79 - Hot Takes From An Angry Cop ft. Angry Cops 01:26:49

I know that photo's good. It's... It's that... Well, I mean, good in a bad way. Is it the great... Well, all the photos of us are good in a bad way. We're all gonna die. Well, eventually. Some of us sooner. We can't talk about that. No. No. That's a big no-no for the YouTube algorithm. YouTube algorithm says that we can't have an eh pool? It's called the Ryan Reynolds. We're calling it the Ryan Reynolds. Okay. Yeah, we can talk about Ryan Reynolds. We can talk about the Ryan Reynolds, but...

Well, let's not even use the word. So Brandon Herrera almost Ryan Reynolds-ing himself? Yeah, so that's good. I made a video. I made two videos on that because he's such a stupid piece of s***. I love him. He's my friend. Oh my god. Moron. Your face in those videos, watch out.

Are we recording right now? Yeah. We're on. We're on. Look at how he can say it because I love the man. What a stupid moron. At least he didn't just go trigger pull it. He basically did. He talked about what he... Hey, listen, this core would be great if it was 30 feet longer, but it's seven. So I'll just sit next to the explosion. You can't go to Walmart and just buy fishing line.

You can't sit there and explain how dumb it is and then do the dumb thing that almost gets you forever sleep. And then be like, Oh, oops. I hope I don't get any negative repercussions from this. The internet should be nice, right? Like, bro, you've done Darwin awards. Do you think you're not one right now? Darwin is branded for the entire 20 minutes. Yeah. It's just have that song. Um,

That adult swim song where it just freezes on his face where he's like, as the explosion's going on behind him. And he goes, like whatever. That adult swim one, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, my God. Cowboy Bebop.

I mean, it's not that one, but it's something. Are you talking about the intro to Cowboy Bebop? No, there wasn't. Was that on Adult Swim? Yes, Cowboy Bebop was absolutely on it. But there was a tone. There was a tone for Adult Swim. Wait, now I. It's like off-tone trumpet.

Off, yeah just google off tone drumming. That should be fine. I'm going to. Let's do what we're doing now. That'll figure it out. That's great. Dialing it in. Just really narrowing it down here. There's not like a million children's recitals that has that exact theme. Well there's not pumping of anything right now. By the way we can do this. This is my drink. This one's my drink. There we go. Bing. Welcome to unsubscribe. We're doing a f***ing shot. That was really shitty.

That was boring. No, the shot was not. I meant Eli's intro. Which one? Yes. You do the intro, though. I love to judge mine. Go for it. Are you just sipping it straight? Oh, no. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the intro. Really? You're going to interrupt me? Sorry, we're having a more important conversation. Don't feign. Don't feign this for the camera. We're real right now. Oh, yeah. Let's go. Don't be a character. Be yourself. Talk to them. Let them know that it's real. I'm not ready. I'm not ready, Rich. You are.

Do it. You're a big boy. Hi, everyone. Why are you looking at that one? Why am I looking at this one? I put you here when I did that intro. If you're introing somebody, would you go on the wide and look at the wide because you have a guest? If you want me to leave, I could just go. Say hi to Eli. It's racially ambiguous, buddy. That guy's fucking ridiculous. Don't know.

It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to unsubscribe. Hey guys, thanks for watching unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...

That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating.

And that's where the you come that is come subscribe. It's okay. Hi everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribe podcast. Today we have Eli Doubletap, myself, Batty Streams and our very special guest, the angry cop. You're touching my head because I told you I didn't get a haircut.

And that's very rude. Get ready for the heat. Baby, if you were to give me some heat, give me that friction. We're just starting hard. Okay, that's it. We don't start soft here. This floor play started two hours ago when I showed up. I've been in the corner jerking off for an hour now. I'm bricked up. Let's party. You're bricked up? Buddy, these shorts are thin. You know what might be like, I don't know, like a frozen form of water that would be considered bricks? Maybe some ice that some moron didn't bring for any of our drinks.

So I have to deal with lukewarm tequila and energy drink. Like I just pulled it out of my fucking rectum because somebody, not the guy, not the guy next to me, right? Not you. Cause that would be rude to call you out on your stupidity. No, because somebody forgot to bring. I'm sorry. Let me just look at my call log.

Hey, Eli, I'm at Walmart right now. I got the sheets. I got the water. What else did I need? Do we need anything else, Eli? Oh, we got the memory card. Eli, anything else I need? You're like, no, because I thought you already got the white claw. So you thought, okay, I'm going to get the ice. The white claw was never on me. Ice. I was like, you said water and ice.

Water and ice you like I'll stop and get the water and don't fucking rub his arm. Thank you Listen, listen, I don't usually be the mediator here. Okay. All right, you can't gang up on the special kid. All right, he's right there That's what I'm saying. You can't go. Okay. Okay. Okay. See Oh

Oh, don't even. Listen, ethical, ambiguous guy. Why are you so aggressive? Playing the race card. 11 minutes. Race card. 11 minutes. I'm surprised that it came so soon. That's true, actually. In his university transcripts. I was just trying to get a little extra audio in case we needed to cancel Rich.

Can you cancel me? No. I've been in a lot of videos a lot. If you haven't got canceled yet, it's because my anger is ambiguous. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sure. We'll go with that. Oh, that way sounds way better. Write that down for me. This guy's funny. What a dick. But man, he makes me chuckle.

I just picture you just yelling racial obscenities, but making them last at the same time. You're like, well, I'm going to have to drop those charges. I'm just screaming Chris Rock's routines. Just punching somebody. Why is it a black man got it?

I'm trying to Michael Scott this, you know, but I can't say the full word. Yeah. No, not Scott's house. Remember when Michael Scott got, um, get the bandana. What was it? Bad Mike? No. Uh, uh, prison house. Mike prison, prison, Mike prison, Mike. Well, you remember when Mike, he couldn't, um, do jokes anymore because he did the Chris rock routine.

He was like, listen, it wasn't that bad. I was just quoting Chris. And then he just breaks into it and he says he drops the bomb that only you can say at this table. Even then. As a heated Hispanic, if you wore more Hispanic-y clothing, you could get away with it. Hispanic-y clothing. Cholo. A fucking poncho? I do wear chanclas, but that's racist.

- Oh, that's the line. - Thank you for having my back. - You're welcome. I'm talking about calf high white socks. - I didn't say sombrero. - In some black Vans. - I'm drinking tequila. What do you want from me? - I'm talking about... - Black Vans? - Black Vans. I'm talking about jean shorts that are past the knee. I'm talking about... - You're a hard white wife beater. - I'm talking about Oakland. - How low is the bandana? - High socks. - How low is the bandana? - Oh, you can't even see, fool.

You can't even see the hate because it's blocked up by the haters, man. Yo, ese, this is what we're talking about, man. You got a fucking problem with me, white boy? Listen here, gringo. You and your stupid fucking red ass fucking hair. I am way too white for this table. Your face looking redder than a fucking fireman. Yeah, see? Rojo motherfucker. I got some sort of fire engine. That's red in Spanish. Park it up on me. Rojo looking motherfucker. You don't even roll your R's. Rojo. Rojo.

Do you need it? What's the term for white Hispanics? I'm going to start speaking in my Asian accent. No, no, no. It's just white dudes. It's like coconut or something like that. Brown on the outside, white on the inside. Brown on the outside. That's a black person. Oh, baby. There's so many colors. How dare you? He's limiting himself.

- Oh yeah, I guess. Coconut makes sense for like- - So Rich, how you like in Texas? - Batty's like, "I'm uncomfortable now. How do we switch the weather?" It's not- That's the podcast for Batty for the next 30 minutes. He's like, "Man, it's gotten colder in Buffalo, hasn't it?" - This video is sponsored by Roots. It's back on PBS. Just to make you feel bad about everything that you possibly didn't do. - Probably did. - But everybody feels awkward when you watched it.

Main actor reading Rainbow Guy. I can feel like shit. Take a look at it. No, that's not his real name. That's the Star Trek name.

