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I hate this so much. Say hi to Eli. It's racially ambiguous, Maddie. That guy's fucking ridiculous. Donut. It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey, guys. Thanks for watching Unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...
That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything.
And a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating. We got a girl on the podcast. Hi, everyone. Unsubscribe podcast here. I'm joined by Batty Streams, Eli DoubleFap, and Miss Heather Lynn, the first female guest that we've had on here. Episode 40. You count female Eli. I'm hardly a female though. More feminine than Heather. I think I've always been one of the boys. Always. It's the penis. It is the penis that
Is it an undersized dick or an oversized clit? We don't know. Both. What's a foot? Disgusting. Why does your clit have veins? It's a lot of veins. It's so vascular. Are we not addressing this? Have you met Batty? Lord have mercy. Don't dress. You look at you. You have a tumbler full of Moscow you drove here with. And it's not all of it. It's.
Heather, I know you. It's diluted slightly. It's slightly diluted. It's a vodka, vodka, vodka Red Bull. Also, shout out to our sponsors, Tito's. Unsubscribe podcast or AA meeting. Don't forget to finger your drink after. Oh, yeah. I'm going to finger it. Oh, you boys.
I have food poisoning right now, so I'm going easy. Why am I always the messed up one on the podcast? Oh, yeah. Oh, this should help. Okay, everyone. Remember to like. Just say that. You do it. Remember to like what? But look into the back camera. Say the follow, subscribe. Hey, guys. Follow and subscribe for chaos. Now do it more sultry. We got to win them over. Pretend you're Donut. We're using. Yeah.
now do a hair flip do a hair flip she's like this she's hair flip she's like it doesn't work when i do it
The thumbnail, the clickbait. Yeah. Get that in there. Oh, we'll just have that again. Can I be doing it next door? I can Photoshop. I'll Photoshop. I'll Photoshop your head on her body. It's done. Yes. I got so many comments from people that were like, I love your team photo.
So good. What was the team photo? Can you describe the team photo for everybody who's listening? It was just straight tits. I mean, it was everybody's faces and then tits. Yeah, I put up everyone's faces for the two teams. And then it's just like, they all come up, they're like, and you just see Heather's rack. Because we did that one video...
- The terror, the home invasion. - Home invasion. - That was so good. - Anytime I plan the camera to Heather, it's like everyone had dialogue or talking scenes. So I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the camera would, even when she leaves the house, it goes down and she's like, ugh.
Oh no. So who do we have on the podcast today? Who dis? Who dis? I'm Heather Lynn. I don't know. I make stupid videos. Very stupid. Very stupid videos. I use dark humor and alcohol as a crutch, so I feel like I fit in with you assholes. As his baddie drinks from his thing as donuts. He's having a sip over there, baddie. I just like donuts reason he's like, I have food poisoning.
I'm like, bro. Something's going to make me feel better if it's alcohol. It's like that episode.
It's always sunny whenever they think they all have like the flu and they realize it's because they haven't drank This is my liver healing Take a Flintstone vitamin it offsets the alcohol For dr. Heather
A Flintstone gummy will cure alcoholism. Yeah, or like the chalky ones that you used to have when you were a kid. I like those fucking things. I would fucking crush them up and snort them. Those are the highlight of my day.
As a child? Well, that explains a lot. Son, what's wrong with the boy? Seven-year-old Batty crushing butt stones doing limes. Mixing it with his Adderall. I've never taken Adderall in my entire life. It's so good. Batty would probably actually do its job on Batty. Batty would just be boring as fuck. Hey, guys. Batty's here. I don't feel like shaming. Everyone says I have ADHD, but I don't see it. I don't see it.
batty's gone he's streaming all of a sudden we're like batty what the fuck you have a podcast yeah that didn't happen today so the kids actually crush up like the smarties and shit right and the little rapper the little rapper and you just smash them up and then did they snort them what where's i was joking i didn't do it but i witnessed my friend i heard you might recognize her from redneck island let's not ever talk about that
Push it deep. What is Redneck Island? Look at this. All the guys are now like, wait. Because I don't know. Who is the host of Redneck Island? Stone Cold Steve Austin. God damn right, Austin 316. Hold on, I can cry in beer for that man. Yeah! Now he's a very
nice man yeah he's a very nice man okay so what happened on redneck island um just stupidity you know it's like this podcast i remember one of the days one of the produce because i would go into the interview days and one of the producers pulled me aside and he was like what are you doing and i was like what do you mean and he was like you know you don't belong here right and i was like what and he was like you are way too smart for this shit it's like you need to get the fuck out i was like oh okay here
Is this like some real old Road Rules style fucking stuff? It's really fucking stupid. Was it on MTV? It was under the umbrella of Viacom. MVP. CMT. It's like ESPN, the Ocho. Everyone go Google Heather Lynn Redneck Island. Let's bump that up so people type her name into Google. It shows up right at the top. That's the first one. I fucking hate this so much. None of your social media is just Redneck Island. I know, it's just fucked, dude.
My favorite part of this story is how long was it? It was a month, month and a half. Yeah. How much did they pay you? Heather Lynn, $100 a day. And that was it. I didn't get anything afterwards. And it's still running. Like you can still like, I mean, a half, obviously half of it's like scripted. They kind of, this is where the, you're too smart for this thing came in. They, they kind of drive the narrative. And I used to go into my interviews where people are like drunk, like I swear. And then she said, blah, blah, blah. And I'd go in and be like, tell me what you want me to say. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. And they're like, Oh my God.
like all right let's do this so i know i hey you made 10 bucks an hour right it was a ten dollars an hour work it was so i almost got blacklisted by viacom like it was like a whole thing like i first i will because i went skinny dipping in their lake on the down days
And they were sad that they didn't get it on camera and I'd been squirreling away whiskey and water bottles and so I'd like to wait you No, we're squirreling away water bottles. No way the audience is thinking this is what two years ago I was young 20s, but she's still squirrel way out. No, I'm fucking I'm an old bitch. I
I'm like geriatric OnlyFans over here. I love talking to you, Heather. It's always just good. It's just the truth. It's just angry, blind rage. I vibe with it. Honestly, it's kind of how I've lived my life. How is aging treating you? Really good. Really good. You know? Cody's like, I slip farther and farther. Is this your fault, Cody? Baby!
Ben, you look great! It's fine. I've got another good ten years before I, like... Someone's glass is half full. Not mine! Oh, man. Goddamn, dude. He's drinking for you. Apparently.
I need the Red Bull. I didn't sleep last night. I'm going on like 20 something hours. I know. Batty texted like both y'all just the worst at fucking texting at random ass times. I'll get like at 3 a.m. Don't respond or you get a random. I'm like I'm waking up at 7 in the morning. I get texts from Batty. He's like, are we doing this today? I'm like, okay, first off. I'm going to bed.
Literally, he was like, if we're not doing this at noon, I'm going to sleep. I was like, oh, no, we'll just move it. I was like, this is my friend. So you really haven't slept? No, I was streaming this morning. I was late to our lunch before this because I was still live. Gotcha. Okay. He's like, I'll be there. And then we're like there. I was like, he fell asleep. I was like, he fell. You live the closest. Yeah, that's why I'm streaming. Right?
