, it goes without saying, right? - But what? - His craziness might just be paychecks. - Well, yeah, but Jon Stewart wasn't worried about, I mean, he probably was worried about paychecks, but he was still, he would hit everybody high and low. - He really would. - He would hit left and right

matter what matter you were getting it he was established at the point it's like south park they no he wasn't he was he was throwing haymakers when he was a nobody and just started the show but it wasn't we are in now versus when trevor took over yeah but if you're an og with it you'd like that's like oh yeah i agree completely i think he should have done that but if if he's coming in and homeboys making x amount because

They can pay him that. It's just like South Park. South Park can charge whatever the fuck they want. And they're like, hey, here's your fucking dime. You do whatever you want. You make whatever joke you want. Loved it. You know who refuses to sell out? Ricky Gervais.

He got up because he hosted one of the was it wasn't the Grammys. It was an He got up there and he opened up the speech with like none of you are entitled to lecture normal people about life. Yep Shut the fuck up. He's done like two or three times

So it's the best interviews are because he's like, I just go super fucking hard hoping they won't call me back. And then by year he's done four or five now. And every year they're like, Hey, you want to be back? He was like, I just made fun of Mel Gibson. It's the views.

Yep. And what the hell is sugar tits? Like, bro, I view sugar tits as like an insult. I don't know what it is. It just is. Have you seen what he said about Mel Gibson when Mel Gibson, when he's calling him out? Yeah. I like a drink, but not as much as this guy. This is after like his. Oh, when he had his. His little voicemail. Yeah. Oh,

Mel Gibson's a weird cat. Hollywood was like, you said something anti-Semitic. You're done. He was like, I'm going to make Apocalypto with a whole bunch of no-name nobodies, and it's going to crush. Oh, by the way, it's in a dead language, and you're going to have to read subtitles all the entire time. Apocalyptica is such a great movie. There's not even language in it. They had to let him back. They were like, all right, you went against the Jews, but you won this time. That dude told him to do this.

That dude told an entire story and there's like seven lines of dialogue the entire time. He was just massacring people. You know how good a movie has to be for me to be willing to fucking read? It's really good. It's fantastic. It's probably one of my favorite movies of all time. You look a lot like that fat chubby kid that was at the top of the pyramid that was watching people get cut open. He's just like... It's funny because you look like a bitch with teeth. You look like a bitch with teeth.

Do all of your bitches in Iowa not have teeth? Hey, Matty, let's switch cities. It just has a commercial break. It's a commercial break and we're city. We have bandages on our heads. We're at a separate. Hey, listen. I can't take anything you say seriously. It's not going to be an insult because you got like an Etch-a-Sketch light bright tattoo on both of your eyes. So, you know, what am I going to do when a five-year-old tries to color by number?

I'm right here. Oh, no. Yours looks like an acid trip, but that's okay. Oh, a bad acid trip. A poor acid trip is what I call it. Oh, you put an arrow into your doodad, your fire symbol. No, the arrow was there first. Don't forget the snake. We didn't cover it up. Oh, I would have.

I'm just, I'm enjoying all of this. So much. - You know what's great is whenever I say a really good mean comment to him, can I see your hands real quick? Whenever I see a really good mean comment, I actually see one of his tattoos go down. So I know it's funny. I know it's funny. - It started already. - Half another one goes down, it's like beep. - That's what I do. - You take a shot and it's like. Hopefully you guys are doing pushups tonight. We're all vets.

Oh, nah, I'll do 21. Oh, I get it. Who's the...

You guys aren't going to have PTSD. Oh, you said you were going to do it, so I would just do 21 because I wouldn't prevent your death. That was the joke. 22 push-ups to stop it, but I'd stop one short so then you would fulfill it. Jesus Christ. Well, yeah, he'd see them. That's the point. Math jokes. I can't do that. Rich is just... I love that you're just constantly like... The only reason you're not getting them is because you're building me up. Literally. You'll say something smart-ass like you always do and I'll come after you. You look wonderful. I can't wait for you to get Eli. Literally just a...

Toddler throwing haymakers after you got third graded. Now you're out of control. I couldn't hear a word you said after that heavy breathing asthma boy. Is that... Children, break it up! This thumbnail is so easy. It's going to be you with a black eye and you with a black eye. Can you put the sleep apnea machine on him so he knows why he's breathing so heavy?

He's looking like the bad guy of Road Fury. Yeah. Just the mask right here. Give me the fuse. Walk away. Walk away. I need to know. Walk away.

That's a great movie, though. It is really good. The remake wasn't bad, either. I liked it. Tom Hardy, right? Tom Hardy stays as the road warrior, but they bring Celine Dion or whatever her name is in. And Sharon Stone. And she does a great job as a one-armed bandit, you know? My favorite part is Tom Hardy crushes A.J. Say a single line of dialogue and then it's Celine Dion. I love it.

Yeah, get your head off the microphone. They're going to hear your thought.

I feel like I'm at an auction with the auctioneer just going, "What the fuck is happening?" Welcome to Rage, man. This is the first time you guys have met, which is... Where's the bonk? Get it over here. This is the first time they've met, so this is like, we're just gonna sit up together. We're testing, this is what we call testing boundaries, and it happens off-camera. Yeah, and there's like usually a safe word, but they didn't start with one, so I can go wherever I want to go. Oh no. Typical. You spilled, oh.

Usually there's coke on there, but all right. Every mattress has a 20 year warranty. Some even has 25 and you can try it out for 101 night. If you don't like it, you can send it back. How do you put up with him? Do you tune him out like your child? One of my favorite parts about Ghosted is that mattress has cooling technology in it. So you don't get hot at night unless you're batty. You can tell he sweats. Do you sweat batty? Does the cooling technology help that?

Batty, wrong camera. GhostBed also offers bundles. It's kind of like sauna. Still going, Sav. GhostBed.com is having a 30% off if you use code UNSUB right now or to go to www.ghostbed.com slash unsubscribe and get your 30% off on your new cooling technologically advanced mattress.

betting technology betting technology also I would just like to formally apologize about the Superman and the Witcher thing we love you we love you we love you we're doing ad reads it's not a podcast this isn't an ad read are you looking at me or big ass you I'm looking at you

Let me see. Use code unsubscribe over at ghostbed.com, guys. I don't even know where to start right now. Oh, I did want to talk about, because you are, no, Last of Us. Has he been watching the show? I haven't. I heard that the recent episode where they made... So... I'm going to get deep. Oh, God. So Valmasau. How many times have you not said that before? A lot. I was going to make a joke. I was like, no, I'm going to behave. No, Rich, because...

People are watching this show. Listen, it's not the ones that you expect that make you laugh. It's the ones that you don't expect that get you, right? So they ruined Velma, right? They ruined Scooby-Doo with Velma. I haven't seen it, but I heard it was awful. Everybody's got to be a different point of view and a different race. And they didn't make it interesting. They just made trash. Let's make it Scooby-Doo. Wear Scooby-Doo out. He's not in the film.

They changed things up just to change things up and didn't add to the character, right? Which is fucking stupid. But in The Last of Us, they did it perfectly, so I'm told, with... All the characters. What's his name? Charlie.

Joel? No, no, no. Ron Swanson. Ron Swanson. Bill and Frank. Yeah, it was Ron Swanson. Because I don't think he was gay in the game. He was in the game? 100%. Oh, then I'm mistaken. Another video game faux pas by Angry Cops. Are we fucking surprised? So he was in the game, if you remember, because you did play. I did play. He was like, that was my partner. They cut him down. He was the only one that wore that. He still lived in that same little village. They just lived separate. Oh, he was the only one that wore that. And then when they were driving away, Ellie brought out the gay porno mag that they found at his house.

In the show or the game and in the show they did both. Yeah, so that's why she's like whoa. It's like dudes dude Whatever the man is well that's what they're gonna do with that and he's like don't don't look at that It was that from a bills house, but I'm told that like showing their relationship was like heartbreaking like they really Really good. I don't have HBO. I should buy it. I should just watch it for that and also um Do you watch Chernobyl?

No, oh I am so mad at that show. Oh, okay. We'll get into that in a second. Holy shit. Wait, okay Look bad. He's like we just don't like the Sun That's why we look like this. We just don't tan well So, okay last of us I know a little bit of spoilery whatever the bill of race or was wonderful and

There are some tactical odd oddities, which we've covered stupidity. Yes. Tactical stupidities, but it was fuds being fuds. That's right. I mean, he was a fud. Everyone's like, well, he was hardcore prep. Oh yeah. He's a fud. He's a loot crate. It happened in 2002. A what? A loot crate? He's a loot crate. Kill him with all the loot. He was a guy that collected a bunch of stuff, but didn't have the skills to defend it. Yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah. - Kind of like you, you collect a bunch of knowledge, but you don't have the skills to defend it.

