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- Ching! Oh my God.
Really that cup? Get that bullshit out of my head. Matty, where's the cup at? What? I don't know. I don't own a Black Rifle coffee. Do you have a cup? Mug, cup, nothing. I don't own a single. Where's a cup? You own a cup. No, I don't. You don't own a mug? I have never. Do you have a bowl? Nope. So he can drink that. Whatever. Okay. Cheers. Black Rifle doesn't sponsor this podcast. Fucking nerds. Black Rifle, Black Rifle. Everyone's wearing Black Rifle. It's so dark. It's Batty.
I had the High Life shirt before you guys did. It's tasty. High Life shirt? Yeah, you guys have a Miller High Life shirt. Mine's the Batty No Life. Oh, that's a Miller's line? I had no idea. Are we starting a podcast? Say hi to Eli. It's racially ambiguous, Batty. That guy's fucking ridiculous, Donut.
It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to unsubscribe. Hey guys, thanks for watching unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...
That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating.
And that's where the, you come, that is, come subscribe. Hi everyone, Unsubscribe Podcast here. We're joined today by Batty Stream, Eli DoubleFap, and Mr. Matt Best, who is woke. Yes. Nice. Great interview, Eli. Yeah. Just going for it. Today, the recording is on, the audio's ready. Matt, let me hear your beautiful voice real quick. Hi, how are you? My name's Matt. That sucked. Can you do it again, but better? Hi, I'm Matt from Pink Rifle Coffee. Thank you. He's here.
so excited with hopefully working audio working cam so nervous right now every time it's like we've had just every episode and then there's been problems every episode no no not specifically mine the hands down the worst one that's like that's fine anytime no yours wasn't the worst one we had another one that completely died before that that we didn't put out the first 30.
We didn't even put out right before yours that had a different issue and Then we had another one with bad audio it happens three bad audio episodes yours was the best of the three bad audio is the one more that we used that ended up you guys ended up using onboard audio yeah, okay, well
That's why we don't use that thing anymore. Because the second there's a fourth mic on that...
We've noticed it goes to shit. So I thought this, where's the laptop to watch the Super Bowl? Aren't we commenting on the Super Bowl in sports? Because it's Super Bowl Sunday today. Is it really Super Bowl Sunday? This episode's named Super Bowl. Sports. It's a Super Bowl today. It's going to be Matt in a Green Bay heat outfit. Donut's going to be wearing a Miami Colts outfit. Can I wear a Sabres shirt?
cleats I know the Rams are paying playing but I don't know who they're playing it's a box I think I heard or the Bengals it's the Bucks or the Bengals okay I was actually gonna come in and ask that as one of the questions like who's playing in the Super Bowl and just biggest football fan like like I'm still a huge Dallas fan but really from New England yeah I saw a Dallas Giants game forever ago and I've just been like I hated the Giants and
Because a Dallas Giants, it's a very one game you were Dallas in the New York Giants. Oh, New York Dallas Cowboys rivalry and Smith fucking Irving like those were that was my shit. I loved it and I just stuck with Dallas through all the Tony Romo years
Speaking about good childhood memories and people we looked up to, because I get the sports thing, Bill Goldberg, right? How cool is that guy when we met him at the range? I just want to give a shout out. If you think like when you think people like, I bet that guy's really cool. And then you meet them and they're even cooler than you thought they were. That's a pretty rad day. Oh, yeah. You can tell those guys do it for the kids, too. Like, he's just a good dude. They put their bodies through absolute hell.
hell, but he's just the kindest human and he's No just calling him bill just call me bill here bad in the background like Oh
Mr. Goldberg. Call me Bill, please. Don't call him Bill. Fuck off. Can I call you Spear? What about Jackhammer? Stop saying my moves. I have really... Will you just spear me real quick? What is it about it when people hit a level of celebrity that you feel the necessity to say their full name? Not me. I'm a nobody. If you walked up to Tom Cruise and you were like, hey, Tom, it'd be a little weird, right? It was a little fucking weird. Ew, I didn't like that. Right?
Mr. Cruise? But then you call him Tom Cruise, and he's like, oh, I am Tom Cruise. Eli, are you taller than Tom Cruise? Yeah. Tommy's like 5'4". He can't go... Yeah, he's never been to Six Flags. He's not tall enough. I'm just trying to go funny. Is there some shade being thrown on you?
We see Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise unsubscribes. He puts a sad face on the Twitter. This is his favorite podcast. And he was so excited for today's episode. He just heard that. He's like, oh, man.
He just posts that on his Twitter. It's like unsubscribed. We have like six celebrities here. Big H. Big H. Big H. Now that I thought about that, calling him Henry. I'd be like, Henry, it's good to see. I don't like it. Henry Cavill. Hi, Witcher. He's a good looking. Yeah. I'm just over here doing either autism or signs. Signs. Signals. I'm jerking off in the corner. It's okay. You didn't get the weirdest one that day. I know. Watching The Witcher is a little weird, especially when you watch it with your wife because she's like,
I shall kill everyone and protect the entire city. You're like, you probably want to have sex with him. And it's like, whatever. It's a fictional character. I do want to have sex with him too, though. I have. He wasn't there, but me and the iPhone. And I actually redid the voice and then I deep faked his voice talking dirty to me. And he read me essentially the last three chapters. Fifty Shades of Grey started too weak. But the last three specifically, those are what he reads me.
Pages 112 to 115. Apparently he wants to tie me up and feed me red wine and chocolate strawberries. Is that an actual thing that happens in 50 Shades of Grey? I shave the pubes. I know they do that in the... They what? Yeah, it's part of... You've read 50 Shades of Grey? I've... Eli! No, it's... Eli! I haven't read the whole book. I got... So it was like the Harry Potter. If you replace certain words... Have you... Like, what do you want? What the fuck? It's like Harry Potter! No, the word! Replacing words. Have you ever seen...
- Shut the fuck up! - Harry Potter, if you, there is a thing, if you replace wand with penis, it becomes the most hilarious story.
Ever. And there was another thing for Fifty Shades. I forget what it was. All you think is the kids looking for the elder penis. Stop it. That's not okay. And Harry grabbed his penis. What chapter of Harry Potter did they shave each other's pubes, though? Three. The book, what is that, The Goblet of Fire? Oh. That's how you entered the tournament. That's not real, right? You're like, ugh. Pubicosa. Pubicosa.
That's like just on a giant, big, gay teeter-totter. And let me preface, there's nothing wrong with being gay. I'm all about it. But, you know, shaving your friend's pubes, that's icky. You know? It's icky. Yeah, that'd be icky. Like if you're like, bro, I broke both of my wrists in a crazy Dungeons & Dragons accident. And you shave my pubes. I'd be like...
Oh my god. Oh my god. You just reminded me of the broken- The Reddit mom story. The Reddit mom with the two broken arms? Is that where you got that from? Wait, wait, Matt's heard this story! Okay, a son broke both his arms. He's a teenager. A son? Yeah, so a kid. A boy. Oh, okay. Not the literal son. Yeah, the son broke his arms. No! No! Eli, you know it's not anatomy. The cellular-
But yeah, so a child or a teenager broke both his arms and the mom helped him.
Because he was becoming such an asshole She said he was like all irritable and like an asshole to everyone in the house somebody's gotta milk the cow Banging well they have Because Fucking women shit like it's a weird story. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, and then the reddit because then he was like yeah the weird and
We would never kiss because that would be weird. It's like, yeah, that's the fucking line. That's the fucking line is kissing your mom is weird. There's just weird shit that goes on in the world. And it's always weird when like, you know, these mainstream stories hit about people being weird. But then you like deep dive into like how weird humans are as a whole. It's like 15 year olds that are still breastfeeding. And you're just like, the fuck? Like, I don't like what the fuck? I'm right here. Yeah.
I'm totally normal. Look how I turned out. On his pants. Just bang. You have that couple relationship where you tell your wife, it's like, just let me know if when I meet somebody, you've banged them. Well, you've met my mom. You remember that whole thing? So. So I broke my wrist. And I couldn't. There's an actual story. It's not as bad as it seems. It's on Reddit. You can read it there. It's fine. I wrote it out. Reddit has some of the worst stories, man. The cum box. The cum box.
Oh my god, have you heard the cum box story? No, I'm into it. Dude, this just turned into a Reddit story. Most fucked up Reddit shit. A kid was just jerking off into his shoebox and he just kept... But he kept the same shoebox for years. He just tucked it under his bed. And it grew life. Like bacteria? Oh yeah. Dude, full circle, man. That's some fucking Lion King shit, dude. No, stop it. This is not what we want. He held that box up with the mold on it. It's like, say!
Someday all this will be yours, except for the cum box. You'll see, you'll become the cum box.
I just remember that story because the best part was like things you've done that disgust you about yourself. And the reply was just like my cum box and people were like, go on. And Kismet's like, yo, hold up. You don't say cum box and just stop. We're going to need a little more information. We're not sure how much more, but just give us a little more, please. We'll tell you when you need to stop.
