Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
Oh no, I poured Eli's a full one. Oh my god, Miss Keisha? What the f*ck? It's my birthday, no stop it. Okay fair, we're sharing it. Alright, that's fine. Wait, are we doing- We gotta do the thing. There's pickled pear. No, make him drink the spicy one. Which one do you want, spicy or a grapefruit? What's not spicy? No, have the spicy one. Okay. Or pickled pear. Okay, birthday man-girl. Princess? Call me a princess! No! You can't be a f*cking princess today.
Shut the f*** up, John! Is that your last kid? Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambiguous. Baddie. That guy's f***ing ridiculous. Donut.
It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey, guys. Thanks for watching Unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...
That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating. Betty, it's your birthday.
You look older than all of us! I do not. Shut your crow's feet up, bitch! You can't have crow's feet with that weight. Open your drinks! You're gonna yell at me the whole time. You can do whatever you want. I yell normally, so this is fine. Hi everyone, Unsubscribed Podcast here. I'm joined today by BattyStreams, Eli DoubleFap, and Mr. Nico Ortiz. And...
Donut operator! Which my favorite new comment is, Donut, when he starts each episode, it looks like he just woke up here and he's surprised what's going on. That's hell of a joke, bro! Donut's like, What the fuck are we talking about today? He's like, guys, do we have a script this time? No, God no. Never had. What is this? That's why it starts, he just throws out, he's like, he hits a hold of it, because you're
How old are you 30 fucking - how's it feel everything
Everything hurts. Are you surprised as us that you've made it this far? To be honest, I'm surprised I made it past 18. So this is all bonus time. So I'm just living life like I should be here. My bad is on New Game Plus already. Man, this living thing is way harder than I expected. This fucking sucks, dude. Why am I doing this shit? You just gotta send it, bro. That's all I'm doing, dude. Well, happy birthday. Cheers. Again, we did a shot. Oh, God.
And we got Nico hi Nico nerd well play a shitty game I play a shitty game What game do you stream now guys just watch this this is fucked up? Don't fucking throw battlefield 2042 Listen
I hate Call of Duty and Battlefield makes Call of Duty look good. That's fucked up. No one has given it a fair shot. I think everyone who said... How many... No, here's the thing though. What do you mean nobody? Hey! I think it has like 18... Boy, girl, princess? Okay.
Alright, you still look cute though. I love you all the same. I could kiss, but we can't do it here. These 860 negative 860,000 negative reviews on Steam didn't give it a fair shot. Unfortunately, you have to go into the settings to fix it. That's always how I like to describe a video game. It's not fun! Okay. My first experience was starting it and Oh god, yes! What?
I'm sorry the funnel was plugged in. They have been fucking up though. Big time. Okay. They put a new, cause they create all these new fucking game modes. All right. They fix something and then it goes wrong. What's it called? The creator, the, which one? The shit where you can edit your own shit.
Where you can make your own custom game modes. It's got a name. The other where you can start your battlefield. It's like you can pull people in and you get to control every aspect of Battlefield. Like speed. It's got a fucking... Oh, I haven't done it. Obviously a huge... You go through and conquest and that's pretty much it. A huge fan of Battlefield. What are you talking about? Hey, you asked me what game I play. I said I play...
I'm glad we pulled your audio at the beginning. You're like, I'm going to talk about this loud. Okay. And the second the podcast started, he was like, fuck! Like, oh, we're just peaking everyone's mic now. This is great. Batty, your terror fell off. Tiara? So now when you guys start talking shit, I just can scream and I win. So remember that. You're sitting here with me, sir. You need to calm your little ass down. It's your birthday. I'm sorry.
Yeah, you play the worst games. I'm like, every time I'm like, I'm going to raid me. Never mind, he's playing Battlefield. Let's go anywhere else. Is that how you get raided? Yeah.
When I was playing Call of Duty I was getting raised and then it just... Yeah, weird. It's so crazy. Stop, dude. It is a better game. Okay, well ready or not. No, no, no. We're not done with Battlefield. No, we gotta make fun of you for at least five more minutes about this. So, uh, who makes Battlefield dice now? Yeah? Who makes Battlefield? Where's this? Dice. Uh, remember what Flux sent us the other day? Oh my god, yes. Uh huh. No, wait, wait, wait. Have him guess why. 'Cause why did Battlefield fail?
And this is too- No, my video came out- the video came out literally and I'm like, "Why did it? Do we really think it's gonna fill up?" No, EA. This is EA's statement. DICE made this statement of why- I know why. I know why. This is DICE's- 'Cause of Halo. HALO FUCKING SUCKS! I've never been a fan of Halo. Halo is dog shit. Okay? Doodoo ass. Eli. This guest is your fault. Yeah, let's do this. Y'all ever had a fucking- At least Taylor had tits.
You dissing Master Chief right now? This is how you- this is- you're literally turning- You know the coolest thing about Halo? The cutscenes. The cutscenes. Because it could- the whole movie is- yeah. Oh, hello!
No, it could be the age gap too, but you know What's a halo? Oh, I'm not old enough to play the game. Fuck. Okay, you know, whatever. Too much violence. Really? That's your go-to. That's the hill you're gonna die on. That's your fucking hill, bro. But, but, but,
Where we don't raid you I used to Hey guys, you're watching me go watch passion of the Christ for two hours Yeah, so I mean
I still think it's better- Well remember I used to do COD. It used to be COD 24/7. We're better off doing that. Yeah, that's when you got raids. I fucking hate it. Battle duels are so bad. I need you to calm the fuck down. It's so bad. Why? Why is it bad? What do you- The Bully Pulse of all. I haven't had any bugs the last two, three months. You're full of shit. I haven't.
You gotta get into the settings, you gotta get actually into the code cache. But the fact that you can't just the code cache, you have to recode the game? Bro! Whatever's called the weapon, DR, whatever the fuck, you gotta go in there, you gotta change it to fucking from DX11 to DX12. And then you have to unbind half of your keybinds for other things if you're playing on control, or you can't use keyboard and mouse. You play keyboard and mouse. Yeah, no shit. That's probably the first problem. Oh!
Just cut to technical difficulty and then play episode 33? Flux, if you can just cut to three of us. Where's Brandon? John, come here. You're on your own. Nico's fired. John set up so fast. I was like, ah! I like Max and K-Mart.
Do you actually you are you on like console - are you using a controller on your PC started on console? Okay. Yeah, no fair gotcha Your first system was at ps2 three ps3 to liar to end it very into the ps2 Right when I got the ps2 I wanted an Xbox 360 and
Dude, I- My dad was like, "I just bought you a PlayStation 2." And I'm like, "Yeah, but they came out- th-th-this new Xbox thing came out a week ago." So then, I was the kid who had the PlayStation 2, said PlayStation 2 was God. Wait, what- All the way until the Xbox One pretty much came out. I hate that- was it the slim PlayStation 2? Oh yeah. After I broke the big one, yeah, it was the little tiny one. I can envision this as a date! No. It's on your five. No. No. I'm like,
My mom was like, what should I get my son as a game for Christmas? And her coach was like, oh, get him a Grand Theft Auto. I love running around shooting everybody. And then my mom was like, oh, my God, great game. So fun, right? And then I'm like in second grade. You're banging out hookers and throwing them on the ground, driving them to get your money back? Yeah, same. We didn't get that far because my dad, my mom buys the game, comes home. My dad's like, what is this?