- Oh, with the guy with the, yeah. - Jordy LaForge, same guy. - Yeah, I forget his real name. He was great. - Wait, what's it? - All right, hold on, I have to stop this. When are we gonna start talking about nerd shit? - Oh, here. - This is in case anybody doesn't know, I'm not a nerd, but I'm interested in nerd stuff. - Culture? - Like culture. - Is lore good for nerds? - Lore is the right word. I'm proud of you. - I feel like lore is the right word. - I like that. - I have some good cornerstones and I feel like-- - What did you do researching this stuff? - I didn't, I asked you, I said-- - I know, it was like getting on your flight.

Oh no. Weeks. I was ready for fair. It was a while ago. It was like a month ago. I said, yeah. We had an idea. Priority on everything I was trying to do. I'm a little priority. Nobody likes you. Don't touch me now. No means no. You can keep going. I know. I know. Cause you're baddie. Everybody likes a bad boy. Oh my God. If I touch you, it's going to be the white boy. So strong.

Look at him laugh, smiling so hard. Now cannot keep straight face. Why is this Mr. Rich? Okay, don't kill ya, no. Yes, rubbing head. So that way I'm Buffalo.

- How about them sabers? - I'm the one that always gets people going. - This is so good. - It's a good accent. - The guy with the nail. - Oh my God. He has his toenail painted pink. - Oh my God. - How many know they paint? - Brian, my family's Filipino. I'm allowed to say Asian-y things. - Asian-y things. - Hey, do the Asian-y accent. - Eli, can you be a little more Asian-y for me? - You want me to do an Asian-y accent? All right, here.

I'd like to get a new cell phone at Cricket Wireless. That's it. Because there is no Asian sound. It's complete bullshit. You guys, we got to look at that. No, I know how it works. We did a good smack. Don't try to redo it. It's like you're losing your cherry. You got to just do it. Look at him. Look at him. He's crying. I don't want to hear about. Yeah, okay. See, it sounded way fucking better. That's my Tism special super.

Am I long R, Rich? Am I long R? For like never go full retard? Yeah. I'm long R. Yeah, you are. All the time. Okay, Mr. Naird. Okay, you talk too much right now. Okay, so your nerve capability...

That's a big word and hard to do in an accent. I'm laughing at that because of the difficulty to pull that off. It's way easier Japanese. Say that. Japanese accent. That's not Japanese. A Japanese accent and the capabilities you are defining in your life has been very positive.

If three white guys, white-ish guys, if three white-ish guys can't make funny accents, we can't. Then where's South Park going to go? You going to cancel South Park? How is South Park still on TV? Like, realistically, how? Are they? I think they defined it at the gate. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. And animated. I'll tell you why. So you ever have, you ever work with somebody that's just kind of always over the top? Yeah.

So that person kind of sets the standard for the weirdness that they are. So then everybody including the higher-ups around them go listen. That's just the way that he is now your standard your levels down here and their levels up here. I just want to point out. This is the first time we've ever been down here. We're never the down here on the scale. So you're very for that. You're very downs. So when you're downs here, you're trisoma 21. Yeah, you down here.

And you start acting a little weird, right? That change in level, that sends everybody going like, what are you doing? You're weird-ish compared to what your norm is. And now we got to step in. But if you keep your norm up here, then you can be Norm McDonald all the time. Just some weird guy. I love his voice. I miss him. Just makes people uncomfortable. He's the best.

I miss him. He was a fucking, wasn't he on the man show? Yeah. Did he go on the man show? No, it was him in, um, who was that? Adam Carolla. Adam Carolla was the other one. That was it. Yeah. Adam Carolla. It should be Kimmel Adam Carolla for a while.

I remember that. Okay. And Jimmy Kimmel. Didn't I not just say Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla? I'm not going to lie. In my head, I was thinking, what's your favorite middle 2000s rock band? Is it Downs with the Syndrome? Oh, God. I just made that up.

I don't think I trust in this guy.

- Matthew's just drinking straight now. ♪ He's drinking all food ♪

Okay, mr. Rich. Yeah, I'm sorry. No, you're good. These are the time we get here I don't know. I want to talk about nerd shit. So you guys could like educate me on the nerd That's why that's what we're going to any video the nerd kingdom Wait, have you are you watching? No, we can't even do that video games. Have you been playing anything right? I'm waiting for God of War Ragnarok to come out. I'm actually playing I've never beat the original I'm playing through it right now. Oh, it's so good. Oh boy fucking boy boy Oh, I think said boring boy

Boy, boy. Dude, that's all the scenes where he's just like reaching to his son but won't interact. It's so good. Oh, I'm a dad and this hurts my fucking feelings because I just picture that mission would suck way more if it was right in. It was what? My son?

Cause you want to touch your kid? I was like, dirty. I don't want to go in the snow. I'm like, I don't fucking, we got to make this fucking journey. Where's mommy? I was like, I told you, bro. Like she died fucking at the beginning of the goddamn day. We're just please fall. We buried her. Where's my boy?

Where the fuck did you lose it at man? What is it the house? We are up the fucking mountainside right and what it's on your chest riding Damn it. You could feel the string. Oh dirty. I found my bow. That's fucking great

or helping me. You're like battling one of the stone orcs. And he's just like, shoot him. You're like tapping X. You're like, fucking shoot him. That's 4,000 feet tall. I turn around, Ryan's making YouTube videos of cars. He's drawing in the snow. He's just drawing in the snow. Come on, get on my

Dude, my boss battles would be getting him on my back to just climb shit. Just hold on, please. Stop getting in my way. He's like, no. I don't want to go off the wall. What's the first antagonist's name? Not Thor. Oh, the brother. Yeah, the brother. No, no, no. It's what's-her-face's son that she protects.

It's not Loki because that's his son turns out to be Loki. Spoiler. Ruin the game for everybody. It's been two years. All right. If you didn't play it during COVID fucking suck a dick has been over.

It's been old. Is it two years or older? 2020. At least shit. Yeah. I mean, when it came out in 2019, I know I started playing it during COVID because I was like, I've got time to kill. What do I do? All right. This has got really good reviews. Let me try it out. And it's, it's fucking phenomenal. Let me tell you what, I think I said this before. I love a game with a great storyline. Balder. Balder. So he fights. Balder. So like you're fighting Balder and then your son's just kind of like,

So dude, hide under the, it's like dad, a giant. And you're just like fucking shoot it. Anything. Do anything. He's just like, goes up to what's her face. And it's just like getting a hug. Oh, thank you. Thanks. A real tough day. I'm getting worse. I'm tuckered out. That's such a good game because it is the, as you say, it's the story. That's why I love you played last of us.

I played the first Elast of Us. That's the last one you need to play. I hated it. Oh, really? I hated the storyline. I hated how it ended. I hated the gameplay. Really? I thought it was all complete garbage. I thought it was one of those video games that gets so uber realistic that

That it's absolute trash. Go on. I was just saying it's him, not me. No, it's me. I hate it. I think the last of us is absolute trash garbage. I think at the end of the... Okay, so let's just talk about... This is new. It's crap. I hated all of it. I thought it was way too long. I thought it dragged on. The only person that I liked was the fat, drunk guy that gave him weapons. Also, Lord of the Rings, Return of the King, fucking garbage. Off the movie. You're just going and just lighting up all the good...

I like those. Last of Us is universally loved. Now, number two was the... Some people loved it, some people didn't. Yeah, it was Vince. All right, so let me tell you what part of realist it was. Was it the monsters or the decay? I thought the monsters were interesting. All right, so... The clickers? You know what? Maybe I'm shitting on the game too much, but I will not back down from saying that the ending was trash. Really? The ending was absolute trash. So you have built up

to this moment. Spoilers! It's the last of us. You built up to this moment where now the guy who has been slowly changing because of the female character. He's a turd. What's his name? Joel. What's the female's name?

Bitch. All right, cool. So Joel is like getting his heart warmed by Ashley Johnson. We love you. There you go. I don't know a lot about nerd shit, but I know about nerd shit. Does that mean I'm liking this? Five minutes. I'll be trying to get into the game. So Joel and Elliot Ness, Rooster Cogburn.