Not a good one? You're reaching. All right, my bad. Yeah, I'm reaching. You're right. Rich is reaching. He's just mad you booped. He is. I see it. He's never been booped. A line has been crossed. That was a line. That was his Pearl Harbor. America's going to war, baby. He's already reported you on Instagram. He's trying to get you. He's getting you shadow banned now. I Twitter me to him already. Unwanted touching. This is salt. This is salt.

At that moment, I was a woman. And you assaulted my breasts. And now I've transferred back to a man because only a man can properly defend himself. First of all, I can still smell your mustache. That's not true. It's a manly mustache. Because I kissed you on the lips while you were sleeping. Don't worry about that. You ran out of chapstick and I worry about you.

I hate that image. What the best Elena's for. You lean in, you smell it, it's like, oh, he's added chapstick. You put it on. Yeah, and then you're like. That's a great skit. And when you walk away, oh, yeah, that's a great skit. Yeah, we're going to do that. I'm comfortable enough to.

Dubbing somebody else's nice for that dry hard cut to it I just like you going down like I had a string a bit connect the top one to the bottom and it was Wet I think you were actually a little aroused by that which I can't blame you that's good is that though you're like and then his when your lips are perched on his his eyes like No, is that Blake and then you come up here like you're good, buddy. I already know a better ending I already know a better ending. I just walk away. He like

That's it. That's the start and the looks of this. - No, mix the two. He wakes up and he just stares as you go, "You're good, buddy." You walk away and then after he's like, "Perry?" - Bubble gum? - Gotta mix the two. - No, no, it's gotta be like you walk up with the 90 degree angle flashlight with the red lens cap and shine it directly in my face and I don't wake up and then you do it. - Yeah, that's what you whisper afterwards.

Yeah. Always kiss the homies goodnight. That's the end. Yeah. Black screen, white. Their title card, but no sponsor. It's not for the lip balm or anything. It's brought to you by PTSD. Taste the burn pit. Oh,

Burn pits. Bringing it back. Yeah, so he does really good fighting stuff for vets. Unfortunately, his show is just... It got taken over by a guy who was a great stand-up comedian and then a horrible interviewer of people on the whole side. That is my biggest thing. Trevor Noah? Terrible interviewer. If you get famous for one thing, you're just not automatically good at a bunch of other random shit. I know. Look at me. That's...

I'm a horrible cop. I was waiting for somebody to say it. I was like, well, I'll hit that ball first. I love you have so many viral videos as a cop. As a cop. That's my normal job. That's your normal job, yeah. I'm just dispensing, you know, love and the law.

Evenly across all communities because each viral video is a different person of color cut into the intro of special victims unit I got I got a white guy Hispanic guy an American like I've

- Equal strokes for equal folks. - Each viral video is a different person of ethnicity to include whites. - That is diversity. - Right? If that's not diversity, I don't know what is. - The white one, you're like, okay, I'm good on this one though. - Oh, the white one, he got a tongue lashing. He got the whole, man. - Oh, that was the judge. - Man, that was the judge. - He got the full knife. - Yeah. Listen, you're old man.

Oh yeah, that was the... Yeah, that got intensity in ten cities. What was it? That was the judge, right? Yeah. State federal judge. Here, I don't give a fuck if you wear pajamas to work. I'm running the show here. Nice roll, Billy Bitch Dicks. Welcome to the law. Judge Drake. What do you plead? Guilty. Guilty.

And then it changes his knife hand. I really, really enjoy college students that hate capitalism bitching about Batman. I do find it funny. I don't get it. They actually bitch and be like, Batman is the equivalent of if Elon Musk made a bat suit as a billionaire and ran around and beat up homeless people for minutes. I mean, it's...

I'm like, I mean, it's not wrong. It fixed the homeless population in California. And he's already trying to do that. He's building a tunnel where he's going to bury them all. I mean, that's not...

I'm starting that. He read the tactics from World War I where the British tunneled underneath all the other trenches and blew them up. Engineers, baby, lead the way. I love Batman just beating up homeless people. Quartering in little crimes. No, in California it'd be legit. Batman just beating the shit out of these people. You can't poop in there. Stop pooping there. Put your needles away.

Stop flashing your cockatoodle on the sidewalk. I don't wear hockey pants. Except it'd be Elon Musk saying it. Do your voice. I don't have Elon Musk. No, do the autism voice. Which one? Do autism voice for Elon, but like him being Batman and punching people. Let me think how Ryan talks. Got it.

Okay, and that was for trust question. Thank you so much. And then Elon flies off like this with his belt.

- Like magic fingers as he flies off into the sunset. - He's stimming as he's going away. - He's stimming super hard. - He rolls up in the cyber truck. - Does he Naruto run? Does he Naruto run? - No, no, no, he's too old for that. - No, if you watch Ride and Run, he definitely never does the, he's like, he's just always, he's like, his hands are everywhere. - It's like this.

- Controversial topic. - Go. - All right, so I watch videos on the internet sometimes and sometimes they're on these channels that are like, I want somebody from the right and somebody from the left arguing against each other. I don't know if it's vice, but it's things like this. And one of the videos was, can you spot the person who is gay, right? Either female, lesbian or male, gay, right? Whatever, both gay. And so this one girl goes, I've heard a stereotype that gay men can't throw

Period, right? So they give a baseball to a dude who's there. You know, it's like one person's gay and the other people are straight and they're trying to figure out who's gay, right? And they win money if they do. And they give him a baseball and this dude throws the baseball the gayest way I've ever seen. And I'm like, I've never heard that. I've never heard that before. Like gay men can't throw. I mean, it sounds like it could make sense because they're not really doing sports the most time you've gone for a stereotype, you know? And I'm like, all right, well, whatever. And this dude goes, yeah.

And like backhands the ball like a sassy magician trying to like show you. Trying to like, is this your card? And I'm like, oh shit. And so, yeah, that was a weird thing that I learned. I wanted to share it with you. I don't know where it went, but I just wanted to share that. That...

Almost and that is a story of how don't ask don't tell got eliminated. I could make you guys Do who's the shots I throw this grenade. Oh, I forget his name. Who is the Delta guy from Blackhawk down social media. He was like the Viking fighting tactical Kyle lamb Kyle lamb. Do you guys know who we're talking about?

So Kyle Lamb, he was one of the Delta guys that did the trigger. He's like, this is my safety. The actual guy. Viking tactical, right? This is my trigger, not this is my trigger. Or my safety. This is my safety. That is one thing he makes people do. It's your left, your right-handed, right-handed. It's making you guys throw something with the left hand and he films it. Hysterical. Dude, that's what he turned into. Because he makes all his Delta boys do it. Yeah.

So it's the exact same thing? Just gay guys are...

- I feel like in every tier of friendship or in like a school or a unit or military branch, whatever, whenever you, anything, any sphere, there's always like a build you up. Like, hey, you got here. Like you did this training, you fought really hard. You're at this level, but it's a level, right? There's levels after that. - Yeah, always. - And so whenever you get there and you're the new guy that reached that high level, there's the guys that have been there for a while that have to go, hey, listen,

You think you're cool, right? But we've been doing this for a while, this level. You're not. You just think you are because you finished and you're up here now. So let me break you down real quick. Hazing. Some people call it hazing, but some people just like use it. They do a thing to show you that no, you don't know shit yet and you still need to get that experience. And that's great. That's a great way to be like, I'm Delta. I'm a seal. I'm a fucking awesome. Throw this football with your left hand.

- That happened to me when I went through mountain warfare. - Your nickname is now Pizazz. - What do you mean? Well, 'cause you went, and it looked like you just added some pizzazz to that uniform. - Oh my God. - This literally happened to me when I went through mountain warfare. I was the new infantry guy. Like I was crushing the school and then I had a couple of ranger guys that were there like, "You've been in the army about a minute.

Come here. I'm like, oh man, okay. You know, I'm like a fucking E2 fucking, I just got a patch. I was a fuzzy before. They're like, oh, we're gonna teach you what qualifying means. I'm like, qualifying. Qualifying? Oh no. Oh yeah. Oh no. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Dude, upside down until I passed out and broke my nose. I swear, I just fucked my whole shit up. I thought you couldn't pass out. Your nose is broken? Not anymore. This was, it looks straight. Usually guys, you know, jacked up noses look like this. My nose has been fucked up a lot.

