Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
one more check check check wieners wieners and butts and stuff well butt stuff say it again one more time for me slower still can't do it are we not doing a shot today i don't want one vodka or a shot no i don't want a shot right now i feel like everybody should check the bush
Wait, we're just gonna start with chugging a bush light. We got fucking donuts not even want to do a shot. I'll do a shot Fucking the Deadpool. We have everything. Okay, don't it's good. I told you don't like good at home and shit No, oh you're not Drinking yes, I'm drinking. I'm just like
Well, if Paul is keeping me non-motivated, it's weird. Before we start, are there any lines I can't cross? No. No. Don't say the N-word. Well. I mean. That's my job. Yeah. Say hi to Eli. His racially ambiguous daddy. That guy's fucking ridiculous. Donut.
It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to unsubscribe. Hey guys, thanks for watching unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...
That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating. Come on.
And that's where the you come that is come subscribe. All right, you started you do the thing doing the shot first or shot sip? Okay, I like it. Sit shot. Cheers, boys. Cheers, boys. Yay, Monday. Fuck. It's shitty. Fuck. It's Russian vodka. Do that is the most garbage fancy word for metric whiskey.
Fucking hate it. That tastes like rubbing alcohol. It really does. Yeah, it wasn't good. That wasn't good at all. I don't know how I drank so much of that already. You were drunk going into it. That's not good vodka. I don't know. It's Russian standard. It says Russian on the bottle. You can taste the poverty. Oh, the Russian standard. Yeah, that's it. Goodwill makes that brand. Yeah. The Russian Goodwill, guys. The Russian Goodwill. No, Goodwill. That's what they make. They have a distillery and it's that. What?
Almost people falling into it. They're like, man. They broke all the rocks in Siberia. The Gulag now makes that shit. It's very good. I'm going to be love love vodka. That says, what's it say on it? Russian standard. Russian standard. Oh, that is probably the standard. Unfortunately. Oh my God. So bad. Right.
- Hi everyone, Unsubscribe Podcast here. I'm joined today by Batty Streams, Eli DoubleFab and Fat Electrician. The Fat Electrician. - Yeah. - A new friend of ours who Batty suggested first. - I just met him. - If this podcast sucks, this is my fault. So I really need you to not bomb, okay? - Creates a partial vacuum. Don't use such strong language. - Thank you.
He's really smart, I guess. He's kind of smart. He's like, he's a history buff. Don't confuse a thesaurus with intelligence. He also hates anime. So we'll start that off strong. I like anime, it's okay. He knew Dragon Ball Z. And Avatar. And Avatar. What else do you want me to know? Pickle who fucks a cyborg? Krillin, homie! The pickle who fucks a cyborg. Look, there's two rules in anime. Don't sell cabbages in Ba Sing Se. Okay.
And Krillin's banging a robot. What else do you want me to know? That's all the knowledge is. Heaven's gonna let you in. Old St. Pete's gonna be fine. He's like, wait, wait, what are the rules? You're good. You're on it. Next. It's gonna be the other heaven we talked about. Oh, yeah, J.P. No, no, no, no, no.
We do not talk about that in this podcast. We'll never discuss it. That is the line. If that tells you how fucked up that skit is, we won't even discuss it. No! That's a good line indicator. We'll tell you about the skit later. That's where it's unsubscribe after dark. Oh, God. Yeah.
Bro. If you head over to our Patreon and subscribe. Oh, I should do that. I should finish it. We don't have a Patreon. Well, we do technically. I just haven't finished it. We have a bank account now so I can actually set that up. Oh, shit. I'll do that. You have a bank account for a year? Yeah. It has not been a year. Okay. It has been six months. Seven months because we did it in November, right? November, December.
How long ago did the demo episode happen? November, December. I started the Patreon way back at your house. When did you move here? November. So November, because he just is your first guest when you... Oh, yeah. So for seven months.
We cut it on a patient. I remember us doing the bank account and then we just left it there for a while and did our own thing. And then we looked at it one day and we're like, oh, we can pay for people's plane tickets to come hang out with us. That's how I got here. Yeah. Yeah. The second person we pulled out? Two? Three? Two or three. Who? Who was two? Oh, um... Is this the mic that Nico Ortiz used? That who? Nico Ortiz used? Yeah. Can you fit your mouth in? It smells like it. It smells like...
Amber Crombie. Hollister. That or American Eagle. It's one of the two. It's the pants. You can tell. It smells like it made fun of me in high school.
I was gonna be a good episode. I was gonna be good. I didn't even write anything down. I was like, you know what? I don't need anything. I don't know shit about you, which is how I wanted to go into this. What's your name? My name's Nick. There we go. Step one. Done. So people just call you the fat electrician the whole time. Or they can just call you the fat electrician the whole time, I guess. Yeah, it's weird. There's a lot of syllables in that. Yeah, it's a lot of words. Question two. Least favorite race?
Marathons? I'm not even in NASCAR, but that Talladega really be bugging me lately. You know where marathons came from, right?
No In Rome Some fucking dude dropped dead after running 26.2 miles, so then they're like okay Let's just flex on this guy forever and run fucking marathons to prove. We can't die. What's his name marathon? I don't know I hope so running to marathon no he was just running and he ran 26.2 miles died going right and
Okay, how did you know he was running to a city named Marathon? It was so he was it was something to do with like fucking war and they was he had to tell him about it and he died or when he got there and that was the distance from point A to point B you probably run no I think I'm surprised bad. He knew this piece of lore. I mean, I'm probably wrong the comments will be It's right
I hate it, but... Patty surprised me today.
