84 - Are we Poor? ft. Kevin Brittingham & BrandonHerrera 01:21:33

Oh my God. Okay, we'll put that right back. We get that. We got our drinks ready. Cody, don't you... I didn't pop it. I just sisted. You sisted. Matty has his own scent. Yeah. I don't know him, but I feel like he looks like he doesn't smell good. We're keeping that in. Say hi to Eli. Make sense now. We're in Kiersey. Hi, Eli.

It's racially ambiguous, Maddie. That guy's fucking ridiculous, don't I? It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey guys, thanks for watching Unsubscribe Podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...

that's all of them please leave a comment uh like it thumbs up it give it a rating of five stars whatever you do it helps the podcast out immensely and donut and eli will be very happy if you do that and we want to make donna eli happy today yeah for five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top donut say something motivating

And that's where the, you come, that is, come subscribe. When Cody does his intro. Wait, do we do? And now I forget. You guys don't have a. Hi everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribe podcast here.

I am joined today by Eli DoubleFap, Kevin from Q, and Mr. Brandon Gerberbers. Gergergers. Because he is Mexican. What's happening? We just got on here. Yeah, this is what happens. These cameras are on. We're recording. You didn't do drugs with us before. You sit around the table and you have a...

Stroke for an hour. It's Tuesday. Kevin, welcome. Welcome. Thank you so much. All right. Who's our guest? We have a fantastic Mr. Kevin from Q, our very first African-American. Well, you're. I was born in Morocco. There you go. Were you really? Yeah. No shit. Wait, what? Yeah. So you were legitimately an African-American. Do we give him the end pass? We do. Can we give that?

I think we can now. I think this side of the table has... Well, no. You have the say. I'm going to be flying around this room. He's going to give us the unfastened. I don't know. This is the unsubscribed podcast where the points are made up and the rules don't matter. Jemmins immediately just gets up and walks away. He's just like...

I have employees I'm responsible for, so let's just move along. Your HR person just shot up in his sleep like, something is wrong. There's been a disturbance in the force. I know, the phone's going nuts over on the bar. She's texting me right now. It's like millions of inwards suddenly cried out. I don't know, a bunch of disturbance. Like thousands of blue hairs on Twitter cried out in terror.

- Oh, this is all too great, sorry. Kevin made the honey badger. - Isn't that fucking cool? - Also invented 300 blackout. - Oh, you invented 300 blackout. - A little bit of a big deal.

deal but seriously making an animal how did you do that that's crazy well so one night it was late i was desperate jesus and i were talking i was like we had this little thing that was really cute that fucked lions up that'd be awesome man i'm just i'd tip my hat to you sir you're welcome we're like why did you want to make the 300 blackout though i

Oh, man. Yeah. Okay. First, you made like eight points. You made so many different things. Also, you know, what's the Call of Duty? What's it called in Call of Duty? Your firearm? Oh, now it's called the Chimera, but it was the Honey Badger originally when I put it in there. This is what we're going to go over today. We're learning about guns in video games and then how they translate into the real names for it. Spoiler alert. Do they license that? No. Here's how it happened. So in 2000, what?

He doesn't know how the names work on this stuff. So this will be a really good discussion for nerd shit. Oh, okay. So in 2009-10, I was hired by Infinity Ward, who makes Call of Duty Modern Warfare. Which, I want to preface this with, I'm sorry, I've never played a video game past Super Mario Brothers or Mario Kart. So I've never played Call of Duty. But they were in a fight with sort of like Ghost Recon, where Ghost Recon, my understanding at the time was they were technically more correct.

And for like, what do you call them? Like first person shooter games? Yeah. Hey, you got it. Okay. So they were technically correct and Call of Duty was more fun to play. So they were trying to get more technically correct and Ghost Recon was trying to get more fun. They both fucked up. Okay. So they hired me to do technical consulting and that's how I got the Honey Badger in there. So the Honey Badger happened. 300 Blackout happened because SEAL Team 6, who I made all the silencers for at the time, came to me.

And they were working with a 300 Whisper cartridge. And they wanted... It wasn't working well. And they wanted us to fix it. And so we did it. And we named it 300 Blackout. And so we did it for them. And then the Honey Badger was for another special operations group. Because for Silt Team 6, we just did uppers for their guns. Their HK416s. And...

the other real cool group wasn't into that. They were like, Hey, we've already got our thing squared away. And I was like, well, what if I did this in a gun that can replace the MP5 SD? Because that life cycle has been up for 25 years. Like, Oh, that's cool. And so then I had to make the honey badger, which is why I did it. And so it wasn't really going to sell it commercially, but you know, the, so back to call of duty, um,

That's sort of what that game's about, I think. Judging by top tier unit guys doing cool shit. And so I put the honey badger in there during this program. And so then it just became like, you know, the best marketing I ever accidentally did.

That's sort of how all those things happened. From a line chef cook at McDonald's to creating the greatest weapon platform. It's amazing how far you've came in life. I know. I have a helicopter, a plane, a big mansion, and a bunch of business. I would say he's coming to this party. He's like, cute. Here with you, dorks.

So you've downgraded a bit. You can't get a girl, get a cute boy, Brandon. Your hair is looking good, my man. Don't wait until I take a drink and say shit like that. Okay, first off, what is the Whisper cartridge? Well, so it was a Wildcat cartridge, which was basically a 5.56 case with a .308 bullet in it.

The problem is the 308 shape of the bullet, which is called an ogive, won't feed reliably in an AR-15. So we had to make that shape correct. So it would take up the full length of the magazine and be the right shape to feed correctly in the magazine and into the barrel extension of the chamber. Which had some hilarious repercussions as far as people mixing up ammo types. Ha ha!

Yeah, yeah, so there's been some things I didn't realize that when I got my honey badger at first cuz I've never had a 300 blackout gun I didn't know you just use AR mags. Yeah, we're in a blackout in it, but do not shoot five five six two two three I Mean that you theoretically can as long as you're not the suppressor on it's not good for the gun. Yeah You do the opposite. That's a little bit of a that's what I think I'm gonna say do not put through in a blackout through your a

So you only need 300 blackout magazines if you're using .308 Winchester bullets, which are incorrect. If you're using 300 blackout bullets, use regular M4 magazines. And 300 blackout bullets are long enough to where it's not dangerous if you feed it in a .223. It won't chamber because the bullet's too long. Will it really? Okay. Yeah, because, you know, we're smart like that. We're trying, you know, for friendlies not to get killed by doing dumb shit.

service members doing dumb shit it's very rare I hear kind of like police officers they rarely do dumb things rarely seen on the news female police officers never mess up by the way

They're some of the best in the force. Sam Hyde just said that. Did he? He was like, don't get pulled over by a female police officer because you're going to be fucking dead or something like that. You're going to fucking die. Jesus Christ. They just go so hard. They're going to kill you. He's not exactly fucking wrong either. I think his whole point is like, you are bigger than them. You are stronger than them. The only fucking last resort they have is a gun. They will make you kill you.

