16 - The Poop Episode 01:04:30

Pineapple, line that up. Oh, we're already starting. Hi, welcome. Well, no, don't. Sorry. It's your turn. Hi, everyone. Unsubscribe podcast here. It's been two weeks. It has been a while. Oopsie. Who are you guys? I'm Eli, by the way. It's nice to meet you. It's very good to be here. Thank you. Batty. Batty streams. Huge, huge fan. Hey, and this is. Oh, wait. Operator Drewski didn't come.

It's weird. It's like we had a text. If you guys don't know today, we have John Cena on the podcast. You can't see him. I was like, don't, it's not getting this joke yet. Okay. Um, Maddie do a sponsorship with Carbock, our new ranch water. Sorry. I don't love you anymore. We're breaking up. It's not me. It's you. Um,

You're dumb. Carbog Ranch Water. It's better than the other one. And Zions. Cherry Lime, specifically cherry. Zions, if you can just. Oh, you're not drinking, right? I know. I can't wait to break your sobriety just like I broke JT's. Yeah, JT had a good two months. Three, like three. Three months. Yeah. Now I'm all healthy for, until Fridays. Fridays I'm allowed to drink. Okay. What kind of bullshit ass, Fridays I can drink. That's my cheat day.

Are you just going to get like man of nights on every Friday? Okay, maybe not do that. I'm not like you guys where you're like, we'll just do two man of nights a week right now. I was like, man, these guys are doing it all the time right now. It's not fun. No. Yeah, you guys have done a lot lately. Because Kings can't sleep and he gets drunk so he can pass the fuck out because his cluster headache bullshit and he's dying. So he's like, I'm going to drink it. And he's like, hey, baddie.

help but i'm like okay they thought they would get me with 20 man and nights even though i was like oh man and night man and i go and check their uh text i was like before these assholes even lie how much each man is gonna be we did you were just wrong that's not what happened at all it was 72 dollars and you're like i already read it it was 79 not 72 and then you guys were saying 30 were we

That's a cheap man. That's weird, man. That's weird. I don't think there's any VOD or any proof of this. I don't believe you. Always delete the video. Always. Every time. Every goddamn time. What have you been up to, buddy? I went to UFC 262 with Chuck Liddell. That was really cool. That's a boring story. Okay, next. No, I'm joking. Go on. That's it.

Everyone was there. Frazier was in Houston. Oh, he was? Yes. I didn't know he was there. Dude, I had so many buddies there. It was like, you dickheads don't say anything when you go to Texas. And I'm like, wait, what? I didn't know Frazier was there. I would have invited him out. We went out to the club with Chuck and this little rich kid. You got a lap dance from Chuck. I got a lap dance from Chuck. And this little rich kid ran up and was like, let me pay for all your drinks and your table. And threw down like $10,000 in cash. And then took everyone to the strip club after and pulled out another $10,000 in cash. And was just like, yeah, whatever.

Y'all would do a strip club without me? I didn't go, but Chuck went with him. I went home early. I need different friends. Yeah, right? I mean, we live together. We could do, you guys want to go to a strip club? Are you going to throw down 10 grand that I have to spend at a strip club? Probably not. I'll pull out like a hundred bucks. I'm sure there's a quarter machine somewhere. Yeah.

I'm going to... That was a great experience. I met Joe Rogan, so that was cool. Oh, yeah. How was that? It was pretty neat. He's a really nice guy. Did you meet Dana, too? I didn't meet Dana. I was standing beside him, but I did not meet him. Did you sniff him? I did. I smelled Dana White a little bit. Dana smells bald. Very bald. Yeah, that's true. Good. Sorry, Dana. He smells like bleach. Mr. Clean.

um so yeah you fucking we had chocolate out of the range that was fucking oh yeah that was a little after the podcast we haven't talked about that no i haven't talked about chuck came to the uh chuck liddell came out to the range but for black rebel coffee i had food poisoning yeah he like died for like three days yeah you okay now i am that was the absolute you get for not drinking i know

I guess. Is that how that works? I remember going, I was like, I got to direct tonight. I got to direct tonight. And the noon, that feeling, like the mouth watering started. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Eli, I hate, I hate throwing up. Like it is, it's a fear of mine. Like I can't breathe. You just bite it to the last second. Yes. I love throwing up. I'd be like, let's get it out. I fear it. Cause I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm like, I can't breathe in. I'm like, ah,

And I'm just like spraying vomit. It's the most terrifying thing in the world to me. So I remember that last phone call with Darnell. I was like, I took some anti-nausea meds. I should be good.

He's like, okay, we need, I was like, I gotta go. And I was like, I just started vomiting. And then I, and then I just kept going. And then I slept for like 50 minutes. I throw up, slept for 50 minutes, throw up. And that last one, I gotta know, did you poop? Did you have like explosive diarrhea and vomiting? Were you,

Yes. Oh, 100%. So did you have to do the bucket while sitting on the toilet? Or did you put your butt in the bucket and puke in the toilet? I threw up in another bathroom with poop in the other bathroom. I had two. Oh, you double tapped it. Yeah. I did. Hence the name. It's from that specifically. I was literally just like running back and forth. And I knew something was wrong because the first thing I did, I was like, I'm feeling nauseous. I pooped that day. I went poop. And it was like. Four times a day.

Well, it was like a bright green crayon. I was like, my poop's never been that color. What the fuck does that mean? I Googled it. It's like, didn't have salad. Can't be that. I was like, uh-oh. Did you get a green cupcake? You ever do that? Eat the cupcakes with a crazy frosting and you shit neon blue? That's literally what it looked like. Neon green. I've done that. Do you remember the black buns they had for that Halloween at Burger King and it turned your shit black? Yes.

- Yes. - What? - Oh my God, I forgot about the black buns. That was like the, what was it called? - Everyone was posting pictures on the internet of their shit 'cause it was pure black. Like the black buns just dyed everything. - That's not healthy. If you have black stool, that's like real bad. - Yeah, that means you have blood in your stool. - Yeah, you're dying.

Was it bright? If it's bright blood in your stool, it's fine. Or it just means a tear on the outside. But just cut your big old turd. Yeah. That turd cutter didn't do its job. That turd cutter broke. This is the poop episode of Unsubscribe. Yeah. Welcome to Unsubscribe where we talk about anime, nerd stuff and shit.