Like rugby and shit. But no. Oh, I forgot you played rugby. That's right. No, upside down on a tree for fucking, I don't know, like five or six minutes. Isn't this great? Like you guys are nerds. We're kind of normal. And yet we're all like in-shaped guys that have done hardcore stuff-ish, you know, in some aspects of it. But we can all come here and talk about, you know, the nerd stuff that you guys do that we don't because we're still more manly than you. And that's nice that we can all be friends even though we're different and you guys are lame.

Man. I didn't even have to look at his elbow for that. You know why? Because I'm a man and I don't need cheat codes to high five. Where's your purple heart at? Oh, you don't need to leave me out here. Don't. Don't. He's on your team and you're making fun of a guy with lack of combat patch? Come on. There's a couple out here. Oh, I know.

Guard boys just sitting on the sidelines. That's your team, man. You know how much money I wasted for the fucking army? The two of you are like radio, but at least radio played. You're Cuba Gooding Jr., but the entire time they're like, no, buddy, just wait. It's a boring job playing defense for Uncle Sam, let me tell you. Playing defense? We were on the sidelines.

Yeah, you're not a sack. You're just like, tell me a coach. You're like, put me in, man. I'm ready. You're like Rudy, but nobody put their jerseys down. They're like, nah, we're just going to. We'll see you out there, bud. Go Notre Dame. Oh, that's one. Yeah, we're making fun of Eli, right?

Yeah, we were, but he brought up a good point. I'm the only one. I've been blown up. I got a TBI. I don't know. That's like a weird subject for me. Honestly, like weird. I got blown up. I got a TBI. And I was fucked up for a couple days. But the guy in front of me, the gunner had shrapnel in his chest. He had a fucking real wound, right? Like they pulled out a piece of metal from his shoulder. Dude gets a purple heart, right? Deservedly so. Now, I didn't because I was like, I don't have an actual wound. My brain was fucked.

for like three days. I was non-mission capable. - Sorry, mental wounds aren't real. - I know they're not. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying I don't, I feel like I don't deserve a Purple Heart at all. I'm getting one out of the bag. - It has led you, bro, and you're like, no, those people

People with mental wounds, PTSD, TBIs, go f*** yourself. I was like, oh, he took a turn. Oh, we all saw some shit, but somebody got hurt. I got knocked down on my ass and had a headache for three days. Your brain smacked the inside of your skull. I feel like that's a pretty big deal. Yeah, well, you know, I can't do words so good. The VA says it's not real, but my mom says, well, nothing. I don't know.

Where was I? You were about to talk about the Canadian VA. They give you rope. Slots of rope. No, they don't. They do. No, they don't.

Well, more of a recommendation. Oh, shit. I really forgot what I was talking about. Purple Heart. I think TBI should have a Purple Heart. Me personally, I do. I do think TBI should have a Purple Heart. This was a commercial. You literally are the perfect example why you should have a Purple Heart because you just ended your statement with, I don't know where this is going. I forgot what I'm going to say. I do that a lot.

I do that a lot. Like if it's not one liners, I'm screwed. Like I try to put like thoughts together and I go, Oh, this is a good idea to bring in. And as I'm out there reaching out, I sound like Joe Biden. I'm just like, you know, you know, and people go like, Oh yeah, we want to be on your side. Cause like, you know, everything you said, like you make us sad. Now we respected you, but now you make us sad. Yeah.

But yeah, so TBI, I was like, I'm glad I didn't get a purple heart for that. But like, I still have like an issue, obviously. And so, and some people did after, after I got, you know, blown up and like people were getting like, oh yeah, man, I fell over during a mortar attack and I got a purple heart. And I was like, how the do you just be like 50 yards away from something that blew up? And then you fell over and you cut your wrist while you were making a sandwich with a plastic knife. And you're like, I got a purple heart now. Yeah. Like I was trying to, but now I got a purple heart. So yeah.

I don't know. It's just one of those weird things. Purple hearts are weird. Watching how they were given away. Or when we got back. I'm glad yours and mine are the same size. Oh man. Was it a head wound? Makes a lot of sense. Dude, my buddy Kataoka, God rest his soul, he didn't get... Oh wow, that just went a different direction. Somebody feels bad about a purple heart choke. It's this guy. Wow.

The unit, like my unit, my battalion had like 42 or 48 Purple Hearts. We were in a very not fun area. Afghanistan or Iraq? Iraq, Mokhtadiya. It was during the surge. It was like, it's like in hard shit. Throw the bodies at it. Mokhtadiya, East Rashid, Iraq.

Baghdad, and then we went to the Diyala River province. Okay, so you were middle and east, in the Middle East. Yeah. Okay. Middle East and Middle East. I know. The second it came out of my mouth, I was like, oh, this is, you better try and save this. But he didn't get a purple heart for getting, no, he made it through this. He got shot in the dome, but with the helmet on. Yeah. Rode the ridge around. I've told this before. Boom, rode around, boom. He got dropped. He was like, poof. Oh, yeah, you'll get neck injuries from that. Yeah, and he sat up. He's like, what the?

No Purple Heart. I was like, man, that was one of those times where you're like, that probably did some damage or rank up in this general vicinity. Like, Bro got shot. Like, in all the other wars. That's a Purple Heart. Oh, and he, yeah, because he wasn't wearing body armor. At that point in time, though, like, nobody, it blows me away how much they don't know about the human body. Like, you put inventions in respect to one another. Like, CPR is only, like, 27 years old. Yep.

And like we figured out how to we figured out how to split an atom of uranium in half to like make massive explosions and or nuclear power. But we didn't figure out the like if you push up and down on their chest, it makes their heart pump the blood. Well, if they weren't so lazy and their heart would do some work, then maybe they wouldn't die. Pieces of shit. Thank God. Right. Don't be so lazy. Do some pushups yourself. Yeah. And then I'm over here. Yeah. Yeah.

He's talking about push-ups, right? Make your heart do push-ups. Where's the drill sergeant hat? Where is it? It's upstairs. You brought it? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. It's great. We always build...

We kill really good. People look at you when you wear the hat, like even civilians. Like if I got to go walk around in uniform, obviously wear the hat because I'm still a drill sergeant. And people will go, like if they're not ready for it, they're like, oh, kids, we're coming out of Burger King. Oh, wow. And they just stare at you like you're like a cancer patient. Like guys just go, oh. And you're like, okay, how you doing? And they just.

I'd probably, if you walked down in the brown round right now, I'd probably call it ease. Why am I doing this? I've been out for so long. And I would leave you alone because to show the proper customs and courtesies where I would f*** up these two.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you me as an E3 where you sat at parade rest for an NCO? I used to do that. I used to do that. Did you used to do that? No, I never even thought about that. I never even thought about that. He was sad about it. Intentionally. Intentionally. I would do that. You're like, they start talking and you're like,

I would have E6s and E7s walk into the room. And we're all like E4s and below. I was like a PV3, you know, PFC. And they'd like walk through the doors. And like an E6 in your unit doesn't give a shit. Like he's just coming in to give a briefing about like, hey, this is what's going on. And I'd be sitting here like I am now. I'd be like, Eddie. Eddie.

And I just stared at him like that. And the first time I did it, it was, I remember, Staff Sergeant Trulin. He was going on his second tour. He was in the initial push for like 18 months in Iraq. Yeah. Like craziness went on with our unit the first tour. And then, you know, here I am for the second tour, bright-eyed, you know, private. Ready to go. That's as smart-ass as I am just about now. And here comes Staff Sergeant Trulin walking in the doors to give us a briefing. And I go, Eddie. And he just, he was a Marine beforehand. And he just goes, what? What?

"Are you sitting at ease for me?" I'm like, "I'm trying to show you the proper respect." Staff Sergeant, and he was so caught off guard and the room was just like, "What the just happened?" It was one of those moments where everything just slid. It was good. He was just like,

Shut the fuck up. Yeah, he just like carried on. And so that became like a thing that I used to like doing to catch like, yeah, it was great because like active duty component guys would, we'd, you know, mix and mingle because I was reserves and they'd come in, you'd be at E5 or staff sergeant and I'd be like, Eddie. And he'd be like, what?

Oh, reserve? Oh, CA? Whatever. Idiots. These idiots. Hey, and then he would go, because he was a dumb infantryman, would go and be like, these morons sit at parade rest for us while we're all laughing at him, being like, look, he's so upset. So angry about it. You always forget how much, because they never get with the higher enlisted, usually didn't get with by privates. When we had General Boozer, I've told that story. He got up. I was like, holy shit, you're all this. And he was like, the fuck?

