82 - Drunk History Part 1 ft. The Fat Electrician & Nikko Ortiz 01:17:33

Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash save whenever you're ready. For

$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details. Bro, you need a lip roller for these money. No, no, no. Don't judge me. Put the f***ing Dragon Ball back. You ain't getting those wishes. Those are my wishes. Man, as soon as you leave, I'm going to be dragging balls on something.

We're picking these f***ing things out. Getting all this s*** out. That's too short to be mine or Batty's beard hair. No, you're f***ing checking it. This is f***ing 9.30 at night. Oh my god. Okay, first off. Get this from a cat? Where the f***? This was at Batty's old house, which what lived there? Cats. I feel like Batty lived there. That's even worse. No, no, you f***ing popped that. Yeah, holy s***. You almost broke the rule already? Jesus f***ing Christ, bro.

Okay, first off, we'll just do this first. I mean, hold on. What is this? A shot. You got me doing shots out of a red solo. First time you bring me here, you got me doing shots out of...

Russian made vodka, and now I'm doing shots of something out of a red Solo cup. Dude, it's past your bedtime. He's already. Dude, this is bad. Coming from Iowa, you have nothing. This is a step up from you. You told me the first time we came, you're not allowed to wear pants on the podcast until you have four appearances. This is your second one? I did it on number one, Muffin.

He gets to wear pants? I do what I want, though. I just unlocked pants. He doesn't deserve them yet, and you're letting him wear his pants. Well, first off, he's really hot. There's that thing. Dude, that f***. That Nico Ortiz f***ing boyfriend. That is, I know it to a T now. Cheers, mama. Say hi to Eli. His racially ambiguous baddie. That guy's f***ing ridiculous. Donut.

It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey, guys. Thanks for watching Unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...

That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating.

And that's where the, you come, that is. Come subscribe. Okay. Not going to lie. This episode got cut in the tube because there was some drink, a lot of drink. There was a lot of drinking, but the good news is we have a surprise episode coming out Friday. So you're going to get this one today. And then Friday you get a brand new episode of what happens when people drink too much. Stay tuned for that. Okay. Then we go like this.

Okay. And then we go, hi everyone. Welcome to unsubscribe. I'm Batty. Hi everyone. Donut here. Finish it. Welcome to unsubscribe. I'm here today with my friend Eli.

And my other friend, Batty Screams. Wait, fuck. And then Donut Operator here. Dude, good to have you guys. It's been a while since I've seen you guys. Batty, you've lost weight. Donut, you've gained weight. Yeah. Dude, who'd you not see? Flipping the pancake. Dude, you just come back from the gym? Yeah, we got hit with that earlier. Dude, that waiter was fucking shook for the rest of the night. He'd be cracking jokes, bro. He got...

He didn't come back. He just checked. He was like, hey, y'all good. Okay, peace out. He didn't want to talk to us after that, bro. He was like, nah, fuck that table. We all can take that table, bro. Fuck tips. Tips and shit. Well, we were dressed exactly like this, oddly enough. We just got back from dinner and the waiter walks up and goes, you guys just get back from the gym? You guys gym it up. To which I just immediately responded, no, we just dress like douchebags. And then we all legit took it and were like, wait, why the fuck?

Why did he say it like that? And then I looked strong and pretty, recon one, the tier operator, and fucking BRCC in America. She probably thought, said BCAAs. Fresh chain amino acids? Fuck yeah, bro. Fucking go hard. Poor guy. Why would he be ordering drinks like, whoo, just got back from, just sweaty dudes apparently.

That's how the night started. And then Brandon showed up. And it got worse. The day has started at 4. Let me tell you a story. Batty's gone. Eli scheduled my flight. So I get to the TSA.

We need baddie stuff. I said, what time do you like to fly? I didn't realize he lived fucking 18 hours from the airport. I didn't know you had to take sled dogs to get to a fucking car to then get to the fucking airport. Not on me, bro. I assume you had internet. That was a personal problem. It started off really good. I went to TSA. It was very busy.

Which was discouraging at first for a second. Okay. And then I realized that thanks to the military, I can follow basic instructions. And then I got to watch a six foot eight, 300 pound black man berate people for being fucking dumb. Oh, it was. Oh, he was an asshole. Oh yeah. Oh no. See, I can't do that. He's literally just like me up. He's literally just like, if it's made out of metal, if it's made out of metal, take it off.

People, what about my belt? Is it made out of fucking metal? Then take it off. Then take it off.

He goes, you know what? Just step over there. And that dude got wandered for like, I don't know, the whole time I was in the car. Nah, see, I just shut the fuck up into your bro. I hate flying so much. I hate flying. I can't fucking do it. So my day has to go good from the get. If like we're, if I'm like driving to the airport and there's like traffic or anything, it starts to fuck with my entire day because I said, well, dude, if we hit turbulence, bro, I will reach over people, which I've done in the past, right? If I'm

Right? If I'm sitting in the aisle, because I pee a lot, right? If I sit close to the window, I'd lose no matter what. Because the window I can look outside, I'm like, oh, it's safe. We're not falling out of the sky. I'm not going to die right now. But if I sit in the aisle, can't see anything, but I get to pee whenever I want. That, yeah, fucking science, yo. The two options. Stare death in the face or urinate. That's all I got, bro. Because then if I have to pee and I hold it, I just get mad. I get pissed off. But I look over and if someone's just knocked, I'm like...

I'll be like, oh shit, what are we going to do? And then I try sneaking over them and it's just a, this is a awkward ass in the face. This is the second time I've hung out with you. And like every time there's something really serious going on, you're the most nonchalant person in the room. And every time absolutely nothing is going on, you are the most on edge. I can't, I can't handle like simple things, bro. If it's, if it's jumping out of a plane, I'm cool with it. If it's,

Me riding in the plane, I'm like, what are we going to do, bro? Okay, we have hit cruising altitude, 15,000 feet. Yeah, everyone can unbuckle back there. It's going to be a nice, safe, calm flight. Nico's like, motherfucker, we're doomed.

They tell me that we're gonna have a dude I like a pilot be like hey, I'm captain here We're gonna have a smooth flight You know it's about an hour flight if we're fucking ten minutes in and I've we're flying and it's just a little Dude, I have my laptop and shit out bro. I pack it up put it in my backpack be

Feet planted, hands on the fucking server. And I'm so mad! - You're already in the-- - I'm like, they're lying, bro! These lying bitches. - You're already like this. You're bracing for impact. Five minutes into a three hour flight and you're like, just in case. - Bro, you've been talking about it right now, it's got me sweating, bro. I panic. - You're punching the mask out. You're like, give me the mask! - Give me the mask!