I mean, I might- I could've just made that up, Eli. I don't know if I wrote it. That is very true. You sounded very- you pulled your phone out like you were gonna- I was gonna check it, but then I got lazy and then you gave up. And now I don't know. You ever- you ever realize you don't know how to spell marathon? That was Matty, didn't he? Matty hit M. He was like, "Ah, I can't even Google it." He didn't wanna hit the speaker. He was like, "Marathon." You hit M, all those porn searches start coming up. You're like, "Ah, I need to put-" No, now I'm looking the fuck up.
No, no. History. Mary comes with the legend of Philoponides. I don't want to say that. The Greek messenger of the legistates that he was taking part in the Battle of Marathon. He witnessed the Persian vessel changing its course towards Athens as the battle was nearing a victorious end for the Greek army. He interpreted this as an attempted defeat, so he had to run all the way back to the Greek capital and claim a false victory. So he raced them. He ran there.
It was the battle of marathon. He wasn't running to marathon so I had Why is he called the great messenger because he ran 26 miles? It was probably the only time he ever delivered a single fucking message and he sucked cuz he died And I was like, uh, who's that little pickerwood, uh Treat him like him Treat him like him
No, I didn't say that. I think we've used that joke the past three podcasts. It's so good. It's never not going to be good. Good job. You're a fucking history buff now. Guys, go over to Batty's stream. Ask him about history. Can't wait till I drown.
On white cloth. In your bathtub. It's like zero degrees humidity out here. There's none. There is no water. In the air, anywhere. It is warm. It is 108 degrees in Texas right now. It was like 50 degrees when I got on a plane in Minneapolis. It's like fucking 80 degrees in this house. And then this plane landed, and I shit you not, fog started coming out of the vents of the plane. I was like, oh, fuck. It's gotta be hot. I'm not used to this. Right?
Picture you had a coat and jacket you're like no dude I walk around in shorts and a tank top and 50 degree weather and then I come here It's like I'm not building or this yeah You used to it. It's not okay. We that are you die so? I mean
I do hate Minnesota. God, you got some big-ass shades. You like those? Yeah, this is like what old people wear. You know, one of those grandma commercials? It's like Pit Vipers, but without the sponsorship. Yeah, exactly. My cataracts is great. Why are you being Eli? What? Are you being mean? No, just the glasses. You keep the anger over here. You keep the anger over here, not the guests. You keep it on me. No, it's okay. I like it.
Little rough. See? Next time you touch my shoulder, you better fucking squeeze up. I got you, sweet pea. Do I call you sweet pea? You can. You know what my favorite N-word is? Nick. You ever had a hand job? You ever had a hand job? Yeah. You want a hand career? Very strong.
I'm like, this might be my favorite guy. I'm just getting more excited hanging out with him. I'm like, yay! He's a piece of shit, too. Okay, make fun of Batty. Go. Go, I wanna see it. One of us. One of us. I already got the tickets. That's really how bad do I want to call back.
Goddamn. So baddie is the one that found you or did you find out daddy? And then I like your tick tocks. Thank you. That was before I got banned. It was before the dark times. Hey, I got banned too. Don't worry about it. You got temporarily. You just got your lives taken away. They removed my account from the platform. You are also on CNN. Yeah. I was on CNN for TikTok because I was ruining America's youth with my content.
Good. It was just me with a mini gun going, ah, that was it. You know how many people message me and be like, me and my seven-year-old child love your videos. And I'm like,
You should not be watching this. Maybe? Cool. I got sent your sniper and scout fucking videos about 800 times. I hear that from a lot of people. So I was like, alright, alright. What do we got going on here? What is this? Nah, you got pretty good content. It's pretty funny. It's pretty fucking funny.
Paddy vouch for you. I mean that doesn't mean much believe me. It's the bar is low bill and I the science grunt Yeah, it's funny because in the sniper video I specifically say Snipers usually don't wear glasses just like Amish people aren't electricians, but here we fucking are Not weird at all I had a guy argue with me on the internet for days Stating there was no way I could have ever been a sniper because I had glasses that was like his
Your eyes aren't perfect. No way you can shoot, bro. There's like math, homie. Like glasses and contacts exist, man. You're like, what are you? Smart people have glasses. Definitely not true as well. Cody's being quiet as possible.
I'm kinda starting to think you might be a cop. You know what, that thought popped in my mind. I was about to say something just then, 'cause I was like, "I'm being fucking quiet again, and everyone's gonna say something in the comments." He's not drinking, but he's happy right now. And I was almost gonna say something, but then Eli had to fucking call me out. Make fun of Batty more. Okay, done. I'm starting to think you might be a mime. Cody, Cody! Cody, shut your- Cody, it's just like- Cody, Cody! Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your- Cody, shut your
It's like a clown with no fucking props. Okay? Charlie Chaplin? Would we be talking about LeBron James and Jordan if they played basketball with no fucking hoops? No. Then why are we talking about mimes? It pisses me off. Charlie Chaplin. Who? He couldn't. Silent films. They didn't have sound then. You've never heard his speech? His Hitler speech? Yeah, that was one of his... The great dictator. Great dictator. Who? Charlie Chaplin. Like a phallic yam? Do you not know who Charlie Chaplin is? Yeah. Penis potatoes? Penis potatoes?
Cockstarch?
Bogging down your CPU trying to compute I am you're putting two words together Oh pussy flaps
Dude, this is fucking Eli. I'm going to make Eli cry in this episode. This is going to happen. This is Danny Worsnop on Letterkinny. Oh my god, it is. Danny! Danny Worsnop!
Like like Eugene Fluckey The USS Barb With an old lady
- It's an old lady named, call it a ship. - Why don't you bring a smart guy here? - It's named after a barbus, which is a fish. Also, so side note. - The US Eleanor, you've never heard of that one? - I just ruined and used all my good jokes. Do we have to re-film this whole thing 'cause Eli's had fucking barbecue sauce on his shirt this whole time? - Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!
I got third grade.