I don't know. I just hit on female police officers when they pull me over. Who gets upset with them? I did that too, and then I got shot. Really? I showed her my winger. She shot me. That's ridiculous. You deserve to be shot for that little thing. Bam. She's putting me out of my misery. I'm sorry. Go to the light. I'm sorry, little one.

Perfectly balanced. Oh, no. Wait. How did you get your job opportunity with Call of Duty? Like, did they just reach out to you or...?

Yeah, I've had this whole series of, so my first career, so I wanted to work in intelligence with the government and I failed miserably at that. Probably because there's not a lot of intelligence in the government. No, I really wasn't good at my job. But no. Oh, these new codes. Like stacks of paper. What do you mean you lost the fall? I have to shred things.

But I did, I did all the, so I had, I had a pretty, um, by 97, I had a pretty good gun collection. I did all the gun sounds for saying private Ryan and band of brothers that movie. Wait, you did all the, okay. First off guys, just what is a good gun, a good gun collection to a lot of people is like 20 firearms. What is a good gun collection to you?

Ooh, I don't know. Like in my, in my peak and my prime, probably a couple thousand. I probably had 500 to a thousand machine guns when I did private Ryan. You had sex with private Ryan. That's where he went. I like to think that I've got a pretty cool gun collection. Then like you sit down at the table. I'm like,

Like you see my shop and everything. You're just like, oh, this is cool. Like, man, I remember when I started out.

He just called your gun collection cute. I know. I'm pretending that that's not like a fucking dagger in my goddamn soul. Thank you for reminding me. There's always someone with better hair, a bigger dick, funnier, more money, bigger gun collection. I wanted to have the biggest gun collection in the world and I met Reed Knight and I went to his museum and I was like, ooh, let me just sit the fuck back down. How many square feet is that one again? A million square feet. Yeah.

He has 19,000 machine guns on display. Nine million? 19,000 machine guns on display. His square footage is a million square feet. Oh, a million. Okay. Which you'll see Friday. Oh, yeah. That would be the perfect podcast, but you empty the warehouse and you just go at the front and the backdrop is the million backdrop. So it's nothing, just a bad echo for a podcast. You're like, hi! Hi!

It's just like a SpaceX hangar. Exactly. I mean, basically, it's the old Tomahawk Missile Factory is Knight's Armament. So it's big. What if they put us on a platform and a forklift lifted us up and we do the podcast while driving around the facility? Oh.

Everyone can see all the coins. I think we should do it. That'd be great until we get drunk and tip it over. We would die. If they make a four-seater McLaren, I think we should do that. I'll drive. You guys are podcasting, and I'll drive us around the Tank Museum drifting. Oh, yeah, yeah. What were you driving around the Tank Museum there? The McLaren. It's an indoor tank museum, and sometimes you drive golf carts, but if you're a baller, drive McLaren around. This is why I love talking to you, because it humbles us. So much. Because, like, this is...

how we sound to normal fucking people. And then we hang out with Kevin, and Kevin's like, "God, you wanna come over Friday? There's this big thing going. Oh, you can drive McLarens around a tank." And we're like, "What about golf carts?" We think we're fucking hot shit, and he's just like, "Hey guys, you see my massive dick? I'm here!"

Come on, don't sell it short. What's up, whores? That's what he calls us. He sat down and called us whores. He didn't even know our names. He thought it was a server that cut our yard. I don't know. In my house in Africa, it's kind of like this, but I have people cut the grass with scissors.

I don't know if you're joking or not. Why are you doing that? Because it's funny. Because it's very ironic. And it shows how I ball. Can you discuss how many acres your humble abode is? Well, it doesn't belong to me. Well, my house belongs to me, but it's on a friend's property and it's 480,000 acres. So it's in the Eastern Cape of South Africa in the mountains. 480,000!

- 1,000 acres! - Well, if it were an American state, it would be this small. - If you compare that to Rhode Island. - It's half the size of Rhode Island. - Oh, yeah. - So I can drive around for a month and never go on the same road. - Guys, we're leaving. - We're going to Africa. We love to unsubscribe so much. Patreon. - But you know what? - We call it Zimbabwe now. - Do we? - You know, when I was an up and comer like you guys,

Son of a bitch! I had these dreams, but then you realize it's like, well, women will steal all that shit from you and the government. And so now it's just like I buy freedom. Unfathomably based. In Africa, I'm very free. So there's a bunch of land, and I drive around, and I test stuff, and I shoot stuff, and have sundowners, and sometimes I pass out in the truck, and I come down the mountain in the morning. When can we visit Africa?

Anytime you want to go every other month. So I go in 10 days from now. You guys are welcome then. In 10 days? Bro, that's a good Christmas. Well, I mean, okay. You guys be slave to the cause, but I'm... Daddy's a pirate. I do what I want. Yeah, no, I'm single with nothing going on. So I'm down. I have no obligations. We can fucking just go. I'll pull my son out of school. We'll go to Africa. We'll make your content for you.

Come and do it. I have three guest cottages. Do you guys have places to stay? How big are the guest cottages? About the size of this house. He's looking at the house. I know. I was like, this motherfucker said cottage. He's like, what?

Well, this is more like a cardboard box. This is where the servants for the guest cottage stay. Seriously, I think probably a little bigger than the downstairs of this, each guest cottage. You have a living room, a fireplace, a bedroom, kind of like a dressing room with a bathtub. Then you have a shower and bathroom. A lot more than I had grown. They're nice. I wouldn't put you guys in a dump.

So there's three. And then we have other places. Yeah, so you guys can come. God, that would be amazing. It's so fun. It won't cost you anything. Like, pay for your flight. Everything else is free. You stay with me. We can shoot stuff. It's beautiful. Oh, no. Kevin, stop. Kevin. No, we said no. He's going to. No, stop. You're going to make me Africa. We come back. We come back black.

Just never address it ever. We all come back to fucking cornrows and shit, just like, yep. I've never seen anyone cornrows. You'll be the first. Brandon's racist. Cody's like, uh-oh.

He's already watching this episode like you mother fucker Where is he get him over? He's moving batty He's moving out of his furnace Which I saw somebody reply to that on Twitter. I saw your play to somebody because he said he was moving and

Oh, yeah. The guy's like, oh, well, good. Maybe you'll have some place where you're not sweating out fucking Eli, Cody, and Brandon. He literally replies like, go fuck yourself.

His last, or the house we used to have the podcast in, it was in Batty's spare room and it was fucking hot as shit. It was during the summertime. Oh, I don't like that. It's 110 degrees in San Antonio and then like, I guess the homeowners had it like poorly insulated and the AC wasn't that great. We were always sweating. Yeah, we were just sweating balls in this podcast. We had Goldberg

and we're all just sitting there sweating like fuck. Just walking like, oh, this is a mess. I mean, they oiled themselves up already. That's true. Showing those muscles off. Ah, fuck him up. I can call Goldberg right now. We can get that. He's a cool podcast bitch. Best podcast ever. Kevin's talking shit. Just Kevin gets suplexed by fucking Goldberg after the goddamn episode. Bullshit, that shit's fake. Well, of course it's fake.