I'm like, tell me, please. You scheduled me a flight on an airline I've never even fucking heard of.

I googled to make sure it was good. I did the boarding pass and they're like, did you want to upgrade for $39? I gave them my credit card. I'm like, this is going to be fucking awesome. I board. It's me, empty seat, some random woman, extra leg room, extra big chair. This is the comfiest I've ever been on a flight in my entire life. Before he finishes his story, now, I was happy with that first part of the story. I was like, man, I did a good job, Eli. I patted myself on the back because I googled and then reddited if that

That was a good airline. I was like, I don't, I've never heard of that one. That's weird. No, like since 2020, they went up and sales are going up. Everyone loves the customer service. I was like, nailed it. Finish. They're like, uh, so they're, they, they locked the door and they're like, the cabin is now pressurized. Um,

I turned my Wi-Fi on there is no Wi-Fi and there is no TV, and I didn't bring a book because I'm not a fucking pilgrim Did you fly fucking Sun Country? I've never heard of it Fucking seat rest for three hours

Go home, watch Lord of the Rings Return of the King, except turn the fucking TV off and make it a chair. I literally got so bored I went through my camera gallery and was deleting seven-year-old pictures. Old memes that don't even make sense anymore because they're so not relevant. 1.7 gigs worth of pictures. I deleted it off my phone in that three-hour flight. It was pretty epic. Son what? My phone's physically lighter. I got rid of so many memes.

Dude, no, hell no. No, see, no, no, no, no. Dude, no, no, fuck, oh my god! I was on that plane, bro! And I didn't have anything to distract my mind? That motherfucker, you catch me on the news, I'd be like, pick me up, I'm at the police station, bro. Nico was building a bomb for some reason. Dude, no, bro, I would panic. Five minutes in, we start getting turbulence and shit, I'd be like, put this motherfucker on the ground. Now.

Right fucking now, bro. I like dude I've reached over people open up the window because they don't want the Sun in their face Hey, listen, bitch if we hit turbulence open up that fucking window. I want to see I need to make sure even though I can't I can't do anything Oh, I would have held it down if you were to reach over I didn't know you and you're like open the other like no no no no I would have done this like I'm like who the fuck do you think you are? Nah bro I legit will grab it and I was looking at them and I went like this

And then you leap forward and look out. I punked him. I punked him. No, dude, I'm weird, bro. You get aisle seat and control? Dude, I can't. Did you tell them they can't use the restroom? Are you that guy where you're like, sir, sit down. It's like, what this says, unbuckled. Excuse me. I'm like, sit. Bro, I'm so weird that, like, if it's, like, the three-seater aisle ones and, like, I can't reach, I won't go for it. Dude, I'm so weird. I'm legit.

Pop up in my chair. I'll scan for an open window. And if I see one back over this way, bro, I swear to God, for like maybe like 20 minutes to half an hour, I would legit be like this. I would hate. Looking out the outside window like five aisles back all the way to the end open until like. You sound like my autistic son. I can't, bro. How did you have an eight-hour flight from Vegas to Texas? Explain this to me.

Oh, yeah, you did you like you sent me a picture like what 3:00 a.m. Flying and then you got here at 5:00 Yeah, with that why do you think it didn't we like oh he'll take a single I was like I'll take a single shot and you're like, let's take a double shot. I was like dude. I've been drinking Staying alive and not fucking getting like I put on a no-fly list, bro

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And it has to go good like I have to get I'll get like a nice big uber to take me to the airport I try and live like a king when I fly because i'm like I have to stay calm because i'll freak out dude I will I will panic i'll that's probably the few times i'll panic like he said i'm calm with anything That's crazy. If they're like, oh we're jumping like when we're brandon, we're jumping out planes They're like we're jumping out planes. I'm like, okay cool Literally, there's a video they took of us like jumping out of the plane I'm just like this the whole time like like out the plane and shit No, you catch me on the inside of a plane though

Like I'm on drugs dude, I can't. He needs an impending feeling of doom. Dude, no. Talk about anxiety. People are like, I'm depressed, do I have anxiety? I'm like, you have no fucking idea bro. I feel like you're never going to have a healthy relationship because of this month. She's like, I love you so much. I'm like, you a lying bitch. You fucking whore. You fucking whine.

Tell me I'm hit me. I don't like this. Why are you so kind? She's like wow you can trust her I'll be like I don't trust you. Babe this is the most calm relaxing relationship I've ever been in. Imagine the wedding vows. Babe why do you have a knife? Stand by you in sickness and in health maybe. Maybe.

It's just a lot of maybes. - We'll see. Just gotta calm him down. - Possibly. - Never commit 100%, bro. - You may kiss the bride, push her out the way. - Do you love her? - That's your reply? Is that fuckboy face? - I would say it just looks like you suck on a sweet tart and you got the Nico Ortiz fuckboy face. - I definitely can't do it. - Let's see it. Like this, look, watch, watch.

Nope. I refuse. Do you just pretend? I'm not going to be a meme. You're a gay fuckboy. That's your... Embrace it. I'm just like, I just, I take a little bit of Navy and I'm just like, Don't make that sound with me.

Yeah. Now you just got like the goods because that's the sound that plays in my head every time. Right now, Eli, I do it for you. Oh, yeah. If you had to give me a percentage of your success, how much would you put on your ability to make that face?

How many girls can be like, I really want you to do that face. Fuck. People have, people have been like, you just have like a football. He's do the one, like, cause people do. I don't know if it's you or someone else, but they're like, do like that face you make, or they say like, do Navy's face or like do a Navy impression. I'll just be like,

My god Oh my god penis sure one nice Oh goddamn

Do we have fat electrician? You're in second and third place now. We're going to talk about more. This is just a fucking bonus card. Demolition Matt called me out because he was mad that I took second and then I immediately took third. And then I'm going to take first and then I'm going to take third again. Make sure you guys dislike this video so we stay on bottom. Bottom bitch status. I've been meaning to ask you something. When snow melts, where does all the white go? Not to...

Is this a dad joke now I'm like thinking about it? So when ice melts, where does snow go? No, when snow melts, where does all the white go? On the ground. Oh, to Florida. The only reason I ask is because all the fucking dandruff on your shirt is so much better than Eli. Oh, you got some fucking...

We're just gonna do a failed compilation of Nick now, that's it I have to fail more than one. No, that's fine He did that to me like the first time we met which was what like last fucking month or like like six you got him Multiple times it was just like funny and chill or whatever Like I don't know what it is. Like if you got brain be like, oh look that guy's got a gun be careful. I'd be like this open

And then I probably get shot in the head. That's how I realized I liked you. It's my opening move. Okay. Because it's like, like, look, when you meet a new dude, it's like, I might like you, but you might be a fucking dickhead. Oh, no, I'm the same way. It's like, and if I get you with the boop, you only have two options. Either we're going to be really good friends or we're fighting right now. Or fucking like we did. I mean. I mean, I damn near put that finger in my mouth. He said, and I was like.

