12 - LOONEY CAN SHOOT 59:42

It's a way less enthusiast class this time. The audio file corrupted and everything broke. Yeah, we just recorded 10 minutes of a good intro. But hey, it was only 10 minutes and not the whole podcast. Exactly. Thankfully, Batty had eyes on it. I'm going to look again. We all like, stop. Let's just all stare at it for a minute. Work. You're going to be good today. Please. Well, episode 11, 12. 12 take two. Our boy Donut's back.

Hello everyone, Donut here. Yo, I'm having some weird deja vu right now. Mr. Bull, Mr. Boy, Batty Streams is here, per usual. Our man, our myth, our legend, Eli. It's here. I'm here too. Also.

So last week I wasn't here. Caleb Francis was on here. We just recorded this whole thing, by the way. So we're just going over what we just did. Cliff notes at this point. Yeah. We love him. He loves us. He's grizzly puncher. Great Twitch name. Yep. I want to kiss him. Donut was here with us in spirit and in food form. We made a joke where he was like, oh, we, we,

we ate donuts. He was like, you want to eat more? And then I was like, Oh, hard cut to donut being on all fours and eating his booty. Yeah. That was a great joke. It's not so probably the punchline is not there. It was just awkward. Now we're just three dudes.

We're going to put on suits and act like we're getting married and do a photo shoot. That wasn't a joke in the first place. We're all going to end up together forever probably. Nobody else will be with us. Save the date. June 15th. We should do something on June 15th. June 15th. We're going to live stream it. Save the dates. Or don't.

Caleb is Grizzly Puncher. Rad name. It was not complete. Oh, yeah. Hold on real quick. I just want to...

If you're not watching this podcast on YouTube right now, you're really missing something glorious, something beautiful, something fucking disgusting. Our boy Draughtism doing Draughtism. Yeah, Draughtism, he drew all of us, and then mine is this, and you're going to have to go watch this to see it.

I guess, should I explain it? Like, what's happening here? You know what? Don't. No. If they want to see what the fuck's on this shirt, go to YouTube. Check out my shirt on YouTube from drawl underscore tism.

This is the best thing is like my shirt is me holding a gun baddie shirt is him holding a gun Donut sure is him finger fucking a donut Wait what's that mean? What does that mean? It's jizzing - it's all well lubricated Marian cream yeah, we gotta take a photo with all of us

Oh, yeah. Maybe we can reenact what's in the photos. Jonas is blasting out of the air. I feel sick. That was great. That was good. Oh, man. So that's what we've been doing. And then now we're actually going to get like two episodes this week. It's going to be crazy. What?

I know. We were really bad for life. We've been busy. We've got a lot going on. Donut was gone. I was jerking off a bunch. You were gone for a minute, weren't you? No, it was work. We've been filming a bunch. You were moving too. I don't have a life. I was just at home playing video games and drinking. He sent me pictures of him jerking off. It was pretty cool. Getting his text at 3pm. I'm getting up. Good.

Breakfast? Question mark? Batty, it's 3 p.m. That's dinner at this point. When you go to bed at fucking 9 a.m., 3 p.m. is breakfast, okay? Yeah. It's a good week, man. What'd you do? You had one. Shit. That was a gnarly week, man. So I went down to Florida with the Leviathan group, and Chuck Liddell went hog hunting with me. The Chuck Liddell. Like, the MMA fighter, the guy.

The Iceman Mohawk motherfucking Chuck Liddell. Yeah, he punched a hog to death.

I wish he would have. I thought it was real. The way we were hunting is... I've never hunted before. This was my first time hunting. You went the most savage hunting possible? Did you grow up in the sticks? I did, but I was scared of hunting because I got shot in the face with a bow and arrow when I was 15. I've been scared of hunting and bows and shit ever since. Basically, these giant-ass pit bulls

hold down a hot, like a wild hog's face. They grab it by the ears and the snout and they hold it down and you come up with a giant Bowie knife and just stab it in the heart. And so could you imagine Chuck Liddell sprinting through a forest with a knife running after a boar? Cause that's what happened. That's a scene out of the predatory. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen, but also I came a little bit.

But yeah, I did the same thing. The dog sailed down the pig and I went up and just shanked it and put it on Instagram and everyone was mad. And fuck you if you're mad at me because that was awesome. It's a fucking hunt. Fuck off. Yeah. It was a good time, man. It's so cool. It's like, ah! That's your first experience hunting. Yeah. That was my first experience. Imagine, like, it's, you know, it's all downhill from there. Unless, like, you go to Alaska and you blast a fucking goat off a mountain and it rolls down the hill. Like, you're never going to get something as cool as that again. Yeah.

Maybe you can go giraffe hunt. What's an African safari? You're not going to top stabbing a boar to death. Hunting a hippo might be the pinnacle. I heard hippos taste good. Apparently, they taste the best. That's crazy. Remember Gator Bites?

Yeah, I've had gator bites. Oh yeah, batty appies. Gator bites are so good. They're so good, dude. It's like chicken bites, almost. They're a little chewier, but they taste really good. You get some marinara to dip them little bastards in.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Eating dinosaurs and shit. It was a crazy week then. Right after that, we drove to Miami, and I went deep sea fishing with Chuck Liddell, too. He punched a shark to death. Dude, he was just... Again, I don't know if you're joking or not. No, Chuck... That's Chuck Liddell. Dude, Chuck called a 350-pound grouper. It was this fucking big. It was huge. With one hand, right? I'm assuming he just chucked it and grabbed it. Yeah, and just jerked it out.

We're like, "Chuck, calm down. You're making us all look bad." He just has a steel line. He's reeling it in. With his hand wrapped around. He's just bleeding. I feel! Brings out of the water in one punch. It blew up into sashimi. It was plated already. What the fuck? Cut perfectly.

But, yeah, we went to... It was cool, man. We went to American Top Team, like the big MMA gym down there where, like, Jorge Masvidal trains. That's your leg feel. Yeah, tell that story. Oh, okay. So, like...