And he was just riding in the hell out and we were just joking back and forth the entire time every time he would see me like I remember walking across he walked out. He just walked out. I was like, hey, sir, where the fuck's your headgear? He was like, Roger. So he's just like, what the fuck is this guy? Dude, you've either got a good general that's like, ah, fuck you.

He got me. Or you got a dickhead general just like, do you know who I am? Which I had that one time. Those are the worst. I had a general and he was in use of K-Pac and he came up and he was like, you guys are getting deployed? And during the second tour, I was an E5. Yeah, I was an NCO.

And after every class irritated the shit out of me, after every class getting pre-op and pre-mode getting ready to deploy, people would say, are there any questions? You do any questions? We just did a range where we shot targets. Like, what do you mean? Do we have any questions? So I was like, I'm tired of this. I'm going to start asking questions.

So I started asking board questions. And for those of you that don't know what a board is, it's whenever you're about to be promoted in the next level, you would sit in front of your superiors, like high up. - What is the maximum effective range of an M4? - It's 500 meters. - For an area or a single man target? - Single man target.

- Oh shit. - I think it's six. - No, well I know 700 is the group target. - Is that okay? - Area target. - I think it's 550 is the single. Area target is seven. So I know things that I should know. - It's an area target. - So I would ask questions like that, you know, in stupid shit. You know, like, you know, how many posts or how many,

how many trucks are there in a military post? And that's what I asked him. I'm like, sir, how many trucks are there in a military post? After a briefing, I love it. Yeah. Like he, he was like, any questions about the safety booth?

How many trucks are there in a military post, General? I said that. I was like, how many posts? It was supposed to be arrogant shit. I was like, yes. And everybody was just like, oh, what? Nobody knew that it was like, oh, no, yet. It was just like, huh? And I go, how many trucks are there in a post, General?

Just like, "General?" Because you're a general, you say "General." Like, you can say "Sir," but it's also appropriate to call them "General." And he was a Brigadier General once, so I was like, "How many trucks are there in a military post?" "General." And he was just like, "Uhhh." The fuck? And I go, "There's only one, sir. We drive vehicles." You know? And that's true. And the, uh...

The second first sergeant, like we had a first sergeant, but this guy was like the number two NCO. He's an E7. He looks over at me. Second sergeant. He looks over at me like, what the fuck? And then looks at the general and goes, that sergeant, hi sir. He's just a weird guy. He's just a weird guy. It's a thing that he does. Let's get out of here. And every, cause, and every other, but every like E7,

E6 and below looked at me and was like, you don't have the balls if you don't do what you've been doing this entire pre-mode and asking stupid bullshit board questions. I was like, I just pictured this. You look over and they're like looking at you and you're like... I had a smirk. I was like...

And there's one thing you learn in the army, you don't half-ass it, right? There's no half-assing. You're either in or you're out. I was in. I was like, how many trucks are there on a military post, General? Hey, Batty, guess who's been making knives since 1974? Is it Kershaw? It is. Kershaw blades. These things are awesome. If you're wondering how sharp are these blades, look at this Santa hat.

All Kershaw knives are designed, tested, and manufactured in the USA where they employ over 400 US citizens. This is great. Stop, stop, stop, Eli. No matter what your budget is, Kershaw is making knives for you, whether it's a $20 flip open or a $200 automatic. Do the thing. Do the automatic.

This thing like opens up with the force of eight sons. It's like the force of eight. That's the only way to describe it. Also, if you manage to break one of these wonderful knives, they do offer free replacement parts. You just go to their website and fill out a parts request, whether it's springs or screws, whatever. Maybe they will fix it.

for you. That's what I love about Kershaw. Kershaw makes some good, good blades. You're looking for some good blades, as Batty was saying, from really cheap, like just a regular carry-on, keep it in your pocket, just a little folding whatever, to a toss away knife. So go to Kershaw.com and use code UNSUB to save 20% and for every $100, you get free shipping. Boom! Code UNSUB, 20% Kershaw.com

Be you. Be the best version of you. What in the... Herschel Blades. I'm Wolverine. A lesson that we all can learn. If you're not doing anything that's really breaking the rules, can you really get in trouble? Yes. 100%. You absolutely can. Oh, yeah. Fuck.

I'm very intrigued given how popular you are on social media and the fact that you're still in the military You were in the military where you do it How does your chain of command react to that because you are just like a grenade with the pin out and they're holding the stone 24/7 That's a really good I can't piss this guy off. I just gotta I have my old battalion commander

Um, there were some issues, but my, my new battalion commander and Sergeant major are absolutely outstanding. I won't say your names. You're genuinely good people. And they're taking care of me. They're, they've only been in the unit for about a year in command for about a year, year and a half. And they're, they're really doing a good job. The positivity you do probably with, I mean, nobody gives a shit about that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

- The old battalion commander, and I think one of the current staff officers told me a story, which I think perfectly is a very good analogy similar to yours. And that was other commanders would come in and talk to my previous battalion commander and say, "Wow, you got Drill Sergeant High. "Wow, that's frickin' great. "That's awesome. "What a motivator that he's in your unit "and you get to see him and there's all these things. "Now that I am glad that he's your problem."

Everyone's like, wow, he's awesome. Well, not he's awesome, but some of the stuff that he does is great and really positive for the army, especially the guard. But we are so glad we don't have to deal with the bullshit. I got one GOMAR, which is a general order memorandum of reprimand. When I say general, it doesn't mean an all-encompassing. I mean a two-star general gave me a smack on the dick.

And then I had a second GOMAR that was ready in the pipe. But then during the investigation of the GOMAR, they were like, okay, you kind of fucked up, but not enough for this. And that one was for – I got in trouble, but I didn't get in trouble – was for when I stood up for –

239, the field artillery, if I'm not mistaken. I forget, but it was the unit down in Fort Polk where a Sergeant Major told the entire battalion, if you get a cold weather injury, I'm gonna negatively counsel you. - Oh, what the? - Yeah, right? - Jesus. - Yeah, so then-- - Army. - So also you're not allowed to wear your coats.

- Yeah, that's exactly the type of shit. - That is literally the military. - Long story short, like, so yeah, whatever, you know, you hear that all the time. You don't think anything's gonna happen, but the Sergeant Major's like, yo, we're gonna do it. And then they get really shitty weather. It's like pouring, it's in the middle, it was winter. - Yeah. - So they get a bunch of cold weather injuries.

He's in the medical tent screaming at NCOs and soldiers and medical personnel saying, get them out of here. They're malingerers. You're going to get an article 15. I'm going to demote you NCO. I had everybody message me once I put it out there. So what I got in trouble for was, as I said, the battalion commander's name, not the

The Sergeant Major's name who made the threat, but the battalion commander who was in charge of his name. And so because I called out an officer by name, I got in trouble. Not the NCO, which is, I guess, kind of cool. I can call it NCOs now. Okay, so NCOs, it's like they don't give a shit. Who gives a shit about NCOs? You've seen the officer corps nowadays. Nobody. Through all the enlisted. So, yeah. So, yeah.

No shit. My first GOMAR that I got was for... I love you have multiple. The only GOMAR that I actually received. Attempted GOMAR. That battalion commander and his wife made a complaint. They were like, he's a real jerk. He called me out by name. And they were like, well, everything that he said was true. And the Sergeant Major of the Army I actually talked to at the time, Sergeant Major Grinston, I was like, yeah, I've got a lot of information that you might want. And I'm going to do a story on this. And he's like...

Which was which was a weird conversation with the sergeant major the army dude isn't it so weird having those talks now I've been out but sergeant major the army rock soul like you like blah blah blah and like having a one-on-one. He's like oh man love you like I'm gonna do this is the weirdest God damn commerce. Yeah He's like how's your wound doing I was like

Huh? What wound? Yeah, I was like, oh. Oh, yeah, it's good, dog. I was like, what dog? It's good dog. What's he going to say? Stand in parade dress while you're bleeding? You look like Frankenstein, but you better, you know, customs and courtesies, right? So I text Sergeant Major of the Army Grinston or DM him, and he responds, you know, I'm like, hey, I'm, you know,

I'm staff sergeant, you know, drill sergeant Richard High with this unit. I've seen this. I do. I also run this social media channel, Angry Cops. You know, I found this out. If you need any assistance from me, I have firsthand knowledge of these and firsthand accounts of what happened. And he goes,

Thank you very much, Sergeant High. I appreciate you coming to me, but we already have an open investigation on this. We're controlling it. And I, of course, I know who you are. And I said, I said, that's ominous, Sergeant Major. He goes, not ominous, just the truth. But the first time I got a GOMAR, the only time I got a GOMAR, but not my only GOMAR investigation was New York Governor.

