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as the sound baddies all the sounds working right is there levels on everyone all right say something something say something something say something hi everyone what never changed say hi to eli it's racially ambiguous that guy's fucking ridiculous donut
It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to unsubscribe. Hey guys, thanks for watching unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...
That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating.
And that's where the you come that is come subscribe. I don't fucking like this. Don't like this thing. I was asking if it was going to trigger you. Do you want to swap? Do you want to? No, you're good. You sure? Wait, if he's close. What the fuck? We didn't. I wasn't. Shit.
Why am I the leader on that? I just randomly stupidly pop in everything I see what his mic is quieter now You're deaf out of the other you sit here all the time yeah, maybe I am maybe I am we're deaf out of this here It's your ear so if you're right-handed you're shooting right your left ears can be real angry. Oh, that's why that makes
We're learning so much right now. Are you going to be meaner to Batty because you're closer to him today? I don't know how it works. You're not within striking distance. Wait, we haven't even started the podcast. Everyone make sounds. We already... Shit. I hate it. I hate it so much, dude. We're ADRs.
Hi everyone! Unsubscribe podcast here. I'm joined today by Batty Streams, Eli DoubleFap, and the always beautiful Brandon Herrera with a mustache. Yeah, that part's not great. I mean, it looks pretty good. Yes ma'am, I have seen the new Top Gun. Why do you ask? I loved you in Narcos. Oh yeah. I said I need to recreate that before this goes away. Just the swing set. In the bottom of the bowl. Yeah.
Why do you have a mustache now? Because I lost a bet that I forgot I made with you like two years ago. Yeah. Or I said that if you ever had longer hair than me, then I would shave down to a mustache. And we were reminded on Twitter recently. Thank you, fuckhead. You know who never forgets?
Answering that. There we go. That's why half of you guys are gonna have your mom's OnlyFans accounts to be made fun of for in high school. Yeah, that's pretty true. The whole generation of kids. Can we say that word? OnlyFans? Yeah, why not? Fluck put up some fans just blowing up the screen. You can say come as a catchphrase, but not OnlyFans. This is a Christian mind-carash server.
We have lines, Brandon. Can't wait till this one gets age-restricted again. I don't know, the last one we were talking about enslaving children in California is still green. Why are we doing this in the first minute of the podcast right now? Let's like push it like an hour in when people aren't listening. Let's get drunk first, guys. We prefer prisoners with jobs around here. Oh, there's that word again. They're just little prisoners. Ah, we told you about the S-word. Just little indentured servitude. Little but small ones.
Today we're learning potatoes. Guys, what are you doing? Eli. I forgot that's what we did.
Today we're learning a new word, carrot. How many carrots can you collect, children? Oh, God. Yeah, this is last week's. That's the indentured servitude. It looks like a school, but the kids walk in and they're like, we're learning carrots today. And they're just picking carrots. They're going to learn about carrots. They're going to learn to fucking hate carrots. Jesus, man.
Man, yeah, so earlier. I try to be nice to baddie. Yep. Well not really I give you a kiss on the cheek give him a big old spooch. That's not nice though. That's When you hug me and kiss me on the cheek at brunch, that's just fucking weird That's just homies
I think that's homie stuff. Homosexuals. Have you guys seen that picture of Anakin Skywalker yet? Where it's like when, you know, kissing the homies goodnight isn't enough anymore. And he's like, I want more. And I know I shouldn't. I know his cadence during that speech too to pat him. It's not fair. It's not fair.
George Lucas is like, yes, no, your delivery is fantastic. You're all professional actors. But can you say that line again? Like you're fucking retarded. He's whining a little bit more. It's not fair. I don't like it. God, I forgot about that scene altogether. Still love those movies. Don't care. That's fantastic. Absolutely love them. I was 11 or some shit when the Phantom Menace came out. Favorite Star Wars. Don't care. It's just like the 80s nostalgia shit is coming back around where it's like...
It's shitty and that's what makes it good. Like certain line delivery. It's like, oh, well, I'm endeared to that. That's it. It's like literally no matter how they could have made the movie even worse. It could have been fucking puppets the whole time. I don't give a shit.
And there were literally puppets in that movie. I know, but I meant like everybody. Like Anakin Skywalker is a fucking Muppet. I don't care. I wouldn't go that far. Until the Duel of Fates kicks in and I'm like, I don't care. I have a boner. Like that scene put me through puberty. That was it. Darth Maul was the coolest Sith. That second lightsaber kicked out. I won't ever argue. Everyone says it. It's like that could be the worst Star Wars in history. It came with Darth Maul, Duel of the Fate. It's like you had those things. You were like...
Unfortunately, I had to wait two hours to get to that exact moment the greatest moment to me still in like Star Wars fight through Jar Jar Binks to get to the Best music ever I guess Qui-Gon's dead. I think you mean Darth. Spoiler alert Jesus. I'm sorry guys Fuck cancel that out. But yeah, I try to give you nice something or other buddy homie hugs homie sexual sexual kisses
And then immediately God was like, "No, you can't do that, Eli." And I knocked over my man Mosa into his food, my food, or on the table. You just dumped it all over me. It fell all over my $6,000 camera like God was reminding you of Leviticus. "Thou shalt not be homosexual." You sound like you're about to lie with another man as if a woman, Eli.
I turned to salt. Just a flash wave. Dude, Old Testament God fucked. Yeah, yeah he did. He got a little like, he got pussified toward the sequel. Uh...