I think it would still hurt. That's like watching The Wire and saying, like, I don't think this really happened. Well, Braun Strowman, Adam Scheer, is a good friend and a hunting buddy of mine, and he makes Goldberg look small. He's like 6'9", 330 with a six-pack. At one point. And so I fuck with him all the time. And, you know, he was like a world strongman competitor. So I'm supposed to be – I was going to Wisconsin to hunt with him and his –

world strongman competitor best friends this weekend but we're going to the Knights Armament thing and so it's like me and the three of them that all bench press like 550 to 650 pounds and I just jump on them every fucking chance I have you're that friend oh I am

And he was like, pick me up and set me down. Like, stop. You are cute, Kesson. Boy. Boy. Adam was supposed to, I think it was the first year Gundies, they were doing like some skit or whatever they were planning out. He was supposed to shove me through a table. Oh, he could. Oh, he absolutely could. We both like showed up, like, because we had both heard the plan, I guess, separately. We show up, we get there, we see the table, and he's like...

Don't feel comfortable doing that I'm like good because I don't Like it was like a breakaway table like it's just a fucking folding table, and he's just like oh

You're going to get hurt. Man, I'm going to break this child. Like, yeah. Yeah, no, I'm good. He's a sweet guy. But, I mean, I've fucked with him bad. Like, from here to that sofa, he's thrown me in the air before. He's like, stop fucking with me, dude. And I'm like, pussy. You just poked the bear. I just picture you, like, rotating it.

Alcohol is a hell of a drug. The first time I met Bill Goldberg, it was Robert O. Burst was with him. And like, I knew Goldberg was big. And then Robert O. Burst standing next to him. God,

God damn, his head is like a pumpkin. He's got a huge pumpkin head. He's 6'9 or something like that, 400 pounds. That was fucking ridiculous, dude. Those guys are crazy. Isn't there about to be a Strongman fight between the Mountain? They already did it. It was the Mountain and Eddie Hall? Yeah, I think so. Mountain's been training for a while. He lost a bunch of weight.

He's a big dude. You know who the mountain is? Yeah, he scared the shit out of me on Game of Thrones. He crushed that dude's little head. You killed the Mandalorian. That's the timeline. Fuck, man. He's been in Pedro Pascal. He's done a bunch of shit. He's been in fucking everything. And now he's in, what's it called? Dude, he has all the nerd franchises because Game of Thrones, Mandalorian, and now he's going into The Last of Us.

Oh, is he? He's Joel for The Last of Us. What's The Last of Us? Oh, yeah. He's the main video game. Oh, you've never heard of it? It's like a survival zombie kind of video game. Thor beat Eddie Hall.

Oh, okay. Yeah. By unanimous decision. Oh, yeah. Okay. Eddie Hall. I know he's bleeding out of his nose. They're really thick, shorter guy. Yeah. Yeah. He's, he's one strong man. Like a bunch of times. Have you ever seen like Thor's before and after pictures? Cause he used to play basketball and like, I think it was college or high school or something. He was this big around, but he was just tall. Have you seen his family when he's the shortest kid? When you look at him, he doesn't, I mean, he doesn't look like Eddie Hall. Eddie Hall. It's like a, like a fire hydrant. Yeah. Yeah.

The mountain looks like he's tall. He's a goddamn mountain. Yeah, he looks like Gravedigger who also played college basketball and then they just put on some muscle. Athletic. Gregor Clegane. Not Gregor Clegane. Clegane, yeah. God, I cannot. When you look at Bourne's name, I don't even try to pronounce it. Yeah, all that Scandinavian bullshit. Yeah, it has a lot of question or whatever those are called. That's Thor when he was a teenager playing basketball.

He still looks like he'd fuck you up. I mean, he's thin, but yeah. That's his dad and his grandpa. It's before he started eating fucking 6,000 calories a day. His dad and grandpa are just... Yeah, they're just monsters. Imagine having to buy every house custom because you need a fucking 12-foot ceiling. You know who I became friends with like 20 years ago? Is that... Dikembe Mutombo?

Hey, 6'9". Thor's 6'9". You don't in basketball? Oh, he's like 7'1". Is this an African thing? Well, he is African, but I wasn't trying to be like fucking racist about it. He's just asking about the country. We were on a flight together and we were flying from Atlanta to LA and that's how I met him. But he actually lived only like two blocks from me in Atlanta. So we became friends and would hang out. And, um,

He had a size 20. You ran into an African in Atlanta? Yeah. It's crazy. Next you're going to say you ran into a Mexican in San Antonio. Weird. He had to sit like on the aisle in first class, and his legs would go beyond like the bathroom doors. And he had a size 24 shoe. His shoe was like this big. And I took pictures on that flight of his shoe and my flip-flop.

And, you know, now we're on the size 11. No. I fucking slapped him and took it. I was like, shut your face. Know your role. Did you call him boy? Yeah, I was the racist one. Know your role, boy. Kevin Brittingham, 2022. Cue. And if he heard this, he would die laughing. This is where a red laser shows up on my chest from your five.

He's so cool. His parents were both college professors in Africa, and he speaks seven languages. That's why he was the international spokesperson for Adidas and the NBA. He's recruited tons of African athletes to the NBA. Fucking hilarious. That's awesome. Oh, my God. He would tell me stories. He's like, Kevin, you know how I met my wife. I was like, no, Dikembe, I do not know how you met your wife. He's like, I went to speak to the embassy.

And there was this beautiful African woman in the back. And at the end of my speech, he's like, all I could do was look at her the whole time. I was like, you, you are my wife now. He's like, we've been married for 20 years. We have seven children. Africa is a much simpler place. I told you. I was like, God, that's awesome. I was like, what do you think about that now? He's like, I'm not sure it was the right thing.

I might have jumped God. He's fucking hilarious. He was so cool. I loved him. Anyway, I moved. He moved. We're not as close as we used to be. He's a cool guy.

Oh, that's a fucking man. The life you've lived. You know, private Ryan, we won two Academy Awards for sound. I know. Oh, trust me. I know. That's why I'm like, fuck, you get me nerding out about sound design. Like the entire purpose of saving private Ryan was to give World War Two vets PTSD.

They did a good job. It's so fucking good. I went to the premiere, and there's a whole bunch of people that left in the beginning in the beach scene. I actually heard about that. It was fucking intense. Yeah. I mean, I was like, God damn. That's like, thank God I'm born now. That's not an easy movie to watch either. No. No, the part that gets me is where the German kills a dude with the...

the knife or the bayonet when they're in the house and the guy's just sitting there watching shitbag. Or when their buddy gets lit up with the MG42 and they're just trying to put pressure on it and he's just like, mama, mama. That sucks, but the knife scene is intense and he walks by the guy and just looks at him.

Yeah, that movie was tough. Band of Brothers, I think, is probably the greatest movie series ever made. I love it. Private Ryan was incredible, but that fucking thing's hard to watch. They shot that at, I want to say, 20 frames a second. Or 18 or 20. They shot it at 20?

Yeah, 18 to 20. That's why it's a more choppy. If you go back and watch it, it's a more. So the shutter rate is set for that to give that visceral feel. Are they like that's when skipping or like what's. Yeah, that's the Blair Witch Project. That's all. And it makes it more intimate. It also adds more action when you're doing that. If you're showing a hole punch in 60 frames, it's like, oh, you get to see all this. But in less frames, it's going to hear, hear back.