Waterworld's good

You don't like garbage. How do you... You don't like Waterworld? No! That is such a great movie. We'll come back to this. People need to know why The Last of Us is trash. So, you go through this whole building of the world fighting for each other. He loses his girlfriend in the beginning to save Elliot. And...

So he's like all right cool. He's becoming more emotional more emotionally dependent more caring more soft in this hard world And you're like wow amazing and I understand why they make this decision at the very end Which is? Elliot the female care Kelly sure it's really it's her names in the game is Ellie Jerry Ellie and Joel okay Ellie is Ellie so is Ellie so Ellie is unconscious

getting like jabbed and stuff by this uh doctor yep trying to use her joel has like transported her to and carried to and had this emotional journey all the way to states by the way this is states i forget how far the journey is yeah it's a lot they end up could you imagine walking states yeah in washington it would be the fuck because it's like oregon washington right i mean i don't know if you would walk the west coast it's gorgeous

Yeah, until you're walking the fucking West Coast. And you're like, great, I got this mountain range to go over. It's raining. It's 50 degrees out. Party of Donner. Have you heard of us?

So they ate each other. Not in a sexy way. I mean, kind of. I don't know. I mean, maybe somebody in a dom or sexy way. People are really into him. We're going to watch it. I just want you to play the last of us and then you can leave. I just want to take some photos. So it comes to this crescendo, right? It comes to this crescendo of Elliot and Joel. Whatever. Fucking dude and chick.

Why I hate the game because some of your fans are annoying as shit. So they come to this crescendo of like do I now make the ultimate sacrifice which is going to be heartbreaking for me because he's built all this way up with this female character. Yeah tough decisions damn or does he just say fuck it and rule of the shit he just built up to and then screw the rest of the world and be selfish again.

And instead of making the difficult decision and still growing as a person and opening his heart up and showing everybody the evolution of this character, he goes, regress. I'm going to save this bitch and let the whole rest of the world burn. And that's it. That's what I chose. Fuck you. What's that? That's the right choice. No, I know how to get through. No, this is. No, I see where your point is, though. How many kids do you have?

Zero it wasn't his kid. It was a random bitch on the side of the road. He adopted her You could pick up a hooker on the side of road and kill her without giving a shit. It's the same thing Well, I think that journey is a lot less Five minutes, but what if you have a conversation? Okay five minutes Let's just calm down if me and you are journeying across the fucking

and I'm holding your hand. I'm like, "Lo, bro." And we save each other. I'm like, "Ah." And then they're like, "I gotta kill Rich in order to save humanity." - You're cheating me. - I would look at you in the eyes and be like, "Fuck, save my organs, bro." Remember that taco you ate this morning? That was poisoned. - I'd look at you and I would say, "How do you not like that Joel

despite everything he's been through chooses to save ellie because it takes away everything no it doesn't the world loses everything literally that world saves his little bit of humanity but he doesn't save the rest of humanity humanity he saved his that's the point no it's not oh you're such a small-minded turd yeah you would get caught in a rat trap if there was cheese on it you'd be like wait a second that looks good i should go for the easy win

Sometimes, I don't know if you know this, life is hard and there's hard decisions to make. Or once the world's already ended, because let's be real,

It was over. It wasn't over. It was over. There were people. He literally met people and made friends along the way. He shot most of them. He killed a lot of them. All those doctors did die. Real gangster-like. You're right. We should kill all the smart ones and then see how we end up. It sounds great. I love it. Is it 1942 or... I mean, it was...

Get both sides cuz it's like he lost his fucking daughter at the beginning And he lost that so his humanity was like fuck this he got instilled in new and he's like I don't give a fuck about this girl like I don't care right and then they started building that relationship and then it is that exact same situation I Understand we were saying I'm gonna put this I do I do I'm gonna put this in a way that I think you can better understand that from my point of view right and

Have you played, you guys have, I'm assuming. Have you guys paid child support? Kids are expensive. Ellie's going to cost a lot of money. You know how much foreman you need to do to pick up for that one scraggly bitch and ain't done shot nobody, but like, hey, I got a fucking slingshot. Now all of a sudden she's like your number one boo. Fuck that bitch, okay?

So let me put this in a way that you might understand. Hit me Barney style drills. Have you played Halo? Yes. Okay. We've all played Halo. Roger. Did you not have a huge emotional connection when Master Chief died?

He never died. Never died. Well, hold on. At that moment in Halo 3, he died, right? Yes. For Intel Reach. Reach or whatever. Or Infinity. I think it was Reach. The prequel. That's why I said Infinity. But anyway, it was like Halo 3. And you're like, you get off the mountain or you drive around, you get off, and then the world explodes and you end up dying, right? And then everybody was...

Master Chief died. He was thrown off by the what's a guy on the ship. He was chucked off by the big. Hold on. Do you not remember the end scene? I think it was Halo 3 where it was the end scene of the video game and there's Master Chief's fucking photo on the tail end of like the ship and like all the other people that died in the battle. He finally destroyed the rings. Master Chief died. He didn't die.

Yeah, he didn't die because then they had the brute war. The brutes took over because then they were fighting. After that video game. I'm saying before there were video games afterwards. I know. I've read all the book series too. We all knew he didn't die.

When you come in and you try to nerd with us, but did you not feel a stronger connection? Did you not feel like your soul was taken out of you? Because the main character, the good guy died. Hold on. Hold on. First of all, you're out of a piece of shit. You're going to come in and be like, hey, you know that connection you made falsely because I'm making up some of my own.

I didn't make up lore. He died in the video game. In the video game, he did. And then he came back. Then they did prequels and ruined everything. Darth Vader cut off Bilbo's hands. Did you just say the prequels ruined? Oh, was Reach better than any of the original Halo series? Reach was amazing. Reach was really good. I pushed back on that too. Really? My first Halo was Halo 2. That was a good one. Not one? Where's my...

That was a good one. I didn't look at your elbow either. I am so mad right now. Reach was so good. Right now, I'm so pumped because I can talk about fucking. Wait, what time is it, buddy? We got to add read to do. Hurry up. That way, they're hooked onto this.

What are you doing snap reads? What are you snapping at? I'm trying to get you to start to like literally just do anything at this point in time. Just if we can keep talking, Fluck will edit this part out. No, he won't. I want Fluck to leave this. I want everybody to see the panic in your face as you try to scroll through your emails. You didn't feel bad when Master Chief died? He didn't die! Did you know that at the moment? Yes! Ah, then you're a fucking total nerd. You're bigger than I am. Yes, of course I'm a nerd!

Look at me. See, but you know what? You didn't get to enjoy the game as much as I did. I have a whole tattoo sleeve of nerd shit. You didn't get to enjoy that moment as much as I did. I was heartbroken. I was devastated for like a week. It was like watching The Notebook. It was like watching The Notebook. You ever watch The Notebook? Yes. Yeah, and weren't you like married? I was married.

Oh, God. They're both dead. God, this was such a toxic relationship the entire time. Like when I watch a notebook, it's like biggest therapy and all that. I look at that relationship. I'm like, you had therapy because of the notebook. These people are really toxic relationships. Oh, I thought it was like...

See, that's why you're both like mentally stunted. You're both mentally stunted. That's what it is. You're emotionally and mentally stunted. Yeah, because you looked at the notebook, a beautiful telling of a love story through one man's eyes who wouldn't give up. And you're like, oh, she's a bitch. We fought like love. And they're like, you dumb bitch.

I love you too. And they're running and kissing. Fuck you. Sorry I didn't communicate effectively. Well, fuck you, bitch. I wrote you a lot of letters. My family hates yours. Yours hates mine. I bought you this house without telling you. Let me tell you something, fella. All right. Kissing plus rain equals love forever in a movie. Don't touch me. My husband that I was just about to marry. His jizzy husband. She loved him in the beginning.