Oh, man. Oh, dude. So I was pooping, right? Great transition. There we go. All right. We're going in. We were staying at the Four Seasons, and my friend Jessica was at the restaurant. And I didn't get a chance to really talk to Joe Rogan. I just met him and said, hey, blah, blah. But I wanted to talk to him about coming on a show maybe. And he was staying in the Four Seasons, and he was walking through the hotel, and he kept getting stopped by people. But I was taking a poop. So she's like, Rogan's out here. Come out. Rogan's out here. Come out. Rogan's out here. And I had to look.

Just like cut it off. And then the toilet paper at the Four Seasons is black.

And you can't tell when you're actually done. So I just kept going and going and going. And then I missed Rogan. The elevator was closing as I was coming out, and I didn't want to hold the elevator and corner him in the elevator. Who makes black toilet paper? It's a fancy hotel. Guys, was it soft, though? It was soft. It was super soft. It wasn't like fucking tissue paper. Introducing double-ply brown toilet paper. Am I done? Yeah.

We call it risk. I don't know if you're done or not. Wet wipes. That's the only way. Eli knows. You got wet wipes. Oh, I love wet wipes. I just bought wet wipes. Is that a military thing? Or just like... I think it is. Because when you're out in the field, yeah, one dude always had the wet wipes in his bag. Baby wipes, whatever the fuck they were. One, you always... It's like taking a shower every time you shit. Yeah, you just gotta...

True. Yeah. Get your ass, throw the fucking. Yeah. And it's biodegradable. The black toilet paper is like, I got to finally see what it's like to shit as a blind person. Oh my God. I never thought about it. I did do. Oh, there was some stories about that. It's like how blind people just. How do they know? Yeah. If you're blind, please in our comments, I'm not sure how you're typing or listening.

You don't know how you're blind. Yeah. If you're blind out there. Hey, you, if you're listening, question mark. Patty said that too. That's all they do. If you're blind and have a friend type in our comments, how do you know when you're done shitting?

If you have a friend who's blind, ask him for us. I just want to know now. It's probably easily Google-able. Shut the fuck up. I'm not going to do that. We don't have time for that. We usually Google something. How do blind people poop? Out of their buttholes, stupid. I hate you. Out of their buttholes.

Oh, yeah. So that's where today went. Oh, my God. This is great. Side story on a blind. There was a blind lady. She was super sweet next door, but she was a hoarder. This is back in L.A. Hoarder. A blind hoarder. Had no standards.

But no, she lived next door and she was like a hoarder. And it was like, it's creepy because when you think about it, it's like that lady's just sitting there in her house and like all this trash and complete darkness for herself because she wouldn't turn her lights on. I was like, man, it's like an actual horror story right there. It's like super creepy when you think about it. There's a lady just sitting in like the dark of her house at all times, day or night.

Just maneuvering through her... I don't like it. Through her garbage? I don't like it. Yeah. You're like, ah, yeah. I don't like it. Nope. Just Smeagol popped into my head. That's very true. Because he lived in a dark cave. Big old creepy eyes, too. Biggest ones. Batty, so you competed in...

video game tournament yeah it was shit no i'm kidding it was actually a lot of fun came in second or third third it's a good story i've heard a partial amount of the story so go yesterday was the escape from tarkov twitch rivals team event 24 teams three people per team uh with like a thirty thousand dollar prize prize pool

And our team was myself, Kings, who we talk about far too much. Gross. Gross. And one of our buddies, Velyan, who's a smaller Twitch partner. And all the sweaty gamers were in LA. Like, Clean, Willer, Landmark, Anthony Convan was in it. Wellen was there, AquaFPS. Like, a lot of big creators. This was the North America tournament. There was an EU one a couple days ago as well. And...

It started out real bad for us. We were like 23rd out of 24 with .01 seconds left after the first four rounds. It was like there was like five sections to the tournament. There was the first section, which was like the qualifier. Okay.

You played one map four times, and there was, like, achievements. You could go around and try to do specific tasks, kill certain people, kill players, and earn points. Whoever had the most points after all four of those qualifying rounds would be moved into, like, the bracket system. So is this – are you playing random players, or are you playing each other? Playing each other. Oh, shit. Closed PvP servers. There's only the AI scavs, so AI players, like the computers, and other players that are in the tournament.

Which I fucking loved. See, that's smart. That was the biggest issue with the last few tournaments was it was on public servers. So people could snipe in. Even with a stream delay, people could get into the tournament. Yeah. Or, you know, you'd have one team on a server with a bunch of solo shit players and one team on another server with five super geared, the hardcore players. And then that doesn't matter if that team is really good. They're fucked. So...

It was on private servers. So like it was all the best PV players, you know, known to the game versus all these other bigger streamers. And boy, you did not. It's weird how all the best players.

Didn't make it past like the second round. Will, I'm sorry. I love you, bro, but I'm going to talk shit right now. I'm sorry. Will and Landmark were on the same team? Their third player, I don't remember who it was. It was Will and Landmark on the same team. If you guys don't know who they are, they're two of the best players in the world. They play like Call of Duty. They play Tarkov like Call of Duty, which is insane to watch how fast and crazy they do things.

But yeah, they got knocked out like second round. Like they made it through the qualifier first round of the brackets. They got knocked out. Just done. What happened? Dunked them? Just some smaller people? The first round also, we were in the same lobby as them. I don't want to say that. We didn't actually kill them. They got stomped on by another team and we came in and cleaned up their third player. Will and Landmark were already dead, but...

But it was crazy. I know a lot of people were complaining. I've learned that Twitch and Battlestate don't understand how a bracket works. If you're the first qualifier, you go against the worst qualifier.

the worst teams. It's like first and 16th or whatever, second and 15th. They put first, second, third, and fourth all in one bracket. So they just blew their load right at the beginning. It's like that's not how a bracket system works. If you do really well, you go up against the worst teams. Yeah. In the middle. It meets in the middle for the finals. Yeah. That's how you get the... Nope. A good ending. Like, no, fuck that. We...

