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Why did you crack it? I didn't crack it. I watched you. I cracked it too. Wait, hold on. Cody leaves and this family falls apart. He is the glue that keeps us together. We are very shitty glue, all of us. Now we're just going to have to rely on the silence to be silent for the podcast. Holy shit. We love Cody. We love you, Cody. Say hi to Eli.
It's racially ambiguous, baddie. That guy's fucking ridiculous, don't it? It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey guys, thanks for watching the Unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...
That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating.
And that's where the, you come, that is. Come subscribe. We should have just put the fucking chair there and had the normal space. It's like a donut hat hanging on the chair. I'll just, I'll put it on for one bit. Hi everyone. Welcome to Unsubscribe Podcast. I'm once again joined by Eli Double Tap, Batty Streams, and your boy, Brandon Herrera, and the ghost of donut. Oh, and then I opened a new one for that. I didn't. There you go, Float.
- Batty, you're back. - Lotta mosquitoes in this house. - Batty's back. Brandon, you're here. - I am. - Yeah. - You sat there last time, so everything you said reflects on Batty. - I hope so. - I'm gonna go see if Donut needs help. - Sorry guys, no Donut today. He had something pop up and he had to leave.
Yeah. He hates you. He told me, he said, I specifically hate everybody that listens to this podcast. Fuck you all. And fuck you. I have to go do family stuff. He has to be a father. Not to any of you. Cause you're not his children. Remember that? Cause I feel like sometimes you get that confused guys.
Our audience never gets that confused. Yeah, a.k.a. daddy. They have great relationships with their fathers. A.k.a. daddy. Will you be my father? Will you be my daddy? Pretty sure you literally could be my dad. I mean, we literally have... Age or what? Yeah.
That actually checks out are you 24 or 5 6 6? I hope I want a I mean no I didn't hit puberty until like 21 37 okay no no that's not quite You'd be a fucking stud in middle school like just walking around my seed father in the world
Nine-year-old that's impressive. Do how you drop there are two recorded 11 year old fathers There's also a ten-year-old father in the US one of them's right here You met my son Brandon hello my name is Brandon Cuevas. No no a Native American Yeah, bro calm the fuck down over there sorry Pocahontas no no hotel chain here Apparently your boy we did the DNA thing
I'm 21% Native American, which is way bigger than I thought. I was like, ah, it's going to be a little. 20% Native American, 20% Mexican, 20% Japanese. Asian. The Filipino. Oh, you're Filipino? Yeah, the dirty Asian. What? You've been lying to us this whole time? I never said I was Japanese. You did. So you were scratching. I thought you were going to make a fucked up joke with the eye thing. I was waiting for it. I was going to do like 20, 20, 20 in the last 20, and there was going to be an autistic joke in there, but it's gone now because you've been lying to us about being Japanese this entire time. I say the best.
- I've never said it, no. Fucking clip me saying that one time. I always say the poor Asian.
I know time stamp guys in here. Yeah. And I'm sure guys go back in the podcast. This is your homework today in the comments below, leave a timestamp in a previous podcast where Eli said he was one of you autistic motherfuckers knows somebody knows off the top of their head as a Japanese man. I'm offended that baddie is wearing and a culture appropriation of our society, which I'm the fucking like cartoon Joker shirt. Uh,
Demon Slayer. It's anime. That's offensive to me now. I never watched Demon Slayer. Batty started this podcast with a headdress on. I told him no. It's been offensive the entire time. Once he found out my genetic traits. How much... He was just walking around like this. I was like, Batty, what are you doing? Are you Captain Spell? I've literally been caught doing that on stream now multiple times. And then
- And then Eli. Whenever I talk about Eli, I'm just like, Eli. The hands go up, man. - Who spell cast? - No, they're spirit fingers, bro. They're spirit fingers. We're getting ready to dance. - So how much more native are you than Elizabeth Warren? - Oh, man. - How many times more native? - Yeah, what is the percentage? - And why can't you open a casino? Or can you? - I wonder with that percentage. - Back, hold on, Google. - 'Cause that was the biggest thing. I was like, oh, that's like a, once you hit a certain percentage, and mine was like, just like,
BAM I was like what the why the fuck is this a thing I don't even know this you go through that and you're like just surprised of everything you're like eh the fuck okay Spaniard makes a lot of sense Mexican people just a whole bunch of Native American did not know my family was like nah none of that
I'm gonna try to now I'm gonna try to buy your Porsche with shiny beads Why are you giving me pillows and blankets that smell weird? Yeah We did the first four Google results did not give me any information I'm not actually gonna read or look into this cuz I hope not during the podcast. That's what we do for an hour and ten minutes All right
All right, this one says 19%, but this one over here says 21. Maybe we can split the difference. The title of the episode is Can Eli Open a Casino Legally? I almost Googled that exactly. Can Eli Open a Casino? I'm, like, distracted by the conversation. I almost, can Eli open a casino? Yes. Thank you, Google. It's like the magic fucking con shelf in SpongeBob. Wait, two seconds. Huh? Wait. Oh, yeah, buddy. Yep.
I'm good. Is mine going up or down, Batty? So help me God. No. Talk. Okay. Is it going up? Okay, we're good. Okay. Cody's mic's on the floor and it's getting all sorts of weird fucking feedback. Oh, yeah. So I just muted him. Dude, Batty doing his job.
Five minutes into the post and making sure my mic is on Because the previous one he got left on the table and it was plugged in and it was in front of the camera So I just unplugged it so we didn't fuck that up again to make all the audio weird. Oh
It works super good. And then we drank a lot at brunch and came to film. Oh, no, I didn't even drink a lot that day. That was the day I was half asleep because I didn't sleep before the podcast. Oh, yeah, you were just... I was like a zombie. Yeah, you had like one Red Bull and you're like... I'm okay. I woke up. I drove safe. This is what we're doing today. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
So we got fucking I don't even know what you've been doing Everyone's just been out and about doing random shit video games No, you got tattooed you were doing filming yesterday. Can you even discuss that? Oh, what was I feeling? Oh, yeah, we were doing we were helping somebody with in the political sphere with Documentary documentary they were doing on like American gun stuff. Oh, oh
So it was nice to actually have some, you know, relatively like-minded people as far as guns go. And not getting fucked over by random Australians. Can we talk about that? I think we did. Yeah, we did a little. On the podcast? Oh, I wasn't here. Yeah, it was the last one you missed. And we briefly went over like, oh yeah, it just sucks. That's so fucking scummy, man. Yeah, it's like their entire continent was just a bunch of felons when it started.
I would have figured. You seen that picture of the queen where she's at customs or whatever, trying to get into Australia? Excuse me, ma'am, do you have a criminal record? No, do I still need one to get in? No, I haven't seen that.