Oh, yeah, something big happened. Oh shit. Yeah, so wait, okay before that we'll do a pause you're nerd Heather likes video games. Okay, can you do your story? And that's what I do full-time all the time and in Tarkov they added void But you know what that means its voice over IP It's how you talk to each other in game without using like a third-party service So you can talk to like random people as they're running around trying to shoot you. Yeah, it's like a proximity chat Yeah, sorry, yeah, and
I was basically just lying to everybody in the game about like the best. I was like, dude, there's this new type of ammo. It's the best shit ever. It's bugged right now. You got to use it. It's the worst shit in the game. And I was like, guys, I'm using this. Don't what if we don't just don't kill me. I'll give you my loot. We'll hang out. It'll be fine. And then I gobbled that. I just want I'll just walk around corners and I'll just gobble at people because they're like, what the fuck? I don't know.
Just imagine you're not getting that 60 seconds back. What can I we're just here? I got like five more minutes. He's like so about to goblin. So I was goblin at Thanksgiving and it was a team of two. This is the big news. And we became friends. They didn't want to kill me anymore. It was great. We were having just like the most wholesome conversation of my entire life.
On target when a game we're supposed to murder each other. So we go to keep looting right and another guy shoots at us another guy I was like, I got this. I just jumped out a window started gobbling at this dude. He'd know what to do He started giggling like an idiot. He's like, well, fuck and he gobbled back He gobbled back at me and it was just did you get another gobble? Yeah, did he join the gobble team? I gobbled into the darkness and somebody gobbled back. Did he join the team of turkeys?
But there was a problem. He had killed one of the other guys already. And I was like, bro, it's after Thanksgiving. You're not supposed to be killing turkeys. So I had to go back and forth. I had to be a mediator between the two rival turkey gangs. And I was like, hey, man, you killed him. Don't take his loot. The other guy's going to come in, but we won't kill you. And he's like, you couldn't. I'm like, I'm right next to you with a gun. He's like, good point. Never mind. He's like, wait, I thought you were a turkey. Turkeys don't have guns. I was like, fuck. They had me. They got me.
I was like, okay, so I know we started out this whole relationship on a lie, but I think we can move on. We can build from this. And honestly, it was great. We all just had a great time. We all met up. We kind of gobbled around our dead brethren. Yeah. And then I was like, shit, I'm late for the podcast because Eli called me. So I was like, shoot me in the face. He's like, what? Shoot me. And then he shot me and that was it. Nice. I've had some of the most wholesome interactions with VoIP on Tarkov.
And some of the most worst. I guarantee there's... I've ran into more kind people than anything, though. I'll come up to people and they'll be like, hey, I killed a bunch of these dudes and I got all these guns. Do you want some? I'll be like, yeah, yeah, for sure, bro. And I do the same thing to people now when I run into player scavs. I'm like, hey, dude, I just killed this guy. I got a bunch of guns and stuff. Do you want some? I need to play Tarkov again. Damn it! Dude, VoIP is so fun now. Isn't this the same game where somebody just walked up and shot...
John in the face. Yeah shot my son. Did you shoot yours on the face? No this oh god It was on it was on reserve that the hermetic door extract. You know how they people hiding that cubbyhole back quarter Yeah, someone was hiding there and I went by and me and John had been on there for probably 45 minutes like the whole rate the whole rate I was showing him around I was showing him where all the good loot is and then yeah this fucking rat shoots John in the face as we're coming through and I'm like you fuck
I turn around I kill this guy and you avenge your son. I've been to my son, but I yeah, yeah, it's the same game But don't know I Murder you but like when we say kind we mean they're not saying terrible horrible racist awful words to us John in the face
Donut watched John die and then Donut was like Braveheart. You yelled freedom. Yeah watching your dead son Lion King instead of scar throwing Mufasa Mufasa was thrown into the wilderness and Mufasa avenged him. Yeah
but now he's i'd watch that movie it just just complete change on disney it's like this is how we do this now i love voip like uh that's what i loved about um i like death cam screams on
uh uh god god warzone kill someone you got like that five second block oh they get mad now that i wear the levi attack on titan now if we do like that it's a one of those anime nerds bro they use other words they did levi dirty oh yeah he looks like a dad cosplaying he looks stupid they messed eli up or um levi up they have like they actually brought an attack on titan character they're like we're gonna wear yeah
It looks like a dad doing a Walmart cosplay of Levi. Like Levi's hair color is... It's black. It's light brown in this, but it's black in the anime. Because they're from Japan. I was so pissed, but I still use that skin. He's like really like lanky and creepy. I always feel like a nerd until I hang out with any of you. And then I'm like, oh, no. Watch me play Donkey Kong drunk. What's your favorite D&D class? Listen.
I don't know what the fuck you just said to me. So... Did you just snort it? Yeah, he just snorted. He just snorted? That's the first snort on the podcast. Oh my god. You grew up with what video games? It was like Super Nintendo predominantly. So like Super Mario, Donkey Kong, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter in there, Primal Rage. I had like all the Primal Rage action figure... Toys, whatever, action figures. Dolls?
Yeah, pretty much. So I still collect those. I actually just finished that collection last month. I had a fan send me my last one that I needed. Tromper got one for you that I still... I told you about it. I need to give it to you. The orange one. Oh, the... Not Sauron, right? No, he was the... I forget. He was in Lord of the Rings. He's right. He's right. That, like Mega Man X. Mario Paint.
And you still have all of those. With your childhood Super Nintendo. I have my OG, the one I hooked up in 96. I play all these awesome games in Mario Paint. How much fun can you have with that shitty controller? I just have such vivid memories of my childhood of the fly swatter and stuff. I don't know why it just always stuck with me. Trauma. It was the escape from trauma.
That was my that's it there it is That's my life it's called depression You've been playing it on stream I saw you playing Donkey Kong on stream a couple weeks ago and yeah, I
Really good at Donkey Kong. She's really good at fucking those old. Yeah, I need to show you the drunk video of her It's fucking ludicrous one. Yeah, you're just drunk piece of shit playing Donkey Kong yelling at Donkey Kong Was this when we were roommates? Yeah, I haven't seen this so you and I used to be roommates We lived at Unicorn Unicorn Ranch. It was you two and then Unicorn Ranch, yeah, we all cycle like we were all roommates me Matt Jared
Eli, everybody, like we were all roommates at one point or another. And we'd all just sit there and drink and play video games and make content. And it was just like a giant content house. But she would get drunk and play Donkey Kong. And you'd just hear Cat 5. You've seen like Drunk, Drunk Heather. Yeah. It's like that. Now imagine that trying to conquer a video game. Was I bad? I don't remember. I mean, I'm sure. Was I bad? I don't remember. Well, yeah.
I remember... I don't know. I don't know what we could talk about in this podcast. Whatever you want. I remember just getting violently high after we... And I was, like, watching that nature documentary, and I was, like, sobbing. And I was like... Oh, my God. The baby bird is dead. I forgot about that. Heather's just, like, dying. She's like...