I mean, I think they did, there was like a loser bracket and a winner bracket, but either way, it was just a weird set, their bracket system was just set up kind of weird. But yeah, we were in 23rd at the end of the qualifying round. We had done really good the first out of the four maps, then we just got shit on the middle two. And then the fourth one, we were doing decent, and then Mean Kings got killed, and it was only our partner Valiant left.

And he was like on the cusp, a cunt hair away from getting a fuck ton of points, which would have pushed us like just barely into qualifying. And he was extracting from the map and the clock hit zero and a player pushed him and he killed the player. Apparently there was like 0.03 seconds left on the clock technically when he got the kill. Yeah. So we went from 23rd up to 13th. Oh, wow.

Because it counted all of the little things at the end there. So Valiant got that motherfucker. He is loud and angry and stressful. He's apparently a more solo player. And he struggled a little with teams, I think. But overall, motherfucker MVP'd the shit out of us for that round and another one later on. And he did good, which was cool to see. So it was pumped. So we got bumped to 13th.

We then, for every round of the bracket system, we had the most points because it's all based on points. You've got to find certain things. They made you have to find the heaviest item in the game, a tank battery. They would hide three tank batteries randomly on each map. I guess not randomly. Everybody knew where the tank batteries were. And they make it so you just can't run. If you've ever picked up a tank battery in Tarkov, you're fucked because it's a weight system. It's like a survival game. You carry too much. You're slow walking.

And you have to pull out a tank battery to get like the most points. So everybody's just like slow walking and trudging around. Their teammates are covering them. Trying. Yeah. We pulled one off woods and we had to carry it from like one, like the middle of the map all the way across the map with like four minutes left on the clock. It was like, so it was so stressful. Holy shit.

But yeah, we ended up moving all the way up until third. Clean, I think, got bumped out somewhere like around 10th or 8th in the middle. Party Pineapple, our editor, 7th place in the tournament. GG's boy. That was his first time in Rivals too, I think. So he did real good there. Yeah, but we pushed up to third. Somehow we accidentally made it to third. You made podium. Yeah. You got a bronze medal. Yeah. I mean, that's... You failed up. It's like when you're...

Running up the stairs and you trip and you fall up the stairs. That's what happened. And I broke my thumb once doing that, tripping, running upstairs. Random story. Oh, look at the little kiddies. Yeah, but there was a lot of shit talking going on between a lot of the players. Dude, I bet there was just... Where was the shit talking at? Twitch chats and a little offhanded comments here and there. Bullshit!

Well, that's the thing. You see all these people that are known to be the best Tarkov players. Again, no offense, Will. Love you, brother. That play in these public lobbies against normal players. But when you put them all up against spicy dudes, suddenly all the best players maybe aren't all the best players. And that's where everyone's like, well, it's still random tasks. And I hated how this was like this. And then all the excuses and everything started coming out. But, I mean, like the winners were...

Three smaller Twitch partners. It was a guy named EFT Sharptooth, just Sharptooth now, QueenFPS, and I can't remember their third, or Arson. ArsonTV, I believe, were the three first place winners. Arson killed me in the last round, you motherfucker. Good for them. That's awesome. But dude, it was super cool to see the top two teams were all not the top of the Tarkov directory. That's crazy. They were still decent sized streamers, but it was really great to see

People actually like get into it. I think Anthony Confan moved into it. His team was fourth place. They did good. Anthony did real good that tournament, which was cool because he does a lot of other stuff too. So...

That's crazy. It's those brackets. It's actually putting players into their skill level when you're like, oh, the spice. That's how I do like COD or Warzone for that. Yeah, because it's like, yo, Diamond 1. Every game is spicy. Yeah. Every game. The problem was with it is the same thing. It would be when the tournaments, the kill tournaments, rush kills. Yeah. And you'd be like, okay, guys, you have five rounds of Warzone or 10 rounds of Warzone to –

to get as many kills as you can. And what players were doing, pro players were just joining. They'd look at the skill bracket and exit out. Yeah, they would just keep joining and backing out. And they'd get a low elo lobby and just murder everyone. Because then you're playing with trash. You just pub stop. It's an old school pub stop. And it's like, I know when I'm in a low elo because it's like, oh, this battle, they missed me. Period. Like...

I can, yeah. Like, they're like, brr, and they run away, and you're like... It's like that scene from Pulp Fiction. Yeah. Where he comes out of the bathroom. And he just kind of looks around like... But, man, yeah, skill-based matchmaking or just, like, the private lobbies, that's, like... I remember when PUBG first launched, they had an issue with that. Yeah. Like, the original, like, first rounds of early access...

When Donut reached out to me, he was like, hey, we should play PUBG sometime. We could be friends, buddy. Yeah. Did you ignore him? No, he ignored me.

No, it was 2017. 17 or 16. Yeah, that was back in the day. Because I was a PUBG partner. Uh-huh. And I could do the custom, make my own matches for all my friends to jump in. I used to play with my lobby. It was really fun. I'm probably not a partner anymore because I haven't played it in two years. 18 years. Sorry. Thanks for the partnership, though. That game, I'm surprised people still play that game. It was pretty fun. And then Fortnite kind of killed it. Yeah. Fortnite. They also dropped the ball with terrible... First of all, they let...

They didn't region lock China. That was a problem for early PUBG days. And yeah, they dropped the ball huge with their updates, man. It was just too little too late. Sorry, there's pussy fighting in the background. Get him! Go for the jugular! Be nice to your brother, Jones. Jesus Christ.

But yeah, PUBG, the original tournaments there were public lobby. They'd get dropped into a public lobby, get a certain amount of kills. And that's what the early Tarkov tournaments were, public lobbies. You'd have people try to stream snipe into the games to help or hinder. You know, they'd have sweaty foremans dropping into tournaments. Or fucking a single solo player who doesn't know what he's doing trying to hatchet run. That's a free kill, so...

I was super thrilled they did it this way. The last few ones were like a bingo style tournament where you have to achieve certain achievements. Oh, yeah. A bingo board. I did that one. Those I didn't mind just because it was kind of fun to be in a rival tournament still. But this is RNG. You're up to the RNG. All RNG.