Dude you guys have our come subscribe that band. What was it Slayer Reaper? It was not fucking Slayer do it was Slayer's on your princess me It was like It was Reaper of Reaper of no
No! Was it just rebirth? This was a brunch joke. I said it was a brunch joke. Okay, yeah. It was a brunch joke. We totally didn't go all the way to the chorus of Chop Suey pretending we were downy kids in public. Dude, detergent kids is what we call them. Detergent? Oh, no. I love that was a slow joke where it's like, one, two, aww. What was the name of the panty, Eli? Which one?
Oh, the one I can't- I'm looking it up right now. I don't know who to look at at this table, because I'm like, I'm mad at him, so I look at you, then I'm like, oh, you're you. Why are you mad at me? Why are you mad at me? Where's-
Cody in his silence I'm gonna go back to my streamer you guys have fucking fun Reaper that's the band's name path of victory there it is they had a show and then like uploaded to the reddit page And it's just them yelling come come because one of the guys it was like the drummer had a come subscribe shirt on I was like my man with that don't fuck No one will ever wear this
Everyone stage. Oh god. I just like it's a whole audience yelling come yeah, that was pretty I mean everybody likes come yeah Guys girls love come dudes love to come some dudes love come. I don't judge. Hey man that much everybody does love come holy shit That's what that's that literally it creates life. Oh Yeah, all right ether of life that brings us all together is the band is this I don't like it's the ether of life I
Changes Final Fantasy storyline drastic Every Joker sentence I want to make I just think like Come Fucking child You're like oh no God I fucking love it yeah they had a whole And their heavy ass metalcore Australian hardcore The circle pit they have a lot of titles The circle pit dude circle pits are just a bunch of dudes Skipping think about it They're just skipping
Circle pits you ever seen dudes running around. They're just looking they're just they're just skipping Everyone get in the fucking middle. Let's fucking go. Let's fucking skip. Yeah fucking ring around the posy Ring around the rosy is one of the darkest on metal songs in existence that I know I've heard I know I've heard why I don't remember explainer the podcast about the plague the black
pocket full of posies because like that was like just a thing during the plague yeah ashes ashes burn the fucking corpses ashes to ashes we all fall down like you're like oh yeah that was a kid's song about fucking dying dude all those old actually back when we had a real pandemic that like killed a third of europe yeah it literally killed that and that was that fast one also why it
it didn't last as long is because it just kills you which is the biggest thing where it's like that humanity was like literally retarded we were filthy that should the we were trying to do it's like oh i mean let's it's these stray cats that are carrying the plague so we kill all the cats because they're a sign of bad luck and they were eating the rats you have a headache let's just bleed the bad blood out of you real quick
Give him all that extra. I've opened my meat market next to the horse's stall. Come try the meat. You're like, ah, this is what happened. That's the Decker. I need to use Decker cane for that one. Honestly, yeah, that's fitting. Would you like my meat? I hate your Decker cane voice more than all your other voices. Ignore the loud horses next door, baddie.
It was good property. We get a good deal on here. Ignore the fact that it's a mortuary. The meat's great, bro. It's unrelated to the meat, I promise. These prices, we're slashing prices that will kill you. That's video game related. Physically. Because of this, it's gone. Matty, why are you wearing Japanese shirts? I love anime! You're not Japanese.
Why do we still use forks and spoons? "Baddie, please take that shirt off, you're offending me." The guy who just went on a long fucking tangent about not being fucking Japanese? "He's Tanjiro and he looks white." "Are you a samurai?"
We're gonna be able to go back and watch this section and be like, "Ah, this is what it's like beating a dead horse." Yep. This is all--it's still going. Great. More horses for the meat block. See, it comes back around. Loops back around. When the joke's dead but you just can't let it fucking die, Eli! Can talk about cum some more. Yeah, honestly, I would love to. That's the next stall over, you racist piece of shit, man.
Can I see your water form attack? We'll just let you keep like you done gone. I don't know how long I Needed it for the bit I'll hand it to the racist bad I'm getting a migraine. I don't get those It's after I talk to Eli I get migraines
I was fine last night, then all of a sudden Eli started texting me about the podcast. Got a migraine. That's so crazy. That's so crazy. Stress induced. I like it. So what was your video game project? I don't remember. I was excited to talk about a video game thing. Okay, is it Pokemon? Nope. It's definitely MonsterCon. Pokemon's coming out soon. Scarlet and Violet. Super excited. Can't wait, but that's not until November. What is going on in video games right now? There's really not a lot.
Pretty garbage right now. Cold Flames, still fun. I play Tarkov like once a week for like two hours. Do a scav run and then fucking hang it up. Like, hanging up my goggles. Yep, pretty much. God of War, the new one. That's the only thing I'm really excited for. How about that? Xenoblade. Dunkey got fucking shit on for doing Dunkey stuff.
Dungy does get shit on a lot, though. Dungy trolls. You gotta love or hate Dungy. Who's Dungy? He just does the most fucking absurd reviews of Dungy.
Okay, oh yeah, okay. I think he's talked about it before yeah. I was like he's the guy's like fucking masterpiece greatest game ever three out of five stars He will never game again perfect score He did like four out of five once but everything else is like one star one star, but he shit on the new Xeno Blade Xeno Blade 3 came out and
Twitter did not like that. He had a fan not like that. Yeah, well we talked about dude the new fucking Lord of the Rings is apparently not doing I love it is it good so So far my biggest complaint is there is a weird bit of animation. You'll see to me immediately Where they're just they were doing like like fight scene stuff, and they clearly went from Practical to animated back to practical that's not just CGI
It's not bad CGI, but it's it's not fluid CGI and you can you can be like alright Whatever that matrix to kind of like yes unnatural It's just one small fucking section of a small of a smaller fight scene But it's early on in the first fucking and if only they had a lot of time and a billion dollar budget to make sure that didn't happen I I will say from that one thing though. I'm absolutely loving the show and
People are complaining because it doesn't follow the lore and motherfucker if I could strangle every idiot that thinks Sauron was a glowing red eye for the entire Fellowship of the Ring trilogy because he never was yes He was a real person the whole time, but Peter Jackson made him a glowing eyes and everyone thought he will you didn't have a body That's why he did. No. He was a nine fingered fucking his tower the whole time Don't get me started on Lord of the Rings fucking shit, man. I was mmm. I was going off on stream It's doing okay on IMDB
I'm generally enjoying it. It's 6.8 out of 10. But look at the Rotten Tomato. Okay. Look at Rotten Tomato. And that is like the lore. Yes, they couldn't do based off of Selmarilla, the...
Our token is Samarillion that will JR Salmonella Salmonella JR token doesn't allow they would the state want to sell the right so you can't fucking touch it like you can litter Amazon cannot touch it. They can because I think they need the permission of the family, right? Yeah, which they told me they got that only for Lord of the Rings No, no, no they have permission for a lot of it no letters, but not the Salmonella the Silmarillion the Marillion blah
The salmonella. Salmonella. The salmonella. I'm pretty sure they do. Yeah, so audience score is 39% on Rotten Tomatoes. The average tomato is 85%. Yeah, the critic score is such... That's usually when I know when to not watch a movie, is when the critic score is very high and the audience score is low. That's when I'm like, all right, I'm out. Yeah, that's when I read that and I was like, oh, no. They have rights to The Silmarillion, yes. They do? Not all, but there's... Portions.