Superhero Jesus we really did was when we said like Jesus was the worst superhero Throwing a building in Jesus like
Get him drunk. Three nails. Oh my God. His weakness. Oh, whip. Oh no, that crown's got thorns. Jesus Christ. Weird. It's like the New Testament had like a different author or some shit. The King's King James Bible. That's weird. Mom, don't listen to this one. I just picture Tony Stark. It's like, Jesus. Yeah.
He's like, "This is how it's done!" He's just like, "AHHHHHH!" He's just like, lowering the crown on. Oh man. Oh no, it's just the last piece. Everything, like, he suits up. "Sheek, sheek, sheek, sheek, sheek, sheek, sheek!" "AHHHHH!" He wraps his robe gently and... "AHHHHH!" And he's just like, "Okay, Thor, go! Thor, go! I'm ready!" "Food, I can't wait!" "Oh shit!"
I was grew up in Catholic school and shit. Let's go game on
Hi everyone, welcome to unsubscribed Just in case we need to cut this entire beginning part He's like Spider-Man with a web, but he's like Oh that's the one from all of them! Bread fish, bread fish! Oh that's it, so I can't make fun of the Christians I'm making fun of the Christians too It's like the Vecna eye thing, except it's just his eye through the hole Vecna's wrist We're just going real hard today everyone
This was like an unnormally spicy beginning. I know. Was it? We usually drink two or three before we start talking about enslavement and pissing off religions. When is that?
I mean, Jesus man's just throwing fish out when he fucking... It's like fish and bread. It's like fish and bread and wine. He puts them together for wine. Just in your mouth. It's like, hey, Jesus, why don't you just stay back at the Avengers lair today and prepare the meal? Just make some food. I don't know. I mean, if you really want to go hard into Jesus, can you think of a more useless profession than a carpenter in the desert? What? What are you doing?
Something must have been lost in translation there because uh yeah glad character isn't here for this one Damn it. We're sorry about having having demo on here again. Now. He's not gonna come back instead you got me Skip this episode. Oh No
This is what happens when we don't write a script beforehand. I mean, we were talking about rough ideas beforehand and then we were like, nah, fuck that script. Oh, do you guys have any topics? No. That's awesome. Well, the boys, that wrapped. I didn't see the end. I know. That's what I was like. All right, you guys go. Me and Badu go in the other room. Fuck real quick. We'll talk about that. Homosexuals. Homosexuals.
Is that the next shirt? Just homosexual? No way, Bunker Pro. They absolutely will. We printed a cum shirt. They wouldn't let us do the cumalicious shirt. We are interacting their branding. That one I get. We can try homosexual. Homosexual would work. Can I shout out something real quick? They're letting me print my dead cartel monkey shirt. So go to ripcartelmonkey.com
No, there's there was a yes. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know the story behind it. Can we go? What is it? Oh shit. It was little. It was like little trouble or something like that. Wasn't it? There was a monkey named little trouble. The cartels had it in it. Have you seen this yet? And you show me a picture of like a dead monkey. What I'm assuming. He had the best on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is a little monkey with a car. Yeah. Yeah. The, the, the monkey with the, the best.
And they killed the monkey with the vest? Well, it was in a gang shootout, right? No, it was, uh, police. The- the federale. It's one year! So like... Eli immediately zooms in on the dead monkey photo and laughs hysterically. Well, it's funny as shit, dude. Like, ripcartelmonkey.com. But, uh, no. Guys, you are- we are way too fucking close to the border to be laughing like this.
With the the cartel dudes do is you know they love buying exotic animals and the little spider monkeys are super expensive and he put a little plate carrier on it a little camo hoodie and the federalities ambushed this gang that was being like super extra violent which is weird but you know terms down there standards and police killed everyone but they ended up hitting the monkey in the crossfire and it was still like lashed onto his owner's back and
The monkey was on its owners back. Yeah, I want to see 22 Derringer just like Do you think he used one of the premier body armor like coaster? Today is a good welcome. Oh, dude We need to get premier body armor to do a special run of small animal plate carriers. They already did. Yeah ones in they oh
Um, they, no, they haven't done the dog ones. Dogs are way more useful than they are cool, though. Like, monkey, cartel monkey is like, my velociraptor! Yes.
That's terrifying. I think it doesn't need body armor Like squishy for a reason Like so you want to make it harder to kill that thing? Oh my god There was well you need to tell your story, but did you guys see the story of the what's the big monitors? What are the huge fucking lizard? Yeah, or monitor lizards like those are two different ones of the nasty teeth. Yeah, like there's a family I'm gonna sit in Thailand or somewhere. They're like just chillin. It's I
It's a pretty good guess. Those don't exactly run around Europe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just so not New England. It was like a seven-year-old girl, a teenager boy, and then a baby on the ground. And they're just like chilling in the store. And the webcam. No. Webcam. And they're just chilling. And then you just see a fucking Komodo come running in. And they're like, yo. They get up and fucking dip into the other room. And it chases them. They leave the baby. Like, damn.
Ditch baby. The baby's like, nope, told you. And then Komodo chases them. Then they run the, are you singing like three seconds later? Yeah, it's like, whoa! And they're out the other way. And the baby's just like, yo, what's up, dogs? And then it runs right by the baby again, chasing them out the fucking front door. You're like, what the fuck just happened? I thought the baby, I was like, oh, that poor baby. So they got it right in Jurassic Park. It's, it's, it's eyesight's based on movement. Oh, 100%. The tasty shit runs away. Yeah.
Here we go! Here's the one! Which direction are we going with this? What's her name? Bryce Dallas Howard? Bryce Howard Dallas? Bryce Dallas Howard, I think. The one who just decided to eat one of the smaller dinosaurs in between movies? Oh, God. We're going down this road. We got it. We were talking about this before. I'm a monster.