De Blasio, during COVID, made a statement that said the National Guard is not the Army or is not the military. I remember this. I remember this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a big deal. And I got f***ing mad. Yeah. I got f***ing mad because as a reservist, you know, as a full-time part-timer, you know, that's all I've done is be a part-timer. Like, that really, really, really pissed me off, especially with a lot of the history that's in New York City specifically and the reserve and guard units that are there. And so I went off on him and...

the unofficial can't confirm but you know confirmed story is is that video made it to bill de blasio and he was upset and he said that to now disgraced governor cuomo that piece of shit both of them wow two pieces of shit's floating in the same bowl it's crazy right so he sent it over to him and said hey isn't this your kid and he's like well i am the governor of new york so yeah i know

own his ass and then created the GOMAR and the GOMAR investigation went in and the investigation was, and I have all the paperwork from it that I was given. The investigation started with that video, but there was no fault found in the video at all. Cause I checked them like you're a mayor. You're not my chain of command. Go yourself. Right. You're not a state Senator or whatever. Yeah. But

Because they couldn't find any dirt in that video, the investigation opened up to all my videos. And I made one inappropriate joke about a female airman. And that got me like Omar. She was doing push-ups and she did really bad push-ups. And so when she was...

- That's what they got you on. - They got a drill sergeant on grilling somebody over pushups. - Over bad pushups. And I said, oh my God. - She was doing the head bop. - Oh yeah. - And I was just like, those are bad pushups. They go, but it looks like you're making Casper very happy. So they said that's a sharp violation. That's a sexual harassment, you know, whatever. - I just need to hurt to her face. - Don't your buddy's acronym. - Yeah, so anyway.

That's what they got me on. What'd they hit you with? Art 15? No, a company-level GOMAR. No, a GOMAR is in itself a separate. It's its own thing. What's the punishment? So you can have a company-level GOMAR, and you can have a larger GOMAR, which stays with you for your entire career, like an Article 15, but it's bigger because it's a general investigation into you. Like I said, not all-encompassing. A general officer is looking into you. No shit.

I've never heard of these. Sorry, this is the first time I've heard of GOMARs. So I have a company-level GOMAR, which means that if I change my unit, then it's not an issue. It goes away like a company-level article 15. But if it went higher, it would be something that would follow me for my entire career, and that would be like a pockmark on your career. No shit.

Yeah. Military is so weird. It gets deeper. Like, there's a lot of shit that I won't say on camera of how if it went a different way, there would have been...

a legal fight and I was backed up by some very influential people that have a lot of money. So I'm glad that it didn't become a political stunt from the governor at the time and that it stayed where it was. - Company level. - Yeah, 'cause there was a lot of people that messaged me that found out about it and they were like, "If this goes anywhere other than what you're getting,

We got your back. There's going to be some waves. And I felt really, that made me feel good. But then this is a crazy thing. Military will throw you under. The military will throw you under the bus the fastest to prove a point. Unless they can. Unless they can. Then they're like. But they still can. I'm not going to lie. That's the first time that I've actually talked about that.

So hopefully, hopefully some old heads are like, oh shit, we dodged a bullet. And hopefully it was like, uh, what's his name? Um, Eddie seal, Gallagher, like the shit he went through. I remember reading that first report and my buddy said like, oh, this piece of shit. Or like, they were like, what do you think on this? All these different things. And I just read over. I was like, this doesn't make sense. He's going to win this. And they're like, what, what do you mean? I was like, it's saying, uh,

He's a sniper in charge of all these people. It sounds like angry privates right now. It was like angry privates are not liking the leadership. And they're like, why? Yeah, this is a sniper that they were changing his optics without him knowing all the time. I was like, no sniper. If I pick up my gun and every time I shoot it, it's not zeroed.

Red flag? Red flag. I was like, so you're saying this is what they're going with. It's like, yeah, we used to do, we used to change his zero just so he couldn't hurt people. And you're like, hmm. So you made your battle buddy combat ineffective. You literally are committing a crime, which is, that's treason almost, right? I don't know. Treason gets thrown around. That's not treason. You're just being a bad battle buddy. You're just being a piece of shit.

been convicted of treason recently. Yeah, the trans. There was something that just did. The trans officer is a white guy with blonde hair. He was doing. He was selling secrets. Selling secrets to the Chinese. Yeah. He got charged for treason. Yeah. I've not heard about that. This was last year. Excuse me. She is a poster child. I know what I wanted to ask you. Have you talked about the Air Force? Is it Air Force General? Maybe he's Admiral, right? Air Force General.

Yeah, General. Yeah. So the Air Force General sent out a mass email to all of his troops saying, be ready for World War III by 2025. Yes. Wait, what? I have seen it. Wait, I heard the memo. Have you not seen this? No. An Air Force General sent out a mass email to everybody that was like, hey, get some life insurance and be ready for World War III by 2025. I didn't say life insurance, Siddy. All right.

- SLG. - I wanna hear your guys take on it before I take over the microphone for another 20 minutes. - Take on what? - So his take, I read the memo, his memo was like, be prepared for war with China. You need to get your troops, airmen, ready to shoot and you need to have 'em shooting targets and you need to have 'em shooting for the head, in for the head, head shots, that's what I want, literally. He's like, I want 'em shooting in the head.

And prepare for war. It's coming soon. And this is our enemy. It's the Chinese. The average Air Force shot is kind of like...

My first deployment was with an Air Force cat who was a dumbass. And literally during a training event with the blank firing adapters where we're shooting with the miles gear on, he fell over backwards and started holding his M16 up and just like firing like this. Like he was on the east side of Chicago. And I was like, you are everything that I thought the Air Force was. And you will definitely stay on post the entire time. And he did.

Trash on his back just like blindly firing on his back over the top of a mound with yeah I'm for up like a fucking pistol. I'm rich I would like to sit down with a four-star general. I would like to ask that general why he thinks that That guy watches a lot of this before the balloon by the way Yeah, January 27th boom

It just doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense? What social media does he watch? I think it makes perfect sense. I don't. So hold on. This is the way that I read it. This is the way that I interpreted his letter. He's saying, I'm looking into the future. China is 100% going to be an issue. Russia is preoccupied. China has been a threat for a while. It's stealing all of our information. It's constantly spying on us. It is our problem.

closest thing to an enemy at the moment, especially with the amount of stiff shit that they steal. I won't go into that, but he's saying it's currently the closest thing to our enemy at the moment. They have a lot of numbers. You need to make your troops combat effective because I see shenanigans happening soon. And I looked at that and everybody said, headshots, really, General? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The dude is using words.

to try and motivate his troops to be, and leaders, to make their troops combat effective. I saw, although,

Although weirded and worded in a weird way. Very. Like, you know, a total Pogue way of saying, you know, hey, we got headshots, right? We got to get them double kills, triple kills. Make sure you don't scout the bad guys, all right, guys? We got a prestigious one. It seems like it's a boomer way of saying, you know, prepare the troops for war. I'm sorry. February 1st, this came out. I have the actual memorandum up now. There you go. But it's a very boomer way of saying, you know, ready the troops, you know, rattle the sabers.

The next fight is what it was titled. The next fight. Tell me he's wrong. I picture this dude just, he was listening to Alex Jones. He got off Alex Jones podcast. He was like...

- He's just typing it out. - You can say that, but now we got an Asian spy-baroon up in the air. - Asian spy-baroon. - You're like, "Oh, aim for the head, huh?" No, man. He's making a shoot at round things 'cause he knew the balloon was coming. He's like, "Shoot the head 'cause it's round like balloons." And then boom. What do you know? Asian baroon in his game. - I mean, I will say the timing's kind of fucking weird. - Or dead on. - Yeah, well, yeah. It depends on which side of the...

balloon you're on here. Like the memorandum comes out and now we're all like Montana's like, Hey man, which makes you wonder when they were like, we're told about the balloon. Cause you know, it's air force that does that. Like all that cybersecurity, you know, that they're, they're aware of what's coming over. He's like, you know what? They don't think it's a threat.

Get ready. Chinese Baroon is a threat. And so he... I like it automatically. Every time you're like, the Chinese Baroon. The Chinese Baroon. He's like, oh, it's not a threat. It's not a threat. I see it coming. It's over the Aleutian Islands. We talked about them. The Aleutian Islands in Alaska. It's coming over the Aleutian Islands. It's coming into America. That's a threat. And then everybody goes, no, it's not that big of a deal. He goes, that Baroon threat. Threat level midnight.