What is this? Because my mom's more of like, oh, yeah, whatever. My dad's like, oh, no, don't. Uh-uh. No. And then my dad was like, he's killing people in this game? And then he asked one of his friends, like, oh, you can run around and shoot cops and stuff or something like that. And then my dad was like, oh, no. Uh-uh. Never. We're not doing this. So I never got to play Grand Theft Auto until I was probably...
Like in eighth grade. So that was like two years ago? Pretty much. Pretty much, you know, when I graduated high school, I would say, you know, try Grand Theft Auto. I was like, dang this, yo, this is crazy. So that's why I joined the army right away, you know? Grand Theft Auto, Afghanistan. Yeah, same, same, same, but different, bro. But still same, you know? I love my 10-year-old who has autism is allowed to play Grand Theft Auto.
Niko had to wait till he was you had pubes Pretty much dude pretty much my parents saw the same way y'all looked at me when I said hey keyboard and mouse shit, you know those like that's the same looks my parents gave me while I was growing up So it's understandable at this point I guess right? What were you saying? No, it's how old are you? I am wait, hold on
How old do you think I am? I thought you were an old fuck like us. 24. No. You got that youthful vigor to you. 24, right? 23? Oh, damn. Makes me feel good. No. He's like 42. I'm like... 26. Oh, snap. Damn. I'm only 11 years old. I'm only one... One year older. You're...
It's like Will moved away and we got another young guy here. You were 11 when I was in war. When you couldn't play Grand Theft Auto. I was in war. You were born. I was like, oh, I'm getting out of school today. Awesome. Kindergarten, by the way.
Then my mom is looking at the TV. My dad's looking at the TV. They're crying. And I'm like, oh, look, that building is smoking. That's not good. And I legit remember saying this. I was like, I'm going to go upstairs and play Spider-Man 2 on PlayStation. And that was my day. Didn't understand the relevance of that for the longest time. I can just picture him and be like, huh.
Why isn't Spider-Man there? Yeah, I was like, Spider-Man, come on. You can stay there, everyone. You're fine. You can walk upstairs. Get him out of there. We're like, Spider-Man. Why would 9-11 happen? Yeah. That's how I feel around all of you. Well, not... Eh, you're all... I only have like a five. Yeah. Me and Cody have a two... Two year. Two year.
Me and Matt only have a one year. I'm the old one. Yeah. It's okay. Me and you have an 11 year gap. Knowledge. Wait, wasn't Tim older than you? Yeah, Tim was one year older than me. But Tim was like, why are you only one year younger than me? I was like, Tim, this is what special forces and UFC do to you. You were broken. Pretty much, Tim.
Oh, yeah. Tim's stories when he was here is fucking... It was Tim. Tim being Tim. Tim being Tim. So, Nico. Oh, God. TikTok. YouTube. Yeah. Grindr. What's your favorite app? My favorite app? Well, I don't have one because I hate social media. But now, it's my career. Most of us hate social media. It turns into our career. I think I hate social media. I hate it. Absolutely. I can't stand fucking social media. No. And I'm...
The kid here, right? I love everyone. Even my entire audience, everyone in high school is all addicted to social media. Oh, shit. You were like born into social media. I was born into social media and ever since like middle school and all that stuff, I was the last kid to get like the newest. I didn't get Facebook, a Facebook account until I was probably a sophomore in high school.
And you were in a sheltered life, weren't you? No, I just didn't care. I was a kid who actually, I think I was one of the last few kids who went outside to play and go do shit. And it wasn't even nothing crazy. I'd just go outside and play football or go hang out and talk with my neighbors. Luckily, I was on a block where there was six other kids my age at the time. So I was able to go out and talk to other people. And then when I was inside, I'd just shelter myself and play video games.
And that was that. Feel that bad once. But in high school, like in high school for you, Vine was big, right? Was that a big thing? Vine was big. That was the Vine age or anything? I never used Vine. Wait, was Vine during that age? Was that high school for you? Yeah, yeah. Vine and not, dude, Vine. Chart. Vine was the best. I know of Vine, but I literally never used it, never had, yeah. I hated, dude, I didn't even get an Instagram until 2008.
18 2017. Yeah, literally right before I started streaming. I didn't I didn't use Instagram I didn't take photos of myself my I had a Facebook. It was just cuz like family I didn't use social media I didn't fucking make a Twitter until I had already started streaming on Twitch like I think we all have good for you I have four military pictures. I think the entire time. I probably everyone's like, oh, we have any pictures from sniper school. I'm like, oh
No! That wasn't a- You know how much you get shit on? You know what you get shit on for taking photos, but then you know your biggest regret is not taking photos after. That's it, yeah.
Constantly, man. It's such a self-conscious thing in the military or anywhere to just pull out a phone, take a photo. Like, you want to, but you can't. Because even the dude next to you wants to, but you can't. I got one photo at sniper school, man. And it was like, we got shit on for that. I got one photo of me shooting a Barrett standing up when I was right before I graduated. Dude straight up. The cadre came by like, what are you doing? You're not supposed to have your phone out here. I'm like, what's up? What's up?
I'm gonna start counting out loud. But I got one good thing. Yeah. Do we have Sofa? Oh my God. 2008. One of the. So Nokia's? The bricks? No, this is just an actual photo or video in Iraq, which no one took video. Sofa are fucking. Sofa Ratna. Titer Korn is his name's.
He was a Thai kid. He had the fucking worst accent. He's the one I couldn't make say hippopotamus. Struggle for this. It's awesome. Hip hop anonymous. God damn it. It's like fucking mid firefighting moke the D. And this is a bad firefight. Fucking sofa is like he runs over and puts the fucking camera up and it's recording.
Just to get a video of the firefight? I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, and you just hear like, it's like a bad firefight. We're like medivac-ing people. He's just running in circles for six seconds.
My space man that was after bro that was the only so sweet I have a thousand years
What that died in like 2009 ish. It died. I think. Yeah. My last year in high school because Facebook, it was taken over. So 2008. Yeah. My space was the thing like early high school. I, I remember I met John's mom on my space and he was born in 2009. So my space died in 2008. Yeah. So is that last year? That's how I met. Riden's mom.
Exact same way in my space. Yeah. Yeah, I was looking for local people in Norfolk and was like, she's cute. I'm gonna message you. I didn't meet anyone's moms on MySpace. Yeah, Nico's like, you got Instagram. You need a son. Nico's doing his... All four cameras. What the fuck?
He's leaning into each angle. Niko get out of the shot. You're really fucking this up and you're never coming back again. You ain't welcome here no more bro. We should bring ne- No I was like we're like Eskimo bros on Myspace. We're like Myspace Eskimo bros. Yeah! Something like that. I like through- I wonder what are we? Maybe probably. Batty how many girls did you sleep with off Myspace?
Happy birthday! Today is the deep dive. What questions have you always wanted to ask Matty? Today is the time. I've selected a list of questions that make him uncomfortable. Um...
At what point did you know your dad was disappointed in you? Probably with the tiara. It might have something to do with the tiara. No, it was the tiara before, but we can say starting now, so that's fine. So we got, what, Batty's birthday, you turn old as fuck. Yeah, well, okay, Eli. I own that. He does, it's true. Donut was out for a week. Trying to play both sides. He's back. Don't play that side. What? Sorry, I mean, you're talking about butt sucks. Stop it.