What the fuck?! You went from my favorite guest to my least favorite in a matter of a flip! That is crying! I don't know if you're crying or sweating out of your eyes in this hot ass fucking house. Dude, this hot- this house is fucking miserable. Oh my god. Shout out to all the HVAC technicians in the comments. You're all wrong! Usually I drink beer for fun, I'm drinking beer to stay cool right now. This place is bullshit.
You guys want to do a podcast in my shower? We'll put it on cold. Your shower with no fucking curtain? You psychopath! I took a piss in your shower! Shit on bed! Shit on bed!
You guys ever fly across the country to meet fucking four strangers and you go in the bathroom and there's no fucking shower curtain and you're like "Oh I'm getting fucking murdered" This is a bathtub of ice I'm gonna wake up in later with no fucking kidney. Perfect. If we just fill it with ice for when you get here, use that one. There's no curtain, just a bathtub full of ice and you're like "What the fuck is happening?"
I think I broke Maddie. Holy shit. Fucking shit, man. In Copperhose.
Why would we know that cuz this is the most decorated submarine of all time what the fuck did you do in the army? I was a medic in the National Guard You can all three high five on that We're not heroes you guys are lame as superhero club you like and
One at a time, guys. One at a time. Cycle around. There we go. Speaking of superheroes. Oh, yeah. We'll get that one out of the way fast. Out of the way? We doing it? Yeah. He was super stoked. Oh, very excited. We never had a guest come on. He was like, superhero powers at lunchtime. We've never had a guest actually listen to our podcast before. Have you? In my defense, I only started after you invited me. That's the more effort than most put in. You're like, what? Oh, God. I'm going to be on this. It was a long flight. Fuck.
You listen to it just here I've seen Goldberg do a lot of shit in my childhood. I've never seen him that uncomfortable We made a professional wrestling actor uncomfortable
This is such a funny lead-up to it too, because it's like all our stupid YouTube friends. It was like Goldberg. What's up, man? Baddies like Goldberg's in my house. I struggled with that for like three days after I was like, who's in my house? Fucking hide the letters. Sniff the chair. No folding chairs. Please. Flashbacks. Oh, God damn it.
Superpowers. You already know the offenders. I thought you said the defenders. No. Oh, good. God, you did not watch a single episode. Did anyone else try out? The thing about the offenders is...
you don't even want to be in the offenders yeah you just end up here nobody else it's like jail or it's like the suicide squad i don't want to be some punk like the martian manhunter like what do you do i walk through walls and that's it you can fly who cares that's what planes are for so everyone knows how this well you obviously knows because you were so stoked about god
You had two. Usually we give the negative part of the superpower. Did you come in with both? I like how you've come. Kind of. I narrowed it down to two on my flight. So I'm going X-Men theme for both. And the only offender powers I know is he has to use racial slurs to fly. Mm-hmm.
Who is it that has... It's angry cops that can be invisible the faster he jerks off. Yes. And you have super strength, but you ejaculate every time you do it, right? Yeah. Okay. So I've narrowed it down to like, like, come or not. I don't know how it's going to work. I just like the name, like, Juggernaut from the X-Men. So, like, if you eat cum, you're...
And like you don't you can't die. I know I was going like my ejection has so much Force that it can't be stopped for like six feet. It's just an unstoppable force. You are the worst superhero Worst one you're like watch out if you're in six foot radius. I mean, I'll fucking shit you in perfect I can run anywhere. He can come in six foot my my next superpower is
Cause I listened to them talk about ejaculating the whole time. And I was like, the fact that nobody's brought up post nut clarity is absurd. So I want to be post nut clarity, man, where I have, you know, my normal three minutes of post nut clarity, but I'm like professor X for that three fucking minutes.
And the downside, the downside is that I can't come back to back really fast. I'm like a normal person. So I'm going to have to have like a utility belt with like some little orange juices and some B vitamins so I can get back in the game. Viagra fucking ready to go. Viagra, I don't know because he's not even going to be able to come again. You're right. He's going to be hard. Yeah, it's just being hard.
I'm trying to think of a downside. I need you guys to keep up. Okay, I'm sorry, man. Fucking Jesus Christ. Bush Light's here. Fucking get it together. You're from Iowa. This is your water. It's the nectar of the cops, homie. You're bred with this shit, are you? Like, that's what they make you guys? I'm originally from California. I just grew up in Iowa. This is all making more sense now. Now I'm trying to think. Okay, so. I love the superpower.
See, it would have been I can read minds or anything like that. You have Xavier type powers where you can control or read minds. Super smart. We haven't had a super smart guy yet. I swear we had somebody that kind of... No, I gave...
Leon could use telepathic powers, but his wife could read his mind no matter what. Yeah, that was his downside. So Leon's was, he's like, I can read minds and do telepath shit. I was like, okay, your only downside is no matter your spouses, they can read your mind at any given time. Spouses? Well, if he gets a divorce, you know, like the next one. I got friends with multiple spouses. It's fine. It works out sometimes. It doesn't, you know, but yours is all good.
where you're just, you're like, I come, but you already gave your fucking second year. Man. Ali's super smart. He's smart. Post-not clarity. Post-not clarity. And he already gave his downside. I'm just trying to think of what scenarios I would suck in. Maybe he just struggles to get hard. He's got erectile dysfunction.
I can only get hard on my wife's there and she has no superpowers at all. It's just me trying to keep her alive for the whole fucking fight. I just like he has easy just struggles with getting. You guys want me in the fight. We all have to listen to my wife ask me. Why'd you hit him there? Why'd you throw that car at him? That was a nice one, Patty. Throw the
the piece of shit Prius Adam instead. Are we in the right spot? I'm hot.
I'm cold now. What are we eating for dinner? I don't want that. Did you remember to tell my brother happy birthday? Fuck no! It's like he's complaining to his dad. Oh no. I'm trying to fight Decepticons here. Give me a minute. Literally a minute. Why do you call them Decepticons? Oh my god! Oh shit, what? I didn't change the laundry over before we left. I don't fucking care!