Look at, if you want a good example, speed runs, watch speed runs. They don't, they'll just restart. If they, that one little thing is wrong, you restart it. Cause there's no point. They're like, Nope, fucking, this is pointless reset. Oh, I'm 30 minutes into this run. Nope. This didn't happen. Reset. And you're like,

That's the exact same thing you guys were doing. It's like, well, team A got really good luck. Team B got literally fucked. So it was really cool that these were all, it wasn't random. It's control. Every map had the scab boss on it, you know? Oh, that's awesome. Like scab boss, a hundred percent. Cause it was only, it was one map. It went four qualifying rounds on reserve map.

into a round on woods which was the first bracket then to uh interchange then to shoreline then to um i think the last one was custom actually sorry it was a reserve custom woods shoreline then back to reserve there was no factory on that one or labs but like every time if there's a scav boss on that map he was there everyone had the same tank battery spots on every map

It was other players in the tournament every time. So it was as controlled as a survival RNG-based game can be. Tarkov can be, yeah. And I loved it. I thought it was a great system. Was there some confusion in points and brackets? Yes. But for a Twitch Rivals tournament, I had a fucking blast. It's probably the best one you've done. Yeah, absolutely. I was having fun when we were in 23rd.

Yeah, it's still, it's a good time. I mean, like for, for a tournament with all the best players in Tarkov, like there was no like EU players. There was no like Australian players, like the silly slush. They didn't get to play with us, which was a bummer because it was just the NA NA tournament. But,

It was still fucking cool, man. I will take that style tournament over nothing. Yeah. Dang. What game were you playing? Let's get dunked on landmark. World of Warcraft. Oh, don't even know. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. Oh man. I'm about to get back into it too. Yes. Are you more of a PVE or PVP player? World of Warcraft been more PVE. Yeah.

I like Dungeons and Rating. Before we go to that trash, play Resident Evil 8. No, I'm not going to. I don't give a fuck about Resident Evil games. I'll play it. Is it good? Have you beat it? What's your favorite Resident Evil? I haven't beat it yet. Nemesis. I heard they all die. I have no idea. I'm just trying to ruin the game. Did you like 4? I can't remember which one. Leon, and then in the village you can upgrade your weapons. Is it like in Africa? Yeah.

No, that's the number five. It's the one where it's like, what you selling? No, I don't remember that one. It's like considered like, so two and four considered like the best ones. This one is four and seven. So seven was the first, first person was scary, just pure scary. And then they were like, okay, let's do that.

It's a first person Resident Evil now. There's some scary attributes to it, but it's fucking like, you're like, "Bah, bah, bah, bah!" Running around clearing, the dude's now trained with a firearm. It's fucking good. You get to upgrade your weapons, the battles, the bosses.

I'm enjoying the fuck out of it. There's big titty goth girls in it. She's Lady Demetrius. She's 9'6". In the game. She's a monster. I mean, Eli. That's three of me. She's three Eli's tall. I'm a big dude and her tit would sit on my head. Comfortably.

She is huge in the game and then she just like walks after you and you're like, it's that weird feeling in a video game. I haven't had one. I'm like, my heart's like, I'm like, run away from this bitch. The other bosses are popping up and you're like, yeah, there's the ones that are, I might have to check this game out. It's just the goss. He's going to check out the version. Yeah. Where the evil ate porn.

I mean, you know it's there. Here we go. You know it's there. I don't know if it's there. He's like, click the second video down. It populates. The first one's trash. They just mislabeled it. Fucking thumbnails. No, but it's really good. I am really fucking happy with it.

The puzzles. I've heard nothing but good things. I just don't give a fuck about Resident Evil games. Yeah, if it's not your thing. I'm not going to knock the game. I've heard good things. I beat the last one. That was a good one too. It was seven or? Yeah. The one where you're in like

Yeah, seven. The fucking... The redneck family that eats people. So it's that same guy. It's that same guy as in this one. Oh, like the character you play? Yeah. Oh, he just keeps getting in all sorts of shit. That's why he was like, literally, that's what's great about it. He's like, fuck, man. Like, I just want to forget about that because it's like X amount of years later. And then he's thrust back into it. He's like, motherfucker. Not again. Why?

Fool me once, shame on you. He's like, ugh. But it's that character. But he explains, like, the reason now he knows how to use firearms and you get, like, AR, like, and all that shit in this game. Sniper rifle. It's literally Resident Evil. Because in 7, he was clumsy and shit with stuff. You had, like, a pistol and a shotgun, right? And you were like... You found a shotgun in the house. So I didn't play 7, but I watched an entire playthrough of, like, the different stuff that can happen in it. Because I...

I don't like the games, but the story was fucking cool. It was a spooky game. So I literally, I'll sit down and just watch somebody play those games. Like,

twitch yeah this one is like that but uh you have like the merchant that you can buy upgrades to your weapons you get a you get to create ammo and like the the potion stuff to heal yourself it's just a fun game and it seems big because i'm i don't even know how far i've just got like the first bosses done so now i have to go like i'm guessing there's like three more big bosses i have so yeah it's fun though it's

It went so, so good on that stream PC. The dual PC? Okay, now back to your trash WoW. Okay, so WoW is pretty cool. I haven't played WoW. I looked it up the other day, so I actually logged in and got my account and stuff, which took a bit because my authenticator was on a phone I had three, four years ago.

Which I go through phones a lot, but I actually played WoW since 2016 was last time I like played played I bought Legion in like 2019. I Did the same never played it never opened it never touched it But I that was the last time I like logged into my battle net account I think and I have no idea what I'm doing. I

At all. I am so lost in the fucking sauce right now, but I'm having so much goddamn fun. I've been staying up until like 5, 6 a.m. That's why you've been doing that. I'm just playing WoW. What character are you playing? I made a Blood Elf Warlock. I like DPS. I want to learn how to tank. I love tanking. I don't know any of the dungeons. I don't know any of the raids. Because I'm more of a PvE player than PvP.

And I don't know any of the shit yet to tank. So I'm going to just learn some of the raids. Then I'll start learning how to tank again. Yeah. I just like, I was, I've never been huge into WoW. I've always leveled. And then my friends will be like, well, we're going to do something else. And I'm like, well, I guess I'm not going to play WoW anymore. And I just get back into an FPS or some shit. I stopped playing. So I'm relearning how to fucking do everything because it's completely different. The Warlock I'm playing now is a Destruction Warlock, which back

Back in the day, it wasn't a good warlock, so I never fucking learned it. I learned like an affliction warlock. So I'm like, my rotations are different. So I got all these fucking add-ons. It's making my brain hurt because I'm not smart. MMOs. But I'm having so much fun. What level are you? I just hit, I'm like 55 and a half.