And this baby bird, it's a mom bird. Like a bird came in, killed it, ate the baby yolk and like flew off. And then the mama bird lands and it's just like stepping in baby guts. It's like, oh, I got to warm my baby up. And you see its little feet going like this. It's like dancing. Yeah. And the yolk, you just see like baby guts, baby bird guts. Just like, and the mom bird's like, man, something's wrong. I will sit down. I'm going to.
The baby is dead! I'm like, no, that's because it's a fucking bird. Guess what it's not thinking? My baby's dead. It's thinking...
I need worms. I need worms. That was one of the last times I ever took any edibles because I was just like, oh, God. Ugly crying over a bird. Over a documentary. Nice. Oh, planet Earth. Delta 8. Yeah. I'm just not having a good time. Oh, right, yeah.
Oh, I forgot about that. That was fucking hilarious. I remember because you kept laughing at my tears. Yeah, I was like... What?
That statement right there. We have so many good clips already. I know, because you kept laughing at my tears. Heather Lynn. Maybe. Trauma. She's going to go home with a raincoat on. She's going home to play Mario Paint tonight. Oh my god.
I forgot about that. That would be perfect for your stream. A little gift that says trauma. That's my next emote. That should be, when someone subscribes, it should be like trauma. No G-I-G. Yeah, but trauma. Somebody needs to make me a trauma emote. I actually, I got emotes for my thing. I got like eight of them. What are you doing? What is this? I got eight of them. I got eight of them. My son does that. He does. She's wiggling her fingers all fucking weird for me listening. You could have a trauma button on your stream deck. That's what I need. So you press it and it's like trauma.
That's what I need. Okay. Look at my trauma button. It says autism. This is going to live forever.
Thankfully, no one listens to this podcast. I can't wait to work boot off Spotify. God, what's our superhero team? Someone came up with the best name ever. The Offenders. Yeah, we're the Offenders. Instead of like the Avengers. It's so good. The Offenders. Did you tell her about like Donut's power? I made his superpower. He can fly, but he has uncontrollable Tourette's with racial words. Yeah, I heard about that. So you're like...
It's just like Donut Burnit House surrounded by minorities. I'm gonna just walk these people out real quick. Set them down. Walk them down. Set them down. It's like, Donut, you can fly. I can. It's so cool. I can't show any of you my balance. I start to fly and they usher their kids back into the fire. Everyone go like this. I want to save you, but...
I got what you burned! There's cameras here! Oh no. Twitter hates me! What was mine like super strength but I cum anytime I like lift something heavy? What would heathers be? You can get any superpower but... If I could be anything I would want to be like a human cadaver dog.
Oh, what? What the fuck? This isn't the Animorphs. You picked the worst fucking super... I want to be a dead animal. Heather's a furry. That's the name of the podcast. Heather's a furry. Yeah, a cadaver dog is a dead body. No, it's not. A cadaver dog searches out dead bodies. I would want to be able to find dead things. But you have to get blackout drunk to do that. I mean, that's okay. That's normal. She does that already. I get drunk and I wander the woods anyway. Yeah, you describe me in like...
What's your superpower? I can fly with racial slurs. I can lift stuff. I cum a lot. I go super fast. I shit everywhere when I do. I can smell dead things. They call me the brown streak. She's not on the offenders because she has the shit. Well, she's a dog. That's it. She dresses like a furry. She has to dress like a furry. She dresses up like a dog. I don't like this already. Oh, my God. She's a furry. That's the best part. Mine is the worst one. Yeah.
I would rather shit all over myself consistently than get buried. She just grows... Welcome to the super guys. She grows a long snout. She's a fursona. Yeah, she gets like a human dog. You turn in like half human, half dog when you have your soup...
Your superpower. This is unlocking new kinks for people and I don't like it. I hate your superpower. That's not even a superpower. That's just a shitty power. I can smell dead people. I can't save anyone. I'll shoot spaghetti out my fingertips. It's like solving crimes that would have been lost forever. We're all saving lives. Don't worry if I'm your dead kid. Have you ever
ever like been in the swamps which i have tons where you're just on an airboat and you're going to the swamps and you're like i wonder how many dead bodies are down here or if i go deep sea fishing sometimes and i wonder like how many people have concrete shoes down there that somebody was just shoved off a boat catch to a concrete block and they're dead at the bottom of the ocean you could find their bodies and bring peace to their families or you could harvest their skulls don't blink twice if you're okay
We're over here trying to save lives and Heather's like, I'll help you find your dead family. She's like, think of how many crimes I can save. You found body. That is to save a... The crime's not unfolding. It brings peace
Look I found your son. Oh, how is he? Oh he died. Yeah People he's bloated. He was in the river for about two weeks. He doesn't smell the best closure Like a neon blur like a neon blue fursuit dog person with a shirt that just like a red shirt is closure Oh
- She's a dog carrier. It's just a girl in a furry suit that, closure, I can smell your dead family. - She walks around, a service animal on this side. - Oh my God. - Closure right here.
a handle on her back. Cody can carry her and fly around yelling Rachel. She just blows shit about furries the whole time. That's the perfect team. We solved another crime. Every time she shows up to a scene, everyone's like, oh, oh God. She's like, wait, wait, who died? I have bad news there over here. Heather shows up, somebody's dead. All the moms start crying when Heather shows up. Oh,
Everyone has like a cool landing pose. You land like this way. She runs on all fours. She's like...
And I'm like, I hate this so much. The weird titan on Attack on Titan. The weird one that rides and carries things on its back. The cart titan? Yeah, yeah. You're the cart titan. You just see Heather jump into the river and then come flipping out with a body. Found it! Now she's a dolphin? What is the dolphin? I'm envisioning. She's a fur. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like that. Another crime solved. We have terrible word Tourette's. We have shitting everywhere. I'm coming uncontrollably. And Heather's a furry. We're canceled. Oh, no. Oh, my God.
That's it. The name of this episode is Heather's a furry. That's it. I'm sorry. That's actually not a bad clickbait title. We can get Heather's face in a fursuit. I thought it was going to be my tits. That's also going in the thumbnail. A furry with tits. That's fine. We'll figure it out. We got this. Thanks, Fluck, again. Sorry.
Welcome to unsubscribe. Hey guys, I'm like, no, nevermind. I'm not gonna go. Nope. I'm like, yeah. We'll just drink a little bit more. We can't say gamer words, Ben. Do you like this table? You'll probably like this table. Do you have a bottle opener? I never know what Batty's like. I was gonna. Okay, so. Oh, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Wow.
Fuck real hiding that part real slow. Don't you fucking chew cans off with your teeth? Yeah, I know. I just know but that's like I picked I imagine him breaking his 30 something teeth, right? Like what's a molar? Right? Oh god. I've never done that on the podcast. No, I hate it all. I hate it.
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She spells way better than all of us. I'm illiterate. Super guys. Phasmophobia is terrifying, but I played a game with Caleb Francis two nights ago. Oh my god. I've seen that game. What was it called? I've seen that game. Who's your daddy? It's so good. You have to be the baby. Can you say it again? Okay, so who's your daddy? Say daddy, but slower. Daddy. But say who's your daddy and look into Donut's eyes.