We had some camera crew there, and they went and take hard kicks to the leg. And I was like, I'll take one. And it was a five-time heavyweight kickboxing champion of the world. I'll tell you his name here in a second. And I was like, yeah, I'll take one. And he kicked me in the leg. And I was like, okay, cool. Do another one. And he did it again. And I was like, ugh. And then Chuck Liddell and Luke Rockhold were going, do another one. Do another one. And I'm like, fine. I'll do another one. And now I can't walk. Exactly.

And now my leg is broken. Something's wrong with my leg now. Dude, that bruise too. Because it's like that deep, I forget what, I said it the other day. It was like deep tissue damage. Because the place he kicked isn't bruised. Yeah, it's not bruised where he kicked me. My entire left leg, knee and below is purple now. So it's like a hematoma, like a deep hematoma. So just like everything else. It's like here's the injury area and here's it's all fucked up.

Because you let a professional kickboxer kick in. It's like when we were boxing with Matty. He just got the piss out of my fucking gut the whole fucking time. He did. Yeah. I remember that. But Matty, you could take a hit. Yeah, of course I can. I'm a big dumb idiot. That's all I'm good for. We were like, man, Matty can take some punches. No, man. Can't throw. Thanks, Dad.

The guy that kicked me is Tyrone Spong. S-P-O-N-G. He's a terrifying man. He is a very terrifying man. Like I said, he's the heavyweight. You let that man kick you three times. Yeah. The video, when you watch it, it's like... When you showed me, I was like, oh, that does not look good. Especially after the third one. I was like, oh, there's donuts. I would have done the same fucking thing, though. Why? You guys are over...

12. We were past that point in her life. It's not jackass anymore. It's not like, ah, it's cool. This is going to make me cool. I don't know if I'm ever going to grow out of that jackass phase. That's my problem. I don't know if you've noticed, but...

I know. There were a lot of younger guys that wouldn't do it. I was like, all right, I'm popping donuts here. Kick me, Tyrone. And wham! Dad nut here stepping in. Five seconds of glory and now you have two weeks of an injury. Yeah, yeah. I like that. This was... You're looking around, you're like...

This was over eight days ago and I'm still limping around. So Tyrone, thanks bro. He messaged me on Instagram. He's like, I'm sorry, bro. I'll buy you a coffee next time you're in Miami. Ice pack.

Buy me a new leg, please. Jeez, man. Fuck that. That doesn't even sound fun. Again, I'd do it, but... Yeah, it was cool. It was cool meeting him and a bunch of the pro MMA fighters and stuff down there. Good dudes. Yeah. Yeah, they were all laughing their asses off. You were getting kicked during general. Yeah, when I was getting kicked, yeah. What?

Oh, man. Oh, yeah. See, that was a good time. At least you had fun, buddy. And then I did, I don't even remember. We filmed, it's been busy. Can you tell us what you're filming right now? No, I don't think so. No, I cannot. Because it comes out this week. So we're keeping it. But that one will be good. And then,

what moved, moved all. Yeah, you moved. Yeah, the house is almost done. So I just like, That's wild. pushed everything in a two week time frame where I like, I need to decorate. I need to get everything ordered, guest bedroom, stream room. I still have boxes in my house when I moved, do you? Yeah. Yeah, I'm never going to finish. I'm not, at this point, there's no point in getting back except if the movie,

Move again. Yeah, you're they only gave you a one-year lease now, right? Yeah the reason I like picked this fucking house cuz I was like I don't want to move again immediately and they're like cool sounds great We loved it as long as you're good to keep you around and then I get a fucking email there They're like so the homeowners want to move back into the house in Texas I have so much shit. It's a fucking house dude. I forgot I

I have now the boxes because my house is pretty much done. Now I have all these boxes that are sitting in the laundry room, and I'm like, what is in these? I haven't even opened them because I was like, chances are if I don't know what it is, I'll probably just end up giving everything away from it because I'm like, I don't need this stuff. This is now excess material. Chuck it. But I hate moving so much because when you start packing the little stuff and then unpacking the little stuff, you're like, where are the...

Why do I have so much fucking bullshit? Yeah. Especially being like prior military, we've all moved a hundred times and it just, God damn, it gets so tiring after a little bit, man. I was always the dude that was able to move with a car. I could load everything in like a truck or a car and that was like the max stuff I'd have. And I'd just go buy new stuff. Well, I just bought all this like nice, like big new furniture. Like, cause I was like, I'm not planning on moving again for a bit. Yeah. Fuck my ass. Yeah.

living spaces shout out to living space yeah did i i don't know if i've told the story on here about my haunted furniture the lady oh yeah yeah the lady at uh living spaces like i bought the my tv stand in there and she's like so the guys in the warehouse see things sometimes and i think it'd be a good idea to burn sage around your furniture before you like put it in your house wait someone at living spaces yeah the chick that worked at living spaces told me that

And I was like, do I have to pay extra for haunted furniture? Because this is fucking rad. I want the haunted furniture. That's awesome. Yeah, it's like that episode of Aqua Teen when, who was it? You're really bad at closing a deal. I know, right? She's like, hey, oh, you love this couch. Well, we have a better deal. It's haunted. Yeah, I know. And you're like, okay, I'll take it. And it has a felony record. I don't, okay, that's really awkward. Why are you telling children? Who did it kill? Why, does it have children? Is that the ottoman? The cushions? What does that mean?

They were weird. They opened spaces. You're like, okay, I don't want that. Never mind. What the fuck? You remember the episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force where Danzig buys the house because it's haunted and the walls are bleeding and they stop bleeding. Yeah, and they stop bleeding and he calls you and he's like, what the fuck? The walls aren't bleeding anymore. I'm haunted house. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is so good. Yeah, the, what's his, how,

Oh man, I forget that. Carl. Carl. I think it was Carl's house. Yeah, it was Carl's. Is Jack Mandeville Carl? Jack Mandeville is Carl. Why don't we dress him up like Carl and do live action Aqua Teen and Hunger Force stuff?