Yes, and the reason it's different like everybody fucking I don't know man like this shit hurts the hell out of me because everyone's so Feels like the the philosophy of the ring trilogy is so precious They changed so much shit Glorf and dealt one of most important characters in Lord of fucking rings in elvish Throughout the second third age super fucking important not he's not in the movie at all they replaced him with Arwen or Elrond or Gandalf or our Strider Aragon like
So they're going to change shit. Yeah, which is part of it. And in 10 years, they're like, oh, it's a great show. It's just now everybody has access to Twitter. Now everybody has access to the internet. Now everybody wants to fucking hate because it's fun to do that. Sometimes things deserve to be fucking hated on. That's fair. Yeah, that's fair. I do think they're a little too... I've enjoyed several movies that people have kind of shit on, but I can't think of one in my head. Well, usually... Well, some of them, like, I actually really enjoyed... My first time watching it in theaters, I enjoyed...
That Rian Johnson Star Wars movie. What was it? Rogue One? No, the eighth, episode eight. Oh, I absolutely loved it in theaters. I loved it in theaters, and then I thought about it. And then I started hearing people complain about it. I'm like, fuck, that's right. Oh, fuck, that is kind of universe-breaking. Not The Last Jedi. Oh, damn, not The Last Jedi. Second. Yeah, it was The Last Jedi. It was The Last Jedi, yeah. Because it was The Rise of Skywalker. Yeah. That I hated in theaters. When it comes to things like that. Palpatine came back.
Fuck it. I guess that's the only explanation we have. I just like they followed the exact same formula for all the Star Wars movies. Like, we need another Death Star, then we need another Death Star. Make a bigger. Yeah, make a bigger Death Star. And then... I don't care, man. I'm there. I'm not there to give a fuck about the lore. Like, I just want to have a... Like, dude, if you...
Stop thinking about it like you had fun in the theaters. I don't give a fuck I'm kind of like there were several like when they did the hyperspace through the ship I was like that was a beautiful walking scene dude, and then I'm like click click click click click fuck that makes no sense Because it comes down to like why aren't they just attaching hyperdrive engines to rocks because that breaks the whole universe You're like oh, yeah shit. It's the same for aliens. It's like the new like per What's a?
Oh fuck. Aliens. Prometheus. Yeah. Prometheus. Prometheus. You're like, Oh, it's fun. But then you start breaking down everything. You're like fucking God. Like that's why I live happily in ignorant bliss. Like I don't give a fuck dude. Start making movies and understanding like script format that will piss you off. And then like when you're setting up shots, all like, that's what kills me. I'm like,
Mean that's why we're never gonna have books like Lord of the Rings ever again. The color palette The original Lord of the Rings books were just like Tolkien released like this kills me too It's like it's Harry Potter did I will say like you can love and hate her and how far? The books themselves books and then the shows they did really fucking good. They're like hey, here's this we'll just kind of stick true to this format and
We'll make billions of dollars and fucking cash out and walk away. And then you have the flip side video game shit where it's video game movies. I swear you would have a blockbuster if you just followed a formula one fucking time. Like Netflix Resident Evil. Like, dude, just
Just follow the fucking games. That is such an enigma. Why can Hollywood not just make a video game movie? Because the video games that are good don't push the message. So they have to bring in a writer who has to be fully original and I'm going to do my own spin on it. Despite the fact that nobody wants that. Also, everyone is now race and gender swapped. Netflix, give me $100 million.
Thank you. I'm going to go do blow now. I'll be back. I've burnt $60 million on blow. $40 million is going to underpaying this cast of gender swap people. Women, we can pay less, thankfully. And you're like, oh, no. He turned out to be the enemy. We gender swapped everyone because, as it turns out, it saved us, you know, saved us about 27% per employee. Batty's like...
And that's how you get She-Hulk. I haven't watched it. Oh, I've seen all I need to. I've seen like, okay, there is one thing I will say because I've just heard it's terrible. It's boring as fuck. That's the main thing.
People were freaking out about the twerking thing, which I didn't I was like did she twerk? Yeah, she told there's a full scene of just yeah, she Hulk is gonna watch it now Yeah, I'm all I'm here for some some fucking green pud It is 2004 fucking CGI at all. It's grad. It's bad green fucking tour I have seen PC games do better and and I'm not fucking lying with the main thing like my takeaway was like oh, I
People freak out about that shit. I'm just like yeah like everyone in the Iron Man's dance like everyone's danced in the universe, and I know her that's the that's the thing is done any fucking thing It's like the shows apparently really boring. It's really boring and you could definitely tell it's like it's talking about the struggles of being a woman a single woman in your 30s like
I thought this was about fucking fighting aliens and robots and shit. I don't care. Dude, in your 30s, that's your prime, especially as a girl. That's the easiest time to get laid. As a guy, it's the easiest time to get laid. So true. So true. This is being single at 30 is the best time of your life. That is not a... I have time. It only gets better. Brandon, stop flirting. No. Okay. That makes me think of something.
What video games have the best sex shit like sex scenes in them which are cyberpunk? Okay, the same studio Cyberpunk had probably one of like I don't really care like right Oh Mass Effect had good ones to blue alien titties. Let's go, but the tank scene the tank bit from cyberpunk 2077 You literally fucking a tank
I'm I got a finish cyberpunk yeah, and but there's like this weird thing where they're like they're they're saying in that you know their universe or whatever like Your pilot and co-pilot are connected through like a neural link or whatever so they're fucking while they're in a neural link And it's kind of wild oh, I'm gonna wait your foot in a nerve is it cheating then what do you mean wait? No, you can each other's neural link already, and they're fucking already like they're connected to each other while they're fucking while real fucking with a double comb
Probably. Brain cum. What a conundrum. Dude, I want a brain nut. Yo! That's the name of this fucking episode. Brain nut. I just pitched. I know the thumbnail. It's our heads just like. It's like you're like this. You're like, oh my God, I'm going to.
Your face expands here. You're like, okay. It's just swollen. You have a swollen... There's a lot of pressure. Bro. Maddie, this is why you have migraines. I've been brain nutting way too much, guys. Or am I not brain nutting enough? No, you're too much. That's a new name for an epiphany. Oh, I just had a brain nut. Oh, we got a new t-shirt. There you go. It's a light bulb that just says brain nut. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
I'm texting Leslie right now. Brain nut. No, no. I'm going to wait until we get there. I was going to say, there are people at Bunker. Our Reddit will make the design. Guys, brain nut. Epiphany is now called. Do your worst. Or your best. No, they're going to just make a jizzy brain. Do your best. I love that idea. Just brain nut is such a good word for it. Brain nut. For epiphany. Oh, Brandon, you fucking genius. That's why you have that shirt right now.