No. Batty's just like, I want this moment too. It sounded like she said Batty for a minute. I was very confused. Okay, so she's like,
and everything. No, it's fucking hilarious. The premise of the game is that you are a baby who has to kill itself and you're the dad. There's another character who's the dad who has to try to stop the baby from killing himself and you can take turns. And you can put yourself in a blender. You can run yourself over with a lawnmower. You can poison yourself. You can drink bleach. You can eat glass. Caleb, I was almost literally pissing on myself because he was like, oh, we're going to hell. And he's just dousing everything.
Everything in gasoline and lighting. He started a garage. Caleb shouldn't ever be allowed to be a baby. Oh, my God. Look at all this fire. We're going to hell. As it turns out, I didn't win a single round as the father. I won as a baby. It turns out I'm better at killing myself than I am at keeping anything alive. Who would have thought?
You're trying to like lock up, like you're trying to take stuff out of baby's reach. So you're like tossing it up. Like the baby will grab a fork and just beeline to the electric socket. And you're like, you grab the fork. It's so funny when it sprints too, because it goes...
In the same room typically sometimes you can but like you have to find the baby and you can I can hear him like I can hear him like What am I doing now where am I and I'm like fuck is
fuck Izzy, where are you, you little shit? He was like, you can't find me, found some bleach, I'm gonna drink it. I can picture that. It's so good, like the...
Caleb is just really, and I think he is, yeah, he has a better knowledge of like the PC gaming, which I'm not used to yet. So I'm still getting the hang of that. Keyboards are hard. I was like, you motherfucker. I was like, you've downloaded, like you've played this before. And he's like, no, I swear. And yet he's like putting gas in the generator. He's like lighting fires. And I'm like, how do you know how to do this? I've never played this before. Player loads in on cod diamonds. What is this game? He's riding the dog as the baby across the lawn. I'm like, how did,
fuck did you do that? You can ride the dog? Can you do it in the traffic? Wait, there's a lawnmower? There's a push mower and a riding mower. And he was on the push mower and he was spinning his mouse around and this little baby's just flailing around holding on to the push mower. He's like, you can't get me. You can't get me. He's like hauling ass across the yard. I'm going to have to cut together a video of that. The game is a little glitchy. It froze on me like twice in two hours, but like it's fucking fun.
See, that's an indie game that's like... It's like Go... Or Goose... Asshole Goose. What's that? Have you seen Ass... What is it? Goose... The Goose Game where you're a goose. Oh, it's called... Isn't it just called Goose Game? You're a goose? No, it's...
I thought it was called something else. Yeah, you're just a goose that pisses people off. Isn't it just called the Goose Game? You literally are, like, your objective is to be a fucking douchebag goose, like a real goose. And you have to grab shit and, like, do this. So it's, like, grab a rake from someone's yard and you drag it out away from him. Untitled Goose Game is the name of it. Oh, there you go. It's called Untitled Goose Game. It did so good, though. He's a rassle.
Oh, yeah. That's why it was made. It's a great one. God, see, indie games. Yeah. That was the funnest thing I've ever played. Out of anything, any game I've ever played, that was the most fun I've had because it was so ridiculous. Even stuff like the scary games, like how you had me play Slenderman or Phasmophobia, as much as I love shit like that because people get good reactions out of you, I don't know.
I'm like on edge the whole time and I can't fully enjoy it because I'm like, something's going to jump. Like, cause you're ready to fucking sprint out of the room as fast as you can. Fucking terrifying. Like I've, you know, it'd be a happy medium. A good game would be like with this crew and you add a couple more like Caleb and is, um, the red guy, red, blue, the lion among us among us would be amazing with this crew. Try that once with Matt and he hated it.
No. I hate it. Oh, you hate it. I hate Among Us. No, we did. We all played together and you fucking hated it. John was telling me about that. John loves it. Yeah. John plays it on his cell phone. I love Among Us. I'm just also a piece of shit. I'll pick one person and every chance I get, whether I'm the...
What the fuck is it called? The bad guy. Assassin. Or the resistance fighter. No. I always forget. I know. Yeah, the monster. There's a fucking word. Sus. The sus. The sus. I can't remember the fucking word. Jesus. Whether I'm a good guy or a bad guy, I will pick one person the entire game and I'll blame them or I'll kill them at first. I'll just sprint after somebody. And the best thing to do is when you all spawn in, you all have to do the very first task where everybody jumbles up. I'll kill somebody in that group every time. I'm like, whoa, somebody died here. Woo. Woo.
Because everyone's doing the task and nobody pays attention. So there's an imposter, right? Imposter. That's it. It's imposter. That's the name of the fucking thing. The person that's never played it. There's an imposter, right? Name. There's an imposter and then everybody else is like, you're all lying to each other and you have to figure. If you're the imposter, you know that you're the imposter.
Yeah, you know, there's usually two imposters and you know who you two are. And everyone else is trying to figure out who. So you're just lying, playing with other people, or just being a sneaky little snake. Sneaky little snake. I always thought that I hated not like...
Hated gaming because I grew up playing games I always thought that I hated like modern gaming because I never got into like the first-person shooters day It's just not my jam. No everybody talks about Tarkov and I'm like I have no desire to play that It's just like not for certain games. Just not for everybody. Yeah, that's one thing fucking sucks If somebody doesn't like a game, it's like that game is trash and they just fucking hit it You just gotta know like not everything's free. Yeah, not everybody likes the same shit racing games
You guys aren't going to like racing games. Yeah. Like, I'm not going to be like, but you just got to try them. Like, first person shooters, MMOs. You usually JRPGs or RPGs. You have your branch that you stick to. Usually solo player, multiplayer gaming, retro gaming, killing babies. That too. Yeah. And not. Yeah. My favorite pastime. Yeah. And then she also likes the video games of that.
What? Right? Killing bait. Right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's what I thought. In real life. And. Yeah. Patty, hand me a white. No, I always felt like. Other one. Sorry, I needed this. I couldn't tell which sound was the one. Okay. I see. You're. Yeah. It's like you don't even know Eli. No, I know.
You don't even know his good and bad sounds? I don't. I don't know his sounds. Intimately? So killing babies. Back to killing babies. I have no idea how many times I've taken her to Planned Parenthood. Not true! Let's not put that on the internet! That's not true. Definitely not true!
Start that start the episode with that look that will be the intro We live in Texas, so you know I
- This is the first time Eli's like...
We go back to autism jokes We haven't pissed off pro-life people yet Nobody is safe we hate everyone Not equally I definitely hate some people more but We're dialing it in we've got mostly short people
The Jesus superpowers. Yeah. That was a whole episode about Jesus. Yeah, we talked about Jesus being a shitty superhero for like 45 minutes. Not as bad as your superpowers. Like, at least he could cure people. I would be friends with Jesus before a furry. Yeah. You sniff dead people. At the end of the day, you have. It's like, Heather, we already found him. Yeah, I gotta sniff him though. Yeah.
She's been there for 30 minutes. Oh, God. You just hear Meat Canyon's voice when she's like, why is she harvesting his skull? It's my thing. It's on floating around saying the N word. God damn it. Oh, you were in that lake for a long time, weren't you? There's the good stuff. Oh, you're a bloated little boy. You're a bloated, but who's my bloated little boy?