I'd never put that Jack and Carl are pretty much the same. They have the same hair, and he could put on a dirty wife beater. Pull it up a little bit, get some fucking shitty sweatpants on. That's probably Jack. I bet he's in his house right now wearing that.

The walls are bleeding in Jack's house as we speak. He's like, fucking house. Why are we here? All right, we're still recording, right? Yes, yes. Do you want to... Oh, there we go. What are we doing? The size of me, Waddy.

that's like that's such an OG show man that like catapulted Adult Swim oh yeah what a fucked up acid trip of a show though it was so good I need to go back and watch some of them

Yeah, I never heard. Living space is super nice. If they want to sponsor us with furniture also, you guys go on their Instagram, blow them up. Bad ass move soon. I need to move. He needs a new furniture set. Yeah, I need another guest bed, living spaces. I have a guest bed right now. Preferably haunted. It's not built. I don't want to build it because I'm going to take that bitch apart. Oh, yeah. See, I... Dude, I will give living spaces. They... I bought the guest bedroom set Wednesday. They had it installed in my house Friday. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, they deliver if you spend over a couple hundred bucks. Yeah, and it's a hundred bucks to assemble. I was like...

Take my money. Minus the nightmares and the demons in the furniture. It's a pretty good place. John, stop vomiting blood on the floor. God, sorry. He's like... John's possessed. He's just crawling off the ceiling. He's rotating around the floor. Stop making a scene! I'm going to call Living Spaces customer service, but this TV stand has fucked my life. Sorry, no refund.

Okay, well, do you have it in cherry? Okay, fine. I can live with this. But yeah, no, no fucking living spaces, fantastic furniture. And we have yet to talk about nerd stuff because I have no idea other than ghosts that we would

Caleb was here. We're talking. I downloaded it. It's on my places right now. Haven't played it. I haven't played it. Oh my god. I know you've been talking about it. What is it? Ghost of Tsushima? That's so fucking good because Caleb came on and he was like, man, this game's really good. And I remember seeing the cinematic mode at the gameplay and I was like, man, this game's beautiful. So I was like, I'll give it the old college drop. See how it goes.

Single players are really hard for me to go through now. Yeah. That was wild. Single player games were probably my favorite thing to do when I was younger. Like more than MMOs, more than... Pinnacle. Multiplayer, like more than COD and Halo and all that shit. I'd sit down and I would just be like, well, I'm going to just turn my fucking brain off and I'm going to...

Play the single player game for four days straight. Yeah. RPGs. Now I have the most trouble playing those. Yeah. I think we're just so busy, man. That's what keeps me from doing it. Cause like I hop into a game of caught a game of Tarkov, whatever. Knock out a few games and bounce. But as soon as you sit down for four hours of a game, then you can't play it again for like three days. You sit back down. What the fuck was I doing? What, what was the story? I don't even remember. Like when I pick up Skyrim right now, I'm like,

Why am I on a mountaintop? There's dead goats and cheese wheels around me. I don't know what I was doing. What quest is this? I turn on the game and then they start talking. I'm like, I don't even know my character's name anymore. Like,

I just don't... I'm like, I have no idea what's going on. Are we old? Is that what that is? 100%. Yeah. I think it's being self-employed, too. You know, like, doing the kind of work that we do. It's hard to justify playing an RPG for, like, six hours. Especially what you were saying, like, jumping on Tarkov or a Call of Duty game. Yeah, you can stream it, and, like, that's how we make a living. You can't stream single-player games, because you can't... Like, you can't... I talk about this on my stream all the time, actually. You...

You can't turn your brain off and just get involved, get immersed into a single player game when you're streaming because you completely at that point,

Either cut off your chat interaction or ignore the fact that you're streaming, which then defeats the purpose of it. And when you have new people joining your chat, they're like, oh, why is he ignoring us for the entire night? Or you're constantly pulling yourself out of the game. You're missing little dialogues. You're missing what's happening because you're constantly going to a chat. And it destroys the fun. Immersion, the feeling. It's like getting sucked into a game. Imagine this. Aeris on her knees pranking.

Cloud walks up. Sephiroth. No, not yet. Sephiroth coming down. Coming down that sword and you like pause and you're like, yo, what's up 69? Yeah, I don't know what's going on right now. Fucking Caleb. What's up, man? Thank you for the 500 bits. Yo, let's do a fucking...

The hype train. Okay. I'm paused death. Oh my God. That was so yo. Thank you. $5. Shout out to our boys. Roy's all of the immersion to the game. Like you, you can not, you're just being pulled in and out and out to a point. Then you don't care what's happening in the game. No. And that destroys single player games. Like I will only play them offline. I tried it with red dead when it first red dead two, when it first came out, I wanted to play through the single player story. I made about a quarter of the way and I just, I couldn't do it anymore. Uh,

uh, cyberpunk. I ran into the same issues. I'll play it offline. I have so much trouble playing cyberpunk on stream, like single player games. Just don't, I can't play them on stream. I can't. It's hard, man. I've been wanting to do a Pokemon stream for a minute now. Like, like new games coming out. Oh, I,

I want to do an old one, though. I want to go back to Blue, because that was my first Pokemon game I ever played was Blue. If you do one of those, do FireRed LeafGreen, the remakes. Yeah, yeah. It's got quality life updates, but it's the same game. Yeah, I have LeafGreen on Game Boy Advance, and I love that game so much, man. I need to play it. The new Pokemon is coming out. There's two new Pokemon. We have the remakes of Diamond Pearl, which...

I am beat. My favorite starter Pokemon out of all of them is in that. So I'm like geeking fucking extra hard. I loved those games. And then there's a new thing happening with Pokemon. It is an open world game like Breath of the Wild Zelda, but Pokemon, the Legend of Arceus is what it's called. And it's going to be like feudal style, like old school Pokemon versus like new shit too. So this is like completely new. And it's also the first time...