*laughter* It was about to be super smart! You're about there, you're like, "Yes, yes, do you love me?" *laughter* Can we just go over some of the stupid fucking questions my wife is asking? *laughter* She's never gonna watch this podcast! I mean, he'll show her! He's gonna come up with a fucking little show or this segment! You're like, "Babe, go to 23-24-55, it's a real good segment!" *laughter*
our great commenters are going to be like timestamp Nick's wife. If, if me and your mom switch bodies, which one would you be with? Neither. Your wife asked you this? Yeah. She does that shit for fun. There's no right answer. Oh, this is like some would you love me if I was a worm bullshit? Yeah. Like, hey, would you love me if I was a completely different person?
And I look different. Yeah. Would you love me if I was a shark? No, that's a fucking retarded question. Sharks scare me. That's why I live in Iowa. Look, just look, I'm not a big fan of water at all. Just not my thing. Dumb girl question. I hate the question of would you? There it is. Everybody's watching and listening in the comments below. What's the stupidest fucking question your spouse has asked you or your significant other? Actually, dude, would you rather?
The would you rather questions? Because remember, were you there for a fucking Finn's question? No. Would you rather have a take a take a pee pee in the butt or is a dick a dick in the butt or a pee pee? What I call them pee pees or a gorilla's finger. Which one? It could be a it could be a porn star dick. You just don't know. Or a gorilla's finger.
Which one is the finger attached to the gorilla still doesn't matter. It does matter. It definitely I'm gonna let you in on a little a life hack. It does if you find yourself in that situation, it's not over till the gorilla says it's over It's just like Which one though man? This was finn's question. This wasn't mine. What finn also asked if he could pee on me So, I don't know if I if I take this into which one it's a double lose like either way my next part's just gonna be What are you
Which one fuck yeah, I don't know he's the finger attached to the gorilla. Yeah, I don't know What your dealer's choice usually know the gorilla would be there the real is there? Okay, let's say okay. No fuck off gorilla finger do gorillas have fingernails small ones gorilla, okay? Okay, rewind gorilla finger just would cut off
Gorilla finger. Gorilla finger. It's gotta be the gorilla finger. I think this is all a big facade distract from the fact I just booped your nose fucking eight minutes ago. Oh my god. Yeah, I had to get up and walk away. I thought it was this boop. Oh no, not that. Which one? You want a gorilla? You gotta pick one! Penis, all day. For sure.
See, he lives. Yeah, see, for sure. See, Finn fucked up too. I was like, Finn, have you seen a gorilla's hand? And he was like, bro, there's not. And then I show him the hand. He's like, oh my God, that finger's going to rip me in half. Do you have this ready to go? Oh, yeah. Is this in your search history? It is now. How big is a gorilla finger? Bro, they are. They will destroy you, alive or not. And there's like knuckles in it too. What a mess.
I don't wanna play anymore. This is Finn's immediate reaction was the best cause Finn was like, "Mother of God! I fucked up!" I'm like, "Yeah bro." Wait, where's that good one? What the fuck are you drinking? Gelato. Got like tomatoes and shit in there? Yeah dude, it's got clam juice, tomatoes, ponte. Oh god. Bruh. I'm still mad about fucking tomatoes. Get the sausages! Holy fuck! Fuck, I'll send you this to put on the screen!
I regret every decision. Whenever Eli asks a question, you can't win. It's curled and that girl's hands are like... Jesus. Bruh. You win, bro. You got the right answer. Gorillad.com. Dude, you guys are just like... The gorilla comes in. We were talking about that. Like, the gorilla's mad afterwards. You pick the guy and the gorilla's like... Just angry it doesn't get a finger you.
Though it just keeps going in there. They're monstrous. They're gigantic. Yeah, those are like, those are meaty fingers. I came all the way here from Iowa in planting season, no less. And you motherfuckers are still on your first white claw. I'm gonna need you to fucking catch up. What the fuck are you doing? You're like mustard. How dare you? You need to catch up. You want to hear the worst? What the fucking Jesus Christ?
The worst would you, what if thing I heard. It was in my comments. I want to know if I can... I'm going to type it out and see if I can guess what is in your head. You type it. Okay, ready? You want me to go? Yep, you can go. Okay, if you're three inches into your mom and your dad's three inches into you, would you move forwards or backwards to get out of the situation? Oh, that's a real...
Mine was close. Forward. I only got two inches. It's an innie, homie. That's easy. A whole day. I'm proud of you. I don't want to answer that. It's disgusting. You can't ask that and not answer it. No. I mean, look, if it makes you feel better, it's never in your mom because you know it's your mom. There's a slight chance it might not be your dad.
Would you rather sit on a cake and eat a dick or eat a cake and eat it and sit on a dick? She just said eat a dick or eat a dick and sit on a cake
Did I say the same thing twice? No. Just reverse the cake and the dick. Which one? You got to eat the dick, sit on the cake, or you got to eat the cake and sit on the dick? Sit on the cake. What the fuck did you just say? Am I eating the dick like... Oh, no. No, Eli. It's never how it is. Didn't that really happen? Why? There was like a German guy that...
eight pps paid someone to agree to it legally yeah legally like him he knows the story there was a german guy and he uh cannibalism actually yeah he put an ad out on fucking craigslist he's like hey i really want to eat somebody do i have any volunteers and somebody's like dope i volunteer i really like this kink they went and he like they fucking fully video recorded it and this guy's like they had sex i'm gonna let him eat me and they like we're
We're just cutting pieces of him off. And he was eating him too. Like they were both eating him. He was in the bath over the course of like a while. Yeah. And then he passed out in the bathroom. He was like run water. And then,
It was they were in love like they had a like he killed him and ate him and got busted and he was like no this guy agreed to it it was fine and then they're like yeah fucking fair is fair you you want free the European courts but no they actually locked him up though and then there was there's a whole legal battle because of that they're like the dude volunteered for this how and he's like he wasn't mentally right they're like yeah but we have all the documentation that shows like he was like 100% into this metric system.