Who's my boy? Guys, one second. I'm figuring clues out. Yeah. Fucking yeah. I got such a raging clue right now. Wow. Hardy Boys. Is that what they call them? Yeah, the Hardy Boys. I got such a raging clue. I got such a raging clue. That's very uncomfortable. Yeah, for us too, Heather. You furry. I didn't go into it.
i'm starting that rumor there's a furry i'm telling everyone there's a party now it's too late it's over back to the gaming thing i never enjoyed playing mario kart so racing games were just out for me racing you never got drunk and played mario kart i hated it mario kart even drunk i always hated it it just seemed i just hated it mario karts like it's a racing yeah but the drinking version of that where you're driving yeah you can't touch a controller just drunk driving real life
- Superpowers, that's her other one. - I'm kidding, I'm just gonna start saying shit just to show you. - She's the world's greatest detective, but she has to drive to crime scenes drunk. She's like, "I know how to solve this!" Before the second she gets in a car, she's just drunk.
Grab the beer bottle and the liquor. But she is hands down the world's best detective. Hammer drunk. Alright, we gotta stop at Taco Bell on the way. And I'll be ready to go. I'll be able to find this dead kid. I wanted a Taco Bell after this so bad. Let's check off offending mothers against drunk driving. Did you guys hear? Okay, this is gonna be the next sponsor for the podcast. Taco Bell? No.
Baja blast coming out with boozy Baja blast yep, that's a thing it's in a can Baja blast with alcohol. Oh they added booze in it. It's boozy last time Do you think I had Mountain Dew?
Oh, wow. So I did three days ago, so I'm going to say it was probably longer than three days. It's probably been like 15 years. A decade? Yeah, yeah. At minimum. You ever gotten like a little drunk and gotten a little Baja Blast? Baja Blast is not that good. A little Taco Bell action and got a little boozy? I'll have a Baja Blast like once every three years. I heard they engineered it to like go with Taco Bell. Three years? Did they? Mm-hmm.
That's, that was totally. Yeah, three, I don't even count how many times I've had Baja Blast in the last three years because it's been, because every time I go to Taco Bell, I get like the biggest cup of Baja Blast. Like, if I could bottle that shit up and snort it later, I would. My shit's cheesy gritty to crunch. What do you get? Ooh, straight up. Good. Good. I'm a Crunchwrap Supreme or, or,
The steak yeah, okay, so you get steak from Taco Bell look at me. I feel like Yeah, I took a two-week break from Taco Bell before I went back after after horrendous food boys. I know we had food poisoning Taco Bell
I don't think it was the KFC. Like two months ago. Was it two months ago? We were in Charleston. Yeah, I was right after you guys. I got super sick. Weird I don't try Taco Bell. Okay, dude. Two nights ago. Aren't you Mexican? You eat like legit. Oh, wow. Yeah. Are you Mexican? You don't like Taco Bell. I would assume that you would eat. Yeah, that's his superpower. What?
I was going to say, don't you eat like authentic, legit Mexican food and not like trash. Yeah, exactly. Bastardized American food is what I knew it was going to say. I'm a ginger. What do you want from me? My superpower is going on podcasts and saying racial slurs. Heather Lynn, everyone. Aren't you Mexican? Why would I like Taco Bell? That's what I mean. Why would you like the bastardized American version of it?
It was like America tries. Eli, you cleaning product. You shut up. I'm like, whoa, calm down. I'm so hungry right now. Cody got that joke. I got it too.
Fantasy lore for me is like Pts moment you had bro the pts doughnut
I have no idea what that was. That's right. We were talking about last on last podcast. And we're like, you did this. I thought he did it on purpose. He didn't apparently. No, no. Why? I don't know why. Yeah. I would never do that on purpose. I don't, I don't know.
I guess I just zoned out, dude. Fluck, will you play that clip right here so everyone can see? The Vietnam clip. Yeah, the Vietnam one. Go to the same well to drink. He went to the Wheel of Time well and ingested every drop of water and then wrote his own books. It's the same looking for that chosen child. And then the women being the power carriers. Yep.
He just disassociated. He was gone. I was listening to his conversation, too, and I just fucking PTS. That thousand-yard stare was real. Just the Inception sound in the back of Donut's head. The top was spinning. Nobody was fucking there to stop it, man. We have Tim Kennedy on the podcast, and Donut's like...
You were in this sentence too. We're talking about the wheel of time, like fantasy hardcore shit. You guys are like...
floating that man was gone disassociated with reality i don't know if i remember what was in my head i'd tell you i have no idea i just fucking it was so good i came back though it was just like that for five seconds i don't know where i went it happens a few times throughout the podcast series yeah john you know like john points that out to me too sometimes i'll just get like a thought in my head and run with it and
I do the same. Okay, that's your moment. It's like when Eli and everyone's like, hey, guys, what do you think about these cameras? And Eli's just like,
Literally, I'm like- And he starts just- it's just silent for like 5 minutes, his eyes are just- Darken around. As he's playing the film out in his head, 3 years later, looking at how it did on the internet, he's like, "No, we can't do that." "This is your moment!" "This works, you were thinking!" "You were- you were thinking!" "The skit up in your head!" Gotta egg your head. It means I just- I go to the- I shit when I do that, it's just like for a moment or so. You just black out when you shit? Yeah. Is that normal? That you're super powerful? Yeah.
I got a proof. Lori opens the door. He's like, no, Lori. Batty, are you okay? No. The most insane, like, smart. Batty, it's happening again. Oh, no. Oh, no.
He just comes to, he's like, huh. Laurie's just crying in the corner. Did he get to the hand? I'm so sorry, baby. What happened again? You need to play that who's your daddy game. You can literally eat shit to a point of where you're like spinning around. I don't ever want to eat shit.
Oh, the game. Sorry. The game. The game. You eat glass and like wood until you shit yourself. And the baby turns purple, like more purple. Green. Yeah, as it's dying. Yeah. I hate green babies.
Well, a green baby is a dead baby, so... That's why I hate 'em. He likes alive babies. He goes under the snow and turns blue. It's so cool. You can eat snowballs until you die. Oh my god. It's like, it's so fun. God, I hate living in Vermont, like the north. Fuck snow. Snow's stupid. No, I fucking hate it. Kills babies. Watch out. Fuck snow. Snow is a baby killer. Thank you, fucking... Dr. Batty. If your babies get too cold, they'll die. Yeah, WebMD. Batty's like...
My baby got cold. Can it die? Batty pops up? Yes. Fucking Einstein over here. Wasn't there a Mr. Ballin story where a fucking five-year-old got five miles away from his home and there was snow? No, it was like 25 miles. Yeah, it was like 25 miles away. This was back in the 1950s or something. And they were found completely unharmed. A little girl during the snowstorm. I think it was like...
I used to wander miles as a kid. It was like five degrees. There was no feasible way that this child should be alive. And they couldn't remember how they got there. It was a blizzard snow out, so they can't even see. They just walk. Yeah, it's fucking four months out of the year in Vermont. Weren't there like no tracks or something? It was so bizarre. It was like something almost like it teleported or something. Yeah, like the baby teleported 20 miles away. Whether it was a boy or a girl, I can't remember. But they're still alive today. And they're like, I have no recollection. They're like, I have no recollection.