Baroon memo out. I mean, it's a crazy thing. I just picture it. Now, imagine this. We rewind time and then it's a Chinese private. Yeah, I almost said rewind time. And it's a Chinese private. It's just like, uh-oh, lost control. The wind took it very far. It just floated to America. He's like, oh no, this is going to be very bad for us. Oh, this technology. And it's just a private that fucked up because 100% of possibility of what could happen. He's like, oh.

oh no, the upper command is going to be very angry. And the second that the Chinese government goes, oh no, we rush control to Baroon. It's just a rever, Baroon. It's for the rever. The second they were like, oh yeah, Chinese government, we always obey. It's a rever, Baroon. I was like, the fuck it is. The second that they say what it is, it's the opposite. So then you're like, all right, Baroon is our enemy. And then, oh no, we lost power. Baroon gone. No, no, no. Second Baroon in Latin America. True. Oh no, second Baroon loses power.

Nobody talks about that one. Yeah, nobody talks about number two, Baroon. Right? And they had explosives. We found that out. Yeah, in the Baroon. Yeah. Baroon had self-destruct Baroon. I don't know a lot of rubber Baroons who got self-destruct buttons. Right? How many rubber Baroons you got self-destruct buttons? Hey, hey, hey. What if I really quickly don't want to know the weather? Yeah. Oh, no. Bad news. Oh, no.

- A groundhog not happy. Jesus.

The second balloon was the one that was going through Mexico or Latin America? It was going pretty much straight for Panama. Which was the whole how to attack America. Yeah, how to attack America, the Japanese plan, Aleutian Island campaign. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had two routes to attack America's mainland, and the balloons followed that exactly to a T. Dude, that's the crazy part. And they were rigged to self-explode. You're like, okay, maybe. Yeah. Which...

They didn't self-explode. Wonder why that was. Maybe they got American spy brains. I love you do Japanese accents for Chinese.

Oh my God. Who's the best shooter?

Yeah, but

South Park still goes pretty fucking hard. I love South Park. It should go hard. It should go horde. I love their transgender episode where it's Macho Man Randy Savage. What was his name? He was like, I am a lean. I came here to be the strongest woman of them all. Oh, yeah.

about that episode. Yeah. I transitioned several weeks ago and I don't think that my physical composition should prevent me from competing with these women because I'm the best woman ever. Oh, that was, and then they had the song Best Woman Ever. Didn't you have a theme song for that? Something. I know there's a... Baddie is physically uncomfortable. It's fine. I love it.

- I love when he's like, when I see his hands cross like this and he's just sitting there not speaking, he's just shaking his head. - I've not heard any of this. I haven't watched South Park in three years. - It's a great episode. - Oh, it's, oh yeah. Don't they box? They do like CrossFit. - It's a CrossFit. I don't know if they, they might have to get boxed in one of them. And he like beats the shit out of the woman. - This is the white guy hand cross.

I drank all the alcohol. Oh, okay. One of his hearts just went down. Where's your cup at? There you go. Oh, don't. Oh, God. Oh, as a drill sergeant, how do you feel about cell phones at basic? I like that question. Oh,

So here's the deal. Everybody gets upset because the world is now seeing privates do stupid shit. Right. They've been doing stupid shit forever. Forever. And you're like, oh, now they're recording it. Now we're showing it. So instead of it being within the unit and then taking control of it before it goes out and makes everybody look stupid, they're like, that was the old days, right? Now it goes out and makes everybody look stupid. But I look at it because I'm a glass half full kind of guy. Yeah.

And it allows me, along with the world, the world gets to play drill sergeant and shit on these stupid boots. Plus, now as a command, you get to see issues that you might have either glanced over or not taken seriously or never even had come up to your level because now it's on social media. Case in point. The first time I got in trouble...

Time number one. Time number one is I was in basic training and I made a video of me stabbing privates with a tent spike because they weren't close enough to a battle buddy. So my battle buddy... Yeah, my battle buddy... You're dead. Yeah. My battle buddy...

whatever, a column. And I'm like, if you want to record me stabbing privates, it'd be cool. You know, I'll just keep it for myself because I just want to show my friends and family at home what I do as a drill sergeant. Because everybody hears stories. We don't get to see it. And that's like one of the few times where you get to see like behind the curtain. I mean, it's like the first time you get to see behind the curtain of basic training without like a news team there and everybody being like tight assed and shit. Oh,

- Stop and shoot, yeah. - So I'm there and I'm stabbing privates with a tent spike, stabbing their rucksacks, not them physically. And I'm like, lay down and die, lay down and die. You don't have a battle buddy, lay down. You know, and they're like,

So they lay down and die, right? And that video goes, I don't want to say viral, but it did really well. And the battalion commander and Sergeant Major start getting messages from like command, like

like command, like post Sergeant Major, you know, the one star general Sergeant Major is like, who the is this? It's in Charlie company, such and such unit. This is you Sergeant Major, that Sergeant Major, you know, saw those shenanigans and then called my Sergeant Major and was like, I want his.

Hat take his hat. My Sergeant major looked at me and said, but you really didn't do anything wrong. They've got a Facebook page and they show all their stuff, you know, and you did that too. So I'm going to negatively counsel you. And then I'm going to tell them that you're not going to go back to that basic training line anymore. And I'm not going to take your hat away high and that'll make them happy. And I was like, it's bullshit. You can't tell me that I didn't do anything wrong. And then give me a counseling statement. Tell that Sergeant major who doesn't mean dick to us to fuck off.

You're a Sergeant Major. He's a Sergeant Major. Tell him to go f*** himself politely. And he was like, no, no. Okay, well, calm down. I was like, all right. Oh, no. My first Sergeant was on my side, too. My first Sergeant was furious. He was like, he didn't do anything. So f***, dude, this is bullshit. Oh, he was hot. My first Sergeant was hot. I love him. I still love him. First Sergeant Tony Kuhn. You're the shit. Sergeant Major now. Yeah.

- He stuck up for me. - Yeah. - And so. - And Tony Kuhn. - Tony Kuhn. - Tony Kuhn. - And Tony Kuhn. - I was about to exit without him. - Exactly. So that happens and the end of the story is I went right back to that battalion the next year instead of not going. - And you did it again. - To that post. I was kicked off the post by my sergeant major in words. But I went right back 'cause we thought he'd be gone.

And that battalion commander and Sergeant Major came up to meet all the drill sergeants that were coming in to assist their battalion. And they shake their hands. Did you have to like so-and-so? Oh, I was there. And I was like, all right, here they are. They want to meet us. Oh, shit. I hope he doesn't remember me. Yeah, hi. That's a hard name to provide. Dick hi. Drill Sergeant hi? There's a lot of those. Yeah, Dick hi over here. He comes over. He shakes everybody's hands. He gets to me. He's like,

Drill Sergeant, hi. Were you here last year? Yes, I was, Sergeant Major. I was bi back then. Okay. And then I'm like, oh, shit. He fucking recognized me. I'm not stupid. So we leave the building. You get your car and you drive home immediately. Oh, no. We didn't get like 100 meters out of the building. We were still in the parking lot. And the LNO, the liaison NCO comes up. And he's like, Drill Sergeant, hi. Drill Sergeant, hi. I was like,

I think I know what's going on. And he goes up. He's like, oh, you can't go with this battalion. I was like, what? Oh, it's just straight right then. Right then. He's like, you can't go support this battalion. You've got to go across the driveway to the other battalion. And I was like, oh. And one of my senior NCOs was there, Drill Sergeant Sollinger. And he goes, excuse me, why...

- Why does the, why does Sergeant-- - I love your hand motions. Guys, you cannot see his hand motions right now. They are so sharp and poignant. - Yeah, it's what happens. - You can hear the slapping of the table, but they are accurate. - There's private activity products right now. Watch this going. - You better be sitting to parade rest, private.

So he's like, why is Drill Sergeant High going across the street to the other battalion? And the liaison NCO was like, oh, the battalion sergeant major says that he doesn't want Drill Sergeant High in this battalion.

And drill sergeant Zollinger in E7, he's like, okay, he doesn't want him here. But what did he say that would lead you to believe that he doesn't want drill sergeant I here? And the LNWO goes, but he said, I do not want drill sergeant I in my area. This is very specific. And as a baller move, and this is why I love the guard and the reserves, is we can do this. And sergeant first class, drill sergeant Zollinger did it. He goes,

Cool. Well, you can tell Sergeant Major Boozer that if he doesn't want Drill Sergeant High, he doesn't want any of us. We're going to across the street. And the L&L was like, oh. Because now he's going to say, we went across the street and the battalion sergeant major was like, what are you guys doing here? We didn't expect any reserve drill sergeants. We're like, yep, we're here to help. He's like, oh, yeah, I could use you. Yeah.