Make it real uncomfortable for him. It's like this.

I was worried when I did it to him. I was worried when I did it to him because the only way I can equate what I felt with how he looked at me was like when you pull the lever on a slot machine and the three wheels start rolling. This is going to be fucking interesting. We're going to be really good friends or we're getting in a fight. And Chuck Liddell's here. I wonder whose side Chuck's going to be on. Does Chuck even know this Nico guy? Let's hope not. Just beat the shit out of him.

The big ol' fuckin' fist just clubs me in the head. You're the first person when we always- when one of my other friends meets you and hangs out before they hang out with the Niko, "Man, I thought that guy was gonna be a douchebag." You fuckin' said that too! Every motherfuckin' says that, bro! Every motherfuckin' says that! Everybody says that. You know who caught me off guard? Niko Ortiz, a really good guy down on the earth. Like you said, I was like, "Yeah!"

I know. Dude, he came up, he said that exact same shit. Dude, like to the T, and after he's also like, he's like, he's like, dude, I thought I was gonna fucking hate you. I said sorry. Yeah, he apologized to me. I like people meet you and apologize. You're like, why does everyone hate me? No, I told him, I was like, I'm used to it, bro. It's cool. I'm like, dude. You ever just meet somebody, you're like, this guy's gonna be a fucking dickhead, and then he's super nice, and you're like, damn it, I'm the dickhead. Fuck. Dude.

Nico did that to me. Now we're best friends. Those internet personalities are like, it's so starkly different. For the TV show I did, when we did our, what was it called? Pilot episode? It was just to get the sizzle reel. Sizzle reel. And that's what happened was Rocco was his character and they were like, oh, Eli, just be yourself. And I looked at Rocco. I was like, I'm going to be a fucking prick. Just an arrogant prick on this show.

So watch out. And all I was the entire sizzle reel, which is a six minute episode was just me bragging about myself, how I'm God's gift. Yeah. Just an asshole. I didn't think anything. Cause I didn't think the TV show was going to get fucking picked up. I was like, okay, Eli's good. And then I got a call like two months later. Like, Hey, you got a full season. You're a history channel. But I was like, and I was like, Oh, I have to do this. Yeah.

I'm gonna be Jake Paul for a few episodes. Congratulations, now you have to fight him. And, or wait, he might make you wait till you're 47. Yeah, he has to hit a retirement. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a fan, bro. I just came back from the fight. I took my staff with me, bro. I was...

I know he had a fight. Silva's a good fighter and he is old as fuck though. That's 47. No, bro. Okay, so what do you think would have happened though if it was... Okay, because you fight too, right? Okay, so what do you think would have happened if it was full spectrum? Like Silva in his prime? No, no, no. Like right now. Full spectrum MMA? Yeah. Oh, he'd have been out. Silva? No, Paul. Yes.

Okay, so now they're just boxing. Anderson Silva's still a great fighter. He knows how to box. He's been boxing when he retired from the UFC. It's like, I get it. I mean, I don't think people get it. Jake Paul's finessing everybody. He's consistently training, consistently fighting, getting the bag and doing this, and he's just going to keep getting better and fighting better and better people, and people are just going to keep taking it from him, so why not just keep doing that, and he will be super successful.

He's already a great... He's a good fighter. Dude, he's solid as fuck. Now, do I think he could beat Prime Silva? No. No, fuck no, bro! You lose that reaction base when you start fucking... When you start boxing, like, you...

The older the fighters. Roy Jones Jr. is my favorite because he was like, oh man, once I hit my late 30s or when he started losing, the first thing he said, he was like, man, I was fucking on top of the world. Nothing could hit me. Those punches, that's why he fought with his hands down. And he's like, and then...

One year, like my body was, I was like, move bitch. And my body didn't react the same way. Yeah. And that's what happened. He was just like, yeah. And he was like, move out the way. Bodies took a second too long. It's like, boom. He's like, and he started losing. He was like, fuck my body. Can't keep up with my reaction time anymore. He was like, hands moving. Move.

And that's what happened that's Especially at the lighter weights when you have cruiserweight any of those lighter weight divisions It is the older you get the faster you fall off at a lighter weight division now you have heavyweights grill man himself

Who makes the grills? Fucking George Foreman. George Foreman grills. There we go. What the fuck are we talking about? I was thinking heavyweight MMA for a second. Sorry, go ahead. But George Foreman, he didn't come. He came back. He retired and came back a fucking champion at 43, 47 years old in the heavyweight division. He was out at a younger age. Nothing came back. A fucking monster.

What blows my mind about boxing, MMA, any sport, jiu-jitsu, any sport you want to talk about in general is film. Film has changed everything. Yes. Because now you're not training to fight. You're training to fight Nico Ortiz and only Nico Ortiz. There was a saying that you know who the first guy to beat Sugar Ray Leonard was? The cameraman.

Because it recorded his... Because they finally got to record how he fought. And somebody got to teach themselves how to beat him. They didn't teach themselves how to fight better than him. They taught themselves how to beat that one individual. Yeah, well, I mean...

Feel like nowadays. It's like typical sports. It's like football for instance. You're still going you're you're doing trainups You're doing your regular plays and shit, but then you're also adapting to that next fucking team you're watching Yeah, you need to fucking catch up you're like fucking mustard over there shit we're gonna

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I'll go get, oh, we got to get more? Okay, you guys keep talking about beers and I'll get another. Mine's, I got both mine done. Get more, a lot more. Just bring the fridge, the whole fridge. Get the whole fridge. What do you do when you're like really stressed? Do you go to BetterHelp? Why, yes, I do. Good transition. Batty, give me three seconds so I can pull this up for BetterHelp.com. Woo!

Oh, no, it's everything. You're good. You can fix this. You're a genius. I have these at home. I know how they work. I need help. Better help than you. This episode is sponsored by Better Help Therapy Online. Say the word. Better help. Please do not miss this disclosure. Perfect. Perfect.

Hey guys. Uh, one thing I've discussed what weeks before and now and all the time is therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy. It is important. It motivates you. It makes you better. It gives you tools for not only yourself, but family and friends and relationships. That way you can learn how to communicate. You can learn how to, um,

express your emotions in a positive way instead of a toxic behavior. And that is truly important. If you want to get further in life, you need those tools to succeed, learn how to communicate, learn how to talk, learn how to break down your emotions for not only you, but your partner, your friends, your family, and you will see a huge change in everything around you. So please, for the love of Jesus, maybe not Jesus, maybe like Buddha,

Same thing. Whoever your deity is or no deity, if that's your thing too. Tyr. I don't know. Thor. Thor is a great deity. Probably didn't do therapy judging from the movies. Gaben. Gaben. One of my favorite. Gaben. Gaben. Steam.