I started at 48, 50. I just took a bump because I didn't want to replay the entire fucking shit. They brought the cap down to 60 because it was 120. Yeah, it was like 120. It was level 120 in the last. They put it back to 60 now? So they just compressed everything back to 60. I mean, like health was in like the millions and shit. Like numbers were absurd. There was no point to the number system. They got like. It kept multiplying. It was getting exponential at that point. So like they just.

You did 1.2 million damage with that one backstab. How much health does this creature have? Well, that creature has 38 trillion.

that's how that's what it got to yeah and they're like oh maybe we should put it into more manageable numbers i found the uh the chat in wow is still just as gold as ever yeah last night super toxic oh my god last night i was playing and uh somebody just puts it in the general chat or something she's like hey man uh if you ever need help i'm gonna be streaming live on twitch seven days a week doing youtube videos as well two platforms you know how it is and then the people reply like wait

This motherfucker's on two platforms? What? Seven days of... Did he say two platforms? And it just kept going. And it was just like, oh, this poor man. This man's trying to advertise in a vid you game. Don't do that. Never. Don't do that. You're either going to get trolled or people just don't give a shit. Don't do that. And don't come into somebody else's stream and advertise your stream. Yeah, don't do that. I hate that I have to say that.

Hey, if you're in a stream and you're like, oh, I gotta leave to go to my stream. We know what you're doing. Yeah. Don't be a shit cunt. Have you always played Horde? I have Horde and... Actually, I think I only have one Alliance character. Do you remember Baron's chat? Like, if you're in the Barons... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The chat was always just like fire there. It was always... That and Crossroads was always fucking... Yep. Angry. The Crossroads and the Barons. Yeah. Yep.

Wow. Is there actually much? Dude, I remember the last time I played a little bit of legions and it's just so ridiculous where you, like, you don't have to talk to another soul now in an MMO, which has completely changed how MMOs were back from like EverQuest Final Fantasy 11. Cause they, you can go through all those instances and no one says a damn thing. They're just like grinding through, they're killing the bosses and then it's over and you're like,

I mean, even like the first couple years of WoW was like that. You would have to run to the dungeon. Everyone had to run there and meet there. Oh, yeah, yeah, to the stone. Yeah, and if you wanted to summon someone to the meeting stone. And then you would just pool outside of the dungeon entrance. You would all wait there and try to like fucking...

And it was hard. You had to really think about what you were doing and communicate. And you're right with dungeon finders now and everything is just handed to you. Dude, those old instances. Oh, fuck. What was the one in the desert? I remember I have the most memories of that. Where I had the Egyptian pyramid. This is original. Vanilla. Zanzibar. Oh, it is a Z. Zanzibar. Zanagiv. Zanagiv.

But you know what I'm talking like that or the one where you fight the hydras under like in the mountain and there's a waterfall and you jump off like all those. I remember so well, but you'd have like you'd prep and there was like you'd wipe a lot even on those young instances because people just didn't know what they were doing. It was a lot more difficult. Now it's just I don't think you can fail instance. Now, it's really hard to be terrible.

We had, I was playing, fuck, a couple days ago. I was in the first dungeon I've done since getting back into WoW. And our healer was just being a shit cunt. Like a literal piece of shit. Just being rude to everyone. He's like, oh, fucking, you're new? You're new? Oh, this tank's stupid. Everyone vote kick the tank. He sucks. And then eventually he was like, wow, what are you doing? And then one other dude just wrote to everyone. He's like, just ignore him. Y'all are doing fine. And eventually, as soon as that guy wrote that...

Healer quit. Priest quit. So we're all like, I don't know. Dungeon Finder immediately queued another healer halfway through the dungeon. I was like, we don't have to start over. I mean, it's been so long since I've done anything like this. And it's, I don't know. I'm having fun. I'm gaming offline. I played WoW on stream the other night too. Hell of good numbers though. People like it.

It's just weird. I haven't gamed offline in a while. I've been playing games off of it. Can we all play together? I'll play WoW. I have level 50 of every class. I want to play. You want to play WoW with us? Yeah, I'll play WoW. You want to play WoW until 5 a.m.? Let's do it. Should we start new characters together? Yes. Level 50 characters.

Start boosted characters. Yeah, boosted. We'll start strong boosted characters. I'd be down to play like... A boost to 50 is fine because 50 to 60 is like the new shit. It's Shadowlands. So that's the expansion. And it teaches you how to play now. And that's why I didn't want to... You start out even as a boosted character. I don't need to relearn fucking... That's another big thing. I didn't want to relearn levels 1 through fucking 40. I've done that so many goddamn times and had my friends quit halfway through where I'm like, well...

Don't want to play more. So I'll boost to 50. I'll grind from 50 to 60. And that's fine. That's a fun amount of grinding. For sure. You can do dungeons along the way. It's good.

Or do we play Final Fantasy XIV? I'm not going to play Final Fantasy XIV. You sons of bitches. Everyone says the story's way better. Everyone's like, the story's way better. And so are the fights. Final Fantasy XIV was one where they remade the entire game because it sucked so much nut. So, so bad. We were talking about that one time. Yeah, they literally revamped. And that's why it's called A Realm Reborn is because they trashed the old... They were like, oh, we got one year to fix this or two years. And they just like...

They're like, this game sucked. It went from a million subs to 28,000 subs in a month. You know you killed your game when your entire player base is like, nah, this ain't for me, dawg. I'm a ghost. I'm a headhunter. I'm going to go play ESO instead. But the new one, everyone's like, they rave and they...

I was reading a WoW developer because they don't like a lot of the WoW developers and new, like especially the hardcore raiding guilds. They don't like the boss encounters in World of Warcraft or how it's managed. They're like, it's just cheap. And they're like, none of these things, these cats fight.