So TLDR hot redhead got fat He got unfat and she got fat so yeah They transferred energies Loses weight another must gain It's part of the not having a soul thing you're like a hive mind She knows
Bryce, if you're watching this, first of all, you have a manly first name. Jesus, I know why you go by all three now. Or it's Dallas Bryce. Dallas. Yeah. Is it Dallas Bryce? No way. Dallas. We don't even know her name and we're mocking her weight. She's fat. Wow. I don't need to know your name to know that.
But it was Jesus Jesus is ripped like any any interpretation of Jesus just was who I saw a meme the other day It was like Jesus is like you've been working out with him just paints the painted on abs of Jesus like terribly drawn Looks like a giant dick and I'm like, oh He's got a dick on his chest I've never seen that scene. That's great. Oh
Oh, Jesus Christ, we're just going all out this episode. Just offend everyone. I mean, everything's funny or nothing's funny. Oh, yeah. Who said that? Who used to say that? Everything's... iDubbbz? Yeah. Yeah, iDubbbz. Remember when he was funny? Remember when he was, like, really offensive before he pulled up the ladder and said anybody who's not woke is a piece of shit after he got famous? Yeah, I remember that. That was cool.
And then we owe I doves I'll rescind that if you let me fight in the next youtuber bit the youtuber cage matches or whatever like fucking boxing Thanks, it's like they're doing to youtubers what they did to my slaves and Django Unchained I'm no I'm not you do but I'll fight you. I mean you could be a youtuber if you like tried YouTube I
That's fair. You get half credit. That's my third credit. Maybe a quarter credit. I mean, that's my foray into YouTube. I hate YouTube.
I love it. I really like you too. It's Ryan the kid that does the videos versus unsubscribe. It's all of us just beating the shit out of his toy opening child for a YouTube match. I can't remember what I was watching. It might have been PKA where they were saying like, what YouTuber would you want to box? And he's like, Ricky Berwick.
Oh no. Easy. That's the video. Ricky's ring entrance is going to be the most dope ring entrance of all time. They're just going to bring him in. That's what you just did. You just did a body flip in it.
He's like that jockey from Left 4 Dead 2 that just jumps on your back and rides you around. He does his tongue thing on your back. I cannot think of much that I would like to happen less than that. Now I just picture it's that scene from Red Dragon. It's a wheelchair on fire coming down. Like the pyro's messed up.
I knew he's on her back on fire. You have a tongue thing going down. When Michael Jackson got set on fire. It's Ricky in the back. I forgot about that scene from Red Dragon. Has anyone ever replied to Ricky on Twitter and been like, I wish this was you?
He pisses so many people off. Or just like brave words for someone in Molotov distance and just have that gif. It's the title of this one, the hardest podcast ever. Jesus.
Holy shit. The title of this podcast should be Not Safe for Work. Oh, God. All caps. The offenders. We got Christians, cripples, and fat people down. And women, technically. We haven't gotten to that part yet. We'll get to that, Eli. Back in a way, slow. Oh!
We found the line I like having sex Oh, yeah
Goddamn, it's hot. It's like incomprehensible laughter volume volume 6.9 Nice and toasty in this fucking room until I went to hell Training
Yeah, we're so guaranteed a ticket going to hell that we're already like kind of slowly getting there as we're still alive No, that's why it takes been so hot lately. Tain's down there like yeah, we'll just start cooking them now He's like, yeah, he's just a switch the time to get an eight for one of that group right over there They moved in one area down there taking his bets on the Deadpool. Nobody put four for one the whole table at once Cook it all
High stakes betting through Barstool. Mybookie.com slash Donut Operator. Will they do that? Will they do MyBookie? Do we need a Deadpool on MyBookie? Okay, I'm going to hit up my sponsors. I guarantee you they won't do that. You should ask anyway. They don't pay me anymore, so I don't care. We can test it. I mean, they do fights. That's like one step.
You know below does that pull on our reddit over was that one still going? Oh, yeah, there was I don't know if there was an end but they agree with our conclusions Which is you know batty number one and then brandon number two clearly second number three and then you're gonna die last Yeah, i'm in last place on that, which is crazy. You're the old yeah, I know words out of my mouth No, speaking of the subreddit, uh guys
Fucking artwork. Please submit artwork and memes to the subreddit and we'll show them here. The superhero stuff specifically because Jack Naked Batty had us rolling at fucking at Mamosa time today. You just fucking
You like, you like, you like sling that phone over, and then you see, like, Jack naked batty with his beard. Like, I lost it. What the fuck is going on? Just need to add just a tiny pee-pee. Just a little stick. Yeah, just like the old Greek, what is it, like the Greeks or the Romans, where they said that, like, having a tiny dick was, like, more regal. Oh, yeah. Like, less animalistic. You're like, oh, I've got a tiny penis, therefore I belong in the aristocracy. Oh.
Well, that makes a lot of sense. As soon as I said it, I'm like, fuck. Oh, no. I get it. Yeah, you couldn't show your glands either. You have to tie the rope and wrap it. You actually make a...
We talked about this. Yes, a pee pee band. This wasn't on the podcast? Yeah, we did this on the podcast. Or did we just talk about this randomly? No, this wasn't on the podcast. I haven't heard this. 20 episodes, 30 episodes ago. You said the glands as in like... The tip of your dick because everyone was circumcised back then other than the Jews. So gladiators, they would have your foreskin over and they'd tie a little string around it and then you tie that string around your waist so it would hold it up. It was like a belt pee pee.