You want to ride in that Chevy again or do you want to ride in the Porsche? The Porsche is the best, dude.
They're shooting rocks at my fucking car. No, that was bad. Oh, man. I was like, we're not even going to do it. They're going to just fuck each other up before we get inside. This is it's over. So Eli's got his Porsche back and it's very, very low to the ground. So my driveway sucks ass. It's rocky and bumpy. So he parked it at the bottom of the driveway. I have my Chevy back, which is also kind of low, not nearly as low as the Porsche. And I had to park at the bottom of my driveway real quick just to fix my gate.
And everyone hopped in my truck to drive up the rest of the driveway before to get to the house. And Eli's Porsche was directly behind my truck on a rocky uphill driveway. And my truck does this thing where you step on the gas, the wheels spin a little bit.
Hey, here he's trying to cover his ass right now before you go outside and check it. He didn't check his car after, okay? Yeah, I was still looking. So he's trying to cover his tracks. It's called traction control. It didn't exist in the 70s. No, no, it's a 79 Chevy.
It doesn't do the whole wheels not spinning thing well when you start. They just go. Yeah. Into the car. Into the windshield, the rack, the back, and the grills. I do think there's... Eli, it's my birthday. Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry. I think there's a rock in the front. I don't know.
I was just looking, I was like, there's a white something on the grill. I tried so hard to go slow. He did. Well, that's probably why it felt like the whole thing was going to fucking go. We're shaking like this, and I'm like, yo, what the fuck is going on, dude? It's my truck trying to go a quarter mile an hour to get out of the loose rock in front of any less car. Definitely like an old truck. We opened the door and shit fell out. I was like, yeah, but it's like, that's my new mirror, my rearview mirror.
$14 garage sale truck. That's okay. As long as you enjoy it, man. It's got a brand new motor in it, though. Yeah. It's actually like a seven-grain truck. That's why the exhaust looks very shiny. It's a brand new exhaust. I just like if you took away the body, like, look at this shiny new everything. And then you're like, let's slap the body back on you. Like, ugh. Yeah. It sounds fucking phenomenal. It's badass.
And then Cody has just your Raptor and your goddamn... Just his Raptor, sir? And your goddamn... And just your 200 edition... Oh, God. Oh, yeah. You know what car he has. What kind of cars does he have? Nico's a car guy. Oh. He's a Jag F-type.
He has a Jag. And when he says he's like, I'm driving a Jag. That's why he's like, you playing with a mousing keyboard? I drive a Jag. It has nothing to do with what I get. I don't see why a mousing keyboard has to deal with what you drive, Nico. It's fucking weird. Well, it doesn't. I don't know.
Super stock he has the fast the 808 horsepower. Oh, that's hot I was like I should have jumped because he's like what he picks me up the air boys like hey, dude. What's a good? Very fast
I was like, oh yeah you got a frunk my bad. I was like, frunk? You call it a frunk? Yeah. It's a frunk. It's a frunk. It's a frunk. I've never heard the word frunk in my life. Really? Wait, hold on. You've heard of a frunk? I've never heard of a frunk. Whoa. What do you call a butthole?
A bunk? A pothole? So it gets a pussy hole? Another option. That's what the fuck it is. My time is way different than yours. And it don't work. We got fucking options now, bro. Okay? And if you're not okay with it, you're weird. Not me. Dude, I'm calling a pussy a frunk now. Let me get that frunk. Let me get that frunk. Hey, if you like it from the back, you're winning, bro. Because they're not going to like it when you call it a frunk. They'll be like...
Oh yeah, we don't- Jesus fucking Christ. What's the comment section right now? We don't have a question. We're like an hour in. Y'all eat ass or what? Y'all eat ass! That's the question! Y'all eat ass! Comment below! Just yes. Or no. Yes or no. Y'all eat ass. Do y'all eat- Yeah, we're fucking- This is a pro-EVL. I meant to do like-
Yes! Oh, watch this, guys. Ready? Because one of his stories, I know this. Oh, damn. This is going to be... All right, well, go ahead. Nico. What's going on into this? You spit in mouth? Oh, dude, I'd be fine. The perfect amount. You fucked nothing but you the rest of your life. Like, damn, I just...
It's property now at this point? Or am I like... Am I in... Is that like a personality? Am I a person or just an object at this point? Wait, is that why you guys get along so well? You spit in mouse and he receives spits in mouse? And at that moment, we knew. Guys, we're in a pandemic!
That's how he mouthed. He was like, you're six feet away when you spit in his mouth. It was like a slow-mo. He just jumped. You're going to spit on the ground and just die from under your legs? I'm like, you're already there on the ground. Oh, it's the best. Oh, yeah.
You did this story, it's like you could be the first guy that spits in her mouth, or maybe the last. You decide your journey. No truer words have ever been said.
You could be the first guy or the last guy. You could be both. The choice is up to you. Okay? I've changed people's lives. I've changed lives, dude. For the better, okay? Both sides, all right? I like your guys are like, this is embarrassing. But I love eating worse. I'm not embarrassed. I'm just like. I love the shithole. The shithole is my favorite place to dine out of. It was spitting in mouse. That's disgusting. I don't think it's gross. Butthole.
They're like oh spin mouth Oh dope and then they're like oh my girl legit smack the fuck out of me We're probably gonna break up and I was like what happened like a spinner mouth. I'm like okay. This is warn her No, no, not that it's did you like do the thing? We're like, you know, whatever's on the tongue spit into the mouth, which is what it should be. Okay, uh
Or did you straight up loogie everything from her stomach to push out into the fucking, the hole of her mouth? Like, what did you do? I know something. That's how it is. No, it's like, can you spit in my mouth, babe? It's like. That's what people imagine, bro. One more.
And then it's a yo-yo and she's like, "Solom." Can you tease him with the yo-yo? You're like, "You want that?" "You wanted this." Bro, okay. No, no, no. Okay, so real quick.
Back in our early days, cartoons... Sorry, cum. There. Early days, the cartoons we used to watch, all like recess and shit, everybody used to joke that it was always like the prank, the bully would hold down the kid and do the yo-yo spit in the mouth thing. Is that why we all have trauma now? That could be the starting of it. That could be a thing. What movie was that in? Uh...
Yeah, what the like sandlot type movies wasn't it? It was like a couple remember it was fun. We were young. Yeah I'm sailor thing no Little Nikki there's a lot of things that happen
That has to be one of those... Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like when you used to watch the Gargoyles TV show and Demonia came on. And now I like Gargoyles. I like statues. It's weird. Have you seen Gargoyles? Have you seen? Hard objects. Fuck, put up a picture of Demonia right now. No, fuck that. Fuck. Put up the intro to Gargoyles to show how bad it is. It's terrible. It's not good. Fucking wretched. 1,000 years ago.
Superstition and the sword rule. It was a time of darkness. It was a world of fear. It was the Gargoyles. Stone by day, warriors by night.
It's like Mighty Max is my jam. I love Mighty Max. That was before. I think that was before. I know what Mighty Mouse is. Mighty Max. Mighty Max. Mighty Max. Can you sing the whole song for me? No, that's all I remember. It's not like Pokemon. I feel so young right now. This is fucking sick. What was the show that had the girl that broke you as a child?