Fuck you. Fuck you. How squirt was the boy with the hair? No, Jones has been, look, he's just beating Squirt up and chasing around the house the past couple days. He's very angry. Squirt, shank him. Have sex with him. Oh, so Squirt tried to fuck Jones one time. He just got a wild hair up his ass and mounted poor little Jones and Jones was like, this is mine now. Jones.

is mad yeah there's anger built up i mean me and eli were hanging at the bar and all of a sudden eli was like i'm like he's gonna not like me for a while you might have it yeah that's not okay be nice kick him in the dick but yeah they had um the boss rotations on their uh how everything how final fantasy teaches you is like the big thing it's like hey this mechanic

Throughout each dungeon, it's like, hey, we're doing this, this, and this. So when you get to that final encounter, you know each of these glyphs on the ground or what's going to happen next. And everyone praises the big raid battles because of that. Whereas...

or World of Warcraft, I always just did like, it's like spam, watch out for the fucking emblem going. So we're going to run around. There are add-ons that make noises if you're in a bad place now. Deadly boss, Deadly boss mod. And it tells you everything. It's like,

I'm like, gotta move! Which is great because I'm usually on my phone scrolling like TikTok or watching porn on the other monitor anyways. So now I'm like, I can multitask like a pro. Oh, man. What are you going to play? What are you going to play, Donut?

What have you always done in WoW? What has been your WoW? I'm a hunter. Or a tank. I like warrior tanking, but hunter's always been my main thing because I like kiting big bosses that you can't normally kill by yourself. But I got really good at kiting. I love going out and finding world bosses and killing them with my hunter. It feels good getting back into an MMO. It does. Because I got another little mod that shows DPS that everyone's doing against the boss encounter and just seeing my name at the top of the list like that.

As a destruction warlock? Yeah, destruction. I mean, it's like barely me, though. It's more of the class. But it's still like... Vanguard had that. Where's the DPS thing? I remember getting to 60. Vanguard was like EverQuest made that the creators created Vanguard after it had some bumps and roads. But it was fun because you would have...

If you had a good rotation built for your, like, DPS rogue, the level of damage you could do was astronomical. I remember going into, like, parties and they would be like... Dude, the burst damage rogues can do. Dude, these ones, they would be like, I burst damage 20,000 and they would be like 20,000, 30,000 and then they'd see me at, like, 110,000. Like, how the fuck are you doing that much damage? I was like, oh, use this macro because you can build the macros. I was like, use this exact macro. You will just...

murder everything with the push of a button. It'd be like, boom, boom, boom. Stealth, crouch, backstab, spin around, double backflip, stab, stab, stab. Then you do stealth again, double backstab. The guy walks away for five seconds, wait, and then cool down and do it again. They'd be like, Jesus Christ. Straight up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ever see the old series called World of Roguecraft? It was a video series on YouTube back in the day. OG YouTube. OG YouTube, OG World of Warcraft.

it was this rogue and he was so good at playing the class he would take the starting dagger that was like 0.5 dps and that's all he would use when he was level 60 and he would just destroy entire teams of people he was just so wild yeah he was so good he was a dead all that he was undead right yeah he's an undead rogue yep okay i remember he would just annihilate some of the best players in the game god i love those that's not like what has you guys read the plague story right on world of warcraft

The plague that happened that accidentally... All the undead? No, the plague that someone brought a monster into the city and that plague, because it got brought into the city, then it just kept spreading and destroying. Oh, yeah, yeah. And the CDC actually went and... Did a study on it. Colleges and stuff did studies on it. Really? Yeah, because it was seeing what people would do in an actual plague scenario. They brought it to...

Or was it Stormwind? I don't know. It was one of the major cities, but yeah, I remember that. It was a plague and they somehow got the monster out of the dungeon. They dragged, yeah. It was like a world boss. I think it was a world boss. And they dragged it so fucking far.

Yeah. Into the middle of a city and it started killing people. Everyone. And it had a plague that attached if you came in contact or near another player, then they were contagious and kills you after X amount of time. So everyone's respawning. Then they're near each other. Then there's storm wind and there's NPCs and everything. So every... That's fucking cool. I didn't know about that. Bro, it's so fucking gangster because it was a problem. They had to reset the server. They had to reset the entire server until like a few days before. Yeah.

Yeah, because it literally just wiped out Player's Storm. Everything went down south on that. And you're like, holy shit. Yeah. Dude, there's MMO stories. If you want a good time, read on MMO stories. We talked about reading Dwarf Fortress stories too sometime on here. Yeah, Dwarf Fortress. The story of Murder Boat. It's fucking amazing. That Dwarf Fortress story. I'm playing RimWorld offline too. I'm still playing RimWorld, Ben. That's my laptop game. I just...

Sit there and turn it on. I have like 2,000 hours in my life. Oh, I'm aware because I've synced. Yeah. I still need to play that one. Oh, Project Zomboid just got the multiplayer release, didn't it? Oh, did the multiplayer drop for Zomboid? That's what John was saying, but he's a liar, so I don't know.

A lot of your father's yeah, John the viewers are watching you dad. I have all my assignments done I get a teacher from some email email 12 assignment I've seen you playing a lot of minecraft lately John that's not schoolwork. That's because I'm doing my schoolwork in minecraft father Oh bucks dad

- Oh man. - Are you winning son? Not at school. - Define winning father. - Define winning. - Oh fuck. - I never got in trouble. I was just a shit, like I hated school. I just wanted to do it. I played Final Fantasy, I played EverQuest and Phantasy Star Online. I skipped school and do that too. - Played a lot of WoW in high school and almost failed. - See I didn't, I didn't play, I was all, I was all FPSs through high school. It was Call of Duty and Halo.

a little bit of rainbow the older like rainbow six vegas style shit um what was the other one i was always in medal of honor uh so calm so calm us navy seals yeah that game too right yeah that was when you was that when you had the usp no uh the usp that was in the uh the one like the desert storm was it which one you had you always had a suppressed usp uh subcompact with the laser on the front

- Holy shit. - Splinter Cell? - Was it Splinter Cell? - That was always a good, - It might have been Splinter Cell. - It might have been Splinter Cell. - It wasn't a first person shooter. - No, Splinter Cell wasn't a first person shooter, but. - Yeah, you always had the green laser with the nods and everything.

I saw Monster Rancher. I ordered Monster Rancher for us to try. Because we were going to put porn DVDs in and see what monsters come out. Alright, so a lot of us have PO boxes, guys. We're going to need you to send us all of your favorite porn DVDs. I want backdoor busses for Let's Go! A bussy? What, BBW stands for? I want that bus. Girl, show me your bus.