I'm not saying you can't just say dick or cock like EP because gladiators.
Dude, it just imagine like hey bros my is my peepee bill looking good. You're checking each other. It's like yeah the glands not showing Let me adjust that for you. Yeah, you're like you really got your friends did dude. He likes way better at tying these dick knots No, no, no seriously I got you bro Cut off like here hold this string right here, buddy. Thank you. Oh
Okay, we're good. Now it's nice and tight. Toss it around you. Catch it. For everybody listening, use this teeth. You can take my dick out of your mouth now. Just holding it there. No, I gotta wait till I get the other side. No, you can really anytime. Not getting less weird.
Zero shape as this is going down the dude like four back in the lines like getting other directions Oh my gland showing Homosexuals
You just undo the knot right after. Oops. It fell. Wait, what if it's knotted and you pee? Like a balloon with a little skirt coming out of it? I'm sure they took it off before peeing. I just know, but you're like... You're going to the condom. I don't think they had condoms back then. It's not latex. You go into combat or whatever, and then they bring out... It's just going to leak everywhere. You bring out the lion. And you just piss himself just...
*laughs*
You guys and your flappy coomers. So for anybody who wants to share a podcast anywhere, this is the episode to send to your friends. This is the one. You'll know if they're your friend or not after they listen to about 20 minutes. So sponsors, we're looking for sponsors. The guy that pisses himself is like, Eli, come get at it, bro. It came undone. He's like, no, no, it's not me. Stop, stop, stop.
It's like this scene where they're changing the baby's diaper. He's like, oh, oh, oh. Just plug it with your finger. You know, out of all the things I thought we were going to talk about today, gladiator sounding was not one of them. I keep forgetting that's called sounding. I'm just picturing Russell Crowe as we're talking about this.
This whole time I just got Russell Crowe on my face.
I'm thinking of Eli jamming his finger into Russell Crowe's cock. But it keeps cutting back to Eli. Are you not entertained? No. It's that scene where I'm like plugging it and I'm like tying it off and it just keeps cutting back to like the fingers through the high grass. Like that's the story. This kid running to him in the afterlife. The wife. Yeah, it keeps cutting back to me just hold the rope. I can't get it.
As he's still tying it off like my ancestors smile upon me Imperial can you say the same? Oh now we ruined Skyrim Holy! Wow That took a turn Oh Jesus That was
This is what it's like to hang out with those guys. I'm sorry. This is every dinner and brunch that we have. This is every minute. Pretty much. We always try to move. It's like, where's this table being located at? Oh, in the center of all the family sections. Can we move this? Please. Really far from this. Put us in the back. Do you have a spare room? Can we go to... Can you put us in the kitchen? The cooks will like us. We go to a nice restaurant. It's like...
People wear pants here. Oh god. People wear pants here. That is your... We went to one fancy restaurant. I remember we went to one fancy steakhouse and I had to take my hat off. They wouldn't let me wear my hat. I was wearing a cut off in short shorts. We all looked like fucking... We looked like a rock set of hot topic. It was bad. I don't know if we came from the ranch or the range. It was bad.
bad remember we all went up to go to the bathroom and they followed us they literally built a human wall of servers in front of the door like no no sirs restrooms this way please don't fucking run yeah i forgot they did there's like it's this way here we'll take you
The fuck is going on right now? They thought we were dipping out on the bill. They wouldn't let me wear my hat on the restaurant. And we were like alone on that side too. That was one of the times they- Oh, we didn't start alone. You're right. We didn't. Oh, that lady table was not happy with us. We upset that one. You can only say come so loud. That was a nice restaurant. The more you know. Remember on the middle school bus when you guys would be like, I'm gonna yell penis? That's like us, but as adults. Yeah.
Except we don't even do anything wrong with this. We're still sitting at the back of the restaurant. It's just so bad.
No, not like that. You were talking about riding on the bus and you're like, "We're still in the back of the restaurant." I'm like, "What the fuck do you mean, Eli?" "Let's expand on this thought some." All the troublemakers. "It's okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Just take like 10 minutes prior to the podcast and just put the fast-forward symbol and just redo it over that's easier That's what he did last time. Did he really on the last episode? That's what I when I say Hi guys, it's going it just skips the bad shit and look you're the best
Don't skip anything here, Flugg. Hold it all in, but keep it on Batty's face. The camera tracks. Brightburn over here. What a great... Wait, what's my new name, Eli? Yo, that was a good fucking movie. I want to watch it. Have you not seen Brightburn? I know what it is. I haven't seen it. Holy shit, that movie was good. I forgot how dark it was. It was so violent.
It's like original The Boys, basically for Superman, right? Yeah, it's like if Superman was like a fucked up kid instead of like a happy, I'm gonna save the world kid.
it's hey you're sad oh it's an a is literally the origin story of superman but then when he hits 13 it's all that then puberty hits and then it's the alpha instinct of you're a predator and these are prey yeah it's so good unbelievably good movie that's the one where he kills the lady in the diner yes okay yeah i know i saw that a long time ago the fucking freezer and he like rips the door off and i forgot how violent like when he hits that one police officer like
at the front door he just like explodes into pieces i was like oh yeah this is super violent i forgot how the car wreck scene is a yeah dude i gotta i gotta go back and watch that again i need to watch it is it this is it's live action right yeah oh yeah yeah this is just like a violent superhero movie there's a little teen that literally just hits puberty and now he's going to start it's the birthday and then he goes to start the lawnmower that next day and he's like
And he like pulls and the lawnmower goes, whoa, like just eats that bitch. And he's like, oh, fuck. That goes and look at the blade spinning up and he just puts his hand in it and it just like stops immediately on his hand. He's like, I have seen that part. Yeah. Yeah. I need to go home and watch that. That gets dark. Don't put your hands in lawnmowers.