Oh, okay. I was like, I am so confused right now. Okay. So that being said, get unstuck with BetterHelp. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash unsub. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash unsub. 10% off. Go make yourself better. Don't be a Drew or a Batty. Oh, we didn't get enough beer. We didn't get enough beer.

Relax, calm down. The fucking fairy dance, dude. That was hot, though. Damn. Yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, fuck. More for you, just in case, Nico. A white claw? Boxing, fighting, in general. This is, who was I just thinking about? Oh, studying for fights. What was great is when you watch Pacquiao in his prime.

Or Mayweather, even. These dudes, my favorite interviews are the fighters that were going to beat Pacquiao when Pacquiao was in his height. They would train him for this fight, and homeboys would be like, after the fight interview, they're like, what happened? He's like...

- Man, I thought I could handle his speed. Literally, I watched that. Literally what they would say. That is exactly what they would say. It would be a thousand hours of watching fighting footage. They would get in the ring, it's like fucker's fast. Fucker is too fast. Literally, there is Mexican fighters just saying fucker is too fast.

Fuckers fast. He like... He was like... At first, it was like... I would see a jab. I'd be like, I can... And then it's... Boom! Yo, he fucking X Games mode, dude. Dude, he is, man. He's on veteran mode. I can't fight him, man. Heck yeah, back in the day, it was shit. Bro, and Southpaw. So you're just like... Dude, when he beat the shit out of... Not Canelo, but... Who's the Mexican fighter that fought Dirty? He put the...

plaster plaster in his fucking gloves beat up oh it just was in my head fucking mma i know it i know i'm like uh antonio margarito margarito margarita nice mar mexican drink his family was nice his family named him margarita margarito margarito but that dude pacquiao he cheated beforehand and he beat um the puerto rican boxer i cannot remember his name

And he beat the shit out of him because it plaster fucking gloves. Pacquiao went in that feet against Margarito. Margarito looked like Jesus Christ at the end of passion of the Christ. After he was done with him, it was all whooping.

Like Margarito, they had to stop the fight. Pacquiao lost that fight? No, oh no. Pacquiao beat the fuck out of Margarito. Wait, I'm getting lost in like... God, have you seen... I want to see this now. There's a whole YouTube channel where all he does is he green screen and like chroma keys out the other fighter that's like winning. And he just has the dude that's getting his ass beat in the boxing ring. And you just see him like... Yeah, just do it.

Taking damage. It's taking damage. It's literally like you just see this guy developing CTE. It's almost sad. It's terrible. Fuck! Did he get hit with his own fucking plaster gloves? Dude, Pacquiao, they stopped the fight because he had a broken orbital bone. Pacquiao. A what bone? Orbital? Orbital? Okay. Better. Pacquiao barely got hit and Pacquiao was just like, There you are. Bye.

Done. Knocked it. Dude, it was like the most one-sided like ass beating and everyone was like, okay, they should actually stop this now. It's getting fucked. Wait, this needs to end. Yeah, Pacquiao. Dude, I love one-sided ass beatings.

They're the best fights. I don't know. Did you watch MMA? A little bit. I didn't know you did Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. By the way, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, man. Bro, you were jacked in that photo too. Which photo? When you were wearing the gi. That was last week, dickhead. That was last week? Damn. Tragic. Okay, moving on.

Damn, what the fuck happened to you? You pregnant? You can come train in my gym now. It's okay. In my garage, bro. Next story. Go on. Where were we? I'm a pro football and jujitsu. Where were we going with that? Oh my god. I was surprised. I was like, what the fuck? Oh my god.

I was bragging about it. He's like, yeah, I'm a fucking... Go, go, go, go, go, go. Can't get too big, bro. We're going to shoot you down real fucking fast. Purple belt fucking fighter over here. How long you been doing that shit? Like 10 years. Oh, you could actually fucking probably wrap me up on the goddamn ground. Bro, dude. I've been doing jujitsu in Iowa for 12 years, 10 years, 12 years. That's different. Dude, Iowa?

Iowa the amount of burst off the slipknot amount of wrestlers walking around and I was terrifying and slip and that's the only people You fear on the ground if it's BJJ versus wrestling is your base

and you do mma too you're a scary motherfucker you're you're you're scary you have to person you have to actively try to kind of learn jujitsu but if you're a world-class wrestler and you add a couple years of legitimate effort into jujitsu you're terrifying on the ground you're unstoppable scary because they're the most aggressive grapplers i i love bjj person i've

I know when I lay down, I'm like, here, pull guard, whatever. It's going to be a relaxed game of chess. When I am fighting a wrestler, it is my ass on my back. They're just treating me like a fucking broom. And you're like, what? Just stop. What the fuck are you doing, bro? Consume energy. Yeah.

Yeah. Fucking worst thing in the track. Try learning jujitsu. And I like, do you know, Iowa's got the best. Yeah. That's all everybody. It's just like some random dude walks in. Like, can I try jujitsu today? Sure. Do you have any experience in jujitsu? No.

Your fucking shoulders connect to your ear lobes. I know you know how to grapple. Like, I was like, how long did you wrestle? I started when I was three. I won the state championship when I was 10. Okay. To give, if you don't know at home, to give you an idea of like the state championship level for Iowa, if you were in a state championship,

neighboring Iowa, you move to Iowa to try to win a state championship there because it means so much more to a college. So for example, we had a guy when I was in guard, new, new cadet. Oh Christ.

He showed up and he was super cocky. And I just asked him, I was like, are you like a fucking badass? Like, what's the deal? He was jacked. I'm level one of Mac. He's like, I won state and wrestling two years in a row. And I was like, oh, sweet. What fucking town? And he said some town none of us had ever heard of Iowa National Guard. And he's like, we're like, where the fuck is that? He's like, Southern Illinois. We all started laughing.

Oh yeah, I guess. He's like, what's so funny? This dude... Wrong neighborhood, motherfucker. I'll never fucking forget it in my life. His name was Mitten. Dude drank a 30-pack every night of Keystone. He's like, I made districts my senior year in Iowa. I will fucking stick your ass right now. They took their tops off, wrestled, stuck him in 38 seconds. And he just fucking... Just pinned. Done. Just...