There's a line you'll cross it. We'll let you know. What do you do? Do you just end up throwing it away? I don't remember the end of the come box. See, this is why we need to not only thank veterans for their service, but for garbage disposal professionals for their service. Oh my God. Can you imagine the disgusting shit literally and come boxes they have to deal with? Thank you. If you are a veteran,
What is the proper term that gives the most revered way of stating their profession? Trash disposal professional? I think that's fair. Waste disposal management. Garbage doctors. They're not all management. That's the garbage doctors. Garbage doctors. You add the doctor. Garbage doctor like Fauci or is he, oh shit. Or is he like a real good garbage doctor. Demonetized. There's that woke rifle coffee coming back in.
I just picked up the garbage guy that's like throws it in the trash bag rips. He's like, fuck, I gotta go pick this up. He picks it. He's like, what's this box? I opened it. He's like... Smells like old popcorn and bleach. It's got a yellow hue to it. I'm concerned for this young man's dietary habits.
He needs to put down the Arby's sandwich and have a real chicken breast. I mean, he could probably pick up an Arby's sandwich, too. Oh, God. Or he could be like, I heard they got the beef. Oh, yeah, it's just that. Looks like Billy turned 16. Fuck, shit. Baby, baby, cum box? Baby. It's all the same thing, right? Like, imagine...
Imagine having to throw away the trash that New York City makes. God bless that. I'm going to start a whole campaign. Thank garbage doctors. Garbage doctors. If you're a garbage doctor, in the comments below, put the weirdest shit you found while doing your doctoring, your garbage doctoring. That or like...
dump specialists Not what you're thinking not subscribe video Googling dumps stay at the dumps and work there. Yeah shit they have to inhale and like touch every single day. Oh
Think how many bad needles are out there and like just weird opposed to good needles They would they would like
Have a running bet like, oh, found your first body. Because I'm sure the dude that's been working the dump for 30 years in, like, L.A. County, he's got to have, like, three or four body founders. He's got a body count. He's got a body count, right? Yeah, absolutely. Does he report it, though? Because I guarantee there's a bunch of paperwork and everything. I guarantee he's not good. Everybody's like, nah. He just puts a Walmart back. Oh, right. Oh.
Like they're all dirty like that's a bum Like be treated the same But it's not well, that's a yeah sure I say that to all my come all
Is that why you have a cum box? Yes. You're all treated equally. I open it back up. Hi, kids. Close it back up. I don't want kids because you're the family of us. Oh, God. I hate it. And they all have like, remember, like, you know, like the little umbrellas that you put in like a cocktail that has a little sign of what day you orgasmed into the box. It's like May 17th. That was a real healthy one.
I'm just expanding on, you know, this satirical thing.
Drawer to Open up this drawer like a computer. Oh, yeah, and you just jerk off in his jurors Yeah, it's just a mold it looked like mole was growing or something. Okay, so now I'm gonna segue not too far off Having a conversation the other day about if you're a male Yep, and you're in a hotel room. Yep, you jack off. Yes, like I
like think about it though like you know i don't want to put anybody if your significant others get mad that you masturbate which would be a really weird idea no but like when you're like because for me it's like you get back from work it's like 8 p.m then you have this normal routine you know where you hang out with the wife or the girlfriend whatever you do but when you're in your hotel room you're just there and then your iphone's like hello yeah i'm like yeah i don't know and i call this one i'll just send it today i call it the side cart
The sidecar. Is that your private browser? There's two ways to masturbate. That's the Bible. Oh my God, no. No. No. No. Psalms 12, 6. Don't bring God into this. I mean, the Bible's just sticky. Blasphemous. Don't bring that Virgin Mary in. Don't bring it anymore, brother. Shut the fucking sidecar, Patty. It's when the sidecar is when you're, you got a king bed and you just kind of like,
You just sit like, let it fucking- Just on the floor, you stand up later, and you just drop your feet into it. I'm leaving tomorrow, and I'm too lazy because-
The mood was right, I didn't want to get up and get some tissue paper or, you know, toilet paper, and it's a sidecar. You just kind of roll over, and you're like, hey little buddy! And he's like, you're a little friend, and the sidecar is like a motorcycle. Well there you have it, everybody best is a fucking degenerate. I'm not saying I do that, I'm simply saying that that's one of two. You know,
Have you ever seen this? The sidecar established 2010 Matt Bastian. This is like an artist. Yeah. Or, here's your trademark role move. You have two queen beds. Like, sir, would you like a king or two queens? You're like, uh, well, I'd like two queens. And then you just do the nasty in that one and then you get out of it and you get in the good bed. You sleep in the good bed. You have the jack bed and the sleep bed. The jack bed. Now that I'm on this, we need to fucking...
Thank not only garbage doctors, veterans, but we also need to thank the maids across the nation, specifically most likely in third world countries. I can't imagine what you clean up, but thank you. A Vegas hotel can, oh my God. Vegas hotels. Matt, what hotel do you frequent the most? Like if you had to pick a, like, is it like best Western, uh,
- Whatever's like, there's a Hilton. - Hilton hotels out in Nashville. Salt Lake City and DFW area. I am sorry. - I didn't think about that. - Not so, you're a sidecar man. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - They call me sidecar best. They don't let me in all the hotels around here.
10 things rich people do to be successful. Have you tried this sidecar? Improve your life one day at a time. Imagine the 45 seconds it takes to stand up and go get a piece of toilet paper. Life's about efficiency. Sidecar. Back to work. Entrepreneur. That's one of those motivational posters. I'm an entrepreneur. Oh, that kills me.
I mean, where do you want to go? I'll take this anywhere today. I fucking, I got good sleep last night. I got a sauna workout in this morning. Bro, I went to bed at 7 a.m. I'm so tired. And at Donut, I got a DM from you at 4 a.m. And it was a bed, I love it, because you can text me all night. But Donut's DM was like, it's too early to text you, or late. I'm so tired.
I don't know if he has notifications on it's trying to be nice bro. Why'd you take what made you think it? Were you trying to get a side card in? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you are actually send me that sidecar pick real quick Also, I want to say you daddy. Thank you. You're a classy bitch today. We got some Glenlevitt 18 here. Thank you Thank you. Definitely was made for shooting well
When you shoot it, you don't just go down and immediately like shitty whiskey or scotch? You let it sit for a second then you- Yeah, that's exactly what I've been doing. It's like cum. Oh yeah, cheers. So video games. Yeah. CUM! You gotta cum quick today. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, we just started the first 30 minute segment of cum. Welcome to Video Game Podcast!
Getting a little rage quitty. Oh, yeah, we quit but rage mode rage mode last night is true on war zone war zone and I You know, so I'm a big stop it. Don't even fucking look. It's fun and it changes each fucking time That's why I play the goddamn games. Don't start with me. It's an amazing game Yeah, the developers suck dick and there's a lot of glitches But you know end of the day the anti-cheat has helped a lot too. Yeah, how's it really has? Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm
So like weird. Even Caleb's playing Tarkov now. Yeah, well. That's crazy. You know what Caleb likes? Is freedom to do what the fuck he wants. Because he's a God-blessed American. No, give me that America bullshit! When he signs on to freedom.com and it says Tarkov Warzone, he gets to fucking pick because he's a grown-ass, epic, awesome man. Fuck.
I fucking hate you. Damn Skippy. So apparently we got commie baddie on here that thinks that everybody needs to go to a restaurant with their Tarkov card. God bless it if you play in full force. That's a Russian flag. I just think there's a Russian flag over here.
It is a great region and even greater food and I just got mad cuz I thought about my PF Chang order last night That was double me that was double me had a bad day yesterday. Yes The sniper is what I like I had yes sniping one bolt on the Porsche when it was
when they develop fucking cars sometimes fuck you germany they were like hey let's put the exhaust like this and then one of the bolts right here but and we'll make it a nut that you just fucking a wrench or a socket right there but let's put shit here so you can't put a socket or anything in that little Porsche right now yes and let's put it where you can't get it off so I spent fucking two hours to remove eight bolts didn't get the last one done and I was just like
Walked away. I was like, I'm gonna just play video games with Matt. You know why they did that though, right? For that specific reason. Listen, we're going to make it very uncomfortable for Americans to do the exhaust because we can't invade them. We've tried that a couple times. He's got tiny little hands though. And it's still not enough. Nope. Nope. I even had the baby ratchet out trying to, I was like, come on, just let's go. This, nope. Still look big in your hands. Nope. Yeah. It's made, everything does. Honestly, I wish I had smaller hands.
It's awesome. I can rent these babies out for some pics if you need it. I can grab it. No, seriously, why? Did you just offer to rent your hands off my cock? Yeah.
It's a little Barbie hand. It looks like it's holding penises. Oh, my God. He's so flexible. I thought I was the only one that could do that shit. Wait, Batty, you're flexible, too? That's more disgusting. Matt's athletic. I don't like that.