Yeah, the uh... You can't buy bullets. But you can... You said brain nut, then he said epiphany. You're an epiphany. Batty, what... Okay, sorry, we gotta praise Batty right now. Batty, we need a little praise from you! Batty, you spent 45 minutes, don't touch me, yelling at me already! Obviously, I have Batty issues! You're not Japanese, because it's been 28 minutes, not 45. Okay, so take that. Yes! Yes!
You're like what the fuck did I do? Yeah, he's going to you fuck up your son Kyle senior. Hey, baddie daddy Here we are back to the internet having weird daddy problems with a gay daddy baddie daddy granddaddy Eli I guess it's technically a daddy technically very hard to explain on a date - when somebody comes up to you like oh my god a Kate daddy like
What? Fucking lies. It's like, look, read the room, guys. This isn't Reddit. Hold off for at least two more hours. Wait, is it the girl saying it? No. Oh, okay. My audience is entirely autistic men in their 20s. Dude, my son loves Birdie. And 30s. And 30s. And 30s. Big fan. And some, well, they claim to be women. What?
I know we get like when we usually accompanied by an anime profile How many episodes ago that were like we have no women that listen to us the top section of our comments all women are like bullshit all women are like oh sorry okay okay we get it I've gotten comments like that too when I say like let's be honest I was like ladies and gentlemen let's be honest gentlemen you're like well stop disparaging the women in your audience I'm like I'm not I'm just making fun of the dudes God calm the fuck down also big shout out to Elboy
Find those things. I boys what I was calling our text because he it is I boy I call my boy when he's not gifting subs to piss him off. Oh you are okay because I was calling him my boy Wow we are yeah If you ever put up I swear to God if you start ascendance with a lowercase L fuck you if you're typing
And you put a lowercase L at the start of a word or a sentence. It's an I! It's a capital I! Bad spelling, poor punctuation, and incorrect capitalization. That's just Twitch. Basic fucking shit. Like, I'm like, I'm sorry. I thought we all passed the fourth fucking grade.
I mean Eli you got a GED so like that's some of us. Yeah, you're fucking so that's how you know I was in Japanese okay? And dropped out of high school. Do you remember when they forced cursive on us? Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, what happened to cursive? It died like it should have before our generation I can't even tell you how to do I was thinking about this literally two weeks ago how to do like a B. Could you remember it's that up? Yeah, well of course I know how to do it. What happened to cursive?
Dude, I could write that for a new generation and they would all just be like, "What is this?" Dude, that's basically talking in code to a Gen Zers. Wait, is that what happened to like hieroglyphics and shit? It's like just one generation all of a sudden was just like, "Nah." "Dad, what the fuck are you writing right now?" Well, I think that was like a couple hundred and like a lot of years. A couple hundred years ago. I was gonna say a couple hundred years.
I just pictured this
It's just a top hat with a fucking gunshot wound and an actor. Yeah, behind him like this and then this and then splatter. Okay, honestly, I like the idea of storytelling new events. I really do like that idea. Oh, God, I can only imagine what it would look like, the fucking like the Bill Clinton affair with the blue dress. And hieroglyphics in the White House. Just hands up. Oh, my God, it's...
I want us in hieroglyphics. We need to bring it back. We need to bring back hieroglyphics. No, we don't. Yeah, we do. That's a fucking great. I could tell so many better stories like that. Eli, you just want to be able to draw for a language. Fuck yeah. France! Yay! Eli is happy again. Why don't Eli eat these? The purple tastes better than the green. Eli, you're in the army, not the marines. Stop it. Cultural appropriation. For the second time for any different culture. Fucking hell.
I'm racially ambiguous, you son of a bitches. Not anymore, actually. No. Holy fuck. You gotta take that out of the intro now. Yeah, now I'm racially accurate. You're racially biguous.
Eli he's racially big you is it doesn't flow off the tongue is good. He's racially specific now Okay, we're gonna do something we've never done before - entertaining episode
Okay, calm yourself. Okay, that's episode 100. Can you do the ad read? Yeah. Don't do it right now. Just do it at the end and we'll just drop it in. So welcome to the ad now. Unsubscribe is brought to you by Manscaped, who is the best in men's below the waist grooming. Their products are precision engineered tools for your family jewels. Brandon, stand up and show your family jewels. Not again. Perfect. Thank you so much. Manscaped performance package for the ultimate men's hygienic brand.
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The performance package 4.0 has arrived and oh man is it is a game changer show it off baddie inside this package you'll find their lawnmower 4.0 trimmer weed whacker ear and nose hair trimmer they they make ball powder crop preserver ball deodorant okay i just magically got that at the exact same time crop reviver toner which i need to see it on his dude you put the ball toner on i sprayed his balls he actually did just i really they have ball toner and i i
I never use that. I usually flat iron mine. This trimmer is the future of grooming and dare I say, the greatest ball trimmer ever, which I actually did use that to trim my balls last night. I will say they have actually sponsored me before several times and I do unironically use Manscaped. It's pretty good. I've had the bad trimmers. Nick, myself, in my hoo-ha area. Your hoo-ha? Yeah, I have a vagina. I was just going to say, that's a pussy. That one.
But I don't know, have you guys nicked yourself? It's not comfortable really. No, it's not good. No, you're like, oh god, Batty, you go in there fucking aggressive, bro. Right? See, look, and he's fine. Fluck, punch in. That is a lot of hair getting trimmed in there. Yeah, I got a lot of, I'm a fuzzy dude. Cover your drinks. Just lean in and listen to the microphone. Let that microphone take that in. Careful, you're getting beard. That's alright. There's a lot of beard. Oh yeah, the trimmer is water resistant so you can save. What the fuck did you just say?
The trimmer is water resistant as you're pouring. You're drinking while doing it.
Your thought that was that good? But we want to take your grooming game to the next level. The performance package 4.0 also includes the weed whacker nose and ears and hair trimmer. Just read the goddamn code. I am, and that's Unsub20. Okay, Unsub20, go to Manscaped. Bam, call for action. Get 20% off and free shipping with Unsub20 at Manscaped.com. That's 20% off your free shipping at Manscaped.com. Use code Unsub. Unlock your confidence and always use the right tools for the job with Manscaped. Because remember...
This is the cheap brand. Batty, can I see the thingy? Not the weed whacker. You just circumcised a fruit on the podcast. Yeah, that's what cheap products do. Watch. Oh, it turns on instantly. I told, see. Look, look, fucking. Dude, look at that. Imagine that's your wiener and it's hairy all the way down to the shin. And you're circumcised now, thanks to Eli.
Bad. Weird that you waited to adulthood to do that, but whatever. Dude, trim the top of that. I just really want to eat. He's been staring at me. I'm so. Oh, no, please don't. I know. Just trim. Just like a fucking reverse landing strip on my arm. Dude, manscaped.com. Go check them out. They're phenomenal. Use the code unsubs. Save 20%. Shut the fuck up. The ad reads over. Get 20% off and free shipping and watch. But now we cut to Batty eating a banana for three minutes.