Wait, what did you just say? Phantom? Dora? Explore? He's really into Mexicans. I remember that would go on. That was the one where you were like, this is gonna be me later in life. Como estas, Joe? Bring the backpack. Yeah, bring the backpack. That's Nico's cake. Explore me. Explore me. Expect me in Spanish. Fuck English, dude.
Hold up my the show going up. Are you there was a cartoon? There was a cartoon when you were younger and you're like that chick in the cartoon What was that and we're talking like Teen Titans like where where were you on the old fuck scale like I?
Example, Faye. Oh yeah, Cowboy Bebop. Faye broke me when I was a teenager. Teen Titans was a good one, right? Because Starfire, right? Okay, so you're a Starfire guy, but not a Raven guy. But, none of them really hit me hard. It was actually video games and Sly Cooper, the fox, the female officer, I don't remember her name. Are you a furry? I was like, she fucking... Are you a furry? God dang, she...
Oh my gosh! Are you a furry? No, I'm not. I've been asked that before. Okay, so Zootopia. What is your opinion on Zootopia? Oh, that's actually a great movie. I love that movie. Great J.O. flick. I don't want to jerk it to that, but like, great J.O. flick. Wait, hold on. Sly Cooper, you can't say, I'm not a furry. You ever seen Sly Cooper? Cause fuck, dude. Chewbacca? Chewbacca?
Do your impression again
How many times do I do it? I don't have a good one. Go, go. I'll do it. I did. I'll just win. Which is like a weird grizzly bear one. That would have scared John at the age of three. It would have not been like, that's a wicked... It's just me and Tom like... Eli's son's under the bed. I'm gonna go kill it. Fucking A, dude. What the fuck is that, dude? I should...
Maybe I'll don't let him come out here. Maybe I fucking win. Nico's gonna go home and just work on his Wookiee. He's gonna come back speaking Wookiee. Like, what's up guys?
I know I don't know how to do it, okay? Son of a bitch. Open Nico's mouth, fat shit. It's all of us spitting in Nico's mouth. You hit the bottom of the tunnel again. That is just shitting. I'm just like...
There you go, there's your thumbnail. Good luck. Make it so we don't get demonetized.
God we're boomers Oh, it's half time it's half time. It's half time baddie. What does that mean? Why was I have a birthday shot? Oh?
I just I'm upset already. Don't use that one. Why'd you grab the fucking that one team? It's okay, it's his birthday just some fuck up Oh my god, stop I'm here to support you. What else do you need to have? Passivar?
I- Yeah. Wait. They don't all look like that. They come in different shapes and sizes. They could have been in different places now. No, put this on then do that again. No. Why? It's a great thumbnail. You're excited about something I don't like. It's a really good thumbnail though. I don't like when you get excited. But it's a really good thumbnail. It is. I thought we were doing the shitting and spitting on Nico. Yeah, I'm like jerking off when you guys do it apparently. It's just your mouth. It's just your mouth. The YouTube algorithm gods won't pick that thumbnail up at all. At all. No one's gonna see that and be like,
I don't listen to podcasts. This one's alright. Three guys, one Nico? Is this piss and shit? And spit? Oh shit. Also, if we can get 30 more, go on Spotify and get us over 1k
Five star reviews. We're about to break. Oh, are we really about to? Yeah, we're about to break 1K. So thank you everyone for fucking, seriously, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Just Eli's heart. Here, switch. Yeah, you're old. You can't do it. I just like doing this to Eli. I know. Eli's like, I'm looking at your time. I'm like, oh, here's a full shot. Oops. Kill. But yeah, Spotify. What are the other ones? Yeah, if I can do that. But Spotify, almost at 1,000.
That's hot. It's crashing. I'm fucking just happy. Y'all are killing me, dude. Shooting that 18. I know, just wasting. Unparalleled. Quite literally unparalleled. You guys really are. Thanks, man. We got two more hats. Roots don't like you. You're lying to fucking everybody. Don't fucking now you know what's gonna go down in five. You fucked that up, not me. Now they think you're lying. Huh. Tell everyone how much you love me.
Yeah, Betty. It's your birthday. I really like Nico. He's a good guy. I'd like him to move to Texas. He's got influence. Yeah, he can influence. And he has that fuck face right there. I hate it. Dude, that was boring with the fuckest of fuck faces, dude. And I can't beat it, dude. I know. Dude, do people look at me and they are like... Watch this. Wait. Everyone pause. Donut, do your best fuck face. Fuck boy face. Like this. You got to do the L. Okay, watch this. Now, Nico, go.
*laughter* I'm gonna be inside, I don't have to do this shit anymore man. It's so hard! You're so close to showing you my butt. My pants are undone already, I was getting ready, I was like okay. Everyone's getting dick pics right now from Nico. Please don't. Yeah. No, he's sending them out. The second they see that face, they're automatically sending their DMs. So girl, mmm. Make sure you do this thumbnail right, because if motherfuckers see my face, they're gonna be like, no.
Look at this piece of shit right here. He's on TikTok. We have the pieces of shit covered in this podcast. We did it. My own
Side note, one of my favorite comments was last week episodes. No, not yours. It was a simple fact. Donut didn't drink for one episode. And people were like, congratulations, Donut. Stay strong. And then people were like, brother. Solidarity. Good on you for doing better. He's healing now. Well, it wasn't too bad his birthday. Yeah.
I ruined it. Or he's just a good friend, you know? The amount of times I've ruined Donut's sobriety...
Seriously, Batty, every time. Dude, I had a solid nine days going there. I was like, yeah. You did say that earlier, dude. He's like, yeah, I'm drinking like nine days. And I'm like, it's my fucking birthday. Donut was on like a record of 23 days and Batty was like, shot time when he woke him up. It's crazy. Dude, no, way back when we first moved here, because we went on the bender hard when we and you first moved to Texas. Yeah. And then we took, we were like, we're gonna take a month off. And it was like halfway through the month. I was like,
Donut! You're fucking drunk! And we ruined Donut's Friday again. You guys went on two benders. We've been on a few benders. Alcohol and Tinder. It was a dual bender. We did go on one of those benders together. Oh, you did one of them together. No.
No, that's what you just said, bro. Y'all caught it here live, baby. Well, it turns out San Antonio is a very small town.
We all had a group when we were single. We had a group text when we were single. And we're like, this one? And there's like five or six people in there. And they're like, oh yeah, I got that one. It's like, ah, fuck, man. It was literally, it's like, send a screenshot. It's like, question mark? Why are you following this girl's Instagram? I'm like, sorry, man. You guys just sent photos in a chat like, anyone going to get emotionally hurt?
Yeah, okay guys and you'd be like me and Caleb real quick use your imagination Oh
Somebody's been calling our podcast a fever dream, and every episode, I feel like it's getting worse and worse. Like, we are straying farther and just further from the light. Farther from God's light. Every podcast. Every episode, man. We used to come to the podcast every day with, like, notepads on our phones being like, okay, I got three topics. Don't it's like, I got a couple here. You know, it's like, I got a whole bunch of shit to talk about. And now we just show up. We're like, all right, pour the shots. Let's do it.