Again we can go to bottom golf
I'm so excited to go to bottom golf later. Is bottom golf the lower floor? Yeah, that's what it is. It's the fuck floor. It's floor F. That's the fun floor. There's dividers on the booths. Oh, God. Was that really all the meat they gave you in your P.F. Changs? That was it. So it went from the Porsche to the P.F. Changs.
that I was like so excited. It was like, oh, I get to eat at least, at least this, the Porsche fucking, that thing happened. Now I get to eat. And then I like see a giant thing of noodles. I'm like, okay, well there's meat on top. That can't be all of it. I put like the three pieces aside. I'm like, okay. And then I pick up the noodles. It was like, no, that's fucking it. That's,
I was like, babe, can you call them? And just, yeah. I was like, just call them. I have to play video games. And then the head shots and Matt, like they don't hear rage Eli much. No, I rage every night. And I'm just like, I get mad. Hit the fucking shot. And I'm like, Zach's just went down. He's like, Eli, pick me up. Eli, pick me up. Matt goes down. And I'm just like,
Fucking gun! Just shoot him! Donut, the crosshair. He's not joking. This is legit. Six shots. Six shots, and then I sent it afterwards because I was like, if you don't know why I'm raging right now, you don't understand why I'm so fucking mad. Sent it to Matt, sent it to Zex, and they're like, yo, that...
What's going on? And I'll post it, Fluck, because Batty's shaking his head so we can just have him going like this and then overlay the footage to show pure rage. I'm down, I'm down. I'm going to be one of the rightest track. Nice, Matt.
Do this gun. Fuck. Oh, my God. Game. You fucking game. Take your fucking gun. Eli, give me the rest. Fuck this. Oh, my God. He washed it. It's fucking crosshairs. Crosshairs. Crosshairs. You know who also needs to get thanked, Eli, is the poor receptionist at P.F. Chase that your girlfriend called about the chef fucking it up. I know. Thank you. That's why I didn't get.
Yeah, a big shot. This is our Thanksgiving episode here on God damn. Thanksgiving on Super Bowl Sunday. That's why I didn't call. No, I know. Because I was like, you're
Your boy is not in a good mindset right now. Because after the headshots, it's like, I want to call that PF Chang, and I want to yell at them. I'm not going to do it, but I'm so mad. I wonder if the hit markers just get lost on that specific gun if it glitches. Or Eli missed a bunch. Could have been a latency issue, too. I'm going to just show, watch this reaction. Fuck, you're going to do this. Well, he doesn't snipe a lot, so he might have been off. He could have snipped. I'm going to fucking...
- Baseball bats. - We're showing Donut just to have a live reaction. Eli just really needs everybody to see this clip. - Yes. - He's so good. You can hear how good he is. - One. - Miss, miss. - On the head. - Miss. - On the head. - That one's high. - That one was low. - That's, oh here it comes. - No register. - Miss. - Yep. - Yeah, no hits. - Oh, there's another one in there where I go to res and then I take one more shot.
Plot twist I do the sniping you do the resing Eli's our medic That was pre-existing from the last one just I was great I'll be the first if I miss him like you know what your boy missed that one completely We'll have our off nights with shooting
A lot of those. Fucking more than... No, wait. You know I'm good at sniping because I... Mosin. I would Mosin and fucking murder people. But you couldn't hit with any other gun in the game. Yeah, because I was... It's dark. Autistic.
Yes? He's just standing on his fucking Tarkov pedestal over here. I know, this is Batty. Have you met him? That's it. There's nothing else. So yeah, I'm a fucking soapboxes bitch. I'm gonna start making a highlight reel of my sniper shots to show you how much better I am at FPSs than you. And it's gonna call, these clips are for Batty.
Yes, Matt Best. And I'm just going to be for you. And like, like, for instance, five kills in a row, two team wipes last night with my car in a row, just back to back. I'm going to send those to you and be like, this is how real men play that have been the real war. Matt, you remember the last time we played Warzone together or not Warzone, but Call of Duty together?
No. It was for the charity event for Boot Campaign the year before. Oh, okay. Yeah. And we had Nico jump in. We had a bunch of crazy people. We had Demo Matt, everybody. And it was weird that I wasn't first the entire time. You are fabricating reality. Sir! I annihilated everyone the entire time. On what? Video games? On Call of Duty. We all played.
You sound like Twitter, you can't just say things that aren't real. The last bootcamping. The last bootcamping. You're saying two years ago. Two years ago. Not the current one when we were all in the garage, the last one when we played, Niko came in, Freddy came in, we are playing Warzone Customs together. And it was, was it Warzone? No, not Warzone. Oh, not Warzone, sorry, Call of Duty Customs. I don't remember which Call of Duty it was just about. Matt, you remember that was when you haven't played in, was it three years? You've never streamed before? When I was an FPS gamer my entire life and I just suddenly forgot how to for an entire two days.
Hey, if you want to go fishing in Call of Duty, you can catch these fucking hands. These hands, everybody! Let's get in a custom lobby. You show me where to go. I'll fucking just have a pistol. That's not true. I'm not going to do that. I hate having Batty as a guest. When we have Brandon here, it's so much easier. But he's busy. It's my house! Have you seen it?
It's going to be so sad when we finally get a studio for our podcast and I can't come on anymore. One of the episodes I was like, oh yeah guys, one in chat if you want to see Brandon replace Batty. So the next episode it's like his name is Eli Danny Song and it's like
And they call him Brandon. We just put Brandon's face over Batty's and just for the entire intro. I like it. I haven't heard the song yet. I haven't heard the Danny song yet. How did you not hear the Danny song? Do you not watch our podcast, Matt? No. That's fair. I wouldn't either. He's like, I have way more impressions. I pretty much like only listen to Joe Rogan.
I'm not saying that and I don't even listen to a lot of those you can't anymore cuz he's been laughed off the internet, right? No fucking no, I didn't be rich Joe Rogan has my full support. He is a Joe. You got yes I was just beating in this guy. Oh, no, I can't like Joe Rogan Joe rainbow like kind-hearted humans I've ever met in my life man. I just like it's still Joe Rogan. Are you showing this on that? So I
I mean, I'll listen to it later. It's right here. It's fucking five seconds. Yeah, the audience loves when we... Yeah, they don't care. This is our podcast. It's a beer thing. Okay. I'm watching the intro, everybody. Yep. They're clapping. Oh. Oh, that's sexy. It's sweet. It's very, like, jazzy. Welcome to unsubscribe. Danny's little fucking hooks. Nice. He wrote that at 3 a.m. Probably drunk. Yeah.
I know he just sent it to you. I don't think Danny's going to get mad at this at all. But so he was at the house. Wait, you guys were there. Yeah, he was coming out of the house. That was it was it was an interesting experience because God bless Danny. Like people like legit creative writer, photographer has the voice of fucking angel or whatever. The songbird of our generation. Like the accolades go on. But I will say he had quite a few whiskeys. Right. And he
he was driven home. He didn't drive home, but he was trying to put a guitar strings on my guitar. And he went through three different iterations. And then Danny, of course is hilarious. And he, he like sing talks. He was like, the D string on the, on the fucking a string. And then he put like three a strings together. It was, it was,
And then like, I was watching it happen and like, you know, other people, oh, that's kind of wrong. I'm like, I was just like, let it go. Cause it's fucking awesome. So now what I need to do is just take a picture of the current climate of my guitar, which is my beautiful Cole Clark with three strings on it. And they're all the same string. Like they're all the same.
They're all like Danny Worsnop did this. I was like, you make a... This is why Askey Alexander got ruined. Great musician, terrible guitar tech. I can fix this. No, it was fucking awesome. I love him so much. I used to play it for him in a story. I feel like this is for you, Danny. It's all janky. Danny, how do I tune this thing? It's weird. A, A, A, A.
And you need to practice bass more, young man. I do. I was actually playing that. I have it set up in my room again. Good. I actually started it again. Oh, my God. With those broke-ass hands? Dude, this finger is fucking... It's bad. I need to go get surgery again. Don't you not have a knuckle? No, I have... Well, it's a fake one. It's not real. There's no... Like, it's just always dislocated now. Like, it's getting worse and worse. Oh, yeah. That's yucky. Oh, you're looking at that.
So yeah. It's good. It's all right. I don't need the pinky on the bass. Who needs to reach all that? Every time I use my index finger. Every time I post a guitar solo, someone goes, you're not using your pinky enough. And I'm like, but can you play better than me?
And if you can I will shut the fuck up and I know I don't use my pinky enough I am no shredder. You know, it's just I'm just trying to just try to play It's always it's always these fucking that why does it why does the bass always have the big reach? Because the fretboards Yeah
Donut's doing really good at the piano. You've been practicing. Yeah, yeah. You threw yours away. I did throw it away. You did? No, no. I did lose. Well, you did. Yeah, but I saw Eli play, and I was like, God damn. And then Marissa responded to you. Marissa Loren responded to you, and she plays it beautifully. And then Danny was like, yeah, yeah. And then Danny did it. And I was like, I'll fuck this. I'm not even trying. You were like, I'm going to learn this.