Yeah, it was like a school because school didn't happen or they let out early so the child walked on. They're playing at the barn. They're playing at a barn. I remember that story. Mr. Ballin is good in the chair. He does sometimes go on these tangents where he's like, all right, now if you guys don't know what asthma is, it's where you have a breathing issue and then you can't breathe. And I'm like,
Okay, one time he explained what bungee jumping was and I'm not even like sliding him because he knows every time I walk in I'm listening to mr. Ballin sometimes he's explaining what bungee jumping is and I'm very confused cuz I'm like this bitches cheating on me again If anyone do you think is gonna be mr. Ballin do what if she leaves you will be for mr. Ballin? Henry Cavill's not attractive Henry Cavill's not? What the fuck? I like funny people
Go! Take that mic. Go out. I'm putting the mic. Go. Fucking go! We are so sorry for this guest today. We're sorry, Big H. Get the fattie out of my guy! I'm not... I just don't... Like, objectively, I don't find him... Like, I'm not physically... One in the comments of Heather Lynn sucks.
I got nothing past that. Just write Heather Lynn sucks, fuck the one. Hey, Chad, you guys will just agree with it? I hope Henry Cavill does just a five-second segment on his Instagram and is just like, I don't find Heather Lynn attractive. That's fine. And that's it. I don't care.
- I don't care. - You're so mean. - What is wrong with you? - Donut, defend Heather, defend Henry. - I don't know him as a person. - I put up with a lot of dead things, okay? I cannot do this. - This is the life. - That's your celebrity crush. - You're in love with Mr. Baller. - That's your celebrity crush. If you could choose anyone, that's your, okay. - Jesus. Go sniff dead bodies.
That's your celebrity crush, okay? Yes! Absolutely! That's all of our celebrity crush. He's a super nerd. He's our boy, big H. A mega nerd. He's our boy. Besties. All of us. I bet he's got a fat cock. Dude. He's Superman. Yourself? Congrats. Yeah. Tell me you hate Henry again. Tell me. Fuck you. I never used the word hate. I said I wouldn't fuck him.
I don't know him. I don't know if... He's charming? He might not be funny. I don't know him. Did you see that time he was in The Witcher? Okay, I've never seen that. Donut! It's supposed to be the Eli Cody Brandon show. But now we might do the baddie Brandon. Sorry. I'm right here. I know Brandon number two.
Wait a minute. He's Mexican! I'm a ginger! We can't have two Mexicans on one podcast. The next intro, I'm Brandon. Bringing this guest on. Why would you bring her here? Nobody wants to watch a double Mexican podcast. That's hate speaking. Or him flying. My God. Yeah.
That's Donut just flying around. Can we have a gif of just Donut like this? You've taken his job away from him. I just want Donut T-pose around our heads and it's your voice saying, no one wants a two Mexican podcast. As he's flying around. This she-devil has sowed hate.
hate between us, my brothers. This is why we said no girls. Gaming guys and gats. I'm not even going to say what I was going to say. And cum. Oh my god, that's a late cum. Oh my god, it's been 50, 40 minutes. 50 minutes without a C word. I was telling you about cum. Yeah, I didn't know about cum. Wait, you tell her about cum? You told me about cum yesterday. He was like, I talk about cum. Yeah, it's Henry Cavill.
Gaming podcast yeah Yeah towards the camera. Yep, they're perfect. Oh
Oh, gamer words. Am I right? That's not a gamer word. Nobody knows. Oh, nobody can see the... Sorry if you're listening. Fuck you. We have what? Okay, so... Rewind. What the fuck was that? That was... His thinking noise. Yeah, that was my thinking noise. That was his... I do an autistic screech every time I have this idea. Elon, what do you think of this idea? No, it doesn't work. What we need to do...
What's he doing? It's just Eli. In the middle of a BRCC board meeting. Wearing a suit. Just killing it. And nobody, nobody bats an eye. It's Eli. That makes sense.
He doesn't like it. Matt and Evan don't flinch. They're just like, no, dude. Next slide. There's one new guy who's like... He's just looking around. Nobody's reacting. He's just like... He just sorts his papers. The tattoo.
Can that be a skit? I know, see? Just, he's like, he doesn't even need to be the autistic screech. He can just be a screech, just be the weird guy in the group that's really good at something. Oh yeah. And then that's like, what the fuck? Ha ha, what the fuck was that? He's got the new guy tag, what the fuck is that? The intern shits himself. No, no, it's okay. He's good at the cameras. It's fine, we allow it. Yeah, I don't know.
Anytime you're good at something, that's what you do. Oh, God. I was like, what's that thing with Eli? Well, I mean, I know he's Mexican, but calm down. Just calm down. He's from southern Texas. We don't like saying the M word here. Eli drives a car insane. That's what I do the entire time racing. Just screaming. I need you to play Targum with me. I know. We need to do a gunfight. Oh, my God.
He killed everyone. You just hear the screams slowly fading away. Dude, that's why it's so good. I just figured it. He doesn't even shoot, just runs by. Not wearing anything, just sprinting. I don't know, he just does all the stims and runs.
*laughs* Is that cocktail? Oh my god. Sex lightning we call it. Oh yeah, sex lightning! Holy shit, I forgot about that. Sex lightning? Uh, so in Tarkov you can take drugs that make you all cr- like some will just make you like not bleed as much, some will make it so you can run faster. I found a special cocktail of like the 14 different drugs you can take. You die.
Yeah, okay. It kills you. So, but you got like 90 seconds where you hear the flash. Yeah. It's like, it's like Viagra, you know, you're great and then you die. Right, or, you know, methadone. Or you have to go to the hospital. Yeah. It's just like, like everything's a blur. Just like,
See everything Just unstoppable speed then there's like 30 seconds are yeah You're not invincible. I think you are okay gotcha heroin. It's Mario star but not It's actually a good sketch like Mario kisses everything I
Just explodes. The EMT is lifting up. Nope. He thought he was invincible. Big oof.
Sorry. Oh, yeah? Come on. Eli, if you die in the podcast, our views will skyrocket. No, it won't. We'll get banned. Just cut out when I die. You just blur it. We made a living. We're good. You can die on YouTube. It's fine. I can sniff out the cadaver. Heather, don't worry. I got this. He's right there. Wow. Thanks. She's just like, super awful. Eli's dead. Yeah. The world's greatest detective over here. Eli died. Zaza.
More than likely just sawzalling the head off. Yeah. For what? No power tools, Heather. Let's go grab your bloody sawzall in my garage. I need to add a human skull to my collection. Do you have a human skull yet? I got my
My friend Laura does. I have a dice, like a D&D RPG dice. It's made of human bone. Oh, that's fucking cool. It's super cool. My friend Laura has a severed human head that she keeps by her bed. Okay, when you say severed, is it the skull? It's a skull. I shouldn't say severed human head. Because those are very different things. If the motherfucker's looking at me and I can see his retinas, we got no... It's like formaldehyde jar. It's in a jar still. No, okay, no. There's like a human skull. She's running from the police. No.