So it looks more violent. It looks a lot more violent. Well, you've cut frames when you're doing a fight scene. Exactly. And then the sound design going into that movie is like, I mean, I go back and watch that shit. I fucking nerd out about that. It's one of those movies where Steven Spielberg and the set design, you were, were you there for, you know, I was going to say, I just did the sounds. We did it actually at my ranch. Don't you just the sound. Do not say just the sound. You want awards off the enemy. Okay.

Here's your $20. Put some respect on your own hands. Here's 20 bucks. Be proud of that. But they spent like 18 months collecting all the sound. I mean, it's amazing.

Like the trouble that they went to, like they would go, they would fly to like Sweden to do audio recordings of a boat on a dock. That was the correct, but like all this stuff for 18 months, like it's the first time they've ever done that. And when I heard that, I didn't really realize at the time. So it was Skywalker sounds. It was Lucas and Spielberg. And, um,

When they were educating me, because our process was pretty intense, and they were telling me everything they had done in the year and a half leading up to it, because the gun sounds were the last thing that they did for the movie. And when they were telling me everything they did, and I was like, huh. Because I don't actually particularly like war movies. Like, for me, for our industry, I'm not... You know, I wasn't in the military, and...

I'm not, I don't love war movies. It's just, I'm, I just, I like guns and I like the technology. I like my, my niche in our industry, but I'm not crazy about our industry or I'm not like nuts about any of that stuff. But I went back and watched some of the older movies. Like I've never seen, I don't know, like name any of the Black Hawk Down.

Well, yeah, I did the sounds for that too. I've seen that. Jesus fucking Christ. Don't sound disappointed and bored at the same time. Yeah, motherfucker. I'll do that one. And Pearl Harbor, but I'm not proud of that one. That one sucks. But the sounds are good. But like the movies before,

uh, like the older, like my son's all into world war two and Vietnam movies. Like I, I'm not particularly into them. I don't watch them, but I went back and watched some of them to listen to the sounds. And I was like, Oh God damn, those are horrible. Especially the older ones there. They were really terrible. Private Ryan was the first one where it's legit. And it really is when I watched it and I watched all these older ones, I was like, Oh, this is, yeah, this is really great. And it was super intense as a result of the sounds. I was clipping in a, uh,

for one of like the reels on instagram like uh just me shooting my m60 i was going to cut back to the original rambo first blood and i ended up going first blood part two that's probably somebody going oh dude first blood the the sound of the m60 was literally embarrassing

They don't have the depth to a lot of this. Go back and watch it. It is so fucking bad. It sounds like you clip-arted a fucking sound effect into that film. That's probably what happened. Could we throw that up here? Right now. Weird, I forget. You have an editor. That's super easy.

You guys use one of those services or it's just like your guy we have a guy yeah, we have a guy he's fucking amazing fuck you're amazing Also everyone give a flock in the comments tell him congrats for his new baby cuz it's a month a month Congrats on your trophy

His wife's gonna be like, God damn it! Get a new job. These guys, they're going nowhere. She's pinching her nose. Motherfucking God damn it. Look at what our boss is saying. He's all proud. Reading the comments on the big screen. He's scrolling through. He's like, yeah, that was my comment. Follow him on Twitch. Yeah.

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With sound design, though, it's crazy when you see... A lot of people don't realize. They think it's all filmed there, and then it's like they're just filming with a mic, and it's like you're just walking, and they hear the gun shooting, and you're like, no, no, no. It's like...

sound on sound on sound like you're building fucking like a hundred layers of audio because we did it was pretty intense so it's a couple weeks um just and i don't know how many guns probably like 50 guns if i had to guess but a couple weeks you know like 12 to 16 hour days um

to your recording at the muzzle you're recording at the breach you're recording the shells hitting the ground then we'd put down plywood then we'd do it on concrete then we do it on water and then the bullet hits bullet impact so everything we would shoot meat i would kill animals we would shoot those we'd shoot mud dirt rock like everything and steal everything possible but it shows that's the thing like you watch that movie and it shows because like even like

As you know serial gun addicts or whatever like you watch that movie and you listen to it and you just you watch especially that opening scene. You have no fucking complaints. It's still like completely immersive as somebody who knows you know basically all those fucking guns you still watch it you're like holy fuck.

This could be filmed on Normandy. It's good. It's scary as fuck. Have you guys ever seen the Connicon videos? Oh, dude. The LNG video, Trey and I... What's a Carnicon? Oh my god. You need to do some goddamn homework. I'm going to fix a drink and I'm going to show you. Trey and I, brother in Christ, this is literally like... Is this like two girls, one cup? No. Trey and I are in the LMG video. It's helicopter pilots.

Yeah, that's what one of the first things I asked you when we first like started hanging out here I'm like dude. I've got to know was that you in the corner car video

All right. It's not too late for you to leave. Speaking of sons. So I heard about you, my son, who was a total asshole and I hated him. So I sent him to boarding school. No, not true. My son had many executive functioning issues. And so trying to get him remediation where he didn't have to live with me forever and could have his own independent life. Sent him to boarding school in Vermont. Do you sound autistic too? Yeah, a little bit.

Mine really is. Oh, really? Yeah, mine's not super. He's super autistic. Break the brain. Mine's like lame autistic. Stolen valor, man. He's stolen valor. He's stolen valor autistic. He walks around with a pump.

with a puzzle piece on his chest. Does your son cast spells? But he's... He has one podcast. I thought we could go one podcast without autism jokes. Jesus fucking Christ. All right. But he has...

He's dyslexic and has dysgraphia and dyscalculia. Yeah, he's on the spectrum. So I went through 10 years of remediation, which cost a fortune. I know. Trust me. Okay. So he went to boarding school for a few years, and it was this international boarding school in Vermont, and that's where I realized how brilliant putting the honey badger in Call of Duty was because there was a Chinese kid that came there who was dyslexic.

he came with a translator because he didn't speak english and he knew what the honey badger was the bunny hadger yeah yeah has your they don't have the art you got the bunny

Oh my god, you're fine. Kevin, you're so cute. Oh my god, he make the honey badger. It's sitting close to home. I am Asian. Can't make accent. And I'm just over here like, wanting to. Don't be racist on air. Oh my god.

Honey, why'd y'all... Fuck, I don't even know where I was. The Asian kid liked the honey. I don't know what that means.

So my son, so I think it was actually a Norwegian kid that he was roommates with who followed you. And my son started watching with him. It's like an international fucking boarding school. It is seriously international. Every country, name a country. There was probably a kid there. Anyway, Africa.

there was there was one his roommate one year was a kid from Zimbabwe who was white but yeah every country waiting Zimbabwe now Rhodesia do we yeah thank you okay he's a white kid from Zimbabwe so you had a Rhodesian there yeah well he was more Zimbabwe they were pretty hippie his parents went there after you know Revolution the

The cool stuff. So, uh, anyway, fucking posers. I know they were. You don't deserve those fucking shorts. No, but it's why I'm kind of partial to it, especially being in South Africa. Now there's like a bunch of expats there that were in the police and military and their pH is now and they're friends of mine.