Year two years I was like I just want to pretend I'm mark hoppus for a minute I can play the intro to carousel and I can play like five blink songs. I'm fucking I can play I miss you like I'm good I think music is an unappreciated art in the essence of like therapeutic music
Stuff yes absolutely you can play like five like I'm not the like I've been practicing drums I'm like I'm not good at it by any stretch of the imagination you're banging shit and then playing it for like five different songs I can play it's so fun It's like you get out of like reality, and you just like kind of go away for also That's why you should play an instrument Cody. I mean anyone you want flute skin flu right penis I was in the Navy
I can make a new instrument called the side cart. We can play that together. - Okay, wait, wait, wait. Is there a double side cart?
I hope someone's watching this at their fucking hotel room and they're like, they're just laying in bed. They're like, or they're like afraid to roll over. They're like, is Matt here? One of your less, one of your listeners has definitely done the sidecar and they might not admit it, but if you admit it, put it in the chat.
Put side card in the chat. I'll give you a free bag of coffee or some shit. You can't just say that, though. You gotta have actually done it. I don't know. We'll figure it out. I have one. Do you want proof? Do you want DMs? Never mind. Fuck. Do you want guys side carding in your DMs? I take everything back. I take everything back. I'm not just side carded. There he goes. I've been in this position before where you say some shit like that to the internet, and they come through. No, they do. They come through. The homies will reply. Yes. Come through. Come through.
I hate you so much. Jonah's so proud of that. He's like, I did a funny. I had a solid cum joke. Landed.
I feel sick. I'm gonna throw up. So you guys play that new Pokemon? No, we have to. Still. Wait, have you played it? No, I bought it yesterday. You're gonna hate yourself for the first 45 minutes. Have you seen Dunkeys on it? No. Because we're gonna play... That's good. Matt's like, what's going on? Pokemon! Where's your Pokemon tattoo, Matt? Yeah, you only see that when I sidecarve it.
So the new Pokemon, it's like open world and you can run around and throw Pokeballs at Pokemon you actually find in the wild. It's not like side scrolling and... Is that like the one that was interlaid with like reality? No. Okay. Oh, that's uh... Did you ever see Zelda Breath of the Wild? Yes. That, but with Pokemon. Just walking. Yeah. Instead of bad guy, like enemy monsters. Yeah. Pokemon walking around. Oh. Yeah. That's cool. And you fuck the other Pokemon up? Well, okay. Up. Yeah. Yeah.
Sorry, you added that word a little late. I just realized how... No, I didn't mean it that way. Do you fight the other Pokemon? Is that the thing? Are they real players or are they bots? They're all bots. That's fun. I just realized why we don't do commercials for that. Have you played the new Pokemon, kids? You walk around the open world and throw Pokeballs. You fuck them up.
Batty's explanation, Matt's looking like he's a dad. He's like, that's great, kids. The Pokemans? I'm happy this yellow guy over there dances. The Pokechu? Yeah, the Pokechu? I love those Pokechus. So it was Pokemon. Is it Pokeman or Pokemon? Pokemon.
- But it's spelled A-N. - No! - I'm trying to give you cancer. - I can't feel cancer. - I remember Pokemon Go because when I did this AFV tour overseas, it looked like there were zombies walking around on like the Kuwaiti or Iraqi base because there were these military people staring at their phones and they were just walking and I was like,
what the fuck is happening? Or like, did they get infected with liberalism? Is this the apocalypse? Yeah. No, but they were on their phones just walking around in uniform or their PTs playing Pokemon Go. And I was like, oh shit, I didn't, that's a different experience I had. No shit. I can't think, holy shit, I'm trying to spin a PokéSlam on a rack, but it's like, we can't go over there. The best one's right outside the wire and you're like, fuck it, man, I can't walk out here for a second. You run out, ah!
"AHHHHHH!" You run back in! "Man, this Pokemon gym right here is a great spot!" "BOOM!" "DAMN IT!" Just tell me my son died a hero, he's actually playing Pokemon Go and rocked over a V-Band. Oh, fuck. Have you seen the Taliban placing Pokemon over IEDs on purpose? Really? No, no, no, I'm saying like... That's what I was saying! That's why I was joking! That's why I was joking about that! That would be a crazy thing to do. They hacked it and put like the biggest fucking... yeah.
There's a little gym. Yeah, you can just put gyms. You just put gyms by IEDs. There's that one Pokestop within fucking 80 miles. Yeah, it's a Pokegym. Because then you go battle to take it. But you have to be near it to be able to battle them. So you have to get within that certain radius. The American soldier will definitely come to Pokegym and fight. It's weird. The Humvees made a circle around this random fucking gas station. Oh, fuck!
"A-la Pokemon!" Sorry. That's okay. Interpretation is Pokemon is great and it is a great game. Pokemon is great! Unless it's an IED Pokemon. That's not great. That's not great. No one wants to get hurt playing a lovely game.
Dude, I had to save white kids from bad parts of town when it first came out. Oh, yeah. I was a cop. You would have these rich fucking white college kids walking around the worst parts of Spartanburg staring at their phones. I would have to pull up and be like, get the fuck out of here right now before you get jacked.
And I would like drive them back to college and shit. No shit. Some people just walk in their wrong side of town. Yeah, you have the Greenville kids heading over to Spartanburg. Yeah, walking around Norris Ridge and like the worst part of Spartanburg. They call it Murderburg. Murderburg. I would have to take all these kids home. Doesn't sound good. Yeah, no. Where was that? South Carolina. South Carolina. That's terrible. And people are still like...
But there is a Pikachu. That Snorlax is not coming back. Yo, is that a Cubone? Bruh. I have not played Go. I played it for like a month when it came out. I definitely played it yesterday, so. Batty lives and breathes. Your physique doesn't say so. 1v1 me in the gulag. That's all I'm asking for, dude. 1v1 in the gulag.
I don't know if that's a carry on my podcast, but apparently I do! Just kidding, I love you so much, Matty. Matty's playing Pokemon No. I just keep telling you to nap and drink White Claw and I level up. I would be so good at that game. Hey, just so you know, I love you and you're like, you know, I've said a lot about people today, but you're on my top fave list. You're a great guy. Would I be in your MySpace top eight?
I mean, man! Yeah, right now you would be. Right now? Because I got the fucking scotch out. Okay, yes. See? Now that you say that, you're number two. Yeah, bam! I get number one always. That's fair.
You're number two because I'm gonna shit on you in the fucking gulag. And then sidecar your body. No longer is ATM cool and call it duty. We're sidecarting motherfuckers out here. If you sidecar a body, are you just on to the body? Are you cuddling? You're going over him. It depends on how much I've kegeled my urethra. On how fucking stacked that load is. It's like...
How long you been fucking coiled in that bitch up? I haven't used a cum box in a couple days. Oh, so it's going over. Yeah, probably. That's way worse than... This is an ADHD podcast. I am too caffeinated for this fucking thing. This is way worse than teabagging. I'd rather a dude ran over me versus Matt coming up. He looks at the bar. He's like, yes. He lays down next to it. You have a 30 second...
and just rolls inside cards. Why is this so worse than T-backing? That would be a super funny thing if you took, like, if you had someone that could do, like, reprogram Call of Duty or whatever. Like the finishers. You give them Matt's finishers, and you finish them, and then you finish them. Which would be a really nice thing. Like, if someone was going to cut my head off, they're like, let me suck. You have all the cool executions. Like, pow, stab. Matt lays them down on their back.
This is a 45 second scene. I don't carry frags, I carry lubiderm. I carry frag grenades full of lubiderm. Everyone's like, why is Matt Best not in Call of Duty? Weird. That's crazy.
Donut, what game have you been playing? You're just on fucking Tarkov right now. What were you doing last night, Donut? I was playing Minecraft.
With my son. Nice. Oh, yeah, I logged in for a second and watched. Yeah, we were just hanging out. I've been playing on my stream every night with him. But he's been doing a lot of Tarkov. And he's good at it, too, for a 12-year-old. He's just fine. He's doing great. I'm kidding. He's doing good for a 12-year-old. He's better at Tarkov than when I started. I guess I never thought about that, but I've seen that a lot because Zex does it with his kid. You do it with your kid. And I'm being actually serious for once in this podcast. It's kind of a cool thing, like a bonding moment, to be able to sit in a Discord if you guys are...
Even in the same room or whatever, just play. It's like father-son bonding time over a common fucking thing. That's cool because we were playing with Zex's kid the other day on Call of Duty. It was fun. They were like, Zex, son, come with me. He's trying to give him life lessons in Call of Duty. I'm like, oh, it's pretty cool to watch. You're busy with the young Eli Razmai. Fuck!
Well that's why he was in in-game chat. He's older, but he's in in-game chat so he can't hear my Discord shit, you know? Oh, the younger son wasn't playing? Did you play with Zex Jr.? Zex Jr.? That's where he goes online. He's Puerto Rican, doesn't he have like nine kids? Yeah. So Zex Jr. is playing with a whole team. Two teams.
And I was like, oh my god, Zex Jr., it's good to meet you. I was like, motherfucker can fill up a whole custom van. Yeah, literally. Oh, dude, how'd you get 50 people in this lobby? All the offspring. Cancel out of driveway. No.
No, he's great, too. We were fucking... I love Zags, dude. You guys have teammates, too. We have a good squad going with Zags and Cowleys. Yeah, I'm always fucking playing with Kings, but we always have other... You're backup homies?