Batty, how much can you get done? Oh, I don't have a gag reflex. That is the hottest thing I've seen all day. Unironically, that, yeah. I already have, but I could have gone deeper. How did you find out you don't have a gag reflex? What was part- Trying to make myself puke when I was super hungover. Okay, Manscaped, what didn't you like about the ad read? Well, afterwards, Batty talked about deep-throating a banana. No, that's after the ad read. It's fine. They don't give a fuck, man. We're good then.
Well, next time, let's maybe like condense it down to a minute and a half and not like run for 10 fucking minutes about ball cutting. Okay, first off. Or not ball cutting. Ball haircut. Four minutes and 30 seconds. I feel like it was longer than that. I don't know. I don't think they're going to pay us extra for those extra three minutes. They're not going to. Hey, as long as the audience is happy, who the fuck cares?
You're correct, yeah, Brian you're free We never take I forget never mind we do this You know the last thing I use those Clippers on was my mp5
Hmm the metal around the front side post is super like palatable So I was able to bend it a bunch I couldn't get this nap I use those I fucking snip that shit off. Where are you snipping like the the front side post the side pieces so I could get the What's the what's the fucking word? I have a sight post rail so I could put a light on an old-school like retro frame got it. Oh
But it won't fit on a K, so I had to remove part of the front sight post. You're like ghetto garage gunsmithing is entertaining as hell to me. I love it. I passed the Dremel on the way in. Yeah. Like, it's still just sitting out on the table. I'm like, ooh. This was going nowhere good quickly. I was not doing anything bad in ATF. I don't have any dogs. What?
Hey, Dumpy, Dumpy, come here. You're the consolation prize. I'm gonna put a service dog vest on Dumpy when you leave. No, I was trying to germal off the spikes. What's with that taxidermied dog full of tannerite? It's all one of the cleaners, the Hoovers. The Claymore Roomba? No, it's a Boomba. I have one. A Boomba, yeah. Well, a fake one. I have a lot of real ones in my garage.
Still think you need a taxidermy dog on your broom book because it makes it way better I actually want to build like so I faked one for a video at one point We literally did like you know Tanner right on a room bar or whatever with a claymore on I might do that like a stuffed dog or something He's gonna finally go the dog from scrubs. He used to carry around his fucking dog everywhere I
I want to get like some legit Claymores though. Like a real Claymore Roomba. Like with the proper licensing and everything, of course. Have you blown up a Claymore? Never. Batty has. Never a legit one. Do that clack. That clackety clack. This is a three, right? Yeah, three. Now when you have to look at the, oh yeah, you have to look at the little flash window and you're like, click, click, click. Make sure it's sparking. You have that wire. You just unroll, put the caps in. Shock tube.
Yeah, yeah. You put a shock tube in both sides or one? No, it's one side. I did this in 2010, bro. And mine was five. It's been a long time. Yeah, you put the fucking shock tube towards the enemy because people fucked that up in the past.
That's why that's on there. It's like, you know how Donald's coffee is military. That's why. Did you read on the C4s? Do not eat. Yeah. That's hilarious. That's because someone ate it. Yep. I believe that. Which I think you can do, right? Yeah. Like, it's actually got nutritional value of some sort where, like, people would get, like, really hungry and eat their C4. All right, guys, for listening to the podcast right now, this is your father speaking. Don't eat C4.
I think you can get high on it too. Don't encourage them! They're not gonna fucking have C4. Okay, well, allegedly. Some of them absolutely have C4. Don't ingest or light it on fire. It's a bigger felony for you to have it than for you to smoke it, so...
Let's be real here. And it's not going to explode if you smoke it. No, it's very safe, very stable. It actually takes a blasting cap in order to ignite that fucking system. You could light that shit on fire and hit it with a hammer and it's not going off.
People don't understand they're like c4 they think it's nitroglycerin which big shout out back in the day in the 1700s those ships that would come across the It was giant springs built into those old-ass ships that were just like please don't move and because glycerin leaks So once that happens, it's like well because all it was is nitroglycerin. I think absorbed by like like wood chips
Is that that was basically dynamite at least to my knowledge like sawdust essentially dude that was like you'd watch the stabilize it Oh god, they take it across boats, and it was just like a spring system to keep it here So when it's like the big rocking it just stays still and they're like please Springs just keep you're not having like chests full of dynamite Yeah, sliding across your fucking back I played Sea of Thieves I know what the red fucking chest do the red fucking uh
Barrels do I think everybody thinks of C4 is unstable because they see like fucking Call of Duty where it's basically Tanner right you just throw it in an explosion Yeah, it's not the case, but people will underestimate How much C4 is needed for a very large explosion because in movies it's like suitcases and it like levels a floor of a building you don't need it you need like three pounds and you're fucking oh, yeah, and
We did that demo course with Best recently. And yeah, no, that'll rock your shit if you're too close to some of that shit. You were kind of close to some of that shit. I was really close in retrospect to a lot of it. And how many poundage? One of the charges we ran, one of the charges I blew was like a nine pound charge. And that was a big boy. That one wasn't too bad. The other one, it was the smaller one. We used like ECT, like electrical cutting, or excuse me, explosive cutting tape. Basically like a...
Shape charge of copper or whatever that you wrap around something shape charges that coolest fucking shit boosters and then like a pound and a half C4 and then a bunch of deck cord that one I was way too close to and that one felt like somebody Literally takes a wiffle ball bat and just fucking beams you in the back of the head with it as soon as it goes off You kind of feel your brain rattle around you're like, oh, okay. Well, I'm right. Yeah brain nut whatever the opposite of a brain nut is That was a reverse gasm
Your brain got kicked in the balls. I forget what they told me to do. Eat an avocado. Jericho was like, you're probably a little close to that. Just eat an avocado. You'll be fine.
No shit. The healthy fats or whatever in an avocado or whatever, like help your brain repair or something like that. I didn't do it. We just drank. That's military. It's one of those things. It's like being in however many ID blasts and suicide bombers for me. And then also when you're doing those explosives, it's like, okay, a giant explosion. It's like now run into the house and you're like, got it. You see like triple vision, like door. We're going to pick me up.
I don't miss any of that shit at all. At all. I don't miss the military. When I think back of those days, I'm like, nah. I hear people asking me that daily. Do you miss being in the army? No. Fuck no. You could pay me fucking 500 grand to go back as a private. I'd say no.
Okay, I might do it. I think it's a little different with us too. It's like I would pay the lives that we live now are dramatically different from the average military member leaving. Yeah, but right now, you know, we got a fair. We got a pretty good, you know, but I would definitely do a GoFundMe for 1.5 mil if we can do baddie goes back as a private for three years in the active military. You just said you do it for 500k a year years.
You don't get a choice in this. You have to sign a contract for $1.5 million. I did sign a contract. Unless you get med boarded. I hope I get in, man. That's fair. Dude, so I thought about doing that for content at one point. No, not for that because of my broken ass brain at this point. We don't tell. Dude, you never tell me. You don't tell me. Bro, I didn't tell him about any of the broken bones I had, my fucking migraines, the four concussions I had at the time. I'm like, I'm good.