I mean it's not that hard to leave a marriage I'm not gonna lie guys. Who is this like your third one? How many tattoo cover-ups do you have with all these bitches? None! It's just, okay that one. Well that's not easy. Could you finish that one before you get another one? No. I can't. I gotta finish. Will? I need help. I've never ever supported a full blackout tattoo. Stop. Man you're close. Rich. It's like...

Wait, do we have him a reader? No, you read the fucking ad. I can read an ad. You can read the second one because there's two. No, this one. Oh, this one actually. We're actually speaking about therapy. This actually makes the best time. So this show and episode is sponsored by BetterHelpTherapyOnline. I swear to God, this is...

This is actually part of this. Fluck, you can do this. Read it. I know. This is a big-ass email that I'm cutting. I love it when he describes the ad. He does this every time. Mandatory disclaimer. Okay, we got that. Fluck, keep that part in. We're not therapists. Not a script. Put in your own words. This is not a script. This is my real...

Hey, feelings. Talk about you a time you wish life came with the user manual. Then transition into how there was three friends. Read the ad. Okay, I'm fucking fine. We're giving 988 a lot of that's the suicide hotline. 998? 998? 998? 998? Try them both. You're in a desperate time. Start hitting nine and a bunch of numbers. 992?

Not just not 911. Why are you getting hit 911? Did you see that video? The truck dude. I teared up. That hurt me dude. That was a good cop. It's one of those times where...

Where the humanity of policing and what we actually deal with is like shown. Like, I don't have my body camera on all the time. And one time I stopped a black kid who was like 18. It was the first time getting pulled over and he was scared shitless. Yeah. And I was like, dude, like,

You almost T-boned me because I have the green light and I know you thought you were going to get a green light because you saw me going. The intersection is complicated. And so I already knew how I already knew how he fucked up. And so when I stopped him, he was scared shitless. And I was like, dude, calm down. I was like, you almost hit me, but it's OK. You didn't. And I talked to him for a little bit. It's like it's my first time getting pulled over. I'm like, cool, man.

let me introduce myself. I'm officer. Hi, this is what you did wrong. This is what I like to do. I like to tell people and educate them on what they did wrong. And is if you, if you take the education that I'm giving you, then all you do is walk away with some more education. I go, but if you ignore it, then I'll give you a ticket, but you're a good kid. You're in your mom's car or his car, his mom's insurance, whatever. And I was like, you know, you have a nice day. And we, we talked a little bit back and forth and I fucking almost cried when I back, when I went back to the car, cause he was like, I'm,

It was like the first time I ever got pulled over and I heard a lot of bad things and I was really scared and like you're the nicest cop ever and I was like, fuck. Like you have a nice day. You have a nice day. You had fucking your readjusting your name for the first time. You're like, happy cop. Oh dude, I straight up. He had it up on YouTube studios. He was like, YouTube handles. And then somebody flipped me off and beeped the horn. I was like, no, no, no.

- But you picked the horrible, you don't Jeremy. You're just talking around. Okay, I got this. - Oh, what's our ad read? No, that was perfect. - Okay. - Was it? - Read it! - Okay, everyone. - So there is no actual read on this one. This is, it's all gonna be internal. - Okay. - BetterHelpTherapyOnline. - BetterHelpTherapyOnline. - BetterHelpTherapyOnline. - Yep, BetterHelp. - This episode is brought to you by BetterHelpTherapyOnline. - No! - Life actually doesn't have a manual or a way to get unstuck. Therapy, therapy.

I talk about this all the time. Like, it's not even a joke. We were just talking about this.

This is actually something near and dear to my heart. Therapy helps you communicate. It helps all your relationships from friendships, businesses, romantic. That is how you get through life. Learning to communicate with your partner, with your friends, with your business partners and yourself and yourself. If you can communicate with yourself, you get really far in life. That is why it's so dang important.

To do therapy. I preach it. You guys know if you watch my stream, I always talk about that. That is the coming back from Iraq, PTSD, all that dumb shit. Learning it's... I mean, all that stuff I've went through, it is part of it. Learning...

But therapy gives you the tools you need to succeed at life. If you have a problem, it is not a negative thing. Therapy, unfortunately, has the stigma with the male audience. And I don't know why. I do know why. Because military, everything else is like, don't go to sick hall. Don't do therapy. That's for pussies. It's all that dumb shit that inhibits you. Go to therapy. Yeah. If you are building a house, you know what you need? Tools. Strong foundation.

And a relationship, anything. You need that foundation. How do you build that foundation? With tools, with a tool belt. How do you get that? That's what therapy is part of. It is giving you the tools in order to better yourself and then better the relationships with the individuals around you.

Yes. Think about that. That is all it takes. And it'll make you a better person. It makes everyone a better person because then you can give those tools to your friends if they're in a time of need or in a dark spot. And that is super important. So I will close it out now with this part that I can't know because I didn't see the closer. Close this part out. Call to action. Okay. This is the part I do know. It's so cool.

It's like Eli improv got you all day long. Part of script. Okay, hold on. That's me. I can't remember words. I write down my own shit and I can't remember. I was doing it's bettertherapy.com slash unsub. Got it. It says get unstuck with BetterHelp and then learn more and save 10% off your first month of therapy at betterhelp.com slash unsub. That's betterhelp.com slash unsub.

For 10% off. That was my first unfunny ad read. That was a serious one. I'm proud of you. It wasn't his first.

Oh no good like you say I'm like this. I'm like, okay, we gotta do that was his first good one Oh, oh, yeah out of all of them. I thought it was your first. Uh, it wasn't your first unfunny one I was shitting on you. Oh, thank you rich. I wish you weren't bald I just like looking at you. Okay back to why fucking halo and you don't know shit I'm, just like I wish you had a full head of fucking hair. I used to I don't know. I'm assuming you did I wear a wig I'd

I wouldn't look like you, but I had a really nice mohawk. Well, I'm not jealous. I just remember the days that it used to be like that. I still get laid, but I would get laid by like a higher caliber of people. Really? I mean, men and women included. If I had a head of hair, yeah. But luckily, I've got a nice bald head. You do have a good bald head. Thank you. You get a lot of white girls right now, right? What's that? White girls. Oh, no, I don't discriminate. Oh, okay. Luckily, I got enough to hang with the dark-skinned one. Oh, that's Mexicans?

That's a lot of people. Where's my Nubian Queens at? Nubian? Nubian. You've never heard that? I've heard that. I got you. Nubian? It's an older term that people used to bring up all the time. Do you not know this word? No. I keep all N words out of my... My God! Okay, so the last of a... Hello...

- How to make two white people uncomfortable. - Just set us up and then we jump. - You just flew away. - We just put the noose on and a rope lowered from the ceiling. - No, don't say that. Not with what we're talking about.

See that shit white people can't get away with you can't just start saying low on a rope if you say no, he's not white I'm, so mad about what you you're the white. He's not saying okay. I did say it you're blaming bad How can you say that joke? He said the rope? I don't know who all right. Never mind. Huh? Hello i'd like to speak on behalf of myself

Who? Who are you? I mean, I got nothing to say. And holy shit. It's a one in a million moment where I don't have words to describe the amount of how I don't want to be here-ish. Owie. This is what hurt my heart. I disassociate myself from all these people. I showed up here on a whim. This was supposed to be a vacation. Shut up, Eli. I am trying to explain to the people out here watching why I'm not you.

It's the skin color. Anywho. Same. Hard wipe! Video games! Halo Master Chief's dead. If you don't put a fuck- fucking like rainbow happiness trans flag for that hard wipe, you're missing out as an editor. I hope he keeps everything like- It's like- And it's all the sounds playing on it. Holy fuck. Okay. I gotta collect myself right now. Do you?

I'm not used to you being speechless, so to catch you off guard, you're just like... Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I had a lot of things to say. I just had to try and choose between the many of them that were flowing through my brain. The main one being... The other one being... Oh, no, no, no, oh, oh, no, oh, no. That was most of it. I broke your chain. And the last one was SR.