Who is Horn, old MMA? Jeremy Horn. Training at Jeremy's gym because I trained with Jeremy DeMarcus Johnson and Ryan O'Connell. Did you really? Yeah. Wow. Now, if you want to know the difference between a UFC and a Bellator fighter, I can tell you, I can spar a Bellator fighter. UFC fighters, I can't fight. I was just like, what the? And then you have all these huge, like these are heavyweights.

Hey, I'm really good at stand-up. I'm decent at grappling ground. I've done it since I was 14, 13. Never been wrapped up so fucking fast. Jeremy Horn's a fucking legend. He's in the top 10 for most MMA fights ever. It's in the hundreds of MMA fights. It's insane. And then you have Sean O'Connell, who is a heavyweight. He does the hilarious intros.

Have you ever seen his? Oh, yeah. And he brings out flowers. You know, like give him flowers and shit. It's really funny. Yeah. And then DeMarcus Johnson is just big fucking black dude that beats the shit out of people. We.

Like sparring DeMarcus, we were doing stand-up. And again, UFC caliber versus like fucking... I could box Bellator if I could box like that. I'm like, okay, cool, I can... Bellator is... Sorry, what year was this? Roughly. Three years ago, four years ago. Okay, go ahead. So it's like... Good, good. DeMarcus though, DeMarcus...

He was 280 at this point DeMarcus gained weight big boy, and I'm like sparring and I fight South by Slippy hands and I hit him a couple times like it was like oh fuck. Yeah, and then I Slip and step in as he like throws a fucking it's like boom and it like misses here. It's like I was like

I said back he was like are you lucky you missed that one? I was like yeah, what the fuck was that? What the fuck? How it feels to choose I've got stop

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Stop, stop, stop! We go and then the fucking... DeMarcus does not go light either. He likes to push the envelope and fucking homeboy, what's he do? BAM! Like a good ass stomach. Oh, just the stomach. A 280 pound man. You can block. You're like... Yeah, and I was like... It was the... You got your glove hand on doing this. You're just opening the hand. You're like...

He's like, "You good?" Just grasping for a piece. - Your eyes are beautiful due to the water. - Yeah, I look up and I'm like, look like handsome Squidward looking up. - God damn. - Yeah, that was why I was like, ooh, ooh, ooh.

And I was like, DeMarcus, what the fuck? Sean. Dude, Sean and DeMarcus would go at 60%. And you were watching heavyweights throw UFC blows. And I'm like. You just hear the echo of each other. You're just looking. Oh, my God. They're going to fucking car wrecks. Yeah. They're trying to kill each other.

Because DeMarcus, they would make him go hard with Sean because DeMarcus wouldn't follow the rules of going light a lot of the time. There was the new Taekwondo guy that showed up. He thought he was the king of the ring. There's nothing I hate more than a bad sparring partner, man. Oh, this...

Well, the bat sparring partner of Taekwondo kid who thought he was B's niece. He's 17 or 18. And he's like, I'm Taekwondo. I'm fucking badass. And he's going hard at sparring. This is the first day at the gym. So he's going hard and sparring, like beating up the young kids. So DeMarcus is like, I'll spar him next. And I was like, oh, I know where this goes. The whole place stopped for everyone who's like a regular. And they're just like, the Taekwondo kid's like, let's go. And he's like, and DeMarcus is like, what? As hard as he physically could. Kid's like, fuck.

The mom's like the mom was watching it like Jiu-jitsu there's a like this like

eight years ago now, but there was this, he was either a black button Taekwondo or black button karate. He showed up to like a high level jujitsu competition, no ground experience other than like, we teach it at my Academy. Yeah. We're going to shrimp. Yeah.

Fucking dude showed up. It was like I I'm a black belt in either karate or taekwondo and he's like I demand to be in the black belt division and they're like Fuck it fine. They put him in with Andre Galvo who was like literally The best black belt in the world for like 15 years straight fucking dude realizes like 30 seconds then oh this guy knows nothing and literally gets to the point that he could finish him and

Stands up pushes him over gets up and just humiliates him for like eight minutes straight. It's a funny It'd be like that sometimes bro. Oh, he goes gotta go won't last him fighting and those people don't come back That's my favorite thing. I love I love it when people like oh Just tick talker like I'll fight you if I'm at the gym. We're sparring if it's sparring day I'll be with the fighting will be like like oh you want to spar with us?

They'll be like, oh, I want to fight Nico. I've seen him on like TikTok or YouTube and stuff. I'll be like, okay, let's do it. And then like you'll ask coach, be like, okay, like I know it's like today's like, you know, we're just sparring, but sometimes it's just like Muay Thai or you just be rolling for the day. I'm like, you know, let's do like some full spectrum shit. Let's go get in the cage. And they'll be like, okay, cool. I love it when people don't come back. Full spectrum, just like my son. Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus fucking Christ.

Every fucking time. Every fucking time I come on this podcast, you hit me with that. Dude, we should all fight. If you come out, you said you might come out the beginning of next year towards Vegas. You're going to have to come too because I have an entire combative studio now in my garage. I can't.

I got heavy bags. I've got 10x10 mats and everything. Call me switchblade. I think you were actually the first, and this was after we just met, he was the first person I showed my finished combative studio to, and I was like, bro, you're going to have to come out here and roll too. Because we found out when we met, and we were just chatting, we're like,

We did the casual like oh you think you know about fighting and then we're both casual like no, he actually doesn't know what he's talking about. We're like oh you fight too huh? We're like oh okay what are you what are you probably like what do you do? So this is a cool little standing 69 three seconds later. You've never standing 69 with a dude? And career. I want to be part of this. There we go. Oh my god.

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It's cool. Dude, do you put yours in a pillowcase? Oh, yeah. No, don't. Wait, what? That's the fucking case. The pillow's inside. It's got a zipper. What? Use the outside. It's legitimately like cooling as fuck. Bro, I'm telling you, just rock that shit. Raw dog your pillow, bro. So nice. Oh, yeah. I'll hold it up here.

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Oh, only subs? Only subs. Only subs. Ooh. We start these. Only subs. Only subs. Man, this is really fucking, this is difficult. What do you guys want? Do you want us to unsub or sub? This is. I'm confused. These are mixed signals. You like my last relationship. I ain't liking this. Full spectrum. Like my son. That's it.

We just gotta toss it to him. Tism. Yeah, you just gotta toss me a tism joke every now and then. I fucking love it. Dude, my son... This is a random tism. My son got off the fucking bus the other day, like walks up. I got the... Do we? What? Let me finish my son joke! It's adorable! Jesus, I love my son...

Full spectrum, God. Okay, so my autistic son, before I was rudely interrupted, got off the bus. Yes, it's shorter than other buses. I knew you were about to ask that, Nick. It's long in our hearts. Thank you. Nico gets it. So, Raiden gets off that bus, you piece of shit. Walks up to my reconnect.