For like when Eli stops playing Tarkov? Yeah. I'm sorry. I stole him. One day I'll be back. No, you won't. Is Kingsworth still as lovely as it always is? Oh my God. Listen here, everybody. I can't even talk like that. Hey, hey. I can't do kids. Kings has that unique voice. It's gold. It's so goddamn deep. I don't even know how he... But it's silky smooth. It is. When you go low, it tends to get rough. But his is...
It still has that, I don't know, it's like a crescendo. - It's like when that perfectly, like a truck just laid that brand new gravel driveway. So it's still kinda rocky, but god damn, it's not bumpy. - That analogy made a lot of fucking sense. - It really did. I was thinking like a perfectly paved, but it's kinda like. - No, that's what it, it's not like paved. - Where you're like, he can even drive his fucking Porsche on it. He gives it a little like, little rock massage. - It's not rubbin' anywhere, but it, you can feel it givin' a little bit. - Right.
I like it. I love Kings. Kings. I miss him. Someone just needs to Photoshop me in a side cart. And then like, and then like in the snow, no, like I'm in the motorcycle. And then the side cart just has like a hotel pillow on it. It just says Hilton. I just picture it's a motorcycle on a sidecar jumping. You're just in the side car and it's just you eat in there and you're smiling.
Yeah. That's it. Oh, my God. It's just a motorcycle. No one driving the motorcycle. Matt's in the sidecar just a sidecar. Like, what's that mean? Do you guys remember that thing we talked about the last time Matt was on the podcast? But he got that piece of art. We were all going to make shirts for each other. We got drunk and we said we were going to do a bunch of shit. And then none of us did it except for Matt. Well, yeah.
I will say this. I thought it was a reasonable idea. Eli and I talked about it again. I figured there wasn't going to be follow through. So I said, hey, how do I? No, I don't mean that in a rude way because I forgot for sure too. But a secondary part of the thing I made you guys, you have to let me know when you get a studio and or where my gift to you guys in your podcast, because I've seen like how much you guys are supporting people and doing great things is tell me the dimensions of it. I'm going to do like a light up really cool poster for the background if you guys want it.
So I want it. Yeah. I want to jerk off. I didn't know the sizing. We need glass on front of it. So when I, when you, when you side card it. Yeah. I don't have that side card. I think it's just coming on something. You're going to ruin it. Okay. Can you sign my shirt? Yeah. Magic side card. We all do.
I like this podcast because like I don't really get it like every time we hang out There's like something crazy going on like I feel like yeah, you know like this is that like deep It's nice to get out my friends and Cody says like seven words in the pocket Fucking mouth this whole thing words. Okay. He's had like two really solid jokes that come joke. So he's He internalizes it and then he also has PTSD for like did you see him on the Tim episode? Oh
uh-uh, homeboy checked out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that thing. He's just like... He didn't know he did that until the next episode we were discussing. I was like, bro, you went to the dark spot. No, that's a man's face that knows he has to travel and he's like, do I get a king bed or two queens? I don't know. I don't know.
Deep in retrospective thoughts. I also want to show your audience. I dressed up as a fucking tool today. What do you mean a tool? I think if I had a gold chain on, it'd be even... I would do that. Do you know what that... I now just know what that outfit reminded me of. Rubbed your dick from fucking ridiculousness? Demon Slayer. Oh my god, the checkered of his fucking shit! Sorry. So that's cool. Yeah. I just realized. I was like, oh my god. You look like a demon slayer.
There's an anime on it. It came out at, I think, 10 this morning? And fucking... I'm tired of hearing you. Whole anime Sunday is anime day. Hey, by the way, what happened to fucking...
Battlefield. Did that just like, it just like, Oh, there's a huge one. No, there's a big lawsuit. Did you see their money back from it? There's a huge petition because it literally just gone died. I haven't heard one thing about it. So the whole thing and they're like, we'll fix it. We promise. And then everyone now just, uh, it hit a melting point and our boiling point. And they were like, yo fucking. Okay. Everyone signed this petition. We're all getting refunds. It's like at 180,000 petitions right now.
And I think they have better lawyers that if you purchased it, you probably couldn't get your money refunded. But that's a big movement then. Yeah. Because everyone's fucking pissed. So like it's voted like one of the worst launches. It was bad. Worst Battlefield hands down. I grew up playing Battlefield and I love it. And I didn't even download that fucking game. Because we had a blast. Was that Battlefield? Battlefield 1, right? Or was that Cop? I hated Battlefield 1. No, it wasn't. That was the World War 1. Yeah, we played Battlefield. I hated it. Really? Yeah.
We didn't mind snipe all day. I haven't had fun in Battlefield since like 3. Did you play 2? Yeah, before. It was great. Battlefield 2 was great. Fucking, um... Hardline was awful. Oh god, Hardline was broke as fuck. It was so bad. That was the cop one, right? The future-ish one? Nah, it wasn't a cop. You were some kind of law enforcement or some shit like that though. They tried to turn it into a story game and it was just bad.
Don't I just don't like after playing warzone and and I'll give it to Tarkov I just I think it's a little time-consuming for someone like me that doesn't stream But there's like real consequences to every decision you make and that's what like I don't play normal Call of Duty at all because it's like boring you Play whatever really small map and you're just like dying. Shh
killing some dying. It's just, it's too repetitive. Like I want to like, I want strategy. I want to like have team cohesion. And that's the elements that produce the success criteria for like winning the match rather than just like how, how fast can my Uzi shoot? So at the end of the day, you want to be, it's like this one team survived out of the 150 players. It's every, because then you're leading to like, we, we are the best versus like,
30 versus 30 and then you got like killed on shipment for fucking 25 minutes idiot in last place still won because he was part of the team versus cod if you have an idiot chances are you ain't winning on warzone with that target how many times have you won though 300 so matt what's it like playing with the idiot
You know what? I appreciate your thing. We used to call him Bullet Sponge. But it was weird. It was like a week or two there. And I don't know if he trained more or whatever, paid more attention. He's been really fucking good last, what, almost a year.
i can murder now okay we all have our off nights but you know he puts together sometimes 15 kill games and like it's no joke these guys bodies now and we're and we're in like platinum or diamond lobbies like it's it's the average kd is around two usually or 12.7 it sucks we get the people like a lightning cat will come in he'll talk so much he'll be like oh look are you guys only getting this kill and then he joins our lobby
Lightning's like, oh, God. Is that the highest platinum? Yeah. Diamond is. Diamond is. Diamond is. Yeah, because if you play with some of the guys in the team, the average KD, I think I'm like 1.7, 1.8. And then if you look at like a Zex or a Kali, like Kali's at like 3.4 or something ridiculous. Zex is at like. Kali? Wait.
Cali's only a 3-4? He's nasty. 3-4, 3-8. Cali's a monster. Cali, I love you, bro. Zex is at like fucking 2.7 or something. So like when we're in their lobbies, we get like the pro players and half the time you're fighting TTV guys. You're just like sweet. You're all fucking streaming. No one's missing shots. Or you just get melted. You have to pick your battles. It's like Tarkov. I need to play Tarkov again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's meant of learning it and doing the quests and fucking missions and all the dumb shit What's your favorite thing about Tarkov? Why do you guys like it? It is? Methodical it's slow. It's hard. I like the risk and reward. Yeah, it's gambling. You lose a video game That's it lose your whole kit and so when you kill somebody you take their shit It feels so good like every individual kill you get on another player. It's like Yeah
See now I always forget that imagine building your it's building your loadout and you have like you only can build it three times Cuz that's all your money. You're like I can build this three times, but this is the perfect loadout But each time you're like if I lose this it's gone They get all my shit and then you're like I'm telling the two so you're picking your weapons You're bringing into the fight. You're like I could put on this nods in this helmet and fucking probably destroy. Oh
But that motherfucker with a mackerel on him and a fucking... You shonka poofy ass running around all cracked out on drugs. He fires one bullet into your mouth. You die. Yeah, because it is a one shot. If you get hit in the fucking face, you're dead. That's what makes it fun. I think that's why I probably like Warzone then. Because it's like there's standard, let's just say Call of Duty doesn't have enough consequence. And then Tarkov's a little like...
It's an investment No it is and I get why people love it like 100% all about it But I don't have like the stamina to play like an arena shooter anymore like that or to even play Fuck what's the the PUBG warzone category with the fuck's the battle battle royale? I just don't have like I used to that's where I started. That's how I found Tarkov I went from PUBG to Tarkov and I just
it's too repetitive going like every Tarkov match is like being in the top 10 on a PUBG game on a war zone game. It's like every match matters that much. So you're always that sweaty and gross. And I used to live for that. And now I'm just a piece of shit in the game, but,
Why are you a piece of shit? Because I just don't care anymore. I've gotten to a point like I'm big enough in Tarkov where I don't need to give a fuck and I can just have fun doing like the dumb shit that you normally can't do. Like I can run around wearing this stupid gear and a double barrel shotgun.