Roll these fucking dice. We got Nico. How many subs he's got? Like three mil? Cool. Fuck him. Let's wing this shit. Yeah, bitch. Yeah, let's make fun of him. We're gonna be shitting his mouth on my thumbnail. Let's do it. Thanks for coming, bro. Yeah. Oh, God, dude. Hey, dude, come down here for the podcast, bro. It's gonna be a good time. Fuck this shit.
Fuck this little ass bitch dude. Fuck this kid. Love you so much brother. See you when you get here. Fucking idiot. Go. You're gonna own that bitch. Oh my god. Hold on. I'll reel it back. What video games are you looking forward to? Oh shit. Oh shit. Looking forward to. Wait hold on. Wait no wait. Fucking pot. Fluck.
Punch in on Donut right now. Ask that question again in your commanding voice. What video games are you looking forward to? Nico, open your mouth. Donut, spit in it. Wait, Nico. Nico, assume position. Roger. Nico.
Niko can you fit that entire mic in your mouth? I probably can do you want me to actually do it? Yeah I need you to do it. God damn it. You ready? Why do we do this to the guests? Cause yours on the stream was gross. Yeah that's the old one. Yeah that was like four years old. I tell people not to get sick cause yours I'm like dude rots. You see Batty? So you're saying you can go deeper? Easy. Wait Batty let me see. Wait Batty go. No I went on Niko. To the base? To the base. I mean I already did it let's see what you got. Oh did he? Okay okay.
Don't hold it. Can you put one hand on the back of the mic?
Poor guest, Mike. I want every person who comes here next to smell this. Everyone does this. I don't know why. And you can tell by this house it does not get deep cleaned. What does that mean? Nothing. It doesn't get deep cleaned. It doesn't get basically cleaned. I know this one's over here with the brush. Fucking clean and shit. What the hell?
Why'd you go so deep? If you're listening today, I'm so sorry. As long as I ain't getting AIDS, because I don't have it. We're all good, I promise. I ain't getting AIDS, we're good. Yeah, you're good on that. But to base, though, don't be a liar again. It's not a common thing we do on the podcast. Usually before the podcast, we're just playing around with our mics. We're like, can you get your teeth over it? Can you get your teeth over it? You know who we didn't ask? Tim Kennedy. You guys didn't want him to be like, oh, okay.
Tim's just like...
Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, it's always been before just because we're doing our sound checks. We're like hey, dude So make sure you see who else can fucking do it 40-minute mark which means you're right at that viewer retention rate so people will either see or they won't That's the thumbnail
Ooh, okay. You were hold- you were cradling little stuff. Oh, and then you guys can be put like shit on my head in the thumbnail. And you guys are spitting on my face. Can I get a resounding come, Cody? Come. Thank you. For sounding. Come.
Your skills if you put them on a fucking resume they'd be like podcast
This is as high as I go. I have reached the ceiling, and it's not that high. Oh, yeah. First, wait. Oh, my God. I love Donut asked a question ten minutes ago. We're totally into this. We're like, so what are you looking forward to? Shove this in your throat. Yeah, what's your favorite video game? What about deep-throating mics? I love that game. You ever done that one? Watch me do it, bro. Oh, my God.
That's a effort. Oh, do you think we cut anything from the book? I didn't think so So we had donuts question ask again are there any video games looking forward to in the future so third I apologize for ignoring the other two times To answer that um
If we were to all just be disappointed to my real response, if you'd have asked me that fucking like three months ago, I'd have been like, oh, Battlefield 2070. Dude, there's videos on the internet of me praying to God, on stream playing God, being like, God, please.
Let fucking Battlefield come out already. I've never been a fan of Battlefield. I couldn't, dude, never been a fan. So I'm not an OG Battlefield fan. I'm not. I really don't like Niko. This is the, and this is the hill you die on. I hated this series. I like this one. I'm gassed at Battlefield. I'm in. I didn't do 2, 3 or Bad Company. Or Bad Company 2. I played one of them. I couldn't kill anybody. Got emotionally fucking upset.
Wouldn't play the game again once it caught. Can you shut the fuck up and just start to get the fucking... I'm over this conversation. You ignore red flags. How are your relationships in real life? She's gonna get better. She's changing. She's that big. You don't even fucking know her.
She's in Canada! She's got grappling hooks, who cares? She takes care of me. Okay, she gets it. It's oddly specific, Cody. She has grappling hooks! She lets me spin her around! We all played that new Battlefield.
Never a Battlefield fan until the 2042, which is surprising for everybody. Because half the people can't play the fucking game, but yeah. That was the defining moment of becoming a fan. You have a bar so low. No, no, no. Okay, here. He's going to pick up the bar. He's like, guys, look it. Here it is. Yeah, you're like, watch this. I'm real. I'll never lie to you. I promise. I'll keep it real. But the reason I do like...
Remember, like I said, we started with COD and it was Call of Duty for a lot of time. This answer. No, this is real. It's called due for the longest time. I only like Battlefield now because it's like winning. The match is actually objective based other than just killing people. So your zone when you win a match, it's because you were the best ones out there. Or did you camp the whole match? Because I've done that. Yeah. And one multiple times. It sucks. Camp. You go out and slay.
Ooh, y'all about to hate me. Uh, I don't play the full map, I do Rebirth. So... I don't know what that is. He does the baby map. It's way more fast-paced, it's far more fun, especially if you're streaming it. How many kills you get? Is that like after birth? Rebirth? Rebirth? Uh, 12. Is this after birth? What the fuck? Does the mom eat that after birth? Is that what the mom eats? Did she take that home?
So
How many kills would I get on rebirth? To start, because I know I'm about to get lit up in the comments and be like, oh, Niko would never get it first. He's shit. To start, it was like one. Maybe negative one. And then I start pinging him and killing me. Is your character killing himself? It's like, landed. Boom. Sorry.
So, you know but that's the end it was like 12 13 kill games got a little bit better and it stayed there and then continue to play God
Want to talk of Niko so bad. Oh, I know he's our cough. It's okay ready or not I think is gonna set me up for I'll take okay. No, it's will battlefield. I like it. No stop
Stop saying this. Stop saying Battlefield and like. It's better. How much time do you have playing Battlefield? Because I know I did raid you one time playing Battlefield because you loved it so much. Yeah, because it just came out two days ago. Dude, you were having so much fun. I remember you said, I'm never going back to Battlefield. I think I can pull up that stream and be like, why do they look so fucking small? Eli's just vomiting on his keyboard. They're 75 meters away and it's like.
Unfortunately, you do gotta fuck with the settings, but I'm never going back to- Don't justify a game by not- That's like saying, be like, "Man, okay, fucking- okay." Just hear me out. The new Spider-Man, if you adjust the settings on your TV, so much better. If you just turn off the TV, Battlefield's so much better, guys. If you just turn the monitor off, turn all the electricity off, in your house, if you could, a three mile radius? Battlefield? Sick. If you just take your face-
And you played Tarkov these boys are Tarkov boys and
And John. John, nappy John over there. He's a big Tarkov boy. Yes. He got into Tarkov, but... Dude, how much... 12-year-old, he fucking slays. That John... I played with him a couple times. And I also watched him run to his death, and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life. No, it was the greatest thing, straight up. John, I do wish it was like two years ago when you got into it, because now when I log on to your guys' streams and I hear you playing with John, it's like, hey, guys...