God you watch the same weird YouTube videos as me. I just I grew up with the internet. Yeah, I can't help it I'm 28 you grew up you and he's a child. I call him a child already first thing I did God How old do you like when we all can't see you child? Fucking child were you born 94 you fucking child. I knew that was coming you child
would you ever what's your best would you would you rather he took mine i'm not gonna lie that was my like top one oh is that right would you rather have a uh a nipple sized dick or dick sized nipples i've gotten asked this one before yeah that's a king's one king's asked me that question there's not a good answer no there's not i just like me wearing a wife beater though with one of the answers
How big's the dick? How big are the dick nipples? Are we talking like human size? Like regular girthy size? The worst one I ever knew and it's worth- Flucky might have to censor this is the fucking would you rather do a shot of your *BEEP* Is pee an option? At least that's sterile. Look at- I broke back.
Just beep that one out, Fluck. Leave the reactions. Like, seriously, we're changing your name while I'm here. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be a dick. I just can't do the... Call Fluck. Say hi, Fluck. No, I just can't. I literally had a shirt on my merch store last month that said, Fluck around and find out. I'm getting that shirt for this guy. For sure. Oh, that's... See, Fluck. Yeah. USS Barb. All day. Only submarine to sink a train.
A train? Train. Yep. How do you think a train? I don't know this one. Oh god. Three minutes go. Okay, here's the deal. Commanders of submarines are only allowed to serve in three war tours on a submarine because the United States Navy holds the opinion that after your third tour you will either become too conservative or you will become too reckless. Then Commander Eugene Fluckey came along and he was the most successful submarine commander of all time and on his third and supposedly final tour he's like,
Fuck it. We're gonna go ham and he's like instead of just like sitting at the bottom of the ocean waiting He's like I'm gonna sneak this bitch through a minefield into an enemy harbor and sink like 30 fucking ships So he drives through this minefield sinks all these fucking ships sets the Navy record for the most tonnage sunk in a day Sets all kinds of records then leaves the president of the United States FDR becomes a personal fan of his and
My personally follows them and starts they start pun Instagram all over the I'm happy I booked your nose. I felt bad now. I don't So he sinks all this shit they give him the Medal of Honor and he's like hear me out I want to do a fourth war tour and they're like, okay, I
Now remember what I said about being too too cautious or too reckless he immediately after they're like, yeah We're gonna give you a fourth or same crew same sub. He's like cool. Hear me out. I want fucking rocket launchers on it And they're like dope okay he goes
he goes and he's just fucking up enemy, enemy infrastructure, just launching rockets at factories and shit and sinks all this shit. And then there's this fucking train and he's sitting outside of this Harbor, literally just fucking spawn camping, these enemy freighters, right? Just sinking them as soon as they come out. And he's like, he's like the fucking queue is the internet connection is too fucking slow. Your, your economy sucks. It's taken too long to fill these boats. There's this fucking train coming into the fucking Harbor and he's
They're like, we're just going to sink the fucking train. So then they come up with this plan, like the sexiest dude on board, the electrician, he takes a scuttling charge.
And he rigs the pressure switch to it and they they go aboard on a little fucking raft at night And they go and they dig underneath the railroad tie set this big scuttling charge They're like 65 pounds of purity NT like they're fucking I'm make very big booms and Then they they're coming back on the raft and this fucking train comes by sets off the scuttling charge yeets this fucking train 200 feet into the air and then it falls into the ocean and it is the only submarine credited with sinking a train and
Dude, that dude is a fucking badass. So Eugene Flucky was adamant. He's like, no, fuck that. I'm going out on this fucking canoe to go do this myself. He's like, I'm not asking any of my men to do something I wouldn't do. I'm fucking doing it. His fucking subordinate officers are like,
No, you're not. You're a Medal of Honor winner. You are not about to do this dumb shit. And he's like, yes, I am. And they're like, I will call the fucking president if you try to do it. So he's like, fine. And then he sent some dudes out to do it for him. More amazing is this dude. They were like, we're a fucking submarine. We fight underwater and like go up.
And then they're like, deploy the raft. I didn't know submarines had rafts. Period. Where do you keep that? The funny thing is, you know that raft was for survival at that point in time. So there was a 20 minute conversation about how the fuck do you actually set this thing up? We never did this in school because they're too fucking expensive. Oh yeah, they didn't have self inflated. They have the steppy one. Oh my god.
It's the army where it's just one dude. They were also credited with torpedoes in World War II. Fucking sucked. They had like a 50-50 shot. If you hit something...
maybe it'll go off and they were taking apart their own torpedoes underwater after they left port which they were not allowed to do they were taking apart their own torpedoes and like giving them hair triggers and that's how they sank so much shit they're underwater just fucking around doing ordinance preparation you don't survive that that's a fuck up plucky didn't have a single purple heart
Under his command not a single person got seriously hurt or died under his command and for war tours and his the dudes that went out and sunk that train the only six men to set foot on Japanese main islands under a declaration of war. They're the only six people to actually invade Japan It was putting a giant bomb under yep, they were good at their job fuck Thomas a train engine I
Dude, that's fucking insanity. I fucking hate trains. I used to want to be a conductor when I grew up. Really? Dude, that was my dream job when I was little. Like copper or aluminum? Wow. Attrition jokes. Oh, damn. I have two kids. It's okay. I can say that.