Game Freak is not involved. Game Freak's been removed from the Pokemon equation. Do you know why that is? I haven't looked into it too much, but I would assume it's because the Pokemon company and Nintendo are stepping in. The last two games have had some complaints. Yeah, they've stepped away from... I forget what people were complaining about. Everything. They're removing half the Pokemon from the game. It's like, what the fuck's the point of all this shit if I can't even use them in the game? The whole point used to be like,

After like the third generation, so after like Red and Blue, Gold and Silver, starting with Ruby Sapphire, you were able to transfer. You could have Pokemon from Ruby Sapphire from like 2003 or whatever the fuck it was, all the way up to now. You could have had that Pokemon bouncing from every single fucking game up. So cool. And suddenly they're like, with Sword and Shield, the ones that came out the first Pokemon games on the Switch. Oh yeah, that's what the big, that was the hiccup, the stink about that. They're like, oops, there's like 400 of the 900 Pokemon you just can't use anymore. Everyone's like,

The fuck? Yeah, what? I've had this Pokemon for 20 years. The fuck?

So, and on top of that, there's just been weird little quality of life things. Like, they'll add something cool to the game, then they'll just remove it. It's like, a big thing was like Mega Evolutions was this big new thing they did, which was really cool. They were adding all sorts of new evolutions to Pokemon that didn't have them initially, so that you're kind of shitty ones that never got a lot of love. We're getting all this love, and then they're like, that's not a thing anymore. Psych. It's like, my Pokemon just got to the age it can drink, and you're going to take this away from me, you motherfucker. It's wild. Yeah.

So, it's not Creatures Inc. It's Game Freak, I believe. I might be corrected here. But I think it was Game Freak that is no longer on the Diamond and Pearl remake or The Legend of Arceus, which is like the Breath of the Wild open world style Pokemon game. That'd be cool. Yeah, don't fuck yourself. I'm...

They're also changing the look of the Diamond and Pearl remake. They're going back to the old school look of the games with the more chibi style. I love that. Same. That's Pokemon to me. With Sword and Shield and I think Sun and Moon, they went to a real wee... Anime style. Yeah, more of a person. I don't want people. No, this is fucking Pokemon. I want that little chibi dude. That little chibi dude. Getting on bicycles.

Yeah. And that's what they're going back to as well. So like I'm and that's supposed to be late this year, late 2021, I believe, is when those are supposed to drop is what they said. They just I think it was just late 2021. Dude, I went in a GameStop the other day and they were telling me about that.

but they also said they're remaking Pokemon Snap. Yes, Pokemon Snap 3 remade. I am so excited about that because that was my shit. Yeah, Nintendo 64 Snap was so good. You could bounce the apple off fucking what's-his-fuck head until he'd pop out of the lava and shit. Gyarados out the waterfall. Getting those perfect pictures.

- Eli, you're the picture guy. - I used to play the fuck out of Pokemon Snap. - There was a way to get Zapdos to pop out, wasn't there? - There was a lot of ways. - Yeah, there were all sorts of little tricks. - There were so many crazy, oh my god, now I wanna play Snap.

Going back, it probably looks like hammered ass. I bet it's... Right? That's the terrible curse of nostalgia. You go back to play your favorite games, and it's just like... Dude, their hands look like this. They're like, what are you doing? Oh my god! And it's really terrible animation. Yeah. Some games just did not age well. Sadly, a lot of Nintendo 64 games. You can stick with Smash. You can stick with Mario Kart.

But like trying to play like GoldenEye or anything like that, I'm like, throw up is so bad. It's like, why did I used to jerk off to Laura Croft? She got triangle titties. You have to get the camera just right back her up. You back up and turn. And you're like, yeah, the camera's got perfect.

Her busted ass face in the game is like, right? Big circle lips. Kill me! She looks like a blow-up doll. Yeah, but it was a good cum and that's all that matters. Got my nut! Doesn't matter. Had sex. I don't know if you guys knew we're all fucking D-gens and we have been for years now. Yeah, this is something new. Those games, even like controls. That's why I love Metal Gear. Hideo Kojima was always big on

hey, this game... He was with Konami. Right? Konami before he did his own... Yeah, he was with Konami since... It's actually hilarious. The reason he joined Konami was because...

video game industry at that time was frowned upon. Like being a video game developer, being a, he was actually the, not a director, I forget his exact position. He went there because it was the only video game company at the time that was actual, had shares. So it was like an open company. Oh, really? So you can like invest. And that's the only reason he chose that because his mom, his dad died young. His family was big. He was like, watch movies, be creative. His mom always pushed him to do stuff. He was like, but I gotta go do this.

Did that and then homeboys like okay? Here's a small game and he was like oh, but I want to do this so he had ideas He started writing it out developing it and then Metal Gear saw Metal Gear came out He had a couple before but he was like well. Let's do this this he added these new things when he wanted music He learned how to code just to add stuff like homeboy learned a code in order to fucking bell and what he wanted

it does he does he have like an autobiography or anything is that where you're getting that from oh i gotta it's a really good one you guys you see his entire creation process and he would learn new things in order to make stuff work they're like no this isn't you can't do that it's not developed he's like okay guess i'll figure it yeah that's what he did like stealth mechanics all that stuff that's why he did that it's like oh so gangster but um he was big on controls you go back and play like

Resident Evil 1 or 2? Those are tank controls. And you're like, stop. Why is the camera angle up here? Switching every time when you transition. You like run camera angles. Your character's now in a wall. And you're like, fuck. I'm glad they got rid of that. They're like, let's just, no. You can rotate the camera. Yeah, that's way better. But that was because those old school games were just like,

flat, and then they just built scenery around the path you could take. Yeah, especially Resident Evil, like you're talking about. It was just art on top of...

shitty geometry. Because they didn't 3D model anything back then. It was all 2D backgrounds and shit like that. Well, you had 2D background with 3D sprite. Xenogears did the opposite, which was a 3D background with 2D sprites. So Xenogears was like, oh, we'll do this. And it aged. I can go back and play Xenogears because the sprites still look fucking good and the environment looks good. You're like, oh, this is... But everyone else, Final Fantasy VII, all those massive ones are like, no, we'll do 3D sprites

Characters. And then the stage is what the stage is. For Xenogears, you could rotate the world. You could do everything. And I was like, cool, this is dope. Didn't they, like one of the newer Final Fantasy games, you can switch between like new graphics and the old school like PS1? Was that the Ragni Quest?