It'll be fun. Brightburn? Yeah. I think it was Brightburn, right? Yeah, Brightburn. I'm going to go home and watch that right after I take a goddamn shower. Jesus fucking Christ. He's sweating. Sweating indoors. You're just like, had to be Texas. It's only 107 right now. Yeah. Directly on this one part of my house. It's fine. Uh.
It hurts so much. Yeah, Brightburn. I was watching trailers or videos two days ago about that because I was like, oh yeah, what are the scenes in this? You just see how fucking dark it goes and you're like, who directed Brightburn? I don't know. Did that movie do good? It did decent, but they had like, that's one they had at the end. You remember during the...
the credits it was showing the other super villains that were like popping up around because it was like one planet it wasn't just him yeah yeah and you're like oh this is dope and then that was it though unfortunately it was like rated r superman movie that's right hey this is what happens if superman was a dickhead or homelander yeah that's kind of that's a that's a real good homeland or horse story yeah
I'm just over here thinking if we can tie like ropes to a tarp over this part of baddies house So it's just like eating the tarp up and not making us in here It'd be awesome Let's get a studio! I keep saying it! I'm looking for one! We're getting one
that's what we're we're finding out now so it's not this i tried one of these claw flavors i don't know these grab one of the blackberry ones if you can wait is there a blackberry oh yeah a size smash smash the side dude and then we got the try to rose it was pronounced until i was like 24. yeah yeah yeah a kai a kai straight up until i was like 24 25 i was like that's a kai berry and then i was like what are you what there should be more
Oh no, that was the... wait. Yeah, this is Black Cherry. There's no black ones left, Paddy? Did you just open that? I only had one, yeah. Oh. Maybe this wasn't a brand new case. I don't remember. Oh my god, that feels so fucking good. I know, that's like the best part of this. That's why we get these.
Our guests are gonna be hunting bring something cold so they can rub their body on podcast. Oh my god I forgot meatball sent those fans. They're sending my truck meatball sent us each other meatball. Don't worry about it Yeah, maybe we love you. He sent us these neck fans. You put it around your neck and he's He said four of them they're sitting in my truck right now I had one in Iraq temporarily until you realize you have to charge this stupid thing and we didn't have many electrical power
Outlets all the time. Oh, no electricity in Iraq? Yeah, weird. That's so crazy. I know. I just assumed they had any way to have solar out where the sun is hitting the desert all day long. I should have solar on my house right here. Convert it to AC. Like, yes, we win! I am God. I am hot as the sun! Just one panel right above this little fucking roof and we're good. Monkey has found tools. Oh, monkeys.
Rip cartel monkey dot com. What's the picture they're using for it? Oh, it's an art made. Yeah, Paige made it for me. Oh, Paige. I'll show you real quick. Remind me to send this to you. You can put it up on the screen. Well, he's looking this up. He's already got it. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. It says ride or die on the poster in Spanish. Oh, man.
I just like there's blood on the fucking... Oh, no, I didn't notice that. Let me see. Aw. Fucking cool, though. Him did his little best. Dude, he met... Story of my life. Him did his little best. So is there going to be a second date? No, okay. No, I get it. That's fair. Give me the rope.
Yeah, I'm being puppet master. Okay guys, let's go! Is this Eli in the backseat the whole time like, "You're doing great." Master of puppets, pull your strings! Twisting your cock and smashing your dreams! Yeah, that's my puppet. I don't wanna be here anymore.
I technically don't have to be here. I can like walk out and go home. I know, you can leave at any time technically. Always. Peace. Should do that once I just dip out in a fucking episode like, guys, I'm bored as shit. I'll see you later. This is my line. I'm out. I can't do this anymore.
Oh, man. I don't think I found my line. I know. I watch your like your everyone's videos. I'm like, I watch your videos with your jokes, your Twitter. I just go on your Twitter. I'm like, here we go. I just see everyone's like, yeah, yeah, we're definitely it's going to happen one day. Just win.
The giant win. I just don't care about my Twitter, so I just go as hard as I can on there. I didn't care until I got the checkmark. Now I'm like, okay, that was really hard to get. I'll keep it around for a bit. I don't want to do it, bro. Actually, not really, no. Dude, Dankula was hilarious. Did you see that when the whole Roe v. Wade shit? He pretended to be a Supreme Court justice, and he had a checkmark, so everybody believed it. He's Scottish. He's been to the States once, and he just changed his name to Justice Dankula.
and just photoshopped his face on like a Supreme Court justice. And he was like fucking combating women on the like Joe Biden's post about it. And he just goes like, well, if you bitches don't settle down, I'm just going to make women illegal. Oh, yeah. A hundred percent. You ever dank you?
Not for a long time. Do you know who we're talking about? He's the one that made his little pug dog do a Nazi salute. Oh, my God. That's the dude that's been banned in Germany. Didn't he get arrested or something? Yeah, he's from the UK. He got arrested there. For the dog thing. Yes. Oh, he's just a world-class troll. Yes. And he owns Batty's Uncomfortable. I can tell by Batty's eyes. I told you we'd get to the women part later.
He actually just uploaded a video yesterday where he got to the end of the pug trial. He just finalized everything. Oh, because he won and got a bunch of money from a GoFundMe or some shit. He didn't win. He pled guilty. That's where I'm at. He did start the charity, the GoFundMe. He gave it all to charity. To help people like the...