No, I don't think so. Yeah, Stephanie. Jane Doe. Jane Doe. Just kidding. Oh, Pokemon. Heather, you're actually a huge Pokemon fan. I was looking at you. Sure. I was like, I do know she's. I want to be the very best. Okay, everyone knows the fucking song. Are you actually? I'm not a huge. When I was a child. Let me show you a picture right now. I'm going to find it.
Is this like teeny heather? I need you to send either me or Eli the photo because it's going up on the screen for everybody to see. I'm going to. I'm going to keep talking. I'm going to find it right now.
I know this is your story, so I can't keep talking. See, what I'm doing is stalling. When I found out how much that Pokemon cards are worth now, I wanted to shit and vomit at the same time because I had all of the things. I had an entire binder full of shit that was stolen from me.
And I... Stolen? Stolen. Who stole them? I don't know. Probably one of my brothers or something. Where do your brothers live? Yeah, we should go kill them. I mean, I don't know about kill, but like take your Pokemon cards back. Yeah, they probably sold them a long time ago. But like I had... It makes me sick thinking about how much money that I would have had. Yeah, same. Thanks, Dad. It was... Yeah, it was a lot. And I have that Pokemon shirt. Very similar, I believe. I can almost show you. Wait, are we tweeting? Yeah. Yeah.
I had this shirt since I was six years old and I cut it into like a crop top when I was an old, like when I was like 18, I was like, fuck it. Cause I still love Pokemon. So I'm going to cut this. And I still, I still have it in my shit right now.
I feel like that's something that connects a lot of us is that we all had like holographic Charizards when we were little and now we can't. They're just not there anymore. I had like several of them. I gave mine to a poor kid that couldn't afford a Pokemon card. Jesus Christ. I had a whole binder full of holographics. That's why you don't help the homeless. Yeah, that's why I don't ever help poor people. Is that something I say while I'm flying around?
Don't help the poor! It is? Oh, this is good. This is definitely... This is me when I was like seven. Heather, what is on your face, though? Braces. No, not the braces. What's the red lines? I don't know.
Maybe I- What do you mean you don't know? Did you or did you not have braces, Heather? No, he's asking what the lines on my face are. I don't know. What is that? I was a little chunky. That's a temporary tattoo on my arm. That's a sticker. Or I was pretending it was a temporary tattoo. I don't know. That's me when I was seven. It's a cool shirt. It's very similar. It's not even remotely the same. It says the fucking word Pokemon. I was a chunky kid with braces and I liked Pokemon and...
It's like... Heather, what was your... So, okay, okay. When you say you like Pokemon, what are we talking... I liked it. I liked watching the show. I liked the characters that collected the cards. Can you name the first nine Pokemon for me? I cannot. What? Yeah, you can. Think about it. Think, think. Jigglypuff? No, first nine. Think... The core, when you think of Pokemon... See? You already hate me. You have the flame, the plant, and the water. The starters, Heather! Oh, starters.
The water. Just the three. The three that you can start with. There we go. Three. Pikachu? No. Oh, my God. I don't know. This hates Henry Cavill and hates Pokemon. I hate it already. Anyways, I don't know. I haven't watched or... Bulby? There's fire, grass, and water. Bulby? Bulbasaur. Okay. And then he goes into... I can't remember. It grows on the side of buildings. It's kind of like a vine. But it starts with an I. Oh, Ivy? Ivy?
I don't remember. Dude, I have not fucked with this shit since I was like seven, eight years old. And then he turns into... We're going back in my memory 25 years. And then you got the water. Water. He's a turtle. Squirtle. Boom. That's what Donut calls you. And then we have... That's what he called me. That's what he calls everyone. And then fire. Fire one.
Charmander boom see yeah huge Pokemon nerd huge I'm not like I'm not like it's like Heather black rifle coffee content producer twitch affiliate and Pokemon nerd it's not my bio because I don't we can make that happen started oh my god
I literally said that I collect how it started was that I said I was gonna be sick thinking about all the money that I could have had if I still had those cards and then I said I used to watch the show when I was a child when I was a seven year eight year old child and That I always collected the cards, but I never played the fucking game. So no, I'm not a huge Pokemon It was the first Pokemon ash ever caught That he caught. What was it? Wait, there's the bird it's sparrow wrong the first one you ever that hot. Oh
Because he was given Pikachu at the... Yeah, he was given Pikachu. So what was the first Pokemon Ash ever caught? No, he left Sparrow. He just fucking ditched that one. What was the first Pokemon Ash ever caught? I'm thinking it was a Weedle. It wasn't a Rattata, was it?
You're both fucking idiots. I hate you both. What is it? Sorry I didn't watch a shitty anime. Sorry you're gatekeeping Pokemon over there. Yeah, sorry. It wasn't Trainer Red. I am! Absolutely! Trainer Red is the true OG. No, we're talking about Pokemon! I didn't watch that shitty anime! It's a goddamn Caterpie. What the fuck is wrong with you two? I said Caterpie! You said Weedle. Oh, Weedle. Yep, never mind. Why would you catch that?
Because it turned into his. Butterfree fucks, dude. Yeah. Would you remember the episode Bye Bye Butterfree? The moment that made every child cry when Ash released his Butterfree into the wild to go be with the shiny female Butterfree? I remember. Didn't he just leave his sparrow and said, I'd be back for you and just fucking bounced? Not at all. He never caught a sparrow at all.
I swear he's not in the intro when he was attacked by a sparrow. Before he saw Ho-Oh fly over before Ho-Oh was in the video. Don't fuck with me right now. You see my PTS moments when I start doing this? Yeah, no, I just did that. I just disassociated for like a whole minute. You have to listen. This is why you have shitty superpowers. Fucking furry. Fucking furry. We have fucking furry on the podcast today. Sorry, everyone.
I hate this for me. We do too. This fucking sucks and I hate it. So we didn't go. No, I was going to say, how many podcasts have you done? This one I did maybe three others. Really? Yeah, I don't really. I mean, I don't have my own, obviously. So whenever people ask me to do it, it's either yes or no. Weird. Those are the two options. Yeah. No. I get you right in the mouth.
That cat does not like being carried. No, I've only ever done like a few other podcasts just because I don't, I don't know.
Podcasts are weird. I will say way back in the... It's got to be good banter. Yes, that is key. It's like keeping the banter going and it's having fun and it's not taking any... Because it's not forced. Having a cute mustache. Yeah. It's asking normal questions. I'm not like, hey guys, welcome. We have Heather Lynn. Heather, when was your first period? Right back. Let's talk about childhood trauma first. Interesting. Yeah, that unlocks a whole lot of other things.
things going on in my brain. Let's dive deep into your past. Right. Let's do that. Does everybody want to cry? When did boobs develop? Yes, 11. That's weird. I just podcast. Just zoom in slowly on Batty's face. The offenders. Batty's also formed at that age. Very cool. Only two people on tips on this podcast. Mine look better than yours though.
I need you to switch with Cody, I don't wanna see this anymore
Finally, you were supposed to be on the podcast last week. We did a core three or whatever. The trifucta. The trifucta. That's what we came up with. Yeah, it was the trifucta. Yeah, it wasn't. I had more importance. Oh, yeah. Fluck, just do a slow punch in on that face. I had way more important, productive things that could be a better use of my time. Can I ask one question? You really facilitate your growth on online media. What was the food item involved?