Was it Dragon Quest that did that? Yeah, you were telling me about that. It's fucking crazy because you go back to SNES quality graphics. Yeah, you just go to the menu and switch it? That's so cool. And then you're just playing the entire game like that. What the fuck? I like old school, but them Dragon Ball Z characters, it's Akira Toriyama's artwork, so it's

That was one of those things back in the day. Dragon Quest 4 or 3, whatever it was on the Game Boy Advance. I used to play the fuck out of those games, man. Because it was like, it's Dragon Ball Z. But it's a Game Boy game. God damn. Wretched. Let me, just before we go, let me shout out

Oh, the fucking thing. No, no, no, no, no. Talk about that. That's cool as fuck. Yeah, we were talking about this before. Someone tweeted me. It's from Danny Mac on Twitter, at DannyMac1606. He said...

My review made it in the unit's newsletter. Hope it gets you more listeners. And it's like his military unit. I think we said it's British. Yeah. So his newsletter for his unit talks about us. And I just wanted to say, hey, dude, that's fucking rad. Like, I don't care if The Rock shouted us out tomorrow. The fact that it made it into your military unit newsletter is so cool. It's so awesome. And it's also with its, like, books.

And then our dumb asses. Gaming's guys are good. What the fuck? The love child of three YouTube creators. Imagine if I had a YouTube channel. That's pretty cool too. My favorite part of this is he's talking about us just giving each other shit. When not insulting each other, they talk about video games.

He's like it's something we missed during these times. He's like it's like walking into a mess and like military dudes Just like fucking with each other so that's awesome man. Thank you so much, dude So hey there you go guys if you leave us reviews they might end up in some military newsletter We were soldiers I think

How many times you deployed? Same as you, Donut! Fuck you! We always make fun of me! We don't make fun of Donut! You can, though. I would never. I love you. Thank you. Donut was a police officer and he served his country during that, too. So he did... I had a stroke! Likely excuse.

Did you guys ever have... I know we're getting off the nerd shit. Okay. Did you guys ever have any hardcore malingerers that would hurt themselves to not be deployed or not work? Oh, like the Shin Splint boys? Yeah, the Shin Splint gang gang. Oh, man. I have so many. I mean, I'm sure you do. You actually were in the military. Yeah, and it was during the surge. So, dude, my favorite... Oh, I don't even remember his name. Dumbass.

He even had the, he was like, my family's, I come from a heritage of fighters and wars and soldiers.

He got the tattoo. Only the dead have seen the end of war. Okay, what's in it, Dan? Before the deployment is coming, he's like, I can't go. I'm going to kill myself. Like, literally quit. Take your shoelaces. Get the crazy vest. Let's go. Literally quit right, like, two weeks before deployment. Like, pulled the crazy card and everything. I was like, this boy got... Apparently, only the dead have seen the end of war. And...

soft shoe profiles. Like those are good to go. Never going to do that. Since I watched good to go. We had that, we had quote unquote bad asses that were just like, they got there and then they, they came back on like their first month where they, they got leave really early. They got fucked on the cycle. So one month into a 15 month deployment, they came back and they're like, no, I'm not going back. Pull a crazy card. Basic training. We had, um, Oh, who was my, Oh man.

I don't know. There's so many. Oh, you go. You go. We had a chick that would get pregnant before every deployment. And it's not like a hard deployment. You're going to just sit on a ship for a couple months. But she would get pregnant before every single deployment just so she wouldn't have to be deployed. And everyone knew that's why she did it. But you can't do anything. You can't punish someone for getting pregnant. So she would just keep doing it. And I remember she was this huge...

Big ol' girl. Big ol' girl. Big ol' girl. And she wore tennis shoes. She didn't have to wear boots because she got like a chit to wear tennis shoes. Soft shoe for a while. And I'm not going to say the name, but her name was a planet's name. And it just fit her perfectly. Jupiter? Yeah.

Was she a gas giant? Starts with a V and an anus. Is what I'm guessing. Everyone's just seething like, you fucking bitch. You're just getting babies pumped into you just to not go on deployment. That's wild.

I think the only really funny one I had because I didn't fucking do anything Was we had a dude in basic who got you know your little pass right before you fucking graduate kind of a deal like towards the end It's like like oh, yeah Whatever the fuck it's called like your 48-hour your family comes visit you hang out Then you go back for like that last like month of fuckery and you got like the crossed rifles tattooed on them And then didn't graduate basic Why didn't you get shin splats?

What'd he say? I don't remember. He ended up just kind of not being able to do the PT stuff, and it was just like, I'm not going to call his name. I remember his name perfectly, but he had his cross rifles on him, and then he didn't graduate with the rest of us. That's one where you're like... And dude, it was like his forearm. It wasn't like up on a shoulder, his back. It was his forearm. I wonder if he went and got a tattoo with a red circle and a line through it. Yeah, he's like...

I don't remember if there was text with it, but I know it was the image he crossed the rifles. I feel like he had Death Before Dishonor or some shit with it, too. Dude, Looney was the only one. I remember two people. Looney, because that was his actual name, and he was the weirdest fucking kid ever. Like, the weirdest soldier ever. He would pee himself. Like, I remember in the lunchroom, we sat down. We were sitting down. This is not even in combat. You're in the lunchroom. No, this is basic training. We sat down eating, and then he's like...