We're just painting you out to be a piece of shit. They're like, we can't cancel the dad, so maybe we'll cancel the fucking other guy in the middle. Just cancel him. The dude fucking hates autistic kids. Like, wasn't the other guy, the one guy's tossing the junk, but the other guy's catching it like, yeah, but his son's actually autistic, so let's fuck the guy in the middle. Fuck that white dude with the tattoos. He obviously wears ghost costumes on weekends.

Damn. Got him. Tragic. Once again. Got him. I hate everything. All I was going to say is how much money did you raise with the TISM shirts for autism research? We did a good... That's all I was going to ask. Oh, that was a sweet... No, no, it's a lie. It's just a save after... Yeah, that was a save face. I know it. Now everyone behind the cameras is like...

God damn it. I still like when the theory was my son was going to do the autism. We're just donating to my son to do nonprofit for autism. And Ryan is just watching YouTube videos, not doing any research, but he got money. So that's all that matters. It's not how the money was actually spent. I believe you. Dude, I'm the bad guy. You're imitating him typing with all five fingers.

They're called Tism Fingers. Tism Fingers, bro. What did... I got them. One of our... Well, one of them started calling... Who was it? One of the guests was... He was like, oh, you mean casting magic spells. And I was like, oh my God, you're right. Magic hands. Fucking... When they're stimming, it does look like they're casting spells. Jesus Christ. No, no, no.

It fucking makes sense. It do be like that. Oh my God. Dude, when Raiden's happy, dude, fucking all the spells at once. Bro, maybe he in a gang too, bro. Raiden's in all the gangs. He's just doing gang signs and magic spells at the same time. Has he ever been angry and done it? He's been like, dad, I swear.

Start floating on my son's son stop it stop it son is too OP for the Naruto universe Fucking giant toads and shibby replicating himself. It's like a hundred autistic kids were

I learned so much about myself on this podcast. I'm way more comfortable making fun of Europeans than I am of anybody with a disability. I know you're coming into the show like, I'm going to shit on Europe. Is that okay? Can I shit on Europeans? And I'm like, no, let's switch that around. We're just going to make you super uncomfortable the whole time. Yeah, it's fine. I get it. Whatever. So black people.

Nick, this is where you say a positive message about him. We talked about this beforehand. Is it that hard to draw one? I hate you. Watch this. Nico, black people. Bad cute, bro. That's how easy it is. It bothers me. Because you came in the first podcast.

You came into the first podcast trying to upset me and you figured it out on the third one. And now you just fucking throw me off the whole time. It's not the autistic kids. It's the black people. Jesus Christ. Why do the Chinese use spoons? This is the last time I ever fly to Texas. Ever.

I like it. You're on this episode and you're gonna be on probably two more. I'm probably gonna film two more of these. We're gonna run out of Coors Light. I can't find Bush Light to save my fucking life in this goddamn state. Just avoiding the black question. What about it? Just when we say black and people, what comes first thing that comes to mind? Did you say uh? He did uh hands like uh. He did. I hate you. I hate you so much.

I love Nick just being like, you pieces of shit. All right, well, pick on me. Because I double teamed him. We double teamed him ass to mouth, bro. That's fucked. I just spit it. Okay, do me. Pick on me instead. Dude, I put my mouth on that one, too. This one's baddies. I know. That one's baddies. My first podcast, they made fun of you about it. Fuck. It was like, Nico's like at the base of that thing. It was crazy. Dude, I go in. I can do everything 100%. I specifically remember going, is this the one that Nico had? And they said, yeah. And I went.

Oh, DSW just did the best. It smells like Ambercrombie. Dude, Hollister. I was gonna say, Niko 100% is a Hollister boy. I specifically remember saying it smells like kids that bullied me in high school. There's only one cologne I've ever used, and it's the most basic bitch cologne ever. Wait, no, you are a fucking Aqua DiGio, or are you that Walmart brand Lucky? Dior, bro. Dior? What the f- you had Dior going up? Dior Savant, yeah.

I don't know what that means. I never wore cologne until like maybe like a year ago. I still don't wear cologne. Really? None of you wear cologne? I do sometimes. You're married so it makes sense. I'm not married. But sometimes I just... I do fucking... I have to do cologne. Why? It smells worse than mine. You smell good. Dude. Why? You could not wear cologne. I'd still smell you. It doesn't even matter bro. I'd smell you so fucking hard. It's like this. I send you pictures like that every day. You smell this and you're like that smells good.

I was like pumpkin. Oh wait wait wait don't does don't it smell as good as baddies Oh, I want to smell the different ones. Wait, wait, who's his what bro? Don't be spilling shit girl. Do this Fucking out of rags. We're getting those different Smith. I'm not gonna like this one does smell real

This is beard cream. You can smell that one. Donut smells pretty good. Baddies has more of it. That one, the oil has a lot more citrus in it. That one's very subtle because it is. I like this one because it's subtle. Because it goes on your beard. That one is like it hit me in the tan. Well, this is hair. So this is for hair. That's for beard. Yeah. You got to fucking test them out.

Where's that other one at? I think I might like donuts the most. Donuts are good. Did you smell this one? Yeah, it's a lot. But that's for hair. That's for hair. Oh, I don't have hair. I don't want people. Bro, motherfuckers be smelling me. I swear to God. Like, I'm serious. People are like, y'all can I get a picture? I've literally heard people like audibly like smelling me. That's why you use that fucking. No, I don't want people to be like, come back for a second whiff. I'm like, let me take photos. So they want the second whiff. Where's that? There they are.

Oh god, what what do you have to say? No, he's gonna make a comment right now. He just got a job. It's directed at me Look, it was it's just i'm ready. Go ahead. We've been here for like six hours now And I didn't have a kiss until now I was like once I turned I turned and I heard nothing and I was like

- That was that moment. - Fuck. - Yeah, I was like, fuck. And I pictured a finger here, but I was like, there's no finger here. And I was like, did you see why I didn't look back? And I was like, I don't care what's coming. I'm not looking back.

I'm not going. Turn up the audio as he's sucking on his finger to get it wet. Because that's what I heard. I heard this. Bro, the first time. If you watch the first podcast. I'm going to jerk off to this later. When I got donut, Batty's like, I was just wondering, what are you doing? Because when I got donut the first time, I literally did this. I ate it. 10 seconds. And Batty was just looking at me like.