The last one was... No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. Stop resisting. Private potato. No, the last one. Yeah, the last one was... Oh, no. How do I separate myself from the incoming racist tweets that I'm going to get? Am I going to be canceled? Oh, God, I can't get canceled again. It's going to be me and J.P. Spears just talking in a YouTube commercial.

I missed you so much, buddy. You are my spirit. I like this. You make me feel normal. You know that? Thank you. Oh, shit. You know what? It's really bad. That's not the first time I've gotten that from my weird folks.

Like weird dudes that we link up and we have a good time and then they'll be like, wow, you're extra. Thanks for bringing me back to earth. I appreciate you. Oh, I love one. Is that a Blanco? I'll just do this. Do a shot of that. I'll just drink from the bottle. You just drink from the bottle? Fucking pussy. There's about two in there. Yeah, but you won't do one with us. This is cool. Does he not understand that I'm doing one with you? You're not measured out at the same time. My autism is going hard.

Wait, we didn't get you a TISM shirt, did we? Well, I don't know what a TISM shirt is. I know what TISM is, but... TISM Touch, it was our shirt. No, listen. Is it God and Adam? And they're like, yes, but it should be. So it's... It is. You guessed it, but it's these hands touching. How did you guess the shirt?

You said tism touch. I know, but that's great. What else would you think that means? I hate to say this, Eli, but you are... Tismed. No, no, no, no, no. I was going to say like I can... Read? Read minds? What's it called when you can see what the person's doing in like the future because they're easily readable? Fucking stupid? Yeah, there we go. That's good. You're fucking stupid, Ryan. You're being fucking stupid. I like that. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. All right.

Oh, that was a good one. So it is a TISM touch. It is the Adam and God touching like this, I think, or that creation of man. He already described that. Yeah, he's doing it again. Okay. Just pretend. And it says TISM touch and it's all in colors. All the proceeds go. She's on the spectrum.

All the proceeds go to autism awareness charity, a nonprofit, one of the biggest ones. So it was all raised for. Be careful. If Brett Favre is a part of that, that money may not be going where you think it is. I'm just saying. Damn it. He might be like, hey, we're going to support autism. And then all of a sudden there's a softball field in Florida. For autistic kids. No, for bitches. He's texted them. The kids don't play softball. They play t-ball.

They don't like to go outside or make contact. Eye contact. Any kind of contact. Well, baseball's not a contact sport, so it's perfect. Well, you gotta look. You gotta make eye contact with the ball. Oh, yeah. And they're like looking at all that shit up there. I would throw a googly on a ball. Just throw it. I would just spray paint a little squirrely on there. And then they're like, squirrel, pow. And then that's a base hit.

Is that what autistic kids like? Hitting squirrels? I don't know. You're the one making fun of them, not me. I'm just trying to play along here. You're the one that's a dad to one, and you've got it, and then I'm just trying to be nice and have a conversation with everybody, and then you're like, oh, are you a piece of shit? Like, no, man. What the fuck are you saying? I'm eating what you're feeding me. I'm eating what you're feeding me. I said eyeballs.

Hey, Rich, how about them bills lately, man? They're fucking crushing it. Thank you. I'm so happy. You have a fuck about sports. This is a nerd podcast. Are you talking about football? Oh, really? No. You shut the fuck up. This is a fucking nerd. Ready for this? Tell me more. I'm a Dallas fan. Oh, God. No, listen. Listen, Rich. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Trey, come on. Trey, come on, Smith.

That's when you came on right? Yeah, you fucking deal with Tony Romo. I get it amazing caster by the way, actually, you know what? I really like Tony Romo is the caster reading the place. Absolutely.

You know what? I'm going to say it. You're like my friend. Shout out Steve. random guy. You're Steve, but he's a great guy. And and Steve was one of my best friends growing up and he loved the 49ers. And that's because there was Steve Young. And oh my God. Why am I blanking on his wide receiver? Handsome, tall, medium skinned black man. Always has the hoop earring. Randy Moss. Wasn't he with the 49ers? No, no, no. He was with the Vikings. He was with the Vikings. Oh my God. How am I forgetting him?

Joel. Joel. Yeah, that's his name. That's the name of the guy that played for the 49ers. Joel. One name. He just puts on his jersey. What a jizz. You're such a jizz. Oh, my God. He was so great. Eric Maltz was Buffalo. Randy Moss was thing. Oh, my God. Not Emmitt Smith. Oh, my gosh. How am I blanking on this 49ers wide receiver that was a stud? Jerry Rice. Jerry Rice. Thank you. What?

Jerry Rice. I'm here. So he grew up with Steve Young and Jerry Rice and like just just crushing it throwing dimes having a great time for sure. And like we grew up at the same time. So we were just we were too late to really appreciate the 90s bills. Yeah, went to four Super Bowls and lost all of them every single one of them every single one of them back, correct? What's that? Two of them back to back all four of them. We yeah, we went to 90 90

I love the bills mafia. Oh yeah. And then after that we had like one or two playoff like appearances and then we just decided, well, you know, what if we just never made it to the playoffs again? Well, no, no. Well, I mean like we, we thought that that was a possibility, but we didn't focus on the negative. Okay. We took, took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two. We took two.

Took the negative made into a positive. We said, what if we just got drunk and a really good time at football because we're not playing it. Jump through tables. So let's make it a fun time. So we've got Pinto Ron who does the mustard and the ketchup all over his body before every game. Don't like that guy. We don't know. I've seen a lot of guy. Why use a lot of mustard and ketchup on his body? I'm just not. It's the point. I know, but I don't like that. He's a shots out of bowling balls. Yeah, you do a shot of bowling ball. You can pick up as high as you can. You throw it down in the ground. I don't like any of this.

It's destructive. All the things you're saying, I hate. We got a guy that makes pizza out of a filing cabinet. Okay, that I kind of like. It's delicious. Is it? Barstool Sports gave it a 7.9 or maybe an 8.2. I forgot. It was a really high score. I mean, that... Anything over a four, I'm going to eat. Filing cabinet pizza. Anything over a three, I'm going to eat. It was delicious. I ate two. And then I've got a fire truck that I turned into a tailgate mobile. Is that still a thing? Oh, yeah. It's very much a thing. The... Not motivational. What did you call it? Morale response vehicle. There it is. Oh, see.

Did you say C? The MRV. That's right. Yeah. I'm a big football guy. I don't talk about a lot. I'm a football guy. I just check out when sports starts being talked about. I'm like, which is odd for something that's like constant action moving across the screen. You'd think you'd pick up on it. None. Zero. He's talking about, you gotta remember, anime. Anime.

Boxing. Oh, you ready for a full circle fucking comment? It brings us right back to the beginning of the animu. Thanks a lot for not giving me any homework. You dickhead. I could have watched an anime and told you how I felt about it. But instead I'm sitting here just stroking my dick to the remembrance of Sailor Moon. Rich. Okay. This is what I need you to do. I'm just glad I have to be dad and be like, hey, fucking sorry. You can't Google top five animes to ever watch.

I don't know which one's the worst or the best. I don't know. Listen, hold on. I love you. Benny, shut the fuck up. I'm telling you, I respect you. I respect you. I'm just letting you know, once I say this, it's going to change everything. Just wait one second. Let me say this real quick. Give him.

You're responsible. You know what's the best or the worst, and you could have told me what was going on. You could have been like, I want Rich to be pissed off at the shittiest anime ever, or I want Rich to fall in love with the thing that I fall in love with. You had the dichotomy. You are the last of us one, and you shit on it. Another callback. Go on.

Rich. Yeah. So you have a little bit of time here. You're gonna be in Texas for a minute, right? Yeah. Okay. And you're gonna be hanging out with the boys filming possibly again. Wink. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe tomorrow. Possibly. Yeah. Don't let them know that there's gonna be another one of me. If it's if there's like a lot of space, even if there's not, it's more fun to tell them like there's gonna be another one. It'll never happen because they'll ask for it. Flux punch in flux punch in one more time. Flux. There's no S. Why do you call him flux? Flux. Flux.