Anyway, so people think in South Africa that happened, but it didn't. In Rhodesia, like you were white, you lost your farm and your land, and you got shot or you left, period. And their country is doing so much better now because of that. Yeah, totally. There are no jobs, even in the mines, and they're all poor as hell, and they have to sneak into South Africa for work. So it worked out great for them. I'm glad to see them reap the fruits of their success. Yeah.

So anyhow, so my son started watching your videos and he comes home. So I would go every Wednesday and then every Friday afternoon or Saturday morning to see him. It's two and a half hours away. And I would either, I brought him home every other weekend and every other weekend I would stay there and for the day and I'd take the kids do shit, his homies. And so that's when he started watching your videos. And so, so what I was saying, my son, we go to the white house for Christmas. He's like,

you know we have like don jr just did my podcast he's at the house my son didn't even come home to see him and they're friends and so like my buddy adam who is braun strowman wwe who's always like from the time my son's six years old is like we go to the events when they're in town we sent ringside he picks my son up after the match all the things my son's like like any celebrity that i know nothing

fucking donut operator. My son is like, the coolest mother for ever to live, dad. And he watched these videos. And so we come home on the weekends, we watch these videos. I was like, God damn, that's pretty funny. That's pretty good. So when you sent us, when I came here a while back. What you're telling me is that your son is autistic and racist. Yeah, basically. Yeah, he hates white people. He will. So. Like he'll fit in quite well. I was here last time and you sent shirts and hats.

It was like, it was like I introduced my son. I don't, I didn't know who to like the biggest celebrity in the entire world. My son was so excited and it was like so dumb to me. I was like, he hasn't, but thank you so much. You sent him all these shirts and hats. He was so excited. I took one hat and one shirt and my son looked at me like this.

He was so pissed. I was like, motherfucker. He sent like six. I took one. So anyway, thank you very much. So my son and I, so I started doing this art where I cut these stencils out because I'm kind of a lonely guy.

and I'm at home at night, and I'm very artistic and autistic. Come fucking hang out with us. I should. So I cut these stencils out, and then I do the canvas, and then I go out to the range, and I shoot these spray cans, and I start doing this stuff, and it sprays paint

And so anyway, you told me your favorite gun was the MP7. Well, I have one because I'm a baller and that's what we do. And so my son and I, I told him that. That was the Kanye, like, yo, my life is dope and I do dope shit. My life is dope and I do dope shit. And so my son is like, okay, let's get the MP7. We'll go do it. So this is ammo that SEAL Team 6 gave me for the MP7. We did silencers for their MP7s.

And so my son and I went and did this art for you. He was so excited. Wait, this is the ammo from? Seal Team 6. This is the 40 grain. Brandon's really watching that. I'm just watching Brandon's eyes just track. Brandon's address is on this box. You sent it to my house. And I'm like, just watching Cody kind of fumble with this cardboard box. I'm just watching your eyes. So guys, if you can send your panties to Brandon's address, which you saw on the screen right now, that'd be awesome.

yeah go ahead and put that up yeah my son and i did this art where we set up the paint cans spray cans because he's a graffiti artist or a hoodlum or criminal and uh he does a lot of graffiti you need a knife and so i got the mp7 out with our silencer which was the one we developed for still team six and for them to kill people i'm mainly terrorist

Mainly. I'm kidding. 90% terrorists. So we took a black canvas, and my son picked the pink colors, and I did a stencil of the MP7, and we shot the cans. And this is... It's like my favorite fucking 80s outrun colors. Yeah. That is fucking rad. That is fucking dope.

Yeah. So it's a black canvas and we shot all those different colors and we kind of move the stints a little bit every time between to create that. Did shrapnel go through one portion of it? Cause that's even more. That's a bullet hole. Because we're dope and we do dope shit.

Yeah, dude, that's awesome. Yeah, Donut, thank you for the swag you sent me and my boy. We made you some art of your favorite gun using your favorite gun. Oh, they made MP7 art with an MP7.

Yo, dog, I heard you like MP7s. My favorite thing ever, dude. Yeah, so that's got the original. Everything's original, and the silencer and flash hider that we made for them for the Bin Laden raid, actually. And then it actually has a bullet hole from when we were doing some of the colors. Did they use MP7s in the Bin Laden raid? Yeah, they were so. No shit, I didn't know that. Yeah, so we did. And you got Cody that made the actual MP7. Yeah, I gave you the MP7. Dude, Cody would shoot. Yeah.

But I hope you like it. But we did it with the MP7. My son shot it. That's so fucking cool, man. I love the colors. And I cut the stencil out the night before just with a poster board and a razor blade from my MP7. And that's it. Yeah. So hopefully you like it. My son was super stoked on it. Oh, my man. Yeah. That's so fucking cool.

So that's cool. You now have the flu. Thanks for giving me the gay. I'm not prepared for that. We would hang out so much if you moved here. I like based Kevin. Well, you know, daddy's a pirate and I'm Rolling Stone. So I do whatever I want.

You know, when you have a personal attorney, you just get out of trouble. The globalists don't want you to know this, but as long as you have a good attorney, you can do whatever you want. Which he did not have, apparently. Sometimes, no. So apparently when we go to Africa, we can have a fanny pack full of $20 bills and do anything we want to do. Absolutely. Because we made that $20 joke earlier. I don't think we've explained that to the audience. I'll even supply the $20 bills because, like, I don't know, it'd probably be like $1,000 amongst us.

At least. Oh, yeah. Real quick. So that's 50 fuck ups. So we're having a fantastic lunch. And Kevin's like the corruption in South Africa is so low. It's a great start. A great start. Corruption at an all time low.

For $20? I misspoke. I thought you were talking about actual corruption, and then I realized you were talking about the barrier to entry on corruption. It's so fucking low. Like, yeah, you fucking shoot a guy, maybe it's $100. And we're like, wait, hold up. He's like, yeah, $20, you get out of most everything. It's like...

Okay, wait, hold up. Corruption is high. It's just the cost is low. In the United States, they're like, well, rich people run everything. But you don't understand. In the third world, like being rich is literally a fucking superpower. Yeah. I mean, I think the. Oh, this is the perfect transition. So, Kevin, this is the bit I wasn't telling you about during breakfast. So we have the offenders.

We are all superheroes. You have to pick a superpower and then we choose the offset. Now you're like, that sounds like fucking dope. Why are they called the offenders? Cody, what's your superpower? I can fly, but I have to scream racial slurs while I fly. Or I just fall out of the sky. Or if he's thinking racist thoughts, he'll start to levitate wildly. That's why we have that joke. Racist shit happens, he'll just start levitating out of his chair. So a fire

How do you feel about this one? I love it because he can't go to my neighborhood to save people. It's like a Section 8 housing community is burning. I can't go save them. He's like, no, I'm walking up with a ladder. He's like, I got this, guys. Ooh.

Just close us up. Brandon, what's yours? So I fucking perpetually kill myself. However, I can never die. How do we say this without getting demonetized? I give myself the big sleep, but I can't actually permanently die. So I wake up not remembering how or why. Yeah, so he has his extra...