We're just gonna have a sip. Quick sip. Do a little sip here. Have a quick sip.
Oh yeah, Heather. D&D. Dungeons and Dragons. D&D, can you act as... Okay, I will... I want to teach Heather D&D more than anything on Earth right now. I will give Heather a compliment. Oh no. Don't. She's one of my favorite actors to work with. Gross. Period.
When I direct or anything like that, I love working with Heather because she's like, what do I need to do? And she listens when I explain something like, hey, this is whatever. This is the emotion you're going for. Do this with your face. Like, she listens to a fucking T. D&D would be fantastic. Like, if she learned. Heather, do you like Lord of the Rings? Yeah, I used to be butt fucking obsessed with like. Butt fucking obsessed. Mm hmm.
I can show you an old school picture. Okay, are we talking like, how obsessed? Are we talking Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli, or Aragorn? Clearly it's Legolas. I'm sorry. Why wouldn't it be Legolas? No, I'm just curious where you are on that scale of daddy issues. Okay, okay.
Please punch into that vlog. Orlando Bloom's my favorite. Same, though. Yeah. Oh, I can't even. Well, really, it's killer. I was looking at these old pictures and I can't even find. Oh, I've seen all. Yeah, these are. Yeah, there it is. I have all of these so I can put these on the podcast. There's my I'm wearing an anime shirt, red hair, and there's a shirt says anime. It doesn't mean you liked anime. I liked basic anime.
I like very basic. I like inuyasha, a cowboy bebop, trigun, stuff like that. Hold on. Okay. Whoa. That's not basic. That's just OG. That's just OG. That's the 90s. That's the tsunami. That fucks. That's OG tsunami. I stopped watching after that. Lori just got an entire inuyasha piece on her leg. I wish they finished that. Oh, okay. That's cool. Did you hear about the second, the new inuyasha? What? Are they bringing it back?
Uh, so Inuyasha got a, like, uh, you know how they, with Naruto, they did Boruto, the Naruto's son. Well, they did that with Inuyasha. It's the kids from the Inuyasha series. Like, uh, Sashomaru's kids. Yeah. Well, they're bringing their children back. Yes. That's literally it. They, they had kids like Kagome and Inuyasha and Sashomaru. So it got really fucking weird though, because I can't remember the girl that, uh, Sashomaru, Inuyasha's brother kidnapped as a child. Um,
But he raised her to the point where she was an adult and fucked her and had a kid with her. So, yeah, it got super fucking weird. Like the anime is like, look at these cute kids introducing Oni-san. And the child he kidnapped that he fucked off.
And then had a, then they made a show about. Oh, very cool. It's Japanese anime. Yeah. That's me when I was 18. Yeah, I have that photo. You've literally sent me all, I have all, I have the entire of Heather Problems photos. Well, yeah, that was just me, like, that was when I was buffucking myself with Inuyasha. That young age. Look at this, look at this. Oh, look, it's a tiny head. Yeah. I love anime. Anime. Anime.
And I watched like three shows so D&D you just have to pretend to be a character just pretend you're in Lord of the Rings Yeah, could literally be like Legolas, but you stay in character Eli was hilarious a redneck drow Yeah, nice watch yeah Awesome awesome place. Yeah, I just bought a cloak there yesterday bought a cloak
Yes, because I know. First of all, you went and bought a cloak without telling me or bringing inviting me in any way. Yeah, we kind of live by that place. I was right after we went right after I was heading to Brandon's. Oh, because I was like, fuck, I need this for a jet. I need to do it for a skit real quick. So I was like, I'll just buy one there because it was the only place without me.
During the checkout batty, I was like, oh, I'll take this cloak. He was like, oh, I love open cloaks. I wear those all the time. I was like, oh, he's being serious. Like, I know that dude, like, throws on his cloak to walk around.
Open cloak versus a coat we live in a modern time frame We're not fucking wearing potato sacks to stay warm anymore. What do you just call this man's cloak a potato sack? Huh, what do you need a cloak for Jedi see that works perfect?
Jedis were cloaked all the fucking time, but you didn't work. I did there no short Jedi's. Yes. There are Yoda green Yeah, it's Jedi's most powerful one. How tall Luke Skywalker? All in my chips
How tall are you? 5'6". 5'9". He's my height. Okay, so like Price is Right rules. I didn't lose. He's like, there's no show. The greatest Jedi of all times. Darth Maul was 5'4"? What? 5'2"? That's not true. Who played Darth Maul? I can't remember his name. He was the stunt actor. He was the stunt man and they pulled him in to be the full-time. Ray Park. Yes, Ray Park.
Yes, Ray Park. He is not 5'4". He is a tiny dude. No, he's not. I'm just fucking talking on my fucking... A lot of front men for metal bands are like 5'4". It's 5'5 to 5'9 is the overall... For him, they have two different heights.
5'8", 5'5". I'm gonna throw up. You're thinking of all that remains right now, aren't you, Phil? No, like in general. Phil's a tiny man. No, in general. Phil's motionless and white. That mojo is big. Chris? Chris is motionless? Danny Filth from Cradle of Filth is like 5'4". There's so many front men that are like, they do this big voice experience. Yeah, Danny Worsop, what a little bitch. I'm pretty sure he's like
He's my height at least. Danny is a regular sized human. I had another thought. I'm just going to tuck that one back in. Regular size. Shut up you tall bitch.
Dude, in my newest vlog, Danny sang a song about how big my dick is, so that's cool. That's a good vlog song. What was it called? I love Danny. I don't know. It's like a whole... He did like... It was a whole... He serenaded him. Yeah, I did. Guitar or piano? He serenaded me for three minutes. No, he sang and Matt played...
Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar. guitar.
It's what happens. Okay, Betty, are you ready to close this out? No. Wait, first, Heather, where do people find you at? On social media. I'm Heather Lynn O. Why the O? Uh,
Oh, no. People think that people think that it's because my last name starts with O and I don't tell people my last name. So I just O-H. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. So it's H-E-A-T-H-E-R-L-Y-N-N-O-H on Twitch, TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, et cetera, et cetera. Or Google Heather Osaka if you want to know her real last name. Got you. Thanks. Or Sasha Gray. Oh, my God. You never made that connection?
It's hard to unsee once you see it. Holy fuck! Cody! I don't know. That's why we were wanting to go to the AVNs this year. We were going to take a picture with her and Sasha Gray with me in the middle. It's the eyebrows. Yeah, I love Sasha. It's the eyebrows. I love Sasha. Everyone, thank you for watching the Unsubscribe podcast. Today, of course, as always, we have Donut Operator and Eli Double Tap and our very, very special...
Guest Heather Lynn, thank you for being here We love you! Bye! Like, subscribe, all that stuff. Okay bye! Like, subscribe. I already reacted, I'm a fucking idiot. Heather, make a cracky sound like... Three, what? I have a cup full of mezcal. Who do you... What, this is the worst... Why did you... No, do it in front of the mic, don't do it over there! Nice.