Like it's like the way you don't fuck you know, it's it's like you're fucking lucky blocks the flock I've had a capacitor like doc Brown ain't saving you from this one, buddy Thank you, thank you. Thank you the numbers off, but I feel like the the voice is pretty cool I need you to watch one anime, but like that's tell me I'm ready. You ready? Okay called food Wars. Oh

You're starting a food wars? Oh, I've heard about this. It's like this cooking competition anime, and they're like super into making the most delicious dish. Yes. And it's almost like anime action, like fight series, but instead of fights, it's them cutting up food. Yeah. Straight up. I heard a lot of good things about it. Wait, right now I want to know if you guys text each other. No. No. No.

If I said it before we were recording, I don't know if I said it while we were recording, but I know I said it. I know, I don't know anything about nerd stuff, but I know a lot about nerd stuff. Meaning, I don't know any of the specifics.

But you got the broad strokes. I know all the social media, whenever something's like a big thing in social media and it's a public craze, all the accounts that I follow that touches on pop culture, I know I pick up

major, jokable, the big, like, you know, what is it about? You stay relevant. Yeah, I stay relevant so I can make fun about the things that everybody knows about without really knowing about them. So that's how I know about it. Why did I just describe how the sausage was made? Not needed. Cut that out.

Absolutely useless. 30 seconds to me, Tom. I need two episodes of Food Wars out of you, okay? Two episodes of Food Wars. Do you want to send me two or should I watch like season one, episode one and two together? Yeah, one and two. The one then two. How long are they?

22 minutes an episode are they like Dragon Ball Z or it's like a whole bunch of like oh my god I'm just saying to mixture Dragon Ball Z is way worse at dragging on drag on you'll see you'll you'll get the gist of it okay in the first few episodes that just moved and fell that was terrifying because it fell it's fine yeah you'll get you'll get the the broad strokes if you will the the strokes will be very you'll get them

I'm really good at strokes. I know. And you'll get them. You just sit there. This episode should be really drunk. If you haven't watched Food Wars. Food Wars is good. If I want anime though, Demon Slayer. Yes, absolutely. Oh yeah, I did watch Meat Canyon's version of Demon Slayer. It's spot on. He's a demon. Water sword attack!

Oh, God. Hold your face. She's crammed in the box.

Please help me. Please. Can you just give me a quick... You guys had me canyoning here. Oh, we've been on the episode. Listen, I've said it. I'm going to say it again. I'm super proud of where this podcast has come. I originally came here because I felt obligated because you're friends of mine. And I'm like, listen, I want my friends to succeed. And now I see you. You've got 100,000 subscribers.

followers the flax over there guy and uh your house bald heads in the way idiot and i'm gonna give you a compliment you can't even take it we got a new studio and i know let me finish complimenting you go on you said i'm done that was it you're doing great i'm so proud of you great grand wonderful everybody on the bus did everyone know billion views like

Years ago. What? A billion views years ago. I don't think I've cost a billion views. I'm pretty sure you just made up a brilliant lie. Okay, a new lie that is going to go down in internet history as a lie. 1.2 billion views. 1.2. 1.2. That's 200 million. That's a lot of... Dude, I wouldn't be here. I'd be making my own. You'd fly a jet. Do you know how desperate I am to be on this podcast? What?

This is the lowest port of my life. I'm here. I have a million followers. We usually pay our guests to come out. He's the first one that flew out on his own. The numbers haven't been good this month. Can I just be on the show? I didn't say it like that. Sorry. You text it like that. I said, can I, if I fly out there and I pay my ticket and I get an Uber and I just show up and I just show up, is it cool if I, you know, maybe like stick around? This is a wonderful time for our next ad read, Eli.

This is also for get help. No, it's not. I need get help. Get help. Who owns gethelp.com? Are you guys like him? Yeah, are you like me? Are you sad? Do you have a group of friends that are around you that completely let you down every time you talk to them? And now you need therapy because guess what? Life is hard and dealing with that makes it worse. So now you have to rely on somebody because you can't rely on your own.

Channel of support. And here we are. What did you just do? He did a meat canyon run. Did you see that? That was a meat canyon run. What did you just? No, that was a meat canyon run. Superman doesn't run like that. Oh, Superman doesn't run like that. I am so mad. Nobody will.

Hey guys, let me tell you about the new sponsor for the unsubscribe. Titles. Have you ever wanted to be a Lord or a lady? Well, you know what? Thanks to established titles who own, you can own your own square footage or meterage in Scotland or the United Kingdom and become a Lord or a lady.

With Established Titles, you can purchase your friend, family member the greatest birthday holiday gift that they ever could ask for and make them a lord or a lady officially thanks to Established Titles. He literally glanced at my phone and memorized that. It was crazy. So guys, head on over to EstablishedTitles.com/unsub to get your gifts now and help support the channel. Ding! Way to make eye contact with the-- What can you say one more time?

Head on over to establishedtitles.com. Don't lose fucking energy. You can't sound depressed about it. Head on over to establishedtitles.com slash unsubscribe in order to get your... Unsub. What? Unsub? Unsub. Head on over to... My friends are laughing at me. Head on over to establishedtitles slash unsub in order to become a lord or a lady and get your established title.

I've seen enough commercials. I watch way too much YouTube. I know all about it. Oh, you do so good. I was like, wait, has he done this? It's a project based on historic Scottish customs where landowners were forced to do this. Lads and lords and ladies. I'm sorry, I'm done. I usually do Deckard Cain's voice. It's based off of an established, ah, shit, what's it called? I don't know.

Established titles? No, no, no, no. It's based off a historical shenanigan where lords and ladies were given the title based on their land ownership. But now you can own a square footage of land in Scotland or the United Kingdom with established titles. Be a lord or a lady. You just pissed off a lot of people. I don't know what I said. Real quick, what is your title, Eli? Asshole.

- What's your title, Eli? - Sir Asshole. - No, it's Lord Eli Double Tap. - I am Lord Eli Double Tap. - Do it normal. - That's what I thank you, right? It's awful.

Lord Eli, don't look at me like that. It's awful every time. It's Deckard Cain from Diablo. This is Deckard Cain. Welcome. What's your name, my bar companion? That's the only fucking line that matters. It sounds like a dragon's penis. It is a dragon's penis. Are you also Deckard Cain? No. A different voice?

Do people like that? No. One in the comments if you like Deckard Cain voice. Two if you don't. Three if you like Asian voice.

We're going to find out who's racist if you don't hit three. We're going to find out. You're going to be like, bad accent, bad accent, but support Asians and you're not going to click support Asians? You know what my last name is? We can talk like that because one's here.

I'm an hour and seven minutes into the podcast, hour and ten minutes, whatever the fuck we're at. This is going to be an hour and 30 minutes because I'm having too much fun. You all can suck a dick. It's just going to be new. No way. All right. I want to know his fucking a little more video game lore before we go to the

The after party? After party. That's a new segment. Is it for the locals or is it for subscribers to Patreon? Oh, very nice. That's where we do too many shots and say things we're not supposed to say. Hi, as a fellow Patreon member, Angry Caps on Patreon. That's right. You can see the videos and comment on them first whenever I post on any of my social medias. Patreon at angrycaps.com slash angrycaps. There it is.

Put that, but fuck it up for, it's like, just put it all fucked up. No, don't. Oh, don't. Oh, no. Do it the right way. Put like backwards letter in it. Like, like Cyrillic, you know, like the Russians. Enjoy that. You fucking editor. Cool. Nineties. Yeah. Talking at you. I'm making you a part of the joke and breaking the fourth wall. He's like, got it. He just missed. It's like www.com. Donate to me. Slash.

I'm a bitch. See, that's too easy. I really hope that he makes it angry cops, but it's just like backwards. See upside down. K. Over like a Y. I hope it's like, it looks like some weird trashy, like Russian bot site where they're going to scam you. Oh, I've got so many Russian bots in my comments now. What dude? They're like, Hey, why are they? Are they, are they trying to make me feel like that wasn't authentic?