And then you just hear water tricking. I was like, what the fuck, Looney? He's like, I had a cold body. I didn't even use the restroom. And you're like, why? What did you fucking do? I don't want to tell the drill sergeant. He would have gotten mad. Fuck, Looney. What the fuck? It's like, and then every other day, he's like, oh, I peed. Well, I peed the bed. It's like, oh, mother of God. And the drill sergeant's like everything. He's just like. What are you even saying? He's the weirdest looking kid, too. Like, he was such a weird little kid. And then, and then.

Range Day happens. Oh, no. Homeboy shoots 40 out of 40. It's like, this guy's a monster. And I remember all, just, we're like, Looney can fucking shoot. Holy fuck, we have a killer on our hands. So thank you, Drossalarn, I appreciate it. And then he pissed himself. Yeah.

Fucking you can have cake today. I guess you can shoot expert every time what the fuck bro Weird perfect soldier, but not at all. I accidentally pissed on the rifle drill sergeant. It's the best We can shoot what so fucking good and then you're just standing over there just like oh

just such a weird face the whole fucking time that's the one dude i remember like so good at basic him and uh i remember a dude hanging off monkey it was like a bit like he was like six two radneck hillbilly guy yeah i'm gonna be yourself blah blah blah basic training we do the obstacle course for the first time he makes it halfway across the monkey bars you've seen how hard the monkey bars are they're not

Like it's a monkey bar. A little momentum and it just swayed. Yeah, and your feet are hanging one foot maybe. You're not high. It's not like you're gonna fall and hurt yourself. Bro. No. Bro, that is when I think he figured out he had a fear of heights. Cuz he's like, huh, huh? And just the fear of terror. He's frozen. And just let go, soldier. Private, just let go. He's like, okay.

And he's just like white knuckling. He's like... Holding on and they're like... It's a foot. Everyone's like, just let go, bro. It's a foot. Just screaming at the top of his lungs. I'm going to die. Somebody save me. Drill sergeants are like... They can't help it. They're laughing. What is going on? We're all just like... I'm trying to keep your composure doing that. You can't even be mad at that because it's so stupid. Fear. Fear. And then he's like one hand's like...

He's like, "Raaah!" Like, his fingers are slipping. "I'm gonna fall!" We're talking Sylvester Stallone cliffhanger style, like, "Aah!" And then trying to save her, he just walks off.

It's like that dude is terrified of heights. Holy shit. Never seen that. Oh my God. I enjoy that brought us that day. That is like, okay. I saw somebody have like a straight panic attack at aerosol, but you're doing just a rappel off a wall. Yeah. But that's like, you're up like 40 feet or whatever the fuck the, the wall is there. And this motherfucker's screeching off the top, like laying sideways on the wall, you know? Cause he like, he took that first step and was like,

Just kind of locked up and fell over and they're like trying to push him down with their feet. He's like, "You're fine. You're not even gonna fall. Let go. Let go." He's just like... Then there's a motherfucking instructor who's got to go down the wall and like try to pull him down because the dude was just like... Just screeching into the rope. Like, dude, fear of heights. Like, I love heights. I love cliff jumping. I love doing all that dumb shit.

Seeing people who are so terrified of heights is like one of the funniest things in the world to me. Dude, they lock up. I just like it happened like halfway through the monkey bar. Dude, like a foot off the wall. Yeah, like one foot off the ground. And it's like halfway through. I don't know how you went your entire life without figuring out. Without jumping. Yeah. And that's the moment your fear comes out. You're like, I got this drill sergeant's going to be so proud. Oh, God! Why am I so high right now?

Imagine going down your stairs for the first time taking a step How do I get off the toilet? When you were a kid you never jumped Like live I don't know how you get that far in life without like one time that registering this is a fear

right here. And even more so, it's not like you're over concrete or spikes and lava, it's wood chips. It's like dirt and wood chips. You're gonna be okay, buddy. You're good, bro. It's like, it's an easier version of the Spartan race. Much easier. Dude,

Dear God. Hop over a log. It's like the dudes at the ranch yesterday that we met. They did a Spartan race, didn't they? Oh, yeah, yeah. It was a bunch of veterans without legs and arms and stuff. Yeah. And they had just done a Spartan race yesterday. They were missing bits. Yeah, they were missing bits. Bits.

They were missing some bits. Really fucking rad people. They were super nice. They were like, yo, you should join us. I was like, oh, I'm good. But they killed it, man. They all completed it and they were happy about it. They were having a great time. There was a lot of Hispanic dudes. I was like, oh shit, they're all military dudes. I walked in and I was like, oh, fucking nice to meet you. Sitting there with tear because he was in charge of it. I was like, oh, fuck yeah. I was like, okay, so guys...

I think the lawnmowers out back just start getting a trim up the yards. Maybe not the lawnmowers are missing bits already. They probably lost it in the lawnmower episode. Yeah, Eli can say that. He's Hispanic, by the way. You too. That's why they like... Yeah, they were all laughing. They're like... What the fuck was that about? It was like making the white people uncomfortable. Kings of this. Shout out Darnell. Yeah.

Fucking darn out. Dude, we got so many people. Dude, Caleb's going to be moving here. I'm so stoked for that. Yeah. Oh, Grizzly Puncher himself. The Grizzly Puncher. Who else is coming out here? Is there somebody else coming out? There is. Oh, shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just can't remember who the fuck no It was somebody else we were talking about that one that's either wants to or is already moving out here Basically everybody lives here now. Yeah, we're turning northern North San Antonio Bernie into a fucking little content creator Mecca yeah, I like to man. We had all the range yesterday. We had meat Canyon Oh at the range yesterday

Yeah, I was getting tattooed. I missed that. Sorry. Oh, dude. One of the best cartoonists on YouTube. If you haven't heard of Meat Canyon. He's never coming back, apparently. Yeah. If you've never heard of Meat Canyon, he takes your favorite childhood cartoons and just twists them into the darkest shit ever, and it's hilarious. And when he was talking to us yesterday, all I could hear was the SpongeBob voice when he would talk. If you haven't watched Meat Canyon, Eli, just put a little second tidbit right here of just...