Baddie loves fat bussies. Send them all the donuts. Wait, don't leave them at your skate shop? Oh, no. Don't send them to the skate shop. We got backdoor bussies four and five at the skate shop? You better not be peeing. Hold on. He likes boxes. Man, you guys really wanted me to get a pet. Makes me want one so bad. You know he's a good pet.

That's squirt. Squirt's not a good boy. Squirt's really angry. I just can't get rid of him. You don't. Batty got a pet. I got a pet. What'd you get? I got a gecko. What's its name? Its name is Trico. It's a toque gecko. I love reptiles a whole bunch. I have a problem. I've always wanted one. Batty's going. He was excited to tell us he's going to a convention, a reptile convention when he got here. It's a herpes convention. I know. This is a terrible. Herpes? It's called herpes. Herpes? No. I shouldn't have said this.

baddie's going to a herps convention guys it's just a fucking reptile they just have fucking bunch of crazy exotic animals and shit that are reptiles and i want to go touch them all that place is gonna smell like shitty cricket it's gonna smell like just dead crickets yeah i got i got a tokay gecko which is uh they're they get pretty big they get like a little they can be from like a foot to like 16 inches and they're like crazy neon like bright colors and shit and they bark

That's awesome. I got a barking gecko. Wait, how? Like when the doorbell rings? It's like my dog. Like when they're grumpy or at night. You ever go out to like out in the woods at night and you hear like frogs and shit chirping? Yeah. It's like that, but they bark real loud. Why would you do that? Because I wanted a barking. Because I was just excited to be like, hey, everyone, something's wrong with my dog. And take a picture of a gecko. Gecko.

But yeah, it's literally like a Pokemon. Like they're called Tokay geckos because the sound they make sounds like the word Tokay. Like that's how they bark. Do it. Impersonate it. No. Because I know. I knew as soon as I brought it up, you were going to make me do it. I'm going to do it. Why? It's your animal. Input sound here. Party.

Okay, Betty do it I did I built a terrarium which I guess isn't the right word trams for plans of variums for

and plants, but I built this big thing, and he lives in there, and he's happy. Is he happy? Did you ask him? I don't know. He's stressed right now. Is he barking? They're going to be stressed for a week or so after you get them and move them into the new container. Is he stress barking? Is he by himself? Yeah, he's just in there alone. Oh, that's super nice of him. No, you don't put them together. What? They're super like... Territory? They're like hardcore carnivores. Like, motherfucker would just eat other geckos, including ones that look like him. Specifically ones that look like him. Jesus.

What happened about a female gecko? If you put it in there. So I looked into that as well. If you want to do that, you have to like put them in separate tanks, but like the glass is touching so they can like eyeball each other first. Cause he will fuck her then eat her. He will fuck her and then eat her. And that's not great. He wants that pussy. Yeah.

oh no blizzard blizzy yeah he wants that techo boozy i got like i got like one for like the the angriest loudest fucking nocturnal bright geckos i got me in gecko form it's like you it's like me when's it stream like what's it i'm straight up gonna find a way to run a camera to the gecko you should i'm going to it's gonna happen i can't put it in the room with my stuff

Because I also learned that flashing lights and loud sounds are really bad for reptiles. They'll just die. Yeah, they die really fast in reptiles.

in your stream area. One stream actually would die. Well, Batty can't stream anymore. Why? Stress kills reptiles really quick. That's why I wanted to get a chameleon, but stress, you can't handle them. You can't fucking do shit with a chameleon half the time. Some you can. Most you can't. They'll just stress out and die. Jesus. I don't know anything. Could you imagine being stressed and just being like, nah,

That's what it is. It's technically suicide. I mean, dude, they won't eat. They're just like, no, I'm going to just die instead. I'm like, okay, a little fucking drama to do. 22 push-ups for your lizard. Every day. So he doesn't... Every day. ...swack himself. As if I'm tired, will you help me do 22 push-ups for my lizard? Dude, there's... Did you ever watch the doc or the video about the...

Asian dude. I think he's like Cambodian or like Thai. He swims with his pet alligator or crocodile. I almost, I looked in, in Texas you can own crocodiles and alligators. You just have to buy a $200 license. It's like getting a suppressor. Which is the, he, like this crocodile, which, I looked into it. I wanted to buy one. They're so cute.

That's no bad. This is a huge, like monster croc. Like this is a giant crocodile in which he, it was shot in the head and he nursed it back to health. This is again, this is like a giant fucking like man eating crocodile. He nursed it back to health and like, let it go. And it just hung out by his house. And then he just sat there and said,

Yeah. And then he was just, now he gets in the water with it and it comes and just like sits next to him. Won't attack him. Doesn't do anything. He just chills with it in the water, goes swimming with it and it swims off and then comes back. Doesn't like other people, but here's the only one that it just hangs out and chills with. It's, it's on YouTube. You're like,

Oh, I'm getting a little iffy on this. You know what this sounds like? Do you guys ever watch the documentary? The documentary? About the grizzly man? Start from the beginning. A documentary about the grizzly man! Documentary. A documentary? Yeah, he lived with him, right? Yeah, until they ate him. Oh, yeah. He raised cubs and shit while just hanging out with the wild Alaskan grizzlies and shit.

Yeah. And he was, it was great for a long time, right up until, uh, I believe his girlfriend watched him get eaten alive. Yeah. On video by one of his babies. They want it by one of the ones that loved him or something. I don't know. There's probably a lot more to it. I just, I'm, I remember watching this shit like when I was 15 being like, I don't like bears anymore.

I don't. Yeah, that's terrifying to me. Like the idea there are fucking 800. Any of these creatures are like you're looking at a five to 2000 pound creature that can murder you. You don't. You just got to earn its trust and love. No, my gecko will bite me. You know what I can do if I get mad? I can flip the little fucker and he's going to fly away.