Maps just the they always just don't say a thing do 1.5 mil baddie three years 500 grand a year on top of the private though. I probably know I mean, you know, I want you you want me as a private as for 1.5 mil Yeah, you are not getting an easy If you're a brand again, how much would it cost for you?
You're gonna have to bump those numbers up. I know. I thought about it for content, but now I'm like, that's just not worth it. Plus, I'm not sure what the recruiting age is now. You can get wavered up to 42. What the fuck? Seriously? I went to basic with a guy who was 42. He got wavered up. Well, that was because you were still kind of wartime. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had some old ass fuck. Who was that old ass fuck? He dropped out like halfway through my cycle.
Fuck who was it? I forget his name. He dropped out halfway through this dude was like 42 I think he was also one of those guys graduated. That was wild. This man was wild It was funny because our first sergeant of the company first, right was 42. He would walk up to me like Two minutes I was like wait too long. I'm like damn that's rude man. Like even right now that's rude I saw there they were talking about military recruiting. It was like a meme. I was I was looking at where it's like gen z
I like the modern military that they're building up now. Like, I need a stress card. Like, I have anxiety when I talk to people. This, this. Like, yo, this boot camp is not busting for real, for real. And then there was like the Chad fucking 2002 enlistment. Like, yes, sir, I heard the Toby Keith song. I am here. That was it.
I'm here for America. I am America. Dude, I wonder nowadays, because before we deploy, you have to do the, I might have talked about it, the desensitizing for war. So they just want, you have to watch army dudes just getting sniped and killed over in war. And they're like, this is to desensitize you. It's like, man, okay.
I was on live leak before I joined. Yeah. Now I'm like, that's just fucking Reddit now. Well, it taught me how to lie more. Is it still bad? No, there's still tons of places on Reddit. You can still, like, yeah. I stopped using Reddit. R slash combat footage, I think, still, like, posts a bunch, especially the Ukraine conflict. Oh, dude, I didn't think about that. All right, fair. I literally, the only time I go to Reddit now is for R subreddit. I stopped using Reddit, like, four years ago. Smart. Like Twitter. It's, yeah, it's a cesspool. Like, there's a bunch of just very angry basement dwellers on Reddit, but there's occasionally good info. Oh, my God.
That's what they sound like in my head. They're typing angrily. Yeah, dude, I used to have to, watching all those videos and deploying, I just remember I was like, don't stop moving. Dern patrol. Don't stop moving. Dern patrol. You're doing like, you're over there doing like the dune sandwalk. I ain't gonna be hit today. Like doing TikTok dances while moving. Ahmed not gonna know where to aim the SVD. Yeah.
Maybe that's why Nico is so good at TikTok. He was already ready for all the dances. I was so terrified. And then you get like five months in the deployment when war has set in and you don't give a fuck. And you're like night mission, just a line of chairs. You're like, don't give a fuck. If they shoot me in the head, I'm not going to feel this. You see a red laser on the wall. You're like pull the fucking trigger. Do it.
Do it pussy, your shit's not zeroed. Sorry, neither was ours. One mission where it was, my gun fucked up at zero, and I was like, I went to do like warning shots, I was like, man, my zero is really off right now. We went immediately back and I was like, I hear warning shot and bad zero. Like, ah, is this going the generation kill direction? This is like, clack, clack, and I was like, ooh.
What the fuck is going on? I got back. I was like, okay, let's confirm my zero right now from that drop of my gun. I was like, it's not hitting paper. That's not a good sign. Suppressing fire! Yeah, not great. Yay war. You guys should not do it. I would love to never do that. It sounds so cool.
Thought about it for a minute. Decided it wasn't for me. So cool right until it's not cool. Yeah. Until it's not. That first time you're like, let's roll up into the shark. It's like, ting, ting, ting, ting. Is that gunfire? 100% dismount left.
What? Yeah. So we're getting out in this. It's not rain, it's not hell. You sure it's not hail? Just say it's hell. I'll be way more comfortable. You just step out of the striker onto the forbidden tuna can. I've never heard it called that.
We had the forbidden tuna can, the forbidden Play-Doh. I walked over forbidden tuna cans before. Like, we walked over in the next... Man, this was literally... The next day, we cleared an area. We were like, whoop! Cleared the entire area. A new company, Nod Hall, walked the exact same path, and one of them did hit a tuna can wall.
Fucking went off. He was a below the knee injury and I was like, I was like one of us stepped over that and didn't see it. We're like, what the fuck do it reminds me of that photo where they've got one of those that for those who don't know the forbidden to the can. Obviously, like landmine. There was one where it was like a hopscotch thing where it was like across a fucking creek where they were like stone, stone, stone, landmine, stone, stone, like.
God, that was my biggest... I would just watch where I was walking and watching. Get your boots wet. It's like cutting wires. Unless you've been there, you never experience it. It's like you're supposed to trim wires. Because here in America, we have fucking power lines that run up. That is not how...
Iraq is there all the power lines are just like into the ground that running in houses running across the street And you're like do I clip these are like maybe those might be connected to people's power We don't know very you're like so one of these might be an ID one might not know like well Between Abdul's Xbox working and not getting blown the fuck up. I have a preference click click click
Okay, we're good. We're good. We had buddies that come up. It's like click stuff and you're like, oh, you're good. And we're walking. And then they're like, oh, there's a wire that led here. Like what? And you just see like, like a daisy chain. And he's like, puts him down. It is a huge daisy chain of ideas. It's like, oh, I'm glad we clicked that off. Holy shit. That is a whole bunch of fucking happy times. Hurt locker shit. Yeah. Oh, that when he's like pulling, it was like,
We just seen him in a line. It was like one and then you see like two three Like fuck my fucking mortar rounds and shit man again, so how much to go back? Fantastic I mean we're not like doing a real war anymore So like you got a couple years before like the next big one starts probably hopefully two mil a year for you Brandon I do it for two mil a year. Yeah, and then baddies 500
And then we get money 500k you would you would actually go back in as a private 500k a year. Yeah, okay This is this vlog would take my kid recorded. They're like you don't tell each other the number Yeah, man, I can't believe they're giving us 500k a year and i'm over here like three years six million They're paying Man, I just wanted to go to college
- The other primates don't know about how much you get. Or they do know, so they hate the fuck out of you. - That's how you get fragged in the field. - Hey guys, just to let you know, these guys are joining later in life. They're equally the same as you minus they get paid significantly more than you. Treat them with respect. - How much is significant? Significant. - 2,500,000. You guys make about that in? - Your life. - Yes. - You don't. - Have fun.
Salute. Walk out. Record. Oh, that's comedy gold. That's a series that everyone would watch. At least I would. It's called Murder. That's a snuff film. That's a Vette TV skit. That's what it is. You guys are getting soap barred. Is that immediately? Every night. Immediately. So many stress cards, though. No, you're good. Could I use the stress card? I'm stressed that I'm getting lock and a sock every fucking night.