Then I need to look and it was it was it was perfect. He almost shot me legitimately I know I don't know what come for you I really don't be like like he's such a cool like calm genuine dude But I feel like you know that was I'm fine. I'll type a guy as well with him for a while now That was the closest I've ever come to getting shot by him That's there that was like a family guy when you pull your finger. I was like and the slobber was like oh

You know Sticky cum same thing is the same sticky gum, but I like every Universal guys no sticky cup You're sticky cum

Extra seeking. What is wrong with you? Nothing. I'm fine. Have you seen this new layout? The medic in me says it's because you're dehydrated. You need to drink more water. No, that's water. You're good. Okay. Is this good, doc? Sure. Okay. Veteran water. God, I'm so glad you guys are in town. Like, I was just so excited. I was excited for this. I get to see my boys. We was all going out. Kiss, bro. Free that.

By the way, I love the new setup, bro. This shit looks fucking beautiful. And I'm gonna... I've literally just been like... The second it came out, I was like, fuck. Dude, you're... I need to do this. Yeah, you were fucking just... Nico's been at the cameras like, oh, fuck, okay. There's lighting. Oh, I need more separation. He sent... I showed Nick...

I get full spectrum when I see shit like this. I'm like, how do I do it? I just like your studio setup that you sent after I sent ours. You're like a white mix. You guys are starkly different. If you've ever seen Nico's content, it is the polar opposite of this setup. It's a white wall and it's all white. Hey guys, maybe you need to come more tees back. No.

Angel sitting on a cloud Sad I'm just like this the whole time like with a light a key light right Jesus okay, we fucking get it drink that one wait, okay? No way did we live till 5:00 5:00 till 5:00?

No, no the keg is for tomorrow, but you know you start doing on here. I bought a keg is like Whoever's falling behind you gotta taste them on the podcast dude. Just drink it straight I know a 12 pack wasn't better your trained professional. You should know better. I mean I guess god damn it In the frame the whole god. I'm so sorry that was fucking Why do you have to leave in the frame?

Dude, it's okay. I like it when you get up and move around. Shit. I'm so sorry. Guys, I apologize. Anyways. Chinese people. Ooh, shit. Chinese people? Don't you do it. Don't you do it, Nico! You stop it! And he itches his eye. He's like, what, I got an eye itch? What? What? What?

I just, I just, I'm in Iowa and I try to be a good person and I come here and you assholes just frame me. What did you do? He asked me about Chinese people. Oh, God. Yeah, that's what I did.

Wait, so I can do this though because I'm Chinese, so now it's okay? I think that concept is fucked. In fact, I'm Chinese. Isn't that concept fucked up? Are you Chinese? I am Chinese. You should look at my mom and you'd be like, that bitch Chinese. Really? Yeah. My mom's side is Chinese and Pacific Islander, so Hawaiian. Oh, you're actually Asian too. Yeah, I'm actually Asian. Oh, yeah.

If you saw my mom you'd be like if you saw my mom my dad you're like holy fuck this both of them my fuckers is Nico bro It's very weird and you are you are a door T. So it's yeah, not white. You're the Mexico I'm also I'm a weird in Mexico Germany como estas dude

Whole Mexico speak of America and Germany. Well, I guess Mexico's North America because I'm Anyways, southern America and Germany of the water related Everybody knows about like the the German colony that fled there after World War two. Oh, yeah Germany super cool, but I just found out about There is an entire like area in Brazil, I think it's Brazil it might be Argentina, but I think it's Brazil and

where Confederate soldiers left after the Civil War and fled to South America. And there was like a community of white Confederates in South America to this day.

I watched a whole documentary on it, just blown away. It's just still there? Are they still racist? Today, yes. Very. Are they still racist? 100%. After that many generations? They took the L and they're like, nope, not changing. And then they went to South America and they're like. And now when they open the door, he's like, these fucking browns. What are they mad about now? There was a whole documentary. I was blown away.

They're like, they got a stage set up for like their town festival. They're like square dancing with the Confederate flag and shit. I was like in 2022. Como estas? I hate the Browns. It's like, wow, they have a Spanish accent. This is amazing. Fuck the Brown people. Am I right? What?

Fuck. Is that? Wait, are you? It's like, I'm dead ass serious. I did. We talked about it last time. The, um, the islands off of South, was it Japan or Africa that had the, they worship the American soldiers. It was, uh, G. I. Joe, not G. I. Joe. What'd they call the Colonel? He was a God to them. So during World War II, Joe,

It's like, kick him off. Just kill him. Just get rid of him. Now he is the target. Nico is no longer Kip. Dude, I've been waiting for you to throw shots at me, bro. I don't think nobody want to fuck with it, bro. I just don't care. It's not worth the time. I'm like, fucking hit me. Do it. These people, they fucking...

It's an island. We landed in World War II as a quick stop. We were like, hey, let's put fuel on everything. We'll drop everything here. Islanders have no fucking access to anything. They see fucking giant planes just landing on this thing. They're like, what the fuck? And then we start airdropping food supplies. We give them supplies. And she's like, oh, yeah, fucking here, blah, blah, blah. We interact for a month and we peace the fuck out. These people turn those people into gods because they had no idea what the fuck happened. This was a tribal thing.

Island. No electricity, no nothing. So they were like, how do we bring the GI Joe GI? I forget what they called the God. It was like Joe. It was like God, Joe or Lord Commander Joe. What?

So they built wooden replicas of planes, radios, everything we had. And to this day, they still practice that religion and they show it off because they like walk around and fake army outfits that they made. They make ARs or at that time they make M1s out of wood. They like fashioned everything after it. And satellites literally made a bamboo. It's a fucking really cool story. If you've not read it, what's this called? Damn it.

This is, oh man, I can tell you. I was going to say, this is actually very interesting. I'd like to read it. This is one of those weird ones. It was like a World War II island that worships GI soldiers. That is super interesting. I was going to say, I know about George W. and the cannibals, but not this. Oh, the cargo colts of Tana worship American World War II soldiers and

Prince Phillips. South Pacific Island cult that worships the spirit of American war. Is that like an untouched like group of people? Dude, they would like do full on. Yeah, it wasn't untouched. Then they started developing all their costumes and their island shit after everything. They fly an American flag.

They build fucking. No, but okay. So that's interesting because like that is like you see they have like regular t-shirts and shit like that. Now they do because they were like, what the fuck was this? Untouched like indigenous populations and people and stuff like that. Like North Sentinel Island. Exactly. Like and you actually cannot, you're not supposed to go out there and interact. They built that. That's off the coast of India. That one is. Oh, yeah. It's highly illegal to go. You're not supposed to go out there. You're not supposed to fuck with them, et cetera. So, but that's interesting. That one dude got murked.