So I may not win, but, like, when I get that kill, it's the funniest fucking thing in the world. Like, some dude is mad, you know? He's got a double-barreled shotgun and his name popped up on stream. It's like, I quit. I just got killed by Batty Daddy. Like, what the fuck? Do you ever kill people and they know who you are? Oh, yeah. That's fun. Do you have death comms yet? Because you can't...
They got VoIP now. They just added VoIP to Targov. When you get close, you can talk to each other, right? Yeah. Oh, it's awesome. I wish that was in Call of Duty. That'd be so fun. I think I told it on the last podcast with Heather. I told the story about just gobbling. I would just run around and gobble at people like turkeys. I'd be like, what's up?
What's up, dude? I'm a turkey. Don't shoot me. It's after Thanksgiving. And I would just fuck with people. And I would get whole teams of people to be friends with each other and shit. And I'd kill them. See, this is why we can all... It's like, man, I've had a lot of really rough experiences with VoIP. Thanks for being cool. No problem, bro. Suss. That's great. I mean, VoIP would be... That's what I loved about...
How's your coffee? They just hit me the face Like wow he goes aggressive Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not just a matter just sniff it down. What are you rooting for for the Super Bowl donut guys? North Carolina Falcons Good team solid team they have
Name one member on- that's playing in the Super Bowl. No! I don't give a fuck! Name one- Sparks Maul! Sparks Maul!
No, I don't know. Is Matt Stanford playing? I can make up names too. He's a real quarterback. He was on the Lions, I think, for a little bit. A couple years, right? I'm just going to shut the fuck up on that one because I'm going to get ridiculed by... Julius Emmett has been playing so good this year. Julius Emmett, yeah. Just start making the fridge. Yeah, Marshall. We start building...
- I always say we're a great receptionist. - He's a great receptionist. - Just typing up a storm. - Listen, I just wanted to come to this podcast and thank a lot of different, you know, career fields for their service. - Waste disposal agents. - I love garbage doctors. - Garbage doctors is now their new name. We can start a movement.
Jesus Christ. And then you just have to ask, is it Fauci or removal? So it's like, you know, either you malpractice or you remove. All I'm going to say is a doctor that got a D is the same as a doctor that got an A, brother. True. Well, you do have to pass with a C, but that works. Do you really? It's at least 75% and above, I think, to become a doctor. That's like a C. Oh, that is a C. Don't, don't, don't.
Don't quote me on that. I'm gonna quote you on that. Matt doesn't care if you failed as a doctor. No, no, no. I'm agreeing with your sentiment. I'm simply saying I don't think you can get a D and be a doctor. I bet you can. That's passing. True. Why is that a grade that's above an F? True. Is that still a thing? Do they still grade by like F, D? Where'd E go?
I feel like colleges would call something like that racist. I don't know. Did anyone go to college? Yeah, I have a bachelor's. Yeah, he does. You asked the fucking question. I love it. He's like, Matt, you play Warzone, right? He's like, yeah. I knew the answer. He's side-carting every single day. He's too scared to even say it. You cannot go on my side of the bed, guys. It is dangerous. Yeah, I would never do that on your side. Yeah, I'm side-carting.
Just fuckin'- You should- Pee-yaw! Psy-car on the other side, you know, Psy-car on your own- I'm gonna Psy-car onto the bed!
That's called cliffhanger then. I mean, that's just normal sex, right? If you just jerk off on your girlfriend. That's just sex, right? Dude, I did the Bin Laden raid this morning. What? I just had sex and came to my wife. I found the cave and I went into it. I assaulted it. She got silty mate, dude. We did not assault anything on this podcast. Don't say those words. I'm out.
Don't listen to Twitter. Oh, oh, God. Yeah. Well, here, I'm just going to... Donut, how many do you want? One, two. Donut can count to three. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Oh, God. Hey, do you know, do you guys ever hear that song? I'm going to tell you time. Have you heard that song on TikTok? No. Oh, never mind. I love TikTok. I'm the worst at TikTok. Wow, it's only Glenlev at 18.
Well, my story means nothing else. It's my bottle. Fuck off. I'm allowed to spill it. Eli, look it up. No. Oh, baddie sidekarts there. What's that called? A baddie sidekart? On the table. What, when you sidekart on the table? It's still good. Call it Thanksgiving. Does anybody so, uh, zero segue Sally here. I'm going to Tennessee to, um. Can I come? Sure. Sure.
Hang out with my one of my favorite producers and then Tim Montana And we're locking ourselves in a room for three days and recording music So in the off chance anybody needed something funny you guys let me know because I want to do a couple like you know 30 second 15 second little tidbits, and then we're gonna try to get like three or four real songs I'm just but trying to find a reason to lock myself in Tennessee Can I just lock myself in a room with you for a little bit? Yes? Yes? Yeah, like I'll be there this room. We can lock each other in
in the bedroom and the walls could be the sheets. Go on. I'm trying to rebuild this in my mind right now. I need a vlog channel intro. You need a vlog channel intro? Yeah. Okay, text me the parameters of it. Stop resisting! Stop resisting! Stop resisting! Black background!
Matt, your cat cannot use this. Mustache, don't resist. Wrong channel, Eli. The metal song of Stop Resisting from the main channel. Stop resisting. We went on Funker. Taser, taser, taser. No, no, no, wrong song. We can't use this.
I think that would be a dope drop because you listen to metal a lot. Like you cut the music, it just goes, Taser!
And then you have like electronic sense on there like did it did it did it did it did it so like the guitar riff follows the pulsation of a fucking taser do you know the song ABCDEFU yeah, that's the alphabet they just go do you actually not know it though ABCDEFU our last night just did our last like a metal cover of it and it's like what of that song oh shit and it's really fucking good what's the band name
It's Our Last Night. They do... Oh, Our Last Night did it. Okay, I thought you said it was like Our Last Night. No, no, no. So, like, for those who don't know, like, Our Last Night and Fame on Fire do amazing metal covers of, like, random pop songs, and Our Last Night just fucking...
Knocked one out of the park like we should have in the car fuck car later. I will yeah pussy I will fucking I will give a shout to those guys I think the cool part about that is cuz your music guy is like you when you have a song That's like a pop song especially like they did that one the drive your car past it was like that chick song that was about like
breaking up and she's like 17 years old and it's just like this super girly emo like chick pop song and then their interpretation of it was like actually banging because the heavy guitars it's like two completely different songs i have to look these people you listen to them you've listened to them they they do a ton of pop punk like
Way back in the day, we had Pop Goes Punk, Pop Goes... Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They took that and made it a genre. They go out of their way to make the most hardcore covers of all of your favorite pop songs. And Our Last Night is one of those bands. And Fame on Fire is the other. And those two bands go so...
fucking hard on these pop songs. They must have an epic producer and I've never really deep-dived into it. I want to know who's doing it because one of the brothers plays guitar and I'm like, is that actually you tracking guitars? Because if you can sing like you sing and you can play guitar like you, I want to fist pump you because my God, you're talented. They go from clean to hard to dirty vocals so...
They good. You guys are like, fuck, what are they talking about? I'm so lost right now, but I love it. There's a lot of passion. I feel like Donut now. Finally. 70% of this podcast. Like, what's the Eminem song? Spaghetti. Yeah, Mom's Spaghetti. It's not Mom's Spaghetti. Yeah, it's Mom's Spaghetti. They redid that one. No, Mom's Spaghetti.
Hope that's that what's that song called? I would rename it. I know yeah Fucking do your shot. I just want to call the table no Doing happy maybe you do it. It's already a happy. I didn't fill it these are like two shots right if you feel it look at that's like two and uh One in a bit one in a bit one of the best the technical term
Cheers. Betty's going hard. Lori's going to get here. You're going to be naked just past. One of the first, one of the last. Why did you come on the mattress? I'm not a sense of shit as a podcast. This is Sidecar.
Marking my territory. She's like, you need better friends. I agree. Yeah, probably. You know. No, we're going to Topgolf after. Bottomgolf. Bottomgolf. I want to go to Bottomgolf so bad. We have to work today. Do you guys have to work? It's a Sunday. Yeah. Are you working on Super Bowl Sunday? Are you streaming later? Yeah. You're working. Yeah, but I'm me. I don't really work. That's still work.
I just black out on stream. I did that the other night. Again? Dude, I almost had a port stream redo. Wait, what? Okay. It was awesome. Okay, hold on. I haven't heard this story in the last 20 minutes of it. I was on the floor petting his cat for like 25 minutes. The first thing I see is Matty with a white cloth and he drinks it, but like half of it goes in his mouth and the other half goes through his beard and it just filters through his beard and goes all over his shirt and it's just like.
He's swaying back and forth. It was awesome. Do you ever wonder what people think about you? No, I've stopped giving a fuck. That's why you're my friend. No, I'm serious. The second you start giving a fuck, like you're a genuinely good person and you should fucking do whatever the fuck you want. I try. That's my goal in life. You know how many people try to side cart me every day? I fucking catch it and then I go, welcome to the fucking new Spider-Man. And you throw it back. And I Spider-Man him.