Should I go? Wait, I'm going to, I need money. I need it. I need money. So I'm going to go to factory. Stupid ass kid. Two years ago, then I'd be like, Hey guy,
I'm going to go to factory. It's like a big difference. Now John's all pubered, pubed out. Yeah. He's all pubed out and deep voiced. Summer hit the John boy hard. He's a grown man now. He's got a mustache. It's fucking scary, dude. He's speed ramp puber. I'm still waiting on it. Someday. So am I.
John's like, fuck you guys. John, come say hey, bud. Yeah, John, get in here. Show your mustache off. He's going to have his dad's mustache. He is. Like right here. Put your face right here. Right in the middle. All generation, new, medium, 9-11. Leave more, a little more, John.
Better stash than me. Yeah, you honestly do have a better stash than me. He's been growing that one 37 years? 38. No shade. You're 38. 37. Yeah, you're right. Holy shit, I was like, fuck. You are, dude. You're speed running puberty. Thank you for being fast. He sends it. Better target player than me. Ooh. God. Damn. I suck. You that little ass kid? I was lying. Fuck that little ass kid. Fuck that boy. Not in that level of change that that boy...
I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna just stop writing. He's about to beat you up, man. You better be careful, bro. I know. He's taller than you already. That's like when you talk shit and he says, what? Grows the full fucking beard. He just flexes. He flexes a mustache. He's like, hold on a second. Turns into donut. Yeah.
This wet I got all this wetness from my throat I'm the best dude. I say salivating you ever have some dry shit go down explain
What? As opposed to wet shit go down? Yeah. What's dry shit versus... I mean, I've taken a dry shit before. It's not great. Oh, okay. Well, you took it first. That's like a little Caesar's after like three days later. We're not very hydrated. A lot of alcohol. It's like a little Caesar's. Sandpaper worm coming out of the dusty... Dusty, the dusty... Right? Right?
Going hard as fuck for a BJ. How unsatisfying is that? For a BJ? A dusty BJ? You've had a dusty blowjob. I've never experienced... What does that even mean? Dry mouth, bro. Did they fucking smoke weed before? They have cotton mouth? Hey, hey, we just did it as it is. Yeah. They have the white strings on their lips. Like the corns and shit. Yeah, it's the white. Hold on. Hold on. Let me just... Hold on. Yeah.
And you put the sandpaper in my mouth really quick. Why does it feel like a cat licking my penis right now? What? Jesus Christ. You're not a cat licker. Dude, you're a savage. You're something else. Dry blowjob? Yeah, you have to focus on this more. Is she just lipping you like...
Don't reenact that! That's not what you would react. How do you- He said he had a dry mouth job. Hey, use your imagination. I'm trying. None of us can fathom this. That guy did some ecstasy before. So I take pre- I'm like, you're like a guy. I'm like, what the fuck did he do? He's like, dude. He's talking about a man. I had dry mouth before, but I don't quite see how this is-
Man, times have changed bro, y'all had it really good apparently. The ten year generation made a difference. Big ol' gap bro. Lot of teeth. Oh god, yeah. Lot of braces. Lot of braces! Ooh, since y'all hate me so much, we'll talk about the generational gap. I don't know where we're going. One, guess what, on active duty, I did not drink a sip of alcohol. Wait, the entire time? Entire time. Why?
I was like, eh, all these fucking drunk fucking specialist bitches who are about to get on deployment, I can beat them out in this box rotation because they all fucking, they're decent dudes, but...
I can beat them out in every way shape or form right cuz Infantry like- Cuz your body is pure. Cuz my body's fucking pure bro and I was like fuck these dudes plus I'm smarter than them they're a piece of shit I got this and then while we're on deployment- Hey guys if you knew Niko when you were in the army just leave a comment below! Unit 213! Yeah yeah yeah Got my sergeant in two let's go they're like this little bitch? This little TikTok bitch?
That's what people think bro! I'm like god damn it. Whatever I can't blame him. It's the fuck boy face bro. People are like you're- you Could you imagine Niko just fucking ready to go? Just going for it? I picture him kicking it. He's like the second man. He's like... He's in his corner. I can't wait to kill this terrorist. I fucking hate it so much Niko. But go back to not drinking. Yeah dude. What's that like? Chill. Now we can all look and...
I'm ready to learn. I feel like Donut. Everyone stare off down. Donut's just looking at me like. Betty, stare at that camera. Donut, stare at that camera. You continue your boring story. No alcohol in time. Not a drop. How many years? How many years were you sober? Oh, you're sober? Yeah. Oh.
We said not a drop of alcohol. So how many years were you sober? I probably didn't start drinking until... We're not talking about from birth. You're in the fucking military. No, no. So I started drinking alcohol. Last year? Like, why are you taking so much time? I was only 20. I drank alcohol when I was 16. My goal was to become a police officer or join the FBI. And I said, I got to knock this off. I was getting into a lot of trouble. I was getting... I don't look like it.
Little ghetto ass white kid getting into fights. You're getting arrested all the time. Fucking just causing problems. I can't picture it. Dude, I was. It explains the fuck. Did you wear polos?
You look like you wore polo. You two at the same time? Oh yeah. Not until I went CI did I wear polos, but yeah. Can you steal this? I'm blown away right now. Yeah. Donnie, steal that, officer. Motherfucker. Did you vape? No, never. Thank God. Really? Are you...
So you were- I've been drunk different bro I'm telling you! I didn't struggle to comprehend this right now. You were straight edge until 2020? Did you dip at least or like- No, never- So my dad dipped and you- What did you do? I'm not gonna- So no, look, I was drinking in high school all the time- No wonder you like Battlefield 2042. Your brain's fucked up. And you haven't been-
Listen man, you ever been to rehab? I'm here for you dude. You should go right now. Leave now. Go right now. Your bar's around the corner. We ain't gonna get drunk bro. Are you okay? Yeah, no. 16 drinking alcohol. Stopped drinking at like 17. Didn't drink alcohol again. Didn't touch it until I was like 23.
Sorry 24 24. Yeah 24 and I wish you said it's like I don't touch you fucking hospital trips for alcohol poisoning by then Batty had a heart attack two years after He's had a stroke We're going prickly pear is gonna be Yes
Donuts on one two. There we go. Oh fuck. I'm still 24 you didn't drink. That's fucking a long time Y'all saw on the charity well one bro, I've never been the one to let other people influence me in any way shape or until you Yes, sir Roger that mr. Batty Batman
I'm so scared, Mr. Batty. I don't like Mr. Batty. I don't like that at all. Batty Daddy. What's wrong, King? I'm going to get you some Batty Daddy shoes. What's wrong, King? I have a Batty Daddy hat.
Oh, that's hot, dude. I sell that merch. I have Batty Daddy merch. Oh, dude. Well, that's hot. It works because I just said it's natural. It just happens. Dude, wow. I'm still more amazed just not drinking in the military. I cannot wrap my head around this. Like, Donut's having a... He's having a flashback inside a flashback. It's Vietnam and then Donut being sober in Vietnam.
It's a dual air flash This is some inception shit We're double talked in right now I just Well don't get me wrong Everyone in the military You haze the fuck out of the privates right The new guys right You tell them to drink the alcohol You make fun of them You GI the rooms and all that dumb shit I was the dude who was like Oh fuck you you're not my NCO Suck my dick Tell my squad leader to come here and talk to me
A, E4 Mafia, never been about it. That's why I got my 5 and 2 and kept sending it. My squad leader got me shit right. He smoked me while feeding me booze on my 21st birthday. I got ran up and down a ski slope because we were in Vermont where there's snow. Up and down a ski slope, piss drunk, until I vomited until 5 a.m. repeatedly. That's some good indoctrination right there, though.