So this is a woman replying to him. The fact that this man is on the Supreme Court of the United States and tweeting things like this, unprofessional, comical. This man is the reason women will die. His reply. I hereby declare the Itty Bitty Titty Committee a terrorist organization. What? What is this? That's when you meet those people. I was like, I feel this group. I'm like, man, my friends don't give a shit. And then I see those guys. I was like.
That's that next level of not giving a shit. That's where it's like, man, you know, this guy would get along and this friend would get a shit. Oh, I see you. It's like, I understand, like, not knowing all of the Supreme Court justices. Like, I could probably name five. But Jesus fucking Christ to not being able to Google. But first of all, Justice Dankula. I would just look at that name.
- Dankula by itself, you're just like, "Yeah, I don't think that's..." - How about that Jesus guy? - Batty's like, "Let's roll it back." Flood just blur out Batty's face for this segment, just pixelate it every time it gets to Batty. So he's not, it's not on there. - It's like your end stream title card, like, "Batty will be back soon."
Every time you talk it's like, "Urgh, ho ho ho." We'll just like do a voice synthesizer. Just make it so it's not you for the next segment. You're like the drug dealers on National Geographic that are blacked out. Yeah. Well sure I've killed people. I've killed plenty of people on the streets. I need this. Holy shit. Okay now, Batty, do the thing.
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I never know what is going to actually make it to the episode. Same. That's what I love. That's where it's like, oh, we have, there's the one. And then a lot of people will be like, why is that? Where's any of this line right now? It's a very blurry line. Have you seen my vision? It's not great.
We don't have a line. Mm-hmm. Where'd our line go? It's kind of like a... 100% have a line. Alcohol is kind of like the sun setting because you've got like a shadow of a flagpole and the line moves. As it goes later in the day, it's... The line gets farther. And then you wake up the next day like, oh no, why am I so far away from the shadow? It's even worse. The sun sets, the line goes away. Anything goes and the sun goes down.
Oh man. The video games. Shit.
Don't know we just play Yeah, you've been actually playing a Little bit. Yeah, we're like level 10. Like I'm not like okay. I mean that's that's for you You're playing offline again. Well over you know, I was streaming a little bit 33 34 34 now, okay fucking 39 now and no it's crazy cleans not even no laughing He's still doing variety streaming. I was actually just talking to clean today about it. Damn. That man is just good at target like me and
I played five and a half hours yesterday. I survived two raids. Jeez. I survived almost all my scavs. I fucking hate those days. Dude, it was all interchanged. Nothing but extract camp every fucking raid or a dude sitting in a bush right near it. It was bad, bad. What do you do on those? Are you just waiting? You just suffer. I'm trying to think. Like, Warzone right now, they got rid of a lot of the shrubbery on...
whatever map it is caldera was it's that but they they got rid of a lot of plant and shrubbery because it was way too much still shrubbery and i still use it to hide but i was like man there are cover verse concealment ely but sometimes you you just don't tell that to the north vietnamese
Mmm, it worked for them pretty much. Until Agent Orange got involved. Now the babies have five arms. Napalm is perfectly politically correct. It doesn't discriminate at all. Hates everyone. Dude, will you show me the white phosphorus in the guy's eye socket that one time? Yeah, dude.
Why phosphorus don't fuck around? This guy had it in his fucking eye socket. What? Did he lean forward? You have to. They were trying to put it out and shit. You can't put it out. It's literally sand until it burns out. That's why it's like, can we use this shit? It seems very bad.
This is mean guys like you're in the middle of war This is really mean which is weird in the first place to have rules during like which is why the people who drop the bombs Fly away, so they don't have to see the aftermath That's really guys on the ground who don't have the bombs horse blinders I delivered ice cream. Just got like the the Enola gay just flying along there. Just like yes
Have you seen... Steve, I thought it was midnight. It's awfully bright outside. World War III is all fun and games until the sun comes out at 10 p.m. Have you seen that short cartoon on YouTube? It's Thomas the Thermonuclear Bomb or something like that. It's like... You really have to see this. I haven't seen this.
Oh no. It's super short. Thomas the thermonuclear warhead. This is like some neat canyon shit. It really is. Oh no. It's simplistic. Oh. That reminds me of... Have you ever seen this video? Oh.
Which one? That one. That was like, oh man, all these kid videos that I look at, I'm like, oh yeah, I forgot about a lot of these things. So many old videos. YouTube's ruined me. A lot, yeah. Well,
I don't think it was that. LiveLeak ruined me. LiveLeak isn't around anymore. Wait, is it not? No, the guy quit. He said he didn't want to promote stuff like that anymore. The guy that created it. Wait, when did that happen? Last year. Did he just sell it off or did he? No, he's gone. He didn't sell it. He just deleted it. You just shut it down? Yeah, he shut LiveLeak down. He was like, I don't want to be pushing stuff like this anymore. I said that in a Darwin Awards at one point. I'm like, you know shit's going to be good and that LiveLeak logo is in the corner, but I'm like, yeah.
Live leak. You made some of us grow up far too quickly. That is the damn truth on a lot of that. Like those old things. You're like, holy shit. Yeah. Dissolved May 5th, 2021. No shit.
And the reasoning was just that? Rest in peace. Yeah, I think he was saying he just didn't want to do stuff like that anymore. Pouring one out from a homey live leak. On Batty's floor. Why is there mushrooms growing right here? It's so warm. It's warm and damp. Batty gets rated for growing shrooms just because I poured out a white cloth here. Damn moisture in the heat. Random shit starts popping up.