Oh, yeah, your body stays there. Oh, does it? Oh, I forgot about that. So his corpse will stay wherever he slept. What's yours? Well, we read, what was my new one? It was the brown streak, but what's the new one? Fuck. Oh, no, I remember. It was the crime cock. Oh. His original one is. I forgot about crime cock.

He's got flash super speed for his original one, but he shits anytime he wants to run fast. So it's uncontrollable diarrhea. What was the crown crime? I can, I am still the speed of light where I'm like, and I show up to a crime. I have a five minute cool down period where he can't interact with anything. So I just watched the crime. I'm like,

I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't stop him. So I'm just like invisible. Some brutal graping is going on here. Just like. Just distracting him. Can't call the cops. My phone just keeps falling through my hands. No. So these are all like terrible dreams we've all had. Yes. Someone's attacking us. I have my gun. I'm like, oh, it's a 88 pound trigger pull. Yeah.

I have the thing in my dreams where my guns don't... They'll fire one round and then not cycle. I think we all have those. I don't know why. It's all some version of that. What's your superpower, though? Other than being Batman right now. Right now, your superpower is I'm rich. Are you actually Batman? No one's picked that superpower yet. Yeah. We can choose the offset. I think it has to be that I've got a giant dick.

Well, we know, Kevin. You keep showing us. But it requires a lot of fuel. I don't know. That's your downside? It requires a lot of fuel. That's actually a perfect offset. I've got a giant dick, but not enough blood in my body to fill it. Yeah. He's like, I'm ready. I'm Kevin's around.

He's like, "I'm perpetually flaccid." Like, I can't even... Nah. He just falls on his face when he tries to do it. That's what I love, it's like, "Honey, I'm ready for-" But your body goes like- Dick's harping. He doesn't remember sex any time. It's his off-set. He's like, "Nah, I can't!" You're looking at the Mi bags and shit before you're like, "Alright, I'm ready."

I like how you don't save anyone, you just have a huge dick. You're part of our crew of superheroes. I mean, I'm trying to save, you know, dissatisfied women. Cody's flying around. Brandon's off in his own. Somebody's got to take care of those ladies. Let's go. I'm just like, hey girl, what's up? Your dude's gone. Sheldon's a symbol.

It's hard passes out. Shouts a racial slur off cell.

Second Brad Pitt cameo

Oh my god. I want to do an offender seat. Because I could BFX compass technically since I have the right. If we're all facing one way, I can just do the during that final fight of

Not the offenders. What is it called? The Avengers. The final fight sequence? In the original way, original movie? Yeah. Because I could do Avengers and then just comp us into the blues where it's just like nothing's happening. It's just exactly as we described. It's just like a purse snatching going on. We all like assemble. All doing cool guy landings. And then it goes really fast. Like here's Nick. Hey.

It's just tripod landing It's like the superhero landing but it's just like your cock No, it's even better because his dick has to be hard for that landing. So he's like Second comedic beat

Why is he here again? He's really cool. He likes his jokes. He really likes having sex with girls. I like girls. They're cool. Welcome to the offenders. Now you are part of the crew. I love it. I like you. We're just a superpower. You know what? He's pretty cool. He's like literally Deadpool. What's his name? Big Dick Man doesn't really work. Doesn't it?

What was the Deadpool's Ted the average guy? Oh, yeah, just like the totally normal like yeah Yeah, it's like we're hiring. He's really cool. Yeah, Dennis Hi, baddie. Do you like sex stuff? I do too with the opposite sex sometimes

With all the bad news about these prices these days, it's nice to know that Adam and Eve is still offering the best deal. What kind of deal, Eli? You're talking about adamandeve.com. Get 50% off plus free shipping. That's 50% off an adventurous new toy. How adventurous? That's a dildo. Massive. You see that mushroom behind you? Turn around. Fluck. Punch in. That could be a toy that could insert inside you and it could be 50% off. I like 50% off.

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Just use code UNSUB at checkout and you'll get 50% off. Fuck, that's just in case I can't say sex. I'm not sure. And free shipping. Doesn't matter what you choose. All will be packaged and sent discreetly to your front door. Man, that would be weird. It's just a giant box painted black.

I got a waste of like, what if we had like a clear box? Like I want, I want just tape on the, I want people to see the fucked up shit I'm buying. Cause that, what better way to meet your neighbors than like, yeah, box of dildos. Like a display case. I would love a display case of chips. Can we, can we build a display case of dildos over there? Like instead of a fridge, what if we just,

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Right, Fluck? I want to ask some questions. Okay. All right. So I'm going to test you guys. Eli, what's your favorite gun? My favorite? Oh, man. These are actually... Why? I'm not used to this. Why is this the awkward moment for me? My guests don't ask questions.

I'm gonna call you out for having bad taste in guns. I'm gonna punk ass bitch. You son of a bitch. Okay, well, the honey badger. I've got his name. We were saying he's Batman, right? Yeah. Batman. Big ass dick. Yeah.

Oh, man. Anyway, go back to fellatio. No, what's your favorite gun? No, I'll get mine. No, you already said yours. It was perfect. No, mine was lying. He was joking, obviously. Don't give a shit about that gun.

God damn it. Fuck you guys. Fucking hate podcast. I hate you guys. YouTube is stupid. I'm going home to my 400,000 acre ranch. Fuck you all. Yeah, he's like, goodbye, pores. He just walks off with her bottle of Makers. With his jetpack. Yeah, his jetpack. Where did he have that? Weird. When you're best friends with Elon, you'll have one too. He leaves two holes just through the roof.

Oh, if I could, God damn it, I would right now. All right. So what is it really? Not the honey bed. Well, now you're like... I know. Well, it depends. Are we doing long range? Anything you... You just have to name one. I'm not... Don't lead a horse to water. Why? Well, you tell me what you want. If the horse is dehydrated, my brother in Christ, you probably should. Yeah. Get your horse to fish. My horse is... Then he'll drink when he's thirsty. I could. I could.

I was not fucking prepared for that. It was great.

You teach a horse to fish and Brandon will snot all over himself. The horse has to be sitting like a person on a pond. It's like one of those... It's one of those... He's like BoJack Horseman. Holy fuck. Did you do that on purpose? Okay, I was like... That was... I'm going to go right there. I'm sorry that went... Oh man, fucking favorite gun. Favorite gun.

Can I do a pistol and a rifle? Oh, if you're a punk-ass bitch. If I'm a punk-ass, I'll fucking, well, yeah, done and done. Pistol and rifle. I really love my DVC Open. What the fuck is that? The STI. It's a Staccato now. DVC Open. It's a race gun. So a 20-whatever they call them. Yeah, 2011. It's just, they're super. Yeah, I like those. They're cool. They're cool. And then my, I'm really liking my SRS Covert. What's that?

The Desert Tech SRS Co-Fort. Oh, my God. Eli's stock just dropped, plummeted. Oh, my God. It's like Elon smoking weed on the Jiro. It's my bull right now.

Now, okay. Do we have some beef with Desert Tech? I just have a beef with bad science and design. My bedside gun is... Oh. No, no, no, you're too late. No, I stand by my decision. Oh, bullpups are so cool. Ergonomics, trigger pull, they're all great. Do you hate bullpups too? I just hate heavy, dumb shit.