Something awful. Pineapple, put that in right now. Oh yeah, pineapple. Because you're editing this one. Pinocchio, what are you doing? I must consume your soul to become...

But yeah, he's never gonna hang out with us again probably he lost his wallet at the range and then like Drills or you just we're just chill he just happened he was he was wearing sweatpants shorts and he just they just fucking fell out dude and

We'll find it one day. Yeah, we'll find it, man. I'm sorry. Hunter, I'm sorry, buddy. We were trying to show you the best time, which I think you had a really good time because he doesn't shoot often. And we had like machine guns out there. Brandon Herrera came out with us and brought a fully, a fully auto MP5. And it was a fucking good time. So I need to clean my work. Yeah.

We were talking about how much we don't clean our guns yesterday. Yeah, because he asked about that. That was like one of his first questions. Yeah, Hunter was like, how much do you clean these? We're just like... Do you remember the last time you cleaned a rifle, Eli? Like cleaned a rifle. Not just throw some lube on it to make it shoot better, but cleaned a rifle. Like you said, we can give someone 20 bucks and they'll do a three hour clean on it.

Will Buck and Doze do it? Because I will show up at Buck and Doze with a fucking armory. It's like, here's my 50. Here's my 300. Here's the 65. Oh, here are the 45. Here's the 300. Here's a shop. I will show up with cases. Yeah, Buck and Doze is a local shop here. Buck and Doze Mercantile? Yeah, I think that's what it is. I just, Buck and Doze. Yeah, my favorite thing about that is like the main archery dude there, his name is Hunter Meadows.

I'm like, wow, you were born to work here. He is a, no, that is a D&D character. My name's Hunter Meadows. I was a wood elf. Is it a redneck? I swear to God, Eli! My name is Hunter Meadows. I'm a wood elf. My family was murdered by Dark Elf Droh.

Now, I work at Buck and Dose. I shoot a bow real good. I teach the kids to come in, sell some things. You can catch me Monday through Friday.

I'm definitely I'm gonna text him like hey Hunter listen to this podcast god damn dude oh he'd be a good guest Hunter if you want to be a guest that'd be fucking rad man we can talk about hunting and stuff oh yeah we need more nerd people we still got to get what Willer's on we gotta get Matt Matt Mattie B needs to get on definitely not JT

I'm just playing JT. Thanks for kidnapping Caleb, by the way. He's a really rad dude. We love you, JT. Dude, I have streamer friends, too, in Austin that we could have come out to. I'm sure they'd love to come jerk off with us for a little bit. Jerking off is so fun. And then we could do the podcast. Yeah. Welcome to Unsubscribe.

That one got me. That one got me. Okay. Okay. That was funny. Those little zingers. That was too much. A little soggy biscuit. The podcast really is just like us saying some bullshit and then laughing for 45 seconds. I can't wait for the Eli compilation of my cattle. Oh my god, you do not even know.

Tell everyone about that, Matty. So I was bullshitting with one of my mods who lives here in San Antonio, and we were making fun of you because we call it the dolphin laugh now. The cackle, yeah. I've never heard that yet. The flipper. So throughout the 12 or 11 episodes, whatever, whenever Eli goes on his little cackling sprees, it's usually like,

There's certain points where he peeks it and it's just so fucking great. So I'm having one of my moderators for my Twitch channel make a super cut of just Eli Dolphin laughing throughout. It's going to be like five minutes of just... It's that one. The elevations. I was like... Oh my goodness, dude.

And I am so fucking excited for it. You're just inviting the dolphin rape into the house at this point. Dolphins busting the door down. Just an army of dolphins standing outside pissed off. We got SeaWorld San Antonio. It's only like five miles away. That's why I don't go there. I actually just found out there was a zoo in San Antonio like two days ago. Have you gone there? No, I didn't know it was a thing. Yeah, I haven't gone there. You want to go sometime? Do you want to go to the zoo together? Can we wear rompers? Were you about to say that?

We just had this, who were we with that just found out there's like six flags, it's Darnell. Cause he's like, wait, there's six flags and SeaWorld? And we were like, yeah, there's everything. Like literally everything. Yeah. Just when you go there, don't have guns in your truck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do that. Yeah. Yeah. Did something happen? No.

No, man, nothing happened. No, we good, dog. We good. When you're on the way to the range, though, just don't pull over in that area ever. Ever. Unload everything. Log in. And if you have a Ford Raptor or a Ford truck...

Your vehicle's very easy to break into. Yeah, F-150s for the past 15 years, I think? Because Richard Ryan had a Raptor, and that happened to him like five times. It's terrifyingly like, because once the dude, you thought you left your door unlocked. Yeah, because I was like, I always lock my door, and then I was like, they got into it so easy, the alarm didn't go off, my app didn't say anything. How did the alarm not go off on your truck?

I don't know. So everyone doesn't know Donut had his truck broken into. Yeah, we were... I'll tell the story. I got a lot of shit for it because people were like, well, your truck isn't a gun safe, but like... When you leave a range, sometimes you don't go immediately for it.