You guys suck at dad jokes, I just wanna point that out. Create a partial vacuum, we've been over this. Fucking get your shit together. So you suck anymore? I'm gonna start taking a nose ring away every time you fuck this up. He's pulling Patty's nose rings out. This is like, remember the Punisher? Remember the original Punisher? Hey, hey, hey! Three strikes and you're employed. Holy shit. So you're like World War II's, you're like fucking bread and butter or just history in general? Anything not the metric system, really.
I love it always goes back to that. I just really fucking hate the metric system. I do. I just, I'm sorry. I'm still sour. I had an F-22 video and I made a joke about no metric on the moon and I have, I don't know, 10,000 people in my comments. But NASA uses a metric system. But I mean, it makes way more sense. No, it doesn't. A hundred, a thousand, ten. Been to the moon. Hasn't been to the fucking moon. You've been to the moon? No. Metric system hasn't either. Oh, time to catch up.
I can't mustard. Why would I want to catch up? How many fucking world wars? How many world war wins does the metric system not have? Two? Very true. The imperial system is the way to go. Why is it called the standard imperial system? Because fucking Britain came up with it. I don't know. You know why we don't use the metric system, right?
Oh, look at this table. Cody, what word do you say? Come. There you go. Batty. Sorry. Fuck. It was pirates. My bad. My son's autistic. I don't know. Oh, God. He loves the metrics. You're just going to hit me with that? I'm really glad I didn't say all my autism jokes. Just say them because I find them hilarious. I'll use them otherwise. You're making the same eye contact as him right now. None. Got him.
He's like looking away. He's avoiding dad's eye contact. Welcome to the podcast. Hi, thank you. It was perfect. Just sweaty and fucking Christ. It's so sweaty in here. This sauna is so nice. Can we get a studio? I told, I was like,
Yeah, we put a person on the moon. And they're like, yeah, well, it doesn't matter because the Soviet Union put a woman and a dog in space first. So take that. They won the space race. It's not the moon race. It's the space race. And I was like, fuck, that's a solid fucking point. And then I was like, I'm going to look it up. Like, I'm going to give you one guess what happened to that fucking dog. Its carcass made it to outer space. They didn't even plan on it making it.
What was the dog's name? The Goodest Comrade. I was hoping, Goodest Comrade, we see you, and then you just have dog POV. Is that the name of this episode? Goodest Comrade featuring the final decision? It's Laika, and if you go to its Wikipedia, they're like, it was a stray mongrel from the streets of Moscow, which is a weird tone for a fucking national hero, but whatever. Poor dog. I just picture a dog in a dog suit. It's like, what's going on? It's just huffing, and it's like, thang!
Can you imagine the balls it takes to be like hey we put the first animal in outer space It didn't fucking make it, but it still counts like I didn't know we were doing prison rules George Washington would have stuck a fucking Chihuahua and a cannon in the 1700s and we'd have won right then Like when I was a kid I tied a frog to a bottle rock in one time. Yeah same thing dude
Put a goldfish on a couple helium balloons, you're good. Exactly. I always wanted PETA to try to cancel me. Before it was just people that liked the metric system. I don't give a fuck about them. Okay, there's a girl that went to the outer space.
What happened to her? She made it. They get one point. Didn't the male die? Yeah, the male died. The female made it, though. She lived a full, happy life, but like...
Like that's one point for Soviet Union, and then you just like murked a dog so - my point back to zero yeah People are always like ah you know other countries have been to the moon did they put a person well No, they landed a drone It's like if I fucking buy a drone and I fly that bitch to Paris and take some pictures Do I get to be like I went to Paris?
You know what I mean? Does that make any fucking sense to anybody? I mean, if you build a drone that can make it to Paris, I'm like, yeah, man. Fucking good on you. You made it to Paris. That's a fucking drone right there. Yeah. Now we're doing what Germany can do. I love this guy.
nick his new favorite guest number one comrade goodest comrades in the space i'm in discord with this guy he's german super nice guy but like all that news is coming out and they're they're like yeah germany is really gonna start pitching in and helping and he he messaged in the discord he's like hey guys just to be clear you're you're you're telling me in the german military you want me to
Build the biggest army in this continent and march it through Poland. Just so we're clear. That's what we're doing. Can I get a vote on chat real quick? It seems like a, I don't know, a bad history lesson. My specialty. What? Batty do batty stuff. Why don't we...
Hi guys, it's your boy Batty here with your fucking out of regs ad spot. That was a little shake, I'm sorry. Out of regs, out of regs, spelled R-E-G-Z, there's a Z on there. Go to outofregs.com and use code unsubscribe or unsub or come 20 and get 20% off your new pomades, body wash, shampoo, beard oil, mustache cream, which isn't semen.
And helps with the channel and a sport out of regs Veteran owned and operated baddies also getting a new beard thing once we get everything done We're gonna design right now for it designs getting done Design is getting done. So go check out out of regs calm. Oh my god. You feel that look Whoa, is that one single long hair? Oh just fella. Oh, it wasn't attached to girl hair, isn't it? Weird. It's blue France
Sorry, that's fragrance Made in USA, it's good. We're good. We're good. Check this out. Doesn't use the metric system. Science. And it smells good. Look at this. Watch. I would die on this hill. Metric system sucks. I recognize that smell. Play-Doh. Orange Play-Doh. Smells like Addy's mustache. I literally used that body wash this morning, so honestly. That's my favorite body wash. That's why it looks like somebody chalked a fucking pool cue with it.
Oh no, that's a dick joke everyone God damn it. So I had to ask this because I know Eli's gonna like this. Video games. We're a gaming podcast. Fuck. What is your... What is your experience? I'm so sorry. That was the metal microphone. I'm so sorry.
Chip my tooth out of my mind. Least favorite guest ever is not welcome back ever. Booth my nose and chip my tooth. Are you okay? Yeah, you're good. Okay, good. That was a hard pink. I was like, oh, that's a solid. There's not a lot of. No, there's no cushion on you.