I shared a video with Caleb the other night. It was... I don't like that segue. It was... Talking about Spider-Man and people. I shared a video with Caleb. No, it has to do with Spider-Man. It's fine. There's a VR game. I can't remember the fucking name of it. When you get to fight Jedi and you get all sword and sorcery or some shit.
Wait, wait, wait. Blade and sorcery is the one. Blade and sorcery, yes. That's not... Oh, you can get lifesavers. You can do all sorts of crazy mods. And there's a mod you can add where you're Spider-Man. So you're just dropping a web. And there's this dude slinging around a fucking bridge fighting this Jedi bitch. And he just jumps up on the bridge. He's like, ha! Gotcha! Spider-Glock! And he pulls up the bridge. And all I can think of...
was how much better would all the Spider-Man movies be if he was like, Spider-Glock, bah! And he just jumps off the bridge. Spider-Man's got an S.O.T., bitch. Could you imagine the newer movie? Green Goblin. Spider-Glock, bah! Okay, so let's... Can we dive into that for a second? Yes, please! Okay, so I know he has superpowers bitten by a spider.
I like when suits do things. His suit does nothing. Maybe a little bit. It helps his webs. His new suit does. He's got that Iron Man suit. His new suit. I haven't seen the new one. It's nanotech. Yeah, the new one has nanotech. Well, finally they're catching on. But it's not like fucking. For 60 years he's just been like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't fucking, you know, Tobey Maguire Spider-Man where he's making web in his wrists. Right. Yeah. That one wasn't good. I don't know. All right.
I'm a childhood. I've never like Spider-Man's probably my least favorite superhero. I used to make fun of the flash because I was like, cool, you can run fast. You can run away enemies. And then I thought about it like when you nerd out and you they break it down. It's like, oh, you can literally kill somebody with punching them because you're like as fast as you walk. Forty five.
Yeah, you're like punching somebody at the speed of light and you just watch their face like what's the fucking TV series that you had me watch with the superheroes with the like they run the boys the boys the same thing happens the fast guy fucking runs through the friend and kills him. That best intro to a superhero show ever. I love you. Boom. She just erased it. Dude, they need to make, dude, I love the boys. That fucking main superhero like
Like, I love the take on that because finally, like, yeah, if you have everything and he's like good looking, he's got like from most childhood ever. Like, oh, my God, he's kind of going to be a fuck.
because he can't remember. You're a douchebag. I love that with like all the operators there, like the Delta Force guys. He's like, thank you for your service and we did this together. Remember, you guys are the heroes. He cuts that last person too and you're like, and they're just like, what do you say to that? Because it's terrifying. You're like, this dude could murder. He's like, thanks for the free Applebee's. They're on the airplane. They accidentally kill the pilot. They're like, well,
Everyone's dead, bye! I'm sorry! That's why I love fucking the boys, because they did it right. They were like, what would superheroes really be like? Like, what's the highest chance? Is this dude just invisible in the girl's bathroom? Like, man, people are fucked up! What's the fish guy?
Oh, fucking fish guy. But I love his insecurities because his powers aren't that cool. He's just kind of like, yeah, he swims in water. I don't fucking know. And looking like right away. It's like nobody's like Aquaman. It's kind of cool, I guess, or whatever. We'll call you if we're going to do some cool shit. Show me your gills. Fucking Shamu, bro. Show me your gills, that girl. It's like just like reaching up his gills. Oh my God. He got
In his skills, yeah, he got graped. Yeah great great in the gilliest You know in the in the comics they they kill normal girls with their cum shots. Oh, yeah fuck other superheroes Who's that and the boys like? Is a series Dark
Oh wow. Way more gravy. Super gravy. So they have superhero brothels where there's chicks that take the drug that make you a superhero so they don't kill them with their cum shots. They're super prostitutes? Yeah, super prostitutes. What happens if a normal person has sex with a super prostitute? They'll probably have a great time. We saw that in the boys. Do you see where she crushed that dude's head? Oh yeah. She was right in his face. His brain's fucking.
I mean, that'd be the way to go. Yeah. I just, I'm reading a... She fucked my brains out. Yeah. Sorry. I'm reading a script from Matt. I'm like, okay, super prostitutes, what are these for? Just, they're just super at prostituting. They're just so good at it. Yeah, like, so the superheroes can't kill them with cum shots? What are superheroes? Okay, they're just really good prostitutes. Got it, Matt. Thank you. It's just a book about super prostitutes. I'm like, ah. I'm gonna start writing that tonight. Yeah.
What about do you see the the fucking we're talking about the book above a fat have you been watching that yes? Spoilers just in case maybe I don't know is there spoilers Not too many over the seasons over is that the left season finale. Oh, yeah, that's how it ended we were okay? We see the latest episode. I haven't watched the latest the Ron core. Yeah, yeah, yeah I just watched it. I know I haven't watched the latest okay, okay? that makes sense because the
the way it ended. You're talking about that. Like this is the separation between two primary figures. And okay. I will say without spoilers, we talked about this. There was some, a dumb flashing moves. Very. It pissed me off.
See? Everyone knows. The spin move. The roll on the ground. There's some really dumb stuff. So it's not the previous two episodes? No. It was a good finale. It's really good. But then it's like you have this epic fight scene between, obviously, a little spoiler, but Mando and Boba working together. It's so cool. And then they have the bee fucking story. And then they're just doing somersaults and shooting with these little blasters. Peeping.
Why does everybody shoot at shields and when the shields are down everybody stops shooting? I'm like
Also, the lasers don't kill people anymore in a single shot. Like there's dudes taking like 18 lasers. We're like, I'm like, yeah. And they're still, they're just fine. They're like, you just take a bath in the bank to take. I don't know what is dangerous anymore in Star Wars. No, that's the point. I don't know what is day. Like,
You get shot with a laser gun you're like damn. That's what I was like at the light The little pea shooter in traditional Star Wars just say like three four murder people it would stormtrooper just keep And they had armor on why did he wear armor that no point apparently cuz that's what I was made of plastic Just like you got a little steel and you got to look this way up. Oh
I think it stops everything. As a director, you can reuse extras all day and costumes, and it lowers the budget. Yeah. There's probably only like five Stormtroopers in the original Star Wars. Right? It's so... Yeah, the new episode, still loved it, but there was definitely... But Rodriguez, the director of that one, is getting a lot of shit for that episode. The spin moves. The amount of spin moves used in said episode. Yeah, he was getting... Because you remember even Boba's like...
let me do a knee attack and shoot fucking missiles out my knees bro he was like so he was always had knee missiles he's always had knee missiles that's a that's a thing that has been there since the holiday special but it looked real stupid in practice so dumb when they were like i got shot in the shoulder take a knee knee missiles that'd be like in iraq i'm like fuck i'm out of ammo let me use my knee glock 19.
It's fucking stupid. It wasn't great. And they pose with it. It's like knee up and shit. It's like a karate kata. It's really bad. Whatever the biker gang guys were. Yeah, we're the diversity power rangers. Diversity power rangers. Together we are diversity. Those were the ones that caused the biggest issue of that episode. We're all getting shot at, people.
pew, pew, pew, pew. Yeah, it was a little preachy, I felt. And maybe the studio was like, if you want a new season, you're going to have to, whatever, you know, do you. There was great parts and really bad parts. I don't care about the cast. Just less double barrel roll spin moves. We don't need it. Especially when it's awkward. They're like, there they are. And he's already pointed his gun at them. And he spins! And it rolls and it shoots. And I'm like, it misses still or doesn't do anything with his spin move.
I was, I was in one of the few episodes I was just like, you're like getting really into it. You're like, fuck this is good. What was that? That was not. Cause it's like, it's really nice. And then it's just like, and then I want you to pretend to be my brother. And you're like, what? That was, this is really hot. Left field.
And this is killed. Yeah, it's killed the moment. Momentarily, let's win it back. It was just, ah, it was. I'll go watch it today. Yeah. You better. Yeah. And then watch the Demon Slayer and Attack on Titan. That's why I love anime because they just don't fuck around. I just wish American Studios would do the exact same. It's the last episode.
I've only seen like four episodes of it. I fucking hate you so much, Cody. He has to catch up on everything. He has to catch up on everything, Cody! Aren't they doing the new Obi-Wan series? Yes! I'm excited. Yeah. Right? I hope they do like... I don't know. Homeboy. What's his name? No, fucking the director that brought...
Iron Man. Dan Filoni? Yeah. Yeah. He's doing, is he either writing and directing that? Okay. Gangster. The guy that did Iron Man. Do they know, do they tell us where it's starting? Is it like him, you know? Tatooine, fucking Exile. Oh, like. This is what we've all been, just the thing we've all been wanting for Obi-Wan. So essentially after his journey, before he found Luke. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. That's exciting. That's really exciting. All right.
Everyone's speculating there's going to be Darth Maul crossovers. They're going to show the Darth Maul death. The real death. The Obi-Wan Darth Maul fight.