Yeah, I was on the way to the range and John was like hey Let's stop by Andretti's go-karts, and it's on the rim in San Antonio like high tourist area Don't don't keep shit in your truck, and I pulled up 2:30 in the afternoon broad daylight Cameras everywhere, and I was like I'll be okay to go in and play games with John for 15 minutes We go in there for like 15 20 minutes. We come out someone

pulled up to my truck with a crowbar popped my just stuck it in the door handle you were waiting to meet with us we were busy so you spent your first time there's a screwdriver or something yeah they just popped the handle off alarm didn't go off and they reached into my center console and took my Gucci Glock my skate shop Glock and my Triarch 2011 and my bow in the back and skirted off I was in there for five minutes because we saw the security footage and they fucking pulled up pop boom boom boom out

It's crazy. It's literally, you can see where the mark is. See the cups? Like, oh, it's right here. Yeah. Mother. They just went and took my shit. So that's why I got a Volvo. Yeah. I don't know yet. I'll regret this. I love all those men. Absolutely. Absolutely. I used to, when I, before I did podigration, I worked in card shit. And one of the companies that I like,

Managed all of the shit was fucking Volvo and they're they're great fucking cars man. So comfortable Mm-hmm. It's my rich white girl car. It really is. I have like a husband. That's a doctor. This is my backstory. Yeah, okay Husbands a doctor. I'm just a bougie wife. I drive around in it. He got it to me. That's why it's a white Work today Steve his name is Steve. Yeah, we have two kids. Oh

Do you know what's not comfortable whatsoever? So shout out to MVP Miami.

Thank you. They gave me a Ferrari for two days while I was down in Miami. A supercar's not comfortable? Dude, Ferraris are not comfortable at all. I drove from Miami to Key West with a Ferrari and it is fucking not comfortable. This was the day I got my leg fucked up by that kickboxer so I could barely get in the car because it's this high off the ground. You're like here.

Funnest car ever, but not comfortable, man. Those cars aren't designed. Supercars are not comfortable. No, they look pretty. They look fast. They look comfortable, kind of. They're not. No. It's when you get Bentley. Then you're like, ah,

Especially with a broke-ass leg. Yeah, yeah. So they rented me the Ferrari. They gave me a fucking huge discount. Shout out again, MVP Miami. They gave Chuck Liddell the Rolls Royce that they had. And so Chuck was rolling around in a bright purple Rolls Royce that weekend.

Super comfortable. So I rode back from Miami in the Rolls Royce with Chuck, and that was like sitting on a fucking cloud. It was amazing. You're like, this is stupid. Why would you ever spend this much money? And then you sent like a Rolls, and you're like, did the angel wings come out? It made stitched leather. Yeah, dude, we're driving down the road, and it made me a fucking sandwich. Like, it was awesome. Jarvis, sandwich, please.

Yes, daddy If I had a Jarvis I would want it to call me daddy, I think I'm just throwing out vacations Yeah, yeah, we do we need to go on a vacation. We've been talking about Japan for a minute now Can you yeah can we travel to Japan we can we'd have to wait two weeks before getting out But it what's that stuck in a hotel room and you're like oh

I mean, with you guys. They deliver everything, apparently. Like, all your food, everything's delivered, but you have to just quarantine for two weeks. Oh, but you have to stay before you can do anything in Japan. Yeah. Oh, never mind. Fuck that. That's why I was like, why do you like that idea? I thought you meant like you were just stuck in Japan for like two weeks. No, you're stuck in a room without moving for two weeks.

No. I don't know, but at least we get some kick-ass sushi delivered to us. Every day. I don't like sushi. Maybe I should try fishing again soon. I did a little bit a couple years ago, but I didn't like fish. I used to work in seafood and it ruined fish for me. We need to go to a nice sushi place. We can do that today. Yeah, we got a nice sushi place up here.

On the rim. On the rim. Yeah. The place fucking Matty B took me to is amazing. And they got that blue fin. They got that blue fin. They got the razor cut blue fin. What's it called?

Oh, shit. Sushi place. Yeah, sushi place. Roger. Sounds good to me. Perfect. Okay, everyone. I think that's good for that episode. That's a solid episode 12. Yeah. Not much nerd stuff, but you're welcome for the stories. How much time do we got? We're at like 40 minutes. Wait, really? We're just at 24 on this one. We did 30 on the other one.

Oh my god, then we have to keep going. That's what I'm saying. That's 54 minutes. I'm going to find the sushi place's name so you guys can go there. Wait, should I tell you guys? Because you're going to take up all our reservations. I can't tell time. Batty's over here. He's like, that's a 40-minute podcast. It's like, this is a 54-minute podcast. That's what I said. No, you just said... Oh, carry the two. You're right. That's what I said.

That he's pulling out his fucking... What is the little... Yo, where's my fucking Texas Instrument TI-84 calculator? Fuck! I'm gonna get John down here to do this math for us. Dude, I don't do math. Okay, I mean, I do. That's fucked up. I'm actually kind of good at math. I'm terrible at anything. Everything. Yeah, you're not great at... Except, you know what you are really good at? Lighting. Oh, okay.

So that's the podcast today. Please make sure you go and follow the unsubscribed podcast on, you know, wherever you listen to your podcast, whether that's

Eli, double tap. No, shut the fuck up. Names and places you can listen to our podcast. Oh, shit. Seattle, America, Japan. I think they have the internet there. Where else can you listen to our podcast? Spotify, Apple, Castro, Podbean, Amazon, Google Play. Or please go subscribe to our YouTube channel, Unsubscribe Podcast. Grindr. Okay, that's the group profile. It's a little different. That's...

Go give reviews. Go leave that love. Especially on iTunes and Spotify. iTunes is the big one. Spotify does. But also YouTube comments, all that shit. We appreciate it and we read them. Yes, we do. We usually just kind of giggle about them to ourselves alone in bed. Wait, wait, wait. Big shout out to that savage fucking one. Yeah.

Oh, I know what you're talking about. Oh, with Caleb here? That was amazing. I remember, it's like, huh, weird. Eli didn't make many fat jokes on this episode. Reply from, fuck, what's his name? Justin or something like that? That's because he's outnumbered four to one. Bro, I started crying. I was like, this is the most savage burn I've ever heard. Oh, it was fucking perfect. Fuck! Eli double fap.

Batty streams. Donut Opera. Okay, go follow all the shit. Fuck you all. Love you guys.