Oh no. It's like an upside down world. The floor looks like fucking Stranger Things and shit coming out of it. Betty, why is there a fucking rift in your house? The scientists come there, it's the perfect environment. I'm in the corner drinking water. Spores are floating through the fucking video. He's like, oh yeah, sorry about that, guys. Shoves it all back down, nosebleeds. Yeah. It's not that bad.
He's still blaming the AC. It doesn't work in here. It works in here. Stand right there. Stand right there. I mean, you're too short. Never mind. Somebody taller stand over there. That one segment. It feels great right there. Nowhere else in this room. It just does not, it doesn't hold air. I don't know. The one meme of you with your face on your stomach. Cannot touch roof.
The reddit is so good. You're just like, ah, these people get us. Still the hand smashing the sandwich. I fear no man nor God. But this man is just crushing a fucking sandwich. It's so rude. These people are our people, unfortunately. They're fucking idiots. Oh, God.
Here's the all idiots. All right, we still haven't started planning unsub con. I'm just throwing that out there Why would you say that out loud now they know? Fuck fuck indeed. I was hoping like come November. We're like everybody just show up. That's what it should be called come November Instead of like oh, it's no not November. It's come November. Oh
What'd you say last time? Best Buy 90. Oh, God. A flash. A flash convention. That is the one that said Best Buy. What's shitty is it closes at 8. Breaking through like fucking Black Friday hooligans. 500 people just robbing Best Buy. Screaming cum. Unsubcommented. So how did you get arrested for fucking planning a riot? Well.
We need to get Alex Jones on the podcast
He lives in Austin. How did he come to Alex Jones on the podcast? He is not coming in my home. I refuse to let Alex Jones in. No, he just has to sit here and speak in front of my phone. We'll put the podcast in your van for that episode. Okay. He'd come to my house. Nope. Do an episode of Unsubbed from my house for no reason. Alex Jones comes to my house. Other people will know where that is. Okay. That's it.
That man's watched! Well, so am I, so that's okay. Oh yeah, sorry. It's fine. That's why this room's so hot, it's all the cameras watching us. It's all the batteries running for the fucking AC. We still have bugs in here, dude. God, we... The IRS agent's like, we'll get them dragon skulls one day. We don't get them dragons, boy. You're just like laying awake at night and like, oh, about to go to bed, and you just hear like the power down noise of like a Sony camera. You're like...
Or low battery warning. You're like, I don't own any Sony products. In the vents, a little red blinking light. That's why the AC is not working. Man, it is getting progressively hotter in this. It's 110 degrees out right now. Oh, it's super hot outside. It's utterly hot outside. And my house is like, I can't keep up. We walked out of the restaurant and I was like, ow.
Why why did we lift where the air hurts? I went from Vermont where it was like negative 20 in the winters whereas you walk out like Your lungs just start freezing and then I moved to Texas and I'm like, oh, oh I'm getting a sunburn under my shirt This is fine. I always forget how hot is here until it's like we have to go to the range or film something No, we don't Wow. Nope. You don't know you like walk outside it like 11 and you're like, oh
Nah. Fuck, I didn't pre-cool my car. Holy shit. Oh no, I just don't go then. I was there right before lunch. It was bad. Yeah, you have to wake up early to film. Oh Jesus Christ, guess how hot it is right now. 103? It's a fucking 106 degrees. I said that earlier, yeah. I literally said it's 106. Jesus. I don't like that. And then we're gonna get one fucking dude from like Ecuador who's like, oh, you think that's hot? 112. I'm like, yeah. Oh, so your country doesn't have fucking internet. I don't know. How the fuck are you watching this?
He's on a satellite. Fuck you Ecuador! Fuck you and your no internet. Oh now we're pissing off Ecuador. Hey! I don't give a fuck about Ecuador. Do they have cartels in Ecuador? Yeah you don't know because nobody gives a fuck about Ecuador. What's the best thing to come out of Ecuador? Do you know where Ecuador is? I don't. Central America. No. Fuck! South America!
You got it. I was close. It wasn't the one with three countries. It was the one with the lots of countries. There are so many countries in Central America. How dare you? So many? Yeah, there's like a fuck ton. That was a Trumpism if I've ever... There's a lot of countries in Central America. I could name them, but there are so many. Several countries. Lots of great countries, lots of bad countries, but there's a lot of them. There's a podcast.
How many countries are in Central America? I'm guessing like five. Seven. Yeah, Matty's like, there's bunches. There's literally tens-ish. Less than ten. Less than two hands. There are an incalculable amount of countries in Central America. Nobody knows. Mexico doesn't count as Central America. No, that's North America. The one with three countries. Hmm.
There's bunches. I'm feeling real good about my B in geography right now. There's bunches over here. You took geography? Look at our beer sweating. I know the beer sweating. It's close parade. Guys, I'm hot, okay? This is the next guest. El Salvador. There's the E word I was thinking of. El Salvador. Nice recovery. There's no recovery. What are you doing?
If you do it. Oh my God. Hey guys, we should stop filming the podcast in the middle of the fucking day. It's 106 degrees outside. When are we going to film this? I mean, if we do it at like 7 a.m., I'm still awake from the day before. I know. I was like, what time did you wake up today? It was 1.20. Technically, I got up at 11 because I had to pee real bad. And
And then back to bed. I know. I've seen your text. Side note, Batty, your text cracked me the fuck. Hold on, everyone. Oh, no. Wait, hold on. Before you read that, is that illegal? We'll modify it. Actually, not in Texas. But it's illegal. Really? What? Wait, which part? The thing I did. No, you should be good. Let me read it first. No, we'll be good. We hid the body, so it's not illegal anymore. Yeah, we'll be good. That's a joke. I'm not talking about anything illegal. I think.