A grizzly that loves me so much may love me to death with its teeth and claws until I'm dead. Did you ever see that picture of the guy that had his face taken off by a grizzly? Yes. And there's like nothing there. Yeah. Wasn't he like in the, like just hiking or some shit? He got attacked by a grizzly, right? And it just went, took his entire face off. Just removed. It was that Russian fan. Those Russian, those two Russian dudes that were several Russians. Well, there was like, oh, they're like in a trailer. Yeah.

their trailer on like a hilltop and like haha and then there's two cubs that come up and start playing and like oh There's two cubs the grizzly cubs and then mama bear shows up and then the video ends is like it charging at them in there like trailer and then it's Wild

what have you the videos russia's huge that's why he does bingo with russia that makes sense that makes sense listen like is it gonna be a meteor this time or a nuclear meltdown who knows it's russia dude the dash cam is priceless out of russia everyone everyone has one yeah because there's so much insurance fraud over there i learned that that's why everyone has one yeah because people are like everyone's poor jump out

Yeah. Like the vehicle. Let's just ride and jump on it. Insurance fraud videos are hilarious. When like a security camera, a dash cam, picks up insurance fraud and some dude's just walking out. The car stops, like completely stops like four feet away and then just like sidestep to the hood. Oh, he hit me. Did you think that would work? Like you sons of bitches. People are dumb. I saw one the other day where the guy walked up to the car that was completely stopped and just started headbutting the hood. Dash cam caught every bit of it.

They're like, oh yeah, this is part of my life right now. How the fuck did we get to Russia? I don't know. They do things differently though. What is Kentucky Ballistic? What are we discussing? Kentucky Ballistics put out the video with us in it today. So we talked about last podcast, Scott got really hurt. Did we talk about? Yeah, we discussed. Did we talk about our video? No. No, because it was released today. Yeah. But I didn't remember, had we filmed it yet?

I don't think we, we, we, we hadn't even filmed it yet. We haven't even talked about filming that video. Yes. Kentucky got hurt. So we're all making, we're all rotating out and making, making videos for his channel so far. Brandon Herrera and demolition ranch have made videos for his channel. And then my video, our video just came out today. Our video came out today, starring baddie Eli. And who else was in it? Brandon. Brandon. Of course, Brandon Herrera. And then Matt best showed up.

It's pretty good. It's an I hate gear reviews about folding tables. That's a fun one. Scott took some stuff out of it. Yeah. To be honest, I was surprised he left as much in as he did. Yeah, right? To be fair, that video was longer than I expected it to be. There was some good stuff in there. Yeah. He took out two things. He took out a meme where I put the gun blowing up in his face. We'll be right back. Boom. It was the Eric Andre meme.

He took that out, and then the second thing he took out was Eli putting eggplant in a mayonnaise jar. Because it was like, eggplant, fine. Mayonnaise, fine. On Scott's channel. Put them together, and then Donut blurred it perfectly. Not fine. And it wasn't fine either way, apparently. Blurred or not blurred. Yeah. Eli still ended up taking a bite out of mayonnaise eggplant. Yeah.

It was gross. But it was a fun video to make. I just want to make something very clear. In that little clip, I said, eggplants are great. Just because I wanted Eli to take a bite out of it. I don't like eggplants. They're awful. It's disgusting. Send eggplants to Batty's P.O. box. Along with your born babies. Your bussy born. Yeah, that bus. Oh, God. That's not what that means. Bussy and eggplants. That's not what that means. Stop it.

What does bussy mean? Men. Is it? Boy, boy, it's your butt. Is it? It's your back butt, not your front butt. Is that only for dudes? Yes. Boy, boy, pussy. So you like bussy? No, that was a joke. It was a joke and then you latched onto it because you're old.

Batty Bus. It's like when your dad makes a shitty joke because he heard you say something once and you're like, Dad, stop. I didn't know. I was just saying go with Bus. Stop it, Eli. Stop saying it. You're making it weird. I am uncomfortable.

Oh, man. Yeah, the video was good. It was really good. Brandon got hurt. Yeah. He tore it. So he had to actually go. I don't know if he's going to have to get surgery, but he did tear something in his shoulder. From swinging a table. At an eggplant. Instantly. He just injured. Yeah. That sums up this group as good.

We're dumb. Yeah. How did I, how did he, I didn't get hurt. I jumped through tables. You almost broke your arm. I was really close to destroying my arm. I think I would have been fine.

your whole weight coming down on the table that was, - Folded. - Batty's arm was folded under the table when he jumped on it and he pulled it out at the last second as he was coming down on it. - Yeah, he got lucky. This is like, Batty's like, oh, I'm gonna jump on these tables and like all the old guys, me, Matt, were like, why? - What'd I do? - Why? Well, you can-- - Welcome to Jackass, my name is Batty. - Yeah, you cannot pay, oh man. I was just like looking at that, I was like, I'd get injured, I'd be down for at least two months.

It's like, I don't have insurance anymore. Look at the table. My body heals so slow right now. I was fine. I was unbelievably surprised. I wasn't even sore. Yeah. I don't know how. I wasn't even drunk. Okay. Okay. Listen, you just eat and shit. You're like, well, here's a good skin idea. It's like, is this a skin baby?

This feels like high school right now. Welcome to Batty. We're going to push you in a grocery cart next. Down a hill. See where the wheel breaks off. Make you eat shit real quick. See, I've learned concrete bad for anything.

Which one's that one? It's Jones. Is that the one that likes bussy? Well on that train wreck. We covered poop bussy.

World of Warcraft. Tarkov. Same category. What else are we talking about? Scott. Chuck Liddell. I'm going to throw a shade at Chuck Liddell. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to send this clip to him. Chuck struggled to shoot the 50 standing up. Did he? Did he, Donut? I think he did. He did. He had his hand lay down.

I'm just saying. You hear that, Chuck? Batty is challenging you to a fight. Forget Jake Paul. Batty wants to fight you. July 4th. The Ranch. Bring your silkies. He'll wear his American silkies. It's going to be a boxing match. You versus Batty. Everyone post this on his Instagram. And yeah, Batty, Chuck Liddell, July 4th.

Batty says, quote, Chuck's a pussy and can't shoot a .50 cal. Fight me. 2021. There we go. That's a great way to end an episode. I hope he accepts the fight. We have at the ranch, we put on like a shitty little boxing ring. Batty just gets his ass beat for 30 seconds. Has a stroke in the ring. Guys, check out Batty's streams.

Eli double tap, leaves the comments, do the loves, and then go spam emotes in this person's channel. We love them. Stop it. Stop it. Bye.