Lock in the sock. My ribs don't work anymore. Allie. Oh, fuck, dude. Father K here.
Oh fuck are you streaming this month since it's September or you dude so what is September all right? He'll explain it. He'll get so that's the title of this episode. Yeah, honestly Yeah, or that's a brain nut a brain a brain a September brain nut. I like it there is Four years ago. I believe it was a teen
that was weird twitch uh decided to be like hey for september we're gonna call it september we're gonna give you discounts if you gift a sub a new sub it's like a dollar or you resub it's a dollar instead of five bucks but the person gets the same amount of money the streamer and wasn't amazon just complaining about not making enough money off of twitch twitch has been in the red for a very long time that's why they're forcing ads everywhere but then the next year september was like hey you get
50% off a new sub instead of like a dollar wait how much was the first one it was like a dollar for a sub man No shit. Oh, I thought you're talking about this current one. No no no no it's worse and worse every year gets worse And then 2020 it was like 50% off then next it was like 30% off gifted subs though Which was like oh fuck that's still a ton yeah for people and then this year. It's like all right Oh, then we'll give you an Arby's gift card It's like it's 20% off
for you to resub sometimes for a length of time not just like a regular reason you have to do it for like three months six months whatever that's pretty shit it's not great and it i there's like stipulations behind it man it's like it can't be one of these kind of subs and it can't be this but it can be that but it can't be that it's like the most convoluted shit it's like how to ruin a good thing so fucking fast i don't like how the fuck does twitch even know at this point
I don't know why they didn't keep it 50% Speaking of fucking Twitch! Did you hear about the chick getting railed on Twitch? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. She was fucking ugly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. She was a small ass streamer, right? 250 followers. Oh, she wasn't small ass, but yeah. 250-ish followers, now like 4K-ish.
Because after a week she got her account back twitch unbanned her okay, so unbanned her she had a seven-day Suspension suspension. I don't I don't know the details where she like getting fucked on stream isn't like getting like visibly fucking railed The boyfriend is behind her I tried to look like she was bent over her desk drinking and her boyfriend for a second you see him Is it visible or like you just in front of a glass? No you it's absolutely visible. They're fucking like this see my camera like
But if the girl came in you see the guy behind and she's like but you could see the glass on that you could see the glass and he's just fucking her yeah, I
Mean do your thing good for you? I guess seven days like out of all the shit that'll show emmery Well, they get like that's the biggest thing. It's you get to see it like the alcohol and the cat's face She got what a day ban or something 70? Yeah, yeah, she's into her cat's mother a bunch of trouble over like she's not a dunch of shit Yeah, she's not a bunch of shit. She threw her cat once and then it's like seven days and and
homegirl she's like getting fucked on camera and you're like seven days it's like dude even then like all a lot of other female streamers were like hey twitch you probably could have just left this one man if you're if you're like not like it's an accident i know his dick didn't just fall and slip in repeatedly like she willingly got fucked as she's like live on twitch subs for the chats like this for the she's moaning on like you can see her facial reaction to getting fucked like it is here it looks like my camera right now that's what you
And he's just like, I saw a screenshot. Like I saw a screenshot from like the article or whatever. That's what it looks like. And then if you look in the glass window, you just see the full on reflection of her getting fucked. I'm like, I wish Twitch would just make up their fucking mind as to whether or not they're going to allow shit like that on the platform. It's like, if you're, if you say you're not like that is a pretty fucking egregious violation. That's it. Like why intentionally? Exactly. Intentionally. That's the thing. It's not like, I understand why some of these like, Oh, nip slip, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Badge slip. It's like, I feel really bad for streamers about that.
Especially like fucking married streamers and shit like that like I've seen a couple of those like fuck-ups And it's just like this is my live shit like would freak me out especially as like a female like that. Oh yeah, yeah
Well, you get to see like Amaranth. She was doing that podcast on how much she makes off of all those platforms. And you're like, girl, you did it the right way. Can't get mad at you for anything you did. You can't blame people like Amaranth for taking advantage. She makes like 100K a month off Twitch, 100K a month off of some. Well over 100K a month off Twitch. I was going to say that sounds low. Real low.
You might be right. No, I know I'm right. But on the main platform... If only we have a nightmare brick in front of us that can tell us. The OF, she's bringing like 1.5 mil a month. Yeah. And she's like, yeah. And that's why she's like cutting back now. She's like the 20th something most subbed streamer on Twitch. She's the top female streamer. I didn't know that. Fucking shit.
Twitch star Amaranth has revealed she's earning a staggering $33 million from adult content platform OnlyFans. Yeah, oh yeah, that's the way she makes all her money on is, oh. Dude, I would. The Twitch star makes roughly $1.5 million per month. Yeah. It's just weird, like, if Twitch would, it's the same thing with YouTube, it's community guidelines, like, none of these platforms want to state what they really are. They're so vague, so they don't need to enforce them properly. They can do whatever they want, and nobody can be like,
What and something that I'll give him a lot of credit for and like and this is people like giving people I really don't like credit for like big social media companies and
They have a really fucking hard job where you have a platform that has, you know, for example, like Facebook, Instagram, whatever, billions of fucking people on. And you have a staff of maybe like 10,000 dudes. Like that's a hard fucking job to go through every report, every spammer, every everything. Like there's a reason why AI takes over a lot of this shit because you fucking have to. You can't keep up to the amount of content and then the length of content. Our podcast is a good example. It's an hour they have to scrub through. We found out.
They don't. The Ryan Reynolds thing is the main thing. The Ryan Reynolds pool is the main big no-no. Can't talk about the Ryan Reynolds pool very much. We can say it. Ryan Reynolds pool. We can post it. We need to find it. Oh, that's going to go on the new wall too. Yeah. Yeah. We need to actually fill that out at one point. A separate sacrificial lamb of a video. With everybody making their bets. Yeah, there you go. Perfect. Dude, we can actually have content on Patreon? Yeah.
That could be up in the background as long as you don't talk about it. Just put it up there. It's a fucking poster. In every new episode, there's like a different fucking name or something's changed slightly. I just like it's going to be Ryan Reynolds pool. I'm putting his fucking face right there. Exactly. So it's like that.
And then we're gonna do a fucking ad spot for Mint Mobile, which is his company, which I love the most. I love that that was the one they were like, yeah, we want to work with those guys. It's like fucking dope. Did you guys talk about the new studio last episode? No. When is the new studio going to be a thing?
in a week and a half I'll have it all done. So episode after next. Yes. That was the biggest thing. It's like we got the new table. Probably not. Matches the one kind of we had. It's minus it's gray. It's not a black. Whatever. It's brown even. But it will have more width. Could not anticipate that next sentence. Couldn't have nailed it better.