Apparently, I'm not the only one. Wow. Tell me more. Is it just not that specific? Because some of my friends, my friends, some of my followers spit a drink in your mouth. What's that? You ever heard somebody just spit like a full on drink in your mouth? Yeah. Have you been the baby bird E or just the baby bird? Yeah. I'm going to preface this by saying Mama D'Amato, I still love your daughter. And this is before I met her.

I have funneled alcohol from betwixt a woman's buttocks. Okay, that's... Better or worse. I have... That's not a... Oh, man. If I've done that, I've definitely baby bird. But have you had somebody baby bird you? Yeah, I've drank an alcohol from a woman's butt cheeks. Okay. Like through the crack. Wait, hold on. Wait, hold on. Yeah. You ever get a boob luge? You ever do a boob luge where you drink beer between a woman's boobs?

Like you smush your boobs together and they pour beer down it. I've never done a boobloosh. You ever do a buttloosh? I've never done a buttloosh. I've never done a buttloosh. Am I a slut and I just don't know it? Oh, I'm probably the worst out of everyone. Hold on. You don't even do a buttloosh. But way more stories on things I've done. I would actually like to...

That's not the time or the place. This is a nerd podcast. L-O-U-G. I think U-E. It's like the Olympic. G-U-E. What's the Olympics called when you go like with the ice? Oh, wow. An ice luge? Well, it depends. If there's one where you're going forward on the, I guess, it's called skeleton. I'm stupid. It's called the skeleton.

And then there's one where you're feet first. And that's called the luge. And that's where that term comes from. All right. I don't know. I'm not an alcohol historian.

No, wait, you were going to ask me about games again. Yeah, but then you talked about butt stuff. He asked how much of a whore I was, and I said, ah, shit, I'm sorry, Bob D'Amato. I want to know more about his butt loops. I didn't mean to say that. That's for the after party, because then we can go into whore stories. Batty...

Sav just cleaned everything. You piece of shit. Can I tell you that this whole fucking place, they just bought a new joint for like this whole ensemble and it looks like a 14 year old boy lives here. There's fucking, there's boxes of mail just sitting out front in a random shit that they never put away. There's zero furniture. This table is it. This table and three chairs. You think I'm lying? You think I'm lying?

There's two chairs over there in case five people show up to give you a shitty podcast. That's right. There's a bed upstairs and that's it. And guess what? In the main bathroom, the main bathroom for the house, there isn't even a fucking shower curtain. They don't have... They have toilet paper in one bathroom. The master bedroom doesn't have a bed. What?

No towels. I don't even know where a fucking towel is. It's on your fucking bed. Oh, yeah, okay. All right. Yeah, I doubt that. Nobody lives here. I'll double check that. Rich, nobody lives here. Nobody lives here. You can tell because I gotta take a shower and dry myself off with some old sweatpants.

I want you in. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. The fucking towels right now are fucking gift-wrapped on his goddamn bed that I fucking want. I'm going to walk up and get those towels and bring them down. Oh, you're right. He's very upset. Is there a couch I can sit on to watch TV? That chair looks fantastic. Oh, wow. A wooden...

Tomorrow a couch will be there. The couch shows up tomorrow. Sorry, in one day. This is behind the scenes. I need more cameras to look at. How many times did you deploy? What's that? Deploy. How many times did I deploy? Deploy. I've been ploying to get out of here the second that I came here, which is plotting. How many times did you deploy? Did you have a couch in Iraq? Yeah, absolutely I did. You had a way better deployment. Yeah, I know, because I was smarter than you. What?

I've got a house now and so do you, but mine's fucking furnished. Mine is too. Not this one. This is mine. Wait, is it the house you live in? Yeah. What's your studio house look like? Damn. If you don't... How many subs do you have? Hold on, sir. Wait, I've got 1.2 million. He's got more than us. He's got way more than us. Exactly. Where's your studio house? I have two crack houses. Oh, shit. Don't. Nope. Blur that one out. No.

You're supposed to only be one. I haven't dropped the third or second one yet. You have a crack house. Wait, we got secrets? You know what? It would be kind of cool to let them know that way. I'm not going to lie. It was unexpected. I shouldn't have said that. I knew better. Oh, man. I got to think about that. It's your call. I got to think about that. Do we talk about this or do we just...

After party. Dude, no, we can just talk about it right now because then it's going to be, what, $30,000 to delete that? For me? Yeah. You want me to take them on a fucking step-by-step walkthrough of this fucking place? It's a crackdown. There's nothing on the walls. I told you straight up this is a trap house. They've got bed sheets over the fucking windows. Those are

- Trims! - Oh no, they're not. On what? Nailed to the fucking trim? Yeah, there's not even a fucking curtain. There's no rod. - What was the word for, Neurobian? - Oh my God. - What was it? - Neubian. - Neubian. - Neubian. - Neubian. - Can you just bleep out once he starts in? Bleep that out and we'll fast forward and then we'll get to this segment and then we'll go back to $30,000.

I don't know. I think... I'd rather you cancel than pay $30,000. I'm not going to lie. I can't believe I fucking just spoiled my own fucking channel on this bullshit channel. I mean, you don't have to. We can cut all of this. No, it's got to stay. It's too good. The reactions are good. It's just... It's a good storyline. I'm not going to take away a good joke. It was... The moment was real and...

And here we are. You found out before my patron. I got to tell my patron. No. Well, tomorrow. Yeah. I got to tell him. No. No. No. No. No. Three weeks. Two weeks. Yeah. Sure. Oh, great. Because Wednesday, we got one for next Wednesday. But what we can do is push this one even further back. No, we can't. Yeah, we can't. No, we can't.

Okay, no you can't. It's alright. Just tell me. Sorry. I'm in charge. Hey, listen. Everybody shut up. I'm in charge. I do the YouTube side and I'm in charge. I take full responsibility. It's my fault for my fuck up. Let me know when it is, whenever it is, and I'll make sure I put out a video beforehand. You have two weeks. Alright, I got ten days. Fourteen. No, you have like sixteen days, technically. Yeah. By the looks of this place, I probably have a month. Okay, first off...

You have useless sound deadeners on the wall. They were great. This worked really good. It works actually really good. Yeah, we had to jump in comments about the sound quality. You know what? It's... Let me tell you something. I want to be honest with you. Yeah. All right. I am really impressed with what you did with your podcast. It's super great. Thanks, everyone. Fucking white supremacist. Piece of shit. Say more in your Asian voice. Can you call me a ginger real quick? No. Okay. That's our word. Angry ball man talk real quick.

You're not even... Never mind. I don't even know what point I was trying to make. You know, the woman that ran for mayor in my town that tried to fire me, that was what she ran on. Did I tell you this? No. My town, the city of Buffalo, it had a socialist... Buffalo. Your town. It had a socialist run for mayor. The skate was in. No goal.

You'll know. You'll know if you're a hockey fan. Sports ball. Watch out. Shut up, guy. So we had a socialist run for mayor in our city. Like a full-blown socialist. And she's such a fucking turd piece of shit that her family has had numerous encounters with, let's say, law enforcement for multiple reasons. I'm not going to say what they were. Not me specifically, but people that I know directly, like

Guys were like, they're going northbound on this street. They just ditched the car. And I'm listening to the radio like, we should probably get to that car chase. We should probably probably be there. And so this turd socialist...

Yeah, runs for mayor. And in the city of Buffalo, if you run for the Democratic primaries, like primaries being like who's going to run for each party. Yeah. Usually who is the Democratic Party primary becomes the mayor. So she wins the primary because our mayor at the time didn't like run that hard. COVID and all this other bullshit he was dealing with. And he didn't give a fuck. He was like, peace. I don't see him to give a fuck. But he was like, I'm fucking kicking ass taking care of shit here. Like people should know who I am. And then they didn't, which is.