I just did it myself, bro. My 21st birthday, I remember I was getting smoked at like 4 p.m. And then I woke up at my house at 5 a.m. Like, where am I? What? I had my...
I had my 21st birthday at the mountain war or like assault climber shit. Like, dude, I was like, what happened? I get it, dude. No, that was, that was in Vermont, dude. Uh, the army mountain warfare schools in Vermont. I was going to say, I know the mountain warfare school is not at Polk, but,
No, it's from us all the same school. So no no send you where were you stationed at? Then when you was in the guard bro, I was a guard Dude I got so fucking oh there was like a whole investigation and shit when I was because they they gave us the morning off We never portal 10:00 a.m. Cuz they knew it was my 21st birthday. I was the only young guy in this school and
So they're like, report at 10. But we had the first cadet girl ever going through this school with a bunch of fucking ranger bat boys.
That is the worst fucking mistake I've ever heard mixing Ranger Batboys with first female ever with cadet. Not in cadet. I was the only guard guy. It was all active and I was the only guard guy there. Oh, and then one cadet girl. And then one cadet girl. Female in general with Batboys. Okay. And on top of that, we had a first sergeant going to the school with us too.
It was a weird. There was eight people. There was eight of us. And it was there was an investigation because like she was like hitting on me. And then she wasn't. And then one of the dudes got beat up. We don't know what happened. But I was all I remember is the next door. The fucking cadre coming to me in the first turn in the schoolhouse, the sergeant major, the schoolhouse, everything coming because I was like, you know, 19 and brand new in the army. And they're like, so this is your fault because that's right. They let us out for my 21st birthday.
It was not good. And it was your birthday. It was my fault. It was your fault. It was my fault. Piece of shit. Dude, I was, they destroyed me and then I had to go climb ice walls. It was not good. I woke up at 5 a.m. the next day. I was like, what happened? Where am I? And then, uh, I was with my military marriage because I got a contract marriage for the military. Yeah.
Cuz I'm a genius. Smart motherfucker. Hey, pay attention. Yo, big shout out to Ashley. We still friends. She's a fucking G. But she was like, yeah, I went and picked you up at like 6 p.m. and you were shit wrecked. Ennis was drunk throwing up everywhere. You were on the curb like... And then she's like, I drove you to your house and...
And then you just passed out until 5 a.m. And I woke up as a no hangover because it was like 20. You wake up. Let's run more. Yeah.
At this age, it's like Vegas, SHOT Show. Every day we were waking up like, I need a full day to recover after a bad night of drinking. You're crying midway to knowing you have to drink, dude. Jesus Christ. We do manmosas at SHOT Show every morning. Those were delicious. My first manmosa was with you guys. My first manmosa was with you guys, yeah. All three of us were delicious. Did you get... Because you were in the military for your 21st, right? Yeah. Did you get...
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we went to Hooters in the strip club. Then we played Edward 40 hands, but it turned into Edward like 120 hands. We did like six 40s. Were you just taping them up your arm and just going for it or did you swap out? No, we just kept swapping out. Okay, okay, okay. After the first two 40s, they're like, wait, you didn't finish that one. I'm like, what? There's a duct tape going around the other end. Okay. You played that?
You don't know. He doesn't know Edward Fortyhands. Were you in the military? That's a new generation. I don't believe this anymore.
Do Edward 40 hands up? Bro, you get shit wrecked. If you do that in the, bro, the chubby high life 40s that were like fucking white as shit. So you have to duct tape two 40s to each hand and you can't pee. Okay, I've seen this. You can't pee. I don't remember the name, but I've seen this. Until you finish your 40s. Because you can't pee. So you had to finish both. Your hands are taped around the fucking bottles. I've never, bro, like when I said to not drink, I didn't really know it. Nobody influenced me. I was like.
That sounds fucking stu- 'Cause they'd be like, "Oh yeah, you're in the army, I forgot!" I'd be like, "Hey, that sounds fucking stupid!" Yeah, I'm pure! I'm fucking pure! Yeah. I'm gonna go pray in my room! "Fuck you Ortiz! Fucking motherfucker!" 'Cause no one wanted to fight me either! Wait, where does Ortiz come from? Why are you Mexican? My dad. Is he poor? I'm a weird Mexican. Wait, is he like 100% Mexican? My dad's... You look at him and say, "That's a Mexican dude."
That's what I just realized that I was like you look I look white as fuck in Ortiz throws people yeah You thought he was Mexican? That's why when he said he was white I'm like Wait you look at Nico and think Mexican Yeah Home Depot Look at his stupid fucking eyebrows Eli you guys have the same hair swoop His just clearly hasn't been as fine like yours yet That's called fucking pomade That's called hair product not
*Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Ethne- *Eth
Baby one. Go ahead. You want to do that thing? You want to do that thing? That thing? You can do that thing. Go ahead. Go ahead. Do that thing. See? See? You're making fun of me. Alive till five. Thankfully, that was only a $200 spell on the table.
Oh shit. Hey, are you gonna cry on your birthday? Don't do it. Don't do it. Thanks. You can share it if you want. If that makes you feel... I hate that more. That's hot, dude. Yeah. Oh God. It looks like Nico spit in your mouth. Oh no, not the fancy towels. Oh shit.
Donut spills super expensive alcohol. Then he grabs Batty's magic cards. He's like, I'm going to sop these up with your magic cards. Are you trying to fuck his birthday up?
There's an important question to ask here. Who got Batty a birthday present?
What? Hey, who flew out here for him? You didn't fly out here for me. Why not? Yeah, I did. I can- This is a birthday weekend. I just came out here- I have the text- He said- I have the text to verify. I have the text to verify. I was trying to verify. Wow. Dang. I appreciate him- Hey, Cody. Thank you for getting me a birthday present. You're welcome. Yours was over $600. Batty, I bought you a shot of- Shut the fuck up! I got you a shot of the- The place we were just at. The shitty tequila? Yeah.
That was the Don Julio. Yeah, the shitty tequila? Don Julio makes decent... Cheers, boys! Cheers. I can't wait to go to Topgolf. Did you use his birthday present to soak up the alcohol you spent? It's fine. It's okay. He said, hey, it's our birthday weekend, and I said, because we were trying to sign on a date for me to come out here. No, time out.
He said hey, it's our birthday weekend. He said it's your birthday, and then he said it's you do you want me to make? Me or him me or him all three of you cuz it's also for the unsupported Thanks, yeah Cuz people I was like I was like hey guys like I was just trying to figure out Oh, no, not my phone. I'm trying to figure out a day to come down here, but once he said birthday I was like oh well
If they tell me to fuck off on their birthday, that's fine too. But I want to be there for the birthday. I appreciate you. I appreciate you doing it way more though. And it's a disclaimer. People thought I was getting paid to come out here when I told my stream that... Oh, I can't afford to pay people. They were like, how much are they paying you to fly out there to do that shit or whatever? I was like, no, no, no. I was like, why do you guys think I don't operate?