So we got the new table. God damn it. I love you so much. Which is a lot more length into it. But that way nuts aren't touching over. You're not sitting on your buddy's lap anymore. You have that. You want to? Wow. And we get this big ass table. We're all just still like, not the butt. Like holding hands. I missed you. But the wall, the decor conga line, the entire hour long episode, just sitting. But tonight we have a bench. We have a bench.
We just sit straddle. I have a bench for this table. It's four chairs and a bench. So we could have put a bench here. The mic's mounted on the back. One of our heads. Hey Brandon, how you doing? We're all wearing helmets with the mic on the back of it. Not a bad idea. It's just a reverse night vision mount with a microphone. I like this new setup way more already. I'm a fan. Bravo seeks going gay.
Homosexual. Those are one of my fucking greatest things I ever did. The clawed nods. Oh, the clawed nods. They broke when I moved. I was real sad about that. Dude, but the new studio, like, it's going to look fucking dope. All the...
The shelving. I got to do Eli decor, so I want supertistic. Got to make sure all the color palettes are looking good. Oh, bro. They look real fucking good. Just wait till you see these fucking palettes. Dude, the fucking lights, the fucking backdrop, the decor. So you're not going to have lights that attack guests anymore? No. I'm kind of sad about that. I'm not going to lie. Can we still just duct tape a light?
Just above? I have a string and I can pull it and it just falls and hits them in the head. You just need like a trap door for the guest. They're gone. That would be very hard to explain to the, you know, the rental agency. Like, why did you build a trap door with piranhas? Why didn't we? Why did you not have it convey with the property? Like, what did you do to this house? How do you fuck it up so much? First off,
Is it fucked up? You have piranhas now and they're beautiful creatures. There's a lot of blood in there. Sounds pretty fucking judgmental to be honest. When I was a kid I actually owned two red-bellied piranhas. No shit. I think you told me about that. When I couldn't afford to feed them I gave them hot dogs. One ate the other. Always sounds good when you buy a pet and you're like when I can't afford to feed it. I bought it a hot dog. And then one literally ate the other.
Did you know piranhas won't eat your fucking hands up if you put it in? No, no, absolutely. Yeah, it's a myth. You can be bleeding and you can put it in and they won't fucking... It's a myth. Literally. So they don't attack humans? Nope.
I feel like I've seen piranhas. There's a very extremely extremely rare It is because I remember in North Carolina there was a thing like when I was living there I saw it like in the newspaper or whatever where somebody had like pulled up a prawn out of like the Cape Fear River or some shit and they had a Picture of their pocket knife that hadn't made an indentation on it. Oh, yeah No, you put a knife in the mouth and shit like that little bite, but like prawn art like I
Inherently aggressive I guess the way to put it was small movie piranha 3d fucking lied to me yet. Just like fucking Sharknado, it's not real. It's fucking bullshit. Yeah, who did that that coyote? Oh, what's that guy's name? Have you ever watched coyote?
Okay, Jones or something. Yes. I think I know you get stuck like welcome to the steam zone He does like fucking worlds like most like fucking painful bee stings and shit like that. Yeah, it's spiders What's his name Houston Jones not Houston Jones, but he's wrong with you people stop it do coyote Johnson or whatever his name Peterson Peterson dude he built a
He did such a good job with what he did. I don't know if you've watched his content. I watched some of it when he did the most intense bee sting or wasp sting in the world. Bro, that dude, he almost fucking passes out from the pain. He's about to vomit on his hands and knees. So this is what I'm feeling right now. And he's handling this, I'm sure, way better than any fucking buddy else would. Dude, Batty...
Are you good? No, no, no, sorry. I just checked it out. This guy who will capture the- Are we boring you, Batty? No, I can't see the time anymore because of how the light is right now. I got it. I will tell you. Boom. We're good. I'm just trying to watch it. That's my job. That dude will fucking take like the scariest fucking book. Like murder hornets and shit. Yeah, and they- He was like, okay. He captures them and then he puts a stinger and he just holds them until they sting. Yeah.
And he did it with piranhas though. He cut his hand. He's like, okay, blood, put hand in piranha tank,
and they had to have known ahead of time they just swam around and he's like no they do not do this he's like it's a myth he was just holding his hand in there he's like nope he had to have known ahead of time because my size is that and and the pack it's like like they'll attack like splashing and things like that there's certain things that trigger like their fight flight so most of the time it's panic and run but that tarantula wasp that's the that made him
Crippled Angela wasp he those are two things. I hate dude Yeah, that sounds like some shit that makes me want to move off that continent it fucking drop that dude - it's the vomiting one in that one aunt He got bit by one aunt. He was like oh, this is worse. I'm gonna vomit like the bullet and those are bad Yes, it's bit by one of those he's basically like went around the world like finding the most exotic shit to be stung by and
And he made millions off of it. Oh, I mean, okay. He got shows. This wasn't like OG internet where this would get 10,000 views on LiveWeek. That's what I was like. I'm like, man. No, he's pretty big. He has TV channels now. Like, I think. Oh, my God. Brave Wilderness is his channel. It's 20 million subs.
He's crushing it and he's so what didn't buy blood worms 11 days ago. That's a real thing six million view What is a blood worm? Oh, what the fuck is that? That's the forbidden fleshlight Have you seen my first story it had stung by a cow killer like the
Like the ant or whatever? Nah. Yeah, fucking five years ago, 80 million views. Dude, his fucking... I'd fucking do that. I'm not even going to lie. Like, if I knew I could get to that size, I'll fucking do whatever, man. Well, he's so methodical on how he breaks it down. You hear that, guys? Brandon will do anything. For 80 million views. Yeah. Do you know how much 80 million views is monetized on fucking YouTube? No. On a long-ass video like that? That's a good chunk of change. But there's not much Brandon would want to do. More than 100 grand, at least.
Probably a couple hundred grand. Me being stung on the inside of my butt by a penis. Live on, Pornhub.
This episode. Okay, I would do almost anything. The sting zone. I'm being stung by my buddy's cock again for the fourth episode in a row. Tweezering it. He's like, oh god, here it is on my face. It's going crazy. It's spitting its poison venom at me. Stung by a brain nut. God damn it. Don't judge this.
He's went downhill. Thank you for watching the subscribe podcast! As always, we have Eli Doubletap and... Oh, no. The Ghost of Donut Operator. And Brandon Herrera. I'm Batty Streams. I'm gonna go bleach my eyes. Fetch the melon baller. I tie her up my eyes. It's just what we do today. Yeah. Don't do it right now. Just do it at the end and we'll just drop it in. And we have to do a mid-read. Yeah, we just do it at the end. With the power of editing...
So welcome to the ad now. Read your script. Do I read what I can't talk about or not? No, Batty. Hey guys, we recorded an extra like 35 minutes of the podcast for like the Patreon. So if you want to go to the link down in the description in the comments, see us, subscribe, podcast, Patreon, get a little unsub extra, a little uncensored unsub, a little extra Eli, a little extra Batty. No, don't on this one, but he's going to be on the other ones. So go check it out.