Like, I don't like big fat bitches. It's just who I am. It's a bolt gun. Yeah. Okay. So she's manually operated. I got to open it up. Got it. All right. So we're going to move along. Eli, you're cute. I don't know if you ever saw this tweet that I did.

No, I don't have the tweeter. I don't have my glasses either. That's my bedside gun? What's the suppressor on that? Why don't you have it on Instagram and tag me? I know, but what one is that? It's the Thunder Chicken. My son named all those. Wait, is your bedside the...

Do you have a bedside? Oh, we both have same bedsides. Okay, never mind. That's literally my bedside. Oh, so you guys can't be together now. Yeah. Well, we could. It'd be really cute. That's the joke. It's the same bedside. I just got Twitter. We're just sleeping on it. Twitter's awesome right now. It is? Yeah, Twitter's really good. I don't know how to use it. I'm going to put some work on it. I got 9,000 likes. People just like honey badgers on the bedside. That's it. Twitter's a different game.

Dude, that's awesome. I didn't know you even had one. I didn't know you had one. You like it? You ever shot anybody with it? I haven't shot anybody, but that's why it's on my bed. I want to. If you're going to use it, Barnes 110.

we tested that but what's up things what's that the barnes 110 bullet oh okay gotcha gotcha i don't know what subs i have in it right now supersonic the barnes 110 i mean you could kill a woolly mammoth i'm just saying those aren't trying to rob my house usually you don't know kevin dug up a woolly mammoth corpse brought it back to life and then shot it because he could they needed it for the movie 10 000 bc because that ball

What does it sound like when a woolly mammoth flesh is impacted with a Barnes one? You're like John Hammond where it's Jurassic Park, but you just get to shoot extinct animals. Boom! Bam! I promise you, not only would that be more profitable, and it wouldn't have gotten out of hand. This is what it sounds like. Cha-ching! Cha-ching! Cha-ching!

That's what it sounds like. I just picture him, "Welcome to Jurassic Park." Just mowing him down with his mini-burn. Dr. Crouch. My dear Dr. Crouch. Welcome to Jurassic Park. There's 12 scientists in the fucking lab coast. They're just clapping. Oh, Kevin. Excellent job. Excellent. You have a T-Rex? No, we had a T-Rex. Yeah.

All right, so the Honey Badger, obviously, great choice. Not good choice, great choice. What's a great choice? The Honey Badger, idiot. And you have a favorite handgun. Fluck, mute mic two. Only because it's in my favorite anime, the Jericho. Is it 41 Magnum?

No, no, it's the 9mm Jericho. The 41 Action Express. 941? 941? Wait, I don't even know what we're talking about. Oh, man. All right, well, bless you. I don't remember. I mean, I don't bless. I want to say it's a 941. You get a pass because of the honey badger. Okay, Mr. AK-47. Your favorite guns? Well, mine's pretty fucking easy.

uh it rhymes with schmor mom my favorite thing to use schmor mom um now the uh obviously the ak platform is a very special like spot in my heart but if you had to like pull me outside of the ak platform as a whole i'm really enjoying the scar 17 i really that's good what about a handgun handgun um

I, well, my EDC is either a Glock 19 or a Glock 43X. That's what I carry is 43X. 43X. Dude, I love the 43X. But we can't talk about this on this podcast, though. You can talk about this. But we can't. Yeah. That's a 43X. Yeah. Because my eyes have gone, and because I'm about to turn 49, I haven't gotten the surgery yet. So I have to use the red dot, but...

Talon Sy, who's a YouTuber. He's a great friend of mine. Oh, yeah, Talon. He is so great. Oh, the van. Yeah, that's why you got your van. He inspired me to get one of those vans. Yeah, when he first got the van, the first thing he did was drive up and stayed at my house for like three or four days before he went on his country, all 50 state trip. Ooh, Talon. That's awesome. He's the best. I love him. He's such a sweetie. Fuck, like him. Yeah, and I was like, Talon, you can stay in the mansion that I live in because you know I ball. Yeah.

and you're that dick again he's like nah man i'll stay in the driveway in my van i sleep best now it's like all right well if you need something you know you can stay in one of the 47 rooms in the house and uh no but he's cool so he made me want one too was that a they're so cool is that a joke or is there actually 47 rooms 47 rooms i have an 18,800 square feet i have a 5,000 square foot

Skate park. Oh, dude, have you seen his fucking skate park? I haven't seen it. He was telling me about it. Dude, his fucking pictures of it. It's a... Because his son is a skater. Okay, my son is a wannabe. Okay. He's a skater. I've skated since... I've had a half pipe since I was 12. I skate Bert still today. I get after it.

So what do you not know? We will come live with you and make your contest 500 grand a year per person. Poor. I mean, if you make me money, y'all can have whatever you want. 500 grand a year. We just signed up. We're going to make her own. Okay. Make me a million bucks. You can have 500 grand a year. Oh, we could do that. Oh, that's super easy. I said per person. Because Matt. I said per.

Fine. So we just need to make three million. I was talking about Matt's content. Like, my son, when he was like six years old, he and I were blowing up cars and doing shit. We weren't even videoing. We were just doing it because we had big dicks and we were badasses. We weren't videoing anything. We were doing it by ourselves. I was like, hey, yo, my man, they brought a new van to the range. You want to go shoot it? He's like, we got any terror? I'm like, who the fuck don't? And he's like, yeah, dad, let's do it. And he get the MG42 out on the tripod. He's like, yeah.

Boom! Oh my god, that was cool. It's like, bad dad. That's what I'm worried about if I ever have fucking kids. I'm worried about that. Like the overexposure to cool shit. That's what's happening with my son right now. I know, yeah. Oh, they get desensitized to life. Desensitized to cool shit. I'm like, hey, Bill Goldberg is at the range with a minigun. Do you want to go?

No, I'm just going to play some games. In some ways, you and I are living the same life because my son idolizes you. It's like, hey, they're writing a book about me. Son, I have a castle. I forgot you literally own a castle. Wait, do you have a castle? Yeah, I have a castle.

And I was like, we have a castle. We have a plane in Africa. I want to see your castle, Mal. And we do these things. And it's like, he's like, yeah, that's cool. Remember when we thought we made it. But he doesn't want, my son doesn't want to be a rich kid. This episode is going to be like Call of Duty model or Guns Out or something. And now it's just going to be unsubscribed. We're poor. And that's going to be it.

Kevin poor shames the podcast. Yeah, Kevin poor shames the podcast. Okay, so here's the truth. So I bought my castle for $2.5 million.

And we've spent like five nights there. No, it's a lot of money. I mean, that's the point. It's ironically the point. But now it's actually surprisingly not that much, too. You have how many rooms do you have in your fucking house? 48. 48 fucking rooms? 18,000 square feet. So my castle is probably worth $7 million now. Oh, so it's a good investment. And my son is like, oh, man.