Yeah, they got dumb. Yeah. He was like, so she's like, I've got the democratic primary. So he runs on the ballot. Just goes right in ticket, right? Nobody wins on that. We're talking nerd shit in a political sense. So just bear with me. So she's got, she's on the ticket. Like you see her name when you go, I want to vote for that person. His name ain't on there. It's you got to write his name in and then go, all right. I wrote in his name. That doesn't work good. And in July, August,

August, she goes on an interview for this Democratic Socialist Party interview and goes... And she's asked the question, which is why I say this. What is your first thing you would do as the mayor of the city of Buffalo, New York? And she goes, the first thing I would do as the mayor of the city of Buffalo, New York is I would fire Officer Richard High. I'm like... The fuck? Wait, hold on. I go, well, that's fucking mean. That was direct. I mean, you wouldn't do like...

I don't know, like a dance or talk to your mom or like pave a fucking road. The first thing you do is like a lot of roads in Buffalo. I need paving. I'm going to fire that white piece of shit. YouTuber guy that works for me. And I was like, oh, I didn't know this in August. Right. Cause there's not a lot of, there's not a lot of socialists in Buffalo. Thank God. And, uh, you know, it doesn't really work that well. So, uh,

About two, three weeks before the overall election, right? We got her running on the Democratic ticket. Her name is on the ballot. You can actually see her name. And we got the blank space right in Bayer's name, right? And two weeks before the vote, somebody sends that to me. Uh-oh. And the video on YouTube had like,

500 views. Right? Not a lot of people saw it. Right? I mean, oh, no. What a win for democratic socialism. Did she tag you afterwards? No. Hashtag.

ViniQ, ViniQ, like, this person you should tag in this guy. And they would just go down that angry cuss. So nobody sees it, but somebody sends it to me that saw it and goes like, hey, I thought you should know. Shout out to that person. And I go, wow, that's interesting. Well, I've got the guy that's a write-in ballot in one hand, and I'm fucking fired and out of a job in the other.

And I don't know if you told anything about my personality, if you've known anything about my personality from this conversation, but don't tell me I've got nothing to fight for or I've got, because I'll fucking go balls out in a horrible way. Horrible. For the last 14, 12 days of that electoral time before the overall election,

I made a shit ton of memes just shitting all over this moron and her views. And it's not hard because she's fucking dumb. And so are her views. So all I really did was just quote her and make memes about her dumb words that came out of her fucking head. And it was just like, dirt. Like everybody. Yeah. Dirt. You are so right. I'm so right. So, and listen, by the way, one of my jobs in the army was U.S. Army. Uh,

Civil affairs. Ready for the second part? The civil affairs. Psychological operations. So I'm like, huh, media. I know the power of media. I know what you can do to say and, you know, move people in one way to, like, get them to think the way you think and not like a creepy way, but like a good normal way because they read shit. It's a little creepy. It's a little creepy.

I just know what I'm doing. So then I she goes on and this made my fucking day like four days before the election. She goes on our news channel and she goes and they're like interview each person running. We got the mayor that's going on the right and ballot. They're like, hey, there's some problems. There are some positives. What do you think? And he answers it. And then she comes on.

And they go, hey, there's some good things. There's some problems. What do you think? And the last one of the questions that I highlighted was when she was asked, like, hey, you know, you're part of the defund the police movement. What's that mean? She's like, listen, I just want to squash any rumors. I'm not going to fire any of the Buffalo Police Department. And I cut it. Hard cut. Jump cut.

The first thing I do when I become Buffalo mayor is I'm going to fire police officer Richard High. And then I cut in and curb your enthusiasm. And here's the smart part. Here's the psyops in me, right? I was like, all right.

I'm a controversial figure in the city. I know. That's crazy. Heaven forbid people that are smart and right be controversial, but I can't help it. So I don't put my name on it. I don't put a tag on it. I don't put my music at the end. I just post it. Right? No name. Just out there in the ether. And one of the council members, by the way, that she called a small dicked white man, literally

I shit you not. Hashtag what a racist bitch. So he's like, oh, that's fucking funny. He doesn't know that it's for me because that's the point. I don't want people to establish their name with me because I'm somewhat controversial because once again, I'm right all the time. And yeah, all the time. Well, I do hang out with people that make Asian voice.

So... I didn't do Mexican voice and it's okay. The Asian voice, you're like, I can't compete with that. My Filipino family thinks that you do pretty well. So, that's the answer to bone. That's pretty good. The word that you say is... That's the story before you do the voice. So...

So the council member reposts my video of I'm not going to fire anybody from the police. With what? The first thing I do is I'm going to fire Officer Richard. And it goes, I mean, it didn't go viral in the sense of like, you know, the internet, but it went viral for the city. Everybody in the city was like this dumb broad.

Then I was like, yes, mission accomplished. And then she had a Bush aircraft carrier, the sign not done yet. Right. So it's not even done yet. Right. It gets, it's after it's after the election and she, it's definitely her and her cronies. Cause I'm like tagging her and all my shit. I'm like, fuck you. You're a political person. Just like Donald Trump can't block anybody. You can't block me. Well, she lost. Ha ha.

And so now she can. So she did. She blocked me. And which is whatever. But then she had all of her cronies like flag all of my posts about her is like hate speech and harassment. And I'm like politics. And for you and for the past year, I've been going back and forth with Instagram and I won. And I'm like, hey, listen, this is when she was running for political office. And this is her political thing. And these are the political things that she said. So I'm not.

Like what do you want? You're not breaking the rules. I'm not breaking any rules. And Instagram's like, hey, we took that down for two weeks. Oh, you're right. We'll put it back up. We're sorry. Cheers. Cheers. That's my story. That is fucking comedy. I got involved in an election. So what's that have to do with Asian voice? Oh my God. I don't even know. That was the entire point of that story. Asian voice. I was waiting till the end to ask, but I want to know why.

What the fuck, bro? Hey, listen. I was hoping you'd explain the ghost costume you brought. You're not going to be here for Christmas. I feel like that's a KKK joke, but if you turn the costume around, it actually says...

I'm so glad we met up. And then there's another text bubble that says, me too. And that says, what are you up to Friday? And then the next text bubble from the same person goes, hey, dot, dot, dot. And then the next text bubble goes, all right, cool. Because it's just because that person ghosted you. The person ghosted you in the text messages. It says KKK because I ghosted you. You both are fucking stupid.

That was stupid. Yo, I know it was dumb, but he started it. That was Eli. You encouraged Eli. No, no, I backed myself up. He went dumb, and then you didn't back me up. No, I don't know. You ever see the car crash? All the time. They're great. Exactly. So then we gave you great content, and you're bitching about it? This whole podcast should be car crashes. You know what you should do? Hey, listen, editor guy, Flux. I remember your name, Flux. Flux.

No, it's Fluk! Come on! You should just put random car accidents in the middle of these conversations when Eli says something stupid. Right? And then nobody will know what they're from until now. They'll be like, why are those car accidents there? I know it's a long joke call, but if you like Arrested Development, you'll get the long joke. So thank you, Flux. I'm sorry I made your job harder. It's Fluk. Just Fluk. No S. Fluk! Fluk! Look what you did to me! Time stamp, motherfucker! Get him!

Fluck. Rewind that. Don't act like you knew his name. Don't act like you knew his name. Flucks. I'm new to this. Rewind.

Play it black in slow motion. Sorry. It plays black in slow motion? What does that mean? Your outfit distracts me. You took a photo with your phone. Everybody knows there's no ghost outfit KKK thing. I didn't take a picture. Oh, you want me to show them the rest of your house? I'll turn that camera around. I'll show them the rest of your house. Thank you for watching the Unsubscribed Podcast. As always, you have been Eli Double Up, myself, Baddest Dreams, and our wonderful, amazing, beautiful, glorious, hot, sexy...

That's all I got. Richard, I, the angry cops. Where do we find you? You can find me at YouTube and Instagram and Facebooks and Reddit. If you really like memes. Oh, if you're really good at memes, I want you on Reddit. Spell it out, though. Angry cops. Okay. It's one word. Cops. You know how to spell angry and cops? Put it together. What do you mean? Spell it. I don't know. Fucking audiences. They're long. I feel like he's the type of guy.

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