Operate with other people. I don't I live in friends. I live in friends. Yeah, it's called being friends I was like I live in Los Angeles I was like you guys not to be a cock and I don't talk about all the time You know many people want to collaborate with me and I tell them to go eat fucking cock and sit in fire hydrants Okay, LA people a lot fire hydrants. Damn. I tell me go sit on the fire I I'm about great business aspect to some things but that's not life I don't care about money building a relationship is far more important than money Okay
The reason I've done more things with you guys than everybody in L.A. is because there's a relationship. People tend to care about each other, and it's also something that's installed from the military. You know, you tend to care about the people that you like. Not drinking, though. Not that part. Not the just drinking part. I wasn't involved there very much. It's just picking drunk fucks up. But whatever, you know, still love them. But, yeah, I was like, I'm not getting paid. I was like, I'm going to hang out with, you know, friends and people I genuinely think are good people. You know, I'm not going out there to get paid, make money, or nothing like that.
How long was it me Cody you guys we were all across the US me Cody was in the Carolinas clean was from the fucking West Coast I'm northern East Coast New England and we all hung out for damn near two years every fucking day online talking flying across the US every other fucking week just a bullshit or like
What are we doing fuck this we all moved to Texas like within months? Yeah, we were all in my solace. We're it was super fast That is a that's super sick you guys should do something in depth about that well is like because It's actually good. No, that's why I mean, but you guys should do something in depth about it Cuz that's uh, that's sick people don't get friendships like that. It's as it should be and
It was like baddie was I started streaming with baddie after our second twitch It was like click and then I knew donut in Utah. We were started chit-chatting. He you were running PUBG Service and your YouTube his YouTube was like 19,000 when I started talking to a donut so it was Yeah Three million four million whatever fucking big cock over here
But it was telling baddie. I remember having those conversations with baddie. I was like man just fucking quit your job Focus on this full-time quit your job focus on that. I was working full-time streaming full-time like that's a rough, dude And it's hard and it's not easy. No, and then it's especially if you've never been in the media world you're like ah
That's a risk. Safer, I guarantee when you like quitting being a police officer, you were probably making X amount on YouTube before you're like, I can now transition. No, you didn't. Because you were like. Because I jumped head first into it. Yeah, you were like, mom. I'm living here now. I was like, I'm living in your basement now, mom. But your mom's like, fuck yeah, he bought me mice.
Very terrible car that she picked out mama operator mama operator terrible choice You are a human stupidest fucking vehicle I have ever seen That was the worst $52,000 vehicle I've ever bought $52,000? Jeep pile of shit, what are they called? Jeep trucks Oh it's a jeep No it's not a jeep No no I meant, oh it's a jeep Females love jeeps
It's Jeep or something else that no only not a fucking car. It's the Jeep truck though It's stop it Nico so I don't Girls are now shit. It's fucked. I gotta deal with this shit. Oh
Girls, this is him. If you got hateful messages, just send them all to him. He's beautiful, though, so you're not gonna send it to me. It's okay. I'll listen. Do the fuckboy face. I'll listen. I'll listen. Hey, if you feel like you're by yourself, you can... Oh, God. Do you make fun of fuckboys on TikTok? Because that's what you see. No, dude, I look at dudes and I'm just like, I'm like, fuck, whatever. I know you can make fun of them so good. The fuckstrap dudes on TikTok are the... Where they do that. They just look into the camera and they just do the fucking... With the music. No, they do this fucking, like,
Go make bitches drown and then I'm just like make bitches drown Oh heat 25 26 Nico 25 26 Nico a bitch - and I'm just like oh I'm stuck. He's be older like just like
I'll try. That's what happened. Donut lived at home, but then he blew up.
Baddie quit and then can continue to just fucking grow when you can invest good Yeah, but you got to invest all that hours into the job and we had those conversations Everything as soon as I quit my job and I put like that extra effort into twitch and that's the thing and then birthdays We had the we had a couple they would just fly out and come visit hang out had a good time with my favorite birthday Ever stop it and I will still say it's my favorite birthday ever. It was mad. I
The one you missed, and you had a good reason. I still... He flew out and got to meet Freddie Wong because we played D&D with everyone. So that was like Batty's came out. I was like, hey, Freddie's coming out. Batty loves Freddie. We had a great time. Batty fucking DMs like a champion. And then my birthday weekend...
It was a, I don't like to invite. I do not like to tell my friends like, yo, fly out or anything. So it was like birthday weekend and everyone started buying tickets to fly out and hang out and donuts, like donut and clean. Both of y'all are like, Hey man, why didn't I get an invite? And I was like, bro, you think I'm going to ask everyone?
any of you to fly across started doing things yeah and they just were by it's like oh i can come i was like i would love to have you here and they would just buy a ticket fly out and then was it you brandon clean yeah i was talking to matt yeah and brandon was like hey i'm going to eli's birthday i was like wait what you're going to eli's birthday can i go you're talking to me you it was me because i i eli had said i think guys are coming over i don't know what's going on and i was like i didn't know
And so you just jumped on it after me and you had a whole conversation about it. Yeah. Yeah. And then I got texts that were like, Hey, why didn't I get an invite? I was like, I promise you it's not that it's you are flying across country to hang out with a Mexican Asian dude. And I think it's fucking weird, but it was the best weekend ever. Cause we had six air mattresses at my house. We inflated them. We played video games all night.
We got tattoos we got tattoos cuz the tattoo will was over tattooing us it was and bad he missed out on everything I'll get smiley faces, which was the weird part cuz I just gotten the smiley face tattoo Separately like unrelated a couple months later. I didn't tell anybody and we all ended up with the same tattoo It was a fun. It was a weird thing. It was a beaks. I don't have any good. You know, it's my best
You can do a sterile stuff, but we get it's fine. I'll use hand sanitizer. We can clean it off with this. What does your lip say? Savage. Wait, you actually got a lip tattoo? That was my nickname in the army. You didn't drink. No, but I fucking shot the fuckers. It should say soft.
until like they need to go die and I'm like yeah let me do it it's a lot of work to show after you kill them you're like guys guess what died bitch don't spit in their mouth again dude Sarn told you about that can you stop spitting on people when they're dead it's fucking disrespectful as shit I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a
Yeah, hands down, favorite birthday I've ever had. There wasn't there? No, yeah. I think it's about you, though. Motherfuckers just sent it on you. Other than him. Because he had other obligations. I was going through a divorce. I was only going through a divorce with all my money, my time, my house, my fucking everything. I just bought a house when I was going through a divorce. I was panicking. This bitch. What?
Birthday Topgolf. Birthday Topgolf. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We got to end now. Oh, yeah. Batty, end it.
Thank you for watching the unsubscribe podcast today. Of course, we have Donut Operator Eli Double Top. As always, hi, I'm Batty and we have our special. Oh, so very, very special guest. Nico Ortiz. You can find him on TikTok or some shit. I don't know. Wait, Nico, what's your fucking numbers? Don't tell you. You see his numbers. That's not numbers. Give your show your lip again. Show your lip. He's savage. That dude has a quick VIP access for you guys for next time.
I just got done being celibate for two years. Wait, are you for real? Deadass. Thank you for watching our podcast. I don't want to know anything more. Adios, everyone. End it. We're not touching that? Nope. Nope. Yeah, leave it for next time now, girl. It's his birthday. I don't want to know. I don't know. My face is just going to be like getting to that where I'm like, oh, yeah.