We're like, where do you want to go? You want red phase, white phase, blue phase, engineer school is going on still because we did engineer OSIT. And like one lazy guy was like, I'll do OSIT. And me and the guys were like, we're going to red phase day one. Let's go. Oh, I know. That's it. I'm a red phase, white phase drill sergeant. I've only done red phase and white phase in the thing. But that whole story is to say.

He can show commands that there's an issue, even if it is a really super cool young drill sergeant that's trying to do the right thing. What do you do if a recruit recognizes you and has the balls to bring it up? That's happened a couple of times. First time it happened, it was mail call.

And I was throwing out their letters. I don't hand it to them because that's stupid. You throw it at them. Correct. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, I'm good. It's cordial. Like a ninja star. I'm like, what do you like? Mail call is low key, right? Because they're picking up mail and I'm trying not to be a dick. How can you be a dick when you're giving out mail? You did not mean my intro sessions. Well, I mean, yeah. You can be. I like to teach, but I'm also a bastard. Like, I'm a boy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I love teaching them and like seeing their eyes glitter. And I'm like, I'm fucking, yeah, we're doing it. I'm making you smart. And then at the same time, I see the dumb in their eyes and I go, I'm going to.

Kill you. Mentally, you will grow. Emotionally, you will be hurt. Oh, yeah. I broke it. I made a statement one time. I was like, I'm not going to stop smoking the shit out of you for the next 10 days until five of you quit. And I got my five because I was like, does they piss me off? Well, that's what it's like. I look back at my class, Charlie 219.

And how lucky the drill sergeants were at that point. Imagine this. You go into basic as your class, and your class has out of the 42, how many do you usually get in a cycle? So a company is around 170 to 210 people. And then a...

But sorry, company. And then you have usually three, sometimes four platoons. Yeah, platoons. And if it's three, normally it's three, but you'll have like 70 cats in each at the most, maybe 80 if it's a really heavy cycle. So we had four platoons. It's like a period. Sometimes you get a heavy cycle. And then there's a lot of blood. But we had four platoons and we had 18 specialists. We had 18 college eds. And my drill sergeants were like,

We ended our entire whatever it was, 14 months, 16 months. They were like, hey, you guys are pretty fucking squared away. We had the most shit. I didn't understand what the kill zone was. I didn't know what a kill zone was. Did you go through in the winter?

- Yes, January 5th to- - I was just gonna push. - I was December 27th or 29th. - Yeah, Jan 5th to- - Basic training in, well, yeah, I'll finish. I'll tell your story and then I'll finish the one I got recognized. So basic training is different in the spring and summer compared to late autumn winter because during the early spring and summer, we call it the push. It's the annual push, summer push, whatever you wanna call it, push.

All the kids graduate high school. Right. And it's also a break in between semesters for like summer semesters. Right. So you get a shit ton of people that are inexperienced, have no life skills. They're young. They haven't been on their own. Some of them don't know how to fucking shower, do laundry, anything, right? Like any, any hygiene. How many people don't know how to work a laundry machine? You've got a basic training and they're like, my mom always did it. I don't.

So on the flip side, you get into the winter months and you get all these cats that are usually older. Most of them are usually a lot older. 40-year-old guys. 40-year-old. I'm sorry. 35. Yeah. I'm putting through a specialist right now in the unit, the recruiting unit that I work with. And he's like 35, 37. He's a teacher. And he's like, I want to join the guard and just do something else. I'm like, fuck yeah. And I call him old man. I'm like, give me your old man. Yeah. But I'm nice to him. We had one of those. We called him Graybush the wise. Yeah.

- He's an A3. - The private Greybush the one that's gamed almost like walking in with a fucking mosquito. - I trust him. - Yeah, I trust him. - They smoke the shit out of him one day and he comes back and he's white bearded. - Yeah, he smokes it.

Specialist. I thought you were on profile. I thought you were on Dead Man's Profile. I thought you were on profile. He has his sketchers.

So in the winter months, you get guys with life experience that have college degrees, you know, that are like, hey, it's not a space in between semesters. It's a life choice. I'm making a decision to move on and do this thing in addition to or to start my new life. And so that's what you get. Now to talk about, to go back to the story where I was recognized at Mail Call was the first time is I'm handing out mail. I'm throwing it at them to them.

I'm shit. I don't want to get in trouble. The Army will still get you. So I'm giving them their mail appropriately as is defined by the Army statutes. Thank you, Army. You're welcome. 670-1. And...

- Big Sarge over here. - Just say that for everything. - Yeah, AR671. For AR671 I was handing out mail. And I'm giving out mail and so at the end of the day after mail it's question time. Like, do you have questions about basic training? 'Cause the second they'd be like, "Drell Sarge, what's combat like?" I'd be like, "You haven't fucking gotten through week three yet. Do pushups. Shut up. That's a stupid question. Your phone is stupid and you need to get the rest of the stupid out for the day. So do some fucking pushups."

Yeah. His stupid allowance was like way high. He got way more stupid than he should have. Down, back, oh. From back goes. Oh, God, I hate those. Mine were...

My favorite is the squat bender by the numbers. And then I do it with them 'cause my legs are like tree trunks, not tree trunks, but they're sturdy. - You got some solid, thick ass fucking legs. - I'm sturdy gal. So I would do, by the numbers, squat benders. So it's one, and you just sit in a squat position and I would talk to them about how bad they did. And they'd be like, "Why are you so upset? Straighten out your legs, I'm doing it."

So you're that asshole drill sergeant that can do it. You're like, I'm here all day, pussies. One of my drill sergeants said that he could do flutter kicks at the end of time. I told the drill sergeant that's my thing. He was like, flutter kicks, Cuevas. And I was like, you can't smoke a rock, drill sergeant. He was like, you haven't heard of crack. I was doing them and he was like,

Oh man, this dude's really good at flutter kicks. Yeah, so we find out what your bad at. Yeah, you just kept doing flutter kicks. But I was one of the shot expert and everything, so he gave me like, your quivers are pretty squared away. I remember the first time he fucked with me because it was like, you shot four at qual. And I was like, that was it.

Was that are you? It was lane one, lane two, lane three. I was lane four and he's like lane two. And they were like, he was like lane two. Roger Drew Sargent. He's like 32. Lane three, 28. And then he's like lane four. I was like, it's me. I was like, Drew Sargent. He's like four. And I was like, what Drew Sargent? I said, what Drew Sargent? And he's like, my.

Can you not hear me? I was like, I was like four. I was like, I swore I knocked those down. And then you can fucking shoot. Go get, go get cake today. I was like,

- And that is, guys, if you don't know that, when you get extra food. - Oh, bro. - I got Burger King as I shot extra for my platoon drill sergeant. My platoon drill sergeant was our senior drill sergeant. And he was like, "If you make my platoon look good,

and you shoot expert, I'll get you bird king. And I was the only one who shot expert besides like two or three other people. - I barely called. - Crushed it. - Just ruined a CCO. - That's a fucking story in itself. I had a fucking fever. I threw up and I almost got smoked because I threw up outside of formation. - You were just at the morgue and you're still fucking coming down.

At the end of the day, they're like, all right, you were sick earlier. You got to come back and see us at the end of the day when we're all done shooting. I was like, okay, and then I came back, you know, and then they were like, all right, let's get your temperature. 103. Oh, shit. And then I, you know, you're eating that burrito.

The best day is when the first day at the first meal when you really don't get to eat where it's like 15 seconds like you get one bite of food and I get the fuck up and get the fuck out and then you go outside and all

The fat kids start crying sorry the gravitationally advantaged start crying And then they get to be the water boy for the rest of the fucking food shit, dude I was lucky cuz they're like Quavis I sit down and it's like because the last person's like last man, and it's like I

fucking Zuckery and he's like last night he sits down like done it's like and food's over and you're like he doesn't get a touch of food because we get to eat the entire fucking time while he is going you're like oh that poor dude he's not gonna get all fucking Benning Yakisoba Yakisoba God I hate it Bennings oh mail call we're back

PTSD? I don't have a TBI. Gently handing the privates mail. Continue. So I'm correctly handing the privates mail and one of them, and we're doing question time and they're like, DrillSword, are you the DrillSword from the videos? And I got my hat on, obviously. I never take it off. And I just go... I imagine full anime stare where, like, just the eyes. Yeah, exactly.