Right yeah, it's just metal right under that little piece like Hollister. Yeah, Nico Video games, what's your uh? What's your experience? Where'd you what do you do with the gaming and the stuff? I play risk on my phone Do you not game at all not at all? Okay? Did you use the game? Yeah? I don't know I used to play like battlefield Call of Duty League of Legends stuff like that was the last one
League of Legends. Huh. You played League of Legends? I was like top 8% of the world at one point. So like bronze. Silver? No, it was platinum. You were a platinum player? Yeah. Dang, son! Wait, you were, wait, let me see. I picture you as... League of Legends. Or jungle. Yeah, no, top.
Bully bear ball you played a volleyball jungle - you could jungle if you want to top all the time Duva I haven't seen a bottle you played long ago. These guys don't know no I wasn't I was like I was straight up like not good at it like it was He was not meta when I was playing it, but I still fucking carried every game. Anyways, it's fine This is what I fucking do. I was an asses top. I
I don't know if I should say what my username was back then or not. I haven't played that account in five years. - NickSex69. - Nah, it was FilthyCommunist. And I would run into, so like,
League of Legends, it's all about farming these minions and your lane, your minions, you get the coins. We've played it before. We're not good at it though. You guys know. I would always go run into other people's lanes and I would get that last hit and steal their money and they'd be super pissed because that's not what you do to your teammates. You're not supposed to do that, yeah. Our minions. And then I'd run off.
Oh, you're a shitty ranked player. Yeah. Yeah. You do that in ranked. I'm like all the time. Why the fuck top come down the middle? Doesn't matter if we win. Top came down to mid and stole a minion just to steal one minion. Yep. His name's filthy communist. I was like, I fucking hate this human right now. So you play Voli. You played Cod. When was the last time you played Cod?
Fuck I quit playing as soon as all the dumb shit start happening when you had like exoskeleton Hit fucking do a double backflip shoot 17 people by pressing why Stupid Modern Warfare 1 Modern Warfare 2 and then I played battlefield like what was the first one where it was just World War 1 battlefield and World at War that fucking games don't what was Call of Duty
Yeah, Battlefield. Just straight Battlefield? Yeah, Battlefield 1. That was the newer one. Where you could be riding a horse with a fucking sword or being a tank. Just a complete shit show like World War 1 actually was. Dude, that fucking desert where you could be sniping up in those mountainsides and fucking just like... Stupid. There's actually bullet drops in that game. Watching the round like... But if you play it on hardcore, it's nice because it was realistic. You hit a dude at like 700 yards in the head, they died.
Normal gameplay you had to shoot him like eight times. It's like three headshots You have to wink at him then maybe he'll fall over Oh, and then he just gets resuscitated by I don't play airsoft You gotta shoot him like 17 times film it on your GoPro shoot him in the fucking nuts just to get him to raise their hand I fucking hate air so I get asked constantly about if I enjoy airsoft or if I players I'm like no I've done it one time
and it was miserable i have never had a 17 year old kid tell me how to run tactics before and i almost hit him i was so i was so angry i only went with freddy and d and corridor guys the only time i went airsoft and i shot a kid like point blank in the neck because i guess 18 year old teenager but he came around the corner i like had my gun i was like okay okay and like i was like i'll just defend d right now i guess we're in like this it was a warehouse thing okay got it kid like
Comes around the corner and I'm like He's like why'd you shoot me I was like you came around the corner you're within the rule of closeness I was like, I don't know. What does that mean? What the fuck are these? Keep up I want to get him drunk so I can take advantage of him later
You don't need to get him drunk to do that. He'll just do that. He just gotta ask just cuz I mean My thing just go with it. Okay. No, you guys want to have an unsubbed airsoft day Yes, we need to do a fucking tunnel time. We should just go leave and do that today tunnel time Moms have their kids. Oh, I was thinking like tummy time my bad. Never mind. Sorry. I got kids like are we playing tummy? No, I got a small child another one on the way like why me sir? Why?
On the way. I asked my wife the same question. It's just, it's not great. I can't. Congratulations. No.
Iowa. She's having the exact same conversation we had earlier where she asked you, if I was a shark, would you love me? And you're like, why do we need another child? I went to ask her that the other day. She's giving my kid a bath, but she's like on all fours. And I just turned, why the fuck did we have another kid? And just her ass is there. It's enormous. I'm like, nevermind. I remember now this exact moment, poor self-discipline. That's why. Well, at least I can't get you pregnant twice. Right.
My wife got on the internet and was like I saw what porn you were looking up. It was like fuck She's like I thought it was romantic like it was she's like it was very specific I knew you were thinking of me. It was like big booty Latina That's yelling at you for using the wrong towel when cleaning the kitchen I'm sorry
I love porn titles. We were talking about that the other day. Was that on the podcast when we were talking about the corn titles or stream? The corn titles. Iowa titles. Yeah, Iowa titles. But it's like Tina gets yelled at. Tina gets her fat ass fucked because she got stuck in a playhouse.
You have these like absurdly long porn titles and you're like, well I gotta click on it now. This is highly specific. Who thought that was a good idea? And then you watch it and she gets stuck because she was eating candy. I think it was that. Has that chinchilla been there the whole time? I'm such a fan. I was like, what is he doing? What is he doing? And then I was like, uh oh.
He's gonna shoot you later. Probably. Oh, that's canceled. You technical difficulties. Fat electrician, man. He almost floats with love. He starts floating. That's how you know you made Cody mad. He's like... Fucking chair starts levitating while he tries to keep a limb on it. What the fuck is he doing?
Where this asshole out here he burned my nose chipped my tooth gave Cody a wet willy He's got short arms. That's the only reason but Patty hasn't been fucked with yet Oh man, it's gonna be so weird when you never come back here again Sorry, my friend said I can't hang out with you anymore Mom and dad are real mad. They don't like you after what you did bro. I told you to play it cool Why couldn't you listen?