We good for a podcast tomorrow? Sure. Betty. Oh, just. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You leave the minor out of it. That's a joke. Betty also. Oh, just had someone join my chat. Found the podcast from shorts today. And this was at 1 a.m. today. I was streaming. Oh, yeah. Tomorrow, 2 p.m. for lunch at MASH. Brandon's coming too. Bad use of response. So because I don't have insurance like a proper adult, I ran out of migraine meds. So I Googled and found someplace in Canada.
It took like two months, but I got it from Dubai. If I die, banana. And then my reply is, so is that a yes to the podcast too? I don't give a shit about the rest, Matty. Did you just say banana? It's a salute. Oh, it's a salute.
That's like a banana. If I die, banana. That is what got me was the if I die, banana. It's a goddamn salute. Look at it. So I got these sketchy meds from Canada that came from Dubai if I die, banana. I just took one if I die, banana. I
So is that a yes or no to the podcast? That's the last text ever. So is that a yes or no? I love I sent that and then Cody responded at 11 a.m. Hi. Do you know what?
What time was the migrant text at? Like fucking literally the exact minute after I sent mine. And no response to podcast. I was like, did he respond to the wrong person? I can't tell if I'm crying from laughing or the sweat is just in my eyeballs. Does it burn? Yes. I think it's a little column A, little column B. Little column A, little column B.
Oh my God. That's not illegal. That feels illegal. You gotta see that new movie, dude. Dude. Dude. I'm going home now. We met a person.
Who looks like Zendaya if you got her off Wish.com. She starts in the movie Dune. This is a real thing. That's why I missed this. That was our server today. She looked like Zendaya. Oh my gosh, she did. I missed why you guys started talking about Dune. I was busy. I was like trying to bring it up. I was like, yo.
She's like a Walmart Zendaya. You're like, does she look like a Walmart Zendaya? And that's where, dude, dude, D-O-O-N. And that's why she stopped coming to the table, I think, after we said that. My drink was real shitty. I get it. Man, does anybody get like a spit consistency out of this? Like, I wish. I wish Zendaya would spit in my drink.
Yeah, but Dune like D-O-O-N. Welcome to sand planet worm here. Dune. Worm planet angry! Don't make sound. Stop! Stop it! I know where this is going. He's like sniffing the- He goes there every time! Sniffing the sand. No! Space. We sell spice. Spicy.
I just love that. Traveling in space is what does it. Yeah, it makes like consuming the spice, like, you know, you can travel through space and time, but it makes you retarded. Just the second you do the cross we bear. The one warp drive you use. No, I am. Hello, hello. I told you! The voice is just, it's linked. There's no unbreaking it. There's no unbreak...
A little triple negative there, but all right. Just the math me. You're like the fucking Zach Galifianakis at the poker. Numbers flying everywhere. Except I'd be like, fold. And walk away.
Yeah, no, I saw you gamble in Vegas. Yeah, pretty much. I did great the first time. Did not do great this last trip. Did you see fucking Arab did the thing that he did when we were at SHOT Show? Oh, yeah, he's the one that won money. It was the first year I lost, too. Arab did the thing? No, not the plane. No, no, no. It's like, I can't laugh at that.
That's bad he's next in game Tarkov item. It's glasses with scared eyes. Oh no. Dude when we were yeah when we were in Vegas with our friend Arab you've seen him on the. We had him on here right? Yeah he was on the.
- That happened, right? - That happened, right? - 15 ago. - But we were playing roulette and if you bet on a certain number, it's 32 times if you get that number on the roulette wheel. - Hates you really well. - Yeah, and he put $100 on it, one at once. We went to another table
He put $100 on a number, won it again. So he's like up thousands of dollars. And he sends us a tweet the other day. He went to Vegas for whatever reason. He's doing his live stream out there. Did the same fucking thing the other day. Put $100 on one number. Doesn't bet on anything else. He watched us for an hour. Yeah. Just sat there joking, drinking with us. He's like, I'll do 18.
I was like, I think even fucked up. I think you picked his first number and I picked his second number. Yeah. And we didn't do the single bet. Cause I swear to fuck. It was either like, Oh look, it's been 18, eight times in a row. Well, I won't be 18 again. And he fucking bets 18 and it was 18 again. Son of a bitch. No, it was fucked up. He shouldn't have won any of it. And he did. You're a piece of shit. Muhammad is strong with this one.
That's fucking all he did though, man. He didn't bet the entire time. Oh, Matty, okay. Jesus is funny, but Muhammad's off the fucking table. Okay. Fuck him too. I don't want to piss off the people who don't live in my country. Fuck, let's do the... No, no, no, keep it. I know where you live. Now this dog's Matty. We'll just go all out right now. Matty.
Had that happened before, not Gray. A plane hits Matty's house. And you were flying it. You fucking bailed out too early. The Asian blood kicks in, he puts on the goggles. Wraps the scarf like...
Eli, what's the rising sun flag for? A baddie son has been a bear in my bed. Too hot. House is like a hair.
But he would not appear for a scene. He would not play with his life. He would appear for honor of a much country. Thank you for watching the Subscribe Podcast. I'm here with Donald Auburn, Eli Doublefab, I'm Batty, and of course our very special, not that special anymore, Brandon Herrera.
Thank you! See you next time. Fucking hell. This is technically work, just a reminder. We went the gamut.