I just dropped my head so they couldn't see my face because like a smirk came over and I was like, you didn't want to give him that. I was like, fuck. I was like, what are you talking about, Private? What videos? And they're like, are you on the internet making funny videos? I was like, what video, Private? There's tons of videos on the internet that are funny. Are you stabbing Privates? Do you know the

Oh, yeah, dude. And this is like when I was coming up. People didn't know who I was. Only a couple people knew. And I was growing the channel and shit like that and doing my thing. And I was like, yes, Brian, that's me. And you could see a couple people...

they got smiles on their faces. Like, Oh, I fucking knew it. A couple of people were like looking at him, like, Oh, this is the one you're talking about. And then the majority, like 80, 90% of the platoon were like, what the do you mean? Right. So next year I go down on the trail and I'm, uh,

I try to do the most that I can because I'm only there for like a couple weeks, right? So I try to be as hard charging as I can to take the active guys and let them do their own thing and relax a little bit. So I'm walking in front, you know, leading the...

I think it was like the eight kilometer ruck march. This is the second ruck march that you're doing. Yeah. And, you know, I'm, I'm leading it, you know, and I've got my PC on, I think I had a PC on, I might have my drill sergeant head on. It depends on which company you're with. Some guys do different shit. Right. And so I'm, I'm walking and I'm leading, I'm setting the pace. Uh, and one of the PGs guide on bears, whatever for the platoons that I'm with,

is like, you know, we're like halfway through. I have a question. Can I ask you a question? I'm like, yes, Brian, what's the question? And it's the same thing. And I'm in the front, you know, and the same thing. I just go, and same answer. I'm like, what do you mean? What video? What are you talking about? I'm like,

And it's like the second or third to last day that I'm about to leave. I've trashed these kids and done my job correctly. But I've been a bastard. I've been a bastard. And so I'm like...

Yes, Private, I am Angry Cops. I am the guy, the drill sergeant that does shit on the videos. Like, how long have you known that I'm that guy? Oh, is this the first day you showed up, Drill Sergeant? And I'm like, okay, okay, you knew right away. I go, how many other people know, Private? The entire company, Drill Sergeant. That's right.

And I go, the entire company knows that I'm that guy. Private, and he's like, yes, yes, true, sir. And I go, how long has Dane known? So it showed up for a song. It's like the shittiest version of undercover boss. We knew you were Kylo Ren the whole time. So I asked the kid, I'm like, I'm like, do you, you're the only one that came up to me and asked me that private.

You're just real sore. Like, are you the only one that came up to me? I go, why is, uh, why is nobody else asking me that question? Like, cause I'm now I'm trying to like needle him. I'm like, I'm trying to like, why is this? No, no, I'm not fucking with him. I'm trying to get as much information out of him without saying he's afraid. Tell me why. Right. Like he's opening up to me. This is an, I can take this as an advantage and figure out what's going on. Like feel the company's emotions, fingers on the pulse. Right. I go, pride. I go, why, why are you the first one to come up to me and ask me that?

everybody else is afraid of you, Drew. Sorry. And I was just like, I was like, as they should be private, as they should be. And, uh, and then that was it. So I was like, that's one of those moments where I was like, I got a little bit of honesty where I could be like, how am I doing my job? Like, am I doing it? Okay. I'm like, well, they're all afraid of you. Drew. Sorry. I was like, fuck. Yeah, they are. Yeah.

Private you forget how afraid I remember dress aren't butters was the guy But I remember on the last day or one of the last field exercises he was all done up in his camo He's like hey, you know like a fucking private you you're actually a pretty squared away platoon like good job And I remember McKenzie. He was like yours aren't there

Yeah, private. He's like, you love us. And he actually got a laugh out of Butters. He never laughed. This dude's like, do push. I got broke for the first time. And I was like...

I got drill sergeant to crack one time, a couple of times, but my favorite time is drill sergeant Hennessy who was super motivated me still to stay. Drill sergeant Hennessy, love you. I was in basic training and he was gone. He was doing like an NCO development school, but he was gone from our basic training class for like a couple, like three, four weeks. And he came back and because he was so good at like teaching us, he was the teacher, really good at teaching, smoked the shit out of you a little bit, right? You know, you, you respected him, but he was an amazing teacher. And when he came back,

Nobody taught like him. And how do you show your appreciation for somebody when you're a kid? We're really glad you're back. Shut the fuck up. And so he was pissed because now all of his buddies, you know, like grill him, you know, because if I'm now I'm a drill sergeant, I know exactly what he said. Oh, you're hugging privates. You private hugger. You fucking puss. You got one of them next. Just like. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So. So he's over the intercom and he goes Sunday. Everybody's at like religious services. I got back from mine and be.

Privates, if one of you comes up to me and tells me that I'm your favorite drill sergeant or that you're glad that I'm back, I'm going to smoke the shit out of you.

you know, like leaves it off. Or I don't even know if there was a second bang because I don't know how I remember things. And I swear to God, I said it just like this. I'm alone in my bay with like four other cats. Everybody's gone doing shit. And I'm like, Drill Sergeant Hennessy, you're my favorite drill sergeant. And no shit. He goes, hi, drop. And I literally, that was my face. I went, oh.

God is here. I was like, I got in the push-up position and I'm like, you know, quietly whispering in front of him. I'm like, I know the intercom was both ways. I know the intercom was both ways. And he comes walking up and he goes, boom, kicks open the door and they're like, hey, don't you move high. And I'm like, oh. Oh. You know, it's like, oh my God, is this the consequence of my actions? Oh God, oh God. I've never,

I've never had this much, like I never have that much responsibility on my shoulders. Like I was in the pushup position, but it felt like the world was on my back. I was like, I've never been, I've never been called on the spot like this before. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Then he walks up all chill and slow. We're in BDUs. He's got his boots are fucking jungle boots with the green on them. Oh yeah. Yeah. And the toes are shined and he's got a mug and it says, join the army, meet interesting people and kill them.

This is early 2000s to a T. Yeah. And so, like, he's still like, oh, my God. This is early 2000s to a T. And I'm just like.

Because like you don't over the nice guy because the nice guy can be a bastard Real quick and I'm sitting there like oh god. I'm taking all this in my brain is in like panic mode It's like soak up all the information soak up all the information. What you think about us You can't see anything get out of this trying to make it worse trying to make it less worse less worse less worse And she was like you can stay there. So I'm your favorite drill sergeant, huh? I'm like Yes drill sergeant. It's like okay. Okay. All right

And I'm like, there's a long conversation. I'm not doing pushups yet. This isn't as bad as I think it is. And I smell the coffee. You can't have coffee. You can't have energy drinks. You can't have soda and basic training and good ones where they give you discipline. And I go, is that hazelnut coffee, Drill Sergeant? And he stops. And he goes...

Do you like hazelnut coffee? Private? And he lowers himself down. And I'm in the push-up position. And that's when I see the cup. Because the cup's right in front of my face. Underneath my nose. It says, join the army. Meet interesting people and kill them. And I'm like, one, that's a badass baller move to just put this good-smelling shit in front of my face. Two, that's a baller-ass cup that you just don't buy to show off to me. You

You had that. Because you're an artilleryman that was throwing fucking rounds down range. And you met some interesting people and decimated them from a couple kilometers away. And he just blows it in my face. And I'm sitting there. I'm like, I don't drink coffee. It wasn't my jam. I was 17. And I might have been 18 at the time, but I was 17. And I'm like, I just noticed the smell because my dad used to have it. The Jewish government was like,

integrity check uh no drills aren't but it smells really good my father used to drink it and then he just he had a conversation with me about you know shut the up and that was it just shut the up the second that that went hello friends tell me i'm gonna smoke the out of them yeah bye hi the drop is there the fear in that inner car transfer

How long has this been going on? Dude, it's like being caught in an ambush. Like you just, I didn't know where it was coming from. I didn't know how he saw me, but he saw and heard and knew everything. And I was not in control at all. Fear, fear. Moral of the story, fear. Are there any pranks that you consistently pull as a drill sergeant during the gas chamber event?

- I had one happening during my gas chamber experience and I wanna know if it's a normal thing. - And thank you for watching the "Upsubscribed" podcast. If you guys wanna hear the rest of these stories, you can listen to them after on the Patreon. Head over to the after party. It'll be linked somewhere below. As always, Eli, myself, Batty, and our two very special, amazing, so beautiful, so strong, so powerful guests, the Fat Electrician and Angry Cops. - He almost forgot his name. - Thefatelectrician.com, very forgettable.

Mr. Angry? Oh, yeah, just, you know, Google angry cops and you'll either find a really cool cop video of me, you know, arresting some asshole or sending somebody to space. What's that? Yeah, chest bumping a young man into space. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.