Mom and dad are so pissed you chip dad's tooth or Unless I'm mom. I don't know who you are the dress am I do you wear the dress? Do I you you wear a lot of dresses? I do wear a lot of dresses. This is true an actor of the cobs I Just like it because on Instagram I get the most likes what when you wear a dress when I wear a dress I get up the most likes
And then I also when I get pictures, I finally post a picture with Savannah for the first time. Did you? Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, a couple. Because it's been a long time since I posted with a female because one of my rules, I'm like, relationship stuff. The only female that's allowed in your post is you as a female. Yeah. And then the first comments I get, it's like, wait, you're not gay. I was like, nailed it. I was like, at least I had it going for me for a while. I did. I tried so hard. You did so good. I know.
Bro, it's fucking hot in here. It is super hot. It's fucking miserable. It's fucking... I'm sorry. You can't keep me at these temperatures. This is an 85% humidity index in this house. There's clouds forming up top of that. It's 104 degrees outside. It's 104 degrees in here. He's got a fucking Bluetooth sensor on my nutsack right now. It's terrible.
Yeah, my house is not doing so good with the heat. God, we picked the wrong place to have this podcast. Let's get a studio, Eli. Get a studio, Eli. Eli, let's get a studio. You should put it like halfway between here and Iowa. And Iowa, yeah, Iowa. Is that a meth job? You've never been to an Iowa bedroom house for rent. It's only a cool $14,000 a month. That's it? That's fine? But it's a super nice house. It's super nice. Bro. What? What?
Is it the one on the mountain? We logically planned this out. Cody pays a rent to live there. Checks out.
But never smell a dude's fingers. Number two. Yo, this is what you get for touching all the guests. One is touching you back. How do you feel? Hey, if you were a pirate, would you keep your parrot on this shoulder or this shoulder? It's too hot for this. I'm sweating. That's gonna be fun. We're using that on Savannah later tonight.
That's so good! God, these dad jokes... I just fall back on being stronger than people. Same. Do you use that in the dating world too? Yeah, I'm gonna use that line. The followed by "I'm stronger than people." It's like, why are you upset? Remember, I'm stronger than you. Nick's wife blinks twice.
That's how I have to open up Donut to get him to talk. I need to ask for legal advice. Don't. Don't do that. Don't do that. Whatever you do, not that. Trust me. That many tattoos and a tank top? I fucking wouldn't. Bad idea. This is recent. Yeah. Yup. I get a lot of tattoos. I was supposed to get tattooed today. I'm sorry, Corinne. Celtic?
I was like, right? Gotta pick a genre. I think it's Celtic. I picked Asian. He's a Viking. Did you fail fucking geography?
Is that a thing? Asian Vikings? What the fuck is that? Don't fucking come at me with that shit. I see it. It's like Mongols. Thor's fucking hammer. Fuck you. You said Asian, though. No, I said Viking. Oh, he said Asian. Don't come at me. Oh, sorry. Misunderstanding. I'm right. Because he said Asian, and he's like, yeah, he's a Viking. And I was like, no, no, that's not right. He's a ventriloquist. I got a gun in the back of my head. I know what the fuck I'm looking at.
Asian Vikings are Mongols. Mongols are Asian Vikings. Kind of. They went to Japan and fucked shit up. It was like the Mongols and the Vikings. The Mongols never went to Japan. They went to the island of... No, they went to Sashimi Island. That's what that story is based off of.
Totally I mean I remember the Mongols being that were the Mongols. Yeah, that was them. That was a Mongol Empire and now I gotta Google this I might might you Jim I my Japanese history is not that great. I don't see any history. So Shh ghost I feel like we can make a phone call or two and find some history. That would be interesting. I don't know No, yeah
Khan of the Yun Dynasty in 1274 and 1281 tried to conquer the Japanese archipelago after the submission of the Korean Kingdom of Jairo. Knew it. Boom. That's what Sushi Ghost is based off of. Jairo or Euro? I don't know. Yes, Koreans are very big in the H. Thank you for tuning in on the subscribe to the History Lesson with Eli Doubleback.
In the Fat Electrician. I like, this is the one thing I'm like, oh, I remember this shit from Sushi Ghost. Video games. Ghost of Tsushima. But then it was also during the... Easier to say than Ghost of Tsushima. The rise of the Japanese samurai empire was during that. Is this the part where I'm supposed to talk shit about the Yamato battleship? Is that this part? Did we script that?
I fucking hate the Yamato. Why do you hate the Yamato? I just, everybody tells me that it's the greatest battleship of all time because it was the biggest and I hate it. What did sink? It did sink. You are correct. It and its twin. That's all I know about the Yamato. You know what we get? We gave them false reports. See? And that's why you don't- Welcome to Unsubscribe. That's why you don't flip my fucking nose, Nick!
Can we- CAN WE- RIGHT THERE! Can we get a camera that you guys have your lighting sitting on a fucking cardboard box on top of a piece of Tupperware right now? There's fucking candles out and you savages are acting like you don't know how fucking gravity works. Take that shit to some country that uses a metric system. For fuck's sake. Thank you for watching unsubscribe! We have Eli DoubleTap doing an opera right now!
and the fat electrician where can people find you tell them your things with stuff oh my god uh i'm on tiktok it's all the fat electrician google youtube go to the fat electrician.com and buy a shirt fucking sign my petition to sue this place for assault by a white picture it'll stay up for now
It's a little baby. Yeah, baby. How fast do you fly when you say that? Little baby shot. Dude, he is. The rate goes up the more I say it. Supersonic. Is it like the louder you get? No, it's the more things. You gotta say them faster. Or is it just how guttural he says it? Like, is that real? If he raps like Eminem, he can break the sound barrier. God.