But he doesn't get it. My kid is my son. He doesn't like being the rich kid. And it's a whole weird thing. Like my son only thrifts his clothes. He hasn't shopped for clothes since he was 12 years old. He only thrifts them. He's like, that's going to, he's just not into it. And, and two, but he came to me recently and he's like, dad,

When I show my friends pictures, like we're playing Call of Duty, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And they're probably like smoking weed and fucking off and getting bootleg tattoos and doing graffiti. He's like, those damn white kids. I tell my friends, it's like we had MG42s on Trap. We'd be like, blow shit up. We're fucking badass. And I show them videos and they're like, that's Photoshopped. And he's like, motherfucker, I told you.

It's like what Brandon and I tell my son. It's like you realize people would have to win contests to do the shit that I invite you to do a couple times a week. And the people we hang out with and just all like a weekly occurrence for us is something that like, that's why I like that. Like just even, and John's a really good kid. Yeah, John's a fucking great kid. But I just see that and I'm like, man. My son's the same way. So great. My son's the same way. My son came into, so...

I see my son every day, but he's 19. He's got his own wing of the house. He comes up. Sometimes he shows up for breakfast. I didn't catch that until you left. Sometimes he's there for dinner. He's going to be Batman when you die. I hope he is. When you get shot in alley by a honey badger. You're like, no! This is the shame of my life. I was recently dating. You didn't use the 151 crane. F***.

- Well get this, so my son recently, this is in the last three months probably. Sorry, I just thought of that meme like, he dies. But my son comes in the kitchen, I'm cooking dinner, and there's a girl in a long t-shirt wearing nothing else.

And my son is like he comes like I hadn't seen him in like a day or two Well, he's 19 he's out doing shit and he got lost in his wing of the match Sorry father I had to drive the golf cart to this part of the house In the kitchen I don't want to know where he comes he comes And I'm cooking

Still talking about whores. Yeah, so well no because she's she's wonderful. She's an actress on like a big show. Oh, she's an actress She's on a big net Netflix show and it was in Atlanta and I was in Atlanta and I don't watch all that shit and

And I was out with some friends and went to a party. And it's like this chick who's a famous actress. I didn't know was a famous actress. And I'm there and I'm just like hanging out with the homies. And, you know, that's where I'm from. That's the hood. I'm like, cool. I like being cool as fuck. I mean, you guys know me. I'm being cool as a motherfucker. And then and she's like all talking to me. And I'm like, yo, man.

i know it's so lame but she was like just like desperately try to hold it together and i'm like god damn she's cute how is this single and turns out she's famous but i didn't know this and i was like you know and to me i'm hanging out with the homies i'm not thinking about that and i'm like god damn she's hot she's way too cute for me

And so I'm just like, whatever. I'm doing the thing. I'm fixing her a drink. I've made her an omelet. I'm like, what the fuck you want? And she's like, I'm sorry. That was your pickup line. You made her an omelet. I made her an omelet. Oh yeah, dude. You know how to make omelets? Yeah. So it's like, sorry, it's more confusing. We're stuck at that compared to walking down. What's this hot bitch doing in my goddamn kitchen? Well, she was in the kitchen at the time.

No, my man is an executive at Netflix. Okay. All right? And so I'm in his place, big-ass place in Atlanta, and, you know, it's like they all wake up. Is this before or after you fucked a bitch from Stranger Things? The same day. If you got to know. Yeah.

total fucking Hail Mary guest. And that's fucked up because my niece is on Stranger Things. Really? She's seven. Well, I didn't mean that. Wait, is she your actual niece? Yes. What? So fuck y'all. We're going back to my story. No, no, no. Okay, original story. Wait, we are... There comes down hot actress. My son comes... But before this, I'm like, I'm in there cooking breakfast. I get up at like 9 a.m. Nobody gets up before 11. I'm cooking breakfast.

And the girl comes down and I was like, God damn, she's really beautiful. And she has a twin, an identical twin. They both come down. I'm like, it's like my fantasy. That wasn't a thing. Did you not know they were in your house? It's a big mansion. It wasn't my house, but I'm cooking breakfast. I use that excuse all the time. Yeah. So I'm cooking breakfast. I'm cooking the omelets and shit. I'm cooking one for me, cooking one for my son, cooking one for his girlfriend.

And whoever else comes down, like I'm just cooking omelets. And she comes down. So this girl, and I'm not going to name her. And she like comes down. She's like talking to me. And I'm like, you want an omelet? Like whatever. I'm bored of this shit. Well, to me, it's like she's not interested in me. I mean, to me, it's not because like I'm too cool. It's just like she doesn't like me. It's like you're really beautiful even just waking up. Do you want a fucking omelet?

Like, okay, I don't need to be rejected by you too. I'll make you an omelet. Just say what the fuck you want. Then her twin sister comes down. Who hurt you? My parents. God damn, man. And so her twin sister comes down. I'm like, damn, they made two of y'all. And so anyway, I'm like, whatever. Cooking breakfast. My son comes in, all the things, I'm making breakfast. And the girl's like flirting with me. I didn't really recognize it. My son's like, who is your girlfriend? I was like,

I don't know. It's like some actress bitch, but I didn't know who she was. So it turns out she's pretty famous. Just needs to wear shit. This is based. I was just like, I don't know. Like I made up some shit. He's like, I don't like you. I was like, you're an idiot. Go back to your room. And so anyway, and she's like, Hey, what are you doing this afternoon? And I was like, I don't know. Like fucking off. What do you, what?

She's like, do you want to go do something? I was like, Oh God. Then I realized, cause I think like, she's like 30. It turns out, well, she's close to there. And I was like, I'm going to do this thing. I don't know. What do you, it's like, can I take you to lunch? Of course you could. And then, so we go to lunch. And so she's like, so, uh, I heard you own a gun company. I was like,

Yeah. And then I'm like, this is a fucking gold digger. I'm such a fucking douche. Yeah, bitch, I'm rich. And I'm like, what do you do? And she's like, oh, I'm a, I'm an actress. I'm on this show. And I was like, oh, you make 10 times as much money as me. I was like,

I was like, season one, season two, she's poor. Season three. Yeah, there you go. This is where I was like, you know, I'm 48. And she's like, yeah, I like older guys. I was like, you know, I just do this thing. It doesn't make as much money as you. She's like, yeah. So I need a guy that has his own thing. And I was like, okay. And so then my son, I see him. He's like,

Did you not know who that was? I was like, nah. He's like, she's on, I'm not going to say it, but we'll bleep it. No, I'm not going to say it. My brother in Christ, you have to say this later. I have to fucking know this story after. Wait, for real? Really?

I was like, what? I know. And I was like twins. And she's like, fuck. Right now. What? Yeah. Fuck me. And I was like, she's like, I don't know. You're funny and not an actor. It's fine. I was like, I agree.

His superpowers real. Kevin just has a big dick. He passes out really fast. Wakes up, comes everywhere. I do. I'm sleeping. Oh my God. Okay. Well, that is that episode of unsubscribe. Thank you guys so much for coming in and hanging out. We're going to roll into the.

After thing, Kevin, Brandon, Cody, where can we find you first? First of all, where can everyone find you? Good sir. At your mom's house. Okay. Type that in. Buy a honey badger. At your mom's house dot com. Buy a honey badger.