Phantom Menace episode. Yeah, it was shit. So Darth Maul and Obi-Wan had a bunch of shit going on throughout the different series, Clone Wars and Rebels, until the true death of Darth Maul happened in Rebels, which was very well done. Everyone's speculating it's going to showcase, like,
That's oh wait because when did he die in movie 2 right movie? Yeah, the fandom no movie Episode 1 yes, so darn small. Yeah, he did yeah He's kind of happy didn't die that he got robot legs. That's right. Yeah spider robot legs. Okay They showed that in the the Clone Wars Clone Wars then into rebels so Clone Wars There was the Clone Wars like animated series which moved into the rebels animated series which was a
very very very good surprisingly honestly it was it was really weird to see like true storytelling in like a cartoon fashion and they did like an entire darth maul obi-wan leading up to this final fight and the final fight happened in like 10 seconds and it was
Probably one of the greatest 10 seconds in Star Wars history because of how well it was done. So everyone's hoping that they move that into film. That would be cool. I just hope they show...
If they keep how strong the Jedi is, that is the one thing I loved about the new series. Obi-Wan was like the second most, yeah, like Yoda him. He's the strongest Jedi ever that ever existed. Yes. Yeah, other than Luke. Luke's a god. Mandalorian, you should have seen it by now, but Plutus.
Plot giveaway here, right? Holy shit. So pause. The last one, right? It showed like how Mando and all them versus the robots and Mando's like the fucking dopest dude ever and then Luke comes in and he's just like taking a casual... But I love that because it's like it shows off in some of like episode one, two, and three with the Jedi. Jedi are just getting like demolished by like a droid. I'm like, bro, maybe the low-end Jedi, but like, come on, man. Like the grandmasters. I don't know, Don. It really just made you feel like Jedi weren't that far
fucking Jar Jar Binks. Misha wanna fucking not watch this no more. Like, I fucking hate this. That was like, as you said, when Luke showed up, Mando and all them struggled to kill one. And he just walked through. And he murdered all of them with no, he's like, hey, what's up guys? That is how Jedi's, like that strength gap. And that's what I hope they continue to the next series. Yeah. Which is hard though, because then you have a very strong protagonist that
How do you create drama? That's why One Punch Man, they don't focus on Saitama. They focus on every other character. Yeah, because Saitama is like the dopiest character. He's a fucking nerd comparing everything to anime. He's the dopiest character ever. He's bald. He looks goofy. He wears a yellow outfit. And he's like, hey, guys. He's not a hero. He didn't know there was a hero before.
what are they? Hero Club. Yeah, group you can get paid for. And he's like, oh shit, I want to try out for that. And he is hands down leagues above every other hero. And it's not like there's a margin for error. It's like, no, he will murder everyone. So this character is so powerful. The director was like, oh, we don't
He's just there for fun. It's to show that we focus on all the other heroes and build their stories and show like the fallacies, how they can like lose or in this and the side of Tom will show up and be like one serious punch away from ending the entire world. And people blow up the second that,
They fight him. It's like oh, this is dope. That's what I hope they do with Jedi. I just don't know Later this year, which is crazy. They've been fucking this year. That's so exciting they just been launching him back to back to back like homeboys fucking cry Disney is Owning Star Wars like they fucked up the sequels. They did all this and that wrong. I will take the sequel movies I will take every series they put out
Over no Star Wars like I don't get everyone's so upset over all these little things and I will take all that over Nothing. Well, even a guy like me that's a huge Star Wars fan. Like I didn't watch the the animated series stuff I didn't really read all the books like I knew like yeah, like you know what Boba Fett died You're like I was like he didn't die cuz you know in the novels he doesn't yeah It was like cool to see these like B stories and even like that's what I really liked about the book of Boba Fett was telling like
the sand people story because like they're always like demonized under like the rebels like all the sand people but they're literally just in a drought that they're trying to survive you know and like i thought that was really cool because it showed like the humanity and the tribalism of these specific things that were demonized from a different character's perspective of them and like that's what good writing is yes and i think we need more of that on it so i'm stoked for all of it
That's all I love. Do you see where they've hinted at showing Jar Jar Binks is Darth Binks? Oh, yes. Stop it. They did. Did you see that? Stop it. Yes, I saw it. Have you heard that? Where Jar Jar Binks is secretly a Darth. He's a Sith Lord. They had that because the voice actor, didn't they list it under Disney's thing? It said like, yeah, Darth Binks. It was called Darth Binks.
- Binks, I hate it. - I wonder if it was just a troll. - Of course it was a goddamn troll! - I hope. - Stop it. - So Jar Jar Binks is a Darth Sith and he's just... - Because in the past, oh yeah, because there's actually like YouTube videos breaking down. It's like, how'd this dude never die? It was just luck that he survived all of the Clone Wars 'cause he doesn't die. And they're like,
This dude might be a Sith 'cause he's magically missing and destroying droids. He's just looking incompetent. - He's just oops, I'm good at everything, accidentally. - I would just love it. It's like, Mesa, kill everyone. - Force choking. - He's got like four fucking red lights. - Yeah, he's like, oh no. - I hate it so much. - But they did in the new series list the voice actor that did Jar Jar Binks. - As Darth Binks.
Like an actual... Wait, hold on, hold on. But maybe... Hold on, bear with me. This is good trolling. This is next level trolling. Maybe since every Star Wars fan that I know of hates Jar Jar Binks, maybe they bring him back with a new... And he becomes the Sith that he is. And he's kind of a bad... I think they do a what-if style thing like they did with Marvel. Like the Marvel what-if series. Like what if...
Captain America died and never came back from the... I don't know if you guys have seen the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's what's happening. I think they're going to do... What if...
Jar Jar Binks was a Sith Lord. What do they incorporate him in? They're just so what ifs. That's what it's called, what if. The series is called what ifs. In that series. I didn't know if you were saying you would think that they're going to be like in Obi-Wan. I think that's what they're going to do. Okay. I think they're going to do like, because in Star Wars, there are so many what if this scenarios. Look at all the old...
All the old fucking book shit that they just threw away the expanded universe. They called it all the old cannon. Yeah. So I think that's what they're going to do. I think they're going to make a, what if series about star Wars? What if charge our wings was a Sith Lord? What if Luke Skywalker was never born? What if it was him and his, uh, just the sister, uh,
All that crazy shit and I think that's what they're gonna do if you want to feel like a nerd watch what ifs because I was like this is the dumbest Nerdiest shit ever and then the other day dude the other day. It was a Dragon Ball What if it's like what if Goku was born on the planet of destruction with Beerus and I was like, this is not an hour later I'm like I watched this for an hour and I'm like this is
I'm watching a cartoon about a cartoon. A fictional cartoon about a fictional cartoon. Fuck. Conspiracy theory shit intrigues everyone. That's why Disney's what-ifs are amazing. They did a what-if on if zombies came to the world.
Like Iron Man turned into a zombie. Oh, yeah. The Marvel zombies is fucking awesome. That's what I'm saying. Like the what if series for. Jesus. So what is that? YouTube. It's on Disney Plus. It's just straight. It's called What If. Yeah. Or YouTube. YouTube. You can also. Oh, no. Captain America. The experiment didn't work.
What if? What happens? That's so fun. It's fucking crazy. And it's like an animated series. And they do an amazing job with it. And I think that's exactly what they're going to bring. Because they've seen success with that weird offshoot series. They're going to bring it to Star Wars. Oh, I guarantee it. Because that shit works. It does. Or what if?
Princess Leia didn't fall in love with Han Solo because they found out Luke wasn't or like they didn't know. There is so much old expanded universe content that they can play with.
I just picture it's like what if Luke and Leia never found out they were brothers and sisters and they had babies those babies were Jedi's but yeah exactly they had an extra chromosome or two they had Jedi's for talk laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing
Well, I mean, Patty, Matt, like first up, wait, do we close first and then ask Matt or do we ask Matt about his socials and everything that's happened? Well, I think everybody knows where you can find Matt best 11. One T.
Yeah, we're social. Oh, you don't need to promote me. It says Matt. Shut the fuck up. Is it with one T? Jeez, yes it is. And is it 11X? Sure. Why did your dad pick one T? Huh? Dude. I've, so. Why does Roger do what he does? No one knows. Thank you, Cody. No one knows. He's like the Bermuda Triangle. Really, no one really knows. No, I've asked that question. Uh.
Yeah, I don't know. I've gotten three different answers and I've asked four times. I don't know. The last time he just walked away. Why did you? Well, that's a funny... I'm out. Jameson! Yeah, exactly. I have no fucking idea.
Matt Best Official. Maybe because they knew I'd be such a fucking whiskey-drinking cowboy that they were like, let's take away the T so it's not a biblical name. You don't want to be Matthew. You got to be Matt Hugh. You are just Matt Hugh. Matt Hugh. My full name is Matthew with one T. Wait, Matthew. Did he just spell it wrong by accident? No, no, no. They meant to do one T. I don't know. Thank you for watching the Unsubscribe Podcast today. Of course, we have Matthew.
Fucking best of course Eli donut the usual bullshit. Thank you guys for watching today. I'm sorry Oh, yeah, we're glinny we'll do a happy little glue glue glue. This is definitely doubles. Yeah, they're shooters. What do you use normal shot glasses in your house? Yeah, I
Pussy. Sorry, bro. Call me a dick because you are what you eat, brother.