Yeah, the the reporter missionary the missionary he was going out there like deliver bibles so they fucking just arrows while he was in his canoe right now They don't like me we gotta pull back

He's like, fuck, I'm out here by myself. Dude, where is the other photos? There is so many photos of the shit they've done, which is crazy. Because they started building everything out of wooden. Isn't it weird, though, how they would take something like that into perspective and make that, like, the end all be all? If you didn't know anything and a dude just, like, straight up landed in a fucking airplane, like, what do you make of that? Waiting for John Frum. That's who they call. John Frum is who the deity is.

Waiting dude well no it was the colonel at the time they think they don't know the back story so much They're like yeah, we landed on there. We took off and then they came back like years later, and they're like Like wooden satellites and like what the fuck is going on in this little fucking dude feels like the actual guy dude It's like dude. I'm a fucking I'll be God yo John from

And now they like, dude, I'm Jesus. Yes, that's what his first thought was. I'm fucking a God. Yo, it's your boy. God, what's up, motherfucker? You just worship that. He's like, get on your knees and pray. Bitch, cook me food. Do they like, like literally it's just worshiping soldiers, outfits, America, America.

Because in the 1970s, you had this indigenous people that never interacted with any fucking thing on the outside world. This is the 1940s and 30s. So there was no access. Then America is just like, whoa, dropping shit. Parachutes opening up here. 1940s, 30s and 40s. OK, the World War Two. Yeah. So you have that happening at World War Two. You're just like, yo, that's so fucking wild.

You have all the knowledge. This is my favorite thing about you the level of knowledge you have about you actually In information for me worthless bar trivia is all it is is that where you learned it are? It's fun knowledge though. It's like I get what you're saying though It's like the thing you could it's like the interesting conversation You have the bar and people are locked in all night about it. It was perfect and fun facts. What's this Hitler's birthday? He's my Hitler's birthday. Fuck that guy. It was birthday. I

It's actually the easiest date. I don't know his birthday. It's a really easy date. Not cool to do it at all. 420. I don't want to know. 420. It's actually his birthday? Yeah, 420 is his actual birthday. Nope, not going to do it. Hey, but guess what? You're not going to forget it. Yes, I will. No, you won't. No, you won't. 420.

Hitler. Hashtag. Hashtag. Don't put them together. Hashtag 420 Hitler. We don't start that. That's a Nick hashtag, not ours. Fuck you. Nick started that here. I hate all of you motherfuckers. I don't know why I come on this podcast. Thank God. Did you see that? That was actually a pagan plea for mercy on his knees. He was like, I was like, I was like, hi. He's like,

Just stop. Just hold back. Just on this joke. Let's not make me look bad. Hit me with some shit. What?

What do you want? - I don't know. - God dammit. - Dude, make fun of me or something! - I bet you were really popular in high school. - No. - It's super hard for me to be here and be like, "I know for a fact you're really successful, but..." - Oh my God. Fucking on Nika Warty. - Do you guys wanna see a picture of me in high school with a bowl cap? - You are really nice. You look very handsome today. Oh, I have really nice eyes.

and very nice hair. Have you seen my... It doesn't mean it if you don't kiss me. Have you seen my eyebrow haircut? Two. Is that the right side? I think so. All right, dope. Thank God. Is that what you... Thank God it is. You're not sure I brought it on? Take a risk. Do I shave this eye or the other? Do you forget which eye you shave? I mean, I don't really pay attention to... Oh, here you go. Here you go.

I forgot you were an ugly fucking kid. Bruh. If you guys can see this. Fuck, we're gonna get you that picture. Fuck, you're gonna punch in on this? Holy. Let me see it. Fuck. He looks like a woodchuck that could chuck wood. Alright, alright, here. That is a... Bro. Those bags, bro. Those bags. What is up with your hair? Dude, I fucking know, bro.

Have you seen this child? He wandered off on his own. You look like Kitty. The parents did not come to find him. You look like Kitty from that 70s show. What is that hair? Wait till you see the all pink hair, bro. If you're at home, Google page boy haircut. That's what he had. God bless this. I know that because my wife does hair for a living. I got a better one for you, bro. I got one more for you. Is that a trailer background?

What phone is this? That's the new one. That's just the mini. This is a new one? Yeah, bro. I have small fucking hands. We just... Oh my god. Wait, what the fuck? Do you have my size hands? Bro, I have shooter hands. I have shooter hands. Oh, is that what we're calling it now? Wait, wait, wait.

- What the fuck? - What the fuck? - Holy shit. - You have like eight inches on me. - What the fuck? - Wait, hold on. You got thin ass out too. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. - I need you to hold, I need you for the crowd to hold a 12 ounce beer can. - God, this is when I'm gonna insert a fucking Barbie hand grabbing. I'm gonna insert a little doll hand coming in like this. Only for that frame.

Can you hold this and it'll catch it and say it was gonna be a dog? It's like, dude, that would be the funniest fucking shit. Holy fuck. Bro. You look like a fucking Barbie doll that got taken by the evil kid in Toy Story. That's what you look like in the picture. You look like my gay aunt. What the fuck is happening? There you go.

My gay Mexican That's all you look like in that photo fuck we said did you so many photos Christ Almighty So I was like you won't dye your hair pink for I think it was like yeah, it was breast cancer Awareness Month and my aunt got cancer at the time I was like yo listen

I don't give a fuck about shit, bro. In high school. And they're like, you won't dye your hair pink. And I was like, I'll fucking do it. Was that before or after you had the fight with the lawnmower? After. Okay. I was just like two, two, two, two, three years after. And then I did that. Yeah.

God. That was a bad idea. You had Michael J. Fox cut in your hair. Jesus Christ. After a week though, that pink hair was orange. And it was orange for three months. Nick was just like, oh, okay. I'm the people you hang out with. I do this really cool thing where I like to shit on people that don't have disabilities.

Or like debilitating diseases. I'm 100% disabled, though. Hey, I'm 100% disabled TMP, bro. Yeah. Making fun of me? And autism is a debilitating disease. So what's wrong with it, dude? Yeah. Dude, that might be worse about the people you said about the China people.

Or the Mexicos. Yeah, those Mexicos. How the fuck did I end up being the good person on this podcast? Well, I knew Nico would match my energy. All I do is talk shit about people. And I come here and somehow I am the good person. And the fucking Mexicowers, dude. Holy shit. No comment on the black people, though. Thank you for watching us, Instagram.

podcast we will catch you next time motherfuckers mommy daddy love you guys where can we find your shit fucking youtube.com slash racist uh and then what's yours nico nico ortiz simple and clean nick where can we find your shit uh go to the fat electrician.com it's all there

FBI watch list. Yeah. Watch list. It's all there. What's the longest? Thank you. The longest episode you've had. Yeah. What is the longest episode you've had? Oh, what the fuck? That kid. That. We're going to turn this into a Joe Rogan podcast. Six hours. Six hours.